Transcript

Pete Holmes (0:02)

Lemonade.

Pete Holmes (0:18)

You made it Weird with Pete Holmes.

Valerie (0:21)

What's happening, weirdos?

Pete Holmes (0:22)

Hey, everybody, this is. We made it weird. Val has to go answer the door.

Valerie (0:26)

Bye.

Pete Holmes (0:26)

Okay, but she is in this episode and I'm going to say what we normally say, but I'm going to mean it more than I usually do, that this is an epic episode. I will say it's, it's 90 minutes. It's longer than our normal episode. So if you're ever, you know, waning, if you don't like a topic that we get into, I would say jump forward a little bit because we'll be talking about a different topic that is, I don't know what I'm saying. Like big, big topics, big conversations and a lot of laughs. That's all I have to say. I'm glad you're here. If you're new to the show, this is the Friday edition where me and my partner Valerie, we talk, we catch up. It's a great episode. I'm glad you're here. Only a couple things to plug up top. I'm just going to say go to peteholmes.com if you hear this the day it comes out. I'm at Largo tonight in Los Angeles. Coming up is Milwaukee, Brea, California, San Francisco, Durham, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina, Miami, Royal Oak, Michigan, Irving, Texas, Madison, Wisconsin and Denver, Colorado. In the meantime, enjoy this wonderful chat with Valerie and myself. So glad you're here. I'm gonna say it. Cause she's not here. Get into it.

Valerie (1:43)

Hey there, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. I'm back with a new season of Wiser Than Me. The show where I sit down with remark older women and soak up their stories, their humor and their hard earned wisdom. Every conversation leaves me a little smarter and definitely more inspired. And yes, I'm still calling my 91 year old mom Judy to get her take on it. All Wiser Than Me from lemonade Media premieres November 12th. Wherever you get your podcasts.

Pete Holmes (2:22)

Hey, it's me, Steve Burns. And I'm so glad you're here because you and I go way back, right? Yeah. And look at us now, like we're all grown up. We've got this new podcast where we talk about all this grown up stuff.

Valerie (2:33)

And there's special guests like Jamie Lee.

Pete Holmes (2:36)

Curtis and Bill Nye, but for the.

Valerie (2:38)

Summary

Podcast Summary — You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

"We Made It Weird #234" — December 5, 2025

Host: Pete Holmes
Guest/Co-Host: Valerie (Pete's partner)
Theme: Pete and Valerie dive deep into their “epic” relationship episode, discussing creativity, health, AI, human weirdness, music, relationships, and existential questions—all with their signature warmth, honest vulnerability, and bursts of giggly riffing.

Episode Overview

This Friday-edition episode of You Made It Weird features Pete Holmes and his partner Valerie in a sprawling, tangential, and playful 90-minute conversation. They talk about everything from the joys and perils of using AI to make music, human vulnerability, health quirks, why we’re all a little selfish, and how watching Frankenstein brought up core relationship feelings.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Wordplay, Early Comedy, and Language Weirdness

Pete recalls how, as a young comic, he’d stay afloat with bits about road signs and word confusion (“prohibited/inhibited”, “cavalier”).
Both riff on how most beginning comedians have to work with “language bits” before gathering big life stories.
Memorable moment:
- “[Early standup] is like, you’re neck deep in water before you even realize it... you just go with whatever happens.”
  —Pete (06:10)

2. Sickness, Mindset, and the Body’s “Situation Room”

Valerie shares a trick from an IV nurse: just refuse to get sick (“no, I’m not going to get sick”)—not medical advice, but a mindset.
Pete brings up the “war” within the body, likening immune response to generals and ceasefires.
Notable quote:
- “Your body has a situation room. The germs are like: We’re gonna take the lungs. The general’s like, Over my dead body.”
  —Pete (09:27)
Discussion of adrenaline postponing sickness for big events.
They riff about how we get sick only when we finally rest, noting the body's “wisdom.”
- “You should thank your body for that—it had the wisdom to wait until you could handle it.”
  —Valerie (10:45)

3. The Role of Sleep and Sunlight in Health

Pete summarizes health science he heard (“Diary of a CEO”):
- Most important sleep advice: always go to bed and wake up at the same time.
- Dreaming lets us finally “sleep on it”—a phrase found in every language (14:07).
Sunlight: 20 minutes/day is so vital that smokers who get sunlight live longer than non-smokers who never get sun (19:36–20:13).
- Both marvel, but acknowledge correlative—not causal—science (“don’t start smoking”).

4. Science, Uncertainty, and Skepticism

“Science is the best we got, and it’s sort of adorable... When it comes to behavior science, it’s really hard. Was the person who smoked and got sunlight, how much were they smoking?”
—Pete (21:05)
They vent about the confusing, contradictory nature of health advice.
Discussion about how “movement” and “community” also factor into health.

5. Playful Riffs: Cigarette Stereotypes

The couple jokes about matching cigarette brands to clothing styles (“If you own brown pants, you smoke American Spirits... if your jeans are a bit frayed, Camel Lights”).
They reference pop culture: Paul Thomas Anderson and Quentin Tarantino’s faux cigarette brands (25:21–25:46).

6. AI Music—Creativity, Ethics, and Pure Joy

Pete demos an AI music app ("Suno"), using silly original voice memos to instantly create epic choir or Daft Punk-style tracks.
He reflects on why it gives him childlike delight:
- Reuniting with his friend to revive junior-high “songs,” pure nostalgia.
- “[With AI], I made a song that never would have existed—I just send it to my friend and he’s crying laughing.”
  —Pete (35:08)
Valerie points out Pete’s glee:
- "It gives you a very pure sort of child laugh." (39:01)
Ethical caveats acknowledged: Pete only uses it for deeply personal fun, never for profit or mass public sharing (“it’s just grab-ass,” 33:30).
Both discuss the existential future: Will technology ever really replace the human urge to create?
Valerie:
- “It’s just seeing ourselves reflected back...that’s what we get out of art and creativity.” (58:37)
Pete:
- “Getting what you wanted, even a perfect rendition of the song you had in your head, isn’t really what you want...what I’m enjoying is: me and Ern [my best friend] never text; now we’re constantly texting and having these memories flood up.” (60:25–61:07)

7. Social Media, Evolution, and Growing Pains

Valerie posits: Are we depressed by new tech because our “operating system” (instincts/nervous system) hasn’t adapted? Are the discomforts just evolution’s growing pains? (48:00–49:54)
Pete adds: Maybe we’re always in this awkward phase with change, never fully “caught up,” especially with art and tools like AI.

8. Frankenstein, Monsters, and Relationship Vulnerability

They watched Guillermo del Toro’s Frankenstein and both deeply relate:
- Pete sees himself as the misunderstood “monster.”
- Valerie and Pete reflect on shame, transgression, “the joy of being a little wicked," and secret selfish desires in relationships.
Profound exchange:
- Valerie: “There’s a part of me that wants to be the one to love you—the one to love the monster.” (96:09–97:24)

9. Relationships: Monogamy, Fantasy, and Human Selfishness

Pete and Valerie dig into the tensions and realities of monogamy, open relationships, and the uniquely human wish to “have it all.”
Both admit how, in an ideal world, people want to have side adventures but want their partner to stay devoted. Pete: “That’s what everyone actually wants.” (77:17)
Valerie gives a female perspective: “I raised your children. That’s why I’m like this...I have more complications to me, but because of what we’ve done together!” (91:11)
Pete shares a vulnerable fantasy:
- “A fantasy... was an award show where all my exes just talked about how amazing I was, like the porn awards... just pure ego.” (79:03)

10. Comparison—the Happiness Thief

Pete shares the “five painting experiment”: When given choices, people are less satisfied (93:01–93:39). This branches into why novelty in relationships is never as simple as it sounds.
They explore the illusion that grass is greener in affairs or alternative relationships.

11. Closure: Frankenstein as Metaphor for Their Love

Valerie poignantly relates to “Elizabeth” in Frankenstein:
- “The way she instantly loves this monster... like, let me be the one to do it. I am so up for that job... You are the one for me and I love you.” (96:09–97:24)
Pete: “Monsters be needing their Elizabeths... gender aside.” (96:41)

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |------------|-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 09:34 | Pete | "Your body has a situation room. The germs are like: We've crossed your perimeter..." | | 14:07 | Pete | "In every language... there’s an expression that means 'sleep on it.'" | | 20:13 | Pete | "Sunlight: people who get 20 minutes of sun a day and smoke... lived longer than people who didn’t smoke and didn’t get sunlight." | | 35:08 | Pete | "It made a song that never would’ve existed. I just sent it to my friend... He cries laughing."| | 39:01 | Valerie | "It gives you, like, this very pure sort of child laugh." | | 58:37 | Valerie | "It’s just seeing ourselves reflected back...that’s what we get out of art and creativity."| | 60:25–61:07| Pete | "Getting what you wanted...isn’t really what you want...what I’m enjoying is: me and Ern [my best friend] never text; now we’re constantly texting..."| | 77:17 | Pete | "I feel like people would be like, I wanna be in a great, committed relationship where I get to have sex with other people if I want to, but the other person never does. Like, that's exactly what everybody actually wants."| | 91:11 | Valerie | "I raised your children. That’s why I’m like this...I have more complications to me, but because of what we’ve done together."| | 93:01–93:39| Pete | "Two groups, five paintings. Group one: pick a painting, keep it. Group two: pick a painting, you can change it. The group who could change is less happy... That’s dating."| | 96:09 | Valerie | "The way that she instantly loves this monster... let me be the one to do it. I am so up for that job... You are the one for me and I love you."|

Highlights & Memorable Moments

AI Song Demo: Pete uses the app to turn “Be aware of your mic technique” into a choir (28:58), gleefully sharing the result.
Absurdist Riffing: Road signs, made-up towns (“Rutford, .3 miles—too close!”), and cigarette branding for personality types.
Personal Chemistry: Pete and Valerie’s loving, teasing dynamic; genuine real talk about jealousy and their deep connection.
Philosophical Tangents: Comparison, novelty, science vs. tradition, human nature and its paradoxes.
Emotional Closure: Valerie compares herself to Elizabeth in Frankenstein—"I’ll be the one to love the monster"—as a metaphor for loving Pete’s many sides (96:24–97:24).

Useful Timestamps

[03:01] – Language riffs, comedy beginnings
[07:53] – Sickness mindset experiment, “situation room” analogy
[14:07] – Sleep research, “sleep on it” across languages
[19:07] – Health advice: Sunlight versus smoking versus sitting
[28:58] – AI choir demo, "Be aware of your mic technique"
[35:08] – Personal joy of AI songwriting, ethics of AI in creativity
[46:07] – Evolution and discomfort, social media as growing pain
[66:45] – Remarks on Frankenstein and why it moved them
[77:17] – The messy reality of human monogamy/jealousy
[93:01] – The “five painting experiment” and satisfaction
[96:09] – Valerie’s loving monologue comparing herself to Frankenstein’s Elizabeth

Tone

Warm, silly, deeply honest, alternately philosophical and mischievous.
Pete and Valerie are affectionate, self-deprecating, and unafraid to be weird in public.
Serious insights and confessions are interspersed with high-level riffing and comic asides.

For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This episode is a rich, laughter-filled therapy session with a healthy dose of philosophical musing. Pete and Valerie cover why we’re all just weird, selfish, creative animals surviving with what we have. They debate whether AI music can ever replace human creativity but decide nothing short-circuits the need for truly human connection, love, vulnerability, and nostalgia. The couple ends on a poignant affirmation of loving one another in all their complexity, inspired by the lessons of Frankenstein.

If you love digressive, honest, grown-up comedy about real life—and a lot of love—you’ll find this episode a total treat.