We Made It Weird #245

Summary

Podcast Summary: We Made It Weird #245

Podcast: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Episode: We Made It Weird #245
Date: April 4, 2026
Host: Pete Holmes
Co-Host: Valerie
Theme: Lifting the lid on everyday weirdness, parenting quirks, partnership dynamics, comedic riffs, and the joys and trials of family life.

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Episode Overview

This episode offers the reliably delightful blend of Pete and Valerie Holmes riffing through the oddities of parenting, partnership minutiae, playful arguments, and philosophical observations. The thread connecting their spontaneous tangents is a lived-in celebration of family weirdness—secret codes, small annoyances, deep affection, and lots of laughter. The episode delves into not just their daily routine, but also bigger reflections on marriage, play, and the uniqueness of their family dynamic.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Parenting Styles & Family Dynamics

• Surviving Spring Break: Pete and Valerie discuss the chaos of having their daughter Leela home for two weeks straight and the challenge of balancing work, housework, and parenting.
  • Valerie: “We are either having to let her watch way too much TV…or we are sort of taking turns with who gets to work when and get stuff done.” (35:17)
  • The difficulty is especially sharp for parents of a single child: “It’s the disadvantage of a one kid thing. We are her playmates.” (34:03)
• Morning Person vs. Night Owl: Pete reflects on how their differences as a couple (him being the morning person, her the night owl) support their parenting flow, especially during busy times.
  • “When you have kids, it’s really helpful to have one morning person and one not.” (20:31)

2. The Challenge of Interruptible Work

• Both Pete and Valerie struggle with juggling creative work and its constant interruption by parenting responsibilities.
  • Valerie: “Going from working to parenting and back makes me insane... I’m a terror.” (36:30)
  • The two discuss how their differing work styles—Pete’s aversion to planning vs. Valerie’s need for structure—leads to stress, especially when housework and creative deadlines collide.
  • Pete finds structure stifling but admits that sometimes, “planning only when I really need to” (46:22) is good enough for him.

3. The Pressure of Modern Life and Communication

• Always Accessible: Pete rails against the hyper-availability brought on by email and devices, comparing it to casino-level dopamine hits.
  • “We shouldn’t be getting updates from our life when we’re taking a dump… [Now] everybody’s far too reachable.” (36:32)
• The couple agrees that even as freelancers, not checking email until later in the morning (e.g., after 11am) improves their day and focus.

4. Finding Play and Release Within the Stress

• Wrestling as Therapy: In a tense episode over needing work time, Pete and Valerie’s solution is play—literally wrestling, sparking laughter and diffusing tension.
  • Valerie: “We just straight-up started wrestling… it was helpful because I can really get out aggression.” (39:57)
• They use humor and bits (“honkin’ dong”, fake drinking routines, comedic impressions) to process daily stress and maintain closeness and fun.

5. “Secret Weirdness” & Comedic Riffs

• The episode is peppered with inside jokes, wordplay (“titties for tatties”, “Pliffs”—planned riffs), and fond references to childhood family traditions.
• Pete riffs on fake whiskey, mask-work, and playacting, noting: “I’m very obsessed with mask work… placebos in ancient culture.” (08:18)
• Extended riffs and impressions, e.g., Fred Armisen and Brad Pitt acting quirks, keep the tone light and self-aware.

6. Reflections on Childhood and Sibling Dynamics

• The Holmeses touch on the differences between being a single child versus having siblings, with Pete offering that “I had a brother. I wasn’t going into his room and playing GI Joes.” (34:10)
• Parenting philosophy leans heavily on creating playful, safe, and emotionally aware experiences for their daughter.

7. Learning and Growth Through Fear and Challenge

• They recount a Disneyland trip, letting Leela face down her fear of a roller coaster and watching her shift from anxiety to pride:
  • Valerie: “I would have said I loved roller coasters, but really what I meant was I love having done them.” (62:10)
  • Pete: “That’s my whole life…I love doing stand up, but I really love having done it.” (62:38)

8. Tips, Recommendations, and Product Shoutouts

• Saffron for Stress: Pete swears by Kinobody’s saffron supplement for parenting stress, describing it as euphoric (55:44).
• Parenting Tip: Don’t check email in the morning (22:34).
• Disneyland Strategies: For maximum family fun and minimal meltdown, get a Disney hotel, take a midday break, then return for evening fun (66:10).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Play and Laughing Through Conflict

• “We just straight up started wrestling… it was helpful because it was like, yeah, I can really get out aggression.” (Valerie, 39:57)
• “We did wrestle, and it was very funny. And your zoom was still going. It was off camera.” (Pete, 40:42)

On Parenting and Work-Life Boundaries

• “I have to end this call, but I also understand. And we’re just feeling the tension of that. And then we just straight up started wrestling.” (Valerie, 39:54)
• “To be a present/good parent or partner, it’s fucking hard… we shouldn’t be this available.” (Pete, 36:32)

On Their Relationship’s Natural Fit

• “We sort of lucked into this very perfect love… it was total grab ass.” (Pete, 19:13)
• “You are wounded in all the exact right ways, and to the degrees that I like.” (Valerie, 18:41)

On Rituals, Placebos, and Playacting

• “You put on the mask, you act like a devil. You haven’t ingested anything. I make a cocktail at night with Little Saints, put in some bitters, some big ice... It’s about the ritual at night—a marker for transitioning into your time.” (Pete, 70:17)

On Parenting Alone

• “It’s the disadvantage of a one kid thing. We are her playmates and it’s... it isn’t chill for us.” (Valerie, 34:03)

On Disneyland as a Spiritual/Creative Experience

• “It’s almost... shamanic to me—someone’s dream trance, literally, like a trance they were in... He did it.” (Pete, 64:51)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• Parenting at the Playground & 'What the Hell' Kids Say (04:08)
• Mask Work, Placebo, and Comedic Riffs (08:18)
• Sibling Dynamics, Only Child Discussion (34:03)
• Difference in Work Styles and Challenges of “Interruptible Work” (35:16–39:14)
• Wrestling as Conflict Resolution (39:54–40:47)
• Work/Life Boundaries with Email, Over-availability (36:32–37:08)
• Saffron Recommendation for Stress (55:44)
• Disneyland Family Adventure & Parenting Through Fear (59:17–66:10)
• Disneyland Coping Strategies (66:10–69:00)
• Meaning of Nightly Rituals and Playacting (70:17)

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Episode Tone & Language

• Tone: Warm, playful, self-deprecating, riff-heavy, intermingling the silly and the sincere.
• Language: Casual, open, slightly irreverent, peppered with inside jokes, references, and light swearing.
• Dynamic: Pete and Valerie tease, challenge, and affirm each other—balancing self-reflection with humor.

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Concluding Thoughts

This episode is vintage “We Made It Weird”: meandering, playful, and unexpectedly profound. Pete and Valerie invite listeners into the loving mess of their family life, offering comfort, solidarity, and a reminder to celebrate both everyday weirdness and occasional chaos. Plenty of laughs, a few life hacks, and loads of heart.

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Keep it crispy!

Transcript

[A]

You made it with. You made it with.

[B]

You made it with. Oh, yeah, you made it with. Yes, you made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[A]

What's happening, weirdos?

[B]

Hey, guys. I'm gonna say it. This is a great, this is a great one.

[A]

You know what, I'm gonna say it. This is a great one.

[B]

Remember the Fred Armisen?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What? Well, you guys are. I, I, you'll hear it. You're going to hear that and other riffs. You're going to love it also.

[A]

Do you remember? Bet you can.

[B]

I bet you you can.

[A]

I bet you you can.

[B]

There's a lot of good riffs in this one and some good substance and we're glad you're here. I won't even explain what the show is because that's the first bit I do, if I'm remembering correctly, but I'm so glad you're here. Spells to cast on your parents is my kids book. Pre orders really help push the book into the public eye. So if you think you're going to get a copy, please order one now. Pre order it. Spells to cast on your parents a book that's guarded by a magical black dragon that wants. Doesn't believe you're a wizard. So you have to cast all these.

[A]

Can't say it all in one breath. It's not good enough.

[B]

There's a, there's a magical black dragon named Jesse who guards the book and he doesn't believe that you're a wizard. So you have to prove it.

[A]

Try to lose black. Why do you have to say I

[B]

think it's cute that he's a little black dragon.

[A]

I know he's really cute. I love Jesse.

[B]

And please watch my special silly silly fun boy on YouTube. And I'm on the road. I'm going to be in Tallahassee, I think next. So go to petehomes.com all sorts of dates on there.

[A]

Whenever I hear Tallahassee, I remember call me now. The Cleo lady. There was like in the commercial there were all these testimonials and one of the ladies was like, she told me I was going to go to Tallahassee and I'm going to Tallahassee.

[B]

That's hilarious.

[A]

And it was like, even the way she said it, I remember being like, it kind of sounds like you booked the trip after she said that.

[B]

That's so funny. Yeah. Read the fine print at the bottom of the Miss Cle. Miss Cleo ads.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Although I watched a documentary that was kind of like there was something kind of like, racist. She was, like, legit in some ways, and. But then white people loved being, like, crazy lady.

[A]

Was it that? No, there was something else about it. Like, was that accent.

[B]

I remember Lin Manuel was in it, and he was like that. That's part of the culture, is there's, like, there are these people with this gift or whatever. I don't remember.

[A]

Huh? I remember watching the documentary. I do not remember any of the things you're saying.

[B]

Me neither.

[A]

All right, everybody.

[B]

Peteholmes.com for the tour and YouTube.com for the. For the special.

[A]

Valerie, get into it. Hi, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus here, and I can't wait for you to hear our new episode of Wiser Than Me with Cindy on Amazon Music. Cindy may be a girl who just wants to have fun, but for 40 years, she has brought playfulness and a dash of punk to some serious activism. We talk about her lifelong LGBTQ advocacy, her astonishing music career, and pick up a whole lot of wisdom along the way. Listen now only on Amazon Music, included with Prime.

[B]

Good afternoon and welcome. This is We Made It Weird. It's an offshoot of the popular you Made It Weird podcast hosted by comedian Peter Benedict. And on the Friday, sometime Saturday Whoops. Episode, he's invited and joined by. He's invited. He has invited and is joined by his wife.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

What a kink. Oh, I just go around being like, this is my wife.

[A]

I know it's probably really gross to some people, but nobody that's listening.

[B]

You mean this podcast? I just meant the whole. This is my wife. I yuck.

[A]

Oh. Just in general.

[B]

She's. All of it. This is my husband, too. This is my husband. I was thinking, is this too much?

[A]

Find out.

[B]

That's what we do. I throw some gas on the fire and you're there just with water in a tank. But it's actually more gas. That's the show. Like, don't worry, Val's there and you come in and spray it, but it's actually more gas. Yeah, I was at the park and I was just, you know, with Leela. As I say in my stand up comedy routine, you gotta have a plus one. So I was there with Leela and I'm pushing her on the swing and I'm just watching. You get to do a lot of good watching when you're at the park. And I saw a mom and this kid got on a swing and he was like. I think he went. It was like, what the hell? He said something like, naughty. She was like, you get off that Swing right now. You get off that swing. And me and Lila are just watching that. And, you know, slight flex. And it's not for everybody, but we think it's hilarious when Lila says, what the hell?

[A]

I love when she says it. I love it.

[B]

She says, jesus Christ. I know.

[A]

It's Easter.

[B]

Easter, Saturday.

[A]

She also says, oh, yeah, we have

[B]

to talk about mediocre Saturday.

[A]

We have to talk about what I.

[B]

Good Friday. Medio. This is sad Saturday, sadder day.

[A]

Sad.

[B]

That's why it's called Saturday. Doesn't it sound like I'm having a cocktail?

[A]

I know. Also, doesn't this sound like I'm peeing?

[B]

Valerie, don't do it. People are dry. It's your. It's your Instagram tea maker.

[A]

You actually can.

[B]

Can't really hear it, but you can hear my.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Little Saints.

[A]

I've been loving Little Saints.

[B]

I mean, they'll like that because they're a sponsor, but it's completely legit. Promo code. Weird.

[A]

And you. But I think just get the whiskey.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

I think what you love maybe the most about it is every time I see you.

[B]

Oh, I get a bit. I do a bit.

[A]

A bit of like. Look. Yes, I'm having another one. What? Like acting just like.

[B]

No, do it for real. You can do it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You can do it. I get. I love doing it every time. So I'm you. I'm walking in with my big bosom, and you're making a little saints with a honkin dog. A honkin dong. It's like I'm carrying a weed whacker made of flesh. Oh, no. The worst erotic novel. He walked in with his weed whacker made of flesh.

[A]

It's like Belinda blinks and her bush

[B]

was trimmed that day. Oh, no. Somebody thinks sex is just trimming the bush. Bush. Okay, so you're me. And remember the direction.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Honkin.

[A]

A honkin dick. Okay. And that's just more something I hold in the back of my mind. I mean, that'll just inform my.

[B]

Hey, hold it. Wherever you want. Go ahead. I'm coming in.

[A]

Yes. I'm having another one. Okay. And I don't want to hear another word about it.

[B]

I love it, but I feel like we need. I need.

[A]

I don't know what you say.

[B]

No, I thought. I misread. I thought you were dying to do this bit.

[A]

No, I actually really don't want to do it. You walk in, you love doing this bit. I barely like hearing it. Okay, go ahead.

[B]

No, I'm doing it already.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yes. Okay, I'm having another one. Is that. Can I have one cocktail and not have it be a whole? That look that you give me. I register it. I register it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I work hard and I want a little non alcoholic whiskey at night.

[A]

I. It really is a thing.

[B]

It's not a great bet now that I hear it in the light of day.

[A]

You love doing.

[B]

I will do it every time. I'll never stop doing it.

[A]

You actually spilled. You do. I think you did, but I think you spilled on our kids dinosaur book. No, that's a drunk again.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah, you. And that's what I said. I was like, oh, it turns out what you miss I did about drinking.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Was being like a dick about it.

[B]

Yeah. Which you never know.

[A]

I could just.

[B]

No, I appreciate that. But like, look, this is such a me thing to say. I'm going to say it fast at least. And that's also a me thing to say that I'll at least get through it quickly.

[A]

This is very you.

[B]

I'm very obsessed interested in mask work. You put on a mask and you start behaving a certain way. And that really is just the placebo effect in ancient culture. I don't think in ancient culture. Although now that I say that, I'm sure shamans every once in a while were just like, eat some of those rose petals. You know what I mean? They were like the red. They're just freestyling the red in it.

[A]

Vitality.

[B]

Your liver. Your liver craves red. These are pink. Pink is even better. But they're busy. They just want you out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like they're trying to make ayahuascas.

[A]

You've been parenting lately.

[B]

Oh, that's not what I meant. I meant the placebo effect existed in cultures that also did mask work.

[A]

Yeah, I, I.

[B]

You understood that.

[A]

Yeah. I'm just saying.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

In addition to it.

[B]

Wow, you must have a master's. What?

[A]

I do.

[B]

I know you do.

[A]

I know. But it feels like you're like I

[B]

was doing fake dick.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I was doing dildo. Fake dick. I hate.

[A]

I love when people call people dildos. I'm bringing that back.

[B]

Dildo is.

[A]

Dildo is a great. It goes up there with asshat.

[B]

Is ass clown never expired? No, it never. And you know, ass clown is great.

[A]

Forget to use those. And I always just go to dip,

[B]

which is, is, well, you know my, my special, which is available now on a YouTube, which is a website. And it's the same joke every time.

[A]

It features a dipshit.

[B]

I say Dipshit. Many times in that.

[A]

Get it?

[B]

Oh, no, no, I'm not. Oh, no. I don't mind a joke at my expense, but I don't like that. I didn't get it. That makes it like he didn't even know he was being called a dude.

[A]

Do you feel how I also didn't

[B]

like that you weren't gonna get it?

[A]

That's why I immediately went, get it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You put the bucket of water on the door and someone opened it and it fell on them, and they were wearing, like, their birthday best. No, no, no, no. That's not what it was. But pranks are just all pranks. The prank this. We just had April Fool's Day. The only function of a prank is to teach people that pranks are awful and that they don't work. Here, open these. Pringles Snakes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Everyone hates it. That's why they exist. I mean, we package them as fun. Laughs. Yeah, no, they are valuable. But it's just to prove to you you don't actually want what you think you want.

[A]

I mean, I don't know. I don't like pranks either. But what I do like, and it's something that my family used to do, and we don't do it here because it's a house. House of learned doctors.

[B]

This is a house of learned doctors.

[A]

It's more of a house of highly sensitive people. But there are two things that my family used to do that I loved that I wish we would carry over into this household.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

One is hiding behind a corner and jumping out at each other. I love it. And I. And it's not.

[B]

No.

[A]

You know why I love it? Because we would do it, and then both of us collapse in laughter. Like, it's. It's meant to laugh with the person.

[B]

I understand.

[A]

Because it is funny. I think it's really funny when I get an. Like, an involuntary reaction, like, if I drop something, and I'm like. Like the sound that I.

[B]

That is one of your better, like, always surprises. The choiceless sound.

[A]

The choiceless sound is so funny. So it really is more about that, like, making them have a choice.

[B]

Something more like, I go, no, not yours. But just also in the category. You're like. When I go, that's me trying to do a funny one. But it's really way more vulnerable. It's like a sound you would make while you're sleeping on a Greyhound bus.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you wake up and you're like, God, I hope that was a dream. But you did go like, okay.

[A]

Here. Now, I am going to do a bit about. I'm going to do my best impression of what you would be like getting startled.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And you gotta. You gotta tell me if I'm right.

[B]

Okay. Can I startle you?

[A]

Yeah, you startle me.

[B]

You'll never know when I'm going to do it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You don't know when I'm gonna do it.

[A]

Okay, wait. Like, we should keep talking, and then you'll startle me, and I'll try. Jesus Christ.

[B]

That was good. That was good.

[A]

Yeah. And I did this. You know how you do that?

[B]

Oh, I do that.

[A]

But you only do that when you're acting, so listener. I'm.

[B]

But.

[A]

But it's good.

[B]

It's a tell. There are things I only do when I'm acting.

[A]

I just want you to know that.

[B]

How embarrassing. And it's a lot of, like, thumb on the face. There's a lot of, like, rubbing. I got it from B. Pitt.

[A]

What I did was I put my thumb on my nose and, like, kind of.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so it was like. Like, it was like. And then thumb on the nose and then, like. Jesus.

[B]

But, yeah, I. I get embarrassed because I do default to, like, the big ones. Big swears, you know?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Maybe you have this on while you're cleaning up your coffee shop. I don't want to say the big ones.

[A]

You're not calling Jesus the big one, are you?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, good. Because I was gonna say.

[B]

We just started by saying how we. Anyway, going back to that story.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So the mom starts being like, you get off of that fluid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like. I was like, look, it's weird, but I'm gonna say it. It's such a kink. Being a mom and kids is. Maybe it's not sexual, but it's such a. What I mean is, when you're doing BDSM and you're. As I often do. I don't want to shame anyone that does. It's not for me. What if I would love it? That would be great.

[A]

I would love that if you loved it.

[B]

Okay. Well, we went from being inclusive to now I'm signing a contract. I don't remember drafting up. Every time I see a BDSM scene in a movie like Wolf of Wall street and they're doing the candle wax and stuff, I'm just like, I don't. You'd think I might.

[A]

Yeah. But there's all. It's a whole world.

[B]

I think they really put the candle up Leo's butt in that scene.

[A]

Wait.

[B]

Little bit.

[A]

Really? No.

[B]

A little bit like in the foyer. In the foyer? Not in the living room. Not even in the mud. Not even in the mud. You don't even know what you're talking about. You don't even know the climate of filmmaking that you're talking about. It was the Wolf of Wall Street.

[A]

Of course. I've seen it five times.

[B]

But have you seen the Scorsese documentary?

[A]

Mm. Mm.

[B]

Well, then when people watch things but they act like they've read a leather bound book, you didn't sit on your fat ass and watch that vacantly. Well, then let me explain something to you, okay? They said that on that set, which I almost was on. Do you remember?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I auditioned for Wolf of Wall Street.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

And then they were like, are you available? And it was something like August to the August of the next year. And I was like, no. And they were like, then we're not even going to show this to Marty. That's what they said. And we want to.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

But we won't even waste his time if you're not available. And I was like, well, why did you have me come in? What I have to be available for? Like, it was. It was something like eight months. It was like a crazy. Whoa. But the audition was just being on the phone, and I remember where it was and I remember the riffs. I. I wrote them down. They're planned riffs. Or as we call it, stand up comedy cliffs. Cliffs Playing riffs. I'm gonna say it. I say it almost every time we do this podcast. I just feel like I never get to talk to you and then you say Pliffs.

[A]

Pliffs is not good.

[B]

No, there's something pure about Pliffs. If the riff is a brick of cocaine and it says Pliffs on it, I put my little switchblade knife in there and I go, that's pure.

[A]

What was the.

[B]

That's pure. Who was the first guy to do that? The knife and the like. And before it was a thing guys put in a knife and he's like, no, no, no, no. I wrapped that so good. Like the dealer. What are you doing? I wrapped that so good. Now there's a little hole. That's a Fred Armisen sketch. There's a little hole. There's a little hole in that. I don't have any more Saran Wrap. I wrapped that really tight. Good stuff. And then the scene continues. That's good stuff. That'll move. You're gonna sell it to kids. Aren't you? I'll sell it to whoever's buying. I'm sorry, but am I the only one bothered that there's gonna be a little trail of our. Of our product all the way to your Cadillac? A little trail like. Like a German fairy tale, but cocaine. I packed those. He could make it work.

[A]

It's very good. No, it's okay. I mean, it's fine. You can picture it. I was picturing him. Your impression was good.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I thought, what about the impression it left on you?

[A]

I already forgot it.

[B]

Desire. Okay, so I have BDSM in the back. Oh, we're talking about Wolf. Wall Street.

[A]

Oh, we're talking about the candle. I even wanted to say the other thing my family used to do is when you were in the shower, when somebody was in the shower, we. I think I probably said this on

[B]

the podcast and I'm shaking my head.

[A]

Cold. Ice cold water and dump. Well, jokes on you.

[B]

I take cold showers. So try it with hot. Try it.

[A]

Yeah, with hot.

[B]

Because I've been living my whole life preparing for the nightmare that you called your house.

[A]

I loved it.

[B]

I'm. I'm always on alert.

[A]

Anyway, Lila and I are going to do it to each other.

[B]

She's like, both of these. Yes. Because both of these activities are for the non vigilant child.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Imagine if you had to look around each corner for danger.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

Imagine if you couldn't trust your loved one.

[A]

That's true. Yeah, that's true.

[B]

It is true.

[A]

I mean, I was pretty vigilant, but not in the same way you were.

[B]

I don't think I love your level of vigilance. That should have been in our vows. You're just vigilant.

[A]

You're just vigilant enough.

[B]

But if you were as vigilant as me, it would be annoying. I'm annoyed by people who are as vigilant. Vigilant is being said too much. We're saying vigilant too much.

[A]

Yeah, too much.

[B]

And a vigilante is a very vigilant citizen.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. But I do think that, like, that is what vows are. Is we're saying vows. Vows, vows. It's like you are wounded in all of the just, exact right ways.

[B]

You know what, Valerie?

[A]

And to the degrees that I like.

[B]

And I'm so glad you brought this up. And I'm a little. I'm appropriately, but not too much embarrassed that I was giving some thought as to why we work so well. Welcome to the show. But it is Interesting to me because I did just walk into. This is a joke, but I walked into a store, I saw an amazing jacket. I picked it up, I put it on, I walked out. I just left with it. I love it. I've never thought again, Meaning I wasn't like. Do you know what I mean by that?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We sort of lucked into this real and not sort of this very perfect love.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you'd think it has the results of somebody that was like, well, Harvard was doing a thing where they actually had the 173 markers of success. And we met all 173 and that's why it works. But it wasn't that it was total grab ass. It was total Jay Holmes, my father. I say this with a lot of love and respect, like just kind of going through life, just kind of sandwich sleep. He's like Forrest Gump running. When I was pooping, I pooped. When I was pooping, When I was pooping, I pooped. Tom, stick to the script, please. Voiceover, who cares? Here's one of the things I was thinking, and I'd love your take. We've talked about how, like, there's not a lot of tit for tat go. There's not a lot of titties. There's not a lot of titties for tatties. There's not a lot of like score keeping. But that's just like something that we both naturally do. I like, but here's the new one, is I'm a morning person and you're not. And when you have kids, it's really helpful to have one morning person and one not.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, it really hit me like a ton of cheese shit where I was like, who ate all this cheese? And who shitted all over me? Where I was like, that does seem like if we were making the 173 markers of success, one of them would be there's. I'm not saying opposites attract because it's not really something that comes into play until you're in a relationship.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But like living together and then having kids maybe, or raising kids. It's like the fact that I like getting up in the morning and sometimes you want to top off the tank and then later in the afternoon when you're shining, I can like. I usually don't nap with my free time anymore. They're far more delectable things.

[A]

Yeah. But even also, just like, it would be masturbation. Most of the time we both. Okay. Most of the time we Are both getting up. But you.

[B]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[A]

We should say I need you to do the majority of the stuff in the morning.

[B]

I don't know what force majeure means,

[A]

but yeah, but I. Because I don't. I can't really function.

[B]

No. Every.

[A]

For the first hour.

[B]

If you're making.

[A]

And that's when. When you have. I'm. When you have a kid. That is the key. Usually the key first, like the first hour of the morning, you're getting them ready for school, you have all this stuff all. Or they're just like they wake up like ready to go and switch on. Have to play and you have to do. And like playing in the morning.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is my hell. Like, I do like playing with her and I do like. Like when I can get. The other day I was reading to her while she was knitting and we were like by the fireplace and I was like, I'll do this all day, but I cannot be playing is easier

[B]

for me in the morning. Playing and hanging out with Leela only becomes harder throughout time. Hard. If I check my email or if I check my emails.

[A]

Well, that's what I wanted to talk about. It's the worst. And I fucked.

[B]

Here's a parenting tip. Don't check your email.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I'm not saying that to you.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

I'm saying if you can. And I bet you can. That's my self help book. I bet you you can.

[A]

The wink and the point.

[B]

I'm on a tugboat.

[A]

I bet you can.

[B]

It's kind of got a Popeye flavor to it. I don't know why. I immediately was very sure that I was on a tugboat with a corncob pipe.

[A]

Perfectly.

[B]

I bet you can.

[A]

I bet you.

[B]

I bet you can. I'm not too proud. If you want to. If the listener wants to send Val.

[A]

I would love a shirt that has

[B]

a. I bet you you can. On a tugboat with a corn cob

[A]

and the sailor hat. A white sailor hat.

[B]

This is the new. It's been a while. This is the new flex. You're at a live show. You wear the shirt. Please make sure I see it. Don't just yell. I bet you you can. I won't know what you're talking about,

[A]

but I want one. And I would wear it in my life.

[B]

I would wear it. And I bet you you can.

[A]

Shirt. I still have a C3 Pete Holmes shirt.

[B]

I know. Are you worried that George Lucas is going to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now that he has AI, he can scour.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like that laser that Darth Vader uses to like scan an area before they land. No Rebels. That's what, that's what Lucasfilm does to see if anybody's taken the piss out of their franchise. Hey, guess what? You Coca Cola.

[A]

Yeah. Everybody gets it. Oh my God.

[B]

At a certain point. So we own. We're all stockholders in Star Wars. If you're anything like me, you've been hearing a lot about GLP1 medication in the news. People you know taking it, friends. I have so many friends taking it. And at first I thought it was just like a trend, some sort of wellness fad. But the more I've learned, the more I see these are actual serious healthcare tools that are more about not just weight loss, but energy cravings, overall health, not just the number on the scale. One thing that made GLP1s feel kind of daunting to people is that it's usually a self administered shot. But now There's a new FDA approved GLP1 pill which makes the whole thing feel so much more approachable. And that's where roe comes in. Ro offers the first FDA approved GLP1 pill for weight loss at the lowest cost around. It is the same weight loss ingredient as the shot and delivers comparable results, helping patients lose about 4 14% of their body weight in a year on average. Ro makes everything simple with 100% online care, access to FDA approved GLP1 medication, free insurance checks, side effect management, dosing support and provider messaging. And honestly, if I was going to do this, this is the path I would take. Ro is what I would use. So go to ro co weird to see if you're eligible for the new GLP1 pill on ro. That's ro company slash weird to get started. Ro co safety for box warning and full safety information about GLP1 medication based on study and non diabetics with obesity or overweight, plus a weight related condition with diet and exercise.

[A]

Do you ever find yourself scrolling through headlines, especially health headlines, and just thinking that can't be true? Well, I certainly do. 2025 brought us some ridiculous far fetched health claims and some especially terrifying changes in public health. What's in store for us in 2026? I'm Chelsea Clinton and we're back with season two of my podcast that can't be True. Follow along and catch up on season one wherever you get your podcasts. Leela and I are having these really cute conversations lately and she just became aware of Coca Cola because one of us got a Coke Zero at some point and then she, like got that. And now she knows about Coke Zero. She knows about Coca Cola. She's like, so into it. And we went to.

[B]

She's an American girl.

[A]

Yeah. We went to like the zoo or something. And it was just like Coke machines, but then like Coke brand, like umbrellas that had the logo and like all. And she was like, wow, they know about Coca Cola.

[B]

Who does? The zoo.

[A]

Yeah, Just like the people who had that. And I was like, yeah. And she's like, they must really like it. And we just had like a conversation about how it was like, everyone in the whole world knows about.

[B]

And you know about Fanta, right?

[A]

What?

[B]

I want to get this right. I want to get this right. But it'll also be fun to get it a little bit wrong. When Nazis Nazi Germany.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

I mean, how many of you did there need to be? When the whole country gets. It would be like calling it Republican United States. I'm not saying Republicans. I'm just saying, like the party got in the name of the country that communist Russia.

[A]

Right? Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, there's gotta be a lot of ya.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nazi Germany.

[A]

Yes. Well, it's just. Who's in rain? It sort of is like, yeah. Republican America.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You could say we're having. Well, they would say the republic. It is a republic.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's also a democracy, so you can't win that one.

[A]

You don't know what the hell you're talking about.

[B]

I can't. But we are. I. This is. This is the funny one where people go, but we are a Republican.

[A]

Right, I know.

[B]

I don't know what a republic is.

[A]

I know. That's what I'm saying.

[B]

Oh, you do, though.

[A]

And I don't think it's the opposite of a democracy.

[B]

No, no, no. It's both a republic and a democracy. We've talked about this. It's two. Two halves of a brain. The whole reason America works is because of the tension. I think it's gone a little far.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, you know, it's. It's supposed to be mom and dad. And let's be real, Democrats are the mom.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

Democrats are the moment.

[A]

Okay. What were you saying?

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

There's so many different threads right now.

[B]

Oh, Nazi Germany. So Coca Cola realized that they couldn't keep selling Coca Cola to Germany because it is a global. Everybody drinks it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So they were like, if we. If Germany wins or if we defeat the optics. This is great. This is like drunk history. But I'm only drinking little science the optics is wrong. There's a, there's pictures of German soldiers with armbands, you know, drinking Coke. It's wrong.

[A]

Why?

[B]

It just looks wrong. It's, it's, it's like they want Michael Jordan drinking Gatorade. They don't want Genghis Khan drinking Gatorade.

[A]

Okay, so it's like, okay, it's wrong for Coca Cola.

[B]

It's wrong for Coca Cola. I'm speaking from Coca Cola.

[A]

Okay, so that makes sense. I'm in Atlanta, that I'm like, why.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Why wouldn't you want a Nazi drink in your product?

[B]

Well, honestly, the way things are now, I think people would be like, who cares?

[A]

To be clear, that's not what I was saying. I was thinking of it as Nazi propaganda.

[B]

Propaganda. Guys, I need this propaganda. Propaganda. Okay. There's a couple rules for your propaganda to be propaganda. One, the furor needs to look good. Like, it's just like. Okay, was that. You can say the fur. Anyway, so they were like, we have to stop selling Coke to Germany. They're our enemy. It was like a world war. But what are we going to do? They made Fanta.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

That's what Fanta is. Fanta is Nazi Coke.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Is this, this is worth a Google. This is where we don't, we don't do a lot of. Did they. We don't do a lot of research for Nazi Germany.

[A]

Oh, my God. What does.

[B]

I'm on a list. Yes. Fanta was created in Nazi Germany during World War II by the German Coca Cola subsidiary to circumvent a trade embargo that stopped the import of Coca Cola syrup. Okay, so it was an embargo. But what's that? I said that as if that was like the key info. That was. It was an embargo. But then I just.

[A]

It was the optic.

[B]

I was naked in a grocery store and I was oiled up. You couldn't get me.

[A]

Yeah, you couldn't get me.

[B]

I was still breaking the. Well, it wasn't a burger, but I'm out the door and the automatic doors open. I would love for God to show me at the end of my life the funniest use of the automatic doors in a grocery store. Because that has to be amongst them. It's like, stop that naked guy. And he makes it to the door. The doors don't know that you're trying to stop someone from leaving, right?

[A]

Yeah. So it's opening.

[B]

There have to be tone deaf times when the doors were like, I just.

[A]

I'm a sensor Guys, I love the Santa.

[B]

Is Nazi Coke.

[A]

Yes. We all learned something today.

[B]

And then I feel like it took off in South America because you go to South.

[A]

I know. It's huge. And Central America.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

The first time I ever had a Fanta was in Belize.

[B]

I think that's kind of a cool thing. Like, there's Mexican Coke, but you can also get, like, Mexican Fanta.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like, Chilean. I'm making this up. Grape fan.

[A]

Okay, I'm taking.

[B]

Wait, wait. When I say. When I say fan, what color is it?

[A]

Orange, of course. Of course it's orange Fanta. But I bet I remember really liking the grape one.

[B]

Grape soda is delicious. Is the New Jersey of sodas. Here's why everyone thinks it sucks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You go there and you're like, oh, my God, Gorgeous.

[A]

This is like upstate New York.

[B]

And how far is it to the city? 20 minutes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you're in a mansion.

[A]

It's great. Come on, come on.

[B]

We love you, Jersey.

[A]

It's the Ohio. Jersey is the Ohio.

[B]

I wouldn't go. Don't go crazy.

[A]

No, okay, okay.

[B]

Humorously shut you down.

[A]

New York.

[B]

I wouldn't go crazy there either.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I love Rhinebeck, but come on.

[A]

I mean, it's similar.

[B]

There's one person listening to this podcast by candlelight and Rhinebeck, New York. The sound of the metro north in the distance. They have it on. It's kind of coming in fuzzy, like something like what? Something about our town. Jeepers creepers.

[A]

And it's a ghost. Because everybody who lives there are ghosts.

[B]

If you're a ghost and you're not on the east coast, like, fucking grow up.

[A]

But wait, so going back to parenting real quick, because we are. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Morning person.

[A]

It's Saturday and our kid just had a two week long spring break.

[B]

I literally was so.

[A]

My arms tied.

[B]

Yes. Take my break, please.

[A]

It is so nuts. And you know what's funny is before, like, at the beginning of the spring break, Leela was like, you know that song that's like, mom and dad can't wait wait for school to start again. And I was like, yeah, the Christmas song. And she's like, yeah, is that how you guys feel about spring break? But she asked us that. And, like, she asked me that in, like, the second day of the spring break. And I was like, no, I'm so happy to have this time with you. But it's like she knew.

[B]

Well, it's not easy for all of us.

[A]

I know.

[B]

It can't be easy for her.

[A]

I know. I mean, I Think that she.

[B]

I think it's probably the easiest for her.

[A]

It's the easiest for her because we are revolving our lives around her. But this is a one. This is a one kid thing. It's the disadvantage of a one kid is that we are her playmates and it's. She can play.

[B]

I am a little defensive on that topic. But it's not. I had a brother. I wasn't going into his room and playing GI Joes.

[A]

It's not a given that they'll be

[B]

together in my own room, but with his GI Joes. So I did have a double GI Joe.

[A]

Yeah. But you guys were also, like. You did make those, like, tapes together.

[B]

That was like, once.

[A]

Ok.

[B]

I. Look, I love my brother. I love my brother. He would say the same. It was like we were on our own thing.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's not saying that. I also showed my cards. I feel defensive about that. We decided to have one kid. Yeah, but I feel defensive.

[A]

Perfect. Like, I mean, it doesn't have to be a hundred percent.

[B]

No, I know, but we party. I partied with Leela all. We played wild kids. We just went out in the yard and we just found lemons and rocks. And Beau was a wolf and there was a. There's this sound next door. Our neighbors are like, I don't know, rota rooting something. And every time it went off, it was a tiger. We partied.

[A]

I know. We've been partying too. I just mean, like, that's the thing is we don't. It isn't chill for us. It's not like we can all be in the house and we're all doing our own thing. That happens, I would say at most 30 minutes a day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The rest of the time, we are either having to, like, let her watch way too much TV like we're doing right now and then pay for it later. In her.

[B]

With her behavior. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Or we are sort of taking turns, like, with who gets to work when and get stuff done. And neither one of us, that is. It doesn't work because neither. Both of us hate working in a way where we have to shift gears back and forth. Like, I have a friend. My friend Lisa. Gunger is a.

[B]

Not a real name.

[A]

Really good.

[B]

It seemed like you thought of us.

[A]

I know. I was like. Do I say her last name?

[B]

Lisa.

[A]

I don't know. Gunger.

[B]

Gunger.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. She. I see her go about her day where she is just like always sort of like she's cleaning something and. And then she's sitting down at the laptop and sending an email, and then she's wiping her kid's face and then she's going and doing, like, she's, like, working throughout the day. And like, I've had to do that because I have a lot of work that I'm doing and it makes me insane, and then it makes me a terror. Not a terrible mom, but.

[B]

No, I understand.

[A]

Like a very grumpy.

[B]

This is. This goes back to what we were saying to be a present stroke, good parent. Stroke, good partner. I think it's fucking. It's. I have a special about this in my new special. We shouldn't be this available. We shouldn't be getting updates from the world and from our life when we're taking a dump. Found out we got fired, found out there's something urgent. It's like, this isn't a new take. Everybody's far too reachable. But we're also like, who cares? We can reply. There's a fervor to it. It's like, it's exactly like being in a casino. And you're just like, we know about social media, but email, too is just getting hits.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Panic, fear, excitement. Good news, bad news, boring news, annoying news. You just go into this, you're just a rat. Like, I'm including myself in this. We're just rats.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we go up to the one water and we. Oh, we put heroin in that one. Put lemon zest in this one. Look, they keep going to the lemon zest and they just write it down.

[A]

Yeah. But the only difference is it's worse because it is actually more imminent. Like, you do need at least the emailing.

[B]

No, I know that goes back to. I bet you you can. You can go till not everybody. Yeah, but I bet. I bet way more people than think they could. You could go Till at least 11am yes. And I know there are people going like, dream on. And it's Steven Tyler.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm just saying if you're. Especially if you freelance. I don't know, man. I can't speak for.

[A]

I do think what we don't do well. And. And I don't know if this is your ideal way of working, but it would help me is like, we don't. We should be saying, I will take her until, you know, I'll take her from 7 to 10, and then you take her from 10 to 1, and then I'll take her again from 1 to fine.

[B]

I don't like this even as you're saying it.

[A]

Why I know you, but.

[B]

Because I Think one of the factors. And look, you're right.

[A]

I really think I am.

[B]

I feel like a Tim Robbins.

[A]

I think it's the old you're right.

[B]

All right. You're right, but. You are right.

[A]

The only answer.

[B]

You said the other. And I'm not making fun of you. The only answer to it, to how

[A]

frustrated, but because what ends up happening is that we're both either getting the time we need and, or at least this is my experience, getting the time we need to get the stuff done we need and feeling very guilty for it the entire time, or not getting to do what we need to do and feel a little bit like. I, I. I just noticed moments where we both were sort of like, my things matter too. Like, I gotta get my stuff done, too.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Which I will say we did do something new during one of those moments that I was like, this is a. This is, like, kind of a little secret to a happy marriage, I think, which is I was working all day and I was on a call, and you were, like, at the end of your rope and wanted to get your stuff done, and. Because you had been with Leela a long time, so you came and you were like, I have. Or maybe you had therapy or something. You're like, I have to do my thing. So I was like, okay, I have to end this call. But I'm like, you know, kind of getting cut off a little bit earlier than I want to, but I also understand. And we're just feeling the tension of that. And then we just straight up started wrestling.

[B]

Oh, my God. I didn't even know where this was going. And I also showed my butt to the person you were on a zoom with.

[A]

Yeah. I just was like, that was.

[B]

We needed some silliness. Yeah, we needed some play.

[A]

But it was.

[B]

We did wrestle, and it was very funny.

[A]

And. But it was helpful because it was like, yeah, like, I mean, you can't really get out aggression with me, but I can really get out aggression.

[B]

When you found out I was.

[A]

That was really trying.

[B]

I was trying to. My heart is.

[A]

But it feels good to me because then I can, like. You can, like, try to pin me, and I can really push and try to get.

[B]

That's exactly what we do with Lila.

[A]

We go.

[B]

Push against me. Push against me.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Let some of that out.

[A]

But then we're dying laughing.

[B]

And your zoom was still going. It was off camera.

[A]

My friend had to just listen to us.

[B]

It was Lisa Gunger.

[A]

Yeah. Wrestling.

[B]

Yeah. No, that, that was. That's very true. And I don't know, I. I shouldn't be interrupting.

[A]

No, no. I. I just am saying it's. It's harder when. Since both of us have such a hard time being like, when am I gonna get my time? And then I'm getting my time, but then I have to switch gears back out of my time for working and going just back and forth from like working to parenting to working to parenting and it all being nebulous and unknown. I think I'll speak for me. Stresses me the fuck out and made this.

[B]

You're shining light on something interesting. That I am. I know I'm wrong about, but I would rather just keep doing it the wrong way because let me just say what I'm. What I'm really meaning is like, I hate planning so much. And the reason I hate planning so much, which is so weird that my job as a standup is how you will feel on Friday at 8:00'. Clock.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You'll be in the mood to perform and how much. I've gotten really used to that. Dialed in and figuring out what I need to do. But I see other performers that don't have that need. I have like a real, like, I need. I want certain things to help me get in that way. Sometimes I don't get them. And you still find it. Sometimes you don't find it, but whatever. I don't like planning because I don't know how I'm going to feel. And then like just the other morning when you were like, bad news. I have to go to my class at 11. So I'll watch Leila from when we wake up until 11 and you do an Atlassian amount with Leila. So that's not the point of the story. This isn't a passive aggressive thing. I ended up playing with Leela because I am jazz.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I woke up and I felt like playing with Leela and I just don't want to be like. And she wanted to play with me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was sunny and we just started finding a groove. And this isn't right. It's not how they run the Walmart Corporation. It's not even effective. Except it's effective in another way, which is like, Leila and I had an organic and natural hang. And then it did kind of me a little bit later. Because then.

[A]

Then you had to the rest of

[B]

the day come 11 now I'm like, oh, now I know. But that's a thought.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like suffering exists in thought. I'm not talking about pain and discomfort. This is a Real. Not to sneak in a spiritual way.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

But it's true. Checking your email, you know, creates all these thoughts of obligations and feelings and, like, promoting the special. I know I talk about it a lot, but it was my life for the past month or whatever. And there were like five or six podcasts that we were trying to schedule. And at a certain point I just was like, and maybe the publicists on 800 pound are mad about this. I don't know. But at a certain point, I was like, we've done enough. We've done enough. And that sounds like fancy boy Pete being a fancy boy. It wasn't. It was just like, no, everyone's doing their thing. People are trying to get me on podcasts. Podcasts are trying to get guests, and I think that's enough. And there were, like five podcasts that were, like, trying to be scheduled, and I was like, no, I'll just do Bad Friends. I'll put my efforts in doing some bigger ones, and I will not do some of these ones that I don't know. This is boring. You're right. You're right to yawn. I've hated this. All I'm saying is I realized I was creating my own suffering. I was believing a story. They emailed you this podcast. You have to do it. And then I just had, like, it felt like a real moment of clarity. And I was like, says who?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that sounds like a bratty showbiz person maybe being bratty and showbiz. But I actually think there's something really profound going on there, because most of the day I'll go like, I don't get enough. Show me this eye, show me this person, show me this problem.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you realize, like, you're in a dream is one way to put it. And the reason I choose that analogy is when you realize you're in a dream, suddenly it seems a lot less urgent to put a fire out with ranch dressing. You just go, like, what? And so much of this life is a dream, I happen to think. But that is relatively real, and we need to take care of each other and be kind. So I'm not saying it's a consequence free matrix.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm saying there's a lot of undue suffering that comes from thoughts like, I need. Like when I kept playing with Leela past 11. Okay. And this goes. I'm actually going to shift gears. So I do have things that I have to do. And this is how I've been my whole life. And for better or Worse if you and I planned out like this. And there are seasons of our life where we do that. You get this time from 11 to 1. Oh, thank you. I'm always so grateful. Thank you so much. I needed that time. You're like, thank you so much. I needed the time. And we will do that sometimes. But I'm also just like. I sometimes just feel like a ninja turtle skating in the sewers and like being frustrated that I don't have time as part of it. And then you know what's going to happen because I'm writing that movie. Someone is going to email me back to email. But it'll be real and say, hey, we need to turn the script in. Wondering how it's looking. And that's when I'll go. I need three hours today.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that system works fine for me. It's like planning only when I really need to.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But take my sweatshirt off.

[A]

I do think what we're running into also. And it just happens to be during spring break, so it's made it harder.

[B]

Oh, my God. Can you imagine when we're not on spring break?

[A]

It's going to be the best. I can keep literally fantasizing about it. We have two more days. Basically.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that I don't. I always have house stuff to do. Endless house stuff. But I don't usually have a lot of work. Work stuff to do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I do. And so I guess I am like, I have been feeling like, oh, man, I still have to fucking clean up and do all of the stuff I usually do. And. And I have to work and I have to full time parent. Not full time, but I have to parent with a kid here all the time. And so, like, I think what. What we're finding is generally your. Your way of being like, I'm just gonna see how I feel and I'll know when I feel.

[B]

It's Indiana Jones too, by the way. It's very American.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What I'm describing is a little bit reckless. It's not entirely effective. But it's like distinctly American. Like, I really feel like an American. Look. Take that for whatever you want. I just mean in the classic Indiana Jones sense, like when I watch those movies like Indiana Jones or even Star Lord, these are just like goofuses.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Flying a big ship, getting a team together and figuring it out and there's something. It's kind of what. That's kind of what happens.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And I think it totally works when Leela's in school and it's like okay, look, we have 8:30 to 3.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Both of us to work however we want to work separately. But then it just gets trickier, I think when there's the timeshare of a kid where it's like, no.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But you might be feeling like working right. When I get a thing that is time sensitive.

[B]

No, I know. And then, you know, this is sharing your life and. Oh, I lost it. It was something about, like, oh, Spring break is what shines the light in this corner.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My system of Leela being at school, I'll just do it when I feel like it works just fine. And honestly, even spring break, junking it up. Like, I've really been trying to work on the next kids book, and there's been something kind of great and frustrating about how I can't even get. When you're fighting to get an hour.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But when you were single or no kids, you're fighting for an hour so you can, like, get drunk or watch a movie or.

[A]

No, you don't have to fight for any.

[B]

Well, you don't. That's even worse. Yeah.

[A]

So then you.

[B]

But you're trying to carve out time to do fun stuff. Now we try and carve out time to work. Like, you're like, oh, thank God I got an hour to do emails. Like, what a fucking.

[A]

When I. But when I say I fantasize about her going back to school, I mean, like, I want to sit in front of my laptop.

[B]

I know.

[A]

For eight hours straight and not. And just rip. I want to hunker and I want to rip, bro. And that is the full. But I know there is something cool to it. And I will say, like, as a no.

[B]

Now, I can't wait. When she goes back to school, I have all these, like, half ideas written down.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'll actually recognize the gift of five, six hours. What? That's more time. Five hours is more time than I've had in the past two weeks.

[A]

Yes. And one day I lost it.

[B]

Oh, sorry, baby.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[A]

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[B]

Can I say pro tip? Oh, go. What do you got?

[A]

I think it's just still so close to. Oh. Oh, yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So Elizabeth Gilbert has this thing in Big Magic where she. She. Somebody was sort of creatively blocked and wanted. She was a painter, and she. But she was like, I'm a mom, and I'm a, you know, teacher or whatever. And so between work and all the stuff I have to do in the house, and, like, I just. I can't. I don't have time. And I. And then when I do, like, something about switching gears. Anyway, I didn't even have to tell you all of that. The advice that she gave, which I always remembered was she was like, treat your art like you're having an affair. I've probably said this on the podcast because I love it.

[B]

I love it, too.

[A]

She's like, sneak away and. And paint a little in your basement. And, like, try to keep it from your family. Try to keep it your secret cigarette, little secret, like your special thing, and it gives it charge. It's so good.

[B]

It's great.

[A]

And that sort of does feel like what. What I've been doing. Like, it's like, okay, you guys are outside playing wild. Whatever.

[B]

No, you went up to put Leela down last night, and I got my laptop and just was sketching out ideas, and I was just waiting for the inevitable. Hey, Leela's asking for you. Yeah, but I got, like, a good 45 minutes.

[A]

Yeah, and it was little. And I think that. That we probably are being productive in, you know, I, I. At least for me, because I think. I'm sorry to mention the Enneagram, but you know what? Amy Poehler talks about it on her podcast, so I got it from us. Yeah, but I'm an enneagram9, and we can sometimes be very. Hobbit.

[B]

What is she Hobbit?

[A]

Ish. She's an eight.

[B]

Oh, right. I forgot that.

[A]

And we can get, like, cozy and stuck, and we can sort of have this, like, gravitational pull to, like, do nothing. And it's very hard to get the machine working. And momentum is, like, the key for. For nines. So having the momentum of, like, oh, my God, I'm. I'm cleaning the house. I'm taking care of it. I'm playing. I'm switching. I have to sneak away and write these emails. I gotta go. This I have to, like, as much as it's uncomfortable and can be upsetting, I think I do get more done than if it's like, I was trying to say something. You got eight hours.

[B]

Because I steal away. Yeah, and exactly that Elizabeth Gilbert thing. Like, I've had months to work on the next kid's book, and I haven't done it. But now that you've taken, like, life has taken that away from me, it's become very exciting to just go like. Like, I try and get Lee to color, too. I'm like, I'm gonna call her color and does not work. This really sounds like we're complaining. I. I sure am in love with being a dad. And I love the best, the most. Can I say real quick? Yeah, I'm sorry. I've been trying to say this for a while, but somebody won't stop. Yep. Jk, it's me.

[A]

Imagine it's me.

[B]

It's me. Saffron. So Kino Body. K I N O Body. They make this. So this is not an ad. In fact, Kenobody has done ads on this podcast before because, as with a lot of our ads, I liked something and then I reached out, but they're not on the slate right now. So this is just complete real. And it's what I've been telling everybody. Everybody. I was having a rough morning with Leela. We were actually having a great morning. And then we just hit this like a family. Like, it's so sweet. I never had that.

[A]

Like, a little. The intimate, friendly bickering.

[B]

Bickering. Like she was making a sweet score cord and she was putting one number on each sheet of paper. So she was making 10 sheets of paper for her 10 and 10 sheets of paper for my 10, and just. It was just too much. I had been giving a lot, a lot, a lot. And I was like, leila, there's gotta be a more friendly way. We're wasting paper. And she was like, but it's what it's for. And I'm like, I can see that. And I even said that. I was like, I can see that. And usually that would be my attitude. But, like, in this moment, it's just feeling so wasteful. Really, what it is, is we don't have to unpack that. That's a parenting feeling. But then I. So we had this little dust up, and then I was like, I wish I had something. And everybody knows I have a complicated relationship with weed. I love it, but I also find that it can take the edge off and make me foggy. Blah, blah. And I'm not going to be stoned at. It was like 11am I've never done that. I'm not going to do that. But I wish I had something. And in the past, I've been very excited about CBD and stuff. But even that can get a little fuzzy. I realized. I remembered that my friend Dallas told me about Kenobody, made this new Saffron supplement. And they sent me some. And I was like, right, I do have something that I can take. I went in. I didn't know much about it other than it, like, helps. This sounds like an ad. It's not that. It helps with stress.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it helps with mood. I've heard that about saffron in general. But this particular supplement really dialed in. So I took two and literally forgot I had taken it. And then 15 minutes later, I felt euphoric. That's the end of all I'm going to say about it, other than I've been blabbing to the heavens.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Everyone I know and, like, five, six, seven parents I know have all bought it with promo code. Weird. Because you get the discount, but you got to go to Kinobody and get this Saffron because, like, especially if you're a sober person now, at night, I'll have. This is all the sponsors. I'll have my little saints, but I'll have it with one of the Saffrons. And now you're actually getting, like, even it has some adapt. You're getting even more of this kind of, like, calm, peaceful feeling. But even more than that, it was, like, fringing on euphoric. I just felt like, I'm gonna take

[A]

some right after this.

[B]

You need to. I. Yeah. I am a proselytizer. I am that guy. But especially if you can take something. So you take one in the morning and you take one at night, and it just kind of makes everything a little easier. Talking about all this parenting stuff. It's been a huge, huge game changer. So I'm not making any money for sharing that. This is not a paid endorsement, but the Saffron thing is fucking dope. I have a little pill box that I sometimes keep. Whatever. Who knows? Who knows what it is. That sounds like it's illegal. It's not. But I used to keep, like, Canadian muscle relaxers in it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Swapped it out for the saffron. That's my go to in my little pill box. Now, that's. If I was on a plane and I was uncomfortable, I'd rather take the saffron and just chill out than, like, medicate my body.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, this is fucking dope.

[A]

And it's just so excited.

[B]

What is saffron? A root?

[A]

No. Well, it's a spice. It's a plant.

[B]

It's a Spice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Whatever it is, we're not getting enough of it.

[A]

It's very expensive, too, which is surprising. Not. Not this. Not this.

[B]

No, I know. I don't. I don't know how much it is.

[A]

No, I meant saffron in general. At the grocery store, it's like, $20 for, like, a little.

[B]

Well, I would. I'm looking at. It's 30 bucks for.

[A]

So I don't know how they're doing that. That's so bad. That's not bad.

[B]

60 pills for 30 bucks. That's good.

[A]

Yes. I'm excited to try it. And I do want to say, like, it has also been such a sweet time. That's the thing is, like, sometimes we need stuff like that to stop the story that you're saying. Like, with each email we tell ourselves, we, like, suffer because we have all these thoughts and these stories of, like, this has to get done. I never get time to do my things I have to do, you know, whatever. And, like, it's so helpful sometimes to just have some way to sort of stop the story so that you can actually, like, drop in and be present. Because the times that I have been able to do that with Leela.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I, like, cannot believe how sweet it is.

[B]

No, I know.

[A]

And I'm really been feeling in the mid, like. Like, feeling like we are in the cream thing.

[B]

We are.

[A]

We are, like, in the.

[B]

We're there.

[A]

The cream of the Oreo, the meat of our beautiful life with her. Like, obviously, there's going to be different phases of life, but, like, this is.

[B]

No, it's the best. So anybody listening? That's like, oh, they're missing it. Seven is such a great age. No, we're not.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We also just never get to talk.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And the thing that needs to be addressed and honored is like, hey, this can be tricky. But, like, we're partying.

[A]

We're loving it. Oh, my God, We. We're loving it. And we got to go to. We went to Disneyland.

[B]

Oh, we didn't talk about that.

[A]

You didn't talk about that?

[B]

I don't think the highlight was. One of the highlights was we went on the Incredicoaster, which is the scariest roller coaster they have. Arguably, you could say maybe Space Mountain is scarier because it's dark, but it's, like, by far the most intense. It's in California Adventure, and Leela had gone on it before, but she's so small, she couldn't see. So. Because we were the car in front

[A]

of her, and I think she Also just wasn't expecting. None of us were expecting it to be as intense as it was.

[B]

But, you know, we've talked about Disney before being, like, a safe place to feel fear. Disney, a safe place to be afraid. But it really is. And she loved Haunted Mansion. She bought a haunted mansion, like, scary girl dress. She got her first pair of shiny black dark martens, which I bought for her, which I couldn't wait because she loves being goth and she wants us

[A]

to tell everyone that she's goth.

[B]

She will be talking to a kid, and she goes, tell them I'm goth, so I'm obsessed. And then we went on fucking the Incredicoaster again. We waited to go in the front, and it was so she could see. And apparently, I think it's easier if you can see. It made it harder for her. So she was, like, closing her eyes and really, like, looking, like, a little goth. She kind of had some eye makeup on, so we have the picture of us. You know, it takes your picture. But she. I watched how the mind makes a story because she wasn't liking it because I was, like, holding her hand and. And she didn't. Or I was doing something like, checking in on her, and she didn't want that. She was just focusing. And then as soon as it was over, she was like, I didn't like that it was worse that you could see. And I was just like, oh, I hear you, baby. I. That's interesting. I thought maybe it would be better. Then I just waited. And then she's like, she's not doing this for me, by the way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think 80s kids would be like, well, dad wanted it to be better because we could see. She doesn't have any of that. She waited a couple of minutes, and then she was like, maybe it was better. It was better. And, like, once she saw that she was okay. Yep. And her body was regulated, she. She shifted from the. This. The fear of it to the pride that she had done it.

[A]

Yes. That. I mean, so. So I grew up going to Six Flags, which is like, those roller coasters are bonkers. They're insane and pro. I don't know if I started when I was her age. Maybe around then it could have been closer to, like, nine.

[B]

Sorry. In the Fred Armisen sketch, they. They, there's another brick, and they're going to poke it. It's like, I don't know, I might need another taste. And he goes, oh, don't do it again. Let's go back with the knife. Don't. Oh, God. Come on, don't do it again. Keep going.

[A]

I. And I remember I basically had that feeling, too. Like, I would have said that I loved roller coasters, but really what I meant meant was I love having done them. Hate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Them while they're happening, and then I love them afterwards.

[B]

That's my whole life, I think that's so much life.

[A]

That is like, that is life. We're saying this, like, where can. I mean, obviously we're also very much enjoying parenting, but, like, we're the greatest thing in the world about it. And then we're going to miss this

[B]

podcast with us being like, roller coasters are intense.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Stand up comedy. I. I still say this, like, to Matt, who I tour with, I. I go. I love doing stand up, but I really love having done it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's so much better than doing. It could go wrong. All these things could happen, all these calculations. But when you're done.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's as good as it gets.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

And I. I saw Leela. Thank you for that comparison, because that's exactly what I watched. I wasn't watching her gaslighting herself. I was watching her get filled with the feeling of, I did the scary thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now, you know, she's got a little of her dad. I don't know. She. It might. It's also in you, but, like, it's in everybody. But she's got that, like, I can't wait to tell everybody I did it right.

[A]

That's what she wants. And. And I felt that way, too. I. I wanted to be identified as a daredevil.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like a good part.

[B]

She wants to be a stunt woman and a God.

[A]

Yeah. She's so cool.

[B]

Obsessed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Let's get her off the tv. Oh, what?

[A]

All right. No, no, no. I. I was just gonna say we. We. I'm so proud. When I told everybody that I told that we were going to Disneyland, I. This is such an oh, high parent thing. They. It felt like every single person was like, you are. Wow. Like, literally one person was like, brave. Like, just like, people are like, why? What? You're gonna go there? You're. And we. And I was like, am I crazy? Like, we are highly sensitive people, but we fucking love Disneyland.

[B]

And we also caught some of that, like, really kind of, like, big corporation kind of thing. And I was like, again, this is another way that I'm just, like, kind of fiercely American in the ways that I'm fiercely American where I'm just like, it's amazing. Like, Walt Disney. Like, there's that Line in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, she goes, this is like a once in a generation genius. This is like a once in a hundred years genius. And when I was walking around the park and we always just kind of freestyle it. We start with pirates, but then we're just kind of going around.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, this is almost. It feels shamanic to me. And I don't mean that in like. Because people are like, it's sinister, it's evil. I mean, it is as close to someone's dream dream, literally like a. A trance that they were in going like. And there's dole whip over here, and there's the ca. Where the fairies live. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm just like, he did it.

[A]

I know he did it. He did it.

[B]

He did it. And he walked around the park smoking a cigarette, empty. I did it. Fucking did it. And when I'm there, I'm just like, it's so well planned.

[A]

You feel very cared for. I've never felt very cared for.

[B]

Yes. Everyone's so happy. We're waiting in these long lines. We're talking to people. We met people in the line. We took pictures with them afterwards.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

One of them, their son was trying to be an actor. We called him and I gave him advice. It was one of the sweetest moments.

[A]

So sweet. We hugged them when we hugged them.

[B]

The reason is that is a bit virtue signally, I guess. But I'm like, that's because everybody's so happy. Yeah, Everybody just. It like worked like it's a. It's a happy.

[A]

And some people aren't like, some people are screaming at their kids or whatever. But. But there's.

[B]

There's a skill to it, but there

[A]

is a little bit of. It's like a microcosm cosm of like whatever energy you are bringing to it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's what you will attract and that's the day it will. And I'm just so proud that we did it in June. We went in June and had a perfect day and we did it again. We went back and from like 9 in the morning till 9:30 or 10 at night, we partied. And we were wrecked.

[B]

Your bodies are wrecked. 20,000 steps, 22. The other thing, because I think this, this is a travel tip podcast, but if you go to Disneyland or Disney World, the key is get a hotel. Like a Disney hotel, if you can.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All of this is if you can. Disney is a little cost prohibitive. I understand.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But like, if you're gonna do it. Go get the night before. This is how you do a one day Disney. It's almost over. Get a hotel in the park. Go. Arrive the night before. Wake up early. Go in the park as it's opening. Have your day around 11 or 12. Is that when it is 12 or 1?

[A]

I would.

[B]

Around 12 or 1. It's too hot. This is meltdown central. You're already the out of there. You're at the hotel. You're having lunch at the pool. Either where you cool down.

[A]

Resting in the shade and eating and hydrating.

[B]

Laying down and drinking water and eating food. And it's. And you. And they set it up. There's like, I swear I saw seven lifeguards. Because you just want to be like, wait, am I being irresponsible? No.

[A]

Well. And it's not.

[B]

And there's kids looking to party and they're having a. It's like 1954.

[A]

Yeah. Because we stay at the Disneyland hotel and it's more like there is a pool portion, but the kids aren't there. It's like they're at the water slides where it's shallow. They can't drown.

[B]

They're so fun. That's exactly right. It's all for the kids. And you're in the shade. Everything's in the shade. Everything to the shade. And you're just eating and it's so nice. And then you go back in the park. What, three?

[A]

Yeah, three.

[B]

Now it's starting to cool down. The best.

[A]

The best. It's the best. And then you can. Then you have the stamina to stay to the fireworks, which is Break it up. Break.

[B]

It's. It's like being in a. It's like being in Vegas.

[A]

And we, we have the luxury of living in Southern California and having the money to go and do it that way. But I would say even for people who don't get to go that often there, the way that we do it is like we just. We do a little planning of like, we know we want to hit these rides. So we'll kind of like lightning pass. Do a lightning pass or we'll do whatever. But for the most part, it is very much like, all right, what do we want to go do now? Oh, well, that's over there. Let's go see how long that line is.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, I know there are people who really love and really thrive in like a. It is all planned out. This is the most efficient way to hit all of the rides.

[B]

And that's fine.

[A]

That's great. Some people will Love that.

[B]

It's like a rookie move, though, because a lot of the people you'll meet at the hotel are like, we've been here three days. We are just taking it easy because they went too hard.

[A]

Yeah. And the thing is, is, like, you're not gonna remember that you've experienced every single ride. You'll remember the general feeling you had go on one, walking around like few dopes and being like. And this, this time we just did all these B side ones that we never done. Yeah, we did. Our favorite was Thunder Mountain. And we.

[B]

Oh, Thunder Mountain was awesome.

[A]

It was so fun. And we had never done that. Wow, that's insane. They sound so fun. But we haven't done Space Mountain.

[B]

Here's what's better about it. It's not a nine hour wait.

[A]

Yes, that's for sure. And then we did what other. Oh, we did like the storybook.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like Little Boat. We just did a lot of B

[B]

side ones and we saw characters. I. I know this is. This has just become two people showing you a slideshow in their living room, but that was awesome. And we went to Salt and Straw, which is the best ice cream in the world. The best vegan ice cream in the world, by the way, too. Like a zero compromise vegan experience. A genderless burger experience. We love you guys.

[A]

All right, thanks for listening to our vacation.

[B]

And we turn the lights on and you're asleep on our couch. Whoops.

[A]

Whoops.

[B]

Get some saffron. Get some Little Saints. I fucking love this shit.

[A]

I know you're drunk.

[B]

Fucking love it. Put some bitters in it. Some big ice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, that goes. I'll close that loop. Mask work. You put on the mask, you act like a devil. You haven't ingested anything. I make a cocktail at night with Little Saints. What is it called? Oak something. It's a fake whiskey. Put a little bitters in, a little ice. I love it. I feel. Was that what I wanted?

[A]

I remember you wanted the ritual.

[B]

A friend of mine was like, you just want something at night. That's different.

[A]

And you want something at night, especially if. If you have kids or, you know, even working a job, you want something at night that's like. Now this is the marker of the transition into evening into, like, my time.

[B]

That's right. Love it. Little Saints promo. Weird. Get the into it.

[A]

All right, everybody. Keep it crispy. Want to listen to your favorite Lemonada shows without the ads? Subscribe to Lemonada premium on Apple Podcasts. You'll get ad free episodes and exclusive bonus content. From shows like Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis Dreyfus, Fail Better with David Duchovny, the Sarah Silverman Podcast, and so many more. It's a great way to support the work we do and treat yourself to a smoother, uninterrupted listening experience. Just head to any Lemonada show, feed on Apple Podcasts and hit subscribe. Make Life Suck Less with Fewer Ads with Lemonada Premium. Are you looking for ways to make your everyday life happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one best selling author of the Happiness Project, bringing you fresh insights and practical solutions. Solutions in the Happier with Gretchen Rubin Podcast, my co host and happiness guinea pig is my sister Elizabeth Kraft. That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore ideas and hacks about cultivating happiness and good habits. Check out Happier with Gretchen Rubin from Lemonada Media.