Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Episode: We Made It Weird #205
Date: February 7, 2025
Hosts: Pete Holmes and Valerie Chaney
Episode Overview
In this "Friday bonus episode" (or as Pete jokes, "Boner episode"), Pete Holmes and his wife and co-host, Valerie Chaney, deliver their signature blend of comedic banter, deep dives into emotions and human behavior, and playful philosophical musings. The pair explore topics ranging from anger and emotional regulation, the American obsession with achievement, intrusive thoughts, the nature of oneness, and even their recent experience at "Stomp". True to the podcast's mission—"Everybody has secret weirdness"—they reveal their quirks, thought patterns, and how they support each other during life's weird and wonderful moments.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The Friday "Bonus" Episode and Listener Feedback
- Pete teases the Friday episode, calling it a "boner episode," immediately setting a playful, irreverent tone (01:05).
- Reflects on meeting a therapist fan who complimented Valerie's voice and wisdom (00:31).
- The structure of the podcast—guest episodes on Wednesday, personal/weirdness episodes on Friday—is clarified for new listeners.
2. Movie Musings: Jerry Maguire and Masculine Energy
- The duo riffs on "Jerry Maguire"—its mix of business and romance, iconic lines ("Show me the money", "You had me at hello"), and critiques the protagonist’s suitability as a partner (07:06–09:09).
- Valerie notes, "I watched it as a teenager, really hoping it was going to be a little more 'you complete me' and a little less about football" (07:06).
- Pete: "Jerry Maguire is a terrible partner for this woman" (08:49).
3. Secret Weirdness: Stepping in Dog Poop, Accents, and Anger
- They riff on running, dog poop statistics ("90% of grown-up dog shit steps are because of leaves"—09:29), and stereotypes of joggers ("James Taylor face"—11:02).
- Discussion veers into regional accents, especially Boston's self-awareness and Valerie’s southern relatives. Valerie: "My Aunt Anna...said once, 'I sound like y'all to me.'" (13:44).
4. Anger: Expression, Suppression, and Emotional Style
- In-depth exploration of anger styles: explosive (fight), repressed (flight/freeze), and envy of certain ways of emotional processing (15:14–21:09).
- Valerie admires people (like her sister-in-law or daughter Leela) who express feelings in real time, versus her own tendency to hold things in.
- Pete: "While you're doing it, [anger] feels good, and then almost immediately afterwards, you're just like—yeah. It's like eating...pizza: you'll sleep terrible and feel like shit." (20:10)
5. Therapeutic Approaches and Internal Family Systems
- Pete discusses how Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps him "talk" to parts of himself, particularly his "Plainview" (an achiever/protector persona inspired by There Will Be Blood).
- He draws parallels between personal achievement obsessions and the American "pursuit of happiness," critiquing American capitalism's effect on self-worth and contentment (25:58–26:51).
Quote: "Americans don't want to be happy. That's insane—we want to pursue happiness. We want it to be the next thing and the next thing, and we want to chase it until we drop dead."
—Pete (25:59)
6. Capitalism and Self-Worth
- Valerie expands: "It's sort of the capitalist plot...they have sold us the pursuit." (27:09).
- Observations on the labor market: "The worst jobs pay the worst, and the best jobs pay the most. If you kill chickens all day, you should make $100 million." —Pete (29:19–30:07).
7. Obsessions & Intrusive Thoughts: Winter Brain and Music
- Discussion of seasonal energy changes: getting obsessive in winter, looping thoughts, and the surprising function of "earworms" (music stuck in your head) as a way to block out difficult thoughts (46:07–47:04).
- Valerie: "Generally...around this time every year, I am experiencing a specific sort of, like, obsessive brain" (46:28).
- Pete notes the cyclical, generational nature of emotional patterns: "So your Plainview...has he been protecting your people, like, for a long time? Like, generationally." (47:32)
8. The Nature of Thoughts and Oneness
- Deep dive into dealing with intrusive, unhelpful, or socially-ingrained thoughts (e.g., judgmental or negative internal monologues).
- Valerie: "Thoughts are only harmful when you believe them...when you think they're who you are." (56:03)
- Pete references spiritual teacher Rupert Spira and the concept of oneness: "If you want to change your thoughts, you can. You just have to change the entire universe." (54:08)
- The pair use metaphors—like radio stations and water taking different forms—to illustrate seeing thoughts and personalities as transient, not essential.
9. Oneness in Practice: Compassion and Connection
- Discussion on the ultimate fear being "separation" or "abandonment," and how the solution is remembering connectedness.
- Pete explains: "In our most naked form, we're exactly—the same. And that's love." (62:50)
- They use a story about watching pigs sleep together as a jumping-off point for discussing the shared essence of conscious beings.
10. Stomp, Art, and Generational Tastes
- The episode closes with lighthearted reflections on seeing "Stomp" in Utah: its high-energy drumming and performative novelty, their shifting enjoyment over time, and what the performers might do later in life (66:18–67:34).
- Pete: "We're not the perfect audience for Stomp because having a six-year-old is living with Stomp." (67:04)
- Musings on art aging, changing tastes, and cultural evolution: "What we consider hardcore pornography now will be considered quaint and old fashioned." (70:30)
- Pop culture chronology, from 60s Bob Dylan to 70s "freaky and deaky", to 80s "yuppie capitalist" music and values.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On anger as a social transgression:
"It's a little bit, like farting. It's like this guy couldn't hold it in. And it feels good to let it out."
—Pete (17:38) -
On capitalism and happiness:
"We want it to be the next thing and the next thing, and we want to chase it until we drop dead."
—Pete (25:59) -
Valerie on emotional health models:
"She [Leela] will feel what she's feeling in real time...If she seems fine, she is fine. Because if she wasn't, you would hear about it." (21:09) -
On intrusive thoughts:
"I've been teaching Leela that too...I'm like, just let yourself think it. And every time you do, you can just be like, oh, that's just a thought."
—Valerie (56:03) -
On the illusion of separation:
"The last door is fear of separation. And why do we fear that so much? Because it's the most unnatural thing. And therefore it actually is the least true thing."
—Valerie (59:07–59:55) -
Nature of consciousness:
"If you could take a sample of my experience of myself when I'm deep asleep and a sample of this pig ... put them next to each other, it would be spacious, clean, naked, empty, light. ... In our essence, we're exactly the same. And that's love."
—Pete (62:50) -
On the evolving nature of art and taste:
"We're in a post TikTok generation...you see that, right? It's a little less exciting that someone's [banging a broom]."
—Pete (69:53)
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 00:31: Listener feedback on Valerie's voice and wisdom
- 07:06: Jerry Maguire discussion begins
- 09:29: "90% of dog shit steps" and jogger riff
- 13:44: Accents & regional awareness
- 15:14–21:09: In-depth conversation about anger and emotional processing styles
- 23:18–26:51: IFS therapy and "Plainview" persona, critique of American pursuit of happiness
- 29:19–30:07: Labor, capitalism, and job value musings
- 46:07–47:04: Musical obsessions, winter brain, and how brains cope with stress
- 54:08: Rupert Spira "change the universe" quote; nature of thoughts
- 56:03: Valerie teaching Leela about intrusive thoughts
- 59:07: On separation, abandonment, and belonging
- 62:50: Shared consciousness—pigs, humans, and the core of oneness
- 66:18–70:30: Closing: Stomp, changing generational tastes, and the evolution of art
Character & Tone Highlights
The episode is peppered with Pete’s classic absurdist humor, rapid-fire riffing, and tender introspection. Valerie grounds the conversation with warmth, thoughtful questions, and personal anecdotes. Their chemistry is affectionate and real, making even their tangents feel purposeful.
Overall, Episode #205 is a quintessential "Weirdos" experience: a blend of silly riffs, uncomfortable honesty, secret weirdness, and real wisdom about the human experience—if a little heavy on the sound effects and dog poop statistics.
"Thanks for listening, and keep it crispy." (78:11)