You Make Sense Podcast Episode Summary

Title: Relationships: The Intersection Between Polyvagal Theory, Attachment Theory, and Parts Work
Host: Sarah Baldwin
Release Date: March 4, 2025

In this insightful episode of You Make Sense, Sarah Baldwin delves deep into the intricate dynamics of human relationships by exploring the convergence of Polyvagal Theory, Attachment Theory, and Parts Work. Baldwin seamlessly integrates the latest neuroscience and trauma research to provide listeners with a comprehensive understanding of how these theories interconnect and influence our relational experiences.

1. Understanding the Core Theories

Polyvagal Theory
Baldwin begins by explaining Polyvagal Theory, which emphasizes the role of the autonomic nervous system in regulating our responses to stress and safety. She highlights how different states of the nervous system—such as the sympathetic (fight or flight) and dorsal vagal (shutdown)—affect our ability to connect and communicate in relationships.

Attachment Theory
Building on this, she transitions to Attachment Theory, detailing how our early interactions with caregivers shape our attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. Baldwin underscores the importance of recognizing these patterns to understand our current relational behaviors.

Parts Work
The discussion then shifts to Parts Work, also known as Internal Family Systems (IFS). Baldwin describes it as a method to identify and address the fragmented parts of ourselves that have become stuck due to past traumas. She emphasizes that effective healing requires addressing these parts in tandem with nervous system regulation.

“What we have to do is access something called healthy aggression. That's our life force, our energy, and our ability to protect ourselves.” (15:30)

2. The Intersection of Theories in Relationships

Sarah Baldwin eloquently ties together these theories, illustrating how the autonomic nervous system (Polyvagal Theory) serves as the vehicle for our attachment behaviors and the manifestation of different parts within us.

“Our nervous system is creating those behaviors. So to go back to the how attachment forms and how our nervous system is the vehicle responsible for that... it's deeply rooted in what's occurring inside of our nervous system.” (10:45)

She explains that understanding this intersection is crucial for not only comprehending our relationships but also for thriving within them. Baldwin advocates for a holistic approach, integrating these modalities to facilitate profound healing and empowered relational experiences.

3. Attachment Styles and Nervous System Correlates

Baldwin provides an in-depth analysis of each attachment style, correlating them with specific states of the autonomic nervous system:

• Anxious Attachment
  Linked with the sympathetic nervous system, individuals with this style often seek constant reassurance and fear abandonment.

  “If you have an anxious attachment, your nervous system is the vehicle that's doing that attaching. And the state that you are predominantly using is your sympathetic nervous system.” (22:10)

• Avoidant Attachment
  Associated with the dorsal vagal complex, these individuals tend to withdraw and suppress their emotions to maintain a sense of safety.

  “Their nervous system is the one maybe up until now guiding us... we come to understand our nervous system is the vehicle responsible.” (26:50)

• Disorganized Attachment
  A combination of anxious and avoidant traits, often resulting from caregivers who are inconsistently safe.

• Secure Attachment
  Characterized by a well-regulated nervous system, allowing individuals to form healthy, balanced relationships.

Baldwin emphasizes that recognizing one's attachment style is only the first step; understanding the underlying nervous system states is essential for meaningful change.

4. The Role of Parts Work in Relationships

Integrating Parts Work, Baldwin explains how unresolved parts from our past—such as fragmented selves stuck in childhood trauma—impact our adult relationships. These parts can trigger old nervous system responses, causing us to relive past experiences in present interactions.

“It is the young parts that are orienting towards having an anxious attachment. And this is the result of having caregivers in our childhood who weren't able to consistently provide us the connection, attunement, and regulation.” (35:15)

She highlights the importance of embodying the adult self to support and soothe these parts, thereby breaking the cycle of past trauma influencing current relationships.

5. Practical Applications for Thriving Relationships

Baldwin concludes with actionable strategies for listeners to improve their relational dynamics:

• For Anxious Attachment:
  Focus on self-regulation and consistently reshaping the nervous system through neural exercises.

• For Avoidant Attachment:
  Practice co-regulation by connecting with others and flexing the muscle of vulnerability.

• For Disorganized Attachment:
  Work on both self-regulation and co-regulation to move towards a secure attachment.

“Each of the things I just named is really going to support you to not only heal attachment but regulate your nervous system and address the parts that never got the things in the past that they needed.” (48:10)

Baldwin encourages listeners to differentiate between their adult selves and their fragmented parts, fostering internal safety and compassion towards these younger selves.

6. Listener Q&A Highlights

Q1: Difficulty Detaching from Relationships

Listener Concern: Struggles with detaching from relationships, fear of abandonment, and internalizing blame when relationships end.

Sarah Baldwin's Response:
Baldwin identifies this as a manifestation of an anxious attachment style, rooted in past caregiver dynamics. She advises embodying the adult self, differentiating from young parts, and using compassionate tools to soothe these internalized fears.

“The more that we can do this, we actually change our baseline for what love is. And guess what that means? It means you pick partners differently.” (42:45)

Q2: Connection Between Avoidant Attachment and Shame

Listener Concern: Understanding how avoidant attachment is linked to heightened levels of shame.

Sarah Baldwin's Response:
Baldwin explains that avoidant attachment often stems from neglectful or abusive caregivers, leading individuals to internalize feelings of unworthiness and shame. She emphasizes the importance of accessing healthy aggression to redirect internalized blame and validate one's inherent worth.

“When I'm able to actually take that thing that I've internalized and have the appropriate anger or rage around and put it back towards the person or the experience where it belonged, it's like I take off this layering of skin that's not mine.” (45:30)

Q3: Fear of Being Misunderstood and Over-Explaining

Listener Concern: Terrified of being misunderstood, leading to excessive explaining even when it's unhelpful.

Sarah Baldwin's Response:
Baldwin attributes this to protective parts stemming from fears of abandonment and misunderstanding. She advises developing compassion for these parts, embodying the adult self, and using "as if" tools to support and soothe these internal experiences.

“When you hear that part and listen to them and have compassion for them and then get into that position of like who did that?... that’s what it makes me feel like who did that?” (48:50)

Conclusion

Sarah Baldwin masterfully weaves together Polyvagal Theory, Attachment Theory, and Parts Work to offer listeners a robust framework for understanding and improving their relationships. By recognizing the interplay between our nervous system states, attachment styles, and internal parts, Baldwin provides practical tools for achieving healthier, more fulfilling connections. The episode serves as a pivotal guide for anyone seeking to navigate their human experience with greater freedom, ease, and empowerment.

“Our nervous system is creating those behaviors... it's deeply rooted in what's occurring inside of our nervous system.” (10:45)

Join the Healing Journey: For those eager to embark on this transformative path, Baldwin encourages engaging with her programs and utilizing her free resources to kickstart somatic healing.

Notable Quotes:

• “Our nervous system is creating those behaviors. So to go back to the how attachment forms and how our nervous system is the vehicle responsible for that... it's deeply rooted in what's occurring inside of our nervous system.” – Sarah Baldwin (10:45)

• “What we have to do is access something called healthy aggression. That's our life force, our energy, and our ability to protect ourselves.” – Sarah Baldwin (15:30)

• “The more that we can do this, we actually change our baseline for what love is. And guess what that means? It means you pick partners differently.” – Sarah Baldwin (42:45)

• “When I'm able to actually take that thing that I've internalized and have the appropriate anger or rage around and put it back towards the person or the experience where it belonged, it's like I take off this layering of skin that's not mine.” – Sarah Baldwin (45:30)

• “When you hear that part and listen to them and have compassion for them and then get into that position of like who did that?... that’s what it makes me feel like who did that?” – Sarah Baldwin (48:50)

Stay Connected: For more episodes and resources, visit You Make Sense Podcast and explore Sarah Baldwin’s programs, courses, and classes designed to aid in trauma resolution, attachment healing, and nervous system regulation.