Podcast Summary: We Made It Weird #221 with Pete Holmes

Release Date: July 11, 2025

Introduction

In episode #221 of "We Made It Weird," hosts Pete Holmes, Valerie, and Janie engage in a heartfelt and introspective conversation. Skipping the standard advertisements and introductory banter, the trio delves deep into personal experiences, relationships, and transformative therapy sessions, offering listeners a rich tapestry of emotions and insights.

Reflections on Friendship and Relationships

The episode opens with Valerie reminiscing about past friendships and the dynamics that shape our relationships. She shares anecdotes from her college days, highlighting moments of vulnerability and the complexities of maintaining deep connections.

• Valerie discusses the evolution of her friendship with Earn:
  "[05:18] Valerie: What do you mean you earned Rachel and you were just like close friends?"

• She touches upon the challenges of jealousy and commitment in friendships:
  "[27:35] Valerie: She's giving it all to them, and there's this part of me that worries if there's any lack."

Attachment Styles and Personal Growth

A significant portion of the conversation centers around attachment styles, particularly anxious attachment and avoidant attachment. Pete and Valerie explore how these styles influence their interactions and emotional well-being.

• Pete introduces the concept of attachment styles:
  "[33:16] Pete Holmes: No, no. It's either anxious attached or avoidant attachment."

• Valerie reflects on her mother's influence and its impact on her own attachment:
  "[34:21] Valerie: My mother taught me to guard myself because the world isn't safe."

The Journey Through Therapy and Internal Family Systems

Valerie shares a transformative therapy session, providing listeners with an intimate look into Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. She describes visualizations and emotional breakthroughs that have reshaped her understanding of self and healing.

• Valerie recounts her visualization of her childhood bedroom transforming into a cathedral:
  "[70:42] Valerie: It was like this majestic twilight blue, and the house became a cathedral."

• Highlighting a breakthrough moment in therapy:
  "[73:12] Valerie: It felt like divine seeing, both beautiful and encompassing."

Embracing Vulnerability and Life's Risks

The hosts discuss the inherent risks in relationships and life, emphasizing that embracing vulnerability leads to deeper connections and personal fulfillment.

• Pete draws parallels between pole dancing and relationships:
  "[56:35] Pete Holmes: Like, this is something I would write in the beginning of a film to instantly endear you to a character."

• Valerie emphasizes the importance of risking for meaningful relationships:
  "[40:08] Valerie: Life is risk. Courage and fear and uncertainty are all part of it."

Integrating Pain and Finding Beauty in Struggles

A recurring theme is the integration of past pains and traumas to find beauty and meaning in one's life. Valerie shares her experiences of reconciling with her past and finding peace through therapy.

• Valerie speaks about moving through pain rather than moving on:
  "[90:17] Janie: Yeah.
  [90:18] Valerie: And he says, 'we move through,' not 'move on.'”

• The hosts reflect on the necessity of acknowledging both joy and horror in life:
  "[83:13] Valerie: It felt like divine seeing... like something you would do on your deathbed."

Poetic Interlude: "Little Things" by Sharon Olds

Towards the end of the episode, Pete reads a poignant poem, "Little Things" by Sharon Olds, resonating with the episode's themes of cherishing small moments amidst life's complexities.

• Pete introduces the poem:
  *"[93:08] Valerie: Yeah."

• He reads the poem, capturing its emotional depth:
  "[93:10] Valerie: ...I am paying attention to small beauties, whatever I have.
  [...]"

Key Takeaways

1. The Complexity of Relationships: Deep friendships and romantic relationships are fraught with emotions like jealousy, commitment, and the struggle between dependence and independence.

2. Understanding Attachment Styles: Recognizing one's attachment style—whether anxious or avoidant—can provide clarity in personal interactions and emotional responses.

3. Therapy as a Tool for Healing: Internal Family Systems therapy offers a pathway to integrate past traumas, leading to personal growth and emotional resilience.

4. Embracing Vulnerability: Taking emotional risks in relationships enhances connections and fosters a sense of fulfillment.

5. Finding Beauty in Struggle: Acknowledging and integrating life's pains can lead to a richer, more meaningful existence.

6. Appreciating the Little Things: Small moments of beauty and connection are invaluable in navigating the complexities of life.

Notable Quotes

• Valerie on the nature of tears during vulnerable moments:
  "[01:14] Valerie: These tears are not of sadness, but of hope."

• Pete on the importance of risk in relationships:
  "[41:29] Pete Holmes: Risk is the juice not only of each relationship but of life."

• Valerie on moving through pain:
  "[90:32] Pete Holmes: Move through, not just move on."

Conclusion

Episode #221 of "We Made It Weird" offers a deep dive into the intricacies of human relationships, personal growth, and the transformative power of therapy. Through candid conversations and shared experiences, Pete Holmes, Valerie, and Janie provide listeners with both emotional resonance and practical insights, making it a compelling episode for those seeking understanding and connection in their own lives.