We Made It Weird #207

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Episode #207

Title: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Host: Pete Holmes
Co-Host: Valerie Tosi
Release Date: February 21, 2025
Episode Number: #207

In episode #207 of "You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes," released on February 21, 2025, Pete Holmes engages in a deeply personal and introspective conversation with his co-host and wife, Valerie Tosi. This episode delves into Pete's journey through addiction, his experiences with therapy, and the intricate process of editing his new stand-up special. The dialogue is rich with humor, vulnerability, and insightful reflections, making it a compelling listen for both longtime fans and newcomers.

---

1. Opening Conversation and Setting the Tone (00:00 - 01:07)

The episode begins with Pete and Valerie bantering about the quality of the episode. Pete emphasizes that this episode is "special" with a blend of "therapy stuff," "comedy stuff," and even a "sprinkle of Martha Stewart," setting the stage for a multifaceted discussion.

Notable Quote:

• Pete Holmes [00:32]: "A lot of good therapy stuff. A lot of good comedy stuff."

---

2. Managing Addiction and Introducing the Kitchen Safe Strategy (09:00 - 16:15)

Pete opens up about his struggles with weed addiction, sharing how he used a kitchen safe to control his consumption. Valerie relates by discussing her own journey of quitting weed and the emotional adjustments that followed. They explore the implications of using substances as coping mechanisms and the challenges of breaking free from them.

Notable Quotes:

• Pete Holmes [12:15]: "The kitchen safe is a clear safe. It's not a safe. It looks like a cookie jar... The only way to get in a kitchen safe is to smash it."
• Valerie Tosi [15:36]: "It feels like a loss. Not enough to do it. But there's something in admitting that I did lose that when I stopped."

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3. The Impact of Addiction on Creativity and Ambition (16:15 - 27:20)

Discussing how addiction affected his ambition and creative output, Pete reflects on the balance between pursuing happiness through substances and maintaining his drive. They talk about the concept of "Wavy Gravy," a persona Jake Johnson adopts, and how such states can be both alluring and detrimental.

Notable Quotes:

• Pete Holmes [22:58]: "It's not happiness, it's the pursuit of happiness."
• Valerie Tosi [24:30]: "There's a great..."
• Pete Holmes [27:20]: "I'm just standing out by the garage smoking a joint, and I'm like, okay."

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4. Editing the Stand-Up Special: Creative Integrity vs. External Pressures (36:36 - 55:02)

Pete shares insights into the editing process of his self-financed stand-up special. He grapples with maintaining creative integrity while his manager urges a quicker, more market-friendly cut for Netflix consideration. Valerie underscores the importance of staying true to one’s vision, highlighting the tension between artistic expression and commercial viability.

Notable Quotes:

• Pete Holmes [42:09]: "I really don't believe in the gatekeeper's ability... they're a genius if they can look past imperfections."
• Valerie Tosi [43:42]: "Seriously, who are you? Did you write the musical Rent?"

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5. The Therapeutic Journey: Addressing Family Dynamics and Self-Worth (55:02 - 65:35)

The conversation shifts to Pete’s therapeutic experiences, focusing on his relationship with his parents. He discusses feeling responsible for his mother’s happiness and the pressure from his father to take care of her. Valerie echoes these sentiments, emphasizing the importance of establishing boundaries and recognizing one’s self-worth independent of others’ expectations.

Notable Quotes:

• Pete Holmes [59:03]: "Every movie is telling us, including Martha Stewart going to prison... all these hardships are where growth happens."
• Valerie Tosi [65:34]: "They can never see love as anything different. So what you're doing is magical."

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6. Reflections on Comedy and Personal Growth (65:35 - 77:00)

Pete and Valerie explore how personal growth and overcoming addiction have influenced Pete’s comedic style. They discuss the evolution of comedy as a reflection of one’s inner journey, where addressing vulnerabilities can lead to more relatable and healing humor. This segment highlights the therapeutic nature of comedy and its role in personal development.

Notable Quotes:

• Pete Holmes [72:35]: "I'm trying to go, how much of it is just kind of relaxing and enjoying and walking slowly and not trying to bang every gong."
• Valerie Tosi [73:08]: "It actually feels really good to hear someone else be like, this is the scariest cave to me..."

---

7. Closing Thoughts: Embracing Vulnerability and Moving Forward (77:00 - End)

In the concluding segment, Pete and Valerie reflect on the importance of embracing vulnerability and the continuous journey of self-improvement. They touch upon the idea that personal growth often stems from confronting uncomfortable truths and accepting imperfections. The episode ends on a hopeful note, encouraging listeners to pursue their own paths of healing and authenticity.

Notable Quotes:

• Pete Holmes [77:03]: "It's a really magical and for a lot of people, impossible thing to do to release that burden."
• Valerie Tosi [77:35]: "If you work on your self worth and just knowing your personhood, well, that you are good."

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Key Takeaways:

1. Addiction is Multifaceted: Both Pete and Valerie share personal struggles with addiction, highlighting the complexities of managing substance use within personal relationships and creative pursuits.

2. Therapy as a Tool for Growth: Therapy emerges as a pivotal element in Pete’s journey, aiding in understanding and addressing deep-seated family dynamics and self-worth issues.

3. Creative Integrity vs. Commercial Pressures: Pete’s experience in editing his stand-up special underscores the tension between staying true to one’s artistic vision and meeting external expectations for commercial success.

4. The Therapeutic Nature of Comedy: By addressing vulnerabilities and personal growth through humor, Pete demonstrates how comedy can serve as a medium for healing and connecting with others.

5. Embracing Vulnerability: The episode emphasizes the importance of embracing one’s imperfections and vulnerabilities as a path to authentic living and personal fulfillment.

---

Overall Impression:

Episode #207 of "You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes" offers a candid and heartfelt exploration of Pete’s personal battles with addiction, his therapeutic journey, and the intricate process of creating meaningful comedy. Through honest dialogue and reflective insights, Pete and Valerie provide listeners with a nuanced understanding of the interplay between personal struggles and creative expression, making this episode both engaging and inspiring.

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

You made it with. You made it with. You made it with. Oh, yeah. You made it with. Yes. You made it weird.

[Valerie Tosi]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos?

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening? Look, I say it every time.

[Valerie Tosi]

Look, it's just a good episode.

[Pete Holmes]

It is a good episode.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's just one of those good episodes, I don't think.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, come on. This one. This one's special. I like this one. A lot of good insight.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

A lot of good therapy stuff. A lot of good comedy stuff. And also just a sprinkle of Martha Stewart. I mean.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And also bits.

[Valerie Tosi]

Bits. Some bits.

[Pete Holmes]

We. We did it. This is. We made it weird. If you don't know this show on Wednesday, I talk to a guest on Friday. Val is my co host. My wife Val. Val is my Val co host. And we're glad you're here. And I'm on tour. I'm gonna be in Vancouver. But that sold out. And then we added a second show and that decidedly didn't sell out. So these are the swings, baby.

[Valerie Tosi]

This is one of my favorite term.

[Pete Holmes]

In poker, they have a term called the swings.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And there's a line in the movie Rounders where he goes, some people can't handle the swings, meaning that's why they quit. Which means you have ups and you have downs.

[Valerie Tosi]

And there's a line in the movie Swingers that says, some people can't handle the rims.

[Pete Holmes]

I like that.

[Valerie Tosi]

This is the premium comedy you can expect.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't know that was a bit. I thought you were just saying a line.

[Valerie Tosi]

No, I just inverted the words. It was dumb.

[Pete Holmes]

I like. I like you.

[Valerie Tosi]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

March 4th is my next Largo in LA, followed by April 5th. Look, I'm not on the road for a while.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Then April 12th, we're just making.

[Valerie Tosi]

We're, like, thrilled.

[Pete Holmes]

We're happy. Well, I toured hard this month, and it was. Because March, I'm basically taking off. And then April 12, New Jersey, Atlantic City, Austin, Texas. April 19, St. Louis, Nashville, Irvine, California, San Jose and Royal Oak, Michigan. As I've been saying, it's a new hour. If you've seen me in any of those cities recently, it's new and I'm really, really proud of it. And also, the show is brought to us by Pete's Picks. That means these are products that I actually use and actually love. So if they sound interesting to you or for a friend, please try one. Please use our promo code. It keeps the lights on, as they say. Katie, roll that Beautiful bean footage. This episode is brought to us by.

[Katie]

Our friends at Ritual Multivitamins. I haven't gone a day without taking. And this is real. This always sounds fake when you listen to a podcast ad, but this is 100% real. Ritual is my ritual. I take their men's multivitamin every morning along with their synbiotic plus which is their gut health probiotic, prebiotic, postbiotic, every single day.

[Pete Holmes]

And.

[Katie]

And as a mostly vegan person, I have a lot of gaps in my diet. And when I go to the doctor, the before and after, I'm just speaking anecdotally. I used to have all these gaps, bam covered because that's what it's for. It's designed with scientific backed processes. That sounds fancy, right? To fill those gaps in your diet. And according to the cdc, men overemphasize the importance of exercise and under emphasize the importance of nutrition. They don't value it. So you got to get ritual in your life to fill those gaps. I love it. I take it every day. Makes me feel ready to start my day. And I love knowing that I'm also taking care of my gut health, which is like a second brain, basically 10 key nutrients in two delayed release capsules per day designed to dissolve later in the small intestine, which is so essential. If I am fasting, which I do twice a week, I fast. It breaks down in the small intestine and won't upset your stomach. And it's also the optimal place to absorb nutrients. So many people take multivitamins and you're.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, oh, you just pee it out.

[Katie]

Ritual is different because of this delayed release. It's also gentle on an empty stomach. So essential for men is a quality multivitamin from a quality from a company you can actually trust. You can get 25% off your first month for a limited [e-mail] weird. That's ritual.com weird for 25% off your first month.

[Pete Holmes]

We are also brought to us by.

[Katie]

Our friends at Element. For over almost two years now, Elements has been replacing my morning cup of coffee. And what is it? It's optimum hydration with no bs. It tastes fantastic.

[Pete Holmes]

Watermelon salt in a big glass of water makes me drink more water, but.

[Katie]

Also optimizes that water for healthy hydration. I know there are a lot of things out there that say, hey, this will help your water be more watery and get more into your system.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Katie]

And they're filled with like 30 grams of sugar.

[Pete Holmes]

You might as well drink like a giant mountain dew.

[Katie]

It's ridiculous element is here sweetened with stevia. So it's got like 5 calories maybe and it's sodium and it's potassium and it's magnesium and you can feel it.

[Pete Holmes]

It gives you this boost.

[Katie]

It ignites. My brain gets me ready to start the day. Flooding every cell with the optimum ratios of sodium, potassium, magnesium to make you feel fantastic and jumpstart your day and jumpstart your hydration. Avoiding brain fog, fatigue, cramps, muscle tension, all that sort of stuff. That water getting into you takes care of. It is such a game changer. They have cans, 16 ounce cans of sparkling electrolyte water, which is incredible. They have that black cherry which I absolutely love. You can only get in the can form. Definitely try that. Or get the packets, which is what I travel with. I always have them in my pockets. And if you fast, it's a great way to make fasting a lot easier. If element doesn't exceed your expectations, they have a no questions asked refund policy. You don't even have to set. Send it back. And if you use our promo code, you'll get a free sample pack that's a 14 value and try all the flavors. Go to DrinkLMNT.com weird. That's DrinkLMNT.com weird.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, everybody, we are glad you're here.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, thanks for. Thanks for listening and get into it.

[Pete Holmes]

Hello. Hello.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh. Oh, hello.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, think of all the places you are right now. You're in your car, some of you are in the shower. Some of you don't like showering. You like, you want to feel like there's people around. Not in the kinky way. It's like Reese Derby. Some people want to feel like when they're showering they're not alone. Not in like a group sex way. Not that there's. It's fine to have group sex. Everyone is an adult. Not to say that you're into kids. I'm not. Everyone is, of course, an adult, but maybe more than just one. Maybe two. I'm not going to tell you how many people to have an orgy with.

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't know if this is the first time I've ever made the connection between that bit of yours and the Kristen Wiig character that's like the aunt that's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm late. Just kidding. I'm right on time. Just kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm no restarby and kind of.

[Valerie Tosi]

I can't even do it for a second.

[Pete Holmes]

You can do it.

[Valerie Tosi]

I can't do it. I just I'm late.

[Pete Holmes]

Not that you're uptight. Not that being like wanting people to be on time is like uptight thing. Unless it is. I mean, if you want me to be lax. If you're late, I will. I'm not that you're a late person. You seem like a very punctual person. Not like, like a strict person.

[Valerie Tosi]

This is. Yeah, no, that was great. This is like when you're high processing, your. Your high processing is showing.

[Pete Holmes]

Whoops.

[Valerie Tosi]

Whoops.

[Pete Holmes]

Somebody took a picture in my ding dong was out. And by that I mean high processing. You're so kind. Sometimes I say to other people I'm a high processor and they look at me like I'm an insane person.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. I don't think you're allowed to say it. Only people can see.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But to me, I understand that it's a compliment, but I'm also just saying it's just letting you know how fast I'm walking. We're all going to get there. But some of it and high processes also make mistakes. Because we're going so fast doesn't mean better processing necessarily.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, it's not quality necessarily.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's true. We who think quickly are also burdened with having to go like, don't forget to be thoughtful.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right. And it is where I think it's the root of your. Your famous pop ups that I think got Mormon earlier in the podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I think I used to have them more.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, but you did it the other day. And I was like, I want to remember this just because it's the perfect example of it, but it would be something like, you know, I don't know. It's like, say you're talking about cereal and you're like, not. The Cheerios are. I can't do it. But you'll like give away what you're about to say by doing the disclaimer.

[Pete Holmes]

Right?

[Valerie Tosi]

Like, so it's like you're about to say Cheerios are better than Honey Nut Cheerios and you'll say, not that Honey Nut Cheerios.

[Pete Holmes]

I see. I'm gonna say the Cheerios. Not that Honey Nut Cheerios are like a sugar cereal, but the Cheerios are better than Honey Nut Cheerios because it's just kind of like it's more of a casual chat over tea.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Honey Nut Cheerios is like a romp through a funhouse.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's not quite it, but I can't think of it.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not quite it.

[Valerie Tosi]

I have to. I have serious brain fog.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, let's. Let's let's check ourselves after we've wrecked ourselves and say that Val is sick.

[Valerie Tosi]

I'm sick. Otherwise, I would have been able to really bring that home.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that. Otherwise, I would have been like, there was a little off my.

[Valerie Tosi]

Otherwise really funny about that.

[Pete Holmes]

That's wonderful.

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't know how this is landing because I don't have the headphones on.

[Pete Holmes]

Not that you need people to watch you while you shower or use the toilet. Not that you tinkle. You want people. Not that you call it tinkle. Little children. Not that you're a child. I mean, you could have a child. You'd be a great mother. Unless you don't want children. Fight the power. Burn your bra. Not that you're wearing a bra. Not that I'm looking at your boobs. I am looking at your boobs. But just as a. Like a doctor might, just to go, like, there they are. Not a Hugh Hefner. It's not a talent scout. Not that there's anything wrong with light pornography in a barbershop. You are.

[Valerie Tosi]

I mean, I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

Fading away in front of me.

[Valerie Tosi]

No, I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I'm not saying you're not giving me enough. I'm saying you're just, you know, like.

[Valerie Tosi]

You know when you see it. Yeah, I can see it. You know when you, like, feel like you're looking through the. Like a cheesecloth?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. You're looking at your.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's like cheese my brain. Somebody's trying to cheese my brain right now. And, like, squeeze out the curds, I think.

[Pete Holmes]

The curds or the whey?

[Valerie Tosi]

Which one's the curd? Yeah, we know what a curd is. What's the whey? Is that the water?

[Pete Holmes]

You know, what is a bit I could never get to work was the.

[Valerie Tosi]

Curds and whey, but I just.

[Pete Holmes]

The curds and whey. Well, that reminds me of Quakers and Shakers. I never told you that. That was one of my earliest jokes that I wrote down. I was very excited.

[Valerie Tosi]

I was like, I remember something about this.

[Pete Holmes]

There were two sects, the Quakers and the Shakers. They're both Christian sects. One was quaking, one was shaking. And I thought that was. I probably said it to somebody and it, like, was right. Like, I said it correctly. But I don't think it's reproducible. I would be like, you know, it's a subtle difference between a quake and a shake. And I go. Anytime the solar plexus gets involved, that's. That's a quake.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And shake there. So like, if you're in a shaker meeting and you're filled with the holy spirit and you start shaking, don't get your chest involved. Otherwise they're going to be like, that's down the street.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We don't quake here.

[Valerie Tosi]

You're veering into quake.

[Pete Holmes]

You're veering into Quake.

[Valerie Tosi]

I like that. I like. I like your early bits.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I remember where I was when I wrote that. Like, it's such a devilish little. It's like how I imagine a songwriter might feel writing down little lyrics. Are you writing your poems?

[Valerie Tosi]

Poen.

[Pete Holmes]

You wrote such a beautiful poem.

[Valerie Tosi]

Poem. I wrote you a love poem.

[Pete Holmes]

Poem. It's funny. I was listening to a John Vervake who did this podcast, because here's an update. I was smoking so much weed. I am so fucking. You could. We're gonna one day upload every episode of this podcast into an AI and just be like, what are the patterns? It would just be like, every winter.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Every February. You quit weed.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, we have something only people with problems have. This item. It's called a kitchen safe. We saw it on Shark Tank, and I immediately bought, like, five of them. And maybe you're thinking, oh, he's probably gonna say, what a dumb thing. No, I need a kitchen safe.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, you use it.

[Pete Holmes]

I use it.

[Valerie Tosi]

And we've, like, consistently.

[Pete Holmes]

We've moved. We've moved. And it makes it to different houses. The kitchen safe is a clear safe. It's not a safe. It looks like a cookie jar, and there's a lid, and you set a timer on the top of it, and then you push it, and it locks, like, irrevocably, however long you. There's. Yeah, there's no fail safe. The only way to get in a kitchen safe is to smash it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Which. Didn't you do it?

[Pete Holmes]

I never smashed it. There was a movie about tech addiction on Netflix that maybe you watched that featured a family using a kitchen safe. It's the only time I've seen a kitchen safe.

[Valerie Tosi]

Whoa.

[Pete Holmes]

I keep saying kitchen safe like they're a sponsor. I know they're not. It's a very small company. They can't afford the premium. You made it weird spot. But I think I asked because I was like, I use this shit. You should. And I'm excited about it. But in the Netflix thing, they all put their phones in a kitchen safe, and they're like, let's just take one hour without our phones. And then the gag is off screen. We hear a smash, and we look over, and the Daughter has broken the kitchen safe and she's got her phone out and it's like a very clean break. And I'm like, no, that's not how. If you opened a kitchen safe.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

People would look at you not even knowing what a kitchen safe is and go, did you just open a kitchen safe? Like, they were just intuit. You've been through something very hard. Cuts like, you'd be cut.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, it's hard. It's hard plastic.

[Pete Holmes]

It's hard.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's coming out in shards, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. It's not. There's no give to it. There's things that are fun to break and then there's the kitchen safe. And I'm talking like Valley Heat. And I can't help it.

[Valerie Tosi]

It is. It's so.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that detailed. He's just Christian Dugay.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just reminding me how funny specifics are and how funny takes are. Just have a take and say it. Anyway. So I put all of my marijuana in a kitchen safe, filled the whole thing up. I have so much. So many shows. You do. They. They pay you in weed.

[Valerie Tosi]

So being a comedian in LA is exactly what you thought it was.

[Pete Holmes]

It's exactly what you thought it was. Getting paid in some guy in a denim jacket going like, here's your weed. Thanks for doing the show.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

You know who I'm talking about.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. What impression you're doing.

[Pete Holmes]

And he. And I love that guy, but he gives us a lot of weed and money. Weed and money.

[Valerie Tosi]

Weed and money. I've done shows and girls.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's my rap. I've done shows where they. You Drake now. I've done shows. Call back the last week.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

I've done shows where they give you mushrooms.

[Valerie Tosi]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's great.

[Valerie Tosi]

Was that in California?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't remember. I think in San Francisco, it's partially decriminalized or something like that. So enough so that people were like. It's one of those things when people go like, it's illegal to buy it, but it's legal to have it. It's illegal to eat it, but you.

[Valerie Tosi]

Can smoke it and you can stick anything up your butt.

[Pete Holmes]

You're so. There you are, Peter. Did that feel good?

[Valerie Tosi]

No. It took a lot of effort.

[Pete Holmes]

You're doing great. You're a little hobbit. You need piping white potato in a dark soup.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's exactly what I want.

[Pete Holmes]

A wooden spoon.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It feels good on your teeth.

[Valerie Tosi]

I want a. I want potato soup. Will you give me Some after this.

[Pete Holmes]

I was picturing, like a hearty, like.

[Valerie Tosi]

Like a stew.

[Pete Holmes]

Stew.

[Valerie Tosi]

I'd take that, too.

[Pete Holmes]

And the potato is so hot.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Hotter than the soup.

[Valerie Tosi]

Hotter than the soup. Like, where you have to do this, like, roll it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. You tumble it like a rock tumbler with a piece of potato.

[Valerie Tosi]

Your tongue.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's not to polish it. It's just to tolerate it. It's just to tolerate it, just to get it in. So I put all my weed in a kitchen safe and I locked it up. And I realized, you told me that Jake Johnson says that he goes through a similar phase where in between projects, he'll sometimes smoke too much weed and he becomes a character he calls Wavy Gravy.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. He said this on your podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, did he?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, it was when.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why that sounded familiar.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, it was when he was making an argument for, like, not being too grateful so that he could stay, you know, sort of virile and ambitious. And then he was saying when he does get into, like, states of gratitude, I'm. I'm paraphrasing. I'm trying to remember for. From a while ago, but his friends, he's like, I become a guy that my friends call Wavy Gravy, and he's wearing, like, shorts and sandals, like Hawaiian shirts and just like hanging out.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, by the way, this kind of. That touches on what we were talking about last week. It's not happiness, it's the pursuit of happiness. And Wavy Gravy does sound like a happy guy.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But the problem is, is, like, we're all talking about how to, like, cope and how to self soothe. And it turns out there's better ways to self soothe yourself than just kind of like the most obvious ones. So I guess my issue with Wavy Gravy is it's just too obvious. Meaning. Yeah, wearing Hawaiian shorts, shirts and shorts and sandals and smoking weed is a certain tier of happiness. And I'm not even putting it down. I'm glad I went through that time. But what happened was. And I was saying this to you because you used to smoke a lot of weed, smoke weed every day. You did what? The issue is, like, alcohol. I don't drink alcohol, but it's gradual. You kind of sip it throughout the night. Weed, you. And this is gonna make people want to smoke weed, and that's fine. You smoke it and it goes. It expands and it shows up kind of right away.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I just talked about this with Christian Dugay of Valley Heat. He did the podcast. It'll be out soon. I was like, the best part of getting stoned is when you're in the. In between.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You have one foot in sober, so you still have a tether to the guy who wanted to get stoned. And you have the feeling of being stoned. So now you have one of the. One of the greatest human pleasures, which is contrast.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You have like, oh, my God, I'm getting high.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But you still see like. Like in. Get out, you're falling, but you're falling into Highness. But you can still see there's. What's her name? Kathryn Keener.

[Valerie Tosi]

Uh huh. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So Kathryn Keener is you with a headache and you're in a bad mood and you're falling into the abyss of highness. So you're feeling both.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you go like, oh, my God.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you can track your progress. It's like a graph. You go, here's where I was and here's where I am. But then you get high enough and that becomes. You reach a cruising altitude, and now you just. High.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Now you're just stoned.

[Valerie Tosi]

All you've ever known.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's. And that feels like it's all you've ever known. And you're just there. And then if you're like me, a pretty serious addictive personality, you're like, well, I'll smoke more. And then you're like, nah, that doesn't work. Doesn't work.

[Valerie Tosi]

There's a great.

[Pete Holmes]

You're done. Yeah, you're Max.

[Valerie Tosi]

There is a great moment in Transparent, which is a show that we should all be watching once a year, I would say. It's so good where Sarah, the oldest sister, is getting stoned with Jason Mantzoukas. I think. Hey, I think it's Jason. It's me. Manzoukas, playing himself. No, just kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

He's not. He doesn't even know he was on the show. He just came by.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, and it's. It's Yom Kippur. And she, like, comes, I think, to make amends. Isn't that what you do on Yom Kippur? Is. I think that's the. Or Purim. No, no, Yom Kippur, I think, is when you.

[Pete Holmes]

Purim. And it's not Sukkot. Let's just get that out of the way.

[Valerie Tosi]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank God it's not Sukkot, you guys. Nobody's erecting a tabernacle.

[Valerie Tosi]

Anyway, I'm doing that mom thing where I'm giving too many details. There's a great moment in Trans Hang.

[Pete Holmes]

Out with your mom?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Shut up.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I just noticed. It bleeds into.

[Valerie Tosi]

And you've been noticing, and then I get so embarrassed.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I want you to feel safe and seen.

[Valerie Tosi]

Nobody wants to hear that. That.

[Pete Holmes]

I did not. I didn't say, you're turning into your mother. I just said, hey, have you noticed?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, but isn't that what's happening anyway?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Valerie Tosi]

So she says. What does she say?

[Pete Holmes]

She says, oh, my God.

[Valerie Tosi]

She's getting really stone. They're taking big bong rips. And then there's like a moment where she sits up and she's like, do you ever get so stoned that you then become completely sober? Like, you get. You, like, come back around.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

She's like, suddenly I feel completely sober. And that used to happen to me all the time. Yes. I would. I would go up and up and up and up and up, and then there would just be, like, a moment of clarity where you're like, I just. I went all the way around the earth.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. And that's. I'll say again, for an addictive personality, that's a heartbreaker when you already feel great and you go, like, can we. Can we kick this up a notch? Like, the first time I did mushrooms, one of the first times I found a joint, it was in Amsterdam, and we were in a park, and it was one of the great trips of my life. And it just does what it does, what mushrooms do, baby. It made me feel like I was in a book, like someone was reading an old book in a library, like a paperback, not a serious book about my life. And I was this character in this book that this someone else was reading. And it. What a relief to just be somebody in a book. And everything was epic. Any choice was amazing. Like, taking a sip of water, you're just like, I guess this is in the book. It was so fucking vivid and vital. And then I went in my pocket, so we're pretty. We're pretty rolling here. And then I went in my pocket and found a joint. And I said to my friend, I go, I think if we smoke this, we'll go to the other side. Little come to find out you drank, now you're already on the other side. Like, you can't get more on the other side.

[Valerie Tosi]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, we talk about, you know, theology and all that sort of stuff. There's only, like, one love, you know, and we just feel that kind of experience, but it's really the unveiling of something. But it's just one love. There's also only One piece and only one happiness. And it's not a dial. Like, more happiness. You can have, like, more. I don't know. Well, and pins and needles or something. Like, you can start having sex while in that state. But even that, it's kind of like, I'm Drake now. I'm already in. If you didn't listen to last week's episode, you. Drake now is now my favorite thing.

[Valerie Tosi]

But anyway, and as we've talked about a lot on this podcast, even if you could go up and up and up or the ways that you can just, like, take it to the max, it's going to have an equal and opposite reaction where it's going to destroy your life or, you know, however far you go.

[Pete Holmes]

That's. That's valid. I can hear people being like, well, you haven't done this, this, or this or this. And it's like, yeah, that's. That's right. I don't want to open that door.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Obviously, because I'm a kid. Of the DARE program.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right. And that's also the.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you. The DARE program.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. The DARE program totally worked on me.

[Pete Holmes]

It totally worked on me, too. Like, I guess that's not. They wouldn't think so, but.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

The surprise is the seven years that.

[Valerie Tosi]

I smoked weed every day.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, yeah. And also that I'm also like. And then I had a ketamine session.

[Valerie Tosi]

And they're like, well, right. But like, meth, heroin, cocaine.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Never. Never. Never really.

[Valerie Tosi]

Really kept me away from this.

[Pete Holmes]

Three nevers on that one.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know. And that's. Honestly, my goal for Leela is if she can.

[Pete Holmes]

No pills or powders.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, no pills or powders. But there were a couple. There were a couple things. Oh. What I was going to say is it's the cheap dopamine thing, too. So, like, I'm sure if people are like, you know, there is sort of. It seems like there might be. I wonder if there is a healthy way to have the, like. Okay, we just, let's say, like, went for a hike now. Let's swim in the river right now. Let's, you know, like, trying to keep that rolling. But it's the, like, good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Sort of dopamine and the.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know, man. I'm really not sure. Yeah, so we'll get. We have a bigger question about drive and success and all that sort of stuff coming up. Because I. I guess where we're going is. I'm saying there is Wavy Gravy, and I'm not saying that's not happy A type of happy.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And maybe it's a great. What I'm saying is I'm open to the idea that there are some people that like, hey, don't knock Wavy gravy. That actually really works for me.

[Valerie Tosi]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

But I noticed I would be doing the podcast. This is when I was smoking, like, literally smoke. Bless you. Smoking dupe most nights. And that feeling of the expanding cloud of kind of happy goodness. I would be doing the podcast just like we're doing now, and I'd be going like, let's wrap this up. I just want to get to the. To the cloud.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So there was. It became this in my life, in my perspective, a dangerous. Like in Fight Club, where they say after you start doing Fight Club, everything in your life gets the volume turned down.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's how I started to feel. I was like, who cares?

[Valerie Tosi]

Can't compare to being stoned.

[Pete Holmes]

And guys, this is weed.

[Valerie Tosi]

Like, I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Barely. Barely eaten by today. Nothing. And I'm still like, all I want is that. That lift off. So I was like, this isn't working. I put it all. Why did I put it all away? I had a pitch. I pitched a show, and usually I need some sort of, like, touching the border of the operation guy a little. And I was like, it was a fine pitch, but it wasn't as good as I think it could have been because I was like, hey, sell the show or not. I can still smoke some dope after this.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Not great.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's.

[Valerie Tosi]

That was the limit.

[Pete Holmes]

That was my limit.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. But I also to. I don't know, congratulate myself, I guess, is the truth of it. Like. But also to point to how this was so the right decision for you. You didn't even make the correlation that that's what was going on for, like, a few days. And I was like, it's interesting that you haven't.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I usually do.

[Valerie Tosi]

Because you almost. You're usually like, that's it. If it starts affecting my ambition and my achiever ness, then, like, that's not worth it.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Because normally what it does is it starts to. Yeah. I think my tolerance is better. And it's. It's specifically smoking it. Yeah. Like the little drinks that we have, the dad Grass drinks or the micromance, those started to be very, very, very, very mild for me.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And now I'm just standing out by the garage smoking a joint, and I'm like, okay. You know what I mean? Like, it's fine. But I am doing something that if Leila came out, I would eat it, like, in a movie. I'd be like, like, smoke's coming out of my ears. So it felt really good. You pointed out, hey, because I wasn't having, like, a lack of mental function. It wasn't that. It wasn't that I couldn't remember my jokes. And I did pitch the show. Okay, I'm sure it was, but I was just, like, insulated from the feeling of my life. Like, I know I say this a lot, but Matt McCarthy, sort of my. My friend in sobriety, he. He was like, yeah, there's a. There's a great line where he goes, once you stop drinking, you'll feel better, because you'll feel sadness better, you'll feel anger better. If you're worried better. You'll feel happy better. Yeah, but you'll feel all of it.

[Valerie Tosi]

They feel that say, about meditation. I've heard that. I've heard Jack Kornfield say that exact thing about meditation.

[Pete Holmes]

I believe it, and it's true. I was trying to. I was actually just talking about this in therapy. Like, there's a part of me that just can't stand that we feel hurt and feel disappointed and feel pain and all of these things. And I'm just like, this will not stand.

[Valerie Tosi]

This aggression will not stand.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, man. And sometimes I say to the populace inside of me, I go, like, we will smoke weed. We will feel good all the time. And they're like, but then what happens is, the door closes. And I'm sure one year ago to the day, we were probably having this conversation, but it felt good to lock it up, and it felt good to, like. And for the first time in forever, I opened up the gates. But for the first time, like, I'm glad I locked it up, because I was sort of tempted because something like, leela's been sick, and you're sick and up coughing, and we're getting no sleep and just getting rocked, and you're just like, can't I just have a schmarky train?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, well, I mean, the. The archivists of this podcast might even recognize what I'm recognizing, which is that it just. This season of weed smoking has been a little bit more serious. Like, meaning, like, it's gone on longer. And this. Usually when you quit, you are so, like, I don't want to do. Like, I actually don't want to do it. It doesn't feel how I want it to feel. Yeah, I don't like that I'm feeling cloudy. Like, you really, like, don't want To. And this feels a little bit more like, you know, that it was a crutch. Yeah. You know, that you shouldn't be doing well. I was harder.

[Pete Holmes]

I was st to totally. I was stoned one of the times and a. A sneaky little elf voice was like, this is like alcohol. And I was like, get the out of here. You Drake know. I was so sort of mad. But I realized that I was doing something. It's just very tricky for me if there's a button you can push. And it was becoming a button and that was part of wanting to lock it up was I was like, okay, I want weed to be something that we can do at, you know, the one party we go to every year.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's fun to be stoned and make it a treat. Yeah, totally.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. I, I had a realization and at breakfast the other day that. Remember it came up that. And it's in. In our wedding vows you mentioned that I would laugh in my sleep.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

And I was like, I haven't done that pretty much since quitting weed.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You're less of a. Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Because I used to.

[Pete Holmes]

I never thought of you that. That way. But that was kind of like a stoney guy thing, I guess.

[Valerie Tosi]

I get. Well, I just would. I would smoke weed with my friends so regularly and then we would inevitably just like die laughing. Like tears. Silent, shoulder shaking laughter. So often that that was such a neuro groove in my brain that that's what you dreamt about. That's what I would be dreaming that I was doing. And that feels like a loss. Not enough to do it. But there's like, there's something in admitting like that I did lose that when I stopped. I still do it, but it's very rare.

[Pete Holmes]

Laughing with your friends, you mean?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. To like really do that kind of stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know. Well, there were good times with the weed.

[Valerie Tosi]

And one of them is like, like.

[Pete Holmes]

A slideshow of let's show them.

[Valerie Tosi]

But it's all just you watching tv.

[Pete Holmes]

I know.

[Valerie Tosi]

And eating.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. That's what I always have to say. I'm like, these aren't classic nights. That's the big line. But the one laugh that I remember laughing with you was I said to you, and did we already talk about this? I go, this is the most me stoned thing ever is. I go, val, I have three things to tell you. I only know the first one, but by the time I'm done, I'll think of the other two.

[Valerie Tosi]

That is. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, that is the.

[Valerie Tosi]

Most Stoned me exactly how you are when you're stoned.

[Pete Holmes]

And I really mean it. It's not even a joke. I'm like, I'm lit up and I want to tell you three things and I only know one of them, but I know I'll have two more.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. And then there's the famous, which we've talked about. You'll say, ask me anything. I know. I'll know the all answers. Ask me.

[Pete Holmes]

I know everything. Ask me anything. It does sound kind of unbearable, but, you know. No, I know. I feel fine about it. But it's been interesting. I'm still not, you know, a lot of my life is just trying to go, like, how much of it is just kind of relaxing and enjoying and walking slowly and not trying to bang every gong. And it's funny. London Hughes did the podcast this week, and anybody that listened, I recommend that one very highly because she was like, she's like a very ambitious young woman and she was kind of like trying to shake that up in me and be like, you won't mole you out, Mo. And like, why do the Voice? But I'm just saying, like, she wants to be like Oprah and she's like, and you want to sell out arenas and all this sort of stuff. And I'm really like, not sure. Like, I'm not like, I almost downloaded David Goggins. David Doggins, shit. You're introducing him for an award. David Goggins book has. He has a book called Can't Hurt Me. So what I did take from London that I really have accepted, I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I should be more ambitious and trying to light more success fires. I'm also like, I got a good amount of fires and a good amount of balance. So that's the counterpoint there. But she did bring up something very interesting, which is you, your self worth might be off and you might be playing a victim. And I was like, oh, my God. I do. Doing all the therapy. I'm like, I do think there's a part of me, my child part, that is like, I'm broken and inferior. And that's why all the tap dancing and all the performing and it's like. But it's also really looking to other people to tell me that I'm not broken. And I remember being a kid and being in my weird house and being like, if I could get a girlfriend, then I would have someone to like sparkle for, and she could tell me that I'm not broken. I know that Sounds super sad. I don't think that seems normal to me.

[Valerie Tosi]

I mean, I do think there is a. I don't know if people would like openly admit or know even that that's what they are doing when they're looking for love.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. But I. This is like junior high. I was like, I got it. And it was teachers too, and it was classmates making them laugh and all that sort of stuff. And I realized like that that's what's going on. And to a certain extent, I'm still doing that. That's why it hurts so much when someone rejects me. I'm like, oh, I knew it. And I realized in therapy, I was like, there's a shame. It's like abuse. I'm not trying to claim that. I'm just saying when you've been abused and you think I'm talking about sexual abuse and you think like somehow you've been tainted and you were involved and it's your fault and you're. You're dirty now or something. I remember having similar. I didn't know they were similar, but feelings of like, my family is like, weird. And then I go other people's houses and they're like, kind of engaging in a way that we weren't. And then I would be like. And then there's this.

[Valerie Tosi]

Monsters.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. There's this feeling of like, I'm going to be found out, so I better like get a really rocking personality so that then people, my whole life can be like, you're. You're out. You're. We accept you.

[Valerie Tosi]

One of us.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, one of us.

[Valerie Tosi]

But. But it's the normal people.

[Pete Holmes]

It's the normal people. Yeah. Anyway.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[Pete Holmes]

More on that after this promo. Jan Robinson.

[Valerie Tosi]

Actually, we should go to the minerals.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And then we can do. We can do therapy.

[Katie]

And I also talk a little bit more about therapy.

[Pete Holmes]

But also I wanted to talk a little bit. I was getting really lit up about a specific thing about editing my special. Editing my new stand up special, which I was doing right before this. So I want to give a little insight into that because I think there's something interesting there. And then maybe a little bit more on what I learned in therapy this morning. And then we'll let Valerie crawl under a pile of blankets with a hot water bottle.

[Valerie Tosi]

So, you know, that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

[Pete Holmes]

I know it's what you need.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, we'll be right back. About five or six years ago, I.

[Katie]

Realized I was very careful and deliberate about what I would eat and what I would drink. But I was very careless about what I would put on my body. In my body, careful, on my body, didn't really care. But obviously what you put on your body ends up in your body. And so many health and beauty products are filled with chemicals and toxicity levels that were never intended for human consumption. You know this, you know you shouldn't be shaving with a pressurized blue goo in a can. You get at 7:11. Enter Living Libations. A wonderful thing to get for yourself. Also an incredible gift idea and a.

[Pete Holmes]

Great way to support the show because.

[Katie]

Living Libations has lots of stuff, small stuff, big stuff. You can go on, support the show, get yourself a little gum care gum treatment for your gums, like your teeth. Or do what we did, which is a complete medicine and beauty cabinet overhaul and replace the random chemical nightmares with things made that are high end, very, very effective and made with ingredients that you can pronounce, that are easy to pronounce and understand, oils and extracts. But they also work like their exfoliating scrub is the most badass exfoliating scrub I've ever used in my life. Pro tip. Use an exfoliant before you shave everybody and you will feel so much better. And I use their best shave ever, their Zen shave. Excuse me, it's called Zen shave shaving cream. I also use their best skin ever moisturizer. By the way, one point of fact here, I bought their best skin ever moisturizer maybe two years ago, still using the same bottle. It lasts and lasts and lasts and it's in beautiful frosted glass with a wood top. That's what makes it such a great gift. So if you want to treat your body properly and give it healthy, natural alternatives to random chemical nightmares, Living Libations has a premium natural and wonderful product to replace those things. And you can do it small, one at a time or all at once like we did 15% off by going to livinglibations.com weird. That's livinglibations.com weird.

[Pete Holmes]

We're also brought to us by our.

[Katie]

Friends at Magic Mind. Of course my desk is covered.

[Pete Holmes]

Look at all these.

[Katie]

It's covered in empty. Well, that's some dog hair. Empty Magic Mind bottles and dog hair.

[Pete Holmes]

Because that's my life.

[Katie]

Hanging out with my big boy beau and drinking Magic Mind. I'm here at my desk whenever I want to get dialed in on command. Magic Mind is my secret weapon.

[Pete Holmes]

It's Matcha.

[Katie]

So it's got about as much caffeine as half a cup of coffee. But it's from green tea from Matcha. It's got adaptogens, which help you calm down and settle in to what you're trying to do. And it's got nootropics, which help your brain function, concentrate, remember, and create.

[Pete Holmes]

So it's like Creator Aid.

[Katie]

Athletes have Gatorade. Now we have Magic Mind. It's Creator Aid. I love this product so, so much. People associate me with it now. Sometimes people come up and I'm like, oh, they must be a comedy fan. They just asked me, is Magic Mind the real deal?

[Pete Holmes]

And I always tell them, absolutely. We didn't just start doing ads for this company.

[Katie]

I found them. I found James Bashar, their CEO. I started Magic Mind. Then we started doing ads just the way we do all our pizza pics. I'm a fan first, and I'm letting you know if you want to try it, fight off procrastination, brain fog, fatigue, and even some ADD symptoms. It is fantastic. It is not jittery. It is not jolty. It is dialed in. And it also elevates your mood, which is so important. I think our power just went out.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, well, good thing I'm recording this.

[Katie]

On a laptop, because I think our power just went out. All right, go to MagicMind Co weird and use my discount code at check out Weird for a limited 20% off your first order. That's MagicMind Co weird and use promo code weird for 20% off.

[Pete Holmes]

Back to the show. So right off the bat, I just want to say this, like, on the record. On the record, but for creative people of all varieties. That includes teachers, you know, that includes psychotherapists that go to conference. It doesn't matter. We're all doing creative things in one way or another. So this really speaks to so many of us.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But through the lens of what I'm doing specifically with stand up. And I've probably talked about this before, but I really think there's a power. Okay, so I'm editing a special. The difference between this standup special and other standup specials is I self financed this special. Yeah. That means you put up the money and you film it yourself. You get your own crew and director, and. And now we're editing it in the hopes that we can then license it to Netflix. Ideally, maybe somewhere else. And then. And then there's the parachute of, like, I could put it on my own YouTube so someone will see it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it will be consumed and enjoyed. And I'm not worried about that at all. But there was an interesting thing where My manager, for some reason, there was a. There was a pinch to, like, get it together quickly. Like, there was another opportunity and there was a time limit on it. Without getting into too many details, I was like, but we need to see if Netflix is going to want it first before we can say yes to this. And my manager was like, just show them the. The rough cut. Like, just do a quick cut. Like, do it quickly.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And this is. Whenever I have something like that, I have big feelings about. I like to share it on the podcast.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, I really don't believe, and it's done me well in my career to not believe in the gatekeeper's ability. All the different gatekeepers, the bookers, the producers, the networks, and anybody, really, even comedians. I don't believe in anybody's ability to look past imperfections. I think if you can look past imperfections and see potential, you're a genius. Like, you're a. Who are you? Did you write the musical Rent? Because I don't know what's happening. That's like a mystic or a prophet that can watch a bad stand up special and say, yeah, if you moved this joke first and then cut that joke. And then these angles are making me anxious for some reason. You should be closer and warmer. And also the colors are off. They're making me nauseous. You need to, like, if you can.

[Valerie Tosi]

Do that, to be able to do that and go. But I think there's something here, right?

[Pete Holmes]

Anyone can do that. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it. But I believe there's a needle in this haystack. Like, what. What are you, Moses? Like, I don't know who you are. It's like, that's a supernatural ability. You know, there's certain people, I get the feeling, like, Donald Glover could do that. I get the feeling that Rick Rubin can do that. And these people are geniuses that can listen to a bad song. That great Rick Rubin story where Tom Petty gave him a CD of possible songs. And in between songs, like, it's just a. It's just a long track of 10 songs, no cuts. And in between two songs, he starts idly playing the opening chords of Last Dance with Mary Jane just because he's noodling and out of the whole thing, Rick says, I don't hear anything except this riff. Right here is something. Wow, that's fucking nuts.

[Valerie Tosi]

That is.

[Pete Holmes]

And unless you're dealing with Rick Rubin or someone like that, put your best foot forward. I know that's the most obvious thing to say.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, absolutely. Well, it is. Like, it's the classic, the tale as old as time of, like, commerce and art. And it's one of the. You know, I love stories about directors or writers being really stubborn about the art that they're making and not listening to studios notes or not. You know, like the suits not listening to what they want because they have a vision and there's an integrity to it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why I'm so lit up. Like, think of Jack White Hat wanting to show a record to his label or whatever.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Probably has his own label. He does Third Man Records. But if back in those days, he would never just be like, just show them a sketch of it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, absolutely. You think Beyonce is doing that?

[Pete Holmes]

You need to infect. Exactly. You need to infect them with your vision. And I always think of this. There was a scene in Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, which I didn't really like, but there was a moment where someone goes to the improv to watch someone audition and they're bad. And then the comic. But they kill. And then someone goes up after him and he bombs. But the producer guy is like, that guy. Maybe because I've watched some comedians do poorly and go like, no, you're. You're fucking great. Like, I know, but like, you better be a comedian who's done it a very long time to make that call, or a producer who's done it a very long time. But I'm just not. I'm just like, let me make it. Here's my point. As I'm cutting the special. I don't like it yet. You know what I mean? Like, how could I ask them to like something where I'm like, well, this is all chopped and dumb. We need to remove this bit, this bit, and then open with this. Now I'm watching and I'm loving it. Can't expect someone to like something that I don't even like. That's the easiest way to put it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Absolutely. And I do. I think this is where your confidence comes in handy, is like being able to have a vision and not settle and do it. Exactly. And know that you're right to do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Even though people whose opinions you trust are saying, like, well, we can just sell it this way. We don't have to, like, spend all this time and money and you're like, there's. It's a really good place for principle and integrity.

[Pete Holmes]

And I don't have a lot of that. So it's fun to have A story. I mean, I'm not saying I'm an unintegritous person. I'm just saying it is fun to have that story because the other opportunity is contingent on Netflix not wanting it. So if we got a quick no from Netflix, we could go to this other place. And I'm like, why would we? And it's bird in hand stuff, but I'm like, you know what, guys? I never do this, but let's fucking make it incredible. And then if they pass, which they very well may, I'm open to that. At least we'll know it was really dumb because that was great, right?

[Valerie Tosi]

That's how you want to feel? It's a very. You know, I need to all invoke the spirit of our boyfriend, Matt Johnson. Toronto filmmaker Matt Johnson Narana there in the show. Like, that's what he would do.

[Pete Holmes]

It is what he would do.

[Valerie Tosi]

And he even says something in an interview about how people think they, like, watch Nirvana, the band, and they think it's brilliant.

[Pete Holmes]

But then he's like, go ahead.

[Valerie Tosi]

I was gonna say, they think, like, that they're just being so casual with it and that it's easy and they're being silly about how they're making it. And he's like, we actually care a lot about. And we, like, edit it carefully.

[Pete Holmes]

But he also said every episode of that show, the cut prior to the final cut would have been unwatchably bad. It's always the final polish. And I hope this is interesting to people. But, like, my hour was about an hour and 15 minutes, and I think the special is gonna be about 56 minutes, which means we're cutting roughly 20 minutes out of it. And I said this to you this morning. I was like, it dawned on me that we're making a special. It's not a time capsule of the jokes I was doing at that time. We're making a TV show.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So, like, let's just. And that's been. I've never done that with a special before where I'm like, can we cheat it a little bit by opening with a bit? Because when you do live, stand up, you have to warm up. You have to come out and be like, hello.

[Valerie Tosi]

Figure it out.

[Pete Holmes]

Hi. Here's a joke about how I feel about doing this show. Here's a joke about the city we're in. Okay. And you start getting this momentum going.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And then we were like, well, what if we just. And other people have done this? But what if we just started with this fantastic joke, right? And then Went to this fantastic joke and then went to this fantastic joke. I was like, well, you lose some of these jokes and you're helping me cut a lot of, like, the porn stuff. And it's like, yeah, you lose people sometimes when you start talking about jacking it in the first seven minutes. And I'm like, oh, yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, they're the jokes that this really was. Editing this special with you. It was illuminating that there are the jokes that you do to get everybody warmed up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

And then there are sort of the jokes that you do for you to continue feeling, like, safe enough to keep doing this incredibly hard thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

And like, that, I think, especially the things where you're, like, showing your sex shame and people are laughing at it is so healing.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God, you have put out the X ray machine today. I'm going. Before we continue.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I need to know you're cool.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. I'm not a dirty boy, right? Like, please tell me. And that's.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm 45 years old, and this week with London and now this, I really feel like I'm just now really seeing some elements of myself. That's what I'm doing.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm saying I'm not a dirty boy. Right?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you understand that. All right, we can go and we just take those out.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. And that's. And I think it does serve a purpose, live show, because you're. You're creating an ecosystem, like, for an hour or a little longer where it's like, you feel safe. I'll make you feel safe. I need you to make me feel safe. We're going to just, like, there's a reciprocation that just doesn't work the same in the.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not as necessary.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's not as necessary.

[Pete Holmes]

You're. You're helping me realize when I watch, like, obviously, Nate Bargetzi is one of my favorites. And when I watch him, I'm like, where's the. Not as a criticism, but I'm just noticing. Where's his, like, sonar pings where he's asking. I'm not a wicked boy. Right?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's not doing it.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's not why he does stand up. He probably does it for some other.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie Tosi]

You know, who knows?

[Pete Holmes]

But it might be Nate. Seems so.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Well adjusted.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. But who knows? But, like, there was a type of jealousy there. It goes back to what we were saying in the first half where I'm like, I go home to this weird meat grinder. Like a Tim Burton directed meat grinder. Weird House. There was love. I'm just saying it was a weird feeling. And then the rest of my time I'm with what I would consider normal people. And I'm like, I'm not a freak, right?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But when you see me, I'm not like up, right?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. These.

[Pete Holmes]

Look at this. And that's. These realizations are the same.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's the same. It's all the self worth route. It is like if you, if you work on your self worth and just knowing in your. In your personhood, well, that you are good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie Tosi]

It would be interesting to see how that changes your comedy. That being said, you know, we also love it. I love. I love these.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who knows where they'll. And they'll be on social media, I'm sure. Even if we cut them from the special.

[Valerie Tosi]

And pornhub.

[Pete Holmes]

And on pornhub under the comedy section, which is the only place I jizz. What was I gonna say? Oh, I was talking to Sam, our friend Spam about how the hour after this, the hour that I'm touring now, I'm like, it's so fun. It's just like, I just wanna have fun.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And like it's an hour and I'm like, oh, my God. I think something for all this talk, like therapy doesn't ever do anything and like, blah, blah, blah, people don't really change all this stuff. I'm like, I feel like we've welded shut some wounds that might not be the right image, but healed some wounds. Cause this new hour, I'm like, I don't wanna do any parent stuff and I don't wanna do any porn stuff or jacking at stuff. And all of those jokes. This is the day I realize those are me asking them to tell me that I'm good before I continue in some way, not saying they're not funny. It's also kind of lazy comedy sometimes. It's also just good comedy sometimes to laugh about Jack in it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

But I was like, you know, this new hour doesn't fatigue me as much. And what's weird is. Sorry, I know we're talking a lot about comedy this time, but like, the standing ovations have started sooner. And it's because I think what stops people from giving standing ovations are complicated bits about your family that make them feel complicated feelings about their families or maybe just judgment or whatever.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then a lot of jacking off talk and that. That doesn't get people on their feet.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, they all have boners.

[Pete Holmes]

They all have boners. And they don't want to go up to the chalkboard if, you know. But I'm really happy that this new. This sounds like an ad. I'm just saying, as a comedian, I've been saying this a lot lately is you don't choose which jokes come through. It's like they show up like Amazon packages.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's like, true of all creativity.

[Pete Holmes]

It is. And this one is stacking up way more bright blue, yellow. I'm not saying it's some of it's naughty and dark for sure. But it's all just like. And Sam was like, I think it's because your daughter's six and you finally reach this cruising altitude where you can just say, can't we just have fun? Can we just fucking kick, Kick back, cut loose.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, there's like, room for fun again.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. Because Leela is a person.

[Valerie Tosi]

A little easier.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, a little. But we're both rocked in it.

[Valerie Tosi]

But also slept like a total banshee last night. She was, it was so insane. At one point she, I, I leaned over her to move her for the millionth time because she's edging me off the bed, the California king size bed where she had all the space. And I was like, over her to move her. And she, with her eyes closed, swiped me like a cat, like, had claws and scratched my eye. And I was like, God damn it. This is why people sleep train. I'm realizing. Which we never did. And it's still. And now it's too late.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's too late.

[Valerie Tosi]

That I just wanted to say one.

[Pete Holmes]

Last complicated feelings about sleep training. So do you.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes, so do I. The last. I just to circle back, I wanted to say, you know, I think you're working out your parent stuff. Working out the sex shame stuff is relatable comedy. I think it's probably done a lot of people a lot of good. And you can feel proud of that era, like, thinking of, like Dylan, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. It being like that phase.

[Valerie Tosi]

There were different seasons for different messages. And that was, that was a really good season. And it helped you. And I'm sure if it's helping you, it's usually helping a lot of other people. It just like. Yeah. I think comedy and art is, you know, if it's not evolving, that's a good sign that you're not evolving. And so.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie Tosi]

Or if it is evolving.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's Bob Dylan and Martha Stewart, who are both like, if you stop changing, you stop crying.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know a bad documentary really took me on a by the way at.

[Pete Holmes]

The end, does her stock price go up? They kept tracking that stock price.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know. I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

It never went back up.

[Valerie Tosi]

I think it did, but she. But she became more of a she. Like her public.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Her image.

[Valerie Tosi]

Image changed.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought that was so funny. She's still a billionaire.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, that's you. You walked out of the room, which you never do without pausing, but you went to pee. And at the very end, there's, like, she's in her little cart, and then it's like a drone shot, like, slowly panning out of, like, on her estate. And it's. It looks like Pemberley from Pride and Prejudice. Like, it's gorgeous and huge. And my mom was like, so she's doing fine.

[Pete Holmes]

That's exactly right. That's the punchline. Yeah, but that's whenever they're like, oh, and those Enron executives, they all went bankrupt or whatever. I don't know the story of Enron, and maybe I shouldn't have picked one where people, I think were indicted. But, like, I don't know, a lot of times it's just like. Yeah. And they still have $100 million. Like, they're just cosplaying as people with problems.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like. And we don't get to keep making billions.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's like, I don't have billions. I only have millions.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah, that. That was. That was. You said something really interesting about Martha Stewart where it's like she had a father who beat into her, not literally, but, like, drilled into her, that you need to have, like, a perfect garden and do everything perfectly. And you were like, so instead of, like, breaking the cycle, she just taught millions of women how to do that.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, she. She passed on her trauma. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Instead of stopping, it stops with me. But there is something beautiful about it. But, I mean, it's. It's complicated.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. That's also. You, I think, missed this part. One of the last things she says is she's like, you know, I. I don't. Like, I. I wish I didn't have to deal with imperfections, but as you get older, you just start to deal with imperfections a little bit better.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, that was her.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's as good as she can ever get. There's no, like, imperfections are beautiful. It's what makes us human. It's actually funny, relatable, you know, that'll.

[Pete Holmes]

That'll take us nicely into our closing thought here, which is. I was just. So. Therapy was brilliant, as always. I loved it. And I had a, you know, My father texted me, call your mother. Which is always just, like, it would take me five hours to explain to you why that's more upsetting than you guys would understand at first.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. But I think it's also, on the surface, pretty annoying.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. And it dredged up all this discomfort. For those of you that don't know, I. I felt like I had to take care of my mother.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And her needs and her emotions and was sort of, like, in control of her happiness. And that's a. A myth that continues to this day.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So when my mom's having a. A hard day or something, my dad texts me, call your mother.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Like, this is your issue now. Like, this is your job. Even though I live with her.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. And I black. I black out. Like, I can't handle it, understandably. And that's so upsetting. And then we, in therapy, we looked at that, and a lot of the things we were talking about today came up. And then at the end, you know, I'm always crying. I have beautiful. I guess you'll say, releases, emotional expansions. It's great. And it started with this, you know, lump of coal. Like. Like a turd.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That I come in to therapy and I'm like, well. And it starts with all the shame. Like, I can't believe it bothers me so much. Cause if I said to my dad, you know, when you text me that, it makes me feel like I'm seven years old again and mom is crying and I'm supposed to go take care of her. And he could just say, but you're not. You're not seven years old. Your mother's not crying. I'm just telling you that your mom's having a hard time. She'd like to hear. And he'd be right. You know what I mean? Like, I'm having a hysterical historical response. So it's really like, something. I'm not saying. It's not annoying to text. There's. There's. Yeah, we can own that. I'm not letting anybody off the hook. It's not even about hooks. I'm just saying I'm having this huge, huge response to it. And then, because I had that. It's like the orchid growing out of the shit. We had this beautiful. And I don't think I could have opened those doors without the discomfort and the pain. And you really realize. Well, every movie is telling us, including Martha Stewart going to prison. All these hardships are where growth happens and change and revelation. But the thing I really wanted to share Was. Well, one. It's really helpful to think of sometimes you think you're, like, abandoning somebody who needs you in your family. That could be true.

[Valerie Tosi]

No names.

[Pete Holmes]

No names. Like, you're supposed to be taking care of them. You could easily. This could be the first episode of this podcast. You'd know.

[Valerie Tosi]

You also just mentioned.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. That's what I mean. You could put it together from five seconds ago.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or you could just be like, that's a person with their own addictions and they seek what they're most comfortable with. And you might want them to be like Martha Stewart, wandering around a garden, plucking pumpkins and looking at the sun and just smiling. Yeah. That's not what's happening. That's not what this is. It's okay, but, like, it's to take everybody I know out of it. It's just sometimes helpful to go. It's more like an addiction. You're dealing with an addict who is addicted to a certain type of misery even. And misery even.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's a misery even.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're over here going, if I could just tap dance hard enough, she would pluck pumpkins in an angelic garden. And it's so, like, if somebody's an alcoholic, you would drive yourself crazy. That's like the beginning of addiction and recovery is to go, only they can change, only they can do. But all, by the way, that's 99% of my therapy is saying to my child self and to my adult self, too, like, you can love and support and be kind and be good or whatever, but you don't have to make someone stop drinking whatever that alcohol is.

[Valerie Tosi]

You couldn't and you can't. You could devote your life. You can't even.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. And this was a little bit deeper. The fact that you can't be the magic boy and fix that doesn't take away from your goodness.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, you think, there's a part of me.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's where your worth is.

[Katie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a part of me that goes, I can't let go of that hope because I was told I'm a golden boy who can fix everything. I still am told that. Call your mother. And I'm like, but I can't. This is beyond my skill to heal. But one of the reasons I'm holding onto that isn't external, it's internal.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my gosh. Of course.

[Pete Holmes]

Where I go, I want to believe that I'm magic and that I can. No one else can, but I can. And then it was like, I'm Literally talking to my part, my child self. I go, sweetheart, it's okay. Yes, you're good. It has nothing to do with that. And this is the thing I really couldn't wait to say. I've never considered my family past. My father's father. Did I already talk about this?

[Valerie Tosi]

No. Maybe briefly last week.

[Pete Holmes]

But thinking of myself as a link in a chain of thousands and thousands of people and just not so unalone, meaning I am the continuation of all of these people and so is my mother.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

She. I said this. I was like, not only am I unalone, I'm made of unaloneness. And my mother is also made of unaloneness. And my mother is also inside. She has well meaning, healthy ancestors who are pulling for her. You can mean that metaphorically or literally, but are a part of her and are beckoning her to her higher self. And me too. And we need to, like, get appropriate with what's to be expected of a child.

[Valerie Tosi]

Absolutely. And of a person. Like how much control you can have.

[Pete Holmes]

Over just of a person.

[Valerie Tosi]

Of a person. And by the way, to speak to the part that's like. But then I'm not magical or that's where my self worth is. It's an incredibly magical and for a lot of people, impossible thing to do to release that burden. Like a lot of people who were given codependence.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

And told that's what love is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

They can never see love as anything different. So that what you're doing is magical. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's like, let's get achieving at the. At the right thing. Oh, boy. What was I gonna say? I had something really good for you. Where did that go?

[Valerie Tosi]

Sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. Fudge, Fudge.

[Valerie Tosi]

Unlucky ancestors.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Fudge.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you. In the movie Love actually, which we watch every Christmas even though both of us admit it's not a perfect movie and a half. The character that bugs me the most is Laura Linney, who won't stop answering her mobile, her phone, from her schizophrenic or otherwise mentally ill. My darling.

[Valerie Tosi]

My darling.

[Pete Holmes]

Remember with Lisa Gilroy.

[Valerie Tosi]

My darling. My darling. Yeah, darling.

[Pete Holmes]

And I kept trying to hit her. The reason why that character drives me crazy. For those of you who don't know, Laura Linney's character has a mentally ill brother who keeps calling her on her cell phone. Drake. And she can't have a life. Like, she goes on a date with the love of her life but won't stop answering her phone. And the movie also just ends as we've already laughed about no growth. She's just answering her phone again.

[Valerie Tosi]

There's no resolution.

[Pete Holmes]

She never stops answering the phone. And I was like, oh, shit. The reason why I go crazy at that and hate that character is because I'm screaming at the tv, you can't help him. He's in a facility. He's being taken care of. You know what I mean? His basic needs are met.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Better than schizophrenics throughout history. He's doing pretty fucking great. And he's calling you to tell you that Richard Nixon is in his closet and Richard Nixon isn't in his closet. And you saying Richard Nixon isn't in your closet, my darling, isn't even gonna make him believe that Richard Nixon isn't in his closet. You know what I'm saying? He's having his own thing. And you can't rationally tell him that Richard Nixon isn't in his closet, but you keep answering the phone. First of all, what mental institution is letting this guy have access to a phone 24 hours a day? Two, what kind of coverage does this lady get? She's always getting a signal. It's the nineties. I'm just kidding. But, like, she's answering it. And I realized in therapy, I'm always getting movies. I go, oh, fuck. I'm always answering the phone. Yeah, I pity. Sweetie, I'm. Hello? Oh, my darling. Oh, my darling. When really you should just be like. And it's really hard to do you. You're having. Let's go to love. Actually, it's more comfortable. You're schizophrenic and you need to take your meds and you need to go to therapy and I can visit you and hug you and stop you from slapping me with your big hairy arm. But, like, I can't be answering the phone at dinner. And that feels like the naughtiest Laura Linney. Like, it feels like you're wicked if you put up that boundary and turn off the phone.

[Valerie Tosi]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

That to me highest self, Pete, is like, throw that phone in the fucking Timbs. But, you know, codependent wounded me is like, maybe answer it every third time. And it's like, actually, no. Because they are resourced not just by the facility, but if you're not mentally unwell. Oh, you get what I'm saying. The metaphor stands. And it's really hard. So much of my therapy is going. We need to establish a time where we check in. And I tell you, Richard Nixon isn't in your closet because it doesn't work. Anyway, so we might as well just do it every third Sunday, right?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. And handsome Aladdin even says to her, will it make him better?

[Pete Holmes]

Handsome Aladdin, beautiful street rat, says, will it make her?

[Valerie Tosi]

Will it make him better? And she says, no. And he goes, so maybe don't answer. And it's like, that's. That's what I should say to you every time. Like, if.

[Pete Holmes]

No, Val, I could cry. That's what it is. It goes, will it make her better?

[Valerie Tosi]

When your dad said, call. Call your mother. I wish I had.

[Pete Holmes]

I could write. Will it make her. Her better?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, as we're joking about this, this is my scariest cave. Like, it's fun and good to talk and laugh about. And I'm also like, you know, like, I still go, like, you have to answer the phone. And. But then in therapy, too, I go, you can go. I say to the child, I go, you can come live with me. And then I go, we've actually already gone.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And the world didn't end.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

I go, look, you have. Please just look. Please just trust me. I said to him today, I go, please come eat with us. Please come eat with us. I go, look at me and Leela. That's how I want to be with you. Respect and autonomy and play and joy and swimming and splashing and crafting and all that. Like, let's. We can do that, too. But it's also. It's not. We can do that. We're doing that.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, we're doing.

[Pete Holmes]

We're already not answering the phone. And she is still okay. In fact, she's been the same my whole life.

[Valerie Tosi]

Regard. And you've had. You've had so many different types of relationships with her, and she's been the same.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

The entire time. Meaning, like, everything from being like a child on her lap to a teenager on her lap on her lap to a adult where she's on your lap. Oh, my God, you've done a lot.

[Pete Holmes]

You got an involuntary hadouken out of me.

[Valerie Tosi]

And she's been the same. And that is. I. Yeah. So much of the work that I do, too, is telling my child self like, you already made it out. We already made it out, Val. It's done.

[Pete Holmes]

Everyone should be so lucky to live with a sweet lady Val, queen of our hearts, because it's like duolingo. This is going to sound forced. I speak un poco espanol. So, like, I do duolingo. Yeah, that was forced. But I do duolingo with Leela Doo. Doo, doo, doo. But then the rest of the day, I say to her, like, por favor and gracias and denara and all those sorts of things. So I'm reinforcing it past the iPad. I have therapy. And then the rest of my week, you're just going like, you already left. Will it make her better? Like, we should all having lovers.

[Valerie Tosi]

Lovers, Lovers.

[Pete Holmes]

It's me, Liam Neeson. I'm calling my lovers.

[Valerie Tosi]

She's my lover.

[Pete Holmes]

He kind of sounds like a pirate. But also just friends that can mirror this stuff. And also, I'm gonna say at podcasts where we can just kind of fucking let our freak flags fly. Keep it. No, it just ends very abruptly.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, I was gonna say the last thing about the, you know, you saying, this is my scariest cave. First of all, I had two responses to that. One was this sort of relief, like, I need to tell, you know, you know, what my scariest cave is. But, like, it actually feels really good to hear someone else be like, this is the scariest cave to me and have the experience of being outside of it and being like, oh, my God, it's not a big deal. But, like, I get, like, you know, it's both. It's. It is a big deal to you.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no.

[Valerie Tosi]

But then the feeling is so good, because I'm like, oh, then that means that my scariest cave actually is probably not very scary either.

[Pete Holmes]

Brilliant.

[Valerie Tosi]

Which feels great. And then the other point, it goes back to the Martha documentary. The part, again, I went through such a roller coaster with that because I was like, oh, she's not really likable to then, like, oh, she really didn't deserve what she got to. Then sort of coming around to her in the end. And my turning point, which I found incredibly moving, was that somebody says at one point she's. She was somebody who was so obsessed with her image, and then the worst thing possible happened, and it set her free. And I was like, that is the whole thing, isn't it? Like, we. I. That is such a distinctly human experience that we all probably have in different degrees in our own way, where you're like, exactly what you didn't want to happen happened, and instead of it destroying you, it set you free.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. That's kind of what I was trying to say about, like, oh, my dad sends me that text, and it really upsets me. And then you're like, no, it's another opportunity to see if we can turn that into a diamond grist for the mill.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's me again, William Neeson. And My sausage fingers.

[Pete Holmes]

My sausage fingers.

[Valerie Tosi]

I have a very. A very specific set of sausage fingers.

[Pete Holmes]

I knew. I thought you were gonna say I have a very specific set of sausages.

[Valerie Tosi]

One, two, three.

[Pete Holmes]

They're right here. I've got five sausages. And you're gonna taste them, but ever so briefly because it's a punch. My hairy sausages are gonna. Hello? I miss dial tones. I didn't know if you hung up. Cause of this fucking sausage talk. Hello? Okay. Every once in a while, just sniff or something. You have my daughter. He's trying to. And guess what? The sausages are coming for you again. That's my fist. It's not like a patty. Like a puck. Like a puck. We go to some places and it's a puck. Regular Europe style sausage.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

I've had an earache this entire. I'm just one of those people that has earaches year round.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, you swim. You swim year round.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm swim. I swim and I'm over 40. That's. There's something about it. My ears are like, oh, water. Let's put in a whole garden of bacteria and pain.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Even though I wear earplugs.

[Valerie Tosi]

Earplug thief.

[Pete Holmes]

Earplugs.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's starting to become like the nihilists from Big Lebowski.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

We believe in nothing.

[Pete Holmes]

That's so perfect.

[Valerie Tosi]

All right, babies, look. We did it. We were sick. We had earaches.

[Pete Holmes]

We have an earache, but we have ptsd and we have ptsd.

[Valerie Tosi]

And we still showed up.

[Pete Holmes]

And we still showed up.

[Valerie Tosi]

Thank you for taking the journey with us.

[Pete Holmes]

It was graven. His new book, Can't Hurt Me, which is Hurt Me. I don't know. I'm on the fence as to whether or not I'm going to read that.

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't know anything about it.

[Pete Holmes]

It just sounds. When somebody's book is called Can't Hurt Me, I'm like, people hurt you a lot, don't they? Yeah, like, that's what that sounds like to me. Because I'm one of those people. I'm like, I'm big and strong and I'm on stage and look at all my accolades. And then I'm like, whoops, dad texted me.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

My book would be called Can Hurt Me pretty. Pretty easy, pretty easily.

[Valerie Tosi]

Everybody hurts me every day.

[Pete Holmes]

But then I use it to, you know, hopefully find some growth. It's a long title.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Well, I would hope that the book is like, you know, this is different than sort of being guarded.

[Pete Holmes]

Yay. I don't mean any shade.

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't know anything about.

[Pete Holmes]

He's an ultra marathoner. He fights wildfires for fun. He's like. He's a superhuman. Who also went through a lot of abuse and trauma and, like, did you know the. The poster guy for clapping your hands with chalk on him in slow motion and going like, Nope. Yeah, not me.

[Valerie Tosi]

I wanna run. Does he run? Yeah, he runs. He's just.

[Pete Holmes]

David Duggans.

[Valerie Tosi]

Is I wanna feel down the walls that hold me inside can't hurt me Is David Goggins.

[Pete Holmes]

David Doggins. Can't hurt me David Goggins.

[Valerie Tosi]

Is David Goggins in Can't hurt Me?

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, thanks for being here.

[Valerie Tosi]

Thanks. Thank you for loving me. All right, here we go. We're all just waiting for it and here it comes. It's happening right now as we speak. Keep it crispy.