We Made It Weird #218

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Episode #218

Host: Pete Holmes
Guest: Valerie Tosi
Release Date: May 16, 2025
Duration: Approximately 59 minutes

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes is known for delving into the quirky and unique aspects of comedians' lives. In Episode #218, Pete Holmes welcomes Valerie Tosi for a lighthearted and engaging conversation filled with humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions on topics ranging from musicals to hormonal influences on behavior.

---

1. Introduction and Episode Overview

The episode opens with Pete and Valerie setting a relaxed and cheerful tone, emphasizing the light and fluffy nature of their conversation. Pete remarks, “This is the Friday bonus episode where Valerie and I catch up. And I love this one” ([00:34]). Valerie echoes this sentiment, describing it as a "classic" and “a pleasure” to engage in such a carefree dialogue.

2. Musicals: A Love-Hate Relationship

A. "Wicked" Experience

Pete and Valerie delve into their recent experience watching the musical Wicked, sharing mixed feelings about its execution. Pete comments, “Wicked did sound like ass” ([02:59]), expressing disappointment with its perfection and muted sound dynamics. Valerie adds, “We saw Wicked at the Eclaise Theater in Salt Lake City” ([03:16]), further detailing their orchestra seating and the subdued atmosphere that frustrated them.

B. Broader Musical Critique

The conversation broadens to a critique of musicals in general. Valerie shares her profound emotional reaction to Wicked, particularly its standout numbers like “Defying Gravity.” Pete echoes this, noting, “When someone makes a valid point, I guess” ([45:17])—highlighting his appreciation for the musical’s impact despite his initial reservations.

C. "Cats" and Musical Nuances

Valerie recounts her first encounter with Cats at 27, accompanied by a friend, finding it bewildering and perplexing. Pete ties this feeling back to their own experience, stating, “I was baffled” ([57:10]). They discuss the complexity and sometimes over-the-top nature of musicals, with Pete humorously reimagining the lyrics to demonstrate their detachment from conventional musical tropes.

3. Humorous Anecdotes and Shared Laughter

A. Being Stoned and Its Effects

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing the humorous and often surreal experiences both hosts have had while being stoned. Pete shares, “I got stoned the other night, and I thought this was the funniest thing in the world” ([04:03]), leading to a deeper conversation about how being stoned affects their humor and perception.

Valerie complements this by revealing her habit of getting stoned "sneakily," allowing her laughter to betray her state rather than openly admitting it. This shared experience fosters a camaraderie steeped in humor and mutual understanding.

B. Improvisation in "Boogie Nights"

Valerie narrates a funny story about an improv scene in Boogie Nights, where Burt Reynolds’ character keeps saying “nevertheless,” disrupting the take with incessant laughter from Ricky J., the magician. She details the mishap: “Every time Burt Reynolds says, nevertheless…” ([16:03]). This story not only provides comic relief but also underscores the unpredictable nature of improvisation in entertainment.

4. Testosterone Supplementation: Personal Insights

A. Introduction to Testosterone Supplements

Pete transitions into a personal topic, discussing his experience with a testosterone support supplement called Mojo. He explains, “I've been taking it for like, nine days” ([32:18]), outlining his motivation to boost his low-normal testosterone levels.

B. Observable Effects

Pete shares several effects he's noticed since starting Mojo:

1. Enhanced Physical Performance: “When I work out, I will go double what I normally go” ([35:34]). He describes an increased capacity for endurance, likening himself to a "horse just listening to a hormone that's saying, you can run” ([35:59]).

2. Improved Willpower and Decisiveness: Pete elaborates on his newfound decisiveness, recounting instances like canceling unnecessary subscriptions with ease. He notes, “I'm just so not just energy. But will” ([35:59]), highlighting how testosterone has amplified his ability to take decisive actions effortlessly.

3. Creative Flow in Writing: Pete discusses how testosterone has influenced his writing process, allowing ideas to flow more freely and reducing his dependency on nicotine for creative stimulation. He remarks, “When I sit down to write, it's just flowing out” ([37:47]).

5. Hormones and Behavioral Accountability

A. The Role of Hormones in Behavior

The conversation shifts to a philosophical exploration of how hormones influence behavior. Valerie and Pete ponder the extent to which hormones dictate actions and the implications for personal accountability. Pete muses, “We are just responses to chemicals being produced in your body” ([39:45]), questioning societal notions of responsibility when behavior is hormonally driven.

B. Coping with Hormonal Changes

Valerie provides insights into dealing with hormonal fluctuations, referencing perimenopause and postpartum experiences. She emphasizes recognizing hormonal states and managing reactions by isolating or seeking support, saying, “Recognize that that's what's happening and maybe isolate yourself until you get through it” ([41:15]).

6. Concluding Thoughts and Final Anecdotes

A. Reflections on Public Declarations in Romance

Pete and Valerie revisit the topic of public declarations of love, discussing how societal norms favor visible expressions of romance, such as public proposals. Pete humorously integrates this with their ongoing discussion about musicals and personal relationships, stating, “A wedding is a public declaration of love” ([46:27]).

B. Final Humorous Exchanges

The episode wraps up with playful banter about historical and fictional characters, such as naming a crow after Tim Burton’s Raven or Marilyn Manson’s Damocles. Valerie shares amusing stories about Valerie’s experience with Cats, highlighting the peculiar and bewildering aspects of the musical.

Pete concludes with a light-hearted remark about their mutual love for musicals and the unique perspectives they each bring, ensuring listeners are left with a sense of camaraderie and humor.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Pete Holmes [00:34]: “This is the Friday bonus episode where Valerie and I catch up. And I love this one.”

• Pete Holmes [02:59]: “Wicked did sound like ass.”

• Valerie Tosi [03:16]: “We saw Wicked at the Eclaise Theater in Salt Lake City.”

• Pete Holmes [05:03]: “I couldn’t stop laughing at the idea that rich people would go to a place like a fancy... farm restaurant.”

• Valerie Tosi [04:06]: “Stoned because that's always... No. Hundred percent.”

• Pete Holmes [35:34]: “When I work out, I will go double what I normally go.”

• Pete Holmes [37:47]: “I'm just so not just energy. But will.”

• Pete Holmes [39:45]: “We are just responses to chemicals being produced in your body.”

• Valerie Tosi [41:15]: “Recognize that that's what's happening and maybe isolate yourself until you get through it.”

• Pete Holmes [46:27]: “A wedding is a public declaration of love.”

---

Conclusion

Episode #218 of You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes is a delightful blend of humor, personal stories, and thoughtful discussions. Pete and Valerie navigate through their critiques of popular musicals, share laughs over their stoned experiences, and dive deep into the influence of hormones on behavior. The episode stands out for its candid and engaging conversation, making it both entertaining and insightful for listeners seeking a genuine and humorous exploration of life's quirky aspects.

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

You made it with. You made it with. You made it with.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it with. Yes, you made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Valerie Tosi]

What's happening, weirdos?

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening, weirdos? We're so glad you're here. We're recording this the day it's coming out. Friday, May 16th.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's fresh. It's fresh and fresh.

[Pete Holmes]

Talk about that tableside.

[Valerie Tosi]

You'll get it.

[Pete Holmes]

You'll get it.

[Valerie Tosi]

You'll get it.

[Pete Holmes]

You'll get that reference.

[Valerie Tosi]

You have to listen. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no. And I love this episode. I always say that if you're new to the show, this is the Friday bonus episode where Valerie and I catch up. And I love this one.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. This is a classic. It's light, it's fluffy.

[Pete Holmes]

Light. It's fluffy. Yeah. It's not too. It's not too deep.

[Valerie Tosi]

Get too deep.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's very silly.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And a pleasure.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's a pleasure to get to be with you, Val. Thank you for doing it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Thank you so much. Much.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to be. Too much.

[Valerie Tosi]

Too much.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to be in Nashville. Coming up before that is May 24, Los Angeles at the Largo that's almost sold out. And then Irvine, San Jose, Houston, Royal Oak, Washington, D.C. boston, New Hampshire. We just added Spokane, Washington, St. Louis, Missouri, Cleveland, Homestead, Pennsylvania, and Atlantic City. And we're going to be adding New York, as I keep saying, but we will add New York right around that November date and go to PeteHomes.com for tickets to all of those. And if you like the show. Oh, let me look real quick while everybody's listening, I'm going to look up something real fast. If we're going to. If we're going to do ads now or if there's only one ad. I can't remember. I cannot remember.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, I'll just say if you want to support there's only one ad, then just keep listening. You'll get an ad in the middle.

[Pete Holmes]

You'll get an ad in the middle.

[Valerie Tosi]

And they're things we really use and really love.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't even need to know that now because the show's starting, Valerie.

[Valerie Tosi]

Just remember that for later. Okay? Get into it.

[Pete Holmes]

Of all the podcasts you could have.

[Valerie Tosi]

Clicked on, for some strange reason, you chose this.

[Pete Holmes]

Of all the many podcasts you could have chosen, let's do the musical. Like, Peril. Like the scene is going to end in an uncertain way. Oh, it's just. You chose this. But we're going to end on that peril note.

[Valerie Tosi]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

You chose.

[Valerie Tosi]

This.

[Pete Holmes]

Why does every orchestra section.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In the pit.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

At, like, we went and saw Wicked. Sounds like ass to me. It's because it's too perfect. It's so perfect. It's like the drums are, like, kind of muted and everything's, like, flattened out.

[Valerie Tosi]

Wicked did sound like ass.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. That was.

[Pete Holmes]

That was a bad one.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. That. We saw Wicked at the Eclaise.

[Pete Holmes]

Here. I'm just stirring my drink.

[Valerie Tosi]

Theater. I don't know how to. To say it. In Salt Lake City. And I was like. It was a matinee, to be fair. And we were like, in the orchestra seats. But I. I was like, okay. I wanted to yell.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm sorry.

[Valerie Tosi]

I wanted to yell. Turn up. It was so quiet.

[Pete Holmes]

It was quiet. That's what I mean to me. Broadway and church, very similar. Like, there's the. The glass, you know?

[Valerie Tosi]

Like, so, like, asking in the middle as I'm answering.

[Pete Holmes]

That's really funny. Okay. If we're just sharing things that we think are funny. I got stoned the other night, and I thought this was the funniest thing in the world because Val. I never tell Val when I get.

[Valerie Tosi]

Stoned because that's always. No. Hundred percent.

[Pete Holmes]

Everyone knows. Everyone knows.

[Valerie Tosi]

But that is my favorite. I know I've shared this on the podcast, but I also loved doing that back in my getting stone days.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I learned it from watching you.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. I like to. To get sneaky stoned and not tell anyone.

[Pete Holmes]

What's the point of just being, like, I'm getting stoned and everyone will know. It's like, get stoned and then let your laughter betray it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's so fun.

[Valerie Tosi]

So fun.

[Pete Holmes]

And this is what I could. I still. Well, there's two things. There's something I couldn't stop laughing at, which is taking it real. Like, because you were like, are you stoned? And I was like, oh, I fucked up, man. I fucked up. Like, taking it really. Like you had killed somebody. Like, oh, I fucking got stone, man. I fucking did it. I got stone. Like, it's the biggest deal. Like, drooling.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, guessing like, you're the killer. I thought that was. And this is the feeling of me being stoned, by the way, is I'm holding onto the sun.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like something that I think is as funny as the sun is bright, but I can't quite do it. I can't quite bring you there with me.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because it turns out I'm on the sun.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I can't Bring you to the sun. It's only funny on the sun.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The sun metaphor is over. I'm just saying. I'm always going like, this is so funny. And you're like. But then also, I was probably doing it weirder. It was like.

[Valerie Tosi]

See, this is what I needed. And this is what you don't have when you're stoned is being the wherewithal. Yeah. Is being like, I got stone, man. Could you imagine, like, a little break and then you do it again instead, you just. I just do the fully committed. And you did it for so long.

[Pete Holmes]

Really? Because in my mind, I was like, wow. I. I had restraint. I could have done that forever. Stone man.

[Valerie Tosi]

You just, like, you did it, like. I guess you did it past the point of, like, this is a bit, to me, getting to a point where I was like, wait, is this real?

[Pete Holmes]

That also probably occurred to me and was so deeply funny.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just like, especially when you're stoned. And I was just a little stoned. I mean. No, I know. Based on the amount I had taken. Would we call her a little chubby? Would we call her chubby that you're so fun. Share your life with, even if it's just a friend. Get somebody in the mix that can quote love, actually.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And what did I say to you?

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

There was a family stone.

[Valerie Tosi]

One hit twice.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie Tosi]

Was that it?

[Pete Holmes]

Twice?

[Valerie Tosi]

No, because we say that one a lot.

[Pete Holmes]

And then there was like, it doesn't matter. We're speaking in quotes, is the point. And it feels so nice.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I was gonna say the stone thing. Well, I saw a play called side, and I really liked it, and. And Jason Priestley was in it, which was so cool to me. And I've always wanted to have Jason Priestley on the pod.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. He's super cool.

[Pete Holmes]

You think so?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm only surprised because I'm older than you, so I'm like, big 90210.

[Valerie Tosi]

I mean. Yeah, that's true. And I wasn't very into 90210, but, like, I. He was still.

[Pete Holmes]

What you just said. 90210. Kind of funny.

[Valerie Tosi]

902 Renault.

[Pete Holmes]

And it was very cute. I was never very into 900. It was like an alien trying to like, oh, yeah, Beverly Hills 920.

[Valerie Tosi]

But that was like, the cool thing when I was, you know, 10, and I wanted to be a.

[Pete Holmes]

See you at an older.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's what the.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, in the pilot of 90210, Brandon. Brandon.

[Valerie Tosi]

Brandon. Believe it or not, Brandon. I know. Brandon. Bren. Bren. Not Brandon, Not Brendan.

[Pete Holmes]

Brandon. I mean, calm down. With all the variations on that.

[Valerie Tosi]

Uh huh.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like a cell phone. You can mod too much, it ruins it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, but there isn't even like a base phone that lets me know. This phone is like other phones. Like I want to be in the group. I modded it too much with Brandon.

[Valerie Tosi]

Brandon.

[Pete Holmes]

9 now 9, 010. Brandon. In the pilot of Brandon's 90210, the original title, like Fonza's Happy Days, Brandon has sex. He doesn't go to a big party and he has sex in a hot tub.

[Valerie Tosi]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Pretty sure that's the pilot. I, I could be wrong, but I mean like so if you were watching nine zero two zero, that was. You were rolling your own.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, I remember getting very excited about Dawson's Creek. That was more my era, but I was also young. I was like 10.

[Pete Holmes]

Dawson's Creek was the first time that I got to be like, well that's just too much because Pace is like fucking his teacher or like in love. And I was like, they've gone too far. Like I got the first taste of being like an old person.

[Valerie Tosi]

Like, how old were you?

[Pete Holmes]

Probably just entering college maybe.

[Valerie Tosi]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe high school, I don't know. But I was like that, that's gauche. Yeah, they've gone too far.

[Valerie Tosi]

I was 10 and my means I was 20.

[Pete Holmes]

So I was well into high in college.

[Valerie Tosi]

College. Yeah, A couple of years into college.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

And I. Well I saw the previews and like most, let's face it, it was mostly about the song I Don't Want to Wait. Yeah. And the like the commercials saying it was coming was, had that song and I just really wanted to watch it. And my mom was like, we'll watch the first episode and then we'll see if it's appropriate for you to watch. And in the first episode, Joey and Dawson are sleeping in the same bed. Yeah, they're making masturbation jokes. I didn't like that the parents get caught having sex.

[Pete Holmes]

Didn't like, I still don't like any of this.

[Valerie Tosi]

And my mom was just like, I remember her sitting on my bed. This is how serious it was. I was like, and like having a talk and like about to go to sleep. And I was like, did you watch it? And she sat on my bed and was like, we watched it and I think it's just a little inappropriate for your age right now. And I cried myself to Sleep because I didn't want to wait for my life to be over to watch Joss.

[Pete Holmes]

Too funny. I've been sitting on this whole time. I've probably said this on the pod before, but we all know Beverly Hills 90210. But do you know the zip code for. This is not my joke. It was a tweet I saw, and I'm sorry I can't reference who it was, but do you know the zip code of Dawson's Creek? It's 90108. For our lives to be over.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

90108.

[Valerie Tosi]

90108.

[Pete Holmes]

How good is that? So how good is that?

[Valerie Tosi]

Good.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. The second thing I couldn't stop laughing at when I was stoned, which I now see the arrow. I'm gonna sneeze.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my God. I'm gonna never sneeze.

[Pete Holmes]

I think I might be getting something or maybe allergic to your.

[Valerie Tosi]

All of a sudden. Well, allergies can change.

[Pete Holmes]

Hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing at the idea that rich people would go to a place like a fancy. Like, almost like, you know, like a cabin restaurant, like a farm restaurant. I am not describing it. Well, you know, when you go to. Well, this is my only reference. You go to, like, Park City, Utah, for Sundance. They have these, like, very fancy cabins. They're like log, but it's like, the fanciest restaurant in the world. And there's Benicio Del Toro, and he's with Guillermo del Toro. They're both. I just. I just realized they're both Del Toros. Are they Benicio Del Toro. For sure.

[Valerie Tosi]

For sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Guillermo del Toro, is it? Well, we're gonna have to wonder. Kill this.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's also Guillermo. Guillermo.

[Pete Holmes]

Guillermo del Toro.

[Valerie Tosi]

Wow. Are they related?

[Pete Holmes]

Del Toros, Are they related? They're both Del Toro. So the Del Toro brothers are sitting, you know, eating oysters. So it's a nice place.

[Valerie Tosi]

Del Toro.

[Pete Holmes]

Hermanos Del Toro, The Brothers of the Bull. One of the.

[Valerie Tosi]

So cool.

[Pete Holmes]

They're so cool. We're the Brothers at the Bull. Oh, my God.

[Valerie Tosi]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

All right.

[Valerie Tosi]

So in a fancy cabin restaurant with.

[Pete Holmes]

You, you can order, and this isn't going to be as funny as Benicio at realizing that Guillermo and Benicio have the same last name. But why? That was funny. I don't even remember. But.

[Valerie Tosi]

But it was so funny.

[Pete Holmes]

It was so funny.

[Valerie Tosi]

When on a little long.

[Pete Holmes]

I loved it.

[Valerie Tosi]

I let it go. I just let it.

[Pete Holmes]

I froze it. I froze it.

[Valerie Tosi]

I froze it.

[Pete Holmes]

That you could get farm to table, tableside, fresh Prepared pharmaceuticals. I thought that was so funny.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That you know, rich people.

[Valerie Tosi]

This was one of your.

[Pete Holmes]

With anxiety and taking a lot of. Not supplements like pharmaceuticals. They're taking Ambien to sleep. They're taking Xanax to like sit by the pool. I'm sorry, but a lot of rich people are plagued. Yeah, plagued.

[Valerie Tosi]

Because money can't buy you happiness.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. So you're just sort of plagued. And. And by the way, that sounds a little too judgmental. A lot of people take those things and that's. I'm really bit free zone taking that away. But I was just saying, like that is a market. And you know, I thought it was funny that rich people always wanting to have what everyone else has, but better they would go to a restaurant where they could order like a Xanax or Klonopin and they would make it tableside like a Caesar salad. And the only part that I thought was actually like, now that I'm not stoned is actually funny, is that they press it like in a garlic press, but it shapes it into a pill. They drop it into your hand and you're like, it's still warm.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And they go, it's fresh from the oven. And I thought that was so funny that like it. Pills do lose their potency. So like a fresh, like there is just a kernel of something real. A fresh Xanax off the line is probably like a fantastic experience. But we are like, how old are your pills?

[Valerie Tosi]

Like, all right, I'm stopping this right now.

[Pete Holmes]

But when I said it to Reid, he. He improved it. I forget our friend Reid.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. I can't remember how, but. And we all agreed that it, like it's good as something sort of in something else. Like it's not enough to be like its own sketch. But I actually just now found the perfect place.

[Pete Holmes]

It could be in the backdrop of a movie like Idiocracy. Like it's a high concept movie. And in the background you see rich people paying more for a fresh ambient made fresh. I also got the powders and they're mixing them with two big silver spoons.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. I actually think I know the perfect place to. You won't really get it because you don't watch this, but it's. It's made for Karen in Will and Grace because her whole thing is that she's always on different pills.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a one line joke for Karen on Willing Grace I do get.

[Valerie Tosi]

And she calls her. She. She says, like, I need to call pharmacist. She calls. He just Says pharmacist.

[Pete Holmes]

That's very funny. And she would be like. She'd get a delivery. It's like, why are your pills warm? They're fresh, sweetheart. Like, just a joke.

[Valerie Tosi]

Or like, they would be at a restaurant and she would have her own tableside service of, like, her.

[Pete Holmes]

You think they could do that?

[Valerie Tosi]

Maybe.

[Pete Holmes]

That's pretty big. That seems like a late season. Who cares? We're already a hit kind of joke. Because that kind of breaks the whole world if a guy in a white shirt with his tie thrown over his shoulder is mixing up a fresh.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, you know what it would be is they go to her house and somebody is doing that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, maybe. I'm still not loving it. Okay, well, I know, I know. And you're. You try to help me, and I just keep resisting.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's not good.

[Pete Holmes]

Valerie. I can't wait. I'm so excited for everybody listening because I heard on Marc Marin's podcast, I listened to Paul Thomas Anderson on wtf, like an old episode. He's not on. Everybody knows I love pta. And I was like, oh, why? Why have I not listened to that? So I listened to it. Here is the funniest. I'm gonna say it. I think this little joke story deserves, like, a Diamond Award. Like, it deserved, like, a giant dime. It's like, as a lover of jokes, I don't really tell jokes. I've told this joke that I'm about to tell five, six times, and every time it's been a pure pleasure.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's like a hardest laugh story.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like a hardest laugh story. Exactly. And it's the most reliable, relatable gettable for everybody. You have to be a grownup. I guess. But anyway, here it is. You have to be a grown up. I wouldn't tell it to leela.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's the one.

[Pete Holmes]

Rule 16 plus.

[Valerie Tosi]

Okay, maybe Dawson's Creek. You have to be a grown up.

[Pete Holmes]

You got to be a grown up. Pacey is coming through the window. Is he the one in the window? No. All right. So when Paul Thomas Anderson was shooting Boogie Nights, they were shooting a scene where Burt Reynolds is fighting with Mark Wahlberg. And apparently he was improvising. Burt Reynolds was improvising. And he kept saying, nevertheless. Like, Mark Wahlberg was like, I'm not. I'm not on pills. I'm not on pills. I'm clean. You gotta shoot me. And he's like, nevertheless, I'm not shooting you. You need to get out of here. And Ricky J. The wonderful magician who Paul Thomas uses In all of his things, Ricky J. Keeps laughing. Every time Burt Reynolds says, nevertheless. It's ruining take after take. Every time Burt Reynolds says, nevertheless, Ricky is hiding his face. So he calls cut. He goes up to Ricky J. He goes, why are you laughing? Every time Bert says, nevertheless. And Ricky J. Tells him the story. When he was in high school, he went to a small town baseball game, and the mayor was introducing the woman who was gonna sing the national anthem. And he goes, kathy Cohen is here and she's gonna sing the national anthem. He says into the mic, someone in the stand stands up and goes, kathy Cohen, sing sucks cock. And the mayor goes, nevertheless. I know you've heard it before, but I did every time.

[Valerie Tosi]

Nevertheless.

[Pete Holmes]

Nevertheless. Not. Sir, sit down.

[Valerie Tosi]

Not even ignoring it.

[Pete Holmes]

Not even ignoring it. Which is the better move.

[Valerie Tosi]

Nevertheless.

[Pete Holmes]

Nevertheless.

[Valerie Tosi]

In this case, she's going to use her mouth to sing the.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's. Be that as it may.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, it's got everything. It's a public speaking situation. It's a high status. I added mayor. I don't think they said mayor. It's sexual. There's a little bit of, like, sex shaming in it that isn't corrected, which is the mechanism of a joke. He should. He's supposed to say, sir, sit down.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Or just ignore it again.

[Pete Holmes]

There's also a flavor of mistake. Like, he said, nevertheless, nevertheless. And then probably mid next sentence realized he shouldn't have said nevertheless.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like Birbiglia's joke. He's moving a bed into his new apartment. A woman holds the door for him and she says, I'll let you in. You don't look like a rapist. And Mike says, what I should have said was nothing. But what I did say is, you'd be surprised.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

Right? You'd be surprised. He is also nevertheless.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a phrase that you say to, like, keep things moving and keep things light. But when taken literally, he's saying, I could be a criminal. And he's saying, kathy Cohen does suck.

[Valerie Tosi]

He does suck.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you're like, does he know?

[Valerie Tosi]

And then Kathy Cohen had to go up and sing after that.

[Pete Holmes]

Valerie, that is the linchpin. I don't know what linchpin means. It's the animating mechanism of that joke is while you're laughing, you're thinking of the applause and laughter.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That Kathy had to endure while she walked up to the microphone to sing Our Neck, Our Nation song. Which, by the way, how funny is it that our country has a song.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know. And more than one. And all the countries have songs. This is our country song. Okay, well, this is our country song.

[Pete Holmes]

And what country, you know, there's one didn't have a song and held out the longest, like, Italy was like, no.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's stupid. And then eventually, like, fine.

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't think that's Italian. What I just said. Del toro.

[Pete Holmes]

Del toro. I think del toro in Italian also means of the bull.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Wait.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry, is this racist? It is a little bit.

[Valerie Tosi]

And then, like, we stole God Save the Queen and wrote American lyrics for it. Like, I'm assuming during the revolution or right after.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean?

[Valerie Tosi]

God Save the Queen is. I always forget which one it is. Like, it's to the tune of, like, America the Beautiful.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, God Save the Queen.

[Valerie Tosi]

No, it does not. It's like, Gods.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Valerie Tosi]

Queen.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. No.

[Valerie Tosi]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Which American song repurposed the melody?

[Valerie Tosi]

That is not how you spell purpose.

[Pete Holmes]

Believe me, Chat GPT knows a lot more than how to fix my spelling mistakes.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In fact, that is the American song that repurposed the melody of God Save the Queen is my country tis of the gangster.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. My country tis of the sweet land of liberty from the. I see. But that used to be of the ice.

[Pete Holmes]

See, Sing. Sing of the I.

[Valerie Tosi]

Okay. But that was God Save the Queen.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. Of the I sing.

[Valerie Tosi]

And that was like a whole all different lyrics about England.

[Pete Holmes]

I was just thinking this morning, I was. What was I singing with Leela? But twinkle, twinkle, blah, blah, black sheep and the Alphabet.

[Valerie Tosi]

Okay. Despite using the same melody, the lyrics are entirely different, and the song became one of the most popular American patriotic hymns, ironically, using the British national anthem's tune. It was even considered an unofficial national anthem before the Star Spangled Banner was.

[Pete Holmes]

Officially adopted in 1931. That means there were multiple songs, and people sat around singing and thinking and putting it on a phonographic record.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. It was 1831, so it actually was way after the revolution.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought you were going to check on whether or not record players existed.

[Valerie Tosi]

No, I didn't care about that.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't care. Nevertheless.

[Valerie Tosi]

Nevertheless, it does say, would you like a quick side by side of the two lyrics? It's always going above and beyond.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no. Chat GPT is a conscientious, plucky employee. That's why Leela loves talking to it. She'll go, do you like spaghetti?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it'll be like, yeah, I like spaghetti. It's fantastic. Is there something you put on your spaghetti? Maybe Cheese.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. It's so good at the thing that I was telling you that I do. When we were at coffee with our friends where you were like, we were teasing you for talking. Like, you were like, we gotta go. And I was like, but you. You're the only one that stalked.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

And then I was saying. Which, this is not healthy. But I was like, in the tease, I was saying, what I do is somebody asked me a question. I rush through my answer and then.

[Pete Holmes]

Turn it back around because I screamed. Someone said, how was the movie? And what was the most difficult part of it? And then someone asked me something else very specific.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, what am I to do? And then I said, this is why I, like, stand up. Everybody is quiet, and I know I can talk, and then I'll be done. And then I finish. It's.

[Valerie Tosi]

Conversations can be harder, but the conversations are so. It's not as nuanced. It really is. And I don't know. You're. You're great at this, and everybody loves you. This is not a problem. But I like this. But I'm just saying you're like. You don't have to become like me. But when I'm what I think, I am taking sort of inventory of like, okay, they've asked a lot of questions, and now it's my turn to ask them a question.

[Pete Holmes]

Me too.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, I'm not even saying this defensively. I did keep trying to put out. There was an efforting to be like, maybe you can relate to this. That's me going like, feel free to, like, jump in.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you know what actually happens? And this can frustrate me when I'm burning. White Hotel a little manic these days.

[C]

Which manic.

[Pete Holmes]

902. 9102. Rescue 90211. Oh, did we laugh about this, My dear Love I. Blah, blah, blah, blah. P.S. i love you, P.F. changs.

[Valerie Tosi]

We had. We had fun. We have fun.

[Pete Holmes]

Changs.

[Valerie Tosi]

P.F.

[Pete Holmes]

Changs. P.S. i love YOU, P. F. Changs. P.P.S. did you laugh at the P. F. Chang's joke? P.P.F.

[Valerie Tosi]

Pee pee poo poo. Peepee poo poo.

[Pete Holmes]

What's peepee poo? Poo? Peepee poo poo.

[Valerie Tosi]

Just pee pee and poo poo. You're overthinking it.

[Pete Holmes]

I asked father Greg Boyle once, reading his books, which are wonderful, and there's a new one coming out. I noticed that the homies, as he calls them, call McDonald's McNalgas. Oh, and Nalgas are butt cheeks. It's actually quite funny.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's funny.

[Pete Holmes]

And I said to him, I was like, is that because The M in McDonald's looks like an ass? And he just went, you're overthinking it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Did he like.

[Pete Holmes]

He's like, they're just saying McBuck cheeks. It tastes it's ass. It's like an ass place. I think that. I think everybody likes McDonald's, I guess. Question mark.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, maybe.

[Pete Holmes]

But we. But I think they're kind of like trash. Right. And I think that's an acknowledgment of the trashy nature of McNalgus.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, McNugus.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. You want to go to McNugos.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's got a new book coming out, I think. I don't know if it's. I'm gonna have him back on. And I got to have Richard Rohr on the podcast this week.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yay.

[Pete Holmes]

And it was unbelievably fun. He's just so good. He's the sweetest, goodest man. All right, let's go to the mids and we'll come back.

[Valerie Tosi]

Great, right? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Nine out two or nine.

[Pete Holmes]

Nevertheless, I'm just reminding everybody, See, they're the fun. We've had.

[Valerie Tosi]

We've had fun.

[Pete Holmes]

We did Farm to table. P, H A R, M to table.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Hot, fresh Ambien. I can't think of another drug.

[Valerie Tosi]

I guess Klonopin.

[Pete Holmes]

Klonopin. I believe it's Klonopin.

[Valerie Tosi]

Klonopin.

[Pete Holmes]

Klonopin.

[Valerie Tosi]

Klonopin.

[Pete Holmes]

We'll. We'll be. We'll be back. And. Oh, I. I do have my big. I do want to share my. My testosterone update.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Which I think is very interesting, but I'm gonna keep it brief. But actually, I'm not going to keep.

[Valerie Tosi]

It brief because it's very interesting because Testosterone.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. I can't wait to talk. We've. We've made this revelation before. Had this revelation before. But it turns out we really don't exist. We really are just.

[Valerie Tosi]

Just our hormone makeup.

[Pete Holmes]

We're like a jukebox. And the hormones are the quarters. Or maybe the hormones are the songs.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And the quarters are the energy. And the bar is the universe. And the dance floor, that's our wedding. Hit it. We'll be right back after these messages.

[C]

Pardon the interruption, friends.

[Pete Holmes]

This episode is brought to us by.

[C]

Our friends at Mud Water. Mud Water is. I'm obsessed. It is a coffee alternative that is delicious with energy and natural and no crash. It's Warm Delicious. It's got Cacao chai and adaptogenic mushrooms that dial you in feeling focused and refreshed with just the right amount of energy without feeling jittery or wired. It's not just energy, it's an energy and a warm grounded feeling.

[Pete Holmes]

It's very earthy.

[C]

It's not jacked, it's solid for when 3pm rolls around and you're losing energy but you don't want another cup of coffee that's going to keep you up all night and the jitters that come with it. And as I said, there's no dip. It just eases you in and it eases you out. Mud water is 100% organic, gluten free and vegan coffee alternative that's so chock full of goodness it's no wonder it makes you feel amazing. My energy is up, my sleep is improved and now that I'm getting more natural energy and drinking less coffee, mushrooms and superfood to boost your energy. Cacao chai just a hint of caffeine and a hot chocolate like flavor. Lion's Mane for focus Cordyceps to promote natural energy in both chocolate Chaga and Rishi for a healthy immune system.

[Pete Holmes]

So if you're ready to make the.

[C]

Switch to cleaner energy, head tomud watermud wtr.com and grab your starter kit today.

[Pete Holmes]

Right now.

[C]

Weirdos get an exclusive deal up to 43 off your entire order plus free shipping and a free rechargeable frother. When you use Code Weird, you'll be supporting the show and your morning ritual. That's right. Up to 43 off with code weird@m u d wtr.com after your purchase, tell them we sent you. Helps us out. Keep your energy natural and refreshing all year long with Mud Water because life's too short for anything less than clean, delicious energy. We're also brought to us by our friends at Modern Mammals. I always want my hair to look good and for years and years my secret was to not wash it. It's kind of a gross secret cat. My friend who cuts my hair, last time she cut it she said running a comb through it is like running a comb through wet cement. It's like the grease trap at Arby's. It's disgusting. But I didn't want to wash it because whenever I did it looked like tumbleweed. Looked dried and fried and frizzled and fluffy and unmanageable and I had to coat it with all sorts of products and chemicals that I just didn't want to do enter Modern Mammals. The only shampoo that's like a non shampoo that somehow cleans your hair but leaves it perfect. It's like a perfect hair day in 15 seconds.

[Pete Holmes]

It still has structure, but it has.

[C]

Some of its natural moisture. And it stays in place, has that flow, and looks incredible. Now when I want my hair to look perfect for a red carpet or a movie premiere or whatever it is, I wash it. It's the complete opposite. So now it's clean and it looks perfect. That is win, win. Over 40,000 guys have switched to this instead of traditional shampoo. Once you go to Modern Mammals, you will be hooked for life. I am Hooked for Life is a small punk rock company. I love these guys. They were fed up with shampoo and they made something better. They have the bars, which is like a ph balanced, no plastic, no fragrance, no frills version to kind of clean your hair very lightly. Or the bottle, which is called Magic Mud, which is more like a traditional shampoo experience that gets in, rinses out, and makes it look perfect in six seconds. Modern mammals.com weird. You can try both the bar and the bottle for 44 bucks, and those will last a very, very, very long time. It's incredible how long they last. Modern mammals.com weird.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, back to the show. All right. So real fast. And if I was like. If I was, like, just a savvy business person, I suppose I would wait until we had the promo code for this company and we're gonna. Who we're working with. But the fact of the matter is.

[Valerie Tosi]

And nobody thinks this will be the only time you talk about this.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm loving this. I need this. I need this. This energy. I seem like Vince Vaughn. This energy. This. I love this. This is great. Keep me in check. I'm on a. I'm on a tightrope, and you're my big wobbly stick. Okay. Be my big wobbly stick. And I'm gonna fall. That wasn't very good.

[Valerie Tosi]

I thought that was great.

[Pete Holmes]

It was okay.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Big wobbly stick. Okay.

[Valerie Tosi]

Like the. One of the side effects of taking testosterone is you will do more Vince Vaughn impressions.

[Pete Holmes]

That's true. And when I remember last night I did Trump and I went, we call it wood. A tree. We'll just call it me. And then everybody. Everybody died. It was so stupid. Okay. So I started working with this company, Kinobody. We're gonna start running some ads for them. And then, like a lot of companies I work with, they sent me a big old Box of stuff. And in that big old box of stuff was this supplement called Mojo. I'm not trying to sell anything to anybody. The ads, I'll be, you know, explaining the virtues of it, but this is just literally what I'm talking about in my life. There's this supplement called Mojo. It's testosterone support. I looked into it, I checked out the ingredients, started taking it. I've been taking it for like, I don't know, nine days. Today is day nine. I don't even know what order to go in, but I'll say for like, so it supports your testosterone. So presumably I'm producing more testosterone when I. When I get my blood work done, my testosterone is always low normal, meaning it's in the normal zone, but it's in the low end of normal. So I knew I could stand to increase it. So I started taking it. First thing I noticed was, I mean, well, boner city. It's crazy. You get like much as boners. I mean, sorry to be so frank, but you like immediately notice this like physiological like, what the fuck? Just talking about kind of like midday, random bumpy bus boners.

[Valerie Tosi]

Bumpy bus boners.

[Pete Holmes]

Bumpy buzz boners in the bubble. Bubble baby buzz bub.

[Valerie Tosi]

In a bubble B bull burl.

[Pete Holmes]

Boner boners. Oh, I've got a. It's like outer space bus boner. Please, Mr. Kennedy. Uhoh.

[Valerie Tosi]

This is inside L and Davis. It's a very inside, inside Lyn Davis, restaurant friends.

[Pete Holmes]

Anyway, so that, that actually is one of the things. Certainly not an issue for me, but I did enjoy that physiological marker. This is almost over second. I'm going in order of least interesting to most interesting second is when I work out, when I swim, I swim. I will go double what I normally go. Like I just won't stop. And it won't be like out of willpower. It'll just be like, this is normal. I should continue like a horse. You ever see a W horse and it's running for no fucking reason? Yeah, that's a high tea horse. That horse is just listening to a hormone that's saying, you can run, you should run. That's what the horse is thinking.

[Valerie Tosi]

You should, you can run and you should run. That's what all horses are thinking.

[Pete Holmes]

That's this, that's the voice of testosterone, is a screaming voice that says, so I go in clumps of 10 laps and I just would go, I can do 10 more. And I do 10, I can do 10 more. I can do 10. And I'm just so not Just energy. But Will.

[Valerie Tosi]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And I, we are talking about a supplement, I suppose, but we're also just talking about what testosterone does and how hormone weird it is. Yeah, hormone. Then the third thing, and this is.

[Valerie Tosi]

The most interesting to me, I just add, yeah, hormone.

[Pete Holmes]

I know, I'm steamrolling.

[Valerie Tosi]

No, please.

[Pete Holmes]

It's almost over. And then I am going, okay, I'm going to see what I do.

[Valerie Tosi]

I think this is proving you aren't very much in control.

[Pete Holmes]

You can run.

[Valerie Tosi]

The testosterone's in control.

[Pete Holmes]

You should run. Is so funny. Can someone please make a video of a horse, a wild horse, so it can't have a person on it ripping ass through a field. And then put punch into its face so we feel like we're hearing its thoughts. And then play that audio.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Because I will do another clean sound bite of it.

[Pete Holmes]

You can run. You should run. There you go. Send it to Val's Instagram, any. Woozle, woozle. The third and most interesting effect is, and we've talked about this a lot, that testosterone is linked to, like, decisiveness. Right? Like decisiveness, Your ability to, like, just kind of. If you look at a decision like a little hill, we're pushing the roll, the marble up the hill. A lot of times it doesn't make it all the way that that hill might be get up in the morning or exercise or. Like, one of the first things I noticed was I had a subscription that I had to cancel. Like, one of those annoying. Like, fuck. I just. I realize I'm not using this thing. I gotta cancel that subscription. And I go, okay, I'll do it later. And as soon as I'm saying, I'll do it later, you can run. Kicks in.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like another force.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Rights over that. It's very, like, aggressive. It's like, just do it. And it's not even a command. It's actually just pure will to do it. And before I know it, I'm sitting down. Like, I was writing an email this morning, and I was like, I'll take a look at our calendar and see how many slots we have open for the rest of it. And I just erased it and just wrote, we have 14 slots. Or whatever it was. I just looked it up.

[Valerie Tosi]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, you can't.

[Valerie Tosi]

God, I need this.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm saying.

[Valerie Tosi]

But I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

This isn't an ad. This is me going, wait, are we all just low T? Like, is that. Is that my thing? And then final. When I'm writing. Cause I'm writing a movie right now. And when I sit down to write. Obviously, I had my love affair with nicotine. I would say testosterone, which is obviously not addictive, not harmful. It's. It's a naturally occurring compound in your body. Compound del toro. It's a del toro in your body. I'm feeling of the bull.

[Valerie Tosi]

I'm feeling.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel. I go up to Benicio with no context. I'm feeling of the bowl. And he goes, that dude's supplementing his tea.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yep. He would know.

[Pete Holmes]

When I sit down to write, it's better than nicotine because nicotine also stimulates. I do not endorse nicotine anymore. But it stimulates dopamine.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The problem is it's highly addictive, and it does these other things. Blah, blah, blah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know. I don't have the data, but I feel like testosterone must be linked to dopamine, because when I'm writing, it's just flowing out. I can't stop. If I have a free moment, I want to. I want to work. And I mean, it sounds too good to be true, but it's been really, really bizarre. I tried to take a nap the other night, and I was like, no, I can't. And instead, I did another swim. I was like, something's changed. So there's two levels. Change. Everything's changed. 1. Testosterone. How interesting. 2. Who the fuck are we?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Hormones, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's embarrassed. We've made it before, but I'll say it again. You just are your responses to chemicals being produced in your body.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's nuts. Like, where in line. Where is accountability for behavior? Like, if somebody freaked out, like, a roid rage, you know, like, if somebody had, like, a hard moment, I might be like, can we get a. Like, a palette of this person's hormones right now? Or at the time of the incident or whatever it might be. I'm not saying we need to let criminals off the hook. I'm just saying, like, our behavior is a response, and hormones are triggered from food or whatever it is. I don't know what it is.

[Valerie Tosi]

I mean, a lot of different. A lot of different things. But, yeah, sugar especially, really affects your hormones.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I ate that delicious pad Thai at Sam's last night, and I crashed so hard. I was. I was mad. I was like, why did I do that? Like, I'm. I'm briefly. Lord knows I'll be a different person probably next episode. But, like, briefly becoming a guy, that's like, why would you eat that? I loved it. I'll eat it again. But I'm just saying, like, I'm getting way, way, way in touch of the cause and effect.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Of who cares? You get it?

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, I. Yes, I'm with you. And a lot of my friends are going through perimenopause right now, and they are learning this, like, it's like a whole other moment of life where you're like a teenager. You're like, I can't control this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. I'm serious. Oh, my God, what a brilliant. And. And what is it called? Postpartum.

[Valerie Tosi]

Postpartum is another time where you're just like. I. Like, that was when I experienced it, where I was like, oh, I am just my hormones. Like, there is no can. And, like, I do believe very strongly that you can regulate your nervous system when, like, you're reactive because you're triggered in some way or there's a trauma response or whatever. I'm not yet convinced that if it's like, a hormonal thing, that you have any power over it. Like, the only control is to just recognize that that's what's happening and, like, maybe isolate yourself until you get through it or be with a safe person.

[Pete Holmes]

Because love that you said that. That's how I feel when I'm really angry or low.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, remember I had that. Really. That day where I was, like, pissed off. I was like, on my. The first day of my period, and I. This was like, on Tuesday, and you came and I was in the hot tub, like, in this. It was like a perfect spring day, and I was in the hot tub trying to, like, chill.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. And you looked like how I look when I'm at Disneyland, but I'm just off.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I was mad. Donald Duck is next to me. And I'm like, God damn it.

[Valerie Tosi]

I was just like. I wasn't even mad about anything specific. There was nothing. I was just like, I am so pissed. And, like, I did go outside to try to.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry.

[Valerie Tosi]

Re for that sniff set. And there was a crow that would not shut the up. And I was like, you know the way that, like, crows are smart and they know what they're doing. I. I was and maybe still am convinced that that crow was with me. Like, it.

[Pete Holmes]

I wouldn't put it past a crow.

[Valerie Tosi]

I wouldn't put it past a crow.

[Pete Holmes]

I wouldn't put it. I wouldn't put it past the crow. But, like, when someone's acting a certain way.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't think, Jim put the sandwich in my car so it would stink. Wouldn't put it past a crow. Hilarious.

[Valerie Tosi]

But there's a lot of crow sayings already as the crow flies. Crow.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, just those two.

[Valerie Tosi]

Anyway, it was with me, like, for, like, 30 minutes. It was just like.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, there's a reason why people don't keep crows. You'll never go on a. Well, maybe Tim Burton. Marilyn Manson. Yeah, my crow. And it has a name like Philip.

[Valerie Tosi]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

Or. Or I feel like.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, Philip's more of a hawk name, but I know what you mean.

[Pete Holmes]

I think Tim Burton would name his crow a cute name. And I think Marilyn Manson is so in. He'd be like, this is Damocles.

[Valerie Tosi]

Damocles.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean?

[Valerie Tosi]

That's such a good one. You thought of that so fast.

[Pete Holmes]

Testosterone. I can't stop.

[Valerie Tosi]

Tim Burton would name his crow Raven.

[Pete Holmes]

That's so perfect. Is he still with Helena Boner?

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't know. I. I want to say they're not, which would make me very sad. No, because, like, if. If they are not made for each other, like, you know what I mean? If Tim Burton doesn't take.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's like Adam and Eve.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, you know how Adam and Eve had to be perfectly matched and kind of look similar?

[Valerie Tosi]

I guess. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

How do you picture Adam and Eve? I mean, like, I just. Same hair color.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Brown.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, brown.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, in all the pictures, Mormon.

[Pete Holmes]

Adam and Eve. If you add another book to the Bible, Adam and Eve instantly get blonde hair.

[Valerie Tosi]

That makes sense.

[Pete Holmes]

If you take one away, Adam and Eve have black hair.

[Valerie Tosi]

Wow. This is just science.

[Pete Holmes]

This is science. This is science.

[Valerie Tosi]

This is science.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I guess not black, but, like, dark brown. I was trying to think of, like, a Hebraic.

[Valerie Tosi]

An Auburn.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. An Auburn.

[Valerie Tosi]

In Auburn.

[Pete Holmes]

Auburn Plaza.

[Valerie Tosi]

When did Jesus get blue eyes?

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, that's a documentary I don't want to watch, but it's a good title.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When did Jesus get blue eyes? And it's W. Kamau Bell with his arms crossed. I mean, it's a valid point. I just feel like that's something an investigative journalist would want to.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's a valid point.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a valid porn. It's a valid porn.

[Valerie Tosi]

Was that a Vine?

[Pete Holmes]

It was a Vine.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my God. Do you remember?

[Pete Holmes]

It's a valid point. It's like what I say when someone makes a valid point. I guess.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, I guess so. Do you remember when we were basically flirting through Vine?

[Pete Holmes]

Of course.

[Valerie Tosi]

That was like, when we were long distance and every Vine I posted was for you. But then, like, true romance, other people would see it too romance.

[Pete Holmes]

Six seconds at a time. Well, that's part of it. Because a wedding is a public declaration of love. Like, we, like, let. Let them see.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, look at it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, look at it. Well, yeah. And so flirting in a public way. Like this has been all of time. Like the. The. The proposal in the Missed connections. You know, like putting it in the newspaper. Getting a billboard. Getting a skywrite. Skywriter Proposing at the Super Bowl. All of these things. All. So much of romance is like, let them see. Like, is it romantic to do something romantic in a cabin? Thoreau's cabin? Like, it is, but less.

[Valerie Tosi]

But a public.

[Pete Holmes]

Like getting on one knee in a restaurant. We love it. Because what you're saying when you're being romantic is like, let's make a baby. That means let's fold ourselves. Not necessarily. I'm just saying, like, let's fold ourselves into a community. Let's be a thing. But we'll only be a thing if someone can see us being that thing.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. There is. I think there's a lot of things that are romantic, but certainly one of them is like, a public declaration.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's say anything. It's Cusacks Radio.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Guys, this is Q Sex Radio.

[Valerie Tosi]

This is Q Sex Radio.

[Pete Holmes]

That's another one.

[Valerie Tosi]

What is the crow one? I already forgot.

[Pete Holmes]

I wouldn't put it past a crow. I wouldn't put it past a crow to. You know. It's a classic Q Sex Radio.

[Valerie Tosi]

That movie. I love.

[Pete Holmes]

Anything.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think I've ever seen it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, let's watch it. It's. You know, it does sort of have that 80s thing where you're like, this could have. This could have used a bit of editing. Like some.

[Pete Holmes]

The trim.

[Valerie Tosi]

The beginning is a little long. And then, like, the third act kind of is less interesting. It basically. All the.

[Pete Holmes]

Geez, the director's here. Jeez, say anything.

[Valerie Tosi]

There's like a B story with her dad where you're like, I don't know if we really need.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that was one of the most interesting things PTA said on Mehron. I was trying to find a way to say Marin in a PTA way. He said he would edit maybe several of the storylines out of Magnolia if he would make it today.

[Valerie Tosi]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Because he's just like, I was a young man. Probably high tea, everything back.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

But I just mean, like, without a no leash, going nuts.

[Valerie Tosi]

But I want to know specifically which ones he would edit out, don't you?

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, it's real hard.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Which ones do you pick?

[Valerie Tosi]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Which ones do you. I can't. I can't trim any.

[Valerie Tosi]

Say Anything was one of my, like, high school films. I loved it. And I had such a big crush on. On John Cusack. And this is, like, one of my. The sexiest moments in TV for me or in movies for me, is they have a sex scene in the car. Oh, my God. I can't. Okay. And he, like, you just see sort of the. The afterwards. And he's, like, laying on her, and she's like, you're trembling. And he's.

[Pete Holmes]

And he goes. I know.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. He goes. She's like. She says, like, are you cold or something? And he goes, no, just happy. And then she's like, just listen to this song. It's a really good thing song. And, like, it's. What is the song? Oh, it's in your eyes. The light in your eyes.

[Pete Holmes]

Did you. That's a British song called the Queen.

[Valerie Tosi]

The Queen. God save the Queen. And then that's the song that he's playing on the stereo.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, Jesus. Oh, good. Oh, no.

[Valerie Tosi]

This has been. Val recounts John Cusack movie.

[Pete Holmes]

That's all I need because I'll give you. Like, I didn't really enjoy Wicked, but when she sang, I mean, I wasn't not enjoying it.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

I know I was enjoying it, but not in the way that I feel like a lot of the people there.

[Valerie Tosi]

But I do feel like you should see.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand.

[Valerie Tosi]

I think the people who were seeing it had seen it on Broadway or had even seen the movie.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

And so they were enjoying, like, this rendition of it. But if this is the only rendition.

[Pete Holmes]

But when she sang, hey, everybody. Gravity Trying to stop me but I'm not gonna let him. I, I, I cried. I loved it so much.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's so funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Because, Nish, so you summarizing. Say anything is the way I want. And I just want to watch Defying Gravity. Let it go.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, Nish Kumar said something really brilliant about Wicked where he's like. He said something like, we'll never know if Wicked is any. Or I'll never know if Wicked is any good. Because Defying Gravity is so good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

That, like, I do think a lot of us are just thinking about Defying Gravity.

[Pete Holmes]

I completely agree.

[Valerie Tosi]

When we think of Wicked, a lot.

[Pete Holmes]

Of the humor in musicals is just a joke for everyone. And I'm just like, well, then I have no interest in it, nevertheless, is a joke, and it is not for everyone.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's what makes it amazing. But if you have, like, a. Like, a dirty person, be like, I'll be there. And someone's like, are you sure you want to shower? Might want to shower first. And he's like, you think I need one? And everyone just go, because he's dirty. I can't. It's a lot of that. It's a lot of, like. And there are so many green jokes. They're like, all right, lime girl. And I'm like, right. I just.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, that is a big part of the avocado. It's a big part of it is that they're, like, judging the color of her skin.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not trying to take that away.

[Valerie Tosi]

I mean, you know what I mean? It serves a different purpose than just trying to be funny. I don't think they're like, look, I.

[Pete Holmes]

Realized as I was riffing that I might be neutering the, like, heart of it. I'm just saying, like, how.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know what you mean.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's not just the joke. It's how it's said. And it is said like that. It's like, over here, avocado girl. And then the chorus, like, laughs.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And even when they're laughing, they're, like, holding their belly.

[Valerie Tosi]

See this? But. And I just. I know that you like musicals, so.

[Pete Holmes]

I do.

[Valerie Tosi]

This isn't for you. I'm just saying this for anybody listening who might be, like, making. Rushing to a conclusion about musicals. I think people think for some reason, if you like musicals, you like all musicals, and you think they're all equal. Created equal. So people will, like, watch Rent. I would say Rent and Wicked are two of the. The most. Like, you have to be pretty bought into musicals to enjoy those.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Because they are a little ridiculous, certainly. Like, don't even get me started on Cats. But, like, there are these musicals that are.

[Pete Holmes]

Seen Cats so many times.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know, because your mom.

[Pete Holmes]

Because my mom loves cats, and my dad is not a thoughtful gift giver. I don't know if that's exactly right. What I'm trying to say is, he hit once with Cats, and then we would just go. It felt like once a year.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. And I mean that those are. If you've seen those musicals, and you're like, yeah, I can't do musicals. It's like, please.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Don't. Don't base it on that.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I don't.

[Valerie Tosi]

People who love musicals don't like Cats, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Right, right, right. But everyone who has a cat loves musicals.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes. And maybe everyone who has a cat Loves cats. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

It's hard to know not one song about the exposed buttholes. I showed Leela fresh air, but fresh hair. But then the piano echoes it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Total fresh air. But now the chorus has got fresh air. But keep the tail up. It's fresh air, but keep the tail up. And then there's always hyper masculine fat cat that's like. And everyone can see someone plays a trombone. It's a fresh hair butt. And then later in the thing, two cats are falling in love. And they're like, but don't you feel a little exposed? And you hear, that's all it does.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's the reprieve Reprise.

[Pete Holmes]

Reprieve.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's not.

[Pete Holmes]

It's. It's reprieve if you're me.

[Valerie Tosi]

Okay. It's retrieve. What is that?

[Pete Holmes]

Retrieve.

[Valerie Tosi]

Retrieve. Retrieve is get. Retreat is leave.

[Pete Holmes]

You. Retrieve means you go towards it. You retreat and you go away from it.

[Valerie Tosi]

I showed.

[Pete Holmes]

And the reprieve is me doing this joke all over again. It's like the Seinfeld ring of hell. He just says that over and over. You can run.

[Valerie Tosi]

You should run. I wanted to try it. I wanted to try it. That looks nice.

[Pete Holmes]

That looks nice.

[Valerie Tosi]

Testosterone sounds nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's look it up. If you can.

[Valerie Tosi]

If I can have it. Okay, while you do that, I'm gonna say the last thing about Cats. I didn't see Cats until I was 27, and I saw it stoned with my dear friend Kristen, who had also never seen it and accidentally wore a. Like a black.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, this is one of my favorites.

[Valerie Tosi]

With, like, a puffy shirt, basically from Seinfeld. Like a flouncy blouse, white blouse. And she came out. She had never seen it. She came out of her room and her now husband was like, oh, yeah, you're. You decided to dress like Mr. Mistoff Lees.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Valerie Tosi]

And she was like, I don't know who that is.

[Pete Holmes]

Val. I've put that in the script to explain a lovable but kind of dumb character.

[Valerie Tosi]

Okay, well, she's not dumb, but she's.

[Pete Holmes]

Sort of like a dipshit.

[Valerie Tosi]

She is not a dipshit.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I don't think she is a dipshit. But in my script, the character was sort of like a lovable but not super heavy.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But lovable like a free person. And she goes, this is the time I went to Cats and I accidentally dressed like Mr. Mistoffeles. And then you see the picture and no one laughs. It doesn't say anything about. I think it's for men.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know. Like, this is my one. Yeah. I just. I wish that they would be very specific and. And, I mean, you know, gender is construct and stuff, but, like. Okay. Anyway, also, so I saw it stoned with that friend, and it was so fun because it was sort of like, what the hell is this?

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, which show is this again?

[Valerie Tosi]

Cats.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

That was my first experience with it, so I actually have a fond memory of seeing it cut to a month ago with Leela. Look, Leela was. Wait, just. Almost done. Yeah, Leela was. She wanted a song about cats, and we, like, couldn't find a good cat song. And I was like, well, you know, there's a whole musical about cats, so I play, like, on YouTube. I play for her the opening of Cats, and she was just sitting there. I've never really seen her, like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Silently bewildered.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, she's baffled.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Like, she just wasn't. I could tell she didn't know how to feel. Like, she was just sitting there watching it, and she. She was saying, like, I can't tell what they're saying. And I was like, they're saying, like, jellicoe.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Valerie Tosi]

Jellicle Cats are. And I was like, honestly, I can't tell what they're saying either, because the. The type of English. It's like an.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, in 80s English.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. But not even. It's like old Kings. Literate. Like, what is the. What the Bible is in.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, King James.

[Valerie Tosi]

King James. Not words.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

That we use.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, it's done.

[Valerie Tosi]

And. And then we just watched it for a little while, and I was like, this is kind of weird, huh? And she was like, yeah. And I was like, yeah, let's watch something else. This is not how I remembered it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's how I felt. Bewildered. But also, I think I'm good. Okay. So I looked it up. Sorry, I didn't mean to do it while you were telling your story. But yes, women can take Kino Bodies Mojo. While it's marketed primarily as a testosterone supplement for men, its ingredients are also beneficial for women. According to Kenobody, the components in mojo, such as magnesium boron and tongue.

[Valerie Tosi]

Cat Ali.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a person in it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Supports hormone balance, mood energy, and libido in women as well.

[Valerie Tosi]

All right, well, there you have it. I'm gonna do it.

[Pete Holmes]

They emphasize that testosterone is important for both men and women, and that women today are experiencing a rapid decline in t. However, it's important to note that Kino Mojo is not specifically formulated for women. If you're taking it, consider. Especially if you're pregnant, breastfeeding or managing hormonal conditions, it's best to consult with your. But it's good to consult with your doctor anyway if you're.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Especially if you're messing with your hormones. Well.

[Pete Holmes]

Well. Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

The next.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell that to me. I'm chewing on a Wolverine cigar and thinking of. You know, it's funny. Is like, I do have to sell some ads and I'm like, reaching out way more. Like, not aggressively. Like, the emails are always nice and just like, hey. But like, I'm having way more like, wait. I love that I should reach out to them. Like, it's just that weird drive. I don't know how to explain it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

How I just did.

[Valerie Tosi]

See, I do want. I know. Need some of that. Like, even. Yeah, just the. The forward motion. The. The horse running. I need a little running horse.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you can run and you should run. Well, we're very glad everybody was here. Thank you for tuning in, Tokyo.

[Valerie Tosi]

Thanks for listening.

[Pete Holmes]

And Val, send us on home like a running horse.

[Valerie Tosi]

You can run. You should run. Keep it crispy.