Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – "We Made It Weird #203" (January 17, 2025)

Overview:

In this lively, candid episode, Pete Holmes and his wife Valerie get personal and, as always, weird. Against the backdrop of the LA fires, they balance real-world concern with deep-dive discussions on family quirks, body image, fitness trends, introspective therapy breakthroughs, and the subtle dynamics of introversion versus extroversion in relationships. It’s a quintessential “We Made It Weird,” riddled with humor, vulnerability, and thoughtful exploration of how we all try to get better without losing our weirdness.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening: LA Fires, Empathy & Community Support

• Topic: Acknowledgement of current LA fires and community responses.
• Pete and Valerie express heartfelt concern and call for listeners to help, mentioning resources and a fundraiser show at Largo.
• Quote:

  “And, you know, this is episode 201. We totally missed episode two... But wow. 200ish episodes.” – Pete (00:24)
  “Our heart and our money and our support and our love is…with you... Donate and help however you can.” – Pete (00:43)

2. Family Oddities: Nose Blowing, Farting, and Acceptance

• Topic: The couple riff on familial quirks—specifically, Pete’s noisy nose blowing and history with farting policies.
• They explore how these “secret weirdnesses” reflect identity, acceptance, and little negotiations in relationships.
• Valerie reflects on adjusting expectations and mixed feelings about habits inherited from family.
• Quote:

  “One of my least favorite things about myself is…I can tire of people. And that things that are cute about me will one day be, like, repulsive and upsetting to you.” – Pete (08:27)
  “That's not…that didn't hurt my feelings…You're telling me I have spinach in my teeth. And I appreciate that.” – Pete (11:10)

3. Life Changes: Trampolines, Rebounding, and Rediscovering Play

• Topic: The benefits of “rebounding” (jumping on trampolines) for health, especially the lymphatic system.

• Framed with their daughter Leela’s trampoline, Pete and Valerie playfully discuss how these childlike activities actually serve adult well-being.

• They also riff on the resistance men feel towards “frolicking” and how play challenges age stereotypes.

• Quote:

  “If you're trampolining…you're not being old. You're being the opposite of old. And it feels so fucking good.” – Pete (19:35)

• Timestamps:

  • [15:01] – The trampoline as escape and medicine during tough times
  • [19:35] – The philosophy of defiant adult play

4. Body Image, Sexual Value, and Societal Standards

• Topic: Candid exploration of male and female bodies, desirability, and how society shapes what we value in each other.

• Discussion on OnlyFans and the conflicting societal messages women receive about the relationship between their looks and worth.

• Debate about sexual attraction, body types, and double standards in desirability/power.

• Quote:

  “Everyone's value...is what chemical reactions can you create in another person? Meaning, what feelings can you create?” – Pete (31:53)
  “If you get so fit that you look better with your clothes off than your clothes on…that must be so frustrating.” – Valerie (29:25)
  “We find certain things valuable...like a beautiful 10 out of 10 body. But so is a joker, and so is a singer, and so is a cartoonist…” – Pete (34:11)

• Timestamps:

  • [28:19] – Photo-copiers, body gags, and sexual vs. comic readings
  • [31:53] – OnlyFans, talent, and value

5. Exploring Dopamine, Masturbation, and Porn

• Topic: The couple discuss their own changing relationships to porn, masturbation, and dopamine – weaving in personal growth and emotional regulation.

• Pete talks about going “off porn” as influenced by therapy and finding peace with uncomfortable feelings rather than immediately soothing them.

• Valerie considers the differences between male and female post-orgasm neurochemistry and motivation.

• Quote:

  “For me, porn has a lot to do with an intolerance with how I feel…when everybody’s eating at the table…horny can be at the table too.” – Pete (42:15)
  “If you scratch that itch right away, you probably are lowering some motivation.” – Valerie (44:30)

• Timestamps:

  • [39:34] – Pete on quitting porn and therapy breakthroughs
  • [42:56] – The value of sitting with feelings vs. acting on them

6. Fitness Fads: Shake Plates & Experimentation

• Topic: Valerie predicts she’ll get obsessed with her new “shake plate” (a vibrating exercise platform for lymphatic health and trauma release), teasing Pete’s likely eventual buy-in.
• They joke about how YouTube deep-dives lead to family trends, and Pete discusses his optimism around not experiencing weird side effects.
• Quote:

  “I just need more data, Valerie. If you want me to be into your things, you just need to give me 15% more.” – Pete (51:11)
  “It resets your nervous system…so you just stand on it and it shakes out your trauma.” – Valerie (54:24)

• Timestamps:
  • [50:51] – Valerie’s shake plate prediction
  • [54:24] – Trauma release and nervous-system reset

7. Introversion/Extroversion, Social Energy, and Mental Health

• Topic: The pros/cons of a house full of friends. Valerie thrives, feeling mentally healthier; Pete feels relief when things quiet down and reflects on people-pleasing and hypervigilance.

• The couple discuss the relationship between social dynamics, energy, and mental well-being.

• Quote:

  “It's a child of alcoholics thing to be hyper vigilant towards…I'm only okay if everyone in this house is okay.” – Valerie (57:25) “I'm so glad I married somebody like you…that gets me out of the Edward Scissorhands castle and eating ambrosia with all your lady friends.” – Pete (59:17)

• Timestamps:

  • [56:48] – Reflections on social energy after houseguests depart
  • [60:56] – Valerie on distraction vs. genuine need for company

8. Therapy Deep Dive: Internal Family Systems & Embracing ‘Stringy’

• Topic: Pete shares a therapy breakthrough using Internal Family Systems (IFS), naming his reflexive, judgmental internal protector “Stringy.”
• The discussion illustrates how even negative habits originate from protective instincts, and how healing involves dialogue and appreciation of these parts.
• Valerie offers insight from her own parts work and compliments Pete’s capacity for self-love and awareness.
• Quote:

  “He [Stringy] has a knife and he's real agile. And he's stabbing anybody...And he doesn't get control often, but like I said, he flares up...But now...I’ll just imagine hugging him or petting him.” – Pete (65:30; 69:48)
  “Once the parts felt completely seen for their contribution, they would relax back…sort of into pure awareness.” – Valerie (71:19)

• Timestamps:
  • [61:17] – Origins of Pete’s inner judgments & family legacy
  • [65:48] – IFS healing process, “Stringy” and internal dialogue
  • [69:24] – Valerie praises Pete's self-awareness; discussion of therapy effectiveness

9. On Highly Sensitive People & Relationship Compatibility

• Topic: The role of highly sensitive personalities in partnerships; speculation on their daughter’s future and balance with “steady Eddies.”
• Valerie expresses appreciation for empathetic but steady people and muses on the next generation’s coping strategies.
• Quote:

  “I'm obsessed with people who are compassionate and empathetic but not highly sensitive…they make the world go round.” – Valerie (73:35)

Notable & Memorable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “Lengthly. Towards the top of the list of words that just don't sound right.” – Pete (07:24)
• “Your lymphatic system…it's like a hose with water in it, but nothing is moving the water…Movement. But specifically, jumping on trampoline.” – Pete (16:10)
• “I do the two men in the morn. It's called My two men Mourn. I jump on that tramp. Just a grown man tramping. First of all, that feels like an act of defiance.” – Pete (19:15)
• “If you're trampolining, yeah, you're not being old. You're being the opposite of old. And it feels so fucking good.” – Pete (19:35)
• “If you get so fit that you look better with your clothes off than your clothes on…that must be so frustrating because you're never walking around putting your best foot forward.” – Valerie (29:25)
• “Everyone's value…is what chemical reactions you can create in another person.” – Pete (31:53)
• “For me, porn has a lot to do with an intolerance with how I feel…when everybody’s eating at the table…horny can be at the table too.” – Pete (42:15)
• “It's a child of alcoholics thing to be hyper vigilant towards…I'm only okay if everyone in this house is okay.” – Valerie (57:25)
• “I'm so glad I married somebody like you…that gets me out of the Edward Scissorhands castle…” – Pete (59:17)
• “He [Stringy] has a knife and he's real agile…But then you just go like. And I hope this is interesting to people, but I'm like, can you look at me? Can you see me?” – Pete (65:30, 70:04)
• “Once the parts felt completely seen for their contribution, they would relax back…sort of into pure awareness.” – Valerie (71:19)
• “I'm obsessed with people who are compassionate and empathetic but not highly sensitive…they make the world go round.” – Valerie (73:35)

The Original Tone:

Conversational, riff-heavy, warm, vulnerable, and honestly weird. Pete and Valerie juggle jokes with meaningful self-examination, embodying a marriage dynamic full of acceptance for each other’s peculiarities and a shared mission to demystify secret human weirdness.

Recurring Themes

• Everyday quirks reveal bigger emotional truths
• Childlike play (trampoline, wrestling) is necessary for adult well-being
• Self-acceptance and growth are ongoing, messy, and best discussed openly
• Society’s standards for attractiveness/power are limiting and, at times, comical
• Internal emotional protectors develop in childhood and need compassion, not banishment
• Extroversion and introversion have real-life effects on mental health in relationships

For listeners and fans, this episode is a rich tapestry of relatable struggles, off-kilter humor, and authentic intimacy. If you want to feel better about your own secret weirdness, look no further.