You, Me & Mike: Ep. 122 — Managing Holiday Stress (Mike Eats Christmas Dinner From a Dog Bowl)

Date: November 3, 2022
Hosts: Jenn Todryk & Mike Todryk

Overview

In this episode, Jenn and Mike Todryk get real about managing the often-overlooked stress of the holiday season. Building on their previous conversation about holiday traditions, this installment focuses on practical ways they've learned to reduce seasonal overwhelm, from gift shopping and family expectations to food prep — and, yes, the unforgettable saga of Christmas dinner in dog bowls. Listeners are treated to candid stories, playful banter, and actionable tips grounded in Jenn and Mike's experiences as parents, partners, and hosts of large family celebrations.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Gift Giving: Joy, Stress, and Setting Boundaries

• Jenn LOVES gift giving and takes pride in picking the perfect presents, but she acknowledges it can get overwhelming, especially with a big extended family (01:21).
  • "I love gift giving. It doesn't stress me out as far as like picking gifts for people...but I know it can be stressful for a financial reason." — Jenn (01:21)
• Early Shopping is Key: Jenn found starting as early as October helps her enjoy December more.
  • “I try to be done December 1st with everyone’s gift, but if anyone’s left into December, it’s the kids because they change their mind so dang much.” — Jenn (03:40)
• Assigning Gift Recipients: Jenn delegates gift-buying to Mike for his side of the family to share the load.
• Using Sale Days: Jenn leverages deal days like Amazon’s early Black Friday to spread out shopping and save money (04:24-04:58).

On Expectations, Budgets, and Price Limits

• Set and Communicate Limits: The Todryks recommend putting price caps on gifts to prevent embarrassment or financial strain.
  • “If a family member comes up and says, hey, I think it would be really great this year if we put a price limit...honor that.” — Jenn (12:04)
• Private Gifting: If you want to give generously, they suggest doing so privately rather than at the expense of group expectations.
  • "There’s nothing wrong with doing a private gift to somebody." — Mike (11:23)

Making Gift Shopping a Bonding Tradition

• Involve Kids in Shopping: Both share childhood memories and current traditions around taking their kids to pick gifts for one another, prioritizing the act of giving over the price or quantity of presents (07:42-09:12).
  • "Putting thought into a gift and, like, thinking of another person." — Jenn (08:29)

2. Family & Travel: Managing Time and Expectations

• Blended and Distant Families: Both have families in different locations and have navigated complex arrangements to “touch everyone” during the holidays (15:00-15:28).
• Prioritizing Home Base: After years of "pinging around," they made Christmas at home non-negotiable for their own kids’ memories.
  • "I want my kids to grow up as adults and always have their memories of Christmas in their home." — Jenn (19:23)
• Thanksgiving is for Travel, Christmas at Home: They now make Thanksgiving their designated holiday to travel to Wisconsin, informing relatives upfront to set expectations.
• Permission to Say No: Both emphasize that you don't have to do what doesn’t serve your immediate family’s needs, even if it breaks with others’ traditions.
  • “I was at the point where I didn’t want to waver on creating that tradition for our children and not having massive amount of movement during those few days.” — Mike (18:41)

3. Food & Entertaining: Outsourcing & Potlucks

• Jenn’s Decision to Outsource: Hosting back-to-back events led Jenn to start catering the main meal — notably, the turkey — rather than cook everything herself.
  • "I have always ordered a turkey...If food is causing stress and you can afford to buy something...do it." — Jenn (22:31, 23:05)
• Potlucks as Equalizers: They divide responsibilities for side dishes among relatives and suggest making it fun (e.g., have a side-dish contest).
• Olive Garden for Christmas Eve: Three years prior, Jenn started catering Olive Garden’s pasta bar for Christmas Eve, eliminating much of her stress and letting her be present with family (24:00).
  • “Everyone loves Olive Garden. So I buy the big pasta bars...and we all eat freaking Olive Garden. And it’s delicious and amazing.” — Jenn (24:00)

The Infamous Dog Bowl Story

• Christmas Dinner Served in Dog Bowls: Jenn once unknowingly served Mike’s family soup in bowls intended for pets—a recurring family anecdote (26:49-27:47).
  • "[My] whole, I made Mike’s whole entire family eat soup out of dog bowls. I didn’t know they were dog bowls..." — Jenn (27:06)

4. Communication & Setting Boundaries

• Over-Communicate Expectations: They repeatedly stress the importance of talking openly with family about plans, limits, and shifting traditions (28:17-29:20).

  • “It’s not the easiest conversation, and it did. I think it can come across as selfish a little bit, but it’s okay when you’re setting up boundaries and expectations." — Mike (29:03)

• Grandparents & Flexibility: The Todryks’ own parents adjusted by holding celebrations on different days, further reinforcing adaptability as vital for peaceful holidays (30:35-31:36).

5. Doing Less, Being Present & Avoiding “Pinterest Trap”

• Value Depth over Breadth: Jenn cautions against feeling pressured by social media “checklists” of activities, suggesting fewer, more meaningful traditions (32:28).

  • "Can you pick a few of those things, really hone in on them...rather than just blasting through these things that they won’t really even maybe remember?" — Jenn (33:23)

• Elf-on-the-Shelf Modification: They negotiated with their kids’ Elf to visit for only a week, not an entire month, showing kids can adapt if you explain (33:28-34:17).

• Nostalgia & Passing on Stories: Jenn encourages listeners to share stories from their own childhood holiday traditions so their kids have roots and memories (35:59-36:33).

  • "If we don’t tell these stories...no one’s going to know about them." — Jenn (35:59)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If there’s ever a reason that you need to limit your gifts…communicate that and you say, hey, don’t buy for me. I’m cutting it back this year…You have to stand up for like your mental sanity.” — Jenn (02:24)
• “It’s a season of giving.” — Jenn (12:26)
• “The point of a gift is you give what you can.” — Mike (10:39)
• “Our parents can come, your brothers can come, my parents can come...We can create the hub. But I was at the point where I didn’t want to waver on creating that tradition for our children.” — Mike (18:38)
• "If you start, and I'm not saying, like, I probably only have like four people bought for right now. Not a lot, but at least I started in October. So you get yourself in the habit..." — Jenn (06:43)
• "Everyone's family when they're here. When they're here at our house with Olive Garden, everyone's family." — Mike (25:55)
• "It’s okay to just be in the moment. And society doesn’t tell us that." — Jenn (34:46)
• "Weird traditions are some of the best. They really are." — Mike (36:33)

Fun & Lighthearted Segments

• [26:49] — Story time: The infamous dog bowl Christmas dinner mishap.
• [36:35] — Discussion of quirky and blended holiday traditions, like the German “pickle in the tree.”
• [36:58] onwards — Jar of silly questions, including the “one Christmas song forever” conundrum, and “would you rather be a llama or a cow?”

Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:21] — Jenn on gift-giving stress and strategies
• [04:24] — Using sales and involving kids in gift selection
• [09:12] — Gifts, memories vs. materialism
• [15:00] — Difficulties of splitting time due to family geography
• [18:41] — Decision to make Christmas at home a set tradition
• [22:25] — Food prep: catering vs. homemade; outsourcing to reduce hostess stress
• [26:49] — Story: Mike eats Christmas dinner from a dog bowl
• [28:17] — Importance of communication and setting expectations with extended family
• [32:28] — On saying “no,” doing less, and avoiding holiday FOMO
• [33:28] — Modifying Elf on the Shelf tradition to fit family’s needs
• [36:33] — The value of weird family traditions
• [36:58 - end] — Lighthearted Q&A (Jar Questions)

Takeaway Tips & Themes

• Start holiday shopping early and spread out tasks to enjoy the season more.
• Protect your mental health by setting boundaries, including price limits for gifts and simplifying food traditions (order in or make it potluck-style).
• Communicate plans and expectations proactively to family to reduce misunderstandings or resentment.
• Anchor traditions at home if it helps your immediate family, and remember, what’s right for you may not suit everyone.
• Focus on depth over breadth of activities; curate a few strong traditions and don’t be entrapped by social comparison.
• Adapt, improvise, and embrace odd family moments (dog bowls and all!) as part of what makes the holidays memorable.