We Made It Weird #234

Summary

Podcast Summary — You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

"We Made It Weird #234" — December 5, 2025

Host: Pete Holmes
Guest/Co-Host: Valerie (Pete's partner)
Theme: Pete and Valerie dive deep into their “epic” relationship episode, discussing creativity, health, AI, human weirdness, music, relationships, and existential questions—all with their signature warmth, honest vulnerability, and bursts of giggly riffing.

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Episode Overview

This Friday-edition episode of You Made It Weird features Pete Holmes and his partner Valerie in a sprawling, tangential, and playful 90-minute conversation. They talk about everything from the joys and perils of using AI to make music, human vulnerability, health quirks, why we’re all a little selfish, and how watching Frankenstein brought up core relationship feelings.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Wordplay, Early Comedy, and Language Weirdness

• Pete recalls how, as a young comic, he’d stay afloat with bits about road signs and word confusion (“prohibited/inhibited”, “cavalier”).
• Both riff on how most beginning comedians have to work with “language bits” before gathering big life stories.
• Memorable moment:
  • “[Early standup] is like, you’re neck deep in water before you even realize it... you just go with whatever happens.”
    —Pete (06:10)

2. Sickness, Mindset, and the Body’s “Situation Room”

• Valerie shares a trick from an IV nurse: just refuse to get sick (“no, I’m not going to get sick”)—not medical advice, but a mindset.
• Pete brings up the “war” within the body, likening immune response to generals and ceasefires.
• Notable quote:
  • “Your body has a situation room. The germs are like: We’re gonna take the lungs. The general’s like, Over my dead body.”
    —Pete (09:27)
• Discussion of adrenaline postponing sickness for big events.
• They riff about how we get sick only when we finally rest, noting the body's “wisdom.”
  • “You should thank your body for that—it had the wisdom to wait until you could handle it.”
    —Valerie (10:45)

3. The Role of Sleep and Sunlight in Health

• Pete summarizes health science he heard (“Diary of a CEO”):
  • Most important sleep advice: always go to bed and wake up at the same time.
  • Dreaming lets us finally “sleep on it”—a phrase found in every language (14:07).
• Sunlight: 20 minutes/day is so vital that smokers who get sunlight live longer than non-smokers who never get sun (19:36–20:13).
  • Both marvel, but acknowledge correlative—not causal—science (“don’t start smoking”).

4. Science, Uncertainty, and Skepticism

• “Science is the best we got, and it’s sort of adorable... When it comes to behavior science, it’s really hard. Was the person who smoked and got sunlight, how much were they smoking?”
  —Pete (21:05)
• They vent about the confusing, contradictory nature of health advice.
• Discussion about how “movement” and “community” also factor into health.

5. Playful Riffs: Cigarette Stereotypes

• The couple jokes about matching cigarette brands to clothing styles (“If you own brown pants, you smoke American Spirits... if your jeans are a bit frayed, Camel Lights”).
• They reference pop culture: Paul Thomas Anderson and Quentin Tarantino’s faux cigarette brands (25:21–25:46).

6. AI Music—Creativity, Ethics, and Pure Joy

• Pete demos an AI music app ("Suno"), using silly original voice memos to instantly create epic choir or Daft Punk-style tracks.
• He reflects on why it gives him childlike delight:
  • Reuniting with his friend to revive junior-high “songs,” pure nostalgia.
  • “[With AI], I made a song that never would have existed—I just send it to my friend and he’s crying laughing.”
    —Pete (35:08)
• Valerie points out Pete’s glee:
  • "It gives you a very pure sort of child laugh." (39:01)
• Ethical caveats acknowledged: Pete only uses it for deeply personal fun, never for profit or mass public sharing (“it’s just grab-ass,” 33:30).
• Both discuss the existential future: Will technology ever really replace the human urge to create?
• Valerie:
  • “It’s just seeing ourselves reflected back...that’s what we get out of art and creativity.” (58:37)
• Pete:
  • “Getting what you wanted, even a perfect rendition of the song you had in your head, isn’t really what you want...what I’m enjoying is: me and Ern [my best friend] never text; now we’re constantly texting and having these memories flood up.” (60:25–61:07)

7. Social Media, Evolution, and Growing Pains

• Valerie posits: Are we depressed by new tech because our “operating system” (instincts/nervous system) hasn’t adapted? Are the discomforts just evolution’s growing pains? (48:00–49:54)
• Pete adds: Maybe we’re always in this awkward phase with change, never fully “caught up,” especially with art and tools like AI.

8. Frankenstein, Monsters, and Relationship Vulnerability

• They watched Guillermo del Toro’s Frankenstein and both deeply relate:
  • Pete sees himself as the misunderstood “monster.”
  • Valerie and Pete reflect on shame, transgression, “the joy of being a little wicked," and secret selfish desires in relationships.
• Profound exchange:
  • Valerie: “There’s a part of me that wants to be the one to love you—the one to love the monster.” (96:09–97:24)

9. Relationships: Monogamy, Fantasy, and Human Selfishness

• Pete and Valerie dig into the tensions and realities of monogamy, open relationships, and the uniquely human wish to “have it all.”
• Both admit how, in an ideal world, people want to have side adventures but want their partner to stay devoted. Pete: “That’s what everyone actually wants.” (77:17)
• Valerie gives a female perspective: “I raised your children. That’s why I’m like this...I have more complications to me, but because of what we’ve done together!” (91:11)
• Pete shares a vulnerable fantasy:
  • “A fantasy... was an award show where all my exes just talked about how amazing I was, like the porn awards... just pure ego.” (79:03)

10. Comparison—the Happiness Thief

• Pete shares the “five painting experiment”: When given choices, people are less satisfied (93:01–93:39). This branches into why novelty in relationships is never as simple as it sounds.
• They explore the illusion that grass is greener in affairs or alternative relationships.

11. Closure: Frankenstein as Metaphor for Their Love

• Valerie poignantly relates to “Elizabeth” in Frankenstein:
  • “The way she instantly loves this monster... like, let me be the one to do it. I am so up for that job... You are the one for me and I love you.” (96:09–97:24)
• Pete: “Monsters be needing their Elizabeths... gender aside.” (96:41)

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |------------|-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 09:34 | Pete | "Your body has a situation room. The germs are like: We've crossed your perimeter..." | | 14:07 | Pete | "In every language... there’s an expression that means 'sleep on it.'" | | 20:13 | Pete | "Sunlight: people who get 20 minutes of sun a day and smoke... lived longer than people who didn’t smoke and didn’t get sunlight." | | 35:08 | Pete | "It made a song that never would’ve existed. I just sent it to my friend... He cries laughing."| | 39:01 | Valerie | "It gives you, like, this very pure sort of child laugh." | | 58:37 | Valerie | "It’s just seeing ourselves reflected back...that’s what we get out of art and creativity."| | 60:25–61:07| Pete | "Getting what you wanted...isn’t really what you want...what I’m enjoying is: me and Ern [my best friend] never text; now we’re constantly texting..."| | 77:17 | Pete | "I feel like people would be like, I wanna be in a great, committed relationship where I get to have sex with other people if I want to, but the other person never does. Like, that's exactly what everybody actually wants."| | 91:11 | Valerie | "I raised your children. That’s why I’m like this...I have more complications to me, but because of what we’ve done together."| | 93:01–93:39| Pete | "Two groups, five paintings. Group one: pick a painting, keep it. Group two: pick a painting, you can change it. The group who could change is less happy... That’s dating."| | 96:09 | Valerie | "The way that she instantly loves this monster... let me be the one to do it. I am so up for that job... You are the one for me and I love you."|

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Highlights & Memorable Moments

• AI Song Demo: Pete uses the app to turn “Be aware of your mic technique” into a choir (28:58), gleefully sharing the result.
• Absurdist Riffing: Road signs, made-up towns (“Rutford, .3 miles—too close!”), and cigarette branding for personality types.
• Personal Chemistry: Pete and Valerie’s loving, teasing dynamic; genuine real talk about jealousy and their deep connection.
• Philosophical Tangents: Comparison, novelty, science vs. tradition, human nature and its paradoxes.
• Emotional Closure: Valerie compares herself to Elizabeth in Frankenstein—"I’ll be the one to love the monster"—as a metaphor for loving Pete’s many sides (96:24–97:24).

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Useful Timestamps

• [03:01] – Language riffs, comedy beginnings
• [07:53] – Sickness mindset experiment, “situation room” analogy
• [14:07] – Sleep research, “sleep on it” across languages
• [19:07] – Health advice: Sunlight versus smoking versus sitting
• [28:58] – AI choir demo, "Be aware of your mic technique"
• [35:08] – Personal joy of AI songwriting, ethics of AI in creativity
• [46:07] – Evolution and discomfort, social media as growing pain
• [66:45] – Remarks on Frankenstein and why it moved them
• [77:17] – The messy reality of human monogamy/jealousy
• [93:01] – The “five painting experiment” and satisfaction
• [96:09] – Valerie’s loving monologue comparing herself to Frankenstein’s Elizabeth

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Tone

• Warm, silly, deeply honest, alternately philosophical and mischievous.
• Pete and Valerie are affectionate, self-deprecating, and unafraid to be weird in public.
• Serious insights and confessions are interspersed with high-level riffing and comic asides.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This episode is a rich, laughter-filled therapy session with a healthy dose of philosophical musing. Pete and Valerie cover why we’re all just weird, selfish, creative animals surviving with what we have. They debate whether AI music can ever replace human creativity but decide nothing short-circuits the need for truly human connection, love, vulnerability, and nostalgia. The couple ends on a poignant affirmation of loving one another in all their complexity, inspired by the lessons of Frankenstein.

If you love digressive, honest, grown-up comedy about real life—and a lot of love—you’ll find this episode a total treat.

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

Lemonade.

You made it Weird with Pete Holmes.

[Valerie]

What's happening, weirdos?

[Pete Holmes]

Hey, everybody, this is. We made it weird. Val has to go answer the door.

[Valerie]

Bye.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, but she is in this episode and I'm going to say what we normally say, but I'm going to mean it more than I usually do, that this is an epic episode. I will say it's, it's 90 minutes. It's longer than our normal episode. So if you're ever, you know, waning, if you don't like a topic that we get into, I would say jump forward a little bit because we'll be talking about a different topic that is, I don't know what I'm saying. Like big, big topics, big conversations and a lot of laughs. That's all I have to say. I'm glad you're here. If you're new to the show, this is the Friday edition where me and my partner Valerie, we talk, we catch up. It's a great episode. I'm glad you're here. Only a couple things to plug up top. I'm just going to say go to peteholmes.com if you hear this the day it comes out. I'm at Largo tonight in Los Angeles. Coming up is Milwaukee, Brea, California, San Francisco, Durham, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina, Miami, Royal Oak, Michigan, Irving, Texas, Madison, Wisconsin and Denver, Colorado. In the meantime, enjoy this wonderful chat with Valerie and myself. So glad you're here. I'm gonna say it. Cause she's not here. Get into it.

[Valerie]

Hey there, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. I'm back with a new season of Wiser Than Me. The show where I sit down with remark older women and soak up their stories, their humor and their hard earned wisdom. Every conversation leaves me a little smarter and definitely more inspired. And yes, I'm still calling my 91 year old mom Judy to get her take on it. All Wiser Than Me from lemonade Media premieres November 12th. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Pete Holmes]

Hey, it's me, Steve Burns. And I'm so glad you're here because you and I go way back, right? Yeah. And look at us now, like we're all grown up. We've got this new podcast where we talk about all this grown up stuff.

[Valerie]

And there's special guests like Jamie Lee.

[Pete Holmes]

Curtis and Bill Nye, but for the.

[Valerie]

Most part, it's about you.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, it's always been about you. From Lemonada Media Alive with Steve burns is coming September 17th. Wherever you get your podcasts or you can watch every episode on YouTube.

[Valerie]

Be aware of your mic technique.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that what I said?

[Valerie]

You said to me?

[Pete Holmes]

Be aware of your mic technique. These are the words that you said to me. Okay, look, I know. I know we're on the fence about AI and I understand. I understand.

[Valerie]

Yeah, There's. There's. It's a controversial.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand. And people have messaged us, and I got the message, like, don't be so cavalier about. Because of the data centers in the water. I understand. I also am going to do something.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Cavalier, the fanciest word for casual.

[Pete Holmes]

Cavalier is so much more than casual. I know, but it's brazen.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's thoughtless.

[Valerie]

But isn't it. Doesn't the word cavalier sound like it should mean the exact opposite of what it means?

[Pete Holmes]

Cavalier.

[Valerie]

Cavalier.

[Pete Holmes]

This is me with prohibited. Oh, prohibited.

[Valerie]

Yeah. It's pro.

[Pete Holmes]

It's prohibited.

[Valerie]

Inhibited.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't be inhibited. Be prohibited.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Swimming Inhibited.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Reverse swimming. Prohibited. It was one of my earliest bits. I'm like, prohibited. Prohibited.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I. This is exactly what it's like doing comedy for the first 10 years. You just go, I'm neck deep in water before I even realize, like, are you. Yeah, just shut up.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

How about for half a second? The better version of that joke was every time. And I did this joke was every time I see nonfiction, I have to figure it out in my head. Which is still true.

[Valerie]

Right. I. Are you saying. Because I thought the point you were going to make is that the beginning of Stand up for you is like, you don't have action. Like, you don't have. You don't have enough stories that have happened to you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

So you have to just be aware.

[Pete Holmes]

Of your mic technique.

[Valerie]

Okay, well, you were giving me a tense look, so then that made me feel like I was too close.

[Pete Holmes]

Baby, I love you. And I hate how we're talking. I'm just kidding. I just. We're both. You're wearing headphones now. This is not what people need.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

But oh, my God, to me, I. This is a good sound. And you're like. You're like this. And you're like, hi.

[Valerie]

I was back. I literally was backing up because you were giving me, like, a tense.

[Pete Holmes]

No, that was another tension.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

That was an unrelated tension. I don't even know what that tension was.

[Valerie]

You just didn't want to lose your thread of telling us about the AI Thing. I know that tension because I have it every time.

[Pete Holmes]

Every single time. But I'm not worried about it because I'm still holding my phone. And I'd go, why am I holding this? Yeah, use AI.

[Valerie]

Anyway, when you first start out doing stand up, especially if you're in your 20s, you don't have real life experience, so you just have to break down words and how they're. It's silly, the language.

[Pete Holmes]

No, absolutely. And I told you, the first 10 years, the amount of bits I had about road signs, I mean, I could have done a whole out like a Gary Goleman style album. Yeah, just road signs, yield, you know, it was like I just couldn't. Couldn't get enough.

[Valerie]

I told you, could you be any vaguer?

[Pete Holmes]

And I'd make them up too. I saw a sign that said town of Rutford. It was something like that and it said like 0.3 miles. And I just thought that was too close.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it's too late. You don't have time to plan your Rutford visit.

[Pete Holmes]

And I would go, but I changed it to 500ft out of fear. It's just cheat. I just cheated. It sure said, well, town of Redford, 500ft. But now that I'm talking to you about it, I'm like, it should just 0.3 miles. That's valid.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's valid.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm like, shouldn't that sign say welcome to Rudford? And like, who is going to call you on that? This is so Seinfeld. Hey, we're in Redford. No, we're not. Yet we aren't. And then I paused. I went, now, welcome to Rutford. Like, that's. That's pretty funny. Yeah, it's fine.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I guarantee I've told you that joke on this podcast before.

[Valerie]

You think so?

[Pete Holmes]

Without a doubt.

[Valerie]

I usually remember your early bits, I feel like, because I like them.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, caution, falling rocks. What are we supposed to do? Slow down? Speed up? No, just get ready.

And I was just like, we're just putting up a sign that's like, we can't stop. We can't stop it.

[Valerie]

It's gonna happen.

[Pete Holmes]

It's gonna happen. Rocks are falling.

[Valerie]

Just know you might die here.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, just. And I tried a different thing. I was like, just brace yourself.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The biggest bit of mine that got me one of my earliest breaks, which ended up not really being a break, was driving on the highway.

Sorry, everybody. And it said, we're getting over it. I love getting over being sick because you start just feeling normal again and you feel like Superman. I'm like, oh, my God, you know what I hate? Look, I won't forget the bit but what I hate about being sick, the kind of sick we've been, is it's the kind of sick when you think, hey, I haven't coughed for a while. Yeah, that thought makes you cough.

[Valerie]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

It's thought conscious coughing. Oh, my gosh, Isn't that the worst?

[Valerie]

Yes. And I've been running this exper experiment with this time. Maybe I've said this before on the podcast, but one time, this woman, she was incredible. I feel like she was a nurse or like an IV person or whatever. And she told me she just. She was. She was like a, like in her 50s. Like, not particularly like the picture of health, but she told me, like, when she starts getting sick, she's just. She just goes, nope, I'm not. I'm not gonna get sick.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And like, most of the time it works. And that's so not listening to your body and attuning and whatever. Like, you should be carrying.

[Pete Holmes]

Something's going on. But also, that's something I would do.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And like, most things that I would do when other people do them, I find them very annoying.

[Valerie]

Yeah, sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, if I was doing that, I'd be like, what is this guy, the Fonz? Yeah, he's the coolest. But if anyone else is like, I just say, no, no, thank you. I'd be like, go get Ebola.

[Valerie]

I mean, I do feel like Ebola. I do feel like I. It was annoying to me when she gave me that, when she said that. But I've been doing that, this sickness, because we have. We had Thanksgiving and then we have our Christmas party in a couple of days, and I'm just like, no, like, I can cough. I'm coughing, but I'm not sick and I'm not gonna get worse. And I'm not doing. And like, I'm. I refuse. At least until after the Christmas party.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that. But that is. That's not.

[Valerie]

Woo.

[Pete Holmes]

Your body has a situation room.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And the germs in the general meet, and the germs say, look, we've crossed your perimeter. We're gonna take the lungs.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And the general's like, over my dead body. And they're like, no, sir, over our dead body. Like. And he gestures to the whole body that they're in. Look, I'll spare you the rest of the details of this scene, but just.

[Valerie]

Know you have a full.

[Pete Holmes]

I have it mapped out.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

There's one germ that's kind of like, sympathetic to the general.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Anyway. But then they strike a deal, right? I actually look I'm a little grandiose today. I actually think this is one of the reasons why we think, like, striking deals, like when people. When there's, like, conflicts and people, like, we need a ceasefire, like, we. This makes sense to us on a deep level. Because of stuff like this.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because it is like a war. There's a front and we go. We understand you're here and you need to do it. Just because I've had this happen hundreds of times, if not thousands, but probably hundreds, where I'm like, I have a show, like my show in town hall in New York, which was a bit. 1. A big show, zero chance that I was going to get sick. It wasn't going to happen.

[Valerie]

There is something to that. And there's like, adrenaline, and I think it's quantifiable.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it's. What's the word? Researchable.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Also that's why people are like, anytime I, like, get a minute to rest, I get sick.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's like.

[Valerie]

Right. Everybody knows you should actually thank your body for that. That it. It knew. It had, like, the wisdom to really speaking. Which until then.

[Pete Holmes]

So a fun way to look into this is. And I would love the data. I don't have it. The data. I hate how people say data like it makes them sound like they're scientific. I apologize to the whole scientific community. We are not.

[Valerie]

We're appropriating.

[Pete Holmes]

We're not bedfellows. I'm appropriating you. I appropriate. Like me saying data is blossom in the dashiki. It's not. Okay. I can't say data.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I should say we can look into it. That's my word. And they can't say that. They can say extrapolate. Data and datum. The lesser known.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Anyway, see, datum.

[Valerie]

Datum. I feel like. But I would say data, but I would say datum.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know what one is. Is datum. The. It's a single piece of data.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's weird how the word changes.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

So datum is a single piece of data, but I would say is Brent Spiner. If you get that reference. We're friends.

[Valerie]

Oh, is it Star Trek?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Nice.

[Valerie]

That's the second Star Trek reference you made that I didn't get.

[Pete Holmes]

That's okay.

[Valerie]

And I was like, wait, we're in this kind of relationship now.

[Pete Holmes]

By the way, the idea that Trekkies. Trekkers. Are virgins. Get the.

[Valerie]

Oh, nobody. Horny nerds.

[Pete Holmes]

Nobody's harder.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Horny nerds.

[Pete Holmes]

Than people with Vulcaneers. It's just a better handle. A Vulcan ear. Spock. Great beach. Well, yeah, with the bowl cut.

[Valerie]

Spock does have this. That sort of like, he'd be very precise about it. Nights. The. The like, I'll be the one to make him feel something.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that's nice. And his symbol is the shocker, basically. But it's two in the pink, two in the stink.

[Valerie]

We're staying on this level. Okay, great.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you didn't want the two in the pink, two in the stink.

[Valerie]

No, I did.

[Pete Holmes]

Usually it's one in the pink.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. Two in the pink, one in the stink. Spock is like, look, the stink has had enough.

[Valerie]

Let's just.

[Pete Holmes]

We don't need to tiptoe around the stink. Give it what it needs. Live long and prosper. Live long and prosper. Two in the pink, two in the stink. That's what that means.

[Valerie]

I am not going here with you.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's because Jean, Brad and Bur. Who made Star Trek, you don't know.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it's okay. Of course I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

See, that's. See, I know. The panics on your face. Yeah, I recognize them. I'm like, this is. Why would you think I would know?

[Valerie]

But you didn't when I Brad and bury.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not that.

[Valerie]

No, it's definitely not.

[Pete Holmes]

Brad and berry.

[Valerie]

Gene. Bread and berries.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll have the bread and berries.

[Valerie]

Okay, Gene, that is actually my ideal breakfast.

[Pete Holmes]

Bread and berries. Yeah, look, a lot of yikes. I'm trying to not get sick right now.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God. Yeah, right? I do feel, like, very self conscious that we're like, we have a party in two days and we're like.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's the other thing. Oh, this is what I was gonna say. So this is the data. I would like to thank you for somehow reminding me of that. So there was a sleep scientist I listened to on Diary of a CEO, which I like. Diarrhea of a CEO, diarrhea of a CEO.

[Valerie]

Diarrhea of a P. I realized.

[Pete Holmes]

Later, I think it's the British diary. It's like the schedule of a CEO.

[Valerie]

Schedule.

[Pete Holmes]

Schedule.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, but. So there was a sleep scientist. Uh, I'll, I'll. I can summarize it real fast. Come here for the summary of that podcast. Okay. Yeah, but he's like the number. I think I said this maybe last time. I don't know. But the number one thing you can do for your sleep far and away, and sleep is so important, is go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time. He was like, that's number one, far and away. And then he was talking about. One of the reasons we sleep is to process things, obviously. And dreaming is a way of, like, making light of something and also sealing in the memory. And that's why ptsd, a sign of it is like, you keep dreaming about it, but you can't lock in the memory. Like, it keeps. You can't, like, get your arms around it. But anyway, what I wanted to share was in every language that they looked at, which was only Portuguese and English, but every. No, they looked at every language, and every language has an expression that means essentially, sleep on it. Like, if you have a problem, you should sleep on it. So I guarantee. I can't guarantee because I'm not the men's warehouse.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or am I beautiful? Am I hundreds of beautiful wool suits? Beautiful wool suits.

[Valerie]

Quote True face. The amount of times that we quote Johnny Pemberton. Johnny Pemberton?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Way, way outweigh the amount of times we've seen him.

[Pete Holmes]

I've probably seen Johnny five times in my life.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I've seen him twice in my life.

[Pete Holmes]

And I've gotten beautiful wool suits and. Oh, we're working today.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We should have Johnny back.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. I'm writing it down.

[Valerie]

Great.

[Pete Holmes]

Pambies.

[Valerie]

Pambies.

[Pete Holmes]

I do like him a lot. Pembees. So much has changed. What if he's like, you know.

[Valerie]

I know. I thought the same thing.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Valerie]

Oh, no, never mind.

[Pete Holmes]

What did you think?

[Valerie]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

I. Look, I don't. I'm not trying to be a divisive person. I'm just saying, like, a lot of years have passed.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

There's just a lot of hot takes that would draw lines and sands. Not. Not even. I'm not saying I won't go over it. As I've talked about on this podcast, I'll go there with a flat earther. It's just a little strange.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll even go there with an anti vaxxer. It's just a little strange. It's like. It's a way of being like, I don't know if we'll ever be super close and I'm not like a huge vaccine head. Like, I don't get them anymore. Well, as soon as. As soon as. As soon as you. You like.

[Valerie]

But you're also sick, so this is perfect.

[Pete Holmes]

I now that it's, like, treatable. Yeah, it's more treatable. It's not like it is.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't you shrug. Don't leave me out here.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Are people. Is everyone getting. I do not think so.

[Valerie]

I just want you guys to know that we are going to take Covid tests before we have a party.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't have Covid. I've been tasting.

[Valerie]

I know. We've. We've had this cocktail flavor so long, it's not.

[Pete Holmes]

It's long haul Covid, which is a totally different thing. I don't think I'm alone. Most people. A lot of people. Let's put it this way. We're not talking about it when it was new. You get it. You get the new one. You get the. And then it kind of. It trailed off. For a lot of people, it went the way of the flu vaccine, which I never got the flu vaccine.

[Valerie]

And a lot of people do get.

[Pete Holmes]

The flu vaccine, and I understand that. And those people are called mind control, Microsoft robots. So this is my take. Our podcast goes to number one.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

Tiny.

[Valerie]

God. It's simple.

[Pete Holmes]

So simple.

[Valerie]

You just have to make our.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a Tic Tac.

[Valerie]

Just have to be made out of.

[Pete Holmes]

Metal underneath the great pyramids. That's actually true.

[Valerie]

There's a Tic Tac. What made.

[Pete Holmes]

You weren't there when I was watching this. You.

[Valerie]

I just think you compared it to a Tic Tac.

[Pete Holmes]

But everybody. That Tic Tac nailed that shape. Like, that's the Tic Tac shape.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Tylenol is like, that's our shape. Tic Tac. Like, sit down, bitch.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah. Got some sneaky corners.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, it also has a Tic Tac is smooth. A Tic Tac is a pill that you can't tell where they put it together.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? But every other pill, you can see we're talking about two sides, capsules.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I was picturing, like, white Advil was like, all y'.

[Valerie]

All.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I'm an Eminem.

[Valerie]

I'm an Eminem.

[Pete Holmes]

And they were like, do you think there'll be Eminem confusion? And people like, shut up, Jerry. You're in the way.

[Valerie]

And ibuprofen was like, me, too. And we're like, fuck you.

[Pete Holmes]

What's ibuprofen? Advil is ibuprofen.

[Valerie]

I know, but you can just get ibuprofen.

[Pete Holmes]

What, like a Ralph's brand?

[Valerie]

Yeah, I guess.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe that's the bag Cereal. Ibuprofen.

[Valerie]

That was. This won't surprise you. That was the medicine of choice in my household.

[Pete Holmes]

I believe it. Sorry, I wasn't listening. I was getting my COVID vaccine. Because what do I need to say to be left alone? I'm becoming an old man. I know. I did whatever you need me to do.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Just whatever you want me to say.

[Pete Holmes]

Whatever it is. Yeah. Yeah. I could time travel into 12 years in the future and just be like, whatever it is. Although beep, boop, boop, boop. Who knows?

[Valerie]

Yeah. Which goes to your AI thing you brought us.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's true. But I was saying sleep on it.

[Valerie]

On it.

[Pete Holmes]

The other thing I wanted to say, I also learned from diarrhea of a CEO. I've been being more deliberate, especially as I'm on the men tier about getting 20 minutes of sunlight every day. And they. They had this really interesting piece of figure it out stuff data, which is people who smoke. This is what they always go to. This is how, you know, smoking is so like decided. Yeah, it's the worst. Yeah. It's just so bad for you.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That they go like, okay, people who get sun for 20 minutes a day, people garden this sort of stuff, play sports, go to the park, whatever it might be. But they're getting 20 minutes of sun a day. Who smoke.

Do better than. With all cause mortality. You can look this up, by the way, I hear our friend Dr. Ken. Ken Bishop, maybe he's going to look this up. Maybe he'll text me research. Who knows? But this is what this guy said. The group that got 20 minutes of sun a day and smoked.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Lived longer and were healthier than people who didn't smoke and didn't get sunlight. What, bro?

[Valerie]

Like, what do you mean didn't get sunlight? Like, didn't get 20 minutes a day.

[Pete Holmes]

Welcome to. One of the reasons why I get jammed up with science is cause I'm like, I don't. There's just so much. And there's just so much they could be doing. There's so much. This is why the way. Why the way. This is. By the way, why, like weightlifters that are like, well, meat is carcinogenic, but the people they studied also weren't. Or that. You know what I mean? And I agree. You can prove a lot of different things. So don't everybody start smoking and going outside and thinking it's gonna cancel. But I thought that was very, very interesting.

[Valerie]

That is interesting. Yeah. And you know, there are those people who are so good at like looking into studies where they're like, well, but they didn't. They didn't run like a placebo version or like a double. Double sided.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. A double blind.

[Valerie]

Double blind Double blind.

[Pete Holmes]

I think a good. A comfort. What's the word? Yeah. A comfortable, self confident, calm scientist would laugh with delight at the premise that science is the best we got. And it is sort of adorable. I'm not lining it up with religion. It's a completely different shop. It's not even the same shop.

[Valerie]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

There might be, like a weird tunnel where string theory and quant whatever, but for the most part, they're separate, freestanding buildings. And science is amazing. What am I, an idiot? I'm just saying, when it comes to. I don't even know if it's not social science, but when it comes to, like, behavioral science, when it comes to, like, lifestyle science, it's really hard. Was the person who was smoking and getting sunlight, how much were they smoking? Like, how. You know what I mean?

[Valerie]

Absolutely. Well, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

There's just so many variables.

[Valerie]

Yes. And also, I think the evidence for this is. Is like you mentioned is based on the fact that, like, with all that we have figured out, you're dying.

[Pete Holmes]

God damn it.

[Valerie]

With all that, it's so funny to be talking about health right now. And I know, sounding like this, that's funny, with all that we have figured out and all the technology and how far we've advanced, we still can't figure out what food we're supposed to be eating. Like, we still can't agree on that.

[Pete Holmes]

But, bro, this is exactly this. I mean, take any subject and you. You'll get frustrated by going, this is why it's a healthy position. Go. This is the best we have. Because in a year, because like, that. That guy, it's like. Well, he was like, you don't even have to take your clothes off. It'll go through your clothes. And in a year, he might be back on that podcast and be like, we actually found that it needs to be skin on skin or it needs to be hair. It needs to touch your hair. Like, it's always evolving and that's fine. But anyway, I forget what I was.

[Valerie]

Gonna say, just that we can't agree on the food.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Valerie]

So.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's always so, like the person. The other thing that they say is the new smoking is sitting. I've heard that sitting is very bad for you.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So movement is huge. They also say isolation is the new smoking. I've heard that statistic that being alone. Alone is the same as smoking. So, yeah, we take the people, we go, these people smoke and they get sunlight. These people don't smoke. And they don't. First of all, that. Speaking of COVID Covid on the mind. That's like. Well, they were in lockdown. Well, a lot of people were in lockdown and still went to spring break. You know what I mean? Like, things there are not. Like I did a movie where I had to be in lockdown. Like quarantine alone for two weeks.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In an apartment. And then I realized I did because I'm a rule follower. I. I did stay in the apartment, but I realized very quickly I could be going out.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And no one would know.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Unless. Is there a drone following me constantly? That's pretty exhausting. You're going to do that to everyone in the study. So here's my point. The people who smoked and got sunlight, were they also having regular sex? Do they have families? Do they have pets?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Do they. Do they move? Are they out moving? If they're in the sun, they probably are moving. So was it the sun or was it the moving? Was it the community? And then were they smoking American Spirit brand premium organic cigarettes that are. This is science.

For you.

[Valerie]

They're okay. That's science.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a gift from the natives. Is that. What is that from? I feel like that's from something.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like from Pilgrim stories.

[Valerie]

Oh, sure.

[Pete Holmes]

And I don't delight in saying that, but that does seem to be like their marketing.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah. I mean, that's all I ever smoked back when I was smoking. And even.

[Pete Holmes]

Val, you and I are just such types. If you own brown pants.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like a tan brown pant.

[Valerie]

You smoke American Spirits.

[Pete Holmes]

Was if it was jeans. Like blue jeans.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Marlboro I used.

[Valerie]

Yeah, totally.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to give you one more. Jeans that are a little bit frayed. The knees are lighter.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The back pocket might be torn off one of the sides. Camel Lights.

[Valerie]

Yes. And also. Is that. Is that Camel blue? Are they. Are those Camel Lights?

[Pete Holmes]

Camel Blue. Oh, they can't call them lights anymore. Yeah. Camel Blues.

[Valerie]

Cuz we. Because I did smoke Camel Blues as well.

[Pete Holmes]

No, Camel lights are the coolest because they're Paul Thomas Anderson cigarettes.

[Valerie]

Are they?

[Pete Holmes]

And Red Apples are the fake Quentin Tarantino cigarettes. Oh, they don't exist, though.

[Valerie]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

But yeah, Phil Hoffman and Magnolia goes. And cigarettes. Camel Lights.

[Valerie]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Was that good?

[Valerie]

Yeah, that.

[Pete Holmes]

That was good. It was okay.

[Valerie]

It was good visually.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I know. Oh, and do you have Playboy? No, I thought that was better. No. Do you have a wife? It's off today.

[Valerie]

Play. The Playboy was wrong. It was sounding a little Keanu.

[Pete Holmes]

Playboy. He's got a little California playboy.

[Valerie]

Does he?

[Pete Holmes]

Playboy. Anyway, here's. Here's. And I. I know you don't want us to go to the break, but after I play this song, I just. We're gonna go to the break.

[Valerie]

Our. Our.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. I can't help it.

[Valerie]

I. It's so interesting. It does really touch on your, like, acknowledge thing.

[Pete Holmes]

It's my acknowledge thing. But it's also. I don't want Katie to guess where to put the ads. I don't think we've finished.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

What? I. No. I'm sorry to get lit up here. The first wave of this podcast. This the first introductory riff dump. How you doing?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I feel that wave coming to a close with the promise. With apologies to people that are sensitive to AI and with apologies to the fact that I'm using something that is, like, very triggering for musicians. And I completely understand.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That being said, I'm also like, this exists.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm just letting people know that it's wild.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So what was the song that you sang? Oh, it was mic technique.

[Valerie]

Something. Mike. Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

Be aware of your mic technique. These are words that you said to me. To me. Okay.

[Valerie]

I don't remember.

[Pete Holmes]

So let's sing it together.

[Valerie]

Oh, boy.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, ready? One, two, three. Be aware of your mic. You can't laugh.

[Valerie]

I'm sorry. It's funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, it. I'm mad.

[Valerie]

I also just started on a different key.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll do it.

[Valerie]

Yeah, you just do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Be aware of your mic technique. These are words that you said to me. Be aware of your mic technique. These are words you said to me. Look, I. I got creative.

[Valerie]

Yeah, sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Be aware. So this is. Tell people about it a little bit.

[Valerie]

I don't know much about it. This is an app that Pete discovered that you can sing something like.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, our musician friends Michael and Lisa Gunger showed it to us.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And they were like, check this out. This is crazy. And obviously they're musicians and you can.

[Valerie]

So you. So right now what Pete is doing is typing the words that we just sang, and then we sang a melody, and then you can also tell it what genre of song you want that to be.

[Pete Holmes]

So I wrote the lyrics in. It's called Sona. And in the style I wrote, 100 person choir, Majestic and epic. And now I'm hitting create and this. So I want you to see how fast it is because I'm letting you know that it's working on it right now. This is crazy. And again, with apologies and sensitivities. To I play this for some of my musician friends and they're like, this is terrifying. Yeah, I. I agree. And when you hear real music, you can tell the difference. We'll talk about that.

[Valerie]

A difference.

[Pete Holmes]

But here's it's done.

Be aware of your mind technique. These are words that you said to me. Be aware of your mind technique. These are words that you said to me.

I said to make it epic. It does two versions.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

[Valerie]

And really what's interesting and, and sorry to sell you out here is that this makes Pete so happy.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, let's talk about it after the break.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

This episode is brought to us by our friends at Magic Mind. You always see us drinking Magic Mind on the show because I always want my guests dialed in. And that's what Magic Mind is. It is dialed in. It is flow state in a bottle. You know how athletes have Gatorade creators now have creator aid. It is 12 flow functional ingredients, things like matcha nootropics for focus and adaptogens to help fight stress. So it puts you right in that middle state. Not wired, dialed in. On average, people say they get about 30% more done for about five to seven hours after drinking. It helps fight off procrastination, brain fog, fatigue, even some ADD type stuff. After a few days in a row, it's easier than ever to slip into that flow state on demand. And the best part, they got a money back guarantee. So if you don't like it, you get a full refund. Right now, Magic Mind is hooking up weirdos with 20% off your first order. Just go to magicmind.com weird use promo code weird at checkout. That's magicmind.com weird promo code weird at checkout. Obviously, I'm wearing perfect jeans in this interview. And obviously I'm wearing perfect jeans right now because the perfect jean are just that. They are, no joke, the perfect jean. I used to think jeans had to feel like punishment. Stiff, scratchy, crushing your hopes, your dreams and your nuts. But these, they're soft, they're flexible, and they somehow make me look like I have fashion and I have my life together. I'm serious. I've worn these on meetings, on stage, on red carpets, running errands. I've taken naps in them. I could probably do yoga in them. They move with you. No plumber's crap, no denim diaper situation. Just perfectly fitted, stretchy comfort. And they're only 79.99, which is a cheap, cheap price for designer jeans that are so impeccably Made. I pay double for ones that feel like sandpaper. So, yeah, I love them. They're stylish, comfy, and they make me feel like the main character in a rom com. So fuck your khakis. Get the perfect gene. For a limited time, you get 15% off your first order, plus free shipping at ThePerfectGene NYC. Use code Weirdo. That's 15% off at ThePerfectGene NYC with promo code Weirdo. And when they ask where you heard about them, tell them this podcast sent you. You know that one friend you got that's like, yeah, I'd get a bidet, but I don't need one. Wake up. I thought I didn't need a bidet and then I got a tushy. And let me tell you, it is an absolute game changer. I'm serious. If you had poop on your hand, would you just wipe it with paper and call it a day? No. You want to power wash that, like leaves off your driveway? I installed mine in about 10 minutes, no plumbing degree required, and it instantly made my bathroom feel like a spa. That. That also cares about my butt's feelings. The clean way better than toilet paper. Smoother, fresher. And honestly, it's like a little life upgrade I didn't know I needed. It's sleek, it's easy to use, and it fits perfectly with my bathroom vibe. This is everyday luxury for your, you know, your gravy spout. Can we say that that's disgusting? Listen, the A hole is only a naughty word if you're still wiping with paper. Give the gift of daily dignity this holiday season with Tushy, the bidet that uses nothing but fresh water to keep things pristine with while saving you 80% on toilet paper. The your future self will thank you and so will your plumbing. For a limited time, get 10% off your first bidet order at hello tushy.com with promo code weirdo. That's 10% off at hello, tushy.com code weirdo. We're back. I don't mean being. I don't. I don't mean being. I don't mind being sold out on this. And I'll say, partially in my defense, that when I use this app, it's all songs that I wrote.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

As a human being.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm singing them and I'm humming the music. I'll give. Here's a better example of one that I did. Me and my friend Earn Aaron. He did the podcast in high school. We only spoke to each other in song.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We only did songs. So we have dozens of songs that we sang when we were in junior high and now we're just recording them with Suno and we're not profiting from.

[Valerie]

Them, whatever, sending it to each other.

[Pete Holmes]

What I, I guess I am a little sensitive to this as an artist, obviously, is I'm like, I was never going to hire a musician to make this. It's not going in a production. It's not taking away a job from anybody. It's grab ass.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's me and my friend making each other laugh. It's just a photo booth app that's warping our face.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Anyway, so we used to say, Mr. Bogart, watch me dance. That's something we always used to say. And then I hummed this melody and I said, make it like a Daft Punk sort of dance song. And this is what it did. Mr. Bogart, watch me dance.

Okay, sorry, but that slaps. Listen, but that slaps a lot to say about that. When I did that, I went, Mr. Bogart, watch me dance.

And I did it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So it wasn't just like make me a dance song. It did everything that makes it a song. But it felt. I don't know, I don't know how to talk about it.

[Valerie]

Co creating.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, it did what I wanted it to do. And again, it made a song that never would have existed. And I just sent it to my friend. He cries, laughing. He sends me one from when we were in high school that I didn't even remember. All these songs we sang about our cats and, and, and you can make them like folky. Can I play one more?

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

This is one we used to say.

You're putting it on speaker for John. Right. That's something that we would always say because one time I put it on speaker.

Speakerphone for my brother John. And Ern was like, you're putting it on.

[Valerie]

He caught you.

[Pete Holmes]

He goes, you're putting on speaker for John. So then I sang this melody and I said, put it in the style of like lo fi folk music. And this is what it did.

[Valerie]

You're putting it on speaker for John. That is so crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

Putting it on speaker for John.

I can hear you on the other line giggling. You're putting it on speaker.

[Valerie]

You're putting it on speaker.

[Pete Holmes]

You're putting it on speaker for John.

[Valerie]

I mean, I mean that is so.

[Pete Holmes]

It did it crazy faster. I know I sang that melody, but I'm getting it kind of wrong.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

One of the things that I noticed is if you put in too many beats. If you're like, you're putting it on speaker, it'll fix it.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I've heard you do it. Do some versions where I'm like, ooh, I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm like, don't worry, that's not.

[Valerie]

A melody that makes sense.

[Pete Holmes]

So. But I sang that very, very, very close to what that was. And I said put in like acoustic guitar, male vocal. And as we're unpacking this in real time again, just I want to acknowledge. I know it's weird. It's also. I would want to know. I'd be like, I'd want to know that this is at least happening.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not something I'm going to show. I have shown it to Leela, but then I was like, I don't think I'm going to keep showing this to her because I want her to learn guitar. I want. And young people, it really does me well to see how anti AI they are. That they're like, fuck that shit. I get it. I think that's beautiful. I'm Gen X. I'm perfect for it. You're the demographic, 46 year old white guys that's only sang silly songs with their friends and can now text them to each other. We are. I don't know about people that are like, I think people are making songs, putting them on Spotify, profiting, taking jobs away from humans. I'm just talking about grab ass.

[Valerie]

I. Yeah, grab ass.

[Pete Holmes]

It's. It's sort of like, well, yeah, pornography sites have illegal shit on there. So using the pornography site is still supporting illegal shit.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, so I understand.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not saying this is victimless.

[Valerie]

Totally ethical.

[Pete Holmes]

No. Or. Or that it's going to be a huge part of my life. I'm saying this week this is. Somebody showed it to me.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, I'm sorry, but if you were a time traveler from 1930, I would go watch this. And that's fucking nuts. You can say make it 100 person choir or you can say make it a dance song or make it a folks. It's weird.

[Valerie]

It's crazy. I will say I definitely. I have enjoyed that. Like I just constantly. It feels like here you in the bathroom singing, singing and then laughing so hard like you're it. It's like it gives you like this very pure sort of child laugh. Like a very specific laugh.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. The little boy laugh.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because when I was in high school specifically, which was the peak of my. Not that we've peaked. But it was the height of my friendship with Earn. Yeah, we were in bands. That's the other thing we've done is we've sung songs that our band wrote and said make it a pop punk song with like, power chord guitars and bass and drums. And like, hum it. The whole thing with the chorus that we wrote. And when you hear it.

Again, just for my own enjoyment, there's just something.

Here's what it is. When I was in high school, I'd walk home from school and I could hear these songs in my head. They existed and I could hear they were epic. They were. They fucking ripped and rocked. And I was so excited. And very importantly, we then got guitars and drums and we practiced them and we tried to do it, but we never quite got there. Yeah, we're hobbyists. It was just our hobby. And it's still my hobby. I still will play music and like it. I. I'm just saying for something to go, like. It's similar to how I feel about AI Art. Like, I've talked about this in therapy. I've had images of, like, setting somebody free or forgiving somebody or. Or visualizing a part of myself being happy.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I've used a large language model to like, make an image of this thing that I see in my dreams, basically. And then I stick it on my mirror. I'm not saying it's good. I never would have hired an artist to do it. It's just helping me process. In a similar way, these songs are kind of like delighting the part of me that was like, I can't show you, but I know this would rock. If we could just.

And now you can open up an app and go, da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Wipe my butt. Or whatever it is.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And then it rips. And then you send it to your friend and you're. I cry laughing. It's weird.

[Valerie]

You know, that's actually really helping me understand it. It's interesting because basically what you're talking about is the process of creating.

You know, the thing I can. I can compare it to, and I know you can too, is like, when you're editing a video that you shot that you had a vision for. And, like, this is why editing is so fun. And you love it. It's like you have all of the pieces.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And then you're, like, working hard to put it, and it's like down to the, like. I think it needs, like, five more frames of that. And you're just like crafting this whole thing. This could, this could, this is just my example of it. This could be like writing a song, sculpting something, painting. Obviously, like any art, any creating, you have idea of it in your mind and then you shape it to happen. And the feeling that you get when it's finally matching what. When something outside of you is matching what was inside of you, that's like the most holy. Wonderful.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's interesting to consider that the, the Final Cut Pro is.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Greatly assisting you in doing. And it's, it's making what you saw.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I'm not saying make a song about putting it on speaker for John. I'm singing it, I'm. I'm humming the melody of the guitar.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Then I'm refining it, going over it. Sometimes I ask it to do it again. So it does feel like. Is that. Are we saying the same thing?

[Valerie]

We are. The only thing that I could see being, you know, different in a less healthy way or just different, you know, is the, the like instant gratification of it. Like because you didn't put any work into it, then it's just sort of like there and gone.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's why when we make a song like mic technique, that's not meaningful to me.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But when there was a song we sang, there was a song we sang in English class. I'm not going to play it. Lord knows I would love it if I just played you every song. I would too. And I just smiled the whole time. But like, when I hear. I've lived with that song for 30 years. This is also what I thought you were gonna say. Literally 30 years. By the way. Crazy. Wow. Sometimes as a creative, it can be really frustrating when you're like, I know what this sounds like. In the movie King of Kong, the guy that runs Twin Galaxies, the official scorekeeping website of the Internet. Isn't it weird that I know that and like gave it respect?

[Valerie]

Oh my God.

[Pete Holmes]

I love video. I love competitive gaming. It's one of my interests, as my year end YouTube recap will tell you. Retro gaming, speed running, all that sort of stuff. So anyway, the guy that founded Twin Galaxies wrote these songs and they sound kind of like Rush, like big, like double, double kick drum and huge solos and. And you know, doc. You know how documentaries are always a little mean.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just kind of like we're a film crew and we're the unforgiving eye of reality and we're going to show people what your little songs are.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So I Watch whenever I've seen that movie. No exaggeration. 50 times.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's insane.

[Valerie]

I can attest to that.

[Pete Holmes]

I have a compulsion with that movie.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I love it every time, and I think about it all the time. It's weird. It's probably. It is like, borderline obsessive compulsion.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Love watching it every time it shows that guy. I believe. I want to say his name is Arthur, but that's not right. Anyway, he plays these songs, and the feel in the theater is. Look at this. Midwestern nothing.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

We're the film audience, and we know you guys are all weird. And he plays the song. He's like, you, you, you, you. You said you'd find Forgive Me or something like that. And it's like, get real. Let me know when you have eight friends who are amazing musicians. I'm like, this guy could show people and then, you know, do it real. But he could show people. Like, this is what I'm thinking, how it should be.

[Valerie]

Like this sounds in his head.

[Pete Holmes]

And let's. I. Look. People know. I think a lot about AI I think human beings are amazing. There's another tool. Just like the umbrella and just like the train and just like the car. Just like Final Cut Pro. Just like our phones. And they all have shadows. They all have dark sides, pollution, all this stuff.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I'm hopeful that human beings will. Like, when I was in college, I would think of musicals. I'd have musicals, but I couldn't do. I can't write music. I didn't know. There's a lot of people out there that don't know people.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I know there's a huge shadow to this. People that are gonna exploit and hurt and hurt music and cheapen it. I get that. And there's the guy from King of Kong that's like, I can't do it on my acoustic. It sounds like this. There's motherfucking cannons and lasers and an orchestra and he doesn't have access to. And the joy I feel when I. Even if it is this scary thing, I. I know there's the genie. Oh, the genie did it. But, you know, the tale of the genie is. Is murdering the planet or what? I get it. I'm just. I'm trying to explore it.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I'm with you. That's actually so interesting because that made me think that.

You know, it's in. It's in. It's the nature of life, to evolve, to, like, always be changing. Yeah. And.

There'S all. So that means there's always a moment where like our well being hasn't caught up with it doesn't match like our full evolution. I bet. Like, you know, like the whatever creature grow. That's a water creature grows legs.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

And then it's sort of this thing of like, well, now that this person, this thing has legs, like there's a whole.

[Pete Holmes]

There's all these leg activities.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And there's this whole season of where it's like, well now the body's trying to get blood to the legs. So it's probably affecting the heart in a certain way. And it's just like, it's like there's this, these like growing pains literally. And I was, it just occurred to me, I wonder if the whole thing of like we, you know, social media causes depression and anxiety. We know this.

[Pete Holmes]

It also helps you remember Nana's birthday. Look, I actually, I hate social media media. I am not about it.

[Valerie]

Yeah, but, but we know this and, and I'm not saying and I'm. This is just a pure thought experiment.

[Pete Holmes]

Hate is strong. I don't use a lot of social media.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I wonder if it is sort of like, yeah, we haven't caught up yet with. It's because our brains are still. And our nervous systems are still very much running on an old system that doesn't apply now. That's what thinking lions are around every corner.

[Pete Holmes]

Anxiety.

[Valerie]

That. Yeah. That is still best run on a tri a tribe model.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's milkshakes, fat and sugar and drink it all. Because famine is coming and is like.

[Valerie]

Face to face by a fire. And I believe in that and I want that and I think that is so much better than Instagram. But I also wonder again, thought experiment. I'm not making a point here. I'm just like having this, talking this through as it's coming to me. I also wonder if we always were to be like, nope, this technology, the, this evolution, this change and this progress is.

Not fitting our old model. So we need to go back to the things that do fit our old model if that is actually not really going with the flow of nature. Because then we're not letting ourselves evolve. Like we have to be uncomfortable and stretched and have the, the like illnesses and the things that come with always changing and growing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It also, we're in the awkward, like we just lost our tail phase.

[Valerie]

But I think we always are because we're always evolving. So I think that's just the nature of reality is that things don't exactly line up because if everything did exactly line up, then we would completely stop growing and changing. And so that's sort of the discomfort of the human existence, is that we are. We have this force in us that's always evolving, which means we're all. There's always going to be a discomfort because you can't have evolution without discomfort.

[Pete Holmes]

I think that's great. And you know where else I went with that is like, I'm not trying to be cute when I say the harpsichord was a technology that people were like, oh, you push the notes and it plays it like, where's the bow? You know what I mean? But it was.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not the same, but it was. But where I go, I'm like, there were cave people that had symphonies in their heads.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not saying it was strings and oboes. Like we know it, but like, they had.

[Valerie]

They had art in them. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And they're. When you say, like, oh, there's a guy that works at Trader Joe's that has a masterpiece in him, but he doesn't have the access. There is something beautiful in a very goodwill hunting kind of way of like, we can get. You and I, with full respect to the old way of. But look at the old way.

Be brave enough to tell someone. I think that's good. I think you should be brave enough to tell someone your idea. But a lot of people don't.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Then have access to musicians. Get encouragement. Have time, a space.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Instruments.

[Valerie]

A lot of money.

[Pete Holmes]

Money.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm back to time. But like, time, time, time. Or, you know, you could. So here's Walter Day. I just looked it up on YouTube. Walter Day is the founder of Twin Galaxies. Let's see what this is. His music. It's just called Medley.

[Valerie]

He. You do think he wants this to be like a rock song?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Cuz I mean, I know maybe just because it's him with the guitar, but it does even just sound like a folk melody. Like, I feel like. I feel like it could be a beautiful folk.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you think the style should be? I think it sounds like he wants it to be like. Like Queen. Oh, you don't think so?

[Valerie]

I did not hear that. But maybe you know that from.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Folk rock guitar.

Bass, drums, male vocal. It's easier said than done. I just. I feel like Walter Day. So Walter Day is the guy who found Twin Galaxies.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

And when I watch that documentary, I always get the impression that he has these amazing songs in his head.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So I feel like he's a prime candidate for a tool like this suno okay, so it's done. I keep saying it wrong. I can't say it right.

[Valerie]

It's easiest.

[Pete Holmes]

It's easier said than done.

Yes, it's easier said than done.

Okay.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's, again, with full respect to the. To how complicated this issue is. That makes me emotional.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Because you, like, made that guy's vision come to life.

[Pete Holmes]

I. I don't know how he would feel about it. I. In fact, I'm like, oh, I. I hope he's okay with this. But, like, yeah, you know, yeah, he. It's a song that's available, and, yeah, we did a cover of it. Yeah. But, like, in my mind, guys like him are out there with awesome stuff in their head, and they can get it out to a certain extent. And then they're in movies and we're like, yeah, right? And it's like, you could. You could. You could plug it in. Like, think about, like, producers, right? There's producers that are geniuses, and they find Ariana Grande. I'm not saying Ariana Grande isn't talented. I'm saying they partner up with these creatives that, like, hone and polish and give them access to studios. And again, take Ariana Grande. I don't know anything about her. I don't know why I picked her.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just saying. Yeah.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Geniuses produced musics and beats.

[Pete Holmes]

And you could say the same about me, Conan and Judd, and they shaped me and guided me and all this sort of stuff. It's exciting to think that Walter Day and lots of musicians like him. I'm sure there's some guy in Maine with a banjo and, you know, a regular job who's got it and he can put it out. And I get excited about manifestation, even if. Meaning, would I be happier if Walter got a barn and a band and, like, they grinded it out? And isn't that the point of life? That camaraderie and that time, Body heat and their heartbeat sinking. I'll make the other argument all day.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

I think there's countless arguments of me making the argument of the point of life is an excuse to love each other and to connect? Yes.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just interesting to me that, like, barring that, we have a YouTube clip of him kind of just laying it down and then running a video game website, which is quite famous, and I respect it, but, like, it definitely crazy.

[Valerie]

It's so interesting because it does. It begs, like, a lot of different questions about. Because this is sort of also.

You know, the process over product conversation. Where you're just like. But creativity really isn't about the thing that happens after.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that. That goes to my next prediction. I think where. And I'm. I'm not in an AI doom hole. I have been other times we've done this up. Done episodes.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I actually think, and I'm hopeful that what's going to happen is more and more we won't be able to believe what we read or see. Including our emails, maybe even including our phone calls. Like, it'll all just kind of. Including podcasts.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Is this real? You know, it's. It's a. I don't say this with any delight, but it's like a. It's a paranoid situation.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

For everybody.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like when Covid happened, somebody tweeted, we're all Howie Mandel now. With respect to Howie. It's like now we're all very germ phobic to.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like we're all getting a taste of what it's like to be like, things are getting real weird.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And we don't know what to believe.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. Right. That's going to increase. And then what's going to happen? Because it's what survival is. We're going to pull away.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We go like, okay, well, email's out. I just got an email from Huey Lewis.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he said he wants me to be in the news. And it wasn't real.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So we just stopped. But it was very convincing. And then I zoomed with him.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it was him.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it wasn't real.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So we start going like. And Suno. God damn it. What is it fucking called? Suno. It's like sumo with an N. Suno can make these songs. Sure. I think what's gonna happen is we're way past the absurd. We're way beyond the pale. I hope, and I'm hopeful that it will wake us up to, like, all that's left is like Burning man style life. I mean, like, this song will never be played. This song will never be recorded. No one will advertise on this song. No one will profit from this song. It won't get streams, it won't get downloads. I won't be famous. I'm gonna play a bicycle that I hooked up to an accordion. Because you're on MDMA right now.

[Valerie]

Yeah, absolutely. I do really take so much comfort, and I've said it before on this podcast, that, like.

One way to look at it is like, human beings are too self involved to be anywhere near as near as. Anywhere near it. As interested in AI created stuff as we are in human created stuff. We just care too much about our own experience being reflected.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no.

[Valerie]

And that the whole thing that we get out of art and creativity is someone like me made that and they are experiencing similar things to me. Like, we. It's just seeing ourselves reflected back and going.

[Pete Holmes]

And looking at the. We watched Frankenstein. I'm watching Oscar Isaac's face. I'm like, I felt that.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And if you told me it wasn't his face, I'd be like, well, then fuck you. And a big part of what people are using Suno for is people just. Just go on and listen to the songs. They like it. That's not what I'm advocating.

[Valerie]

But. But we heard, like, a Jimmy Hendrick riff the other day.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I'm gonna play this restaurant.

[Valerie]

Is that what it is?

[Pete Holmes]

This is. This is the Source Family, the most human music ever made.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's that cult. They were a cult.

I love it that. It's a drum machine.

[Valerie]

Uhhuh.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh. Or it's not.

[Valerie]

I don't know. I can't tell.

[Pete Holmes]

What am I saying?

[Valerie]

That's the whole point. No, there is a drum machine in there.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not saying this is what I listen to in the car. I'm saying there's a. There's a vibe.

[Valerie]

If it was.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a fl. Well, Billy Corgan, in that. The great Source Family documentary, which I love, he talks about how it's like, the most real raw music ever. And we were listening to some, like, something that was similar to Jimi Hendrix. We were like, oh, it's so flawed and it's so round and. And not to put Suno down, but, like, there's a. There's a new mommy that is gonna become the thing.

[Valerie]

Absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

And the hippies have been on this for decades, literally decades, going like, get off the TV and fuck in a cornfield. Get off the TV and hold hands and sing. And, like, I think we're gonna start getting more and more awake to the idea that getting what you wanted, even if it is a perfect rendition of a song that you had in your head, isn't really what you want. But keep in mind. Sorry, slightly defensively, what I'm enjoying about it is me and Earn, my best friend of my whole entire life. We never text. Now we're constantly texting and having these memories flood up inside of us. So I'm feeling closer with him.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Nostalgic.

[Pete Holmes]

It's huge waves of nostalgia and Sort of like a strange feeling of completion to like, oh, that idea never got to be. And now it is, and I listen to it and it makes us laugh. So it's in that sense enhancing connection. But when you listen to human made music, you see that you're connecting to something different from just like a great melody.

[Valerie]

Right. I also, I've said it before too, but I think. Yeah, I think it's just. It's like, it's basically like watching, like, Pacific Rim versus Fantastic Mr. Fox. And like, let's check the years on those when those came out because, like, 2011 and 2016.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just kidding. Yeah.

[Valerie]

What if I knew if, you know. But like, the point is, is that certainly, like, Isle of the Dogs came out after Pacific Rim. Isle of Dogs after Pacific Rim. It's like after computers could make robots fight in an ocean, we still wanted to see movies where somebody was moving an arm, taking a photo, moving an arm again, taking a photo.

[Pete Holmes]

And if you watch the making of those movies, it's almost you can remember. We all learned this from Mad Men. Nostalgia means. Comes from the word for like, wound. It's like bittersweet. It's painful. Everybody in the DVD extras of Fantastic Mr. Fox seems, I mean, almost depressed that it's over.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That they used to walk around in tweed jackets with elbow patches. Wes Anderson makes people dress that way. And micro adjusting and being completely immersed and in a flow state. Here's what is not happening when I'm doing this. Flow state.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not getting into a flow. I'm getting instant gratification. That's again, why I'm not doing it with my daughter. So again, I'll talk out the other side of my face. In fact, let's continue talking out the other side of our faces.

Sorry. In a moment because we need to take our second AD break and then we'll be right back. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Element lmnt. Healthy hydration isn't just about drinking water. It's about drinking water plus electrolytes, which makes sense. You lose both water and sodium when you sweat, so both need to be replaced. And Element does this deliciously easily with no BS, no sugar. 5 calories won't break a fast and helps prevent those muscle cramps, headaches, and energy dips that come with dehydration. So many electrolyte drinks have tons of crap in them. Sugar, tons of sugar. As much sugar as a can of soda. It's ridiculous. But Element has none of that. It's the optimum ratio of sodium, magnesium and potassium for health, performance and energy. I start every day with my favorite flavor, which is lemonade salt. Close second Watermelon salt and this floods every cell in my body with optimum hydration and jump starts my day. It's amazing before or after a workout. It's also just great when you're fasting or trying not to snack late at night because it's delicious and it fills your body with what it's craving, which is so often in my case, salt. So get a free sample pack of Element. Their most popular flavors Citrus salt, Raspberry salt, Watermelon salt and orange salt. Two sticks of each flavor with any purchase when you use Promo Code Weird go to support this show Go to Support your body drinklmnt.com weird get your free sample pack with any purchase Promo code weird that's drinklmnt.com weird this podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. You know Squarespace, the all in one platform that makes it ridiculously easy to get your ideas out into the world. If you've ever had that I should finally make a site for this thing moment. Squarespace is the place to actually do it. I've been playing around with it myself. They comped me for a full year, which is dangerous because now I'm like, should I launch a passion project? Maybe mugs? Maybe a fan page for the wonderful films of Neil Breen? The answer is yes, and thanks to Squarespace, it is stupidly easy. My favorite thing is how simple they make offering services. You can set up a page for sessions, events, consultations, whatever you got. And people can book you, pay you, and even get automated emails all in one place. It feels ridiculously professional and yet still easy enough for a goofus like me. And if you're not a designer, hi. They're cutting edge technology. Their design tools do all the heavy lifting. You can even start with blueprint AI. You tell it what you want to do and it builds you a custom great looking site in like, I don't know, 90 seconds. And then you just drag and drop stuff around until it feels like you. So head to squarespace.com weird for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use Offer Code weird to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com weird promo code weird for.

[Valerie]

10% off hello, I'm Gretchen Rubin. And I'm Lori Gottlieb. We're two friends, one a happiness researcher and the other a therapist. And we are here to tackle the problems of everyday life with all of you, from big issues to small. We'll share advice and fresh perspectives, and we'll also highlight responses from you, our listeners, to the questions we discuss. Whether it's that pet peeve that's been bugging you for years, a tricky dilemma, or just something you've always wondered about. We'll talk it through the since you asked podcast from Lemonada media. Premieres on September 23rd. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, we're back. Interesting stuff.

[Valerie]

Really interesting stuff. Let's talk more about Frankenstein. Can we.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. Can we.

[Valerie]

You guys talk about.

[Pete Holmes]

Because, you know, that movie is drenched.

Both practical effects and green screen.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's true.

[Pete Holmes]

Because it's some of the best. Maybe Guillermo del Toro, my dear friend. I'm just kidding. Will hear this and be like, that wasn't green screen. I can't do his voice. Yeah, but, like, I'm pretty sure it was. If you have Oscar Isaac climbing up a silver and there's a storm out.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Chances are you didn't do it. But they figured out, like, how usually the lighting betrays green screen. Everybody looks too perfect. In, like, certain superhero movies, you can just tell it's complete bullshit.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Frankenstein is clearly using green screens, and they're nailing that perfect blend. So that's not the main thing we want to talk about.

[Valerie]

No. There's so much more that just came.

[Pete Holmes]

To mind because we were talking about.

[Valerie]

AI That's a good segue.

[Pete Holmes]

Guillermo is doing what I think just to put a period to that sentence, is doing what I am very hopeful that humans will do, that my daughter and her generation will do, which is collaborating with unbelievable advances in art and culture and connection and life that are made possible due to these frightening things. Things that might have been frightening. Oh, we're gonna do green screen now, right? I remember we used to be in the desert. It's like. Like. Well, yeah. But now. Anyway. Yeah, we already had that conversation. That movie's amazing. What do you. What do you. What were you gonna say?

[Valerie]

Well, I was just gonna say that the movie is such a gift. Oh, good God.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think it's that loud. Is it?

[Valerie]

I mean, you just can hear it.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry, everybody.

[Valerie]

It's fine. I. I'm also, just, like, concerned for you.

[Pete Holmes]

That's cute.

[Valerie]

I. I don't like hearing you cough.

[Pete Holmes]

These coughs are great.

[Valerie]

Okay. They're productive.

[Pete Holmes]

I hate that word. But in terms of coughs. But, like, I'm having a great day.

[Valerie]

Okay. I'm so glad. Yeah. No, I just. I. I just think that I can foresee us on this podcast having so many therapy kinds of conversations where we go, well, this was my Frankenstein and the old man moment. Or this is like, oh, I think it's such a gift to us now that it. And it felt. We both felt it in real time. Like, we were just getting a treasure trove now of, like, more examples and references of what it's like to be human.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

And I ca. It's tools, so. Like, actual tools.

[Pete Holmes]

And like I was saying about printing out images that I see in my mind that help me heal.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Good art is literally going, like, first of all, the fact that Guillermo wrote it and directed it. Guillermo. Guillermo wrote it and directed it.

So it's really. It's like an auteur thing.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's like, oh, he feels this way.

[Valerie]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pete Holmes]

He. Nobody to my taste is talking about how they feel like a monster.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, in my therapy this week, I was like, sometimes I wonder if I'm like, do I really not want to do bad things? And I use the example of briefly parking in a handicap spot. Is it the bad thing that I don't like briefly parking in a handicap spot or getting caught. And I was like, if I'm being honest, it's getting caught.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's shame. That's. I'm a monster. Like, I don't care. Like, Louis has a bit. I know, but he has a bit about, like, I think if you murder somebody and nobody saw it and nobody ever finds out you didn't do anything wrong. It's a really funny joke.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's addressing way funnier than I just did. The idea that human beings are a little bit devilish.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We're a little bit, like, totally. I'm gonna take two Snickers. It says take one. I'm gonna take two. I'm gonna take the whole bowl.

[Valerie]

And there is.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I'm a selfish bitch. I'm a monster.

[Valerie]

There is some sort of. I wonder exactly which happy hormone does.

[Pete Holmes]

Get released when you're a little wicked.

[Valerie]

When you're a little wicked. When you do a little sneaky thing. I like. And I. And sometimes I wonder, is the guilt even the guilt of, like, okay, so if I killed somebody, I mean, that's a very extreme example. Let's do something that's, like, pleasure. Like, if I had an affair.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And, like, is the guilt that I would feel. Feel. When I was with you and you didn't know.

Because actually I did something bad. Or is. Is the guilt in anticipation of getting caught.

[Pete Holmes]

I think that's the perfect example. And it's super weird.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Meaning it's super weird to hold two things at the same time. 1. And you just have to say it. I am possessive of you. Like, I want you. And I. I. Like, this is what the hippies and the free love. And I mean that with full respect. And the polyamorous people. I think they would appreciate that I'm saying this. I'm a finicky bitch.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I want you. And I don't want you to have fun without me.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's the ultimate fomo.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You got. You got an affair is the ultimate fomo. You were getting. You were having fucked sex.

[Valerie]

On missing out. No.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, on missing out. But at least I'm being honest.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like it's. It is a possessive. This is maybe selfish because. Sorry.

[Valerie]

No, go ahead.

[Pete Holmes]

I was just gonna say I've never cheated. It's not. Let's not say it's not in my DNA. I think people could. Whatever. I'm just trying to say. You get what I'm trying.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just saying I don't see that happening. I. And blah, blah. What is happening. I want to keep on my point.

I'm also, even though I've never done it, aware.

That it's like eating a pizza under the sheets.

[Valerie]

Of course. It's like the ultimate indulgence.

[Pete Holmes]

Cutting class. This happened to me in college. I use it as an example all the time. Cutting class and then finding out class was canceled.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're just like. Like, I robbed a bank.

[Valerie]

Absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

And no one knows.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

It's. And there's a certain kind of snowed in. Sleepy. It's sort of related to pooping. There's a poop shame. Warm.

[Valerie]

That's the way I do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Just kidding. Private. Cloistered.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Dark but red. Crimson. Dark.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's similar to a glass of wine. It's like a candle. Okay.

[Valerie]

I should have said that back at Crimson.

[Pete Holmes]

You're doing one. You're doing wonderfully. But, like, even though I haven't done it, I know as a guy who's eaten a piece of cake that wasn't for me and I get a little twinge of this. Or I'm trying to think of real examples. That is a good one. Like, I'll eat something that isn't mine.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or could have gone to you or Leila. And I'll be like, this is almost Fucking daddy. Of course. So I know that I get 0.01 and an affair.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you love sexual tension. You would love an affair.

[Valerie]

I would love.

[Pete Holmes]

You would love an affair. I mean, it actually makes me a little sad. Cause I'm like you in an elevator and there's two buttons lit up, but then you both get off at one of them and the elevator just goes up. They call that the affair ghost when the elevator goes to the floor that neither of them went to.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

If you ever see an elevator in a hotel and it opens and no one was in it and you didn't call for it. Somebody's fucking somebody they shouldn't.

[Valerie]

That is exactly right. They sent that elevator up. No, I. I know. I. I know that you know me well enough. And in fact, I've thought of that before where I'm like, you know, there. There's. There's degrees of an affair, like, meaning I could probably kiss someone and explain to you exactly the situation and how it led up to it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And you would most likely be like, I'm really happy for you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's true. Mike, we talked about this before. Birbiglia has the bit about being best friends with his wife. So much so that if she cheated. No, I actually think it's. If she cheated with, like, Brad Pitt, he would be like, ooh, details.

[Valerie]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, he would just wanna know the story.

[Valerie]

It would have to be the exact right situation. Like, I'm not. It wouldn't be just anyone or anything, but. But I, you know, whatever. I. I just know that you know me well enough that you would. And you ha. You used to have that bit, actually, where you're like, if I.

[Pete Holmes]

They have sex in Spain in a. In a wheat field during a rainstorm.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And he's playing the guitar and, you know, whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

I know there was a whole swath of the podcast where I was obsessed with polyamory.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because it's very interesting.

And I just have to own my that 70s show dad style. But honest feeling.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That if, like, you did that. I. I would. We've talked about this before. It wouldn't be a deal breaker. I would. I would love you. I would want to. I'd like to think it really depends on my mood.

[Valerie]

It depends on your mood. And that's the thing too, is it's.

[Pete Holmes]

Am I angry? Am I already having a bad day?

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Guess what?

[Valerie]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Juan Carlos and I. God damn it.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And actually, I know exactly how you would react is at first, you would Be. You would be like, yeah, you. You would be like, more okay with it.

[Pete Holmes]

And then.

[Valerie]

And then.

There would be, like phases.

[Pete Holmes]

Of Just comes in, like penis. And none of these are good things. Like, was he better than me?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Am I giving. Am I not giving you something? Even though we know my or your desire to have sex with somebody else doesn't have anything to do with you? It can. Let's be honest. Some affairs are. Because somebody's just not throwing down.

[Valerie]

I'm just kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

I hate that I said that. I'm just saying maybe there are dissatisfied people, but in this situation, honk, honk. Yeah, it wouldn't be that.

But so. But I'd still. I.

[Valerie]

There.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like the telltale heart. It's a telltale wiener. I'd be like, I'm a failure.

[Valerie]

The feeling of it is. It's so interesting because really, if everybody was admitting the actual truth of what they wanted is I want to. I feel like people would be like, I want to be in a great, committed relationship where I get to have sex with other people if I want to, but the other person never does. Like, that's exactly what everybody actually wants.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's go out in the back. I want to see you throw a baseball because maybe you can throw like a boy now. Because, like, that was so male.

[Valerie]

I just feel like that is what I'm doing.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm joking with throw like a boy, by the way. I'm just saying, like, that is something over reported by men, and I think really under reported by women. I mean, that's exactly correct.

[Valerie]

And asking for that or expecting that is where men have gone wrong in the past, thinking that they have a right to that.

[Pete Holmes]

I know men that do that and would break up with the girl if she didn't. It's also the plot of Mad Men. Second Mad Men reference this episode.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

It's also the plot of the Sopranos, right?

[Valerie]

Well, it's the plot of the. It's the plot of a lot of male history.

[Pete Holmes]

It's also. Yeah, yeah, forget fiction.

[Valerie]

That's what happens.

[Pete Holmes]

We're back to fiction and nonfiction. But it's. Yeah, no, that's true.

[Valerie]

That's what I'm saying is the fact that they're living like that is what's fucked up.

[Pete Holmes]

But then.

[Valerie]

But of course, that's what everybody wants, right? Like, and they also want the other person that they're fucking to not be fucking somebody else. And just basically, it's just the. The ego wants everyone to only want to have sex with them and nobody else.

[Pete Holmes]

I've never told you this, but, like, one of. I don't do it anymore, but a fantasy. Like, sometimes I'd just be falling asleep and I'd be thinking about it. Just like a real glimpse of the ego was an award show where all my exes just talked about how amazing I was. And they won, like, award. Like, the porn awards, of course. And they're just like. He was the. Like, pure ego. And I'm just there and everyone's celebrating me. Really embarrassing. I've thought about it. It could be a strong Woody Allen. I know. I'm just saying it seems like a Woody Allen type of sequence.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like the walking the red carpet with all your exact girlfriends and they're all just talking about how you're the best.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And the greatest. Because that is what you deep down want.

[Valerie]

Absolutely. Of course. I just watched Rewatched while you're sleeping. It's so good. And Bill Pullman is explaining how he feels about Sandra Bullock.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's like, it's buttock. Just kidding. That's my friend Robert Buscemi wrote that joke.

[Valerie]

And he's like, she just gets under your skin and you can't stop thinking about her. Or she gets under your skin the minute you see her. And you can't stop thinking about her all day. And she's.

[Pete Holmes]

It.

[Valerie]

She's so. It's so upsetting. You don't know whether to, like, grab her and kiss her or to wrestle her or something. Like, just the way he's talking about her, you're like, this is how we all want to be talked about. Yeah, we just all want people to talk, but.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that goes back to getting caught.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or is it actually like a really aggressive male fantasy is you're walking down the street and the most beautiful woman you've ever seen grabs you and says, if we don't have sex right now, the whole world is going to end. I can't explain it. And then you have sex and you got to save the world, and you save the world. And she goes, you can never tell anybody, and I have to go back to my home planet. And then she leaves and you never talk about it. I know.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I wanna.

[Valerie]

That's. I'm. This is our. I want to address situation where we're interpreting things differently. Well, yeah. Where.

[Pete Holmes]

No, can I real quick address that? Like, I. I don't have. Like, that seems so chauvinistic, like.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I understand.

[Pete Holmes]

I just want to acknowledge.

[Valerie]

No, no, of course.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a Shallow thought.

[Valerie]

That's like. Like when Harry met Sally. When he's like. And. And then your whole, you know, like afterwards you're holding her and you're like, how long is long enough? Is it. It 30 minutes? Is it?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

You know what she's like. And she's like, that's what you're thinking.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, but that. But I talk a good game. But that, that's. I'm far too sensitive.

[Valerie]

No, you're not.

[Pete Holmes]

For something like that. Yeah, yeah, but there's a. Well, that. That comes down to, like, what you want and what you could actually do. That's why I say I'm not an affair person. A lot of it has to do with the fact that, like, I have so much overthinking. I would never. I also don't drink. I would never get to a place where I could select, like, on a computer desktop, the picture of Leela and the picture of you and the picture of me and you and Leela at the table, laughing and going to school and Christmas morning or whatever. Just select all of those pictures.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And make them invisible for the length of sex. There's no way. I told you the first time I got a blowjob, I was thinking, I have to get married now.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

I wasn't thinking, wah, wah, wee, wah, my dick.

[Valerie]

Okay, so that's interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

Call a caterer.

[Valerie]

Because my other theory on this kind of thing. And I wonder if this actually does apply to you. So I have theories about. You know, the first theory is everybody secretly wants somebody to. Wants to be married and they get to have sex with other people and the other person doesn't. The other thing is people who, like, in an open relationship, when you are married and you're in love and you love your primary person and then you start seeing someone else, it is so clear to you. It's like, this is totally outside of what I have with the other person. Like, I absolutely can love two people at the same time.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Valerie]

And it. And it doesn't feel like it's taking from that pot at all. And that feels very clear, and you feel very sure about that. But then if. That. If your partner starts seeing someone else.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

There's just like, no convincing yourself. And I know some people can. I'm talking about, like, my experience, and.

[Pete Holmes]

They think it might even be a gene that. That they can find that you're like.

[Valerie]

But that is taking some of the love from me. And you're like, but you've experienced that. It doesn't.

[Pete Holmes]

So I. I'm agreeing with you. I'm like, no, bro, it's like, I don't want, like they, they have this theory. This is crazy, but we'll unpack it. They have this theory that in the future when all cars are self driving at night, you'll allow your car to go out autonomously and make money for you giving people rides.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm like, no.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I hate to say it, but that's similar. I don't want an Uber pool. I don't want an Uber pool. I want Uber black priority pickup.

[Valerie]

Then why do you keep sending my ass on that pole?

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Valdez pole dancing, by the way. I, I am joking. But if, if we're talking to my full self, I know that that's not what's happening. I'm talking about a good look.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're giving of the most petty.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's what we're talking about.

[Valerie]

Of course that's what we're talking about.

[Pete Holmes]

Possessive.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Property. And it all goes down to like land. Car, lawnmower, fence.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Status. Mine.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

It's fucking. It is. It's children on the playground. It's cavemen. It's. It's basic.

[Valerie]

Yeah. It's animalistic. And, and. But what I was going to ask about that question is, or the question I was going to ask about that was, do you feel like you could have the first part of that experience where you were having some, you know, we were in an open relationship and you were with someone else and you would feel like, this has nothing to do with my.

Love for Valerie. Like, because you might be the exception of the, of this rule.

[Pete Holmes]

Say it again. So I was wondering about the ethics of AI. I really was. I went back a little bit. Keep going.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

That I. So the, the point that I was making was that you, when it's you and you love two people at once, you're like, this makes perfect sense. I actually can do this. It doesn't take away from my love with this first person now that I have this other person. But then when the other person is doing that, you can't believe that that's, that's possible. That was what the point I was making.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Valerie]

And I'm saying. But do you even think that you could do even the first part where you would feel if you had someone on the side.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

That it, that it was totally a separate thing?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think you're the exception to that. You might be the only person I know who feels like, oh, really? You couldn't.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I couldn't follow through.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I'm saying. Like, there's what your body wants and what your ego wants, and that way what you're actually wired to follow through.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I, you know, me, I'm like, yeah, just pretty. I eat what's on my plate.

[Valerie]

Yeah. You are very like what's in front of you.

[Pete Holmes]

And. And that doesn't cheapen what's in front of me. But it's like if there was somebody else. And it was just. I don't even like talking about it. But it was like there was somebody else and I saw her once a weekend.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Come on.

I actually. Look, I'll talk out the other side of my face. I'm just saying there's a chance that the novelty and the like, the accept. Oh, this person accepts me. And like, you know, those are kid free weekends. We're just lounging around.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like we're back to science.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not a control. It's not just the person.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

It's this whole other thing changed. We're in Bermuda. You know what I mean?

[Valerie]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

And I confused Bermuda with the person, and now I'm with that person. And then I'm with that person for 13 years. And then we start talking about, what if you had this other person and it would just repeat.

[Valerie]

This is why it's also.

[Pete Holmes]

But I do think, sorry, no, please. Out the other side of my face. I. This is romance. I'm ruined for other people. A hundred percent. So that person would have to be an incredible anomaly. Because yes. Even if it was hubba hubba town, I would be like, you floss in bed.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or whatever it was. Or like, you don't. Yes. Hand properly. Or you don't. I mean, listen to this podcast for endless examples of how generous you are unpacking me and listening to me and helping me. Like, it's like you're working like a body shop and I'm always up on the risers.

[Valerie]

I'm dripping oil looking under that hood.

[Pete Holmes]

You're always looking under that hood.

[Valerie]

Love it.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's so. Yeah, you're. It takes a special woman.

[Valerie]

Well, that is very sweet. And obviously I feel the same. And for the record, I do think that like in. Please, listeners understand that I. This is. I have all the respect for every type. My water. Every type of relationship, you know, Polyamorous.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah, no shade here.

[Valerie]

All of that.

And these are the things that are just so Endlessly fascinating. But, like, I do. I do think, you know, like, you know, when Lee. When we're putting Leela to bed, I think even if we were in an open relationship and everything was fully allowed, I would be sad at the loss of the simplicity. And like. Like, sort of. I want. I don't. Innocence seems like it's like, not innocent the other way, but, like. I guess simplicity is the best word for that.

[Pete Holmes]

No, We're Liz Lemon.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Whenever Liz Lemon talks about, like, relationships and people like, oh, but then they just kind of dry up, and then you're just watching TV on the couch and she's like.

[Valerie]

Like, I'm hoping to get to that.

[Pete Holmes]

I want that. That's the trade.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I don't. Like, we're watching Black Rabbit. That's a recommendation.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God. So good.

[Pete Holmes]

And when I watched Jude Law with his open shirt and 12 necklaces running a bar in Brooklyn, I'm like, yuck. I'm glad to watch it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But there's no envy there. Look, he's with the 20 year olds, like, rubbing elbows and having weird sex. Not weird, but you know what I mean. Like novel sex.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Zero.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Some people just as. That is for some. So too Brannis for me now. And Bran is you and me and Leela playing Uno.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I know that sounds. Groans maybe, but this is.

[Valerie]

This is why. This is why I'm writing a show about this. Because this topic is so Endless real estate. It's so interest. Endlessly interesting. Because then also you touched on the, like, Bermuda of it all.

[Pete Holmes]

Mike Bermuda.

[Valerie]

And that is sort of the thing too, is it's like, often in the, you know, like around your 40s, there's like, you've been married long enough and you have kids that there's, like, restlessness on both sides. So then that's when, bro. When relationships open up. And then from the woman's perspective, it's. It can very much feel like.

Now this guy has found somebody, let's face it, probably younger, maybe, who knows? But at the very least, they probably found somebody who they are only doing fun weekend exciting with.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Valerie]

And then from the woman's perspective, you're like, I raised your children. That's why I'm like this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Like, I died and was reborn as a mother.

[Pete Holmes]

This is why I remember the joke. I was like, that's why you pay for dinner. Like, I know. That's whatever.

[Valerie]

No, I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just saying there's.

[Valerie]

Yeah. It's like, you I. I am an like. Yes. I have. I have more complications to me.

[Pete Holmes]

But because of what we've done.

[Valerie]

What we've done together. And now you're just leaving me for like the 20 year old version of.

[Pete Holmes]

But we also know that the human mind is a comparison machine.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you could be with somebody. Let's. I'm always. I can get vulnerable and I go. It's a common thing that I say to you. Like, are you so tired that I blow my nose too loud?

[Valerie]

You're right. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And I do. I can't stop. You don't get the full release without the full high B flat.

[Valerie]

You mean the deviated septum? The release of your septum.

[Pete Holmes]

That's hilarious. So that's weird. But it doesn't really bother you that much. I do try to.

[Valerie]

Only when it wakes me up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And I try to calm it down. But then you're dating this new guy in Bermuda and he doesn't.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And the brain. That's way a different kind of information.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Than just going, I don't mind. And now you're with a guy who's, let's face it, Younger, fitter, more carefree. Like I'm obsessed with my work and creativity and I'm moody. He's none of those things. And it's only through comparison that they seem so appealing. Because that same guy. Were he guy number one, you'd meet me and he'd go. He's so complicated and interesting and creative. The comparison would go the other way.

[Valerie]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's the five painting experiment which I've mentioned a million times. I can do it real fast. Two groups, five paintings. Group one, pick one painting. That's your painting.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Group two, pick one painting. In a month you can trade in your painting for a different painting if you'd like. After. I'm making the numbers up. But it's roughly right. After a year. They surveyed them. How satisfied are you with your painting? Group one that picked one painting and had to keep it. They're like 90% satisfied with their painting. Group two, they could change. They're like 42%. They're not happy with their painting.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Because this is dating.

[Valerie]

Yeah. It's still the element of choice. Did I make the right choice? Is there something better out there? Is it?

[Pete Holmes]

And that's what the brain does. So if I'm with this new Bermuda lady. Let's say there is something. Because I don't have any notes on you. But now I'm with this person and there's Something. She emits the scent of pine every time she thinks of trees.

[Valerie]

And I'm like, wow, can't stop talking about Rupert Spira.

[Pete Holmes]

Sure. Or. Well, I wouldn't like that. I don't like people who are like me.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

If you were like. If you came in and were like, let's watch an AI video. Or. Or like, look at this Suno thing. I'd be like, get the out of here. You're supposed to be dancing and singing and.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Touching my face so I can come back into reality. I don't want that.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So it's can. It's. It's not just compare and despair. It's. Comparison isn't just the thief of joy. Comparison is the aggrandizer of things that wouldn't have even occurred to you that aren't actually valuable. They're only valuable in the light of comparison.

[Valerie]

Right. Now, let me say this to really balance out all of that. I would love to have an affair talk. I'm taking it back to Frankenstein, and then we can end on this. But as I was watching Frankenstein.

I, of course, have parts of me that relate to the Frankenstein, for sure. But very. I was very much watching it, knowing that you were really relating to Frank Frankenstein's mindset.

[Pete Holmes]

I call myself Frankenstein on the beach.

[Valerie]

I know. And. And with that.

[Pete Holmes]

And I say friend anytime. I go, hey, me and Till went out for coffee and we just talked about our lives.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you'll be like, wow. And I go, friend.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Learning.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I don't know what friends are. I am now. I have a good four years of being a friend person.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

More of a friend person.

[Valerie]

But without even realizing, like, without forcing it. It wasn't like I was watching it. Like, this monster is Pete, and how do I relate to him in this mov? Like, I wasn't. I was just. I was. I was slightly aware that you were relating to him, but, like, other than that, I was just having my own experience with this movie. And I. So deeply and profoundly related to Elizabeth, not because she was the only woman, but be like, the way that she instantly loves this monster.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Valerie]

And at the end, when she's the part that made me cry that I founded. Well, I. I will say at one point, she says to him, I can just say that, like, I.

Like, I'm not totally of this world. And when I met you, I found the thing that I had always been looking for.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And I was like, this is exactly how I feel about you.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know. And monsters be needing their Elizabeths gender aside.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

It can be either way.

[Valerie]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

Or the same, both sides. It doesn't matter. But, like, yeah, I found. I'm. I'm surprised I didn't put that. I was too busy crying at him, being like, I forgive.

[Valerie]

And the way that I felt about specifically that monster in. In the movie was like, it just so really ignites something in me that's like, I will be the one to love you. Like, there's. Oh, you're like, intricate and like, not for everyone. And it's. And, you know, maybe hard to love for some people.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Let me be the one to do it. I like that. Like, I am so up for that job.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

That. So anyway is to say that you're the one for me and I love you.

[Pete Holmes]

And Frankenstein being an amalgam of so many different people and you are polyamorous. You're in love with all 12 of me.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's right.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's another reason why you don't have to have an affair. Thank you very much.

[Valerie]

I've got enough work on my hands, but a little kiss, you know, by a certain somebody would be great.

[Pete Holmes]

A little Christmas kiss.

[Valerie]

Just a little perfect Christmas kiss. We're. We're on board with.

[Pete Holmes]

It's our culture.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's no big deal. It lingered a little bit. I'm there with eggnog.

[Valerie]

There's some deep breaths. Just holding and deep breaths.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's weird. Like.

Yeah, that's just not my.

Thing.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm almost jealous. I'm like, I know.

[Valerie]

I. I actually would like you to have.

[Pete Holmes]

There are people that I am attracted to, but I don't have any.

[Valerie]

Like, our electrician is here.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I gotta go. All right, Valerie.

[Valerie]

All right. More on that later. Keep it crisp.

Want to listen to your favorite Lemonada shows without the ads? Subscribe to Lemonada Premium. On Apple Podcasts, you'll get ad free episodes and exclusive bonus content from shows.

[Pete Holmes]

Like Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis.

[Valerie]

Dreyfus, Fail Better with David Duchovny, the Sarah Silverman podcast, and so many more. It's a great way to support the work we do and treat yourself to a smoother, uninterrupted listening experience. Just head to any Lemonada show feed on Apple podcasts and hit subscribe. Make life suck less with fewer ads. With Lemonada Premium, are you looking for ways to make your everyday life happier, healthier, more productive and more creative? I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one best selling author of the Happiness Project, bringing you fresh insights and practical solutions in the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast. My co host and happiness guinea pig is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore ideas and hacks about cultivating happiness and good habits. Check out Happier with Gretchen Rubin from Lemonada Media.