You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: We Made It Weird #238
Release Date: January 24, 2026
Host: Pete Holmes
Co-Host: Valerie Chaney

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and characteristically hilarious episode—recorded while Pete is in the throes of a heavy bout of illness—Pete and Val explore vulnerability, intimacy, and the very real emotional shifts that come from being physically laid low. With side trips into gender socialization, love languages, dopamine, the effect of social media, and recommendations for sick-day films, this episode is a blend of reflection, humor, and openhearted conversation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pete’s Illness & Vulnerability (00:23–10:48)

• Pete is very sick, having canceled sold-out shows for the first time ever, mirroring “Michael Jordan’s flu game” but with a comedic twist:

  “Michael Jordan played his flu game, so this. This episode is my flu game.” —Pete (05:55)

• Illness as a route to emotional tenderness:
  Pete admits that being sick cracks his emotional shell, making him deeply sensitive to life and relationships.

  “Something about being sick...You and I agreed you just wanna watch Tom Hanks in the 90s.” —Pete (09:13) “I was crying the entire movie [A League of Their Own]...I’m just drenched because I’m so tender.” —Pete (10:48)

• Comparison with Val’s emotional landscape:
  Val’s “core negative belief” is not being safe alone, while Pete’s is that “people are unsafe.” This contrast allows for rich relationship dynamics and self-awareness.

2. Friendship, Gender, and Emotional Expression (17:18–21:41)

• Reflecting on the constraints of male intimacy:
  Pete feels pangs of sadness and longing when he sees female friendships that embrace physical affection and open emotion.

  “If I’m ever that way with another guy…it’s because we just closed a deal for a hundred thousand dollars. That’s our excuse to hug and touch…Camaraderie is such a bargain bin cheap version of kinship and tenderness.” —Pete (18:51)

• Val’s take on patriarchy’s harms for men:

  “I think the patriarchy affects men in different but probably equally awful ways...” —Val (19:58) Both discuss how societal norms deprive men of authentic, non-competitive closeness.

• Sports as an outlet for masculine intimacy:
  The locker room celebration: shirtless guys, champagne everywhere, as a coded space for male love.

3. Queer Stories, Media, and Top-Shelf Vulnerability (28:26–29:48)

• Pete and Val passionately recommend recent films and series centered on LGBTQ+ experiences, appreciating heart, risk, and authentic storytelling.

  “After I watched [Come See Me in the Good Light], I was like, I only want to watch LGBTQ stories...I need the top-shelf vulnerability.” —Pete (28:03)

• Heated Rivalry discussion:
  Val describes it as beautifully blending male competitiveness and tenderness; Pete is drawn in by the promise of both eroticism and compassion.

4. Technology, Social Media, and Dopamine (46:38–66:13)

• Val’s fluctuating relationship with Instagram:
  She reflects on deleting and reinstalling it, comparing the addictive cycle to her past experience with coffee.

  “It is like a drug. I mean, it is totally...” —Val (48:32)

• Pete’s take on personalized ads:
  He notes that the platforms know not just what we want, but what they can make us want.

• Location-based pricing and digital capitalism:
  Pete explains how companies exploit user data to adjust prices, leading both to a conversation about arbitrary pricing and the feeling of being complicit yet semi-willing participants in these systems.

5. Hard-Earned versus Cheap Dopamine (49:12–69:00)

• Val gives up coffee, experiments with fasting, exercises, and rediscovers the “hard-earned” joy from non-digital, effortful pursuits:

  “The main thing, though. The switch has been like, I’ve...remembered the joy of hard-earned dopamine. Because I’m also like, lifting weights now.” —Val (49:43) “That hard-earned dopamine feels so much better than cheap dopamine. It actually makes cheap dopamine kind of not feel as good.” —Val (55:26)

• Pete’s Quote on Habit Substitution:

  “You can’t just stop an activity. You need to start doing things that replaces it.” —Pete (68:43) He retells an early personal maxim: "Don’t stop smoking, start swimming” as a metaphor for replacing negative habits with meaningful actions.

6. Personal Trauma, Emotional Triggers, and Self-Compassion (72:52–75:49)

• Discussion of trauma responses, specifically Pete’s sensitivity to sudden sounds (like the dog barking), and how they are valid responses due to past experiences.

  “You have a sound sensitivity due to, like, trauma.” —Val (74:32)

• Val offers acceptance and reassurance:

  “You are legitimate. You are smart. You is kind.” —Val (75:45)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Masculine Intimacy:
  “Camaraderie is such a bargain bin cheap version of kinship and tenderness.” —Pete (18:51)

• On Hard-Earned Joy:
  “The main thing, though. The switch has been like, I’ve...remembered the joy of hard-earned dopamine.” —Val (49:43)

• On Giving and Receiving Care:
  “My, my...I am in your care. I need you and you’re taking care of me. It’s like, it’s a novel feeling for you.” —Val (14:45)

• On Media Consumption While Sick:
  “All you want is the pace of a 90s movie. To finish the circle here on my heart being wide open—we watched A League of Their Own and I was crying the entire movie.” —Pete (10:08)

• On Fast Dopamine vs Real Fulfillment:
  “That hard-earned dopamine feels so much better than cheap dopamine.” —Val (55:26)
  “You can’t just stop an activity. You need to start doing things that replaces it.” —Pete (68:43)

Recommended Moments & Timestamps

• Illness and Michael Jordan’s “Flu Game” Analogy: (00:21–06:17)
• Gender, Friendship & Patriarchy: (17:18–21:41)
• Queer Storytelling and Movie Recommendations: (28:26–30:58)
• Discussion on Social Media Addiction: (46:38–51:06)
• Rediscovering Exercise and Dopamine: (49:12–56:38)
• Trauma, Triggers, and Compassion: (72:52–75:49)

Sick-Day Movie Recommendations

• A League of Their Own
• That Thing You Do
• Pleasantville
• Come See Me in the Good Light (doc)
• Sorry Baby
• Heated Rivalry (series)

Tone and Takeaway

Despite Pete's sickness, the episode radiates warmth, honesty, and the couple’s signature banter—full of self-deprecating humor, curiosity, and deep affection. There's a particular emphasis on the gifts of vulnerability, the bittersweet longing for lost camaraderie, and the fulfillment found in hard-earned hope and connection, all sharpened by being under the weather.

If you missed the episode, this summary provides the main threads: emotional openness during illness, societal obstacles to male intimacy, distancing from “cheap dopamine,” and the mutual reinforcement Pete and Val find in their partnership—and in small acts of care.