We Made It Weird #241

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

We Made It Weird #241

Date: February 20, 2026
Host: Pete Holmes
Co-Host: Valerie

Episode Overview

This week’s “We Made It Weird” is a classic blend of Pete and Valerie’s signature playful banter, introspective musings, and hilarious observations about life, friendships, male vulnerability, creative expression, and the weirdness that binds us all. The duo reflect on adult friendships, the nuances of performing, male/female dynamics, safe spaces in relationships, and the joys and awkwardness of being unabashedly oneself. As always, the episode oozes warmth and a quirky, openhearted honesty.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Miami Shows, Ticket Woes, and Regional Vibes

• Pete laments sluggish ticket sales for his upcoming Miami shows (01:00), playfully pondering why his comic style may not “fit” Miami’s club culture, poking fun at his “Midwestern guy” persona and riffing on regional differences:

  “I get the feeling I don’t smell good enough. I’m not as… I don’t have the rhythms. Even the whites in Miami… eating ham like they’ve never eaten ham.” (11:40)

• Discussion of "club culture" vs. "food people" (14:10):

  • Pete admits he has never “pregamed” for the club with drinks, preferring pre-dinner pizza over pre-party booze.
  • Delivers the gem: “You want to talk to me, it’d be like, should we eat, like, a pizza before dinner? Yeah, that would be fun for me. I’d be like, this is wicked. We’re gonna get laid tonight… by that, I mean some sort of Alfredo sauce.” (14:09)

2. Music Industry Then vs. Now

• Nostalgic riff on old standards and performing arts, comparing the "lower" barriers in the 1940s-50s to today’s hyper-competition due to abundance and easier access (16:00).

  • Pete: “You could go into a record booth and go, shooby doo bop... My girl likes to smile a lot. They’d be like, ‘still kind of horny!’” (16:10)

• Valerie and Pete both agree:

  “There were fewer people doing it, but life was harder. If we find a turnip, we’re set.” (17:50)

3. Bit on Rituals, Superstition, and Ghost Stories

• Valerie shares a family ritual for Chinese New Year with their daughter Leela—writing down things to let go, burning sage and palo santo, and honoring “China” as Leela’s fascination (21:00–22:50).
• Hilariously reveals a moment of ghostly paranoia when her dog Bo barked, only to realize he was “freaked out” by her hat.

  Valerie: “I burned sage and was like, ‘If anyone is still in here, I respectfully ask you to leave.’” (24:28)

4. Being Yourself in Friendship—Vulnerability, Safety, and Allowance

• Pete and Valerie dive into the concept of permission in relationships and friendships—how being allowed to “be too much” leads to intimacy and lasting bonds.

  • “If you just give me the benefit of the doubt that I was trying to be funny and didn’t think it would hurt anyone’s moment, then I will love you.” (51:03)

• Pete’s “ooh” face story:

  • Recounts, to hilarious effect, how he accidentally cockblocked a friend at his daughter’s play by visibly “ooh”-ing at the prospect of romantic chemistry, only to be directly observed by both parties.

    “[He] just goes, ‘You’re the worst wingman in the world.’ I just forgot that whole culture of, like, subtlety… If you think it, say it. If you feel it, show it.” (41:52)

5. Male vs. Female Friendship—Competition vs. Squishiness

• Pete ponders the nature of male friendship, referencing Neil Brennan’s bar fight analogy:

  “Comedians aren’t really friends—they’re just in a bar fight, and sometimes they’re fighting in the same direction.” (45:24)

• Valerie contrasts with her experience of female friendships:

  “The vast majority of my experience with female friendships is that it’s so squishy and safe and loving and supportive.” (49:17)

• Both agree on the value of friendships granting the benefit of the doubt and “allowing” one another room for mistakes, goofiness, and realness.

6. Allowing All Parts—Children, Retreats, and Dance

• Pete: “All my best friends just allow me. I need some engagement—I need to burn off some stuff, just like we always feel better after the podcast.” (54:57)

• Connects this to their daughter’s big personality, realized at a retreat:

  • Valerie: “Leela’s soul came in and asked, ‘Will you love me if I rage as hard as you’ve ever seen anyone rage?...If I cry...?’” (59:16)

• Insights from a women's retreat, dancing and moving as a tool for processing, permission, and integration:

  Valerie: “You’re letting every part of yourself get a moment of expression, and it’s all welcome—it’s seated at a roundtable. There’s no hierarchy.” (58:26)

7. Creativity, Vulnerability, and Brains vs. Hearts

• Deep musings on the creative process, doubt, and the need for external encouragement:

  • Valerie opens up about vulnerability of making her short film, Pete provides pep talks:

    Pete: “It’s completely effortless for me to give you a pep talk, but that’s because my pep talk bucket is so full. I had to fill it myself.” (63:07)

  • Explains the journey:

    “The creative process is white hot life inspiration...Then every step to get you back to where you started is overcoming self-doubt.” (65:04)

• The value (and limitation) of the brain:

  “All the best things are, somehow, you push through the brain. The brain can’t ever fully understand or surrender to the best things.” (66:47)

8. Closing Reflections on Self-Acceptance

• Finding the right friends (and partners) means being able to bring your “weird stuff” fully:

  “Find someone who likes your weird stuff.” (70:32)

• Pete at a mostly elderly women's retreat:

  • “Imagine if I didn’t know that!”—riffing with older women about the meaning of “Leela,” being the “grandson of the whole thing,” and making people laugh by treating everyone (kids, older folks) with the same irreverence and love. (69:46–71:56)

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Club Culture:

  “Eating so much you have to lay down—that’s my kind of pregame.” (14:33, Pete)

• On Friendship Allowance:

  “I will let you allow me.” (51:21, Pete)
  “Our best friends just allow.” (51:21, Valerie)

• On Roasting Elders:

  “You were to those gentle, sweet, tender older women the same way you are to children—which is fully roasting them.” (71:06, Valerie)

• On Permission and Expression:

  “Can my—all my parts—be integrated into this relationship?” (58:45, Valerie)

• On Intention at Retreats:

  “I wish I had said... I don’t have an intention, I’m seeing how this unfolds.” (55:41, Pete)

---

Notable Segments & Timestamps

• [11:40] – Pete riffs on “not fitting in” with Miami club culture
• [14:10] – Pre-gaming talk; food vs. clubbing
• [21:00–22:50] – Valerie recounts Chinese New Year rituals and daughter Leela's fascinations
• [24:28] – Valerie’s (comedic) ghost encounter and sage-burning
• [41:45] – The “ooh” face wingman story
• [45:24] – Pete discusses male friendship, aggression, and competitiveness
• [51:03] – The “benefit of the doubt” and its importance in friendship
• [58:26] – On expressive dance and allowing all parts of oneself
• [63:07] – The joy of providing creative support to a partner
• [66:47] – The creative brain resisting inspiration

---

Episode Takeaways

• Be yourself and find people who let you be "too much"—that’s where the magic happens.
• Creative life = cycles of inspiration and self-doubt; communal pep talks can heal and push you through the hard parts.
• Allow vulnerability and oddness in your relationships; true friends give you the benefit of the doubt and cherish the weird.
• Permission to be weird is the best thing you can offer or receive—whether in comedy, parenting, marriage, or elderly women’s retreats.

---

Summary Verdict

We Made It Weird #241 is a quintessential Pete & Val episode—overflowing with humanity, awkward joy, tangents, and the permission to live and create as yourself, weird bits and all. If you need laughs, wisdom, and reminders that everyone is secretly weird, this one's a must-listen.

---

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

Lemonade. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Valerie]

What's happening, weirdos?

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening? I love this one. I know. This was an all timer.

[Valerie]

It was a delight.

[Pete Holmes]

We don't always like, when you're listening to the Wednesday episodes, we don't do the intro right after, but on this one we. We finish recording and then we immediately do the intro. So that's why it always starts with me being like, I like this one.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Because it just happened.

[Valerie]

It just, I mean, like seconds, seconds ago. No breaks.

[Pete Holmes]

No breaks, no filter.

[Valerie]

No filter.

[Pete Holmes]

I loved it.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a delight. We're so glad you're here.

[Valerie]

Thanks for listening.

[Pete Holmes]

As I lament in the pod T, tickets to Miami are slow.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So if you're in Miami and you hear this, that, or near Miami the day this comes out, grab your friends. Grab 300 friends and come to every show. But no, it'll be fine. Nobody wants to hear somebody complain about their dream job. But apparently Miami no so hot for the homesy. But that's where I am. That's what I'm plugging. I'm plugging Miami.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And the restaurant Petomotcom. That's all I'm gonna say. Let's just. Let's just focus on Miami right now.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And in the meant time, enjoy this chat with my wonderful, well, us together. It's not me chatting with you, it's us chatting together.

[Valerie]

Okay. I don't think there's a difference there, but.

[Pete Holmes]

And Val, thanks for being here. I loved it.

[Valerie]

Thank you. I loved it too. All right, everybody, get into it. Hey there, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. I'm back with a new season of Wiser Than Me, the show where I sit down with remarkable older women and soak up their stories, their humor, and their hard earned wisdom. Every conversation leaves me a little smarter and definitely more inspired. And yes, I'm still calling my 91 year old mom Judy to get her take on it. All Wiser Than Me from Lemonada Media is out now. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Pete Holmes]

It's morning in new york. Hey, everybody, I'm Mandy Patinkin.

[Valerie]

And I'm Kathryn Grody. And we have a new podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

It's called don't listen to us. Many of you have asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people. Don't listen to us. Our take it or leave it advice show every Wednesday. Out now. A Lemonada Media original. Oh, my God. I'm fucking heaven.

[Valerie]

Welcome to

[Pete Holmes]

It's Raining, it's cold. It's cold. It's how nips loose lips. Sinking chips. What's up? This is DJ Khaled. Who is that?

[Valerie]

Who is that?

[Pete Holmes]

He's that big.

[Valerie]

Who's this?

[Pete Holmes]

Who is this? He's one of those. Dj. I'll tell you everything I know about DJ Khaled. Khalid

[Valerie]

Khaled.

[Pete Holmes]

Khaled. First of all, don't know how to say Khalid. That seems like it's a Khaled that we were like, Okhalid. That's a. That's a.

[Valerie]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

That's an Ellis island right there.

[Valerie]

Well, you know that Rihanna is Rihanna, but she just puts up with people saying Rihanna because she's a badass. She doesn't give a. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Puts up with. That's an upgrade. Rihanna.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Ladies and gentlemen, Rihanna. I know it sounds like my aunt to come out.

[Valerie]

My name is Rihanna and I am here for.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't forget your umbrella.

[Valerie]

Home state of Alab.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. Rihanna.

[Valerie]

I. Rihanna is from Alabama.

[Pete Holmes]

Her fa. She's got Rihanna face.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

I've said many times she looks like she has a sexy secret.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God, she's so hot. And she has so many more hits than you realize. I was just.

[Pete Holmes]

She's one of Those here in one.

[Valerie]

In a. a dance class last night that I was like, I totally forgot about this one. And I. And I forgot about it again. Good story, Val.

[Pete Holmes]

It's okay. Let's just get that out of here.

[Valerie]

Okay. Blow it out.

[Pete Holmes]

I invite everyone listening to just fucking take today and go. Whatever it is. That's the. That's the mantra for today. Deepak Chopra, Epstein Island.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Deepak. That's my mantra. Deepak Chopra, Epstein Island. It really helps me go deep. Sorry, I have no comment on it. Just made me think when I said mantra. I think I got that from him. From him. He always said mantra.

[Valerie]

Yeah. What were you gonna say, though, about. Oh, tell us everything you know about DJ Khaled.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. But I actually think it's a little bit more on top. Can I say this? May I?

[Valerie]

Let's see.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's see if we edit this out. We actually do very. I think you can tell we do very little. And I don't mean that by the loose, sloppy nature of our show. I mean, like, quite a few things slip past.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Quite a few things get past the goalie. Quite a few things get past the goalie. Quite a few things get past the goalie. Yeah.

[Valerie]

That is the best moment. I mean, like, I know.

[Pete Holmes]

So obvious.

[Valerie]

When the beat drops, I love it. And I like edging. I love when the beat drops, But I also love the, like. Yeah, Anybody wants to be a pirate?

[Pete Holmes]

That was Everybody Wants to Be a Pirate by DJ Rihanna Khaled. I just learned that you. We learned this on the retreat, that rahim means compassion, and that the first line of the Quran.

[Valerie]

I did not learn that.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you weren't listening.

[Valerie]

Whoops.

[Pete Holmes]

We did a Kabbalah thing. It was so beautiful.

[Valerie]

A Kabbalah thing?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I meant. Let me. Let me find it. You just AIED me, bro. You just AI'd me.

[Valerie]

Favorite thing. I blew the mic out. I was yelling your favorite thing.

[Pete Holmes]

I love where I'm at with AI. It's a sprinkle if it's a tickle. Barely is what I'm saying. It's barely. I'm this close to taking YouTube off the Apple TV. I don't need that.

[Valerie]

Why haven't you.

[Pete Holmes]

All right. Why don't you take Instagram off your butt?

[Valerie]

I did. Yes, you do.

[Pete Holmes]

Every week. You do every other day.

[Valerie]

I do.

[Pete Holmes]

I was gonna say that. I want to say that the thing that I said about what you were saying about how you're like, I don't have anything that sort of didn't go anywhere. I'm just like, get it out. Spit it out of your mouth.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And what I've been realizing, I think, you know, I had an idea for a second book, and. And. And then I remember I had. I did Ryan Holiday's podcast, and he was like, you know, the best idea in your first book is. Yes, thank you. This is almost over. It's about to be Silly Town. If this is boring to you, picture a very old Harry orangutan doing armpit farts. You know, you could teach one. In fact. Hey, zoos. Kid with the chicks.

[Valerie]

Zoos.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Zoos are just like, here, watch them sleep. I don't mean like a fucking elephant drives a car. Like something that, as Kumail said, he learned through a lot of torture. I mean, something that you could just show an orangutan in a way that both of you would enjoy.

[Valerie]

You're going, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he laughs. And then you. You just gently put his hand and you cup it, and then you just do it. And then he does it. Then you're telling me he's not the king.

[Valerie]

He wants to do it.

[Pete Holmes]

The king would see the armpit farts, and he would remove his monkey crown.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And let him have the big. The big seat that smells like his farts.

[Valerie]

And then take a video and speed it up and have it to da da da na na na na. Just like to make it. So picture that while you're doing whatever you're.

[Pete Holmes]

All I want to say is yes, thank you. Remains the most impactful. I know I said it a million times on the show. Thing that I thing mantra.

[Valerie]

The most impactful.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's do a guided meditation. Just kidding. But you know, it. The thing that clicked for me is it's not just non resistance keeping the monkey farts. If you're bored, keep thinking about it. One of them is kind of wet. He puts his hand in like the river. And then he puts it in.

[Valerie]

Oh, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

And it sounds wet. Okay. Then he's like the double king. All I want to say is it's not just welcoming what's happening. It's actually mirroring or mimicking or, you know, taking into your body, your nature. Like. Like I'm always going on about how your awareness and your spacious awareness and that's great, but like, yes, thank you. Is one of the things awareness would say. If it could talk, you know, strictly speaking, it would just say I am. But like that field that you are, like. So John Wheeler, who I'm obsessed with, my new teacher, one of my new teachers. I don't know, I call teachers. I love it. No, I'm just saying he talks about awareness being more like a mirror. And I really like that. A mirror is what we're like. Everything is just sort of entering into us, into our knowing as indiscriminately as a mirror. You know, that's one of the things that makes us so tender and human. Is that like right now my voice is just kind of coming in. You can't. You could turn it off, but like right now, if you're hearing it, it comes in like a mirror. You hold your hand up, the mirror doesn't go. Well, I don't wanna reflect that. So that's your nature is. Yes, thank you. So what I'm saying is, it's not just phony baloney, positive thinking, whistle in the dark, like, yes, thank you. You're actually stepping into your truth, which is by evidence of nature and reality unfolding all around you. Be like that. What I'm saying is, don't be something fake. Be like what you already are, which is this sort of knowing. Does that make sense?

[Valerie]

I don't know. I was thinking about the monkey.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm glad you were. All I'm saying is when I. When you go, that story didn't go anywhere.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm like, yeah, thanks. Great. Yeah. And when I slept kind of like dog shit. Yes. Thank you.

[Valerie]

Yeah. It's just. What is. It's seeing clearly. What is. Without judgment.

[Pete Holmes]

Without judgment. Like, it's raining and I'm gonna drive to lax.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Tickets in Miami are slow.

[Valerie]

Miami, where you at?

[Pete Holmes]

Miami, where you at?

[Valerie]

DJ Khaled's gonna be there.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like if I said the microphone I'm using belonged to DJ Khaled, I think I could sell more tickets. I don't know. Miami. You tell me. Miami. But I get the feeling that I'm just not. I don't smell good enough. I'm not as. I don't have the rhythms.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

This isn't even like thinly veiled Cuban. I just mean even the whites, Everybody there. Even the whites, everybody in Miami just seems like they're eating ham and they. Like they've never eaten ham.

[Valerie]

My hammy.

[Pete Holmes]

I just want. No, let me.

[Valerie]

Club culture.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's people that want to go to the. I come back, I was about to keep singing. It's club culture.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's what I have never, ever done in my life. Pregaming. I know you have.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like having a few chardonnays.

[Valerie]

Not a chardonnays. You don't know me at all.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I don't think you would have chardonnays. I think I would have a few chardonnays.

[Valerie]

I don't. Yeah, I wouldn't have a chardonnay.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's what would happen if I pregamed if we're going to go to. I hate what I'm about to say, but da club.

[Valerie]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

It's happened. I'm Jeff Fox. I love Jeff Foxworthy, but it's happened.

[Valerie]

Yeah. That's why you got along so well. It was like game looking into a mirror.

[Pete Holmes]

It was like looking into a very close future for me.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

We should be so lucky. Dude sells out Miami. I don't know. See, I said to you, I'm an Indiana guy.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Get me in.

[Valerie]

You said, I'm a Wyoming guy.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm a Wyoming motherfucker. I'll sell out Oklahoma.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I guess I don't actually know you would. I feel like Maine.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I think these are my. But then Miami, it's just a little too club culture. So here's what would happen if I. I don't know, I'm. If I sold it out, I'd be like, there's different kinds of people everywhere. But, like, every Time I go Florida, I have ticket exi.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

If you're hearing this and you're in Miami, just buy 300 tickets, please.

[Valerie]

What's the problem? Is that too much to ask?

[Pete Holmes]

Is that too much to ask? That's my version of I don't know how much milk costs.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Just buy 300 tickets.

[Valerie]

What's the problem?

[Pete Holmes]

475 a gallon. Milk. Four. No, no more organic.

[Valerie]

Well, it depends on where you buy it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's fair. Go to Erewhon. They. They take your car keys.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You want a gallon car?

[Valerie]

It's a car.

[Pete Holmes]

You want a gallon.

[Valerie]

Oh, of whole milk. Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

Whole paycheck. What am I saying?

[Valerie]

What?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, Miami club culture. If I pregamed.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's. You know what pre gaming is for me. There's the foods, and there's the dancers. I'm a food. You want a pre game? You want to talk to me? It'd be like, should we eat, like, a pizza before dinner? Yeah, that would be fun for me. I'd be like, this is wicked. Well, yeah, we're gonna get laid tonight. And by that, I mean some sort of Alfredo sauce.

[Valerie]

Or you just mean eating so much that you have to lay down.

[Pete Holmes]

Lay down.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Everything I bring to you, you bring it back as gold. Everything I bring to you, you bring right back as gold. Everything I bring to you, I bring right back as gold. That was entertainment. Bing Crosby. That would have been a big, huge hit.

[Valerie]

The standards were lower.

[Pete Holmes]

They were.

[Valerie]

But actually, they weren't.

[Pete Holmes]

They were.

[Valerie]

Everybody could sing and tap dance.

[Pete Holmes]

Disagree.

[Valerie]

Yeah, most people.

[Pete Holmes]

Everyone who made it, they would beat tap dancing into them with a lot of torture.

[Valerie]

Maybe in music, it was the standards were lower, but in movies, it was like you. For actors like you, everybody is a triple threat.

[Pete Holmes]

I know what you mean. I'm gonna say it was exactly the same. Meaning, hear me out. To make it in business. If you're gonna make it in show business. Now there's all this competition. You go on YouTube, it break. It doesn't break my heart. It kind of makes me happy, but it also makes me kind of like, yikes. Can everybody sing?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And everybody can, like, do it and play the piano and be soulful and move, and it seems like there's just too many people in 1909.

[Valerie]

1909.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. 19.

[Valerie]

60.

[Pete Holmes]

64, 40. 48.

[Valerie]

40 through 60.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. I don't like 60, because now we're getting into incense and peppermints, even though we're not. That's 19 7.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

All right. 1954.

[Valerie]

Okay. Agreed.

[Pete Holmes]

Good video game, 1954.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

What I'm saying is there was less people. You could go into a record booth and go, shooby doo bop shooby doo bop bop bop. My girl likes to get a lot. They'd be like, that's X rated. And then you'd change it. Shooby doo wop My girl likes to smile a lot. They'd be like, still kind of horny. Shoobidi wap shoop shooby doo. What's with all the smiles you got?

[Valerie]

Ooh,

[Pete Holmes]

You saw me. I saw you see me think that. That was very good.

[Valerie]

I know you saw me go, I'm so delighted. And you gave yourself the most authentic. Like, you were expecting, wanting me to do it too.

[Pete Holmes]

And you didn't. You just sat there.

[Valerie]

You thought I would go, like,

[Pete Holmes]

speaking of sidebar. Well, let's tell the ooh, face story after this.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God. Did we not tell that already?

[Pete Holmes]

Didn't we?

[Valerie]

I don't think we did.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think we did.

[Valerie]

I don't think we did.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think we did.

[Valerie]

Wait, so shoo.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, but. So there were fewer people recording music. There were fewer people singing. There were fewer people dancing. That's for sure. There were no schools of the arts. There weren't like a billion agents, managers. You know what I mean? I don't think. But life was harder. So there was a lot of like, we gotta find a turnip. That's like number one.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Guys, if we find a turnip, we are set.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, that's if you could have turnip, hot turnip water, or as they called it, soup. Thick, good soup.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So there was a lot of turnip seeking. Now we have all our basic needs. A lot of people have their basic needs met. But then what happens when you're basic? This is better. Living through chemistry, we figured out, like, food science and put corn, and we're like, you can shape corn into anything. Started shaping it into stuff, and we just eat it like cattle. Now we're fed and sheltered for the most part. And therefore, we start singing.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And dancing. So there's more competition and your needs are met. But back then, your needs weren't met and there was less competition. So I'm calling it even.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I could see that. But also, their challenges were, like, the societal expectations. Like, it's like Elvis shakes his hips and it's like, although that could be.

[Pete Holmes]

That's like the gold.

[Valerie]

A benefit. Yeah. If you go viral Barely do anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

Now you could literally do a labia sink. Not a lip sync, but a lower lip sync, a south lip sync. And it would be. What would talk about it for 22 minutes.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like what? I don't. That's why I'm like. I don't know. I tap out.

[Valerie]

Yeah. But I do maintain that in acting. Like, everyone could act and sing and tap. The way that they tap dance. I know you mean is unreal.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you know what was off camera? There's a guy with a fishing rod, and he was dangling a turnip. So he's saying, let's see the moves. They didn't even practice. That was just what a human body did in the presence of a turnip. An unpeeled turnip. You peel it. Those peelings, you put them in a bag, you hang it, and you nail it over your door. Keeps the ghouls away. That was also a big problem. Superstition. Ghouls, you gotta, like, burn a dime before you go to bed. Your kid comes in, says, I saw Nana. You're like, I know. You know what I mean. Horrible time.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God. Let me tell you the full version of the story I had to tell you last night. Like the Leela friendly version because I didn't want to freak her out. But I came home. So we burned sage on Ch. On.

[Pete Holmes]

I noticed that. Yeah.

[Valerie]

New Year.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. To welcome in the wild horses of change.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Goodbye, snake. Hello, horses.

[Valerie]

It was actually really sweet. So Leela is an extreme. Inexplicably very into China. We don't know why she saw a picture.

[Pete Holmes]

That's not to say China's not. I'm not really crazy about China. It's not. Meaning. It's not like I. I don't mean I'm not crazy about it. I mean, it's not somewhere I'm planning on going.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

However, I was actually trying to say the opposite. Clearly, China is a rich culture and an amazing place. So it's. It re. There's reason for her to be into it. Oh, God. I made it worse. Yes.

[Valerie]

I.

[Pete Holmes]

When you said inexplicably. I did sounded like China sucks. That's not what we're saying. We're saying she sound like once. But I think people think we're like an anti.

[Valerie]

I don't China podcast. I think they think that now. I don't think they thought that when I said that.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, 90% of this was a bit.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And I. What I mean by inexplicably is that she's been to a lot of places. She's seen a lot of pictures of a lot of places.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. First she latched on.

[Valerie]

China is the one that stuck, so. And specifically Chinese New Year. So we were gone, and we decided to keep her home from school to have, like, family time. And it just happened to be on the Lunar New Year, so we, like, did this whole ritual. I got to finally. This is not even the story I was going to tell you. This just kind of sets it up, but, like, it was so cool because she's seven now, so I got to, like, you know, do something that I was gonna do anyway, which is, like, we wrote all the things that we want to let go together, and we burned them in our fire pit. And then we, like, journaled about the things that we wanted to call in this year. And she, like, fully participated in it and loved it. And it was so adorable to see her little goals. Goals. And she, like, even looked up on some of mine and then, like, got some. So, like, I said mine was like, like, the belief that I'm weak, and she changed it to people saying I'm weak. And then. And then I said, so, Leela. I said smallness, and she said smallness. Like, But I know she's thinking, like, she just wants to grow and be big.

[Pete Holmes]

You know?

[Valerie]

It was so cute. So we just had the best time, and then we burned sage and palo Santo, and. And that was really fun. Okay. So then yesterday, I come home from going from doing a hike, and Bo, our gigantic dog, like, started barking like crazy, and I was like, what is going on? And I would tell him to be quiet. And usually he's quiet, but he, like, was not calming down. And I was like, okay. And I was alone in the house, and so I ca. I went outside, and I kind of did like, a whole, you know, look around to make sure everything was.

[Pete Holmes]

We're doing the look around.

[Valerie]

The look around.

[Pete Holmes]

That's another hit. And you look left. Yuck. Right now you're doing the look around. I haven't talked in a while.

[Valerie]

Okay. And. And so then I tried to let him inside because I was, like, trying to work, and he was barking so much, and he wouldn't come inside.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a weird tell.

[Valerie]

So scared. Like, he would come halfway in. And then, like, kind of. And he was, like, full on, full alert. And I was like, all right, well, now I'm getting freaked out.

[Pete Holmes]

So what did he say?

[Valerie]

Yeah, he said, so then I. I went so quickly to ghost.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And I was like, we burned the sage and now the ghosts are angry and like they. He can see something that I can't see. So I burned sage again and went like. And you could tell how much I was believing it because I was this daytime. Yeah, this is like 10:30 in the morning. And I just like, I really, I noted like, I was like, okay, I only clearly half believe this because I'm not like freaked out, but I like opened the window and I burned sage and I was like, if anyone is still in here, I'm with respect asking you to leave.

[Pete Holmes]

With respect, sir, you're even a nine with ghosts.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And I was like, I live, I live here now and please leave. Thank you. Goodbye. And then I like looked all around the. Then I made him come in and walk with me to like look in all the closets to make sure there's no. It's so funny. It's like what I used to do when I was like a 10 year old kid. And it's like, what are you. It's like your bit about like reaching in the back seat when you're in the car. What are you gonna do if you feel a face?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, one of my. One of my. I, yeah, I don't want to talk too much about that bit, but.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, I, I. No, nobody was there and oh, oh. The punchline is that I realized it was because I was wearing a hat. He thought I was a totally different person.

[Pete Holmes]

The hat. The ghost was a hat. That would have been a big.

[Valerie]

Instead of the lady was a tramp.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why the ghoulie is a hat. That's the kind of attention spans they had back in the day. Pre net, pre Internet. What People would listen to a whole song like, she waited in the water and she got her feet all wet. Yeah, she waited in the what? Like I hate. I did one line. Do you remember that song?

[Valerie]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

She waited in the water, but she didn't get her wet yet. She waded in the water and she got her knees all wet. Oh, she waited it.

[Valerie]

So, so it's like going up the body.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she didn't get her wet. What do you think it is?

[Valerie]

Pussy. I mean, what am I meant to think?

[Pete Holmes]

What an honor to live with you. She didn't get her pussy wet yet. It's bathing suit.

[Valerie]

But yeah, bathing suit isn't two syllables.

[Pete Holmes]

Bathing suit, bathing suit.

[Valerie]

Maybe it was swimsuit.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it was bathing suit. Because the memory was that we were listening to that on a tape. Hello 80s it was a kids tape. Oh. I guess we did sometimes listen to kids music. Yeah, is rare though.

[Valerie]

I listen to Raffy all the time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I know. But I'm the one with the harrowing past.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I'm just. Oh, you're so cool.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just kidding. If you're anything like me, you keep hearing about GLP1s from everybody. Not just for weight loss, but people talking about better labs, more energy and feeling more confident overall. It's clearly not a fad. It's becoming a real healthcare tool and. But what's new and honestly interesting is There's a new GLP1 pill for a lot of people. I understand shots can feel intimidating, so once a day pill that delivers comparable results makes this feel way more approachable. And that's where Roe comes in. Ro offers the first FDA approved GLP1 pill for weight loss at the lowest cost around. It uses the same ingredients as a shot and can help patients lose about 14% of their body weight in a year on average, while feeling fuller and having fewer cravings. Ro makes it simple with 100% online care, FDA approved medications, a free insurance check, dosing guidance and side effect support. So if you're curious and want real info without the hype, this is a great place to look. Go to RO Co Weird to see if you're eligible. That's RO company And go to Roe Co Safety for boxed warning and full safety information about GLP1 medications based on a study in non diabetics with obesity or overweight plus a weight related condition with diet and exercise. Let's talk about dad Grass. I am obsessed with dad Grass and they are the sponsor of this podcast. But I am legitimately way, way into their sparkling leisure drinks obsessed Yuzu flavored cans that ship legally to all 50 states. If you're over 21 and each is dosed perfectly. I'm talking 3mg of THC, 6mg of CBD. That must have done a lot of research because that hits you perfectly. So you feel happy and relaxed, but you don't get a hangover. They're obviously stackable for a bigger buzz if that's your thing. I like one. It's fast acting. You feel it in about 10 to 20 minutes. No mystery, no guesswork and it makes, you know, family movie night that much more enjoyable. Get leisure drinks and all of dad Grass's products, including their joints and [e-mail] weird and use promo code weird for 20% off and you can finally have A mellow movie night where you can follow the plot, hold a conversation, just feel like you're still a citizen of the earth and not catapulted into outer space like all these overly strong wheat products. Dad Grass has you covered. Get a leisure drink. Try a joint. Try a gummy. Get into it. Dadgrass.com weird promo code. Weird. Let's talk about the Apollo Neuro you've probably seen me wearing on my wrist on hundreds of episodes of this podcast or also when I'm doing stand up. A Apollo Neuro. It's really interesting wearable technology. It is not a tracker. It's a wearable that uses gentle silent vibration to help support your nervous system through the sense of touch. It's basically like a digital hug or a wearable digital hug. You wear it on your wrist or sometimes on your ankle, and instead of just telling you you're stressed, it actually helps your body shift toward calm, focus, energy, or even sleep. If all it did was help you fall and stay asleep, it would be a miracle. But it does so many other things based on the setting. Apollo works with your nervous system, not against it. And what makes it especially cool is Smart Vibe's AI, which is built right into the Apollo app and included with every device. It learns from your usage, time of day and goals, and automatically adapts so you don't even have to manage settings or think about it. It's kind of like having a nervous system coach that adjusts in real time and for me, I notice it immediately. I turn it on and my body just settles in. Oh, this right. We're safe. We're in control. We are okay. It's wonderful on flights, it's great on stage, it's great when I'm at a party. They recommend wearing it a few hours a day, most days of the week. I never take it off. And a lot of people notice subtle shifts quickly with deeper benefits over time. So it just keeps getting better. If you're curious about supporting your stress focus or sleep, not just tracking it, Apollo Neuro is worth trying. They even have a money back guarantee so you can see how your body responds. And honestly, it's just one of those things you don't fully get until you feel it. So give it a try. But yeah, but I used to think like whenever we listen to kids music with Leela, I'm like, we didn't listen to that shit. But I have one memory of listening to one tape that we had and it was playing that song and I went, bathing suit. I'm in the back seat of the Volvo. And my mom's like, I bet that's it. And then it was it. But then I was holding.

[Valerie]

It's like your mom somehow lied to you and said that that was it. But he does eventually say bathing suit.

[Pete Holmes]

She just said, I wonder if that's it.

[Valerie]

Yeah, but if.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. My mom was probably like, oh, you don't know. That sounds ridiculous. Pity. Sweetie, just wait for them to say it

[Valerie]

somehow. A critique.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't ruin it for me. I'm guessing, too. I guessed pussy. And my brother was riding shotgun. And I'm in behind. Behind him. Not in a sexual way. And China's great.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

Anyway, I look in my hands and I'm. What am I holding? I'm holding the lyrics. I'm holding the book. That is the lyrics. Oh, but I didn't look. But I'm realizing it looks very much like I looked.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And my brother. Hey, dude. You clearly just look, dude.

[Valerie]

That's what he said.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, he didn't quite talk like that yet. That kind of came later, but yeah. Hey, dude. Hey, dude. You clearly just lurked. And then my mom was like, did you look pretty, sweetie? Are you a cheat? Are you a scoundrel?

[Valerie]

You keep going.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you a scoundrel and a cheat? Valerie's going away, and this isn't the Monday morning. Dad, dad, dad, dad. Can't do this alone. She's talking to the cleaners. Anyway, I think we all know the feeling when. Especially when you're little and kind of powerless, and it's a really big deal to guess. Bathing suit. I remember the flood of endorphins I got from feeling like I'm smart. My mother didn't get it. My older brother didn't get it. It. I got bathing suit. And while I'm still enjoying that feeling, to realize and understand why it looks like I'm a cheat and a scoundrel.

[Valerie]

I'm back.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank God.

[Valerie]

He really drew it. Figured out how to draw it out.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I just don't like it. I always find it suspect. When I know Sarah and Bill both do podcasts by themselves, I'm just like,

[Valerie]

yeah, how do you.

[Pete Holmes]

How do you do that?

[Valerie]

How do you do that?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't. I don't like the feeling. Yeah, Like, I don't. It makes me feel.

[Valerie]

You want a monologue with me here?

[Pete Holmes]

Or you could say, I want a monologue with an audience. Like, that's what stand up is like. It's weird to be like, I'm not saying it's bad. I'm saying it does not appeal to me to just be like, Bill's going, like. And I imagine they might laugh or be interested there.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Well, I do wonder if that is. Points to, like, the. You know, obviously stand ups have different compulsions that make them brave enough to do this big, scary thing. Bse and yours is to be constantly seen and reflected back.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

To.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Except in Miami, where it's like 30 people are coming, but go on.

[Valerie]

But maybe other comics, like. Like Bilber or Sarah Silverman. It's more like they just want to get their thoughts out.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Like journaling or something.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Yeah. And the. And it has. And Tig is probably like that too, because we've seen Tig, like, really not care if an audience is bad. In fact, she often likes making an audience feel uncomfortable.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Yeah. Some people have that. It's like.

[Valerie]

It's, like, funny to them.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't have that at all.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm throwing boomerangs.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm throwing things out just to see how they come back.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And some people, I. You know, when I see Bill and Sarah doing their podcast, again, with respect, I just see someone throwing watermelons over a wall. You can't even see if they smashed. Gallagher wanted to see the smash. Okay.

[Valerie]

You're more from that lineage.

[Pete Holmes]

I relate way more together. A guy who looks like Mario with long hair in a striped shirt that looks like Waldo. He was like, Waldo. Mario. Wario.

[Valerie]

What part of him looks like Mario? Do you. The mustache?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Just the Italian mustache.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Wario.

[Pete Holmes]

He's Wario. And he would bash those. I get that.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Did you see their face when I bashed it? Sometimes the best things, I bet. The satisfaction of breaking a watermelon.

[Valerie]

Was he telling jokes when he was doing it?

[Pete Holmes]

He did jokes. In fact, the watermelon was like the closer. And just like Ellen dancing. I'm sure a lot of nights he was like, I can't believe. I have to. Can you imagine Gallagher in a Ralph's in Iowa City? They don't have Ralph's. But he's in a Sprouts.

[Valerie]

He's in a. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like the night of the show, he's wearing a cap and sunglasses, but they're like buying 12 watermelons.

[Valerie]

I don't know if he was buying his own watermelons. I guess in the beginning he probably was.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not saying he wasn't famous. I'm saying there was something about Gallagher that felt deeply frugal.

[Valerie]

Oh, I was not Getting that about

[Pete Holmes]

him that says, I'm saving cash. I'm not paying someone to go. I will deal with the hellos that only Gallagher with a grocery cart full of watermelons can get. Can gather. And it's a lot. It's everyone who sees you.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Big show tonight.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, show tonight. I didn't know you were in town. See, you're buying your closer. He'll deal with that to save the money. I feel like he was very like, remember, he invented. Or he. I don't invent is so strong, but I guess he invented a system to get cars out of the freeway by helicopter. And it was so elaborate. You can see it on YouTube. Like, he was like, why are we. There's all this traffic in Los Angeles. We should just get a helicopter there. You put the. It doesn't even have to land. You put this under. You put that under. You lift the car out, and it's like, no, Gallagher.

[Valerie]

Wait, he wasn't serious.

[Pete Holmes]

He was serious.

[Valerie]

Wait, lift what car?

[Pete Holmes]

Who gets the broken down car? Oh, but, like, what happens to the people? And, like, I don't. Everything about that just stinks.

[Valerie]

Weird.

[Pete Holmes]

Hold on to your. Like, helicopters shouldn't be lifting cars. Common sense. Like that just doesn't feel right.

[Valerie]

That's very, like, juvenile. That's like. Seems like what an 11 year old would come up with.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. And that's where I'm getting that frugal feeling. Like, this guy is worried.

[Valerie]

Wait a minute. Hold the phone. Do you think Gallagher was maybe a little juvenile?

[Pete Holmes]

That is quality.

[Valerie]

Wait, this is just occurring to me now. I'm wondering if he was a little bit immature.

[Pete Holmes]

The watermelon man.

[Valerie]

The watermelon man.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, so I. I have a whole tangent I sort of want to go on about male friendship as I continue to, like, be curious about it. Yeah, I was in therapy.

[Valerie]

Curious or by curious.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. So these. There are these billboards up all around Los Angeles that say, curious, Scientology. Come visit us at the Celebrity center on. I think it's on Franklin.

[Valerie]

I thought you were gonna say Friday.

[Pete Holmes]

It's on Friday. It is on Franklin. I drive by it all the time. I am not a Smythologist. Yeah, but what a missed opportunity. It should say Psy Curious.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God. Psy Curious.

[Pete Holmes]

I. Curious.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

But they're not like that.

[Valerie]

No, they're not.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think they're not fun. I don't think they're fun. I don't think they're known. I don't. I don't think they're going for fun.

[Valerie]

I don't think that's their main.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a lot of saluting.

[Valerie]

Yeah. There's a lot of self perfecting.

[Pete Holmes]

There's self perfecting. Yeah. There's not a lot of. Like. Shouldn't it say psy curious? I think that guy. If someone in the writer's room pitched that, I think they're no longer a Scientologist.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They're like. Maybe you're a shaker.

[Valerie]

Would be. That would be the easiest way to get out of there.

[Pete Holmes]

Just make a pun.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But psy curious. Here's. Okay. So I'm curious about. I'm so curious about male friendship. Two things to say about that one. Well, I'm gonna put that one to the side. I just met a fellow, and he was funny. And I'm like, oh, maybe we'll be. Maybe we'll be friends.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we were at Leela's play, which was amazing. And he had a kid in the play as well, this fellow. Anyway, I realized I'm so not Miami. Like, I'm not in the mix. I'm a Mary. I'm a Foxworthy. I'm a married guy.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't even mind this. I've been waiting my whole life to be boring. I fucking love it. It's the best. I get to do shows and have my excitement where I want it. But it's partitioned. It's in a container. It's safe. It's relatively predictable. But I'm not in practice when it comes to being a wingman. Maybe I did tell the story. I don't remember. Or, like, just going out, drinks.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Strangers. That whole culture is gone to me. So I was talking to this gentleman about being divorced, and I was like, how's that in Ojai? Are they, like, single people, single parents? Like, what's the vibe? And he was like, yeah, kind of. But, you know, I don't really date an Ojai and whatever, whatever, blah, blah, blah. But we're talking about dating, and he's newly divorced. And then, like, intermission comes, I walk out. I start walking over to this man to talk to him because I'm enjoying talking with him. And I see he's talking to a very beautiful, like, kind of, from what I could tell in two seconds, like, maybe a single mom.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And they're kind of talking, and I'm walking up, and I go like a

[Valerie]

90s, like a lip.

[Pete Holmes]

There should have been Ray Bans on the tip of my nose.

[Valerie]

Perfect circle. Like, to both of them.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's the. That's the real reveal is, like, you do that if you're behind the woman.

[Valerie]

When you told me the story, I was imagining that you were behind every.

[Pete Holmes]

Everyone hearing this story. I think, imagine that I'm approaching him and her back is to me, and I go, ooh. And walk away. What. What actually happened was they were facing me like an audience, like a leper. I'm walking up and they're both just look. And I'm clearly walking towards this guy. And then I see the woman stop. Like, I change course and go, ooh.

[Valerie]

And it just like, to both of them.

[Pete Holmes]

To both. And both of them see as clear as day.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Ooh.

[Pete Holmes]

And then 20 minutes later, he comes up and he just goes, you're the worst wingman in the world. And I just forgot that whole culture of, like, subtlety. Like, I'm. I'm living a life where, like, if you think it, say it. If you feel it, show it. You know what I mean?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And like, the. The seduct. Seducing single lifestyle is a lot of like, don't. Like, I'm thinking, even if she does see me do that, like you, Valerie, she'll think it's funny. But of course, as soon as I walked away, she was like, what was that?

[Valerie]

She said, what was that?

[Pete Holmes]

What was that like? Clearly, you know what it was. I'm implying that you guys are hitting it off. What a fucking loon.

[Valerie]

I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

I love it too. I don't mind me in that story.

[Valerie]

I love you in that story. You're so. There was something else you did too, that, like. Oh, you just almost. We won't give the details of this story, but you. That same day, there was sort of something unflattering that somebody said about a friend of ours, and you almost just told them, like, someone said this about you.

[Pete Holmes]

Who?

[Valerie]

Wait, I'll tell you later. I can't give any.

[Pete Holmes]

Was it at the play?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. I know what you mean. I think I'm. I'm circling what you might be talking about. Yeah, it'll occur. Like I'm. I'm actually this. Helping. Step this out and think about it. I'm really just living a life of. Of real safety and inclusion where everything is okay. You know what I mean? Like, where you can say what you're thinking. And I guess, like, just even in polite society, I'm like, like that classic example of, like, look at that fat baby.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I just don't. I just like, I know it's not for everybody, but I just kind of want to live in that world where people just say what they're thinking.

[Valerie]

Well, I'm very attracted to it. And that's why it's safe for you to do that in our lives. Because.

[Pete Holmes]

And then once you have that.

[Valerie]

Yeah. It's hard to go back.

[Pete Holmes]

Safe to do in your lives.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Oh. Just that. I also. With friends, I tend to pick people who, like, cannot help but be themselves.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And any situation and then, like, are aware, you know, like, it's not like. That's just me. Like, I say what I think, you know, it's not like a reality show. It's just like. It's you telling that story and then laughing about how ridiculous it is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I know, but. And that. Well, that. So I just going. Sorry.

[Valerie]

No, I just was gonna say it offsets, like, there. I'm so far from ever being able to knowingly say something that's, you know, whatever. Even has the chance of offending someone.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

That, like, it's liberating to me when I'm so. I'm so on the other side, where I'll pretend that I want to go to Jamaica because the person says that Jamaica is important to them.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And, like.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I'll go, she doesn't want to go to Jamaica. She never said that to me.

[Valerie]

You never mentioned that.

[Pete Holmes]

You never mentioned Jamaica once.

[Valerie]

And it's liberating. It really is. It's like, all right, right. Let's just be real facts.

[Pete Holmes]

So here's what happened, though. I'm realizing. So I'm curious, as I already said, psy. Curious about male friendship. And I'm trying 46. To lay down the other men just define where I am kind of thing. It's like, popularity. It's like, where am I?

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

We've talked about this. Am I winning? Am I losing? Like, either way. But, like, we're just kind of competing with each other. Like, Neil Brennan had that thing. I've said it many times about. Comedians aren't really friends. They're just in a bar fight, and every once in a while, you're fighting in the same direction, and it gives the illusion of your being on a team. Yeah. That's a dark thought. But to make it darker, I think a lot of men can feel that way.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And it's just comedians.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. And we've talked about this. It's kind of like we have all this aggression. And. Look, I don't mean to. I. I'm just. I want to note that I'm being very gender typical right now, but in my experience, I have all these emotions, and there's, like, aggression, and that used to be spent in all of sorts. Sorts of ways. There maybe it was hunting or. Or some fighting. I don't know what it was.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's not happening anymore. So then, like, men, like, because men, I think this. I'm just making this up as I go along. Men realized no one was really interested in helping us with that except other men. So we were like, why don't we just get real rough with each other when it comes to, like, who's winning life? And then that'll be a place for us to put all of this, like, jealousy and rage and, like, ambition and dry. It's all vi. It's not. Not bad violence, but it's violent in the sense that it's like moving the battering ram forward. I want to move it forward. And. And you're moving it forward. Fuck you. And, like, it's like, good. We wanted a release.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We wanted a place to put it. So what I'm trying to do. And by the way, I don't stand by what I just said. I'm just hypothesizing here. What I'm interested in is real male friendship, where we're not doing that, where we're not going, am I winning? Are you winning? Like, where do you vacation? Or whatever it is. Like. Like, it feels like if you were on drugs, you would really notice what percentage of male communication. And women get kind of pegged with this. But I think men are doing it, from what I can tell, way worse. Like saying, what have you been up to? Chances are they're gonna say something that bolsters or enhances or at least represents what they want you to think about them.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

You know?

[Valerie]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I do think it's generous to say that they. That men, when you were hypothesizing that men just figured out that only other men wanted to do that, so they just did it with each other. I think they just didn't really respect women or thought that they were used for something else.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. That might be the commodification of women. And we're like, well, we can't ask our iPads to help us.

[Valerie]

Yes. We just became like a pawn in that bigger thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Right? No, no. That is the earmark of men is we think men's stuff is so important.

[Valerie]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

And the only real thing. And I don't stand by. I burped. But I said, I don't stand by that.

[Valerie]

And I do think. Okay, but I do think women get competitive, but I don't, I can't speak that much to that. Like, I, you know, it's so pop. Like they, we were. We're re watching the White Lotus and the White Lotus.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. And then she had to talk about

[Valerie]

all this stuff where she says, I

[Pete Holmes]

feel bad for men.

[Valerie]

I feel bad for men. There.

[Pete Holmes]

No. Friends are always competing with each other.

[Valerie]

Yeah, exactly. But. But then even there's a reference in that episode where it's like, you know, you know how girls can be. Girls can be so, like, what?

[Pete Holmes]

Backstabbing?

[Valerie]

That's how. Like, like I've heard a lot of people, a lot of women talk about, like, it's so hard to be friends with girls. Girls can. It's just like so much. It's a lot with girls. Whatever. I've never had that experience. I, I mean, not to say that I haven't had, like, friendship conflicts, but the vast majority of my experience with female friendships is that it's so squishy and safe and loving and supportive.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I see and that's what I'm interested in.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And I think it's totally possible. I think once you experience that, then you really get good at identifying when it isn't. It's like you can't go back. You can't. Like, once you experience true supportive friendship.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

You really start to see all of your other friendships that aren't that.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like I was saying, you can't go back.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Do you ever find yourself scrolling through headlines, especially health headlines, and just thinking, that can't be true? Well, I certainly do. 2025 brought us some ridiculous, far fetched health claims and some especially terrifying changes in public health. What's in store for us in 2026? I'm Chelsea Clinton and we're back with season two of my podcast, that Can't Be True. Follow along and catch up on season one wherever you get your podcast guests.

[Pete Holmes]

So here's. This is actually, I think, more honest than me just being like, I want safe and squishy. That's actually not true.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That would really bore me.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Especially with a. A male friend. So in the ooh story, when he said, you're the worst wingman, he laughed.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, this is perfect. I was, I even said that to him. I was like, oh, you just crossed. Crossed a membrane with me.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Because if you allow or forgive my buffoonery.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Or even more sort of benign than forgiveness, which is very active. If you just give me the benefit of the doubt that I was just trying to be funny and didn't think it was going to hurt anybody's moment, then I will love you.

[Valerie]

You've really.

[Pete Holmes]

I want a place where I can. All my best friends, you know, Sam and Ariella. I'm constantly just, you know, letting them allow me.

[Valerie]

Absolutely. No, but I think that isn't even. It's true.

[Pete Holmes]

I will let you allow me.

[Valerie]

I'll let you allow me. That is our best friends just allow. Allow you. But I think that is also not specific to you. I think you really honed in on the. What I would say is a key, key detail to have intimate friendships, which is the benefit of the doubt. Yeah, like I, I, we. I have that too. And, you know. And I'm less socially controversial than you are.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Valerie]

But, you know, I'm late. I love to cancel a plan last minute. Like all these things that it's like, dirty to me and my best friend.

[Pete Holmes]

Cancel a plan.

[Valerie]

Reading into it. They're not triggered by it. They're just saying, like, yeah, I get it. I also sometime to just, like, stay home instead of doing whatever the plan is, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, the example with our friend Sam and Ariella is I do a pretty great impression of their child.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

Not gonna do it.

[Valerie]

Don't do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Sometimes Sam listens. Look, the joke is Sam, I do

[Valerie]

think would like the impression, but Ariella doesn't like it.

[Pete Holmes]

I think that's true. I think that's fair. But, like, is there a better example of how I can be a bit much.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Than me realizing. I'm not saying it's good. I'm saying you'll know who I'm doing. But this kid is 4 years old, and I'm doing an impression of them, and it's not even like.

[Valerie]

And she doesn't think it's Bunny.

[Pete Holmes]

I also do it to her. To her.

[Valerie]

And she gets sad about it.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, look, what happened was she got I. Okay, I do feel slightly defensive about that because I was never trying to hurt her. No, of course. I'm always. But this is like my dad. And I know my dad is also trying to connect and my dad is also stepping on toes a lot. So I want to. The point of me bringing this up was to say I was wrong. But the diff. Look, I love my dad. I'm just saying. I will say. And my dad would maybe too. I don't know. But I would say I was wrong. Like, we fat. What I said to Ariella, because her kid was like, that's mean or something.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I. I was not mocking her. I was just kind of doing it to be fun. And what. It was a. It was a misstep. It was an overstep, overreach. And then Ariella made some joke about, like, maybe we don't do impressions of my kid.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was just like, I didn't even feel, you know, that flood of feeling you get when you up. I barely got it. I got it. Maybe it got up to my knees, you know, like, it started. My feet got to my knees, but went back down because I was like, we're safe. Like, Arielle is that way. Not as. Not in the same way. She knows what it's like to be a hose that somebody turned all the way up.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's on the ground, and we're just trying to get a hand on. Handle on it. And that's what I love. So it's. It's this understanding that goes both ways for sure. Although I can't recall Ariella ever hurting my feelings. But I. I misstepped. And she made a joke about it. She didn't, like, pull me aside and say, can I talk to you? She in real time said, hey, psycho. She didn't say that, but she could essentially say, hey, psycho. Maybe that's not. Not okay. My daughter said, you're mean. You're always mean, or whatever.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I just said, I'm. I apologize to her kid as well. And I was just like, we found the line.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's. This is helpful.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not just looking for a warm body to have coffee. I actually. I need some engagement.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I need to burn off some stuff. Like, so much of what we're doing here is like. Like, we always feel better after the podcast. We burnt all that out. We just kind of like. It's like dance. So we just went on this retreat and Mirror by Stars writing retreat, and it was awesome. But when I got there, it was a little. It was feeling a little love and light, and it was mostly older women, and I was one of three or four guys. It's fine. But, you know, it's. It's an energy I'm not used to, and I'm like, just be a normal person. And I did a pretty good job. But we're going around and we're saying our intention for the retreat, and I noticed that I was just feeling, like, the slightest. Like, I wanted to Be like, I don't have an intention. I'm. I'm seeing how this unfolds. Like, I should have said that.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

By the way, Mirabai would have loved that.

[Valerie]

That's what's. So.

[Pete Holmes]

She would have loved.

[Valerie]

Because Mirabai also doesn't want it to be love and light.

[Pete Holmes]

No. She's one of our dearest friends. She's like a sister to me, and I know she would have loved that. And I wish I had said that, but instead, I made some jokes or whatever. I did. Did. Yeah. And then the next morning, our friend Adriana led this, like, bot. It's called body movement, but it. Body temple, because body move and Body. Body move and. But every morning, body temple. See, that sounds real weird.

[Valerie]

Yeah, but it's not.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not. I mean, body movement is also what it is.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And also, our friend Adriana is a unicorn. Like, she's not. There's nobody else like her.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. She's got a little bit of me, though.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

She's the hose that's on.

[Valerie]

Yeah, she's. Yeah, but she. So I wouldn't even necessarily, like, say that this class taught by someone else is gonna be even remotely the same as so much of herself is put.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's the Adriana class. Yeah, but Adriana is. You know, I don't. I don't. If she hears this, I don't want to make her uncomfortable, but we're just saying nice things. She's a free person.

[Valerie]

Yeah, of course.

[Pete Holmes]

And her freedom. She's a liberated woman. I. In every way, spiritually, physically, everything. Like, just personality, everything.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

She's a free person. And then that's very inspiring for me, for everybody. So what I'm trying to say is we were dragging. I was dragging. I'm like. I wasn't having a lot of thoughts, like, what am I doing here? I was like, I trust that this is gonna warm up.

[Valerie]

Yeah, but you were feeling some resistance.

[Pete Holmes]

I was feeling some resistance. And what warmed it up was 40 minutes. Minutes of moving my body, and I know, blah, blah, blah. Who cares? It's. Everyone knows this. But, like, it was easy. It wasn't even a yoga class. It was just dancing and. And somebody saying, like, just dance, stupid.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Make a sound that don't like very much. Like, theater classes. It is like, make a weird face. Be like, yeah, it was kind of funny.

[Valerie]

And she'll be like, blah. And then everybody goes, like, at one point, we're given.

[Pete Holmes]

Just warming up that thyroid, giving the finger, squatting, stomping. Your feet at the end, I was like, that's all I need.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's all I need. That's all I. And I was in.

[Valerie]

But also, what's so powerful about even just the call and call and response of her being like. And you're like, whatever. It's like, you're letting. And this is why she does this, I would guess, because this is her whole thing. You're letting every part of yourself get a moment of expression, and it's all welcome. It's seated at a roundtable. There's no hierarchy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

So. And that's what. That's what I thought you were gonna make the connection to. Like, that's what you're doing in your friendships. You are testing.

[Pete Holmes]

That is what I'm doing.

[Valerie]

Boundaries. You're saying, like, can I be disgusting?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

Can I roast?

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you, Val.

[Valerie]

Can I be offensive?

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you, Val.

[Valerie]

Like, can I be loud? Can I be quiet? It Can I. You're.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I'm going. I'm going, ooh. I'm literally going, ooh.

[Valerie]

Yeah. You're like, can my. All of my parts be integrated into this relationship? And you know what I'm just realizing. I'm embarrassed to realize this right now. That is what I would say Leela is also doing. Like, I'm just realizing because I've written so. I wrote so much poetry on that retreat about how Lila. It's like Leela's, like, soul came in and asked. Was asking those questions. Will you love me if I rage as hard as you've ever seen anyone rage?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Will you love me if I cry when I don't get what I want? Will you love me if, like, you know, she's just, like. She's such a. A big realized person, like, fully and fully free and, like, a perfect manifestation of every human emotion. And, like. Like, duh. That's how you are.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And it's like, in my bones.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

What's. There's always, like, a slight mourning when I talk this way, because my mom and dad both have these qualities. They're, like, asking. And the. And the. My, like, in. In their own ways, I. I'm a blend. I think it's different, but I just go, like, what. What I feel is, oh, I wish for both of them that they could find people that were like. Like you and, like, Ariella and, like, Sam. And I'm just. And there are others. I'm just blanking. That's not what we're doing. We're not listing friends. I'm just saying People who allow you.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And the bigger types. Bigger is. Doesn't. You know what I mean?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Just bigger. Just a little bit more like a bird that flew in the window.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And we have to chase it with a broom and. Or could we just let it. And I think if we just let it kind of flap around for a while, it will land and it'll have lunch with us.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I'm. I also think a secret for us, I'm realizing, too, is the. The, like, winning combo is if we find a couple that has one of

[Pete Holmes]

you, one of us, and one of

[Valerie]

you and one of me, which is what Sam and Ariella are. And also my brother and Beth, I would say, are our other closest people.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. And in both of those other examples, I'm the lady.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's right. That's true.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. The Val is a boy. And those other two couples.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Not that that's the only way to do it, but it's certainly. Let me tell you, it's one wonderful way to do it. Because if I may, as you're making your second short, we're almost out of time because I have to go to the airport.

[Valerie]

That's like your bit where it's like, I'm sorry, we're out of time.

[Pete Holmes]

I know I'm bringing up your thing, but I'm just so proud of you. You're doing so many wonderful things and you have a new short film that you're going to make. And I'm really proud. I'm pretty proud of it. I'm already proud of where you are at it with it and the TV show you're developing, and I'm not. Obviously there is part of me that wants to be like, and I'm a good husband. But what's been interesting and maybe useful to people listening is that, like, you know, one of my fears is that, like, the level, the quality of. Of consciousness that I developed to become a comedian, to have my dream come true. You know, you get strong. You get really strong and decisive and all these different things. And sometimes that can harden you a little bit. And what's wonderful about you realizing your dreams is that, like, that becomes useful.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm sorry to make this so male, female, but, like, men want to break stuff. Right. So if you need to. I'm just. I'm being very basic here.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Now the village needs someone to break the old temple. We're gonna build a new temple.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. It's one of the best feelings in life for me especially. But I think for everybody to be useful. And if you. If something that's sometimes shamed or discouraged becomes useful.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're like, oh, my God, this is why I developed this stuff. Sometimes it does keep me judging people or keeping me away from people or isolates me or whatever it might be. But then you're doing this vulnerable, true artistic work, and then you'll have a moment of doubt. And we've noticed that, like, it's completely effortless for me to give you a pep talk, but that's because my pep talk bucket is so full.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I had to fill it myself. And I don't need to use it as much on myself. I still do, but not as much. And then you need it. And I'm like, I have all of this. All this grain to just. Just plant and just be like. I just being like, yeah, you feel uncertain now, but just trust that on the day you'll feel like the you that thought it was a good idea and you're just like, it's fucking one of the best feelings.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's such a great feeling and

[Valerie]

it feels so good to me. I told you the last. You've had to give me a lot of pep talks about this short film because it's super vulnerable to put out there. And I keep getting scared. And every time I do, I've come to you and it's like. Like, it's so.

[Pete Holmes]

And what's great is it's not just. It's not just. I don't manufacture it. It's zero percent manufactured. It's. I completely trust you and your skill and I believe in you and that.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And that. I think you would know if I was just going, like, dreams are like foxes. You gotta catch them. Like, it's not that. It's like, for you and from a

[Valerie]

real person and by. You know, after 13 years, I really do believe that you like my writing and my taste and. But it. It. You're right. It's like you have got. I. That helps me understand why it feels good for you too. It's because it's like these are the. The jewels of wisdom that you have gathered over these years. And now I need those. Like, And. And what I've said, what I said to you last time you gave me a pep talk was, I have needed every word of every single one of these. Like, it changes how I feel. It's like I keep forgetting and you keep reminding me.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's what it is, by the way. It's what I did As a fake example is the creative process to me is white hot life Inspiration.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You're completely inspired. You're manic. Good manic though. You're just like infinite possibilities. You can see it, you believe in it. And you're fearless.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And then every step to get you back to where you actually started is overcoming self doubt.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And like trying to hold on to. That's why they call them dreams. I think when you're having a dream, it's so vivid and effortless and wonderful. But then like remembering the dreamer or inviting other people to see that dream.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Imagine if you had to rebuild your dream from last night. It's a slog. And you're like, I don't even think I can do this. And it's like, well, you just have to remember that when you. You had that dream.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It made you feel this way. And you actually want to give that to other people, but it's. You don't. You won't think you can for most of it.

[Valerie]

Yeah, absolutely. And that is sort of what I've been trying to do. Like the North Star is this feeling of alignment is like, if I'm doing something that's like just pure ego, then I wouldn't trust that. That's good. But I know what it feels like to be an open channel collaborating with the capital C. Creativity. And so like, I just keep trusting that if I'm working from that space with also having like discernment and a, you know, an editor inside my brain that I trust, then it's gonna be,

[Pete Holmes]

well, that's what we're doing. We're bringing the fruit to the heart, to the brain. And the brain is like, they're all gonna laugh at you.

[Valerie]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

And you just have to go like, like, in fact, the secret of life. And I don't mean this is not an exaggeration, is the brain can't ever fully understand or surrender to the best things. Having a kid makes no sense. You are. Awareness makes no sense. Your dreams and risking. Why would you risk. What are you talking about? Taking a psychedelic. None of these things will ever sound like good ideas to the brain. Brain.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And yet I'm not suggesting everybody do psychedelics. I'm just saying all the best things are somehow you push through the brain.

[Valerie]

Well, I think it's actually, it's like the, you know, the brain is a wonderful servant and a terrible master. It's like the. Our brain is the most useful when it's decoding our soul, our body's messages, our Heart's messages when it's like learning from them.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I discredited the brain because it can go. How can I get other people to see this?

[Valerie]

Because you and I also both know people who probably are constantly in flow state and in alignment with the great divine creativity.

[Pete Holmes]

You're so right.

[Valerie]

Their stuff kind of sucks.

[Pete Holmes]

You're so right. I apologize, brain, but.

[Valerie]

But I'm just saying I do think the problem comes in where, like when I'm having doubt about this short film which is only written and like the shoot is planned, but that's as far as it is. This is not the time for the editor that we. It's. It's ridiculous to try and edit. I mean, there I. There is the time for the editor with the script, but my editor is coming in and being like, how are you going to get that location?

[Pete Holmes]

How.

[Valerie]

What. What are people going to think when they see this? Like, that's way too far in advance.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.

[Valerie]

That those things are you useful.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why.

[Valerie]

But it needs to be applied in at the right time and in the right way. Otherwise it'll stop you from doing anything.

[Pete Holmes]

That's absolutely right.

[Valerie]

So it's like just not letting the editor in the room until it's the right time.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's why it's good to be wary of the. The tall tale teller that wants to sell you a bridge. But that energy.

[Valerie]

I don't know the reference.

[Pete Holmes]

Me neither. That energy is. Is necessary. But too much of it means you just wasted three years of your life.

[Valerie]

Yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah. And that is sort of a balance between the, you know, the head and the heart, which is kind of what all of life is.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree.

[Valerie]

So we'll be right back.

[Pete Holmes]

You could have done your abrupt kic, but. Kic, can I say this in closing? I just thought of it. We're at this women's women's retreat. Basically everybody is 60 plus and female for the most part. For real. And I loved it.

[Valerie]

A few exceptions, but yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And they were all lovely. And eight. Literally age became not a thing. I would be talking with someone who's literally 82 and loving it.

[Valerie]

Yeah, we were in love with all.

[Pete Holmes]

I was in love with all of them. Absolutely. But there was one moment where a little bit of my Pete Hoeseness came. Hoes, Pete Hoes, Pete Hobs. We're talking about Leela. And the woman goes, well, Leela means dance of the universe. And I went, imagine if I didn't know that. Oh my God, that is I even needed them to allow me, and they did. That was so special.

[Valerie]

I know that there are wonderful husbands out there that you could just take anywhere and they would be like, charming and delightful and so onoffensive. But that's not for me.

[Pete Holmes]

That's it. Find someone who likes your weird stuff.

[Valerie]

I like how weird you are.

[Pete Holmes]

I appreciate it. Imagine if I didn't know that. And then somebody laughed.

[Valerie]

It was.

[Pete Holmes]

Nancy laughed.

[Valerie]

You were like, again, it's so strange. It's an. It's something to explore for another podcast, probably. But you were to those gentle, sweet, tender older women the same way you are to children, which is the most unlikely way to be. Which is fully roasting them.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right. Doing an impression to a four year old.

[Valerie]

It's like, if somebody is extra, like, to the most vulnerable demographic, you'll go hardest.

[Pete Holmes]

That.

[Valerie]

And I. And like. Yeah, I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

It's easy because I'm like, that's what a joke is. You never get this. You're 82. You never get this.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And they were lit up by it. All of the women wanted to. Well, most of them. Some of them deliberately sat away from you.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that true?

[Valerie]

Well, one of them that we know for sure, she admitted that she did. She was like, this is not.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I don't think she meant that. She got closer and closer.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah, she.

[Pete Holmes]

And she was also like, your age. Older.

[Valerie]

Yeah, but.

[Pete Holmes]

But I was gonna say my age, but in case she heard this, I was like, let's go your age.

[Valerie]

But she. But a lot of the other women were like, so lit up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I was the grandson of the whole thing.

[Valerie]

One of the women said, I spend half my year on the island of Iona. And you were like, is that near the tuck A?

[Pete Holmes]

And she's like, a lot of people know Iona. And I was like, no one knows Iona. That's something someone who lives on Iona thinks.

[Valerie]

And she was like, there are four people here who I've already talked to who have been to Iona.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, yeah. And everyone here knows who Richard Rohr is. This is not a normal group.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You need to tell me what Iona is.

[Valerie]

And it's like it ended up being this place that's like, so like her father helped build the abbey there. It's like, like so special to her. And you came in so white hot.

[Pete Holmes]

Sure did.

[Valerie]

But then she, like, played with you the rest of the time. She kept. Anytime she found somebody who was like, planning on going to Iona, she should

[Pete Holmes]

tap me and go he knows what Iona is. And I'm like, we're at a freak spiritual retreat. It's like a cc.

[Valerie]

Oh my God.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, I've. I've left it on the court.

[Valerie]

All right, everybody, keep it crispy. Want to listen to your favorite Lemonada shows without the ads? Subscribe to Lemonada Premium on Apple Podcasts. You'll get ad free episodes and exclusive bonus content from shows like Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis Dreyfus, Fail Better with David Duchovny, the Sarah Silverman Podcast, and so many more. It's a great way to support the work we do and treat yourself to a smoother, uninterrupted listening experience. Just head to any Lemonada show feed on Apple Podcasts and hit subscribe Make Life Suck Less with Fewer Ads with Lemonada Premium, are you looking for ways to make your everyday life happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one best selling author of the Happiness Project, bringing you fresh insights and practical solutions in the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast. My co host and happiness guinea pig is my sister, Elizabeth Kraft. That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore ideas and hacks about cultivating happiness and good habits. Check out Happier with Gretchen Rubin from lemonada Media.