← You, Me & Mike
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- [00:01]
A
Welcome to you, me and Mike. I'm Jen Todrick, otherwise known as the rambling Redhead on Instagram and the host and Designer of no DiMareno on HGTV.
- [00:10]
B
And I'm Mike and I'm also known.
- [00:12]
A
As Mike and he's Mike.
- [00:13]
B
APPLAUSE anyone? APPLAUSE oh, ho ho. Welcome back to part two.
- [00:20]
A
That's a good ho, ho ho. Merry Christmas.
- [00:22]
B
It's not quite Christmas. It's not even Thanksgiving.
- [00:24]
A
If you have not listened to the first part of this episode, we dove into holiday traditions. It's a very hot topic right now. It's November 1st.
- [00:32]
B
Recording this spicy.
- [00:34]
A
Are you putting up your Christmas decorations right now or are you waiting after Thanksgiving? So we kind of dove into that as well as talked about our family traditions growing up, as well as our traditions.
- [00:43]
B
Now this is the episode we're going to talk about expectations of on yourself and the stresses that are. That are revolved around the holidays and tips and tricks that Jen and I have had to kind of put into place to build.
- [00:56]
A
Like tips or tricks. That's like, really strong. We're just going to talk. I don't know, we're just going to talk about what things we have stressed about and kind of what we've done to alleviate that stress.
- [01:06]
B
That's true.
- [01:07]
A
So. Okay, well, let's dive into it.
- [01:09]
B
I think in the one word I haven't said, it's from our perspective.
- [01:12]
A
And I say, and I always say alleviate. And I just said it.
- [01:15]
B
Ding, ding. Okay, got our two dings.
- [01:17]
A
We haven't said perspective.
- [01:18]
B
I know. Okay, well, let's, let's, let's talk about this from our perspective.
- [01:21]
A
Thank you. My perspective. No. So I, I'm gonna dive in head first into gift giving. I love gift giving. It doesn't stress me out as far as like picking gifts for people. I actually really, really, really get excited. I know there's a lot of people like this. I look forward to them opening it and like, looking at their reaction, like, I want to nail it. I think it's like just a goal of mine. I'm like achiever. I put thought into it and I really want them to love it. And if it's like a weak gift, I won't give it. Like, I'm going to find something that's I really can stand behind. I love gift giving.
- [01:54]
B
Yeah.
- [01:55]
A
Um, but I know it can be stressful for a financial reason. I'm not diving into that. We actually have a podcast about the. I think it's called Love is a Battlefield is the episode. And we Dove into hot topics that people fight about the most within marriage that you guys submitted. And finances was in one of them. So you, I highly recommend go back and listen to that.
- [02:16]
B
And I think the holidays will can absolutely highlight that. And that is for sure something, you know, communicate expectations. That's the key thing on that one.
- [02:25]
A
But yeah, this one is budgets. Yeah, Budget and communicating. So that's not what I'm diving into. I'm diving more into running around all about town, stressing about time and the amount of gifts you have to buy. So first and foremost, if there's ever a reason that you need to limit your gifts, whether it's a financial reason or if it's just simply stressing you out to where you aren't having fun, I think you communicate that and you say, hey, don't buy for me. I'm cutting it back this year. And you do it. You have to stand up for like your mental sanity and, you know, protecting your bliss around Christmas time. Again, I'm a person who doesn't have that. I want to, I want to give who I can give to if possible. And so what I do is I get stressed the other way because I do have a large family. I have aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews on both sides. And so I stress myself out because I have a lot to get. And it's pretty much me going through all of that. I've gotten better through the years of telling Mike, okay, you get this person, you get your dad. It's more like the guys like you're, this is who you're in charge of. And I like assign that. But before I even kind of took on them at the early times too. And it was really stressful in that way. So what I started doing is I started shopping really early. And I know it's like an unpopular opinion, but I started shopping in October last year and I found it to be so fun when it came to be December time, December time, December because I could watch movies with the kids. I could wrap five gifts at a time instead of 15, and it was just slow and steady. I could sip hot cocoa while I did it, and it was definitely more fun. I could make the presents pretty. Like, I, I don't know, I just had a lot more fun. I try to be done December 1st with everyone's gift, but if anyone's left into December, it's the kids because they change their mind so dang much about what they like. So I usually reserve a few of the presents for the kids to buy in December, like Amazon, they're gonna get to me in two days.
- [04:21]
B
Right.
- [04:21]
A
But other than that, I feel like that's been super, super helpful.
- [04:25]
B
Another thing you've done is that you've used a lot of those, like, deal days to be able to stock up on certain kids things. You've already even done it this year, like, totally Amazon days come up, or, you know, the early Black Fridays and even Black Friday. Like, I know you've. You come in like, oh, this is perfect here. This here. And we have. We've given the kids, like, Amazon sends out this little magazine that lets them circle presents, and we're like, hey, let them know. Look through it. And I. Funny is, I actually remember as a kid looking at old catalogs, and I love the fact that those things come out now because still. Because it is tangible for a kid instead of getting them online and clicking. And I think that's helped. And you've done a really good job at that. And I.
- [04:59]
A
And that, you know, I had to. It's like, why. I felt like I was waiting last minute and I wasn't. It's just I was starting in December and I had a lot of people to get through and. And I couldn't do it. I'm working full time, and I have kids that I'm trying to bake cookies with after school and, like, fit things in, and it just doesn't all fit.
- [05:16]
B
Yeah. And it's one thing. I remember this particularly last year, and it's another tradition that's almost. I mean, you really love it, and I do like it as well. I just don't like doing the same movie multiple times.
- [05:27]
A
But I was going to talk about that.
- [05:28]
B
But watching. Watching a movie after the kids go down. You know, usually it kind of starts after Thanksgiving. We know it started before Thanksgiving, but after.
- [05:36]
A
You never want to watch them with not before Thanksgiving.
- [05:38]
B
I like the movies, but I like watching the movie one time.
- [05:41]
A
I do, too. But you don't ever. Every time I. You could watch Christmas Vacation 80 times.
- [05:47]
B
You could watch that. Every single National Lampoons Christmas vacation. And over.
- [05:52]
A
Yes, sir.
- [05:52]
B
And over. And I'm like, okay, yeah, I saw, like, the first time. I'm like, I'm stoked. I love that. I love that movie. Second time, I'm like, I've never said.
- [06:00]
A
On a Monday, hey, let's watch this. We watch it, and then the next week, hey, let's watch it again. I've never done that. It just happens because, like, the kids want to watch, like, the Grinch and we've already seen it. That happens.
- [06:10]
B
Well, we still watch Vivian's favorite movie right now is the Grin. So we still watch them.
- [06:15]
A
We've been watching it.
- [06:16]
B
But the point is this is. I remember last year you would watch it, you would have like one or two gifts during the movie. You just wrap one or two, then you put it under. You just have like. It was like one or two here, one or two there, as opposed to the panic. And you've actually taught me this because I used to wrap all the gifts on Christmas Eve or the day before.
- [06:34]
A
What was he doing? He was in a room by himself. Everyone's out, like, hanging out. We're playing games and he's tucked back in a room. Stress wrapping.
- [06:42]
B
It's true.
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A
Like, it's not okay.
- [06:43]
B
It happened. No.
- [06:44]
A
So if you start, and I'm not saying, like, I probably only have like four people bought four right now. Not a lot, but at least I started in October. So you get yourself in the habit of looking for deals, looking for presents. And retail is really in our favor now because of all the COVID stuff and shipping and ever. I really don't think we're ever going to come back from the early of shopping for right now. I mean, Amazon dropped their like, early access to Black Black Friday sale in October. So retail really is in our favor now to start shopping earlier because we can get some great stuff on sale now. Is Black Friday still probably going to be the king of discounts? Probably. But you have a lot of risks there. You have the stress, you have the sellout you have. Is it going to be available and so you can save maybe your bigger ticket items. Put all your eggs in that basket for Black Friday for the big ticket things, but, like dolls and stuff, guys. Okay, you got it for 30% off. Off on early access. That's great. You know, 40 off. That's awesome.
- [07:42]
B
Yeah.
- [07:42]
A
And then save the Black Friday for the big stuff. Like, that's the risk.
- [07:46]
B
It's interesting you brought that up like, because there are some things and traditions and the one that we have with our kids going to the store again, my childhood going to the store shopping was a big deal. Pointing out the gift and looking at it and having that.
- [07:58]
A
Our kids don't do that.
- [07:58]
B
They don't know. But they do because we, we allow them. I'll take Berkeley to shop for each other. To shop and also them to shop for Jen. And it's usually spoiler Target is usually the place we go because it's kind of got everything. We could buy a T shirt for Jen, but the kids can go. And I'd usually take Vaughn or Berkeley, and I'll probably take Vivian this year. And then we'll go. And we'll go to the store, and we'll pick up the gift for you, and then a couple weeks later, we'll do it for each other. And we're in the store at the same time with the kids, and we're like, okay, pick one up for Vaughn. Pick one up for Vivi. And they love that.
- [08:29]
A
So that was fun. That was a tradition that came from my childhood. So my parents took me and Kevin. So there's me, Kevin, and Colts. I have two brothers. So we'd go to the mall all together, and my. We'd split up. So my mom would take Kevin and I, and we would buy a present for Colt, and then we'd meet up in the food court and swap out, and then mean Colt would buy for Kevin, and then they would go together to buy for me and Vice. So all the combinations to where we were with another sibling, having to decide on a gift together. And I really love that. It just for so many reasons, but the main one being, like, putting thought into a gift and, like, thinking of another person. And we don't. We don't make them spend their own money. It's our money. But they have such a blast doing that. And also they get to point out things that they like, too. So we're, like, taking note of, like, okay, she likes that. He likes that.
- [09:13]
B
But it is gifts and those. And that's. That is a lot of fun. I mean, I know, you know, still creating that texture in that moment. And I think people do that in Black Friday. Yeah. There's texture at a moment. Like, your memories have texture. You think about it. There's visceral. There's aspects to it where you can. Can, you know, tack into. It's the tackiness of it that make it stick more. Yeah. Like I'm saying, it's. That's what that nostalgia is. Nostalgia stickiness. If you think about it, you go back. You want to attach back to that, because there's positive memories usually associated around.
- [09:40]
A
I never heard of that, but it makes sense. Okay.
- [09:43]
B
I learned that here. I just made that up on the spot. I should be a podcaster.
- [09:47]
A
All right, honey.
- [09:48]
B
But so gifts. So one thing I want to say about gifts, I think we put a lot of thought into it. Sometimes we overthink it, because I would agree with that. We. We often like, well, what was. And sometimes it's not always Coming from good spot places. Because we're thinking that I want to make sure I'm giving a good enough gift that the person's going to give me because how much they spend on me, I want to make sure that especially.
- [10:09]
A
No one thinks that.
- [10:10]
B
Oh my gosh. Adults do, Jen. Of course they do.
- [10:13]
A
I've never thought that in my life.
- [10:16]
B
About what? Because you don't want to be trying to. No. You're not trying to outdo somebody. No, but they're stressed because what if I underspend on this person? This person.
- [10:24]
A
Oh, I see what you're saying. I thought you meant are only giving like an expensive gift and an expecting back.
- [10:30]
B
No, that's not what I'm saying at all. No, not. I hope not.
- [10:34]
A
No one wants to be embarrassed by like. Right, okay, Right.
- [10:37]
B
But the point of a gift is you give what you can.
- [10:39]
A
I mean. Yeah, I get what you're saying.
- [10:41]
B
Right. That's what I mean. It's like if you're like, hey, if you can't afford and you have somebody who's. Who has a much better place and they give you a much bigger gift and then there's stresses like, like, you see what I'm saying?
- [10:50]
A
But then you put. You put a price in place.
- [10:52]
B
Right.
- [10:52]
A
That's easy. If there's that, I would say let's put. We've done that for family in the past, like on every side. And there's been. We even do one for in my side of the family, a joint gift. And there's a $50. You cannot go over $50.
- [11:06]
B
Right.
- [11:07]
A
And what that does is it's kind of challenging and fun to find a gift under $50. That's awesome.
- [11:11]
B
We did the white elephant thing too, but it also.
- [11:13]
A
Yes, that too. We have a lot of price limits on some things we do. And I love it because that caps it off. Everything's fair. No one has to have that feeling because that's a gross feeling to have. And it makes it fun.
- [11:23]
B
And there's nothing wrong with doing a private gift to somebody.
- [11:27]
A
That's true.
- [11:27]
B
Like if you have someone special you want to give something to, you don't have to make it a public affair. But if you really want to bless somebody in that moment, you can do that.
- [11:34]
A
Totally. You mean like if they didn't draw that name or whatever you do in private? Yeah, totally.
- [11:39]
B
It's. It's not. And then likewise, gifts shouldn't ever be. There's reciprocation. And I know it's hard. Like if you under gift Somebody people are giving you something because they genuinely love you. Like, there's a whole thing of like, it shouldn't make you feel guilty. And if gifts do make you feel guilty, it's exactly what you said, Jen. It's like set something in place. Set it in place because then you don't want to feel the person that you're doing. And if someone says, honestly, hey, please don't spend more 20, stick to it. Respect that.
- [12:04]
A
I was about to say. And also for people on the other end, if a family member comes up and says, hey, I think it would be really great this year if we put a price limit and we can't go over 50, I think the worst thing to do would be like, why? Yeah, why? It's like, don't do that. And if, like again, if you do the 50, honor that. But then if you want to give someone something else, do it in private. And that's totally. It's a season of giving.
- [12:27]
B
Or do it or do it outside Christmas. Christmas is the only reason you can give gifts to people. Right. But going to your kids, we also buy just a whole bunch of crap that they don't even remember like three weeks later.
- [12:38]
A
Exactly.
- [12:39]
B
So we're stressing about it like as a young kid, you know, I don't remember gifts outside my Nintendo and I've talked about this before. I do remember that. That was a very important moment for me. That was a very good gift, mom. Thank you. Outside of that, I don't remember the gifts as much as I do. All the memories and all the, I.
- [12:58]
A
Mean, I don't know. Speak for yourself. I remember some pretty dope gifts. I got a horse one year.
- [13:03]
B
Okay, that's nuts.
- [13:04]
A
That's that good horse and a saddle one year. All right, guys, I want to take a quick moment to talk about our sponsor of today's episode, which is verb energy. You guys know I am obsessed with these little caffeinated snack bars. They are number one delicious, but they have caffeine in them as much as a full espresso, less than 110 calories. They're vegan, they're gluten free. But the best part of all is that you have jitter free energy because they're getting that caffeine from organic green tea leaves. These are my secret for whenever I have a lull in my energy. So typically like 10 to 11 in the morning, I'll eat one or even worse around 2pm I don't know what it is about 2pm but my energy is tanking. I just want to nap. I don't want to push through work. You know, everything is so tiring and I eat one of those, my energy spikes and I just feel so good. I always give a disclaimer of do not eat past 4pm because I feel like I have a hard time falling asleep because these little babies are tiny. But very powerful. They are also delicious. So much so that we created our own custom flavor with them which was the cookie butter latte. It's our number one selling latte at our coffee shop. So I was like, you know what? Yes. I want a caffeinated snack that tastes like this and it is so delicious. Other great flavors are chocolate peanut butter cup red velvet peanut butter cookie. They're bringing on s' mores in October. So many delicious flavors. I can't just choose one. I can't even choose three because I like so many of their flavors. If you guys go to Verbenergy Co Backslash J E N N T you guys will get 40 off of any starter kit. Again, that is a Verbenergy Co backslash J E N N T Again, 40 off any starter kit. Highly recommend the cookie butter latte flavor. I am very biased. I think it's the best. But honestly, all of them are amazing. The next topic that I think you should talk about, I think it's much more relevant to like your whole life is the travel situation.
- [15:01]
B
What we've done. Yeah, yeah. Early on. So Jen talked about this in last podcast. We were kind. We were flip flopping. So my parents are divorced and you know, they're remarried and we love everyone and we try to spend as much time. So I have my dad and my stepmom, my mom and my dad and my sisters. You know, half my family lives in Wisconsin and I got family down here in Texas and figuring out where to travel. And then there's Jen's family as well. Right. So when you're having these blended families come together, it's like how do you touch everyone?
- [15:29]
A
Which I think a lot of people.
- [15:30]
B
Feel this way without making people upset or frustrated or putting undue expectations on yourself. So I think it's which is stress. Right. So it comes down to two things. Expectations from yourself and the expectations from others. And I think that's these drilling down to figure out what sadly kind of matters the most in the moment. And early on when we.
- [15:51]
A
I think it's. Sadly, I think it's healthy. Well, you get a feeling to recognize.
- [15:53]
B
It, figure out like there is some aspect of sort of prioritizing prioritizing things in order again to reduce the stress, in order to create the memories and traditions that matter the most. So we were traveling a lot. We would go to my dad's, we go to my mom's, we go to Jen's family. We'd split it up. And Thanksgivings were here and there. And it's like, it's a lot to manage. And it's like. And it just becomes a lot of travel and you're like, you're just pinging around from place to place. And again, when you were pregnant, it was that moment. I remember we came back and talked and I knew you. It was a hard Christmas for you. And I did know that.
- [16:23]
A
I'm interrupting for one second because I want to remind you and tell everyone. We went into this, both of us very committed to. We were going to do 50. 50. Do you remember this?
- [16:33]
B
Yep.
- [16:33]
A
So this is before we had kids. And we were going to do Christmases back and forth. I wasn't super happy about it in my mind, but I was like, let's do it. Like, that's fair. And I always thought like, in marriage that's what you do, I guess. Which is funny because in my family we never really did Christmas with my dad's side ever. We only did it with my mom. So I've only seen it kind of one sided. And so anyways, yeah, go back to you. So that was our plan.
- [16:56]
B
So we did that. And then after Vaughn was born, we went to your family's house.
- [17:01]
A
Yes. And in Burleson.
- [17:03]
B
Burleson.
- [17:03]
A
An hour and a half drive.
- [17:04]
B
So we end up spending like five. It was like four days there. We would go early. It was a lot of fun.
- [17:08]
A
It was fun.
- [17:09]
B
And I remember like, this is a really good, good time. It was, it was nice to be there. And then again, we did it the second year because of just travel. And I was like, you know, we'll do it again next year. And we started going to my mom's and then my dad then moved down to Texas as well. So we were able to spend some more time and then we're able to have there and it was, it was.
- [17:25]
A
Earlier than that, babe, because Vaughn never did a Christmas other than our house.
- [17:29]
B
But it was the third year when Vivian was born because she was born 18 months later. Sorry, Berkeley.
- [17:34]
A
Yeah.
- [17:35]
B
That is when I sent. And I said, I said, you, Jen, I want to change this. It was after your parents moved as well. I think that's when they were moving. I said, I want to do Christmas at our house.
- [17:44]
A
I was so happy and I was so happy.
- [17:47]
B
I just said it's at a point where we have two young kids.
- [17:51]
A
Yeah.
- [17:52]
B
Even traveling to your parents was a pain in the butt.
- [17:56]
A
It's all the gifts and stuff. So you have all like the pack and play and for all the things for like babies to stay in and then you have the gifts on top of it. There's no way.
- [18:03]
B
Because it was a two years of travel. I remember two years ago into your parents house. It was with Vaughn and the travel and the time and it's made. It was, it was a lot and it was stressful and it was, it was. And I was, I specifically remember was coming closers right around before Thanksgiving. And I said, let's. I said, I'm. I want to bring Christmas to our place.
- [18:22]
A
And I said, and I want this to be the freaking Lula Luya. Thank you.
- [18:27]
B
And I know, and I know it may frustrate people, but it's at the point where I'm the dad, you're the mom.
- [18:34]
A
Yeah.
- [18:34]
B
And our parents, Your parents can come, your brothers can come.
- [18:38]
A
Anyone can come.
- [18:39]
B
My parents can come.
- [18:40]
A
All of you come.
- [18:41]
B
We can create the hub. But I was at the point where I didn't want to waver on creating that tradition for our children and not having massive amount of movement during that, that, those few days. Now it, you know, that's where we. Then we said, okay, let's make Thanksgiving a Wisconsin thing always.
- [19:00]
A
So now we do. Always. It is. I've told my family and we've told his family. Unless a pandemic happens, we are doing Thanksgiving in Wisconsin. It is known. You don't have to ask me. We will always be there. And then at Christmas we'll always be here at our house. I also love the fact to go back to the memories of the kids. I don't know. We just both agreed that we want our kids to grow up as adults and always have their memories of Christmas in their home.
- [19:24]
B
Christmas.
- [19:24]
A
Not that they had to be. Not because with kids it's, it's stressful to travel, even just to church. And that's not even like traveling. It's right down the road. But there's an element of stress when you're like, get dressed. You know, put your clothes on. We've got to make to Mimi's house. And like, I just don't want any of that. I, I want my kids to not bathe on Christmas and stay in their jammies until I make them maybe put on a nice shirt with loose sweatpants. For dinner, literally.
- [19:47]
B
And there are other people out there going to be like, hey, I travel, you know, across the state. I travel to another country.
- [19:52]
A
If it doesn't stress you out.
- [19:53]
B
No. And if it works for you, that is awesome. And more power to you. And that is so cool that you guys can. It just. My wimps. Yeah. But also was my. I have every morning. I told you that it was the same sort of tradition every year. I remember every Christmas morning being at my house. And despite it being different than yours, I wanted my kids to have that same thing. And I didn't want to be at your parents house. I didn't want to be in Wisconsin.
- [20:16]
A
I didn't.
- [20:16]
B
I wanted it to be at our house and our children anchoring in those memories and those traditional memories around us. And then having grandparents have different memories and having different events around them. And you know, look, your parents have been.
- [20:30]
A
I was about to say, luckily, I think my mom, who has hosted every Christmas of her whole momhood. Right. She probably was like, thank the good Lord, I'm good. She never said anything. She was like, heck, yeah, let's do it. So my parents come and my parents.
- [20:46]
B
Come on Christmas Eve, still at our place as well. And. And you know, it's been. It's been a really. It's been awesome. Yeah.
- [20:51]
A
My parents come December 23rd. My mom, they both come over, kind of unpack their bags in our guest room, which is now our podcasting suite. And then my mom and I get grocery shopping because we have our list of things we're going to make. It's more of like a potluck style for Christmas. People bring things.
- [21:08]
B
Oh, we'll talk about that. You want to talk about the food? Because that goes right into. Because this is another thing. Food, right?
- [21:12]
A
Yes.
- [21:13]
B
So expectations.
- [21:14]
A
Yes. So this is one of the things. I had an amazing childhood because my dad was so big on like nostalgia and creating. He's sentimental and I'm a crazy sentimental just like him. So I cling to that stuff that brings me joy and is nostalgic. He was the same. But also my mom was just like the best host. Like, she did everything my parents would. If they were sitting here, they would tell you at the beginning of like my childhood, they didn't have a lot of money and you know, they've been so blessed. And that's wildly different now. But back then they were paid. My mom said she was paying for huge meals to host her family coming in from Ohio and it'd be a thousand dollars. And that was. They Would save for that because that was. That's a crap ton of money, you know, just for food to house all these people. Anyway, so she was just the hostess of the Moses. She cooked every single night. They were there for the whole week, let alone the turkey for Christmas dinner and all the things. So I decided, after doing one year of hosting Christmas. Well, I've never cooked a turkey. I decided that from day one, the turkey is the main dish. If I burn that, we're screwed. So I decided I could not handle that pressure. And I have always ordered a turkey. So this leads into, well, partially cooked.
- [22:25]
B
It's a cooked turkey that you heat. You still have to put it in, honey.
- [22:28]
A
50. Thank you. I. I cook it 50%, and I appreciate that credit.
- [22:32]
B
I heat it up. I. I put the oven to 350 for four hours, and I put that thing in there. It's. It's.
- [22:37]
A
Yeah. I mean, we're talking, like, delicious. We're talking like, nine times I've hosted now, right? So I've ordered from Dickey's barbecue, does turkeys, Whole foods Central market.
- [22:46]
B
Whole foods has been the one other.
- [22:47]
A
Random place that I've purchased for that was really good. Anyway, so I've always catered in the turkey, and I have Mike pick it up on Christmas Eve, and then I cook it Christmas night, Christmas day. So again, if food is causing stress and you can afford to buy something and you can do that, you can outsource do it, because I'm telling you.
- [23:05]
B
So what about Christmas Eve? What do you do?
- [23:06]
A
My stress? Okay, so because my parents come over the 23rd. They're there, right. I also host Christmas Eve, so it's like two days of back to back, huge parties at my house, which sounds like a great time, but you have to think of, like, what goes into that. It's the cooking and then also the cleanup to restart for the next day, right? So Christmas Eve, I usually have 18 to 20 people over anyone.
- [23:27]
B
Because we have friends too.
- [23:28]
A
We have friends. I wanted to always have my family there. We have the closest friends. Anyone. Haley, my assistant and her fiance came, like, comes. It's just anyone who wants to come that we love come. And we play left, right, center, and we have drinks and we. I made dinner, okay? So I realized probably three years ago that I can't do it anymore. Like, it was two. Two major meals back to back, and it was a mess. So I decided three. I think it was three years ago. I'm gonna order Olive Garden.
- [24:00]
B
Right?
- [24:00]
A
Everyone loves Olive Garden. So I. Luckily, we are in a place that I can afford to pay for. No stress. And so I buy the big pasta bars. There's like a pasta bar, I think it's called. It comes like three different kinds of noodles, three different kinds of meats, different sauces. And we line that up on my island and we all eat freaking Olive Garden. And it's delicious and amazing. And that's one thing that I've done to alleviate stress around the food. Because I really did have a moment where I was like, mom, I. I want to be with my kids during Christmas day. I don't want to cook all day long. I can't. I, I literally, I don't think I said, like, I can't do it like you, mom, but that's how I felt for a hot minute. I don't feel that anymore. And I, I love that I made the decision I made as far as just doing things easier, even though it's not this home cooked meal. So anyways, fast forward into Christmas. I have family members. We all, me, my mom, and my two aunts divvy up sides. So my mom and I do majority of the sides because we're here in the house. And then my aunts bring a few things, usually desserts. And I love cooking with my mom. It's so fun. That's a tradition I like. But we start cooking the 23rd and that way, I don't want to cook at Christmas. I want everything to be nuked up. The turkey is catered and it's just really easy. And so I would say I had. That was my biggest stressor as a young mom is I was. My mom would be like, okay, Jen, we got to get in the kitchen. We got to get cooking. People are coming over and I'm like, but hold on. My kids are playing with this thing that I got them and they're really excited. And I knew I had to do that because I was the host. But I didn't want to give up that time. My kids were more important. So that was something that I did.
- [25:34]
B
Yeah. And it's the. And I don't think anyone would care at all if you catered or cooked on Christmas Eve or actually even Christmas Day, to be honest with you. Because it is about all things. And I know there's. You created those moments. And the one thing about Olive Garden is when we have it, when it's here, we're family.
- [25:54]
A
Okay? That's their slogan.
- [25:56]
B
Everyone's family when they're here. When they're here at our house with Oligarch and everyone's family.
- [25:59]
A
Now I will say to go back on that. To go back on that. I know that I'm speaking, speaking of a place of privilege to be able to afford that, to just pay for the meal.
- [26:09]
B
Oh, for sure.
- [26:10]
A
For all of my family. I know that. And I, I know not everyone can have that. So there's different ways you can do it. Either do less. I mean that do less. Or do potluck.
- [26:20]
B
Do potluck.
- [26:21]
A
Make it really fun. You can even make like a say if you're embarrassed to like ask your family members to do it. I'm a really lovely, competitive person and I literally would say we're going to judge side dishes. You make a dish, you make a dish, you make a dish and we're going to have a judge and they get a little prize or whatever or bragging rights. Just make it fun. And then I said, fun, make it fun. There's like different ways to do it. Cook on the 23rd and put that crap in a refrigerator with some, with some cling wrap and then nuke it in the oven the day of.
- [26:50]
B
It's the only thing I miss about Christmas Eve. You home cooking is being fed in dog bowls.
- [26:57]
A
We've already told this story so many times.
- [26:59]
B
It's the only thing. It's like I will never have a Christmas Eve dinner again in a dog bowl. Now that you're just. Now we just outsource it.
- [27:07]
A
Listen, okay, so my whole, I made Mike's whole entire family eat soup out of dog bowls. I didn't know they were dog bowls. They were like Ray Dunn bowls and they're apparently were dog bowls.
- [27:16]
B
They said Nash and I thought that.
- [27:19]
A
Was like a fancy and gulp. It wasn't wolf, it was slurp and gulp. I thought you did that with like soup.
- [27:26]
B
Slurp soup. No, chomp.
- [27:29]
A
Didn't say chomp. Whatever.
- [27:32]
B
Woof, woof. Here's these dog bowls. That's a whole other story which we can tell later. My entire family. And Jen was convinced and told everyone, no, these are just beautiful, Ray dog balls.
- [27:41]
A
I just love that. My sister in law, it was like Jess who said, are these dog balls? She called me out for the whole dang family.
- [27:48]
B
And then I'm like, where did you buy them? You're like home goods. Where in home goods?
- [27:54]
A
They were in the pet section. I thought they were misplaced. I thought someone put them in the wrong department. I genuinely thought that.
- [28:01]
B
Oh my gosh, that's awesome. Okay, so this, I mean we continue to talk about all These things, I.
- [28:07]
A
Would say what a good lead in from this is like, so I'm talking about realistic expectations of yourself, specifically with the food. But you are really big on expectations of others as well.
- [28:17]
B
It's not about others. I think you have to understand what expects both. It's communicating. Hence, a lot of this podcast talks about communication expectations, because that's. I think that's a theme.
- [28:27]
A
Well, we over communicate, so what do you expect?
- [28:29]
B
We do. Yeah. It's truth. We're over communicating to the world right now about every tradition we do. But when it comes to that, it's. It's, you know, having an understanding where other people are coming from and having a healthy sense of empathy and being willing to have those. Those conversations. Because even having the conversation with my family about saying, hey, we're not traveling anymore, this isn't what we're, you know, like, I know it stinks, but this is. It's not the easiest conversation, and it did. I think it can come across as selfish a little bit, but it's okay when you're setting up boundaries and expectations about why you're doing, I would say. But it's not just about trying to be selfish.
- [29:03]
A
But is it selfish if the greater good is for, like, your family and your kids?
- [29:07]
B
And that's where it's not. And that's the thing is where people can view that as, this is about. This is about my children at this point. This isn't really about me. Me. It's not about the stress for me. It is about the stress for our children and the travel and the times and just the chaos around it.
- [29:20]
A
You're protecting their childhood or what you want their childhood to be. This is something that you don't get to redo. You get it one time. And so it's just, if you want your kids, they love traveling, then this isn't you. You don't need to listen to this. It's for the people that it causes angst and stress. So that stress is carried on to your kids as you're snapping at them to get ready or get in the car, then this is something to consider.
- [29:42]
B
And I think. And I think if you have expectations, again, these other things, it is. If you expect people for certain things, it is communicating to them as well. It's like, hey, during the season, you know, I would appreciate if this. Or I would love to do this. And, you know, like, my, My dad and my stepmom do an awesome Christmas at their home, right? So my brother and my brothers and their. And my My in laws from that side, we come and we do Christmas a couple days before Christmas. And it's even more fun because my kids, they do. And that's where we do do Santa and that whole thing we talked about, you know, kind of like you know, you know, drunk Santa. The to. To the pre, the pre Christmas and it's so, it's a fun because it's these days like micro moments that happen and you know, having that, you know, you know, it's really important to my dad and my stepmom and I love it. We love going there. It's so, it's so much fun. But having again the whole, the whole expectations, things about others, it's about making sure you understand where people come because there's, there's your kids, there's your spouse, there's your family.
- [30:35]
A
Yeah.
- [30:36]
B
Then there's your in laws which is your family. Still, believe it or not, they're still your family. Right. And then there's you.
- [30:41]
A
No. And I commend Kathy and Mike, your dad and stepmom because instead of like hearing what we're going to do and getting offended, what do they do? They made their own dang party and we love it because now my kids get another party and they get to go to grandma and grandpa's house and have another Christmas. So if you are a grandparent listening to this and your child comes to you with these thoughts and you instantly like want to cling on to what your tradition is, maybe think about that. Do let them do what they want to do but offer it on a different day. Say, well, I still want to do a Christmas and I love hosting. Can we do it on this day instead?
- [31:13]
B
My parents, yeah. My dad was never, they were never offended by that. It just, it's, it's the, it's the evolution of childhood to adulthood and there's a certain point to grandpa and there's different seasons in Grandpa Gramphood.
- [31:25]
A
Grandpa, Grandpa.
- [31:27]
B
But even like you're saying you're talking about your first time of being away from your family in my home, that was that first moment of you're not the kid anymore. Yeah, you're not a kid.
- [31:36]
A
But I still felt like it.
- [31:37]
B
But you're not.
- [31:38]
A
But I felt like it.
- [31:39]
B
And that's the thing. When you're, when you're, when you are the parent, you are the parent in that season.
- [31:45]
A
Yeah.
- [31:46]
B
Childhood to me, again, this is my perspective. The, the memories you're mainly creating are for your children in that moment.
- [31:53]
A
Right.
- [31:53]
B
And that to me it's about who are you going to. Because who are you going to please the most? You cannot please every single person and make every single person happy constantly. And that's a life lesson for everyone, which you cannot.
- [32:04]
A
Oh, well, gosh, that. That even goes into Instagram. But I digress.
- [32:08]
B
You cannot. And so you have to sort of pick your battles. Not battles isn't the right word, but pick your priorities and pick the people that you're going to say, this is what. Who I'm doing this for. And for me, it was about my children.
- [32:20]
A
Yes. And that's like a perfect segue into my last point that I can think of, which is saying no more and doing less.
- [32:28]
B
Yeah.
- [32:29]
A
And Pinterest.
- [32:30]
B
Oh, yeah. How about that, right?
- [32:31]
A
Yeah, Pinterest. And the Internet really sets us up for stress because people make these cute boards of, like, Christmas family checklist where you have to go through all these things and check off what you've done. And it's like 15 things. And that's so cute and it seems fun, but are you present showing up and happy for all of them, or are you just trying to rush through a Pinterest checklist because you want to feel. Feel like you're the mom of the season? And if that stuff brings you joy and you have time to do it, then don't listen to me. But for me, I feel like I pick three to four things to do in December, and we do it really well. So, like, one of those things is going through all of our big movies, right? Baking cookies, even though I suck at it. But can you pick a few of those things, really hone in on them? Take a whole day, night, maybe two nights, and do it really well, because what that's doing is it's embedding a really good, like, core memory, if you will, rather than just blasting through these things that they won't really even maybe remember.
- [33:28]
B
You know, it's interesting. Chase the elf, we have. We have an elf on the shelf that comes. And he used to come on December 1st. And, you know, we talked.
- [33:36]
A
Modified.
- [33:37]
B
Well, no, we didn't. We talked. We had a chat with him and we asked him, you know, like, hey, you know, there's a lot going on and we're busy. And last year, he. He came a week before Christmas.
- [33:45]
A
Yes.
- [33:45]
B
And it was, you know, and it really worked out well. Chase got a lot of attention. It was. It was well. Was well managed.
- [33:51]
A
Well, I don't know. You guys might. You guys might have to have a talk with your elves, too, because Santa's really needing Helpers more these days. And so he's busier and so the elves can't come.
- [34:00]
B
And it was a mutual benefit. It was a very. It was very beneficial.
- [34:03]
A
So if you also think your elf needs to help Santa. All I know is Santa needs help, guys. And so maybe your elf can only come for two weeks out of December.
- [34:11]
B
But you know what? Maybe it comes on the. Maybe yours comes the first. That's great. It was. But it did work out. And, you know, our kids were very understanding.
- [34:17]
A
Yeah, they were very understanding that he.
- [34:19]
B
Came only for a couple days. He might only come for five days this year. It's possible.
- [34:23]
A
No, that's. He'll be lazy. He needs to come for. We. He can't be lazy.
- [34:27]
B
We gotta talk. We can write him. We'll talk to Chase. We'll see what's up.
- [34:31]
A
He's got to do it for at least another week. But anyways, so just saying no more. And really protecting. Protecting that space which is home. And not feeling the pressure to do all the things, go to all the parties, make all the perfect gingerbread houses.
- [34:46]
B
Yeah.
- [34:47]
A
It's okay to just be in the moment. And society doesn't tell us that. Society says it's kind of like if you don't say, hi, how are you? Oh, I'm so busy. You're kind of a loser, right? Who says, like, oh, things are so slow right now. I'm kind of. I'm just sitting around. It's kind of boring. I like it. You don't say that.
- [35:06]
B
And. And if. If you're not doing any traditions with your family, and I'm sure you are. I'm sure everyone's doing tap into something from your kid, your childhood. Because I took the kids to a couple years ago to Hobby Lobby, and we found bubble lights. Remember that?
- [35:19]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [35:20]
B
We went bubble light shopping and picked out nutcrackers. Yeah. And they loved it. It was. And it was because I got to tell them the stories about my grandma and my childhood. And I think kids really, really love hearing it's so important feeling like you were a kid, too. And they're really. At least our kids are. They're like. They asked so many questions about it, and. And now it probably doesn't matter as much, you know, a couple years later, but I still have these, like, broke, janky bubble lights on our tree, on our family tree or our kid tree. And I love it. Bring. You know, tap into those things, but don't. It's not a big. It's not. It's not like, it's janky. No, it's not like, you know, Lars things. But it's not like Pinterest. It doesn't have to be perfect.
- [35:59]
A
Yeah. No. I was going to say, as I get older. I've really been stewing on this lately, and maybe it's because of the death of my grandpa this year, but if we don't tell these stories, even if they seem little, very small and not important, if we don't tell these stories, no one's going to know about them. And that's our kids. Like, tell the kids what we used to do. Give them those stories. Because one day they're going to think it's cool. Like we're doing right now, talking about our parents and our childhood. They're going to be doing the same thing and wanting to think about what they can do for their families. So you just don't know what's going to live on. So, yeah, tell about the stories. I love it.
- [36:33]
B
Weird traditions are some of the best. They really are. They are.
- [36:36]
A
I mean, like the pickle in the tree.
- [36:37]
B
Oh, yeah. The German tradition. Another. They're the pickle in the tree.
- [36:40]
A
Yeah. A lot of German traditions.
- [36:42]
B
The senile Santa, the Norman Rockwell, the big presence in the thing. There's fun things like, you know, you kind of blend your families together and pick and choose together.
- [36:53]
A
Guys, together.
- [36:54]
B
Okay. Do we. Do you want to go into. You want to do some Jarrah questions?
- [36:58]
A
Let's do it.
- [36:59]
B
If there is one and only one Christmas song you could listen to on repeat forever, what would it be?
- [37:08]
A
Probably Norman Rockwell. Dashing through the snow when a one horse up and sleigh.
- [37:16]
B
There would be no worse torture in humanity than that.
- [37:19]
A
You talk about jinkle bus, jinkle busket and then they go really fast. It's like jingle bus, jingle bus, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun. And it's direction.
- [37:24]
B
Imagine going to bed with that.
- [37:27]
A
Well, I mean, I'm gonna turn it off.
- [37:29]
B
No, never. No, it has to play on auto. Repeat forever. You're. I was like, you're going to play the most Easy.
- [37:35]
A
Kenny G.
- [37:39]
B
That's not a Christmas song.
- [37:42]
A
Everyone plays Kenny G during Christmas.
- [37:44]
B
No, my dad does.
- [37:45]
A
It's like his time.
- [37:46]
B
No, my dad plays it. Well, not everyone.
- [37:48]
A
And I respect your dad.
- [37:49]
B
You're still gonna play Kenny G's Christmas album?
- [37:53]
A
Any of it. Kenny G is Christmas to me. The saxophone. Come on. Playing blow darts in a basement.
- [37:59]
B
Mine's very easy. Okay, what's my favorite soundtrack to Christmas? You should know this.
- [38:07]
A
I do know Is it the Garden State cd?
- [38:13]
B
I'm talking Christmas music.
- [38:14]
A
Oh, where are you right now? I keep not thinking of Christmas.
- [38:20]
B
You just. Garden State and Kenny G for Christmas music.
- [38:26]
A
I'm not thinking Christmas. What is your favorite Christmas song? I don't think. I know. Is it the Carpenter's song?
- [38:32]
B
Nope. Oh, Charlie Brown soundtrack.
- [38:37]
A
Oh, that would be bad for me.
- [38:38]
B
Oh, is it the. Is it the. Is it the Max Garrity Trio or something like that?
- [38:43]
A
Yeah.
- [38:43]
B
I don't know if I'm saying I don't. Yeah, you can't. The fact that it's like my favorite. I don't even know the exact artist. I think that's what it is. It's something Gari or Gilardi, but yeah, that is. There is no better Christmas album than that. That is the apex of Christmas noobus music. It is. That is peak level Christmas. It'll never go old. It'll always be relevant.
- [39:04]
A
It would go old if it was playing on repeat, don't you?
- [39:06]
B
I think any song on repeat, you would be very pained. Very, very, very pained.
- [39:11]
A
Let's do one more.
- [39:12]
B
Okay. Would you. Would you rather have extremely tiny eyes or enormous lips?
- [39:23]
A
Enormous lips all day long. People pay for that.
- [39:26]
B
Like. No, enormous. We're talking that it's got to be like, bigger than your face, probably. Or super tiny eyes.
- [39:34]
A
Oh, the tiny eyes would be freaky as heck. I'm gonna go with big lips all day.
- [39:39]
B
So you're gonna go with Gigantor mouth.
- [39:41]
A
Yep.
- [39:42]
B
As opposed to tiny eyes?
- [39:44]
A
Yes. The eyes look like little dots on your face.
- [39:47]
B
But think about, like, sleeping and drooling out of that monster mouth.
- [39:51]
A
Think about trying to look with those baby eyes like it would. Yeah, but my answer's lips. Why do you always ask me questions and then you tell me my answer's wrong?
- [39:59]
B
I could. You could.
- [40:00]
A
I have self esteem problems.
- [40:01]
B
But here's the thing. With tiny eyes, you could just get glasses with, like, fake eyes on them.
- [40:06]
A
And you just make that your answer.
- [40:08]
B
Yeah, I'm gonna go tiny eyes because then I'm gonna get cosmetically glasses to, like, make my eyes look normal sized.
- [40:15]
A
That's a weird question.
- [40:17]
B
Take them off. Bloop.
- [40:20]
A
That's ridiculous. I'm gonna go with big lips.
- [40:22]
B
All right. I mean, you're kind of there.
- [40:27]
A
I do have big lips.
- [40:28]
B
All right. What else? This is random.
- [40:32]
A
Okay.
- [40:32]
B
This is random and weird.
- [40:34]
A
I love that.
- [40:34]
B
Would you rather be a llama or a cow?
- [40:39]
A
I think I'd rather be a llama because people don't eat llama so I could live a longer life.
- [40:44]
B
That's from Bren Ginger Nakintaj, something like that.
- [40:48]
A
I'd rather be a llama because I'm not getting fattened up to just be slaughtered.
- [40:51]
B
Well, cows don't get slaughtered. They do usually not. Bulls do. Right. Cows are milk. Well, I guess they're. I guess you can't slaughter cows. But you milk cows.
- [40:59]
A
They also kill them for their beef.
- [41:01]
B
You get your. Get your things milked.
- [41:04]
A
I'm gonna go llama all day long again. We don't eat llama again.
- [41:07]
B
Going back to the last question. Who chose that? Who's the first person that. I'm gonna put this cow milk in my mouth?
- [41:12]
A
Okay, I want to go back to that question. I don't want to go back there.
- [41:15]
B
Just.
- [41:15]
A
Are you gonna be a llama or a cow?
- [41:17]
B
I kind of like the llama. Because then you could be, like, in Peru as well, and that's a cool place, right?
- [41:25]
A
Peruvian lava.
- [41:26]
B
Yeah.
- [41:27]
A
Lava llama.
- [41:28]
B
Yeah, absolutely.
- [41:29]
A
All right.
- [41:29]
B
Yeah. I mean, you've seen what was the. The Disney cartoon returns into a llama.
- [41:34]
A
Oh, Amber's New Groove. Highly recommend.
- [41:36]
B
He turned into a llama there, right?
- [41:37]
A
He's. That's such a funny staple. I love that show. Have you ever seen that?
- [41:41]
B
I did. I haven't. I. I saw. I was past my age when I was growing up, but I saw it with the. You and the kids. It is kind of funny. Kevin Spader or Spader Jason was something like that. Yeah, it's funny.
- [41:52]
A
Yeah. Right? Well, on that note, we're ending on Peruvian llama on this episode.
- [41:57]
B
Look how it's so soft. It's a beautiful wool.
- [42:01]
A
Okay.
- [42:01]
B
Or fur.
- [42:02]
A
All right, thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. We will have a new episode for you next Thursday.
- [42:11]
B
You know what we should probably do A Monday Fun Day. We've missed it.
- [42:13]
A
We've missed it. Well, this. This Monday was Halloween, so we paused. But, yeah, we will have a Monday fun day, I promise.
- [42:20]
B
I got an idea. We could do Monday Funday. What am I going to tell you?
- [42:23]
A
Oh, fine. Okay.
- [42:24]
B
Tell them it's a bonus. We can keep talking about it later.
- [42:27]
A
Okay. We'll turn this off and then we'll talk about it. Okay?
- [42:29]
B
All right. I think this was good. I hope they got something out of this. If you guys like this. Hey, guys, don't forget to review it. It's been awesome. Again, keep sending us your feedback. It does matter to us. Send us message on Instagram, on the podcast, in the comments. We do read them and we try to top, you know, get as much. But you got only a few episodes left.
- [42:46]
A
Only a couple more seasons left of the season. But we will be back a couple.
- [42:49]
B
Seasons seasons into the season.
- [42:50]
A
Oh crap, a couple episodes left. All right, we're gonna say goodbye. Goodbye guys.
- [42:54]
B
Bye. Bye.
- [42:59]
A
You, me and Mike is a production of the Rambling Redhead from thirteen Media.
- [43:03]
B
Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever podcasts are available. While you're at it, leave us a five star rating.
- [43:08]
A
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