We Made It Weird #224

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We Made It Weird #224"

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Release Date: August 8, 2025
Host: Pete Holmes (with co-host Valerie)

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Overview: Main Theme and Purpose

This episode exemplifies the cozy, meandering "fun hang" that Pete Holmes and Valerie have embraced in their ongoing "We Made It Weird" series. Framed as a free-flowing conversation full of inside jokes, digressions, and creative word play, the episode covers topics like the unique weirdness of being human, the encroachment of technology (especially AI) on creativity and connection, generational differences, therapy, and parenting.

Described by the hosts as a "bad futon in a dorm," “warm bath,” and “white noise,” the episode leans into the value of pointlessly human experiences—something the hosts coin a new term for during the episode—with a self-aware, irreverent, and warm energy.

The episode also features:

• Ongoing riffs on advertising tropes and nostalgia
• Invented songs and playful interruptions
• Meaningful, honest reflections on identity, therapy, and parenting

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Value of Pointlessly Human (a.k.a "Hum-fro") Things

• Pete and Valerie riff on the overwhelming expanse of digital/AI-generated content and the simultaneous craving for "pointlessly human" activities (e.g., playing bad songs together, just hanging out, or making up words).
• They attempt to coin a word for this phenomenon, landing (humorously and after rejecting AI's attempts) on "Hum-fro."

  "The word means distinctly and pointlessly human." (Pete, 08:58)

• Valerie notes their generation’s unique position, straddling the analog and digital worlds, and expresses hope that “hum-fro” activities will thrive as an antidote to technological excess.

2. Generational Commentary and Technology

• The hosts define themselves as “Gillennials” (part Gen X, part Millennial) and discuss the responsibility their generation carries as “the only ones who remember both worlds.” (Valerie, 32:50)
• Pete expresses concern about giving away privacy for convenience, referencing smart devices, the cloud, and algorithms, culminating in the realization:

  "We have woken up and gone, oh God, we gave everything away." (Pete, 22:47)

• Conversation about the young adult novel Feed by M.T. Anderson as prescient about tech, social status, and loss of individuality.

3. AI, Creativity, and ‘Uncle Bus’

• Pete introduces listeners to a viral, AI-generated “Uncle Bus” trailer (Tom Hanks’ soul trapped in a bus) as an example of AI’s creative oddities. They marvel at its hilarity and discuss AI’s limits and quirks—what it refuses to do, and its weird “personality.”
• The fascinating juxtaposition of human creativity versus AI output:

  "AI can make anything, but it won't make that, is it? But I won't make that." (Pete, 11:16)

4. Therapy, Social Media, and Emotional Life

• Both hosts recount the bruising aftereffects of therapy and touch on the paradox of self-improvement: the discomfort of stirring up old wounds.
• Pete reflects on how Instagram’s algorithm shifts to fit his emotional state, alternating between comedy and “spiritual content” after a tough therapy session.

  "There is a moment ... the technology is going to whip the shower curtain open and we're going to try and cover our dicks and our pusses. But it's already seen everything." (Pete, 22:01)

5. The Exhaustion of Modern Media and the Return to "Less"

• The hosts explain why many, including themselves, re-watch familiar shows like The Office—as a comforting retreat from endless stimulation.

  "It's exhausting being stimulated." (Valerie, 33:17)

• They advocate for podcasts and art forms that don’t demand constant engagement or ‘teach a lesson,’ validating entertainment as restful and necessary.

6. Gendered Fantasies & Shadow Desires

• After a break, conversation turns to why women are often drawn to “emotionally dangerous” characters (pirates, brooding men) and men to hero narratives.

  "I think it's whatever your shadow is screaming for." (Pete, 43:40)

• The conversation, peppered with jokes about Brett Goldstein, playfully explores the appeal of being “the one who tames the reckless heart,” while men crave danger and usefulness.
• Both hosts reflect on the universality of longing, validation, and power—how these impulses shape their inner lives and favorite stories.

7. Belonging, Compassion, and Oneness

• The episode deepens toward the end, as Pete recalls a moving church story where a girl yells “Stop it, that’s my father!” to defend a humiliated stranger, underscoring radical empathy and belonging (60:18).

• Valerie cites a documentary about incarcerated men staging plays, showing how storytelling dissolves “us and them.”

• They reflect thoughtfully on spirituality, the ego’s craving for specialness, and the idea that “we belong to each other.”

  "The problem is we've forgotten we belong to each other." (Pete, 61:03)
  "We don't have enemies, we have injuries." (Father Greg, quoted by Valerie, 63:14)

8. Parenting: The Dopamine Crash and the 45-Second Rule

• Both hosts share the way technology and dopamine cycles erode parenting patience, and Pete recommends a “45-second pause” before reacting to bedtime struggles—a momentary, mindful intervention.

  "The divine pause." (Pete, 74:31)

• They admit to cycling between overly rigid and overly lax parenting, normalizing the constant recalibration required.

9. The Draw of Primitive and Communal Experiences

• Pete champions bonfires, drum circles, and communal rituals as “ancient and primal,” offering a connection no algorithm can match—even if, as he jokes, “he got shushed in a drum circle.”

  "The reason why we don't want to constantly be looking at Instagram ... you're going into Las Vegas ... Then you're gonna come back and try and be, like, a quiet parent. You can't switch between those channels without some sort of cost." (Pete, 81:40)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Pointless Humanity:

  “It has to be something not AI... Pointless.” (Pete, 28:39)
  “How about less? ... Less funny. Less interesting.” (Valerie & Pete, 30:42)

• On AI’s Strange Outputs:

  “It’s one of the funniest things that’s ever existed ... AI can make anything for you, but it won’t make that.” (Pete, 11:16)

• On Parenting & Dopamine:

  "Are you finding yourself reacting more as a parent ... It's a dopamine issue." (Valerie citing an Instagram ad, 80:59)

• On Belonging:

  “The problem is we've forgotten we belong to each other. That's not a guest speaker. That's my father.” (Pete, 61:03)

• On Hum-fro and Generational Placement:

  “Gillennials have lived through no cell ... and then we got AI, so we’re the, like, both.” (Pete, 14:04)
  "Humfro ... only we would come up with Humfro.” (Valerie, 26:33)

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | Content | |-----------|--------------------------------------------------|------------------------------------------------------| | 05:00 | Entering the main discussion | Light-hearted banter, theme setting | | 08:58 | Coining “pointlessly human” (hum-fro) | Inventing a new word for human-specific weirdness | | 10:30 | "Uncle Bus" AI trailer introduction | Play, analysis, and humor around AI creativity | | 19:11 | Instagram's emotional targeting | Therapy effects & algorithm reflections | | 22:01 | Tech revelations and loss of privacy | Realization about surveillance and digital identity | | 24:16 | Feed YA novel discussion | Technological dystopia parallels | | 26:33 | “Humfro” as the new word (and mouthfeel debate) | Decision on term for pointlessly human things | | 30:12 | Comfort rewatching (The Office, etc) | Value of nostalgic, collective media experiences | | 43:40 | Desires, gender, and fantasy
| 61:03 | “Stop it, that’s my father!” and compassion | Moving church anecdote about belonging | | 74:31 | The “divine pause” for parenting | Parenting, patience, and mindfulness tool | | 81:40 | Dopamine, parenting, and technology | Social media and its impact on family life |

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Overall Tone and Language

Throughout, Pete and Valerie are playfully irreverent, quick-witted, self-deprecating, and often earnest in their philosophical turns. They weave jokes seamlessly with vulnerability and meaning, making their personal weirdness relatable and even poignant. The episode is both a balm against the “everything, all the time” modern experience and a candid reflection on the struggle to stay human, connected, and at home in oneself.

Recommended For: Listeners who want thoughtful insight wrapped in comedic banter, spiritual musings, and relatable modern-life frustrations—without any pressure to “learn” or “improve”; anyone who appreciates Pete and Valerie’s unique, improvisational chemistry.

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Final Note:

“Welcome to the Humfro podcast. We’re asking nothing of you other than settle ... bear with us. This podcast affords you an opportunity, like a warm bath, to just—how about less?” (Pete & Valerie, 30:22–30:42)

Transcript

[Valerie]

Lemonade.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Valerie]

What's happening, weirdos?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, we're so glad you're here. This is a great episode. I loved it.

[Valerie]

I loved it. It was like. You think it's gonna be deep thoughts episode for the first three fourths of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It snuck in in a beautiful way.

[Valerie]

Last quarter.

[Pete Holmes]

Last quarter. A real turnaround.

[Valerie]

A real turnaround.

[Pete Holmes]

But also just like, let this one wash over you. This is like a fun hang. You know what this is? You're putting off studying in college. And you go in the common area.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And there we are.

[Valerie]

And you're just kind of on that.

[Pete Holmes]

You know that furniture with the wood, like the exposed wood and like the bad futon cushion.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's where we are. And you just come. Come sit by the fire. Change the metaphor.

[Valerie]

Change.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a fire in the dorm. Come sit with us. No, no, there's a fire. Like a fireplace.

[Valerie]

Fireplace, yeah. Sit by the fireplace. Just listen to these jackals talk for.

[Pete Holmes]

Just a minute and then at the end you'll go, wait, I did get some sub Substance.

[Valerie]

Sustenance.

[Pete Holmes]

Sub.

[Valerie]

Sub substance.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, Subway sandwiches. Come get some substance.

[Valerie]

Ah. Does it say that?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Valerie]

Okay, that would be. I really did believe that was real.

[Pete Holmes]

Quiznos is substance.

[Valerie]

Because it's heated.

[Pete Holmes]

It's got a Subway heats as well. This is when you find out I have a deal with Subway. Well, we're glad you're here. Go to PeterHolmes.com I'm coming to New York. I'm coming to Boston very, very soon. D.C. and New Hampshire. Go to PeteHomes.com and Miami. All sorts of dates are on there. Just come see me. Come. Yeah.

[Valerie]

Benvenito.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Will Smith is opening for me. Then he's going to sit in the front row and watch me very closely. And I have 20 minutes on a touchy subject, so come see me in Miami. All right. The show is brought to us by things we use and that we love. Katie, roll that beautiful bean footage and we'll go right into the app. This episode is brought to us by our friends at the Perfect Jean, which of course, I'm wearing right now. I actually just did a big reorder because the Perfect Jean has so many cuts and washes. I'm expanding my collection. I absolutely love it. What is the Perfect Jean? Well, you need to be getting through these hot summer months in comfort. And as you know, I hate hard pants. Why can't we have comfortable, soft pants that look good? Well, because they often look like they look like stings yoga pants. But enter the perfect gene to fix all of this. These are the best pants I've ever owned. I haven't worn anything since they arrived. I would sleep in them. In fact, I often do. They are premium stretch fabric that's 2% spandex, 2.5% rayon for extra comfort and movement that your man parts require. These jeans stretch so your nuts ain't crushed, thereby providing the only true home for your bone. They are high quality. I wear them to premieres. I wear them on late night shows. They are well, well made and you can get a 15% discount. Stop crushing your balls and uncomfortable jeans by going to the perfectgene NYC weirdos get 15% off your first order plus free shipping, free returns and free exchanges when you use our code no hard pants at checkout. That's 15% off for new customers at the Perfect Gene NYC with promo code no hard pants and tell them that we sent you. Help your body, help our show and look good while you do it. We're also brought to you by our friends at Element Healthy. Hydration, especially here in the summer, is so important. And hydration is not just water. It's water plus electrolytes. And that's what element is. There's no sugar. There's no bs. It's sweet with stevia and it's delicious. And it's minimal five calories will not break a fast and it feels floods every cell in your body with optimum ratios of sodium, magnesium and potassium. And it makes you feel fantastic. It feels like it wakes up my brain. I get going, I get running, I get feeling wonderful. I just had a pitch earlier. Slammed an element right before it. It's replaced my morning coffee in the morning. It's a wonderful way to start your day and it tastes fantastic. So you'll drink more water because it tastes great. And that water will do more for you because colon science. So get a free sample pack of elements most popular drink flavors. That's citrus salt, raspberry salt, my favorite watermelon salt and orange salt. That's two packs of each flavor with any purchase when you use promo code Weird. Find your favorite element flavor or share with a friend. Support your body. Support the show. Go to drinklmnt.com weird. Get your free sample pack with any purchase. That's drinklmnt.com weird. All right, everybody. We're so glad you're here.

[Valerie]

Valerie, get into it.

[Pete Holmes]

La la la.

[Valerie]

Oh my God.

[Pete Holmes]

Steve's lava chicken. Yeah. Spicy as hell.

[Valerie]

Do we have the Rights to this.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh. Oh, no.

[Valerie]

Oh, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no.

[Valerie]

I mean, I feel like at this.

[Pete Holmes]

Point, it's Mama magma.

[Valerie]

Boil turkey.

[Pete Holmes]

Turkey is boiled. Hell, Steve, lava chicken. You can't. You can't do it.

[Valerie]

Instead of Steve's lava chicken, it's Mike's boiled turkey.

[Pete Holmes]

Mike. Ma, ma, ma. Mike's boiled. Mike's boiled turkey. Yeah. Spicy is. It's funny that it's spicy as hell. That was a big.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

That was a big curse growing up.

[Valerie]

I mean, in our people.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, in our time.

[Valerie]

This movie is big enough that people. All Minecraft knows what we're talking about.

[Pete Holmes]

Minecraft.

[Valerie]

Like, it's not just people with kids that I don't think take over our lives.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, we're actually. We're not even in the community of people inconvenienced by Minecraft.

[Valerie]

I know, but you.

[Pete Holmes]

But we watch.

[Valerie]

We love that song, and we sing that song a lot.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, we do love that song. You know what I've wanted to talk about? Go ahead. I just have something.

[Valerie]

You wait until I talk to, then say, I have something.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Valerie]

No, I. I was just gonna say there is an element of, like, you know, when Lin Manuel did Moana, we're like, this is kind of like Hamilton for parents. Like, it's. It's not Hamilton.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I see. And I know what you're gonna say.

[Valerie]

And then, like, this is sort of tenacious.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't have to say it.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just kidding. We're on a show. You do have to say it. I want you to know. It's tenacious D. Oh, look who has her own instruction. Okay. It's not so easy, is it? Oh.

[Valerie]

I could. I ran out of breath.

[Pete Holmes]

One, two, three. You could have picked any podcast, but you picked this one.

[Valerie]

Why. Why are you still listening? What is this?

[Pete Holmes]

Dare you. What's better than that?

[Valerie]

All right.

[Pete Holmes]

What's better than that?

[Valerie]

I agree. Obviously.

[Pete Holmes]

Come for the vibes.

[Valerie]

Come for the vibes.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a podcast that doesn't ask you to, like, remember anything.

[Valerie]

You don't need to. You don't.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't have to learn.

[Valerie]

You know, being interested actually takes energy, burns calories. You don't have to be interested.

[Pete Holmes]

Gaining weight right now.

[Valerie]

You're welcome.

[Pete Holmes]

You're welcome.

[Valerie]

Being uninteresting.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that.

[Valerie]

We don't want to even ask that of you.

[Pete Holmes]

In a world where you can see anything, you really need to see things you didn't know you wanted to see. And I would wager this is one of them.

[Valerie]

And hear things you don't want to hear. I'm going off. I'm off roading on purpose.

[Pete Holmes]

I love it.

[Valerie]

I was using your foundation. I know you couldn't tell to, like, write a whole different song with those chords.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you were. You weren't doing Steve's lava chicken.

[Valerie]

No, I wasn't trying that time. But it sounded almost exactly as if. As if I was.

[Pete Holmes]

I will say the thing that you were gonna play. Go ahead, give it that little toot you were planning. Yeah, I love. Look, I'm saying we're living in a time. I'm gonna coin a term right now. You're gonna. You're gonna help me come up with the word.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

The word means distinctly and pointlessly human. This is big.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

This is big.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

This will be.

[Valerie]

I bet the French have words for a word for this.

[Pete Holmes]

But I mean it specifically in relation to technology and our ability to see anything. So last night we watched the Tom Hanks. Oh, my.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

You guys, we gotta play the audio.

[Valerie]

I don't know. Do we?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's 40 seconds long.

[Valerie]

Okay. The audio is actually more than half of it. I agree.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Tom Hanks. Okay, go ahead, say what you were gonna say. Don't just watch me Googling.

[Valerie]

Well, I was just gonna say you guys need to watch the Tom Hanks bus pre trailer. What do you do? What do you type in?

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Valerie]

Uncle Bus.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't forget that. What I'm saying is we're coming up with a term.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

In a world where you can see anything. Including Uncle Bus. The trailer.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Which we're about to play, which is incredible. It's one of the funniest things that's ever existed. Made by Dudesy Dudesy. Which explains why he says I was drinking from my dudesy mug. That's pretty. I can't believe this only has 13,000 views.

[Valerie]

What?

[Pete Holmes]

I can't.

[Valerie]

Okay, that makes me feel better because I really was like, I'm sure everyone.

[Pete Holmes]

Knows from a year ago. 13,000 views. It's one of the best things in the world.

[Valerie]

It really is. And we'll. We'll give you the little teaser with the audio, but you really do need to see it to believe it.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like, you know, that's setting the table to be like, you can eat this bullshit, but you're going to have to eat something later.

[Valerie]

Well, I want them to have the full experience.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand. I understand. Okay, so this is what we're going to play it and then don't forget we're going for a new word for.

[Valerie]

Like, describing, like, what this is.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. For describing what you playing whatever that wind instrument is while I badly and barely play the chords to Lava Chicken. How there's a certain. That is distinctly and pointlessly human.

[Valerie]

Okay, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

In relation to AI's ability to show us a kangaroo with Danny DeVito in its pouch doing a backflip into Scrooge McDuck's vault. But it's filled with peanut M&Ms.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And also. That was quick.

[Pete Holmes]

By the way. I could. I could make that video. And that's my point. But it won't make that, is it? But I won't make that. AI. But I won't. I can make anything for want, but I won't make that. That's what it should play. And if it. And maybe it will later. If it had more personality.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because we asked it to animate an image of Abraham Lincoln and it wouldn't do it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Which I understand kind of.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

But then also my friend Sam, who's visiting with us, we'll probably be talking a lot about Sam in the coming episodes. And Ariella, our dear friends, they were like, because. And I love stuff like this because AI is a little bit off road right now. It's new. Shout out to Mac. Our friend Mac Neal, who's probably knows all about this.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because we're in the new time of AI. You can. One day AI will animate Abraham Lincoln for you, and then the next day it just won't. This is what they mean when they're like working out the bugs.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

It shouldn't. Presumably that's against its guidelines. But then sometimes you just kind of keep asking and it just does figures it out.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Case in point. We asked it to animate George Washington. It just did it. So it's like. I like this sort of like, where are we with it?

[Valerie]

We're in a very special time. Well, that's what I said after you showed us this last night. It's like we. We actually are incredibly lucky, I think, to be in the generation that gets bad. AI.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to make a weird Tom Brokaw. Wasn't it Tom Brokaw that called the Boomers the greatest generation?

[Valerie]

That sounds right.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to say that that's true. I'm also gonna say that this is true.

[Valerie]

You think that they're the greatest shit.

[Pete Holmes]

That Tom Brokaw said that the Boomers. Oh my God, Put them all in a toilet and flush em to Hell, and if you're a boomer, you know I'm right. Thanks for listening. I don't know what app you were trying to open on your huge fonted iPhone. JK. I'm just thinking my parents.

[Valerie]

But also. Yeah. This is so specific.

[Pete Holmes]

That was just for my family. Not you. Not you, Daniel.

[Valerie]

I could be wrong, but I don't know. I think the boomers are the. The kids of the greatest generation. I think their parents.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, because they were the boomers.

[Valerie]

Because they, like, made it through the wars and won the wars.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, so the reason why I think Gen X and. And millennials. I'm gonna blend this into Gen Xilenials. Gillennials.

[Valerie]

Cute.

[Pete Holmes]

You and I are Gillennials. Like Brangelina. So we're. What?

[Valerie]

There's a knock.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Hello. Come in. I was really about to cook up to a really sweet point here. Hi, mamas.

[Valerie]

Oh, you want sparkling.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Dada has one open in the. In the living room. You can. Has. Thanks, dude. Love you, chick. Yay. Little cameo. Gillennials have lived through no cell, and this is not that new. So at least it's almost over. We didn't have cell phones then. We did have cell phones. We didn't have the Internet then. We did have the Internet. This isn't in order. And we didn't have AI. And then we got AI, so we're the, like.

[Valerie]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Both. Yeah, we. You want both.

[Valerie]

You want both.

[Pete Holmes]

You can't just be Return of the King.

[Valerie]

You do want.

[Pete Holmes]

We're Fellowship of the Ring, right? Return of the King. And the one in the middle, the two towers. La la la. To towers. And top on, asking a big owl to fly him far, not all the way to Mordo, because that would end the movie.

[Valerie]

I love a song that ends abruptly. Or remember, like, it's in the Barbie movie when they're playing the, like, keyboard.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And he's like. And Ryan Gosling is, like, kind of dancing. And then she's like. Asks them to stop, and it ends with, like, a poop.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my gosh. Yes.

[Valerie]

We laugh so hard.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, okay. In a great act of true irony, can you make a new word that means distinctly?

[Valerie]

And he's typing this into.

[Pete Holmes]

What was it? What was it? Distinctly and pointlessly.

[Valerie]

Pointlessly human.

[Pete Holmes]

Like something so dumb and pointless, like playing a silly bad song that only humans would do it.

[Valerie]

And this is on Chat. GPT.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's iron. Humble. Humbly.

[Valerie]

Humbly Hum.

[Pete Holmes]

For human bleak. For the slightly sad fetal pointlessness of it.

[Valerie]

Rude.

[Pete Holmes]

Humbly. I don't Well, I don't like it. I like that. I'm glad that we weren't. It's charmingly humbly.

[Valerie]

It's charming.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't like Humblik.

[Valerie]

No. To ask for another. Other ones.

[Pete Holmes]

It's less sad, pointless and more joyfully pointless. Can you make a new one? Okay, great. Got it. Joyfully pointless. Fuzzle. Fuselkind.

[Valerie]

Fusel. Fuzzle, kind.

[Pete Holmes]

Fuzzle is a made up root. Okay. Kind is as in humankind. Fuzzle, kind.

[Valerie]

Fuzzle, kind.

[Pete Holmes]

No, those stink. Those stink. That's what I like about AI is you can just be like that fucking.

[Valerie]

St. You don't have to hurt.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. Or like a tear rolls down my monitor. Okay, so we're going to come up with that word ourselves because that's the point of it. But here is Uncle Bus. I can't believe it only has 13,000 views. What a joy that I get to share this with you. And yes, you can watch the video later. But this is an AI I think they prompted AI with make a trailer for a Tom Hanks movie. I'd love to know the details, how much they told it. Yeah, but this is what it did.

[Valerie]

Fantastic.

[Pete Holmes]

And here we go. Hey, Tommy. It's me, your uncle. I'm not on the bus. I am the bus. I know it's crazy, but I was dabbling with some dark magic and I spilled a dudesy mug on my spells and somehow I accidentally transferred my soul into the school bus. So now I'm trapped in this bus and you're the only person who can hear me. I know how to get back in my body, but I'm going to need your help. You have to drive me in a bus race against the devil on Halloween. If we win, I get to go back into my body. If we lose, every human being on the planet will turn into a bus. So what do you say, Tom? Be my good job.

[Valerie]

Oh my God. Unbelievable.

[Pete Holmes]

We have everybody on earth because you're the only one that can hear me. I like how it's just like it's tripping over itself to set the rules. Like, hi, Tommy.

[Valerie]

And it's like so monotone tone.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like you're peeking a little bit.

[Valerie]

Because it's Tom Hanks. So it's just like very dry and matter of fact.

[Pete Holmes]

Tommy, it's me.

[Valerie]

It's me.

[Pete Holmes]

It also sounds exactly like Tom Hanks.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And that was a year old.

[Valerie]

That's what I was gonna say when you said, you know, like it doesn't have any. If it develops more personality. It might be able to. Whatever you said.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I can make anything for you.

[Valerie]

But it. I realized, like, they should take someone like Tom Hanks that everyone agrees on and try to, like, upload his personality into AI and so that it's. It's got personality. Like, we like it. It's not. I. It's not neutral.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh.

[Valerie]

It's like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, unfortunately, look, this has become an AI pod. And look, I would love it. I figured out I had this weird experience. Everybody knows I don't really fuck with social media. And then the other day, I was feeling just kind of like I had a difficult.

[Valerie]

This was interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

I had a difficult therapy, and we were really dredging up, like, some really, like, old feelings. We talked about this last week. All these, like, what is it? Generational wounds and stuff.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it wasn't a bad sesh. They're all good. But it wasn't like we didn't, like, find it and move it. We just found it and we're like, oh, yeah. And the rest of the day, I was a little chunked, you know.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So there's kind of. Yeah. And. And, you know, shout out of understanding to some people that might be resistant or reluctant to do therapy because, you know, you're not entirely wrong. It's not.

[Valerie]

Well, it's not comfortable.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's. That's all I'm saying is, like. It's a little bit like exercising, I suppose you might work out hard, and then you might not be able to lift your arms above your head for the rest of the day.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But emotionally.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So then I had Instagram installed because I was emailing somebody on there, and who cares? I ended up going on emailing someone on Instagram. Yeah. Messaging them. I guess you're supposed to say dming, but that sounds like I'm trying to have sex with these people, which, of course, I am.

[Valerie]

TMS became, like, a sexual term.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course.

[Valerie]

It is so interesting. Sliding into my DM and then atm. No one's ever sliding into my dms. Sorry, did I say that out loud?

[Pete Holmes]

Why are you. Also my gross ATM reference. I don't. I just want to acknowledge. I feel dirty for even having said it.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah, that's all right. We both made some mistakes and we can move on.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I think you should clarify that you're not trying to have an affair.

[Valerie]

No, of course not.

[Pete Holmes]

You just winked at me. I'm the only one that I shouldn't wink at. Yeah. That's not. I'm the One you're trying to keep this from.

[Valerie]

Oh, right. I get.

[Pete Holmes]

I get it. I play lava chicken too much. You can go into your settings on chat. Okay. This. The end of the story was my Instagram, for some reason, which always just shows me, like, Tim Robinson style comedy. And I have loved it in the past. Of course I love Tim Robinson. I just mean it. That dried up. Like, I stopped ever wanting to even go on Instagram to watch reels because I was like, I've seen it. It's all the same. It's over. As if it figured that out. The next time I just randomly. And I'm not talking about, like, after I liked a few videos, it just kind of, like, rebooted. And the next time I went on, it was all spiritual things and psychological things.

[Valerie]

Well, 100 heard you say to me, I had a tough therapy session. And then it was like, I don't like this.

[Pete Holmes]

That's possible. Yeah. I don't know if it's as likely as just an algorithm that we don't understand that's tracking my behavior across apps or whatever.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

My book purchases that you have Rupert's new book. Yeah, for sure. It's in my calendar. There is a moment, if it hasn't already come. The technology is going to whip the shower curtain open and we're going to try and cover our dicks and our pusses. But it's already seen everything.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, I know this is not a new theory, but they have slowly boiled the frog. It was like, well, I'd like to be able to hear everybody. And it was like, okay, we'll make that on our phones and our Alexas. I'd also like to be able to read all of the things they're working on. Well, we'll call it the Cloud, and that's how they'll back things up. But then you can just go in there and read it.

[Valerie]

Oh, God.

[Pete Holmes]

And like every photograph and every purchase.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just like we have woken up and gone, oh, God, we gave everything away.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And then it's just gonna be wonderful. Lo fi people like my brother, that'll be like, not me, dude.

[Valerie]

I know I've said this before, dude.

[Pete Holmes]

Turns out me and my physical media collection are having the last laugh.

[Valerie]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pete Holmes]

My brother.

[Valerie]

So lovely.

[Pete Holmes]

I love him. I love it so much. And maybe. And he's probably right, him in the Amish.

[Valerie]

Well, there's a really fantastic adult young adult novel, which always sounds dirty to me.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Could I have that young adult novel, not the book. Barely Legal.

[Valerie]

It's funny. It is.

[Pete Holmes]

That was funny. What? You. I feel like you made.

[Valerie]

You made it a joke.

[Pete Holmes]

You. No, no, no. I have a deal with Barely Legal. I have to mention it at least once in a. Oh, my God.

[Valerie]

But.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry. I want to disown Barely Legal.

[Valerie]

Of course. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, thank you. No, thank you.

[Valerie]

What was I saying?

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry I'm a creep, but let's keep me out of jail. Okay. I don't like this riff. I don't like this riff.

[Valerie]

This is far from disowning it. You're writing a song about it.

[Pete Holmes]

But I was making fun of the purchasers, calling them creeps, but they don't. It's gross. It's gross.

[Valerie]

It's gross.

[Pete Holmes]

It's gross.

[Valerie]

Anyway, there's a young adult novel called Feed that was written probably, like, 2003, but it's fantastic. And it's all about, like, I've maybe even talked about it on the podcast. It's like, I read it once in college, and I always think about it because it's so pertinent, but it's like, everybody gets, like, a chip in their. The body, and then they have basically, like, Google glasses, but it's their eyes, and they get, like, ads, and they do all the social media, like, just through their eyes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And every single person has causes, like a toxicity of rare blood toxicity, where you get legions. But since the celebrities and rich people were the first to get.

[Pete Holmes]

You have talked about this. People want.

[Valerie]

They want the legions because the, like, influencers have it, and then they meet, like, one girl is like, your brother, who, like, her parents wouldn't let her get a chip.

[Pete Holmes]

No, this is the fantasy of. And it's a shame that they're called the tinfoil hat people. I don't think my brother's a tinfoil hat person.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But he really would like to keep it as minimal as possible when it comes to, like, things. Knowing where he is, what he's doing.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I'm sure that's the. That's the thing that made me think of it is it's like, you really see how these people are ostracized because they're not willing to be slowly boiled frogs.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

But, like. And then that becomes, like, you're an outcast of society.

[Pete Holmes]

That goes back to why we're an interesting generation and why I think we have something of value. And that's not to say more or less than other generations, but one of the things that's unique about Genennials.

[Valerie]

Gillennials.

[Pete Holmes]

This is humphrow. Humphrow, humphrow, humphrow. Like hum for human, fro for afro. Meaning it's just a fun thing to do with your hair. It doesn't have any real jack to this real point. Doesn't have like.

[Valerie]

Literally doesn't have a point. It's pointless.

[Pete Holmes]

Hum fro. It's human and pointless. Like an Afro. Hum fro. This conversation has been delightfully.

[Valerie]

Hum fro is really. It has a nice mouth. Mouth feel.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

Hum fro.

[Pete Holmes]

Only we would come up with humfro.

[Valerie]

Only we.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

But we did sort of get hum from them. From chat. Gbt. I call them them.

[Pete Holmes]

They. Them. Chat. GPT's pronouns are 0, 1, 1, 1, 0, 1, 1, 0, 100 or 0 and 1 01. Chat GPT, 0 slash 1.

[Valerie]

I was also going to say we could use the term uncle bus. Like the term uncle bus means.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, but uncle bus was made by an AI.

[Valerie]

That's true.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm saying things that are. Humphrey. That's. That's exact. Thank you for pointing this out. Because it doesn't mean random AI can make incredible random stuff. Danny DeVito in the Kangaroo's pouch doing a 360 into.

[Valerie]

Okay, yes. So it's not that.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not that.

[Valerie]

What is it?

[Pete Holmes]

It's this.

[Valerie]

I don't understand.

[Pete Holmes]

This is Humphrow. See how I can't quite play it right? And you're doing that. I love rocking out. I love what you're doing. My prediction is, as we go into the possibility of all things being delivered instantly.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Humphrow. The 60s.

[Valerie]

Folksy.

[Pete Holmes]

Folksy is one way, but Humphrow is what I'm calling it. I'm just saying, like, you go to the Gaslight Cafe, the 60s New Humphrow. They. And they took it too far. I said it. Oh, it was like a turtleneck and a beret and the little glasses. And you come in and someone is like, there's a matchbook and that's it. And they go, that is the art, man. That is the art. Right? That's humphrow.

[Valerie]

Okay, okay, I see. I'm following it. Pointless to me.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm saying there'll be a resurgence of Humphrow.

[Valerie]

Like, it needs to be humanly pointless.

[Pete Holmes]

It has to be something not AI.

[Valerie]

Pointless.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I think Leela is going to grow up in a time where there's just so much and. And so much of it.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah. There's just a lot. So Much of it.

[Pete Holmes]

There's everything and so much of it. What is that from? You have everything and so much of it. Is that from Great Gatsby?

[Valerie]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe it might be from Mad Men or Great Gatsby. One of those.

[Valerie]

Either one of those.

[Pete Holmes]

J.D. salinger. I think J.D. salinger wrote great Gatsby. Don't F. Scott Fitzgerald. Yes, but Zelda wrote most of it. Okay, what were you saying? Where were we?

[Valerie]

Matchbox.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Oh. Leela's gonna live in a world where there's everything.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh. So my prediction is that there'll be more of a demand for just, like, bad, pointless human. Because. Yeah. Yeah. So much of it's. In defense of this podcast. So much of everything is to, like, deliver something, but we're realizing that, like, getting. I. There needs to be things that are just, like, white noise. I'm not saying this is white noise. I'm just saying it's. Yes, it's human.

[Valerie]

It's human.

[Pete Holmes]

We're talking a husband. Sorry, A wife and a husband are talking first billing. And I think we'll. We'll want more of this sort of stuff.

[Valerie]

Yeah, well, certainly, like, slower, lower stem stuff is nice.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just saying, I. I think it's one of the reasons why we're watching the Office. And that's not just us. It's, like, everybody.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So many people are just watching old. It's because it's exhausting.

[Valerie]

Yeah. It's exhausting being stimulated.

[Pete Holmes]

It is. That's. That's what I'm saying.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Welcome to the Humphrow podcast. We're asking nothing of you other than settle.

[Valerie]

Bear with us.

[Pete Holmes]

That is great, Valerie. No, this podcast affords you an opportunity, like a warm bath, to just. How about less?

[Valerie]

How about. What about that? How about less?

[Pete Holmes]

Less.

[Valerie]

Less funny. Less interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

But that. That whole idea that everything needs to have some sort of result.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I do listen to Malcolm Gladwell's podcast. I do like it, and I do often turn it off, going, shut the fuck up.

[Valerie]

I mean, everything.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, it's not just Malcolm's. I think that's a fantastic podcast. I just can't always be learning.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And that goes for. Okay, so that. That'll finish my little story. I was having a rough day on therapy. I went on Instagram, and I was just. Weep, weep. Not weeping. I was. But tears were streaming down my face as I watched video after video after video. That was precisely what I needed and wanted to hear. And then I'd see. I think his name is Jesse Wells. I'd see him singing a song, and I'd just be filled with hope for the future and young people. And I had, like, the best Instagram experience since the last Instagram experience I told you about on this podcast, which is when I was alone in a hotel and I was laughing harder than I've ever laughed now. I was, like, crying and being moved and being inspired and. And it was also teaching me things. This is why it came to mind that you can tell your chatgpt in the settings. You can tell it be more like Tom Hanks. You can say, stop agreeing with everything I say. I want you to be critical. All these. All these different settings. So I learned that and had the best. And I got off, like, I did the first time with the funny session. I was like, oh, my God, Instagram is the greatest thing in the world. Guess what? The very next day, you go on and it's sort of scratching its head. It's like, I don't know, what do you want now?

[Valerie]

I'm running out of ideas.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you realize getting exact. Even getting exactly what you want can rarely be this, like, transcendent, fulfilling experience. But it's. Then it's ice cream the next day.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a reason. And this is the genials. No, don't get ice cream every day.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

We're getting ice cream every day. And then I'm even seeing posts about it that are just like, this isn't working. You know? And it's like, oh, my God. But then I'm off it again, is what I'm saying.

[Valerie]

You're right. Actually, it is almost like our responsibility as the only generation that knows both carry the torch to. To tell the truth about what we're losing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

By making this shift. Because Lila will never know life without it. So even if her generation does have sort of like a hipster fall backwards into analog stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

They're doing that, like, on a. Like, there's no nostalgia for that. They're not. They have no reference.

[Pete Holmes]

It's funny that you say that, because I'm like, I wonder if we'll just keep devouring the 90s and the 2000s, because that was sort of the last time we were all watching the same shit.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I would. I think not only do we, like watching the Office or 30 Rock or whatever show we're rewatching, we're also watching something that has, like, a collective charge. We were all watching this. I think it has a residue of that.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Certainly for us. But I would even argue that it has A different energy as opposed to. Although I will say, you know what? I've been watching and I haven't told you what. Slow Horses. And I like it.

[Valerie]

What is it? I don't know anything about it.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't worry about it.

[Valerie]

I've been wanting.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like Hooked on Phonics for horses that are having a hard time reading. They're slow. These horses are slow. Man. You don't even say that anymore. You don't say slow.

[Valerie]

No. You can't say so.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I just say the hard R word and everyone's like.

[Valerie]

Like, slow doesn't seem so bad right now.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't say it. I did make everyone think it, which is sort of like, worse.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, we'll take it out.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I sang a song and it. And it didn't quite work.

[Valerie]

Let's just leave it at that. Everybody. I've been watching. I just started. I haven't finished it. Hunting Wives. Which is really delicious.

[Pete Holmes]

Hunting Wives.

[Valerie]

And our friend Katie Lowe's is in it. And it's.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, it's basically like reality.

[Valerie]

No, it's basically. From what I can tell, I've just started. It's. There's sort of like a murder mystery element to. Definitely scratches like a Bridgerton itch. Except that it's not like British or fancy. It's like takes place in Texas and it's like, you know, this conservative community with like. Like a shadow. Like a sexual shadow. Secret. It's so juicy.

[Pete Holmes]

Sounds. Why does that sound like a lady show?

[Valerie]

Well, yeah, because I don't mean.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't say that with any pride.

[Valerie]

Really. Interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

Why does my brain go, that's a lady show? It's because it's so. It's like subtle. Yes. And Slow Horses is not subtle. It's not.

[Valerie]

No. It's like everybody's reaching down everyone's pants all the time in that show. What were you gonna say, though?

[Pete Holmes]

Just that I don't know how I became so obvious. I'm watching. It's about spies. It's about. They're chasing on horses. No, no, no. They're called the Slow Horses because it's this branch of MI5 in London that's their, like, FBI. CIA, I guess.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Which sounds fake because it's like Mission Impossible. But I guess they are Mission Impossible over there. I'm just kidding. But MI5, and it's Gary Oldman and he's like, running a group of misfits like broken toys. All of these agents that have been disgraced in one way or another. And that's why they're called the slow horses. But then they're like trying to redeem themselves. And I'm such a fucking Hollywood person that I'm like this is great. And also what are they gonna do for season two because they're like doing cool stuff in the first season. The second season someone's gonna be like, just because you had one success doesn't mean you're not slow horses no more. You think for one second we're fast. We got lucky once. You're. You're shite. You're nothing. That's how that I called it here.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Slow horses. Season two opens with those lines. Yeah, exactly.

[Valerie]

Or it's going to be something like now the expectations are higher now that we're like fast.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. We got it now we gotta keep it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You think it's easy to get it and try defending it, mate. You think the queen up and up. They have to say things like that. You think, you think you're gonna go get a pie after this. You have to make sure it's tethered to something. We love tea. See, you had to do it. I didn't even want to.

[Valerie]

You didn't ask an interesting question. That's.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't.

[Valerie]

I know it sounded like I said didn't. You didn't ask an interesting question. But I'm gonna answer anyway. Which is like why is like Danielle Steele novels and like oh, why is it like hunting wives in Bridgerton? Like, like that is an important question that things like erotica is usually distinctly feminine. Feminine.

[Pete Holmes]

I have a. I have a big thought about it. Let's go to the mid rolls. Just because we. We have an hour. Our baby is barely being watched as she already came in. Jk.

[Valerie]

Our seven, almost seven year old baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Until she's smoking her own hand rolled cigarettes. That's my baby.

[Valerie]

That could be next year. Knowing our kid.

[Pete Holmes]

She's so cool. Smoking isn't cool. Off.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you. You know why smoking is cool in movies and tv? Because you can't smell that smell. I'm not talking about like the smell of a cigarette I think is actually fairly pleasant. I'm talking about when everything you wear has been saturated in that. Off.

[Valerie]

Yeah, Off. Smoking's not cool.

[Pete Holmes]

Also you kill hundreds of thousands of people a year. Eat shit. Fuck you.

[Valerie]

Wow. I didn't know you felt so strong.

[Pete Holmes]

I do. Today.

[Valerie]

Just today.

[Pete Holmes]

But now I kind of want one. I'm just kidding. I want a cigarette. I want a ciggy. Steve's Lava Ciggy's there burning so well, Steve's Lava Ciggy's sending people to hell. So we'll be right back. All smokers go to hell. Joe Camel has been burning in a timeless place.

[Valerie]

Definitely. When I was a child, I thought all smokers and all beer drinkers went to hell.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. Which is.

[Valerie]

I remember finding beer in my Uncle Rick's refrigerator and going and being like, but aren't they Christian?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I love that.

[Valerie]

That was the messaging I had.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that. Oh, you just gave me douche chills. Because when my wife cheated on me, obviously my first one. And then you later, apparently when she cheated somebody in my family, well, it was my dad. He was like. And she's a Christian.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. That was barf city for me. We'll be right back after these commercial messages. It is hot out there, folks. And if your man parts feel like the Florida panhandle this time of year, great news. You can instantly refresh yourself 15 times a day without jumping in the shower. How? A tushy bidet, which transforms swamp butt into a dewy cloud. I am obsessed with our tushy bidet. Why in 2025 are we still using toilet paper to clean your butt after a deuce? If you had shit on your hand, would you wipe it with a piece of paper and be like, oh, good, all clean. Of course, you wouldn't get water and pressure in the mix. Just like power blasting dried leaves off your driveway with a high powered hose, A tushy bidet uses a precise stream of clean water to get your butt tip top. Tushy is the everyday luxury bidet that instantly transforms your bathroom habits and bottom health for life. It's easy, it's fast, and once you try it, you'll never go back. I thought it would feel weird or have a hard time finding my B hole, but nope. Bam. First try. Bam. It makes pooping any other way feel primitive, backwards and stone age. It's like a midday shower five seconds after every poo, the way God intended. They're so easy to install. Less than 10 minutes. Get this in your life. It's a game changer. It's classy as so do it. Keep your swampiest body parts fresh and cool for a limited time. Weirdos get 10 off their first bidet when you order with the code weird at checkout. That's 10 off your first bidet. [e-mail] with promo code weird. We're also brought to us. I'm looking for it on my desk. Well, it's. There are all these empty ones on my desk. Magic mind. You guys hear me talk about magic mind constantly. I always want the guests to drink their magic mind. Why? Because it is the optimum ratio of caffeine. A little bit from green tea from matcha. It's got adaptogens which calm you down. So the caffeine puts you up. The lion's mane brings you down, settles you down into the right into that sweet spot, that flow state. And it's got nootropic that help you help your brain function. Essentially earth grown ingredients that help you function optimally. So it's basically flow state in a bottle. That's all I have to say. Magic mind is flow state in a bottle. It tastes fantastic. Athletes have Gatorade. Now we have creator aid. Don't expect wired, expect dialed in. You get 30% more done on average. That's five to seven hours of 30% more done after drinking. Fight off procrastination, fight off brain fog, fight off fatigue and even some add symptoms and drop into flow state by going to magicmind.com weird. You get a 20 off limited time discount with promo code [e-mail] weird. Get into it. All right, the reason. Do you want to go first?

[Valerie]

No, you go first.

[Pete Holmes]

My take on why things like that, it's all what are. Which groups, what impulses are each group repressing?

[Valerie]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

And I think women are repressed. If living with you has taught me anything, you are an ocean of unquenched, secret, sultry desires. I give you the business as often as I can. And yet I'm fully aware that a blousy man with a hairy chest and it's buttoned down to his navel and he's got swashbuckling pants and maybe it's Brett Goldstein wants to take you on a voyage. It will get humid in here. You'll be so moist. And then my secret desire is that like I will be useful and that my anger and violent. When I say violence, I mean my testosterone driven decisiveness. Decisiveness, which is often showcased in movies as violence. But I don't think that's real violence. I think it's like what we. Look, now we're on a thing. I just don't want people to think I'm violent. I'm just saying boys, even if they're not violent, love, love seeing the extreme decisiveness of movies like John Wick. He's not asking questions. He's going, he's useful. There's a Task. He's risking it all. He has a lot to lose. He's facing his fear. I'm not saying women don't do all of that. Of course they do.

[Valerie]

And we're drawn to that, too.

[Pete Holmes]

But, you know. But yes, of course you are. And of course there are moods I'm in when I'm like, completely willing to French tongue kiss Brett Goldstein on a pirate ship. But I'm just saying, I think it's whatever your shadow is screaming for. So yesterday I was with Leela most of the day. I didn't even do a good job. We watched so much tv. We played Mario Kart. It was kind of a real fucking bullshit daddy summer Saturday, even though it was Wednesday most gratuitous swear.

[Valerie]

Talking about hanging with your child.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And I'm like, day where I'm just daddy daughter. No, I didn't call it. The day was. So I'm just saying I'm not looking for credit there. I did a pretty poor job at it.

[Valerie]

Oh, that was looking for credit.

[Pete Holmes]

But it was not looking for credit. I was worried you would think a.

[Valerie]

Lot of times you do that, where your disclaimers are showing what you actually are thinking.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's absolutely true. That's absolutely true.

[Valerie]

Sorry, go ahead.

[Pete Holmes]

But because I was with Leela all day, and you're exactly the same way, you get your own type of frustration. Just kind of being synced up with a 7 year old can be trying to your nerves, even if you love them more than anything in your life. And the way that mine comes out is I need, like, I wish Mission Impossible would reach out to me and put me on a plane that's clearly made for, like, transporting hovercraft. It's huge. But I'm in there and I'm strapped to a jump seat, and where am I going? I want to be at risk. I want to be vital. I want to be in something that's like, high stakes and dangerous. I want to show off, be brave, be celebrated, be given a medal. I want to save the world. All of this is very standard stuff. I think you, at the end of that day, are pro. You tell me. But it seems like you're like, I want to be fucking on a emotional adventure. Mine is also an emotional adventure. Please don't.

[Valerie]

I was going to say most understand almost all of those things that you describe, you know, I would get from a pirate ship with Brett Goldstein.

[Pete Holmes]

No, exactly. Even the illustriousness of it. That's why. That's why you put, this is good. This is Common. Common ground. This is common ground. Weird. Trump. This is common ground. I want to be on an airplane that's meant for transporting hovercrafts.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And do a free fall sky jump onto the Eiffel Tower where I have to assassinate somebody. But you're in a pirate ship. He's a pirate.

[Valerie]

Yeah. You want danger. No, there is danger. That's the appeal. I mean, I think for most strange.

[Pete Holmes]

Even his emotional unavailability is dangerous.

[Valerie]

Absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not available.

[Valerie]

Devastate me 100%.

[Pete Holmes]

You almost certainly will. There'll be a lot of times. You know that door that's underneath the wheel on a pirate ship? It's the captain's quarters. You're going to go in there smiling. I'll be right back. You're gonna close that heavy door and cry quietly a few times.

[Valerie]

Yeah. That's what the appeal of people like that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

You know, is for so many people. Because you also are like. And I'm. Let's take Brad Goldstein out of this. I'm so uncomfortable with this. Maybe listens. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm listening and.

[Valerie]

Because I'm not sure that he is one of these people. But, like, I am.

[Pete Holmes]

It's all today.

[Valerie]

But. But yes. The. The appeal of, like, this person could, like, torture me. Could, like, I could want them so bad and they wouldn't give me what I wanted. Do you like the. The danger of that and the challenge of being like, I'll be the one person that that doesn't apply to. So it is specialness.

[Pete Holmes]

It is dangerous.

[Valerie]

Challenge. Winning over you.

[Pete Holmes]

I won't say all winners. Women. I'm just saying your ocean's 11 in the vault is like a fulfilled heart and a quivering loin. Loin and a quivering vagina. Sorry. A quivering loin. And ours is money. It's just what it is.

[Valerie]

Money and power.

[Pete Holmes]

It's money, which is like being recognized. Both of these are being recognized. Fantasies.

[Valerie]

Yes, they are. It's being seen and validated. And there is sort of a. I mean, really, if we're getting messy with it, it's sort of. It is power.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

It, like. There is a power to, like, women have learned. Maybe.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it's learnt.

[Valerie]

I think it's loin.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Very good.

[Valerie]

Have loined that.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. You've got a lot to loin. Little girl. Little girl. You've got a lot.

[Valerie]

That, like, the. The easiest way for us to get power is. Is through our loins.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. No, I have no take or comment.

[Valerie]

So it's like, take. Like, take it.

[Pete Holmes]

I really don't. That wasn't me withholding a taker comment. I don't have.

[Valerie]

But this is why, like, my ultimate sexual fantasy is some sort of. And we've talked about this. I think. Because it's. Phantom thread is like, there is a man that is somehow dangerous in, like a. You know, like a. Usually an emotional way, like. Or moody or complicated. And I. He's like. He's hard and rough with everyone else, but I can get him to be soft with only me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's The Hulk and ScarJo.

[Valerie]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's Phantom thread.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it's Phantom thread. And it's very little bit our relationship.

[Pete Holmes]

I was gonna say it's. It absolutely.

[Valerie]

Like, the fact that you. You don't really. You do like other people, but. But you are. You have a complicated relationship with everyone else, but you're, like, so tender and unconditionally loving with me is like. Exactly. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm the pirate.

[Valerie]

My jam, which I guess that would be anybody's jam.

[Pete Holmes]

And if my body looked like Brett, I guess would be.

[Valerie]

You know what? We are in business all the time.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just kidding. Sorry for all the name chokes.

[Valerie]

I know. God, I hope he doesn't listen anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

Brett is a comedian. He. How dare you.

[Valerie]

He's sweating. Sweating.

[Pete Holmes]

He's. He's an international sex symbol. It's funny that he's our friend and we use him as our example. That's. It's a comedy.

[Valerie]

It's an archetype.

[Pete Holmes]

It's funny.

[Valerie]

It's funny. Okay, but it's funny.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's. I love that you winked again. I'm just kidding.

[Valerie]

I didn't wink.

[Pete Holmes]

She did. You did make a face. It's funny that there's a face that means wink. Yeah, it's the opposite of winking. It's like opening both eyes very wide. It's like, you need to get out of here. I wish you guys could see us.

[Valerie]

It didn't really work.

[Pete Holmes]

I did it bad. I did it poorly.

[Valerie]

You know when you make a face that you're not. I bet this happens a lot in acting. Or at least it would happen if I was acting where you make a face that you just know. You're like, that's not the right face for this. It happens to me in my normal life, too, where I make, like, an expression, and I'm like, that wasn't the right expression, Val.

[Pete Holmes]

I know I talked a lot about autism.

[Valerie]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

I Relate hard to that experience. I mean, I don't know how, you.

[Valerie]

Know, in the way that we're all sort of on the spectrum.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't. I don't know. Yes.

[Valerie]

Wait.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I think so. I mean, that's. I will say, the more I'm out in the world, I'm like, it seems to be a high number of us. And I mean that of us.

[Valerie]

Well, meaning it's a spectrum. So, like, maybe everybody is on it and they're. You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Like, everybody's gay.

[Valerie]

Yeah, everybody's gay. Just to what degree?

[Pete Holmes]

0.000.

[Valerie]

Whom for? Who's your number one gay? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Who would I like to smooch?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

As a boy.

[Valerie]

Yeah, as a boy.

[Pete Holmes]

It's hard because I'm not very horny right now.

[Valerie]

Clearly. I'm just kidding. I don't even know what that means.

[Pete Holmes]

That's really funny. Clearly. I don't know. I don't. I don't know.

[Valerie]

Ryan Gosling.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I thought of him.

[Valerie]

Don Draper. It can be a fictional character.

[Pete Holmes]

A fictional character.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Ronald McDonald.

[Valerie]

I was gonna say Mayor McCheese.

[Pete Holmes]

Actually, Mayor McCheese is a better answer because it tastes like. I'm gonna say something. I'm gonna say something a little nuts. But I think you're the girl to know and agree.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Mayor McCheese.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That his cheeseburger head, obviously, is always hot. It's always a perfectly hot hamburger.

[Valerie]

Is it steaming?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm saying he's not a cold cheeseburger.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, you and I, our heads are pretty. I'm saying Mayor McCheese's head is a fresh off the grill cheeseburger. And it's always fresh. Always. Otherwise, it's a nightmare.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's gotta, like, re. Cheese himself at least.

[Valerie]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pete Holmes]

What is that cheese gonna last a day? He's scraping off.

[Valerie]

I want you to finish. I'm saying your. Your head and my head are pretty. What? Not hot.

[Pete Holmes]

Not hot. Although they're 98. 98 degrees. Seems really, really hot. See, this is. This is Hume Fro. This is Hume Fro.

[Valerie]

You were saying Humphrow earlier. I think Humphrow is.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it can be either way. And that's sort of the point of.

[Valerie]

Right. It's a Caribbean. Caribbean situation.

[Pete Holmes]

Although it is Pirates of the Caribbean.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And it is.

[Pete Holmes]

And. But you go to the Caribbean.

[Valerie]

Caribbean. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Caribbean Sea. I don't think anyone says the Caribbean Sea.

[Pete Holmes]

Rugs are oriental. This is all we need to know.

[Valerie]

That's literally all you need to know.

[Pete Holmes]

Welcome to Earth. Rugs are oriental. The Caribbean is where you go on vacation. Wait, I fucked up.

[Valerie]

I already fucked up. Look, I shouldn't have been asked to do the orientation for you.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no, it was his first one out the gate. Well, then the other thing. Oh, try. Try to play. Well, okay, I'm listen first, but I'm.

[Valerie]

Not going to do Steve's lava chicken. Okay. All right. Here. I.

[Pete Holmes]

See you're loving it.

[Valerie]

I was closing my eyes.

[Pete Holmes]

You were loving it.

[Valerie]

I could have done that all day.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just. I'm saying here's the other place. The. The tinfoil hat people. And I. I don't like that term. I'm saying the techno, the low techno. Techno. The techno people.

[Valerie]

The. No, techno.

[Pete Holmes]

The techno. But that's a music, and it's very techies.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it is.

[Pete Holmes]

The techno is made with tech.

[Valerie]

Well, it's. It's short for technology.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm dead. I'm dead. You know you did it. You know you did it. That was me finding out. This flight does have a meal service.

[Valerie]

That reminds me, my friend Rachel and I used to laugh so hard because we took this speech class in college, and it's a speech class that's key. And they. We had to do at the very end. Our final was like a presentation, and the teacher was just like. And then, you know, your fi. For your final, you'll present what you learned. And one kid raised her hand and she said, so when are we gonna presentate? And it was very cute. Presentate is like technology.

[Pete Holmes]

What's. Yes. I. I don't. I don't know if you're going for a big lap, but stuff like that always bugs me.

[Valerie]

Sad.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no, it didn't make me sad, but I. If somebody misspeaks or something or stutter, you know this.

[Valerie]

Yeah. You don't find it funny? Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no, I don't. I'm not correcting you.

[Valerie]

No, I hear you. I feel like a little bit of an.

[Pete Holmes]

No, you're not at all presentate. But I'll always be like, I get what you were trying. And so. So are you.

[Valerie]

Yeah, you're not. I get it. It's just funny that it's like a speech class and it's like a. The. It's like presentate. It's just like it could have happened to any of us.

[Pete Holmes]

It also brings me back to a presentation. No, no, it's a good. It's a good area.

[Valerie]

I don't know. I feel really bad now that I thought it was funny.

[Pete Holmes]

It's because it's. You're. It's because you have a golden heart that you even understand what I'm saying.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I had a presentation when I was in high school and I had to say Parliament. Parliament. You think Parliament gives a swipe A shag swipe. A shag gives a shag swipe. That's the credit card. It's sex workers that take credit cards. Except a shag swipe. You swipe it.

[Valerie]

Oh, a shag. Yeah. Got it, got it, got it.

[Pete Holmes]

But I had to say Parliament. And I'd said Parliament.

[Valerie]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

And then at the end, Deborah Johnson, Mrs. Johnson, she gave me the. My notes or, you know, my grade. And it said, great pronunciation. Except Parliament is Parliament, you know?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like. But she baked it in with. She didn't embarrass me.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's still.

[Pete Holmes]

Remember it.

[Valerie]

That's nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Isn't that great?

[Valerie]

That's sweet. We could. I. I could be a little more like Mrs. Johnson.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I hate. This is the other one. I. And I want you to tell me. It's tricky because I don't know if you'll be able to play this game. I'm going to tell you something that I heard in church that I still think about. That was taken as it was intended.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

What I mean is, for as much of the. I was always like, I was too young to be in the service. I was so bored. It was the worst.

[Valerie]

Right? Of course.

[Pete Holmes]

But then there were. There are a couple moments in sermons. Most of them are things that were funny. Like, Richard Rhodes got up. I've told this before, I'm sure. And he was like, just so earnest. Just this corn fed, white boy suit, skinny guy, and he's like, my family and I, we've done something special for the past couple months. Every Friday we pop up a big bowl of popcorn. Oh, yeah, we rent a movie. And then he did this. He goes, we call it movie night. And my family doesn't have a lot of shared jokes or we don't have that many. If I say we call it movie night, they know what we're talking about. It was one of the only times I got my whole family laughing like, did you see that?

[Valerie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, this is before that became a whole genre of comedy, you know, like awkward or wrong. He just did it. We call it movie night. Like, it was unique to him. I was dead. But the sermon that I heard when I was probably, you know, 15, that I always remember And I still think is beautiful. There's a couple, but this is the one I'm going to share now is the guy was telling the story about the. A speaker that was talking in high school in. In the gym or something. And he's talking to all these high school students. And this would be better if I could remember how he humiliated himself, but he humiliated himself in some way. He either tripped or he dropped something or, you know, his pants farted. Farted. We just talk about this for 40 minutes. Maybe he had a little diarrhea coming out of his shoe, but everyone could tell. He was like, oh, Hershey Kiss melted. But everyone knew by the smell it was. But he humiliated himself. And everyone laughed. The whole gym is laughing at this man. And then this teenage girl stands up and says, stop it. That's my father. And there's a true story. She screams, that's my father.

[Valerie]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

And he gives a sermon. And then at the end, he's like, stop it. That's my father is like, stop it. That's my brother. He's like. He used it as. Like, she said it like she didn't even know what she was saying. That was not. Not her father.

[Valerie]

Oh, it wasn't?

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, that's important. I'm sorry.

[Valerie]

Oh, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, I've blown this. No, I've blown it.

[Valerie]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

A girl stands up and points to me and says, stop it. That's my father.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The point of the story is it wasn't her father, but she was overwhelmed with this desire to defend him. Someone in need.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And what came out involuntarily was, stop it. That's my father. And, yes, we belong to each other.

[Valerie]

That's a beautiful story.

[Pete Holmes]

So she was trying to articulate.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The problem is we've forgotten we belong to each other. That's not a guest speaker. That's my father.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So it's a really beautiful.

[Valerie]

Like it. It's like. It makes him. It helps people remember that he is.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, he's one of us.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

A family in Father Greg Boyle. So Father Greg just did the podcast again, and in his book, which is called Cherished Belonging, which I can't recommend enough, he makes this point where he was talking to somebody at the LAPD or something and a detective, and he was like, one of the things we teach is if you're solving a murder case, pretend that the victim is a family member. That way you'll be emotionally invested. It'll have a story. It'll be real. You'll be more driven and he goes, yeah, and we should pretend that the perpetrator is a family member as well. And you're just like, holy shit. It's. It's right there. Yeah, we're all right there. Like we can be pushed in all these micro directions and suddenly you're in the depths of your heart and you didn't even know you were so close to being in them.

[Valerie]

Totally. There's that movie that was nominated, I don't know if it won any Oscars, called Sing Sing about the like prison, the high security prison where they put on plays, like Shakespearean plays.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Valerie]

And in high school or college we watched a documentary about it. And in the documentary was like so perfectly perfect, perfectly edited. Thank you. I was like written. No, but edited because they formatted it. Where we see them, this group of guys putting on this play and you fall in love with every single one of them and then they tell you what they've done and you are. And like some of it is like, I've never been able to forget. Like it's brutal. But you're. But the reason why it's so impactful is you're like, but I already love you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Like I'm rooting for you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And it's just perfect. Like it's just such a reminder that we are more alike than we're different. And the other, say the other Father G line.

[Pete Holmes]

We don't have enemies, we have injuries.

[Valerie]

Yeah. That everybody is just. And that's the other part of the documentary is that they, at least a lot of them then say like what was done to them or what they're. How they were raised and what. And you're like, yeah, I see the whole picture.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Like everybody is multi dimensional.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I've tried to make this point. Muchos, muchos. One of the reasons I think we resist the idea of the God of love, the reality, the real, real God of love.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because that experience to me feels very divine. Because you were in a thoughtless openness in the way that the space of this room would allow for me to be kind or ugly or whatever. It's just. It's still holding me.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I actually think that's one of the trickier things about the spiritual pursuit, believe it or not, is to come to terms with just how gratuitously. I was going to say grotesquely, which I say too much. Gratuitously loving.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, love is.

[Valerie]

Well.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're like, oh, that's uncomfortable.

[Valerie]

Totally. Because it's the opposite of what your. What you were what we were saying, our fantasies are where we get specialness and we get validation and we can be like, we earned this. Like, there is something inherent about just us, though, that is worthy of this.

[Pete Holmes]

No, if I'm being honest, when I was a young man, and I sure hope this. You know, I'm open to the idea that there's some uncooked kernels in me where this might still be true, but that would be unconscious to me. The real heaven is you're in heaven and no one else. Where God and Jesus are just like, it was you, man. Yeah, it was you. By the way, this is before I had a family or anything. It was just, you know, that. That specialness seeking.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Was so narcissistic and.

[Valerie]

Well, it's the ego. But it also is that, like, it's tricky because.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's not that different from saying me and mine.

[Valerie]

Well, you.

[Pete Holmes]

It would be less ugly to be like me and everyone I love is there.

[Valerie]

Right, right, exactly. But. But I'm not gonna be able to explain this in the way that you would be able to, but I do feel like it's like, in the way that. So there's the ego form of that, where they're like, I, Valerie, want to be the special girl who only makes it, you know, the only one, you know, special enough. But the truth is, is, like, we are not me, Valerie. But if we are all one thing, then that one thing does get whatever the kingdom of heaven is like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Pure consciousness or pure awareness or swimming in love. And it does get the whole thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Valerie]

You know what I mean? So it's like, yes, there is a correctness to it. It's like. But it's just the separateness part that's wrong.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, there's actually something kind of lovely there, then. Meaning? I'm picturing the end of Star wars and they're all getting their medals except for Chewbacca. What? What?

[Valerie]

Didn't get a medal?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that's a big nerd thing. Chewie doesn't get a medal. It's rude. But I think you're actually onto something. When I say actually, I mean, what you're saying might even be more beautiful than you think. Is that like, yes, you getting the medal? Is everyone getting the medal? And even more precious, the people not getting the medal, sharing their identity, their true identity with you. There's a beautiful sacrifice there where it's like, I'll pretend to be the person not getting the medal to create. It's the only way we can create.

[Valerie]

The experience of you getting the medal.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is also me getting the medal. But just sometimes I'm not getting the medal. And sometimes you are getting the medal.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And there's something, you know, like that book, that children's book where they're in heaven and they're explaining reality.

[Valerie]

Star Child.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's not Star Child. It's this other one. It's a little bit more on the nose, but they're talking about, do you want to go to Earth? They're talking to an unborn soul. And. And they're talking about the need for otherness. And it's like, I'll. You. You want to experience forgiveness? Well, I'll be someone you can forgive.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're just. Tears are just streaming down your face. You're like, well, that's. You want to win, so I'll be the person that watches. I don't want to say lose, but you're watching the other person win because that's. That's the self explorational nature of consciousness. It wants to play all these different games. And sometimes you're winning and sometimes you're losing.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's right. God, I. I love books. Like in stories. We. I think we talked about this last time where it is sort of like. Like we're choosing this. Like, we are choosing life, knowing all of the. The ups and downs of it and complexities and horrors and. And that really is like a place I'm trying to get in touch with just because. Mostly because I've had this weird summertime cold. But it's. It's like kind of. And. And there's been some like, high highs and low lows recently. And so there's. There's like a mild hum of. It's not like, like I'm depressed, but there's like a. A Eeyore voice in my orbit lately.

[Pete Holmes]

E. Orbit.

[Valerie]

E. Orbit. Yeah. And. And that's like the thing to remember for that part of myself is like. Like, yeah, even this, like, even this you've chosen.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And. And, you know, who knows? We don't know how we got here. We. We. Nothing is certain. But like, why not believe? Like, well, I'm here, so. Yeah, that. That's not an accident. Like, there it. Like. And just basically, like, I would say that this is sort of a cornerstone of whatever my spiritual practice is. Is like just taking the challenge of falling in love with all of it, with all of it over and over and over.

[Pete Holmes]

Funny that you say that because I was listening to Rupert this week. Shocker Wow. I hated that. I. Shocker. It was so stupid to say. I put it in a voice.

[Valerie]

I think I said this last episode. But you've done this, like, one of every one ep, one time. Each episode where you say something unlike yourself.

[Pete Holmes]

That was unlike me. Yeah. And it was because I was, like, caught myself bragging that I listened to RER Spy brag. It's funny. Father Greg and I were talking about virtue signaling and, like, why is that so awful?

[Valerie]

Yeah. Signal that virtue. Show us your virtue.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I. I make sure I read a little bit every day, and it makes a big difference in my life. And I love it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I love it. Beautiful. Beautiful. Nando. Oh. So he was saying he doesn't often. So for those of you who don't know. What are you doing here? Jk. But Rupert Spire is a non. Dual teacher and he's brilliant. And one of the things he says. I was going to say he doesn't often do this, but he says if you could just do one thing, that it would be enough. And the one thing is say thank you for everything. He's like, be grateful, but be grateful for everything. He's like, that would be enough. Because it breaks the brain. It's like, totally what I said about. Yes. Thank you.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I've been having a lot of sloggy summer point. Not pointless, just sort of like, humphrow. Humphrow. But just a little directionless. Just. You had to remind me the other day. You're like, yeah, Pete, this is the time. You're on vacation now.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Not even vacation, but you're just, like, slowing down. This is the month you're gonna slow down a little bit.

[Valerie]

Been really busy all summer. And you're finally slowing down. And you're like, what am I doing?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. And it takes some adjustment. It's a transition. I know you know that, but I've been trying to go like, any ding dong can be grateful when they get a free ice cream.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But it. It's a special practice and a special thing to be grateful for your boredom.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Your midnight panic spirals and all this stuff. And just be like, this is it, man.

[Valerie]

We're doing it.

[Pete Holmes]

We're doing it. And for the whole thing to work.

[Valerie]

Mm.

[Pete Holmes]

For consciousness to. Let's. Let's go with the very kind of maybe oversimplified model of reality, which is perfect oneness. Wanted to explore itself. So it lost itself in a story.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And played every part. But the only way it would work, the only way it could work an Experience. Not to add or take anything away from it, but because it's its nature to create and explore and dance sense. The only way it works is if we get really, really lost in it.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

It's the only way it works that you really. And I do, too, have moments where you go, like, what if it's a great big nothing? And you go, like, fucking a, man.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I'm really deep in.

[Pete Holmes]

And you go, thank you for this, too.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Doesn't make it go away, but you just go, like, right on.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know. Better than whatever is running this show. So thanks for this, too.

[Valerie]

Right. And there's, like, a trusting and an opening. You know, you were talking about, like, the nature of reality being sort of this love that allows all of it. And it's like, just over and over again, like, every moment that you can remember. Or, I'm gonna turn it on me that I can remember. Just trying to mimic that, to, like, be that about life. Life.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that's great. That's what Meister Eckhart said. He said, the only thing that God asks of us most pressingly is to. Oh, I got the first part so perfectly in the second part, I'm gonna fuck up.

[Valerie]

You've done this. I've done this before, where you get the setup, and it's like, there's one thing that every single person I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, Meister, keep laughing. There is one thing God asks of you.

[Valerie]

Something.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Ready?

[Valerie]

Okay. Yeah, go ahead.

[Pete Holmes]

That you should come out of yourself insofar as you're. What? That's not it.

[Valerie]

Insofar as.

[Pete Holmes]

That's not it.

[Valerie]

What is this?

[Pete Holmes]

Basically, you need to, like, you don't need to anything, but the ask is to sort of lower yourself and allow God to be God in you.

[Valerie]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

That's the ask.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I've been trying to do that a lot lately with Leela. Meaning that is often the chance, you know, you're tired or whatever, and there's just a lot of energy. And I've been just trying this lately, and it's been really working. I go, just give it 45 seconds. I can't always do it, but there's something really divine in going, like a pause. Just the divine pause.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

And when I asked for 45, there's something funny to me about 45 seconds. Seconds?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because it's too long.

[Valerie]

That's too long.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. But it. It. There's. The attitude is right, I'm gonna pause for 45 seconds, and then you end up. Pausing for six seconds. It's not that all reactive behavior is so evil or disgusting or wrong. But I like how it feels when Leela is refusing to pick a book. For example, like last night. She's old enough that she knows how to stall at bedtime.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you want to be like. And you just go, what?

[Valerie]

I did.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know. I picked an example where you. But I have to.

[Valerie]

This is helping me. This is.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Thank you. Don't give up on me, sir.

[Valerie]

This is what we're supposed to do.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't give up on me.

[Valerie]

I have been.

[Pete Holmes]

You didn't blow it. I've blown it. Muchos. Muchos. Golly.

[Valerie]

I know. I. We've taken turns blowing it, and we've taken turns being the one that's able to be more patient. But I did notice that you were handling.

[Pete Holmes]

That was me doing the 45 the.

[Valerie]

Way that I wish I.

[Pete Holmes]

But you know why? And again, so much respect, endless respect to people raising children by themselves. I just. I mean that. That is not some weird fucking concession. I'm saying amazing.

[Valerie]

How are you.

[Pete Holmes]

Exactly. Exactly. And you are doing so much better than you could possibly even think.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Bravo, is all I'm saying. Brav. God.

[Valerie]

Christ.

[Pete Holmes]

God. God damn it.

[Valerie]

Bravo.

[Pete Holmes]

Bravo. What kind of guy says Bravo? Says Bravo. Is it me? Is it you? Is it Rob Lowe? Is it Roblox? Does Rob Low say Bravo? Does Rob Lowe say Bravo? What about a reality show you watch on Bravo? Do they say Bravo?

[Valerie]

I really, like, got lost in that.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm saying, I started to say this earlier. I think that the Lo Fi techno people.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Are right. And I also think. And you're gonna resist this. I know you are.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

The drum circle people were right.

[Valerie]

Why would I resist that?

[Pete Holmes]

Just because it's so crunchy, yeasty.

[Valerie]

No, I think drum circles are awesome.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, man. Tell that to my deep arousal right now. I'm just kidding.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just saying. Great.

[Valerie]

Well, because I also think that there's, like, something ancient and primal about.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, it's the same thing as the fire on the beach people, which is Natty.

[Valerie]

I. I am a bonfire.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know you are, but Natty Ice has kind of co opted that culture. And I say no.

[Valerie]

So is American Eagle.

[Pete Holmes]

I say no, sir.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So if devil sticks. I understand.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But let's get a bonfire on the beach. Let's get a drum in everybody's hands. Do you remember when we did that, by the way, with the Gungars? And I was playing on the drums? And the guy next to me went, what did he say? How did he stop me?

[Valerie]

He was talking to me.

[Pete Holmes]

He was talking to you? He was talking to me. I was playing the drum and you.

[Valerie]

Were sitting in between us.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

Playing the drums.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. And he went.

[Valerie]

And he just put his hand on the drum and just kind of like, gave you a little, like.

[Pete Holmes]

He said something very. I think he was British. He was like, could we give that a rest for a moment, Mike?

[Valerie]

Yeah, it was something like that.

[Pete Holmes]

I am fully on his side now. But that.

[Valerie]

That's.

[Pete Holmes]

No, that night I was like, the spirit of the drum circle is we drum.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He shushed me in a drum circle. That's a new one. I've been shushed in drum circles is now my Twitter bio. I'm sorry, X. Oh, my God. The guy that thinks it's fresh to call it X. Oh, I'm sorry, X. Okay, that. That attitude is four years too late. I forget what we were saying. Bravo.

[Valerie]

Bravo.

[Pete Holmes]

The reason I was good and the reason I was able to exercise the 45 second rule was because for the 10 minutes leading up to it, you were with Leela, getting her in her PJs or something. And I sat there quietly and breathed. I know that sounds real drum circle, but by the way, sorry, another hot tip coming at us. The reason why we don't want. Another reason why we don't want to constantly be looking at Instagram or checking our work emails or just our emails is because Instagram, email, it just. It's too. Very good callback.

[Valerie]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just an. You're gonna let. You're already about to be putting a child down to bed and reading stories and stuff. You want to bring work stress into that, or you want to bring, like, the news into that. You want to just bring, like, the dopamine let down that you didn't watch anything good or the worst letdown that you were watching something good. Now you have to turn it off. Like I'm saying, bravo, Rob. Low that I just sat there and took a few deep breaths. Is that the secret to life? Because then you came in, and because I had the break that you afforded me, I was able to take the. You tagged out, and I was like, I'm gonna take the 45. And by the way, at 7, most kids won't make it the 45 if you go, like, 45 seconds will not up. Bedtime. Let's let her look for a book for 45 seconds.

[Valerie]

Oh, you're totally. I mean, it's A rigidity in my own mind where I'm like, she's doing it. She does it every night. I'm tired of being like, brush your teeth. Brush your teeth. It's like I'm telling a whole story every single night. But the truth is, is I. I'm telling her, you have five seconds to pick a book, which is making her stressed out and, like, awful right before bed. And then. But it actually, like, doesn't matter if I gave her even five minutes to.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's why 45 seconds is the brilliant time.

[Valerie]

I. Yeah, it's long. It'. Long.

[Pete Holmes]

But you'll only need six of them.

[Valerie]

Yeah, and then.

[Pete Holmes]

And sorry.

[Valerie]

No. You were so right about the dopamine crash. In fact, my. My Instagram has my number in that. It's like giving me ads for some sort of app that helps you. I don't know what it does. I haven't. I haven't, like, looked at it. But it starts with like, are you basically finding yourself reacting more as a parent and.

[Pete Holmes]

And.

[Valerie]

And having a shorter fuse and getting easily overwhelmed by, you know, mundane tasks? And I'm like, yes. And it's like, it's a dopamine issue. And I'm like, that's fucking right. And it's that you. It. I'm getting this information from the app that's giving me the dopamine issue. This is so insane, I'm telling you. But I know that it's that because before I did those 10 minutes where you had a break, I was watching Hunting Wives, and I was, like, getting all the dopamine I wanted. And then I'm pissed that now I have to switch gears into getting someone to brush their teeth for 30 minutes.

[Pete Holmes]

Just know that when you're going on TikTok or whatever, and I'm not even fully against it. I just told two times that I've had transcendent amazing experiences. Just know your. You're going into Las Vegas. Yeah, I was gonna liken it to a drug. No, you're just going into Las Vegas and there's the best shows on Earth and there's the worst shows on Earth, and there's a million people and there's lights. Then you're gonna come back and try and be, like, a quiet parent. You can't switch between those channels without some sort of cost.

[Valerie]

I think of that constantly in terms of Leela. Like, I'm like, she can't be on screens all the time, otherwise she's gonna be a nightmare when she has to, like, get dressed and that's also happening to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. I know. Says the parent who got that from a video she saw. I know, jk. I'm not. I'm not judging at all. Can I also say one of the key ingredients to. For me, a complete emotional flood and, like, a meltdown. And, like, if I'm gonna lose my temper, oh, I have a call or something. Oh, I do. I have a call in five minutes. That's okay. There's a pro tip if your phone is off all the time. Set alarms if you have a call.

[Valerie]

Yeah, great. Great tip.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. For no one. For. For leisured comedians that make their own schedules. That was bullshit. Here's the voice. This is more useful. The voice that leads to a meltdown for a grownup is if I had done this with my parents. Or like. Like compare. Compare and despair. Right?

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, if I want to be like. Like, Leila, pick a book or pick a song in the car. The voice of, like, when I was growing up, what we listened to was my father playing the radio, including the commercials at full volume.

[Valerie]

Like, that pain that is 100% the core of it. And why it's so unbearable to us when she's whining and kicking and throwing a tape.

[Pete Holmes]

Because we know.

[Valerie]

Because our child self is going, no, you can't. It's scary if you do that. Like, it's dangerous to do that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And so it. It's a hundred percent, like a child self reaction to be like, leela, come on. Like, and we'll even get, like, whiny.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

We're like, I just can't. Like, can you just be cool? Like, that is our child self, the parent.

[Pete Holmes]

I start. I do turn into a little child. I'll be like, come on.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Yeah, we're doing it. And then that's the thing. It just. I've just been in a real season where I'm like, oh. Oh, God. And this just happens where I have to, like. Like, it's a Buddhist sort of concept. Not too tight and not too loose where, like, I'll get really rigid about parenting.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, but.

[Valerie]

And that's not great. That's, like, too tight. And then I'll get really loose as, like a. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like I've gotten too loose now, and I need to just sort of like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, the middle.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I need to just be making more effort, but I'm also exhausted and I need a fucking vacation, dude.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. Well, we'll. We'll update you on that.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's right.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, thanks, everybody. Apparently, I do have a call. Apparently.

[Valerie]

Apparently. And apparently I've never been on the news before. Okay, everybody.

[Pete Holmes]

I love this. What a Hum Fro episode.

[Valerie]

What a hum Fro episode. Let's play it out, everybody. Keep it crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

Sam.