Podcast Summary: "Family of Origin: Navigating Difficult Family Dynamics in Adulthood"

You Make Sense
Host: Sarah Baldwin
Episode Release Date: April 8, 2025

Introduction

In this episode of You Make Sense, host Sarah Baldwin delves into the intricate dynamics of navigating relationships with one's family of origin as adults. Drawing from the latest neuroscience and trauma research, Sarah provides listeners with profound insights and practical somatic tools to heal and empower themselves within these often challenging relationships.

Understanding Family of Origin Dynamics

Sarah begins by addressing the common struggle of maintaining connections with family members despite complex emotions. She explains that being with family can trigger familiar patterns and old wounds, making interactions feel challenging or even impossible.

Notable Quote:
"When you're with your family of origin, you're going to be reminded of your entire history of being with them, particularly your earliest childhood experiences."
— Sarah [02:30]

Regressive Experiences in Family Settings

Sarah discusses how interacting with family can cause adults to regress to their child selves due to the activation of the nervous system. This regression can lead to feelings of powerlessness and re-experiencing past wounds.

Notable Quote:
"We're traveling back in time and I am embodying that younger version of me."
— Sarah [04:15]

Examples of Dysfunctional Parent Behaviors

To illustrate these dynamics, Sarah provides examples of how different parental behaviors can impede adult relationships:

1. The Fixer Parent:
   A father who attempts to solve problems rather than provide emotional support can leave children feeling unseen and misunderstood.

   Notable Quote:
   "When you're parenting your kids or running your company, you feel like adult you. Then you go back to your family, and you feel like a child again."
   — Sarah [05:50]

2. The Overly Giving Parent:
   A mother who tries to fix emotional distress with material comforts can lead to chronic feelings of not being fully seen or having needs unmet.

   Notable Quote:
   "She was doing things for you, but your needs were not being met emotionally."
   — Sarah [09:20]

3. The Hypercritical Parent:
   Parents who constantly point out deficiencies, even amidst achievements, instill a sense of never being enough.

   Notable Quote:
   "Even when you are doing all these wonderful things, you are still deficient in some way."
   — Sarah [12:45]

Reparenting Self and Healing

Sarah emphasizes the importance of becoming the primary parent to one’s younger parts. This involves differentiating between the adult self and the child self, and meeting the unmet needs that caregivers failed to address.

Steps to Reparenting:

1. Differentiate Between Selves:
   Recognize when you are interacting as your adult self versus a younger part.

2. Identify Unmet Needs:
   Understand what needs were not fulfilled by your caregivers.

3. Attune and Validate:
   Connect with your younger parts empathetically, providing the validation and support they lacked.

Notable Quote:
"Healing work is really empowering work. In order to do this, we have to differentiate between our adult selves and our younger selves."
— Sarah [15:10]

Setting Boundaries with Family

Setting boundaries is crucial for protecting your healed self from retraumatization. Sarah provides strategies for establishing healthy boundaries, especially with family members who may resist these changes.

Key Strategies:

1. Marinate in Your Truth:
   Continuously affirm your needs and boundaries within yourself before communicating them externally.

2. Anchor to Your Adult Self:
   Stay connected to your adult identity to reinforce your capacity to set and maintain boundaries.

3. Anticipate Pushback:
   Understand that family members may resist or react negatively to your boundaries, especially if they’re unaccustomed to them.

Notable Quote:
"Boundaries, embodied boundaries, can only be set when we feel safe and are informed by our internal limits and our internal truth."
— Sarah [39:00]

Accessing Healthy Aggression

Sarah introduces the concept of "healthy aggression," defined as life force energy that allows individuals to protect themselves appropriately. She explains how accessing and processing this energy is vital for healing past traumas.

Techniques to Access Healthy Aggression:

1. Physical Movement:
   Engage in activities like weightlifting or exercise to channel and release pent-up energy.

2. Somatic Practices:
   Work with somatic practitioners to process and release stored aggression safely.

3. Self-Advocacy:
   Practice asserting your needs appropriately in various situations to strengthen your boundary-setting abilities.

Notable Quote:
"Healthy aggression is our ability to protect ourselves. It's appropriate to the response to the situation."
— Sarah [22:40]

Building a Chosen Family

As healing progresses, Sarah encourages cultivating a chosen family—relationships that fulfill the emotional needs unmet by the family of origin. This chosen family offers support, understanding, and validation, enabling individuals to thrive outside their original family dynamics.

Benefits of a Chosen Family:

• Emotional Support:
  Receive the empathy and validation that may have been lacking in the family of origin.

• Healthy Relationships:
  Build connections based on mutual respect and understanding rather than familial roles.

• Personal Growth:
  Engage with individuals who support your healing journey and personal development.

Notable Quote:
"As we heal, we get to draw in people who help meet the needs our caregivers could not and still cannot meet."
— Sarah [29:00]

Q&A Highlights

1. Processing and Integrating Shame About Family

Question: How do you process and integrate feeling ashamed of your family?

Sarah’s Response:
Sarah explains that internalizing family members’ behaviors often leads to shame. She suggests connecting with the adult self to gain clarity and empathy, seeing parents as individuals with their struggles, and thereby alleviating self-blame.

Notable Quote:
"When you listen to your truth and set a boundary, it doesn’t hurt people you love. It allows you to see them more clearly."
— Sarah [35:00]

2. Setting Boundaries and Handling Pushback

Question: How to set boundaries with family who react with anger and relentless messages when boundaries are set?

Sarah’s Response:
Sarah emphasizes the innate ability to set boundaries once internal safety is established. She advises anchoring in the adult self and continuously reinforcing personal truths to confidently set boundaries, even in the face of pushback.

Notable Quote:
"Boundaries are informed by your internal limits and your internal truth."
— Sarah [41:15]

3. Managing Nervous System Overwhelm Post Trauma

Question: After a family medical emergency, how to bring the nervous system back into regulation?

Sarah’s Response:
Sarah outlines two critical steps: creating a safe environment and finding a mutually empathic witness. She recommends engaging in activities that foster safety, such as nature walks or meditation, and seeking professional somatic therapy to process the trauma.

Notable Quote:
"Trauma can process through much easier when it's fresh, meaning if it’s recently happened."
— Sarah [50:20]

4. Healing from Past Sexual Abuse Affecting Present

Question: How to prevent past sexual abuse from impacting the present, especially when returning to the hometown triggers autoimmune issues?

Sarah’s Response:
Sarah shares her personal experience with similar triggers and emphasizes the importance of disconnecting the physical location from traumatic memories through somatic work. She advises connecting with the adult self, accessing healthy aggression, and processing stored traumatic emotions to decouple the place from feelings of danger.

Notable Quote:
"When I look at my bedroom window, that little girl isn't stuck in that basement anymore. She’s safe inside of me."
— Sarah [57:30]

Conclusion

Sarah Baldwin wraps up the episode by reinforcing the power of somatic healing and the importance of addressing unresolved trauma to free oneself from past constraints. She emphasizes that healing is possible through reparenting, setting healthy boundaries, accessing healthy aggression, and building a supportive chosen family. Sarah invites listeners to engage further through her somatic healing programs and community resources.

Final Notable Quote:
"Healing is our freedom. When we do this work, we can actually get free."
— Sarah [65:19]

Additional Resources:

• You Make Sense Somatic Healing Program:
  A 10-week course designed to deepen your understanding and practice of somatic healing. Enrollment is open until April 9th.

• Email Community:
  Join Sarah’s free email community for weekly teachings, resources, and live events. Sign Up Here

Thank you for tuning into this episode of You Make Sense. Embrace the journey of healing and empowerment, and remember—as Sarah says, "You make sense, all parts, always."