You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes — "We Made It Weird #95" (July 16, 2022)
Host: Pete Holmes
Co-host: Valerie Chaney

Episode Overview

In this candid and humorous installment of the recurring "We Made It Weird" series, Pete Holmes and his wife, Valerie Chaney, dive into the peculiarities of everyday life, insecurity, spiritual striving, personal growth, and the paradoxes of the human condition. The episode combines light-hearted riffs with reflective conversation about presence, anxiety, love, and the ongoing journey to embrace imperfection, all delivered in their signature warm, funny, and introspective style.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Time Feels Weird & Pandemic Disconnection

• The duo opens with riffs about not being able to process that it's 2022, referencing how the pandemic disrupted their sense of time and normalcy. (“I still feel like it’s 2021.” [00:21])
• Quick introduction morphs into a playful post-apocalyptic radio-broadcast bit, replete with canned peaches, peach/BM jokes, and a reflection on their own lack of survival skills. ([08:18–09:16])

2. High School & Pop Culture Pretensions

• Pete coins "Dr. Frankenstein moments"—those obvious, eye-rolly pedantic corrections (like "Frankenstein's monster" or stalactite vs. stalagmite debates). ([09:28])
• Valerie admits to faking knowledge on certain things (like cloud types), prompting a riff about learning and pretending in adulthood. ([10:23])

3. Movies & Evolving Perspectives

• The couple discusses movies that impacted them, particularly “American Beauty” and “Dead Poet’s Society.”
• Valerie reflects on how, as a young viewer, she found the iconic "plastic bag" scene to be deep, but as an adult, sees it as pretentious. However, she later circles back to finding value in the scene’s demonstration of "holy seeing." ([15:47])
• Pete ties this to their daughter's toys, likening a child’s love for a shabby plaything to the way artists see beauty in the mundane:

  “There’s a way that an artist sees…when you’re having a transcendent experience, you’re transcending your judgmental mind.” ([23:45–24:32])

4. Spirituality: Presence, Acceptance & The Heart

• Extended conversation about the practice and difficulty of staying "heart open"—remaining present and finding beauty—even when life is ordinary or challenging.

  “If you see everything that way, then everything is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.” — Pete ([26:06])
  “It’s not the design of life to stay there…We can cause a lot of disappointment and self-judgment if we think that’s the point.” — Valerie ([27:59])

• Valerie introduces mindfulness and loving-kindness practices, referencing Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield:

  “The lungs breathe in and out; the heart opens and closes…allowing that, extending the loving kindness to yourself—whatever it is right now is totally fine.” ([38:36])

• Pete references Richard Rohr and spiritual writers, exploring ideas of surrender, flowing with reality, and the paradox that accepting imperfection leads to greater change and peace.

  “The paradox is, the moment that I truly accept myself as I am, I can begin to change.” — Valerie quoting Carl Rogers ([39:06])

5. Vulnerability, Fragility & The Achiever Mindset

• After receiving a mildly critical email, Pete describes “instantaneous” emotional shifts (“I instantly went from the world is my friend to…every billboard I saw, I instantly hated it.” [35:21]) and confesses core anxieties:

  “My core negative belief is that I'm an idiot, and everyone will figure out it's an act…” ([31:28])

• “Bobby Barbarino” becomes a running bit about the fragile confidence of adults presenting like they have it together, but being “three things away from just eating ice cream in sweatpants.” ([32:26])

• They tie this to “The Achiever” Enneagram type (always fearing the revelation of incompetence or failure), and the dichotomy of “all or nothing”—both in ambition and in emotional highs/lows. ([33:43])

6. Navigating Jealousy & Social Comparison

• The feeling of wanting to be “Bobby Barbarino” or an admired peer is connected to both the desire for attention and the discomfort of seeing others get it.
• Pete confesses: “I can’t handle other people getting attention…that’s been a problem.” ([35:00])

7. Practicing Loving-Kindness & Self-Acceptance

• Valerie introduces the idea of dedicating 30 days to loving-kindness (Metta) meditation, describing the process of wishing happiness, health, safety, and freedom for oneself, loved ones, neutral people, difficult people, and all beings. ([36:12–37:59])
• She explains that even with meditation, resistance arises; the heart, like the lungs, naturally opens and closes. The goal is acceptance, not forced positivity:

  “Feelings aren’t problems that need to be fixed.” ([72:05])

8. The Power and Trickery of the Mind/Brain

• Extended riff on how the mind always “wins” arguments—especially in justifying fears or comparative suffering.

  “If you enter into the courtroom of reason, the brain will go, ‘With that money, you can do this, so it’s okay.’ The brain will always win.” — Pete ([48:38])

• They relate this to Eckhart Tolle (“unconscious pain-body triggering”) and how close friendships or marriages can unconsciously "feed each other's pain bodies" through needling or comparison.

  “Why do we love to just shovel tons of food to pain bodies?” ([60:42])

9. Letting Go of Self-Centeredness & The Church Analogy

• Pete references Richard Rohr on the “self-centeredness” of seeking everything in life (including church) as a “consumer” rather than a contributor or servant:

  “So many people go to church to get. Nobody goes to give.” ([66:03])

• This leads to discussion of humility, self-compassion, and the trap of endless external validation.

10. Managing Emotions: Practical Techniques

• Valerie describes guided mindfulness inquiry (“Vipassana Out Loud”) she experienced with Tara Brach, where a partner names internal sensations and asks, “Can I be with this?” ([74:17])
  • Example script:
    • “What are you aware of right now?”
    • “Can you be with this?”
    • Mirroring back (“So, clenching in your chest, can you be with it?”)
  • Emphasizes the power of somatic awareness and compassionate witnessing:

    “Sometimes we just need…You are being comprehended right now. I am comprehending what you’re saying, which means you exist.” ([77:09])

• Pete reflects on how his own body tenses, and that even a small inquiry (“Can I just be with this?”) causes physical and emotional softening. ([75:37])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the "Plastic Bag" Scene (American Beauty):
  “There’s a way that an artist sees...when you're having a transcendent experience, you're transcending your judgmental mind.” — Pete ([23:45])

• On Mindfulness & Acceptance:
  “Feelings aren’t problems that need to be fixed.” — Valerie ([72:05])

• On Letting Go:
  “The paradox is the moment that I truly accept myself as I am, I can begin to change.” — Carl Rogers, quoted by Valerie ([39:06])

• On Self-Compassion:
  “Our hearts open and close, just like the lungs. Extending loving kindness to yourself: whatever it is right now is totally fine.” — Valerie ([38:36])

• On Self-Generating Joy:
  “There should be more time for feeling feelings…There should be more time for feeling.” — Pete ([72:49])

Noteworthy Segment Timestamps

• 00:18–02:02: Pandemic time riff & live-show plug
• 08:18–09:16: Fallout shelter/“canned peaches” apocalypse game
• 12:23–15:47: Movie riff—discussing pretension of “American Beauty” & “Dead Poet’s Society”
• 23:45–26:11: The “plastic bag” metaphor and connecting it to mindfulness and presence
• 31:28–35:21: Pete unpacks emotional fragility, achiever mindset, and "Bobby Barbarino" metaphor
• 36:12–39:21: Valerie explains loving-kindness (Metta) meditation
• 48:10–50:03: The mind’s relentless logic, and the futility of mental rationalization for peace
• 60:42–62:23: Pain body activation in friendships + role playing/identity maintenance
• 66:03–68:34: Church as a consumer experience vs. spiritual community
• 74:17–78:59: Val leads a discussion on somatic inquiry—practical mindfulness with partner mirroring
• 80:35–80:42: Wrap-up: "Keep it crispy" sign-off

Conclusion & Tone

This episode gently careens between comedic and contemplative, using Pete and Val’s chemistry, real-life struggles, and pop-culture observations as jumping-off points for insights about the search for presence, acceptance, and human connection. Listeners will relate to their admissions of insecurity, the paradoxes of spiritual growth, and the comforting, often hilarious, ways the couple supports and grounds each other.

The conversational tone is playful, humble, and vulnerable—the “weirdness” here is the universal weirdness of being alive—and the episode is as likely to elicit laughter as to invite honest self-reflection.