We Made It Weird #204

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Episode #204

Episode Information:

• Title: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
• Host: Pete Holmes
• Episode Number: 204
• Release Date: January 24, 2025
• Description: Exploring the quirky and profound conversations with comedians as Pete Holmes delves into their secret weirdness.

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Introduction

In Episode #204 of "You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes," Pete Holmes and his co-host Valerie dive deep into their current obsessions, sharing insights on various shows and personal reflections. The episode intertwines discussions about contemporary media, personal growth, and therapeutic experiences, all delivered with Pete and Valerie's signature humor and authenticity.

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Current Favorites: Valley Heat, Bad Sisters, and Bob Dylan

Valley Heat: Pete and Valerie express their enthusiasm for the podcast "Valley Heat," praising its unique blend of humor and earnestness. Pete highlights the show's fearless confrontation style, likening it to a mix of Buddhist philosophy and "The Big Lebowski."

Pete ([14:20]): "It's very exertant, and it's also fearless. He's always just facing his problems."

Bad Sisters: The duo discusses "Bad Sisters," particularly its second season, commending its compelling storytelling and character development. They appreciate the show's ability to balance dark themes with moments of levity.

Pete ([73:37]): "We’re glad you were here. Valerie, Keep it crispy."

Bob Dylan: A significant portion of the episode centers around Bob Dylan—both his legacy and their personal connections to his work. Pete shares a poignant moment about seeing a young kid playing Dylan's "The Times They Are A-Changin'" at a farmer's market, emphasizing the song's enduring relevance.

Pete ([27:59]): "My reminder was, be yourself. Just be yourself. What's wrong with being yourself?"

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Personal Reflections and Therapy

The conversation takes a introspective turn as Pete and Valerie discuss their experiences with Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. They explore themes of vulnerability, self-acceptance, and the importance of surrounding themselves with supportive people.

Vulnerability and Self-Acceptance: Pete reflects on a therapeutic session where he confronted a younger, more compliant version of himself. This introspection leads him to value acceptance over striving for perfection.

Pete ([60:09]): "So when you're looking for the part of you meaning the aspect, meaning the age and the... just the time of what version of you is most sort of off kilter right now?"

Support Systems: Both hosts emphasize the significance of having friends and loved ones who appreciate them as they are, highlighting how such relationships foster resilience and personal growth.

Valerie ([49:37]): "So that's what we were talking about, me and Jen. We were saying, like, it unlocks something in you."

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Exploring Attachment and Attraction

Valerie introduces a discussion on attachment theory, debating whether attraction is solely based on recognizing familiar attachment patterns or if it encompasses deeper, more primal connections.

Valerie ([52:22]): "I think Dr. Becky Kennedy... said that’s all attraction is."

Pete challenges this notion, suggesting that attraction operates on multiple levels, including spiritual and primal dimensions.

Pete ([72:07]): "We don't see the world as it is. We see it as we are. And we don't see people how they are. We see them how we are."

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Humor and Relatability

Throughout the episode, Pete and Valerie infuse humor into their discussions, making complex topics relatable. They share anecdotes from their personal lives, such as Pete’s interactions with friends and Valerie’s experiences with her nephew’s wedding, all while maintaining a light-hearted tone.

Valerie ([69:52]): "I'm pretty sure they've been doing that in Montreal the whole time."

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Key Insights and Conclusions

1. Embracing Vulnerability: Opening up about personal insecurities and past experiences fosters deeper connections and personal growth.
2. Multi-faceted Attraction: Attraction is a complex interplay of familiar attachment patterns, primal instincts, and spiritual connections.
3. Supportive Relationships: Having a network of supportive friends and loved ones is crucial for resilience and self-acceptance.
4. Value of Authenticity: Being true to oneself, as epitomized by Bob Dylan’s legacy, is essential for personal happiness and fulfillment.

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Notable Quotes

• Pete ([14:20]): "It's very earnest, and it's also fearless. He's always just facing his problems."
• Valerie ([49:37]): "So that's what we were talking about, me and Jen. We were saying, like, it unlocks something in you."
• Pete ([72:07]): "We don't see the world as it is. We see it as we are. And we don't see people how they are. We see them how we are."
• Valerie ([52:22]): "I think Dr. Becky Kennedy... said that’s all attraction is."
• Pete ([27:59]): "My reminder was, be yourself. Just be yourself. What's wrong with being yourself?"

---

Conclusion

Episode #204 of "You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes" offers a rich tapestry of discussions, blending media critiques with deep personal insights. Pete and Valerie provide listeners with thoughtful reflections on authenticity, vulnerability, and the complexities of human connections, all while maintaining an engaging and humorous dialogue. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the show, this episode offers valuable takeaways on embracing one's true self and the importance of supportive relationships.

Transcript

[A]

You made it with. You made it with. You made it with. Oh, yeah. You made it with. Yes, you did. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[B]

What's Happening Weirdos? What's Happening, Weirdos? Welcome to what's Happening Weirdos. We got a groovy baseline through this entire episode.

[A]

Just summer loving.

[B]

That happened so fast.

[A]

What kind of. Kind of was it? We're glad you're here. If you're new to the show, this is We Made It Weird, the Friday bonus episode where Val and I catch up.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And as Val said, in this episode, we always do these intros right after we did the episode. You mentioned that this is kind of a classic, a return to form, in that we're talking about what we're watching, what we're reading, what we're loving. And I think I. I always think these are great. I always look forward to it.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And it was awesome. And I'm glad everybody is here to listen.

[B]

That's right. Thank you for listening.

[A]

Only a couple things. Up top. Petehomes.com we just added a late show Thursday because Salt Lake City sold out. So that's awesome. Thank you, my Utah friends. So check out if you tried to get tickets and couldn't. We just added the late Thursday show. Pete Holmes dot com. And then after that is Arizona. And there's Largo once a month in LA. February 15th is the next Largo show here in LA. That was emotional. The last one was so sweet. With everything that LA is going through, to gather together and laugh, it was really beautiful. So hope you can be there as well. And that was a fundraiser and people really showed up for that. And Largo added $2,000 on top of it. So it was seven grand for a wonderful cause. But two of that was Largo.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Just Largo being. Yeah. Thank you, Flanny and Largo. All right, everybody. As you know, we don't do ads for things we don't actually use and love. So these are things we actually use and love. And if they sound interesting to you, support the show. Use our promo code. Keeps the lights on, as we like to say. Katie, roll that beautiful bean footage. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Chubby's. Lately, I have been rocking the Chubby's classic line swim trunks in my pool, in my col. A cold plunge and in the hot tub. You guys know I love the water and I love my classic line swim trunks from Chubby's. They are the best fitting, best looking swim trunks I have ever owned. And they have a built in boxer brief liner. Who knew that that would be such a game changer? Why did it take us so long to figure out boxer briefs are better than briefs and boxer brief liners are better than brief liners. And it feels so good. I'm obsessed with Chubby's. If you had a disappointing holiday season this year filled with gag gifts and novelty mugs, it's not too late to turn it around and get yourself the things you truly deserve. With our friends at Chubby's who have everything you need to turn your wardrobe and maybe even your life. I want to say it around from their every wear pants like everywhere wear everywhere at wear to their ultimate training shorts which make working out look so much better, maybe even feel a little bit better. Yet even on a non leg day to their classic Chubby's polo. I love a good polo. And the Chubby's polo is a perfect cut for when you're casual or you're being slightly formal. I love a polo. It's like a life hack. You look good but you still feel good. Not too tight or bunched up. So don't miss out. Chubby's is here to help you take on 2025 in style. Starting with the comfiest, most versatile gear you've ever worn. And for a limited time, our friends at Chubby's are giving our listeners 20% off with the promo code Weirdo for checkout at at checkout@chubby shorts.com Chubby's. C-U B B I E S S H O R-T S dot com. That's 20 off your order with promo code Weirdo. Support our show. Tell them we sent you. Support your body, support your look. No matter where the new year takes you, Chubby's has the gear to keep you comfortable and looking your best. Thank you to our friends at Chubby's. We're also brought to us by our friends at Element. You guys know I am obsessed with Element. Today is actually a fast day for me. And one of the reasons I have so much energy and feel so clear and so bright and so fine, even though I haven't had any food is because I have taken my element and I flooded my body with healthy hydration, which isn't just water. We know this. We have the science. It's water plus electrolytes and lmnt. Element is the perfect blend of sodium, magnesium and potassium to flood every cell in your body with optimum hydration. Plus it tastes fantast. So I end up drinking more Water. I love the watermelon salt. I also love the chocolate salt. I drink that one hot, especially on cold nights now that it's in the wintertime. I love it. It's absolutely the optimum ratio of what you need to feel. Fantastic. And it gives you that boost, gives you that energy, gives you that kickstart. And I swear it helps my brain, helps me think, helps me function, keeps me cracking. Whip smart. And I love it. Whip smart. And then I started reading and I lost my train of thought. Who cares? Go to drinklmnt.com weird and use promo code weird. And you get a free element sample pack. And you can try all of the flavors, which is awesome. It's like a $14 value. You can also try their element Sparkle Sparkling, which is a bold 16 ounce can of sparkling electrolyte water, which I love. If they don't exceed your expectations, they have a no questions asked refund policy. So you literally have nothing to lose. You don't even have to send it back. So support your body, support your hydration, support this show. Go to drinklmnt.com weird and get your free sample pack with any purchase. That's drinklmnt.com weird. All right, everybody, glad you're here.

[B]

Valerie, get into it.

[A]

I mean, what are we looking for when we open the podcast app or the Spotify app or the Apple music app or a third party podcast app if we're opening some sort of podcast streaming app? And of all of the many thousands, of all of the many thousands of choices, we decide why not our, our, our old standby, you made it weird. Or, or, or, or. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

[B]

Oh, Jeff Goldblum's here.

[A]

Or perhaps we're, we're trying something new. Yeah, something, something. What? You made it weird. Oh, that's always interesting when someone, someone in a conversation makes it weird. That's always something. Let's be real. If I'm at a cafe having a boguet. If I'm having a boguet at a cafe and I hear someone say, you made it weird, I'm gonna be honest. I might from that moment on only pretend to read the newspaper or my iPad, if that's what the times are. As Bob Dylan said, newspapers are now an iPad. Do you remember he said that in 1960.

[B]

He was a prophet.

[A]

Everybody knows that newspapers are now Apple brand iPads. That was the first draft.

[B]

Of course, then we didn't know that we weren't really going to call them Apple brand iPads.

[A]

He was so close. He was so close. Have I done that on the show before. Because one of the things you are looking for when you click on a podcast that's maybe a standby or maybe it's something new is what are you looking for? You're looking for bits. You're looking for laughs. So maybe that Bob Dylan riff was like maybe. Maybe these people are gonna riff. They're gonna.

[B]

These people gonna riff. Wait a minute. Is this one of those podcasts where people riff?

[A]

I've heard like a church girl in the 1940s. I've heard of podcasts like you. Like she's been warned about them.

[B]

I've heard of your kind, the devil's riffs.

[A]

You never know where Riff might go. And that's very unsettling to her dad, who, you know, wears perf glasses. Perfectly round wire frame and the frame is loose and he wraps them around his ear. That was the iPad of that time. Was your. Was your. Was your glasses won't come off cuz we've hooked it behind your ear.

[B]

I know.

[A]

That was the Steve Jobs of 1911. Was like now with new hook technology.

[B]

Why. But why did they still like, why did they put them on that way? Were the. The side so flimsy?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. You couldn't.

[B]

It was dependent on the hook.

[A]

It was the only way to put them on. It was like threading a needle. It wasn't like putting on glasses.

[B]

That must have been so uncomfortable. Also, there's so, so many different ear shapes.

[A]

Yeah. But I could also very easily see someone from that time with a daughter who's worried about those kind of podcasts. And I'm at home and it's dark because electricity is kind of new and we only have a couple lanterns. And I got my glasses on and I'm in my study. You're picturing it perfectly. It's like he reads in there. Cause it's so dark. But I'm at my desk and the desk is kind of in the middle of the room and there's a lot of leather bound books and I forgot what we were talking about. What did you say? I could see that man saying once they make the hard ones that go on and like hold their shape. Him being like. But on Sunday I put them in my front vest pocket and they fit perfect.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's British now.

[B]

He probably is. Also, was electricity new in the 40s?

[A]

I. I've been saying 1911. His daughter said, I know about those types of podcasts. So presumably she's like 20 at that time.

[B]

Okay. Got.

[A]

He was inventing those glasses in 1911.

[B]

Oh, he invented them now.

[A]

Yeah. Like. Like Riff exhaustion. Yeah. That's why it's so fun when someone's doing a con. Like a Dirty John. I know Dirty John wasn't funny. It was, like, a very fucked up thing. But, like, when you see someone who's doing a con getting caught and they're just so exhausted.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Well, the fatigue of, like, they have to have a spreadsheet at home. Like, what did I say? My dog who died in Puerto Rico. His name.

[B]

Oh, gosh. Totally.

[A]

It's insanity.

[B]

That's like the, you know, nightmare. Like, I have had nightmares. And we're watching Bad Sisters. I can't do it.

[A]

That's another thing you're looking for when you tune into a podcast. Maybe a show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That you don't know. And I'm Dracula, dead and loving.

[B]

We love Bad Sisters. The Harvey sisters.

[A]

Can I tell you something? Are you gonna remember what you're gonna say? Nope. Say it.

[B]

Probably not, but it doesn't matter.

[A]

Say it.

[B]

Just that that's a specific nightmare of mine is that, like, I somehow accidentally murder somebody, and then, like, I have to. It's not that. It's not the murdering. It's that I have to pay attention to the details.

[A]

You're funny.

[B]

Not get caught.

[A]

You're truly funny.

[B]

Like, I still live my life paying attention.

[A]

Top tier.

[B]

Such detail.

[A]

Top tier. Riff. Top tier Riff. It's not the trauma of murdering somebody. It's the remembering your story.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

On Thursday.

[B]

Trying to get it all right.

[A]

Cause in a murder mystery, people are always asking, where were you the night John Paul died? So ask me that.

[B]

Where were you the night Jean Paul died?

[A]

What night was that?

[B]

Yeah, well, that was. Remember how that was basically the entire conceit of cereal. Like, she even started it by being like. The one thing I do know is that it's really hard to remember where you were 15 years later. And we're like, yeah, yeah, we know.

[A]

I was watching. It was Alan Ginsberg in the Bob Dylan. What's that one called? No Direction.

[B]

No Direction.

[A]

Oh, they're just taking every line from Like a Rolling Stone. They're turning it into magazines.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're turning it into a movie and a documentary.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The next one is Gave a Bum a Dime. There's going to be a new Bob.

[B]

Dylan movie nonprofit that people gave a.

[A]

Gave a bum a dime. If you don't. If you're not laughing at that riff. It's once upon a time in your prime, you gave a bum a dime it's the first line of the song. I never noticed that.

[B]

He says, through the bums a dime. I think.

[A]

I think it's okay. Through the bums a dime.

[B]

Through the bums a dime.

[A]

Yeah, but still bums.

[B]

I know, but look, it was a different time.

[A]

It was a different time. It didn't. In that time, it only meant unhoused people. It didn't mean your butt. So it wasn't.

[B]

And the unhoused people there were like. I don't know what I'm talking about.

[A]

Riding the rails. They were hobos, nobos, and drifters. Well, I was thinking it's a different culture.

[B]

It was more like the Haight Ashbury. Like, people who. Like. Like transient.

[A]

Transients.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know if we're. If we've ripped ourself into a corner here, but I'm. But we just made it weird.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And when. When. When. When you tune into a new podcast, maybe. Maybe you're hoping this is also. I'm realizing that this tone that I'm taking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Bad Sisters, Valley Heat.

[B]

I knew it. And I just didn't want to call you out.

[A]

I know. I'm glad. I'm glad. And Valley Heat, the podcast is. I.

[B]

It's changing our lives.

[A]

It's changing our lives. I. It's the greatest thing I've ever heard. I'm recommending it to everybody. It's a complete silly podcast. It's just comedy. There's no learning or hugging.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As the Seinfeld rule go. But I'm listening to it, and I'm obsessed. And I'm gonna have the man who made it, Christian, on the. On the podcast.

[B]

He's so good. So this really is like. Remember how when we started this podcast, which recently we just had, like, the 200th episode, and we just.203 here acknowledge it. But this is great. Like, around the 200th episode, we're sort of getting back to the very original conceit of what these bonus episodes were, which is Val and Pete talk about, like, what they're reading, what they're listening to, what they're watching. And in general, at that time, especially because it was the middle pandemic, it was all, like, spiritual, psychological stuff, which it often is. But right now, what is in our orbit, big time, big time. Big time is Bad Sisters, Valley Heat, Bob Dylan.

[A]

That's exactly right.

[B]

Yeah. We're just. And it came out organically. But I would love to talk about this.

[A]

I want to hit all three of those. Let's start With Bob Dylan. Because I just want to say kind of in a Valley Heat sort of way, because I'm loving. I'm loving. Just talking like, Valley Heat.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I just think it's so funny. Valley Heat, if anyone's heard it, you'll enjoy this. But even if you don't know the show, one of the formula, and it's so hard to pick up on any formula of that show is he'll have a confrontation. The character. So he's just talking about his neighborhood, and he'll have a confrontation. And one of the things I love about it is it's very earnest, and it's also fearless. He's always just facing his problems. So I love that. So he'll be like.

[B]

And very calmly, very.

[A]

Always even. And people are always insulting him, and he'll go, I'll take that remark. Like, there's something. I don't even want to say this to him because I don't want to put it in his mind, but there's something almost Buddhist about it. It's like he's just. Or maybe like the Big Lebowski. He's just sort of, like, going through life, conflict is happening, and he faces it. But then he'll be like, my neighbor said, I took her rake, but I didn't take a rake. Well, I did take a rake, but I think a rake is actually the sort of thing. It's like an implement that in a tribe sort of way should be like. It should belong to the street. And if you live on a cul de sac, you have one rake. That was Theodore Roosevelt. Actually, cul de sac means those who own one rake. Actually, I'm actually doing it too. Riffy. But then I. You come by to confront me about the rake, and then we end up having a debate as to whether or not rakes. Would the world be a better place if the whole street owned a rig? You know what I mean? Yeah, because you took my rake. And it's like. But rakes, like, they're like umbrellas. Like, we should just share umbrellas and rakes.

[B]

And then it'd be like, we'll come back to that debate in just a minute after this promotion. And then it'll be like, Paul Davis's rakes.

[A]

Yeah, he's like, a rake company decided to sponsor this episode. And then, like, later, they'll be like, there's an ad bought by the person he's fighting with to be like, one rake per household. It's a new campaign. And he's kind of like, go to OneRakeper Household Biz.

[B]

It's just too. It's so good, and it's unlike anything. I feel like we're.

[A]

I mean, we're not even. No, no, no. We're not doing it justice. And that's ex. You're not hurting my feelings. That's exactly my point is there's not a lot of things, and this is a weird flex. There's not a lot of things. Bad Sisters is also one of them that I watch, and I'm just like. I concede. I lower my weapons. A lot of things I watch, and I'm kind of like, I love it. And I'm thinking about what they're doing, and you kind of have a sense of what they're doing. You're thinking about what they're doing while you're enjoying what they're doing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Valley Heat and Bad Sisters to a lesser extent, But I love. It's less. Whatever. It's a different kind of thing. But Valley Heat, I'm really like. The main thing is I'm like, he doesn't sound like a guy doing a bit. And I'm so comeditized that even as I tried to do it, I was like, and you have a cul de sac. And cul de sac means those who own one. He does it in a way that you don't know comedy is happening, which sounds like a burn. But then. And sometimes you're not even laughing, and then sometimes later, you'll describe an episode of Valley Heat to your wife, Valerie, and then you're choking with laughter.

[B]

That's totally.

[A]

Because you can't.

[B]

What happened.

[A]

So it's like. It's like a magic trick. It's the greatest podcast, and I love it. And it's short, and if you listen to this and you like it, and. But sometimes I'm in the car and I don't want something that's kind of deep or this or that I throw on Valley Heat. And no, I am not being paid to say that, but I am talking, like, Valley Heat.

[B]

We. That is exactly what happened, is you sent it to me. I listened to the first episode, and in sort of that Arrested Development way, just kept thinking, like, this is so funny.

[A]

Yes, it is the Arrested Development way.

[B]

Where I wasn't, like, laughing, but I was like, this is so fucking funny.

[A]

It almost puts you in a state of alert that you're just like, oh, my God, this is so funny. But you're too frozen. It's like, fight flight. Freeze. You're like, I'm frozen by this.

[B]

Right. And you don't want to miss anything by laughing.

[A]

That's why you laugh when you're telling someone about it.

[B]

But that's what I mean. And so then that. That night, we were laying in bed and, like, whispering, because we sleep with our child. But then it turns out that we're like the kids trying to.

[A]

We're the ones with the flashlight in the Spider man comic book.

[B]

Yeah. And I was telling you my favorite parts and just cracking it, like, couldn't get it out. I was laughing.

[A]

Have you gotten to the ads for the motorcycles where your arms are real up high? And then he goes, so long and tall. Bikes, they'll make your handlebars real high. You know, you're going down the highway and you look like you're saying touchdown. And they'll also put the front wheel way in front of the bike.

[B]

Yeah. And he kind of laughs there. And it's the only time I've ever heard him say that. Yeah.

[A]

God, I can't wait to meet him. From what I've heard, just a very funny person. Christian Dugay. And Doug Dugay is the host of Valley Heat.

[B]

That's his character.

[A]

It's so fucking funny.

[B]

I love that you said, let's talk about Bob Dylan, and then you just went into a full thing about Valley.

[A]

Well, because I realized, especially because I'm wearing headphones and you're not, so I can really hear my voice. A lot of the humor comes from him being like. And welcome to Valley Heat. This is the episode. This is about my neighborhood, the Rancho Equestrian neighborhood of Burbank, California. And there's some. So he's parodying, like, talk radio. It's almost like, you know what it is to me. Remember the movie Pump up the Volume with Christian Slater? That movie sucks.

[B]

Fucking, I don't even think I ever saw it.

[A]

Christian Slater knows that movie sucks.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Like, I just mean, like, the conceit didn't hold up. I'm not saying his performance sucks. I'm not saying anybody that that wrote its sex. I'm saying it just didn't age well. It's this idea of this guy doing a radio show in his bedroom, and somehow everyone's obsessed with it. But I'm sorry, it's just a bridge too far to be like, there's a guy and he's. And he's pretending to masturbate. He's almost like a Howard Stern, and he's smoking cigarettes. Here's why it doesn't hold up. Just in case anyone Listening. Did work on the movie. Pump up the volume. Christian Slater, if you're listening, full respect. I'm sure he is, and I know you are.

[B]

He definitely is.

[A]

I love making it weird. I love the Christian Slater Science. And I respect this movie. But we just. We live in an. It was like trying to science fiction. The cult of personality of podcasts and the Internet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it just was off. So he's being interesting in a way that is a guess on what might be interesting. But now we've had too many tastes of what actually is interesting, what actually would go viral. And it's not Christian Slater being like, I'm gonna beat my meat again. And everyone being like, I can't stop listening. Anyway, this is. This news.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Bob Dylan.

[B]

Bob Dylan. Well, I was just gonna say it. I have yet to see somebody do a podcast on a show or a movie. And it feel right. No, I just. And I. And I. Valerie, thank you for saying this. Like, I'm not even. I. I'm. I can't tell you why it's wrong. Most of the time, it just feels not quite right. Like, they did it on the new Sex and the City. The. And just like that, she had a podcast briefly. That didn't feel right. And then I'm gonna say, and I don't want this to be shots fired, because I haven't watched the show enough. And I know a lot of people are loving it, and I love Kristen Bell, but she has that new show that's like, nobody wants this.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And it's like, on that, she has a podcast with her sister, I believe. I only watched, like, half of the pilot, and I was just like, I don't. I don't know why.

[A]

I know why. It's. When it's the same thing when they try to put improv theater in a. Mikey Birbiglia did a great job in Don't Think Twice, and the way they did it is they actually improvised.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But a lot of times, like, if it's fake improv, it just feels wrong. And a podcast or fake standup.

[B]

It's really hard to do standup.

[A]

Well, I agree. And fake bombing at stand up or fake. All of the things that I did brilliantly on.

[B]

You did. You really did.

[A]

Jk. Jk. Jk.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Dov Davidoff did an incredible job fake bombing on that.

[B]

He was very good, too.

[A]

Yeah. But. Sorry, I just sidetracked you.

[B]

No, that was it.

[A]

Television is scenes and page counts and minutes, and there's a line producer, and they're keeping an eye on it. And it's really hard to say for the podcast scene, we should be talking about this, this, and this, but even that is too limiting. You and I are trying to talk about Bob Dylan, Valley Heat and Bad Sisters, and we can't fucking do it. And that's what a podcast is. Yeah, that's what it is.

[B]

Right?

[A]

So if you turn it into a grocery, a burp. So fucking funny. Just like we're all just ignoring it. It didn't actually come out. I stopped it. Like a huge Trojan horse filled with belly gas came to the gates and I didn't. But it's very old, man. It's like that Mulaney bit of talking through a burp.

[B]

I talked through a burp.

[A]

I talked through denying a burp. It's like I got a call from a correctional facility that houses my gas. Like you have a collect call from. And I was like, I can't accept the charges.

[B]

I'm not accepting the charges.

[A]

I'm in the middle of a sentence. I can't do this. But instead you just got the gap where I was telling it no and it was real.

[B]

This is why I don't believe nobody wants. This is like Kristen Bell and the girl who plays Willa in succession are, like, in full hair and makeup because it's the show and they're like, in a great looking apartment and they're being really cute and interesting. And maybe that is actually how some people podcast, but I podcast with somebody who burps during the Sunday, and you.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Look, look, the steam cleaners have come for us, and maybe it's great, but we have a dear friend who edits podcasts, and his whole job is to take out moments. Like a burp just came up. And, you know, not to say, but I do. I do prefer it. That's what it is.

[B]

Sloppy.

[A]

And I've said sloppy and crappie. I've said it a million times. The more artificial intelligence is enhancing our creativity, the more we'll crave burps. Burps. I think there's gonna be a whole genre called gas comedy. It's a gas, they call it. And you come out and there's burps and farts. And sometimes people are like the big closers. They just pick up a used Q tip, but then it's blackout before you can really see what's on it.

[B]

I'm pretty sure they've been doing that in Montreal the whole time.

[A]

Like, clown stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God, is this the return of clown?

[B]

Oh, the return of clown.

[A]

Every year when I went to the Montreal Comedy Festival, we were all these, like, comedy snobs. And we're there in our attitude leather jackets and our clean white sneakers and would fill out big theaters and with our rye observations. And on our way from the hotel to the venue, you would pass the hardest working Montreal clowns that are farting. And like, someone, someone behind a scrim is like, like blowing a trumpet. And like, all these LA people were there and that's just not for us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But maybe because of AI, the hard working Quebec clowns will finally get their due.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the air that accompanies poo poo.

[B]

We can only hope.

[A]

We can only hope. All right, Bob Dylan, I was gonna say. So I had a conversation last week with a. With somebody who reminded me of my own fundamentalism growing up. I can't know this person, I can't know their beliefs, but they were just sort of conjuring up a feeling that I hadn't had in a really long time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was, like, kind of thrown by it. And I actually wrote down a couple things because I had a really good therapy about it. But as we were talking, I was like. And it was on a podcast and I was like. And I was just sort of like, am I offending this person? Am I upsetting them? Because, like, so many of my views have changed from that time. So now I'm talking to somebody. And again, I can't be sure, but seemed to have beliefs similar to my beliefs when I was in my early faith. And I was like, got really upset. I didn't get really upset. I got worried that maybe I had upset them or maybe might upset their listeners.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then Bob Dylan.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think this is really interesting, like, symbols and avatars and Batman and why we love these things is you were like, pete, think of Bob Dylan. Like, you just said your truth and you said it calmly and with compassion, and you were patient and used humor and you were yourself and Bob. Like, so when you think of Bob Dylan as an avatar of, like, artistic integrity and truth, then he's just sort of like. But like, to an absurd extent, I was envisioning him being like, oh, I'm sorry, you told, you told someone your truth and you didn't sell out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that why you're upset? And I would feel better.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And it'd be like, did you track mud on somebody's carpet? Oh, did you upset the status quo? Oh, wait, write that down. Down. And I was really moved.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then Last night at the farmers market here in the Rancho Equestrian neighborhood of Burbank. We're at the farmer's market, and there was a young kid playing Bob Dylan. He was playing the times there are changing. And it was very moving that there was just. I mean, he looked like he was 13 years, 15, probably playing. I was like, cute. Yeah. We needed. I think society at this time needed some Bob Dylan needed some, like, reminder. A reminder. Like what? I. My reminder was, be yourself. Just be yourself. What's wrong with being yourself? You can be kind, but be yourself. You don't have to be ashamed of who you are. I want to be electric. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The hippies didn't like it. Oh, well. Well, yeah. Give a bum a dime. My new charity, Apple iPad. Touch screen, two fingers. You used zoom. Triple hit the home button for Apple pay. It's double. It's gonna drive a lot of people crazy that it's double. Swipe down from the upper right to get your shortcut. Ever cut to the audience. What.

[B]

What is this?

[A]

So what does that make you think? I just went on a big tear.

[B]

Yeah. No, I. So to give context, obviously, we. We saw the Bob Dylan movie together, and then. Well, you had seen it before me, and then we went and saw it together.

[A]

So mad about that.

[B]

Yeah, I just want to bring that up any chance I can. And. And then we both watched also separately, the. The no Direction Home documentary.

[A]

Look, man, again, when are we gonna watch a four hour. I know, Scorsese documentary?

[B]

No, I'm just together for fun.

[A]

I'm on planes.

[B]

But it is. It is very helpful to have. Just to, like, you know, agree with you. It's very helpful to have this image of a person who is like, I'm not your man. Like, you know, anytime somebody was like, you're political like us, he's like, nah, I'm not your man. And like, anytime somebody was like, I'm dead right now. Voice of our generation. He's like, what. What generation, man? I'm. I'm singing to whoever's listening.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Just so helpful.

[A]

Damn. Not your man.

[B]

Yeah, he's not. What I mean, it's like, I think probably It Ain't Me Babe is like his most authentic voice song. Like, that's like the truest hymn. And it's so. It's a. It's an enneagram 4 for sure. And it's just. It's really attractive. Even though I am certain that, like, if I were his life partner, I would get so annoyed by that and that would be so hard to live with.

[A]

Oh, nobody wants to live with that.

[B]

Yeah, it's incredibly attractive. So, okay, so this set me on this. This whole journey, honestly. Re. Reacquainting. Reacquainting. Is that right? Reacquainting.

[A]

I think. I think that's one of those words that no one knows how to say. So you just barrel through it.

[B]

You go, reacquainting myself with. With Bobby D has been this whole thing, because when I was in. Probably when I was. It started in eighth grade, really, I got like. I don't know, a. Greatest hits or something. And I started to get really into Bob Dylan. And then in Mr. Harvey's class, his English class, we had to do, like, a poetry notebook. It was our biggest project. It was like a project we worked on all year. And so we had to pick a poet and, like, do, like, all this, you know, like, biographies and then, like, analyzing the poems. And I did Bob Dylan, so I, like, did a very deep dive.

[A]

Cool choice, though.

[B]

Thank you. And that's also, I think, when I. I watched Don't Look Back, which is the black and white one that was made in the 60s.

[A]

That's what. We can watch that one together.

[B]

Yeah, I'm excited to watch that one. And then, like, immediately, like, the night after I watched that, I had my first sex dream about Bob Dylan in black and white. And it.

[A]

Who dp'd that? You got the same DP from Don't Look Back for your dream.

[B]

Deep penetration.

[A]

Double penetration.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I'm a dork.

[A]

I'm just gonna say, if you type DP into a porn browser, it's not gonna be deep. It's not gonna be deep.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's gonna be one of the weirder things.

[B]

You can see I clearly don't explore that corner of the Internet much.

[A]

That's a rough one.

[B]

Yeah, I can imagine. But I. So he. So he really was like. Like one of my first real hard, like, obsessive crushes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And then that continued, like, throughout high school, sort of. I would go in and out, you know, much like dp. But anyway, so this sort of awoken. This. Oh, why can't I speak awoke? Oh, I haven't had any calories in the long.

[A]

Oh, yeah, we should open. We can say that in the intro. Is that you've been very ill.

[B]

I've been incredibly ill. And a stomach virus. And really, like, I'm drinking chicken broth right now, and it's the first calories I've had in A long time.

[A]

You're doing great. I. This is the first time I've noticed.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Any issue.

[B]

Thank you. So it awoken in me a primal urge. Oh, my gosh. What?

[A]

You say you've awoken in me when.

[B]

You want to do it, but it really did. It like, connected me to this younger self and like this crush. And so there was all these different. So I just really fell in deep. Where, like I told you, I was looking at pictures of him at night so that I would think about him. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Because I completely get it. And I'm like, I'm just so happy that I'm always. But that you're my partner. Because I'm like, that's the right kind of. He's worthy of an obsession.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think we've talked about before that I've in the past been just so turned off by how, like, cold and cool he is. So cool. He's cold. I was like, you. And now I'm like, no, that energy that, like, I ain't your man and I'm just doing what, Like, I do. Like I'm following my own North Star and I'm. And I'm doing it well. But like, I'm not here to. This, this or this. Yeah, it's exactly what we're missing. Weird name drop here. But I was talking to Zach Galifianak about that. Not about this specifically, but he was talking about. We were talking about mystique and show business. And I don't think he'd mind. I won't even say who said what. But we were just kind of in general talking about, like, actors are too over interviewed. And like. And show business used to be cool. It used to be like. And he didn't say this. Neither of us said this, but I kind of pictured like when you. When a carnival would pop up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And there's a curtain and they ask for $5 and you go in the curtain and. Well, whatever version of that it is, they had Mystique. That's literally what mystique is.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We have something you've been out there doing your life. We've been thinking of something that's going to amaze you. And it's behind this curtain. And when that pays out, tying bad sisters in. When you watch good tv, you're like, holy shit. Like, it'll put you in a magical mood.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you know, this is not a new point, but like, so much of show business has just been the rabbit chasing the rabbit. Just going like, what makes money? And I Don't even need to finish that point. Everyone knows what I'm talking about. It's just reboots and reimaginings and proven IPs, and this, this, this, this to make money. And. And. And then I'm like, we need an infusion of Bob Dylan. And I hope the young people are watching it. That's why the kid at the farmer's market, I was like, yeah, I hope you guys are taking a note from them, because I don't know if we're the. I don't know if we're cool.

[B]

Yeah. Well, you know what's interesting? That's so true, because we are sort of also. It is important, but we're the generation of, like, you know, maybe arguably overly vulnerable. We're so interested in trying to heal and learn, and so we'll share all of our stuff and we just give it all away right away.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And there is. So there's something sort of counterbalancing interesting stuff.

[A]

Mystique is coming back.

[B]

It's. It's interesting. Remember when I wonder if it will.

[A]

In the. Bob Dylan. In the Scorsese one, they're backstage and they go, somebody called into the theater and said, they're gonna shoot you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Bob Dylan's like, 20. He looks like he's 20 years old, but he's maybe 25. I don't know. Yeah, he's in his 20s. He goes, oh, man. I don't mind getting shot. I just don't want to be told about it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I'm like, I've literally done shows where I'm worried someone in the audience is mad at me, and then I'm nervous to perform. I'm like, what if somebody's mad at me? And he's like, I don't mind getting shot as long as I don't need to know about it. And I'm like, I literally have the chills right now. I'm like, we just don't have it.

[B]

Well, you know what I'm also realizing? So the other obsession that we had that was similar to this was Matt Johnson.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And it's a similar thing.

[A]

It is similar.

[B]

He's, like, incredibly principled, and I think you and I are both really drawn to. We are like a backbone in that way.

[A]

A backbone and mystique and something authentic and like, self. Self Perpetual motion machine. Like, it's them that drives them. It's not just money or fame or this. And the Matt Johnson, Canadian filmmaker Matt Johnson, who we're both obsessed With Absolutely. Love him. He has a story where they shot something in a museum in Toronto. Yeah, we were in Toronto, and they were in Toronto, and they. They just illegally. Kind of Eric Andre, kind of Ollie G or Borat style. They, like, just went in the museum. We've talked about this before. They set up a fake thing, and then they broke it, and then they ran out of the museum with real security really chasing them.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Which is so cool. Not. When I talked to him about. Matt did this podcast. He. He told me that he's not really a prank guy, so he's also really uncomfortable with scared.

[B]

But he's doing it anyway.

[A]

He's doing it for the show, which is also cool. I'll say cool. But then I forget where we heard this story, but he was in a meeting with. I think it was. Who made that show. It's like the bad boy network, Vice. So he's in a meeting with Vice and, like, the Canadian Film Board or whatever, and, like, someone there was representing the museum, and this woman was saying in no uncertain terms, I know you have this footage. Like, you went in a museum and you shot this prank, and you shot it illegally. It will never see the light of day. And Jay, Matt's partner, the story goes. Matt's. Matt laughed. He just laughed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, yeah, it will.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And every lawyer and every person and every serious judge in a gown with a gavel and a wig was saying, no, it's not.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he was just laughing. That's like. Like, I'm not your guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's like, I know, I know, I know. Emotions are high right now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I know you're mad right now because you just found out. I think that's in the story, too. He goes, I promise you this will be on television.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I promise you this. And I'm like, that's it ain't me, babe. And that's once upon a time ain't your prime. And that's going electric. And, you know, I am. And I'm even gonna say it's a little bit Valley heat. I mean, like, there's something about. And it's a little bit bad sister. There's just something about art. When. And I'll be the first to say, like, my standup is very clean and very pure, meaning I do that with my full, full whatever. Mystique.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

A lot of other aspects of my life. Not all of them, but, you know, I'll do a thing for a thing, and it's. And it's fine. But, like, I am very attracted to people that are just like, well, it's. No, I'm smoking in your elevator.

[B]

Yeah. It's freedom to us for a couple of sweetie pleasers. And I know we're not just that. And I know we're both working on it and have our moments where we're not doing that. But as people who have felt limited by being the one that is going to please everybody and be good, what's fawning it. Yeah. To fawners, this is freedom.

[A]

Yeah. We're not. It's not even people pleasers. It's worse. We are fawners, meaning we feel safe when we do what we're told sort of thing. And that's not always true. I say no to things defensively. I say, but that's one of the things I wrote down about Bobby D. And I really have almost none of this. What I'm about to say. In that document, they tell a story that someone was like. They asked Bob if he wanted to be happy. And he was like, happy. He goes, anybody can be happy.

[B]

What good is that?

[A]

What good is that? And I was like, yeah. That I have zero relationship with.

[B]

I don't understand at all. But thank you.

[A]

Any plan I have to not be your guy or it ain't me, babe. Or be cool or keep my integrity. Right next to me is another train called My Happiness.

[B]

But also. I know. And also.

[A]

But how cool is it that he's like, legacy?

[B]

It's very cool. And again, another thing that I'm like, well, that would be. That would get old. Like. And in fact, it does. Like, our, like, the people that we've known in our life who don't seem to care about being happy or, like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, even seem to want to struggle. We get so annoyed.

[A]

No, no, no. That my, like a Rolling Stone is your happiness and my happiness and Leila's happiness. That's. That's my blood on the tracks. Yeah, I'm going for that.

[B]

Okay. I have more to say about Bob Dylan, but let's go to the mid Rolls.

[A]

Yeah, we'll go to the mid Rolls. And I. I want to share that therapy thing, too. And it ties into this.

[B]

That sounds good.

[A]

Is that. Is that a good enough. Is that a good enough cliffhanger for people to stick around after the mid Rolls that I'm going to talk about therapy?

[B]

Well, yeah.

[A]

And then I burped again.

[B]

Jesus. But I'm gonna say my Bob Dylan thing first so I don't forget. And we don't get on a whole therapy tangent.

[A]

Great. And listen to Valley Heat and watch Bad Sisters and Bob Dylan and my last Bob Dylan. Because you're gonna do a Bob Dylan. My last Bob Dylan. I've made my piece with that. I'm the fucking dork that gets into Bob Dylan after the movie. I don't fucking care. That's who I am. I'm this close to a Universal Studios like jacket with leather sleeves. I'm a fucking dork and I'm a. And I need the movie. Okay, There's Tim Heidecker over there that's like loved Bob Dylan for 30 years. It ain't me, babe. I'm over here going, timothy Chalamet's this new singer called Bob Dylan. I'm a fucking dork. I don't care.

[B]

But this in my, in what I'm about to say after the mid rolls about Bob Dylan, there is embedded in that a compliment for you. So there's your cliffhanger, baby.

[A]

Oh, now I'll definitely be listening. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Ritual. If one of your resolutions in this new year is to get healthy, to feel better, and to fill gaps in your nutrient diet. Nutrient gaps. You need to get ritual in your life and make it, pun intended, a ritual. I've been taking ritual for years. I take their daily men's one a day. I also take their synbiotic plus, which is a pro pre and postbiotic. So it takes care of my gut health in one minty delightful pill that I take in the morning and two multivitamins. And I am a mostly vegan, which means I have gaps in my diet. I have gaps. But when I go to the doctor and they check my blood, this is just me saying I knock it out of the park. And I think that has a lot to do with our friends at ritual. So if you want to get traceable non gmo, we're talking major allergen free, vegan, gluten free, gentle on your stomach, vitamins that actually get into your system. So many times people don't want to take multivitamins because you think you just pee them out. You ever notice your pee turns like bright yellow? You just feel like none of this is getting into you. Well, ritual has fixed. That is a delayed release capsule breaks down in your large intestine where it can actually be absorbed. Yet it's gentle on your empty stomach. So if you're fasting, as I mentioned, as I am today, you take something like zinc that can upset your stomach. Not with ritual. Because it's not breaking down till it's in your intestine. So it's not going to make you nauseous. It's not going to make you feel weird. And it is fantastic. And men need this more than ever. Men over prioritize exercise. They undervalue nutrition. And ritual is here to help fill in those gaps with 10 key nutrients that the CDC is recommending men get in their bodies because they are doing too much exercise and not getting enough fruit and veg. So get ritual in your life. I've been taking it for years. I absolutely love it. You can get 20% off your first month for a limited time by going to ritual.com weird. Get started. Or add essential4men to your subscription today by going to ritual.com weird for 20% off. Get that quality multivitamin from a company you can actually trust. We're also brought to us by our friends at Onnit. You guys know I am an Onnit Alpha Brain mega fan. I'm gonna say mega fan. Truly obsessed. I wish I knew about this in college because it is making my using my brain so much easier. Access to my memory, my recall, my focus. It is an absolute game changer. It is earth grown ingredients. It's not a stimulant. It's not like caffeine or coffee. It's not gonna keep you jittery. It's just gonna give your brain the nutrition it needs to function at its optimum memory. Concentration, focus. Before I do stand up, before I do this podcast, before I sit down to read sometimes before I just go out, hang out with friends, I'm taking 2, 3 Alpha brain 15 minutes before and the difference is huge. This is a game changer. So if there's something you're doing out there that involves your brain and chances are there is you are going to lose your mind. For onnit alpha brain, go to onnit o n n I t dot com weird. You'll get 10% off everything you see on that landing page that's on it.com weird for 10% off. Support your brain. Support the show. All right, we're back.

[B]

So, okay, so I've this going back to like this is awoken in me a primal urge I'm getting. I'm just remembering the glory of having a crush.

[A]

And I was thinking about that today. Really how lucky I am that I've been in love. Like, yeah, I don't know, three times. I don't know.

[B]

I just said that about weddings, by the way. I was like because my friend went to her nephews and her nephew is like 20 and getting married. And she was like, it was such a sweet wedding. She's like, I know they're young and you know, who knows what's gonna happen? But the wedding was so sweet and I was like, more weddings. I say I think we should drop the like, but this is a just, I'm just taking a strong opinion for fun. But what if we dropped the like, this means forever and ever, no matter what, even if we're miserable element of it. And instead we are throwing a party saying, like, a miracle happened, we fell in love and we are like in, we're in this, we're gonna really try to do this. And like, that's the wedding. I love that I had two weddings. I loved both of my weddings so much. I loved the second one more.

[A]

I, I, I was just thinking I didn't really like my first wedding, but go on.

[B]

But anyway, lucky, lucky. Oh, but yes, being in love. And so I just talked to my friend Jen about this and like having a crush. We were talking about how, like it, it's like the highest frequency when you have a crush because you're living your life. Even if the person that you have a crush on is non existent anymore. I know he still, you know, is living. But I have a crush on 60s Dylan.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that person doesn't exist. But you still like it. Like it aligns your whole system and in the way she put it is you're the most current version of yourself. So you're like, you got an update. You got an update and you're free from all these like, like, you know, past old stories because you're sort of like, it makes you stand up straighter. It's sort of like you're walking around the world being like, if I ran into that person or if they had like a crystal ball and could see me right now, would they be impressed? Am I? And it like forces you to sort of, it encourages you to live your best life, to be your most crushable person, just because you have the idea of this person who you want, want to be impressed with you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that just for whatever reason, like, I, I understand there's like problems with, you know, looking for external validation and all of that, but it also is like, I think a fun game to participate in knowing that really the absolute truth is that this is the dance that we do with the divine, with the like ultimate beloved, with God, where we have this, this, you know, attraction and longing and pining to Be close with God and then. And you can use that. So it's this. And we just see it in individuals.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's what's happening.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

So, you know, if you need, like, a spiritual permission to fall into it.

[A]

You are the impetus. You are the. The stimuli that unlocks the place in me where I am. Love.

[B]

And that's exactly what we. Yes. That's what we were talking about, me and Jen. We were saying, like, it unlocks something in you.

[A]

Yeah. You become love. Love.

[B]

Yeah. And you just. You become this, like, this version of yourself that you love, that you're like, yeah, yeah, I'm doing it. So that is. What were you gonna say? You were gonna say something.

[A]

Just. I. I often go through my life feeling like I don't like things, and I don't like not liking things, and I love loving things, and I actually want to love everything.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not just, like, everything, but just, like, just allow everything. So when I find something that I do love or people that I do love, it feels so good. Because that's, like, the truest and best me is. Is I. It's something that I acknowledge a lot in my therapy is I'm like, pete wants to love everybody, and we have to just honor that. Like, sometimes he can't, but, like, he wants to, and that's really beautiful.

[B]

That's. You know what? That's what I. Because I was gonna put it to you and say, like, is that something that you experience, or is this more of a strictly female thing where maybe it's somehow related to us, like, you know, being told that we need to find a good husband? And, like, so then we just put more meaning on that. But as I'm asking that. I have seen you have that, even if it's like friend crushes, where you get really lit up about somebody.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

And then. And you.

[A]

And it's like, they become an avatar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So right now, Bob Dylan's an avatar for me, and it's literally making me stand a little more straight. I think it comes down to, like, what outfit you're picking in the morning and if you're in love.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And like. Or just have a obsession or even just doing this podcast and having such admiration for Valley Heat being like, let's do a great one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Podcast can be great.

[B]

Let's do a great one.

[A]

Yeah. It's inspiration, which is so necessary.

[B]

Yeah, totally. Okay, so that's one little piece. And then here comes the compliment for you.

[A]

Can't wait.

[B]

It also helped me realize My. My obsession with Bob Dylan that. Okay, I know that there is. So attachment theory sort of has that thing. We've talked about it on the podcast, where it's like, attraction is you recognizing in someone else that you have. You could perpetuate a familiar pattern of attachment and loving. Remember how we've talked about that? So, like, I think Dr. Becky Kennedy, the parenting expert, was the one that I heard her say this on Glennon Doyle's podcast. And she, I think, said, that's all attraction is.

[A]

It's what.

[B]

It's just you recognizing in someone else that you could have a similar dynamic attachment. Dynamic to what you are used to, based on, like, an attachment you had mostly with your parents.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's sort of like, and I know how to love this person sort of feeling. And I know. I know the agreements that we would make, and they would be familiar and comfortable.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I don't think that's all attraction is. I think there's so many levels of it. You know, like, I think there's like a body, like a pure, like, pheromonal, primal one. I think there's, like, a spiritual one. There's, like, probably some, like, past life stuff happening. But I do think that on a psychological level, that makes sense to me, that that's what attraction is. And so I just realized that finding Bob Dylan so young started perpetuating something that was already happening, which is. And it's sort of a relationship that I. That my whole family had with my father, which is like navigating the moods of a moody, broody man. And like, that, like, the phantom thread of it all, you know, like, that there's a reason why that movie is so compelling to me and so attractive to me. And I remember Joan Baez saying in that documentary, like, the whole tour, she was just. She was like, it was just me navigating his moods. And when he was feeling silly and playful, it was the best thing in the world. And then sometimes he would just go dark, and there was no way to reach him. And I. When she said that, I was like that if I'm admitting the, like, everything to myself, that is specifically what I'm attracted to is like, the idea of there is a man who is unreachable to everyone else but is incredibly tender with me. That's the hottest thing in the world to me. Well, and so the compliment to you is I realized, like, you are that in the safest possible way. Like, you are. We've referenced this so many times on the podcast that you have like five different versions of yourself every single day. You feel every feeling a person can feel in one day. There's like all these moods and different modes, and I don't know why I'm being this way. And I. And I love it. I'm riding those ways and it's so attractive to me. But you also are incredibly communicative and self aware and emotionally intelligent. So it's not actually consistent with you and consistent with me, which I don't.

[A]

Even understand, to be honest. But.

[B]

No, which. Which is the thing.

[A]

But I don't even get that. I mean, who subscribed to that magazine? Put it in the mailbox.

[B]

But that, but that's the, that's the exact thing. That's the key part is. It's the like, but he's tender with me part.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's essential. And even when Joan Baez said, like, he would go dark and I couldn't reach him, I was like, I bet I could have reached him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Like, you're just like, I'll take that challenge. And you are somebody that I did that with. And you. I'm not giving myself the credit, but you know what I mean, you opened up to me.

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

And it worked. And it continues to work. It's really sweet. You are the Bob Dylan. Well, that, like, doesn't destroy and break my heart.

[A]

Right? I. Well, I love that. I. I don't know. I don't know. What do you want me to say to that? That's what Bob Dylan would say.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Would you say the beat? Would you say that to the Beatles? Be all upset. Well, I wanted to, just because we're bringing it into a close. Do you mind if I just bring up my therapy?

[B]

Yes, please.

[A]

Is that natural? And I'm reading the cues correctly? I. And thank you for what you said. That's what was missing.

[B]

You're. You're moody and broody in your own way.

[A]

Well, you know what? When you are feeling like you're a bit much or you're feeling vulnerable, because like I said, that conversation I had made me feel on the podcast, made me feel vulnerable, like I'm too much and what's my deal? Just kind of like a. Just a vulnerability hangover.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you live and have friends and obviously a partner, that can be like, I like the way you are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's like so much of life is just getting some people around you. That's like the secret, a huge secret to life is you need people around you that go, I like the way.

[B]

You are a hundred percent.

[A]

And with that shrug, so simple. I like the way you are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're like, I'm this way and this way. I realized a lot of times, like, like I was bringing Leela and her friend to the park last night or to the farmer's market last night, and I just noticed again that, like, I'm really soft with. With Leela. But her friend was like, carry my water bottle. It's too heavy. And I'm like, no, like, what? It's an empty water bottle. You can handle it. Like. So I like, obviously we're making a bit out of it. I'm not being just a total turd. But then I get to the farmers market. I said to our friend Lou, and I was like, so weird. I'm so soft with Lilo, but with other kids, I can't wait to be like, you can pick it up. You can get. What do you. Why are you pretending like you can't do that? You can do that, but with Leela, I'm like, rolling out a red carpet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he didn't say this to me, but I realized all I want people to say is, I like the way you are. That's all I want.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I'm saying, like, I know that's a little bit weird because what Lou did say is, I'm actually the opposite. I'm pretty rough with my own kids. And then I'm very gentle with other kids.

[B]

That's how I am, too.

[A]

And then I was like, I. I'm saying, I'm not even defending how I am. In fact, I'm sort of working on it. I'm like, you gotta just be. Just be gentle. And I was like, even if it's a joke, because maybe kids don't know you're joking. The one we were with knew I was joking. We were laughing anyway. But I was like, I see what you're saying. That seems normal, but all I want is someone to go, that's funny. I like that. That's funny. It's funny. Weirdo. It's funny. Anyway, I don't know if I stuck the landing on that, but here's what I really wanted to say. When you talk to somebody who represents a way or seems to represent a way that you used to believe your faith used to be. By the way, this is not a big faith. We're not launching into, like a big non dual conversation here. But if when you're talking to someone who seems to represent how you used to be for a big part of Your life. I found that to be like strangely inciting. I didn't know what was going on. I was like, everything I've said on that show I've said before, but why did I feel kind of off about it? And then I had therapy and I did parts, I do internal family systems therapy. And we found again, for someone who's like not really interested in doing like past life regression hypnotherapy and stuff like that, because I'm so worried I'd fake it when it comes to like closing my eyes and knowing that you are the authority of your parts. Like you, you are them so you can find them. So when you're looking for the part of you meaning the aspect, meaning the age and the, you know, just the time of what, what version of you is most sort of off kilter right now? I just literally close my eyes. Nobody trained, nobody needs to be trained how to do this. Just kind of close your eyes and look for it. And I won't fake it. My therapy, my therapist knows that I don't care if it gets awkward, that it's been quiet for a couple minutes. It's a weird flex, but it's true. I will sit there until I think I see it. And it showed up right away and it was very obvious. It was 17 year old me and wearing, I shaved my head. I was in a punk band. And then I shaved my head and put on a white button up shirt and khakis and just overnight became a youth pastor. Like I was wearing a black leather jacket with spikes in it. And then the next day I'm wearing like a polo and khakis and like being nice to everybody. I was always nice, but you know what I mean, being really like youth pastor nice. So it's that version of me, churchy version of me who was fawning to God, who was like fawning to the divine. Don't kill me, don't torture me. I'll do whatever you say. You want me to not be cool with gay people? You got it. You want me to not be cool with other faiths? You got it. Like I'm in your group. Keep me with you. Don't devour me, don't torture me. So we start talking to him. And one of the things I was like, remember the times we've been on ketamine, but it hasn't only been on substances. There have been times of unitive clarity where love being revealed as the nature of everything is so apparent. You laugh and you cry and you're like, oh, my God. It was there the whole time, and there's nowhere we can go. So I was telling him that. And I was telling him about all of the seeking and listening and learning we've done and. And to trust me as the grown up, to trust me that he's safe and that our beliefs are good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he go. And he said, are you sure? That was his question. He goes, are you sure? It was really kind of. It's very sweet to say, are you sure? Kind of scared. Are you sure?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I wrote this on my mirror. I loved it so much. I wrote, I'm sure, and when we're not sure, I'm sure we can hold it. And I thought that was really beautiful. Meaning, like, it's not just my ideologies are completely waterproof and airtight and all that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's that, like, even when we're having those days, you missed lunch, you don't have any coffee, or laid over between two flights and tired, and you're grumpy, or you got a text from your parents or this or that, and you're upset and suddenly it falls apart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This sureness can also accommodate that. This sureness isn't contingent on a good mood.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or like, feeling groovy all the time. Even when we're in dark despair and doubt and having weird parts of ourselves flare up and we're afraid.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This sureness can be there during that. And allow it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not just be with it, but allow it be. Like, here's this, right.

[B]

It's not threat. It's not easily threatened.

[A]

No. And it was beautiful. It was like. Yeah. Sometimes it's like we've said a million on the spot. It's like when we are on our deathbeds, we'll probably be in a bad mood.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So it's, like, hard to, like, hold on to. It's all glorious as you're literally, like, you know, passing away. And it's like. Yeah. Cause that's not the point. The point isn't to end the symphony on the highest, most glorious note. And the point of the symphony isn't to only play high, glorious notes. The point of the symphony is to notice that no matter what the notes are, you're the. You're the paper that the notes are written on.

[B]

Yeah. Or anything. It's just that it's all music and that.

[A]

It's all music.

[B]

It's all beautiful.

[A]

And you can just dance, baby.

[B]

I was thinking this is somewhat related, but I was.

[A]

This better be really related.

[B]

I Was thinking that, like, sometimes I'll go where I'm just playing out my whole life. Like, I'll just go down a rabbit hole where I'm like, I'm gonna have to go through menopause. Like, that sounds like it sucks. And it's like 10 years of your life. And then I'm like. And then, like, after that, I bet I'll feel really good for maybe, like, another 10 years. And then, like, you know, I'll just. I'll. I'll start to feel like, what's it gonna feel like when my brain feels like it's harder to remember things and my body is getting old and tired, and I just know that it's only, like. Like, gonna get harder from there in those ways, you know? And I just had this feeling where I was like, but think of all the things I will have gotten through by that point. And, like, it's just resilience. Like, it always comes back to resilience for me, which is like. Is the feeling of. Yes. And even when that happens, we can hold that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, like, I'm just getting better at holding discomfort. The every opportunity that every season, even the having the stomach flu, you know, you just get better at having. At getting sick, where you're like, yeah, I've been here before. I know it feels like my only reality right now. And. And tomorrow I'll be in a completely different state. You know, it's just, like, you just get better at it. So ideally, if you get to live a long life, by the time you're dying, it's. Yeah, it's the first time you are dying, but it's also.

[A]

It's not the first time you've surrendered something.

[B]

Yeah. And have gone through something difficult.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, totally. I love that. I also had. By the way, I'm not positive that I'm not getting sick. Today's the first day that I'm like, oh, something's up.

[B]

Oh, man, something's up.

[A]

Which I'm glad we recorded this, because I'm like, I think the rest of the day might just be me, like, like chilling beans.

[B]

One thing our family just doesn't do is stop kissing each other when one of us is sick.

[A]

Yeah. And, you know, I still may not be sick, and that would be great because my. Because then I'd have a nice little ego story, nice little bragging rights where I'm like, I just didn't get sick, you know, And I still think I will.

[B]

I was telling myself that for five days after Leela had the stomach flu, but it's possible. You. You sure take a lot of supplements.

[A]

I sure do. Speaking of the peat spix. Anyway, the last thing I wanted to say, this was really beautiful. When you're doing internal family systems therapy, which is just kind of like. It's almost like a blend of. You're almost kind of meditating. You're kind, you know, you're getting quiet and really asking your body questions, asking your unconscious questions and giving it the floor. So it's a little bit like a dream and it's a little bit like meditating and. But you get into, like a softened and sort of even heightened state. Here's what I mean. What do I mean by that? I mean, we were talking about. We were telling this part that was scared. Look at the support we have. And I'm always like, just look at reality. We've talked about this before. Look at Valerie, look at Leila. Then I started talking about our friends. And the night before, me and Leila, you were sick. Me and Leila had gone to our friend Sam in Ariella's house for dinner. And Sam cooks for us sometimes. He's a really amazing cook. He makes Thai food and he made Korean food. And in therapy, I was talking about. And I was telling this aspect of myself, this kind of small, scared part of me. I was like, and Sam cooks for us. And as I was saying that, like, a real ugly cry, like a. Like I couldn't even breathe cry. Very short. My pride wants to remind everybody that I'm a tough and cool person. But it was. It was wonderful. I was like. It gave me a glimpse at how things mean so much more than we think they mean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I know we live in a world where, like, we act like that's true, but it actually is true. Meaning things that are hurtful can carry with you. We talk about microaggressions and stuff. Well, I'm here to say if you really go into your inner reality, it's not just things that hurt you, it's things that helped you. Things that we're loving mean so much more if you can get into your heart and look at them. Because just like Sam's cooked for us dozens of times, but telling a child, my child self in me, like, there are people that love us so much. They cook for us. And in India and other cultures, like, cooking and giving. Darshan is so flex with darshan right there.

[B]

Darshan, flex.

[A]

Darshan. Flex is so important. Like, who makes your food? And do they make it with love and all that sort of stuff. And I had a real good look at, like. Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Those, like, hugs we give Lela those snuggles and movie nights and dinners. Yeah. And friends and rides to the airport and. And Sam picked you up once on the 33 when you got a flat tire. These things are. You know, the commander in chief of our experience are like our brain, our minds can go like, wow, it's nice to have friends. But when you talk to your heart, your heart is a puddle and can't even handle it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then that's very empowering to go like, we have friends over and we cook for them.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And we, you know, and even if we're not, we can do this, this and this. And the way that that can impact somebody if you really got a clean data is they're a puddle. They're an absolute puddle. And that's beautiful.

[B]

It's the most important thing. It's what we need. And what's incredible is when your friends also are like, this is the most important thing. This is what I need.

[A]

Well, I told Sam and he said he cried when he got the. I hope he doesn't care that I say that. And we've been bond. And we talked about it again at the farmer's market.

[B]

I was gonna say, you have to tell him.

[A]

I did tell him.

[B]

I'm glad you did. Yeah.

[A]

And I was just like. It kind of makes me go like, wow. It really is so simple.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

And, you know, I'm not even gonna. You maybe you can text somebody some in that story. I texted him something. So their phones are also connecting us. But there's something very simple about, like. Like, Nick Thune is the person who told me about Valley Heat. I think he might be on it. I can't tell. He might be disguising his voice well. But one birthday, I saw Nick Thune, and I just didn't have any plans that birthday. And he was just like, let's go out right now. And we went to, like, it was back when I was drinking. We went to lunch at some steakhouse, also eating meat. And we just had, like, probably three martinis each.

[B]

Oh, my God. Just a Mad Men lunch.

[A]

Yeah. Like 11:30 in the morning.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And if you ask my heart what that meant, that's. I like the way you are I like the way you are yeah, I like the way you are I don't have any plans. I like the way you are I'm gonna buy you birthday lunch. I'm gonna cook you scallion pancakes. And as I'm saying this, I'm remembering how important it is to just go around and maybe tell people I like the way you are. And when they're telling you something that's weird about them, I'm. I would wager that most people just want you to be like, I like the way.

[B]

Oh my gosh, totally. That's talk about like having a crush and being totally aligned. It makes me think of the Marian Williamson thing that we've quoted on this podcast before where she said, when you're falling in love with someone, we always think that when you're falling in love with someone, you have these like rose colored goggles on. And then as you are with them for years and years and years, you start to see who they really are. She's like, but really it's the opposite. When you are falling in love with someone, you're seeing them so clearly because you don't yet have your own experiences with them and baggage and associations to compare. To compare and to change how you're seeing them. Like you're not, you're not tired by these quirks because they haven't wounded you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know, or whatever. And that is exactly it. That's like.

[A]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

Keeping. And I've had. I'm. I'm sad to say I have experienced in friendships, you know, in relationships too. But like being in love with a certain traits of someone and then getting to the point where I hate not I. Not that I hate those things about them, but those things will annoy me. And that says so much. That says everything to do about that has everything to do with me and not.

[A]

We don't see the world as it is. We see it as we are. And we don't see people how they are. We see them how we are.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Yeah. So it's true. The joy of being in love is that you don't. You're not yet analyzing them. There's no quarterly report yet.

[B]

Yeah. And I do think that's the gift that friends can have is there's enough of a. Not having to share the mundane responsibilities of life where it starts becoming annoying that they're flighty or whatever. You know, you just get to enjoy them. Like that's what we can offer in friendships is like this thing that might annoy your partner. I love it. I think it's really.

[A]

Which is why people get addicted to new things. New jobs, new projects, new people, new friends, new relationships. Because then you can just experience the joy of loving somebody.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When really, obviously, I think it's richer to stick and find a way to keep loving somebody.

[B]

Yes, I agree.

[A]

Well, what wonderful times.

[B]

Yes. All right, watch Bad Sisters. Season two is out.

[A]

Oh. I'm over there trying to do the claim. You.

[B]

The only. I can't do it. Really. The only thing I can say is Becca Garvey.

[A]

Becca Garvey. And I know the Garvey sisters because he's a cook. When I'm watching it, I can do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And as soon as it's off, I turn into Scottish, like every Yankee. Well, thanks, everybody. We're glad you were here. Valerie, Keep it crispy.