You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

"We Made It Weird #228" – September 26, 2025

Hosts: Pete Holmes & Valerie
Theme: Exploring Secret Genius, Personal Weirdness, and Mental Wellness

Episode Overview

This week's episode of "We Made It Weird" (#228) features Pete Holmes and his wife, Valerie, diving into what makes people "weird," how personal quirks and mental health shape our lives, and the everyday magic in coincidence and self-insight. The pair swing between playfulness and depth, riffing on everything from numerology to hygiene to the limits of human bandwidth for world news, all with the blend of earnestness and self-deprecating comedy that defines their dynamic.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Meta-ness of “We Made It Weird” (05:02–06:18)

• The Show’s Heart: Pete riffs on the real hook of the podcast—not the topics per se, but the chemistry between him and Valerie. “What’s really gripping, engaging, and grappling about the show is our dynamic, Valerie.” (05:15)
• Valerie’s Confession: For the first time, Valerie says she “understands the show,” having listened back and reflected on its vibe (05:44).

2. Numerology, Math, and Pattern Recognition (06:02–08:40)

• Valerie’s Birthday Episode: The number 228 (her birthday) spirals into musings on numerology, movie obsessions with numbers ("A Beautiful Mind"), and how math as a discipline can feel insane when stretched too far.
• Pete’s Joke: “I love when numerologists realize that all numbers are numbers that are added or subtracted.” (06:18)

3. News, Media, and Overwhelm (09:13–15:45)

• Getting News via Friends: Pete proudly admits he gets news “from people,” especially his friend Matt McCarthy:
  “I get my news from one guy, so it’s biased and off-kilter and lopsided just like everybody. But at least I know it’s one fucking guy.” (10:52)
• Modern Bandwidth: Both discuss their vulnerability and feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to be globally informed, pointing out that human brains are still “meat puppets” evolved for small, tribal communities.
• Valerie: “I look around our house and I’m seeing 50 tasks I have to do… none of them are things that I want to do. We’re always sort of living at capacity.” (15:01)
• Pete: “I think there are people who have a lot of bandwidth... But I also… sometimes I feel that way about people that get really into completionist video games. You just must have a different kind of brain.” (14:06)

4. The Thin Line Between Insight and Mania (16:28–20:57)

• Pattern-seeking and Psychosis:
  They discuss how looking for meaning in everything can be both spiritual and a sign of mental instability—“A stereotypically unstable person sees meaning in all things.” (17:18)
• Ram Dass Anecdote: Pete brings up Ram Dass’ story about visiting his brother in a psychiatric facility:
  “‘I’m Jesus Christ.’ And Ram Dass was like, ‘Me too. But I don’t think we mean this in the same way.’” (17:44)
• Psychosis Defined: Pete: “Psychosis is what I believe, plus your ego.” (18:15)

5. Synchronicity vs. Delusion (22:09–23:08)

• Peanut Farmer Coincidences: The pair marvel at how they'd independently referenced Jimmy Carter as a peanut farmer before being reminded by a TV show—acknowledging life's “magical, weird things” but stopping short of acting on every coincidence.
• Magic & Reality: Pete: “We just go, like, ‘Whoa.’ But we don’t go, ‘Okay, sell all our bonds or something.’” (22:38)

6. Trauma, Motherhood, & Staying Grounded (24:16–26:39)

• Parenthood Anchors: Valerie describes her commitment not to “lose it,” especially after having their daughter, Leela:
  “I remember seeing the words pregnant on the pregnancy test, and the feeling I had was, you’ve got to keep it together forever now.” (25:02)
• Earthiness Over Abstraction: Having gone from whimsy to practicality, Valerie stresses grounding herself: “Sandra Bullock kissing the ground in Gravity and just being like, ‘I’m staying here.’” (25:44)
• Rupert Spira’s Teaching: Pete repeats Rupert’s insight on reality as an “illusion,” clarifying: “Illusion just means it’s not what it appears to be. You think there’s a snake in your garage… turns out it’s a rope.” (26:39)

7. Accepting What Is—Mental Wellness Strategies (37:09–44:57)

• Thankfulness as Practice: Pete discusses his struggle with anxiety and shares a tool:
  “The one practice that would be enough is to say thank you for everything.” (40:53)
• Valerie on Anxiety: “You can’t feel gratitude and anxiety at the same time. So it is sort of just shifting that.” (41:01)
• Parenting Analogy: Valerie likens emotional work to conscious parenting—suggesting connection (not control) is the path forward: “When you’re trying to get your kid to do something and they’re not, the first thing you should do is try to connect.” (43:45)

8. Mind, Body, and Present Moment (48:01–49:40)

• Embodied Awareness: Pete explains how returning to physical sensation roots him in the present:
  “When you go to the body… you are going directly to the spacious field that you do label body.” (49:04)
• Eckhart Tolle Plug: Valerie: “He says that the body is one of the most effective portals to the present moment.” (49:40)

9. Bit Dump: Peanut Butter, Hygiene, & Puberty (53:26–64:44)

• Peanut Butter People: Funny riff on how some people (mostly men, supposedly) are obsessed with peanut butter. “You don't even exist. That's how much like dust you taste [walnut butter].” – Pete (53:43)
• Adolescent Hygiene: Pete recalls his seventh-grade primping and experimentation with deodorants, gel, and skincare driven by the urge to impress and fit in:
  “Once I figured out that, like, deodorant was a rite of passage, I was like, oh, I can't wait to wear deodorant.” (57:21)
• Relatable Frustrations: Valerie voices annoyance that Pete never washes his face but still has great skin:
  “It’s very much frustrating to me that you don’t wash your face and your skin is great.” (60:13)
• Pete’s Old-Man Tip: “Coconut oil in the sock drawer. So when I get my socks, there it is… Oil up those [toenails]. And it's been working like gangbusters.” (62:15)

10. Love, Shadows, and "You've Got Mail" (65:04–70:10)

• Movie as Metaphor for Real Relationships:
  • Pete and Valerie dissect the character dynamics of "You've Got Mail" as a metaphor for accepting each other's flaws in relationships:
  • “You know that I’m Fox Books. And when I say it was me, I know you say, ‘I was hoping it was you.’” – Pete (68:09)
  • Valerie: “That’s what he’s saying is like, this is my shadow. And can you love me anyway?” (69:48)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On News Avoidance:
  “If you hit a part where you’re like, ‘oh, this isn’t for me,’ don’t swap to Smartless. Just maybe skip forward a couple minutes, because I promise you, it’s like the weather in Maine. Wait five minutes.”
  – Pete Holmes (00:37)
• On Pattern-Seeking:
  “A stereotypically unstable person sees meaning in all things.”
  – Pete Holmes (17:18)
• On Anxiety:
  “My brain prioritizes everything: code red.”
  – Pete Holmes (14:17)
• On Parenting and Acceptance:
  “With kids… our instinct is to not connect, is to control. Isn’t that exactly what we’re doing with our undesirable feelings?”
  – Valerie (43:45)

Tone & Flow

• The conversation moves fluidly from comedic bits (peanut butter debates, putty jokes) to raw vulnerability (anxiety, fear of losing one's mind), to philosophical musings (Ram Dass, illusion vs. reality), all punctuated by gentle teasing and mutual encouragement.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [05:02] – Podcast meta-talk and chemistry
• [10:52] – Pete’s news habits and bias
• [13:43] – The tribal brain and capacity for caring
• [17:18] – Patterns, psychosis, and anecdote about Ram Dass
• [25:02] – Valerie on motherhood and mental grounding
• [37:09] – Practice of saying “thank you” for everything
• [49:04] – Discussion of body awareness
• [53:26] – "Bit dump" on peanut butter and hygiene
• [68:09] – Reflections on "You've Got Mail" and accepting flaws

Takeaways

• Embracing weirdness is universal and healing.
• Mental health is a continuous negotiation between cosmic insight and staying grounded.
• Being grateful, accepting one's mind (and its chaos), and lovingly connecting with others is more than self-help—it’s survival.
• Relational intimacy blooms when we accept each other’s, and our own, “shadow” sides.

Keep it crispy, weirdos.