You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes — "We Made It Weird #211" (March 21, 2025)

Episode Overview

In "We Made It Weird #211," Pete Holmes and his wife, Valerie, invite listeners into the intimate and delightfully meandering world of their weekly check-in. The episode explores secret weirdness, personal therapy breakthroughs, family dynamics, spirituality, psychedelic experiences, and comedic banter about everyday life. Structured as a relaxed and open-ended yet insightful conversation, Pete and Val discuss everything from the complexities of healing family relationships to profound moments of connection at spiritual retreats, all the way to the joys of shaking out trauma (literally) and poetic revelations.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Podcast Names, Tests, and Cozy Weirdness (05:27 – 16:00)

• Podcast Name Brainstorming: The hosts riff on podcast titles, riffing off names like "This Playdate" and the quirks of finding new podcasts.
• Medical Tests are ‘Gym Class for Adults’: Pete and Val share their humorous experiences blowing into lung capacity monitors and taking hearing tests at the doctor's office. Pete likens them to fun, casual games; Val shares her competitive streak and the ways they game the system for better scores.
  • Notable Quote:
    Pete: "It's like the gym of the doctor. Like gym class. You know what I mean?" (08:32)
• Bookstore Poop Phenomenon: The infamous urge to poop in bookstores resurfaces—a recurring 'weirdness' discussed by the couple and detailed with hilarious analogies (e.g., "Bowels and Nobles," "Barnes and Pooples").
  • Notable Quote:
    Val: "You know how we have this thing...about how bookstores make you [poop]?" (11:59)
    Pete: "It's the feeling of ‘I need to poop’ became a place." (11:27)

2. Cheese, Childhood Beverages, and Cultural Observations (16:00 – 23:00)

• Why Some Cultures Don't Do Cheese: Pete and Val muse about cheese, joke about China’s traditional lack thereof, and reflect on Western culinary obsessions.
• School Lunch Memories: Tangents on the horror of "surprise milk" in thermoses and the cran-something juice craze of the 1980s-90s.
• Cheese Invention Origin Story: Pete humorously retells the legend of cheese being discovered thanks to a desert traveler and sloshing goat’s milk.
  • Notable Quote:
    Pete: “Cheese is to milk what Skittles is to sugar. How'd you do it?” (20:51)

3. Therapy Breakthroughs & Family Dynamics (23:42 – 45:00)

• Deep Therapy Work: Pete shares therapy progress—gaining vocabulary around trauma, abuse, and boundaries, specifically regarding his relationship with his mother. He likens healing to escaping family patterns ("Rita Hayworth poster in your cell" — 23:47) and notes the bittersweet distance it creates.
  • Notable Quote:
    Pete: “Sometimes a sign that your therapy’s going well is that the relationship with your parents feels harder, chunkier.” (26:07)
• Changing the Healing ‘Metric’: Valerie urges Pete not to see smoother phone calls as the only evidence of healing (“the report card is not how well you handle these phone calls” — 27:50), emphasizing accepting ongoing difficulty as natural.
  • Notable Quote:
    Valerie: "It might always be hard, or at the very least, it might get harder before it gets easier." (27:45)
• Being With What Is: The pair discuss reframing pain and grief as portals, not problems to be ‘fixed,’ and learning to expand their capacity to sit with discomfort and overwhelming emotions.
  • Notable Quote:
    Valerie: “My capacity to be with it can grow. And that’s actually the only thing we really have control over.” (30:11)
• Self-care and Overwhelm: Valerie describes her “babushka mode” (wrap in blankets, tea, and gentle crying) and the importance of comfort during distress. Pete recounts the need to withdraw, put his feet above his heart, and self-soothe—normalizing real, moist, hand-covered-in-tears cries.
• Adult Self vs. Child Self: They explore how inner work builds reliability between the adult and child selves, teaching the ‘child’ to rely on the adult for unmet needs rather than recreating old patterns with parents.

4. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as a Tool for Growth (39:00 – 51:00)

• Discovering NVC: Pete and Val discuss Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication and how it reframes emotional language ("I feel sad that my need for connection isn’t being met" instead of "You’re neglecting me"). Pete relays initial resistance to the term but comes to see its value.
  • Notable Quote:
    Pete: “Turns out it’s not a joke—it’s f*ing beautiful. You’re allowed to say, ‘I’m feeling scared that my need for autonomy isn’t being met.’” (40:25)
• Breaking Family Patterns: They recognize ingrained family language (“neglected”) as judgmental and how NVC moves them toward self-responsibility and healthy boundaries.
• Practical Examples: Pete recounts practicing NVC with Valerie and Leela, especially around everyday frustrations (e.g., forgotten shoes before school), emphasizing the nuance of when to speak up and when to metabolize feelings oneself.
  • Notable Quote:
    Val: “I do think the key to a healthy relationship...is not making everything a thing.” (51:08)

5. Spiritual Practice, Rupert Spira Retreat & Shaking Out Trauma (58:16 – 67:13)

• Rupert Spira Retreat Recap: Pete shares the joy of attending Rupert Spira’s retreat, describing a powerful collective energy among seekers of true nature, intergenerational wisdom, and “a dopamine detox and spotlight of loving kindness.” (58:44–59:01)
  • Notable Quote:
    Pete: “The vibration of that group...I could cry. It’s off the charts.” (59:04)
• Trauma Release Exercise: Pete details learning trauma release exercises from his friend Tatiana—lying in a butterfly position, exhausting the hamstrings, and allowing spontaneous body ‘shaking’ to discharge tension. He encourages listeners to give it a try for embodied healing.
  • Notable Quote:
    Pete: “Unlike dance or exercise, this is low effort, high efficacy—your body is thrilled.” (62:51) Val: “This is the thing animals do...they shake their bodies and the energy of the feeling just gets stuck and stored in our body, and [shaking] gets rid of it.” (66:02)

6. The Mushroom Trip: Surrender and Divine Play (67:13 – 80:01)

• Set & Setting: Pete and Val describe a recent, intentional mushroom ceremony, with more than Pete’s previous doses and strong group support.
• Journey from Fear to Bliss: Pete experiences initial resistance (“Why would I want to leave this plane?... I love this plane” — 68:54) and a rapid shift as Valerie helps him move to a private, outdoor setting. There, Pete surrenders wholly to the experience, feeling an ecstatic, almost romantic connection with nature, especially a “muppet tree.”
• Encountering the Divine: Pete’s experience becomes poetry—flirtatious, nonsexual but deeply intimate, as he perceives ‘God’ everywhere: “I kept being like, I don’t know what you’re talking about” (78:17) and “Everywhere I looked was the face of God” (72:34).
  • Notable Quotes:
    • Pete: “I was a wave splashing against the rock of creation and just delighting. Don’t forget—ta-da!” (74:51)
    • Pete: “Everywhere I looked was absolute bliss.” (71:18)
• Integration and Insight: The trip highlights the importance of incarnation and full engagement with life: “Don’t forget we wanted to incarnate...and kiss and eat ourselves.” (73:52)
• Relating to Everyday Bliss: Pete connects retreat and mushroom revelations to Rupert Spira's teachings, encouraging listeners to recognize peace and happiness as their true nature, even in the midst of daily frustrations.

7. Poetry, Merging with Nature, and Philosophy of Love (75:22 – 80:13)

• Valerie Reads "Worship": Valerie reads her poem "Worship," echoing Pete's mystical experience and the urge to physically merge with nature—"You are not up there. You are down here."
  • Notable Quote:
    Val: “The earth is so delicious. I devolve into an animal on hands and knees...You are not up there. You are down here.” (76:07)
• On Falling in Love with the World: Both connect their experiences to that of being newly in love—how presence heightens appreciation for even the most ordinary things.
• Rupert Spira’s Philosophy: Pete shares Rupert’s line: “Love isn’t relationship. Love is the collapse of relationship. You vanish together into the thing you both always and already were.” (80:01)
• Living from True Nature: The episode closes with encouragement to access this loving, peaceful awareness in the minutiae of life. Pete points out how, after these experiences, even losing a child’s shoe can be a reminder to return to one’s true, peaceful self.

Memorable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• (08:32) Pete: "It's like the gym of the doctor...The hearing test is your favorite. You would...Anyone would love it."
• (11:27) Pete: "It's the feeling of 'I need to poop' became a place."
• (26:07) Val: "Sometimes the relationship [with parents] gets...chunkier...as you heal."
• (30:11) Val: "My capacity to be with it can grow. And that's actually the only thing we really have control over."
• (40:25) Pete: "Turns out it's not a joke—it’s f*ing beautiful...’I'm feeling scared that my need for autonomy isn’t being met.’"
• (51:08) Val: "I do think the key to a healthy relationship...is not making everything a thing."
• (59:04) Pete: "The vibration of that group...I could cry. It's off the charts."
• (62:51) Pete: "Unlike dance or exercise, this is low effort, high efficacy—your body is thrilled."
• (67:30) Pete: "I am such an introvert...I'm as happy as a boy can be."
• (72:34) Pete: "Everywhere I looked was the face of God."
• (74:51) Pete: "I was a wave splashing against the rock of creation and just delighting. Don't forget—ta-da!"
• (76:07) Val: from her poem "The earth is so delicious. I devolve into an animal on hands and knees...You are not up there. You are down here."
• (80:01) Pete: "Rupert Spira says: Love isn’t relationship. Love is the collapse of relationship..."

Conclusion

This episode blends offbeat comedy and warm personal rapport with deep explorations of healing, communication, spiritual experience, and human connection. Pete and Valerie weave lightness and depth with skill, making room for both fart jokes and cosmic insights. The energy is playful, reflective, and inviting, perfect for long-time “weirdos” and thoughtful newcomers alike.

Closing Note:
As always, Pete and Val sign off with a warm embrace of their unique, vulnerable brand of weirdness. Or, as Pete says in closing: “Keep it crispy.” (82:51)