We Made It Weird #235

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: We Made It Weird #235
Date: December 12, 2025
Guests: Pete Holmes & Valerie Ann Chaney

Episode Overview

In episode #235 of “We Made It Weird,” Pete Holmes and his wife/co-host Valerie Ann Chaney deliver an intimate, meandering conversation about holiday rituals, dopamine cycles, nostalgia, social connection, and their ever-changing relationship with indulgence and creativity. Their signature blend of humor and honesty runs through topics ranging from neurodivergence and Christmas music to food addiction, meaningful male friendships, and why Pete can’t stand background music while parallel parking. Poignant moments and unfiltered bits about genitalia and Dave Matthews Band fit seamlessly into the messy warmth of a Saturday-morning kitchen table chat.

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Key Topics & Insights

1. Holiday Traditions & Emotional Histories

• Christmas Music and Nostalgia
  • Valerie feels deeply connected to Christmas through “the magic I had as a kid”: “I try to keep at least a little spark of the magic of Christmas… That was once like a gigantic bonfire on the beach.” (08:23)
  • Pete’s relationship with Christmas is more fraught, recalling “trauma…locked in a Yule log with my family” (07:32), but he feels more at peace this year thanks to therapy.
• Opposing Approaches to the Holidays
  • Valerie craves ritual and musical nostalgia, replicating childhood experiences to “invoke all the senses and the memories and all of that to keep the magic alive.” (08:39)
  • Pete uses the season to rebel — often switching to Radiohead to escape the “one note” of Christmas music saturation.
  • Quote: “There’s no part of me that wants you to come to my side.” (09:21)

2. Dopamine, Creativity, and Social Media

• Seasonal 'Mania' and Dopamine Surges
  • Both discuss December as a time of heightened energy and compulsion. Valerie calls it “dopamine December”:

    “It feels really ADHD… This time of year, it’s like there’s a fire hose on and if I don’t point it at the right thing, it’s just gonna blast whatever it is.” (22:10–22:32)

  • Valerie’s increased creative opportunities have fueled her dopamine; when there’s a lull, she gets “so on Instagram you can’t even believe it. And it’s wrecking my brain.” (23:05)
• Managing Addiction-like Behaviors
  • Pete acknowledges his compulsion to keep up on AI news, comparing it to a minor doomscrolling addiction:

    “I overdo it on AI news. I’ve been better about it, though… It’s a problem. It’s a gift. It’s a calling. It’s a problem.” (11:54, 10:11)

  • They reflect on the idea of “pointing the fire hose” of energy on the right things, or else falling into unhealthy default behaviors.

3. Neurodivergence, Music, and Overstimulation

• Music as Overload
  • Valerie finally articulates how Pete experiences music:

    “You know when you’re trying to parallel park in a tight spot, you have to turn the radio down. That’s how Pete feels all the time.” (21:27–21:32)

  • Pete recognizes the analogy:

    “That’s how I feel about music: how you feel about music while you’re parallel parking.” (21:54)

4. Food, Indulgence, and Self-Compassion

• Holiday Eating Patterns
  • Valerie confesses to a “sugar of life” chase during December, leading to cycles of pleasure and regret.
  • Pete shares a rhapsodic description of dining at Phil Rosenthal’s new diner, Max and Helen, enjoying “the best tuna melt I’ve ever eaten” and a milkshake, noting how high-quality food in a convivial setting makes indulgence feel sacred, not shameful. (58:31–66:17)
  • He observes, however:

    “The next day, I would have punched someone for a sleeve of cookies. I just fed this beast.” (65:51)

  • Both reflect on the slippery slope from savoring to overindulgence: “It’s like having an affair... and then all of a sudden there’s a point where you’re like, we're hurting people. What are we doing?” (67:11)

5. Male Friendship & Social Connection

• Reluctant Male Bonding via Poker
  • Pete describes joining a men-only poker night, discovering a new dimension of social fulfillment:

    “It did feel like… this is male bonding. And I'll say, modern dude time: nobody was shithoused, nobody was drinking that much.. Just ordinary guys… Sitting here, wants to be liked, wants to be heard, wants to be understood.” (71:14–72:29)

  • Valerie encourages his appreciation of male friendship, highlighting its unique value and lamenting how rare it is for men.

6. Philosophy, AI, Cheese Wheels & Life’s One Taste

• Investment in Wellbeing
  • Pete jokes about “putting his happiness all in cheese,” likening friendships to dividing a “cheese wheel” of wellbeing and struggling with how much to share.
• ‘One Taste’ of Happiness
  • Pete brings in a spiritual perspective:

    “There’s one happiness… There are different intensities of it… When I kept calling [great food] ‘sex,’ there’s a quiet sleeper wisdom to that.” (70:13)

• Electricity, File Compression, and Not Knowing
  • A delightfully absurd detour as Pete and Valerie try to explain how electricity works:

    “No one understands a battery. A battery is, we took energy… we put it in a liquid… Can I also say, no one understands what’s going on.” (47:41–48:09)

  • Extended riff on file compression, “solstice,” and the joy of admitting you don’t know.

7. Classic Holmesian Riffs

• Physical Comedy, Silly Riffs, and Genitalia Bits
  • Uppercase G, C, and Q as letters represented by waiters with hunches and trays. (26:05–27:18)
  • Wild, good-natured speculation on the anatomy of Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, and Dave Matthews, culminating with:

    “Dave Matthews: dick curved, but big… got a girth to it that it drains him to get a big boner.” (43:01)

    • Frequent callbacks: “You’ve got my balls, you’ve got my dick!” (43:50)
• Quotes on Introversion and Performance
  • Pete’s anthem:

    “I’m an introvert. Hear me squirt!... I don’t like being with all of you. I'm an introvert! Whoa whoa whoa.” (42:03)

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• On Christmas Trauma and Healing
  • Pete: “This year, through, not in small part to my therapist, I feel more at peace. I don’t have the, like, trauma… like, I don't like Christmas because this is when I was locked in a Yule log with my family.” (07:13–07:39)
• On Musical Overload
  • Valerie: “You know when you're trying to parallel park… you have to turn the radio down? That's how Pete feels all the time.” (21:27)
• On Dopaminergic Behavior
  • Valerie: “When that’s not happening, I am so on Instagram you can’t even believe it. And it's wrecking my brain.” (23:05)
• On the Sacredness of Splurging
  • Pete: “It was all focused, felt very sacred… It really did feel like heaven… Eating that meal with such a beautiful person.” (66:17)
• On Male Friendship
  • Pete: “It’s weird to have something so very social and you just add, like, looking at cards and betting and watching other people play, and it just kind of calms everyone down… And then you are, like, I miss my father or whatever.” (73:36)
• On Not Knowing Tech Stuff
  • Pete: “No one understands what’s going on. I don’t care if you watched a video about it… You still don't know how. I have a three gig file…Oh, I’ll just compress it and it squishes it. I know, but it’s still on the computer.” (47:41–48:09)
• On Accepting Indulgence and Moving On
  • Valerie: “If there is an answer, it’s to indulge in treats like that, when you’re in just the right circumstance and you can enjoy it and savor it… and then not being like, ‘Okay, so then the rest of December is done.’” (66:33)

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Memorable, Funny, or Touching Moments by Segment

• 03:19-04:18: Reminiscing about their daughter Leela’s bravery at a quarry—“Our little girl jumping off the cliff, beautiful. Back off, buddy.”
• 05:00-06:13: Playful bickering about Christmas music “My chestnuts are roasting right now!”
• 19:45-21:05: Discussing why some favorite songs can’t be remembered by heart, only recognized when heard—music as intuition.
• 26:03-27:18: Extended riff on hunching waiters and comparing people’s postures to uppercase Gs, Cs, and Qs.
• 43:01-44:26: Ridiculous, explicit, but lighthearted riffing on Dave Matthews' anatomy and musical prowess.
• 58:31-66:17: Pete’s heartfelt praise of Phil Rosenthal and his new diner; a love letter to food, friendship, and joy.
• 70:13-71:14: The “one taste” theory of happiness.

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Flow & Tone

Warm, personal, comedic, and intimate, this episode blends deep emotional honesty with absurdist humor and wordplay. Pete and Valerie gently challenge and support each other, sharing both vulnerabilities and victories. The focus remains on connection, coping, and navigating life’s weirdness, making the episode feel like a comforting long catch-up with close friends.

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• Christmas/Nostalgia Discussion: 04:27–10:00, 14:04–15:19
• Managing News/AI Obsession: 10:09–15:15
• Music and Overstimulation Analogy: 20:09–22:03
• Holiday Eating and Dopamine Cycles: 22:10–24:59, 58:31–66:17
• Male Friendship Reflections: 70:19–74:47
• Absurd riffs (waiters/letters, genitalia): 26:03–27:18, 43:01–44:26
• Food Rhapsody/Phil Rosenthal’s Diner: 58:30–66:17

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Closing Thoughts

This episode is a rich tapestry of married life’s weirdness, warmth, and neurotic joys—touching on nostalgia, addiction, the sacredness of food, and the need for creative and social outlets. With its blend of self-awareness, philosophical musings, and unfiltered humor, “We Made It Weird #235” is a quintessential slice of Holmes & Chaney at their funniest and most heartfelt. As they say—keep it crispy, and happy holidays!

Transcript

[A]

Lemonade.

[B]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[A]

What's happening, weirdo?

[B]

What's happening, everybody? Lovely.

[A]

We did it.

[B]

We did it.

[A]

We did a podcast for you.

[B]

Big laughs in this one. Yeah, we just recorded it. So we like to recap a little bit.

[A]

We had a lot of fun.

[B]

There's some laughs in here that I won't forget. Gnc, gnc, Dave Matthews.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I mean, you name.

[B]

It, you name it. A lot of our usual hits. A lot of our usual hits, but in a new way. Ballet. Not new moves, but new interpretations.

[A]

I was gonna say. I thought you were saying that we talked about ballet and I was like, I must have been dissociated for that one.

[B]

Yikes.

[A]

Well, you know, just.

[B]

You're not leaving your body during this podcast. Okay. We're so glad you're here. If you're new to the show, this is the we made it weird version, which is when Valerie and I catch up. And on Wednesday, it's the guest. I don't have much to plug up. Top. If you're listening to this to the day. To the day. It comes out.

[A]

To the day.

[B]

I'm in Milwaukee. Come see me performing in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, followed by next week I'm in Brea, California, followed by San Francisco. Val's gonna come to that one.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

I'm coming to Brea as well.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Los Angeles on January 21st. Those are always so fun. Thank you to everybody that came out to the last one at the Largo.

[A]

That's what he's talking about.

[B]

The Largo, North Carolina, South Carolina, Miami, Michigan, Irving, Texas, Madison, Wisconsin and Denver, Colorado. All of those are on PeteHomes.com and in the meantime, enjoy this chat with me and the wonderful Valerie Ann Chaney.

[A]

Valerie, get into it. Hey there, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. I'm back with a new season of Wiser Than Me. The show where I sit down with remarkable older women and soak up their stories, their humor, and their hard earned wisdom. Every conversation leaves me a little smarter and definitely more inspired. And yes, I'm still calling my 91 year old mom Judy to get her take on it all. Wiser Than Me from Lemonade Media, premieres November 12th. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[B]

It's morning in New York. Hey, everybody, I'm Mandy Patinkin.

[A]

And I'm Kathryn Grody. And we have a new podcast.

[B]

It's called don't listen to us.

[A]

Many of you have asked for our advice.

[B]

Tell me, what is wrong with you people don't listen to us. Our take it or leave it advice show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th. A Lemonada Media original.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

No, I. Nope. I just was gonna say. I know. We always. You know. You know when you see a guy jump off a cliff into a. Like, a quarry?

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Remember when Leela did it?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

She jumped off a giant rock. Badass thing.

[B]

It was her and a bunch of, like, men with Navy SEAL experience. And then our little girl jumping off the cliff. But I was just gonna. And then our little girl. Our little girl jumping off the cliff. Beautiful little girl. So beautiful. Back off, buddy.

[A]

Trump. Get your name out of our kids. Wait, no. Get.

[B]

Get. Well, he didn't say her name. I was actually talking about somebody else. This one. I really don't have any idea what we're going to talk about. And I love it.

[A]

We'll figure it out.

[B]

I'm dead and loving it. We always do. Don't worry about it.

[A]

It's just. It's just actually an hour of us being like. We always do. Forget about it. It's fine. We're going to figure it out. We got it.

[B]

Oh, my God. But people. It goes viral because people listen to it when they're in need.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When they need to know when they need to.

[A]

It's affirmations. I.

[B]

You go. There you go.

[A]

I was just going to say I've been thinking, obviously, a lot about Christmas songs. And we were laughing.

[B]

I can't.

[A]

We were laughing before this.

[B]

Because I was with Christmas songs.

[A]

I know. Which is so sad.

[B]

They need to stop. It's like they're all these artists just trying to make it their own. Have yourself a merry little. This one's my version.

[A]

This is probably.

[B]

Song sucks.

[A]

I actually feel, like, hot like my.

[B]

Face that you're mad about this.

[A]

So mad about this. Also that you picked my personal favorite.

[B]

That is my favorite one. It's not the song. It's that these artists have to like. The one we were listening to today will be like bells ring a ling ding, ding, ding, a ling.

[A]

It's not what.

[B]

Just trying to make it their own jazzy little Christmas.

[A]

Which I appreciate. Also rude. You know that have yourself a jazzy.

[B]

Little Christmas is my childhood Christmas to hurt you.

[A]

You're really personalizing.

[B]

I'm not trying to.

[A]

But this is our biggest. Probably our biggest fight we've ever had right now.

[B]

It's our biggest disagreement.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is your. I think Christmas is two one note. It's a whole month. If you're to be believed. Two months.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Well, I'm not mad at it.

[A]

Just me.

[B]

I know it's a lot of people also.

[A]

Okay, let me now let that. Why don't you. Why don't you. Why don't you let me talk.

[B]

I've lit the Yule log under you.

[A]

My chestnuts are roasting right now.

[B]

Roasting.

[A]

Furious.

[B]

Faithful friends.

[A]

I understand that, like, it's. You know, there's a deeper thing where, like, Christmas can feel kind of, like, painful for you to remember.

[B]

Although.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Can I. May I. Am I allowed? Is this a little. Are you speaking to the Senate right now?

[A]

I was. I was about to. Filibuster. Yes.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

Filibuster. Hello, Mother.

[A]

What?

[B]

Arrested Development Buster.

[A]

Oh, Buster.

[B]

Phil. Buster. It's a gay arrested dick vellement. It's the gay Arrested Development porno.

[A]

I also was just about to do a Buster quote.

[B]

I'm Blue the nut.

[A]

Oh, my God, Gross.

[B]

I'm going to Blue the knot.

[A]

I hate that budding. I started to do a Buster quote, and then you interrupted, so it just sounded like I yawned, like, cartoonishly.

[B]

Oh, yeah. What was yours?

[A]

Oh, we're just breezing through nap time, aren't we?

[B]

One of the best. One of the best. All I want to say is that this year through. No, no, not, not, not, not. Not in small part to my therapist, I feel like more at peace. I don't have the, like, trauma. Like, I don't like Christmas.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because this is when I was locked in a Yule log with my family, and it was always just felt. You log and tight.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

But this year, I feel like I'm having a more clear. It offends my.

[A]

Yes. Your fore. Let me say it, because that's what I was gonna say.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

It's. It's like there is the one level where. Where in the past. I'll say, since you seem to be totally healed.

[B]

I'm not totally healed. I still have other bullshit. But it's not like trapped in the car with mommy and daddy.

[A]

Okay, but in the past, it's. It's very. So it's. It's interesting because it's like we had completely opposite agendas about Christmas. Like, you were trying deliberately not to feel how you felt as a kid. And I am. That is all December is about.

[B]

Trying to feel like how you felt as a kid.

[A]

Yes. Is like trying to. To keep at least a little spark of the magic of Christmas still that I had. That was once like a gigantic, like, bonfire on the beach.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Trying to, like, keep that alive so that. The way that you do that is nostalgia. So it's like getting the. Doing the things that you did when you were a kid. That's why I'm like, we have to get a real tree from a lot. That's like what we. What I did was. I love that I listened to the same album that I listened to as a kid. I. I even like the. Even the new Christmas music, it still works because it's like. That's the joy of. Like, you only listen to this music this time of year and it's going to like, invoke all of the senses and the memories and all of that to like, keep the magic alive. So that's why I'm super into it. It makes me feel like I. Valerie, like, it makes me feel like the 90s.

[B]

And I think we all know this. No part of me wants you to come to my side.

[A]

I understand.

[B]

I even like what I'm about to say, which I've said. I'm sure on. We made it weird last year at this time you leave. I just immediately put on Radiohead.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And it's because. And I was.

[A]

Because you're so cool.

[B]

So cool.

[A]

You're so cool.

[B]

Even Tom York would be like, oh, mate, that's a bit much, innit? Yeah, there's something. Oh, hey, mate. Is a bad. In it. You realize this N. In it. Resisting the urge to AI that song in the style of Radiohead right now.

[A]

Thank you. Practice.

[B]

It is a. It is a problem.

[A]

It's a practice.

[B]

It's. It's a practice. It's a. It's a gift. It's a calling. It's a problem. I have pulled my car over to send a song to Earn. We're almost out of songs, though.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We're out of songs.

[A]

Well, I have to. We don't need to go into anything on that too. Not specifically about last week we talked.

[B]

About AI music and. And I'm realizing here's the two ways that I'm full of shit. Just. Cause I'd always like to be on the record with those one I give. I'm like, don't watch the news. It like. Or to put it the other way, just try not watching the news for a month and see if anything is different other than your anxiety levels. You'll still vot. You'll still donate. You'll still protest all those things. If you. If you're inclined.

[A]

If you find out about it.

[B]

If you find out about it at a Barber shop. If you hear someone at a bus stop saying, asks you for something. No, you know my feelings about this. People will tell you. Trust. Yeah, they tell you.

[A]

But that. What? That's why not everyone can take this advice. Because if everyone does, then we really won't know anything.

[B]

You mean it'll just be a big game of telephone?

[A]

Well, I'm just. I just mean then we're counting on people finding out to tell us. We're basically saying, you watch the news so I don't have to.

[B]

I suppose that's true, but what I was trying to say is, but then I watch AI news too much, compulsively. It doesn't help. It's. It bothers me. You know what I mean? Nothing's different. So people, most people, seem to not be keeping up on AI news. And I do say that with a little condescension. I'm just kidding. I just wanted to see what it felt like.

[A]

People are always going, like, you don't.

[B]

Know what's happening in Bora Bora right now?

[A]

Nothing.

[B]

Nothing. It's a tropical paradisio. They don't speak Spanish. It's weird to say paradisio. I overdo it on AI news. I've been better about it, though. Somebody else was like, I think they just want to freak you out. Like, it's funny. Whatever news you're into, you think that's the pure news. Like, I'll be over here going like, that's insane. There's these agendas. They want you this, they want you that. But then when I watch AI news, I'm like, this is from the Associated Press live feed. It's your ticker tape the size of fortune cookie paper. And they're reading it, and it comes from God's lips to my butthole. So, like, I think my news is uncompromised.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But of course it is, by the.

[A]

People, specifically, because it's like a business. Like, it's. I mean, all of it is.

[B]

No, it's true, but it's just like.

[A]

What kind of follow the money situation.

[B]

If there's a hundred bill.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On the line.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm sure even the people that are very close to it might be getting swayed and have a reason to tell me this, this and this. Like, in fact, that was the argument somebody made to it. It was like, look, the whole economy is hinging on. Helps them. If you think, like, this could be the end of the world, you need to pay attention to this. But, yeah, even as I say that, I don't know, I think it might be something we need to pay attention to.

[A]

I mean, any who's a woo. That's the thing. Because we've had seasons of our lives where we're more up on current events than we are.

[B]

You and I.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Must make a pact.

[A]

I guess I have. I don't know. I won't speak for you, but the. The times that I am really following, like, you know, like Black Lives Matter, like when that was.

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

And that's a bad example because that really was, like, important for us to be actively knowing what.

[B]

But that's what I mean. I wasn't watching the news at that time. And you still hear about these things and you still march. That's exactly. That's my point.

[A]

But for me, what it is, is like, the more, you know, like civil rights kind of profiles I'm looking at, the more my algorithm is like, okay, so I'm going to show you all of the things that are going on in the entire world, and that's how I'm getting the news. But when. When I am really up on that stuff, it feels like this is absolutely something all of us should be constantly up on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like it. But then the times that I'm not, I'm like. I feel like I'm still getting it and I'm still contributing. So I just think because you are up on AI, You're. You're really like. I don't know how we're all talking about anything other than this because you're like, in the AI lens.

[B]

Can I tell you something?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, me pulling over to send AI songs to earn. How that's a compulsion. That's weird. I admit that. That's weird. And here. Here's what else else is weird is as you're saying that I'm like, I think I'm right. And that's what you forget about people.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like when I talk to someone who, like, really, this is good for me, someone who really follows the news and thinks that's deeply important, they believe that they're right. I believe that I'm. It's like, it's just such a. I watched a series of things and it created like a belief.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That other people don't have. And it's good for me to remember that when I'm talking to somebody, that's what they. It's almost like an acting exercise. The way I feel about this is the way they feel about that and that therefore. Therefore I'm glad that I've dabbled in addiction. To AI News.

[A]

And it would be interesting if you, like, took 30 days to off it off of all AI content and just.

[B]

Accept chatgpt summaries of what's going on. I'm just kidding.

[A]

And just, like, see how you feel.

[B]

Yeah, no, I know. And I, I, I, I don't want to do that. I hate when people do that. When you suggest that they do something and then they say, I think I've done that. Oh, I think I've actually done that.

[A]

I've actually done that.

[B]

That's a big thing in my family. As you go, like, have you tried, like, walking, like, 30 minutes a day can really clear your head? And they're like, yeah, I do that or I do that.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

I get hard, I think sometimes just a lie. I do that. Because you're like, you should try whatever. My latest thing is getting 20 minutes of sun a day. I do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like, what is happening right now?

[A]

So this is really interesting because it kind of is sort of in the vein of what I was going to say, where you're pulling, you know, you're pulling over to send AI songs.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Hello, girl. Samuel. Hi, I'm Alan Rickman. He just needed to clear his throat.

[A]

He wasn't even British.

[B]

Hi, everybody. It's me, Alan. I wasn't even British. I just had to cough.

[A]

But just that there is. I don't know if this is that for you, but, like, I am so, too Brandon's for me now. I am in, like, a real, like, dopamine December, where. And I. And I recognize this feeling. I get it every December. So, like, we've talked about how fall is, like, we get a fall mania and we're, like, super healthy and we're trying to fix all our lives and stuff. December is almost. I don't know, this one's more of a mystery because this feeling that I get this time of year, it is still very, like, windy. Like, it's just, like, activated. It feels really adhd.

[B]

So it's like, no, you've been me lately. Yeah, you've been me.

[A]

Yeah, it's more about that. Say more about that. What do you mean?

[B]

Well, you've been ripping through show business. You've got your show, you're doing your meetings.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

All I'm saying, it's stupid for me to say, that's me. I'm just saying we're used to me burning off all this, like, mania. And really, this is good clarity, too, when I say I'm feeling manic. It's often because of some extreme situations. Like you've been having meetings with production companies about a show that you really want to make, and you've been getting great feedback. And then you met yesterday with a showrunner. And then last night, when you're singing to Leela, we're all in bed and she's singing lullabies. It's supposed to be a lullaby, and you're open micing it. You were, like, trying new songs and songs you didn't know the words to. I was just. Lila could feel me laughing. Her head was on my stomach, and she was just vibrating because I kept laughing that you were like, and I wanna find a different way. And I was like, this is a woman who had an exciting day. And right now, I need Marmee from Little Women to be like, you know.

[A]

Singing boy, younger boy.

[B]

I wish I could. I tried to think of. Tis a gift to these people.

[A]

Tis a gift to be okay, I do hear you. And I was doing that. But I honestly, from my experience, I was like, first of all, I do that, like, every. Every quarter, I switch up all of the songs. I try to get, like, new songs going because I just get tired of singing the same songs. And then every quarter. Every quarter, quarterly their spreadsheet. Yeah, I'll show you later.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then. But then also, she wants Phoebe Bridger's songs. But it turns out this bitch, me, who's been listening to Phoebe Bridgers every fall and winter for six years, we.

[B]

Don'T know any lyrics.

[A]

I only know the lyrics to Motion Sickness. So I was really trying to remember other songs. So, like, I had other motivations. I wasn't just like, I'm gonna blow their socks off.

[B]

Can I. I think, you know, I've talked about this maybe before, but Phoebe Bridgers in particular, doesn't, like, hook me lyrically. In fact, that's true. She's one of my favorites. The national. The same. You could put on a song that I've listened to literally a thousand times.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And there's two kinds of knowing. I think it's really interesting. One is ask me to sing it. Like, Don't Swallow the Cap is my favorite national song.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And if I don't feel about it until I'm dead, I don't know a single one of them.

[A]

That's. That's what I'm experiencing.

[B]

But. And this is what I think is really interesting. And I, you know, sort of, in a very me way, tie it into intuition. All the things we know intuitively, we can't sing. Don't swallow the cap. But if I put it on right now and a single word was different, I. I would notice absolutely, totally.

[A]

Also, I would say even when it's playing, you can sing it because you're getting enough of.

[B]

Like you're singing a half a second after it. It's like don't swallow.

[A]

I don't even think it's that. I think it's like when you hear the words.

[B]

Puts you in the trance.

[A]

You. You. Yeah. And you hear enough of the words to clue the next words.

[B]

This also goes to why you're. You're really helping me, hopefully help others understand why I find music so assaulting is you go out and it's playing the fucking Macarena or some other song. Your brain is doing work, it's remembering the words. It's kind of singing along. And even if you don't want to in your mind, it's active. It's an active. It's co creating it.

[A]

Well, here's the. I think this is a great way. And I don't know if this has ever come to us before, but this is a great way to describe how you feel about music. It's like, you know when you're trying to parallel park in a tight spot.

[B]

You have to turn the radio down.

[A]

You have to turn the radio down. That's how Pete feels all the time.

[B]

That's very good.

[A]

You're always parallel parking. It's always taking that much focus for you to live.

[B]

That's. Yeah. That I. I get it. I think that's right.

[A]

Or just. It's. I think that's more like over stimulation. Like somebody is.

[B]

It's not chill for me. That's actually great. I feel about music how you feel about music when you're parallel parking.

[A]

Yes. I think that's.

[B]

That's really good. It's taken us 10 years.

[A]

I know.

[B]

To really nail that. I'm gonna write that down just in case.

[A]

Also. What was it? Oh, just the December dopamine. Can we go back to that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I kind of wonder if that's. I just catch myself this time of year. It's like, it's. This is. To use your description of mania, it's like there's a fire hose off and if I don't point pone it. And if I don't pone it at.

[B]

The right time, something. If I don't hone it. Tom. Tommy.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You mean it's on?

[A]

It's on. Yes. There's a fire hose on and If I don't point it at the right thing, it's like, it's just gonna blast whatever it is. So if I'm having work stuff going on, that's great, bro. Ideal. But, like, what's also happening is I'm getting enough of, like, a dopamine trigger from all of this. This work stuff that's been good news. And things moving that then, like, when that's not happening, I am so on Instagram, you can't even believe it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's wrecking my brain.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I can feel it. I wake up, like, just, like, with a deficit. I'm grumpy. I'm like, I just want feel good. Only feel good, feel good all the time. Nothing but hyper, super feel good.

[B]

Yeah. No, I completely understand. And that fire hose thing, correct me if I'm wrong, but what. What I took from that is, like, there's an energy, the fire. The water coming out of the fire hose.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I feel very strongly that we've talked about this. I need to find the four things I'm going to point that at. And if I leave it up to the world, just randomness. It might be a song in the supermarket, and it might be some asinine thing that doesn't. This is very add. It's like something that doesn't need to get done becomes the thing you're doing.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because you didn't take a moment to go, like, what should I be doing?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the energy has to go somewhere. And the other thing I want to say about that is this is why I can be such a pickled at parties and social functions. It's like, you know how some people have to burn off physical energy? I obviously have to do that as well, but I have to burn off creative energy. And if I haven't created enough or, like, worked that out enough, that fire hose. I'll win it back at the buffet, mixing metaphors. I'll be at a party and I'll start just like, like, being stupid. Being like, like inappropriate or weird.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I didn't do. I didn't. I didn't get it out. But you're actually having the opposite. You're getting it out, and then you need to keep chasing it. Because it felt so good to get your stuff out.

[A]

Yeah. Which you would. Most of the time, what you're saying is true. That's why I'm like. I think I have, like, seasonal adhd.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because most of the time, I actually.

[B]

I. I mean, ADD takes a lot of energy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And Sometimes you just don't have the.

[A]

Energy to be add. I guess that's.

[B]

Or it might be adhd, then it might be the hyperactive part, and then other times you just have a dumb old brain.

[A]

Is that the difference?

[B]

I don't think they use ADHD anymore.

[A]

I don't think they use ADD anymore. It used to be.

[B]

Oh, they only use adhd.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Who knows? But the feeling is like, this is how I feel. Just kind of constantly.

[B]

I just feel like that's coyote mode you're describing. This is so great because as I harden and. And hunch and slow down. I'm not hunching, am I?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, don't let me hunch.

[A]

No. You're standing taller than ever with that swim.

[B]

Swimming is great because you stretch.

[A]

Ooh, a swim is bad.

[B]

Sorry. Side sidebar. I've said this before, but exercise, that is as close to frolicking as possible. Trampoline, swimming. Things that are like children do, like, stretch long and all that sort of stuff is just so good. Because when I see people my age and a little bit older starting to, like, hump and no disrespect here, but they look like uppercase GS, not hump. Why say hump?

[A]

You said hump.

[B]

Hump. Yeah, but they have a hump.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They start to hump. Not in a sexual way. A non sexual hump into a hunch. Yeah, but they look like an uppercase G. I'm gonna need a laugh.

[A]

Okay, that is pretty good.

[B]

Especially if they're holding a tray. My waiter had a hunch. He looked like an uppercase G. He had a cane. He looked like a Q. Is that anything?

[A]

Yeah. He wasn't holding a tray. He looked like a C. I don't know.

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

I'm not. I'm not nice. I'm not.

[B]

That was. That was great.

[A]

I'm not.

[B]

He wasn't holding a tray. He looked like a C. Oh, wait, wait. My waiter was so hunchbacked, he looked like an uppercase G. Puts the tray down. Now an uppercase C is coming over to me. I say, hey, where's my drink? He's like, whoops, I forgot it. He goes over, picks it up. Now he's a G again. He drops it at the table. He's a C briefly. Then I'm trying to think of other letters a person could be.

[A]

I think it's so funny if it's only those two.

[B]

But told with the fervor, as if someone had prepared like A big routine.

[A]

As if they're able to go through the entire Alphabet.

[B]

They're on like Johnny Carson. And it's the classic the letter routine. You're gonna do the letter routine, aren't you? And he only does gnc. This is something Tim Heidecker or, like, could do.

[A]

I was also. It was just making me think of. I'm not gonna remember enough of it. But remember from big mouth, the coach sings the.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

With like. It's like tp belt guy, sideways moon.

[B]

And then later it comes again. Like, sideways moon comes back. I loved it. We should go to the mids.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Where do you feel you are in what you're trying to say?

[A]

I basically said it. I think I'm just. I am realizing. Well, I'll. I'll put this button on it. You are, like, in a good zone right now. You're fire.

[B]

I'm in a very good zone.

[A]

Your fire hose is going and.

[B]

Fuck December. Fuck cookies. Fuck you. Fuck you. Get the fuck out of my face. Some cake I won't even enjoy. And then I'm eating a second piece like it's my job in the. The shadows. Just because I. I'm determined. And stay tuned to. Not because I always get lit up in the fall. I always get healthy. I always get very clear. This is my throwing away weed kind of time. And then I eat some of your mom's delicious cookies. And then I'm. It's over. I'm so black and white. I'm such a addict kind of brain. And this year I'm just like. Like, I don't want it. I don't want it. Please. I don't want it. I don't want your cheese logs and your crackers.

[A]

Yeah. And see, here's the.

[B]

Out of your little crostinis with olive oil.

[A]

I think this.

[B]

So tired of, like, a soft cheddar nuts on the outside that you kind of cut with one of the little decorative cheese knives. It's maybe a bell pepper on the handle. Even the knife does it for me.

[A]

You love the knife.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So, yeah, I. I think this is where you benefit from being an anarchist. Where you're like, anarchist. Yeah, I think you're an anarchist. No, you're not. But, like, for being an individualist, where you. You want to be, you know, it's like your punk side, where you're like, whatever everybody else is doing.

[B]

I'm not doing Radiohead. Oh, Jingle Bells. Yeah. How about this? How about radio Cut the kids in half. Cut the kids in half. Release me.

[A]

So you're benefiting from that Because I think that's your way in to staying healthy is like, well, while all you guys are eating this stuff in sweaters, I'm gonna be cold, plunging and not eating. But I don't have that. I don't have that part of me at all. My, like, I am so the opposite where I'm afraid of missing out on what everybody's doing. That like, I can't. I can't. It's not realistic for me for the rest of December to do that kind of thing. I'm gonna eat the cookies and I'm gonna have a gay old time. But in the meantime, I'm like. Because I'm chasing all of the, like, sugar of life.

[B]

Well, well, let's get back to that one. When. After this short break. Short break. What is this? What is this? Just because.

[A]

We want to. Here you go.

[B]

This episode is brought to us by our [e-mail]. it couldn't be easier. Let me ask you, have you ever fallen in love with something like a couch or a lamp online? I have. And then your soul leaves your body when you see the price tag. This happens to all of us. And this is where dupe.com comes in. I've been using dupe and it is awesome. You just type dupe.com before any product link and boom. Like magic. It shows you similar, more affordable versions. I'm talking same vibe, same quality, sometimes even the exact same thing. Just not marked up with a fancy label. Like, say you find a chair you want. It's way too expensive. You pop in dupe.com in front of the product link and you might find it for half the price. Now you can buy two and make that breakfast nook really pop. It's totally free. No signup, no weird pop ups. You can even add the browser extension or grab the app. So stop overpaying. Dupe.com is really the easiest holiday shopping hack. Just type d u p e.com forward slash before any product URL in your browser and boom. It instantly finds you more affordable alternatives. Perfect for gifting. They even have an app and a browser extension you can download, including the number one app on the entire app store. No account required. Get into it. I am thrilled that this episode is brought to us by our friends at Kachava because we worked with them a few years ago and I've literally had a Kachava every day in that course of those years. I'm obsessed. It is a superfood shake that has not Just protein. It has everything and we all know it's hard to eat healthy. You go grocery shopping with the full intent to make something good and nutritious and delicious and then you're so wiped from shopping that you just order takeout. I've done this and that's why I love cachava. It's hard getting enough protein as a mostly vegan person. And cachava makes it so easy and so delicious. It's insanely tasty. It's a whole body meal made from 85 plus superfoods. We're talking nutrients and plant based ingredients. Gives me all day energy, helps me have my digestion, work smoothly with fiber and probiotics. Supports muscles and metabolism with protein and electrolytes. Even helps my brain and my immune system stay sharp. I'm currently on a chai kick because it's kind of got a cozy fall vibe to the flavor. But they have six incredible flavors. Chocolate, vanilla, chai matcha, coconut, acai and strawberry, which I'm also currently obsessed with. I usually toss in some greens, maybe a little peanut butter, maybe some almond milk, give it a shake. But it's also just good in water so I travel with it and I'll drink one on an airplane, just shake it up and boom. I didn't eat some terrible in flight meal and compromise everything I believe about nutrition. So no artificial stuff, no gluten, no soy, no weird additive. Just real food. Your future self will thank you. Go to kachava.com and use code weirdo at checkout for 15% off your next order. That's Kachava K-A C-H-A-V A dot com. Use code weirdo for 15% off. You guys hear me talk all the time about my Apollo Neuro. Because if there's one piece of tech that has genuinely changed my life for the better, it is the Apollo. The Apollo Neuro is a wearable tech that helps your body recover from stress by sending gentle vibrations that tells your nervous system in a language it can understand you are safe. It's basically a wearable hug for your nervous system. You can wear it on the inside of your wrist like I do, or on your ankle. You can even clip it to your shirt. It's got a setting for everything. Energy and wake up. Social and open. Clear and focused. Rebuild and recover. Calm, unwind. And my favorite, fall asleep. Which is a chemical free way to gently lull your body into deep sleep and stay asleep. If that's all it did, I'd be singing its praises. But it does so much more. It was developed by a neuroscientist and a board certified psychiatrist who spent 15 years studying stress and has been proven in multiple clinical trials to improve sleep, focus, recovery, and overall calm. So if you want to feel more relaxed, more focused, or just a little more in control, check it out. You'll get 90 bucks. $90 off at ApolloNeuro.com weird. With promo code. Weird. That's a P-O-L-L-O-N-E-U-R-O.com weird. Promo code weird. We're back. Thank you. Thank you, Val, for taking over as host there.

[A]

But I was also just basically to end that.

[B]

Oh, I'm not the host. You know what I mean.

[A]

I know what you mean.

[B]

I do. I do a lot. No, no, no, no, no, no. I do a lot of the ones and twos.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I turn on the equipment, I keep an eye on the time.

[A]

Could you. What?

[B]

What part of you.

[A]

Yeah, what. What have I done in the last 13 years to make you think that I'm the type of person that was like, you know, earlier on the podcast when you called yourself the host, you.

[B]

Just gave me a chill because I have had friends like that, for sure. Comedians.

[A]

Yeah, well, yeah, sure.

[B]

Comedians are. We are. You know, I was next to you when you had that thought. And I think, you know. Yeah, we're like little lawyers.

[A]

Terrible little lawyers advocating for yourselves.

[B]

Yeah. And we have briefcases filled with files just on us. We're lawyers. And the big case is our lives.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Comedians.

[A]

Comedians. That's us.

[B]

I was just gonna say dopamine.

[A]

We're done. Yeah.

[B]

I. I want to say. I went. I was gonna look it up. Phil Rosenthal opened a restaurant. This actually goes back to what you were saying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is it good to put coconut oil on your feet? Was my last window. And it is.

[A]

And they're like, I don't know. No one's ever done that in the history of people.

[B]

I was really happy because I did just sort of make it up.

[A]

You did.

[B]

I didn't make it up, but I didn't do it because I read something.

[A]

Coconut oil is your answer to everything.

[B]

Everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I. Okay, so it's called Max and Helens. I just gave it a goo.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I could have told you that.

[B]

That. So Phil Rosenthal, who's one of the just the best people in the world.

[A]

Truly the just the best person.

[B]

When I see him, I think, I don't want the world to see me.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Cuz I don't think that they'd understand.

[A]

I'm gonna leave you to keep going.

[B]

When everything's made Everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I.

[A]

That was like.

[B]

Is that good?

[A]

That was, like, sincere voice.

[B]

It was sincere voice. I was trying to do it.

[A]

You did it.

[B]

And I also was trying to get the notes. I did.

[A]

No, you did.

[B]

I did, yeah. What's that? What's that up on the Dead? You did.

[A]

You did.

[B]

Why?

[A]

What?

[B]

I can tell by how much you upped on that. Did I? I know exactly where I was. 88% hitting the notes.

[A]

Absolutely perfect.

[B]

Yeah, but I wanted. I thought it was 100 until that.

[A]

Did well, I also thought everyone.

[B]

That's where it went.

[A]

That's where it went. World, I don't want the world It's.

[B]

World, I don't want the world to see me yeah.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Because he's an angel. That. That song. People. People forget.

[A]

People forget.

[B]

That song was written by the Giga.

[A]

Dolls for City of.

[B]

City of Angels, where Nick Cage, who looks like he needs a cup of soup.

[A]

I don't think my brother would mind me telling you.

[B]

What celebrity would you give a cup of soup?

[A]

He does look like he needs cups.

[B]

Nick Cage in a thermos that you poured in the cup.

[A]

But it's not his body, it's his soul. Needs a cup of soup.

[B]

I love this soup.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love this soup.

[A]

I actually can't imagine him having soup.

[B]

I can't imagine him ever saying, I just got a good night's rest.

[A]

I actually am realizing I can't imagine him eating, really.

[B]

He's not an eater.

[A]

He's not an eater.

[B]

Brad is out there shucking oysters, licking oranges. Yeah. Yeah, he can. Yeah, he can get this mandarino. Get my Mandarin on his.

[A]

I probably.

[B]

I actually think Brad Pitt transcends sex. Like, if you had. If I had sex with Brad. It's not gay or straight. It's a. It's a third thing.

[A]

You've said that about enough men that I'm pretty sure you're bisexual.

[B]

That is. That is the best. That is the best what you just said. That is the best, what you just said.

[A]

And I'm glad for it.

[B]

No, you wish I were bisexual.

[A]

I do.

[B]

I'm. I'm saying he looks like he's got kind of like a Ken Bod. Like, no, no, Wanger. We're just gonna kind of roll around.

[A]

I don't know. He's super sexual to me.

[B]

I guess I can picture it. I don't think he has. Do you think it's a big one? I think he's got a very American average.

[A]

I think it's very straight.

[B]

I think it's so straight and it looks like his fingers.

[A]

Yeah, whatever.

[B]

His finger. I haven't gotten a good look at them, but I bet he has the kind of fingers that tell the tale.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Dead man tell no tales. These fingers tell a tale of a dick that's very straight.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Jennifer Aniston was like, what am I walking the plank here?

[A]

I bet his fingers are super straight and like there's almost a widening at the nail.

[B]

We're exactly. You mean of the finger.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

A bulbous quality.

[A]

Yes. But at the nail bed, so it really does.

[B]

And also at the knuckles, I think they almost look like edamame.

[A]

Uh huh. That's exactly what I was picturing.

[B]

And I think his dick is an edamame. It's very straight in the shaft and I think the tip is a little bit oversized.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

I think it's tip forward. Brad Pitt's dick. The podcast.

[A]

I could see that these days.

[B]

These days. So many podcasts.

[A]

Time for it. Do you think he's a grower or a shower?

[B]

I think he's a grower.

[A]

Absolutely. There's no question.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In my mind, very few men are showers.

[B]

Clooney's got bigger deck energy.

[A]

Yeah, I bet.

[B]

Damon, I think, is somewhere between the two.

[A]

I for some reason think he has a very big dick.

[B]

Damon. Yeah, I think you might be right. I think we can see it in school ties. Well, let's you just hear me click.

[A]

Pause here and go ahead and look at that.

[B]

I don't think I'm bisexual. I think I'm way into. I learned very early in my life that not being uncomfortable, talking about homosexuality, especially pertaining to yourself, was a way to be different. Cool. Interesting.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Talking about like high school on that's the kind of schools I went to. And it was groovy and it still is. But I think that I might have taken it too far. You look over, I'm sucking a dick. I've taken it too far.

[A]

I've taken it too far. I'm being so countercultural.

[B]

This is just to be different.

[A]

I'm just. It's just ironic.

[B]

Well, there are ways in therapy I've talked about, like, I love standing out so much, but I go about it in really weird ways. And like in my therapy and talking about like wanting to be self sufficient, really important to me, being like taking care of myself, that's why? Friends are tricky for me because I'm like, what I'm gonna like. I have like a. A cheese wheel.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Of my own. And I don't want it.

[A]

I'm not gonna want it.

[B]

And it smells so good. Smells bad. Good. I love a bad. Good smelling cheese.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Anyway, I'm just saying the. The Me. Yeah, the introvert. Yeah, whatever. As I scream and dance across the stage. I'm an introvert. Hear me squirt. I'm an introvert. I don't like being with all of you. I'm an introvert. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why is it the A team theme song?

[A]

Hear me squirt.

[B]

Hear me squirt. Do we make it into an AI song? We don't. We don't. We don't.

[A]

We don't.

[B]

We don't. We're not doing that, though. That's not the.

[A]

Enjoy it. It was already perfect.

[B]

I'm the AI. You are. I'm the AI. You are.

[A]

You're the AI.

[B]

You want to hear it as a song? I'm the a.

[A]

You already created it.

[B]

I did it. It's beautiful. It's charge. Dave Matthews.

[A]

Dick Curved.

[B]

Curved.

[A]

Curved.

[B]

But big.

[A]

I would say big. Yeah.

[B]

He's got. He's got. I'm starting a band.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, he started that band in Holland and he went around with that BDE and he was like, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But yeah, not totally straight. Maybe too big to be straight because that's.

[B]

I think it looks like that should. It's got a girth to it that it, like drains him to get a big boner. He's like, ah, I did it.

[A]

I did it.

[B]

Under the table and wheezing. He's falling apart. What was I saying? You've got my balls.

[A]

You've got my dick.

[B]

I was trying to move it on.

[A]

And I wasn't ready. You got my balls.

[B]

You've got my dick. Is the riff of 2025. It's the riff just under the wire. 2025. Well, there's a bias. Yes. You put out a movie closer to Oscar season, better chance it'll win the riff. There might have been better riffs, but this is the one we got.

[A]

This is the one that we got.

[B]

You've got my balls. You've got my dick. Loving it. What was I trying to say? Oh, I have a cheese wheel. That's my well being. And a lot of people do. A lot of people are putting their well being. They're investing their well being in cheese.

[A]

That's what I'm doing every day.

[B]

You need to diversify. No, it's all in cheese right now.

[A]

I'm putting it all in cheese.

[B]

It's a funny idea, a guy meeting like. Like, where are you putting your happiness? Yeah, it's like, all in cheese.

[A]

Oh, my God. I'm putting so much of my happiness in coffee. Cheese Instagram right now.

[B]

Sidebar. We're gonna get back to my cheese wheel, but I have the. People are hearing me coughing. You're hearing me coughing. Don't look at me. I'm an introvert. I N T R O B E R D I don't like that you're here. Clearly something other than just a classic. Whatever. I have this cough. Coffee's out the window. I don't know what's going on. I can't wait for it to come back.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I don't know if anybody listening knows. There's a kind of. This makes me think it's covet. It's not.

[A]

No, it's not.

[B]

Because I can taste things.

[A]

And also, we tested.

[B]

We tested. And when I drink coffee, it just tastes like actually kind of what I think it is. Like, I'm actually tasting it kind of more honestly. Well, you know how batteries have that, like. Like, ever break open a battery when you're a kid? And there's that black.

[A]

Yes. That happened to me at that.

[B]

In water. That's what coffee tastes like to me right now.

[A]

That happened to me. I got. This is two memories. Is this gonna be interesting? Let's find out. We were at a Home Depot and there was like, big batteries. I was with my aunt and uncle, big batteries. And I had gotten like a gum tape gum or some kind of specialty bubble tape. Bubble gum. But it wasn't bubble tape. But it maybe was like a generic.

[B]

Version off brand bubble tape.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Bubble measure.

[A]

And I was chewing that. That comes in later. And then I saw like this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I saw this, like, cool, like, foamy looking texture. And I just went to touch it and it was battery acid. And it was like burning my fingers.

[B]

I'm sorry. Home Depot just had open, exposed battery.

[A]

It was like a mistake. Like, the battery had broken.

[B]

It was like pouring over a giant battery.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I think I was exactly Leela's age, so I was just like, what? I want to touch that. That looks interesting.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

And it started burning my skin.

[B]

In your defense, everything that bubbles over is like a delicious root beer.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Popcorn coming out of the kettle.

[A]

And you just like a texture. I've never seen. Yes, please.

[B]

I'm sorry. Is Dr. Seuss working? Yeah, there would be a great aisle of whose its and whatsits. At the Home Depot. At the Home Depot. You know, at the Home Depot.

[A]

Anyway, I remember my aunt, like. Like, I just started screaming and crying and my aunt, like, wiping it with her shirt. And then. And then, like, we. I had to, like, run it underwater and as I was running.

[B]

Love this story, by the way.

[A]

Oh, I know. I should remember to tell her getting hurt story. And then. It's such an interesting detail. These are the only details that I remember from it. But then at one point, the gum had turned completely into liquid in my mouth because it was just like bad gum. Like, it. It just turned to liquid.

[B]

I'm gonna. Are we all going. There's something about the battery acid that got into your system and, like, cooked the gum.

[A]

I don't know. Maybe because it was two very weird things happening.

[B]

No one understands a battery. A battery is. We took energy. Yeah, okay.

[A]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

You got some energy.

[A]

We put it in a liquid and.

[B]

We put it into a compressor, compressed. Can I also say no one understands what's going on. I don't care if you watched a video about it. I don't care if you designed the software that does it. You still don't know how. I have a three gig file. Oh, I'll just compress it and it squishes it. I know, but it's still on the computer. Yeah, but it's squished. Then squish it all the time.

[A]

Yeah. Why don't. Why are we not always squishing it? Because nothing happens.

[B]

It's like how they turn off the stock exchange at night. It's just like. Like what?

[A]

Also, what's a zip file?

[B]

That's what it is. That's what I'm saying. A zip file is a compressed file. And somebody out there, maybe my friend Mac, who listens to the show and knows computers, is screaming. Yeah, because. But I don't understand. You're taking out some of it. Taking out some of it how? Like, you can't squish. It's not a panini. Yeah, I'm right on that. It's not a panini. Right.

[A]

I think you're right.

[B]

Gulp. I don't want a panini.

[A]

How does electricity work, bro?

[B]

Because everybody stopped at Ben Franklin and the key. I know everybody.

[A]

And here's If I had to, like, gun to my head.

[B]

Best guess, best practices.

[A]

Best practices. If here's my best guess, maximum effort. What electricity is Okay, I already know how wrong this is, but it's like, like. So Benjamin Franklin, the key. The kite captured it from lightning. And. And it went down the string through lightning.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, I'm giving you my best guess of what I have to do.

[B]

I know it's wrong. So embarrassed that you can't capture it. It's not in the key.

[A]

Well, I'm just telling you what I.

[B]

Think maybe it is.

[A]

It went down the string, and he.

[B]

Caught it in a jar like a lightning bolt.

[A]

And then it was like.

[B]

And then he poured it into a light bulb.

[A]

And then he. Yeah, he put a. Like. And that was the light bulb. And then we were like, now we know we can do that.

[B]

And he's like, don't turn it off. I'll have to catch it again. Yes, because where does it go when you turn it off?

[A]

Well, exactly. And how do you turn it off?

[B]

That's the zip file. The expanded file is the light bulb. The zip file is turning it off. And now it's just in the wires. You're telling me, is it like blood that it circulates around the body? Like electricity is just constantly flowing?

[A]

It is. I think so.

[B]

It's just moving.

[A]

I think there's. Now there's rods that we have that capture lightning.

[B]

No, because you can. Because you could. Sorry, I didn't mean to say no so firmly.

[A]

It's not right.

[B]

You generate it. Because think about this, like, picture two orbs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm Nikola Tesla, and I start turning something, and then you cranking something, and it.

[A]

But then it goes, like, into the wires, the, like, telephone wires.

[B]

And that, by the way, is why, like, an electric car still uses oil, I believe. Because the. The plants that make electricity that we plug our car in with are run on oil.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So there's still something that's, like, burning off to spin the turbines. Now I sound, like, legit, because I said turbines.

[A]

I said turbines. Never heard you say turbines.

[B]

You. And then they. It's fucking nuts. It's even more nuts than. Or it's as nuts as what we do with the human body when they're like, we found the. The. The genome that. Like, what. Yeah, electricity is.

[A]

When they discovered blood of the earth, just like AI do you think there were people that were like, this is bad. This is gonna change. We're not gonna sit around the fire anymore. No, we're not gonna.

[B]

Famously. It was mentioned in little. We're watching Little Women right now, and I'm loving it. It's so earnest. It's Maybe it's so earnest.

[A]

I said, I think it's been my.

[B]

That means I think Christian Bale is better.

[A]

That's how he would laugh at that.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh. Merry Christmas. I. I just want to. What was I saying? Electricity.

[A]

Wait.

[B]

Oh, Little Women. Henry David Thoreau.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Was the original. This is ruining everything. That's why he built the cabin, the very small cabin by Walden where I used to swim. I used to love. Still love Walden. And that there's a replica of the cabin. It's tiny. It's so small. And there's writings where. Henry David. Henry David.

[A]

Okay, unnecessary.

[B]

It's his mother calling him Henry David.

[A]

Henry David. Did you, Henry David Thoreau, pour that oil out? I don't know.

[B]

Yeah. What are our old timey problems?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you put my apron in the same soak as our socks? Same soak as our socks. Henry David Thoreau wrote. This is. I've been working on this idea about how in the olden days there just weren't any ideas. So any idea became like. I'm not saying Henry David Thoreau didn't have some great writings. Of course he did.

[A]

Of course he did.

[B]

But there are some where he's just complaining about a railroad. Cause they built. How me is that that they built a railroad that went by Walden? And he was like, you. Like, he was so mad. Like, the way a neighbor would get mad about moving a fence. Or like, honestly, we have a neighbor that's building. It seems like they're building an additional house. So I'm like, well, that's six months.

[A]

Oh, I know. What are they building over there?

[B]

Who cares?

[A]

Yeah. That is really interesting. I mean, I know that one of the reasons I love watching Little Women is that I sort of romanticize this simpler time. That's the appeal of it. That you're just like, we all are, singing by the piano. And then we use one candle to light the other candle to date.

[B]

Nobody wants dad around.

[A]

Dad's gone. Thank God. He's fighting the war.

[B]

Sometimes he's Bob Odenkirk. Sometimes who's he? In the new. In the. In the. Sorry. Forgive me. But the real one.

[A]

The real one, which is the Susan Strandon one. It's just an old man that you've never seen in anything else.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

It's perfect. I know that movie Bob Odenkirk was.

[B]

A little distressing for me. I love. I love Bob Odenkirk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I don't need a celebrity as Marmee's husband.

[A]

I You know, no one loves Greta Gerwig more than me, and no one loves little women more than me. Like the. Even the book. But I just don't like how much they fight. I know it's kind of like a.

[B]

Oh, in the new one.

[A]

Yeah. I know it's supposed to be sort of like. Because they do fight in the. In the old one, but they fight the perfect amount. And I really believe, like, they really loved each other because they were all each other had.

[B]

And I feel strongly about that.

[A]

Me, too. I feel very strongly that the. That Susan Sarandon is Marmee. No one should. We should have such a reverence for that role.

[B]

If Susan Sarandon were a vegetable. Hear me out.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She's a mushroom.

[A]

I was gonna go carrot, but maybe that's just red hair.

[B]

Is she Reddit?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, sort of. Famously a redhead.

[A]

I would say sweet potato more.

[B]

You've done it. You took my breath away. I just mean there's something sort of robust and earthy about her, but the sweet potatoes. Got it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Timothy Sh. Timothy Chalamet was a vegetable asparagus.

[A]

But now we're just talking body shapes.

[B]

He's an asparagus, but.

[A]

He is an asparagus.

[B]

But that's not very sexy. Is there a sexier version?

[A]

I think it is. Are you kidding me?

[B]

Asparagus.

[A]

Just picture, like, a slow pan up an asparagus. You got my balls. You slow.

[B]

From the base? We're starting from the base. Oh, of course it's a dick. It's the Jolly Green Giant's dick.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

And it does look something like you might use to titillate your lover. You're dipping it in butter.

[A]

Oh, the way that he dips it in butter. And Phantom thread.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I forgot that. I just jizzed. I forgot that. Are we gonna make that into it? No. I'm the AI.

[A]

You're the AI.

[B]

It really is a problem.

[A]

And you're not even a. I know. It's so interesting.

[B]

AI news. And then there was something else I was gonna say, like, I have to check myself after I've wrecked myself that I'm full of shit about. I don't remember.

[A]

There's so many things.

[B]

There's just too many to choose. Okay, one more. One more quick ad, maybe, you know, there's still time for your holiday of choice. Maybe. Jesus.

[A]

Oh, let's talk about how our. Our kid is.

[B]

Oh, Phil's Diner. We're gonna talk about Phil's Diner and how Leela is very g. Curious.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

Curious, Right. After these memoages, this episode is brought to us by our friends at dad Grass. Why is it that when you want to relax and just have a little fun, modern weed products strap you to a rocket like a confused chimp and blast you into outer space? You can't follow a movie, you can't hold a conversation. You're just orbiting the earth surrounded by empty pizza boxes and a lot of regret. Well, can't we just take the edge off? Well, can't we just get a little giggly with our friends keeping our feet on the ground? We're well, thanks to dad Grass, yes, we can. I am obsessed Legit with their leisure drinks. It is a sparkling yuzu flavored can that ships legally to all 50 states if you're over 21. And each one has 3 milligrams of THC and 6 milligrams of CBD, which is the perfect dose. So you feel happy and relaxed without the hangover. Plus, they're stackable for a bigger buzz and they are fast acting, which means you'll feel it in about 10 to 20 minutes. Minutes. So you can get it just right. Get leisure drinks and all of dad Grass's products, including their joints and gummies, [e-mail] weird and use promo code weird for 20% off. That's dadgrass.com weird. Use promo code weird for 20 off. Check it out. Hello, I'm James Corden, and on my new show, this Life of Mine, I sit down each week with some of the most fascinating people on planet Earth. From Dr. Dre to Julianne Moore to David Beckham to Cynthia Erivo to Martin Scorsese to Jeremy Renner to Denzel Washington to Kim Kardashian. We talk about the people, places, possessions, music and memories that made them who they are. These are intimate conversations full of stories that you've never heard before. This Life of Mine premieres October 21st. Wherever you get your podcasts, We're back. Okay, so let me tell you, we're talking about dopamine.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And we're talking about like cravings, right? Yes. I. I was saying that Phil Rosenthal is an angel and I tell him that every hang I there's at least one moment where I just go like, you are living proof that what you put out, you get back. He is just the most generous, kind hearted. Sweet is such a cheap word for what he is. It's something beyond sweet. Engaged. So Phil Rosenthal, for those of you that don't know he has his. The show he's most known for is somebody Feed Phil.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

It's his show.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But he also made Everybody Loves Raymond. He's been on the podcast a number of times, and we are IRL friends, and he's just the best one. As I owe Cheese wheels. Cheese wheel. When I give. This is what it feels like to me to have a friend is I'm giving them some of my well being in trust that they'll be, like, kind with it and that it'll actually grow like an investment. And then, like, I really have a part of me that's like, just keep the cheese you have.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then Phil reaches out, and he's way better than I am about reaching out. And I'm so glad he's like, I miss you. Let's, let's. Let's eat. And he always wants to eat. And I am very vegetarian these days, sometimes vegan, who cares? But when I'm with Phil, it's the last day on earth, of course. And just eat what Phil tells you. I know two things. Do what Valerie says. I know that sounds, like, typical, like, my wife is always right, kind of.

[A]

But in this case, it's true.

[B]

But it's true. It's true. Good example. We're going to that Mirabai writers retreat thing, and I'm just like, just listen to me. Just listen to me. She's always right. I know 2. When Phil invites you to dinner, just eat what he tells you to eat. So the diner, Max and Helen.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Max and Helen is in Larchmont. Or it's on Larchmont. And it's, like, incredible. He waited five years for the spot.

[A]

Yeah. It's his diner.

[B]

He had to wait for another restaurant to leave. Restaurant leaves. I'm not even going to do it justice. Meaning he could explain just the lengths they've gone to. But not only is he like a what you put out, you get back kind of person, he's also like a if you care about what you're doing, everyone will love it and everyone will notice. Like, if you put real consideration, effort, not just effort for its own sake, but like loving effort into something. Effort. Stupid word. Like, so we go, I get a milkshake, I get an Oreo milkshake. This is my dopamine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Get an Oreo milkshake. And he tells me all about it. He's like, if you get a banana split at. At Max and Helen's, it is McConnell's, which is very premium ice cream.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

If you get a milkshake, it's Thrifties because. Because they tried all the different milks, milkshakes in all of Los Angeles, all the, like, popular good ones. And they found the best one was being made at 100-year-old pharmacy. Something like this.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Thrifty. You didn't grow up getting thrifty ice cream.

[B]

I did not grow up getting thrifty ice cream. No.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

We went to a dairy farm.

[A]

Oh, my God, you suck.

[B]

Where the farmer knew me by name and shook me in the hand.

[A]

We milked the cow and it came out as ice cream.

[B]

No. I remember later getting a thrifty ice cream after I'd moved to LA and going, like, why is this so good? It's very good. It's.

[A]

I mean, I'm sure it would be so nostalgic for me to eat it.

[B]

I believe it. And I know the kind of cone you get.

[A]

Yeah. And it.

[B]

It's a little too pale.

[A]

And the. The scoops are not round. They're like. I guess it's a. Not a sphere coned. It's like a cube. Like, it's like a. You know.

[B]

What's a cube?

[A]

It's flat on.

[B]

It's a Minecraft.

[A]

It's like a circle, but it's Minecraft ice cream. Yeah.

[B]

Weird.

[A]

It's great.

[B]

Anyway, he explained to me that cheaper, less good ice cream blends better. It was just fascinating. Long story short, we sat, we had a great conversation. We were just talking about our families and how much I love you and all the things we have going on. And he's selflessly pitching things for some ideas that I have going. I took a sip of this milkshake. Our joke was, and now you're happy. He kept going, like, now eat this. And I'd eat it. And he goes, and now you're happy. And I got a tuna melt, which is my favorite, most nostalgic food. Weird name drop. He had told me that Steven Spielberg had been there and that it was his favorite tuna melt of his life. Wow.

[A]

You know that guys had a lot of tuna melt.

[B]

Yes. I was just gonna say this isn't like an old joke. I'm saying I trust an older person because I feel like tuna melts work. I feel like tuna melt was like 70% of the diet between the years of 1930 and 1958.

[A]

That's probably accurate.

[B]

It was like, if you'd said, could I have lunch? They brought you a tuna melt. Yeah, this tuna melt. And he told me about how they went to get the bread and how they searched all over to get the bread and everything. Had a Story.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I ate this tuna melt and I just jizzed in my pants. It was the best thing I'd ever eaten. And then I drank the milkshake, and then we got.

[A]

I drank it up.

[B]

I drank it up. And then I got a. I couldn't do it. And then I got. It wasn't there. You were better today.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A hot. I'm not. This isn't the rest of the podcast, but they. They served. I know. This was a cheat meal, though. I. I did it decidedly. I ate very light, and then I ate this huge meal. Who cares?

[A]

No. Who are you saying that for?

[B]

The people that are going. Didn't Pete just say he's not gonna do it? Yeah, I'm saying me going to a diner named after Phil's parents, where there's photos of them and his daughter is there and the staff are getting to meet people, and I'm watching strangers sitting at the counter sharing food. And I was just like, oh, my God, this is heaven. It's like. It's very different from me feeling a little social, a lot of social anxiety, and then eating 11 sugar cookies in the bathroom. I feel like that's very different. The hot chocolate, last thing I'm going to tell you guys about, it was so thick. It was like Hershey's syrup, but it didn't have any of that chemically taste because it was this, like, ultra premium. And then there was a ultra premium, and then there was a torched marshmallow on the side, and you get a little spoon and you go into the marshmallow, and then it goes into the chocolate and comes out, and then you're happy. Then you jizz your pants. Now, what's weird about eating very high quality, or maybe just having high quality? Because I think the environment in which you eat and how you eat it, we were just talking about the food and savoring the food and really just. It was all focused. Felt very, like, sacred. It didn't feel just like, you know, no offense to eating takeout in your car. We've all done it. But this had a very different flavor. It really did feel like heaven. I didn't feel any regret. I felt fantastic the rest of the day. And then there's not even a But I will say to your dopamine thing. The next day, I would have punched someone for a sleeve of cookies. Like, I just fed this beast. And it was like, you showed us what could be.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like my caveman belly was like, we thought it was a famine out There. Based on how you've been eating. Yes, but you just showed me that Oreo milkshakes are a thing. I'm gonna take your brain in two hands and squeeze. Like the headache I had. It doesn't matter. This isn't gonna end in me being like, then I resisted it and now I'm back on track. I'm really telling you about the Christmas joy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My mouth is watering of eating that meal with such a beautiful person. And check it out. Max and Helen's in Los Angeles. By the way, expect to wait. I would Recommend going about 3 o' clock because if you go at a normal time, you.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's exactly right. Like, the answer is maybe if there is an answer, to indulge in, like, treats like that, like, have it in where you're in just the right circumstance and you can enjoy it and savor it and all of that. And just like. I guess the thing that I'm always trying to work on as basically as a food addict is like, then not being like, okay, so then the rest of the.

[B]

I can't. That's exactly what we're talking about.

[A]

December is done. Which is already what I have said.

[B]

We're talking about the same thing. I know, but we're talking about the same thing.

[A]

It's so interesting because I'm feeling that already where I'm like, that's sort of the dopamine. December is like, I just want to enjoy, indulge, I want pleasure. I just like, gimme, gimme, gimme all of it. And already I'm starting to feel the underbelly of that. It's like having an affair. And you're like, this is. Yeah, I would love an affair. Can't stress that enough. No, but like. But that, you know, it feels amazing. And then all of a sudden there's like a point I. Where you're like, we're hurting people. What are we doing? What's happening? This is like, because you've indulged so that you're getting.

[B]

Oh, you're exactly right. In an affair, there's that moment. It's a moment of clarity.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's alcoholic too. Obviously. There's the moment of clarity. And if I went back and ate that again, I mean, like, it's. I mean, we went nuts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I had a milkshake and a dessert. Like it was nuts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it didn't really have the flavor of a guy binging.

[A]

Yeah. Cause I think that's just like, you had one kiss and it's fine.

[B]

You're exactly right. Phil Rosenthal and I smooched once.

[A]

You just smooched once.

[B]

What's the big deal?

[A]

There's no problem. Nothing's destroyed. Let's go back to our normal lives. And nobody got.

[B]

You say that because I kept saying to him, I feel like I'm cheating on Valerie.

[A]

I know you did, because you said to him.

[B]

Because I felt like you would have. And that's why I took a video of it and sent it. Which is what I would do with an affair, too.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Look at how happy I am.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is a low angle on me.

[A]

And then you pan down and it's Phil, of course. Of course it is. Yeah, you did say that. And. Which was an interesting thing I had to remind you.

[B]

So close.

[A]

It's okay for you to, like, have pleasure outside of me.

[B]

Well, that night, too. It's funny. I think what we're saying is, there's. In the spiritual tradition, they talk about one taste, which means everything is the same thing. Hearing is just something we label the same taste as smelling. And that again, it's one of these things where every time I talk about, I'm like, just shut the fuck up. Nobody cares. But I love it. You can really get into, like, what is a sound made of? And then, what does it taste made of? And you're like, holy shit. It's the same thing. It's made of the knowing of it. I'm done. That's all I'm gonna say. Similarly, and more. More relatedly, more relatably, there's one happiness. There aren't, like, different. There's different, like, intensities of it. But, like, happy is happy. And when I kept calling that food sex, there's a. There's a quiet sleeper wisdom to that. Because, like, it's the same thing that's like, you could say scientifically, is lighting up in my brain. I'm having the same type of experience from novelty tv, sex, food, one taste, and it's kind of interesting. But you.

[A]

You.

[B]

It's kind of interesting. You mentioned that. It was very healthy for me. I. You're good at this. I, of course, travel for work from time to time. But, like, I did go out, saw Phil, and then I went over and to a friend's house and played cards. And I really was just filled up by it. I was like, in a very day to day level, having some allotment of time, very counterintuitive to me with the cheese block. I'm like, just stay home. And now I go, val and Leela are my cheese block. They're reliable. Just stay home and you go out and play cards. And you just. Cards to me is just such a perfect way of being social. You talk again. I never. I always resisted this type of masculine bonding. I guess, traditionally, I looked around. There are 40 people there. 50. It was all guys.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I don't think it's because we don't have any girlfriends. It's just like, this is. Who wants to do this kind of thing?

[A]

I also think it's totally fine if it's guys only. There's plenty of versions of that with girls.

[B]

I am going to agree with you there. It did feel like, in a Richard Rohr sort of sense, I was like, this is male bonding.

[A]

Like, how unfamiliar you are with male friendship, male friend. But it's not even just you. This is men. Like, this is actually kind of breaking my heart that you're like. And it's okay. Like, I think it's fine. There were no women there. But it's. It's like, yeah, you're allowed to have, like, dude time.

[B]

It was great. And I'll say modern dude time. Nobody was shithouse. Nobody was drinking that much.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

Nobody was smoking. Like, I'm sure people are imagining cigars and stuff. Just wasn't like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the conversation I had with the guy to my right who I really enjoyed was, he was asking me about non duality, believe it or not. And there were really fun people there. I don't want to name drop. It feels weird. But there were like, famous actors at this game. And that was like. That was also fun. I was looking at them and I was like, like, look, it's some guy.

[A]

Yeah, some guy.

[B]

New Balance. I don't know if it was really wearing New Balance, but, like, just like, Ordinary guy drove here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sitting here, wants to be liked, wants to be heard, wants to be understood. Talking about shows we like. It's a really sweet night.

[A]

Yeah. I'm so glad it's so important.

[B]

I lost. I didn't win.

[A]

But you won something that night.

[B]

I did. I got into that part of me that will treat gambling as a way of showing that I don't care about money. And that's my win.

[A]

Yeah. Honestly. Yeah.

[B]

It was a tournament. So you. Everybody paid the same amount. It wasn't a lot of money, but, like, you go all in on a bad hand because you're like. Because I'm cool.

[A]

I do sort of feel like, you know, we've shared before that you sometimes can feel jealous of, like, me and my friends and my, you know, my friendships and how I feel. But I wonder if, like, the more you have nights like that and friendships.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Of your own, like that, that you'll see that it's totally a different kind of.

[B]

No, it's totally true. You know, it is. And it is, like, just a whole. It's fun. I hope.

[A]

It's just a whole.

[B]

It's a whole unexplored region for me.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I'm grateful for it. And it's weird to have something so very social, and you just add, like, looking at cards and betting and kind of watching other people play, and it just kind of calms everybody down. Yeah.

[A]

It gives them something.

[B]

And then you are like, I miss my father or whatever.

[A]

Yeah. Well, this is how men connect. They watch games. They watch.

[B]

I've resisted that. I've always wanted to be in the kitchen with the apron and. And I. I still enjoy that sometimes. But, yeah, as I get older, I'm like. Like, there's something lovely. And my dislike of sports and all that stuff, I think is a good Arnold Palmer of maybe a misunderstanding and also, like, a jealousy. Like, I'm like, oh, that must be nice that you guys have that, that.

[A]

You'Re able to connect. Yeah, but.

[B]

But I also wanted. I want to win. I don't want to watch someone else win or I want to lose. I don't want to watch someone else lose. Imagine watching another team lose and you're like. Like, I'm bummed. They lost. I lose. It was me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I went all in on a one outer.

[A]

Well, you found my fault.

[B]

I don't want to be like, that guy dropped the ball.

[A]

But to be fair, you just wanted to come home.

[B]

Yeah. It was 10:30 at night, and I was like, I'm going to lose so I can leave. And that is the real win.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. Friendship.

[B]

I also want to say, as this is our last episode, I think, before Christmas. Is that possible?

[A]

It could be. If we're taking two weeks off.

[B]

I don't know. We'll figure that out. I just want to say, I think we might have an episode next week. I want to say, yeah, we do. Jeff Foxworthy, which was great. I just want to say, because I don't want you to think that I'm a Grinch or a Scrooge. I'm not. I really like it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I just. To really close that circle. Halloween feels more balanced to me as a holiday one. People. The. The decorations kind of come closer to the day two. It's all about death. You'd think I. I'd like that. I'd like. Oh, it's all about being freaky and weird and standing out. But then it's balanced with candy. It's both. Christmas doesn't really have. Other than the coal and the stocking. There's no shadow to Christmas.

[A]

Here's the shadow. Winter. Christmas is a direct response to winter. It's the reason why it's all light and glowy and joyful is because most places not here in Southern California, but most places are dark and snowy.

[B]

And you've won me a lot awful.

[A]

And it's like we're gonna make the light from within.

[B]

You've won me over. I loved it. I actually think we're lining up for our best Christmas of all time.

[A]

Well, you know I'm here for it.

[B]

It. I know you are.

[A]

Well, jingle bells, everybody.

[B]

Jingle Bells is a snow song, not a Christmas song. Let it snow is a snow song, not a Christmas song.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I want Silent Night.

[A]

That's how much it has to do with winter. Here's my one complaint about Christmas. And this is the only one. I'm just kidding. I'm sure I have more. I do think it should happen in February because it's like happening in the beginning of.

[B]

Of winter and too close to Thanksgiving.

[A]

And then I always have a crash where I'm like. Like now we have like three more months of winter and nothing to look forward to.

[B]

I know.

[A]

So I think that was. But probably when it was designed on or like set on that date, we were more into winter because I think global warming is like scooted all of the.

[B]

What's the solstice? Isn't it?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. But I think. But I think also it was maybe. I don't know, I could be wrong.

[B]

I love. Solstice is like file compression. It's a word we say. We don't know what it means. But it's the solstice.

[A]

It's the shortest.

[B]

Which one? Solstice.

[A]

Winter solstice is shortest day. Summer solstice is longest.

[B]

Christmas is the shortest day of the year.

[A]

I mean, it's not. But it's around that winter. It probably was the first one they did. I don't know.

[B]

Wouldn't it be funny?

[A]

I'm out of my depth.

[B]

I'm pretending I don't know any of these. Pagan. And that just means common. It means the. The people outside.

[A]

Nobody's offended by the word pagan.

[B]

Okay. Pagan ritual. And then you come by our house on Christmas. And I have a deer skin that I've clearly freshly cut off an animal because it's still bleeding all over my naked body. And I have a sword. And Dave Matthews is there and he's got.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

I couldn't finish the riff.

[A]

Tuberculos much?

[B]

Could be Valerie Merry Christmas, everybody.

[A]

Merry Christmas. And keep it crispy.

[B]

Oh wait. Happy Holidays.

[A]

Happy Holidays.

[B]

And keep it crispy.

[A]

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