We Made It Weird #203

Summary

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Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – "We Made It Weird #203" (January 17, 2025)

Overview:

In this lively, candid episode, Pete Holmes and his wife Valerie get personal and, as always, weird. Against the backdrop of the LA fires, they balance real-world concern with deep-dive discussions on family quirks, body image, fitness trends, introspective therapy breakthroughs, and the subtle dynamics of introversion versus extroversion in relationships. It’s a quintessential “We Made It Weird,” riddled with humor, vulnerability, and thoughtful exploration of how we all try to get better without losing our weirdness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening: LA Fires, Empathy & Community Support

• Topic: Acknowledgement of current LA fires and community responses.
• Pete and Valerie express heartfelt concern and call for listeners to help, mentioning resources and a fundraiser show at Largo.
• Quote:

  “And, you know, this is episode 201. We totally missed episode two... But wow. 200ish episodes.” – Pete (00:24)
  “Our heart and our money and our support and our love is…with you... Donate and help however you can.” – Pete (00:43)

2. Family Oddities: Nose Blowing, Farting, and Acceptance

• Topic: The couple riff on familial quirks—specifically, Pete’s noisy nose blowing and history with farting policies.
• They explore how these “secret weirdnesses” reflect identity, acceptance, and little negotiations in relationships.
• Valerie reflects on adjusting expectations and mixed feelings about habits inherited from family.
• Quote:

  “One of my least favorite things about myself is…I can tire of people. And that things that are cute about me will one day be, like, repulsive and upsetting to you.” – Pete (08:27)
  “That's not…that didn't hurt my feelings…You're telling me I have spinach in my teeth. And I appreciate that.” – Pete (11:10)

3. Life Changes: Trampolines, Rebounding, and Rediscovering Play

• Topic: The benefits of “rebounding” (jumping on trampolines) for health, especially the lymphatic system.

• Framed with their daughter Leela’s trampoline, Pete and Valerie playfully discuss how these childlike activities actually serve adult well-being.

• They also riff on the resistance men feel towards “frolicking” and how play challenges age stereotypes.

• Quote:

  “If you're trampolining…you're not being old. You're being the opposite of old. And it feels so fucking good.” – Pete (19:35)

• Timestamps:

  • [15:01] – The trampoline as escape and medicine during tough times
  • [19:35] – The philosophy of defiant adult play

4. Body Image, Sexual Value, and Societal Standards

• Topic: Candid exploration of male and female bodies, desirability, and how society shapes what we value in each other.

• Discussion on OnlyFans and the conflicting societal messages women receive about the relationship between their looks and worth.

• Debate about sexual attraction, body types, and double standards in desirability/power.

• Quote:

  “Everyone's value...is what chemical reactions can you create in another person? Meaning, what feelings can you create?” – Pete (31:53)
  “If you get so fit that you look better with your clothes off than your clothes on…that must be so frustrating.” – Valerie (29:25)
  “We find certain things valuable...like a beautiful 10 out of 10 body. But so is a joker, and so is a singer, and so is a cartoonist…” – Pete (34:11)

• Timestamps:

  • [28:19] – Photo-copiers, body gags, and sexual vs. comic readings
  • [31:53] – OnlyFans, talent, and value

5. Exploring Dopamine, Masturbation, and Porn

• Topic: The couple discuss their own changing relationships to porn, masturbation, and dopamine – weaving in personal growth and emotional regulation.

• Pete talks about going “off porn” as influenced by therapy and finding peace with uncomfortable feelings rather than immediately soothing them.

• Valerie considers the differences between male and female post-orgasm neurochemistry and motivation.

• Quote:

  “For me, porn has a lot to do with an intolerance with how I feel…when everybody’s eating at the table…horny can be at the table too.” – Pete (42:15)
  “If you scratch that itch right away, you probably are lowering some motivation.” – Valerie (44:30)

• Timestamps:

  • [39:34] – Pete on quitting porn and therapy breakthroughs
  • [42:56] – The value of sitting with feelings vs. acting on them

6. Fitness Fads: Shake Plates & Experimentation

• Topic: Valerie predicts she’ll get obsessed with her new “shake plate” (a vibrating exercise platform for lymphatic health and trauma release), teasing Pete’s likely eventual buy-in.
• They joke about how YouTube deep-dives lead to family trends, and Pete discusses his optimism around not experiencing weird side effects.
• Quote:

  “I just need more data, Valerie. If you want me to be into your things, you just need to give me 15% more.” – Pete (51:11)
  “It resets your nervous system…so you just stand on it and it shakes out your trauma.” – Valerie (54:24)

• Timestamps:
  • [50:51] – Valerie’s shake plate prediction
  • [54:24] – Trauma release and nervous-system reset

7. Introversion/Extroversion, Social Energy, and Mental Health

• Topic: The pros/cons of a house full of friends. Valerie thrives, feeling mentally healthier; Pete feels relief when things quiet down and reflects on people-pleasing and hypervigilance.

• The couple discuss the relationship between social dynamics, energy, and mental well-being.

• Quote:

  “It's a child of alcoholics thing to be hyper vigilant towards…I'm only okay if everyone in this house is okay.” – Valerie (57:25) “I'm so glad I married somebody like you…that gets me out of the Edward Scissorhands castle and eating ambrosia with all your lady friends.” – Pete (59:17)

• Timestamps:

  • [56:48] – Reflections on social energy after houseguests depart
  • [60:56] – Valerie on distraction vs. genuine need for company

8. Therapy Deep Dive: Internal Family Systems & Embracing ‘Stringy’

• Topic: Pete shares a therapy breakthrough using Internal Family Systems (IFS), naming his reflexive, judgmental internal protector “Stringy.”
• The discussion illustrates how even negative habits originate from protective instincts, and how healing involves dialogue and appreciation of these parts.
• Valerie offers insight from her own parts work and compliments Pete’s capacity for self-love and awareness.
• Quote:

  “He [Stringy] has a knife and he's real agile. And he's stabbing anybody...And he doesn't get control often, but like I said, he flares up...But now...I’ll just imagine hugging him or petting him.” – Pete (65:30; 69:48)
  “Once the parts felt completely seen for their contribution, they would relax back…sort of into pure awareness.” – Valerie (71:19)

• Timestamps:
  • [61:17] – Origins of Pete’s inner judgments & family legacy
  • [65:48] – IFS healing process, “Stringy” and internal dialogue
  • [69:24] – Valerie praises Pete's self-awareness; discussion of therapy effectiveness

9. On Highly Sensitive People & Relationship Compatibility

• Topic: The role of highly sensitive personalities in partnerships; speculation on their daughter’s future and balance with “steady Eddies.”
• Valerie expresses appreciation for empathetic but steady people and muses on the next generation’s coping strategies.
• Quote:

  “I'm obsessed with people who are compassionate and empathetic but not highly sensitive…they make the world go round.” – Valerie (73:35)

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Notable & Memorable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “Lengthly. Towards the top of the list of words that just don't sound right.” – Pete (07:24)
• “Your lymphatic system…it's like a hose with water in it, but nothing is moving the water…Movement. But specifically, jumping on trampoline.” – Pete (16:10)
• “I do the two men in the morn. It's called My two men Mourn. I jump on that tramp. Just a grown man tramping. First of all, that feels like an act of defiance.” – Pete (19:15)
• “If you're trampolining, yeah, you're not being old. You're being the opposite of old. And it feels so fucking good.” – Pete (19:35)
• “If you get so fit that you look better with your clothes off than your clothes on…that must be so frustrating because you're never walking around putting your best foot forward.” – Valerie (29:25)
• “Everyone's value…is what chemical reactions you can create in another person.” – Pete (31:53)
• “For me, porn has a lot to do with an intolerance with how I feel…when everybody’s eating at the table…horny can be at the table too.” – Pete (42:15)
• “It's a child of alcoholics thing to be hyper vigilant towards…I'm only okay if everyone in this house is okay.” – Valerie (57:25)
• “I'm so glad I married somebody like you…that gets me out of the Edward Scissorhands castle…” – Pete (59:17)
• “He [Stringy] has a knife and he's real agile…But then you just go like. And I hope this is interesting to people, but I'm like, can you look at me? Can you see me?” – Pete (65:30, 70:04)
• “Once the parts felt completely seen for their contribution, they would relax back…sort of into pure awareness.” – Valerie (71:19)
• “I'm obsessed with people who are compassionate and empathetic but not highly sensitive…they make the world go round.” – Valerie (73:35)

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The Original Tone:

Conversational, riff-heavy, warm, vulnerable, and honestly weird. Pete and Valerie juggle jokes with meaningful self-examination, embodying a marriage dynamic full of acceptance for each other’s peculiarities and a shared mission to demystify secret human weirdness.

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Recurring Themes

• Everyday quirks reveal bigger emotional truths
• Childlike play (trampoline, wrestling) is necessary for adult well-being
• Self-acceptance and growth are ongoing, messy, and best discussed openly
• Society’s standards for attractiveness/power are limiting and, at times, comical
• Internal emotional protectors develop in childhood and need compassion, not banishment
• Extroversion and introversion have real-life effects on mental health in relationships

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For listeners and fans, this episode is a rich tapestry of relatable struggles, off-kilter humor, and authentic intimacy. If you want to feel better about your own secret weirdness, look no further.

Transcript

[Valerie]

You made it with. You made it with.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it with.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it with. Yes, you made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Valerie]

What's happening, weirdos?

[Pete Holmes]

We're. We're so glad to be with you. I'm gonna say it. This is a top five.

[Valerie]

I really. Oh, a top fiver.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. And, you know, this is episode 201. We totally missed episode two.

[Valerie]

We totally missed.

[Pete Holmes]

Unless we're wrong. Sometimes. Sometimes I email Katie. I'm like, this is episode 200. And she's like, no, it's not. So maybe this is 200. We don't know. We don't think it's 201.

[Valerie]

But wow. 200ish episodes.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Valerie]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And this is a really great one. And obviously we just want to acknowledge what's going on in the world and. And our heart and our money and our support and our love is. Is with you. And. Should I have said money? Is that grotesque? I'm just saying.

[Valerie]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Donate and help however you can.

[Valerie]

Yes, we're. And we're referring to the LA fires, of course.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, the LA fires.

[Valerie]

And yes, if you were affected by that, our hearts go out to you. And I. I continually post and repost resources on my Instagram, but Instagram is filled with people doing that, so it's a. It's actually.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, mine too.

[Valerie]

A really good, really sweet resour for ways to get help if you're somebody who's affected and also to. To help out if you. If you feel inclined to.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And if you're going to Largo this month, we turned it into a fundraiser, obviously.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So that'll. I think it's pretty close to selling out and it's going to be a great show. If you're listening to this the day it came out, I am performing at Largo tonight and it is a fundraiser, so hopefully hope you can be there. And I'm not gonna do other plugs. Petehomes.com for my tour dates and that. I just do them Salt Lake City.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

I think Phoenix or Arizona.

[Valerie]

Yeah, Phoenix.

[Pete Holmes]

Those are all coming up. And there's a Largo every month and it's always the highlight of our month, so hope to see you at that as well. Peteholmes.com and. Oh, yeah, I guess we do have one other thing is the ads. These things keep the lights on, as we like to say. So if you like any of these things that we like, try one. Support the show, Katie. Roll them. This episode is brought to us by our friends at the Perfect Jean. You guys know I love the perfect Jean. They are the most comfortable, best looking, best fitting, best made, most stylish, most comfortable. I'm gonna say comfortable twice. Pair of pants I've owned in my life since I discovered the perfect Jean. That's exactly what they are. They are perfect. They are the unicorn of pants. And I have them in every cut, every color for. For premieres, for fancy nights out, and for just lounging around the house. They are amazing. And they have spared over 700,000 pairs of nuts, meaning nuts are no longer crushed because no more stiff, unforgiving denim. They fit like they're custom made. They stretch like you wouldn't believe. They have seriously massive ranges of styles with six fits from skinny to thick, thick waist sizes from 26 to 50 and lengths from 26 to 38. So it doesn't matter if you're a short king, a thick daddy, or something in between. You can find the perfect fit for the body you are rocking. And for a limited time, our listeners get 15% off with our special code at ThePerfectGene NYC. And the code is. What is the code? The code is BabyBuns15 because they are as soft as a pair of baby's buns and you get 15% off. So go to ThePerfectGene NYC and get 15% off with promo code BabyBunz15. The perfect gene doesn't stop there, though. They revolutionized T shirts as well. Well, the past two specials I've taped, I'm wearing a perfect jean T shirt because they feel fantastic, they look fantastic, and they fit just right. They have just enough stretch to hide that beer belly while accentuating your arms and chest for the flawless look. Soft as butter without shrinking in the wash like all your other teas. It is just perfect. So it's finally time to start. Stop scru. Stop crushing your nuts. Sorry, that's hard to say in uncomfortable jeans. By going to the perfect gene NYC, our listeners get 15% off your first order, plus free shipping, free returns, and free exchanges. Or when you use code Baby Buns15, that's 15% off. New customers at the Perfect Gene NYC with code Baby Buns15. After you purchase, tell them we sent you support. You're not support the show. Tell them we sent you khakis and get the perfect gene. We are also. We are also very much brought to you by living libations. You guys know we are a living libations household. Living libations makes the most high end, beautiful, natural, real ingredient health care Skin care. Not healthcare, but skin care. Eyes, teeth, nails, whatever you got in your medicine cabinet. Living Libations has a premium, effective, badass, high end and natural alternative which has ingredients that you will recognize that are safe for your body. The things we put on our skin obviously end up in our bodies and by absorption and they are so toxic. If you're Getting stuff at 7:11 that's blue goo and putting it all over you, it is not natural. I want to eat food and drink things that I recognize the ingredients. I want my skin care to be the same. It is incredibly effective. I love their exfoliant scrub which is the most effective exfoliant I've ever found. In the summertime we use their zinc based sunblock called Love the sun. And I actually have been swimming a lot, just got out of the pool and put on their best skin ever skin moisturizer. Gift alert. This is a wonderful gift option for someone that's hard to shop for or do what Val and I did. Do a complete overhaul of your medicine cabinet and your health and beauty products or do it slowly, one by one. This is a great way to support the show. Get something small, get something big, but support your body. Look good, feel good and know that you're putting something natural on your teeth, on your eyes, on your babies, on your face, on your skin. Living Libations has a wonderful product to replace the random chemical nightmare you pick up at the pharmacy. So get 15% off by go to livinglibations.com weird. That's livinglibations.com weird. All right, everybody, thank you for being here.

[Valerie]

Valerie, get into it. I need this. I need this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

I need this magic mind. I feel.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, thanks for saying the brand. You're a real support to the show.

[Valerie]

I need this magic mind brand drink.

[Pete Holmes]

I need a magic mind brand productivity drink. If we could do that again.

[Valerie]

I need a magic mind productivity drink. Wait, I did it again.

[Pete Holmes]

Athletes have Gatorade, creators have creator aid. How about those? Drink it, it'll make you feel good.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I do. I. I know the new taste isn't for everybody.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that what you're going to say?

[Valerie]

I was going to say isn't that new anymore. But I do love it. I feel dumber than a box of hair right now.

[Pete Holmes]

You do.

[Valerie]

That's why I need.

[Pete Holmes]

Well then, yeah. Let's see if it works. Burn. Look, I'm the ultimate test.

[Valerie]

I'm not too dumb to know that that I've just been insulting.

[Pete Holmes]

You're not dumb. We just had a long lengthly Lengthly. Towards the top of the list of words that just don't sound right.

[Valerie]

It's not right. It's lengthy.

[Pete Holmes]

Lengthy.

[Valerie]

No, it's lengthy.

[Pete Holmes]

Lengthly.

[Valerie]

Lengthy. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Lengthy.

[Valerie]

Say length.

[Pete Holmes]

Length. Length is also.

[Valerie]

I'm just learning that you say length. Effortful.

[Pete Holmes]

How do you say it?

[Valerie]

Length.

[Pete Holmes]

Length.

[Valerie]

You're sticking your tongue all the way out for that. Th.

[Pete Holmes]

Length. Length. Yeah, Liked. I say.

[Valerie]

Like, say with.

[Pete Holmes]

With. Width is easy. Length is hard.

[Valerie]

I know. I just am noticing that you stick your tongue out a lot for a th.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no. I do worry, as your life partner. This is so me. Like, there's a. There's a line in There Will Be Blood where he. He says it. It's brilliant. Daniel Plainview says at some point that he builds a case against people piece by piece.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then later in the movie, when his son quits the business. Spoiler alert. He says, I should have known. I should have known you were building a case against me piece by piece. So he accuses his son of the same thing that he does, which is what narcissists do. But I do worry that one of my least favorite things about myself is I can. You know, we all can tire of people. And that things that are cute about me will one day be, like, repulsive and upsetting to you. Oh, and, like, one day I'll be, like, the length of that, and you'll be like, Jesus. Same with Leela. Same with our daughter. She likes us now. And that eventually the fact that I call all kids chicken buckethead will be like an eye. Which is fine. Eye roll is different.

[Valerie]

Will probably happen. Yeah, that. Certainly, that will happen.

[Pete Holmes]

I can eye roll with that. But I really. I don't spend a lot of time worrying about it. I'm just aware, like, I almost Googled today how to blow your nose, because.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no, no. It's not for the reason you think. Here's what you're thinking. You got up. I had just blown my nose. I didn't know because I don't think, wow, what an event. I just blew my nose. But when I blow my nose, it's loud. I'm one of the loud nose blowers in the world.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like a.

[Valerie]

It's as loud as it could be.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. Okay. So getting it out.

[Valerie]

I'm just. I just want people to really know context.

[Pete Holmes]

You came down and you said. What did you say?

[Valerie]

I said, sound the bugle. It's morning time.

[Pete Holmes]

And I had forgotten that I blew my nose. So I thought Sound the bugle, it's morning time. Was just like an adorable. I live with this little hobbit who says, sound the bugle, it's morning time. And I'm like, that's so cute. And I hug you and it kiss you. And I saw you, your eyes were doing your thinking thing. And I'm like, what's going on? And you were like, I didn't know whether I should tell you. It was because you blew your nose. Essentially.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's not. That didn't hurt my feelings. For real. That's fair play. I have a loud ass honk. My brother has been staying with us for over a week now. Or exactly a week. Seven days.

[Valerie]

Yeah. He had exactly a week ago.

[Pete Holmes]

So my brother, who lives in Los Angeles and a lot of other people have been coming north, and we live north, and my brother's been staying with us. And my brother honks his honker, as does my mother.

[Valerie]

Yeah. It's just your family's life.

[Pete Holmes]

The whole family. The whole family's life.

[Valerie]

So it is like, that's just how you were raised to think blowing your nose goes.

[Pete Holmes]

So while I appreciate the consideration that you thought that maybe my feelings were hurt. No, you're telling me I have spinach in my teeth. And I appreciate that. And you're also making light of it. And you're also. You've surrendered me changing that.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I appreciate that. Meeting that allowance. But when I'm with my brother, and I love my brother to death, and he's great, but he's my family, so. Meaning when I'm with him, there's like another me. There's another guy who grew up in my house. And what I'm confronted with is all of the ways that I sort of bother. I almost said disgust, but just bother myself. Meaning I've been. I'm like, I just don't want to smell like my family. I don't want to look like my family. I don't want to blow my nose like my family. It's not even out of hate. It's just kind of natural. Sure, I left. And when I'm. When. So when I hear him blow his nose, I go, oh, it's 1987. It, like teleports me back.

[Valerie]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm like, I gotta fix this. I gotta. It's not even. It's not bad. Like my. My brother. I would say this. I'm fully intending. If he did listen to this, it's totally fine. But my brother wears the same kind of socks we wore when we were 12. And I'm like, I have a hard.

[Valerie]

No, I know yet.

[Pete Holmes]

Two things. A pretty liberal farting policy, which I've been working on.

[Valerie]

I know, and I noticed. And you.

[Pete Holmes]

I wanted you to update the audience. I wanted you to tell everyone the effort, because this is important. We're not talking about farting, and we're not talking about blowing your nose. Both of which sound the same, by the way. Both are trumpet voices.

[Valerie]

When it's coming out of you.

[Pete Holmes]

When it's coming out of me, it's hard to know which it was. I am saying something very hopeful, which is. You can make little changes in your life.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And one of them was my butt. And now I want to get the. The face butt, which is the nose. The double anus of the face.

[Valerie]

But last Christmas, you announced that for Christmas you were going to stop. For one of my gifts was you were going to stop farting as much.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I like that. I said as much. I was like, there's going to be a. But I am 45. There's a few whoops. There's way more whoops. A daisies. When you're 45.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're just like, oh, wow. It's like a. It's like a cat. You open the door and the cat runs out.

[Valerie]

I know, because I go to dance classes with people who are over 60. I know that. There's no control.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Nobody wanted that.

[Valerie]

But you. You announced it, and it became this big, like, joke, like you were going to become the type of man who reads in the evenings and wears sweaters.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Valerie]

With collared shir.

[Pete Holmes]

The way imagine John Mulaney being like, he has an evening sweater. He puts on.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A dressing gown.

[Pete Holmes]

Hello, Olivia.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's in his. In his chair and he has a pipe. Just a class act.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not a burn. No shade, no drag.

[Valerie]

And I don't remember that one lasting or you didn't do it or something, but there was a lot of, like, announcing about it. What is remarkable about this is that there was no announcement.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

All of a sudden, I just went, hey, you haven't been farting.

[Pete Holmes]

Secret effort.

[Valerie]

And I realized that you hadn't been farting for quite a while.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I know we already gave a shout out to Magic Mind, but armor is a big help with that. I know. It's another. It's another sponsor. What is the website? I think the promo code is weird because one, whenever I'm doing the ads, and I'm like, the Thing that I notice was bloating. That's how it is in the copy of the ad. Yeah, but what I really mean is downstairs choating.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Cloak, coat coating. Look, I know we're doing a lot of fart talk up top, but here's another. You know what I wanted to say because there's all this, like. Did I. Am I cutting you off?

[Valerie]

No, go ahead.

[Pete Holmes]

There's all this, you know, there's all this loss right now.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And there's something that feels really good when it comes to just like kind of getting your mind off of the. The fires in la. One of the things that really seems to be lighting me up and our friends that are trying to get our minds off of it is, is talking about like life affirming things. And one of them. This is going to sound so stupid, but we got Leela a tramapoline for crimbus.

[Valerie]

A trampoline for Christmas. Let me.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like those earpieces they have on at the un. Yeah, he got a trampoline for Christmas. But it's. It's been really fun. It's this thing that we got for Leela and it takes up a lot of space and there it is. And then. You already knew this, but I want to share it with the listeners because this is, in my opinion, as Trey. We made it weird. Did we already talk about this? I don't think we did. I don't think we did. I don't think we did. I think I would remember talking about the lymphatic system here's. Because you had told me that it's called rebounding. So jumping on a trampoline when you're a grown up suddenly is called rebounding.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like how frolicking in a pool is called swimming laps. Yeah, motherfucker. You frolicking. You frolicking in the waves. That bit got me. So I, I looked up, you got frustrated because you'd said to me, I already told you that rebounding is really, really good for you. But it wasn't. You didn't.

[Valerie]

A man's.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no, no. That's a fair riff it. If you want to know. The truth is, you didn't explain it to my satisfaction. It's like there's a there meaning to the point of motivation.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

You said it reboots your lymphatic system. I don't know what the fuck that means.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So it got the. If you're looking at me deciding to start jumping on a trampoline as A seesaw. It was just like a couple of packets of sugar on the other end. It wasn't enough. The bag of cement was. I did a deep dive, meaning two or three YouTube videos about it. And here's what. And it's only going to take me 10 seconds, but a lot of you, a lot of the people listening, you're going to be jumping on a trampoline next week. And it's going to be great because you'll have a lot in common with me. Because all I needed to know was the following things. And then I started jumping on this trampoline. 1. Your lymphatic system is like a complete. Forgive me, Ken, and other doctors that are listening, our friend Ken, but there's another system. You have your circulatory system, and this is a layman, a layperson describing this. There's another system mirroring your circulatory system called the lymphatic system. The difference is the circulatory system has the heart. So the heart pumps the blood and keeps everything moving. Your lymphatic system, which also needs to move, isn't hooked up to the heart. So it's just another system. It's like a hose with water in it, but nothing is moving the water. There's no water pressure, so there's no pressure. So the only way to do it is movement. But specifically, jumping on trampoline, rebounding. So why do we want to animate or get our lymphatic systems going? It's. It's. Everything is the answer. It's energy and then it's immunity. Those are the two that I remember. Energy and immunity. And here's the good news. And we're almost done. This is such a snooze. Unless you're really interested. It takes two minutes of jumping on a trampoline in the morning to completely get. You're set for the day. So. And then here's the other one other tip. NASA is huge into rebounding. They get all their astronauts. You know how you love bouncing in slow motion, usually up on the moon? Sweet Riff. They say that it's like the most fantastic exercise. And however long you're on a trampoline, multi minutes, multiply that by three. That's how long you were running, running. So if you jump for seven minutes, that's 21 minutes of running.

[Valerie]

Every Friday, I do. Well, most Fridays I do a trampoline class and we're jumping for 40 minutes. Holy.

[Pete Holmes]

That's like you're running a little mare.

[Valerie]

Can't even do that math.

[Pete Holmes]

48120, 122 hours. That's insane. That makes me think it's not true.

[Valerie]

Well, no, I think. I think I'm stronger than you think. It's the hardest class.

[Pete Holmes]

I believe it. You are stronger than I think. Here's what I'll share. I do the two men in the mourn. It's called My two men Mourn. I jump on that tramp. Just a grown man tramping. First of all, that feels like an act of defiance. Like the world is so heavy. Not just when there's fires. Just all the time.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And grown, especially grown men are not supposed to frolic. Yeah, I know I already said frolic, but I'm just saying, like, it feels like a real middle finger to everything. Everything about being old. Can't trampoline. So if you're trampolining. Yeah, you're not being old. You're being the opposite of old. And it feels so fucking good. I do it for two minutes. I. My go. Now I'm up to three minutes. But this morning I just did two minutes. And then I tried to do some other exercise. Couldn't do it. I was dead. Yeah, I was dead. I still pushed through, but I was like, why am I so tired? Because I basically sprinted for six minutes.

[Valerie]

Totally. And six minutes. Thanks.

[Pete Holmes]

So sure.

[Valerie]

I sprinted for six.

[Pete Holmes]

Thanks for going. That's like something Napoleon Dynamite would say. Sorry, I'm winded. I sprinted six minutes. Bad Napoleon.

[Valerie]

Lauren Ruxenberg, I think is how her name is the one who got me into rebounding. I don't know her personally, but I got into her. Her videos online during the pandemic, and I got a little rebounder. And she. That's what she says is she's like, it's good for the lymphatic system. It's like great cardio. It's a lot of exercise in a short amount of time. And.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Valerie]

It. The benefit. Is that it you're playing? It reminds.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's what I was trying to say.

[Valerie]

So you. So it's like, beneficial in all of these ways. I was playing because we had our friends staying here for the last week. It was great. I. I really enjoyed it. And my. My friend, our friend Lisa and I.

[Pete Holmes]

When I talk to my brother, I say, my mom. So go ahead.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I don't think that way. I'm not like, oh, the. The possessive. Your friend. How about our friend?

[Valerie]

Yeah, go ahead. She was out on the trampoline, like, two days ago in the morning with her Daughter and I came out and. And so not only did we, like, jump on the trampoline, but we were playing.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I heard you guys laughing.

[Valerie]

We were playing, and then her daughter was like, you guys wrestle? And so I was like, okay. And we wrestled so hard, and we were dying laughing. You heard. Yeah. You were in the pool.

[Pete Holmes]

When Leela's on the trampoline, she does her belly laugh.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

With very minimal effort. She's laying on her back, and I'm jumping on either side of her. Like, my feet are on either side of her.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And she just laughs. The laugh that makes the sun rise.

[Valerie]

I know. And. And, like, you forget how good wrestling feels. Like, Leela loves to wrestle, and we're always trying to get her to not be so roug. Rough with her friends, but you're like, she's right. Like, I.

[Pete Holmes]

We should be grabbing wrestling.

[Valerie]

I used to wrestle with my brother all the time when I was a kid, and now I wrestle with his son.

[Pete Holmes]

No. And she's getting. Sorry.

[Valerie]

I wrestle with my nephew. And, like, I just. It feels so good. I can't explain it. And it's such a good workout.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

To wrestle and then, like, jump and then wrestle and jump. It's like.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree.

[Valerie]

I love this.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, a couple things. One is Leela being almost. Well, she's 6, and she has some friends that are 7, and they're old enough now to be the scene in Stepbrothers where they're trying to be grown ups.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And it fucking bothers me.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When you see little children. Actually, it doesn't. That's not true for the riff. I'll say it bothers me. It's just the way the light world goes. But I love that Leela's still trying to get people on the ground, in the grass and rolling around. And there are little kids that just kind of lean toward more serious children that are like, good morning. I understand today is Thursday and Leela's, like, jumping from the ropes.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The other thing. I've been swimming. Mike Birbiglia's body is just so good. I was like, I gotta do what this guy's doing. Old man in the pool. Yikes. Looks like they found him in the filter. These are burns. This is my.

[Valerie]

I know you.

[Pete Holmes]

This is my on air perspective towards Birbiglia. He's my best friend.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

We talk on the phone almost every day. So these riffs are out of love. And I. My only regret is that I didn't say them to his face.

[Valerie]

Well, that's what I was gonna say.

[Pete Holmes]

Is I'm wheezing and trying to laugh at them because he's so fatigued. He just doesn't look well.

[Valerie]

Stop.

[Pete Holmes]

He doesn't. You're not. You're making that face because I'm so right. He looks like ramen noodles became a person, like, got zapped.

[Valerie]

He's. It's because he's a New Yorker through and through, and he is.

[Pete Holmes]

He loves it. Yeah. It's a sub group.

[Valerie]

No, it's a choice. It's a lifestyle choice. If we. If we, like. If for some reason he was forced to move to California, it wouldn't work. Six months, he. No, I was gonna say in six months, he would have a glow. He would. He would.

[Pete Holmes]

It's true. When you think about New York. And again, it's the greatest city in the world. I lived there for almost a decade. We love it. We go back all the time. We love it. Okay. That being said, it is a funny place where you live in small rectangles and you travel in a tube underground, of course. You start to look like dwarves looking for gold. Well, you're never real.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean?

[Valerie]

Yes. And you're.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand there's a new restaurant on the Upper west side. Let's take the tunnels. Huzzah. You know what I mean?

[Valerie]

100%.

[Pete Holmes]

They should be singing shanties on the L. Yeah. Not the L train. The L. The L line.

[Valerie]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

Not the elevated train. I don't want anyone thinking that there are elevated trains in New York, but they're not called the L. Keep on. This riff is over.

[Valerie]

I think that they think we're stupid for, like, all of the hiking and the nature.

[Pete Holmes]

No, and they're not wrong, so. They're not wrong. I'm just saying if you put Mike Birbiglia on an overhead projector, something would be on the screen. Like, his innards would be on the screen.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

If you. If you laid Mike Birbiglia on an overhead projector.

[Valerie]

What is this? What does this mean? I don't get this.

[Pete Holmes]

He's like a transparent piece of paper that you would put on a.

[Valerie]

Okay, you don't get that. Yeah, I got it.

[Pete Holmes]

Now, see, you're younger than me.

[Valerie]

I know overhead projectors. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? I even actually used one when I was teaching. Just. But that wasn't because it was so long ago. It was because of the. Yeah. And do you remember? I remember my math teacher. I remember when they would write, we've covered this on this podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, it's given me some. Some good feels.

[Valerie]

But remember, I. Yeah, I think it's been a while.

[Pete Holmes]

Sound of it.

[Valerie]

Yes. And. And it was like, there. There were ones that had stuff printed on it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Valerie]

But then there were the. Just clear one were going to write, and then the real rebels would write straight on the thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, of course.

[Valerie]

I loved that.

[Pete Holmes]

Me too.

[Valerie]

And I had a teacher who. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

I was just thinking I liked it.

[Valerie]

I had a math teacher whose pen would, like dry purple. So it was blue pin, but it would dry purple pin pen, pen length.

[Pete Holmes]

With. With pin. Their pin.

[Valerie]

Their pen would dry a different color and just so satisfying to watch them write on it and then, like, see it slowly transform into a different color.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Valerie]

I loved it.

[Pete Holmes]

Really? You're really.

[Valerie]

And then when they spray it and you're like firework.

[Pete Holmes]

And it would smear.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it would like, you spray it, and they would make the color.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, are the rebels writing directly onto the glass?

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that. Now I understand.

[Valerie]

That's what I'm saying.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought you just meant they would, like, you want them to write on it and then put it on the thing.

[Valerie]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean they would write on the glass?

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's kind of. You know what I was thinking about recently was how to phrase this. What's the most fun way to phrase this? Remember in, like, the 60s, people would sit on the photocopier and hand out photocopies of their vaginas.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

It'd be real.

[Valerie]

60S?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, the 60s.

[Valerie]

I've never associated that with the 60s.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, the photocopier Mad Men takes place in, what, 1960?

[Valerie]

The 60s. Yeah. It's like 60.

[Pete Holmes]

And they get us. They get a photocopier, and they're doing that. They're definitely doing that.

[Valerie]

I just am saying, like, I've never. No, I've never felt like that was specific to the 60s. I think people have been doing that since.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I just meant since the 60s.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you think people are still doing it?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Valerie]

I think so. I don't know why I feel so strongly.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like the resolution has gone up. You're gonna. I. Here's what I was gonna say. I. This is me. I don't find that funny. I only find that erotic. There's nothing in me that's like, oh, what a good time. I'm like, if someone handed me that, I'd just leave, but okay. It would be so sexy to me.

[Valerie]

100%. I. I guess I've never really known of girls doing that. I usually know boys doing it as like a joke, like a way to moon you. It's like a funny thing. Like, here's my ass.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, interesting.

[Valerie]

Supposed to be funny. Is there a Mad Men where a girl sits on the photocopier?

[Pete Holmes]

Look, I, I don't mean to be a creep. I feel a little bit creepy admitting that I think that it's sexy.

[Valerie]

Anybody would find that sexy if a girl did it.

[Pete Holmes]

But ladies and, and some people would find it depending.

[Valerie]

Yes. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, I'm with you.

[Valerie]

But like talking more about how beautiful women are to me.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. And I wonder. I would love to get one of our gay male friends on the pod and be like, I know it's not your cup of tea, but do we agree, like, you're not.

[Valerie]

You represent all of the gay men.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. You can just represent you. But do you agree that the female form is just more of a sports car then? But you know, I don't know. Now I'm thinking about there are some male bodies that you're like, holy, you know, of course, better sports cars.

[Valerie]

I was just thinking about this actually.

[Pete Holmes]

But they're never as curvy and soft.

[Valerie]

I was thinking maybe that's not your thing, male or female. I was thinking, like, if you get so fit that you look better with your clothes off than your clothes on.

[Pete Holmes]

This is a great premise.

[Valerie]

That must be so frustrating because you're never walking around putting your best foot forward. Like, I think it would be really frustrating for me to feel like, God, you. Like, none of these people will know really how gorgeous I am under these clothes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a great premise. I'm looking for material. I'm like, is that.

[Valerie]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

It's got to be frustrating. They're so good looking. You're like, and all you want is that beach day.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Or to have sex with.

[Valerie]

Or to have sex.

[Pete Holmes]

Like you probably have sex with people that you don't even want to.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Not for the sex. Just so they can go, God damn it.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Just so someone can see the fruits of your labor.

[Pete Holmes]

Someone can see it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Your chiseledness.

[Valerie]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

Your God damnedness.

[Valerie]

Because I walk around going like in my clothes. Being like, this is as good as it gets.

[Pete Holmes]

Firm disagree. Moving off of that. It's funny, you were talking, we were talking with a friend about reclaiming like using onlyfans to raise money for the fires. Without getting into details. And you guys were Talking about, oh, it's. There's something empowering about going, like, if this is our value, then we might as well use it to say. To raise money.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought, I'm all with that. It brought this to mind. I was like, it's funny. Obviously, women's value and a human being's value isn't just how they look. But I was like, you know, what's interesting is, like, everyone's value to a certain one category of value is how you. What chemical reactions can you create in another person? Meaning what feelings can you create? Because while you guys were talking about that, and I didn't want a mansplain. Well, I did. I had a rock. The bat signal was up, and Gordon was waiting. Gordon's my balls.

[Valerie]

Oh, God.

[Pete Holmes]

And one of my balls is Robin. One of my balls is Commissioner Gordon, and you can meet the whole gang. And I'm smoking a cigarette, and it's from Anchorman. And what it is, it's a quote from Anchorman.

[Valerie]

All of a sudden, I'm on a date with this guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you're on a date with that guy. And then I tap my speech. It's seven pages of loose sleep paper. I tap it and I go, thank you. And I walk off.

[Valerie]

What it is.

[Pete Holmes]

And what it is is it's a quote from Anchorman. You and I are DNA clones of senses of humor.

[Valerie]

Sense of humor.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. What I' saying is I just knew there was a risk. I wasn't worried, but it was me and three women, and I didn't want to be like, well, rally everyone's value. You know what I'm saying? But here. So being funny, obviously, is a way of eliciting a pleasant chemical reaction in somebody. So that's. You know, I. I'm not saying. I'm saying we should all be complaining and also just I guess acknowledging that music. If someone has a beautiful voice, then you go like, you are valuable to the group because you can make thousands of people at once.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I watched. I think I already talked about. I watched Chaperone's Tiny Death concert and were just crying the whole time.

[Valerie]

I am so glad you watched that. I couldn't wait to show it to you, Mallory.

[Pete Holmes]

After I take my special. I went through a real weed phase, which is never as good as you want it to be. You're like, I'm just gonna smoke weed, whatever I want. And then. And then I always think of Bo Burnham.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Why am I right now? Why am I stoned right now? That's how I Would feel all the time. I was like, getting stoned. I'm not saying it can't be glorious some of the time, but so often I'd just be like. It's like. It's like going inside of a pillow, and there's all this, like, stuffing.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're in a pillow. But then if you just keep going in that pillow every night, which is what I do as an addict, I just go like, well, it's great in there. Over and over and over and over. And then one time you're just in a pillow going, shouldn't I get out of this fucking pillow? And then you're there for six hours, and you're like, God damn it. Yeah, you just eat to try and get out of the pillow.

[Valerie]

What I'm saying is Chapel Roan's tiny desk.

[Pete Holmes]

So that's value. What I'm saying, I'm wondering if we can have a collegiate level conversation about, like, collegiate. I think whether or not. Yeah. Whether or not it's fair or not. Put that to one side. We find certain things valuable. I guess there's just like an. Like a beautiful 10 out of 10 body. Like, I get it. That's a person. But so is a joker, and so is a singer, and so is a cartoonist, and so is a sculptor, and so is a. A person who knows their way through a mountain to a sunset. Like, that person is valuable. And not all of them is being considered. It's just weird. What we consider valuable. And then it gets tricky when. What do we consider not valuable?

[Valerie]

Well, that's right, too. And it's like, you know, I. I understand that there's. You know, I wonder if it would. I wonder. I truly wonder if it would be a little bit less offensive if people were actually had. If their attractions were fully greenlit and allowed and we had the full scope of people and body types being attractive to someone.

[Pete Holmes]

I see what you're saying.

[Valerie]

And all of that is allowed. Just like music types. Just like senses of humor. We're not those. Those categories are less dictated to us of, like, this is what is good music. And anything other than this is not good music.

[Pete Holmes]

You're right.

[Valerie]

I see. And we are. We are. So it's both. It is like women being the messaging to women.

[Pete Holmes]

Margot Robbie.

[Valerie]

That your. That your value is in how you look. And it has very, very specific guidelines of what that is.

[Pete Holmes]

Isn't it funny?

[Valerie]

And so many people just genetically even could never get to that point.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Yes. Love that. And so I was gonna say Margot Robbie is sort of like pop music, and I love pop music.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And isn't it funny that we want people that look like Margot Robbie to sing our pop music? It's like blending.

[Valerie]

That's the other thing together. That's what I was gonna say.

[Pete Holmes]

We're like. It's some guy with a cigar being like, you know, it'd be great.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

What if the person singing this looked like what I think is hot? Which.

[Valerie]

Which is why women then feel like, well, really, my only worth then is how I look. Because even if I have talent and even if I'm. Even if I could be the president, you're not really gonna let me unless I'm at least a little bit beautiful. And that has nothing to do with being the president. Right, like that. So that's a.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a weird consideration. When Kamala was running, I remember taking some comfort being like, she's a beautiful person. You know what I'm saying?

[Valerie]

Yeah. I remember in the aos, I don't want to be.

[Pete Holmes]

That's not out of bounds, right?

[Valerie]

No, I. I think that is our conditioning.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And like. But then I wasn't.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, few. At least. At least there's that. Oh, God, I don't know how to say it.

[Valerie]

Well, I don't think it's like a. A very great thought, but I don't blame you for it, because it's our conditioning. And. And specifically women in.

[Pete Holmes]

In aoc, you're gonna say.

[Valerie]

Yeah, specifically women in politics or academics or whatever, they have a really fine line to toe. Even finer. Because it's like, they do need to be attractive, but they can't be sexy, because then that's the thing. It's like we value women. Like, we're telling them that their looks are their value, but if they elicit too much of a sexual.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, now we're into the curve, then.

[Valerie]

They lose all their value.

[Pete Holmes]

You're so right. So that's what you were starting to say earlier, and we were talking with our friend about this too, is that, like, people marry people that look like the. The standard as a status symbol, but then the number one porn searches is curvy women, big boobs, big hipped women.

[Valerie]

There's like a radio lab or something about it.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't plug other shit.

[Valerie]

Telling me that, like, the act. If you base. If you base attraction on the most often searched words for porn, that has nothing to. It is not depicted in what we're saying is.

[Pete Holmes]

Right, right, right.

[Valerie]

Attractive.

[Pete Holmes]

But then there's very similar. It's like, funny. So who's a very sexy man? Obviously, Scarlett Johansson, I always think, is, like, a very sexy person.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Who's a sexy man? Clooney. I'm not being an idiot. I'm just trying to find the best one. I know. Clooney is one of them.

[Valerie]

Huh?

[Pete Holmes]

Who's, like, the guy.

[Valerie]

Who's that British guy that was in.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, we're about to learn something. I'm gonna say Fassbender. Do you. Michael Fassbender?

[Valerie]

Yeah, but I. There's, like, newer. Like, the guy, the. Andrew. No, Is it Andrew Bag? The hot priest from.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah, that dude. That's great.

[Valerie]

He. He's so sexy.

[Pete Holmes]

Great job. That dude's sexy.

[Valerie]

He's so sexy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that dude's sexy. What's his name?

[Valerie]

Ah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I can look it up.

[Valerie]

I'll look him up on Quinn. Because he has. On the Quinn app. He has a. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I can't. When you told me that Quinn is like, a audio, like, dirty talk.

[Valerie]

It's like erotic audio.

[Pete Holmes]

Erotic audio. And he did one, and I'm like.

[Valerie]

I know, but there's too much of a storyline. I need to just get straight to it.

[Pete Holmes]

You tried his.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it's like, it's. Well, no, it's. Andrew Scott.

[Pete Holmes]

Andrew Scott.

[Valerie]

It's called the Queen's Guard. And I'm like, I don't need to get, like, all into a story about the Queen.

[Pete Holmes]

I like that you're kind of male with your.

[Valerie]

Well, if I'm scratching an itch, you know, I'm not gonna.

[Pete Holmes]

For me, I've actually been offborne. That was my New Year's.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah. I remember you saying that.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm really enjoying it. Yeah, I know. I've been off. People that have listened to the show for a long time know that old homes, he goes off porn. But this one feels different. I know people say that when they, like, quit cigarettes. This one feels different. I've been. I think it has a lot to do with my therapy. And, I mean, I'm not dealing with porn in my therapy, but there's been a lot of, like, getting to know my protectors and my parts and getting more comfortable with my feelings and untangling codependency. And our friend this morning was like, when you feel guilty about letting someone down, let's say, in your family, she's like, that's not guilt. Guilt is when you let yourself down. Like you betrayed your own values.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When you feel a bad feeling for not giving someone something they want, but you didn't want to give them. That's not against your values. You can just say, like, wow, I'm feeling really codependent about. About letting my mom down or whatever it might be.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm like, God damn, that's a great tip. But anyway, cleaning up a lot of my inner stuff has made me just be like. Like. Because for me, porn has a lot to do with an intolerance with how I feel. Meaning, like, the searching of porn is, like, a certain kind of bubble. Then. Obviously.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it's dopamine. It's just dopamine.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, the dopamine is specific. Yeah. The cert. There's the seeking dopamine, finding the thing. Then there's the literal physical dopamine of the act.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I always know that that's happening for me too. And. And I don't. I mean, I. I am less tempted by porn. Although I. If you would call the Quinn app porn, I would say then, yeah, that's an active part of my life. But. But, like. Yeah, but just, like, masturbating in general. I. I know. So often it goes, ooh, I want, like, cookie dough or something. And then I'm like, I'm fasting today. I guess I'll just masturbate.

[Pete Holmes]

It's so funny, because my big days, for anything, weed, masturbation or whatever, we fast two days a week. It's so cute that we're a couple and we don't both do it. I've been doing it for over a year.

[Valerie]

I started, like, three months after you.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow. So you've been doing it over a year as well, and today is a fast day. Who cares? It's called the 6:2 diet. No, the 5 diet, if anyone's curious. I wish I knew about that when I was, like, confused about how to, like, just lose. Wait, you eat 600 calories two days a week? Make sure they're full of protein. That's all I'm gonna say. And try to do it in one setting or two settings. Anyway. It's when you're seeking that dopamine. What I was going to say was it now my healthiest me. This actually happened today as I woke up and I. I got this, like, flood of being very horny. Really, really horny. And I'm so pragmatic and I'm so black and white that I have this thing where I'm like, oh, you're horny. It would feel good to masturbate. Let's just go masturbate. And today when I'm resourced. And when I'm at peace with my feelings, meaning my anger, my sadness, my anxiety, all of the feelings are like welcomed. Horny becomes one of the feelings and there's a zest and I'll even say a zeal for life where you can say, you have the clarity because you're resource to say what is so wrong with feeling horny?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm like, it's a very alive feeling. But I'll say this. If you're not feeling resourced and you're stressed and you're afraid and you're angry and I feel that way a lot. You get horny and you're like another fucking feeling. But at least I can do something about this one. And you bang it out. But when you're kind of. When everybody's eating at the table, and that's how I've been feeling lately, there's anxiety, there's sadness. They're all there and they show up in flutters and you know, very Rupert Spira, they, they appear and they disappear.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? And I, I. And I was there the whole time. So I'm just gonna lean into what doesn't change all of that stuff. Then horny can be at the table too. And he never gets to be at the table because that dude's a little weird.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just kidding. I love you horny. But anyway. Love you horny. Love you horny.

[Valerie]

Well, I think actually, I think what's released when you orgasm is oxytocin and not dopamine. And oxytocin is the. I think that's like, that's like the MDMA of.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's tricky. I mean, it's diminished.

[Valerie]

What I mean is it's beautiful and it's the one of the best feelings. But it's. If I, I think I have this right. It's like a very, very cozy, subtle, like, like melty kind of good feeling. Whereas dopamine is the good feeling and it's motivational. So it sort of is the opposite in a way.

[Pete Holmes]

They're both good feelings, but it's like a stress relieving.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And so if you get, if you, you know, if you scratch that itch right away, you probably are lowering some motivation. And dopamine.

[Pete Holmes]

No, don't give. I have every excuse to masturbate, memorize, and ready to call up at any moment.

[Valerie]

Oh. But I was using that as an excuse not to.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Valerie]

Yeah. Because I think ambition and vitality are good things.

[Pete Holmes]

If you're Resourced. If you're overwhelmed. Life.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What feels like vitality feels like a threat. And you're like, I don't have room for you, so I'm gonna put water on you.

[Valerie]

I'm not. Because I so often do it without porn. Even without the Quinn app. Like, just with the good old imagination.

[Pete Holmes]

Thanks for not saying spank bank. Never been a fan.

[Valerie]

Oh, I hate that. Never would.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna say. If you say spank bank. I don't know. I'll allow one. But if you say it all the time, I don't know if we'll ever be close.

[Valerie]

I. I just don't have any shame about using it for that.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, women. Look, I don't want to be that person. Remember when we learned that men need less sleep because they have testicles and their hormone regulation goes all day and women regulate their hormones in their sleep in the spirit of that. Which is a very, like, definitive. And that I'm sure there are exceptions. Gender kind of statement. Men are losing something, and I do believe women gain something. You're like, there's like a fireworks back to your projector. So, like chemical things are bonding. And so I believe after a woman has an orgasm, there's more of stuff after a guy has an orgasm. You're like, that's why we want to eat.

[Valerie]

Sure. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We're weak.

[Valerie]

That makes sense. And that's why we can just keep it going.

[Pete Holmes]

That's true. And that's why lesbians are so frightening to us.

[Valerie]

Well, it does sound like a lot of work.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I just meant, oh, they're so powerful. There's a magical land where they're just having orgasms all day. And we're. We're over there just like a volcano. One and then hundreds of years. Hundreds of years while the magma cools.

[Valerie]

Magma.

[Pete Holmes]

The magma cools. Mr. Porter. All right, we're going to the mids. Glad you're here. Try a Pete's pick. Keep the lights on. Roll that beautiful bean footage. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Every January brings you 365 blank, fresh new pages. And this is 2025. Maybe you are ready for a plot twist. Maybe there's an area or part of your story that you've been wanting to revise. Life isn't about trite, shallow resolutions that fade away by February. It's about picking up the pen and becoming the author of your very own life. Think of therapy as your editorial partner, helping you write new chapters and create the meaningful story you deserve to live. I certainly believe that therapy has been so clutch in both my life and Valerie's life. It still is. It's a huge part. Talk therapy, I always say, is greater than the sum of its parts. Talking with a trained professional helps. It's not just venting. It is healing. It is medicine, in my opinion, and it makes a huge difference. So if you've been waiting, BetterHelp is a great way to get started. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. You can access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credited therapists with a wide range of specialties, and you can even switch that therapist anytime at no additional cost. So write your story with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com weirdo today to get 10 off your first month. That's better. Help H E L p.com weirdo be sure to tell them that you made it weird with Pete Holmes sent you. Help the show, help your life. Get out there and have a great new year. We're also brought to us by our friends at Ritual, the multivitamin and the probiotic that I have sworn by for years and guys specifically, we need to get this in our systems. According to the cdc, fewer men than women meet the minimum daily intake recommendation for fruit and veggies and men are more likely to overvalue exercise and undervalue nutrition. Well, enter Ritual, a multivitamin scientifically developed for men to help fill nutrient gaps in their diets. My Ritual routine is always the same. I start on an empty stomach even on days I'm fasting because as a delayed release capsule, which means it's not going to break down in my stomach, it's going to break down in my lower intestine where it can actually be absorbed and it won't make me feel nauseous on an empty stomach, which is is huge. I also take their synbiotic plus their pro, they're pre their pro and their postbiotic all in one. Not only do these things fill those gaps in my diet, as a mostly vegan, I have a lot of gaps in my diet and my blood work comes back aces because this gap filling thing also giving my biome, my microbiome in my stomach, my second brain in my belly, everything that it needs to thrive, I take it with me constantly. I never, never never miss a day. This is one subscription I have never snoozed. I've never snoozed because I Never miss it. 10 key nutrients in 2 delayed release capsules per day designed to dissolve later as I said in the small intestine, gentle on an empty stomach. They're rigorously tested. They are vegan, non GMO project certified gluten and major allergen free certified B corp and made traceable. Essential for men is a quality multivitamin from a company you can actually trust. And you can get 25 off your first month for a limited [e-mail] weird. That's ritual.com weird. And you will get that, that wonderful, wonderful discount. 25 off. I lost. I couldn't hold it in my brain. 25 off ritual.com weird. Great way to start the new year. Get it in your body. Support the body. Support the show. We're back. Hi, everyone.

[Valerie]

Hi. We're back.

[Pete Holmes]

We're back to jizz talk. Talking jizz.

[Valerie]

Talking farts. Talking jizz.

[Pete Holmes]

We talked about rebounding. I also. This is an observation.

[Valerie]

What I just remembered I have a prediction. This will be so quick.

[Pete Holmes]

Can't wait.

[Valerie]

I'm predicting this publicly on the podcast. I'm about to get a shake plate. I predict. I already said this to you, but I predict that I'm going to get very into it. And then six months to a year from now, you're gonna get very into it.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, if we're going.

[Valerie]

Because you're gonna discover it.

[Pete Holmes]

I just need more data, Valerie. If you want me to be into your things, you just need to give me 15% more.

[Valerie]

No if data, all you need to do is just search it on YouTube and then you go down a rabbit hole.

[Pete Holmes]

You can be unburdened. What is a shake shake plate? It sounds like something you cook with. It sounds like something Bert Kreischer is like. Ah, that was just on the shake plate. That does like, he gives you a veal chop and it's really good.

[Valerie]

It's like George Foreman Grill, but Bert Kreischer's shake plate.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. Shake it up. He's got his shirt off. He wiggles his belly. Shake plate. He's in the lower third.

[Valerie]

Yeah. So it's. It's a quite literally like a flat surface that you stand on. How big that shakes you. They're various.

[Pete Holmes]

Size of a pizza box. Bigger.

[Valerie]

Bigger. A little bigger. It's like the size of like a hoverboard, but wider.

[Pete Holmes]

Four pizza boxes?

[Valerie]

No, probably two pizza boxes.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. And is it, is it shaped. It's shaped like a surfboard kind of thing.

[Valerie]

No, it's.

[Pete Holmes]

I guess I could just look it up.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I think you need to know this. It's a board that you stand on I disagree. And it shakes you.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like 20 questions. Is it bigger than our dog?

[Valerie]

Yeah. Oscillates, but like rapidly. So it shakes your whole body. And if, if you. Even if you just stand on it, they say that it's. It's equivalent to running like 1.3 miles.

[Pete Holmes]

For how long?

[Valerie]

10 minutes.

[Pete Holmes]

You stand on for 10 minutes.

[Valerie]

Yeah, but I don't know what the equivalent means. Like circulation wise, heart. I mean, I don't think it raises your heart rate.

[Pete Holmes]

Am I.

[Valerie]

But I could be right after I use it. I don't know. I haven't used it yet. I haven't bought it yet. But what I do know is that you do. You're meant to do exercises on it.

[Pete Holmes]

And it sounds like something you say to someone. You catch masturbating. You're meant to do exercises on it. You slam the door with it under your arm. This does sound like something that would pair well with the Quinn app. If I've learned anything about high speed vibrations.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's right. I am looking forward to just seeing what it feels like to sit on it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah, it sounds like something.

[Valerie]

No, but I do think it will, like, shake my hips in a way that I always need.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Valerie]

Because my hips are so tight and.

[Pete Holmes]

I would love that.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And so it's like people say it feels like a full body massage.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Valerie]

And then also if you do exercises on it, like lunges or a plank or. Or squats, it's like 10 times as effective because you're. It's take. It's utilizing your muscles in a very specific way and it's taking core strength to balance. So it's very effective for workouts. But the. But the main two reasons I'm interested in it is that it's incredible for your lymphatic system and it resets your nervous system. So in the same way, it's like you have trauma living in your body and animals know how to shake and release the trauma. So, you know, try to shake your body at which we, you know, I.

[Pete Holmes]

Said that to Jen this morning. I said, shake out those feathers. You duck.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's right. So that's what this plate does. You just stand on it and it shakes out your trauma.

[Pete Holmes]

Can you put it down?

[Valerie]

It resets your nervous system.

[Pete Holmes]

Would a duck use it? This is 20 questions.

[Valerie]

The one thing that I am interested to see is I have heard it makes some people itchy because it's like vibrating your skins.

[Pete Holmes]

And one of my core beliefs is if there's something weird that happens to a very small group of people when they use something. I'm not one of those people. People.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And then one of our friends said that it's too. It's like tickles her nose too much.

[Pete Holmes]

Won't be me.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I'm on a medication now. And they're like, some people makes. And I'm like, won't be me. I don't know why. Remember in Inside out too, where they talk about, like, core beliefs. Your experiences become your beliefs.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm very fortunate that I have one of those beliefs where I'm like, yeah, it'll be fine.

[Valerie]

I love that.

[Pete Holmes]

I love it too.

[Valerie]

That's great.

[Pete Holmes]

It's one of my good ones. And I think I got it from my dad.

[Valerie]

Do you really have. You don't really have health anxiety?

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean?

[Valerie]

I just don't notice you having health anxiety. I know, like, when your. Your cholesterol was high, you were a little nervous about that for like, a couple days. But then.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, my cholesterol has been high my whole life. It's that hereditary? It's that hereditary. Do you know, I've said this on the show before, how frustrating it is to be mostly vegan and have high cholesterol.

[Valerie]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, dude.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's one of the reasons why I'm trying to exercise. And we. We're talking about that. The reason I started roasting microbiglia was because I've been swimming.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And turns out that's my thing. I've mentioned this on the show before. Turns out that's my thing because it's the closest to play. You were talking about how trampolining is like play, and swimming is also like play. Swimming is also intense. Intensely. Well, it's breath work. And then it's also very restorative to people craving alone time because you literally.

[Valerie]

It's quiet.

[Pete Holmes]

It's quiet.

[Valerie]

So alone. I. I enjoy it for that. And I barely enjoy alone time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. And I love it and need it. When. When our house was filled with our friends, it was great. But then I. I was like, look, I'm not a monster. I can see how this is great. But it's that hyper, vigilant child that's really. And it'll come off as that. I don't care about any. Anybody's interests. I'll make jokes about, like, well, I don't care, or whatever. But really, it's because I, like, intensely am, like, tracking. Is everybody okay?

[Valerie]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's very exhausting to me. One of the reasons why. I think we're having a rather effervescent podcast this morning. And I'm. I. I still wish our friends were still here, but because they left, I'm just like, there's just less.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Remember when we first got a dog and I couldn't get in my mind that he was all right?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I just. You were like, he's fine. And I'm like, he looks bored or he looks anxious or he needs this or that. And I'm just like, I had that with our house guests. Sometimes I'm just like, who knows how all these. They're all people and they all have feelings.

[Valerie]

Yeah. It's a. I think it's a child of alcoholics thing to be hyper vigilant towards. Like, I'm only okay if everyone in this house is okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And, like, to take that on. And I have that as well. So that's why I'm such a contradiction as far as being introverted or extroverted. I definitely am more extroverted. But, yeah, I get. Because I do get energized by. I think my nature is to get energized by people. So you're saying there's just less. And I'm noticing with me, there's less energy. I have less energy because there's literally not as much energy in the house.

[Pete Holmes]

So much more energy.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And I think that's the difference between an extrovert and an introvert. That being said, I also have what you have. I have the hyper vigilant. I need everybody to be okay in this house.

[Pete Holmes]

House.

[Valerie]

And that part of me is also finding relief in.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. If we have an empty house for too long, I'll start. Like, we have Sunday dinner. And I like that. I need little. I just don't need as much of it.

[Valerie]

Yeah, but you're. Well, you just have your own engine, so you're less motivated to have it. You're like, well, I. I can run on my own. And I am like, well, a spittering train trying to make it up a hill.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's true. But I actually noticed it can be bad for me, like, when I'm on the road and I'm just doing shows and I'll just kick it all day and do nothing. I like that. And that's good because I'm saving my energy for the show. But I'm also like, God damn, I'm so glad I married somebody like you. That, like, I've said it's a million. That, like, gets me out of The Edward Scissorhands castle and eating ambrosia with all your lady friends.

[Valerie]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

It's an Edward Scissorhands ref. And what that is is an Edward Scissorhands reference.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, go ahead.

[Valerie]

No, well, I just. I was gonna say I don't really know what to do with, like, I. I feel in this week where we had a house full of friends, and before I met you. H, F O F. Yeah, before I met you, I lived with a lot of friends. I always. I. For six years, I lived with friends, and I loved it so much. And then I. And I never thought I was, like, a neurotic, anxious person. And then living with friends this week, I was like, wow. All my neuroses, all of my, like, you know, negative thoughts or fear that I'm gonna panic or wondering if I'm falling into a deep depression. Like, none of that is happening because I'm just, like, thinking about other things and having conversations and interacting. And, like, my mind is distracted. I'm not alone in a house ruminating. So I don't know if that's something that I need or if that is me distracting myself. Like, you know, my mom, I think, is somebody who. And I think a lot of boomer moms are like this. Like, distract themselves with taking care of people. And maybe that's all that is, is I distracted myself with taking care of my friends. And it felt so good to have a break from myself.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe.

[Valerie]

Or maybe that is like, there's nothing wrong with needing that. And I don't know. I don't even really. Oops, sorry. I don't need an answer. I just am saying that's something that I'm thinking of now is like. Like, yeah, it's hard to know sometimes if you're like, is that just a unhealthy coping mechanism or is that, like, that's okay. That's what my brain needs.

[Pete Holmes]

It sounds okay to me. I'll tell you what's way worse is when I'm with people, my neuroses and worse, my judging mind. So it's funny that you bring that up, because what I was going to bring up in our final moments here is my breakthrough in therapy. So I'm doing parts work, internal family systems therapy, talk therapy. But it's. It's not just talking. It's like, we've talked about this a bunch, but you find who is protecting you.

[Valerie]

What part of you.

[Pete Holmes]

What part of you sometimes is a part of your body, but, like, you identify them. And as I've Told you. Like, I'm such a reflexive judger and I've unpacked that a little bit and I. It's one of my least favorite things I say with compassion. But it's. Let's say it's one of the things that I'd like to work on the most, most about myself is that if you could see in my head if I'm pinched, if I'm tight, when I'm open, God, I. And that really feels like the real me. But if I'm, you know, miss a few meals, no coffee, jet lagged, whatever, you walk around the airport, you go, look at that piece of. Well, look at this. Oh, look at that. I bet that person, look at this. And everybody's an idiot. Everybody's an idiot. Everybody's a fool. Everybody's ugly, everybody's stupid. Most importantly, stupid. And this week, you know, going back to. I'm gonna. The way I'm tying this to what you were saying was like, when I'm with the house full of people, it. I have to face this part of me.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That is so involuntary. I can't even describe to people that I love. And I'll be like, what an idiot. You know, just like, just happening. So I was really. I've been living. I'm 45 years old. I've been going through my life going like, like, how do I work on that? And I. You. I don't know, I've. I've done some weird Googles going like, how do you get rid of reflexive involuntary judgment, whatever. And you're thinking of therapy and it turns out that it's internal family systems. Because the type. What, what is actually happening isn't just, oh, I have judgments. It's that I feel safe if I can scapegoat and project. So I grew up in a house and in a city and in a time where the most dangerous thing to my safety was being stupid. Was being a fool.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And so everything in me was like, don't be dumb. We've even joked that, like I've said to you before, like, in full earnest, like, do I have a mental disorder? Like, am I broken in some way? And even to the point the fantasy goes to a point where it's like, have we had this conversation before? And you told me yes. And I always forget, like, memento. It's like, tell me, tell me again. Like, am I broken? And you just put up with me like, I'm great in all these other ways, but like. And then Peter, of course, is you Know, completely broken. But, like, we look the other way. So we start going in and I started calling him Stringy. I forget what he wants to be called because I don't think Stringy's quite right. But he's Stringy because he's all muscle. He's just. He's an exoskeleton of muscle and he's very skinny. He has a knife and he's in a corner and so he's fighting. And the way that he fights is by calling everyone an idiot. So it's not just, oh, boy, I have this bad habit. It's actually, I have a part of myself that is out of love.

[Valerie]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

And out of survival.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Developed this outdated system to protect me and the child. The inner child. But protect all of us.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we're so afraid of being outcast and exiled and othered and belittled and deemed worthless that not only did we work on becoming shiny and special, that's a whole other issue. It was more like. And you're not. You're so not an idiot. You're the person who tells other people they're idiots. Like, people come to you to know if they're idiots.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And guess what? They are.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So he has a knife and he's real agile. And he's stabbing anybody.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Anybody.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he doesn't get control often, but like I said, he flares up. But now. And I've said this on the pod before, but, you know, it's a revelation to me every time. It is crazy. And I know it's a magnet. You'd see it World market. But love is the answer.

[Valerie]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's so crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. You go to. You don't have to see a therapist to do this. You identify. I would recommend it, but you identify the part. There he is, Stringy. And it kind of comes to you right away, the image of him and the shape of him and where he is in your body. And you just think. You start with, like, earnest. Thanks.

[Valerie]

Yeah. It helps if you can think of, like, something specific they gave you.

[Pete Holmes]

And I can.

[Valerie]

I want to hear.

[Pete Holmes]

Stringy writes the jokes.

[Valerie]

A hundred percent. That's a huge contribution.

[Pete Holmes]

Huge, huge, huge. Thank you, Stringy. So we can have an award ceremony for this guy who wants to be sharp and quick. Quick. And also makes very quick groups, groupings and. And categories and.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then observations about them.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

When he gets out of control is. Everybody's an idiot. You know, I. I always reference this joke. It's the joke about people who make you take your shoes off when you come in their house. Stringing gets that topic and he goes, stringy, I know how to do this.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You want me to yell at people who make you take your shoes off? Yeah, I can do that with zero effort. I can do that for anything.

[Valerie]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm working on a bit. I'm gonna try it at Largo this week. About how I don't pour candy and popcorn. It's. Cause you do. And how I'm like, I don't like that. And you give it to Stringy. Stringy doesn't even need to write it out. It's just like, yell about that. Yell about how The M&M's are oily and salty and they're all in the bottom of the bag. He's got it. So he is a gift, and he is me and he deserves. So one of the practices we're doing is I wrote it on my mirror. It's like, hugs for Stringy. Like, I'll hug you and I'll be like, this is for Stringy. Yeah, we're hugging him.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We're inviting him in the bed when me, you, and Leela are waking up and we're laughing. Get him in the mix because he's part of me. But then. So you thank him and you. And then you just kind of. Just like you would a scared animal. And I'm not calling him an animal. I'm just saying, like, you just go, like, I can see you really think that if we are a fool, we're in danger. And how old do you think we are? Where do you think we live? And he thinks we're about seven years old. Eight years old.

[Valerie]

So many of them started taking post for me, too.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

I love asking my parts. How old do you think I am? And it's so often a seven. And it's so fun to then go, we don't. I'm 35.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm 35.

[Valerie]

And like, the feeling.

[Pete Holmes]

And the question is, can they see that?

[Valerie]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

The feeling.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Just the relief. Not. And it doesn't always come. Like, some parts can't see it right away. But you just.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm talking one session. Yeah.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's. It's the. All the. All the tropes about therapy for me. Like, you won't. You got to work on this for. And. And we need to unpack Stringy. Where did you learn to judge? Who cares?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's doing it because you. You can if you want.

[Valerie]

Yeah. You are so Good at self love. I think those questions are for, you know, people, don't you? Every time I've seen you after therapy and you're like, I met a new part. And I just love. I have so much love for it. Like, it takes most people a lot of sessions to just. To feel love for even just one part.

[Pete Holmes]

I, I will agree with that.

[Valerie]

And I'm saying this is a huge compliment.

[Pete Holmes]

No, the reason I agree is because it's a weird flex. It's a weird internal flex system. But it's true. And a lot of times in one session I go, I get why you're doing it. Thank you for doing it. And I'm not even asking you to stop now when I have the judgment. And I still, of course I do. I did the day I had that therapy.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll just imagine hugging him or petting him. Almost like just kind of petting his hair. He doesn't have hair. He's all muscle. But, you know, just kind of stroking him.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And loving him and just being like, I see you. I see what you're doing. It's okay.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But then you just go like. And I hope this is interesting to people, but I'm like, can you look at me? Can you see me? Like, can you see? And you're. You're with us. Yeah, you're with us. You're in me. And then I'm. I'm on the outside. And guess what? One level up, it's all just awareness anyway. So it's like even that is part of it. Even my, my spiritual beliefs are like, there's another level where none of this is even consequential. It's all just love. It's all just light. It's all just knowing. So we can play in all of those levels. But I spend so much time going up and out. It's really nice to go in.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And find these parts.

[Valerie]

Absolutely. And I, I've heard Richard Schwartz, who created ifs internal family systems, say like really the, the what he found. I mean, he was like amazed as he was practicing this, like when he was lead people in these conversations with their, their, their parts is once the parts felt completely seen for their contribution, they would relax back. And that relaxing back is sort of into pure awareness.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

So it does have its role.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it does.

[Valerie]

But it's going through. Through it, through it and not bypassing it. And I think it's very important.

[Pete Holmes]

And I, I Sleeper, have a pretty good spiritual bypassing addiction where I'm just like, I Don't even have a family. You know, I don't do that all the time. Yeah, but it is, it is a risk for me. I just wrote down Richard Schwartz. I wonder if he would. Is he alive?

[Valerie]

Uh huh. Oh yeah. And he does podcasts.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Valerie]

Oh yeah, he's great.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll reach out to him.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you feel good. Am I cutting you off?

[Valerie]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Do I have a. Am I broken in some way? We've had this conversation before.

[Valerie]

I told you when you. When we did have that conversation. And I'll tell you as many times as you need. You know everything we know. So all of the ways that you are.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's my comfort.

[Valerie]

All the ways you.

[Pete Holmes]

At least I'm conscious about them.

[Valerie]

Neurodivergent or strange. You know about them. You're the one that told us about them. I. I won't let you have a secret thing that isn't in your awareness. But you're so hypervigilant with your self awareness with which truly is. You know, it's not why I love you, but it's why I know I can spend my life with you. Is because you are, you know yourself so well and every part of you, you are aware. There's no unconsciousness that I've ever seen. And if there does develop one, you know, if one develops all. I will bring it to your attention. So you can trust that you're not a secret. A secret. Whatever you were afraid you were.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that. I wonder as you. First of all, thank you so much. And then I'm like, I wonder how if Leela wants to rebel and be with someone, maybe she'll find a real steady Eddie. Like just like a simple.

[Valerie]

She probably will because that's not just what she is.

[Pete Holmes]

I just love jamming.

[Valerie]

She probably will. I hope she does, actually.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, me too.

[Valerie]

Maybe.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice.

[Valerie]

It could be a very, very intelligent study, Eddie. But like think of like our friend Fred. Like Fred and Michaela.

[Pete Holmes]

I would. It's a high compliment if Leela ended up with somebody like Fred. I would just be like, oh my God, Fred makes you pizzas.

[Valerie]

Oh, I, I'm. I've said it before. I think I said it last week on this podcast, but I'm obsessed with people who are compassionate and empathetic but not highly sensitive.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Because I think they make the world go round and, and so people who are so steady because they're not highly sensitive. Now I, I am learning still to make peace with my own highly sensitive nature. And one of the ways I do that is that most of the people I love are highly sensitive people. So clearly there is plenty of value that highly sensitive people offer to the world, too. But I just. I love a steady Eddie. And Leela is not. So far, it's looking like she's going to be a little bit more like you and I. So she will need a steady Eddie.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I'm obsessed.

[Valerie]

All right, friends.

[Pete Holmes]

Thanks, everybody.

[Valerie]

If you are. I.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I would say that in the intro.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But, yeah, wishing everybody well.

[Valerie]

Yeah, wishing everybody well.

[Pete Holmes]

And stay safe and donate and help however we can.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And.

[Valerie]

And keep it crispy.