Ep. 118: Choose Wisely

Summary

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You, Me & Mike – Ep. 118: Choose Wisely

Date: October 20, 2022
Hosts: Jenn Todryk & Mike Todryk
Podcast: You, Me & Mike (Thirteen Media)

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Overview

In this episode, Jenn and Mike Todryk wrap up their multi-part marriage series by diving into what it means to “choose wisely” in relationships—whether you're dating, engaged, or already married. They share personal reflections and anecdotes, tackle listener questions about finding the right partner and handling red flags, and offer candid advice about communication, values alignment, and relationship health. As always, they keep things lively and honest, mixing lighthearted banter and depth in equal measure.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Communication Matters (00:51–07:01)

• Jenn emphasizes that healthy communication is the foundation of a good relationship, not just for resolving arguments, but for long-term compatibility.
  • "A healthy communication...needs to be recognized from the very beginning." (00:51)
• Mike adds that understanding is just as crucial:
  • “It's more than just communication, it’s understanding.” (01:15)
• They discuss practical strategies for tough conversations:
  • Give your partner a heads-up about difficult topics.
  • Approach with respect and sincerity, not confrontation.
  • Jenn: “If I say, ‘Mike, I need to tell you something, but I feel like you're gonna get really defensive, so please hear me out…’ It does go better because I'm acknowledging it's a tough topic.” (06:02)
• Both admit ongoing work in how they “fight” and return to communication, even highlighting their own flaws and growth areas for real-life context.

2. Spotting Red Flags & Compatibility Clues (07:13–12:24)

• Mike: If you can’t communicate during dating, that’s a red flag.
  • “If you're fighting and you can't communicate during dating, that's a red flag right there.” (07:32)
• Jenn: If you find yourself scared to bring up issues, “kind of dissect that”—it points to deeper issues in safety and trust.
• They distinguish between presenting problems as “we” versus “you”:
  • Mike: Couples are jointly responsible for fixing relationship issues, although not always equally culpable.
  • Jenn: Sometimes, the issue really is about one partner’s behavior, but both need to be open to feedback.

3. Core Values: Morals, Faith, and Long-Term Vision (12:24–16:59)

• The Todryks stress the importance of shared morals and values:
  • Jenn: “Do your morals line up?...It’s more of just a moral standard. How you view life, how you view good from bad.” (22:03)
• Religion: As Christians, they share how faith influences their marriage, admitting that mismatched religious priorities make things harder but aren’t necessarily dealbreakers.
• They argue that marriage is a daily choice and act of service, not just feelings:
  • Jenn: “Some days marriage is a choice…You are choosing to stay married.” (14:54)
  • Mike: “Love is an action. Love is not a feeling…It is a constant action of movement towards that other person.” (14:32)
• Society’s “do what feels good” narrative clashes with the selfless, service-oriented vision of marriage they endorse.

4. Ignoring Red Flags in Past Relationships (17:09–21:20)

• Mike shares past mistakes, including staying in relationships where red flags (like untreated mental health issues) were present, believing he could “save” the other person.
  • “I absolutely felt that I was going to be the person that was going to put this relationship into stability.” (17:53)
• Both hosts openly reflect on dodged bullets in their dating history and the importance of not ignoring advice from loved ones.
  • Jenn: “If you don’t have a relationship in your mind where you ignored some red flags or you feel like you dodged a bullet, that’s amazing.” (19:56)
• After Mike’s divorce, he became much quicker to leave at the sight of new red flags, stressing the importance of learning from past relationship pain.

5. Practical Advice for Choosing a Spouse (22:03–24:07)

• Run through their “Cliff Notes” for evaluating long-term compatibility:
  • Morals and worldview alignment
  • Faith/religion, and how you’ll raise kids if applicable
  • How you communicate, especially under stress
• Jenn: People don’t change easily—untangling unhealthy patterns after years of marriage is way harder.
• Mike offers a potentially controversial (but heartfelt) piece of advice: Don’t “play house” before marriage.
  • “Don’t pretend you’re married before you’re married. I would recommend people not to live with each other before they get married.” (23:49)
  • Both agree it can “muddy the waters” and obscure important compatibility clues.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mike: “If you can't get along with the person you’re dating and you're unhappy, there’s a giant red flag.” (07:32)
• Jenn: “If you have something you need to talk about…how are they responding? Because that's a really, really good trait.” (04:22)
• Mike: “Love is an action. Love is not a feeling.” (14:32)
• Jenn: "Some days marriage is a choice…and that's a choice a lot of people don't want to make." (14:54)
• Jenn's playful self-awareness: “I know that because I've thought some really bad things—and I didn’t tell you. Just kidding!” (03:30)
• Mike’s “controversial” advice: “Don’t pretend you’re married before you’re married. I would recommend people not to live with each other before they get married.” (23:49)

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Lighthearted Q&A & Banter (25:41–31:15)

• The pair get silly answering “jar” questions:
  • Irrational fears: Jenn fears seeing a face outside a night window; Mike fears tiny worms and maggots (25:42–26:51).
  • Bathroom habits: Jenn always leaves the door open, Mike never does (29:34–30:14).
  • Time travel: Jenn would solve the Marilyn Monroe mystery; Mike chooses witnessing the Roswell UFO incident or Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount (27:27–29:13).
• The episode closes with good-natured ribbing about who spends too long in the bathroom (Candy Crush is involved), and a reminder of the importance of fun in a strong relationship.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening & communication in relationships: 00:51–07:01
• Identifying red flags & compatibility in dating/marriage: 07:13–12:24
• Values, morals, faith, and “choosing” marriage: 12:24–16:59
• Ignoring red flags & lessons from past relationships: 17:09–21:20
• “Cliff Notes” on choosing a spouse: 22:03–24:07
• Controversial advice—don’t “play married” pre-marriage: 23:49–24:58
• Q&A game—fears, time travel, bathroom habits: 25:41–31:15
• Closing remarks: 31:15–end

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Conclusion

This episode delivers a blend of heartfelt wisdom, practical takeaways, and warm humor, wrapping up the marriage series with both big-picture advice and plenty of laughs. Through real stories, honest admissions, and a bit of silliness, Jenn and Mike Todryk remind listeners that choosing wisely in relationships takes self-awareness, shared values, good communication, and the willingness to “choose each other” every day.

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Transcript

[A]

Welcome to you, me and Mike. I'm Jen Todrick, otherwise known as the rambling Redhead on Instagram and the host and Designer of no DiMareno on HGTV.

[B]

And I'm Mike and I'm also known.

[A]

As Mike and he's Mike.

[B]

Applause anyone? Applause.

[A]

Welcome back to the podcast. You, me and Mike. This is a part two of the episode. So if you have not yet watched part one, which is finding joy in.

[B]

Marriage, rewind, go back, find the other episode.

[A]

Oh, I thought you were talking to me like, redo that.

[B]

I'm like, no, it's true right now. Go back and listen.

[A]

You gotta find the part.

[B]

What happens sometimes on Apple, I'll, you know, I'll listen to the new one and it plays the, the, the newest one instead of the one prior. Oh, so it goes a little bit harder. So hey, if you're listening to this, it's one way before this. So that's true. Yeah, go back and we'll talk to you.

[A]

Go back and listen. We'll be, we'll be right here.

[B]

We'll be right here and wait.

[A]

So we had a lot of questions about basically, how do you know if that one's the right one, Things to look for in a spouse and even if you're already married and you're thinking, okay, I don't need this, I'm going to click off, we're going to talk about things basically kind of, you know, ending our marriage series about really what it boils down to for me and everything we've been talking about is a healthy communication. And I think that's something that needs to be recognized from the very beginning.

[B]

However, it's more than just communication, it's understanding.

[A]

I was about to say there's a two parter. If you're already married and you're already in it and say, you know, when you recognize that the fighting just isn't super healthy. I think there's two ways to go about this and there's two parts. I think it's one healthy communication, which is something that I have to work on, like presenting things well.

[B]

And I'm pretty much pro at that.

[A]

Whatever. Withholding things that you want to say but in the moment would be really damaging. But then there's also a second part of the other person being open to receiving this even if they really don't want to hear it. And, and being aware that, hey, my partner is really treading lightly and I can tell that he or she is trying to present this in a really good way for that I'm going to give respect and listen to this. And so how do we find that? Right. And how do we think about this person that we're dating and say, okay, I bet you this person is going to be great to fight with 12 years down the road.

[B]

Or if maybe you're talking pre. Pre.

[A]

I'm talking both. Look, there's, you know, there's. There's a lot of people who are already married here, so we're kind of going to hone in on healthy communication, basically how we fight. Maybe we can dive into that. But also people who are asking us questions like what to look for. I think there's a way to spot that as well. From the very beginning, I. There were traits that I saw in you that I knew you were a good communicator.

[B]

You know, I mean, clearly, because, Jen, when you articulated this setup for this podcast, I felt safe because I knew the structure of this.

[A]

At the foot of the bed. At the foot of the bed.

[B]

Did you see my framework? Yes, I used it. It was good.

[A]

That was nice.

[B]

No, but look, we've. We've try to give a little tips and tricks and things that work for us.

[A]

For us.

[B]

And you may be like, you guys are wackos, but whatever. We are a little bit weird, but we, we know our. We understand each other's weird because we can't not talk. And that's Jen and I's, you know, downfall. And also strength is that we do communicate a lot. And I've said this, sometimes in fights, you. You don't shut down a little bit, but it means I pull away, then I come back. But I. One thing is, I've said is despite your enneagram 8 and your ability to not, not hold back your thoughts, I mean, you're. But you're not mean. I want to say you're not a mean fighter. You're generally not. You said you've said sharp things before, but you're really not a hurtful person. That's good.

[A]

I know that because I've thought some really bad things and I didn't tell you. Just kidding. Do you want to know? Just kidding. I have no idea.

[B]

Tell me now. Let's. Let's let these five or six people that are listening here, just a few of our closest friends. Oh, I don't even know where I was going with this.

[A]

I don't either. But this is all stemming from. We are basically putting an end to our marriage series. And so I thought a good way to talk about that is.

[B]

I remember. Okay, here's the thing. I always know where you stand. I do.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

No, that was. But it was important.

[A]

That was the big aha we're waiting for.

[B]

But here's the thing's about importance about this is that I think people have difficulty when they don't know where the other person is and they don't know what they're. They're angry about or they're frustrated about or what they're. All the things that happen. And these are things that some people have asked, like, what about how do you start this conversation and before you even get married.

[A]

Right. And so that's a good lead into what I was about to say. So I think a good thing to look for in my own personal opinion with just my brain and my perspective. Right. We love that P word is if you're dating and you have a fight, how does the person communicate? Are they quick to shut down or. I mean, we all get angry and we say stupid things. So you have to. You really have to look at, like how this person comes around in the back end. Are they coming? Are they heartfelt when they say they're sorry? Are they saying really mean, cutthroat things? Do they seem open? Here's the biggest thing. If you have something you need to talk about, and it might come out of the blue for them if you put it in a really good way and you feel like, okay, I've done well to, you know, you didn't come and start throwing arms and be all mean. If you did in a correct way, how are they responding? Are they open to it? Because that's a really, really good trait. It doesn't mean that they still won't get a little defensive. They're human. But how are they. Whenever you bring something, a hard topic. So if you're sitting here and you're thinking about it and you have something you want to say and test it. And I think, I think also it's kind of telling if you're not comfortable coming to that person in fear of something. So kind of dissect that. And if that's happening, like, I mean, Mike, I've even had to say, let's bring it back to us and what we know. If I've had to bring something up to Mike, I think I. About something that I knew he was going to get defensive of. I'm trying to remember what the most recent thing is, but I have it in my head. I just don't know what the topic was.

[B]

I. Mike, you clean too much. Let me do more.

[A]

That wasn't it. That wasn't it.

[B]

Please.

[A]

That was absolutely not it. Thank you for reminding me that it was over housework. I'm sure.

[B]

I need you more often in ways to create relationships with me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like me.

[A]

So I always. Whenever I think it's going to be really, really defensive with you, Mike. Well, I don't want to tell you my. My ways. Now. I know you're thinking about it. My ways are more like if I say, mike, I need to tell you something, but I feel like you're gonna get really defensive, so please hear me out. This is coming from an okay place, but I. I need you to hear it. And don't get mad when I say that to you. It does go better because I'm acknowledging it's a tough topic, but it also kind of holds you accountable to not leave and get. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like when you sit down and. But it can't be done. And now listen, you can't just storm off. Like, it's a tone. I have to really be, like, coming from a sincere place of really kind of begging, asking him to not do that. And then I feel like we goes both ways. When you say that to me, I'm like, okay, he's prefacing me that I'm going to hate this, but I need to be mature and sit here and listen to this. Don't you think that, like, gets your attention?

[B]

We're talking this. These are. I don't know. I'm. I'm gonna say these are. Things are probably more relevant to post dating, because I don't think so. Oh, I disagree.

[A]

Well, I disagree with you.

[B]

I think most people show their best side and they hide actually what they're really feeling during dating.

[A]

We were in a healthy relationship. There are a lot of people that are in bad dating relationships, but they want to get married.

[B]

Well, if you're not happy and you're.

[A]

Like, honey, all I know is that all the questions. Please tell me. Signs of a good.

[B]

If you're fighting and you can't communicate in a relationship during dating time, there's a red flag right there.

[A]

100%.

[B]

I would. I'm not trying to be dad at this point, but if I tell my daughter or my son that point. If you can't get along with the person, you're in a dating relationship and you're unhappy, there's a giant red flag that we should be discussing now. If you.

[A]

But that's not obviously so obvious, Mike. So I'm breaking It down. I'm giving it a very descriptive. Which is when you come to a problem that's very serious to you, how is this person.

[B]

I would. So, I mean, going back to the thing and I'm going to. I'm going to do this and I want to bring something back even further on this one. My way isn't too dissimilar. I think there's things when you have.

[A]

Frustration dissimilar, something different. Yeah, I've never heard of that in my life. Keep going.

[B]

It's a word.

[A]

I mean, I believe you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I believe you.

[B]

That's a $5 word. You can pay me later. They're not necessarily dissimilar in the fact that you bring it in places to say, you understand what's going to keep me in the conversation and not become defensive. Because the worst thing you can do is attack the other person. You do this, you do this.

[A]

I hate the word attack. It's so dramatic. But what.

[B]

But it feels that way when you're saying in the moment you know the person. Because again, we all live in our own mind. We see our own world. We don't necessarily see their person's world. So when somebody says, you didn't do this, you didn't do that, you're not making.

[A]

No one responds, well, oh, I'm in a corner.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

I get what you're saying.

[B]

Right. So there is the other aspect of saying we. There's a we aspect to every relationship. We need to work on it. We are having this problem. We are in this together.

[A]

But I would challenge you and say a lot of times it's not we, Mike. And so if you have something that I need to fix or if you have something, or if I need something.

[B]

You need to fix, there's always we.

[A]

It's. How do we know that's not true? I don't agree with that whatsoever. The person. Both of us need to be open to hearing whenever we're doing something. We both need to be open to hearing when we're doing something that the other doesn't like. And yeah, I get the whole we thing, but sometimes it's not we. And the other person needs to be okay with hearing that, but also the presenter needs to present it correctly. And I feel like that's like, I'm not. I'm not something you work on 24. 7.

[B]

I may present. I'm not saying both people are culpable for issues in a situation, but both people are culpable for the responsibility for fixing a relationship. There's both parties of gives and takes in both things. Right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

So if you're doing something that is clearly hurtful for me, it's not like we need to work on not hurting each other because you're lying to the person. But you say we have an issue in this relationship. We have a, like the bringing in us in phrasing the standpoint that it's about us, not just about you being a jerk to me. Right. This is about how do we become better to each other.

[A]

Right. I was about to say if you have. If you're. Say you're dating or you're. I would say if you're dating someone who's hyper defensive, I would say maybe reconsider the person because you're still like, not married and you have a choice. But if you're already married, if you're already married to someone and you're hitting some humps and you've been, you know, in it for a long time and you're working on it, I would say that there's also ways that you can say things to a defensive person like, hey, I'm noticing this, or this is not healthy, what we're doing. I'm trying to also work on me. What can I do that maybe won't have you react to that? And then that way, that's another way of positioning yourself and presenting something better. I've done that too. Where it's true and you have to mean it. It can't be bs. I have had to say, I noticed that you're like this, so what can I do to make it not that way? And I don't remember exactly what, but I'm not saying this for no reason. I've obviously said it a time or two, and I think it's another way to just let that person kind of have their defenses down and not get so on attack. If any of you are in the market for a new zit patch, I have been using Hero Cosmetics Mighty Patch for well over a year, and it is, dare I say, life changing. It's pretty dang cool. Because if you're someone like me who likes instant gratification, this patch is also for you. It is a hydrocolloid patch. So what that means is that it's a medical grade gel that gently absorbs and traps all the gunk. For me, the biggest noticeable difference is after one night of sleeping in that patch, you wake up in the morning and your zit is much flatter and less inflamed. So you can go about your day Put some makeup on and it's barely even there, barely noticeable, I'm telling you. Especially if they're big whiteheads. I've also used it on cystic acne and it works with that as well. They are giving you guys 20% off. So if you visit herocosmetics.com and use code redhead, you'll get 20% off site wide, excluding bundles. And this is for new and existing customers. So even if you bought with them before, you can still use this Code Redhead to get your 20 off today. Again, that is herocosmetics.com code redhead. I promise you, you will not regret trying these zip patches. Go for the 72 account, I swear. Especially if your husband likes them because Mike steals mine constantly and they go really fast.

[B]

So let's, let's dial this back a little bit further because we're going into the details. You're already dating somebody. So to me this is. If you're looking into a relationship, there's multiple questions.

[A]

So it wasn't just, it was more about healthy. We're just kind of hitting all the things at the end, just any end point of marriage that we didn't hit.

[B]

There's no way to know for sure the person you're meeting or the new. The person that that's the one person God gave you. You don't, you don't know that until time comes. Right. Because there are people in arranged marriages that happen in other countries end up having very happy relationships with each other, very good relationship. Like, like they work through it and they've never met before or they barely met. Right. So it's an interesting dynamic that you have. All this, this, this courtship and all these things that happen. And then there are people like their parents say you're getting married to this person and they end up having great marriages and, and likewise vice versa, the complete opposite way. So it comes down to I think your probably viewpoint on what marriage and what relationships are. So I think the biggest thing is, is find people that you have common. The common, the big things that, that you need in that person.

[A]

I would say morals. That's what I was going for.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Well, morals, because you can have really good morals and not be religious in any way. I do believe that. But you can have good morals.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But I would say to take even one step further because we are Christians, I think. Do I think a Christian marrying a non Christian is possible? I do. I absolutely do. Do I think it makes it a lot harder. I do. I really, really do. Because now that I have kids what are the kids doing? What do I do with the kids? Are they coming to church with me? Are they not? It would just be really hard. So while I'm not saying don't, I would just say I think that would be super hard now that I'm 12 years in and we even align so well, Mike, with morals and in our religion. And it's still hard. It's still hard, you know.

[B]

Well, yeah, we're not fighting over those situations.

[A]

That would just be one more thing.

[B]

It is tough. And, you know, the. The belief that there's a greater, I guess, importance and covenant to marriage also makes it more.

[A]

You mean, like, find someone who doesn't want to get divorced?

[B]

Correct.

[A]

They're going to stay.

[B]

That's not. Yeah.

[A]

Like.

[B]

Like, even though things may be hard in the moment, I know it's my duty and responsibility to work through this because. And that's part of what. What I think what our view of love is. And this also our Christian viewpoint of love. Love is a. An action. Love is not a feeling. It's not. It's a. It's leading. It is a constant action of movement towards that other person.

[A]

Yes. And I don't remember where I heard this, but I said it often and I do believe it. And it sounds bad, but it's the freaking truth, whether people want to admit it or not. Some days marriage is a choice and it is what it is. Some days you wake up and you're not happy and you don't have the butterflies and you look at the person and you don't think nice things or you question things and you are choosing to stay married and to work on that. And that's a choice that a lot of people don't want to make.

[B]

Lust and love are. Are different. They. It's great when they go hand in hand and they. And it's. It's the best when they go hand in hand. But there are life and moments of it are amazing. Look, we have children and we. We love our children without anything. Do our kids make us angry and frustrated sometimes?

[A]

Never. Never.

[B]

There's no parent in the world but there. But for some standpoint, innocent love and people that you. I would jump in front of a speeding car without a thought from my children or a bullet or anything. And you as well. Like, there's not a.

[A]

Don't do that.

[B]

But I would do it.

[A]

Don't do that. What if we both die, Mike?

[B]

Then we do it anyway. If the kids don't have a parent.

[A]

Just let me get run over. Be there for them.

[B]

But those things that, that sacrifice and the willingness to do it, but it doesn't mean that you don't get frustrated by them. Doesn't mean you don't have human emotions. Right?

[A]

No, it's a choice.

[B]

And if, if you go after, and we talked this about your, your emotions, if you follow every emotion you have and you chase that emotion like I.

[A]

Am, it would be a bad life.

[B]

It's, it's, it's tough. You're gonna, it's because, and I said this the other day, literally the other day. It's not your responsibility to make me happy. Yeah, it's not your responsibility. It is not your responsibility to fill all my needs.

[A]

You know what's crazy is, and I know not everyone listening has the same beliefs, but again, we are Christians. It's what we believe. So it's what we talk about. It's biblical that we are supposed to serve the person we are married to and we're supposed to love them and serve them and try to make them happy. It's a giving. It's a very selfless relationship. And society goes the exact opposite, which is do what feels good. And if you're not happy, life's too short. Don't stay in a marriage if you're not happy. Obviously if there's abuse and other things like that we're not talking about.

[B]

I mean, look, we're talking about. There are definite reasons.

[A]

There are reasons.

[B]

There are reasons that that's still there and it, it's the reality of life.

[A]

So I'm glad that we're not these people who have never like endured strife.

[B]

No strife. And I can talk about.

[A]

Did I say that right?

[B]

You want to talk about ignoring red flags? I'm, I'm the one of the biggest components and I'm not going to get into details of my past, but like there are things that I ignored. And as, as a young man, I would tell myself, you are making mistakes and listen to your family, listen to your friends.

[A]

If you don't mind sharing what were some. Do you. Can you dive into like maybe two vague red flags that maybe could at helping people.

[B]

Look, she struggled with a lot of mental health issues and triggered during our relationship or dating relationship. And I felt my stability in that life, in that relationship would be the best thing for her. That's what she needed. That's what it would get her through things. And that was what, you know, was the right thing. It was the pride that I thought.

[A]

You were going to change.

[B]

Oh yeah. I absolutely felt That I was going to be the person that was going to put this relationship into stability. Right. And look, people struggle with mental health. And when, if you're struggling with the now and the relationship, you're married. I mean, doesn't mean you just up and leave. But if you're dating, it's a tough thing. It doesn't mean again, you leave that person or if you're in that. But there is. It makes it incredibly difficult to have a balanced life. It does. And it's. And it stinks. And, and especially somebody, Especially somebody. Here's think if somebody who's not properly medicated.

[A]

I was about to say that because I wanted to put that out there. Because it's not like. Because someone listening that struggles with mental illness, they're going to be like, wow, thanks for targeting me.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

It's more undiagnosed or someone who's willing to.

[B]

Unwilling to help themselves.

[A]

Exactly. That's a, that's really what it is.

[B]

I want to make sure we're saying that as well, because it's. Because it is a. We need to be open about the conversation about mental health. It is a really, really, really prevalent thing. And I think it's a positive thing that's happened in the modern societies that we're talking about. This doesn't mean go pop some pills and do those things. But who have serious bipolar issues or things like that, you need to be medicating, be taking things properly. And that's unfortunately, the relationship. It wasn't there. It wasn't in a place. And I, and I ignored that because I felt that I could be the stability. And again, part of it was I didn't understand the disease state.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And unfortunately, it didn't end well. But those were things that I didn't see during or I did see. I clearly saw them. In fact, all my family friends saw it. And I didn't listen and I didn't hear him because I felt that my. Again, no, it wasn't.

[A]

Maybe more of a savior complex.

[B]

It wasn't.

[A]

Isn't that what they call it when you want to die?

[B]

I mean, it's hard to unravel. There's. There's a, It's. I would say there's pride and embarrassment. Like you want this to happen. It feels like it's right. You're having the right. Like everyone else is doing this and you met this person. It seems to be the right thing. But at the same time, there's all this stuff that's going on that I didn't quite understand for. For it, but it. It. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, it's. Again, it's more than I want to get into. Really.

[A]

No, I. I think that's good. And I think anyone who's dated or had a relationship can. I would. If you don't have a relationship in your mind that you've experienced where there were some red flags or you feel like you dodged a bullet, that's amazing, because I can sit here and tell you I had one or two boyfriends or relationships in the past where I'm like, oh, my gosh, I'm glad we did not get married. There were definitely personality red flags there. Granted, they were, you know, 20, 21, 22, 19. Who knows? They're, you know, great people now, I'm sure. But you look back and you're like, okay, our personalities were wildly different, or we didn't agree eye to eye on this, or maybe our beliefs didn't line up. And I feel like I dodged a bullet. So I feel like most people have been in relationships at a young age where they definitely ignored some red flags as far as, like, who they'd want to be married to.

[B]

Yeah. And then, you know, fast forward to you from my standpoint. After I was divorced, I was single for, what, five years? Four or five years. And then I met you, and we were married one year to the date we met. So it wasn't. We didn't have a long courtship. And I think. And I would know this, I was quicker to depart relationships when red flags. Red flags came up. And I'm not saying that was after your marriage. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Well, that's good.

[B]

Sometimes it wasn't good. Sometimes it was like, you know, there's. There's a little bit of that.

[A]

What do you mean? You have regrets about someone else?

[B]

No.

[A]

What are you saying?

[B]

No, no, no. It's not. That's not.

[A]

Just kidding. I'm just kidding. It was too easy.

[B]

No, but you're. When you have that next person and it was, I don't know, like, it was like it was opening your heart back up to somebody to really find love again.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And it was because of, you know, the hurts that were happened prior and with you. It was. It was the big things that really I was looking for. Do I have somebody I can laugh with? And that was really important to me. And I've said this in the prior podcast to somebody that challenges me, that actually is at the point where it's. But they're pushing me to be like, better. And they're keeping me on my toes, and I'm having fun in this relationship. You know, it's that whole joy aspect of things, and it's frankly somebody who, you know, I was very attracted to and I happened to find you, and that was awesome. So you filled and. And the. In the moral thing. You're a strong Christian woman.

[A]

Well, that's what I was gonna say. So we're going to put a bow on this right now and kind of sum up Cliff Notes. If you're looking for someone or you have someone you're Considering for marriage, 1. Do your morals line up? Do you guys kind of view. I'm not talking about dang politics. Although, you know, I'm going to be honest. I would assume if you vote the same way, it would be easier. But take politics out of it. It's more of just.

[B]

It's politics.

[A]

Moral.

[B]

That's not.

[A]

I think it's more of, like, a moral standard. Right. How you view life, how you view good from bad. Right. What you want to do with your life.

[B]

And I hope you believe in something bigger than you like, look again, Jenna, are like strong Christians who believe like I do. Hope you believe.

[A]

I would say next to that is religion. And if you are okay with taking on a marriage where you have two very different religions, maybe go talk to someone about that. As far as, like, how do I go about this? How do I do this? I think another thing is if. Maybe. Well, even if you're in a relationship, church helps.

[B]

It does.

[A]

Church is amazing.

[B]

It helps us.

[A]

If you're in a relationship or you're dating someone and you have some arguments or fights and you do your best to position or present yourself in a nice, healthy way, how are they responding? I would definitely look at that. How are they responding to you? Whenever you want to talk about things, if everything is just everything's fine, what are you getting? A big deal and they're brushing you off. That's not good. That's not very good. And is it something that they can work through past 15 years of marriage? Yeah, but is it probably going to be difficult? Yeah. People don't change. In fact, I think, correct me if I'm wrong, Mike, but if we don't challenge ourselves and again choose marriage every single day, we could slip into a worse version of ourself because we get selfish and we get mad and we get irritated. I don't know.

[B]

Can I say something maybe controversial to modern times?

[A]

Yeah, sure. Why not?

[B]

Don't pretend you're married before you're married. I. I would. I would recommend people not to live with each other before they get married. I would recommend people to not have relationships before they're married.

[A]

Because relationships, you have to have a relationship.

[B]

Relations.

[A]

Relations.

[B]

Relations.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I know society tells a lot of different. It's our word, remember? Code word. So it just. It makes things more confusing and it messes up. What. Knowing that other person, I think during courtship and during the times without those things in there can muddy and confuse people onto what love is.

[A]

It definitely, if you think about it, when you take out, like relations and the living together, you just have this simple courting relationship that should be a lot of fun if you think about it. You're not fighting. You're not fighting about him or her throwing the laundry six inches away from the bend because you're not having to deal with that crap. It's supposed to be something where you get to know the person's traits, what makes laugh like really fun things, and then you're trapped together in marriage and then you figure out the hard crap. But that's what. That's what.

[B]

But people end up living together for years, and then it's like four years, five years together, and then they end up leaving. It's tough. Like. Like, man, that's like.

[A]

Everyone does it different.

[B]

It was married less time than that.

[A]

Everyone does it different. I agree with what you're saying on it just muddies it up. But everyone does it different.

[B]

They do.

[A]

So now I think it is time, after that controversial question, to go into.

[B]

The jar of controversial statement. That's my opinion.

[A]

It is your opinion. 100%.

[B]

That's what I'm going to tell my family.

[A]

No, I tell my girls and my son 100%. I will too. I agree with that wholeheartedly. I do believe that. I mean, that's why I didn't live with you before.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

So, no, I didn't live with Mike because I was raised that probably wouldn't be best, and I stuck to that.

[B]

You're also afraid of your parents.

[A]

And I was also terrified that my parents have been mad at me. I'm still afraid.

[B]

All right, all right. I'm gonna say this one because it's. It's. I'm gonna. I'm gonna rephrase this one because I think it's funnier the way I'm say it. Ready?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

What's the weirdest thing you're scared of or most irrational thing you're scared of, put it that way.

[A]

I'm really terrified of looking At a window at night and just seeing a.

[B]

Face like, there's just a dude out there or what kind of face?

[A]

Any. I mean, you could take a small, adorable child, and it's still going to scare the bejesus out of me if I see it in my window at night.

[B]

Clown.

[A]

I. Terrified of that.

[B]

A pizza delivery guy. A what? If I'm standing out there.

[A]

Yeah, that freaked me out. Don't do that. What are you afraid of?

[B]

Irrationally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Worms. You are.

[A]

You're so right.

[B]

It's not particularly. It's tiny worms. It's not.

[A]

Also earthworms.

[B]

Earthworms are fine. I could have a thousand earthworms crawling and maybe. Fine. You put one that's like a tinier version of worm, and for whatever reason, it. It. Yeah, it's just.

[A]

He always has. I can stand for that. I also am claustrophobic, so sometimes, like, if Mike and the kids pile on me, I, like, switch from, like, laughing fun to, like, panic, freak out. Slapping everyone. That's on me, like, really hard because I'm freaking out.

[B]

I just had a memory of why I'm. I'm scared of maggots.

[A]

Do you want to share with the glass?

[B]

I feel like, yeah, I do. I'm gonna share it. Remember? And I. I think I said this a while back. My grandmother had HBO at her house, and my parents didn't know that I could watch movies that were, like, rated R. Would you watch.

[A]

What'd you watch?

[B]

Poltergeist. And I think it was like, I've never seen that. Seven or eight. And it was. There's a scene where a piece of meat turns into a whole pile of maggots. And I still remember this. And I think that created a weird fear for me. So don't watch your kids watch Poltergeist. That's not English. I just said, don't watch your kids watch Poltergeist. I'm not gonna watch it.

[A]

All right, this next question. If you could time travel anytime in the past for 12 hours, where would you go? Oh, man, I actually know what I'm gonna say, so I'll let you think I'm watching Blonde on Netflix right now about Marilyn Monroe. And I think I'd go to the night, like, she died. What happened? She overdosed, so she murdered. What happened?

[B]

Huh?

[A]

That's where I'd go.

[B]

That's the time that's.

[A]

I need to know. I'm on my mind right now.

[B]

Look out, I'm. You know, God rest her. And it's terrible and sad that it happened. But you're gonna choose that moment.

[A]

I am right now. That's what's bugging me. Because they made this whole documentary.

[B]

Can you be, can you be an active participant or is this a passive participant?

[A]

I just want to watch. I don't want to, like.

[B]

So you want to watch.

[A]

I don't want to see her die. I just want to see what happens. No, I just want to know the truth, what happened.

[B]

But if you're watching, then you're watching it.

[A]

That's.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Well, then fine. Maybe I can say please don't do that or something. And then she's like, because, like a random.

[B]

So you do that over then maybe like figuring out what happened in Nazi Germany before it happened and trying to fix that.

[A]

No, I'm really wondering.

[B]

Or maybe maybe going to listen to the sermon on Mount with Jesus, because that's probably what. Really?

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're gonna put that on me and make me feel bad about my choice about man, Marilyn Monroe, literally.

[B]

If you could see our Lord, Lord incarnate.

[A]

I choose that one because I need to. But I'm still very curious about what happened to Marilyn Monroe and that it would bug me.

[B]

I would. So, okay, let's say, let's, let's say that you can't go during the time of Jesus, because I think that's fine.

[A]

Then I'm going to Marilyn Monroe's house.

[B]

I would want to go. I would want to go to the Roswell, New Mexico incident in the 1940s and see if that really happened. Is when they said the aliens crashed into, into Area 51. I think it was like 1948.

[A]

I'm so obsessed with the aliens.

[B]

I know why.

[A]

I don't. It's freaking weird. I don't know. I don't even believe in them.

[B]

I, I, I don't know. I think I should start a whole podcast about weird things.

[A]

You do that. You do that.

[B]

Mike and Jen talk aliens and Area 51.

[A]

One more question. Ready? Do you leave the door open when you go to the bathroom?

[B]

Depends.

[A]

I would say you never do. I would say I always do.

[B]

Leave it open.

[A]

Always.

[B]

I pee with the door open.

[A]

I do everything with the door open. And if one of you. I mean, I'm just trying to be honest on the podcast.

[B]

Weird.

[A]

But then if I hear someone, I freaking hurry up and I shut the door.

[B]

Just shut the door. I like poop, like a normal scene.

[A]

Remember how I just told you I'm claustrophobic? I hate, like, pooping in a Hole. It's weird.

[B]

Like, our toilet's not this. Like, it's not like the. The walls surround you in like a.

[A]

I want to see. I want to see the backyard. That's what I want.

[B]

You okay?

[A]

I want to see the trees.

[B]

I do not poop without the door closed. I know. Yeah.

[A]

And I also say please turn the air sucky loud thing on.

[B]

I hate the air sucky.

[A]

Well, I hate the air fan breathing in your butt air.

[B]

Literally. It is. It's abnormally painful and annoying to me to sit on the toilet with the door closed and hear like, how am I supposed to play Candy Crush?

[A]

Okay, I knew that's what you're doing there. I knew it. I know you guys don't poop that long. That's what you're doing. You need it. You're playing games.

[B]

Fantasy football. It's about fantasy football time right now. It's a really.

[A]

Whatever.

[B]

Speaking of legend, I need to go update my roster.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I got some trades and it's important.

[A]

That's all for this part in this episode.

[B]

This is a weird episode. I hope this one was helpful. I think we just kind of rambled.

[A]

We did, but it was good because it was like the last questions that I got asked a lot that didn't really fit anywhere in the whole series. So this ends our marriage series. If you guys missed about the topics that you guys requested most thought about. It's definitely a good one to listen to. My parents were on. We talked about love languages and enneagrams. We had like four weeks of. Of marriage topics.

[B]

It's really fun and it cap it. All the things we talked about during the marriage, if you're single, all the things you should learn about the person you're dating, their love languages, their enneagrams, all those things create relationship like communication because that's what this is about. Communicating with each other, loving each other, respecting another person, you know, and have.

[A]

A little bit of fun and good luck with your dating and thank you so much for listening. We will see you guys next week.

[B]

Were you telling me thank you for listening?

[A]

No, honey.

[B]

Well.

[A]

But thank you for listening.

[B]

Well, hey, you're welcome. Thank you know. Thank you for listening. Audience you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

No, I was directing it to audience, the user to the yous.

[A]

Okay, goodbye. You, me and Mike is a production of the Rambling Redhead from thirteen Media.

[B]

Subscribe to the show on Apple podcasts or wherever podcasts are available. While you're at it, leave us a five star rating while you're there.

[A]

Have an idea for a topic you'd like us to discuss. Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or send us a message on Instagram. We would love to share your idea on the show. For a daily dose of our crazy lives, follow us on Instagram at the Rambling Redhead and at Mike Todrick and Catch no Dim Areno on hgtv.