We Made It Weird #238

Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: We Made It Weird #238
Release Date: January 24, 2026
Host: Pete Holmes
Co-Host: Valerie Chaney

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Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and characteristically hilarious episode—recorded while Pete is in the throes of a heavy bout of illness—Pete and Val explore vulnerability, intimacy, and the very real emotional shifts that come from being physically laid low. With side trips into gender socialization, love languages, dopamine, the effect of social media, and recommendations for sick-day films, this episode is a blend of reflection, humor, and openhearted conversation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pete’s Illness & Vulnerability (00:23–10:48)

• Pete is very sick, having canceled sold-out shows for the first time ever, mirroring “Michael Jordan’s flu game” but with a comedic twist:

  “Michael Jordan played his flu game, so this. This episode is my flu game.” —Pete (05:55)

• Illness as a route to emotional tenderness:
  Pete admits that being sick cracks his emotional shell, making him deeply sensitive to life and relationships.

  “Something about being sick...You and I agreed you just wanna watch Tom Hanks in the 90s.” —Pete (09:13) “I was crying the entire movie [A League of Their Own]...I’m just drenched because I’m so tender.” —Pete (10:48)

• Comparison with Val’s emotional landscape:
  Val’s “core negative belief” is not being safe alone, while Pete’s is that “people are unsafe.” This contrast allows for rich relationship dynamics and self-awareness.

2. Friendship, Gender, and Emotional Expression (17:18–21:41)

• Reflecting on the constraints of male intimacy:
  Pete feels pangs of sadness and longing when he sees female friendships that embrace physical affection and open emotion.

  “If I’m ever that way with another guy…it’s because we just closed a deal for a hundred thousand dollars. That’s our excuse to hug and touch…Camaraderie is such a bargain bin cheap version of kinship and tenderness.” —Pete (18:51)

• Val’s take on patriarchy’s harms for men:

  “I think the patriarchy affects men in different but probably equally awful ways...” —Val (19:58) Both discuss how societal norms deprive men of authentic, non-competitive closeness.

• Sports as an outlet for masculine intimacy:
  The locker room celebration: shirtless guys, champagne everywhere, as a coded space for male love.

3. Queer Stories, Media, and Top-Shelf Vulnerability (28:26–29:48)

• Pete and Val passionately recommend recent films and series centered on LGBTQ+ experiences, appreciating heart, risk, and authentic storytelling.

  “After I watched [Come See Me in the Good Light], I was like, I only want to watch LGBTQ stories...I need the top-shelf vulnerability.” —Pete (28:03)

• Heated Rivalry discussion:
  Val describes it as beautifully blending male competitiveness and tenderness; Pete is drawn in by the promise of both eroticism and compassion.

4. Technology, Social Media, and Dopamine (46:38–66:13)

• Val’s fluctuating relationship with Instagram:
  She reflects on deleting and reinstalling it, comparing the addictive cycle to her past experience with coffee.

  “It is like a drug. I mean, it is totally...” —Val (48:32)

• Pete’s take on personalized ads:
  He notes that the platforms know not just what we want, but what they can make us want.

• Location-based pricing and digital capitalism:
  Pete explains how companies exploit user data to adjust prices, leading both to a conversation about arbitrary pricing and the feeling of being complicit yet semi-willing participants in these systems.

5. Hard-Earned versus Cheap Dopamine (49:12–69:00)

• Val gives up coffee, experiments with fasting, exercises, and rediscovers the “hard-earned” joy from non-digital, effortful pursuits:

  “The main thing, though. The switch has been like, I’ve...remembered the joy of hard-earned dopamine. Because I’m also like, lifting weights now.” —Val (49:43) “That hard-earned dopamine feels so much better than cheap dopamine. It actually makes cheap dopamine kind of not feel as good.” —Val (55:26)

• Pete’s Quote on Habit Substitution:

  “You can’t just stop an activity. You need to start doing things that replaces it.” —Pete (68:43) He retells an early personal maxim: "Don’t stop smoking, start swimming” as a metaphor for replacing negative habits with meaningful actions.

6. Personal Trauma, Emotional Triggers, and Self-Compassion (72:52–75:49)

• Discussion of trauma responses, specifically Pete’s sensitivity to sudden sounds (like the dog barking), and how they are valid responses due to past experiences.

  “You have a sound sensitivity due to, like, trauma.” —Val (74:32)

• Val offers acceptance and reassurance:

  “You are legitimate. You are smart. You is kind.” —Val (75:45)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Masculine Intimacy:
  “Camaraderie is such a bargain bin cheap version of kinship and tenderness.” —Pete (18:51)

• On Hard-Earned Joy:
  “The main thing, though. The switch has been like, I’ve...remembered the joy of hard-earned dopamine.” —Val (49:43)

• On Giving and Receiving Care:
  “My, my...I am in your care. I need you and you’re taking care of me. It’s like, it’s a novel feeling for you.” —Val (14:45)

• On Media Consumption While Sick:
  “All you want is the pace of a 90s movie. To finish the circle here on my heart being wide open—we watched A League of Their Own and I was crying the entire movie.” —Pete (10:08)

• On Fast Dopamine vs Real Fulfillment:
  “That hard-earned dopamine feels so much better than cheap dopamine.” —Val (55:26)
  “You can’t just stop an activity. You need to start doing things that replaces it.” —Pete (68:43)

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Recommended Moments & Timestamps

• Illness and Michael Jordan’s “Flu Game” Analogy: (00:21–06:17)
• Gender, Friendship & Patriarchy: (17:18–21:41)
• Queer Storytelling and Movie Recommendations: (28:26–30:58)
• Discussion on Social Media Addiction: (46:38–51:06)
• Rediscovering Exercise and Dopamine: (49:12–56:38)
• Trauma, Triggers, and Compassion: (72:52–75:49)

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Sick-Day Movie Recommendations

• A League of Their Own
• That Thing You Do
• Pleasantville
• Come See Me in the Good Light (doc)
• Sorry Baby
• Heated Rivalry (series)

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Tone and Takeaway

Despite Pete's sickness, the episode radiates warmth, honesty, and the couple’s signature banter—full of self-deprecating humor, curiosity, and deep affection. There's a particular emphasis on the gifts of vulnerability, the bittersweet longing for lost camaraderie, and the fulfillment found in hard-earned hope and connection, all sharpened by being under the weather.

If you missed the episode, this summary provides the main threads: emotional openness during illness, societal obstacles to male intimacy, distancing from “cheap dopamine,” and the mutual reinforcement Pete and Val find in their partnership—and in small acts of care.

Transcript

[A]

Lemonade. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[B]

What's happening, weirdos?

[A]

Hey.

[B]

We are here. We are.

[A]

I am sick.

[B]

Pete's sick. We talk about that quite a bit. We talk about. But it's a really good episode of different things.

[A]

We covered a lot of grounding time in like five days. I felt like I could have a conversation.

[B]

Yeah. You left it all on the court. You are losing color in your face right now.

[A]

Well, I said to Val, I. I'm a little concerned. I canceled my Largo. I've never done that. I canceled a shoot. Like a TV thing. I did like a. Like, like that was the day of the shoot. I. I emailed them at midnight. Like, I'm up puking. Sorry.

[B]

Puking. Barfing. Please.

[A]

I'm a barfing. There's no good way to say it. Emailed them at midnight for 8am the next day. But I was like, the bathroom floor. I. I hate canceling things. Literally. It was awful. I haven't had that in so long. Where you're laying on the tile of the bathroom and you're like, amazing. It also means you're done. Bar. All I wanted.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Was to not barf. I was just. Please just stop. Yeah, that's all. This isn't a gross out episode. We don't talk about that sort of stuff. It's a great episode. I'm glad you're here. I just wanted to say, up top, my sincerest apologies for Largo and for north and South Carolina, which were sold out. I was so excited to go and see you guys sold out because that indicates that you were excited. So we were all excited, but it's not. We're not doing it. It's. We just have to do it later. And. Oh, I started making this point. Michael Jordan's flu game. That's sort of the first thing we joke about. I'm like, you know what no one talks about is how many people Michael Jordan gave the flu that day.

[B]

I know.

[A]

They're just like, he won.

[B]

Well, he was touching that ball that everyone touches.

[A]

Literally passing a flu rock.

[B]

I know.

[A]

To everyone on the street.

[B]

I was thinking about that because we.

[A]

Watched his teammate, his opponents.

[B]

This will be so quick. But we watched that thing you do, and in it, Liv Tyler's character, Faye is sick, like, so openly sick on an airplane.

[A]

I thought that.

[B]

And I was like, Covid really changed.

[A]

We look at it different and he kind of like gets close to her and it's very sweet. It's what we used to do with the sick yeah. And now we're like.

[B]

Now we're like, stay away from me.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. We used to be much closer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So this is a great episode. And I'm only going to say it here in the intro. I can't remember being this sick. I haven't canceled TV and shoots and whatever and three shows. So if you had asked me if we were going to do an episode this week, I would have said no. And just once up top, I'm going to say this whole episode, I'm fighting nausea and my body is killing me and I'm clammy and I can't eat and I can't focus.

[B]

Well, you can't tell.

[A]

Yeah. At least this episode we had a nice chat.

[B]

It was good.

[A]

And now I'm going to collapse. So the tour dates, which I will not be canceling are on PeteHomes.com. i'm not. I'm not even going to look them up. Do keep an eye out for north and South South Carolina. We'll reschedule them as soon as possible. If you got tickets, they'll still be valid. And if you need a refund, you can get it at the point of purchase. That's all I want to say.

[B]

Valerie, get into it.

[A]

That felt abrupt. Was that okay?

[B]

Yeah, it was fine. I think it's okay. It was like, all right, so check like, we hope you love this episode.

[A]

Yeah, this is great.

[B]

We certainly loved doing it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Even though Pete was sick.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And why don't you go ahead and that.

[A]

Yeah, that was my lie down urgency. Go ahead and do it now.

[B]

Get into it.

[A]

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[B]

Hey there, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. I'm back with a new season of Wiser Than Me. The show where I sit down with remarkable older women and soak up their stories, their humor and their hard earned wisdom. Every conversation leaves me a little smarter and definitely more inspired. And yes, I'm still calling my 91 year old mom Judy to get her take on it early. All wiser than Me from Lemonada Media is out now. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[A]

Oh, wait, we don't say what's. I'm in a. I'm in a. I'm in a fog. I'm in a fog.

[B]

The tip of the tongue, the teeth and the tits.

[A]

Oh, the teeth and the tits and the tongue.

[B]

The tip of the tongue, the tits and the ass.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

You got. You got an orange cream. Ollipop.

[A]

Ocop.

[B]

Ocop.

[A]

Oh, cop.

[B]

Can I taste it when you open it? You don't have to open it now.

[A]

Yeah, why don't you have the first sip? This is. I feel like dog. And this is a sick. We're doing. You know what I was thinking, first of all, I would never. I would. I would. Is the issue be so pretentious as to call this my flu game. Michael Jordan played his flu game, so this. This episode is my flu game.

[B]

I don't think you can say that. If you're in a chair.

[A]

You are.

[B]

If you're sitting in a chair, whatever.

[A]

You'Re doing buttered toast with strawberry jam. You're just the joy. We're gonna get into it. But one of the things I love about being sick is I am telling people. So.

[B]

So sorry.

[A]

You're a delight. You're a carnival. You know how some parts of carnivals are scary? It's a little sexy, it's a little confusing, but then it's delightful. Carnivals. You're a carnival. Like, I didn't expect you to say.

[B]

I didn't either.

[A]

I'm actively fighting nausea.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And delighted.

[B]

I know. And I've been loving being your character. Now I'm just. I don't know why I'm getting jabbed. And I love you.

[A]

You don't stop.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Don't stop. Can't stop. As Kendrick Lamar probably says. I mean, most people have said at some point, don't stop. Can't stop.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm assuming him in his day to day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Kendrick.

[B]

Oh, we're talking about old Kenny.

[A]

Kenny lamari. Yeah, Kenny lamari. Kenny lamari.

[B]

Kenny Lamar.

[A]

All I want to say is one. How tender I am.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I really. I just want to this episode. If I was Malcolm Gladwell, I'd have amazing high hair. Guys got high hair. No, if I was Malcolm, I would call this. I'd give it like a theme and a thesis. And I would say in defense of being sick. Right. Because my heart. I love it. I hate being sick. This is not the sick episode. I'm not gonna tell you How. I probably will at some point go into how, but without gross details. I've just been very, very sick. Very ill. And one of the things that I, I've noticed about being very, very sick is. And we've covered this on the podcast before, but it bears repeating. When all of your needs are met, when you're good. I mean, you're the man in the high castle. You're a dragon locked away or you're a vampire. There are all these mythic symbols of that isolation. Like a vampire is good. He made a few wise investments. He's been alive for 300 years. It's a Christian Finnegan joke. He's so funny. A vampire could just make a few investment. Great bet. Great bet. Christian Finnegan, check him out. Check him out. Enjoy him. But he. I'm just saying, Pete, when I'm good, when I have projects, when I have work, when I'm. When I'm just feeling like I'll just. I'm pretty closed off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you sure, I can be.

[B]

Yeah, I understand.

[A]

And when I'm not, when I'm sick, when I'm like fragile and feeble.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And like can't eat, can't sleep, can't sit. Like you can't even sit. I've had the stomach flu. This is day like five of a stomach flu. And like laying down sucks. And you're like, well, what else is there? Like it's just rough. So you're. But then it's peppered in like the clouds clear. And just for a moment, like we watched A League of Their Own. I'm sorry, I know I'm monologuing here, but something about being sick. You and I agreed you just wanna watch Tom hanks in the 90s.

[B]

Yeah. It's really. He is the sick day of actors.

[A]

And I talked to Birbiglia about it. There's something. He's kind of like always a little tired. Yeah. Like Birbiglia. Yeah, I think like Birbiglia. Mike Birbiglia. Like Birbiglia. Birbiglia's got like a put upon quality. Like Mike is like, I can't, I can't believe I'm here. Like I'd rather be eating pret salts. Like you get that for sure you're.

[B]

Going to say pizza. He famously loves pizza.

[A]

Yeah, I know. But in this version, knowing Mike as I do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's much more like, I need to stop with the dairy. You know, like he's, he's, he's less pizza forward.

[B]

Yeah. Right.

[A]

But yeah. But slow. And the pacing of the. Let me. I'll just stick this one point. I'm going to throw it back to you, Val.

[B]

Back.

[A]

You haven't had it. I'm going to say that when you're sick, I'm watching Tom Hanks. That's what you want. You want the pace of a 90s movie. But to finish the circle here on my heart being wide open. We watched A League of Their Own, and I was crying the entire movie. Not just at the beauty of women getting their day and the queer beauty of it. There's all this underlying that. Oh, I hated how I said that. But there's also just like friends on a bus.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's also just baseball. Like, I'm just, like, overwhelmed that we make games and watch other people play games. That people catch balls. That people. I know this sounds insane that people miss balls.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm just drenched because I'm so tender.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, this is sort of one of my favorite Pete's. Is the Pete that needs. Needs. Well, needy Pete.

[B]

Yes. Well, this is phantom thread. This is why our life is phantom thread.

[A]

Kiss me before I get sick.

[B]

And we. We kept kind of like, making those quotes because, yeah, I would say if, like, our relationship movie is phantom thread, except for the differences. And this is why it's is possible for us to have a good and happy life, is that you are always this way with me.

[A]

Like, I'm always sick with you.

[B]

You're always sick with me. You're always really nice. Compliment gooey.

[A]

I have never said.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, your toast is.

[B]

I cannot have a confrontation.

[A]

I cannot have a confrontation. I will say I'm not available to hear.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. You will say things like that very gently, though. Yeah.

[A]

You say to me, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think everybody could learn from the spectrum. Are the Spectrum people who taught us this that I claim partial identity with. Are you available for this?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sometimes you're just not. You're trying to do geometry.

[B]

Right. But you. So, yeah, going back a little bit, it's like one of our key differences is that we've talked. We've said this a million times on the podcast. That I am sort of like my core negative belief is that I'm not safe alone and that I need people. And yours is the opposite.

[A]

People are unsafe.

[B]

People are unsafe.

[A]

It's. There will be blood. Another Daniel Day Lewis P.T. anderson. Too much confusion.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think about him saying that all the God. Is that.

[B]

Can you hear it? Oh, I'm not Wearing my headphones.

[A]

Throw them on. Throw them on. Sorry. They're just doing yard work right in the studio.

[B]

We should have known because they have been doing it.

[A]

Yeah, but I thought they were. This is so bougie. The yard work is getting in the way of our podcast.

[B]

I can't tell you.

[A]

I don't. I think it's fine. If you can hear it, I apologize. It'll be over in a moment.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You get to experience what I'm experiencing. Can I ask you an unrelated. Are you gonna keep going? Keep going?

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Don't forget, write it down.

[A]

I won't.

[B]

So I, you know, I get to. There's downsides to both beliefs, core negative beliefs, like I have a hard time being alone and realizing that I'm like a autonomous adult sometimes, but I do get the pleasure and pretty much all of my like, love for life in the experience of reciprocated love with a lot of people where I need my friends and they're there for me and they need me and I'm there for them and it feels fantastic. And that's why when I'm feeling depressed or low, one of the things that I. That brings me back is like, we need each other.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, isn't it gorgeous? Like, human beings are relying on each other and this. Let me just dig the landing here, please. That is what I see happen to you. If there's any health thing. So for example, you. You're. You're saying that your heart was just like cracked open at A League of Their Own because you were experiencing this and because you.

[A]

Because I was a farm girl who needed a break.

[B]

Yeah. Cuz you, exactly. You knew what that felt like. And when you got your colonoscopy, you already mentioned that, like the first I.

[A]

Said, I love you all.

[B]

You love them. Because you're like, my, my. I am in your care. I'm in your care. I need you and you're taking care of me. And it's like, it's a novel feeling for you. It's like you need this little illness or health thing to like break down the barrier that. The protective barrier that you have.

[A]

That's how I feel right now. I'm blown away by everything you're saying. I'm absolutely blown away.

[B]

But it's so beautiful because it's not even that. It doesn't even take that much, you know, like other people who might have the same core negative belief that you have might need like an actual, like, I'm going to die maybe, or like.

[A]

A true like rescued from a train wreck or something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're like, this guy's all right.

[B]

To be that open. I am grateful that colonoscopy or your stomach.

[A]

Well, yes. Okay. I don't want to forget. Okay. I'm going to write down poem that'll help me remember the movie and the poem that was written in my mind. But I do want to say, like, we've been catching up on movies, obviously. It's. It's sort of all I can. I'm going to stop asking for sympathy. There's just. There's just this part of me that's like, we're releasing this podcast. I just canceled these shows. So there's this, like, to be like, I want everyone to know I've been in a horrible. I am.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As I'm speaking to you. Like it in a bad way.

[B]

People believe you. Don't worry.

[A]

But I also don't want to just have a podcast where I'm just explaining it. Nobody cares. You just have to trust that. The last thing I want to do is cancel. Shows that to one side. We watched the movie Sorry Baby, which I recommend. Very, very good. It's on hbo. It is sad, but very good.

[B]

So good.

[A]

And there was the scene. A lot of it is about female friendship. And there was a scene where she comes out of the house to greet her girlfriend, her female friend. And they're like, jumping up and down and hugging and immediately being silly and. And in my current state, I could cry right now because I'm just like, it's fine. And I don't want to do, like, typical. Especially we've been watching so many queer films. I know I keep saying queer, but I'm using it in the right way, not. Not the Boston way. I have such a heart for the queer community. I really do. And so I'm trying. I don't want to be so gender normative. On one hand, being like, so open and receptive to that movement and that. The beauty of that. And also be like boys. Be like. You know, so I understand.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm just.

[B]

That was a long.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Disclaimer.

[A]

All I'm saying is as I. I feel very stuck in my masculinity. Apart from my genitalia. I'm just saying. And. And. And my culture, being raised as a man, when I see you and Lisa, for example, jumping up and down, just like in that movie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hugging. And it's like, you haven't seen each other. It's like a dog. It's like you haven't seen them in nine years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was two weeks. And the sad thought that I had was if I'm ever that way with another guy, if I'm being completely honest, it's because we just closed a deal for a hundred thousand dollars. That's our excuse to hug and touch and. And gaze and jump up and down. And even if you're not literally tickling, the feeling is that you're tickling. You're like monkeys tickling.

[B]

You're hugging and laughing and boys.

[A]

Okay, keeping in mind what I said, but, like, I do feel like I've been so saturated in the culture of competition and dominance and specialness, and these are sort of some of my crosses to bear, that when I see a girl, a woman greeting her friend like that, the. There's intense. It's emotional.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's too cheap to call it jealousy or envy. It's just like.

[B]

There's a hang of.

[A]

It's a pang.

[B]

Sadness. Yeah.

[A]

It's like, how did I get to a place where the last time I did that, Like, I think of Brian Cullen, who made the. We made those Modern Mammals commercials together with Matt. And the camaraderie. Even that movie. Make that word. Makes my dick go inside my body. Like, camaraderie is such a bargain bin. Cheap version of kinship and tenderness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I could melt down right now.

[B]

It really is. It's a very. I feel that pain of grief for men all the time because.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because my female friendships are, again, like, being aware of being gender normative, but, like, are so special. And. And I don't believe that. I believe that men inherently need that the same way that women inherently need that. And it's just been like the patriarchy in our society to say, like.

[A]

You mean that. I just want to be clear. The patriarchy to both sides. Like, men being affected by the patriarchy.

[B]

That's what I mean.

[A]

I know you mean that. I just think a lot. I could be wrong. A lot of people hear that. They just only think of how it affects.

[B]

Oh, no, I. I think the patriarchy affects men in different but probably equally awful ways, you know, and that's one of them.

[A]

And the men need it. I'm sorry, I interrupted.

[B]

You need that. Intimacy, intimate friendships and, like, touch and sweetness and tenderness and. And authenticity and. Yeah, it. There is this. You know, it's such a good point that it's like, either in boardrooms or.

[A]

On, like, handshakes, golf courses, or slaps on the back.

[B]

I was gonna say on, like, sport fields. Like, if a Soccer team wins the World Cup.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're all in a mushy mosh pile of hugs.

[A]

Yeah. Rugby. A rugby starting lineup or whatever you call it when you start. They're all holding each other and they crash into each other. It's like a gigantic violent hug.

[B]

It's like we're afraid. And there is something to this. We're afraid that tenderness with men will get rid of competition. And if we don't have men competing, that changes capitalism. That changes the whole structure of Western ideals.

[A]

I would say we also don't have anything to do with our violence and anger.

[B]

This is like.

[A]

I go, like, if I love you, then what am I gonna do with this? I'm gonna have to like, torture animals. Like, I'm joking, but like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's like a fear when I see you and Lisa and I really want you to keep going here. But when I see you and Lisa hugging each other like that. If I'm being honest because I'm very transparent in my weak tea saltine state, part of me thinks they are fools. Those are two fools to like, let.

[B]

Each other in so much.

[A]

You can't let them in that much. They're gonna shit in your house. Plant. It's like how I don't want to let Beau in the house.

[B]

Yeah. And I love letting Bo.

[A]

You love letting Bo in the house. And Bo shits and pees. We let our dog. And he's not an indoor dog. I'm just gonna find a huge. Bigger than a human turd. I mean, it is on a carpet. Inevitably on a carpet. Right. By tile or hardwood. He went for the soft.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's how I feel. So I just. What. What do you make of that?

[B]

Right. I. I think that you're right. I'm not here to say that. Oh, I. Can I get to taste that?

[A]

Well, you had the first sip. I don't wanna.

[B]

What if you had it perfect?

[A]

If they are, I'll say. Sorry. Sidebar. Sick. Wow. Yeah. Ollipop. Also Coca Cola.

[B]

I got you some mini cans of Coca Cola.

[A]

I couldn't. I didn't eat for about three days.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, almost no calories. And then I was like, please get me Coca Cola. And I didn't. Can I tell you a little compliment I didn't get to tell you? You knew. In a can.

[B]

Yeah. And I had every option. I want you to know I believe I had.

[A]

You got mini cans.

[B]

I got mini cans.

[A]

Mini cans. Look, they are not a sponsor. Go to coca cola.com filenotfound and fuck yourself because it's not there. I'm just saying I didn't dare give you any details because I was like, she'll get me Coca Cola. Like she's getting it for herself. And you know, the small red cans.

[B]

I'm thrilled to hear that because I want you to know that I was standing in the soda aisle really, for.

[A]

Ooh, that is good.

[B]

I mean, probably realistically for three minutes, but that's a long time to just stare at the big. The two liter, which is like, no way are you dreaming? I'm not going to get a two liter.

[A]

A two liter. There's something. I don't want to judge people. I'm just saying if you're not in junior high at a sleepover in 1985, you shouldn't have a 2 liter.

[B]

No. Or at some sort of pizza party.

[A]

Get a can.

[B]

Yeah. And then there was the big bottles.

[A]

2 liter only exists to camouflage how many cans you've had. Just own how many cans you had.

[B]

Here's one thing that I didn't do that I do wish that I had done, just because I thought it would be special Mexican one, like, get the cans. But I was going to get you one glass Mexican Coke.

[A]

I thought about that, Val, and as you know, I often think of. Oh, God, sorry. I'm just keeping it together. I often think of myself in terms of how I would be perceived as a character in a movie. And I thought of me in my nasty sweatpants and I have a. Currently have a man bun in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Saying get me a Coke, please. Get me Coke. And then later texting you, mexican Coke, please. I was like, I'm not ready to be that guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you want to get me a Mexican Coke, that's fine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm going to say hot take, canned red Coca Cola glass Mexican Coke. I'm going to be as honest as I can. 13% better Mexican Coke. That means that's a solid B plus. BB plus.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of regular Coke. I'll take a B plus.

[B]

I mean, that's the thing, though. I'm not. I wasn't. I. I didn't feel comfortable getting like six Mexican Cokes. That seems so indulgent. A Mexican Coke feels like a one off for me.

[A]

You're absolutely.

[B]

You can only get one.

[A]

You can't. That's why, like, there's a cognac, something. Mexican Coke is the Coke. It's Mexican Coke.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's something. It's an ok. You're not. And it's also. I'm Sick. I'm gonna need this. I need a lot of them. Mini. Sorry, everybody, but I'm. I'm on board with this. I hope you're on board with this. The small cans of Coke stay cold. That's what aluminum is.

[B]

I know.

[A]

It's also very recyclable.

[B]

That's the other. Was the other consideration. I didn't get you. The plastic bottles.

[A]

I don't like plastic bottles. I don't. There's something about the.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

The A can goes. And it's like. I still have the bubbles. The. The twist off goes. There it goes.

[B]

You just let them all out.

[A]

It's gone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Goodbye.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

What was they saying? Oh, tenderness. The competition. You're a fool.

[A]

What will I do with my violence?

[B]

Because I definitely.

[A]

We can't do it safely. What will I do?

[B]

I 100 agree with this, by the way. Like, I don't.

[A]

I'll defend men. I'm just trying to. I'm trying to understand the other side.

[B]

But that's the thing, is that you. Is that the answer is both. So probably I'm gonna say this might not be true. I don't know. But I'm thinking of the one, like, girlfriend that I have that is competitive in, like, a sporty person. Casey. She's doing both beautifully. She is competitive as. And she is like a tender friend who will hold you and love you and be. You know, so, like, there are people who are doing both. But yes, we need both energies. The answer isn't one or the. Everybody needs both. Both energies.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that brings me to what I wanted to talk about, which I'm just now realizing is just. It's just such a natural transition into this very important topic, which is that I finally finished Heated Rivalry. And I think you should watch it with me.

[A]

It's super. It's queer, right? I mean, I know I keep saying that. I'm just saying.

[B]

Oh, yeah. We.

[A]

Especially in my. We watched Sorry. I'm not trying to change the subject.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

We watched Come See Me in the Good Light.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which I. It's. It's a 10 out of 10. I don't. I don't give a lot of Sorry, Baby.

[B]

Everybody go and do those things. Watch those.

[A]

And I. I wish you hadn't brought. Sorry. I think Sorry Baby might be like a nine. I just want to differentiate.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

I. And I think the maker of Sorry Baby, which is a great film. A nine out of ten. Very good. Come See Me in the Good Light is like, what?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How did this, it's so. It's a documentary.

[B]

It's so good.

[A]

And especially in my open hearted way, that was the movie that when it ended, I just started vomiting. Good review. But when I was watching, it was like the last thing I did before I realized I was sick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I don't want to even talk about it per se, but especially in my open. I think it did open my heart too. I. I don't know what I'm saying. I think I lost my point.

[B]

That's okay.

[A]

But I do want to say that's the greatest movie. There's something about. And. And after I watched that, I was like, I only want to watch LGBTQ stories. Like, well, for some reason I'm like, I can't. I need it. I need the. The top shelf vulnerability. The top shelf.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Risking it, Loving it.

[B]

Like, claiming it. Authentic life.

[A]

Authentic. Yes, authentic.

[B]

It.

[A]

Top shelf. I'm not saying this is our channel.

[B]

There's six episodes I'm gonna rewatch. Heated rivalry. Rivalry. That's weird.

[A]

It's like erotic. It's erotic.

[B]

It is erotic, but it's beautiful. It's not just erotic for erotic's sake. It's so. Especially as it goes on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it's so tender and sweet. And the finale is like I was in the bathtub, bawling, sobbing.

[A]

The water level was rising.

[B]

It's so sweet. There's several moments in. In the series that I know will make you cry. But what I think it does really well is show this. This is what's so fascinating about it and why everybody is, like, losing their minds over it. Or one of the reasons is that it shows the juxtaposition of male competitiveness and male tenderness, intimacy, sexuality.

[A]

Just another man enjoying another man.

[B]

That's really what it is. It's just another man.

[A]

But wait, I need more on that because there is a way for two men. This is weird for me to have a take on, but I think there's a way for two men to have sex that is about competition and dominance. I think that's one of the ways it can be erotic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're saying it's tender, but.

[B]

But it's both. So, like, it's sort of. Without giving too much away. So it basically is. This is. You can infer this from the posters and the name of the show. It's like two hockey players who are rivals who end up. Who are attracted to each other.

[A]

So it's a sequel to Goon if you're laughing. We're friends. That's Such a weird reference.

[B]

I can imagine that that's. Yeah, yeah. Um, but so they end up, like, hooking up and sort of in the beginning it is maybe like they're being competitive even as they're.

[A]

I'm in. Tell me less. Say less. I don't mean literally just like the hot thing to say. Say less. I mean, like, I don't want to know anymore. I'm totally in.

[B]

Yeah. And it is just so well done.

[A]

Because this is what it is is like we were talking about this, like one of my love languages. And I don't know why that's making me roll my eyes a little bit is generosity brag. But we were talking about how I gave my friend Tyl something and he was like, he's German, so I'll do his voice. He was like, I know that that was Pete saying I love you. And I'm like, it was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Excuse me. One of the things I like about me is that I will also say I love you. That mood just doesn't show up as often. This episode is brought to you by my new current obsession, Little Saints, with which has brought cocktails back into my life. I miss cocktails. I don't drink, but I miss the ritual. The citrus peel, the clink of the ice on the glass, the winding down. Something that tells your brain it's time to wind down. Little Saints is here. It's a real cocktail experience, just without alcohol. Non alcoholic, zero sugar, five calories. Taste interesting, complex, layered, smoky. I loved savoring every sip. It's not sparkling juice pretending to be a drink. It's its own thing. A true mocktail in a bottle, in a can. And they're enhanced with functional botanicals like lion's mane and reishi. Nothing heavy, just a little extra calm and clarity to help you wind down and loosen up in a social situation or just on your own. Perfect for weeknights, but parties or anytime you want. Cocktail energy without cocktail consequences. So live how you want. Keep the ritual, lose the chaos. Check out Little Saints and discover your magic hour. Visit littlesaints.com and use promo code. Weird to get 15% off your first order. Little Saints products are non alcoholic. Functional ingredients are not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any condition. This episode is sponsored by ro. You know, seeking healthcare isn't just about your physical health. It affects the way you show up at work, in your relationships, and honestly, how you feel about yourself. And for a lot of people, weight loss can feel especially frustrating. You may be doing the right things. Exercising, eating, Right, but still nothing changes. Well, you've heard about GLP1 medications, but they can seem expensive, confusing or totally out of reach. That's where roe comes in. GLP1s can be life changing, but insurance can make it feel like a guessing game. Am I covered with what will it cost? And RO clears all of that up before you even start. Their free insurance checker lets you see if Your insurance covers GLP1 medications and if you're not covered or don't have insurance at all, RO still offers more affordable FDA approved cash pay options without the thousand dollar price tags. No paperwork, no waiting on hold, just submit your insurance card and RO takes care of the rest, sending you a clear report so you can decide what's right for for your goals. And if you do move forward, you're supported the whole way with access to a provider on demand and medications shipped right to your door. This is the easiest and clearest path I've heard of if this is right for you. So go to ro co weird for your free insurance check. That's r o dot co weird to see if your insurance covers GLP1s for free. Go to ro co safety for boxed warning and full safety information about GLP1 medications. This episode is brought to us by our friends at dad Grass. Why is it that when you want to relax and just have a little fun, modern weed products strap you to a rocket like a confused chimp and blast you into outer space? You can't follow a movie, you can't hold a conversation. You're just orbiting the earth surrounded by empty pizza boxes. Boxes and a lot of regret. Well can't we just take the edge off? Well can't we just get a little giggly with our friends keeping our feet on the ground? Well thanks to dad Grass, yes we can. I am obsessed legit with their leisure drinks. It is a sparkling yuzu flavored can that ships legally to all 50 states if you're over 21. And each one has 3 milligrams of THC and 6 milligrams of CBD which is the perfect dose so you feel happy and relaxed without the hangover. Plus they're stackable for a bigger buzz and they are fast acting which means you'll feel it in about 10 to 20 minutes so you can get it just right. Get leisure drinks and all of dad Grass's products including their joints and gummies [e-mail] weird and use promo code weird for 20 off. That's dadgrass.com weird. Use promo code weird for 20 off. Check it out. But what I think is really interesting is men do wildly love each other and really want to express that. And I think we invent things like baseball. I agree to be in a locker room with champagne. Like, what could be more. I'm not even trying to be Freudian. I'm just like, you're all shirtless, jumping up and down, grabbing each other, while a bottle of champagne shoots bubbly water all over you guys. Like, yeah, you can make your own jizz joke. I'm just saying it's. Any alien watching through a telescope would be like, it's not. I'm not saying, like, the 90s. This is gay. I'm saying, look how much these. These guys love each other. Look how much they crave and need each other.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we. And that's what was so sweet about A League of Their Own is like. I was watching it, like, how do I get on a bus with Rory Scovel and Lara Bites and our partners, you know, just like.

[B]

And friends.

[A]

Just friends on a bus. And it made me think about how. The beginning of your comedy career. I did have that tour that was Reggie Watts and Kumail and Amy Schumer. And we were together, and it was really sweet. And it was before I was saying, you know, the ice isn't bottled water. You can't put bottled water in tap water. Ice. I'm making fun of myself. It was when we were drinking Diet Cokes and. And 2 liter Cokes and didn't even have a preference for that. Like, it was just such a better. A better time.

[B]

Well, this is the thing.

[A]

And that's that thing you do, too. We watch that thing you do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it starts where they're, like, at the beginning, and he. They have the deal in the camper. And Steve Zahn, who's hilarious in that movie, goes, we're sitting in this guy's really nice camper, and it's an awful camper. And I'm like, right. I remember walking into clubs and it would. And now all they would notice is the smell. And back then, I'd walk in, and all I would notice is there was a stage and there was a microphone. I can't believe I can be here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Such a sweet thing.

[B]

Well, it's. You know, it's such a cliche. I mean, for a reason. Because I think it's the common way things go is that you sort of hustle and. And bust your ass to.

[A]

To break away.

[B]

Yeah. To climb up the ladder, not need people. But then you don't need people. And then you miss needing people. And the camaraderie that comes when you're in the trenches with people and, you know. Yeah. It's like Ralphien's needing the Wanting to make the burger in the menu.

[A]

I could cry at that. Everything is just going straight to my heart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can I. So come see me in the good light, which I don't want to. All I want to say is I. I resisted watching it because I thought it was just, like, depressing, stating.

[B]

Yeah, it's.

[A]

It's the opposite of depressing.

[B]

Very life.

[A]

It's like eating a cake that makes you remember you're a soul and you're alive.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's a gift. And I will watch that movie, I'm sure, many, many, many times. And as I was watching it, I was like, you know, one of my greatest fears is. I told you this already, but I was like, one of my greatest fears is that I hate everything. I'm not interested in anything. And. And worse, I hate everyone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I. And when I told you this the first time, I was like, that's not true of you and Leela. Yeah. But I do kind of just go, like, there's a depression. There's a darkness in me. It's not quite depression. It's like a. It's just like a gasoline. It's like a sour place. It's a scared place where I get so tight and frightened that I'm in this way. And it's very Fight flight, and it's very aggressive. And it's like, all these people. You're my competitor. It's. There will be blood and people are in the way. And I. Another. There will be blood, he says. I look at people and I see nothing worth liking. Right. And I'm like, this is my. One of my biggest fears is that I hate everyone and everything. And I look at people like our dear friend Rob Bell, who's like, pennies before 1983 were made out of cotton. Like, we'll go on about the magic of pennies. I'm not making fun of Robin. I'm just sitting there going like, what the fuck is this?

[B]

I wish I cared about anything as much as that.

[A]

Yeah, this is 40. I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And my sad, unresourced self will delude myself into thinking I'm completely alone. So much so that I don't even like anything or anyone. And then I watch a movie, like, come see me in the good light. And she does Spoken word poetry. And I didn't actually write the poem in my mind. I just had this vision of Andrea Gibson. Andrea Gibson. I was just making sure I got her first. Their first name.

[B]

It's okay.

[A]

Yeah. I'm sorry, though. They are they, them. Andrea says in my mind, like, you know, you think you hate everyone, but it was brilliant. And she's yelling in that way, and you love everyone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I could just lose it. It's like you.

[B]

It's.

[A]

You can't hurt yourself.

[B]

So tender. That's right. That's right. Well, it's the same. It's. It's. We do call this part your plain view.

[A]

The part that hates everyone. Yeah.

[B]

And. And that isn't just a protector.

[A]

He's really afraid. He's really afraid.

[B]

Reason he's protecting is because. Or the part that he's protecting is the tenderest, sweetest, squishiest.

[A]

Yeah, man. He's afraid of specifically the guy I've been while I'm sick. So the me that can't believe someone would throw a baseball to another person who was ready for it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love everything. And we call it when I'm manic. But it's not just when I'm manic. There's just so many times it's. The Ram Dass talked about giving away the store. The heart wants to give away the store. The head says we need to charge this much to make a profit on these items. And the heart just wants to give it away. So the head is afraid of the heart. It's like, don't let that guy in charge. I couldn't relate more. When I'm in this state, I'm like, you know, I've almost. I've come very close to asking friends of ours to move in with us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When I'm in this way and then when I get tight and scared and I'm not saying there isn't some intelligence. You know, I'm not saying it's just wrong. But I'll be like, thank God they didn't move in. I can't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's. That's ridiculous. So life is just constantly.

[B]

Yeah. It is a balance. And that. That your plain view served a purpose. That's the thing. That's the. No bad parts of it all is that it's not. He's not a bad guy either. He's actually scared. That's. And he's protective and he's. So really what he's doing is sort of loving.

[A]

Right. He. What he's doing is his. This is what we do in therapy. It's like realizing that it's not what the part wants, which is safety, security and predictability. And just to be safe. Really.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's just that the method might be outdated.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And the foe might be exaggerated. Which by the way, I really wanted to say this, that I just saw some really interesting. An interesting TED talk where they were like, take something like political divisiveness. Like I really couldn't wait to make this point. I'm glad I thought of it and then I die. But they were like, we report. We over report the extremes. Of course.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's like everybody, we love the rallies and look, I am not a Trump person. I'm sure at the rallies they're not all that extreme. You get the guy with the airbrushed truck with Jesus and Trump, you know, on the hood, they make the final edit. I. Please don't misunderstand. I'm not trying to defend anything. That I am not aligned with that party.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I did live in Williamsburg in 2000 for Williamsburg. And this is Joe Mandy's point. The hilarious Joe Mandy. He was like, if you look at 2004 in Williamsburg, it's all. It would be all hipsters. It would be all the tightest black jeans and the. The whirlpool trucker cap.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's just that, guess what? I was there too. I was wearing a North Face fleece and fucking Levi or whatever genes they had at the Gap.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we just don't make the photograph.

[B]

Right.

[A]

In the exact same way that in the late 60s, early 70s, it was the hippies that made. It was the guy that had flowers on his nipples that made the Life magazine. Well, that's the same.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I just took. I know this is out of nowhere, but I just was like, of course.

[B]

Right.

[A]

The clicks and the engagement and the anger and the outrage and the shares all comes from over reporting the extremes.

[B]

And I was like, we think that that's all there is.

[A]

But this is speaking to something. Not only that, I intuit about what's happening right now that we have. It's such a cliche, it's almost barfable. But we have so much more in common than we think we do. We want our families to be safe. We want good schools, we want whatever this, this, this. But we see hippies.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And guess I'm sure the people my parents were in the late 60s, early 70s, they were not making the photographs. And there were millions of people like them. And I lived in Williamsburg and I was wearing reasonably tight jeans. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm not in the history book, and I'm not in the news.

[B]

The downside of reporting the extremes is that it makes us feel. Feel like we are more different than we are the same, which just isn't true.

[A]

Right. And then we, you know, maybe they're great. I don't know. But there are apps and stuff that. It's like we. We take an aggregate of the news and we give it right down the middle. Sure. But you're still cutting a different slice of the same cake. The same sort of nonsense cake. Meaning. I'm not saying there isn't validity to it, but I'm just like, you have to say something.

[B]

Right. And you're in. It goes back to capitalism. You're in competition for the news that people are gonna want to hear the most. So that's like. It's the second that that becomes the game then changes your information.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It just will.

[A]

Of course it does. Yeah.

[B]

You know, it's. Yeah. It's also just like the second that healthcare becomes a business that changes your health.

[A]

That's right. That's right. Like chocolate bars, they have to make them as addictive as possible, and there's a part of us that goes, like, good.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Make it as good as possible. Make it. So I have to have that chocolate bar.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We kind of, like, understand.

[B]

Okay. To just. Well, even I've said that about Instagram ads, which is so the most insidious thing.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Where I'm like, well, thanks for. For, like, showing me the things that, you know, I'm gonna like, you know.

[A]

But that is so funny. I'm glad you brought that up because. And I. I'm not teasing you. I do think I could do a bit about this. Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I flex, am not on social. I know. I. I post, so.

[B]

But you have a person who's doing. Yeah, I just scrolling. And you're not on the app. Yeah.

[A]

And I do want that for people, but at the same time, I don't know, man. Maybe I'm holding out hope that there are people that aren't addicted that just kind of vibe, find what they want. Like my friend Tatiana says, she's like that she's got her algorithm right where she wants it. She goes on, she sees what she wants, and she gets off. I'm hopeful that I'm not just contributing to something that's only hooking people, but. So I'm not on It. And then you very admirably were like, I'm. I'm gonna get off of it. Do you remember why?

[B]

Well, yeah, for all the reasons.

[A]

I didn't know if you had, like a general. A new reason.

[B]

No, no, I mean, well, what I said was, for January, I'm giving up coffee and I'm gonna delete the Instagram app. And the plan was always to still have it on, you know, access it on my computer. But I hate how it looks on my computer. And you don't know how to grab it. It doesn't grab. So I was like, that way I can. Whatever.

[A]

That's a good tip. Do it on your, on your desktop.

[B]

Yeah, but it, but then it started to be like, oh, well, if I'm gonna post this one thing, then like, I can't do it from my computer. So I'm just gonna. I'm gonna re. Download the app so that I can post and then I'm gonna delete the app. And then I was doing that and then that started to become a sleep slippery slope of like, oh, I forgot to delete it. Well, I'm just gonna like, scroll for a minute and then I'll delete it. And then it's just like, it is like a drug. I mean, it is totally.

[A]

It reminds me of how when I was super Christian and my view towards pornography, I. I would negotiate, like, I'll look at a bikini picture.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. 100. You are negotiating. And you do feel. And you know what it is too, is that I'm, you know, I'm doing the fasting again just for health. Like, just for giving my, my very upset tummy all the time. An upset tummy?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Giving it like a break.

[A]

And you've been off coffee, which can we say, if I was off coffee, that would have been all we've talked about this whole time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Forgive me.

[B]

No, thank you for saying that. So it is. And I can feel it even being on. In the slippery slope of getting pulled back into Instagram. I'm still not looking at it as much as I was. And I, and I took all of that getting rid of coffee, even having like my fast days again, and, and not looking at Instagram enough for me to remember the joy of hard earned dopamine. Because I'm also like, lifting weights now.

[A]

Another thing that I wouldn't have been able to. We're at the 40 minute mark. I can't believe I would have been like, welcome, I'm lifting weights.

[B]

Well, the coffee thing has, has helped my stomach that was the reason I did it. And I. I mean, I have a tattoo of an espresso machine on my arm. I love coffee. It was my favorite thing.

[A]

And you have a tattoo of diarrhea on your other arm, so it's perfect. You know, these are my two interests.

[B]

My two interests.

[A]

I love espresso, and I love just not ever having a solid poop.

[B]

But I. But I've switched.

[A]

Val doesn't poop everybody that I don't poop.

[B]

I. I am pure glitter and roses over here. But I've switched to black tea, so I'm still having caffeine. Blah, blah, blah. I'm not going to get into it.

[A]

You should. This is interesting. I. I feel like you're underselling it. Didn't it fix your stomach issues?

[B]

It fixed my stomach issues.

[A]

I'd like a little Tony Robbins energy here. Yeah, he doesn't drink coffee.

[B]

Yeah, it does.

[A]

It quit coffee. And it fix. You're constantly at one. It's not that bad. But at night, I say good night to you, and you have what we call your. Your night poo.

[B]

Okay, I don't poop, but you don't.

[A]

You have your night scroll.

[B]

That also had a lot to do with Instagram. Yeah, was me. I said to you, no, they got.

[A]

Your two problems merge. You're like, I can at night.

[B]

That's where my coffee addiction and my Instagram addiction.

[A]

I couldn't believe looking at Instagram.

[B]

I know the hour.

[A]

I know, I know. But, like, you're casting your dreams. You're just putting people in your dreams.

[B]

This is disgusting. And I want to say that. Well, it's not disgusting. The human body is not disgusting.

[A]

It is pretty gross.

[B]

I do want to say this doesn't apply to me, but someone did tell me that, like, the. The amount of people who have hemorrhoids, like, is through the roof.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because people are staying on the toilet way too long because they're looking at Instagram.

[A]

All right, we're brought to you by Olipop. Look, Shirley Temple. That's good right there. Just that sound makes me happy. Okay, this episode is brought to us by Olipop, which I am genuinely excited about because I have loved Olipop for real for years. One of the biggest things I care about with my health is getting enough fiber. And Olipop is a new kind of low sugar soda that actually supports digestive health. Instead of fighting against it like traditional soda, they're reimagining soda with high fiber, low sugar, and a functional ingredient blend. So you get all that classic soda taste, but made with real ingredients you can actually feel good about. And right now, they just launched their new limited edition flavor, Shirley Temple Olipop. It's their take on the classic you remember. Bright, bold, nostalgic, but updated in a new way that feels really intentional. It's the original mocktail, the one that made not drinking fun. And they're releasing it just in time for dry January. It's a flavor everyone can feel good about. Less sugar, real ingredients and supports digestive health. Honestly, it is a win, win, win. You can get a free can of Olipop. Buy any two cans in store and they'll pay you back for one. Works on any flavor, any retailer, just go to drinkollipop.com weird. Olipop is sold online at drinkolipop.com and Amazon and available in the soda aisle and chilled beverage section at thousands of retailers nationwide, including Walmart and Target.

[B]

Hey, I'm Rachel Bannon. And I'm Arie McDonald. And welcome to Arie and Rachel Unfiltered at Unrivaled, a show where we give you all you need to know from Unrivaled and more. This season we're talking to some of the best athletes. I'm trying to watch my language. You good be you. It's unfiltered. That's what we're here for. And coaches in women's basketball like Paige Beckers and Leroux. Hey, it's Paige. Hi, it's Lee. And celebrity Unrivaled fans about games news. All for the fans to learn more.

[A]

About our journey and the folks who.

[B]

Make Unrivaled the great league it is. I'm super unfiltered. Aries gonna be super unfiltered because I'm going to force her to be. We'll also be talking to you and answering your questions. So tune in every Thursday and find us on social and all your favorite podcast platforms.

[A]

Why would that give you a hemorrhoid? I'm not sure.

[B]

Oh, you're not allowed. No, you didn't know that. You're not allowed. You're not allowed to sit on the toilet. You'll get hemorrhoids. But like, that's a problem because it like puts the weight on your butthole, basically. Like, it's not a good way.

[A]

Good time to remind you. Tushy.com weird promo code. Weird.

[B]

I don't have hemorrhoids and I never have, but I can believe I used to get it happen when I was.

[A]

A baby little boy.

[B]

Baby.

[A]

Not a baby. Little boy.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Kids are just constipated.

[A]

All boys are gross.

[B]

All kid boys are constipated and get bloody noses. What's going on?

[A]

It's so gross. That's why I'm saying the body is gross.

[B]

Yeah. But okay. So anyway, going back to an area that I'm more comfortable with, I have found it to be very surprisingly easy to make the switch to just like black tea with a little milk in it. Like, I. It turns out I just wanted a warm, special drink in the morning. And I do prefer the taste of coffee. But a very close second is the taste of black tea with milk in it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So. So that's been really surprisingly easy. And I don't have the afternoon crash And I don't.

[A]

Mudwater.com weird.

[B]

And I don't have the tummy issues. But. So all of this is the main thing, though. The switch has been like, I've re. I've. This is what people know. Like, people have been exercising. I took like a whole year off of basically exercising. And I'm remembering now, like, that hard earned dopamine feels so much better than cheap dopamine. It actually makes cheap dopamine kind of not feel as good or be as compelling.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, like, I, you know, the first few days that I gave up coffee, I was very tired and I would, like, go to the gym anyway. And I was shocked to find out that it was more effective than a cup of coffee.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At making me feel very good.

[A]

And it's on the other side of a wall.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But it's a wall. You can Kool Aid man through the wall.

[B]

Feels like, this is why I feel like it's a switch. And we'll see. Only time will tell. But that there's a switch being flipped. Where my association with exercise was like, all right, I gotta go do this thing I really don't want to do so that then afterwards I can feel good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now I'm like bench pressing, going like, this feels good to do. I'm driving to the gym, being like, I want to feel that the way that I feel while I'm doing it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Like, I can't even believe that. That is so not how I've ever felt about exercising.

[A]

And this is. I think we said this last week, but that's the Tony Robbins thing is like your life is what you focus on. So you're focusing on how you will feel, which is a very sophisticated thing that human beings can do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Instead of thinking about how you feel, you're thinking about how you will feel, and you're, like, trying to pre experience that state. Very hard to do. You know, I'm going to mention it, but that's what I do with swimming and the thing that I watched a video about, so I'm such a fudgeing dork. But I'll watch videos like, if I love swimming, I will reinforce the habit by watching YouTube videos like, why swimming is the best exercise. And one of the ones that I watched was like, it has the illusion of being easy because you're floating. So it was like you're sweating and you're breathing heavy, but you don't notice. And I was like, that's all I've ever wanted.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But what I really think about is. What you're thinking about is I will be in that sort of, why am I in a good mood? Why am I. Why are things kind of sliding off my back? Yeah. And as we always say, there are times in my life where I just can't access what we're saying. But what's weird is often your ability to access what we're saying is, is on the other side of just doing it, which is why Adidas just do it.

[B]

Yeah. It really is true. And I. I do think, you know, when you were started lifting weights, we talked a lot about, like, testosterone, how it raises your testosterone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it seems like that's what's happening to me. Kenobody.com Weird boy, I need testosterone. I just don't have very much of it at all.

[A]

You can take.

[B]

I know, I know. You can. Can win. Yeah.

[A]

That was the. One of the first. So Kino Body, this is not an ad. We do do ads for. Ads for Kino Body, but Kenobody makes the supplement called Mojo. My friend Ken, Dr. Ken, who texts me about pizza picks, he started taking it. I was like, yeah, it's legit. It raises your testosterone. But not in a way that. Or I should say, in my experience, it raised my testosterone, but not in a way that, like, spirit spiked it. Where I'm suddenly, like, freaking out on the.

[B]

To kind of have, like, roid rage when you.

[A]

Yeah. I thought it just gives me everything you want, which is a little bit more drive, a little bit more determination, focus.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All these things that.

[B]

Yeah. And I think I'm. I'm experiencing that with doing because I was. I was always a cardio girl, but, like, doing strength training specifically.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I do feel sort of like, all right, let me go out there and make my Imprint in the world. I'm ready. So that's been feeling very good as well. But to finish the scale thing, I think it is a funny story.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Can I?

[B]

Yes, you go ahead.

[A]

So if I were to do this stand up, which is like, again, having just canceled these shows, I'm like, that was the right choice. The idea of like, okay, I'm going to present this. I was having like nightmares that I was doing stand up. My dreams have been so trippy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, I'm off Instagram. My wife was like, I'm gonna do it too. You seem like it's doing a good thing for you. I'm gonna get off Instagram. So she deleted it off her phone. But then a couple weeks later, I noticed she was back on it. Not because I was looking at her scrolling, but because she told me she ordered a scale that you hold these two things with your hands and it tells you what percentage each body part is of your weight. And I was like, you, you said that, you said, I bought a scale that tells you all these different info. And I said, you're back on Instagram.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you said, yes. And I was like, I knew if I was going to do it as a bit. I knew you were back on Instagram because you were breathing into an apparatus that tells you if it's a good time to eat sugar.

[B]

I did do that. I got that one too. So years ago.

[A]

This is a good point.

[B]

Never used it once.

[A]

Of course you didn't. I used to be in the camp that was like, I don't mind that it personalizes the ads to me because it's telling me things I want. It's not telling you things you want. It's telling you things it knows it can make you want based on what you want.

[B]

It's telling you who you want to be and telling you that that's. That's what all advertisement is.

[A]

But even more accurate. Accurately. So it's.

[B]

It's not specifically I want.

[A]

You're interested in this, you're interested in health. I'm going to tell you this. Like, I've been getting more interested in espresso and how to make a perfect espresso shot because I don't get the ria from it. You don't poop. But, like, then it knows that and it puts that into my file and it like, I know I just saw a thing where it's location based pricing. Have you heard of this?

[B]

No.

[A]

That, like, if we book a ticket for a hotel, if we're in LA using a Mac. It knows all this stuff. And I book a ticket in Seattle for a hotel room. It'll charge me more because I live in Los Angeles and because I'm on a Mac. And if I was in. And this was the example they gave, so no shade here. They're like, if you're in Kansas City, it would be $200 less.

[B]

I actually do think that's kind of fair.

[A]

What's fucked up, Val, is I know exactly what you mean. And I was like, I won't notice. Do it.

[B]

I mean, but. But like, I don't. I don't agree. It isn't fair. But look, it's fair in like a tax situation that benefits.

[A]

So it's not fair. But what's fucked up is we both went to. It's fair. Plus, you and I have. Have $200. Okay, but like our friends, we have thousands. The majority of our friends would be. That would really up their plans to take a trip to Seattle.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

And I feel a little guilty that we're like, we have to. I'm just saying.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

It's not fair, is it?

[B]

It's not that. It's more because of California taxes or whatever being at sales tax.

[A]

The other thing. No, because the other thing that they mentioned was if you're like on the Target app, somebody made a video on this, you're in the Target app. And let's say. I think the example they used was a vacuum cleaner on the app to order to Your house is $100. Just to make it easy on me, you go in the store now it's $200. Why? Because when you're in the store, you're more likely to get it because it's right there. You're going to leave with it. Like, so the prices go up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The second you leave, it's like, what do you want to wait a day? Okay, it's this price. But like, this is fucked. We're. We're in 1980.

[B]

It also makes you realize how arbitrary all of it is and how we like how little choice we have in the matter. It's like, I'm really. All of the bullshit that Apple does. And you're like, you're. You sick fucks. You got us addicted to your thing.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And then you know that we'll put up with you having the only, like, special type of charger that no other thing has. We.

[A]

One USB C gate.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Or like, we know that you make it so that your phone's become like expired obsolescence. Like, that is so messed up and we know it and we're still doing it.

[A]

And because, like, drugs and all sorts of unhealthy relationships. When my last phone started to lose its charge, I was excited that I could get a new phone.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

And. And so this is. There should be a word for this. It's like. I guess it's Stockholm syndrome. Like, is there a way to make a joke about Stockholm? Like for money, for buying things? I don't know. But like, it's that. It's like you're being held captive, but you like it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I was like, oh, I'm gonna get to have the feeling of having a new phone. And I bought the new phone and I notice how long I still take my phone out and get just a little hit of like, a new phone. And it is months.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not defending the corporations at all. I guess maybe I am. I hope I'm not. I'm just saying it's not something for nothing. I do get this hit. But then you get into the. The parts, you know what I mean?

[B]

The.

[A]

The mining and all of these, and the labor. China, of course.

[B]

It's all.

[A]

We're just like, oh, God.

[B]

Here. So I do think this is related.

[A]

Sorry, this is awkward, but we're brought to you by apple.com weird. I'm sorry, I just have to do this. We are recording on America. Of course we are.

[B]

Of course we are.

[A]

That's why my ticket to Seattle is so much.

[B]

I do think that this is related to the hard earned dopamine thing. So. So take this from somebody who is like, you guys, I just discovered this great new thing. It's called exercise. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And drinking tea instead of coffee. And also the same person who bought that. That scale yesterday.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm still getting cheap dopamine through Instagram. I mean, I deleted it after that, by the way. I want to just say, to make this worse, when I told you about the scale. So sometimes what will happen is I'll hit an Instagram ad, I'll start to order it, start to order it, and then I'll accidentally, like, close it and it'll just go back to Instagram. And then I won't buy it because I'm like. It's like snapped me out of my haze. That happened with this. And I went back and did buy it. So then when I started to tell you about it, I was like, oh, I bought this scale. And then I went, oh, wait, no, I don't think I Ended up doing it. And then I was like, no, I did.

[A]

But that's how it works. You told your brain, we're going to buy this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is why. When you expect something and you don't get it. That's why. Remember when Lila was younger, we learned don't say maybe.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can we get ice cream? You have to say no.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I do. Leela's so cool, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She's not. It doesn't hurt her feelings. She's like, can we get a toy? I'm like, nope.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she might.

[B]

Sometimes.

[A]

Sometimes she's not chill. Yeah. But. But I see a side of her that. That can be very resilient.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And even appreciate.

[B]

She can certainly handle a quick note. More than a maybe that turned into a no.

[A]

All the biggest mistakes have been. We're walking through an airport that's like a casino of toys. And we have to. We didn't say, baby, we're going into an area where there's going to be a lot of stuff. You're not getting something.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's where the meltdowns happen. But in the same way you started going. I'm sure they have the data. The go backs.

[B]

Yeah, the go backs.

[A]

We got to go back. Our go backs need to go up.

[B]

I'm sure they do. Okay, so taking, you know what I'm about to say in consideration with. I am still very much struggling with this. But, like, learning the joy of hard earned dopamine might be our only chance. Like our only resistance to the apple of it all. The capitalism, the like and AI and the advertising and the things where they're just turning us into the people in Wall E. Yeah. Where we just have like all of our quick, cheap dopamine needs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we don't realize that we're so.

[A]

Unhappy of our fat salt straws and our mobiles.

[B]

And I've only ever looked at it from like, okay, so I need to eliminate the cheap dopamine. But that doesn't really work. You have to replace it. And it is such a different feeling.

[A]

This is what I've such a. One of my dumb early quotes. Ugh. I hate me. I love me, though.

[B]

Anybody who said that man can't fly never went swimming.

[A]

That was my first quote. My first quote was, whoever said man can't fly never went swimming.

[B]

I love you.

[A]

I was swimming and I was like, I think that's brilliant. I still think of it when I swim.

[B]

Let's just be clear that you were.

[A]

I was like seven.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I couldn't believe it.

[B]

This wasn't.

[A]

But I. I loved quotes. I was like, how do you become a quote? And then I was like, whoever said man can't fly never went swimming? Like, I was like, sounds like a quote. It's not a great quote. I think of it when I swim.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Here's the quote. Was, don't stop smoking, start swimming.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like, you can't just stop an activity. You need to start doing things that replaces it.

[B]

And that's something that feels better.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. I'm relearning that again.

[A]

So quit pornography. Start hiking. Oh, start. Well, I think a lot of people would like that, actually. That's not true. No, they're very different.

[B]

That's. What's. That's what.

[A]

No, I know.

[B]

The problem is I've been real.

[A]

I've been running real nice to my own standards. Re porn, meaning not using it. And it makes me go like, it is so different.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's a. I used to think they were sold in the same store, and now I'm like, I think they're in different neighborhoods.

[B]

I do think. If you think that they're. It's this. If it's the same of a similar experience for you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then you're not doing it right.

[A]

Porn, you mean? I'm just kidding.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Porn should be more rich, a richer experience.

[B]

Yes, exactly.

[A]

A funny porn site that checks if you've lit candles. You seem to be rushing this.

[B]

Yeah. Take your time.

[A]

Take your time.

[B]

Don't. Don't. No rush. Yeah. I think that's a great podcast.

[A]

That's a great. We did a great podcast. The question I was going to ask you nine years ago. Do you want to hear it? Oh, and I.

[B]

What I do.

[A]

Well, you're my favorite subject.

[B]

Yeah. I'm very impressed with you that you did this while you were sick.

[A]

I'm gonna collapse now.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

I was very happy to connect with you because I'm just starting to kind of. My body is wrecked again. I'm not going to go all into it. I'm just like. I can't eat. It's hard to focus. But I really did want to talk with you, and I had that slight impulse, and I was like, let's. Let's do it. So I'm glad I did. I'm glad we did. And I'm going to lay down for the rest of the day now.

[B]

And I did think of another good Sick movie. It's not a Hanks, but I think you're going to agree.

[A]

A Sarandon.

[B]

So we've watched A League of Their.

[A]

Sarandon is Lady Hanks, right? Yeah, kind of.

[B]

Yeah. I would say that works. We watched A League of Their Own. Yeah. A League of Their Own. That thing you do. And I think now we should watch Pleasantville.

[A]

Oh, wow. I find that movie very sad, but.

[B]

Yeah, you do.

[A]

In a good way. Very moving.

[B]

Yeah. The same way that A League of Their Own.

[A]

I'm gonna cry so hard.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That it's the same kind of way.

[A]

Jeff Daniels character. I can't.

[B]

It's gorgeous. The mom in the bathtub.

[A]

I'm going to die.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's such a good. There's a post it on my board that says colonoscopy. I. I did it.

[B]

Oh. Should I take it down?

[A]

Take it down. It's right next to a genderless burger. Experience from Nirvana. The band. The show.

[B]

There's some joke there that your colonoscopy was a genderless burger. I don't really know. There's a bun. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. It doesn't. It doesn't. Doesn't really make sense.

[A]

And my. Is genderless.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

I mean, everybody has one.

[B]

Speaking of. That's what we're gonna do after this binge watch. Heated. Heated rivalry.

[A]

Yeah. We. Okay. If that's what made you think of it. I'm not sure. I'm just kidding. I'm. You know, I love Brokeback Mountain. I love.

[B]

I know you.

[A]

I love people.

[B]

Don't you remember that? I know you.

[A]

Figuring out and risking it all for truth. Which is why spirituality is the most interesting thing in the world. Imagine forgoing everything. It's. It is sort of romantic. It is romantic. It's to taste God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To go. I'm not even me. I'm. You talk about. Call me by your name.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's love.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Turns out it was all you. It was all me. That's romance. That's merging. That's sex. That's real.

[B]

Well, that's why sex feels so good.

[A]

To us, is that I don't really like it.

[B]

It's us remembering that we're really more. We're one thing. We're becoming one thing.

[A]

Coming.

[B]

We're coming.

[A]

I made, I think, a pretty nice point. And then I'm like, coming, coming, coming.

[B]

And I was. I was like, wait.

[A]

Sex.

[B]

That's why sex feels good.

[A]

That's why food good. I liked your point. How dare you.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait. My Question that I was going to ask you a while ago just in case anyone gives a. When Bo barks.

[B]

Yes. Bo is our dog.

[A]

He has a really fierce bark.

[B]

Yeesh.

[A]

I notice because it's often I'll have my earplugs in or something, like, I'm relaxing or taking a nap or something. I notice my heart rate immediately elevates and I'm almost sweating. Do you feel that way?

[B]

I don't want you to feel.

[A]

No, no. I. I'm. I'm hoping that that's not the case.

[B]

Okay. No, I do not.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

The only time I even really clock it is if it's in the middle of the night and it woke me up. I don't like when it happens in the middle of the night when you're gone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then, like, I get more scared and I, like, need to get up and look outside at what he's barking at.

[A]

I just noticed, in the interest of trauma and. And hysterical historical responses, I feel very validated that, like, as I unpack, why I'm vigilant in certain ways when. And Leela even gives me. And she doesn't give me shit, but she. Bo will bark and she'll be like, I like it. Like, she's trying to show me, like, you don't have to resist it. Yes, I'm trying to do that, obviously, and getting better through therapy. But, like, I wanted to ask you about that. When he barks, I immediately get a. Like, a stressed heart rate.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Not like, he barks. And then, like. Okay. And then he barks again and it starts to elevate. I mean, one bark, it goes full on.

[B]

Sorry, baby.

[A]

No, no, no. I appreciate that. It's just also good intel.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I try to figure myself out.

[B]

It is a 100. You have a sound sensitivity due to, like, trauma.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I think that that's. That's what. That's totally valid. That's.

[A]

That's all I wanted. I just want to be valid.

[B]

I didn't want it to, like. But, like, I won't even. Sometimes you'll be like, bo's barking. Can you. And I'll be like, oh, I. I didn't even hear it.

[A]

I'll do you one weirder. If he barks and then he stops, inevitably, 10 minutes later, I'll think he's barking again, and I'll turn off, like, a white noise machine or something and I'll be like.

[B]

To hear it.

[A]

And I'm like, oh, it was nothing. It was my mind.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Completely just my mind. Going.

[B]

Even today when we were. Where were we? It was before we were doing the podcast. I think the. Oh, it was yesterday when we were sitting outside the like neighbor was leaf blowing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like that sound will annoy me, but usually it does. I don't even realize that it was annoying me until they've stopped and then I'm like, oh, that. Why does it feel so nice right now? Oh, because there was a leaf blower going. Like I. So, you know, I have. I have other trauma reactions to other things. It's just not sound.

[A]

No. You. Thank you for giving me the gift of legitimacy.

[B]

You are legitimate. You are smart. You is kind.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The help.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. I love you. I love you very. Go ahead.

[B]

Keep it crispy. Want to listen to your favorite Lemonada shows without the ads? Subscribe to Lemonada Premium on Apple Podcasts. You'll get ad free episodes and exclusive bonus content from shows like Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis Dreyfus, Fail Better with David Duchovny, the Sarah Silverman Podcast, and so many more. It's a great way to support the work we do and treat yourself to a smoother, uninterrupted listening experience. Just head to any Lemonada show, feed on Apple Podcasts, and hit subscribe. Make Life Suck Less with Fewer Ads with Lemonada Premium. Are you looking for ways to make your everyday life happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one bestselling author of the Happiness Project, bringing you fresh insights and practical solutions in the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast. My co host and happiness guinea pig is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore ideas and hacks about cultivating happiness and good habits. Check out Happier with Gretchen Rubin from Lemonada Media.