You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes: We Made It Weird #88

Release Date: May 27, 2022
Host: Pete Holmes
Co-Host: Valerie (Val)

Episode Overview

In this relaxed, conversational episode of "We Made It Weird," Pete Holmes and his wife Val bring listeners into their everyday lives, delving into secret weirdness, health anxieties, making big life changes, and embracing vulnerability. The episode contains some fun digressions, stories about doctor visits, musings on mental health (specifically ADHD), and culminates in the joyful — though complicated — announcement that they’ve bought their dream house in Ojai. The tone is both comedic and candid, offering an authentic glimpse of their partnership and the emotional complexities around growth and abundance.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Casual Vibe and "Upper Holes" Comedy

• The episode is intentionally chill and unstructured:
  • "It's going to be one of these ones. It's a little bit chill. It's okay." – Pete, [08:14]
• The couple riff about doctor visits and the peculiarities of human anatomy, particularly their experiences with ear, nose, and throat doctors (ENTs).
• Pete inventively discusses the universality of certain medical specialists:
  • “Everybody goes to the same butt doctor. Isn't that kind of a nice feeling?” – Pete, [12:15]
• Light-hearted thoughts on the shared vulnerability of medical visits become a recurring bit, as does the playful phrase "upper holes" ([14:36]).

2. Health Anxiety, Cost of Care, and Trusting Intuition

• Pete and Val detail a mutual, ongoing dialogue about health, doctor’s visits, and financial frustrations:
  • Pete describes a severe earache and being “furious” at how expensive a doctor’s appointment is, even with insurance ([15:16]).
  • The conversation also covers a recurring fear that visiting a doctor will result in “being found out” as a hypochondriac.
  • Despite this, Val shares that trusting her intuition paid off when she finally did visit the doctor for a sore throat, resulting in an important sinus infection diagnosis ([20:01]).
  • Notable moment:
    • “I have this fear always that I'm gonna go to the doctor and the doctor's gonna be like, it's ridiculous that you're here. ...And it was the opposite of that, where she was like, I'm so glad that you came in because this was just gonna get worse and it wouldn't have fixed itself. ...And I just did the thing without waiting, like I usually would have.” – Val, [20:29–21:02]

3. Gut Health, Dental Health, and 'Pantry Brain'

• The episode breezes into digestive and dental health routines, with typical self-deprecating humor:
  • “I'm now talking about gut health. But I'm just saying, don't you kind of feel weird? Like if someone starts telling you their gut health regimen, don't you kind of start smelling their farts?” – Pete, [21:49]
• Pete admits he hasn’t been to the dentist in eight years, with Val expressing shock and sharing her own approach to dental appointments ([25:22–26:57]).
• The couple compare their ways of organizing home life, touching on how Pete wants everything visible (“pantry living”), while Val favors tidy organization (“Crate and Barrel” aesthetic):
  • “You want to live in a pantry. ...You want to live in a grocery store. You want to live in a Costco.” – Val, [32:16]
  • “I want to live like, I want to sit on a crate and have flosspicks on a barrel. Can. You want to live in a Crate and Barrel? Yeah, I just want some crates and some barrels.” – Pete, [33:07]

4. Mental Health & Neurotype: Living with 'Pantry Brain' and ADHD Musings

• Pete describes his mind as a “boardroom” or “pantry brain,” where tasks are like employees in a room — when planning or future projection is required, employees leave, making him feel less calm ([34:50–36:38]).
• Val describes needing control through physical tidiness so she can fully relax, whereas Pete needs mental clarity and everything out in the open ([37:37–38:36]).
• The conversation speculates if Pete has ADHD and highlights contemporary understanding of neurodiversity:
  • “It’s not a deficiency. It's not a flaw. It's like, your specific brain works this way, and it has this unique set of pros and cons and other brains work this way.” – Pete, [42:16]

5. Parenting & Emotional Tolerance

• A memorable metaphor is drawn from Liam Neeson’s "They’re going to take you" line from Taken, relating it to the inevitability of pain for children and the promise parents offer:
  • “You’re gonna suffer…That's parenting. …[My goal is] I will find you and I have a very specific set of parenting skills. And I will sit with you and listen to you.” – Pete, [43:02–43:46]
• Discussion about teaching their daughter Leela emotional resilience, modeling better “distress tolerance” — both for themselves and her ([61:40–62:27]).

6. The Big News: Buying Their Dream House (Ojai House)

• After years of searching, Pete and Val found and secured their dream house in Ojai ([44:17], [44:28]):
  • “We got our dream house, guys...We've been looking in Ojai for a very long time, over two years.” – Pete, [44:28, 45:01]
• They reflect on the emotional complexity—feeling joyful but unworthy, experiencing imposter syndrome, and wrestling with privilege.
  • “I was shocked that even at this point in my life ...I still had this feeling of, like, oh, they're gonna kick me out. Someone's gonna tell on me. I don't belong here.” – Pete, [50:44]
• The couple discuss normalizing mixed feelings around success and abundance, referencing “Man in the Mirror” and the urge to balance privilege with generosity ([52:51–53:35]).
• Insightful reflection by Val on allowing oneself to experience happiness, even with its impermanence:
  • "It's a surprising amount of people don't have the courage to actually be happy because they know that the happiness will just, like, everything will go away...so we often talk about aversion to uncomfortable feelings, aversion to our pain. But in Buddhism, suffering comes from aversion and clinging." – Val, [56:59–57:40]

7. On Change, Anxiety, and Courage

• They discuss the inherent fear in making big changes, courage necessary to accept happiness, and the importance of talking about distress honestly in real time ([66:36–67:19]).
• Pete shares vulnerabilities about being able to actually enjoy the new house and handling the big commute ([69:06–71:55]).
  • “Boy, oh, boy. I do have a poem, actually.” – Pete, [74:59]

8. Closing with Mary Oliver’s "I Worried"

• Pete reads "I Worried" by Mary Oliver, which is also posted in their home, as a meditation on letting go of worries and choosing life and presence ([75:03–76:18]).
  • "Finally, I saw that worrying had come to nothing and gave it up and took my old body and went out into the morning and sang." – Mary Oliver, read by Pete [75:21–76:18]
• They conclude with their catchphrase: “Keep it crispy.” ([77:20])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Everybody goes to the same butt doctor. Isn't that kind of a nice feeling?" – Pete, [12:15]
• “I trusted my intuition ...and I was rewarded by antibiotics that she said, quote, are very…gut unfriendly.” – Val, [20:29–21:26]
• “If someone starts telling you their gut health regimen, don't you kind of start smelling their farts?” – Pete, [21:49]
• “You want to live in a pantry. ...You want to live in a Costco.” – Val, [32:16]
• "My brain is like a boardroom. ...All 10 [businesspeople] are in the room and when they're all together and I'm sort of the disembodied awareness that's looking at them. So I'm like the 11th thing in the room. ...Small tasks keep popping up, people ask me to project..., my business people just keep dispersing." – Pete, [34:50–36:38]
• "It’s not a deficiency. It's not a flaw. It's like, your specific brain works this way..." – Pete, [42:16]
• “You’re gonna suffer…That's parenting. …[My goal is] I will find you and I have a very specific set of parenting skills. And I will sit with you and listen to you.” – Pete, [43:02–43:46]
• “We got our dream house, guys...We've been looking in Ojai for a very long time, over two years.” – Pete, [44:28, 45:01]
• "Oh, they're gonna kick me out. Someone's gonna tell on me. I don't belong here." – Pete, [50:44]
• "It's a surprising amount of people don't have the courage to actually be happy because they know that the happiness will just, like, everything will go away." – Val, [56:59]
• “Finally, I saw that worrying had come to nothing and gave it up and took my old body and went out into the morning and sang.” – Mary Oliver (read by Pete), [75:21–76:18]
• “And don't forget, keep it crispy. I can't hear your wink.” – Pete, [77:20]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [08:14] – Start of main, laid-back conversation
• [09:01-13:55] – “Upper holes” doctor humor, Welcome Back Kotter confusion
• [15:16-21:02] – Health anxiety, doctor visit costs, trusting intuition pays off
• [21:49-23:40] – Gut health and dental health riff
• [34:50-36:38] – "Pantry brain," boardroom metaphor for attention management
• [42:16] – Neurotypes, ADHD, and self-acceptance
• [43:02-43:46] – Parenting and emotional support, “I will find you” metaphor
• [44:17-45:41] – Announcement: finding their dream house in Ojai
• [50:44-53:35] – Wrestling with imposter syndrome and privilege
• [56:59-57:40] – On the courage to be happy and Buddhist wisdom
• [69:06-71:55] – Vulnerability about change, anticipation of new commute, parenthood's impact
• [75:03-76:18] – "I Worried" by Mary Oliver, reflection on worry and presence
• [77:20] – Episode closing: “Keep it crispy.”

Overall Tone

• Warm, comedic, candid, and philosophical
• Will appeal to listeners who enjoy conversational storytelling, self-aware humor, honest takes on mental health, and real-time personal growth

TL;DR for New Listeners

This episode is a joyful, intimate journey through Pete and Val’s shared neuroses, life decisions, and quirks, culminating in the big news of buying a home in Ojai. They explore topics ranging from bodily weirdness to neurotype, the cost of healthcare, emotional resilience, and the “courage to be happy”—peppered with signature Pete Holmes comedy, honest vulnerability, and grounded reflection.