We Made It Weird #197

Summary

Podcast Summary: We Made It Weird #197 with Pete Holmes

Episode Details:

• Title: We Made It Weird #197
• Host: Pete Holmes
• Release Date: November 8, 2024
• Description: Exploring the hidden oddities within us, Pete Holmes engages in deep and humorous conversations with comedians to uncover their unique brand of weirdness.

---

1. Introduction and Setting the Tone ([00:00] - [06:28])

The episode begins with Pete Holmes and his co-host Valerie setting a relaxed and introspective mood. They discuss the significance of recording the episode on a Sunday, aiming to provide listeners with a serene and contemplative experience amid the chaos of political news.

Pete Holmes:
_"If you're here, if you're jumping in hoping for hot takes and fresh responses and reactions to major political news... let this episode be a respite. If you are, let it be a continuation of your celebration." ([00:56])

Valerie emphasizes the show’s purpose as a sanctuary for listeners, reinforcing the intention to share "pause vibes" and maintain a positive atmosphere.

2. Sponsorship Breaks and Personal Anecdotes ([02:30] - [06:28])

Though primarily focused on the main content, brief sponsorship segments are interspersed where Pete shares personal endorsements for products like Modern Mammals shampoo and Ritual multivitamins. These segments provide insight into Pete’s personal preferences and daily routines, adding a relatable touch for listeners.

Pete Holmes:
_"Modern mammals is a non shampoo shampoo... It cleans your hair but leaves just enough of the natural oils... Over 40,000 guys have switched to this instead of traditional shampoo." ([08:35])

3. Delving into Flow State and Meaning ([06:28] - [39:21])

Understanding Flow State

Pete and Valerie engage in a profound discussion about the concept of the flow state, referencing insights from John Vervaeke's podcast. They explore how achieving a flow state is essential for meaningful engagement in activities, both historically and in modern life.

Pete Holmes:
_"The flow state needs to be hard, just slightly more than your talent. Failure needs to matter. Like, if I fail, I'll just do this or do that... Everything is consequential and failure matters." ([29:30])

Valerie agrees, highlighting how historical struggles for survival naturally induced flow states, whereas modern life often lacks these high-stakes environments, making it harder to achieve deep engagement.

Meaning in Life

The conversation shifts to how meaning in life often derives from overcoming challenges and engaging in activities where failure has significant consequences. They contrast this with contemporary society's tendency towards incremental gains, which can lead to a plateau in happiness and fulfillment.

Valerie:
_"Having a child makes you so happy, but also just ruins everything. It's the ultimate paradox of meaning." ([38:23])

Pete Holmes:
_"People go into situations where something they didn't want is happening and end up finding meaning in it." ([38:51])

Parenting and Relationship Dynamics

Pete and Valerie discuss the complexities of parenting, emphasizing how parents strive to provide better lives for their children, often leading to generational misunderstandings. They explore the emotional dynamics where children may not fully relate to their parents' experiences, resulting in a sense of irrelevance and resentment.

Pete Holmes:
_"When it gets double, like a parent will install time bombs and viruses into the software... That's out of a fear that they need you." ([51:32])

Valerie adds depth by reflecting on her experiences with Montessori parenting, which intentionally fosters flow states in children through structured yet meaningful activities.

Valerie:
_"Montessori is very intentional about getting kids into the flow state. It has real stakes and meaningful tasks." ([35:44])

4. Stereotypes and Social Observations ([39:21] - [44:46])

California Sober Stereotype

The hosts humorously dissect the stereotype of the "California sober" individual—often depicted as a raspy-voiced, hat-wearing enthusiast into extreme sports or unique hobbies. They discuss how such stereotypes can oversimplify and misrepresent diverse personal experiences.

Valerie:
_"I grew up in a church that had a recovery program, so I've known this type of person my entire life." ([55:02])

Pete Holmes:
_"He's starting a new band and we're calling ourselves the Smegma... punk bands are usually named after something gross, like mung." ([57:00])

They engage in a playful mock script, highlighting the absurdity and humor in naming conventions within certain subcultures.

5. Coping with External Stressors ([44:46] - [65:45])

Highly Sensitive Persons and Environmental Control

Pete and Valerie explore the challenges faced by highly sensitive individuals in environments inundated with loud commercials and sensory overload. They discuss strategies to maintain personal serenity, emphasizing the importance of controlling one's immediate environment to foster peace and reduce anxiety.

Pete Holmes:
_"This is a highly sensitive person thing... If you're watching your TV really loud and don't turn it down, it would take a lot of work for us to be close people." ([46:10])

Valerie:
_"It's so common that people we're close with don't understand our need for a calm environment." ([46:25])

Technology and Autonomy

The conversation touches upon the impact of technology on personal autonomy and mental well-being. They advocate for maintaining personal boundaries and not allowing external factors, such as political outcomes, to dictate one's happiness.

Valerie:
_"Maintain your autonomy. I will not put my happiness and well-being in the hands of these politicians." ([63:26])

6. Humorous Interludes and Audience Engagement ([39:21] - [65:45])

Throughout the episode, Pete and Valerie intersperse humor and playful banter, keeping the tone light despite the deep subject matter. They engage in mock acting games, joke about punk band names, and share anecdotes about parenting their child Leela, adding warmth and relatability.

Pete Holmes:
_"Leela made me breakfast this morning. Doused in olive oil." ([35:39])

Valerie:
_"We went on a very sweet date for our anniversary, playing the acting game. Leela only talked about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as her needed." ([60:29])

7. Closing Thoughts and Future Outlook ([65:45] - [66:04])

As the episode nears its end, Pete and Valerie reflect on the unpredictability of life and the importance of embracing uncertainty. They urge listeners to find peace in accepting that not everything can be controlled, fostering a sense of resilience and contentment.

Pete Holmes:
_"We have to surrender knowing that we can't control everything. Admit that we don't know what's going to happen and find peace there." ([65:38])

Valerie:
_"It's a time capsule for people on the other side of it, something to look back on." ([65:32])

---

Notable Quotes:

1. On Flow State:

   • Pete Holmes ([29:30]):
     "The flow state needs to be hard, just slightly more than your talent. Failure needs to matter."

2. On Parenting:

   • Valerie ([35:44]):
     "Montessori is very intentional about getting kids into the flow state. It has real stakes and meaningful tasks."

3. On Autonomy and Happiness:

   • Valerie ([63:26]):
     "Maintain your autonomy. I will not put my happiness and well-being in the hands of these politicians."

4. On Stereotypes:

   • Pete Holmes ([57:00]):
     "Punk bands are usually named after something gross, like mung."

---

Conclusion

Episode #197 of "We Made It Weird" offers a rich tapestry of humor, introspection, and insightful conversations. Pete Holmes and Valerie navigate complex topics such as the flow state, the quest for meaning, parenting dynamics, and the challenges faced by highly sensitive individuals in a noisy world. Through their engaging dialogue and relatable anecdotes, they provide listeners with both laughter and thoughtful reflections, embodying the essence of uncovering the "weirdness" within us all.

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

You made it with. You made it with.

[Valerie]

You made it with.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. You made it with. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Valerie]

What's happening, weirdos?

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening? Well, I'll say it right up top. This is how we ended the episode.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Is we're recording this on Sunday, November 3rd. So if you're here, if you're jumping in hoping for hot takes and fresh responses and reactions to major political news.

[Valerie]

Which you usually do tune in for.

[Pete Holmes]

We know that you made it worse.

[Valerie]

We know the demographic.

[Pete Holmes]

You guys are NJS news junkies. You love it. You never take a break thinking about it because if you stop worrying about those things, it'll all fall apart. It hinges on you. We know this.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So that's our show. Thanks for being here. We don't know. We don't know what you know. And we're hoping everybody is feeling wonderful. If you're not, let this episode be a respite. If you are, let it be a continuation of your celebration. I think this is a wonderful. We made it weird. We're in a really good mood. Having a beautiful kind of lazy Sunday here and hope to share some of those pause vibes with y'all. So thank you for being here. And Valerie, do you want to say what I normally say?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I usually plug my tour dates. Thanks to everybody that's been coming out. Raleigh, North Carolina, Indianapolis, Seattle, Portland. We added a second show at the Aladdin Theater. We're going to be filming that on December 20th. Hope to sell out that second Portland show. Eugene, Oregon, is sold out. That's the next day. And then Phoenix, Arizona. All of those are [e-mail] and also go to largo-la.com for my next Pete Holmes living at Largo, which I'm scrolling for, is Thursday, November 21st. So kind of like a Thanksgiving Largo. Those are always, always, always the highlight of my month, so hope to see you there. Largo-la.com for tickets. And as I always kind of labor through, but feel very sincerely about, this show is sponsored by things that we actually use and we actually love. And if you're curious about them or if you want to get one as a gift for a friend, it's what keeps the wheels turning over here. You made it weird, so we appreciate it.

[Valerie]

Katie, roll that beautiful bean footage.

[Pete Holmes]

True story. I was going to a movie premiere this week for my new movie, the Best Christmas Pageant Ever. I was in the shower, I was getting ready, and I was like, oh, I should wash my hair. Then I hesitated because I was like, wait. For years using shampoo means your hair will look like garbage. It'll look like dried out, fried out, frizzy, poofy hay stuck to the top of my head. But then I remembered I discovered modern mammals. No joke. Now when I want my hair to look perfect, I take 15 seconds. I wash it with modern mammals. The non shampoo shampoo. It's essentially a shampoo. If I had five seconds to explain it to you, I'd be like, it's a shampoo. If I have a little bit longer, I'd say it's a non shampoo shampoo, meaning it cleans your hair, but it leaves just enough of the natural oils in your hair to make it look perfect, manageable and just right every single time. It's got that flow. Looks perfect. Almost like you have a little bit of product in it afterwards. So I didn't have to use any product going to a movie premiere where I wanted my hair to look perfect. All I did was wash it with modern mammals. You should check it out. Over 40,000 guys have switched to this instead of traditional shampoo. These people are losing their minds. Once they try it, they never go back. And I certainly am one of those people. For real. For real. I'm hooked for life. Is the only way to clean my hair for the rest of for the remainder of my days. And it's a small punk rock company. Their grassroots. These guys are. We're just fed up of the way shampoo is frying their hair. And they made a solution specifically for guys. They have no bar. They have bars. Excuse me. For a no plastic version with no fragrance or bottles which is like a magic gray mud that I love the feeling of and gets your hair perfect every single time. Six seconds to perfect hair. Go to modernmammals.com weird where people can get a special combo deal and try both the bar and the bottle for $44. And those bars and those bottles will last you a really, really long time. They last. Modern mammals.com weird. We're also brought to us by our friends at ritual. Whenever I go to on the road, there's only one supplement that I absolutely make sure to take with me and that is my ritual multivitamin. The essential for men. I know a lot of people feel like you just pee out vitamins that they don't actually get into your system. Ritual is different. Has a delayed release capsule which means it's gentle on your stomach. It won't upset your stomach, which is excellent. I don't Know if you've ever taken zinc on an empty stomach, but it will make you feel ill. Ritual is safe even when you're fasting, and it breaks down when it's in your lower intestine, which is where it can actually be absorbed. So trust me, if supporting foundational health was a sport, you would want ritual on your team. They're Essential for Men is a multivitamin that's based solely on science and designed to help fill the common nutrient gaps in your diet with 10 key nutrients. And according to the CDC, fewer men than women meet the natural daily intake for fruit and vegetable, and they're more likely to overvalue exercise and undervalue nutrition. So enter ritual to fix that. A multivitamin scientifically developed for men to help fill those gaps. And I can say for me personally, as a vegan, a mostly vegan, I've seen that effect in my life. When I get my checkup, these 10 key nutrients are getting into my system. They're gentle, it's traceable. It's vegan, it's non gmo, it's gluten, and major allergen free. Makes me feel ready to start my day. And I've seen the results in my own blood work. So Essential for Men is a quality multivitamin from a company you can actually trust. Get 25% off your first month for a limited time at ritual.com weird. Start ritual or add Essential for Men to your subscription today. That's ritual.com weird for 25% off. All right, everybody, we're glad you're here. I believe this is 195. We made it weird.

[Valerie]

We're closing in two hundo.

[Pete Holmes]

Closing in on two hundo.

[Valerie]

Wow. Well, go ahead and get into it.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna start by. I'd like to address that for just. I just want to set the record. I want to set it.

[Valerie]

Thank God somebody's finally setting the record straight. I heard, yeah, if you set the record straight, you are, like telling the truth about something. But if you set the record, that's a whole other meaning, and it's just missing the word straight.

[Pete Holmes]

And to set a record, you have to be setting it straight. Like, not crookedly, right?

[Valerie]

I've known for crookediest thing.

[Pete Holmes]

I really liked that. That made me feel like Christmas. That made me feel like Christmas.

[Valerie]

You're holding this mum cat out of the bag. I'm a dum dum.

[Pete Holmes]

You're not a dum dum. I thought you were gonna say you Were a dork.

[Valerie]

Well, okay. What if I had said I was a dork?

[Pete Holmes]

Would you agree? Unless it's for Crookedest thing is really. You know, I was actually just thinking about that. Cause I wrote this movie and there was like a. I think you'll see how I'm going from there to here. And there's this moment where like the character goes wild and does everything that you would do if you just kind of woke up to the potential of your life. And the reason I thought of it as one of those two seater cars. Cars drove by. You know those two seater cars that have like two wheels in the back and whether or not they have one seat wheel in the front or not, they kind of look like a slice of pizza.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They're always purple.

[Valerie]

It's like a dune buggy or something.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a low to the ground, cageless dune buggy.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That is street legal. I just couldn't wait to say street legal. We all got that from old, old school. But anyway, Right. Will Ferrell taught lots of people street legal. So he's driving and I saw that car and I actually had a moment of like, I gotta. If I ever end up doing that movie, I have to rethink that. I think there's nothing harder than authentically writing what people would do if they just kind of like in a Buddy the Elf kind of way.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Just like dropped their inhibitions and just their fears. Yeah. And we've seen this a million times in a million movies. And it's usually like, what I mean, in Elf, he goes to a toy store. That's. That works. Elf works. But so many movies, like the movie yes man, for example.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't remember why I didn't love yes man, but I think it had something to do with like, it just always feels like a Hollywood writer like me. That's what I'm saying is he rents a card and he rents that car. And I'm. And I'm sitting at my keyboard, I'm roasting myself being like, wouldn't that be insane? When I really.

[Valerie]

In the movie that you. In my movie, he rents one of those.

[Pete Holmes]

One of those cars he needs to rent a car. In my defense.

[Valerie]

Okay, but why would they even have that car as an option to rent.

[Pete Holmes]

Welcome to Pitch meeting, my favorite YouTube series. And so he goes and rents one of those two seater cars. Why would they have that? Hey, shut up. That's what he would say. Because that's what I wrote. Shout out to Ryan blanking on his name. I Watch all of those videos and they all end with him saying, hey, it's Ryan. It is Ryan. Ryan George. Maybe it doesn't matter.

[Valerie]

Sounds wrong.

[Pete Holmes]

Ryan George.

[Valerie]

No way. That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

Anyway, what I'm saying is, like, if you really got your lights turned on, meaning, like, you're free. I think what you do is so much more interpersonal than it is transactional, object related. It's not really going to a carnival and riding a horse as it jumps into a pool. Like, I don't really think that's what we're holding ourselves back from.

[Valerie]

I agree.

[Pete Holmes]

It's more like, hey, dad, you know what I mean? Like, why are we.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Why are we talking? Like, we're in a play. Let's be real, you know, like, it's like that.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's true. It probably is. Being fearless in your relationship, in your relationships and with yourself.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, it's very similar to taking a psychedelic. You'd be like, I'm afraid all the time. You know it's like that.

[Valerie]

Right. Except for you wouldn't be afraid.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I mean, you'd say now that I'm unafraid.

[Valerie]

I've noticed how I was afraid all the time.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not. I'm going to eat all these Milk Duds.

[Valerie]

I know. I think looking at, you know, securely attached children is our best guess at what we would do if we lost our anxieties and our inhibitions.

[Pete Holmes]

That's exactly right.

[Valerie]

And Leela just wants more and more and more and more and more of life. Like, in every way. She wants to.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

Invite friends over every single day. She wants to buy everything she sees.

[Pete Holmes]

And you know what's funny? You and I. Sorry.

[Valerie]

She, like, she also just wants to create. Like, she has a really good blend of. And I think this is what it would be like. I think if we lost our fears, we would be creating constantly. Like, we'd be creating half the time. And the other half the time, I think we would just be doing household mundane things, but we would be doing it with, like, so much wonder.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree.

[Valerie]

Because that's what she does. She either wants, like, a task. Like, I gave her a checklist today of things to.

[Pete Holmes]

I saw it.

[Valerie]

It was really clean up. And she, like, got to check the boxes. And she was as lit up about that as anyone has ever been about anything. Like, she. And she said, I want more jobs when she was done.

[Pete Holmes]

There's. So that's a task. There's also, like, a real appreciation for. For doing stuff that has no point not If I jump off, if I ride a horse, as is jumping into a pool, you know, when they have diving horses. That seems like a movie. Movie.

[Valerie]

Wild hearts can't be broken.

[Pete Holmes]

Haven't.

[Valerie]

Oh, I love it. Sonora. Sonora Webster.

[Pete Holmes]

Sonora.

[Valerie]

Sonora. But she says it like that. I'm Snor. Sonora Webster.

[Pete Holmes]

So a movie that sounds pretty boring. Stars a woman named Snora. Just to be clear. Just want to make sure.

[Valerie]

Shut your mouth. She was a brave, blind horse diver.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, I still.

[Valerie]

You aren't half the person Sonora Webster was.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, so Nora is the character's name?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Valerie]

But it's based on a real story, a true story, and it's very exciting one.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just having fun.

[Valerie]

No, you're right. I'm just having fun with it. That movie most likely does not hold up, but I loved it when I was a kid.

[Pete Holmes]

So when we went to the. We went to the premiere of the greatest. I always say it wrong. The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

This movie that I am in, that I am excited to be in. And we took Leela, and one of the things that the Securely Attached Child, which is going with your idea, which I agree with, that is more accurate to what a free person would do. And I've heard reports of, like. I know the Dalai Lama had the word suck my tongue thing, but, like, people like Desmond Tutu. Dalai Lama. You know, I didn't mean to bring that scandal up. I'm just saying.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They tend to be, you know, more child. More childlike in that way. And one of the ways that it is, like, we went into this thing, and there are all these booths. So there's like a hot chocolate booth. There's a John Wilkes Booth, and I had a five on me, so how do you think I felt?

[Valerie]

He blew a hole right through the middle of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Right through my wall. That's the funniest way. What a waste of money. Don't go to the John Wilkes Booth. They just shoot through all your fives and all your pennies. RIP Abe, we miss you, man.

[Valerie]

We miss you, miss you. Life is just not the same without you. Abraham Lincoln.

[Pete Holmes]

And I know I bring this up every time, but historically, he had an. A shrill, irritating voice. I find that worthy of mentioning.

[Valerie]

Who says who?

[Pete Holmes]

The reporters. Who, by the way, reporter. Yes, the reporters. How do we know? How do we know he said four score and blah, blah? Well, we probably have his.

[Valerie]

He wrote it.

[Pete Holmes]

But there was also reporters. There were press there. And instead of, like a bevy of microphones, it was like Twigs. There's, like, a dead bird taped. Taped to a log.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And someone wrote channel four and charcoal on it.

[Valerie]

And then they wrote shrill. Shrill voice. This guy.

[Pete Holmes]

There's quite a bit of news. News coverage. There's news coverage.

[Valerie]

I feel like you are not using the right words like historians, but you mean they're modern.

[Pete Holmes]

News people are the historians for the present. News people are like, I'm done waiting.

[Valerie]

It's new.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to write history, like, right on the lip. I'm going to sit by the edge of the waterfall of time and write it while it's happening.

[Valerie]

While it's happening.

[Pete Holmes]

And that was happening then. And I'd also like to point out everyone there was blown away by how modern and exciting current times were.

[Valerie]

Oh, I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you heard the toothbrush? Like, they were in a tizzy as.

[Valerie]

As much as we are talking about AI, they were talking about, like, AI Tesla.

[Pete Holmes]

Tesla, I think was a little bit later. But I loved the riff.

[Valerie]

Honestly, I thought you were gonna say earlier.

[Pete Holmes]

So apricot ingestion was the AI that they were all about. Have you heard about AI?

[Valerie]

It's when you stick an apricot up your bum, you squeeze it into juice.

[Pete Holmes]

And the juice runs out, and we're real kinky. He knows that you're surprised. We're really kinky.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Anywho, I love the riff about the microphones. I just want to say that I enjoyed that again. Oh, shrill voice. Shrill voice.

[Valerie]

But the booths. The booths.

[Pete Holmes]

But people wrote that he had a shrill voice, which I think is great.

[Valerie]

I do love that detail.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, thanks. I thought you were going to be like, I need you to stop talking about that. I was ready to be put in my place and be like, stop this podcast. Sorry.

[Valerie]

I just love that with everything that was going on.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

At that time.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's what. That's ex.

[Valerie]

Somebody took the time to be like, this guy's got kind of an annoying voice.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm glad you brought that up. Cuz if someone's annoyed by, like, Kamala's laugh or whatever, that's fine. Because we have all this time to dissect and get into the minutia of how if it was perfect, maybe their laugh would be different or whatever they're saying. This dude wrote down and several dudes wrote down, abraham Lincoln has an irritating voice. Somebody said, I don't. I Googled this at one point, but it was like, with the. With the tonality of a trumpet. Like, it's like a high and it's Just so funny that he's always like, save on mattresses. You know what I mean? Go to the hall of Presidents. Abe's got the deepest.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like you're going out for an Abe Lincoln voiceover. You're like, this is Pete Holmes reading for Abraham Lincoln. You know what I mean?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's you going for Teddy Roosevelt. You're like, who wants to fight for the last of the salt? And he puts up his dukes.

[Valerie]

Yeah. That one picture, you know the one.

[Pete Holmes]

We know the one he loves.

[Valerie]

That is. He definitely looks like he's saying.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's all you wrote. He's not on any of the builds. So all we have is that picture.

[Valerie]

I mean, that picture makes me love him. Who, what, what president smiles like that?

[Pete Holmes]

He looks like he just won a fight with a moose.

[Valerie]

He looks so happy.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's in like a nine piece suit.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And it was so difficult that. Well, that goes back to the. I'm glad you brought this back up because this guy is saying this guy's. Abraham Lincoln's voice was annoying. In a time when like the person to your left has a disease that's going to kill you. You know what I mean? Like, there's a coal short. What? Times were tight.

[Valerie]

Times were tight.

[Pete Holmes]

So it had to be so annoying to make the newspaper.

[Valerie]

Do you think that they. Do people know that times were really hard then or did they think that they were as hard as we think times are now?

[Pete Holmes]

I think we. Great question, by the way. I think up until 1962, okay, everyone alive was like, this life thing is rough. And then I, by the way, I made up 62. But there's something that happens after World War II. Really someone smarter than both of us to combined. And I think if you combined us, it would just be the same.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I think it is just we've completely merged. We're only smart in the same exact ways.

[Pete Holmes]

That's true. And we don't challenge each other or. Yep. It's just kind of coasting. Our whole relationship is called cruising altitude.

[Valerie]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

And we don't expect any bumps on the descent.

[Valerie]

It's like, you know how if you go to a float tank, how that the temperature of that water is exactly the temperature?

[Pete Holmes]

That's how I feel about you.

[Valerie]

Yeah, 100%.

[Pete Holmes]

I knew what you were going to say. I've gotten into the. And your butthole burns a little bit because of the saline.

[Valerie]

Just because of the salt.

[Pete Holmes]

And you've been wiping too hard. So there's a little Yoo hoo really, the guy that invented the sensory deprivation tank was like, this is a system to determine if you're wiping too hard. And then people were coming out and going like, I think I am wiping a little too hard. But I'm also deeply relaxed. I think you're missing like a market here.

[Valerie]

I think you are. I think you are struggling in the bathroom. Me in ways that I don't want to leave you behind, Gallery. But like, I definitely did not have that feeling when I was.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't get a tingle wing?

[Valerie]

No. In my. The corners of my eyes.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you wiping your tears A little aggressively.

[Valerie]

I must see.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think it's because I'm. I don't know, I. I think my butthole is just, you know, it's real. It's like, you know, on a 9 volt battery. There's the little circle and then there's kind of like the bloomed. The kind of.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Where is this going?

[Pete Holmes]

That's my butthole is the bloomed. The bloomed one.

[Valerie]

Okay. But there's not a little circle, is there? Cause that's a hemorrhoid.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no, no. Although that runs in my jeans.

[Valerie]

Oh, man. Ew.

[Pete Holmes]

Ew.

[Valerie]

In your jeans.

[Pete Holmes]

I picked that on purpose. That's an old joke. Diarrhea is hereditary.

[Valerie]

Runs in.

[Pete Holmes]

It runs in my genes.

[Valerie]

It's great.

[Pete Holmes]

I like that you made it my genes. You're supposed to say it runs in your genes. But you said it runs in my genes, which I actually think I'm going to say. That makes that joke, being realistic, 17% funnier, which is pretty considerable. Like it's a B minus or an A plus.

[Valerie]

I agree. I think I punched up that joke.

[Pete Holmes]

Diarrhea is hereditary. Oh, really? Yeah. It runs in my genes. Like that. Because now the guy in the alpha position who's getting the laugh is also telling you, yeah, he struggles with diarrhea. Self defecating.

[Valerie]

Self defecating.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a lot better. We've been telling that joke wrong.

[Valerie]

Yep, 100%.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna say it. I'm feeling myself. I'm a little yon say today. I'm really happy to be talking with you. I like there is a lot that AI will do. It won't do what we just did. It won't do that.

[Valerie]

I don't think so either.

[Pete Holmes]

That's all I'm saying. What I'm saying is there's going to be a new.

[Valerie]

You're talking about apricot ingestion, right? You take injection.

[Pete Holmes]

Injection it was ingestion.

[Valerie]

Was it ingestion?

[Pete Holmes]

And then you made it kind of an injective.

[Valerie]

I thought it was injection.

[Pete Holmes]

But ingest, you're still ingesting it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Anytime something goes in you.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's true.

[Pete Holmes]

Sex is a type of ingestion.

[Valerie]

Oh, I'm gonna ingest you tonight.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm saying I think we need new word and we can be a part of history right now. Would you like to be. I'm like a charlatan. Would you like to be a part of history, friend? We need to come up with a word for a specific kind of foible laden. Accident. Naturality.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

That's unfolding and self building and dialogue based.

[Valerie]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

That's so organic and deeply human that we're confident that given the way that technology is advancing, it won't touch this one area. Like it will struggle with shrewsra or something. But I don't want to call it shrewsra. That's dumb. I take it back.

[Valerie]

I agree. I feel like it should be like progressive.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, a term.

[Valerie]

Yeah, a term like a progressive.

[Pete Holmes]

Progressive. But see, the problem with that is the reason I wanted in fuldimente.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I want to divide.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to take. I think unfoldamente is good. I think if you say a pattern recognized, well, that's exactly what machines are brilliant at.

[Valerie]

Oh, you're right.

[Pete Holmes]

So a progressive building and guessing where something might go. It needs to be hinged and rooted in error in a way that things are being understood A to C and you know what I mean.

[Valerie]

Foiblement.

[Pete Holmes]

Foiblemente. I love foiblement. No, you, my friend, were a part of history. I would have been great at the turn of the century. Oh, I would have been great.

[Valerie]

You've always wanted to live there.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. And I would have died young because I would have sold watches that I told people kept polio at bay. I would have been. I'm not saying I'm a liar. I'm just saying I would have gotten excited about those things myself.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Which brings us sort of back to the original thing of like, were times hard for those people?

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm saying absolumo.

[Valerie]

I do think so. I think the. I wonder there, I could see it both ways. I could see it being like the, you know, that's all they've ever known was struggle. So.

[Pete Holmes]

And kind of to my point about when movies get a story, everyone in the turn of the century is always sweeping off their porch. The crop isn't coming in. PA is coughing into a handkerchief. There's blood on it.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

There's like one bed. Someone's like, kind of rotating. Who's dying on that bed? It's awful. What's left out, understandably, is the hundreds and hundreds of days there had to be where there was food.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

There is heat. It's a nice day. We don't need to sweep. And no one's on the deathbed.

[Valerie]

Right. Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

And the quality, the depth of that piece. Richard Rohrer. I know I'm kind of changing gears from total rift zone into slight sincerity, but Richard Rohr made a point that. That, like, in the time that the Bible was written, so many shepherds. You know what I mean? There's something about the slow meaning a day lived at peace in certainly Bible times and maybe the turn of the century. But a quiet day.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Was probably like, had the weight and the impact on your body and nervous system of three months off from your Dutch job because you have the sniffles and I need a month off. And they go, of course you can take it. And here's a bonus for your honesty.

[Valerie]

Right. Well, that's right. I think that's true. Because I. I feel like even just trying to survive, like something as simple as there are, you know, a lot more diseases that you can get, and there are. You're living off of crops, and that is at the whim of nature.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

In a lot of ways.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

So you're still. You know how you. When you watch Planet. I almost said Hollywood. Planet Earth. And you're like, God. So every other species just has to try to survive, and that's the one thing they have to do that.

[Pete Holmes]

I just learned this from John Vervaeke, who just did the podcast. He was like, sorry, there was a.

[Valerie]

Time sound like him.

[Pete Holmes]

You're a gift and a calling. Before alphabetic writing, he would have said that better. But back when we had hieroglyphs and cuneiform, which sounds like Shrinky Dink for some reason.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Let me play with cuneiform.

[Valerie]

Cuneiform sounds like the word we would have named up for Fuelmente.

[Pete Holmes]

Fuelment. You're the queen for real. I'm always into you, but I'm, like, hard into you today. And I'm. I'm Dracula, dead and loving it sounds.

[Valerie]

Like you're ready to ingest. Oh, my God, that is gross. That's so gross.

[Pete Holmes]

No, you ingest me.

[Valerie]

Do I?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I die. I don't.

[Valerie]

You're right, I do.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Anyway, so Cuneiform. Early writings were so difficult to learn that a scribe, their job was to learn how to read and write. So that's what a scribe was, was someone who, like, took it on like a civil servant who went through the horribly intensive process of learning how to read and write so they could read things for people and write things for people. That was their job.

[Valerie]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

So to your point, though. And so John Vervecchio, I encourage people to check out his podcast on YouTube and his talks. He's very interesting man and brilliant man. But anyway, he did the pod and really got me thinking about this stuff. But you touched on it here. So we're talking about how life was hard for these people, turning the century. And you're saying, like animals and a lot of humanity, the only thing we used to do is just try to stay alive.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When he's talking about meaning, which is like John Vervecki's big thing is, like how to live a life with meaning, he talks a lot about the flow state. And one of the things that's interesting about the flow state is it needs to be hard, like to get into the flow state. It can't be short of your talent. It needs to be like, just slightly more than your talent.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So like a line cook, you know, and he's overwhelmed. It's just a little bit beyond. So you're really locked in and engaging. And then the other one for the flow state was the stakes. Failure needs to matter. So he was talking about. This wasn't on my podcast, this was on his. But we talked about it a little bit. But like a good video game, it's really interesting, is sort of mimicking the flow state. It's very bright, it's very lit up, very clear feedback. You know what I mean? Everything is consequential and failure matters. That's why people talk about games like Dark Souls. I know you don't know Dark Souls, but I didn't play it either. But these incredibly difficult video games that people have, like, intense love relationships with because they were so difficult and because when you died, the save point was so far back and all. Well, all of that stuff is by design because they know you'll drop into a flow state if dying in the game matters. If it doesn't matter, who fucking cares? And you're just playing with the cheat code. No flow state, no difficulty. Same with life. So when we were at a place in humanity, when our flow state. So it was get food, heat, shelter. That's really hard. It's just outside of our it's not easy. So we're really engaged. And it's overwhelmingly engaging in a good way. 2. Failure really matters.

[Valerie]

Right. The stakes are very real and modern.

[Pete Holmes]

Life is starved for a lot of that. Like the failure, well, if I fail, I'll just do this or do that. Like, you have these, like, incremental changes. If you start succeeding a little bit more, you have a little bit more money. Maybe I'll go to a nicer restaurant, but for most people it's not, I won't have any food.

[Valerie]

You know what I mean? Right. Well, I mean, I would imagine that the fact that we are able to get into a flow state, that function of our brain comes directly from the time when we needed to search for food. And there were very real stakes. You know what I mean? Like, I think that that's left over.

[Pete Holmes]

And there were very real stakes. Just walking around and they're eating grass, so they're like food that's taking some of our food, so it's like double food. So these very real stakes to finding food are one of the ways we can get that food. Did you like this?

[Valerie]

I did. I like. You mean cows? You mean cows, yeah. That seems like a left or a remnant from that time that we would get into flow state.

[Pete Holmes]

Absolutely.

[Valerie]

To try and. And so, yeah, we have to manufacture it more.

[Pete Holmes]

And he brings up the example that I always bring up, which is rock climbing. Why would you do that? Yeah, he makes the point that it's like. Like a Sisyphusian. It's like a Greek tragedy that someone would be like, climb that rock face. What shall I do when I reach the top? Climb back down.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Do it again.

[Valerie]

It is.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like a nightmare. And the only reason you would do it is because people really get a lot of, like a rich pleasure from flow state.

[Valerie]

Right. And it's hard earned dopamine, which is the good stuff. That's what you want.

[Pete Holmes]

Hard earned dopamine. Head. Oh, man. Gimme head. You know what I mean?

[Valerie]

We hed. Yeah, we. I was just discussing this with Leela's teacher because we had the parent teacher conference and I wasn't there.

[Pete Holmes]

I was gambling on a riverboat.

[Valerie]

Yes, that's right.

[Pete Holmes]

With her baby shoes. I raise your baby shoes. Pete, you have two seven off suit. It's show.

[Valerie]

Yeah, shut the up.

[Pete Holmes]

I have an eyepatch. I wasn't there and I feel bad about it. Is what that riff is about.

[Valerie]

Right. But it was totally fine. But it. That's what it. Montessori, the pure Like Montessori from Maria Montessori. If you're, like, following it by the book, that flow state is what they're really trying to get kids into. It's, like, very intentional about that.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that's cool.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And she was saying, you know who didn't teach? That was Jimmy Public School.

[Valerie]

Old Jimmy Public School.

[Pete Holmes]

The board acknowledges Melissa. Melissa Montessori.

[Valerie]

Maria.

[Pete Holmes]

Maria Montessori. You have five minutes to counter Jimmy Public School.

[Valerie]

And he's over there going, cows are real steaks. We teach the kids here.

[Pete Holmes]

No shade. Public School. I went to. You.

[Valerie]

I went to. I were. I taught.

[Pete Holmes]

We went to.

[Valerie]

I love public school.

[Pete Holmes]

We went to.

[Valerie]

I just keep saying it, but there's something about. So when it's like, I'm gonna botch it. But there's order that comes when you have a task that is. Has a beginning, middle, and end and has real life stakes. So it's like the thing about with the checklist. Leela. I saw Leela get lit up about that, and I was like, this is exactly what Juniper was talking about.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Because it has real stakes. There really is a mess, and she's really actually cleaning it up.

[Pete Holmes]

No, that's right.

[Valerie]

And there is so much of this in, like, parenting, where you, like, you get them a little broom, and you're like, you sweep your little area while I sweep the kitchen. And it's like, no, have these kids really sweet. Like, have them actually cleaning the kitchen.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Because they will get way more from it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Leela made me breakfast this morning.

[Valerie]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Doused in olive oil. And I went. A lot of oil. And she went. It came out fast.

[Valerie]

I saw that.

[Pete Holmes]

You are the queen of our hearts.

[Valerie]

I really.

[Pete Holmes]

It was so sweet. We still ate it. It was still good.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I just. I had a heart attack. Surely.

[Valerie]

I dumped it. I dumped that into the sink, and it was just dripping. It was sopping with the oil.

[Pete Holmes]

Stopping.

[Valerie]

She's maybe a little Mediterranean. A little more Mediterranean than we thought. Who knew? But, yeah, the. That flow state is really the.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Valerie]

The juice.

[Pete Holmes]

He was also like, modern life is figuring out how to drop yourself into a flow state.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I think that, you know, here we are in a heated room, guessing on how a turn of the century family might have been in the flow state more. But, you know, this is a big part of me and John Vervecki's conversation was like, life isn't just having everything you want all the time. And you and I being highly sensitive. People will never tire of hearing that. The solidarity of knowing Other people are out there suffering. Yeah. I don't want to spoil the episode, but he did say something really interesting. He was talking about wealth. Money. Monetary wealth, obviously. So. And we've made this point many times on this podcast that beyond, like, $350,000 a year. No, just having $350,000 a day. Yeah. For three days. That's like a million dollars. No. Having in your bank account $350,000. What do you mean? I'm loving it.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

I hope you like me as much as I like you, because that's fun.

[Valerie]

I do.

[Pete Holmes]

A year. Stop it.

[Valerie]

I'm jumping in.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's sort of. My point is this podcast could be summarized by chat GPT. You could read it like a memoir. Pete and Val thought that maybe people in the olden days were in the flow state. It would be stupid.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like everything is. It's the process of doing it. So anyway, $350,000. If you have $350,000, the happiness you get if you get another $300,000, for example, is very minute, as opposed to having no money and going to $350,000, which is huge. But it kind of plateaus around 350. And then he goes. But a great example of something that shows how meaning is sort of irrational and surprising is like having a child makes you so happy, but also just ruins everything.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

He's like. So a kid is the ultimate. Maybe not the ultimate, but it's certainly one of them. Another example that comes to mind is the military time. And not just people fighting in wars, but sometimes people that are just in. Like, I use this example all the time, But World War II, London, when the bombs were dropping, people talked about a very high quality of life because they felt all this bond and immunity and stakes and all this sort of stuff. Nobody's wishing that on anybody.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

That was horrible.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just interesting to notice that people go into these situations where something that isn't what they would have wanted is happening.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And they end up going like, oh, my God. It's like, I was made for that kind of.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, the meaning. It's real.

[Valerie]

It was. It imbues it with meaning. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, let's go to the midis.

[Valerie]

The midis.

[Pete Holmes]

Little keyboard, digital keyboard music, a MIDI file. And everybody knows this.

[Valerie]

Nerd.

[Pete Holmes]

The ads aren't just thoughtless ads. These are things we actually use. And if any of them sound interesting, give them a try, because it's how we function. This operation.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God. What is your operation? Functioning.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh my God. You're the queen. We'll be right back. Even in California, it is getting a little bit colder here, which means I've been drinking my element lmnt. Element. My hydration super drink hot. What does that mean? It means you can make element hot. They have chocolate flavors and you can get their chocolate medley now, which means they have chocolate chai, they have chocolate salt, and they have chocolate raspberry and chocolate mint, which are incredible. I boil up some water, really just heat it up, put it in a cup, stir it. It reduces my cravings at night when I might be reaching for a sleeve of cookies. That's right, an entire sleeve of cookies. And it also has magnesium, which helps me calm down and relax and get into my bedtime routine beautifully and sleep perfectly. I've also noticed when I drink element before bed, I don't get up to pee in the night. I don't exactly know what's going on there, but I think something about the sodium helps my body have something to do other than wake me up to use the bathroom. So what is element? Element is a zero sugar, zero bs hydration electrolyte drink which has the perfect blend of potassium, magnesium and sodium for health, performance and energy. Of course, being dehydrated can lead to lead to cramps, fatigue, brain fog. One of the things I love about it, it's been replacing my morning cup of coffee is it jumpstarts my brain. I feel that neuro connectivity. I feel that salt giving me that boost in that energy. I feel ready to start my day. It also tastes amazing and is awesome to ward off cravings when I'm fasting or like I said at night when I'm just trying to not eat something I'm going to regret in the morning. So many times your body is just sending you a signal, hey, I need something and in my personal experience, so often that thing is sodium. So drink lmnt.com weird and use promo code weird with your order. Try the chocolate Medley. You'll also get a free element sample pack with any order. When you order, you can also get their new sparkling 16 ounce Bold electrolyte water which I absolutely love and you sometimes see me drinking here on the show. If LMNT doesn't exceed your expectations, they have a no questions asked refund policy. You don't even need to send it back. So support your body, support the show. Go to drinklmnt.com weird. Get that free sample pack. Try the chocolate medley. Try it Hot here in these Colder months. And thank me. Well, you don't even have to thank me. I was going to say thank me later, but you don't have to do that. Just enjoy it. Support your body. Support this show. Drinklmnt.com Weird. We're also brought to us by our friends at Shakti Shakti Mats. I have a question. Have you ever laid on a bed of nails? Well, I do almost every day. Not entirely literally. I lay on my Shakti mat. My Shakti mat. Really? Why am I saying it? Shakti. I know the word shakti. It's a spirit word. Shakti. My Shakti mat is like a bed of nails. It's these very tiny pokey spikes, thousands of them on these discs on this mat that I lay out behind me and I lay down on it. I get my Shakti pillow underneath my neck and I feel my stress melting away as I'm boosting circulation. Look, I like massage. I'm not going to say I don't like massage, of course I do. But it costs a fortune. It's hard to fit into my schedule and I can't do it any time whenever I need it. But the Shakti mat, whenever I feel that tension, I feel that stress and that tightness in my muscles. I unfurl it. I have a lay, sometimes five minutes, sometimes 20 minutes. The first time I used it, I fell asleep and the pain and the tension just melts away. It has an extreme feeling up top. But I promise on the other side of that poke, poke is a wonderful and unbeatable, almost like sinking into a warm bath feeling. And you can feel the blood rushing into your back and you can feel your muscles melting away. Relaxing away. It's intense, but it is wonderful. It's like cold exposure or deep tissue work or sauna. So many of the things that relax our body at first are a little bit freaky deaky. I'll also say this is just a hot tip Coming up into the holidays. A Shakti mat is an awesome gift for your friend. If they're like me, if they're a little quirky, they're a little hard to shop for. But they like to relax and they like to feel good. This is fun, it's interesting, it's different, it's unexpected, it's surprising. And it's a wonderful gift to give a friend that could use a little help relaxing. Deeper street, deeper sleep. Excuse me. Stress relief, muscle relaxation, better circulation, mental clarity and just a general sense of well being whenever you need it. Shakti mats are my secret weapon for reliable Serenity and relief. Go to shakti mat sh t I m a t dot com and use promo code weird30 and you will get 30% off any shakti mat shakd mat dot com. Use promo code weird30 at checkout. All right, back to the show. We're back. We didn't go anywhere.

[Valerie]

Yeah, we're here. You're back to us. Welcome back. Oh, that's why they say that.

[Pete Holmes]

Because you are there returning to them.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You went away, right? Welcome back.

[Valerie]

Welcome back.

[Pete Holmes]

The viewer is momentarily shunned, not from our show, but, like, think about, like, a talk show. It's like, go away.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're kicked out briefly, and someone's, like, crested total white, and you're like, what?

[Valerie]

That's how we react to commercials. People don't react to commercials that way.

[Pete Holmes]

That's how I react.

[Valerie]

It's so crazy to me when I'm in a house where the commercials are blasting and everything else about those people who are doing it are normal. Is normal. And I'm just like, we have different nervous systems.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what it is. This is a highly sensitive person thing. And I know I say this a lot. The will never be close, but if you watch your TV really loud and let it continue playing the commercials at full volume. I'm sorry, but I don't. It would take a lot of work for us to be close people.

[Valerie]

I don't even think that that's true because I'm with you, like, in this general premise, but that's what I'm saying. It's so common that people that we are close with. Multiple people that I can think of that we are close with.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you mean that do that? Yeah.

[Valerie]

And they. It just doesn't seem to have the same effect on.

[Pete Holmes]

I checked myself after I wrecked myself.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I've been by friends of mine's houses and they are watching, and the commercials come on, and it's just still at 72 on the volume.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And they just kind of tune it out.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I. We. When I was on, was it on Crash or the Pete Holmes show? It was this thing. I have a thing. A friend of ours owns a coffee shop in town, and they use, like, Pandora or something similar.

[Valerie]

Oh, right.

[Pete Holmes]

And like, the ads come on.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Or worse. You're getting. You're in a spa situation, and they're playing the spa channel, and it's literally a designated. Look, What I'm saying is I'm risking sounding like a turd, but I'm like a ptsd, open nerve. And like quiet, safe, sacred, dimly lit places and quiet friendship like zones. Like, I want it to be chill. And if you're getting a massage or you're getting a pedicure. And just out of nowhere, it's like rice around. He's got a new friend in town, Basil Bill. Oh, somebody chopped me up and put me all over the rice around me.

[Valerie]

It's working. You're selling me on it. That would be delicious.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know why I did it as Eric Andre too. Basil Bill. Basil Bill is here. He's gonna fuck your rice in the ass. Eric Andre, guest host of We Made It Weird this week. So anyway, I didn't because I've learned. I think I've learned my lesson. Not a lot of people care about that. Like if you're in. If you own a coffee shop and you're playing the ads, I'm like, I wanted to tell our friend, please just upgrade to the $6.95 a month to go premium. It's worth it. It's so worth it. I'm almost like Todd Glass in that way. Todd Glass is clearly has some of the same issues that we have.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it's like hyper vigilance in controlling your atmosphere.

[Pete Holmes]

But we have a chance. We're not talking about the un. We're not talking about the entire planet.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We're talking about a coffee shop. So it's an achievable goal. The whole world is a spilled glass of milk. It's all fucking running around and we're mopping it with a filthy rag. And then we're serving food on the table that smells like milk. That's the world. It's so messy. You have a coffee shop.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I can't. Controlled environment.

[Pete Holmes]

So control it. You have a controlled environment, so control it.

[Valerie]

I mean, you're preaching to the choir because I have the same traumas. You.

[Pete Holmes]

These are trauma indicators.

[Valerie]

But that's. But I think people who don't have that. It. Sorry, just a bit for just you.

[Pete Holmes]

My headphones got unplugged and I made a face like it was a really big deal. That was just for us.

[Valerie]

But I think two people who don't have the need to control their environment and make it constantly calm and peaceful. It isn't worth $7 to them a month because it doesn't. It truly doesn't bother them at all.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they could buy surf wax with that $7. These fucking sunshine fit white teeth, fucking dopes out there, just living, doing one hand Cartwheels on the beach, eating fish, mashing fish tacos, skateboarding well into their 50s. I can't compete with you guys. Yeah, I can't. You on the inside look like that photo of Teddy Roosevelt. I look like Abe Lincoln.

[Valerie]

I mean, have you thought about this? This is. That is very likely to be. If we are. If we achieve our parental goals.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what Leela will be.

[Valerie]

That's what Leela will be. So these people who we are sort of hard on, where we're like, we. I can't relate to you if you, you know, aren't like a anxious, traumatized, hyper vigilant person.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

That's gonna be our own child.

[Pete Holmes]

And I can't wait. That will be the living mark. Look, Leela can be however she wants to be, and obviously. But if she's. If I go like, wow, I don't really relate to that being her default way.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll be so proud.

[Valerie]

I mean. Yeah, I. I hope for that, too. But then we just have to really not like, resent her, especially if she doesn't want anything to do with us because we're irrelevant to her.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. I died for you.

[Valerie]

But I think that is what happens. That's like a very common.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

You know, dynamic between a parent and a child is they give. They work so hard to give their children a better life, and then they have it. And they have it, and then they leave so much that they don't really understand their parents.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. That's why it's misery. That's why.

[Valerie]

That's why parenting is so fucked up.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I mean, like. And when it gets double, like, dark fucked is a parent will install time bombs and viruses into the software.

[Valerie]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

That's when people are like, your parents know how to push your buttons because they installed them.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm like, yeah, that's. That's out of a fear, right, that you. That they need. I need you. So I'm gonna put in this little mouth. I'll put some malware in there.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'll be your Norton anti virus. But that sucks. That's. That's why the misery. I meant the movie Misery.

[Valerie]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

And how that woman and that codependence is like, yeah, gross.

[Valerie]

So relatable, too.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Yuckadoo.

[Pete Holmes]

We were talking about California Sobers, too, which I think is so funny.

[Valerie]

Oh, man.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a type.

[Valerie]

It's a type. You can always. I don't know if people know the.

[Pete Holmes]

Sober guy in California with his dark rimmed glass, like, Thick black glasses.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Tall, white.

[Pete Holmes]

He's got rivers. Cuomo. Black glasses.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The hair can be going up a little bit. It doesn't really matter. It can be shaved.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Because most the time they have a hat on anyway.

[Pete Holmes]

Clean hat.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it is like a classic hat.

[Valerie]

It's like skater kind of skater.

[Pete Holmes]

But they're 50.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And. And their.

[Valerie]

Their voice is rasp.

[Pete Holmes]

They're. What's up, man? Let's go over here. Like that. California sober is such a thing. And they. And I. I'm not mad at it.

[Valerie]

They're into, like, some sort of extreme sport. Like Steve.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I think it's fair. It's not.

[Valerie]

There's Steve O. Steve.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, their God is Steve O. It's like, oh, that's what. I had to give that up. And we're like, that's what I had to give the California sober meeting. Who wants to gnar all this next? Guys. Who wants to chow down and throw it in.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Throw it in the mix.

[Valerie]

They've gotten very into grilling or something. Something they're in.

[Pete Holmes]

Whatever.

[Valerie]

Whatever they get into, they get into full. Into.

[Pete Holmes]

Into.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Big.

[Valerie]

And it's like there's sort of this, like. What's the word? Like, crash dummy. Like, they just. They just like, bash around life.

[Pete Holmes]

They bash around.

[Valerie]

They bash around.

[Pete Holmes]

Crash, dummy, bash around. There's a bull in a crash dummy. Kind of like, you know, they're there.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They've arrived right at the party.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because the bird scooter that was abandoned on your lawn didn't just ride itself there.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Amen. I'd be dead if I heard this.

[Valerie]

But it's also so sweet because they, like, really find meaning in their bros. Dudes, nobody here. We're not. I like this type of person.

[Pete Holmes]

We're talking about some of our friends here, too. There's no shade. It's just. I didn't know until I got to California that there's a California sober guy.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he has a raspy voice. I'll start there.

[Valerie]

I know. And I have known that growing up in California. Yeah. Because they're always yelling and they probably smoke, like, growing up or. They did at one point.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm trying. I'm trying.

[Valerie]

Growing up in California at a.

[Pete Holmes]

Was that. Was that over the line? That felt too sad. That he's like, I'm trying.

[Valerie]

No, he's just trying.

[Pete Holmes]

He's just trying to kick the butts.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

I. I grew up in a church that was like, you know, had, like, a recovery program. So I have known this type of person my entire life. And I do feel like they were always like, skaters.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Valerie]

But I guess that was the 90s, so maybe it was more modern. And then they just hit pause on that.

[Pete Holmes]

There were people like that at my church too, maybe. But they were. They were the Boston version of it, which was completely different, except the raspy boy. That. That intensity.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That like, ride or die, I'm in thing.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then would show up in that way as well. I was thinking in California, they're like named Twig or something. This twig. Yeah, it's my girl Rosetta. It's my son Do D W for Mountain Dew, though. But not my other son, Mellow Twig.

[Valerie]

It's.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm Twig. My real name's Nat.

[Valerie]

Their names are definitely Nat. It's not Twig, it's Nat. You found it. You found it.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, there's a real art to the good punk rock nickname Tim Armstrong from Rancid was Lint.

[Valerie]

Lint.

[Pete Holmes]

Isn't that perfect?

[Valerie]

Perfect lint. Well, it's very punk rock to be like, you know, it's like gross kind of words.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Or like even, like, gross sounding words.

[Pete Holmes]

There was a punk band in Boston because, look, I'm not here to represent pop punk culture. I'm just. I think you're.

[Valerie]

You're not here for that.

[Pete Holmes]

You're the queen of my life. I'm just saying there are people that take punk rock history very, very seriously. So I don't want to upset Boston, but I'm assuming that we got a lot of our sensibilities, you know, in the punk scene a little bit when I was young, from the West Coast. Sure. Meaning, like this trend of, like. Let's call our band, you know, Anyway, the one that Dipshits. Dipshits. Well, the one that comes to mind was Mung. And mung is the type of slobber around a rabid dog's mouth. That's called. It's mung.

[Valerie]

Gross.

[Pete Holmes]

It's also a bean.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it's also a bean. It's also a mung bean.

[Pete Holmes]

It's an office kind of joke. And apparently the mung is the type of, you know, slobber on the. On the rim of a. Of a rabid dog's chin. So. So Bean. It's like the channel change. So. So bean. Cut. That is a. That is a early. Before we overdid it. That would have been enough for an office testimonial joke. Oh, it's also a bean.

[Valerie]

And it's great.

[Pete Holmes]

Would you do it for your audition for the reboot of the Office?

[Valerie]

Okay. Just learn that Hmong is. Is actually.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you going to do it British?

[Valerie]

Oh, it's for the reboot of the.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, I liked it. I wanted to welcome you to do it however you wanted. Oh, no.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

But you can be Val, which I think would make it easier.

[Valerie]

Okay. And. And I am saying just exactly what you said.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, so here's what's happened.

[Valerie]

Okay?

[Pete Holmes]

The new Dwight, who's named Nat.

[Valerie]

Nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Says, like, I'm starting a new band and we're calling ourselves the Smegma. And then it cuts to you, and you explain the phenomenon that he's. That he's using.

[Valerie]

Do I have to explain what Smegma is?

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. Nobody wants you to explain what smegma is. When you go, the line starts. Apparently punk bands are usually named after something gross, like mung. Okay, that's the line. Are you ready?

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And action.

[Valerie]

Apparently, punk fans are.

[Pete Holmes]

That was very good.

[Valerie]

I got nervous.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I saw you. I almost feel like you psyched yourself out. I did, because you're Apparently. Was very good.

[Valerie]

Because I was also trying to remember what I was saying. Okay, I got it.

[Pete Holmes]

Apparently, punk bands are named after something gross, like mung is. And then you explain what.

[Valerie]

Okay, I got it. I'm ready.

[Pete Holmes]

And action.

[Valerie]

Apparently, punk bands are always named after something gross, like mung, which is the slobber from a rabid dog's mouth. It's also a bean.

[Pete Holmes]

No, if I was directing you, I'd ask for more of a pause.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

You want to try it again?

[Valerie]

I'm just doing. Taking it from the pause.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, we need it. We need those two married to each other.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Okay. Of course. No, no, you do it now.

[Pete Holmes]

I do want to try to do it, but I. There's also part of me that's like nobody. Apparently, punk bands are named after something like gross. Like Mung, I guess is one. Mung is the slobber. Unlike a rabid dog's mouth. Like that white stuff around a rabid dog's mouth. It's also a bean.

[Valerie]

A bean. That was good.

[Pete Holmes]

It wasn't.

[Valerie]

You did.

[Pete Holmes]

I also.

[Valerie]

You did the first. If you could marry your first party. Also a bean with my second part, so.

[Pete Holmes]

Bean.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I was reading the first part like I was reporting the news.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, look, no shade. No shade on some of the people that are on the office, but you did it as well as a lot of them, and a lot of them are wonderful actors. That struggle in the testimonial format.

[Valerie]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm not. I'm not naming names.

[Valerie]

No, I'm not naming any names.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not naming any names.

[Valerie]

We got to play the acting game with Leela. We went on a very sweet date for our anniversary.

[Pete Holmes]

Happy hamiversary. It's the year of the ham seven years, which is the pork year.

[Valerie]

It's the ham hock year.

[Pete Holmes]

The ham hock.

[Valerie]

And, yeah, Leela, that's. She got to go on the date. It was, like a very dorky, kind of cute thing where we all got dressed up and she came with us on the date, and we told her what we usually do on these dates is we play the acting game.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And the first one we had her do was pretend, like, accidentally touch her knife and then pretend like it was really hot.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And it was so cute.

[Pete Holmes]

And with the acting game, you start with, like, a downbeat. Like, you can't just touch the knife, so you have to be talking about something. And I went, well, you know, they say the secret to a really good peanut butter and jelly sandwich isn't actually the jelly. It's the little bit of honey.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. Right? And then we were like, Leela, you go. And she was like, peanut butter and jelly sandwich is a delicious sandwich. You make it. It's a peanut butter.

[Valerie]

The way you get it is you get the bread, and then you get the. She, like, did her own take on it.

[Pete Holmes]

And. And then every acting game after that, she only talked about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as her, like, her needed.

[Valerie]

It was just take. Take our word for it. Our kid is super cute.

[Pete Holmes]

Take it to the limit. You know what's. Oh, my God. Valerie, tomorrow is election day.

[Valerie]

No, Tuesday.

[Pete Holmes]

Tuesday, November 5th.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Everyone knows it's November 5th.

[Valerie]

Everybody knows.

[Pete Holmes]

So this is coming out November 6th.

[Valerie]

So we. No, this is coming out.

[Pete Holmes]

Tomorrow's the 4th.

[Valerie]

No, it's coming out Friday. We're just doing it early this week because you're going to be gone.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, this will be out the eighth.

[Valerie]

So by the time this comes out, we will know whom the president. Whom the president is. Who is it?

[Pete Holmes]

Tell us.

[Valerie]

You guys.

[Pete Holmes]

Guys, just tell us.

[Valerie]

Who is it?

[Pete Holmes]

Who was it?

[Valerie]

Who is it?

[Pete Holmes]

Tell us.

[Valerie]

Look, here's the thing.

[Pete Holmes]

We'll go to Vegas. We'll place a wager. We'll use the money for good. So just text us.

[Valerie]

Just text us from the future.

[Pete Holmes]

We need a real arrival, Amy Adams kind of thing.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So whisper in my ear at that party, who it is. I'll remember that future moment now. Go to Vegas, place the bet, win big, use the money for good.

[Valerie]

Just in case it doesn't go it. It didn't go the way that you want it to go. I will share that. My therapist and I were talking about this and she was saying your autonomy is like super important. I can't remember how she said it, but like, maintain your autonomy. So something a mantra you can say to yourself if the election went in a way that is stressing you out right now is I will not put my happiness and well being in the hands of these politicians.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you'll keep it.

[Valerie]

You get to keep it for yourself.

[Pete Holmes]

And if it did go your way, be like this. Happiness is not married to that outcome.

[Valerie]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

Either way, my own happiness.

[Valerie]

Either way you keep.

[Pete Holmes]

I am the Abada of my own contentment.

[Valerie]

So vote for jfk.

[Pete Holmes]

Vote for me. I will return at the time you need me the most. I told you that before I was guilt.

[Valerie]

Did he say that?

[Pete Holmes]

Absolutely not. Like a Jesus prophecy. I will return when you need me most.

[Valerie]

No, but I thought like he said that like not referring to his own death, like, I will be here when you need me the most.

[Pete Holmes]

Look to the sun in your time of need and my beautiful New England face will rise victorious.

[Valerie]

Thank you, Dallas.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I always go to look and I. The weird feeling we have, you guys are in the future. But the weird feeling we have, a friend of mine works on real time and we saw him last night and I was like, what do you think? And he was like, it seems like a real coin flip.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So that's a strange feeling. I always, and with everything go to the perhaps story. You know, you break your leg falling off your horse. That's bad luck. Perhaps. And then the next day the army comes to recruit you and you can't go or in the story it's actually the guy's son. But you see what I'm saying is we have to surrender knowing what we knowing, thinking that we can control the world. And really the best thing is to admit that we don't know what's going on and what's going to happen and there's some peace there. So hopefully we're saying this to a lot of happy people.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm not pre recording this, like, because I'm feeling pessimistic. It's just, it just seems like we should mention it. And probably you guys are probably like, why aren't they mentioning it?

[Valerie]

Right. But it is, it is fun to record this for people who are on the other side of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And it's like a time capsule.

[Valerie]

Here we go.

[Pete Holmes]

Only for four days, right? Yeah.

[Valerie]

Either way, you can just be like, here we go.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Valerie]

All right.

[Pete Holmes]

Hoping for the best. I'll be in Boston.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is going to be super weird.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought of that, too, but whatever.

[Valerie]

Well, in the meantime, go ahead and keep it crispy, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Crispy, baby. Keep it crispy.