Podcast Summary: "We Made It Weird #189"

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes (8/30/2024)
Host: Pete Holmes | Co-host: Valerie

Episode Overview

This episode delves deep into the themes of parenting, childhood memories, trauma, emotional resilience, and the transformative power of both difficult and joyful experiences. Pete Holmes and Valerie share candidly about their family life, particularly their daughter's first Little League practice, and reflect on how their own childhoods inform their approaches to parenting. The episode also journeys into philosophical territory, discussing the nature of experience, forgiveness, and consciousness, including Pete's recent ketamine experience. The conversation features both humorous moments and poignant emotional insights, maintaining the podcast's trademark blend of weirdness and vulnerability.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Mood: Valerie's Preoccupation

• Valerie admits feeling "dysregulated" and preoccupied as the episode begins, highlighting the episode's focus on authenticity about feelings rather than forced enthusiasm.
• Quote (05:31):
  • Valerie: "My body is a little dysregulated, and it kind of feels, like, absurd right now to do a podcast."
  • Pete: "Specifically the Friday episodes, it's how do we feel? And how do we get any sort of agency over how we feel?"

2. Parenthood as Emotional Reenactment and Healing

The Holmes' daughter, Leela, starts Little League – instantly triggering childhood sports anxieties for both parents.

Navigating Parental Projections (07:19–17:00)

• Pete reflects on how his own childhood traumas around sports—and fears of not fitting in—are re-triggered by watching Leela at her first Little League practice.
• Valerie shares similar anxieties from her PE memories, but notes a desire to help Leela develop resilience through manageable discomforts.

Quote (13:58, Pete):

"The trauma is responding to the present as if it's the past."

Quote (15:21, Valerie):

"There’s a lot of experiences that are hard that I want her to experience through this. But being, like, screamed at for not being good at a sport is one that I— I don’t think has any benefit."

The Beauty of Losing & Resilience (19:03–23:37)

• Leela suggests "Wild Cactuses" as the team name, but she's the only one to vote for it; everyone else chooses "Lizard Kings."
• The disappointment is visible and heart-wrenching, but both parents agree that such losses are valuable character-building moments.
• Leela stages a classic "Charlie Brown" hat stomp, embodying baseball movie tropes (23:16).

Quote (22:58, Valerie):

"That being the last moment, the way that she responded to it was like, oh, this is the whole thing. This is why this kid has to do Little League."

3. Childhood Trauma, Baseball, and Identity

How formative experiences linger—and how parents can both recognize and repair old wounds.

(24:10–37:58)

• Pete recounts his own Little League anxieties: lack of skill, feelings of being unprepared, and the pain of isolation ("I got rides home from the coach. No one was there.").
• Valerie identifies the lesson Leela is learning: "people are just people, they shouldn't make you nervous," a realization she came to only in her 30s.

Quote (34:06, Valerie):

"Once you learn that, it cracks open the whole world for you."

• Both discuss the divide between "team people" and "lone artists," observing that introverted activities (magic, drawing, comedy) become a refuge for those who don’t fit into typical team molds.

Quote (36:42, Pete):

"The things I like to do are things you can get good at privately. And I really think that’s the line in the sand between so many things that are sporty and so many things that are artsy."

4. Snowmen, Vulnerability, and Approval

Metaphor of the snowman as a stand-in for performing in solitude, seeking approval safely.

(37:58–42:14)

• Pete, inspired by "The Velveteen Rabbit" movie, describes how he'd rather make a snowman alone and have others come to him, than risk approaching and being rejected by a group.
• This becomes a metaphor for his stand-up career and creative life: "Come Saturday, this weekend, I'll be in Pittsburgh and here's my snowman." (42:06)

Quote (41:07, Pete):

"At least you can say, like, well, I didn’t even make it for you. You’re the weirdo that came over here. Just made a snowman. Which, of course, is nonsense. You know you made it because you hope they liked it."

5. Happy Memories and the Feeling of Belonging

(52:11–57:32)

• Valerie and Pete share their happiest childhood memories—unexpected snow days (Valerie) and dancing in the rain in swimsuits en route to a pool (Pete).
• These stories become allegories for acceptance and authenticity—"It's okay to be wet; you're in your bathing suit. There is no test." (56:51)
• Pete likens this to spiritual acceptance, referencing Seinfeld: "It's not the movie, it's going to the movies." The magic is in anticipation and being "already accepted" (56:51).

6. Ketamine, Consciousness, and the Bliss of Irrelevance

(59:28–70:33)

• Pete recounts his recent ketamine journey, which brought a profound insight into the nature of self, forgiveness, and experience.
• Main revelation: If you remove separation and time, there’s no problem (67:52). All perceived pain springs from illusion of separateness and linear time.
• Valerie and Pete discuss how this experience is not nihilistic; instead, everything is "blissfully irrelevant"—the point is not the movie (life's passing dramas), but the light (awareness/love) projecting it.

Quote (63:08, Pete):

"It’s the good irrelevant meaning… Neal Brennan says: It’s pointless, but it’s not meaningless."

• Valerie riffs on the metaphor, choosing to love the movie (life’s experiences) precisely because it lets her know the “screen” (awareness/divinity) is there (65:06).

7. Finishing on Playfulness and Ephemeral Joy

(70:09–70:55)

• Closing on Pete’s ketamine insight: sometimes the best advice is just to “be a bird”—resting in simple awareness.
• The episode ends with playful “bird brain” jokes and "keep it crispy," their signature sign-off.

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|----------| | 05:31 | "My body is a little dysregulated, and it kind of feels, like, absurd right now to do a podcast." | Valerie | | 07:19 | "Parenting is so… But here's something I didn't know, everyone's sort of making it up." | Pete | | 13:58 | "The trauma is responding to the present as if it's the past." | Pete | | 15:21 | "There’s a lot of experiences that are hard that I want her to experience through this. But being, like, screamed at for not being good at a sport is one that I— I don’t think has any benefit." | Valerie | | 22:58 | "That being the last moment, the way that she responded to it was like, oh, this is the whole thing. This is why this kid has to do Little League." | Valerie | | 34:06 | "Once you learn that, it cracks open the whole world for you." | Valerie | | 36:42 | "The things I like to do are things you can get good at privately…" | Pete | | 41:07 | "At least you can say, like, well, I didn’t even make it for you. You’re the weirdo that came over here… Which, of course, is nonsense… You know you made it because you hope they liked it." | Pete | | 56:51 | "It’s okay to be wet. There is no test. It's just another example of like when I've had tastes of… ultimate reality, or you could say God." | Pete | | 63:08 | "It’s the good irrelevant meaning… Neal Brennan says: It’s pointless, but it’s not meaningless." | Pete |

Memorable Moments

• Leela’s only vote for "Wild Cactuses" and her hat-stomp (21:27–23:33)
• Pete and Valerie realizing how their own anxieties color perception of Leela’s experience (24:10–29:37)
• "Basketball is the stand-up of sports": the notion that introverted talents are refuges for non-team kids (29:39–30:23)
• "Come Saturday, I'll be in Pittsburgh and here’s my snowman"—Pete’s career as an extension of seeking safe approval (42:06)
• Ketamine-inspired forgiveness insight: "If you remove separation and time, there's no problem." (67:52)
• “Be a bird”: Pete’s advice to rest in present-moment awareness (70:09)

Episode Structure & Timestamps

• [05:04–05:54] — Valerie’s mood, honesty about not feeling like podcasting
• [06:51–19:02] — Little League anxieties, projections, and resilience
• [19:03–23:37] — Team names, disappointment, and building character through loss
• [23:39–41:19] — Deeper dives into childhood wounds, parental patterns, and the “snowman” metaphor
• [52:11–57:58] — Favorite childhood memories as portals to healing and spiritual realization
• [59:28–70:33] — Ketamine, consciousness, forgiveness, profundity of irrelevance, and being a “bird brain”
• [70:44–end] — Wrap-up, bird brain jokes, and "keep it crispy"

Final Thoughts

This episode is a heartfelt and comedic exploration of the weird intersections between parenthood, childhood wounds, resilience, and the search for meaning. Pete and Valerie model self-awareness, vulnerability, and the courage to gently nudge loved ones and themselves into new, sometimes uncomfortable growth—with plenty of jokes and knowing referrals to the “weirdo” tribe of listeners.

Signature Sign-off:
“Go ahead and keep it crispy.”