We Made It Weird #221 - You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Transcript

A (0:00)

You made it with. You made it with. You made it with. Oh, yeah.

B (0:12)

You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

A (0:15)

What's happening, weirdos?

B (0:16)

What's happening, weirdos? Whoa.

A (0:19)

This is like. Like an epic.

B (0:22)

This is an epic. That's why it's 90 minutes long.

A (0:26)

What time is it?

B (0:27)

Okay, we both have tear marks down our faces, and I know I always say this, but this is a special and wonderful chat, and I'm so glad everybody is here. This is. We made it weird. This is the Friday edition of the show where Val and I catch up. And I'm so glad we did. It's been a while, and I think this was better for the little break we just took.

A (0:50)

Yeah, I agree.

B (0:51)

So the first half, a little bit more light. Light, as I always give this warning. And then the second half is just, wow.

A (1:00)

Really go in really good. You did some good vulnerable shares there.

B (1:05)

Yeah, I would say it's not like a trigger warning kind of situation. It's just beautiful.

A (1:09)

It's like very. It's not. It would. They were tears not of sadness.

B (1:14)

These tears are not of sadness, but of hope.

A (1:17)

Mr. Frodo, enjoy.

B (1:20)

Beautiful stuff. So we're so glad you're here. Only a couple things to plug. I'm in Houston currently, if you're listening to this. Not right now, but I will be if you're listening to this on the day it comes out, come see me in Houston. And then all of the tour dates are on petehomes.com we just added Chicago. Boston is on there. Come on out. I love this new hour. I hope you can be there. And we're just going to play a couple ads and then we're going to drop right in. The ads are for things we actually use and actually love, so. Katie, roll it. This is. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Tushy Tushy Bidets. The best bidets in the biz, and you got to get one. I don't know why. It's 2025 and we're all just wiping our butts with paper. It's disgusting. You gotta up your butt game. Up your butt game. If your manhood feels like a Florida panhandle. The Florida panhandle this time of year. Great news. You can instantly refresh yourself 15, 20, 35 times a day without jumping in the shower. We're talking about a tushy bidet which transforms SW swamp, but into a dewy, nice, clean cloud. It's perfect. I got a tushy bidet years ago, and there is no going back. It is a different level of clean. If you had poop on your hand, would you just wipe it off with a tissue? No. You would power wash it like leaves off your driveway. And that's exactly what a Tushy bidet does. It's gentle but it's powerful. It's warm. The seat beautiful. I love everything about it. Tushy is the everyday luxury bidet that instantly transform your bathroom habits and your bottom health for life. It is easy to install, there is no need for additional plumbing and you can get one and support this show. How good is that? Keep your swampiest body parts fresh and cool for a limited time. Our listeners get 10% off their first bidet when you use code WEIRD at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet and@hellotushy.com with promo code Weird. We're also brought to us by our friends at dad Grass. I recently tossed all of my weed. That's true. Why? Because it was too damn strong. I was tired of smoking and being lost watching a basic movie. I was tired of eating an entire pizza because I was trying to get back down to earth. Thank God there is dad Grass. I am obsessed with the perfect dose that they have dialed in specifically with their leisure drink which is wonderful here in the summertime time ships legally to all 50 states if you're over 21. These are delicious sparkling cans of Yuzu flavored goodness that finally offers a casual, light hearted way to have fun and relax your body, your mind with friends. I've been putting them out at parties. People love the way they taste, people love the way you feel. It's 3mg of THC which is the perfect small manageable dose plus 6mg of CBD and 2200mg of Lion's Mane which is just going to balance you out a little bit more. Mild dose, sessionable for a mellow experience. Happy and relaxed with no hangover. Stackable of course for a bigger buzz if you have a higher tolerance. Fast acting which means you're going to feel how you're going to feel in about 10 to 20 minutes. Get leisure drinks and all of dad Grass's products including joints and gummies by going to dadgrass.com weird and use promo code weird for 20% off. Put leisure drinks out at your next get together and thank me later. Dadgrass.com weird use promo code weird for 20% off all right, we're so glad you're here for a very very memorable and special and Transformative. We made it weird.

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes — We Made It Weird #221

Date: July 11, 2025
Host: Pete Holmes
Co-host: Valerie (Val)

Episode Overview

This week's "We Made It Weird" is a heartfelt and sprawling catch-up between Pete and Val after a brief hiatus. What starts light spirals into vulnerability, laughter, and tears of hope as the couple traverse topics of nostalgia, growth, friendship, risk, aging, therapy, and the changing seasons of their lives.

Their open, conversational style yields memorable reflections on childhood, relationships, middle age, healing trauma, and the spiritual “both/and” of life’s joy and pain. The mood shifts from playful to profound (as noted early: “the first half, a little bit more light…then the second half is just, wow” [01:00, Val]).

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Nostalgia, Identity, and Growing Up

Swimming & Aging: Pete and Val joke about getting older, with Pete sharing about swimming daily and the inevitable comparisons and playful jabs (“He's older than all of us. He's older than God, I think.” [08:49, Val]).
College Years: Pete reminisces writing songs as a moody college student, struggling with identity. He shares about composing “Who Could Love a Monster?” alone in an empty dugout, embodying that adolescent search for self.
- “I felt behind that line, like somehow I was... waiting for my real life to begin.” [13:11, Pete]
Finding Fit in Friend Groups: Both discuss not peaking in high school or college, and relate to movies like "Booksmart" about realizing–maybe too late–they missed out on "big" formative experiences.

2. Friendship, Attachment, and Jealousy

Monogamous Friendships: Val describes high school best-friend dynamics as “dry runs” for romantic relationships [18:07, Pete].
Dealing with Change: The anxiety of friends moving away comes up. Pete openly shares his protectiveness and scarcity-driven fears, tracing them back to his mother (“If she's giving it all to them, will there be any left for me? There's like a lack mentality.” [28:13, Pete]).
Marriage as Security: Pete jokes about marriage being a male-invented anxiety mechanism: “Let's get the law involved. I want it on paper because I don't trust it.” [30:00, Pete]
Letting Go & Authentic Connection: Both reflect on the need for vulnerability and the risks inherent in intimacy, friendship, and love.

3. Emotional Protection, Trauma, and Healing

Internal Protectors: Pete dissects his "protector" part, inspired by Daniel Plainview (from There Will Be Blood), and how this stoic defender shapes his relationships and wariness of pain ([78:44]).
Childhood Conditioning: Pete traces protective behaviors to his mother, a post-war refugee who modeled a wary outlook: “She would teach me, like, of course they didn’t come to your party. They got invited to a better party.” [33:57, Pete]
Therapy & Parts Work: Pete shares breakthroughs from his Internal Family Systems (IFS) work, notably a powerful vision where his painful childhood home becomes filled with peace and beauty:
- “Instead of the pain... it suddenly became like a cathedral... it was outside of time. It was like an expanded place.” [70:41, Pete]
- “It was both and. The whole thing was both and.” [72:11, Pete & Val]
Integration is Liberation: The idea that healing is not about erasing trauma but integrating it: “It was like this, all-encompassing vision... I will eat it all. It was all there.” [78:10, Pete]

4. The “Both/And” of Life: Joy, Grief, and Risk

Beauty in Adversity: The episode’s spiritual core is the acceptance of both joy and sorrow:
- “The only love that's worth having is both and.” [76:38, Val]
- “My childhood house... was only accessible by going through a type of hell... going through that pain opened up this whole [heaven].” [84:17, Pete]
Risk as the Juice of Life: Drawing on Justin Willman’s magic special and Esther Perel’s relationship philosophy, Pete and Val agree that risking pain is essential to meaning and passion:
- “Risk is the juice not only of relationship, but of life.” [41:29, Val]
- “You can live your whole life so cozy that you fell asleep and now you’re sleepwalking.” [41:44, Pete]
- “If you leave, you can, but there’ll be a reckoning...” [30:03, Pete]
Letting Go of Certainty: Acceptance that things don’t go linearly—true integration is “knowing that when you are triggered... you have the resources to move through it.” [88:32, Val]

5. Aging, Virility, and Physical Empowerment

Pole Dancing as Reclamation: Val describes starting pole dancing classes and the transformation from self-consciousness to empowerment:
- “You start... like, 'I’m not gonna be able to do it. I’m going to look so foolish.' And then you start looking really good to yourself. And then... it becomes very empowering.” [56:33, Val]
Aging Optimism: Both push back on the narrative that growth and vitality are only for the young, citing an aerial yoga teacher who, at 78, insisted, “You are only as old as you let your body become.” [62:58, Val]
Identity Through Activity: Pete champions doing what works for you—even if it's dorky (like swimming with a snorkel): “The reason I’m being the champion of it is it’s like the dorkiest thing in the world, but who cares? It’s your helps.” [65:25, Pete]

6. Parenting, Projection, and Legacy

Shaping Children’s Worldviews: Discussion of how their daughter Leela absorbs their attitudes about friendship and conflict, and the dangers of teaching defensiveness (“I'm very good at keeping effortless track of what you did that was not you" [48:22, Pete]).
The Balance of Openness vs. Protection: Recognizing the value in children’s less-judgmental, forgiving approach to relationships as something adults can learn from: “They really sort of let everybody be who they are…and they don’t build cases.” [47:32, Val]

7. Poetry, Reflection, Closure

Poem Reading: Val reads “Little Things” by Sharon Olds, encapsulating the episode’s theme: finding and loving “small beauties” even amid pain ([93:10]).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“These tears are not of sadness, but of hope.”
— Pete, [01:14]
“I'm not proud of it and I don't think it's good. But I will say it leads to tension in the good way.”
— Pete on jealousy, [27:55]
“Life is risk. And life is, you know, courage and fear and uncertainty and all of these things.”
— Pete, [42:05]
“The only love that's worth having is the both and.”
— Val, [76:38]
“I felt like something you would do on your deathbed. It was like this, all-encompassing vision.”
— Pete, [78:10]
“We don't move on. We move through...or maybe we move with.”
— Pete, referencing Father Greg Boyle, [89:57]
“We are learning through these wounds to become softer, opener...feeling it all. Because we trust the process of feeling.”
— Val, [92:57]

Important Segment Timestamps

05:18–10:39: Early banter, aging, playful burns, Pete’s embarrassing adolescent songwriting
13:11–16:13: College reflections, searching for identity
27:55–31:10: Jealousy, friendship anxiety, and marriage as security
40:08–42:05: On risk and joy—“risk it for a biscuit”
56:33–61:28: Val’s pole dancing journey, women’s empowerment, aging vibrantly
68:36–79:43: Pete’s transformative IFS therapy: from pain to integrated peace
84:31–88:15: Heaven and hell analogy, the “blue lit house” vision, and the centrality of integration
93:10: Val reads Sharon Olds’ “Little Things,” summing up the episode’s message

Tone and Atmosphere

Warm, candid, and self-aware—the show is packed with humor, playful teasing, and deep vulnerability.
Reflective and encouraging—an invitation to embrace both pain and joy, the past and the future.
They oscillate between making each other (and the audience) laugh and bringing tears with raw admissions and moments of grace.

Final Takeaway

We Made It Weird #221 is an episode about owning your weirdness, embracing the complexity of past and present, and bravely facing both pain and beauty. Pete and Val model how partnership can be a space for both comfort and challenge, and how true growth lies not in erasing wounds, but in learning to see them through the “blue light” of acceptance and love.

“Keep it crispy.”