We Made It Weird #199

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Episode #199 Release Date: November 22, 2024

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Introduction In Episode #199 of You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes, host Pete Holmes delves deep into personal emotions, family dynamics, and the interplay between mental health and creativity. Co-host Valerie Tosi joins him to explore these themes with humor, introspection, and relatable anecdotes.

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1. Navigating Personal Exhaustion and Emotional States

Feeling Depleted Pete opens up about his current emotional state, expressing feelings of depletion and being "spent." This candid admission sets the tone for a heartfelt conversation about managing internal struggles while maintaining outward composure.

• [10:22] Pete Holmes: "My issue right now is I'm just feeling my pain body, which is just a fancy way of saying the sound of my pain is I'm not supported. Right. Or I'm depleted. I don't... I'm done. I don't have it. I'm spent."

Understanding Mood Fluctuations Valerie relates by sharing her own experiences with anxiety, particularly during the fall season, drawing parallels with Pete's feelings.

• [17:05] Valerie Tosi: "I love all mistakes, especially, like, speech mistakes. And the closer the person is to me, the funnier it is."

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2. The Impact of Seasons on Mental Well-being

Fall vs. Summer Both Pete and Valerie discuss their preference for the fall season over summer, highlighting how different times of the year can significantly influence their moods and energy levels.

• [18:01] Pete Holmes: "I don't really like summer, as we've discussed. It's Fast and the Furious. It's Vin Diesel and a blue Dodge Charger."

• [19:21] Valerie Tosi: "Everything I've been writing lately somehow comes down to how beautiful it is that leaves are at their most beautiful right before they die."

Seasonal Anxiety Valerie mentions experiencing heightened anxiety during the fall, a sentiment Pete acknowledges and connects to their shared Ayurvedic constitution.

• [20:14] Valerie Tosi: "There's a fire hose... it's a fire hose of energy."

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3. Family Dynamics and Communication Challenges

Breaking Down Communication Barriers Pete shares his struggles with communicating effectively with his mother, highlighting how familial relationships can often be fraught with misunderstandings and projections.

• [44:33] Pete Holmes: "I'm telling you this so we can maybe work on it and learn to connect and communicate differently."

Projection and Guilt Pete illustrates how his mother's responses to his attempts at communication often involve projecting her own frustrations, making it difficult for genuine connection.

• [45:22] Pete Holmes: "She goes, 'you sound just like your father. Your father's always telling me I'm negative.'"

Positive Family Interactions Conversely, Pete recounts a positive conversation with an aunt, demonstrating that meaningful connections within extended family can offer solace and affirmation.

• [49:57] Pete Holmes: "We were able to, like, laugh about our family. And also when I can connect with someone in my family... I know I wasn't some wicked little shit that just can't connect."

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4. Therapeutic Insights and Personal Growth

Therapy Breakthroughs Pete discusses insights from therapy, particularly how childhood experiences shape his current relationships and need for control.

• [25:19] Pete Holmes: "I'm recognizing in therapy that so much... it's all a carryover from being a kid trying to control how my family felt."

Surrendering to Emotions The conversation shifts to the importance of accepting negative emotions instead of resisting them, advocating for self-compassion and understanding.

• [32:21] Pete Holmes: "It's just surrendering. It's just... It's surrendering."

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5. Creativity Influenced by Emotional Turmoil

The Relationship Between Anxiety and Creativity Pete and Valerie explore the notion that emotional struggles, such as anxiety and depression, may fuel creative processes, a common theme among many artists and creatives.

• [24:35] Valerie Tosi: "Is do we need shame and fear and anxiety and depression and dysfunction to be creative?"

• [25:35] Valerie Tosi: "I mean, I think we have a lot of reason to think that because most artists and successful people in art are. Have been that way."

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6. Comedic Analysis: The Pirate Table Scenario

Dissecting Fictional Scenarios In a lighthearted segment, Pete and Valerie humorously analyze a hypothetical pirate scenario involving gold coins on a table, showcasing their unique comedic chemistry.

• [51:43] Valerie Tosi: "What made me think of it was the table, actually. And then I was like, who put in the gold? And how."

• [54:25] Valerie Tosi: "And jewels."

• [55:14] Pete Holmes: "There's fires. You're just letting your freak flag fly, literally. And you're getting all the coins."

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7. Embracing Imperfections and Personal Acceptance

Self-Compassion Towards the end, Pete and Valerie emphasize the importance of being gentle with oneself, especially during challenging times, encouraging listeners to embrace their feelings without judgment.

• [56:03] Valerie Tosi: "Be gentle with yourself."

• [58:00] Pete Holmes: "Go feel how you feel. Meet yourself where you are and enjoy your holiday."

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Notable Quotes

• [10:22] Pete Holmes: "My issue right now is I'm just feeling my pain body, which is just a fancy way of saying the sound of my pain is I'm not supported. Right. Or I'm depleted. I don't... I'm done. I don't have it. I'm spent."

• [24:35] Valerie Tosi: "Do we need shame and fear and anxiety and depression and dysfunction to be creative?"

• [32:21] Pete Holmes: "It's just surrendering. It's just... It's surrendering."

• [56:03] Valerie Tosi: "Be gentle with yourself."

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Conclusion

Episode #199 of You Made It Weird offers a profound exploration of personal emotions, the complexities of family relationships, and the intricate dance between mental health and creativity. Through honest dialogue and shared experiences, Pete Holmes and Valerie Tosi provide listeners with both introspection and laughter, embodying the essence of embracing one's "weirdness" in all its forms.

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Note: This summary intentionally omits advertisement segments and non-content sections to focus solely on the meaningful discussions and insights shared during the episode.

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

You made it with. You made it with. You made it with. Oh, yeah, you made it with. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Valerie Tosi]

What's happening, weirdos?

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening? I'm glad you're here. I know I say this every time, but this is a very nice one. I like this one very much. Yeah, Little chill.

[Valerie Tosi]

Little chill. Little cozy fall. Cozy fall vibes. Little.

[Pete Holmes]

Some good therapy stuff, I think.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Some really good kind of breakthroughs and things that we've been learning. And, you know, here they are for free.

[Valerie Tosi]

For free.

[Pete Holmes]

What I mean is go ahead and.

[Valerie Tosi]

Have to pay for it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But sidle up, take a chair in my therapy and see if you can garner some Jennifer from it. And I think you will. And I'm really glad. And some good laughs as well. Oh, we didn't finish this. Rip Uranus. You'll hear. You'll never get back to it. Yeah, but we do get back to all the other rifts. Val, I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad everybody is here. Thank you to everybody who came to Largo last night. I'm currently on the. Well, not currently, but I am touring. And the next tour dates are Indianapolis, I believe. Oh, it's not loading. There it is. Indianapolis. Yep. The Next Largo is December 11th, followed by Seattle on December 19th. December 20th, filming my next special in Portland at the Aladdin Theater. The early show sold out. I believe there's still tickets to the late show. And then Salt Lake City was just announced. Wise Guys at the Comedy Cafe. And then Phoenix, Arizona. So go to PeteHomes.com for all of those. We'll be adding more dates as well and hope to see you out on the road. In the meantime, the show is supported by the Pete's Picks. We call them Pete's Picks because these are ads for things that I actually like and actually use. So they're genuine and authentic. And if you need a good gift idea, I suggest getting one of these for somebody that you care about. Katie Rowlett.

[Katie Rowlett]

Pardon the interruption, weirdos. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Element lmnt, which has replaced my morning coffee for a year now. More. It is unbelievable. It's a way to jumpstart your day with optimum hydration. What does that mean? Hydration isn't just drinking water. It's water and electrolytes. If you grew up in the 90s, that meant a flat soda, like a non carbonated soda that was called a sports drink. Well, now we have a no BS no sugar. Basically five calorie, meaning you can drink it while you're fasting. Electrolyte, potassium, magnesium, sodium. Super drink called LMNT Element. It is unbelievable. It makes you feel fantastic. Jumpstarts your day, jump starts, your brain, jumpstarts your body, gets rid of that fatigue, gets rid of those cramps, gets rid of that brain fog. For me, because I find flooding my system with healthy hydration, not just water, but the minerals that we need to supplement that hydration and get it into your cells is optimum for performance. It is a life hack. It's wonderful.

[Pete Holmes]

Hot.

[Katie Rowlett]

Now that we're in the winter months, I love their chocolate salt flavor. Put hot water in it. That's it. It's also incredible when you're fasting. So many times I'm tempted to break a fast and I will have an element and boom, I'm done. My body was just craving hydration. It was craving some sodium. And they also have the element sparkling, which is a bold 16 ounce can of sparkling electrolyte water. Put them in your fridge and just.

[Pete Holmes]

See how they last.

[Katie Rowlett]

Friends love them. They take them. They never last on set.

[Pete Holmes]

That's.

[Katie Rowlett]

It's an amazing, amazing beverage. If Element doesn't exceed your expectations, they have a no questions asked refund policy. You don't even have to send it back. So support your body. Support this show with optimum hydration. Sugar free, delicious watermelon. Salt is my favorite. Go to drinklmnt.com weird. You'll get a free sample pack, which is about a $15 value. A free sample pack with any purchase. That's drinklmnt.com weird. We're also brought to us by our friends at the Perfect Jean. It's the winter months. I'm. Of course I'm wearing them. Of course I'm wearing my perfect jeans because I'm always wearing my perfect jeans. Why? Because they look fantastic and they're so comfortable you might forget you're wearing pants. No joke. They're like sweatpants. They're like designer sweatpants or PJ bottoms. Basically. I wore the perfect jeans. I just was at the best Christmas pageant ever premiere. I wore perfect jeans.

[Pete Holmes]

Why? Because of course I did.

[Katie Rowlett]

Because they're comfortable, but they're also red carpet ready. They look fantastic. They're incredibly well made. They last forever. I'm talking about the fabric, I'm talking about the buttons, I'm talking about everything about them. And they feel smooth as butter. They got a little bit of stretch from 2% spandex, 2.5% rayon and they're warm in the winter, cool in the summer. They breathe. They don't crush your nuts. High quality. What else do you need to know if you want to support this show? And I hope you do, try the perfect jeans for yourself or for a friend, maybe for the holidays. Whatever you want as a gift. 15% off when you use code BABYBUNS15. It's finally time to stop crushing your balls in uncomfortable jeans by going to ThePerfectJean NYC. Weirdos get 15% off your first order, plus free shipping, free returns, and free exchanges. When you use code BABY BUNS15 at checkout, that's 15% off to new customers at ThePerfectGene NYC with promo code BABYBUNS15. After you purchase, they'll ask how you heard about them. Tell them that we sent you. You made it weird. Sent you to ThePerfectGene NYC. Please support our show. Support your body. Support your looks, the look of your lower body, and tell them we sent you your khakis. And get the perfect gene. All right, everybody.

[Pete Holmes]

So glad you're here.

[Valerie Tosi]

Valerie, get into it.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to roll on this because I think this is funny. I. Hello.

[Valerie Tosi]

Hello.

[Pete Holmes]

Welcome. Wait, that's. This. This isn't the intro. We just did the intro.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. So we already welcomed.

[Pete Holmes]

This is the episode.

[Valerie Tosi]

Urine.

[Pete Holmes]

Urine.

[Valerie Tosi]

Urine.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you say Uranus or Uranus? Because either way it's either an ass or a pee pee.

[Valerie Tosi]

Uranus. I never thought of that. I would never say Uranus and miss that opportunity for Uranus. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, I'd like to think. No, I do think.

[Katie Rowlett]

By the way, off mic, I was.

[Pete Holmes]

Saying, I'm just like. I thought this would be an interesting episode because I'm just feeling really depleted and in a mood. And we've had episodes like this before. I started kind of talking about what it feels like to be in a mood. And that's very interesting to me because, you know, so much of specifically what I do is, you know, going on stage and presenting a certain aspect of myself, like finding, you know, and that's beautiful. It's like giving someone a tour of your house and you show them the best room.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're like, you want to see the entertainment center? There's leather couches and there's a walk in humidor. And you're like, this is my new hour. Everyone's like, that's cool. And then like the podcast, as we've said many times, because we do it in real time. Like, we're recording this on Friday. We'll Release it today, probably right. You're getting like real.

[Valerie Tosi]

The real deal.

[Pete Holmes]

You're seeing the attic where there's like just a skeleton in an old wedding dress. And I go, I open the door, this little door, like a half door. And then you peek your head in and you see the skeleton in the wedding dress. And. And at that exact moment. Because this is just how skeletons and wedding dresses are.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The jaw falls off. You knew it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, totally.

[Pete Holmes]

Who did that first? Well, what could a skeleton do?

[Valerie Tosi]

That is like, it can't wave. Right. That's the only way I sail.

[Pete Holmes]

But I mean, somebody had to figure it out. Somebody figured it out.

[Valerie Tosi]

I mean, I know like in Coco there's like a jaw guy. But like, I know I. Oh, there's.

[Pete Holmes]

A lot of jaw jokes in Coco.

[Valerie Tosi]

But I know, like that I saw that in the 80s and 90s.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, I was born at the end of the 80s, so I. Probably not.

[Pete Holmes]

You didn't see it in the 80s.

[Valerie Tosi]

Didn't see it in the 80s.

[Pete Holmes]

Unless there was an in flight movie when you were flying home from the hospital.

[Valerie Tosi]

Exactly. And you were like, wow, flying home from the hospital?

[Pete Holmes]

People fly. In the 80s, everyone. Airports were birthing centers.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

Because there was a. This is not going to make any sense because you barely remember. Yeah, but in the 80s. So you're the tail end. The 80s. If you wanted to have a baby, you couldn't do it in your state because there's this thing where if like a mother bear has a baby, it will kill all the animals around because it'll think it's not safe. So you're like, do it somewhere else.

[Valerie Tosi]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Then bring it home. And then the. In the air, the death wish melts away. And that's why it's called the friendly skies.

[Valerie Tosi]

Wow. Okay. Well, I can't disprove it because I was born in 89.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you barely. Well, I was born in the 70s. I don't even want to tell you.

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't know. I don't even want to tell you what airports were in the 70s.

[Pete Holmes]

You're fun. Yes, go on.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. So this is the skeleton.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, we were saying Coco.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just don't know why I know I have the reference. Like, I've seen skeletons drop jaw. Drop drop jaw, drop jaw.

[Pete Holmes]

Drop jaw.

[Valerie Tosi]

But I can't think of any specific examples of that.

[Pete Holmes]

Except I think it's because it's like, you know, it's. It's so obvious. Of course.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, I guess that's true.

[Pete Holmes]

If Indiana Jones. Well, maybe not. I don't know. But if somebody lesser than Indiana Jones, I think Stevie Spiel is going to be able to come up with something better than the job. But if you're in kind of like a basic bitch movie.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And there's a skeleton and they're walking around, maybe there's a table with coins, gold coins all over it. That jaw is going to crack. And I mean, it's the one to beat.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It could just fall. It's a little too big right now. It's like, what was that? Is there a breeze? Is there?

[Valerie Tosi]

Who's moving the treasure into those treasured valor?

[Pete Holmes]

Can I just say that question has. What you just said was like, it turned my mood. I'm not gonna say all the way around.

[Valerie Tosi]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

That would be three quarters of the way around. Just that you said something. Because my issue. And we're gonna get to that, and we're gonna get back to Uranus. But my issue right now is I'm just feeling my pain body, which is just a fancy way of saying the sound of my pain is I'm not supported. Right. Or I'm depleted. I don't. I'm done. I don't have it. I'm spent.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's kind of how I feel today. And when I live with my bff. You bff? That's your wife. Sidebar.

[Valerie Tosi]

Who's that guy?

[Pete Holmes]

Bff.

[Valerie Tosi]

Never met that cowboy.

[Pete Holmes]

That is your wife. We're going to get to the gold coins and a lot of. Lot of.

[Valerie Tosi]

A lot of threads. But fine.

[Pete Holmes]

But yesterday when we were talking about. I want to say this on the record because here we are. You're being my best friend, my BFF that I have. And you F me. Let's be real.

[Valerie Tosi]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

I just want to be fair. Fair and balanced. We were talking last night. That it. This is. I was. One of my favorite categories of game is what is something that you believe that you can't substantiate, you can't defend, but in your gut, you just believe it. And you wouldn't necessarily say it publicly. And this is one of those things. If the feature of your relationship, if, like, the style that you're going for in your relationship is that they don't interfere with your life. Like, you still can go to Burning man alone. A lot of people do that. I just mean, like, I still have my routine.

[Valerie Tosi]

We've all had this friend that's like. It's great because, like, she's got her own thing.

[Pete Holmes]

I have my own Thing.

[Valerie Tosi]

And like.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's the headlining attribute of the relationship.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right. Because you do want some.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course. Of course. That's one. It's cilantro. Yes, it's cilantro.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's cilantro.

[Pete Holmes]

It's cilantro.

[Valerie Tosi]

And the guac, it's garnish.

[Pete Holmes]

But the avocado is. Get me with that person. That's the avocado.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So the belief is if the main feature. The first thing you tell me about your relationship is that the person lets you have your life and they have their own life. That's not a girlfriend. That's not a relationship. That's a friend. You have a friend.

[Valerie Tosi]

You're not a relationship person. And that's okay.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's okay. Well, because we're saying this publicly, we have to buffer it with more like. And that's okay. And I'm even gonna say. Of course I'm joking. I'm thinking of a dear friend of mine who only dates in that fashion.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just saying, if you want to speak from a more honest and full, well rounded place, the way that I do. Relationship is not that I'm going for the PB&J model. We in there.

[Valerie Tosi]

We're all mixed up.

[Pete Holmes]

There's J in my P. There's B in your J. And the bread is our life. And we're smushed and we're in there. And I'm savory and fatty and you're sweet and fruity. And now we're something new. Now we're a hit. Now we're a global hit. We're in lunchboxes everywhere. Millions per day. And some people are, like, going for that. Like, more of like a. Like a Japanese where it's compartmentalized. Like, the rice is here.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes. And the little.

[Pete Holmes]

I like it. I like it. If you can have your BFF adjusting the people to people. Justin. A Bieber di Bibble. My favorite pop star is Justin. The people, the people. A Bieber da Bibble. It really was a Bibba da Bibble.

[Valerie Tosi]

It was like a true porky.

[Pete Holmes]

The thing. It was great. You were like a Bieber da Biba da Bibble. That. And it's not all. Because we don't know what you're trying to say.

[Valerie Tosi]

I was just trying to say a bento box.

[Pete Holmes]

A bento box. Hit it. Hit it. A bento box. Some people are going for bento.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Some people want bento box. We want. No. What do we want? We want.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

We want a teriyaki bowl. But, like, all mixed in.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. PB and J. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I just. I'm in need of bits. This could be a bit.

[Valerie Tosi]

I love mistakes when it's. Me, too.

[Pete Holmes]

No, you love all mistakes.

[Valerie Tosi]

I love all mistakes. Like, I would say I love all mistakes, especially, like, speech mistakes. And the closer the person is to me, the funnier it is.

[Pete Holmes]

So if it's you.

[Valerie Tosi]

So if it's me and it's. And that. It's that feeling where, like, I'm not getting a connection between my brain and my mouth.

[Pete Holmes]

I'd also like to point out that that little stammer was not funny. It was heartbreaking because now we're all like, no, like, we've already. You know what I mean? Wasn't that interesting?

[Valerie Tosi]

It's not gonna happen.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't get me started on stammers. I just have a big heart for that. I can't handle it. Cause talking is so, I guess, important to me and vital to me. But I also. King's speech, when he gets. When he conquers his.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. You like that movie?

[Pete Holmes]

I love that movie.

[Valerie Tosi]

Really? I would. I loved that movie, too, but I would have guessed.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm guessing today.

[Valerie Tosi]

I love that movie.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, because it's. It's. That's. Okay. So this is. Goes back to the Joker. I don't like the Joker because it's just a stammer. The whole movie.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

King's speech is like, here's a stammer, Here's a problem.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And here's a true story of triumph. Do you know what I'm saying? Don't get me started. Life is so fucking hard. It's a slog. It's all stodged up. It's difficult.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, today it is.

[Pete Holmes]

I think we're going into the holiday. We all. I'm going to say it. We all want to be in the holiday already. I want to be fucking off calendar. I want to be off grid. I don't want to be doing stuff.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm doing stuff.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's fine. And I'll. I'll be fine doing stuff later. But, like, I'm just feeling like, can it just be. Can I be full of stuffing?

[Valerie Tosi]

Now I'm remembering. So we've been talking and relating over how the. During the fall. It really is so poetic, like, the way that the fall gets windy and, like, almost destructive in the, like, you know, the streets are covered with twigs and leaves and, you know, oh, it's seasonal. How much? It's usually that's how I feel inside. And we've been talking about, like, I.

[Pete Holmes]

Know it's literally seasonal. I meant that's us. That's like our seasons. Literally seasonal.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's a season.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a season.

[Valerie Tosi]

Falls a season. Falls a season.

[Pete Holmes]

You're peaking. I like it, though, but I'm peaking. You're Laura. Peking Laura peak on the show last night.

[Valerie Tosi]

So funny. She's so funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Trump impression is over. I'm going to hit pause on the tea impression for a couple months.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, yeah. That could also be why we feel kind of weird.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. There's a chunk funk in the dunk. There's, you know, the election and then the seasons and just kind of like. And also to your point, it's Tim Burton on the ground out there.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, but that's what I was going to say is you and I have been talking about. Remember before today, we've just been talking about how good we feel, how manic, kind of in like the best way we feel. And this is like what happens. I get this way every fall and then I'm sort of always surprised by it, but it's the same energy. Like, I know you're feeling depleted, so it's maybe a little different, but for me, I'm feeling, like, anxious this morning in a way that I haven't probably since last fall.

[Pete Holmes]

I hope you're wrong because you and I were talking about we met on December. Whatever.

[Valerie Tosi]

First.

[Pete Holmes]

First. Sorry. I was gonna say second.

[Valerie Tosi]

It might have been second.

[Pete Holmes]

Honestly, no. Around there.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you and I are both. What is our Ayurvedic.

[Valerie Tosi]

We're Kafa. Kafa.

[Pete Holmes]

Jimmy Kafa.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So we're both leading the Indian Union. And we're Jimmy Kaffa.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No, that's nothing. Some guy laughed. Some guy listening. Laughed.

[Valerie Tosi]

I didn't get this.

[Pete Holmes]

Jimmy Hoffa.

[Valerie Tosi]

Nope.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Doesn't matter. So you and I have an expansion. This is one of the most reliable things in the world is like, I'm not. What was the season before this? Summer.

[Valerie Tosi]

Summer.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. I don't really like summer, as we've discussed. It's Fast and the Furious. It's Vin Diesel and a blue Dodge Charger. It's so obvious. Everyone's hitting a volleyball. There's an ice cold Coke and a bucket of ice. I don't fucking like it. I like fall. I want to see some overcast skies. I want jackets, I want to get in the car and I want that raw feeling to wash over my face of just sort of like a. And I want to Go home and have an excuse to bundle up and all that shit. But it also looks more like me. A fall day can have a gloriously sunny moment.

[Valerie Tosi]

And, like, the leaves are bright and beautiful, but guess what? They're close to death.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. They're beautiful because they're dying. And that is everything you need to know about an enneagram 4 is. You're like, that's beautiful. And it's informed by the fact that it's beautiful because it's dying. And summer's like, it's always gonna be this way. Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Tomorrow's gonna be the same. Yeah. Yeah. And then fall comes in, is like, step aside, Butch.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Fiction.

[Valerie Tosi]

Okay. Yeah. No, I like that, too, though. Like, everything I've been writing lately somehow comes down to how beautiful it is that leaves are at their most beautiful right before they die.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Like, I do. I do take comfort in that. But there is a sort of mania like. Like, energy surge that I think both of us get in the fall.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie Tosi]

And.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that's where we were going.

[Valerie Tosi]

Even, like, it's like a fire hose. You've described things like this before, where you're like, if you direct it towards, like, your creativity, that's fantastic. I often direct it towards, like, event planning. That's also great.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

But then there's sort of like, if. If it's not directed at something, it can just shoot all over. And I think it's the same energy of this anxiety that I feel. It's just like the other side of it.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what's interesting? This actually ties perfectly into the one thing. I was doing the dishes this morning. I was like, what is the one thing I wanted to share? And I was very interested in this phenomenon. And believe me, it has to do with what you're talking about. Something about the cold and the death and the dying and the mania that kind of almost contrasts it or, like, comes up in spite of it. Anyway, you tell me if you see a connection. I had this audition. I didn't talk about this last week, did I? I had an audition. I don't think so. And it went really well. And that is. You know, that's not always the case. This might be a snooze, but it's almost over. As an actor and a performer of any type, so much of my job is to show up, even for this podcast. Like, I deliberately wait to have my coffee, and I feel a million times better. So I've demanded a certain emotional state and delivered it. And that's your job. Very hard to do with an audition. You know, it's in the middle of it sometimes, like 3:00, and it's over. Zoom and all this sort of stuff. But what happened was it went really, really well.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I can't say I know exactly why it went really well, but I think very strongly that it had something to do with the fact that about an hour before the audition, I had a phone call with my manager and another creative partner, and my manager made a mistake, and I, you know, sort of corrected it. Needed to be correct. I needed to call out that a mistake had been made there. There had been a misunderstanding. And, like, I remember. Here's a poll quote from that conversation. I was like, if we can just adjust our perspective on this project. It's not this. We're not like, bah. It's this. We're doing that. Like. Like, I needed to, like, rewrite the mission statement for the team to reframe. But that is kind of like. There's a. There's a confrontation in that.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. And I think you felt a little. Just ignited.

[Pete Holmes]

I was ignited, but that's part of it. But then I also feel incredible amounts of. Even if it's totally appropriate and even done in kindness or, you know, kindly, there's no, like, you. Fuck it. There's none of that. But there is like a. Hold on. You've said that before. We need to sever that idea from this. That has nothing to do with this. So using kind of like fierce language.

[Valerie Tosi]

It was assertive.

[Pete Holmes]

It was assertive. It reminded me of what I'm sure our friends listening that work in corporate structures that are bosses and supervisors. So most people, even if you work in a coffee shop, there's a supervisor that goes like, hey, fucking stop that. I had to do kind of like a. I'm supervising this project and I. And this is wrong.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And like, please don't lead off on a meeting when that's not the meeting. It was kind of like that.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So even recreating that flares up this sort of like. But I'm a good boy.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Then I had a fantastic audition, and I think that unresolved tension. I literally was thinking, I was like, is this what the dark arts are doing? Like, did the, like, oh, my God, do they do something wicked? Is there something about shame that can activate creativity? Like, I'm sure the John Belushis and stuff, or the Farleys even. You know, there's the bender and there's the wildness. And then, like, when you're on stage and you're shining. It's almost corrective to kind of like tap dance to make up for the.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

For the shame that they're feeling. It's not healthy. But I felt conflicted that I had confronted my manager and then I had an incredible audition. I don't think it's unrelated.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, I don't think so. It's like the age old, at least on this podcast adage of the like pulling the bow back and the tension. You know, like getting the tension before so that you have more precise. To go forward.

[Pete Holmes]

Precisely.

[Valerie Tosi]

But that is sort of the age old. I said age old instantly. I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

You're full of mistakes today. I'm loving them.

[Valerie Tosi]

I haven't had coffee because I've been anxious. So this is my brain on adaptogens. But it's. It's that question of like, does do we need shame and fear and anxiety and depression and dysfunction to be creative? Just because. I mean, I think we have a lot of reason to think that because most artists and successful people in art are. Have been that way. Have some of those afflictions.

[Pete Holmes]

And it goes back to my childhood. I was realizing, I'm recognizing in therapy that so much when I talk about controlling moods and being a comedian and trying to control how people feel, it's all a carryover from being a kid trying to control how my family felt.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm realizing now that that led to some magical thinking. Some certain. I'm not saying I thought if I. Like for me, magical thinking sounds like if I touch this stone, my mom will be happy. It wasn't that. That's very magical. But it's subtly magical. If I do this or behave this way or do that, I can make my mother happy or I can make my parents as a couple happy. When really that was as random as all the moods. It was a weather system.

[Valerie Tosi]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

But then I realized I'm still doing it. Sometimes, like currently I'm in a really nice place with my family and I'll catch myself wanting to send them a nice text or something. And I said to you. I was like. It was like an aha moment. I was like, I think I have this carryover feeling where I'm like, if they're doing well and I text them, it will create the illusion that my text made them feel well, like I'm controlling it. It'll give me a sense of control.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's like retroactive. It's very darling really, that like we think even something that is happening, it's like, if we can get jump on this bandwagon, then that means that we made it happen.

[Pete Holmes]

I think there's something deeply interesting and profound about this that I don't want just my family to be getting along. I mean, my mom, dad, and myself and my brother. I want to be the one that made it happen. Otherwise it's just a random. It's like it's raining, but the sun.

[Valerie Tosi]

Came out and it could be undone at any moment. And I'm like, yeah, so I'm still.

[Pete Holmes]

There was a real breakthrough in therapy. I was like, you know, this isn't unique to my family. All families kind of have their mythology and have their sort of trance. That's a very common thing we've talked about. You go home and see your family. It's like someone hands you the script and you play your part. But there's like all these beliefs and stuff. Sorry, we're just getting a lot of nose breathing off of you.

[Katie Rowlett]

I didn't want to teach you something.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, well, I didn't want you to think.

[Valerie Tosi]

Sorry, I'm a nose breather.

[Pete Holmes]

I love your. I call that your movie breath when you're listening or watching. So anyway, the breakthrough in therapy was I was like, my family is a little bit like that room in the Haunted Mansion in Disneyland where the ghosts are dancing. And I realize I'm finally having these breakthroughs in therapy where I'm like, it's not dance better. You know what I mean?

[Valerie Tosi]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

It's ghosts dancing. It's stuck. It's literally like the Haunted Mansion. It's a projector, right? And it's so. I don't mean literal ghosts. It's like the ghosts in that ride, it's just. They're just doing the dance and they're circling. They're just on these circling things, right? And it's been the same for 50 years. And I keep thinking, I'm a grown ass man. And I keep thinking maybe if I do like a cha cha cha or.

[Valerie Tosi]

Whatever, and like, maybe I can get them do a Charleston. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I know this kind of sounds out of nowhere, but I was excited to share this. The idea. It's like, what are you going for? This idea that you could make? Let's say my mom says, I'm only happy when I'm with you. That's like this burden. But I can't think of my mom making an apple pie and just like singing in the kitchen and the sunlight and she's just arranging flowers and just being like, what a lovely day. I'M just so happy. Like, that wasn't on the menu.

[Valerie Tosi]

It was never her.

[Pete Holmes]

And yet this is my. This is my ghost circle. Like, all of those movies where someone's just doing something, or stories where someone's just doing. It's Sisyphusian, you know, I'm just stuck in a thing, aiming for something that never existed. That it's always just been what it is. And I know I said it last week, but, like, I wrote it on the mirror. I haven't written something on my mirror in a while. I wrote, don't get upset hearing something you already knew. And I'm just like. That's just another way of being like, yeah, this is. This is what it is. This is my mother's temperament. That's how it. What am I going for?

[Valerie Tosi]

Like, right. This is who she is. And also, we can, you know, you can't control another person. And. But it is resisting. It's resisting reality. It always comes down to that. That's where suffering is. What's funny is when we do it to ourselves, too, where we're like. Even this morning when I felt anxious being like, ah. I'm like, why am I like this? I should be. I thought I was maybe a not anxious person again, you know, which is true. I'm not an anxious person. Like, I am a person who experiences anxiety from time to time. But that's always been on the menu. That's on the menu. And, like, and it. It's, you know, I. That not to say that that's not workable and that there. It's gotten less frequent and I know what to do and all of that, like, because it's me. And we have more control over ourselves than we do over other people. It still is funny, that, like, surprise element. And that's always a sign that I'm resisting reality when I'm just like, wait, what? I'm anxious.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Well, that's how I feel today. This, like, depleted, sort of like my. Again going back to my pain body. But we're having the same conversation. I'm hearing what you're saying because I'm realizing today, feeling depleted, feeling like I'm starting to get sick, wanting to just be on break. But, like, still, you know, we did Largo last night. I'm enjoying this podcast very much. But, like, also in the back of my mind, there's like, 15 things to do today. And I'm like, I don't want to.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, fucking done.

[Pete Holmes]

And, like, it's that feeling of, like, when you have a piece of toast. And you're trying to put butter on it, but there's no butter on the knife. There's like very little. And you just spread thin. I mean, we have an expression for it. Spread thin.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Age old adage.

[Pete Holmes]

The age old adage. But I see it as the toast and the bread. But anyway, to your point, the cope with it today has been like, yeah, we've felt this way before. Yeah, we'll feel this way again.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Just feels a little bit more grown up. Instead of going like, let's change this feeling. We talk about this all the time. Is just going like, yeah, this is what it is. I'm having one of those days where there's some sadness and the anger that's protecting the sadness and just sort of like a depleted like, oh, God, I'm. I'm fucking toast. Just being like, no, you're not. That's fucking fine.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Not in a mean way, but like, no, it's not even. Shut up. It's just like, yeah, all right. Like you with your anxiety.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right, exactly. It's. It's surrendering. It's just. It's. I mean. Yeah. And. And also getting to a point where it's like a familiar friend. You know, you're just like, that's the key. You yelled so and so. Get over here.

[Pete Holmes]

It's funny because, you know, I wrote about this in the book. It was my book, the good episode thing. And if I was watching a show where someone was in this part of their pattern even flaring up and then kind of getting a little low, and like, I swear, other years, I've said to you, like, this is the year. I'm a Christmas guy. I'm excited about all of it. And then I'm like, I hope I can make good on that. Like, I want to really enjoy the holiday for me. No, I know. Yeah, but it's. But if that. If this was an episode of tv, I'd be like, this is. This is familiar. This is that old chestnut. It's Tony Soprano in his robe, looking really tired in the morning, getting his orange juice. Meaning that it's like a trope and looking at your own patterns. Yeah, as tropes.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah. And just as like it. There's comfort in. Often there's shame in the. Like, I'm back here again. But, like, can. Can I shift that into a comfort of like, yeah, I'm back here again. I've been here before. And I'll. You know that I know how to see my way out. It's a familiar place.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, totally. Well let's go to the mids here Midis it is that gift giving season. So if you're like me and you sometimes struggle with getting gifts for some of not you and Leela obviously but you know a pizza pic, great little gift, support the show and give some cheer. So these are real things that we really like and really enjoy. So Katie, roll that beautiful bean footage.

[Katie Rowlett]

This episode is brought to us by our friends at Apollo. Of course I'm wearing my Apollo Neuro right now. Apollo Neuro is a piece of wearable tech that sends almost sub perceptual depending on the setting you put it on. I have it nice and low that you almost don't even really feel. But your body senses specifically your nervous system interprets these vibrations that the Apollo sends out. This is science back this is not woo woo. And interprets it that your body is being held, that it's being calmed down. It's basically a wearable hug for your nervous system. Developed by a board certified, excuse me, certified psychiatrist and a neuroscientist who have been studying the impacts of chronic stress in humanity in humans for nearly 15 years. Apollo's effects on stress, sleep, cognitive performance and recovery have been proven in multiple clinical trials and real world studies. And you can get 40 bucks off and support our show by going to ApolloNeuro.com weird and using promo code weird. It can help you focus. It can help you sleep. It really is wonderful for sleep, help you wind down. If I'm in the car and I realize I'm just stressed, there's literally a setting called calm that just sort of establishes a rhythm on your body and gently lulls you back to the state that you want to be in. It can be worn on the wrist or the ankle. Apollo Neuro is like finding the fuse box for your emotions basically energy social clear and focus. Rebuild and recover. Unwind, fall asleep. A chemical free way to lull yourself asleep and to stay asleep. Because it's smart. It actually will rerun the program while you're asleep, helping you stay asleep. It's a game changer. Go to ApolloNeuro.com weird and use promo code weird for 40 bucks off. That's a P O L L O n u r o.com weird use promo code weird. We're also brought to us by our friends at Roosevelt. If you've seen me on TV lately, whether it was a late night show after midnight, whatever it might have been, I am most likely wearing a Roosevelt shirt because they are an Apparel brand that I absolutely adore. They have a passion for pop culture and Americana and also just some classic designs that look fantastic, feel fantastic button down shirts that I actually don't mind wearing. If you've been seeing me perform live lately, I'm wearing a Roosevelt's. The team at Roosevelt's have designed bold, fun designs that have unique, rad concepts. They are. They have something for everybody. They have Big Lebowski prints. They have Star wars prints, Disney, Nickelodeon. Conversation starters. Having a hard time talking today. Conversation starters for when you're at a party. Show people what you're into. Let them know you're into the office before you even speak. And if your style is a little bit more laid back, they have stuff for you too. That's. That's mostly what I wear. I love their classic stuff and I also love their really fun stuff. It is moisture wicking. It is light, soft, stretchy, and fits so damn nice. Made from their signature Kunaflex four way stretch material. They have shirts for everyone. Jurassic park worn. I just throw in another one. Jurassic Park. They won't shrink or wrinkle after washing.

[Pete Holmes]

That's true.

[Katie Rowlett]

That's one of the reasons I love touring with these shirts. I travel with them. They also have hats, bomber jackets, hoodies, and shorts. You will never want to take these clothes off. So check them out. They're based out of Hoboken, New Jersey, so how could it. How could they be anything but radio? Clothing for the bold and for fun for those who dare mighty things, just like their namesake, Teddy Roosevelt. Go to SVLTS. Who has time for vowels these days? Roosevelt SVLTS on Instagram or check them [e-mail] Support your look and support this show. Back to the episode.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, we need to start the second half here by saying the pirate table, the gold coins, you.

[Valerie Tosi]

What a cliffhanger that was.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. You said that. And I really was like, oh, my God, I have a partner. The peanut butter and jelly. I was like, I'm not. I can't be alone in this sandwich. I'm enmeshed with jelly and I love it. And like, when I feel depleted, what I'm looking for, and I think actually what I'm looking for most of my life is something that, like, lights me up. I think that's most people.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You watch a movie, it wasn't. I guess it's the difference between, like, content and, like a real film. And it doesn't have to be like an arty film. I just mean, like a real experience. Content entertains you. And, like, a film lights you up and inspires you and, like, enlivens you. And you go. You spend the rest of your day a little bit more transfixed with the world. Like an amazing concert or something can enliven you. We have so much entertainment and we have so little. Like. Fuck, yeah, that's right. Like, it snaps you out of it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're like, we can make things.

[Valerie Tosi]

And we can inspiration.

[Pete Holmes]

Make that phone call and say, God damn it, I love you. And that summer on the Cape was the best summer of my life. And then you realize it's their voicemail. It's one of those gag voicemails. Hello? Hello?

[Valerie Tosi]

Hello, Julie.

[Pete Holmes]

That's summer in Falmouth. Just kidding. Leave a bit. God damn it. And that's when you realize Julie's not the girl for you.

[Valerie Tosi]

No. Because.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, nobody likes that.

[Valerie Tosi]

Although I do have a friend who still has that, and I think it's really cool because the.

[Pete Holmes]

Hello?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Yeah, it's Casey. Can't you see that? I know you guys don't know Casey.

[Pete Holmes]

But, I mean, that just filled. I mean, like, I feel like in my mind there's different people, and I'm sort of coloring them in as you get to know them better. Maybe color their pants in with a colored pencil and that detail that. Casey. Our friend Casey has a. Hello. Voicemail. The drawing is done.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a long way of saying, I know everything I need to know now about Casey. And I already kind of felt like I had a good image, but now it's done. Yeah, she's a. Hello.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's a great. It's great, though.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, but she's. What's confusing about it is she's a grown woman and she's a freelance person, so people call her for work stuff.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's badass.

[Pete Holmes]

You're half right.

[Valerie Tosi]

And she's doing well, so it's fine because it really. It works with her personality. She's. She's. She's a cool. She's, like, 90s.

[Pete Holmes]

She's 90.

[Valerie Tosi]

Chicago Bulls.

[Pete Holmes]

She's. Yeah, she's 90s. Chicago Bulls.

[Valerie Tosi]

Who's that girl that you, like, went to summer camp with who has, like, long hair and is, like, tan shoulders and a tan, like, freckled nose? And she's sporty, but she's, like, so funny. She's that. She's that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

So she. She needs a hello. That person has a hello. Voicemail.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm with you.

[Valerie Tosi]

Okay. The table thing, by the way, we'll.

[Pete Holmes]

Get to the table thing. You just reminded me that yesterday I called a family member. I won't go into the details, but, like, I called a family member from my dad's side of the family, who called me, got my number from my brother, and I ended up having this really. We had this really sweet chat. You were. It doesn't matter. No, don't say that.

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't. Oh. Getting my hair done.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I was gonna say you were in the car. Oh, you were listening.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes. Yeah, Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I wanted to do the call right away. So I was like, I'm gonna make this call, and you're gonna. You're just gonna be there, if that's okay.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And one of the only reason I'm bringing this up, and then we'll get back to pirates and gold coins, is, like, when I talk to someone, especially someone in my family, and, like. And I'm saying this as someone who can struggle to talk, My mom and I can have a harder time talking these days. I was doing a joke about it last night where it's like, everyone knows that listens to this podcast. If I tell my mom we have a dog, like, we weren't telling her about our new dog.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And then she found out because you accidentally spilled the beans.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then it started. Like, it immediately started. My mom was like, who walks him? Is he hungry? Is he bored all day? Just like, it fucking kills me. You didn't do anything wrong. Well, it's like a jag. It's like a Skeletor knife. It's worse for me than it sounds. It's very inciting.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because all I hear, and we've covered this before, is we never had a dog. You can't handle a dog. You're supposed to be taking care of me. That's what she's saying.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, don't take care of a dog, take care of me.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

She's. This is. Maybe we've had this epiphany before, but she's talking about herself. Who feeds it, who walks it. Is it bored all day?

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pete Holmes]

She's projecting. So she's saying she's guilting me about her with the dog.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right. And you as, like, one of your core, you know, sort of messages that was given to you as a kid about your specific identity is that your worth is in caretaking.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Valerie Tosi]

For your mom specifically. But it's also, like, if you can't care for this dog, then, like, you don't exist.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Ugh, God, it's making me feel Ill. The second example that I used, the first one was the dog. The second one is if. So I call my mom, and she goes, what's going on with your life? I was like, well, I was just in Raleigh, North Carolina. There's beautiful, great shows. Me and Matt, we went around. And she goes, when do you see your daughter? And I'm like. It's like there's a platter in front of her. And I love my mom. I'm gonna say that. I really do, but it's difficult. I'm saying this for solidarity, not to. On my mom. I'm saying, like, people listening.

[Valerie Tosi]

This is important.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a platter, and if I. Whatever I put on the platter, I feel like gets barfed on.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So now I've put. Well, what's going on in my life? I was just in Raleigh, and I'm like, fuck, there's. I have a dog. I'm like, shit. And I go, we sign up Leela for Taekwondo. She goes, why would you teach your child violence? And I'm like, then. And this, I thought, was the punchline.

[Katie Rowlett]

It did.

[Pete Holmes]

All right.

[Katie Rowlett]

I go.

[Pete Holmes]

Then she says, why don't you tell me about your life? And I'm like, you just want to say, like, look what happens.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Then I call this other family member.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, before that, can you say the thing about you being. Being like. Because you're so negative.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. Thank you, Val. Thank you. I go, yeah. She said, why don't you tell me about your life? And I said, well, Mom. And I tried to calmly, it's impossible. My belly is a hornet's nest. But I'm trying to be calm. I'm like, mom, have you noticed that when I tell you something, the dog, the tour, the Taekwondo, you. You say something negative? And then she goes, you sound just like your father. Your father's always telling me I'm negative. And I wanted to be like, lady, we're the only two people you know. Like, that's. That's a joke. But, like, yeah, maybe take the note. Yeah, take the note.

[Valerie Tosi]

Two people who know you best in the world are telling you this thing.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was very calmly saying, like. I'm not saying this to tease you.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not, like, trying to roast you or make you feel bad. I want to connect.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But what happens is, like, it's like mouse traps. There's just mouse traps on my fingers.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm trying. And I. And I said, mom, if I didn't want to connect, I wouldn't Be telling you this. I'm telling you this so we can maybe work on it and learn to connect and communicate differently.

[Valerie Tosi]

Really good.

[Pete Holmes]

And she goes, I just go. And I'm saying, when I tell you things, you tend to come back with something negative. And she goes, and you can't handle that.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's like, masterful. Really.

[Pete Holmes]

It is.

[Valerie Tosi]

How did she make that your fault?

[Pete Holmes]

It's wrestling with a naked, oiled up Bert Kreischer. You can't pin Bert. He's had a few pops and you're trying to pin Bert Kreischer, and he's naked and oiled up. Just saying it's the slipperiest. You can't win. So even if you try to corner it and go, like I care. I want to connect. I'm just telling you this so we can connect. Have you noticed you're negative. You can't handle that. That's what you want is me handling it.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know. Well, I mean, it just. There's no. She's, you know, she's living in a very specific story of being a victim. So there's no resonance when anything is her fault. And that's not totally true. She's had moments of clarity.

[Pete Holmes]

That happens even on this most recent.

[Valerie Tosi]

But in that moment, that's what's happening.

[Pete Holmes]

Every once in a while, my mom will really show up and say something lucid and clear. These are just the funnier, like, hitting your head against the wall moments.

[Valerie Tosi]

But it's something I want to put in my pocket for a good fight. Like, that's so funny to like, nobody gives you a criticism and you can handle it.

[Pete Holmes]

It. It is brilliant.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's brilliant.

[Pete Holmes]

It is brilliant.

[Valerie Tosi]

Like, whoa, what just happened?

[Pete Holmes]

You go like any criticism, like, have you noticed every time I make a plan, it's always me that makes the plan. I make the reservation, I drive us there, I pick the place, and you can't handle it is the funniest fucking mic drop. Genius move.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's amazing. It's like what I would imagine Beyonce saying if Jay Z tries to.

[Pete Holmes]

You can't handle it. Yeah. It's like, you know what it is? It's. Is this your card?

[Valerie Tosi]

It's like, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, you didn't even know there was a magic trick happening. And she goes, ace of clubs. And you're like, what the fuck? Like, it's just very unsettling.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Where were we right before that? I felt like we were about to close the door on another point.

[Valerie Tosi]

Gold coins or.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, it was gold coins and negative oh, when I talked to my other family.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

It'S an aunt of mine. And Aunt. I say aunt. It's an aunt of mine. East Coast. Yeah, I say aunt. So anyway, here's a family member. Thickest Boston accent of all time. And I used to have this with my wonderful Uncle Larry. And I would call him, and I just. I'm like Don Draper, the character. Meaning, like, I'm not very enmeshed with my family, and I'm not proud of that. It just wasn't really taught to me. And sometimes when I would talk to Uncle Larry and when I had my talk with my aunt last night, I see the value, something that I never really understood of family. And it was such a gift. Yeah, not only that, you're just talking. She saw the Christmas movie and she really liked it, and it was a sweet call, but she was talking to me, and I was talking to someone in my bloodline from my part of the world who knows all my family. I know this is all basic to you guys that have families and have relationships with them. And I was like. We were able to, like, laugh about our family. And also when I can connect with someone in my family, and she's like, oh, was that fun shooting? Now, where do you. Where did you shoot that? I'm like. And we're talking and I get off the phone and this flood of good feeling comes over me. Because when you juxtapose that with, like, bumping heads with other members of my family, having a good one makes you go, I knew it. I knew I wasn't some wicked little shit that just can't connect.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I knew it was possible. So you have this, like, long. And I used to do this with my Uncle Larry all the time. Laughing, talking honestly, making fun of weird, painful things, but with joy and really connecting. And really they're hearing you. And I'm like, holy shit. It's unbelievable. So five out of five would recommend. Would recommend talking Julie someone else.

[Katie Rowlett]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In your family that isn't your mom or your dad, but knows them. I was like, it's. It's so special.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, it was. Really glad you had that experience.

[Pete Holmes]

It was great.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, we need. We need.

[Pete Holmes]

You need someone that knows them.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what my brother is good for as well, obviously. But when it's like, someone you know.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, it can be so gaslighting when it's your parents because it's. It's so hard to detangle how you saw things and developed things when you were a child and how of course that's not going to be clear because that's a child's perspective.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

And then if that. And then like the thing that you said about I'm not a wicked little. It's like that's such a story that all kids will end up telling themselves in some way that, that if there is a disconnect in the family, it's their fault. It's just like how brain development works. We just assume that it's their fault.

[Pete Holmes]

We're back to the when things are good, if I text, I've now caused the goodness.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And. And then when you talk to someone and go like, oh, it had nothing to do with any. It's just the ghosts in the mansion and just opt out.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, totally. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, so now we can do our final points.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, what, the gold coins on the table. What made me think of it was the table, actually. I was like, who put in the table? And then I was like, who put in the gold? And how.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm about all of this as someone who. What is that game called? Shit. Uncharted. As someone who's played Uncharted, the scenario. And I find this deeply hilarious. I'm already having a 10 out of 10 just thinking about this. The scenario is you walk into a parlor. It's a pirate scenario. And the gold is their plunder.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's all over the table because they brought it back to their hideout. Then of course, they dumped it, you know, slapdash on the table.

[Valerie Tosi]

There's chalices, so many chalices.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like there's a chandelier in the mix. And then there's a lot of just loose gold coins and jewels.

[Valerie Tosi]

And jewels.

[Pete Holmes]

And the gold coins are irregular. Like they were kind of hand pressed, you know, like some guys like, like sometimes the head is almost off the center of the coin. You know what I mean? It's not U.S. mint standards. It's like these are handmade coins.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's so good.

[Pete Holmes]

It's mostly just gold, Right? Like, it didn't have like an understood value. It had actual value.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

So the getting the centered head was not as important.

[Valerie Tosi]

No, because it's gold. It's. It doesn't matter what it is.

[Pete Holmes]

Shut up. You're going to melt it and make teeth out of it anyway. Just shut up. But what I want to know is that kind of explains why it's on the banquet table. And they were having a feast and there's a little yo ho ho and there's rum and ale and all that sort of stuff. What I want to know is, why are these pirates dying sitting in chairs at the table?

[Valerie Tosi]

Right. Great question.

[Pete Holmes]

They're just chilling. They're just, well, I'm not leaving the gold.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

And they die, and they. They sit there with a ale in their hand.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe there's a sword through their ribs to explain that there was a fight or something.

[Valerie Tosi]

Maybe somebody came in to take the gold. But often the gold's still there. So it's probably not that.

[Pete Holmes]

Even if there is a sword through the ribs, why the gold's still there?

[Valerie Tosi]

Why is the gold still there?

[Pete Holmes]

So there was a fight, they killed the guy, and they were like, and now the gold can remain here. So the guy in the chair was trying to take the gold.

[Valerie Tosi]

Maybe. But then why did he have a nail?

[Pete Holmes]

I love that we're dissecting something that isn't real.

[Valerie Tosi]

It isn't real.

[Pete Holmes]

But I do love that riff very much. Why? And they're always in their perfect clothes, and they're just skeletons. And the jaw always falls off.

[Valerie Tosi]

And the jaw will fall off. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I was always picturing it like that. They did it all at once. So I was like, how did they have devices to bring that much heavy metal into? But they're probably bringing it barrels, loads at a time and. Barrels. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what they don't tell you about the pirate lifestyle is there's the fun of, like, it's so. It's kind of like, you know, they'd made that joke on SNL that Trump loves running for president. Hates being president. Yes.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I think the pirates love docking in, like, a, you know, a seaside village. They love plundering.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

There's fires. You're just letting your freak flag fly, literally. And you're getting all the coins. Now you gotta haul it onto the boat.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's being the president.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The campaign is, oh, my God. Plundering. And then you're like, now we gotta. And then someone's gotta count it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. That's literally how I feel when I go to Target. I, like, just get.

[Pete Holmes]

When you buy everything, and then when you get home, you're like, oh, who's gonna.

[Valerie Tosi]

And they're all. Because it's Target. It's like a million different categories of the house. It's like, this goes in the battery.

[Pete Holmes]

At least with groceries, it's just food.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's why. And the other thing that's great about groceries is there's a time. There's a clock on It. You know, there's some eggs you have to.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

This is why laundry stays in the basket. Clean.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Not just with us, but. And thank you, Val, for doing our laundry. You're the best.

[Valerie Tosi]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

But when I did my own laundry, it would also. I just live out of the basket.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

As well. Because there's no clock on it.

[Valerie Tosi]

There's no clock on it in 8:00. Ah. Guys, put that laundry away.

[Pete Holmes]

Today I'm gonna say we're going into a time. It's fall. It's the holidays, the fall of days. Be gentle.

[Valerie Tosi]

Be gentle with yourself. Also, did you hear this thing about two moons we're gonna have. We have two moons orbiting.

[Pete Holmes]

Excuse me.

[Valerie Tosi]

We have two new moons that are gonna be in our orbit for the next, like, month that are too small to see, I think.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course.

[Valerie Tosi]

Or maybe there's only one moon. And then there's our regular moon.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a second moon.

[Valerie Tosi]

And I just have lately been like, I bet that's gonna affect us somehow, Val.

[Pete Holmes]

This is just how the human mind works. But as soon as you said that, I was like, oh, that's how I've been feeling. I've been feeling two moon fever.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm totally. Two moons.

[Valerie Tosi]

I'm. I'm so. Two moons, dude. I've been feeling real two moons, but two moons. I know. Isn't that weird?

[Pete Holmes]

Like Star Wars.

[Valerie Tosi]

Isn't that two suns? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Double suns and drinking blue milk.

[Valerie Tosi]

Double suns and drinking blue milk. If you haven't seen the bad lip reading. What are you.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a banger. We listen to it as, like, as a song.

[Valerie Tosi]

When we're listening to good music. When we're listening to, like, pop music.

[Pete Holmes]

It's. It's a. I'm gonna say the fact that. So they made it to match the scene, or they made a song that it looked like Yoda and Luke could be singing, but there's something about that that made it shamanic. It's like going into someone else's dream, George Lucas's dream. And then because of all that influence, pulling out something that couldn't have been made otherwise, then it just ends up being a great song.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel the same way about hide your kids, hide your wife. But we've talked about that before.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, homeboys.

[Valerie Tosi]

All right, homeboys.

[Pete Holmes]

Be gentle.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Go feel how you feel. Meet yourself where you are and enjoy your holiday. Right?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's my brother's birthday today.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, happy birthday, Uncle John. Cute.

[Pete Holmes]

Valerie.

[Valerie Tosi]

Nope. Don't get into it. Keep it crispy.