You Make Sense Podcast Episode Summary

Title: Getting to Know Your Protector Parts: Perfectionist, Procrastinator & More
Host: Sarah Baldwin
Release Date: December 3, 2024

Introduction

In this enlightening episode of You Make Sense, Sarah Baldwin delves deep into the concept of "protector parts" within our psyche. Drawing from the latest neuroscience and trauma research, Sarah elucidates how various inner parts like the Perfectionist, Procrastinator, and Doer influence our adult lives, often without our conscious awareness. The episode serves as a comprehensive guide for listeners to understand, identify, and integrate these parts to navigate life with greater ease and empowerment.

Understanding Parts Work

Sarah begins by explaining the foundational concept of parts work, a therapeutic approach that views our psyche as composed of different "parts" or versions of ourselves. These parts emerge primarily as responses to traumatic or overwhelming experiences that the nervous system couldn't fully process at the time.

• Definition of Parts:
  "I think of parts as versions of ourselves. They certainly are a part of us, but they're a version of us." [00:00]

• Formation of Parts:
  When faced with trauma or overwhelming events, parts of us can become fragmented and stuck in time, leading to recurring patterns in our adult lives.

• Neuroception:
  Sarah introduces the term neuroception, the brain's threat detection system, which constantly assesses our safety based on past experiences. When triggered, it can cause a young part of ourselves to take over, influencing our current behavior and emotions.

Protector Parts Explored

The core of the episode focuses on three primary protector parts: the Doer, the Perfectionist, and the Procrastinator. These parts develop as strategies to shield our most vulnerable selves from past pain.

1. The Doer Part

   • Role: Keeps us perpetually busy to gain approval and avoid feeling unlovable or inadequate.
   • Impact: Leads to overachievement, burnout, and neglect of personal joy and relationships.
   • Sarah's Experience:
     "This doer part would set a bar for me, like a goal right in my work... there was no celebrating of reaching a milestone or creating something wonderful or being proud of myself." [Transcript Segment]

2. The Perfectionist Part

   • Role: Strives for control and flawlessness to prevent chaos and overwhelm.
   • Impact: Causes chronic dissatisfaction, fear of making mistakes, and hyper-criticism of oneself and others.
   • Autonomic Tone:
     "This perfectionism part usually lives in our autonomic state of freeze... like deer in headlights." [Transcript Segment]

3. The Procrastinator Part

   • Role: Avoids tasks and decisions that might expose vulnerable parts to potential harm.
   • Impact: Results in missed opportunities, stagnation, and unfulfilled desires.
   • Sarah's Experience:
     "This procrastinator part would just avoid it or I'd find myself doing other things that didn't need to be done." [Transcript Segment]

Impact on Relationships and Parenting

Sarah highlights how protector parts not only affect our personal achievements but also our relationships and parenting styles.

• In Romantic Relationships:
  Protector parts can lead to hyper-criticism and unrealistic expectations, preventing genuine connection and intimacy.

• In Parenting:
  Parents might overcontrol or overachieve on behalf of their children, hindering the child's ability to develop resilience and independence.
  "Children need to experience challenge because it builds resiliency in their nervous system." [Transcript Segment]

• Activation Triggers:
  Parenting can reactivate childhood experiences, causing protector parts to resurface and influence current parenting behaviors.

Solutions: Integrating and Unburdening Protector Parts

Sarah offers actionable strategies to address and integrate these protector parts, allowing the adult self to lead:

1. Building Adult Capacity:

   • Embodying the Adult Self:
     Regularly recalling moments when you felt capable and grounded enhances your ability to stay in the adult state.
     "Exercise your capacity to go back to that part... marinate in what it feels like to be that version of you." [Transcript Segment]

2. Internal Co-Regulation:

   • Parenting Your Parts:
     Develop a nurturing relationship with your protector parts, assuring them of your ability to keep the vulnerable parts safe.
     "Internal co regulation is literally traveling back to that young part and being with them the way no one was there for them." [Transcript Segment]

3. Creating a Safe Internal Environment:

   • Visualization Techniques:
     Imagine safe spaces and protective elements (like forests and elephants) to reassure vulnerable parts.
     "Invite in... can we create communal safety for that young part." [Transcript Segment]

4. Unburdening Through Connection:

   • Mutually Empathic Witnessing:
     Listen to and comfort your vulnerable parts without trying to fix them, allowing integration and healing.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• On Parts Work:
  "We have parts episodes on parts, many of them... think of it like there's a rope connecting adult you to them." [00:00]

• On Protector Parts:
  "We have episodes on how we integrate our parts because the goal is that adult me is the one that's showing up predominantly in our lives." [Transcript Segment]

• On Internal Co-Regulation:
  "Internal co regulation is literally traveling back to that young part and being with them the way no one was there for them." [Transcript Segment]

• On Parenting From Parts:
  "You can be so overly focused on ensuring that your children don't have to feel what your young parts feel." [Transcript Segment]

Listener Q&A Highlights

Towards the end of the episode, Sarah addresses listener questions, providing personalized insights:

1. Understanding the Number of Parts (Pam from Miami):

   • Response:
     Sarah explains that while we have countless parts, typically two to five primary vulnerable parts and an equal number of protectors dominate our experiences.
     "Every time you address one trauma vortices, it shrinks down all the others." [Transcript Segment]

2. Developing a Secure Relationship with Money (Unnamed Listener):

   • Response:
     Sarah emphasizes differentiating from parts, building capacity to receive, and unburdening protector parts associated with financial anxiety.
     "Can I begin receiving somatically in my body? So literally go feel the sun on your face and see if you can actually receive the pleasure of that." [Transcript Segment]

3. Feeling Stuck in Purpose and Family (Ally):

   • Response:
     Sarah discusses how protector parts may block desired life paths like starting a family due to past trauma, encouraging listeners to nurture vulnerable parts to achieve their true desires.
     "Connection now will not be what it was in the past." [Transcript Segment]

Conclusion

Sarah concludes the episode by reiterating the importance of understanding and integrating our protector parts. By doing so, we free ourselves from the constraints these parts impose, allowing the adult self to navigate life with confidence and ease.

• Final Reminder:
  "You make sense all parts of you always. And addressing our parts is what leads to the free, expanded life that we're desiring." [Closing Segment]

• Call to Action:
  Listeners are encouraged to take Sarah’s free quiz, "What's Keeping You Stuck?", to receive personalized somatic tools for nervous system regulation.

Key Takeaways

• Protector Parts like the Doer, Perfectionist, and Procrastinator are subconscious strategies to protect vulnerable aspects of ourselves from past trauma.
• Integration and Unburdening of these parts through internal co-regulation allows the adult self to lead, fostering a more balanced and fulfilling life.
• Practical Techniques such as visualization, embodied recall of grounded moments, and nurturing vulnerable parts can aid in this integration process.
• Awareness in Relationships and Parenting is crucial, as protector parts can profoundly influence how we connect with others and raise our children.

This episode serves as a vital resource for anyone seeking to understand the hidden forces shaping their behavior and emotions, offering tangible steps towards achieving personal harmony and empowerment.