We Made It Weird #206

Summary

Summary of "We Made It Weird #206" with Pete Holmes

Podcast Information:

• Title: We Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
• Host: Pete Holmes
• Description: Everybody has secret weirdness, Pete Holmes gets comedians to share theirs.
• Episode: We Made It Weird #206
• Release Date: February 14, 2025

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1. Introduction

In episode #206 of "We Made It Weird with Pete Holmes," Pete Holmes and his co-host delve into a variety of engaging and humorous topics, primarily revolving around their experiences at the Super Bowl, their shared love for food, and cultural observations. The episode is rich with witty exchanges, personal anecdotes, and insightful conversations that capture the essence of their unique comedic chemistry.

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2. Super Bowl Experience

Pete recounts his adventurous trip to the Super Bowl, highlighting unexpected challenges and memorable interactions.

• Flight Delays and Airport Chaos:
  “I got up at 3, drove to the airport, got there at 4 because, you know, everyone's going home from the Super Bowl. I'm like, it's gonna be a cluster cuss.” ([04:19])

• Meeting Production Staff:
  “I ended up meeting this guy named Noah on my flight back to LA. It was all the people that were, like, shooting the game.” ([46:30])

• Game Observations and Conspiracy Theories:
  Pete shares his skepticism about the game's fairness, suggesting potential game-throwing, only to debunk it by discussing the logistical improbability of such conspiracies.
  “You can't get 50,000 people to keep a secret, that's for sure.” ([48:19])

• Psychological Tactics in Football:
  The co-host explains how the Eagles employed psychological strategies to pressure the Chiefs' quarterback, enhancing the competitive nature of the game.
  “They have a guy on the Eagles… To fuck with the Chiefs.” ([50:21])

---

3. Food Frenzy: Onion Rings, Pizza, and More

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to a comedic yet insightful discussion about various fried foods, their preparation, and the hosts' personal preferences.

• Onion Rings Critique:
  “But every time I eat an onion ring, I go, this is why French fry wipes the floor with your stupid.” ([09:07])

• Fried Pickles and Candy Bars:
  “Fried pickles need… if like, he just added, like… I hate fried pickles.” ([13:41])

• Pizza Obsession:
  The hosts explore their deep-seated love and humorous grievances with pizza, emphasizing its universal appeal and the emotional connection it fosters.
  “Pizza's gonna kill me. It's like, pizza's gonna kill me.” ([72:54])

• Creative Culinary Ideas:
  They brainstorm over-the-top food creations like "chicken fried Oreos," blending unconventional ingredients for comedic effect.
  “You just call it chicken fried Oreo. That's what you call.” ([27:05])

---

4. Cultural and Media Observations

Beyond food and sports, Pete and his co-host delve into broader cultural phenomena, including the evolution of events like Comic Con and the impact of social media platforms.

• Comic Con Transformation:
  “Comic Con, more like comics are gone. That's great. That's like something the Reverend Sharpton would say.” ([66:56])

• Social Media Reflections:
  They discuss the changing landscape of Twitter (now referred to as X), the influence of social media on public perception, and its integration into daily life.
  “He was like, I'm going to call it X. I don't know how to do his voice.” ([34:01])

• Advertising and Super Bowl Commercials:
  Analyzing the shift in Super Bowl commercials from genuine creativity to marketing-driven content, the hosts express nostalgia for more authentic advertising.
  “I think we've sort of maxed out how interesting a 30 second commercial can be.” ([67:34])

---

5. Therapeutic Insights and Personal Growth

The episode also touches upon mental health and personal development, with Pete promoting BetterHelp and discussing the importance of recognizing "green flags" in relationships.

• Promotion of BetterHelp:
  “Discover your relationship green flags with better help. Visit betterhelp.comweirdo to get 10% off your first month.” ([40:22])

• Mindful Eating and Self-Control:
  The hosts share strategies for managing food cravings, emphasizing mindfulness and self-awareness to foster healthier relationships with food.
  “Just say you did it and then just be. And then just try to convince yourself I did.” ([73:04])

---

6. Humorous Exchanges and Light-Hearted Banter

Throughout the episode, Pete and his co-host engage in playful banter, enhancing the comedic value and showcasing their effortless rapport.

• Discussion on Jersey Bands and Group Dynamics:
  “Pizza is just pure desire. It’s giving in.” ([69:34])

• Coyotes on the Street:
  “If they're real coyotes, they're a pack. If they're humans dressed as coyotes, it's a gang.” ([79:17])

• Mocking Serious Topics with Humor:
  The hosts tackle serious subjects like addiction and societal pressures with their signature humor, making the conversation both entertaining and thought-provoking.
  “Money addiction is the only addiction where the addiction hurts everyone else.” ([37:55])

---

7. Conclusion

"We Made It Weird #206" offers a blend of personal anecdotes, cultural critiques, and hearty laughter. Pete Holmes and his co-host successfully navigate through diverse topics, from the chaos of the Super Bowl to the irresistible allure of pizza, all while maintaining a relatable and humorous tone. The episode not only entertains but also provides insightful reflections on modern life, making it a must-listen for fans seeking both humor and depth.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• “Pizza's gonna kill me. It's like, pizza's gonna kill me.” — Co-host ([72:54])
• “Money addiction is the only addiction where the addiction hurts everyone else.” — Pete Holmes ([37:55])
• “We are big food fucks. We're food fucks.” — Pete Holmes ([17:07])
• “Comic Con, more like comics are gone.” — Co-host ([66:56])
• “They have a guy on the Eagles… To fuck with the Chiefs.” — Co-host ([50:21])

---

This episode masterfully intertwines humor with genuine conversation, providing listeners with both laughs and meaningful insights. Whether discussing the trials of airport delays or the simple joy of sharing a slice of pizza, Pete Holmes and his co-host create an engaging narrative that resonates with a wide audience.

Transcript

[A]

You made it with. You made it with. You made it with. Oh, yeah, you made it with. Yes, you did. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[B]

What's happening, weirdos?

[A]

What's happening?

[B]

We got a food one for you there.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Have a. Have a peach, Andy.

[B]

Have a peach hand, brother. Have a peach, Andy.

[A]

You're gonna watch James and the giant peach brother. Have a peach, Andy.

[B]

That's something I said to Pete once while we were dating. Listeners of the podcast will remember.

[A]

I loved it. I love this episode. You didn't seem convinced that it's one of the all time best ones.

[B]

No, I just think you throw that around so often. You say that every time.

[A]

My favorite bit is losing the newest bit. Yeah. But I think this one is great. And we went into it, it's rainy, and we're kind of like. And I was like, maybe it's going to be a. Ugh. And it never is. It's always a delight to talk with you.

[B]

Yeah. Same. Love it.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

It's very. It's very America, actually. We talk about food and we talk about the Super Bowl.

[A]

Yeah, I was at the Super Bowl.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Spoiler.

[B]

It's the most you and I, I think, as individuals and together have ever talked about football.

[A]

It was kind of fun. It was kind of. It was kind of fun because I learned something about the game and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, we're glad you're here. Go to peteholmes.com for my tour dates. Oh, yeah, Vancouver is kind of hurting. We added a second show and it's kind of half full, but, you know. Yeah, let's go, Couv.

[B]

Go Coovies.

[A]

Come on, Coovie. Fill it up. Go to PeteHomes.com Kuver. Come on, Kuva. But I'm touched that anybody came. It's true. It's true. So, you know, maybe don't. Maybe half full is fine for the second show.

[B]

Maybe. Yeah. I like that we're calling it half full instead of half empty.

[A]

It is half full.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So anyway, there's other dates on my website as well. Atlantic City comes to mind. And the show is brought to us by things we actually use and love. We call them the Pete's Picks. Katie, roll that beautiful bean footage. We've all been there where you eat something too much, you're sweating your pants, hate you all of a sudden, and you vow, I'm going to do a detox, I'm going to cut out everything fun from my life. But that doesn't work. Let's talk about something that actually does work. Peak Poor tea. I'm not kidding when I tell you this stuff absolutely changes the game. I start my mornings now with Green Poor P U E R. And let me tell you, it's like flipping a switch. I get this calm, focused energy that doesn't come with the caffeine jitters or that dreaded afternoon crash. It is clean, it is lean. 20 gets in you and you feel fantastic. And after meals, Black P is my go to. It's smooth, earthy and leaves me light and balanced instead of feeling like I just swallowed a brick. And here's the kicker. Pu er tea isn't just tea. It's fermented, which means it's loaded with living probiotics and prebiotics that actually support your gut health. That means it's like a reset button for your microbiome and the science backs it up. The antioxidants in this tea help with digestion and energy metabolism and even radiant skin. Yeah, tea makes you glow. Who knew? Let's talk about quality. Because these are wild harvested from 250-year-old tea trees. We're talking next level purity. They're triple toxin screen and they dissolve instantly or hot in hot or cold water, which I love. Being able to make an iced tea instantly. I've never seen that before in my life. But peak tea can be made in cold water and no teabags, no steeping, just instant gut healing magic for when you need it most. Now, because you're a weirdo and you listen to this podcast, Peak is hooking you up 20% off. For life. Yes, for life. Plus a free rechargeable frother and glass beaker when you grab their poor bundle. This is an exclusive offer just for weirdos and Peak backs it up with a 90 day money back guarantee so you can try it risk free. Feel better in your belly. Get some delicious tea in your life. Lots of different kinds as well. I love the green and the black. Go to Peak Life P I q u e life.com weird to grab yours now. That's peaklife.com weird. Your gut and your energy will thank you. We are also brought to us by our friends at the Perfect Jean. You guys, of course I'm wearing them right now because I am always wearing my perfect jean because I hate hard pants and I hate pants that look like they're soft. Guess what perfect jeans are soft and stretchy. They. They don't crush your nuts, but they look like designer jeans because they are. They're designer jeans. They're Built incredibly comfortable, but also incredibly well. The craftsmanship, the cut, the wash, everything about these. I've worn them on red carpets, worn them on dates. I've worn them in the biggest situations of my life. I've also just taken a nap in them because they're as comfortable as PJs. You might even forget you're wearing pants. Why are we still wearing hard pants? It's 2025. Guys. Break into something that that looks fantastic and is also comfortable. Just enough stretch, but you're not gonna have a saggy diaper butt. Life is too short for denim that fights you every step of the way. These jeans move with you, whether you're chasing your kids, tackling chores, or just chilling like a boss. Over 400,000 old, young, big, and small men agree the perfect jean is just that. The perfect jean. Imagine denim so stretchy. It's yoga ready. Sharp enough to turn heads. That's true. And comfy enough you. You'll forget you're even wearing them. What can you do in a perfect jean? You can rescue a stray cat like a denim superhero. You can man spread during game night. That's pretty cool. You can even break some hearts and pull some muscles on the dance floor. The Perfect gene has six fits. They go from 26 to 50 waist and lengths up to 38, which is perfect for me as a tall boy, giving you 5,000 plus ways to find your perfect match. So go check them out. For a limited time, our listeners get 15% off when you go to the PerfectGene NYC or Google the Perfect gene and use promo code no hard pants 15. All one word, 15% off. That's 15% off. New customers at the Perfect Gene NYC. No hard pants 15 or use promo code no hard pants 15. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard of them. Tell them it was this podcast your butt and you're nuts. Well, thank you. Back to the show. All right, everybody, we're so glad you're here. We made it weird with. You're not even the guest. You're the co host. But me and Val ketchup on Fridays. Ketchup on eggs.

[B]

Valerie, get into it. Valerie, I don't want to work.

[A]

I just want to bang on the drums all day on this mug.

[B]

Yeah, it's from the office. When he gets Jamaica and he has the tiny little braid with the bead.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And then he's like, he's like clicking on his, like, flicking his mug. He says, just wanna bang. You get it? I don't have to walk you through everything.

[A]

That's something I would say. That's a very me kind of joke. To pretend to take the posture of an angry. Of an angry man.

[B]

An anger. An angerman.

[A]

An angry man.

[B]

An angry man. I just. I do feel that way, though. Like, I just want to have fun.

[A]

You want to have fun.

[B]

I just want to have fun. Girls just want to have fun.

[A]

Well, you as a girl definitely want to have fun. I don't.

[B]

I love fun.

[A]

I realized I'm warming up to fun.

[B]

I know. After a long time, like when we met 12 years ago and we've been.

[A]

Together the hard 12. The dirty dozen.

[B]

The dirty dozen.

[A]

We've been together the dirty dozen.

[B]

And next year, it'll be the baker's dozen.

[A]

I love a baker that's like, have an extra.

[B]

Have a little extra.

[A]

Whoops.

[B]

I had just enough batter to make another thumbprint cookie. Whoops. Whoops.

[A]

Is there a cronut in there you weren't expecting? Only the baker figured out how to, like, normalize and, you know, make it reliable that you're going to get an onion ring with your French fries, which is always my goal.

[B]

I don't think bakers are making those.

[A]

Those aren't bakers.

[B]

You think it's anybody who cooks?

[A]

I want to go to. What? What are you about to say? I do want to say this.

[B]

Fine. Because I have no recollection of anything I've ever said before this moment.

[A]

Love it. If you knew what I think an onion ring should taste like based on. Let's put it this way.

[B]

When you're a kid already, you're pre agreeing 100%.

[A]

Because when you're a kid and it's like grownups that are eating onion rings.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're talking about them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're making a big to do. It's like a. They have onion rings and they get onion rings.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But, you know, I remember being a kid being like, I don't want onions. So you. You have a long time with the idea of onion rings before you actually eat one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then when I had one, and I'm gonna say, just because it. C'est la vie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've never had an onion ring that I was like, holy. Every time I eat an onion ring, I go, this is why French fry wipes the floor with your stupid. And then people are like, try these thick cut ones.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, oh, okay. You took the volcano from Benihana. The onion volcano shape. And you deep that all I taste onion ring is one of those things that when you taste it, you know how they made it. You're eating the recipe. You're eating.

[B]

There's only really two factors.

[A]

Well, yeah, but you're tasting ring as much as you're. It's like you're tasting flavor. Like, look, you deep fry a potato.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Potato's like, oh, you think I taste like this? I taste like this? And you're like, like potato.

[B]

Bringing out a new quality in the potato.

[A]

Potato goes in the Stefan Urkel machine and comes out. Did I do that? And it's crispy and it's. Fuck. And it's not coated in something else. It's not. It's not potato in a snowsuit.

[B]

It's not breaded.

[A]

Well, yeah. Do you want to be technical or do you want to have fun on a podcast? Yeah, it's not breaded.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's not. Neil breaded.

[B]

Well, I just wanted you to know that there's a big difference between things that are fried and I don't. Breaded and fried.

[A]

I don't like things that are breaded and fried. And I'm going to throw into the mix.

[B]

That's. That's.

[A]

That's too much.

[B]

Taking it a little too far. Are you talking about fried chicken?

[A]

I always have to turn you down a little bit when you get. When you get the yips. The yips. That an okay term. Why does it. Why do I feel like there's some.

[B]

It's an okay term. It's just not the term for what you're talking about. The yips is like when you get like. I think it's like in baseball when you. You're stab.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You can't. I like, you're just talking about when I get excited about FR Food.

[A]

I'm gonna say ripping ass means going fast, and the yips means when you get loud.

[B]

When I get loud.

[A]

About as a loud. But I'm the only one wearing headphones, so I turned you down just the tiniest bit. But I want you to keep that enthusiasm.

[B]

But I do appreciate you making a big deal about it to the point where I'm self conscious. No, it's fine. It's fine. I just have a backlog of things that I want to say about this because you went on your tear and.

[A]

Now I was just gonna say a deep fried Snickers bar. Same problem.

[B]

Well, this is what I was gonna say is when. Okay, I do love. I love fried chicken. I, in theory, love fried food. But first of all.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait. Fried chicken Is breaded. Yes, of course it is. It's the best.

[B]

I know. That's why I was like, whoa. When you were like, I don't like breaded foods.

[A]

No. Because the bread. Onion is a bitch. Chicken is like, I'm so much flavor. I'll fucking take whatever you give me. And onion's like, I'm overwhelmed. Onion is gonna drop out after its first semester at this college.

[B]

Well. That.

[A]

It can't handle it.

[B]

Yes. And this is the. This is why onion rings do not taste like how you think they're going to taste. Because what is more flavorful than a motherfucking onion?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why? So we think that it's going to taste like onion. It's not. It's just a slimy, tasteless thing in.

[A]

That bread was once an onion.

[B]

And breaded things that are fried often we think that we're just like, that's going to be the best tasting, most flavorful thing if you bread it and then fry it. But it really isn't. Like, grease is pretty flavorless.

[A]

Yeah. Like, that's why you. Really.

[B]

What we want is salt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So the only good.

[A]

But I feel like an onion ring repels the salt. It's too wet. It's too slimy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I know people are going f. Nuts right now.

[B]

I mean, I've had.

[A]

But I'll take an unsalted fry. I'll take a cold, unsalted fry, and I'll eat and be like, it's like eating an eraser. But you're like, are you erasing my loneliness because it's so good?

[B]

Well, it sort of is. The. There's also a thing, like, onion is one of my favorite foods. So are pickles. I don't like fried pickles.

[A]

Valerie. Fried pickles need, like, you know how Trump's doing all this insane shit. If, like, he just added, like. And no more fried pickles. I'd be like, maga. Jk. Jk. I'm just saying I hate fried pickles. And I was trying to say it in a fun way. Get them out. Get them out. Well, it's terrible.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And any. All of the. That's why. Candy bars, Oreos. These are fucking. They're not as good as they. Like, if it was like a chicken fried Oreo, like, it was somehow. I'm gonna say it. This is what you actually want. I'm gonna say it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have two things to say. One, before I forget. A cold onion ring is better than a hot onion ring.

[B]

That's interesting, too. I don't know.

[A]

It's not even worth exploring. It's not.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

Don't even look in.

[B]

That's not true.

[A]

It is true. Because they're so bad. At least a cold one.

[B]

You are. You're more okay with cold foods that should be hot than I am. Like, you'll just eat leftovers from the fridge. You didn't even have a microwave for.

[A]

I don't really use microwaves. Yeah, I don't know why.

[B]

It's really kind of wild.

[A]

Weird.

[B]

And then I thought you were fundamentally against microwaves. So for the first five years that we lived together, I was, like, trying, struggling, just not eating leftovers. Basically living without a microwave.

[A]

Oh. Because.

[B]

Because I was like, I guess he's, like, afraid of the, like, radiation or something.

[A]

No.

[B]

And you were like, no, I'm not.

[A]

I was like, well, please get a microwave. Yeah, yeah, I remember that. Yeah. I don't really have much need for a microwave. My mom microwaves her coffee.

[B]

I microwave my coffee all day. The other day, I put my coffee in the microwave, and it was like, tink. And it was yesterday's coffee in there that I had just forgotten.

[A]

Yeah. I feel like the microwave coffee people are like a shuffle people. They're shuffling around. I envy it.

[B]

A housewife is what you're saying.

[A]

That is very. That's 10 out of 10. That's very funny. That's not what I meant.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My mom is not a housewife. My mom is in her own category.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're not her, so let's drop that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You can both microwave yourself.

[B]

I would also not call myself a housewife, even though other people would probably call me that.

[A]

You're not a housewife.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Housewives are careful. What if I love them? Like, I go on and on.

[B]

Housewives are perfect angels.

[A]

No, I don't know. I feel like if you don't have a bumper sticker on your van that says Mom Taxi Service, you're not a housewife. There's no judgment there. I'm just saying. That's the badge.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh, you're a housewife. That's why the Desperate Housewives. You think it means they want to fuck. They're actually just searching for that bumper sticker.

[B]

They're desperately looking for a bumper stick to find.

[A]

That's their Calvin peeing on a Chevy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They want the. Okay, here's what I really want to say. I'm gonna have a sip of Diet Coke. Just kidding. I'm trying to be more of a man of the people.

[B]

Just kidding.

[A]

It's just coffee. It's just coffee.

[B]

Sort of being the lady of the.

[A]

People, I actually think Diet Coke, I would. If somebody. If I was walking around a college campus and there was a flyer that said, an expert in marketing is going to talk about Diet Coke for two hours and it's free, I would go to that. I don't think I'm gonna say the thing about deep fried. And then I'm gonna go on Diet Coke.

[B]

Okay, great.

[A]

That's the table of contents of me.

[B]

Can you guys tell that we're fasting today?

[A]

I love when we're fasting. I love a food episode all weekend. Guys, go eat it in remembrance of me. I'm not even hungry yet. But it's true. But we're also just food fucks. We're food fucks.

[B]

We're big.

[A]

We're big food fucks. We're food fucks. And we've talked about this a million. If I hang out with somebody and they're not, like, chowing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, what are you doing?

[B]

I know.

[A]

What are you doing? Like, I went to the Super Bowl. We'll get to that. With your brother. And we were chowing. I loved it.

[B]

I know.

[A]

The honking, Little Caesar's pizza. There was nothing. If you're a vegan at the super bowl, just jump off the top of the dome. There's nothing for you. And then they'll deep fry you.

[B]

Louisiana.

[A]

That's true. If it was. Is there a dome here? I don't know. Okay, here's what I want to say. Here's what you actually want. I'm gonna fix it. Onion rings and fried pickles and fried candy bars. And somebody out there is a chef. And this is what we actually want, okay? And you can make it happen. You want it covered in chicken skin. It's like, I know. Look, chefs for all of known time have understood what we want. They're the original pharmaceutical industry. They're like, you want salt and fat, right? You want fuck. And, like, you're not willing to do it. You don't want to kill it. You don't want to look at it. You don't want this. You don't want. But they know. So that's why I'm not going to tell you that it's a chicken. Like, we need a new term. Now we're to marketing. Now we're to Diet Coke. If I call it chicken skin, you're like, barf city. But I'm going to tell you as a. I'm A terrible vegan. Let's just be honest. As you've noticed since Leela's been born, I go vegetarian. But a lot of meals. Most meals. Who cares? Nobody cares. Most meals are vegan. A lot of vegetarian meals. Here we are. If I'm going to go real nasty, delicious, and cheat hard, my mouth is watering. Salt and straw. There's a place. There's an ice cream place called Salt and Straw in California. I don't know if there are other places, but they make these fucking Ninja Turtle ice cream flavors.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

That's what they do. I can't believe. I. I can't. I've never described them before, and that's what they're doing.

[B]

That was such a delayed laugh for me.

[A]

That was unbelievable. In awe of 100%. That's what they do.

[B]

What Ninja Turtles do to pizza.

[A]

They do to ice cream.

[B]

They do to ice cream. And that's their motto.

[A]

That.

[B]

That's what it should be their log line.

[A]

That's definitely their mission statement. Yeah, but they'll have, like a pear and brie ice cream or something like that. I don't really. With those, like lavender, like wasp. Yeah, I don't like those.

[B]

I like cookie dough.

[A]

I do. I like cookie dough in a cigarette. Is like a good salt and straw flavor. Or like silverware. You know, when you're eating with very nice silverware and you kind of taste some of the metal silverware and a salad ice cream, you're kind of tasting the fork. They'll do that. So the best fucking ice cream I've ever had. And they have one at Disneyland on the way out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not anywhere, depending on how you're going. But you and I, we got our ice cream on our way out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We don't want to be grumps. No, we don't want to be grumps. And you want to. Something to look forward. That's right. You just saw Goofy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're gonna try and walk to your car without an ice cream.

[B]

And you're just gonna go be in Anaheim traffic right now.

[A]

You want to go to Anaheim. You just met Goofy. Get an ice cream.

[B]

Have to get an ice cream for the drive.

[A]

It's a transitionary. It's a blanket.

[B]

It is.

[A]

It's a transitional blanket. And if you get an ice cream on the way into Disneyland. I don't understand.

[B]

What are you doing?

[A]

I'll tell you what you're doing. You're renting a scooter.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was looking at you. I was like, you're gonna like that. It's a little mean. Oh, no, but that's Definitely true. There's 80% of the people at Disneyland.

[B]

Are on scooters to get in the front of the line. You think, oh yeah, there's a whole world. There could be a documentary about the way people, like use health things to. To cut the line and how that like, actually affects people who actually need it.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

It's like a whole. It's a whole thing.

[A]

I didn't know that the, the rascal scooter was a way to get in the front because they should just have their own. You know that those images of the really round, the two round people on the tiny motorcycles, that's what Disneyland looks like. Like, you see, and they do have little mustaches and sunglasses and cowboy hats. That's what they look like. And I've never seen them scooting at like two miles an hour past a line. I've always just been like, you're already sitting. Just wait in the line, right?

[B]

Yeah, they should be waiting in the line.

[A]

There should be a longer line for them.

[B]

They have a chance. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

The standing people should be cutting around. The jazzy people. Are they Jazzies or Rascals?

[B]

Rascals.

[A]

Rascals, yeah.

[B]

Jazzies is a fun word, though. I think they're. Mike, when people call hot tubs Jacuzzi.

[A]

I like calling them Jacuzzis and I like calling motorhomes Winnebagos.

[B]

I'm really surprised because you're a snob and Jacuzzi to me is like the. To like or, you know, we're back to marketing. The real, like, you know, kind of trashier version is when you call it a spa.

[A]

Spa. I sat in the spa for a while.

[B]

People do that.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that, that, that triggered my. My spa. My. My spa. My inner spa. No, it triggered my snob reflex. But what's so. And I want to show all my cards here. It's just because my parents said Jacuzzi.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Like there's a real. I'm a middle aged man and I'm. I'm really enjoying the. The humbling buffet of realizing everything that you think is normal is just what you were raised with. And your parents are fucking dopes and you're a dope and nothing is real. And Jacuzzi, they called their bathtub. They had a bathtub with jets in it. They called it the Jacuzzi.

[B]

Jacuzzi tub.

[A]

So I still go like Jacuzzi. That's like a cool.

[B]

Because your Parents are so cool.

[A]

That's exactly my point.

[B]

Right?

[A]

I know. You get it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Chicken skin. Called chicken skin.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But we're also on Disneyland. No ice cream.

[B]

We're back. Oh, yeah, the ice cream. Salt and straw.

[A]

Okay. I couldn't be more excited to tell you guys this, but it's only. It's 10:45am so I'm not that hungry. We are fasting, but I want you to know I think this passes into people who are eating.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So people who are. That is the best that I could never do on stage, which is Val and I like, talk. We're food. Like, we'll try and be healthy. And we're like, you can't eat ice cream. It's just fat and sugar. Like, you keep salivating like you're spit betrays your righteousness. You can't. You're telling me you're gonna eat Ben and Jerry's little candies and marshmallow. Marshmallow core.

[B]

Always gets to. Then just, like, my favorite flavor. And, like, get explaining in, like, detail, like, getting each other all worked up about it.

[A]

I know. It's. We're edging most of our life. We're just edging different things. Anyway. The flavor at Salt and Straw, the Ninja Turtle ice cream place is called Chicken and Waffles. So it's a. Jesus Christ, help us, Lord, help us. It's like a maple with, like, waffle batter ice cream. And here's the kicker. And here's where chefs have stepped in and said, shut the fuck up and eat what we make you because we know what you want, you fucking piece of shit. Shut up. Because everyone's gonna go, yuck. I imagine except those of us listening that are in the culinary arts. But it has chicken. It has, like, chicken skin. Well, they like fried chicken, and they de skin it, which is all the flavor. And they put that fried chicken skin in the maple waffle batter ice cream. And you eat it and you go, I don't care if the earth explodes. I'm finishing this. Like, it could be like, if California.

[B]

Falls into the ocean, I'll be drinking. I'll be eating this.

[A]

You'll see me in the Pacific licking an ice cream cone. Everyone else is screaming out, bubbles, I'm trying to get something in. And it's so good, it might satiate me enough to get to the top.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, you really have cracked the code. Here is every time we eat something fried that isn't fried chicken, we're thinking it's going to be as salty as fried chicken. But it won't be because that is not the breading that's salty. It's the chicken skin that's salty.

[A]

You're so right. I feel like we've nailed it repeatedly. No, I know. You summarized it perfectly.

[B]

Past college is what I was gonna say is regurgitating. Just regurgitating what the teacher says. And they're like, perfect A plus.

[A]

Yeah, I know. That's all. That's our. That's a flawed educational system.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, here's my impression of onion rings. There's a big basket of them. You salt them and you hear. You hear. I'm sorry. Are the sands of time passing? None of it is clinging. All the salt falls to the bottom. Because you need chicken skin. That is like the goose down of salt. It will keep it in and hold it tight.

[B]

It's embedded in there. It's integrated.

[A]

It's integrated. It's not salted. It is salt.

[B]

It is salt.

[A]

It is salt. And you put that on a fucking Oreo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you don't call it chicken skin. You call it Swatch. Swatch. Look, it's the one to beat. Swatch is also a type of watch. You call it. What do you want to call it? Chicks Crisp?

[B]

Chicken skins.

[A]

No, you call it chicken fried Oreo. That's what you call.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Chicken fried Oreo.

[B]

Yeah. Because there is chicken fried steak.

[A]

But that's not chicken skin. No, that's just. They fry.

[B]

I don't know how you're going to put chicken skin on any. It's. You're actually.

[A]

You don't want to see it.

[B]

Oh, I guess you're.

[A]

You don't want to see it.

[B]

Adding it to the breading.

[A]

That's one way, I think if we're wearing. Now we're wearing lab coats in the kitchen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which always leads to fun where I think I'm taking the skin off of a chicken. What is that called? Thigh, I guess.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm wrapping it around. It's disgusting. It's gross. It's gross.

[B]

And Oreo is the grossest example you could think of. Like, let's keep it at onion rings because, I mean, I've never had a fried Oreo, but I just can't imagine that I like it.

[A]

I don't. No. I don't even know if I would. I think I would love a chicken fried Oreo. Chicken fried Oreo. A chicken fried anything. You could chicken fry car keys is such a hack example. But, like, I'd chicken fry an American Express card. And I'd eat that.

[B]

Car keys is a hack example. I feel like I never have heard somebody say that.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. But you're living in.

[A]

No, it's because Robin Williams had a joke where he's like, you know, you know, you have to get sober when you wake up ass up on the hood of your car with your keys in your ass. And now thoughtful Robin Williams. Oh, that's beautiful.

[B]

I mean, wow.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

We just rewatched Hook and you didn't.

[A]

Making Hook was great.

[B]

See this scene?

[A]

They shaved my arms.

[B]

They did.

[A]

I know. They shaved his arms and his hands.

[B]

Not just arms and hands, whole body.

[A]

They gave Robin Williams a chicken fried body. Yeah, because let's be real, it's not very Disney to be Peter Pan and look like there's a full moon and you've been bit by a werewolf. I mean, like, he's very.

[B]

Anytime I've seen his knuckles and arms, it is distracting casting.

[A]

It's distressing.

[B]

It's distressing.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

You casted those hairy arms and knuckles. That's distressing.

[A]

Yeah. But also hyper virile too. I mean, he seems so full of life that it's. Even his knuckles are like. We have full heads of hair as well. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

I guess. Yeah.

[A]

Was Rowan Williams losing his hair? I feel like he was kind of.

[B]

Maybe towards the end.

[A]

Towards the end? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In Good Will Hunting, I think he was. But his knuckles. There's no male pattern knuckle hair loss.

[B]

And there really is like my mom's generation. And maybe there's obviously there's exceptions, but. But I feel like my mom's generation, they really were looking for like a hairy man.

[A]

Yeah. That's a thing. They loved the mustache of the body.

[B]

Right.

[A]

They wanted it all.

[B]

They wanted a Burt Reynolds chest hair kind of guy.

[A]

Yeah. And then we came around and we're like, Burt Reynolds looks. He has resting, furious face.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not just angry.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Bird Reynolds looks.

[B]

Well, that's why we love Tom Selleck, because he's a friendly Burt Reynolds.

[A]

I'm sorry, if you're just gonna like. What you just did was you rappelled down a skyscraper cut with a diamond cutter and like went in and robbed a bank that's somehow on the top floor of a skyscraper. That was the best observation of all time. Tom Selleck is a friendly Burt Reynolds.

[B]

Right. And my grandma liked Burt Reynolds. My mother liked Tom Selleck.

[A]

Yes. And we like Timothy Shallon.

[B]

Right. So there's just sliding one way, actually. Everything you need to know about the generational differences.

[A]

Well, that's why we started watching Catastrophe. And for some reason, I had never seen it. Well, we talked about that. Anything that I could have been in. Sometimes it's hard for me to watch because I'm like, that should have been me. Which I'm so. I'm not defending that. There's just whole. Like, I won't watch Shrinking because I'm like, I want to be in a show with Harrison Ford.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is so fucking stupid.

[B]

And I mean. Yeah. Shrinking is so good.

[A]

What just happened? But why did it do that? All right, here we go. Everything's fine.

[B]

Are we still recording?

[A]

Yep. That was a little nerve wracking. The computer just went goofy anyway. But. But Rob Delaney is sort of. I was enjoying how Tom Sellecky. He is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's kind of like a classic.

[B]

An old school kind of old school classic. Hairy, handsome.

[A]

Hasn't swung a baseball bat in a long time, but first pitch, you know.

[B]

He could do it.

[A]

He hits it.

[B]

He could do it.

[A]

Goes really far, too. And then he says something really funny like, wow. Really got to the center of a Tootsie Pop there, didn't I? Or something like. But great. Not that great. Yeah, but something.

[B]

Not that. But.

[A]

But he's always making jokes that remind. Yeah. Something funny there. Right in, right into the show. What would Rob Delaney say if he hit a baseball? Wow. Pop goes the weasel, huh?

[B]

Did he. Did he get famous from Twitter?

[A]

Look, let's just. I'm gonna show all my cards. I like this question.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because Rob knows what Rob is. We talked about this, but he was sort of. I forget where we were. I think we were in Seattle and he was just talking about being a little. Feeling a little stuck or whatever. He was doing great, but, like, he was like, I need something to break. Like, so many of us have that feeling.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Over and over, you're like, just need something to break.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he. I don't recall exactly what I said, but I was like, just, you know, find your thing and keep doing it. Stick with it. Stick. And then, like, he said that our chat informed him, being like, I'm gonna triple down on Twitter. And that's like, are you kidding me? I'm not kidding.

[B]

What? Is this real?

[A]

I mean, this is real. And I can't believe.

[B]

I know you wouldn't lie about it, but I just. Am.

[A]

I feel even a little squirrely or. I have the yips even saying it.

[B]

I feel that all that it was was if we didn't know and love you. And we heard someone else say that.

[A]

We'd be like, well, I don't know, because Birbiglia's talked me off many a ledge and reminded me of who I am. And all I said was like, I don't know if it was like, you're on Twitter. That's so funny. Triple down on that. And he did. Or maybe our conversation was more general. Here's what I know. I don't deserve any credit. I really don't. But he marked that point in his life as, like, not knowing what was gonna happen. And like, a month or two later, he really, like, started tweeting a bunch, and that really blew him up, I really think.

[B]

I think. And I don't. I. You know, I haven't been on Twitter in years, as evidenced by the fact that I call it Twitter. We're still calling it Twitter, right? Nobody's saying X. Or are they?

[A]

Nobody's saying X.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

If you say X, you say X. Formerly known as Twitter.

[B]

Yeah, you can't.

[A]

Which is, like, so stupid. He was like, I'm going to call it X. I don't know how to do his voice. And it's like, it's the shortest thing it could be. And now it's the longest thing it could be because now you have to say X. You know, Twitter. Do we still say Twitter?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now it's called a paragraph.

[B]

Yeah. Right. Well, there was a time when I was really engaged in it. And like most people, that's how I became aware of Rob Delaney. And I would say, I think he is the best tweeter that there ever.

[A]

That there was.

[B]

I think he was a hundred percent born for that.

[A]

Mike Burns was really good at it. Pizza Nacho 69.

[B]

Yeah, he did.

[A]

Pizza Nacho 69. I mean, RIP Twitter, man.

[B]

I know when it was very good.

[A]

Because. No, this is not why people tune into this podcast to be like, should I still be on Twitter? Like, it's rough out there, man. Yeah, totally rough out there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, it's like once. Once. Sorry, Once anything starts skewing elections. You know what I mean? Or like, changing culture. So, like, it seems like one for one. It seems like it starts to feel like a virus or something. It's like this has too much power over us. Like, I don't feel like. No, they all do. I was gonna say Instagram. They all do television, Instagram, movies, all of it. Culture. It's intense, but it's so specific with tweetsies.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I haven't watched news In a long time. But I remember a time, and maybe it still is like this, where it felt like the 24 hour news cycle. Like 20 of those hours were them just reading people's tweets.

[A]

It's exactly that. They can't stop and they'll just tweet. You know, regular folks just being like. Just like, they used to talk to people on the street. Now they're reading tweets.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You don't even know if that person was actually at the stampede.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? It's not verified. It's like it was crazy. One of the bulls was smoking. They're like. That's what he said. Yeah, but look at the location. He's in Sweden. Doesn't matter.

[B]

One of the bulls were smoking and.

[A]

One of the bulls was smoking. You have one cigarette.

[B]

One for one half hour. Yes. You take a break for one half hour.

[A]

Nick Kroll's impression of Europeans. I think about it all the time.

[B]

I do too.

[A]

You smoke one cigarette. Take break for one half hour. No, it's like you work for one half hour.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Take nap for three hours. Go for bicycle ride. Have fatty lunch. Never gain weight.

[B]

Have.

[A]

Have cigarette. No cancer. Cuz, you know, we just don't believe it.

[B]

Very good.

[A]

Okay, so we covered everything important. Chicken fried.

[B]

Yeah. We figured out we cra. The code on fried things. You want chicken skin, you want fried chicken?

[A]

Don't call it that. You just call it chicken fried Oreos.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And by the way, if you do this and you make billions, like, just send us some. That's the only thanks we need.

[B]

Not. Not some of the billions or some of the chicken fried Oreos.

[A]

That's to be determined. I mean, like, if this changes the world, like, I think it will maybe send us a sliver of those bills.

[B]

Yeah, just. Just a single bill would.

[A]

One bill. Oh, I would love one bill.

[B]

Oh, that's actually the. I would cap it at one bill.

[A]

Your money aspirations.

[B]

Yeah. No, I mean, well, I don't have the aspirations to have a bill. I'm just saying I would. I certainly. I don't even know if I want a bill, but I know I don't want any more than a bill.

[A]

Oh, that's for sure.

[B]

That's.

[A]

You definitely don't want to be a billionaire too. There's some guy out there, or woman or conglomerate, But a person. It has to be a person that has $900 million and he's like, strategically not making another hundred because he doesn't want to be on the List, you think? Because as soon as. Well, this is a bit. But like, as soon as you become a billionaire, you're one of the fucking billionaires.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And like, billionaires shouldn't exist and all that sort of stuff. It is. Did I tell you this? They were like, money addiction is the only addiction where the addiction hurts everyone else. Like, if I do heroin, heroin kills my body, but if I do money, it kills the earth. It kills every. It kills all the people that don't have it.

[B]

Wow. Yeah.

[A]

Did we talk about that last week?

[B]

It probably harms you too.

[A]

Oh, of course it does. But like, it. The side effects are worse for the people around you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But that's also true for heroin, alcohol and heroin and.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Any addiction. But we were also saying, like, I forget who I was talking to. I was like, it's so funny that we all just kind of like, go around wanting each other's money and, like, we change it. We. It changes hands.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can have it then. You can have it then. You can. It just kind of shifts around.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Isn't that weird?

[B]

That is weird. Yeah. Let's go to the Mid Rolls and then we can talk about how you went to the Schnooper Bowl.

[A]

Yeah. We'll talk about my. I don't want to say altercation, but Kendrick and I had beef. There's a beef? He said when I ran into him in the hall and he said after our. It was like a six minute talk. I don't know how I got him so angry in six minutes, but he went, you Drake now. He said that he'd go, you Drake now. And I said, what, man?

[B]

How could you blow it so fast?

[A]

I don't know. Six minutes. And he said, I like Drake compared to you.

[B]

Drake is my BFF compared to how I feel about you now.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And then he put his hand real high and he went, Drake. Then he went real low and he went, you. And then all the dancers from the halftime show were there. The red, white and blue dancers. Yeah, they. They assembled to be a middle finger.

[B]

They did it so fast, like they had been practicing. He went, yeah. Oh, whoa.

[A]

He was like, in case I get in a big beef.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So we'll be. First of all, this podcast is being so informed by Valley.

[B]

I know. That's what I thought.

[A]

This whole episode with the whole show.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Now that I've been reminded how funny it is to, like, riff and get specific and dwell.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Gotta listen to Valley Heat.

[B]

It's the funniest podcast it really is kind of all I want to talk about all the time.

[A]

We'll talk about that, too.

[B]

Okay, great.

[A]

But there's no. That's not a sponsor. Just I've been telling everyone to listen to the Telepathy Tapes and Valley Heat because here you are listening to a podcast. When you're done, there's some other podcasts you can check out. Valley Heat and Telepathy Tapes. All right, we'll be right back and we'll talk about the super bowl in New Orleans and how I'm Drake now. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You've heard me talk a lot about BetterHelp because I love talk therapy. It is actively improved, enhanced, and changed my life for the better. You hear a lot of people out there talking about red flags. Look out for these red flags in your relationships with your friendships at work, whatever it might be. We don't talk enough about green flags. Where are the green flags? The things that you want to have in your life? That's one of the things that therapy can cultivate and bring out and help you recognize in romantic relationships, in your friendships, in your work relationships. What are the things that we should be calling green flags and help increase and embody that green flag energy in yourself and identify it in others. Whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or just working on yourself, it's time to form relationships that love you back. Let's get some green flags. You guys know talk therapy is greater than the sum of its parts. It's not just talking. It's talking to a trained professional who knows how to gently nudge you in different directions to bring out the best. Get over that co dependence. Set up that boundary with that family member. Find that self love that says, yes, I deserve this, this and this, and I'm gonna go for it. It is absolutely revolutionized both my life and Valerie's life. That's why it comes up so much on this podcast. And BetterHelp makes it so easy to start. It's fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. And you can access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a sorry a wide range of specialties. And you can even switch your therapist very easily at no extra cost. So discover your relationship green flags with better help. Visit betterhelp.comweirdo to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H E L p.com weird weirdo. We are also brought to us by our friend at Modern Mammals Just the quickest little mention here. I hate shampoo. It makes your hair look like a fucking tumbleweed rolling through a western facade. Movie set. Not even a real one looks like garbage. Your hair gets fried out. It's unruly. Modern Mammals is the only shampoo that I like. It's the only one that I use. You put it through your hair and it kind of feels like you went to the beach that day. It's got a little bit of control. It left enough of that natural oil in your hair to make it manageable and give it that sweet, sweet flow. Go to modern mammals.com weird to give it a try. If you're anything like me, you will love it. And there's no going back. Modern mammals.com weird. All right, we're back. So, yeah, I went to the super bowl because I did that campaign for the Kansas City Chiefs. Because my name is Pete, and me and Holly Robinson, Pete. And then there was a third Pete. Pete Sampras, maybe. Sorry, I should have known that. But I didn't work with that one. He was just in the video. Let me give it a goo grill fast.

[B]

I can't help you. I did watch the samples, though.

[A]

Pete Sampras. No, he's a tennis player. That is not.

[B]

No, that's not him.

[A]

Pete. Football player.

[B]

Is he a football player?

[A]

I don't know. You just thought he was a tennis. Let me see. It doesn't matter.

[B]

Heat. Football player is what you typed in.

[A]

I know I've become my mom. Well, because I would recognize the guy. Anyway, sorry if you're a Die Hard fan and listen to my podcast. I'm sorry. This is awkward. Just look at me and go, you Drake now?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, so the gag was the Chiefs were going for a three peat, and then I'm a Pete and Holly Robinson is a Pete. And we were looking for the third Pete to watch the game together. So we were going to go to the Super Bowl. If the Chiefs had won, I think we were going to go on the field and I think do another halftime show. I'm just kidding. No, just take a picture to, like, be the punchline. Like, it worked. The. The video. My friend Parker Seaman directed it. He's so funny. We had such a fun time. It was really, really. And David Koechner was in it, and Rob Riggle was the voiceover. It was really, really fun. And this would have been the, like, finale, like. And look, it worked. They got their three peat, and then we go to the super bowl, and we're in, like, a Chiefs section just, you know, in the stands. And, boy, it was what a. Like, it was such a rough game. I know. Nobody cares. We'll keep this real quick. I'm not a conspiracy person, but I was like, this looks like the White Sox. Like, it looks like we're throwing the game.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Then I talked to somebody. I didn't tell you this. The next day, my flight. I had a 6am flight going home. So I got up at 3, 3:30, drove to the airport, got there at 4 because, you know, everyone's going home from the Super Bowl. I'm like, it's gonna be a cluster cuss.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Get to the Super Bowl. My flight is delayed nine hours. And not all at once. It's not like I got there and they were like, this flight is leaving in nine hours. It was like, it's now seven. And then that just happened nine times, right? It was one hour.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And when I got there, by the way, they were very nice about it, but they were like, oh, your flight's delayed. I was like, I think it was the Super Bowl. Everything was gunked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, the app wouldn't show that you were checked in. The. The monitors didn't have the. Everything was gunked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Everyone had the yips.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And ripping ass all over the airport. But then I ended up meeting this guy named Noah on my flight back to la. It was all the people that were, like, shooting the game. It was actually really fun. Like, it was all these production people with very heavy carry ons. That's how you know the production folks, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

They're all wearing jackets that say, like, Little Miss Sunshine.

[B]

Yeah. And it's like thick black cases with silver pen written on, like.

[A]

Yep. And they're very heavy CB2.

[B]

Two double.

[A]

I'm gonna say that everyone. Everyone who works in production, they are putting the carry on weight to the test.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I had to move a bag to get my bag up. It took all. You know when you have to engage your core just to move a bag an inch to the left. It was the heaviest bag. It was like, all that's in there is bricks, which is what they call batteries. It might have been bricks. So I'm talking to a production guy who's shooting the game. And I was like. And I'm glad to offer this, most of the Internet is just me saying it looked like they were throwing the game. There was a moment where the quarterback for the Chiefs, like, threw an interception. And from where I was sitting, which was like 12ft away, it looked like he was just passing. Yeah, it looked like he was passing the ball to the guy.

[B]

Right. Well, that's.

[A]

It was like there was no one there.

[B]

You remember this specific one?

[A]

There was no red jersey near that guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he was like. It was like, are you guys friends? Or did you think for a second you were just playing catch with that guy?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So that's when the human brain is so. Loves a conspiracy and goes like, oh, these guys are throwing it. And I've come to find out the Internet is drenched in theories that the NFL and the NBA and everything is rigged. Here's why. I think it's a boring conspiracy, but we're gonna get to that. Well, no, I'll just jump to that. You can't get 50,000 people to keep a secret, that's for sure. There's no way.

[B]

Right? And the egos.

[A]

Well, no, it's Area 51. And look what happened with Area 51. Area 51 is not as big as the NFL, but there are so many whistleblowers for Area 51. Because all that happens is you get fired from mopping up alien puke, right? And then they're like, get the out of here. And now you're disgruntled. And then you go, yeah, and you post something or you talk or you take an interview, and maybe you're. Maybe you're deep throating it, right? But, like, you're still gonna blow the whistle. No one's doing that for the NFL. And there are so many people that are disgruntled, right? And the players and the egos. So, yeah, I was talking to him, to this guy Noah about it, and he just immediately was like. He told me two interesting things. And because they were interesting to me, I'm gonna wager that they're interesting to everybody.

[B]

I think this is interesting one.

[A]

He was like. And as soon as he said it, I immediately understood it, even though I don't give a shit about sports. He was like, they were putting so much pressure on that quarterback. And that's true. Every play, it looked like the quarterback had about two seconds to find somebody to throw to. Meanwhile, when it was the Philly Birds, that guy, like, had a picnic lunch, got back up, kissed the ball once and said, I'll see you in a minute, and threw it all the way across the field for a touchdown. But every time, Mahomes, the Kansas City Chiefs guy, the pressure was incredible. And he told me that one of the psychological things that they did, which I find fascinating, is they have a Guy on the Eagles. I'm not gonna know any details. That's incredible. At blitzing. That's incredible. Like, has an incredible record for getting the quarterback. So if you're a quarterback. Yeah, you fucking hate these guys. Let's say his name is Tiger McEagle Stuff. McEagle Stuff was injured and mid season and was benched. And. And then the night before the Super bowl at 4pm The Eagles announced that Eagle McEagle stuff. No Tiger McEagle stuff. Guess what?

[B]

What?

[A]

He's back. He's mended and he's back. But they on purpose didn't tell. They waited until 4pm the day before the game, which was the, like, legal limit on how long before you can announce who's playing in the game. So to fuck with the Chiefs. Isn't that interesting?

[B]

That is interesting.

[A]

Now we're telling a story.

[B]

And also maybe, like, that messes up their plays. It messes up everything they would have made.

[A]

That's why the pressure was run. They were like. Cause I know a little bit about football, but it's like you have to decide. I don't know that much. It seems to me, though, you have to decide how many of these guys are gonna be running out and how many are gonna be protecting. I don't know. Maybe that's not true. But what I do know is it flipped a bitch, which I know is a U turn, and it just really fudged the punch, which is a thing Josh Cheney made up, which sounds taking a poop in the punch bowl. And now they were scrambling to, like, reshift their strategy. They got fucking Tiger Mc Eagle stuff.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And he did sack him, and that got sacked.

[B]

I remember that guy constantly. Yeah. Yeah. He got him all the time that every.

[A]

He got him all the time.

[B]

Of the time that you tried.

[A]

And because I'm not a sports fan, I enjoyed the spectacle of it. If anybody is out there shaking their fists, like, what a waste. I really enjoyed the experience. Of course, it was fun. And because I'm not affiliated with either team, I was just kind of, like, enjoying whoever was playing good football.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which was both teams at points. But, like, I wasn't, like, upset when someone else scored. I did get bored, though, because every time, let's say, I would talk to your brother.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'd turn and I'd talk to Derek. Like, Kansas City Chiefs have the ball. And they're. They're kind of making some progress. I'd turn and talk to your brother for 30 seconds. I'd look up and somehow The Eagles had just scored a touchdown. Like, any time I looked away for five seconds, and I'm not talking about a bathroom break, I'm talking about a head turn. I'd come back, and somehow it was first down for the Eagles.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Even though it was just third and one for the Chiefs, now it's first and 10 on their own 20 yard line for the Eagles. They're about to score. So it was kind of a snooze. And I even said that of course I'm surrounded by Chiefs people, and I felt bad and to kind of encourage them, I was like, this is actually what you want. You want to be down to come back. That's actually a good game. But then it ended up being more of a spanking. And nobody. Nobody likes that.

[B]

Yeah. There was a certain point, because I also wasn't invested in either team. But there's a. There was a certain point where it was such an. It actually was such an interesting spanking that then I think when once the Chiefs, we were like, we want the Chiefs to at least score once so that this isn't zero. That's just so embarrassing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then they did score once, and then I was like, but if they're gonna score twice, they need to come fully back because that will make it a more interesting game.

[A]

You and I are so similar.

[B]

Yeah. We were just interested in how. What's the most fascinating way this game can go?

[A]

Yeah. Once they scored once. I almost was like, don't do that. I'm so black and white. I'm like, just lose.

[B]

Just let it just. Yeah.

[A]

Like, I was like, just lose. You know you're gonna lose. And that was kind of. It's so weird how psychically or just energetically groups of people, you're trying to keep the faith, but there was just this feeling of, like, a bad feeling.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And a bad feeling, like, for that team is just kind of mojo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your brother had the observation of the game, though, so I loved taking Derek. It was such a fun choice.

[B]

And my brother is a football, and.

[A]

He is a football fan, and it meant a lot.

[B]

So it was not like never in a million years thought he would ever get to go to the Super Bowl.

[A]

He had way better observations for me than me, whatever he said. So it's the half, and the Kansas City Chiefs are in the locker room, and your brother's just like, what is the coach gonna say?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, what can you say to psych people up? It's already the Super Bowl.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You've already worked all Season for this. There are already a hundred million people. And he was just like, every time you guys throw the ball, you drop it. Don't drop it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Every time you run, you run right up the middle and you get squashed. Don't do that. Like, there's no pep talk.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But they did come back, and they did have a little pip in their vintage, and they kind of got going. And then I turned to your brother and I looked back, and the Eagles were scoring a touchdown. It was like, the weirdest. The other thing he mentioned was the best part of the halftime show if you're there, is watching them set it up. Because if you look at every opening onto the field is the size of a group of football men running out.

[B]

What? Every opening on the screen, it's as.

[A]

Wide as they're designed for groups, for teams to run out onto the field. Sure.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

There's no opening on the side the size of a stage. So you're looking. You watch them Lego Maniac make the stage, and they do it in a commercial break.

[B]

That is impressive.

[A]

So that was really the best part. And then your brother also said this. He was like, one thing, my big takeaway from the super bowl, he said, was that the halftime show is for the cameras.

[B]

Right.

[A]

They don't. They not like us.

[B]

Yeah. They're not trying to make it.

[A]

They're not trying 0%, which it was interesting. It's not, by the way. It sounds bad.

[B]

Really.

[A]

It's a million miles away. It sounds bad in the way that, like, anything amplified for a million people or however many. It's not a million, you know, Many. Nothing sounds great singing or rapping. It doesn't sound great.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like. And he's so small, and we were close. It's still like. And it's facing away from you. At some point, it's gonna be facing away from you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

What could happen? And they kept saying, you're not gonna believe these special guests. And we're in the stands going, beyonce. You and I were texing. It's gonna be Beyonce.

[B]

I was like, jay Z's there with the kids.

[A]

We had a long talk. Like, exactly. Jay Z would have been fun. Then we were like, sorry, I just lost my train of thought. Oh. We were like, taylor Swift.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

What if Taylor Swift came out? And we were like, well, that's a conflict of interest, because that's a boost for morale for Kansas City. So she's out. But then we were like, what if it's Drake? We got so fucking Excited?

[B]

How could you think it was gonna be?

[A]

Because Valerie here, you and I. Look at your face, you're having such a response. The super bowl is Janet Jackson's boob. And Timberlake, it's supposed to be the biggest spectacle. And this guy, for an entire year now, has had the most intense beef with Drake. I don't know shit about shit. And I know Kendrick Lamar and Drake.

[B]

Well. I know. That's why I.

[A]

Are they brothers? I don't know Drake's last name. They hate each other.

[B]

Like Horowitz.

[A]

It is. It's a Jewish last name. But, like, that's a spectacle that's worthy of a hundred million people watching. Is if he came out. Even if they fought, like, if he came out, and it's supposed to be a collab, but then, like, professional wrestling, you know, and they start and the lights go out. That's a spectacle. They should have done it.

[B]

The beef is so real. That's what your brother does. Yeah, but that's like. That was the funnest part, is, like, that he was shameless about his beef with Drake, including having Serena Williams there, who. I guess I don't know much about this. I saw one. I read. I've been reading about the symbolism of the. Of the halftime show. Like, you know, most white people who want to be allies.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But don't totally understand what's going on.

[A]

Like, most white people have also Googled Childish Gambino video. Meaning.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Like, what is that, 100? And I guess Drake, like, has one thing said Drake, like, stalked Serena Williams and has, like, disparaged her since she, like, turns him down. I know. Like, another significance of the Crip walking was that she did that at Wimbledon and got, like, reprimanded for that. But there's, like, layers to little notes about his.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Feud with Drake, which was really cool and interesting.

[A]

Well, the whole stadium said a minor. Yeah, that's the thing. I know.

[B]

Which is very cool.

[A]

It is cool. It's also accusing someone of pedophilia. It's such a weird thing to say while you're, like, eating a hot dog and, like, having a great time.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But. Yeah, but I mean. Or it's comeuppance.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, maybe it's come up.

[B]

Yeah. If he is doing that, then I'm like, yeah. Get a whole stadium to be like.

[A]

I mean, can you. I would love cameras on, drag watching that. You have to have seen it, actually. I bet he hasn't.

[B]

I wonder. That's a really good question. I really wonder. Well, I did watch it on tv, watching the super bowl, knowing that you and my brother were there. It was me and my sister in law and we had. We kept calling it Girls super bowl because it was just me and her and my niece and Leela. So it was just the girls. And we made moscato spritzes. So it's like pink fizzy drinks. And we were like just watching and, you know, like sipping our pink drinks and getting up and chatting and all of that. But then once the halftime show happened, all four of us were up dancing. Except for. Actually, I, I really. We were all. Me and my, My sister in law and Arniece were up dancing and Lila was like, I don't, I don't want to do this. Let's go out. Let's like go on the trampoline. Let's just like, couldn't get into it. And I was trying so hard to not force my interest onto her. And, like, it made me feel like I was like a dad and my son isn't interested in football and it's the super bowl.

[A]

And I was just like, for the soup. For the halftime show.

[B]

Yeah, but for the halftime show.

[A]

Yeah. If my favorite part of the super bowl has always been the commercials and I didn't get to see him.

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

Which is. It's no longer. I don't care now.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I'll tell you this. Matthew McConaughey was all over the super bowl commercials. There was like one campaign, I can't even remember what it was for. And I was like, I just. Every time I go to the bathroom, I hear Matthew McConaughey.

[A]

You mean he was in more than one spot?

[B]

Yeah, but it might have all been the same campaign.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

But it was just every commercial. Break this. And I didn't. And it didn't work. No. Oh, no, I didn't.

[A]

I. I don't know if it was regional or something or if he. If you bought it for the whole country, but he ran a commercial and he said, go to yeezy.com. and this is just what I heard. And on yeezy.com, it's just a T shirt with a swastika.

[B]

Yes, I know about the T shirt. I didn't know there was a commercial during that. I did see the. There was a Snoop Dogg Tom Brady commercial where they were, like, looking at each other and fighting. And then it was like, oh, everyone hated that. It was pretty. I. I mean, I liked the idea, but it wasn't very cool. Lee executed it could have been. I. I like, wanted it to be better because I do like what they're doing.

[A]

It's so funny. I don't like when we all know the same thing. I don't even having this conversation. Like, some people really love, like, wow. The whole world kind of watched this and knows it. And I'm like, yeah, because you're a four. It's where it really flares up.

[B]

I like it.

[A]

I know you do. But, like, as we're talking about it, I'm like, here's what I. We're almost done with the episode Valley Heat. It's a show about the neighborhood, my neighborhood. The Rancho Equestrian District of Burbank, California. Right here. This is such a fucking dumb thing to say. Can't believe that. I was like, I can't wait to say this, but look, I don't go to a lot of sports games, but when you go, like, if you go to like Fenway park now, there's like a Shake Shack. I think there's like, there's like a wine place. There's like. It's nice now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When I was going, stadiums always looked like the backgrounds of Street Fighter levels. Like, it was concrete. There's piss and there's fucking. Everything's gray and it looks like a parking garage. And the food sucks. And it's $1,000. Yeah, that's what it was. It sucked. And it was a thousand dollars. We already talked about Little Caesars. I'm sorry, Little Caesars. But you will not be sponsoring this podcast. You're the worst pizza.

[B]

The worst people.

[A]

Everyone knows. Yeah, like Caesar.

[B]

Yeah, Caesar.

[A]

If you served Little Caesars to any Caesar, they'd behead you. It's garbage pizza. And we were eating. It's like airplane pizza.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. It was still good because any pizza is good, right? But I'm like. I was like, I'm gonna go to super bowl with my brother in law. When we want food, we're gonna go out and we're gonna get something dope. No, you're not.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Cafeteria. You want chicken fingers?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, I don't. I want a chicken fried Oreo. Like, I was just ready. As someone who only checks in with the sporting community once a decade, I was ready for like a ramen place. I was ready for sushi plays. I was ready for Shake Shack. I was like, that high end.

[B]

Well, it might. I. I'm sure it varies based on.

[A]

Oh, I'm sure, too.

[B]

The town or the city.

[A]

Anyway.

[B]

Okay. Don't forget about pizza. I just was gonna circle Back to the commercial.

[A]

I'm done with that.

[B]

I don't just to. Because you said that that was your favorite part. I don't recall there being. Granted, I was having Moscato spritzes, but I don't recall there being very funny commercials, actually. And that was weird. There were a lot of commercials with messages like the Snoop Dogg.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thing. And a lot of like cr. Like tear.

[A]

Oh, tearjerker.

[B]

Oh, yeah. And like, most of the ones that my sister in law and I were like, fully crying at were like parenting ones. And then we were like, is this. Is this like. Because we're suspicious of it? Because there was also a beautiful one. And then it ended up being a commercial for Jesus. Like, it was like a Christian one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then we're like, right.

[A]

Did it end with Gotcha?

[B]

Yeah, basically. And then we were like, are so. Are there so many parenting commercials? Because it's also sort of trying to get you to have kids and like pushing sort of a family wholesome. Like you can just never be with. With America and how Americanized. The football. Yeah, it's the football leagues. I don't even know what I'm talking.

[A]

I think there are leagues. I don't know. But we were talking about. There's nothing more tribal. And I'm not saying tribal sounds like such a put down. I just mean when you're rooting for a team and you're wearing a jersey and you're trying to extract identity, when you wear a Kansas City Chiefs thing and they're winning, you're like, I am a winner.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Look, I am not. We've covered that. But there's. It's. One of the reasons it's so great for advertising is you're in that tribal group thing. And it's like you're already saying you're an Eagle or you're a chief. Now say you drive a Lincoln, right. And all a Lincoln is is a classy Matthew McConaughey. You know what I mean? So it's. You're already in that way. I was. This is my closing thought. So stupid. I think there's something about the super bowl and the commercials that it's a little Comic Con. There was a time, and I never saw it, that Comic Con was cool and fringe, kind of interesting. Then once they figure out there's money to be made there. Now you go to Comic Con and it's just like some show that has a vague connection to some comic book or something or some ip.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And they're there just promoting the Shit out of that show. Comics are gone. The fandom is gone. It's just about like pushing like a reboot of Picard or something. Yeah.

[B]

Comic Con, more like comics are gone.

[A]

Comic Con, more like comics are gone. That's great. I love that. That's like something the Reverend Sharpton would say.

[B]

Well, he is my muse.

[A]

Or you know who I meant. OJ's lawyer.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

What was his name?

[B]

Who is that?

[A]

If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Unrelated. But I have a little extra time. Comic Con, more like comics gone.

[B]

Comic Con.

[A]

And then he looks at me and goes, you Drake.

[B]

Now, don't you picture the lawyer from Seinfeld who was basically like, doing that?

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's been recast. And I know he's not that shape. Anyway, Comic Con. So now the Super Bowl. I liked it more when it was kind of. We weren't expecting the second coming from the commercials.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And now I think we've sort of maxed out how interesting a 30 second commercial can be.

[B]

I think that's probably true. Okay, to end. Will you say the pizza bit that you and my brother came up with at the Super Bowl?

[A]

Oh, my God. So shout out to Derek Chaney. Shout out to Derek Chaney. Because, you know, I love him to death. And he's so. He's like you. You guys are similar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And one in a very specific way, which is like, I just feel so safe because I like, look, I'll try a bit on whoever I'm hanging out with, but I'll try, like, not just a weird bit, but a hard to understand bet on your brother. And he'll always, just like you. He'll always understand what I'm trying to say. So we're in the stands and this guy in front of us is eating a slice of this. It was delicious. But let's be real, it could have been better. Little Caesar's pizza.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's eating it and I just go to your brother. I lean over and I go. I don't know if it's gonna make sense, but I go, pizza is the most obvious food. It's like so obvious. I go, there's something kind of darling about seeing someone eating pizza. Like. And he got it immediately. He's like, it's just give me exactly what I want. I'm hungry. Like, pizza is just. He goes, when you see someone eating. When you see someone eating salmon, you're like, oh, yeah, you kind of wanted the taste of the sea. Maybe you needed some protein. Maybe you're trying to be healthy. Omega threes. You see someone eating pizza, it's just like you were hungry. Huh? It's like eating insulation. It's like, just. Just fill me up.

[B]

It's just pure desire.

[A]

It's pure desire.

[B]

It's giving in.

[A]

She's on bread with sugar sauce. It's just. It's like what a pelican would order.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he goes, anytime I see someone eating pizza, I feel like I should wink at them. And I was like, with family, I don't even ask. I go, you say something funny around me? That's mine.

[B]

No, that's mine.

[A]

But I will ask. But that is. That's my money. That's my livelihood now. But that's so right. You're just. It's sex. You're like, you're. You're having sex.

[B]

You're just having sex in front of us right now.

[A]

Eating pizza. Noodle ramen. Ramen is like, I'm a world traveler. I like pork. I want to taste spice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Pizza is just. I was having a hard one and I'm hungry.

[B]

Yeah. There's. So this is how I know I'm a food addict. If obviously this whole podcast could be just handed over to a psychologist and you would get a diagnosis. But my whole life, if I'm eating pizza like in a group with people, I am the mental gymnastics and the, the slice math and the like, Valerie sociological, like, turmoil I am in about slowing myself down, trying to be like, I'm just gonna have two slices so that I don't look like a monster. But that's all I'm thinking about. And then I like, you know, I end up sort of picking out if there, God forbid, there's like one slice left in between a table. I'm getting now furious at it that.

[A]

No one else wants it.

[B]

That, that they're not like just obsessed about it. Like, that they're just not thinking about it.

[A]

Like, I'll never relate.

[B]

Settled the one slice before we talk about anything else. Like, who's gonna eat that?

[A]

I can't focus. Only people like us have cut the last slice in half.

[B]

Yeah. Or just picked. I'll pick up.

[A]

I just wrote that down.

[B]

All the cheese off. Like slide it in the sauce. But then I. Then I'm not doing that in public. Like, I'm only doing that in front of you.

[A]

But then you end up eating the naked slice.

[B]

Yeah, 100%.

[A]

Because we've talked about this. Pizza is a self perpetuating motion machine. You eat salty cheesy. You want bready, bready, bready. Bready increases your desire for salty cheesy. Salty cheesy. The crust is the period at the end of the sentence.

[B]

I mean, the, like, thinking about, like, Cool Ranch Doritos, like, the most scientifically engineered thing to, like, light up your brain and make you want more and more. It still doesn't top just bread and sauce and cheese.

[A]

And I'm gonna wink at you, and I'm. Well, that's the key. This guy was alone. You know what I mean? He's the only one eating pizza. That's why you wink at him. It's like drinking alone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like. Yeah, totally. You just. You need a partner.

[B]

You need a partner.

[A]

We're like. We're eating pizza.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's why Pizza party.

[B]

I know. That's why Pizza party.

[A]

That's why Pizza party.

[B]

Although.

[A]

But you can eat ramen alone. No problem. You look like a Japanese businessman.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In an airport.

[B]

But again, this is how I know I'm an addict, because I would. I rarely ever drink alone, but I do sort of like, when I see a pizza, I go, oh, baby, I wish I could take you in a room.

[A]

Yeah. Take you into a stairwell.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Val. Yeah. Pizza's dangerous, man. It's like, pizza's gonna kill me.

[B]

It's perfect. It's a perfect. It's a perfectly delicious food.

[A]

This is not. This tip doesn't always work. But what I. You know, this. What I've been trying to do lately. Let's say you've eaten three, four slices of pizza. You're full.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're done. But you want another one. I could only really do this once. I was like. You did. Like I was sitting there. You did just say you did.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You already feel stuffed with pizza, so just spare yourself and just pretend that you did.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

Pretend one of those slices was the next slice you're gonna eat. That moment is gone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's transitory. It's so ethereal. It's gone. So just say it happened. That only worked once. Yeah, but it did work.

[B]

I would need to start on any other food.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because pizza's really the. The only one. The only food that I really feel that way.

[A]

No, I know, but that. That strategy actually does work when you can really get into the idea that all of these experiences that we really are risking our health over are just momentary. Like a slice of pizza and me. That's 30 seconds. So just say it happened.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just say you did it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then just be. And then just try to convince yourself I did. And then even feel guilty. Be like, whoa, no, sleep a little better because you didn't have that fifth slice in you.

[B]

I know.

[A]

You goddamn train wreck.

[B]

Another thing that will kind of work for me, and this is sort of like mindful eating, I guess is just getting in touch with the feeling of wanting it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And being like, wanting isn't a bad feeling. Like if you just.

[A]

Oh, this is me with horny.

[B]

Don't. Well, yeah, that's.

[A]

That's so much of my life, horny has been like, get rid of this.

[B]

Right. And like, just. There's actually such virility. No, I know the feeling of wanting.

[A]

Sorry, I didn't mean to co opt this point.

[B]

No.

[A]

But I've been meaning to bring up, like lately. So weird. My whole life dialing in my sexuality meaning like my own sexuality meaning like, how often am I jing it or whatever. But since the new year, I'm like, I'm not. I'm just gonna see what happens. No porn. No J. Right. Occasionally, Jay, but no porn.

[B]

Okay. I don't.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Don't know why I hate that you're.

[A]

Calling it jacking it. What should I say? I mean, masturbation.

[B]

I guess even that's worse. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. This sucks.

[B]

Jerking it.

[A]

Jerking it.

[B]

But here's jacking it.

[A]

Here's. I know jacking off is the funniest one. Having a wank is having a wank number two. But jacking off is the funniest one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In there. Jacking off is so funny.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But okay, so jacking off. But anyway, I just was like, exactly what you're saying. Just get curious about the feeling because it is energy. And you said this to me. You're like, yeah, this seems so weird that it took you so long to get to this. When I kind of. And I don't even really feel like I have to fight through. I just don't immediately satiate. So I allow myself to have a feeling that I'm not tending to. Like a crying baby. You're just like, fucking stop. And Rupert is just like, Just feel what it feels like to desire. Be quiet, close your eyes, be with it. And you were like, pete, for someone who's so interested in energy and drive and like.

[B]

And being like, like as far as like 100% all cylinders fired.

[A]

I'm saying that when you don't that as much. Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You do have this energy. And you notice, like, my shows are better. I always would that before, that shows because you're lonely and you're bored. And now I'm like, no, hold on to it. Shows are better sharper.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's just classic. Like, if you were in the woods and you had to catch your meal, you're not jacking it. You want to keep your wits about you. But we live in this modern world where it's like, hungry, eat pizza, horny, jack off, all this sort of stuff. And it's like, there's something about holding on to the human experience. And I've done this before in the past. There's huge Reddits about it, but there's lots of people talking about their depressions going away and their anxieties and their feeling, the drive to exercise again and. And forget about what it does for you in terms of, like, this is the bit if I was gonna do a bit. When you stop jacking it and looking at porn. Regular. And I've talked. I've said this to you before. Regular. Basic bitch eroticism is back on the menu.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That we'll watch when we're in the green room. Matt will often just watch television. They'll just be a commercial for a bra. And I'm like. And it's so fun.

[B]

It's so fun.

[A]

The musical caps.

[B]

Yeah, I'll notice Chicago. Yeah.

[A]

Just the poster for the musical Chicago. And you're like. Because you're not constantly looking at nine people having sex with a.

[B]

And also, I think when you're doing it a lot, this. I'll speak for me. When I'm doing it a lot, I start feeling. I'm actually. I get to a point where I'm like. Like, wait, I haven't actually felt. I wish there was another word for horny, because I hate that word. But, like, I haven't actually felt virile. I'm just gonna say horny in a long time because I'm doing it in the same way.

[A]

Preemptive.

[B]

That I'm getting on Instagram.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The same way that I'm eating food. It's just that my brain wants a little dopamine hit. So there's actually no, like, real body, no arousal involved at all.

[A]

It's just another pizza.

[B]

Yeah. So. So.

[A]

And TV's another pizza, and Instagram's another pizza. It's all fuck. It turns out in the end, it was all pizzas.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the better way, you know, the narrower path is going, like, I don't want to just be a fucking rat chasing pizzas my whole fucking life.

[B]

Right. And being Like, I. Like, if I'm gonna do it, I want to do it because I am, like, aroused.

[A]

No, I know.

[B]

Not just because I'm like, it's 2pm I want to feel good. Today I did all that laundry. I'll just like, I can't eat because I'm fasting, so I'll just do that.

[A]

Oh, no. On my fast days, I'm like, bring out the beasts. Like anything else.

[B]

Yeah. And then. And it is sort of. I see a coyote right now in our. Do you see it?

[A]

We've been having a lot of.

[B]

Yeah, we have a lot of yoats.

[A]

Out and they got. They give me the yips.

[B]

Looks like that car has also stopped looking at.

[A]

I don't see him. Oh, he's up on the hill.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

Hide your chickens, hide your bunnies.

[A]

This is when you go, they're coming down. One of them must be ill. Like, they have some insight. They don't usually come down this far.

[B]

I know. I thought that too. I was like, there's two coyotes that have just been on our street for the last two days. And I'm like, they must be hungry.

[A]

I think that. I think they're humans and that's just their outfit for their gang.

[B]

If they're real coyotes, they're a pack. If they're humans dressed as coyotes, it's a gang. Why? These are the tough questions.

[A]

You're a friend.

[B]

All right, all right, everybody.

[A]

Were you done with your. Your.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

I think. I didn't mean to.

[B]

Now, you know how when somebody says, like, how was your weekend? And it's like Tuesday, and you're like, I can't recall. I couldn't. I don't recall one thing I did this weekend. That's how I feel about whatever.

[A]

I was just talking now it's Thursday, and I was like, what are we going to talk about on the podcast? And I was like, oh, yeah, I went to the super bowl, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like what? I know what needs to have happened. Kendrick Lamar looked at me and said, you Drake.

[B]

You Drake now. And you still couldn't remember.

[A]

I couldn't remember that. I mean, wow.

[B]

Wow. All right, everybody. Well, there you go. All right.

[A]

There it is.

[B]

There it is.

[A]

A classic.

[B]

You wanted a podcast, you got a podcast.

[A]

We loved it.

[B]

Loved it.

[A]

We went in. Not sure. This is definitely one of my all time faves. Loved it.

[B]

Wow. Okay. Well.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

No, it was. You think it was fun? It was good.

[A]

Onion rings and chicken fried.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, we covered a lot.

[B]

We did. We covered a lot of ground. Okay, everybody, well, take your chicken fried Oreos and keep it crispy. It.