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Hi, I'm Sarah, and welcome to youo Makesense. I'm a somatic experiencing practitioner, an expert on trauma resolution, attachment parts work, and nervous system regulation. This podcast is a manual to understanding your human experience so that you can navigate the world with freedom, ease, empowerment, and create the life that you desire. Remember, you make sense all parts always. So in this episode, we're going to talk about how we can harness the power of our nervous systems to support us to step into the career and work that really fulfills us in powerful ways. So many of us are choosing work or have historically chosen the work that we do from a place of survival rather than alignment. And there are many reasons for this. One of the primary reasons, I think that a lot of us find ourselves in this predicament is because of financial insecurity. So this is a very real threat that a lot of us have encountered in our lives. Certainly early in my life, that was an experience that I had. I just didn't have any money, so I had to find something that was going to be consistent. So if we don't have our primary needs met, then I just want to name. Of course we're going to find ourselves in jobs or careers that may not be bringing us fully alive, but they are meeting a more primary need, which is our safety and survival. And I don't want us to beat ourselves up over that. If that's something we've historically been in or we are in now. Part of what we want to work on there is building some financial security for ourselves, which then also makes way for us to begin bringing to life the things that are actually going to fulfill us. We're going to talk about how to do that in just a moment. So another reason that we might find ourselves choosing careers or jobs from a place of survival rather than choice and alignment is because of a lacking of internal safety. So if we have unresolved trauma, if we have some insecure attachment styles or patterns that are showing up inside of us that have left us feeling a lack of safety inside, that means that we're not gonna feel safe in the world. So what our protective system. Brilliant. Does is it finds situations or scenarios for us that give some semblance of consistency and safety. So let's say historically in the past, if in, you know, my childhood, there was a lot of chaos and I didn't feel safe in my home, and of course that means I didn't feel safe inside, then what we can tend to do and if that stuff isn't resolved, is we find things in our lives that are consistent and steady and safe. And that is, you know, a really brilliant thing to do if we have no other option. So before we start our healing journey, that likely might be the way that we approach our career. And so that might mean you're doing something that provides you a weekly paycheck and, and benefits and insurance, all the things. But it might not actually be making your soul sing or, or using your gifts to your greatest ability. And then we're not gonna feel a sense of alignment. But that. That's a really common reason why you might find yourself not in your right way of serving in the world. Another reason is a lack of belief in self. So if we didn't have experiences in our childhood where we were consistently given the message that we are special because every human being is special, that we have gifts to offer the world that only we can offer, that the caregivers around us or the adults around us believed in that fully and wholly. If that didn't happen, then that belief in self can become inhibited, and then we'll find ourselves in our adult lives. And although we might have desires of our soul, like things we really want to step into, there's going to be parts of us to say, well, I can't do that. Who am I to do that? It's not possible for me, or I'm not good enough, or I'm not smart enough. And that can inhibit us from actually stepping into the things that we want the most. So another reason is because of a fear of change. So if I notice that I am really trying to clench onto things in my external life and make sure they're consistent and they don't change, that's a clue that I, again, don't have internal safety. When I am safe inside, I can relinquish that grip on life and allow it to naturally unfold like water going down a stream. But if I don't have that internal safety, that kind of surrender is going to feel terrifying for me. Because, you know, the idea of surrender, what is that? Well, I can't just let go into nothing. I have to let go into safety. So in order for me to be able to tolerate change, meaning stepping into the career, that is for me, which means stepping. Stepping into the unknown, by the way. Until you are in the thing, it's unknown. And even as you step into the thing, it's not fully known. My career, it is not fully known because I'm gonna be in this, doing this work for a really long time. It hasn't reached you know, the point that it's going to be at in five years and 10 years. So there's so much unknown involved in that. And if we don't have the internal safety, our system is really going to keep us from stepping into that place of the unknown. Another reason why we may be choosing work from survival rather than alignment is because work or our work environment will often mimic our family system or what happened in our family of origin. So, for example, if you grew up in a chaotic home, your system learned how to navigate chaos with a sense of control oftentimes and a sense of ease in a way, and that's really familiar to me. Calm and steadiness and consistency will not be so, you know, I might find myself chronically in toxic work environments or where boundaries are pushed. And so much is asked of me because that is what my system knows. And although I might not like it and I might complain about it, I can't seem to leave it. And that's because my system is saying, this is what I know and this is all that I deserve. And perhaps even this is all there is. So for all of these reasons, and of course there are more too, we might find ourselves not living our right life in. The goal for all of us is that we are living a life filled with purpose and alignment. Human beings thrive when we are purposeful. And feeling purposeful means embodying the gifts that we have, embodying the things that make our soul sing or light us up. And we can do all the healing work we want to do. We can have great community and connection. We can be treating our bodies well, eating the things that nourish us, being in nature, regulating our nervous systems, doing all the work. But if we aren't purposeful, we aren't going to feel fulfilled. So it is a really vital thing for each of us to find purpose and fulfillment in our lives. And I want to also name this doesn't have to be a career where you're making an income off of it. You might have a job that you like well enough, but the rest of your time you're really focusing on, I don't know, this nonprofit that you volunteer with or this thing that really lights you up. And for some people, that's fulfilling enough, you know, having that, having that constant income and then also having this other thing that's bringing the fulfillment. Now for others of us that won't feel like enough. And there is no right or wrong. For me personally, I am really purpose driven. So if I didn't have my career as something that was giving me that fulfillment and it was using my gifts to the fullest, I wouldn't feel a sense of fulfillment. And then that can lead to hopelessness or depression, not feeling a full aliveness in life. So this work is really imperative that we lean in into. And the way to it is through regulating our nervous system and providing the internal safety that our system needs to take the risks that are necessary for us to step into the life that's here for us or to step into the career that. That we deeply desire. Now, if you're saying, I don't know what that is, or how do I know what that is, in a moment we're going to talk about some steps we can take that are going to support you to begin stepping into possibilities. The more that we do that, the more we'll get clarity on what it is that's going to light us up. And there might be, by the way, many things that will light you up. They might change over the course of your life. For me, the first half of my life, I was a professional actor. I acted as a kid. That's what I first went to college for. And that was definitely my first life's purpose. And then as I grew, things changed. And then I spent the last decade in the career that I'm in now. So I just want to name that too, that. But it's not always going to stay one thing. It might change over the course of time. So every single person has gifts that are unique to them. You know, a lot of us might have a gift of teaching. I consider myself a teacher. That is at least a part of what I do. And there are so many different types of teachers, right. And there's a lot of teachers who are doing the same thing that I'm doing. But we all have our own unique gifts inside of that. And so what we want to look at are what are our unique gifts and what makes life meaningful is that those gifts are actually being embodied by us. And the beautiful thing is when you embody your gifts and then they translate into a career, they help the world. And also you get abundance and benefit from that coming back to you. So that's the thing that we're really looking for. But when our gifts are not being embodied, when we are not expressing them, we'll start to feel things like uninspired in our work. We can feel like life is like a prison. It feels like a malaise, like we're going through the motions. We won't feel fully alive. And the result of that Is. Is a lot of the times what people do is we numb. So it can feel like Monday through Friday, I go to my job. I don't really like it. I kind of disconnect while I'm there. And then I, you know, use things at night and on the weekends to try to escape from this consistent prison that I find myself inside of. So if this is you, if you're like, oh, my gosh, that's me, that's what I'm experiencing. I want you to know that life doesn't have to be that way, that each of us have unique things we are here to do on this planet. I believe that so completely. And when we have the safety inside of ourselves that comes from regulating our nervous system and addressing our younger parts, that allows us to then take risks and step into the life and the career and the work that is for us in the world. And then. I know it's kind of a cheesy saying, but the truth is, you'll never feel like you're working. I was actually talking to people here on set earlier about how time goes by so fast. And I was saying I think that's in part because when we're really aligned with our purpose, it doesn't feel like days are dragging on or that I feel like I'm just going through the motions. We're feeling an excitement and fulfillment. And it might feel a lot at times, but I'm really getting so much from the work I'm doing. And that's a clue, by the way, that you are headed in the right direction. And the more that we are able to embody our gifts, the more that that begins to occur. So if we're finding ourselves in that pattern that I named of not being in our gifts, maybe you've been trapped in a career for a really long time or a job for a really long time that's not fulfilling. It really ripples out into our lives, starts to affect our relationships, because I say this a lot. But a regulated nervous system regulates the nervous system. So the more I am embodied in joy, the more that affects the people around me. For example, have you ever gone to a restaurant and you've had a waiter helping you? And that waiter, you can tell they are not in their right career, and there's a heaviness maybe to them, or they feel resentful, or they don't really want to be there. That affects you. You can feel it, you know, and you might feel empathy for them, and it might really negatively affect your dining experience. And then you Have a waiter who loves their job and they come over to your table and they describe the food to you in detail and it's almost like they're bringing it to life. It feels like it's, it's, you can almost taste it before it's even in front of you. And they want to get to know you and have a conversation with you and they, they seem like they're filled with joy. That is going to affect your experience and in such a profound way. So I really want you to see here. You know, when someone's aligned with their purpose, they're not the only ones that get jazzed up about it. Everyone around them gets the benefit. So it's really a win win. And relationally it affects all relationships that they are in including like you know, with a stranger as you're being waited on at a table. And certainly that person that goes home to their partner is going to be a really different partner than the other person who feels this deep pain inside or like they're trapped in a prison him. So when we aren't aligned in our career and our purpose, it really can affect our relationships. And so I'm just sharing that because, not because I want us to beat ourselves up, but because I really want you to see that devoting time and energy and even your like family resources towards you, stepping into your right life isn't a selfish act. It's not being, if you're a parent, it's not a selfish thing to do. This, this is the best thing that you could do for your partner and your children because they are going to get the best version of you. And not only that, if you have kids, you showing them what is possible. You know, I grew up in poverty so I didn't have caregivers. You know, my mother cleaned motel rooms at like a hiking lodge and my stepfather worked there too. We had no money. So I didn't see people embodying that, which means I didn't have a template for what was possible and I had to find that on my own. But, but if children have that, it is such a head start in life. And if they see you embodying the career that is right for you, the work that is right for you, and the abundance coming from it shows them well then I can do that too in my own way. So I just want to name that that is not a selfish thing for you to step into. So a few more things that create a ripple out effect. When we aren't aligned with our right work, it affects our health. So the more that you are in your right work, you're going to be more regulated. And we know a regulated nervous system is one of the best things we can do for our health. If you're in a work environment that is causing you chronic stress that you don't feel fully alive inside of, or you are shut down while you're working, you're in your dorsal vagal complex and disconnected, that's chronic dysregulation. So the more that we can come out of that, the more regulated our nervous system becomes and the greater that, that our bodies thrive and our health becomes better. We also have more energy. So if you aren't in a right career or a right work path, you're going to notice that your energy levels are going to be low and that, that I think of that as like my body talking to me. It's saying, hello, wake up, up. This isn't the right thing for you. It also affects our ability to experience joy and to experience full aliveness. So I want to talk about what do we do? So how do we become aligned in our life and approach coming towards the right career path or the right work? That is for us, a lot of the times what can happen is it feels like we're on one side of a cliff and the thing that we want is on the other side, or we don't even know what's on the other side, but we know we don't like what we, what we're doing. And there's this big chasm in the middle with no bridge to get there. So we might complain or just, you know, feel like, ah, this isn't right. But we don't know what to do to change it, which can create more and more hopelessness. So the first thing that's really important to focus on is coming into safety and out of survival. And that's nervous system work. So the more that you consistently regulate your nervous system and you create internal safety parts work is also really important for this. The more that I have that internal baseline for safety. And then I can choose things, anything in my life from a place of choice rather than from a place of survival. And that is the name of the game. That is the thing that we're all, that we all need and we're all wanting. And so it's not just like I'm going to go choose differently. I first have to do this work of creating that internal safety or my nervous system's not going to let me choose something that it doesn't think is safe. And more often Than not the things that we really desire are going to be things that my nervous, nervous system is going to say, I don't think that's safe. But it, because it requires you taking risks, making mistakes, being seen, being known, taking up space, and so on and so forth. Being in your gifts, by the way, means taking up space in the world. And if it wasn't safe to do that or to be seen, then your system's going to really try to inhibit it. So that's really vital, creating that internal safety. And from this place of safety and regulation, that's how we know what our truth is. Your truth can only be found when you are regulated. So what we want to do is when we are anchored in regulation, we want to start getting curious about what is my truth. And not only what is my truth, but I want you to think about playing what I call the hot or cold game. So we have to begin trying out or trying on things that might be towards our right path in terms of career or our work. Otherwise it's all really cognitive and abstract. And there is no way for you to know your right path without having embodied experiences. So I don't mean you have to daily go change the job that you're in or go do an internship like you're back in high school or college, but instead it's just starting to get curious about what makes my soul sing. When I say that essentially I mean what lights you up, what makes time go by fast when you do it, what makes you feel like you are experiencing greater joy and ease and your energy levels are high. Is there something that you could talk about for a long period of time? And time just goes by and there's ease involved in it. Those are all clues that they might be a part of the work that you are here to do. So I want you to get curious about that and what are some things that I can start trying out. The more that you do that, the more that you're going to get clear on this is the right direction, this is the wrong direction. Because you might try something and say, oh, that's actually not for me. That's amazing information. Now we know it's not that direction, so let's try taking another step. And the more you do this, the more it's going to lead you towards the right life you were here to live. The other thing that we want to do is we want to make contact with our gifts. So a lot of times people don't realize what their gifts are because they're things that come Easy to you. So you can. A thing that I ask people to do a lot when I'm working with them is connect to someone who's close to you, who knows you really well, and ask them if they could name a few of your gifts, what would they be be? You might actually be really surprised because a lot of times we aren't connected to our own gifts because as I named, they come really easy to us. So someone might tell you, you're so easy to talk to, and I just feel like I can open up with you in ways that I can't open up with anyone else. And you might say, really, it's so easy for me to just hold space. I don't know. I didn't know that was a gift. The truth is, not everybody has the ability to do that. So again, the things that come easy to you, you are often a sign that that is your gift. And asking folks who love you what they see as your gifts might clue you into that. And also connecting into the things that that come with quite with a lot of ease for you as you do them. Because you're going to be using your gifts in whatever the right career or right work is for you. So the more you can connect to them, the more it's going to become quite clear. And then we begin playing that hot or cold game and leaning towards the things that light us up. Up. Another important thing to do is to connect to jealousy. Jealousy is an amazing emotion. It is not something to be ashamed of. So what I want you to do is actually sit down and think about who are the people I'm jealous of. And then instead of just being focused on them or, you know, they have that thing and I really want that thing, and I don't have that thing. I want you to get curious about what do they have that I want in my own life or what are they doing that I feel jealous of. That's because to give you some major clues about the direction you are meant to go. And so I really invite you to lean into that exercise. And jealousy, it really has nothing to do with the other person. It has to do with the unmet, unrealized life that is waiting to be lived inside of us. So the more you engage in that, the more it's going to give you clues about the direction that you are meant to go. Go. So the more that we explore all of these things, the more it's going to give us clues about the direction that our life is meant to go and the career that is for us, the Work that is waiting for us. And I want to name again that, that we aren't, you know, gonna lay the whole bridge. Remember I talked about us being on one side of the cliff and the thing we, we are meant to do on the other side of the cliff. I don't want you to expect the whole bridge is going to be laid in a week. We plank by plank and, and that's actionable, step by actionable step, build the bridge to where we're going. I also really don't recommend just, you know, quit your job and start that company unless you have the financial security to do so. If you do, then that might be a really wonderful step to take. And I will say that it's also really important to get uncomfortable. There can be parts of us that say, like, I don't know, I'll do that when I have this in my bank account. And usually that day never comes. And then that scared part of us says, well, when I have this amount, when I have this amount, and so on and so forth. If we have internal safety and we have all needs met, it is actually really important for us to get a little uncomfortable. That is what supports us to mobilize towards the thing that we're wanting. And that's really different than putting ourselves into a survival response. So what I don't recommend is saying, you know, I don't have any savings and, and I have a couple of kids and I'm gonna quit my job and I'm gonna put everything on credit cards. If you do that, you're likely gonna create a high stress response in your body and then you're gonna go back to making choices from survival instead of choices from safety. So it might be saying, you know what? I'm gonna see if I can take one day off of work a week. I'm gonna go down to four days a week or even like a half day off. And I'm gonna devote that time to exploring these other career avenues, news, or these other things that might be of interest to me. And the more that you do that, the more you build your capacity and understanding of where, what it is that lights you up and then we can begin stepping into that. And oftentimes even, you know, doing that on the side or earning money, doing the thing that we love, that creates enough safety for us and financial stability that we can then make the transition. So there are many ways that you might transition out of the current work that, that you're doing. I just want to name that. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to just leave it all together and start the new thing. That can be a more titrated process. So lastly, I want to say there are a lot of us who are in our right career or our right job and we're feeling really inspired and fulfilled by it. But there may be parts of it that aren't totally aligned anymore. So as we grow and as we heal and we expand into a fuller version of ourselves, the way that we relate to our work or the role that we have inside of it is going to need to change. For example, for me, when I started out doing this work almost 10 years ago or so, I was doing one on one work with just a few people inside of my home. It was all, I had a home office, it was all just referral based. So the more that I did that and grew my capacity to serve and really work the muscle of being a practitioner, the more that for me it needed to shift. And I and I felt a calling into doing work with more people and bigger groups. And over time, it continued to evolve and to change and to shift. Now that isn't true for everybody. You know, some practitioners and clinicians, one on one work is the thing that lights them up and they stay in that for their entirety of their career. The way that they approach it might change, but that basic structure might stay the same. So there isn't. I don't want you to think that with time it always has to evolve into something new, but it might. And so for me, that meant there had to be a renegotiation of my role and how I did my work. And we know that that's being asked of us. When we start to notice resistance in the work we're doing, or we start to notice we feel more depleted than when we do energized in the work we're doing, or we feel resentful. All of those are wonderful clues, just like jealousy, that something needs to shift. And the more that we have safety in our nervous system, we then have the ability to actually lean into that change and lean into the unknown. And if we resist it, that resentment and that lack of feeling aligned and that exhaustion is just going to grow. All of those experiences are brilliant clues that our truest self, our soul self, is trying to give us. Like, okay, come into this direction, it's going to transition or it's going to transform. And that's even happened with creating this podcast. I've wanted to do this for a really long time and kept feeling that tug. And something really changed when I step into it my system said, ah, this is alignment. And that's the last thing I want to say that our systems deeply desire to be in alignment. And once we come into safety in our bodies and in the world, that kind of alignment and congruency is what we need to thrive. Alignment in our relationships, alignment with what we fuel, our body with the food we eat, alignment with our spiritual practice and alignment with our work and our career and using our gifts to their fullest in order to make that happen. And it's the internal safety that we create that allows us to do this. And then life can become this beautiful adventure that we don't know what's on the other side of tomorrow. All that I know is what's happening in my internal truth and I let that be the compass that guides me to the next right step. And the more that you do that, the more you're going to live the life you are here to live. Enjoying what you've heard so far and want to go deeper into somatic healing. I have a free workbook called how to Gain Control over how youw Feel and it will help you to to get in the driver's seat of your experience and step towards your desires with more ease. Check the show notes below for a link to download. Welcome to the Q and A portion of this episode. We have some great questions today and I just want to remind you, if you ever want to submit a question you can do so. We're going to pop a link to do that in the show notes. Whether that's a video question, an audio question or a written one, we would love to hear from you. And of course as you've seen on this podcast, we cover all aspects of life, so anything you've got a question around we will do our best to get it answered for you. Let's go to the first one that we have here today. Hi, my name is Ashley and I am submitting my limiting beliefs to you about career. I initially graduated in 2008 with communications degree from University of Oklahoma and I wanted to move to LA and work in film and so I've been working in films and since 2013 in every capacity post production and that's my dog, just all facets documentary, music, video, commercial. I freelanced since 2017 and the industry is kind of in the tank but I've never really felt fulfilled in my career. I haven't scaled like I wanted to. I haven't grown in the way that I wanted to or saved in the way I want to and I just feel like Every corporate job I've gotten into has been, been not great for me. So I feel like I'm stuck in this freeze mode. And I also just got out of a 10 year relationship that took a lot of my time and energy and. Yeah. So I'm just trying to focus on growing my wealth now. Well, thank you so much for this question. I just first want to say as somebody who I live in Los Angeles, I moved here 17 years ago to be in the film industry myself and was for a long time. And I just want to first commend you on what a big deal it is that you left Oklahoma and you came to this place to come come into this career that is a really challenging one to be in and there's not a playbook for how to navigate it. And so I just want to really honor that, that you had enough internal safety and enough belief in self to say, I'm going to go do this thing. And if you had all of that inside of you, you are most certainly going to be able to step into the next iteration of whatever your career and work is meant to be. And as I talked about in this episode, I hope you, I hope it felt supportive to hear that's something I did for a really long time, but was acting and then the universe and my soul was saying, okay, it's time to go in this other direction. And my healing really led me to all of that occurring. So transition in life is something to really celebrate. And it sounds like you're really at one of those points or a juncture here. And I'm also hearing there's really a desire for more financial stability and want to also validate for, for you. I understand how being in the film and TV industry can be a very challenging one of work and then not having work can make it really challenging to have financial stability and then to save combined with being in a really expensive city. So I'm saying that in case there's any part of you that's being hard on yourself or comparing yourself to somebody else who has had a consistent paycheck and has more savings than you might be saving, finding yourself having right now. What I deeply believe is that when we are aligned with our right life, that the finances that we need to, you know, live the life that feels good for us will arrive. And it doesn't mean they're going to arrive, you know, overnight, but they will. And so I have every belief that that's going to happen for you too. I'm going to get to the finances part, but First, I want you to really begin connecting into what is it about the work that I'm doing that still lights me up? Might be nothing, but I want you to connect into are there things about it that light me up? And then I want you to connect into what things about this are not lighting me up or making me feel like I am not fully expressed. Like what is no longer working. That's going to really clue you into which direction am I actually meant to go. And what I really want, want for you, and want you, of course to want for you too, is that that you're choosing whatever next step you take from a place of choice, not survival. That's what we all really should strive for, for ourselves. Because if I am choosing a career, like I think you said, having more of a corporate job, which by the way, might be the right path, but if that's coming from a place of survival, and I'm saying I want that a, you know, to step into a corporate job because I just want financial stability there, of course there's a benefit to having that, but if I'm not feeling deeply aligned with whatever that job is, there's going to be a pretty big consequence to taking it meaning. I'm not going to feel full aliveness. So that's what I want you to think about in my current career. What's serving me, what's not serving me? Are there aspects of this that I want to be a part of more or want to step away from? Are there components of this, this that I like a lot? And perhaps there are different jobs within that field that I might be able to step into. So we want to really be creative here. It's not an all or nothing, but there might be another avenue or another role that you might be in, might be able to step into that feels more fulfilling and also might be, might give you the financial stability and security that you're after. And if I'm really feeling into this deep desire to save, to have a home of my own and to have more financial, financial flexibility, and that really is a top, top, top priority, then whenever we pick our career, if we're saying, you know, there might be things about this I don't love fully, but it is meeting all of these other needs that is going to allow me to have the lifestyle that I really desire, that might be something that we want to lean into. So again, I just want to name here, it's not black and white, it's not all or nothing, but the only way to know the right path that you're meant to go is number one, to choose from choice instead of survival. Number two, to anchor into your internal knowingness and truth. And from that place, ask myself, what is the next right step? And you might have thoughts that come in like, well, it's not going to be possible for me or who am I to do X, Y and Z? Those are usually thoughts that someone said to us long ago or, or, or messaging that we heard somewhere. But when we're actually anchored in our internal knowingness and we follow that direction, we can never go wrong. Let's get to the next question that we have today. Hi, Sarah and Rachel. I'm so glad, Sarah, that you have your own podcast now. I was going through YMS course and I had this question. You were always speaking about neuroception and the fact that it's a threat detector and it tells us when something is safe or not according to past experiences. And in order to. To get life experiences, you need to have confirming life experiences that show safety and connection and belonging to be safe. But at the moment, in certain areas of my life, like in terms of my friends, I'm having those safe experiences. But in terms of work in the community, I'm not having these safe experiences. I'm having disconfirming experiences. So what do I do in this case? How do I tackle this? Let's see, how do I tackle this issue? Thank you very much, Sarah and Rachel, and I hope to see you soon again. So earlier in this episode, I said that more often than not, when we have not yet fully resolved the role that we played in our family system, our family of origin, we're going to find ourselves playing that same role and in those same kind of dynamics in our adult lives. And that translates to our work environment a lot of the time, too. So, you know, you might go on a great job interview and this feels, you know, like it's the right position. And then you get into the job and you find that, that you're consistently taken advantage of and you're giving and giving, giving, and they're taking and taking, taking and expecting more of you, and you're not getting compensated. And that pattern keeps happening. Well, if that pattern is consistent, that means that it likely is rooted in an imprinted experience in the past where your system is saying, this is all that I know of relational dynamic. And then that gets projected onto the way in which we navigate our career. So what's really important is beginning to first understand the dynamic that's present. So what is occurring within this work environment? That does not feel safe to me. And I want you to get clear on, is it not safe for adult me or is it not safe for a part of the me? Those are really different things. It might not be right for adult you, but is it unsafe? And so the more that you can anchor into your adult self and really feel into the part of you that feels capable, able, here, present, and know what that part of you feels like, I then want you to ask yourself, is that me that shows up at work or is it a different version of me? And if it's a different version of you, I want you to inquire about who is that part? When's the first time I remember playing this role in life? And that clues you into who the part part is. And then we really want to work on meeting the needs of that part and protecting them and by the way, advocating for them in a way that perhaps no one did in the past. And so that means I show up in my job and I start to from this internal place of safety, as adult me, I am able to know what my truth is, and I know what my limits are like, meaning what feels like it's not okay, what feels like it's too much for me. And for from that place, I can set an embodied boundary, meaning making sure that I am getting my need met. And then we see what the people on the other side of that do. Now, if they're first resistant and then they honor the boundary, that means it might be a safe environment for you to be inside of. If they consistently do not listen or honor the boundary, that might mean it's an environment that is not safe, safe for us to navigate. But we only know when we actually work this muscle of trying it. And if, historically speaking, boundaries weren't safe, what we can tend to do is want to just leave. So instead of having that conversation or setting that boundary or asking for that need to be met, we just say, oh, this job isn't right for me. But the issue is we're going to keep finding ourselves in these same dynamics until we actually make the behavioral changes that show our system. Oh, it's safe to be me, it's safe to use my voice, and I am deserving of this. Which then actually changes the next time we're applying for something or we're coming or restarting a company or whatever, we're approaching it from a very different place. And again, we have to decipher or determine, is it actually unsafe for adult me or is it safe for a younger part of Me, those are really, really different things. And the more that we change our, our role in our career, in our work environment, meaning what I put up with, what my needs are, what's okay with me, the more I change my role from my anchored adult self, meaning I am really unwavering in this, unapologetic about the things that I need. And I communicate from that place of my own internal strength and power and I see what the person on the other side does, the more that I'm able to really, really know the right path or the right direction for me. So it's tolerable steps towards all of that and then allowing the natural unfolding of things that will guide you even either further into the work that you're doing or will guide you in another direction. So let's go to the last question that we have today. Hi Sarah, thank you for all that you do. Your podcast is amazing and I learned something new from every episode. Even after taking, taking two courses with you today, I am struggling with stepping into my purpose. And when I say that, I also mean creating a career out of it. I believe I'm headed down an avenue that is completely opposite from my past. Yet every time I try to kind of step in that direction, there might my brain starts to think about all these other potential things that I could do that's similar to my past that maybe feels a little more familiar and therefore a little bit more comfortable. So I know there's some fear about stepping into something completely brand new and I don't want to stay stuck in a comfort zone, but I'm needing help kind of really being able to pinpoint the difference. This is such a great question. I'm so glad you asked it. And I know it's going to resonate with a lot of people. So when you said I'm noticing, noticing that this, you know, these thoughts come in and try to convince me as I'm trying to step into my calling in life that, you know, maybe, maybe we should just do something that's sort of similar to the thing we did in the past. Those are protective parts of us that are so afraid of us stepping into our right life because they don't think it's going to be safe. And I call the, these are called rather self like parts. So they, they sound like adult us, but they're actually a protective version of us. And, and they say things that are really seemingly rational, like, well, you have this degree. I mean, like couldn't you maybe you don't do the same kind of job what if you did a slightly different job? But if that is not the thing that you're feeling called to, if it's a very different thing, that means it's a self like part trying to keep you from what it doesn't yet know is safe. So what I want you to do is I want you to anchor back in again and again and again, again to what your soul or your truest self is telling you is true. Those are the things that we can't put down. You know, the things that kind of like haunt us. Like, oh, I just feel called to this thing. Or like when you watch someone else do it, you're like, oh, I wish I could do that thing. And no matter how hard you try, it just doesn't seem to go away. That means that that is your truest self trying to get your attention. And so I want you to marinate in that meaning. I want you to feel into this truth. This is who I am, this is what's actually true again and again and again. So you are so anchored in what's actually true. And the thing is, I've worked with so many thousands of people at this point, I've never seen this not to be true. That wherein lies our greatest purpose, lies our greatest healing. I say this a lot. And your greatest purpose is more often than not going to require things of you that were once either dangerous or inhibited in the past. And I like to think of this like a way, to me it seems like it's a way that the universe or God or whatever you want to call it, is trying to invite us in to our wholeness or invite us into freedom. So it's like it dangles this carrot. That's the calling you have, or the thing you can't put down, it's dangling that carrot. And in order for you to get that carrot, you have to do the things that are going to set you free in your life. So let's say that you're this thing you're feeling like called to. It's going to require you to use your voice and to be seen and take up space and maybe bring people together, maybe help other people. And if in the past, at some point in your life, it wasn't safe to use your voice to make mistakes, take up space to ask for help, to be fully seen, to desire something deeply or those things were inhibited, then as you go to try to step towards the thing, your nervous system is going to stop you in the form of dysregulation or those self like Parts are going to come in and say, I don't know about this. Why don't we. We do this other thing? It's way more practical and you're probably gonna love it. And da da da, da, da da. All of those are ways that our system is trying to keep us from the thing that we're desiring the most. And so. And that also can look like, you know, when I'm not stepping towards the thing, I feel excited and I'm dreaming about it. And maybe I become a perpetual student. I did this a lot. And then when I go to actually mobilize towards it, my nervous system says, well, that's not safe. And it stops me in the form of feeling. Feeling frozen or I feel like I have to do it, but I can't do it. And I go round and round not doing it, or I shut down or I feel panicky. And so what we have to do is we have to work with our nervous system. And that means taking really tolerable steps towards the thing that we're feeling called to. And by the way, you're not supposed to know what it fully looks like. How could you. Because it's not fully alive yet. It hasn't been birthed into the world yet. A tolerable step, remember, means that I can complete the step, but it doesn't feel good. And that means I'm working at the rate that my nervous system has the capacity for. So instead of saying, okay, I'm gonna quit my job or I'm gonna start this whole thing today, it might be I'm going to research other people that are doing this thing in their own way and look at ways that they are approaching it. Or I'm going to offer one person this session in this thing that I'm trained in, and, and meaning I'm not going to, like, put my website up and, and, and, you know, I don't know, post something on Instagram or start a podcast or whatever, I'm going to make an invitation to people in my community. That's it. That's all I'm going to do today. Or I'm going to write an email, or I'm going to just write down some of the things that I feel excited about eventually stepping into. So each of these are tolerable steps. And again, they're only tall. We know they're tolerable if you can complete it. And the reason is it doesn't feel good is because your nervous system is saying, I don't know if this is safe. I don't know if this is safe, but the more that you take tolerable step after tolerable step, the more that the life that is here for you unfolds. Every time that I am stepping into something new, which I'm always doing, I, I don't, I just, that's just kind of who I am. I always want to step into new things. I like the excitement of, of, of life always changing. I am met with resistance. Like when we first decided to do this podcast, the first day we filmed it, I, I, I was think I was telling my partner I was with him, actually. I didn't sleep much the night before. I was feeling a lot of anxiety. I actually felt kind of run down. I was so exhausted after the first day. And that is because I was nervous. My nervous system was saying, are you sure this is gonna be okay? Are you sure this is gonna work out? You're investing a lot in this. A lot of money, a lot of resource, a lot of hope. That's normal. And I'm sharing that because I don't want you to think that there's a day where I'm just gonna magically feel good about this thing. I haven't stepped up towards. It's the disconfirming experiences are showing our nervous system. Look, it's safe. Look, it's safe. And the more you do that, the more when you show up to do it, it doesn't feel scary anymore. It feels, you know, it actually feels enjoyable. And then we step into the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. So all of that is going to support you to step into the life you're here to live. And lastly, we must have safe connection around us in order to do this, whether that's with your partner or friends or joining some kind of group of other people who are, you know, entrepreneurs or something, where people can hold your vision with you and almost like they're a doula helping you birth it into the world. Anytime I'm doing something new, I do that with my team. We do it together. And I usually am joining some kind of group that supports me to do that too, because it helps birth the thing so much faster. Human beings need connection, and when we have that, it allows us to step into our right life with ease. And lastly, the desires of your soul are for you. Nobody can take them because they're for you. And so it's every single step on our journey that guides us to where we're meant to go. So thank you for joining me today, everybody, for this episode. I hope it supported you in terms of stepping into your right career path. The work that is for you and when you are in it, it will light you up and it will help heal the world. At the same time. Enjoyed this episode and want to go even deeper into somatic healing. You can join my email community for free. Weekly teachings, more resources and live events. Sign up using the link in the description.