We Made It Weird #225

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: We Made It Weird #225
Date: September 5, 2025
Host: Pete Holmes
Guest Co-host: Valerie (Pete’s wife)

---

Overview

This episode of "We Made It Weird" features Pete Holmes and his wife Valerie in an intimate and playful conversation about the weirdness of their lives. The episode covers their personal growth journeys, parenting philosophies, relationship dynamics, wounds from childhood, and spiritual perspectives. It’s a mix of lighthearted banter, deep self-reflection, and insight into their family life, peppered with memorable, funny moments and philosophical tangents.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Secret Weirdness and Language Evolution

• Pete and Valerie start by riffing on the evolution of slang, discussing terms like “cringe,” “dorky,” and “adorkable,” and how these concepts have shifted through time.
• They expose their own “lovably cringe” moments and the blurry line between dorky and cringy.
• Notable Quote:
  • “I notice, and often on this podcast, that I’m cringe. I’m not—I hope I’m not majority cringe. Lovably, lovably cringe from time to time.” – Pete (06:37)

2. Romantic Gestures & Family Dynamics

• The couple shares recent experiences with dating and Pete’s spontaneous romanticism (gifting Valerie a gold necklace “for no reason”).
• They reflect on how previous generations treated gifts like jewelry—as status symbols or apologies—and their own efforts to reclaim gift-giving as genuine affection.

3. On Self-Care & Living Well

• Pete describes “evolved dude” moments like getting a foot massage, noting generational resistance to self-care among men.
• Quote:
  • “Me getting a foot massage on an afternoon in California is…light in the loafers, is what they would say... I just think homosexual, preferring the company of men, were you to be a man.” – Pete (13:44)

4. Deep Dive: Consciousness, Spirituality, and Brain Science

• Valerie brings up a “No Nonsense Spirituality” influencer who explains mystical experiences as neurological phenomena.
• The two discuss the idea of enlightenment, the dissolving of the self, and the euphoria that follows. Pete challenges the reductionist view, riffing on “shared hallucination” as scientific language for spiritual realities.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “We’re in God’s mind, or this is God’s dream, or this is the one awareness’s dream. But [scientists] say this is a shared hallucination…” – Pete (23:36)
  • “What is the spacious field of luminous emptiness that you essentially are? And I don’t mean when you’re meditating. I mean now, right now...” – Pete (22:35)

5. Therapy, Childhood Wounds & Codependence

• Pete opens up about a core childhood wound: the belief that he was responsible for his mother's happiness.
• Describes using Internal Family Systems and parts work in therapy to heal these old burdens.
• Valerie reflects on different parental archetypes (the mother who feels her child is only safe with her vs. the mother who needs help).
• Notable Quotes:
  • “It ended up quite literally being a gift. I’ve looked in the face the burden of believing that my mom’s only happy when I’m with her, and I felt those feelings. It’s actually the place where I’m the most vulnerable and most stuck.” – Pete (30:20)
  • “Codependence is: I need you to be okay before I can be okay.” – Valerie (36:43)
  • “When my mom would pick me up as a child, that was the feeling—it was when I would be craving nicotine and I would take it.” – Pete (37:27)

6. Parenting Reflections

• They discuss the temptation (and challenge) of passing on their wounds to their daughter Leela and how they try to avoid it.
• Pete describes teaching Leela about “feelings as clouds in the sky” and the importance of making space for emotions—both hers and his own.
• The couple debates the ideal of the “sturdy pilot” parent (Dr. Becky Kennedy) versus normalized sensitivity and emotional repair.
• Quote:
  • “Having a kid whose feelings you make space for is such a great reminder to make space for your own feelings.” – Pete (47:53)

7. Preparedness: The Dad Win

• Pete shares a story where he gets to be “the prepared dad” by rescuing Valerie and Leela when a bike malfunctioned, impressing their daughter with his readiness and “dad skills.”
• Valerie points out that day-to-day parenting often means one parent (her) does a lot of the unseen prepping, but both are appreciated.

8. Family Visits and Generational Differences

• The couple discusses their trip to see Pete’s parents, the emotional triggers of visiting childhood homes, and learning emotional regulation using a “psychophysiological sigh” (73:03).
• Pete credits Internal Family Systems for moving from reactive (“I peed myself”) to proactive (“I need to pee”—the analogy for emotional regulation) responses.

9. In-law Relations and Romantic Archetypes

• Valerie and Pete examine how each forgives the other's parents with more ease than their own, and how observing each other's strengths is a source of comfort.
• They playfully compare their relationship to “Jack and Rose” from Titanic, highlighting the wonders of merging different emotional strengths and temperaments in partnership.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Language & Cringe:
  • “I notice, and often on this podcast, that I’m cringe…Lovably, lovably cringe from time to time.” – Pete (06:37)
• On Nondual Spirituality:
  • “What is the spacious field of luminous emptiness that you essentially are?...I mean now, right now.” – Pete (22:35)
• On Healing Childhood Wounds:
  • “It ended up quite literally being a gift…I’ve looked in the face the burden of believing that my mom’s only happy when I’m with her.” – Pete (30:20)
• On Codependence:
  • “Codependence is: I need you to be okay before I can be okay.” – Valerie (36:43)
• On Parental Repair:
  • “Having a kid whose feelings you make space for is such a great reminder to make space for your own feelings.” – Pete (47:53)
• Dad Highlight:
  • “My daughter gets to see that I am like a knife-having dad…This is a dad highlight for me.” – Pete (52:31)
• On Emotional Regulation:
  • “You’re trying to understand the brain with the brain.” – Valerie (25:56);
  • “Just breathe with it…We’ve been doing the three-part breath…Huberman says it’s the most researched, quickest way to calm your body down.” – Pete (72:56)
• On Relationships (Titanic Metaphor):
  • “It’s Titanic. The thief Jack needs to be with the princess Kate...that pairing is correct.” – Pete (80:22)
  • “I just truly always wanted a love like Titanic. And we have it.” – Valerie (82:09)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment / Topic | |---------|--------------------------------------------------------------------| | 05:22 | Physical energy and "lymphatic hops," playful movement references | | 06:00 | Language evolution: cringe, dorky, adorkable discussion | | 08:27 | Relationship and dating reflections | | 12:37 | Parenting, jewelry for apologies vs. gifts | | 13:12 | Foot massages, self-care, and generational habits | | 14:28 | Frankenstein, consciousness, and spirituality | | 18:06 | Spiritual experiences & the brain | | 29:28 | Pete’s therapy revelations about childhood wounds | | 36:43 | Codependence defined (“I need you to be okay…”) | | 44:51 | Parenting “fails,” division of labor, realizations | | 47:52 | Handling kids’ (and parents’) big feelings | | 50:31 | “Dad prepared” bike rescue story | | 61:03 | Jazz music, aging, and parental domesticity | | 68:20 | Emotional triggers, trauma responses (potty training analogy) | | 73:03 | Psychophysiological sigh for calming, emotion regulation | | 80:22 | Titanic metaphor for relationship dynamics |

---

Tone & Language

• Playful, warm, philosophical: The conversation is a blend of candid vulnerability and silly riffs, using inside jokes and recurring references, but returning frequently to deep emotional material.
• Self-deprecating: Pete is acutely aware of his own weirdness, cringe moments, and struggles, often poking fun at himself.
• Supportive & affectionate: Both partners regularly voice appreciation and reassurance to one another.
• Reflective and insightful: Discussions on spirituality, therapy, and parenting are thoughtful and nuanced.

---

Overall Impression

This episode captures the “secret weirdness” that Pete Holmes coined with the podcast, as he and Valerie openly share the messier, more awkward, but beautiful aspects of their marriage, parenting, individual growth, and spiritual curiosity. It's an insight-rich, often hilarious, and sometimes poignant look at how two people make sense of their inner (and outer) worlds, together.

“Keep it crispy.”

Transcript

[A]

You made it with. You made it with.

[B]

You made it with. Oh, yeah, you made it with. Yes, you did. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[A]

What's happening, weirdos?

[B]

What's happening, everybody?

[A]

Welcome.

[B]

Welcome to. We made it weird. We're back.

[A]

We're back. We're back.

[B]

This is Pitch Perfect, the fan podcast. We're glad you're here. That wasn't good. This episode is great, though.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love the second of it.

[A]

We had a lot to say.

[B]

Lot to say. And laughs throughout. It's not like a heavy half, light half. I think it was funny and good the whole time. You're about to hear it. I don't have to.

[A]

You be the judge.

[B]

You be the judge. We don't need to tell you the judge. Petehomes.com for my tour dates, I'm about to be in Tacoma. I thought it was Seattle.

[A]

Fixing to be in Tacoma.

[B]

It's Taco. I'm fixing to be in Tacoma. If you're hearing this, I'm in Tacoma. I'm sorry. Spokane.

[A]

I was gonna say I really thought it was Spokane.

[B]

It is Spokane. And I was like, oh, it's near Seattle. It's four hours away from Seattle. So it's a different thing.

[A]

It's a whole different thing.

[B]

And then the next weekend, St. Louis, which is so funny because a big part of this episode is me talking about how we only tour one weekend a month, and then in October, there's also two, and in November, there's also three. Yeah, that's a little run. That's a little run. Anyway, look, there's not as much going on with film and tv. Yeah, film and tv. Somebody shoot me. Somebody just shoot me. Somebody sit me down and make me watch seven seasons of just shooting.

[A]

I've tried to do that, actually.

[B]

It's a great show. David Spade is brilliant on that show.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

He's brilliant on that. Cleveland, Miami, Chicago, Pittsburgh, New York, New York, New Jersey, Milwaukee, Brea. And we rescheduled Royal Oak, Michigan. So all of Those are on PeteHomes.com and we're just a couple ads here, and then we'll jump right in. Katie, roll that beautiful bean footage. Not to overshare, but I often use my own promo code. Like, I recently rebought a bunch of the perfect Jean, which is exactly that. It's the perfect pair of jeans. Our promo code for the perfect gene is no hard pants. 15. Because you get 15% off these pants that are not hard. I hate hard pants. I don't know why it's 2025, we're still walking around with these unforgiving stiff jeans. Perfect jean look, amazing. They have incredible build. They have great washes. They have great cuts. While we're at it, they have great hoodies and T shirts and other things you can add on while you're there. And the jeans are smooth as butter, soft as a baby's butt. You might even forget that you're wearing pants. Fuck your khakis, spare your nuts. Get some perfect jeans that have a little bit of stretch. We're talking 2% spandex, 2.5% rayon for a sneaky secret, a comfortable secret that no one needs to know. These jeans stretch so your nuts ain't crushed, thereby providing the only true home for your bone. It's finally time to stop crushing your balls and uncomfortable jeans. By going to ThePerfectGene NYC, our listeners get 15% off your first order, plus free shipping for free returns and free exchanges. When you use code no hard pants 15 at checkout, that's 15% off new customers at the PerfectGene NYC with promo code nohardpants15 after your purchase. To ask how you heard about them, tell them this show that helps us out. Fuck your khakis and get the perfect jean. We're also brought to us by our friends at Tushy. I don't know if you're like me, and this time of year, your downstairs area turns into the Florida panhandle. Thank God it's starting to get less hot. But it's still a disaster down there and we need help. You can get refreshed and revitalized in the lower hemisphere 15 times a day without jumping in the shower because Tushy is the everyday luxury bidet. Bidets in the 80s were like something you'd see in, like, Scarface's bathroom, but now they are for everybody. They are super easy to install and they are a game changer. They if you had some poop on your hand, would you just wipe it off with a tissue? No. You want to power blast it off like a hose on a driveway covered with leaves. Get that. Literally, get that shit out of there. Get it out of there. They have Cloud plus. A bidet that we love automatically deodorizes the air when you sit down. This is like, we should all have this. And aura, which automatically closes the seat when. I'm sorry, opens a seat when. When you enter the bathroom, which makes you feel like you have a robot butler. I absolutely love it. It keeps you clean. It is a game changer. Show support of the show and support your butt at the same time. Keep your swampiest body parts fresh and cool. For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off their first bidet when you use code weird at checkout. That's 10% off your first [e-mail] with promo code weird. Thank you so much, Katie. So glad you're here too. She's not literally here. We're so glad everybody's here. Valerie, go ahead. I don't know what I'm saying.

[A]

Thank you for listening and go ahead and get into it.

[B]

Oh, here we are. Here we are. Here we are. Here we are. Let's do some lymphatic hops. Get it going. Just be a kid again. Now do the wave. Hands to the ground, Hands up above your head. Hands to the ground, Hands up above your head.

[A]

Now do a couple McGregor's.

[B]

McGregor's. We saw this instant Graham reel about these exercises you can do to, like, work. Like, just. What is it? What would you say?

[A]

Like, to regulate?

[B]

It seems like it's not exercise. It's to, like, get your body moving energies.

[A]

Yeah. I think it's, like, to shift energy.

[B]

It's like sonic moves cheeseburgers. Okay. Remember when we wanted that? We wanted that.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Don't act like we didn't really want Dennis Miller. Big time. Yeah, that's exactly what we thought.

[A]

Loved we.

[B]

The comedy was like. Actually, let me tell you how it is. Okay. We're tying knots like a sailor on the. And it's like, what?

[A]

Yeah, like, I wonder if the word snarky. Like, I'm sure it existed, but it wasn't really used. I think about that a lot with gaslighting.

[B]

That's so interesting. We didn't have a word for it.

[A]

Yeah. And then also with cringe. That's another word.

[B]

Cringe.

[A]

That we were just like. Or douche chills.

[B]

Like, we didn't have that because cringe is now a thing. I notice and often on this podcast that I'm cringe. I'm not. I hope I'm not majority cringe. Lovably, lovably cringe. From time to time. Like, I'll say, like, I'll call someone homey or something, and people will be like, that's cringe.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or I'll say checkity check yourself before you riggity wreck yourself. But that I think, is just this side of cringe.

[A]

It'll be.

[B]

It'll be cringe in a few years.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know exactly the difference between cringe and, like, Just dorky.

[B]

I think they're very. I think they're.

[A]

It's really similar. I just. Because you.

[B]

Can you at least acknowledge that I said bedfellow?

[A]

Bedfellows.

[B]

What am I? What am I? Wordsworth. Because there's also unlikely bedfellows. The cringe and the dorky.

[A]

Yeah, but for example, like, that was nerdy but not dorky.

[B]

Yes, but. Okay, so if Zooey Deschanel is dorky, adorkable. Well, we all know she's adorkable, but that's because she's dorky and adorable. Yes, but so she's dorky. So she's like. So I can't do her. I know, but if she's dorky, she's not cringe, though. No, she's not a cringeable. She's adorkable.

[A]

But dorky is also. Yeah, I guess that's true.

[B]

I think I said it all when I said bedfellows like Wordsworth.

[A]

But I was leaving an audio message to my friend Lisa last yesterday, and I said, oh, I feel like I'm just, like getting back to life, back to realis knees. And then I was like, dorky. That's dorky. I would say that's not a dorkable. That's just good old fashioned dorky.

[B]

Back to reality, sneeze.

[A]

And then I was like, that's the.

[B]

Terrible back to Valeris. No, yours was right. Well, we went on a date. Brag.

[A]

Yeah, I'm going on another one tonight.

[B]

Brag.

[A]

We're dating all over this.

[B]

We're daters. We're hardcore daters.

[A]

Hardcore daters.

[B]

We haven't been able to date because it's been the summertime.

[A]

Yeah. But we're starting to date. Yeah. And my mom's in town, so we can take advantage. But also, you've been, like, extra k romantique lately.

[B]

Yeah. Preesh.

[A]

Yeah, like, I was like, preesh. What are you hiding?

[B]

No, I know. No, that's where I go, too. Isn't it unfortunate I bought you that wonderful necklace.

[A]

Bought me a gold necklace in my life have I gotten. I don't. I mean, other than wedding rings. I don't think I get jewelry as a gift, because I don't. I'm not one of like. Well, who do I think I am? I gave you Lindell Hamilton.

[B]

Linda Ronstadt. Some Linda.

[A]

Some Linda.

[B]

Well, see, you and I grew up, and I think even our parents grew up. So we grew up with parents, and they grew up with parents, which means we're the first generation. Question mark. That Might be reclaiming the practice of buying jewelry now. Meaning I didn't even finish that thought. I was just like. And you can all read my mind. And I just moved on. Meaning, obviously, our grandparents and our parents both. Jewelry meant I put it where it shouldn't be. I put the hot dog in a different bun. Buns.

[A]

Right. Or it also meant for women. I think it meant, like, I. It's like.

[B]

Or I. I. I smack.

[A]

Smacked that.

[B]

Oh, no. I don't know what you were saying. There was a fight.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

That's what a fur coat means. Like, oh, he put his hands on you. I'm not trying to be funny. I am.

[A]

Oh, smack.

[B]

Like, if you. Yeah. Smacked. If you saw smacked. WWE Smackdown.

[A]

Bedfellows, Wordsworth.

[B]

I'm just saying, if you in night for the past. Okay. Because fur isn't really happening anymore. Through all of American history, if you saw a woman in a fur coat, it meant like, are you okay? Do you need help? Oh, no, that's not. That's not true. Audrey Hepburn. Ain't nobody WWE Smackdowning Audrey Hepburn. She's listening. That's not true. She tries to turn the radio off, but her finger breaks when it pushes the button.

[A]

It's just a skeleton finger, and then it blows away, and it does because.

[B]

She is lost in the wind. Long dead. Long dead.

[A]

Yeah. No, I think for women, like, it was a status thing.

[B]

My mom always wanted jewelry, even. I think my mom got KFC in the bucket when there was a particularly contentious night. There was no physical stuff. Nobody's saying that. I'm just saying if they were hitting some turbulence, she got the bucket.

[A]

Yeah. But you.

[B]

Although she did get jewelry. I'm sorry. I got really excited. I found a memory, and it felt like if you were up there with me, it was like the Bloodhound gang. Finding with a flashlight. Finding with a flashlight. Will be right back. I'm just saying it felt like a big discovery because I remember my dad getting her jewelry from time to time. And that's the very, like, liquor 60s Draper feel of, like, whoops, doodle. I'm. I'm such a heel.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Most men said, I'm such a heel.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When presenting a jewelry box.

[A]

Or. Or they were incapable of saying that.

[B]

Yes. That's why it's in a box. It looks like a little mouse.

[A]

The mouth is.

[B]

The mouth opens.

[A]

I'm a heel.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But it says, sorry I'm so grumpy.

[B]

It says what? The man can't.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Which is a ring.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or Your earrings.

[A]

But you, unlike that, you gave me this gift.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

For no reason.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

After I had already been on a trip and you were watching Lila the whole time.

[B]

Yes. I was able to get a babysitter. Day of.

[A]

Love a day.

[B]

Love a day of. Couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe it. And I got four hours to myself. Went to dinner with Rob Bell, which was awesome, by the way. Rob and I are doing an event called the Punch Up. This isn't an ad, but if you have, like, an idea and you want to bounce it off of us in front of people and leave, hopefully with that idea being stronger, better, faster, sexier, come to the Punch up right here in Ojai, California. Anyway, we went to dinner. I also got a foot massage. Listen, I actually think that might be on my Pete Holmes rules for living.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is like, hey, Dip, get a foot massage.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

And I know I'm picturing a lot of people. I know my dad, everyone I went to school with. I'm gonna say that.

[A]

Because I'm picturing them all.

[B]

Well, I'm picturing, like, my beloved friend Mark Stevek, who did this podcast, my professor. I could never see him getting a foot massage.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then my father. Forget it. I couldn't see my father getting any type of massage.

[A]

So you're quite evolved for getting a foot massage. Is that what we're saying?

[B]

I think what I Me getting a foot massage on an afternoon in California is. Is light in the loafers is what they would say. I. And I don't. That's wrong because that means gay. I just think homosexual preferring the company of men. Were you to be a man.

[A]

Listen, bed following Wordsworth, if you will.

[B]

I can't think of. Oh, bed following Wordsworth over Mary Oliver. Yes, it's so confusing because Shelley is a man anyway.

[A]

Well, but Mary Shelley is a woman.

[B]

But Frankenstein was written by Mary Shelley. Can we just. I have a little.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

What are you going to talk to you about?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I do just want to say that the problem of consciousness as explored by the book Frankenstein is really brilliant. Obviously, we're not going to go all into this. We're going to stay in the fun zone. I'm just saying I'm a consciousness. First person consciousness gives rise to the appearance of matter. That is the inverse of the popular opinion. The popular opinion is, is that matter. Inert matter, like. Like picture stuff you'd get at a butcher shop. A liver. Here's a chop, here's a loin.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And we're gonna I'm listening. Frankenstein is genius, and one of the reasons why it stands the test of time. One, we love a monster in a blazer. We love a monster that's dressing up. We love him. We love that he's kind of look like a valet for. For hearses, of course. So. Yes, we do. And the bolts in the neck. Who knew? Oh, who knew?

[A]

Fantastic.

[B]

Who knew? Two, it's that I was thinking about how to me, consciousness being the primary ingredient of reality, makes perfect sense, because here it is, it's this mystery, and it's alive and it knows.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then it dreams a reality wherein matter seems to exist. And. I know maybe that sounds kind of crazy, but. But every night we go to bed and we dream a world that seems to exist. And in the morning, we realize it all occurred in our mind. So I do think there's something very funny about the fact that we wake up and we live and we go, where did this all come from? This whole world of touching and smelling and tasting and doing. Then we go to bed, and our mind creates a whole other one out of consciousness. And we're like. And then we wake up and go, that wasn't real. Oh, my God. It was a dream. Now back to this. Where did this come from? Like, you see.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So then what? Mary Shelley, who's a woman. Do you know that I'm immediately explaining it to you?

[A]

Mansplaining.

[B]

Did you know she's a woman?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She took my thought experiment, which is like, there's something funny about getting the livers and the loins and the tendons, sewing them together. So starting with matter, and then going. I am now going to breathe life into this, and brilliantly and perfectly the best we can do. It's the same with body swap comedies, by the way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is lightning.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And then lightning.

[A]

It's another force we don't fully understand. So we're like, all right.

[B]

It's another energy that seems to be animating all type, all sorts of things. So we go like, maybe electricity will turn a veal chop sewn to a kidney into a valet for a hearse. Am I the only one hearing how crazy this is? So, anyway, I'm glad you brought up. Well, I brought up the poet Shelley. Then you brought up Mary Shelley. And then I got to say something I was very excited to say.

[A]

Yeah, no, that's true. I. I just heard a. Like, this person I follow, it's called no nonsense spirituality. She's very interesting, and she's sort of always taking these spiritual and often magical ideas and like just explaining what's happening in brain chemistry. And the thing is, is I don't. Here's. Here's where how I feel about it. I'm enjoying the freedom. Because this wasn't how I was raised. I was raised very much like, there is a right thing to believe and a wrong thing to believe. And it's very important that you make the right choice.

[B]

It's of dire consequence.

[A]

Yeah. So I listened to this person who is totally like an atheist from what I can tell. An atheist. And very much like matter is all there is. Like what we see here is all there is. And everything else is just our brains doing a certain thing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I, like, really enjoy vacationing in that perspective. Perspective.

[B]

Oh, fun.

[A]

Which I.

[B]

Because you don't get the tummy dropping weirdness that I experience. Brag constantly where I go, go, whoa, whoa. Oh, we're in the mind of God. That's a weird place to be.

[A]

Yeah. And she. So she explains, you know, explore that. I'm not gonna weird. Okay.

[B]

Or is it your safety?

[A]

I'll just. I'll sit this.

[B]

You can sit this one out.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Frankenstein. No, no, no. You're enjoying vacation. This is very good. Very good. Very good.

[A]

Jesus. What happened? Something. Somebody's creatine kicked in.

[B]

No. I don't know. It's keno body. Octane.

[A]

Oh, octane is what I meant.

[B]

Honestly, there's no creatine in that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

There is in my system. Keep going.

[A]

Okay. Jesus.

[B]

It came from elsewhere.

[A]

I don't want to know any details.

[B]

No.

[A]

Mean.

[B]

Don't make me say them.

[A]

I won't.

[B]

Don't make me lean on a wall at a party and say this to you while your eyes are trying to flee.

[A]

I'm totally a hypocrite because right now I'm drinking cachava out of a methodology Mason jar. So we both are. I'm doing. I'm doing it too. Okay. But I'm not really explaining. I won't be able to explain her this perfectly. But she has a video about describing what's happening in the brain anytime anyone is talking about reaching enlightenment. And she first talks about all the different spiritual beliefs and what it is. So it's like Christ consciousness in Christian mysticism. And it's, you know, nirvana and it's satori and all of the satori.

[B]

Moksha.

[A]

What's moksha?

[B]

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, kachava is a delicious moksha that you can make with just water. Although it's better than la Vida.

[A]

Moksha.

[B]

My favorite comedian is Moksha Cashew. He. He reached enlightenment and he's really great.

[A]

Yeah. Anyway, so she's explaining, you know, what it is in all the different. Across the different spiritual beliefs. And then she's saying what the experience is, which is a dissolving of the self and emerging with a oneness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she's like, in your brain, what's happening is that this specific part of your brain that does identify, that places itself in. Orients itself in time and space as a self quiets down. And then. So then the boundaries seem to blend, and then it. It's something else, like. Oh, and then you get a hit of all these happy hormones, dopamine and everything. So it's sort of this, like, euphoric. Euphoric feeling. And to me, I can look at that and be like, yeah, sure. That's explaining what's happening in the brain when you're having this spiritual experience. It doesn't seem mutually exclusive to me.

[B]

This, by the way, to confer, to support this. There's that woman. I think she wrote a book called My Stroke of Insight or something. She had a stroke that put her entirely in the part of her brain that is what we think of as an enlightened, like, completely without it, an identity completely seeing the unity of all things and had some of the euphoria associated with that. And then as her brain healed, I believe it went away.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

So, yes, there's something to this in.

[A]

The brain that you can find. That's. The other thing is, she said the. The part that orients as a self quiets down, and then a bunch of new neurons or new connections start forming. So it's like new. That's where it feels like new insight, you know, because it is. It's new brain connections. But she would say, that's not you connecting with a God. That's you, your brain connecting with itself. Just different unexplored parts of it.

[B]

What if I'm suddenly smoking a cigarette? Indeed.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, you love. You love that.

[B]

What is the self I love. Look, I'm with this. I love all of this, but I'm just like, everything that goes back to, like, in the end, it's just you. It's just you're experiencing your own self. I'm like, yes, yeah. And what is yourself, right? What is the spacious field of luminous emptiness that you essentially are? And I don't mean when you're meditating. I mean now, right now, my voice is like, being. It's like, you're if that awareness is pixels, this sound is being made out of those pixels colored in a certain way. And then they go away. But what remains is that field of awareness.

[A]

Yeah. And I. Sure, yeah, sure.

[B]

The pixels thing.

[A]

No, it's beautiful.

[B]

It's my favorite Sandler movie. I love the movie Pixels.

[A]

I totally forgot about that movie.

[B]

No, I'm just kidding. I've never seen pixels. I'll never see pixels. No, no, no respect to the sandman.

[A]

Yeah. I think she would say it's connect. It's. It's all your brain.

[B]

She would just say, this is my favorite thing. And I even tried to do this on stage, which is like. And I heard Deepak Chopra and Rupert Spira talking about this, where they were like science or scientists, I should say, because science is an ever evolving thing. Scientists these days will come very close to saying something like, this is all a shared hallucination. My language would be, we're in God's mind, or this is God's dream, or this is the one awareness's dream. But they say this is a shared hallucination. Right. And we go, okay, great. And then they say it originates in the brain. And I'm like, why would one part of the hallucination. The brain.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Be the origin of the hallucination.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's like having a dream. And in the dream, holding up a book and saying, this dream is coming from this book. Where the hallucination is originating. Exactly. Like where the dream is hallucinating is empty. It looks like nothing to the mind. And that's very frustrating. We won't find it because it is no thing. It's not a thing.

[A]

And it's not part of this hallucination.

[B]

So you have in the hallucinate. Sorry, baby, no, go ahead. All these devices that can scan brains, that's also the hallucination.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're having a dream that you have a device that scans a thing that's also hallucination. And it. Look, it lights up in this way when we poke it and prod it. But if it's all a shared hallucination, why would any of that be valid? You would just go, this comes from nothing and it goes into nothing. And the brain is so frustrated. And I deal with this on a daily basis. It's like, how much Pete is self realized is constantly frustrating me. Because Pete, the brain, the ego, the separate self, has all these fears, it has doubts. Occasionally it has all these feelings that can complicate the naked awareness that has always and only will ever be Totally fine already.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And was only ever already. Okay. Only already pixels.

[A]

That's what our child says already by saying. Saying only ready. I only ready got dressed, which is the best.

[B]

Today's her first day of first grade. 1 1.

[A]

Yeah. I think that's. What was I gonna say? Well, yes, the thing about, like, you're trying to understand the brain with the brain, you know, So I. I'm with you on that. I just. As you were saying all of that, you know, I think I. What I'm interested in is how, of course we have different paths because we all have different wounds and traumas and. And things that we need out of life. And it's. I like looking at spiritual paths as like, what is serving you. Even like, moment to moment. So for you, you right now, in this moment. And generally you get happy hormones or regulation from being like. From identifying as that pure awareness. That's always okay.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

And sometimes I get the happy hormones or whatever regulation from being like, what if it really is just this? And that's. It's that simple.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, that feels. That feels great to me right now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There have been times where that feels terrifying because you're like, no, it's got to be more.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I'm like, or what if we are just like animals? That through perfect storm of scientific, you know, whatever's explanations, I can't even explain it because I don't really generally vacation in this belief system. But, like, just the right things happened that caused what we know to be life.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And it really is just this. And then when it's over, it's over.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sometimes that feels nice too.

[B]

I. I'm so with you. Remember when we were both not eating meat and for some crazy reason we went to a steakhouse and ate steaks?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was on the way to a Largo show.

[A]

Yep, I remember.

[B]

And it was really just as thoughtless as what I just said. We were open to be by a Palm restaurant. I'm sure we already told that. I'm not saying stop. I'm just saying. I'm sure we already said that, but here we are again. We saw the Palm restaurant and we just went in and we had steaks and it was. It was great. Whatever. Who cares? It was very, very good. That's what this feels like is sometimes you're trying to regulate. And what we needed on that day was a disruption. Like everything everywhere, all at once. The way they jump worlds is by doing something they would never do.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And we just like, comforted ourselves by Breaking the routine and doing this exciting thing. The other way I'm going to agree with you is I just had therapy. It was amazing. Everyone knows that listens to the show regularly, that I do parts work, internal family systems. So I'm always talking to different aspects of myself. So talk about, you know, needing different things to regulate. I need different parts of me need different things to regulate. So what we can call grown up Pete likes saying we are in the mind of God. What child Pete needs to hear. Because what I uncovered in therapy today is sort of a lifelong burden. Has been this belief that my mom needs me for her happiness. Like I'm her. Her oxygen to her Scuba Steve.

[A]

So you're in a real Sandler pocket right now.

[B]

You know what's funny is I wrote that earlier. So Sandler's been. Since this morning when I was writing.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

So I've been sandmaning it up. So anyway, like an uncut gem. My mother. My mom.

[A]

My mother's only Happy Gilmore when I.

[B]

Oh, my God, you're making me mad. A and Billy. Okay. Come on.

[A]

Realis knees.

[B]

That's what I was gonna say on our date. I always get sparkling water. And then you said, I'll just take it from the hose. That's dorky, but it's not cringe.

[A]

Okay. Anyway, I'm always toeing that line.

[B]

It's true, but I love it. I don't think you've ever been cringe to me. Anyhoozle woozle. My mom's.

[A]

You've never been cringe to me. Any hoozle woozle.

[B]

I know my butthole didn't like that one. E. But anyway, it ended up being sort of. Not even sort of. It ended up quite literally being a gift. I've. I've looked in the face the. The burden of believing that my mom's only happy when I'm with her. And I felt those feelings. And I continue to feel those feelings. It's actually the place where I'm the most vulnerable and most stuck. And I'm starting to appreciate that it's a gift because it's. What's the word? Instigated. It began. It incited a lifelong journey exploring the nature and the source of true peace and happiness. Because I'm going like, it can't be a little boy running errands for you. It can't be that or we're fucked.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

It can't be that. And it's not just my happiness I'm interested in. It's obviously everybody's Happiness. And it's obviously my mother's happiness and my father's and everybody. So when we were. When I was doing therapy today, and I'm talking to this child who still believes deep down, like, I couldn't even say my mom is okay without me, without feeling pain. In a. In a very sensitive, relaxed state. I can set. Feel those feelings right. And I was like, the way through this is actually for adults, Pete, to go. But we all are okay. If this is God's dream, what aspect of the dream is more one with God, peace, happiness, completion, or less? Everything is only that. There is only that. So I can say my mother can be as unokay as she wants to be, can even look at things through whatever lens she wants to look at them through, because it doesn't matter. Every wave is the ocean, and the ocean is love and okayness. And so she can play whatever part. I read in the course this morning, it said, you can choose madness, but it will never be your reality. So it's saying, like, go ahead, have whatever. Have whatever you want.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Go be the mom. That's like, fine. But deep down, she is okay. But the way that I. I'm trying to say that to my child self, literally talking. My therapist is there, but I'm talking to my child self. I can't say my mother is inextricable from the love of God. I can't. Of awareness. I can't say that. I have to say, like, God is holding your mom.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So that's another way that I'm trying to regulate a different aspect of myself using language that I wouldn't use. And maybe there are other parts where I'm like, it's okay. We are your thing. Although I don't find much comfort in your thing, but go ahead.

[A]

Yeah, I. I guess. I guess I. Well, yeah, I could see how, you know, it's. It's more acceptable to say she's okay in the way that everybody is ultimately okay than it is, like, whether she's okay or not. I'm. That's not my job. I can't make her be okay. Only she can make herself be okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, all of those things might.

[B]

Buddy, look, I throw everything I have at least at it.

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

And it's not. I. I am not unstuck in that regard yet.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

So. So even you saying, yeah, chorist wound.

[A]

Of your life, it's. I think you can.

[B]

But I. You know, what I uncovered today, I used to at Lunch. Call my mom. When I was like in second, third, fourth grade, around 11:00am, I'd call my mom from the pay phone. It's actually kind of funny. I would ask to go to the bathroom. I would have a quarter or dime, probably. Yeah, a dime. There was a pay phone. And I'd call my mom. No area coordinated.

[A]

Cute.

[B]

Just dial it up.

[A]

So cute.

[B]

And she would. I'd say, can you come get me? I don't feel well. And she would come. And this is a story we tell with quite a lot of fondness. In fact, even as I say it, there is warmth to this story. It's sweet that the boy, the boy, the boy, the boy trusted and, and relied on the mom. And on one level, that is true. I wanted to be picked up so I could be okay. But there is another thing at play, which is I wanted her to pick me up and go home so I would know she was okay. Because my okayness was knowing that she was okay. So of course I was like, hey, come get me. And then as soon as I was with her and fulfilling that special purpose, that role, which I took pride in, that I make you happy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now I'm in the car and the joke in the family is I would eat my lunch on the way home. So obviously I'm not.

[A]

You were fine. Yeah.

[B]

Now, my mom did the best she could, but, like. And every generation should be doing a little bit better. Better.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I'm a sucker for Leela, but if she called and was like, I don't feel well, you know, you, you start. This is just modern. This is 2025. You start with, like, what are our resources? Like, I think you maybe need to go to the bathroom or maybe just take some breaths or maybe give it a minute and, you know, let's see what happens. Or. Or what are your symptoms? You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because it happened. And again, I want to acknowledge the sweetness of this. That's what makes this relationship so tricky, is I'm simultaneously going like, what a burden and what a weird, secret dynamic that I was. Like, I'm the golden boy that can make a whole entire grownup happy or not happy.

[A]

And not only that, but the grown up who's in charge of your survival.

[B]

So I can make her happy and then my life will get better.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not the big piece of chicken like Chris Rock, but it is like, I will unlock a whole new level of home life happiness if I do this. But it's also like. And so I feel the Burden and the sort of violation of that. And I feel like it's. It's sort of sweet. Like that's what makes it so tricky.

[A]

Right. Because that is what makes codependence tricky.

[B]

Excuse me. Can I talk to you for a second?

[A]

That is exactly. Codependence is still processing. It is. I need you to be okay before I can be okay.

[B]

Oh, Jesus.

[A]

And you know, the thing is, is that, like, love gets really entangled into that, especially if we're being taught that's what love is. So it can feel good. It's not. This is like the nuance of life is that things that are bad for us often do feel good in some initial stages or there's a part of it that does feel good.

[B]

It's funny that I said. Sorry.

[A]

No, please.

[B]

That I said cigarette, because having been a person who enjoyed nicotine in the past, not as a cigarette. Who cares? She says the gum. Listen, when my mom would pick me up as a child, that was the feeling was when I would be craving nicotine and I would take it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The feeling of getting in the car with my mom and being like, we're both okay now.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But like, you nailed it. That is. That is codependence is. I'm like, I wanted to be okay. That's true. But I needed her to be okay. To be okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I. I actually vaguely, you know, I can't quite get the. The exact wording right. But I remember, like, worrying about my mom. It manifested as missing my mom, but I'd be like. And then I'd go call her and go home, and then I'd be okay because I was getting a steady diet and continue to of, I'm only okay when I'm with you. To which I reply now as an adult, but, Mom, I'm never with you.

[A]

Yes, exactly. But that's the thing is because she believes that she also. The messaging wasn't at that when you were a child. It wasn't just, I'm only okay when I'm with you. It's, we are only okay when we're together.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's the two of you against the world.

[B]

Which is the same wound my mother had, by the way.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

I'm not saying that in her defense. I'm just saying this is a good running to have compassion and some understanding for my mom. But not. Nobody's being a child here and being like, ah, yeah. I'm just saying that's what happened with my mom. She had an alliance with one of her Parents.

[A]

Yeah. Well. And I often. I've said this before, but it seems to me, obviously there's nuance and variations, and it doesn't just apply to mothers, but with my mom friends, it seems like we all fall in one of two categories, which is either especially early on in the first, like, year, this belief of my kid is only okay with me, is only safe with me, or my kid is not safe with just me. I need help. I need other people around, which is the one that I had. And that's the rarer one where I'm like, you know, remember when Leela was a baby? Baby? I was like, I just feel like I might become like, a wild animal and, like, eat her or something.

[B]

I was, like, afraid that I. I've complimented this before. It's a weird response, but I'm like, of all the neuroses, that's the most. That's brilliant. It's like when I was stoned once and I was like, I'm the greatest threat to myself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I was like, I'm the one that keeps, like, doing psychedelics and all these danger. Like, I don't think that's it, but you know what I mean? Like.

[A]

Like, I'm making all the choices.

[B]

I'm the one that's like, yeah. I am not. Like, our safety is in the top five, but it's. It's not number one.

[A]

Yeah. Right.

[B]

And it should be.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I had. That's why I really related. I just finished the book night, and I really appreciated that because, like, giving night.

[B]

Ellie Wiesel. And you're calling me a nice.

[A]

Like, giving birth and the postpartum experience is so animalistic. At a time when our society. Because of our society, we haven't really gotten in touch with those primal parts of us. Most of us. So then you're. You're simultaneously being primed primal and feeling like more than ever, I have to keep my together and do. And be appropriate. That's the word. So it's like trying to hold, like, appropriateness with just animal urges, you know, and. And learning how to, like, trust your own animal urges, you know? So, anyway, that was a tangent, but the. The mothers who. And I have friends who, you know, their kids are four or five. I don't know, like, they. The ones who have more of the. Like, I actually can't trust other people with my kid.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have more of this burden. And my friends are all very enlightened, wonderful people, so they are doing a great job, but they have more of the, like, look out. That you don't fall into a category where you are passing that messaging on to your kid and that they aren't safe with anyone.

[B]

Well, that came up in a huge way. And I'm really realizing this. It's very humbling that I do have this echo of this wound.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And there is a temptation to pass on the narrative that, like, Leela, you're safest with me, and I have to be really. You see it in small ways. Like, I want to, like, tease a friend of hers or something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I have to, like, I'm not proud of that. I have to suppress it. Let's just say there's a kid that let. This is an imaginary kid that is, like, talks too much. That's not this. None of this is real. But I'll. I'll tease that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

As if to say. Or I'll stop myself from teasing it. As if to say, like, out there is nuts. Just stay in here.

[A]

Right. Yeah.

[B]

That's what I got a lot of.

[A]

But we both have. We're both doing that in different ways, which makes so much sense. This is what parenting is. Is like, you have the urge to be like, okay, I've never cared more about anything than I do about this kid being okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so, of course, my survival stuff of how I learned to be okay. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna be tempted to teach her that even though she's living in a completely different world with different parents and a whole different extent experience, so those things are sort of unnecessary and even inhibiting to her. And so that's a good example of yours, which is sort of like just other. Yourself from everyone so that you know that you are better. And then you're. You'll be okay. Which you do a great job at prevent not doing that, at stopping yourself. I'm talking about the tendency now. What you actually.

[B]

No, no, there's. There's been. This month, for some reason, I've been going like, oh, no. I've been making mistakes that I didn't even know. Even if it's like giving Leela. I gave her. I had some apogen, which is chamomile and l. Theanine and magnesium.

[A]

And you gave her a cachava.

[B]

It's because. Well, I wasn't. I'm not sure. I think I stand by the cacho.

[A]

But I don't know. I don't know.

[B]

Maybe makaroot.

[A]

I mean, I'm drinking it right now.

[B]

I don't know. But. But. But it's because you gave her a. This is boring. I was curious if those supplements are okay for children. Turns out there isn't enough research to say if they're safe. Oh, by the way, Ken Bishop, our doctor friend, can chime in here, so text me if you hear this one, Kenny. But I had been giving her what I take to sleep, which now that I'm saying that, I'm like, shit. Like, there have just been a couple things this week that I just was like, oh, that was just a pure kind of mistake. Oh, what was the other one? I told you something else.

[A]

I don't. I don't remember, but here's why. Because you were solo parenting and I just literally had this moment because I was about to say, I feel like that we're role reversing because I'm usually the one that's like, boy, I've been failing at parenting lately. And you're like, we're doing great. But it's because I'm generally the one that's solo parenting.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

And so of course, that's all to say, of course you are having that experience because you're just doing more hands on parenting, so there's gonna be a. A few more flops. That being said, I really did want to say to you on air, on record, that you are such a good dad. You're like the best dad there's ever been. She is so obsessed with you. And of course she is, because you are the safest, softest, but also like, so, like, so strong. And I'm getting all these Instagram ads about, or ads, whatever, videos about, like, specifically how the role that fathers play in development, in development, and then like, even specifically for girls. And it's all just stuff that you do naturally. Like, the rough and tumble play is so important for her resilience and the slight pushing towards, like, you got this. You can do it. Like, you're doing that just naturally and always have, like, used to, like, wiggle her little baby body in a way that I was like, her spine, like, is it. It hasn't formed. You know, like, you're just like. And I am. And she's so rad and so fearless. And I know it's because of that.

[B]

I really appreciate that.

[A]

But then also, you're so tender with her and you, you had that great moment with her where you sort of got frustrated and she was having big feelings and you were saying like this, you know, our feelings are like clouds in the sky.

[B]

She was throwing a tantrum because I was Trying to get her to go on a playdate, which is uniquely frustrating.

[A]

Because she was stopping watching.

[B]

Right, Right. We were watching a movie, and then we were gonna stop. The movie was over. We were now gonna go. That's important to me. I didn't stop it in the middle. It's not the 80s.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, we're done. We even watched the credits. Okay, now we're gonna go on this playdate that you want to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she was having a hard time with transitions, which is. Me, too, bro. Yeah, me too.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

So she was throwing a tantrum, but then she almost knocked a bottle. Like, a big. Like, huge bottle of glass water. She knocked it over in her thrashing. So it's spilling, and it's almost breaking this glass. So, like, that's just too much. Like, it just floods you with this thing. And there was no, like, big eruption, but there was frustration, frustration, frustration. And, yeah, I. I was just. It was. It's beautiful. Having a kid whose feelings you make space for is such a great reminder to make space for your own feelings. I know. What is this? Are we gonna put swelling violin music behind this?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm just saying. I said to her, and it was helpful. I was like, it's happening. I didn't say this, but it's happening to me right now. We. Our feelings come and they go.

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[B]

We can manage them. And your feelings are okay, and Dada's feelings are okay. We can. We can deal with it if it's mentionable. It's manageable. And I did say it's like a cloud in the sky. It comes and it goes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, Dad, I was frustrated, and you were. Whatever that was. I'm just kidding.

[A]

Whatever the hell that was.

[B]

And she's. Now that she's almost seven, she's really starting to, like, I don't know, come online in such a great way.

[A]

Well, it. You know, I've often admittedly looked at the fact that we're all three highly sensitive, easily overwhelmed, very big feelers as, like, a negative of, like, you know, Dr. Becky's. Dr. Becky Kennedy's thing of, like, be a sturdy pilot. You know, like, be confident and calm and so that they know you've got it. And we're like. And we are that so often. But then also sometimes we're like, leela.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. But where I think are, like, maybe very. I think that's a good goal to shoot for. But then when we fail at that, like, a great plan B is being like, hey, we're Just like you. So you actually belong perfectly in this family and we get it. And when, when I'm like this, which I just was, and you just saw me, I am trying to remember that.

[B]

And this is the repair.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

This is the repair.

[A]

Because at least she gets a sense of belonging and she gets to see.

[B]

She'S in our tribe.

[A]

Two people who are also just living through this kind of deeply feeling.

[B]

When I'm like world, I'm like, dad got frustrated. That was a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For both of us. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, that's great. Let me share this one little self serving story because it's just such a win.

[A]

Oh, the bad. Oh no. Why do bad things happen? Oh yeah, that's what you're gonna say.

[B]

No, no, no. We can do that after the mid roll maybe.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't know how I, I don't know. I hope that's interesting. But what happened? This is just so much more down to earth. You got on your bike, you were riding Leela on your bike and you, you picked up a long piece of that plastic, like tape, rope.

[A]

Yeah, like they, you use it to like wrap around boxes.

[B]

Yeah. Like a heavy duty box. Yeah, it's like you need a box cutter to cut this stuff. It's very, very strong, but it's, you know, it looks like ribbon but thinner white. And you got it pulled up into the gears of your bicycle and you had to stop. And he called me. I was at the grocery store, Flex. Shopping for the family. Flex. And I was like, I'll come get you, Flex.

[A]

Leela was with me and yeah, flex.

[B]

Nice. So I went and got you. And it was just every dad like me who really tries to like have these things, like I'm like extra shoes in the car, blankets in the car, first aid kits in the car, flashlights, cash, like all these things. I'm just always like, what could you need?

[A]

You plan for the long term emergencies and I plan for what we're doing for that day.

[B]

That's exactly right. I plan like a lot of this is based on the New York City blackout. And I remember I said this before Nick Kroll was like, you need to have small bills. Like nobody had change. So there's like a wad of fives in my backpack that's in that car.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

And I'm just so proud.

[A]

You just hear me getting into the car.

[B]

That's hilarious. How hard up for cash? So anyway, I pull up. There you are. What a joy. Damsels in distress. Look, it's not about gender. I'm just saying there you were in need, and I got to pull up, go in the car. Me not fucking.

[A]

I'm trying to think of Nick Offerman.

[B]

Not Nick Offerman. Me. Thank you. I went in, was like, I think we can cut this out. Got a knife out of the emergency bag. Yeah, cut it. And I was like. And I was cool about it. I was really going, like, this is awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My daughter gets to see that I am like a knife having dad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then Leila said several times, dad, you're so prepared.

[A]

A word. I didn't even know she knew.

[B]

And then I gave her a ride home, and she was like, you were so prepared. She said again. And I was like, oh, my God, this is a dad highlight for me.

[A]

And, you know, not to soil it, but, God, it is kind of. I'm trying to not, like, be resentful of the fact that, like, when we go to the beach or the pool, like, I'm.

[B]

You're prepared.

[A]

I've packed everything.

[B]

She could.

[A]

Every. Every ones. I. Again, I didn't know she knew the word prepare.

[B]

I know. No, but she does. And she'll. I'm. Look, I know she's really about data, but I'm constantly trying to go, like, look at mom. Look at Mom. Look at Mom.

[A]

No, it's fine.

[B]

And I do think a lot of it has to do with. With the fact that she thinks I'm, like, not okay. Sometimes she'll be like, like, I got selected for extra security coming home. We'll talk a little bit about our trip.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I got randomly selected, and they were going through my bags, and I was just. Probably just standing there looking annoyed. And Leela was like, you're. You weren't. Okay, you're hurt. They were hurting you. And I was like.

[A]

She hated it.

[B]

And I was doing, like, a pretty rocking job. You did?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Of being just like. They were really. I mean.

[A]

Yeah. You were just annoyed.

[B]

Look, everyone, if you are listening to this and you work for the tsa, I mean, this respect and apologies on behalf of the non TSA people who are so rude to you guys. Yeah, I'm being real.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, man, I hated the way you went through my bag. Everything was touched, everything was unfolded, and then it's just hate. They zipped it up, and there were just things in the tray that were in the bag. It's just like, don't even zip it up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just give it back and go, here, start over.

[A]

Yeah, Start packing over.

[B]

Now that my me Is all in here. Yeah, start over.

[A]

My DNA is all on your shirts.

[B]

Your biz, your business. Okay, now we'll go to the mid rolls. We're so glad you're here. We'll talk about. We can talk. Leela asked me why bad things happen to good. Why bad things happen.

[A]

Why bad things happen. What a bad thing happening good people.

[B]

What if she said that? I'd be like, are you okay? Like that's an insane question for a child.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And I'd love to talk a little bit about our trip to Hawaii.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I also took a trip.

[A]

Home to see your parents.

[B]

So we have a lot when we come back. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Mud Water. This warm, delicious mix of cacao, chai and adaptogenic mushrooms that gives you a warm, grounded feeling and a boost of energy when you need it. Not jacked, but earthy and solid for when 3pm rolls around and you're losing energy but you don't want another cup of coffee and the jitters that come with it. And best of all, Mud Water is delicious and has no crash. It's 100% organic, gluten free and vegan. It's a coffee coffee alternative that's so chock full of goodness it's no wonder makes you feel amazing. My energy's up and maybe even more importantly, my sleep is improved now that I'm getting more natural energy and drinking less coffee. So if you are ready to make the switch to cleaner energy, head to Mud Water. M U D W T R Just remember, water doesn't. We don't have time for vowels with water. Mudwalcher.com and grab your stuff. Starter kit today. Right now, our listeners get an exclusive deal. Up to 43 off your entire order plus free shipping and a free rechargeable frother when you use Code weird. That's right up to 43 off with code weird@mud wtr.com after your purchase they'll ask us how you found them. And please show your support and let them know that we sent you. Keep your energy natural and refreshing all year long with Mud Water because life's too short for anything less than delicious clean energy. And another energy friend we have is Magic Mind. Always you see the guests on our show drinking little shots of Magic Mind. I have them here on my desk. Magic Mind is a magical elixir that makes you focus better on your work, be more creative and drink less coffee. It's like flow state in the bottle doesn't get you jittery gets you dialed in. It's like athletes have Gatorade now. Creators have creator aid. It's a mix of 12 functional ingredients, including matcha nootropics that make you focus and adaptogens that help fight off stress. So do more stress, less. With Magic Mind, you can fight off procrastination, brain fog, fatigue, and some ADD symptoms. I can attest to that. And drops you into that flow state. I actually have a special offer for listeners from our friends at Magic Mind along. You have to do is go to magicmind.com weird and use our discount code at checkout, which is surprise, surprise, weird. It's a game changer. Get it in your life. Get 20% off with promo code. Weird. Magic mind dot com. What is back.

[A]

We're back. What is this? It's Kenny G. You do that. You. It's from you. You.

[B]

I do it at night when I'm telling Leela a bedtime story.

[A]

That's what it is. Thank you.

[B]

And she won't stop moving around. I go, the story will continue when you're calm and just like, look, respect to Kenny G. But she doesn't like it, so she settles down.

[A]

One of the things.

[B]

Well, she. I don't think she likes that. I'm. She knows the game.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And she wants the story.

[A]

You know how you've been putting on idle moments, The.

[B]

The one of the greatest jazz records of all time. Grant Green.

[A]

Grant Green. Okay.

[B]

Idol moments like that.

[A]

What is the difference between that and smooth jazz?

[B]

Great question. Swing is the answer.

[A]

Swing. There's a little swing to smooth jazz.

[B]

There's no swing.

[A]

There's no swing.

[B]

Does this.

[A]

And they don't mean a thing.

[B]

Does this swing. You're swinging.

[A]

Yeah, you're right. Yeah.

[B]

That's swing.

[A]

Okay. I feel really, honestly relieved because I remember my parents listening to smooth jazz 105.3. Yeah. And I.

[B]

Your parents are a leather chair from Costco. And smooth jazz.

[A]

I know. And I was starting to be afraid that, like, it's inevitable that as you get older, you just are gonna want to listen to smooth jazz. And then you've been playing that. And I've been really enjoying. Really, really enjoying it.

[B]

I'm not a. I did cut you out of that situation with a knife. But another way that I'm cool. It actually shout out to Lexington High School and my. Oh, man. What is his name? Mr. Leonard. Yes.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Mr. Leonard, who was my music teacher in high school, and he taught us all about jazz.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I had friends like Jack Hamilton And Alec and Elon. Elon is a jazz. Elon Mailer is a jazz pianist now. And Steve Hart. I'm just trying to name check these people in case they hear it. They were all cool in the way your brother is cool. But they knew. So I had. Sorry.

[A]

Well, I had the same upbringing because my best friend Rachel growing up was in the jazz band, which was the higher up. You were like an orchestra or if you were very good, you could audition for jazz band.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

So she was a jazz pianist and she like has now makes her.

[B]

She is a pianist.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And it was all of the. It was like the kind of the sexually active band nerds were in the jazz. Nice. We're like, you know, like I remember probably I've shared this but like all of the theater kids and the like jazz band kids hung out on this like grassy knoll. And like Alex. Oh, it starts with a beat. Bot. Botkin. Botnik.

[B]

Botnik.

[A]

Something. No. Anyway, this guy from our school would like be laying in the sun playing a trumpet.

[B]

God help us.

[A]

And I was like, these are the coolest people I've ever met.

[B]

Did he have a playing card in this fedora? I mean like it's, it's like, I think you should leave. He has dice in his pocket.

[A]

But like just quit fucking with them.

[B]

One of the things that I'm really grateful for is Mr. Leonard and the arts program in Massachusetts public schools in general. But also just the fact that there were all these guys and, and women and women that played jazz. And because of it, like I was going back to say like not a lot of cool things happening over here but Grant Green and then Charles Mingus and Charlie Parker and obviously Miles Davis and just a little. And then a little awareness. Oh, this is such a self serving episode. I really like it.

[A]

Enjoy it. Dish it up.

[B]

Yeah. But like just to know what one of the blocks to enjoying say classical music is. People don't, including me, don't understand the structure of it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Somebody in college, we started to learn the structure of classical music. Like I remember being like this is part A and this is part B. And now this is part A again. And I was just like, yeah, but a blues and jazz like it. You can go like. And now he's soloing or.

[A]

Or like and they're all soloing and.

[B]

Now the drums are so. But then they go back to the right. It's like rap. It's like there's the chorus and now the guy's going to rap and. And then there's the chorus again. And, like, just that. What a gift.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I love. And I'm really touched that you like.

[A]

It because, well, I have been enjoying it.

[B]

I'll go to Leela. I go, what kind of music is this? And she goes, jazz. I'm like, look, you can think I'm a dorky dad, but later maybe you'll think, this is okay.

[A]

There is something to, you know, it's. I'm just interested in the aspect of, like, because I think if I listened to it in high school, it was because I was, like, trying to like it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But as you. I am interested in, like, as you get older, you, without your permission, you start liking things that older people like, you know, like, when I was a kid, I couldn't believe how much my parents loved sipping coffee and looking at trees. And I was just like, that seems like the most boring thing you could possibly do. And then, like, I got old enough where that's all I want to do, as, you know, especially in the mornings. And then, like, this music is now appealing to me, I think, potentially because I have all these thoughts. Or like, I remember I would ride in the car with my mom, and I used. I used to be like, how are you not listening to music like you should? And I still listen to music almost every time I'm in the car. But sometimes. Sometimes I really am, like, I need it silent for the 10 minutes that it takes to go to this restaurant. I just need silent. So there is.

[B]

Sometimes I'll trickle you to listen to nothing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then it's so great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then out of nowhere, she's like, I want to hear Space Unicorn.

[A]

Yeah. And then we. This is sort of a segue, although it's not in order, but we were recently with your parents, and we just spent two days. No music at their house. With your mom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I found a lot of comfort in, like, the house is quiet. You can just watch birds going into the. Like, going to the bird feeder. I was really craving, like, I was enjoying sort of the Wes Anderson y sort of, like, tangibility of things. Like, you're like, there's a paper and there's a lamp that isn't particularly beautiful but is, like, highly functional because it's specifically for sitting in this chair and reading this paper.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, you know, and there's a little.

[B]

Table for this cup of coffee.

[A]

Yes. And there's a table for the pills and a table for the. The, like, glasses. And where are the glasses? And this is. Oh, this is Jay's Glasses. But he's only one degree less and, you know, intensity than me. So it'll work. Like, I don't know how to explain it except for the simplicity and the tangibility of everything I was finding incredibly calming and nice. And so then I was like, oh, shit, I'm getting old if I'm really liking this, you know?

[B]

Yeah. You sound like a. You're seeing it clearly. Because when I'm sitting in that living room, one of those tables is a bedside table that I had in my apartment in Brooklyn.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I look at it and like, look, in my parents defense, there is something going on where it's like, you can't win.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

From the kid's perspective.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's like, if you did this, I'd be like, if you did that, I'd be like. So, like, I'm full of a specific kind of in this regard, but I see that they have my shitty IKEA desk drawers that I used as an end table and they're using it as an end table. And I'm just sort of like, take Rob Bell, for example. Such a lover of things and beautiful things and specific things and well designed things. And I'm really like, curious about people who really care about the way their house looks. And Rupert Spire is that way. He's like, they, they design it to be. He even writes this like your, Your home is a reflection of your interior and you want it to be beautiful and it can remind you of your beauty when you're not feeling very beautiful. Of course, this is true of anyone that's taken like a Frank Lloyd Wright tour or something. You're like, oh, I just feel better.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm in that same room and I'm looking at that end table and just going like, yeah. Does it all just have to be like, here's a thing we found and I'll just use it?

[A]

Yes, but. Right, that's.

[B]

I'm. I'm also saying they can't win. No, they can't win.

[A]

I'm totally with you because. Well, I really relate to that. I. I care very much about how my house looks and how, you know, the aesthetics of things. But. Yes, I don't have the associations with every piece of furniture.

[B]

Well, you can see clearly that you have. Yeah, you can even see my folks clearly. In fact, that's what the work is, the therapy and the trip home for. As you know, there were a couple moments, literally like three moments where I felt like flooded with a feeling. Oh, my God, I'm so Happy to share this. So Matt McCarthy, who is. I know I use the phrase emotional genius with you, and I feel like my brother John is an emotional genius. But I mean it for all of you. And Matt is an emotional genius as well. Matt McCarthy, who. We tour together, and we were talking about PTSD, trauma responses. Just like overreact, if you don't like the word. The term. Ptsd. Overreactions.

[A]

Right. Yeah.

[B]

That's all it. All it means.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Habitual overreactions is ptsd.

[A]

True. It's that simple.

[B]

And he was like. The way he likes to think about it is There's a book on potty training. This is all Matt. He goes, There's a book on potty training that they used with their son and that there's three or four, I can never remember four maybe phases of potty training. One is I. I peed. You're teaching a kid to use the toilet. The first step is to get them to notice I peed. My pants are wet. Two is the next level of sophistication is I'm peeing right here. Oh, it's happening.

[A]

Yeah. You don't stop body. Yeah.

[B]

No, it's. It's too late. I think. I think it's just. It's happening. I will have peed. I'm peeing. Three is I need to pee. And that's when you can get some sense of control. Yeah, I need to pee. It's better than I peed. It's better than I'm peeing. I need to pee. You have some choice. I'm gonna go to the potty. Yeah, but.

[A]

And then the fourth one is a upper decker.

[B]

I think the fourth is this guy. I'm gonna leave a floater in the upper part of the toilet. We'll see who's. I don't know. So I noticed that was happening a couple moments with my parents. I would have. I peed. Meaning I had no awareness.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My mom, I. I've. I'm very particular. You guys have probably noticed. I'm very particular about balance in my life. My father and I love him. He did the best and, you know, all that he could.

[A]

That could be true and.

[B]

No, that is true.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did work a lot, so that's sort of a trigger for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So one of the reasons I'm probably so obsessed with being home as much as I can and only doing, typically one weekend a month of touring, that's all. Because I'm like, I'm not. I want to have a different style. And I've Explained that to my mom many times, but she still will say, like, of course, you. You. You're always working. She said this. You're always working. It's all about you. So I don't even. You're always traveling without your women or whatever. Said something like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like, it's interesting. I always say, like, a smoke bomb, but, you know, like, when you. If you drop a bath bomb into water. That's actually what I mean. And if it was very colorful and just. Just kind of spreads.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The feeling starts, let's say, in my chest or my stomach, and it just immediately fills my body with like, I'm flooded.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm flooded instantly with this very lemony, like, lemon juice feeling.

[A]

Yeah. Sour.

[B]

Sour. But specifically lemon sour. Not Sour Patch Kids sour. Oh, no. Which is like a. It's deeply unpleasant. It's like a shock. It's like. It's. It's very real feeling.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That was. I peed. I didn't. Not that we need to stop these things, but like, it was too late. And then there were other time, like, because. And in that moment, to finish the story, I considered saying, mom, I only tour once a month.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm home most of the time.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I was like, this felt really good. I was like, I've told her that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dozens of times. They don't sell milk here. They only sell screws and hammers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So let's just let it go. Let it go and be with me. Let's put the effort towards me to go like, wow, that really dysregulated me and made me feel lousy or worse, afraid, scared, sad, angry, and. And breathe with it. We've been doing the three part breath, which is something I saw Andrew Huberman talking about, which is just this. Right. So you. A full breath in what?

[A]

Just I imagine when you're only hearing that, that it's not totally clear what.

[B]

You'Re doing, but maybe I don't think there's a better medium. Think of video without sound. Sound is what you want.

[A]

Okay, go ahead, go ahead.

[B]

Sound is the best one.

[A]

Okay. Your eyes are crazy.

[B]

Just sound like this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's called the psychological or something. Psi physiological sigh. And I'm doing that. Just sitting with my mom. Just doing it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Huberman says it's the most researched, quickest way to calm your body down.

[A]

Mm. Love it.

[B]

But then there were other moments as we were there where I was like, I got to it. I was like, I need to pee. I'm not just gonna have the reaction. I see something that's happening, and I have the whole team here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm telling them that it's okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is what happens.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It might be disappointing. It might be upsetting, but I got you. That's. The whole thing is I've got you. It's, oh, we're safe. This has happened before, this exact thing. And just kind of going with it and being very allowing. If the. If the feeling happens that's not a failure, you just go. And we can handle that feeling, too. And that makes it so much easier.

[A]

Yeah. You did a great job. It really, you know, there was a big difference in this. In this visit. And, you know, it just occurred to me, I wonder if we've talked about on this podcast, how you will often gauge whether or not you're safe with a person by giving them sort of a series of tests that they don't know that they're taking.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like by being extra. By being extra.

[B]

Yeah, by being extra.

[A]

And. And seeing how they respond to that. And then that's.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

How you know that you're safe. And then you'll settle into, like, who you are. And your mom might be doing that with sort of, like, critiques or insults.

[B]

She is, probably. Yeah. And that's why she likes you.

[A]

Well, we. We had a great.

[B]

Stick around for it.

[A]

Yeah. And we had. And. Because I don't know how. I honestly don't know how. I think, because I kind of understand her in a way, or potentially it could just be. No. You mean that I don't have the wounds.

[B]

You made that hilarious point.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's so easy to forgive your partner's parents.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

That I'm like, you said something about your mom, and it's like, can you forgive this enabling behavior? And I'm like, yeah, no problem.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's just easier. It's. One of the gifts of life is to have another set of old people, older people, that you can be like, I do forgive you effortlessly and easy. Yeah, done.

[A]

Yep. Exactly. And luckily, our. Our wounds with our parents aren't really similar. Like, your mom is not like my mom. So I don't have the wound of a overly critical parent. If I did, that might be really hard for me. But we sat down, and I'm honestly saying this because I think it's funny. We sat down and I was wearing, like, what I would call, like, sensible wedges, but they had a slight heel. I guess that's the only thing I can think of. And she was like, look, at your floozy shoes. You're trying to be a floozy again. Because she used to say that I was a floozy when I, like, bleached my hair.

[B]

A floozy being, like, a sex worker or, like, somebody who's loose. What they would say.

[A]

See, I think of it as, like, a Marilyn Monroe.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's true. Sex workers. Too extreme. But yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A woman out on the town.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And she's looking for some fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Floozy.

[A]

And she's like, you're being a floozy again. This is, like, the first one of the first things she said to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I just went, yeah, I can't help myself. And then she laughed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then it was.

[B]

And now this is giving me the, like, a cold sweat. It's so true.

[A]

What, that she.

[B]

That it's what I do.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That there's these tests, and if you just are like, I'm here for it.

[B]

I'm very. I don't even know how I feel.

[A]

You're not. But you don't do it in the same way you do. You know what I mean? Like, you're not criticizing people.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. But if. But of course it is similar, and that's okay. It's all right.

[A]

Absolutely. And you have become very aware of that. And you aren't.

[B]

No, no, don't worry about it. This is funny. Stay on your.

[A]

But. Yeah, but. And then there were a couple other things. Like, quickly, like, within 15 minutes, like, it was like I said, you know, we didn't sleep that well. And she was like, well, you're dragging Lila around everywhere. Of course she didn't. And then he. She's. She caught herself on that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she was.

[B]

She was trying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she's trying.

[A]

Well, not dragging her around, you know.

[B]

No, no, no. I. I see my mom making huge efforts, and I really appreciate it.

[A]

And again, because I don't feel any reaction in my body by her saying, you're dragging Leela around. I'm able to go, hey, you. Like, I didn't say this, but feel I'm able to really lean heavily on the. Like, oh, you stopped yourself and caught yourself and changed. Like, that means a lot that I feel.

[B]

Look, this is the message here. Every Pete needs a Val, and every. And every Val needs absolutely you. Would you get energized and enlivened by these. These prickly. Yes, I'll go to Mia. Like artistic weirdos.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we need the. I need these Soft.

[A]

Soft.

[B]

Looks like a Charmin commercial. Like a cake. Like, you know that cave Luke is in where his feet are frozen in the ceiling? It's that. But made out of toilet paper. Like soft, clean toilet paper. Just cotton everywhere. And there's no monster. It's you. And you come in and you've made dinner. Like, it's just there's. There's a real sort of. Both my parents, you know, would have done well with somebody like you. I know that's weird to say. Maybe. But my mom did say she was like, you are. You're everything I wish I could be.

[A]

Well, that's the thing is she said that about you passed the test. She softened.

[B]

Yeah. But she, she also sees that you can say yes to reality. That you are able to enjoy others sincerely and without trying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That you can like just that. Behold people and love them. And the Holmes is for all of our foibles. We really want to love people. My mom wants to love.

[A]

That's the people.

[B]

My father, obviously they both want and do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They have big flare ups of love. And then a lot of times I have to imagine they're like me where they're just a little disappointed that they feel pinched or closed. And then we look at people like you and we're like, well, you know, it's so silly to be like, you're my rock. But there is this sort of like foundation thing where I'm like, I. I don't mean to make it a compliment about myself, but I'm like, if I can be with this person all the time, maybe it'll rub off on me. You know what I mean?

[A]

I, I find comfort in that too. I soothe myself when. Cuz like the truth is, is that's all very sweet and I will receive that because I do think that's one of my strengths. But that's also one of my strengths because I have a whole other just different set of weaknesses. Of course not that one.

[B]

No, I know.

[A]

You know and, and I'll soothe myself when I'm being hard on myself by being like, you know, I don't think I'm such a damaged person because like HBO's Crashings, Pete Holmes is my husband.

[B]

So that's so good.

[A]

No, no, it's not. Obviously it's not about your career, but like. No, I know because I'm like, I have such a cool quality.

[B]

You know what it is it person. Sorry.

[A]

No go.

[B]

I love it. It's Titanic. We know this. The thief Jack needs to be with the princess Kate I'm not. And by the way, it's not about gender. That's just how it goes. One way that it can work is the swashbuckler. And I know it's silly to call me the swashbuckler, but I saw the.

[A]

Size of your knife.

[B]

Oh, my God. When I cut you free from that entanglement.

[A]

That's right. You really did.

[B]

I know. I felt weird walking with it. I was like, this is a big knife.

[A]

Yeah. You, like, showed it to me. It was so. And we were like facing the road, cars going by, and you're like, look, I didn't.

[B]

I didn't. Yes. But there's something. That pairing is correct. Kate Winslet's character in Titanic needs to learn how to take up space. He teaches her to spit in. What's his name? Billy.

[A]

Billy Zane.

[B]

Billy Zane's face.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's taking up space. And she teaches him that he belongs on the boat, that he can dance and he's allowed to be happy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they fuck in a Model T. And that's just. It's not the only way it can work, but it's one of the ways it works. It makes sense.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. That is sort of our romance.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

A romance.

[B]

Yes. And you have the stone. You have the heart. The heart stone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we're. And you have it all along. You didn't throw it in the ocean after all. No. And that's what I'm drawn. You know, that's the metaphor. It's perfect.

[A]

Right? Yeah.

[B]

But sorry. Sorry to belabor it. I think we've already made the point. Standing on the front of the boat and putting your arms out is literally taking up space.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

He's saying, like, go to the front of the boat.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And feel the wind and put your arms out. And trust me. Me. And trust reality. It's the whole thing.

[A]

I just truly always wanted a love like Titanic. And we have it.

[B]

And I. And I wanted it too. And she's like, come to dinner. Put on a tuxedo. You can be at the table. You belong. It's okay.

[A]

At the table.

[B]

You can stop pushing people away now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because we're not in some alley playing dice, whatever it is. Yeah. It's very Titanic.

[A]

I literally was about to open my mouth to try to sing the Titanic song, the, like, flute part. And I. All I could hear was because I already sort of had like a flute sounding melody.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wonderful.

[A]

Well, I'll never let Go, Jack. And yeah. And good, Good work.

[B]

Yeah, you too.

[A]

Good job being you.

[B]

It was a good visit and great shows. Thanks to everybody that came out.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

All right.

[A]

All right, you guys.

[B]

Sorry we've been away. Glad we're back.

[A]

We're back. The kids back in school.

[B]

We finally have time to record again.

[A]

Get used to, start settling into the idea that. Settling that you will be hearing us talk about how manic we are in the fall. Like we're back to buckle up. It's hard to believe that it's been a year since we've been. Since we've talked about that.

[B]

The fall.

[A]

The fall. Pete and the fall. That is a premium.

[B]

God.

[A]

Premium.

[B]

Pete in the summer. Needs Pete in the fall so bad.

[A]

I know.

[B]

There's only one thing to do is just wait for him. It's already happening.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I'm ripped. This whole podcast. This is me. I've been, you know, insane. People that drive with the gas and they're breaking a little bit at the same time. They drive with two feet. That was me. This whole podcast. Because I'm just ripped. Constantly ripped. Swimming. You can run. You should run.

[A]

Yes, absolutely.

[B]

Fucking get it. All right. Thanks for being here.

[A]

All right, everybody. Keep it crispy.