Ep. 207: Let's Keep it Casual

Summary

Podcast Summary: You, Me & Mike — Ep. 207: Let's Keep it Casual

Date: October 8, 2025
Hosts: Jenn and Mike Todryk
Podcast: You, Me & Mike
Episode Theme:
This episode is a candid, lighthearted look into the everyday lives of Jenn and Mike Todryk as they navigate the chaos of back-to-school season, family routines, marriage dynamics, and personal highlights from the week. The couple keeps the tone engaging, relatable, and humorous, inviting listeners into their real family conversations, with plenty of playful banter and deep dives into their parenting and partnership styles.

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1. Weekly Highlights and Personal Moments

[00:34 - 05:46]

• Jenn kicks off with an impromptu “highlight of your week” segment.
• Mike first mentions how busy the week has been with kids’ school, sports, and activities, but quickly pivots to naming fantasy football as his personal highlight (“Fantasy football’s back. It’s huge.” – Mike, [01:31]).
  • Jenn teases Mike for not picking golf, given his recent lessons and the gift of new clubs, leading to a funny back-and-forth on whether he’s “really a golfer” if he hardly ever plays.
  • Mike reflects on the humility of returning to hobbies after a long time:

    “Doing something you used to be really good at and then restarting it again is very humbling, because in my mind, I should be good at it.” – Mike, [03:07]

• Jenn’s highlight: The kids going back to school (“It’s like an extremely close second to Christmas for me as a kid.” – Jenn, [06:05])
  • She reminisces about her excitement for new clothes and the feeling of reinventing herself for each school year.
  • Mike and Jenn share memories of their own high school “Best Of” awards and the quirks of those categories.

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2. Back-to-School Routines & Parenting Hacks

[09:08 - 25:14]

Excitement & Preparation

• Jenn details her enthusiasm for preparing for the school year, including labeling shoes, picking out outfits, and writing daily inspirational messages on a letter board (“The inspiration is getting really low quality. Like, today is Monday is the new fun day.” – Jenn, [11:49]).
• The routine:
  • Outfits picked the night before.
  • Breakfast prep and water bottle filling amid the morning rush.
  • Jenn manages hair and details, Mike handles food (“Our breakfast rotates between protein waffles, eggs, sausage links, those Kodiak… I have been trying to do a lot more eggs recently…” – Mike, [20:10]).
• Their attempt at balance:
  • Trying to provide more protein-rich breakfasts, keeping cereal as an occasional treat, and dividing morning duties.
  • Reflections on the challenges for parents with strict schedules (“It’s a heck of a lot easier just to do cereal. I can tell you that.” – Mike, [21:05])

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3. School Nutrition & Lunches — Processed Food and Parental Choices

[25:15 - 34:54]

• The couple dives into school lunch quality, advocating for less processed, less sugary options.

  • “Personally, I’m not a huge fan of [school lunches] because of just the amount of processed stuff that goes into it.” – Mike, [26:57]

• They discuss using the school lunch app to track nutrition, surprise at high sugar content, and frustrations with “extras” like sugary “sparkling waters.”
  • “39 grams of sugar in the sparkling water. And I was like… I ever showed that to the principal…” – Mike, [30:46]
• Both reflect on food sensitivities (notably, their son’s reaction to food dyes) and the reality that homemade lunches take more time, but allow more control.
  • Jenn stresses her top concern: the short window kids have to eat hot lunch, especially for younger kids, which means they often don’t eat enough.
• Parenting style: balancing nutritional ideals with practicality and allowing kids choices within healthy boundaries (“We ask our kids what they want for lunch. They get to pick their snack, give them options within guidelines…” – Jenn, [34:33]).

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4. Marriage Dynamics: Division of Labor, Communication, and Evolving Roles

[35:05 - 52:47]

Team Parenting

• Both hosts credit their flexible work-from-home schedules for being able to share parenting and home routines “about 50/50.”
  • “If you’re home, you’re 50 percent a parent with me.” – Jenn, [37:09]
  • Open discussion about expectations in marriage, shaped by family of origin and unspoken assumptions (“There’s verbal expectations… and non-verbal expectations.” – Mike, [40:13]).
• Mike shares he expected more traditional gender divides before marriage—even admits his mom’s caregiving style primed him for it—but has adapted to a more equal partnership.

Communication

• Jenn is matter-of-fact and direct about asking for help and stating needs, something Mike appreciates:
  • “The one thing you’ve been able to do or things just part of your personality… I always know what your expectations are because you’ll tell me, right. Very quickly.” – Mike, [43:02]
  • Jenn points out the importance of regular “check ins” as kids grow and life stages change.

Respect, Friendship, and Adjusting Lead Roles

• Mike:

  “I did expect my spouse to be my best friend. I did want that. So I want to—if I’m going to treat you with anything, if you’re my best friend—how am I going to treat my friends?… It’s a mutual respect.” – Mike, [47:33]

• They both acknowledge that sometimes one leads more than the other, depending on work projects or life seasons, and that’s a key to their flow.

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5. Can Marriage Really Be 50/50?

[48:47 - 52:47]

• Jenn poses the “spicy” question: Is a truly 50/50 marriage possible?
  • Mike: “On a macro scale, could be 50/50. But in the moment, there’s generally someone who’s giving more or taking more. That’s compromise, the dance.” – Mike, [49:14]
• Jenn reframes the idea—a 50/50 partnership is less about the exact percentage of work and more about both partners feeling supported and like they’re each contributing half to the whole.
  • “I think 50/50 marriage is both two people feel like they are split—whatever the workload is, they are getting 50 percent help from their partner.” – Jenn, [49:52]
  • They highlight the necessity of understanding each other’s “love languages” and priorities for true partnership.

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6. Lighthearted Moments: Costco Skeleton & “Weird Questions” Segment

[53:10 - 56:40]

• Jenn’s “second highlight” of the week: Acquiring a giant skeleton from Costco for Halloween decorations (“What a win. Hoya. I could not find those dumb skeletons and then had a whole Costco open up right in my town.” – Jenn, [53:16]).
• Closing “Jar of Weird Questions” game:
  • “Would you rather visit outer space or the deepest part of the ocean?”
  • Neither host wants to do either; lots of banter about oxygen deprivation vs. water pressure (“Shoot me. I know in my life I don’t want to go to either.” – Jenn, [54:17]).
  • Mike shouts out his astronaut classmate Frank Rubio, who ended up stuck in the ISS for a year (“Imagine being… it was gonna, I know it’s a sacrifice. I’m gonna be gone for three months and then a year later I show back up home…” – Mike, [55:28])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “[Doing] something you used to be really good at and then restarting it again is very humbling…” – Mike, [03:07]
• “You’re a celebrity designer, so why would I let you not work around the house?” – Mike, [52:40], joking about their division of labor.
• “If you’re home, you’re 50% a parent with me, so you’re not… you don’t have to be at work. Get up, you know?” – Jenn, [37:09]
• “We both kind of tango there… it’s like an unspoken thing.” – Jenn, on handling school pickup logistics, [35:29]
• “My highlight of the week… was getting that skeleton from Costco.” – Jenn, [53:16]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:34–05:46 — Weekly highlights, golf vs. fantasy football
• 06:05–09:08 — Back-to-school excitement, high school memories
• 09:08–25:14 — Morning routines, breakfast/lunch routines, prepping kids
• 25:15–34:54 — School lunch, processed food, healthy eating choices
• 35:05–52:47 — Division of parental labor, marriage dynamics, communication
• 48:47–52:47 — Debate: Can marriage be 50/50? Love languages
• 53:10–56:40 — Costco skeleton, skeleton decorating, weird questions segment

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Overall Tone

Warm, playful, and insightful. Jenn and Mike’s chemistry shines through as they trade quips, confess real struggles, and analyze family logistics in a relatable, down-to-earth style. The episode is equal parts practical parenting advice, marriage counseling, and comedic storytelling—a true casual hang in podcast form.

Transcript

[A]

Good morning, Michael.

[B]

Good morning, Jennifer.

[A]

You're looking dapper today in the Armor Brewing shirt that you always wear.

[B]

Thank you. It's fresh and clean. I have the black one on instead of the white one, so, you know, at least I'm creating some variety.

[A]

Yeah, I'm in sweats today.

[B]

You're casual.

[A]

I started my period today, so I guess.

[B]

Cool talk. Let's. Let's get into that. Let's talk about periods.

[A]

I wanted to. I was like, I hard stop on pants. Not doing it. I want to be comfortable. I want to bleed out in peace.

[B]

I didn't even. I didn't. I didn't even notice. I didn't even notice. I didn't notice.

[A]

That was nice of you to say. Thanks. Good. Good thing. That was good with you. I want to try something. We haven't done this before, but I actually think it will be fun. And I wanted to throw this on you. And now, you know, going ahead of time. So kind of think about it. What was the highlight of your week? This week?

[B]

This week or last week?

[A]

That. Well, the last seven days. Not next week, not next week, this week, this week. That just happened.

[B]

You're asking me this is. Is this an on the spot question.

[A]

Highlight, like most fun or best or. I don't know, whatever highlight means to you?

[B]

Well, well, this week was busy.

[A]

So busy.

[B]

Super busy.

[A]

So busy.

[B]

School starting and soccer tournaments and softball practices. It was a lot of early mornings for football is super busy.

[A]

So a lot of first.

[B]

I'm gonna. Yeah, look, I love the tournaments. I love seeing Berkeley play, but I'm gonna go and just. I'm gonna pivot because that's the easy button to say. You're watching my kid play, right?

[A]

Yeah, it is fun.

[B]

Fantasy football's back. Fantasy.

[A]

You're horrible. You're saying fantasy football?

[B]

Yes. I mean, no. Yes and no.

[A]

The real answer about your golf lessons, which is okay, but fantasy football trumps all the yes.

[B]

It's huge. It was. What this one's with. You know, I did the first draft with your parents. Yeah, not your parents. Your dad and your brothers. And so that's, you know, this isn't. This isn't my main league that I get in. So it's a little warm up. It's kind of getting back into it, spending time with the family.

[A]

So you're trying to use my family to make this seem better, that you chose fantasy football as your highlight.

[B]

Look, this is a big deal, you know, it's. It's. Everyone knows it's very serious business. When a bunch of grown men who are no longer athletes start to draft other athletes and think that they're good at things, and then they realize they're not good at things, and they spend 10 hours on a Sunday wasting their life to only realize that they probably have better things to do. So good. It's such worth it.

[A]

It's, like, competitive. I get that. It's fun. I'm surprised you didn't put golf. Like, that was great, too. You don't golf. You're not a golfer. And you start.

[B]

I am a golfer.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You should see my swing.

[A]

You've had one lesson.

[B]

Listen, I golfed a ton of. I was younger, like, ton. I was, I was. So this one's picking up quick.

[A]

So I've seen you golf maybe twice our whole marriage, Mike. We've been married 14 years. I'll tell you, that's a golfer. No, that's like me saying, I'm a bowler. I bow once a year.

[B]

No, that. But I golfed. I, I literally would golf 100 times every year during. During high school and then even college. Like, I golfed a lot when I.

[A]

Was younger, decades of when that was. Michael, you're not a golfer anymore.

[B]

I will say this. I'm going to pivot for a second. Doing something used to be really good at and then restarting it again is very humbling, because in my mind, I should be good at it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I, I remember I, I, I had a good swing, and I could. I had. Was very consistent back in the day, but, man, it is totally different. Your body changes.

[A]

It's not your highlight, though. I thought you were, like, really excited. Okay, so backtrack.

[B]

Hold on. My highlight was golf. Is that better?

[A]

You better say, golf is your.

[B]

Is that a better way?

[A]

You shouldn't bully your highlight. You're right. That's ridiculous.

[B]

Best part of my week was my.

[A]

Me trying to control the best part of your life. What are you talking about?

[B]

No, it's fun. It's fun to get back into it. And I just. I'm doing a couple lessons to just try get my swing back into routine. And it's fun to, like, think, like, okay, I'm gonna pick back a hobby up again. At least I picked a really inexpensive hobby, so that's a good thing.

[A]

It's not, like, the most expensive hobby. I think it's more expensive than tennis.

[B]

Oh. I mean, yeah, if you're including green fiends and stuff like that. But right now I'm just going to, like, a cheap driving range to Just kind of like, improve my swing. I'm not over investing.

[A]

Okay, so backtrack. We've talked about how hard it is for us to get gifts for each other. And so Mike's birthday is like the last holiday before Christmas, and so we are tapped out. And this year I was like, I literally.

[B]

That's true. Our anniversary's right after my birthday.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Which is. Which is difficult because it's literally my. Your birthday. Six, five days later, my birthday. And then a week and a half later anniversary.

[A]

So it's like.

[B]

And they're like, what do we do at this point?

[A]

So we've talked about this before, but Mike's birthday gift this year, I literally was just very honest. I was like, I do not know what to give you. I need you to tell me what you want. And I. I'll find it. I'll go into the world and I'll gather it. And I noticed he had talked. We went. He went golfing with friends in Cabo. And he was like, I love that so much. I'm like, why don't you go buy yourself new clubs? That's. Because that's expensive. And so he was like, well, no, you didn't really. You were kind of like, I'm like, no, that's it. That's your gift. Go buy clubs. Because I'm tapped out in the ideas. And now you are.

[B]

No, I was super excited about it. It's not like. It's not like one of these things where I'm like, hey, you get a free pass to go buy a new set of clubs. Which to. To my, I guess, defense of getting clubs. My Clubs are literally 30 years, 28 years old.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I got them after I graduated college. So it's like I was. It's there to. The technology changed everything. They'd be like playing with a 28 year old racket. You'd be like, all right, go. Upgrade.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

But I'm. But at the same time. But at the same time, it's one of those. I'm like, well, no, I'm really committing to play golf. Like, what if I spend this money and I don't really get into it?

[A]

Yeah, you better. Expensive.

[B]

So this thing is not. Thank you. I will. If that's a mandatory.

[A]

You will go.

[B]

What about you? What was your highlight? Highlight? Yeah.

[A]

The kid. Living through this. Living through my children, living through the kids going back to school. I don't think you understand. It was like a extremely close second to Christmas for me as a kid.

[B]

Like going to school?

[A]

Yeah. Like the start of the new year. I don't know if it's just girls or if men think this way, too, or boys, but. But I literally thought every year I was coming back every new invented person, and, like, no one had seen this girl before, and I was the new. The new it girl. I did that to myself in my head.

[B]

When you have a new Trapper.

[A]

Exactly. My clothes are sick. In a good way. I went to the Value City in Ohio and got American Eagle jeans with the big Sharpie line through it, but they were American Eagle, and I was pumped about that.

[B]

Was it in the inner label, though?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Inner label.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I was just so pumped to wear all these new clothes. I look back on my fashion choices, and my mom was great for letting me express. I would never. Right now, as a mom, I'm like, you're not wearing that. My mom let me express myself, and I imagine that I'm like, viv. Viv is very opinionated about her outfits. And we do this, like, getting ready, butt heads in the morning. And I think I was that because I look at my outfits and I'm like. I put stuff together that, like, wasn't supposed to be together and somehow made it an outfit and ended up getting best dressed.

[B]

As to the best compliment you ever had in your life was that you make ugly clothes look cute.

[A]

Someone told me that in high school. Amanda. I won't give her last name. That would be rude. But she was like, you somehow make really ugly clothes look cute. And I remember being like, thanks, and then walking away and being like. Like, it hit me, like, I don't know if that was a compliment compliment or if she was just mad because I got that I was voted that, which. Do they even do that in high school anymore? They do.

[B]

They do.

[A]

That's kind of wild in today's society that they still would do that. Like, most attractive.

[B]

Yeah, I don't think.

[A]

I don't think there could. No way. I was second for best hair or I was up for best.

[B]

I got best eyes. And I believe that you got two things. Yeah, no, here's weird. One, they didn't have best smile, but I got best dimples. And I was like, I don't have dimples. Swear to God that they can just.

[A]

That's hilarious.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Did you won best dimples a feature you don't.

[B]

I told them I didn't have him, and they gave it to somebody else. I was like, I don't have dimples.

[A]

You're so. I could See you being, like, so mad.

[B]

Like, I just was like, that's kind of, like, weird. Like, if they have a picture and.

[A]

I'm like, is it on this side? Yeah.

[B]

You and Vaughn.

[A]

And is it this side or is it this side? Yeah, I only have one full one.

[B]

Yeah. Yes, this side. Wonderful.

[A]

But it's not on this side.

[B]

No, you have to. You have a little. You have actually kind of.

[A]

No, it kind of indents. My dad has, like, ones that look like you like putting.

[B]

Yeah. Vaughn has. Yeah. So pops. Yeah. Anyway, that's what I got.

[A]

That's hilarious. Okay. Best eyes is a great one, though. I can see that. Because your eyes are, like, a really icy blue color. They're very pretty color.

[B]

Well, you have the best hair.

[A]

I didn't win best hair. Amanda, the girl that gave me that compliment, actually won best.

[B]

I don't think that's a fair. I think that voting was rigged then at that point. Who has better hair than you?

[A]

This girl came in and she would spend hours doing, like, braids and. And, like, designs and stuff. Like, she told us, like, I get up at 5am to do my hair. Like, she cared so.

[B]

Well, she does. I mean, the amount of time you spend on your hair now is proof about.

[A]

I didn't do my hair today. Thought about wearing a hat.

[B]

The number of times you get your hair done. It's crazy. And the amount of money you invest into it, which. Which fun fact is, once a year.

[A]

Just once a year, I get full disclosure. Hold on. Did I say my highlight? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It's beginning of the school year.

[A]

It's the beginning of the school year. So I get really excited, like, okay, do you want to put, like, your name and little letters on the shoelaces of your shoe? And Burke's like, I think I'm okay, mom. I'm like, I don't know. Let me try it. Like, she's like, I'm okay, mom. So I did it on vivies.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I go above and beyond, which is probably dumb. I'm like, we need shoe gems. I got, like, diamonds that go on there. That's where Disney and starting school is. Where my spending habits don't look like anything else in the rest of the year. I'm cheap and frugal, and we had.

[B]

A lot of shoes that came this year.

[A]

Starting school and Disney, when I'm in Disney World, I definitely, like, spend a little more. However our kids are in, they're all shooting up.

[B]

They don't.

[A]

They can't wear anything. Yeah. They're from the year before.

[B]

Vaugh spiked up a lot. Berkeley, same. Yeah, they're both dead. Yeah.

[A]

Viv can still get away. And with some of the, like, littler.

[B]

Things you mentioned, the labeling, putting the letters on the shoelaces and stuff. Bonds lettering is a little bit different. Reasons to just make sure that nobody. They're like middle schoolers, notoriously accidentally steal each other's things all the time. I don't think it's intentional, but he's already had somebody grab his.

[A]

His workout.

[B]

His workout gear, and it's like, every single gear. I was very intentional making sure we label everything.

[A]

Why? Honey, let me label. You can't read your handwriting.

[B]

It says todrick.

[A]

Is it legible?

[B]

It. Yes. Because nobody else.

[A]

Honey, you could just put Vaughn. No one else in the whole school is named.

[B]

What if Berkeley uses that shirt?

[A]

Berkeley's gonna use Vaughn's nasty athletic shirt. Really?

[B]

No, I just. I guess. I guess that's a military thing, because back in the day, everything, I would just label tyrant. Always. It was always, like, literally everything. And.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that started at. At West Point was we would have it in the bottom of our sweatshirts. We would write giant letters, like your name. It wasn't supposed to be there, but what would happen is you'd put it in the hallway, and then you would. Some people just grab it, and you would always have somebody stealing your stuff. And you're like, I don't have a jacket. I don't have a sweatshirt.

[A]

That would.

[B]

It wasn't stealing.

[A]

I think my personality. That would tick me off.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So you just did it together.

[B]

You write your name everywhere.

[A]

Okay. So that was my first one because, like, I don't just go hard with, like, getting outfits prepared and whatnot. I, like, bought that letter board, and I was like, I'm gonna do an inspirational message every morning. And so far, I've done it. But, like, the inspiration is getting really low quality. Like, today is Monday is the new fun day.

[B]

You also did get called out from Berkeley. You missed yesterday.

[A]

I missed Sunday.

[B]

It did happen.

[A]

Berkeley. It still said soccer. Soccer Saturday on Sunday. I'm like, berkeley, we have been going 0 to 100 all weekend. Up, down, up, down. At soccer tournaments.

[B]

It's true.

[A]

Give me a break. She didn't shun me, but she was like, mom, you forgot.

[B]

Forgot. You forgot.

[A]

And I was like, see? So I do this to myself. I start these fun things that seem great and loving, but then now the expectations are too darn high.

[B]

Yeah. As a mother set that on me herself. Yes.

[A]

Myself.

[B]

I know myself.

[A]

Myself did that, and I don't know why I did that, but I actually, like, have so much fun. And then, like, writing the note in the lunchbox every day. Truth be told, I have thought about sitting down and finishing all 100 notes right now, just writing them so where I can just rip them off and put them.

[B]

Then that's not in the moment.

[A]

That doesn't seem authentic because I like to specialize them. Like, if they had a rough day the day before, like a goal that was scored or something, I can. I can put that in there. But I was thinking maybe I just leave a little spot at the bottom and then add that. Like P S. Great goal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I think I might do that. Well, it takes up time.

[B]

You. You mentioned back to school now, right?

[A]

They're back to school.

[B]

So everyone's back to school. What a week, right?

[A]

First full week back to school this year is like. I don't know if you feel the same way, but I feel like this, in a way, is like our first week ever as far as, like, we had to get our butts in gear. Like, no more tardies. Get up early. Everything has to be done ahead of time the night before. Because we now have three kids in three different schools, and there's no time.

[B]

Yes, that's true.

[A]

Do you agree it's, like, more serious right now?

[B]

I'll say. Maybe because of that. I feel like we have more routine in it. Like, it's more structure and because we have to leave earlier and.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the one thing is our district, at least the kids are spaced out. That it's not like, all the exact same time. Well, now Vaughn's. Every district earlier. Yeah, but it's. It's still. It's. It's. Instead of me doing the drop off now, sometimes you're gonna have to. We double up and. Yeah, that's what we do.

[A]

So I guess let's dive into that for a minute because I feel like I actually get asked a lot, shockingly, on Instagram, like, what the mornings look like. I asked, like, vlogs are super popular in Instagram form right now, and I literally just haven't done it.

[B]

Like, vlogging on Instagram vlogging.

[A]

But what you do is you have to set up the camera doing all things and, like, it takes time. Like, I have to remember to, like.

[B]

I'm sure kids would not like that either, would they?

[A]

No, I wouldn't show them because.

[B]

Oh, you would. Like, you show yourself.

[A]

Like, I kind of show me. Oh, like but it's so busy and chaotic. I don't have time to vlog.

[B]

Sometimes you don't even brush your teeth.

[A]

So that would be in the vlog.

[B]

I'm joking.

[A]

No, you're right. Sometimes I don't. I showed up to tennis after drinking coffee and eating something, and I was like, nobody come near me. I forgot to brush my teeth. But they have two. We all say that sometimes. Or, like, forgot deodorant or whatever. My point is, is it's like in my head that time is nothing about work because I don't have, like, the capacity to do that. And so I. I haven't done it yet. I would love to. I would love to. I don't know why. I think they're interesting to like, watch.

[B]

What people do, like, sped up.

[A]

They're only a minute, minute and a half. So, like, I like. I don't like YouTube vlogs because I don't have time to sit and watch an hour of what someone's doing in their day. However, I. I think it's like, what you're relevant in. Like, when I was first pregnant and had a baby, I loved watching what people did with their infants whenever I was homeschooling. I loved watching someone's full homeschool routine. It was like, so interesting. And now it's like, I'm sure there are some. There's people out there who love watching those because they're curious or like, upcoming older kids. How would I do that? It's just, I'm telling you, when I wake up at six, ten, nothing about me thinks work until they're out the door and I'm back home and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna drink. I'm gonna sit down, get a coffee, look at some dms. Like, that's when I start. I just don't have the capacities.

[B]

I mean, if you're gonna have an hour of your day to do something, you might as well listen to you, me and Mike on iTune.

[A]

I agree with that on your podcast. So anyways, my point with that is. My point with that is. Let's. Our how we do it is not super traditional, I would say. So we wake up at 6, 10. I am Mike's alarm clock.

[B]

Not always.

[A]

I would not. I knew it was coming. Mike would not.

[B]

My alarm goes.

[A]

I didn't say, honey, you need to get up.

[B]

My alarm goes off.

[A]

You set an alarm?

[B]

I do.

[A]

I don't know what that sounds like.

[B]

It's because they going off within one minute of each other. And Then you do like.

[A]

So yours is later than mine.

[B]

Mine, mine's one minute after.

[A]

We'll do better, go quicker.

[B]

So that's what she said. Hey, Okay.

[A]

I had to.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

Am I right?

[B]

Did you say that? Okay, anyway, yeah, you. You have a tendency like, okay, get up. And you do hit me. And then I get up.

[A]

Now, I have never struck you.

[B]

You smack me, you elbow me, and then I cry.

[A]

I say, honey, you gotta get up. Or what I will do is because I'm like facing the other way. I'll take my little bent knee and I'll take my flat foot and I'll bump his booty. I'll be like, you're not hitting me.

[B]

That's the right.

[A]

No, I'm. I think I'm funny in the mornings. Like, I'm just like, get up. You just don't like it because you don't want to get up.

[B]

I mean, you are not a morning person.

[A]

You're not a morning person.

[B]

I'll do it if I have to. And I do. It's like knowing the way the schedule is. It's a lot easier this year because we had a. Like, to me, in my mind, I had more time last year, but now we have three. Three schools. We got to be earlier. So it's not. It hasn't. It's not that hard. It just. I still don't like mornings. I've never been a wired. A morning person ever. Even when I was in the military, I never was. It's just not my intrinsic. Like, let's go. Like. Or like, Vivian, right now you're doing better though.

[A]

Like, you're getting up quicker than you ever have.

[B]

Yeah, it's because I just, like, get to get up and.

[A]

Yeah, like, get up. It's painful even. I'm even like a morning person. And getting up is not fun. You know, you just have to. I know the minute I levitate out of the bed and stand up and it's. I feel better. I just levitate out of the bed. I levitate. So we get up at 6, 10. Mike gets up and he starts getting, like, ready for his day because it only takes him about 15 minutes because he's a man. And he throws on hat, shirt, he's got his shoes and everything, supplements. I lay there for a few more minutes because I literally just put on my glasses, put on my robe on the end of the bed, go pee, and then I might goes down to start making breakfast and I go wake up all the kids. So I'll go In and we've already had outfits picked out the night before. We have to. To keep it going. The girls are usually up by an alarm. Vivi is crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So her Alarm is at 6:15 and it goes off one time and the child literally like boink.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She's up right out of bed, puts her clothes on. It's like she loves it. Like she loves that this is what I have to do, this job. And she's down.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think that's what trying to sneak cereal.

[B]

I think it's because.

[A]

Because she wants to eat cereal.

[B]

It's a little control thing for her. She feels like she's empowered by it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And last year without the alarm though, she's harder to wake up. Remember you? It was like getting her up and.

[A]

But like for some reason with her for a minute. I know. So she's up and Adam trying to sneak cereal. So we had to make sure we don't eat cereal every morning. Really any morning.

[B]

That's why she sneaks it.

[A]

And so we had to tell her like, even if you beat us downstairs, you may not get cereal unless you ask. Anyway, so she's Berkeley keeps snoozing her alarm. I've had to talk to her. I'm like, berkey, you gotta get up when it's your alarm. Because what if my alarm fails or something? Like, anyway, so she's like you. She's a little more lethargic, but still happy. Like she's not moody. She's a happy girl. So I wake up. I usually am waking her up second because like second to her alarm, she doesn't get up. And then Vaughn wants no alarm. He is in what I think true man form wants to be woken up with words of encouragement. Ego building.

[B]

We talked about that. Literally. Literally.

[A]

Fun. Wake up, honey, Happy Monday. And he's like, I hate when you talk like that. I'm like, what do you want me to do?

[B]

Get up?

[A]

Like I'm trying to be gentle. I like open the shade. He's usually like 6:15. Everyone gets dressed, goes downstairs by that time Dared. Downstairs, downstairs. Then you're normally assembling something. It's kind of different every morning. And then I go in full hair mode.

[B]

Yeah. Our breakfast. I mean the people. I mean, I know this is super riveting, but. Yeah, it just rotates between. It's the same protein waffles and what's the protein?

[A]

Eggs. Sausage links. Sausage links, Those Kodiak.

[B]

I have been trying to do a lot more eggs recently. Cuz I do think Eggs, which they don't. Very healthy, but it still makes anyway. But we do that fry up, you know, four, six eggs.

[A]

And fried eggs are risky. Fried eggs are so risky. Because if he. Heaven to Betsy, he breaks an egg.

[B]

There'S only one that does. Berkeley does not care. She's like, I'll eat that one.

[A]

Berkeley. Anything, Viv. I don't like eggs. No matter what form it's in. She's ticked. And then, God forbid, you bust Von's yolk.

[B]

Well, he doesn't like the yolk, so he doesn't want it touching. Touching and out.

[A]

So we have to talk him off a leg. It's a lot of therapy in the morning, for real.

[B]

But we try to be. I mean, I do think from a standpoint of balancing, we do. We don't do cereal all the time. We'll probably let them do cereal once a week as a treat. And it's relatively healthy, but it's always paired with protein.

[A]

So, like our cereal.

[B]

It's a heck of a lot easier just to do cereal. I can tell you that. I'd be like. From a standpoint, I mean, I empathize with parents who are rushing and kids in there. And you're like, it's hard. I get it. Because there's times like, oh, my gosh, if you're running late, God forbid, you're, like, going. And you just sometimes gotta survive. And we've even got it. Like, there's one. Was it this year, Vaughn, one day he did a protein bar when I.

[A]

Was about to say, yeah, not to, like, shame, but there. It does take two seconds to think there's. There are fast options now, like cereal to where, like, even the protein yogurts that we get, the. The two goods or the Oikos, like, the smoothies, they'll take those. And they're getting 10 to 25 grams of protein. I mean, that's even the only bad thing about cereal is you're getting literally no protein in a sugar crash. Come one hour, and there's just not much there.

[B]

Yeah, our. I mean, our.

[A]

That's why we're against that. Because their lunches are a little bit later now. So, like, we need them to be able to.

[B]

And we're not. We're not full on, like, you know, call it, like, rigid, you know, all whole foods and all, you know, scratch foods. Like, we're not to that point yet. I think you and I both aligned to, like, all right, let's try to minimize processed food. Let's try to minimize seed oils. Let's try to minimize trans fat, obviously. But there's things. But there's something. There's a whole like a sense of reality that has to set in as well and say it's like the.

[A]

I think if you. I think the goal is always to 95% of the time eat the way that we luckily know how to eat and we have the knowledge and what feels right that way, the 5% that we don't have time is okay. Yeah, it's okay. If they shove cereal down their throat and we didn't because we were running late, didn't have time to give them protein, it's not ideal, but like, that's kind of the goal is like, it is.

[B]

Everything takes more time for sure. The whole foods, the eggs, everything. The. The bacon or whatever that you're doing. If you're eating whole foods, everything, because you got to prep. It takes time. It does take time.

[A]

I do.

[B]

That's why we try to divide and conquer. It's not. That's. That's part of it.

[A]

Well, I think it's worth it because classes are just getting harder. They're both doing all advanced subjects. I mean, I feel like you have to try to set them up for the best success these days. Like, it's hard. School is hard. But anyway, so while he's doing the foods, I'm doing hair, filling up water bottles. Water bottles is whoever gets it, but filling up water bottles. And I also make sure their snacks are in their backpacks for the day. And then shockingly, that takes up the whole breakfast prep time. Maybe because the hair takes a long time, but they have their shoes and socks on while we're making breakfast. So, I mean, it's a pretty well oiled machine.

[B]

Gladly defer hair to you because if.

[A]

I teach you how, what if something happens to me? I don't look like ragamuffin.

[B]

They look cute. I just do high ponies. They're cute. High ponies look cute.

[A]

They literally don't want your hands anywhere near their hair.

[B]

Vivi likes it because then I usually let their hair also go down. Fine, you want to put a little bandana? Fine, do it.

[A]

If he, like, leaves for school like.

[B]

This, she's like, I love it.

[A]

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[B]

That that's part of what we have. We have, we have that, you know, obviously that privilege of having two people and I think we both have the mindset of, of doing our best for the kids in the moment. We have and we prep lunches the day before and generally speaking it's like yeah, it's probably you do the girls and I do Vaughn or vice versa and we try to make sure all the chores are done before we, you know, do our chill time. That's been a pretty consistent routine of the day before. So we're not rushing because usually last.

[A]

Year we usually me saying we still need to make lunches and I will say you're like fine but you do do it. You're like all right, let's go. At the end of the day we don't gotta be too.

[B]

No.

[A]

Because in the morning one, two at night it's horrible in the morning.

[B]

Well, the morning. We were very guilty last year of sometimes waiting to the last minute. It's like oh gosh. And then you're scrambling and next thing you know you're just trying.

[A]

I'm sure we'll have those mornings again. Yeah, this is the first week and everyone we're killing it. Week one.

[B]

We are. This is week one where we have.

[A]

Totally 30 figured unrecognizable.

[B]

We figured this out. We are the experts when it comes to school routine. Really.

[A]

I will say so it is great because you work from home and so we do have the ability to like do this 5050 which I don't think is super common from just other hearing friends or other people who do it. However hot take. Even if you did work like a job, a corporate job, if you didn't have to be there till nine, you can still help. I would still expect you to help me.

[B]

Absolutely. Especially at six in the morning.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's really not really an experience.

[A]

I would still expect you to get up and help me.

[B]

There's not really an excuse the. You know, obviously if there's people that are single that are doing it. I mean there's like I so hard. I ate school lunch 90 of the time. I think I would occasionally get a packed lunch. You were opposite when you're growing up, right?

[A]

Correct.

[B]

So. And everyone has their different opinions of school lunch. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of them because of just the amount of processed stuff that goes into it. And it's. And it's. You know, I think that's the nature of all school system. But that's my personal. It really and actually my science opinion. I truly believe that it's not really good for kids.

[A]

Okay. Did you see though on the app where it shows what they're eating?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They put the nutrition label.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

And I. It's nice. But I'm. I'm like shocked. They what did I look up and it was like 40 grams of sugar. The muffin and yogurt box or whatever.

[B]

40 grams.

[A]

You would think it would be like, not the muffin, but I was thinking like kind of a decent option like after. I'm glad they post it, but I'm like, why would you look at this and be like, this is good? Yeah, I can't. That's a whole nother topic. And I've always wanted to fight school nutrition, which is help improve it. My mom's been doing it for decades and she's like, you'll go and fight it and nothing changes.

[B]

You give the kid an option to have something healthy or something sugary and taste good. And if you're giving them the option, what are they gonna Juice, right?

[A]

Totally.

[B]

There's very. Some, maybe some kids, very few kids out there. They're gonna be like, you know what? I'm gonna eat healthy today. I'm gonna have a salad. And sometimes like even in grade school they have these like sandwich or salad options. And. But then you're trying to get your kid to choose that. Some kids are wired that way. But like, well, you know, Debbie and.

[A]

Vaughn love to buy. They'll ask every day and we're like, Remember, one day a week and we'll, we limit that so like we'll look ahead of time and give them the options. You can buy Tuesday, Wednesday or Friday, like based off what they're serving.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And Berkeley never wants to buy, so she always gets a packed lunch. Vaughn and Viv, as long as behavior in the morning goes smoothly, then they earn to buy one day a week, which is so nice when they buy because then we don't have to. And again, it is nice.

[B]

Look, every, it's from a standpoint of like if there's people out there that it's what they have to choose because that's the, whether it's the financial means or the, the time or, or their school systems have good lunch. It can be.

[A]

There's also like almost four bucks, right?

[B]

Yeah, but that's actually pretty cheap if you think about it. For a lunch, a full lunch about like if you can get them to have balance. That's the thing is to me is advocating healthy options out there because I would like they'd be great if that was an option. When I was younger, especially when I was in grade school in the 80s, there were actually some relatively healthy options. I remember it being real food. My grandmother was a lunch lady and that's right when she first started, they were literally making food by, from scratch. They would have whole ingredients. They were making, you know, they'd have real potatoes and they're mashing them and it was all real.

[A]

It probably started like in the morning, like cooking.

[B]

It was. Yeah, it was like a commercial kitchen. They were legitimately making the food. And then throughout the 80s, you know, politics, administration, supplementation of food, it's, it's, it's all has to do with just probably lobbyists to be honest. If you really want to get it. It's not necessarily a political thing, but it's, but that's really where if you want to get down to it has to do with money. Has to do with money and sometimes supplementing. Like if you want to make a lot of cheap food, the way to do that is processed food. It really is. You can make a lot of calories a lot cheaper to be able to get it to a lot of people. And there is a lot of benefit that like food insecurity. There is, there's some people in the United States that do have that. That is a legitimate thing, but it's way less the majority of the countries out there because we have an abundance of very low cost food.

[A]

Right.

[B]

At the, at the expense of being not Good for people.

[A]

Right.

[B]

At the expense of. Of having issues where you're just jamming too many calories in or the wrong calories. Right. That's where kids like middle of the day. Do you want your kid Where I got frustrated la. Remember it's two years ago.

[A]

The waffles.

[B]

No, it's not even the waffles. It was the.

[A]

No offense, Igo.

[B]

It was the extras they have. Remember the extras that they added? And school systems are allowed to do that as long as it meets certain.

[A]

Guidelines of what you literally call every day and say anyone for extras? Meaning like if you go buy.

[B]

You get a treat. You can get ice cream treats and things like that.

[A]

How do they do that for money?

[B]

It does. It is additional fundraiser. School systems are allowed to do that because it's over and above.

[A]

You see my butt.

[B]

But they. But one of the ones where they had the water. Remember it was sparkling water and it was 39 grams of sugar in the sparkling water. And I was like you. I was. I would. I ever showed that principle because bond.

[A]

Would be like sparkling water.

[B]

We. We drink. We do let our kids drink sparkling water. Home all the time.

[A]

Yeah. We let it go on for like a semester.

[B]

Bubblies and things. Yeah.

[A]

And then you. We. One of us went to eat lunch with them. Me, you. So many kids throwing back these sparkling waters. Mike.

[B]

39 grams of sugar. I'm not kidding. It was more than a Coke.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I remember taking the can and I went to the principal. I' we okay with this outing?

[A]

We're outing ourselves. We're those parents.

[B]

I wasn't saying it was like I. Again, I'm not trying.

[A]

We do it nicely. I promise.

[B]

I didn't know. And I was like, is this okay? And it was literally. It was like 50% of the kids.

[A]

Were elementary school too. Like they're young.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I don't know how we got here. But anyway, food. I. I mean, yes, in theory, it's cheap. However, I. I didn't buy my lunch and I'm sure for three, if I'm remembering correctly. I need to ask my mom. It's expensive. It was expensive. And my mom was savvy and good about. She always knew that she could buy more for less and make.

[B]

If you make it in bulk and you prep at a time and it does take time. There is a balance that has to be done.

[A]

It just takes time.

[B]

There's no way around it. It's. You know, what is it good? Good. Cheaper, fast. And it's like, you can. You can't have them all.

[A]

Well, here's my biggest beef with mine, lunch. Forget nutrition, forget all that. Literally my number one that trumps all is if you go and have lunch with them. Do you see by the time they get done in the lunch line, 10 minutes tops, you have to eat your lunch. I'm sorry, but my 6 year old at the time, 5, she's gabbing with her friends, she's not putting down and then she doesn't eat and she needs more time to stick. She needs that full. They only get 25 minutes.

[B]

And this isn't any indictment on any the school systems and the way that this is just the way it's set.

[A]

Up, it just is.

[B]

It's the facts, the number, it's the amount of time that's allocated for, for the school. It's the, it's the state funding that's allocated for the food system. It's. These are just the word is. So it's like as a parent you have to make the choice and the choice that you have to do is every. I'm sure every single parent out there is doing what they feel is in the best interest of their child and that's their opportunity and their role as a parent to be able to do that. But it's like stepping back and looking at the certain things is like, okay. Especially with like one of our kids who has food sensitivities to food dye. Right. And you know that's, that's a big deal when we don't realize that. Yeah.

[A]

Any allergies? Yes. Food dies. You don't hear that. But it's 100% a thing. And I think a lot of people don't know it's a thing like, oh.

[B]

Sex is attitude like crazy. That's the point. They were like, fortunately they outed him.

[A]

We only have one.

[B]

He say, well, I mean it is what it is.

[A]

I don't think the girls.

[B]

It's not necessarily a thing. It's just, I think everyone has those things and it is not an allergy but it definitely impacts his mood and it's like the red dye really makes a huge impact. That's why we're like, okay, next that. Anyway, with that being said, I think that's, that's, I think it is important. It's part of the role of us as parents to be able to see align what's important. And if it's important, it's going to take some time and it's going to have take some sacrifice out of your life and then teaching them what's what's right. And trying to set up. And the same time, not like, like I said, we're not, we don't want to have. Or at least, I mean, you and I both are kind of aligned to this. Food is a sense of control for children.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the more they go after or fight for food, it's usually a control thing because it's something they can control in their life. Right. And if you set up a bad relationship with that, that, that's the only sense they have control. Then people set and will have long term issues with food because that's the sense. The one thing they can do.

[A]

But that's too deep. Like we.

[B]

No, that's part of it.

[A]

No. We ask our kids what they want for lunch. They get to pick their snack, give.

[B]

Them options within guidelines. But that's what I'm saying is if you're, if you were to say you, this is what you get and that's what else. And then you create this weird dynamic with it. You don't want that as well because then there is no optionality anyway. But that's our. I mean one thing is creating the choice and options. And you've always been really good about this. Okay, hey, here's the. Here's which ones you want.

[A]

There's mom's menu. I literally give like three choices the night before and they gotta pick one.

[B]

And everyone we're fine with.

[A]

Right? Well, of course. Yeah, yeah, of course.

[B]

You know.

[A]

Well, okay. So then they go to school, which is great. We work. And then as far as pickup, I feel like we've incurred me if you don't agree. But I feel like we've gotten really good at just kind of winging it day to day. And it's like we always respect. Basically we look at like whatever we're working on. And if it's not life or death to the moment or something's not due for someone else, then we say, I can get them.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I can get. I can get the kids. I can get the kids. And then sometimes we're like, no, no, I really can get the kids. And that we both kind of tango there. I think we've never said this, but I think it's like an unspoken thing. I feel like if we have a call or some kind of meeting that trumps you know what I mean? Because you can't be there. I have to take this call or you have to take that. You have to go to that meeting. And then we automatically know the other person has to shift something around and make it work.

[B]

Yeah, we generally communicate, hey, I got a call at this time or I got a meeting this day at this time.

[A]

And so we're very structured except pick up. We never know who's picking up.

[B]

When you were filming, it was 100. Me. Yeah. And that's just the way it was because that's what. But they were all at the same school at that time. Well, they got in two schools, but. So it was a lot easier during then to do that while we were doing. And then a lot of people, you know, if their kids are on the bus, that's an option as well. I took the bus all the time as a kid. It was just what it was. So. But that's one thing I like personally. I actually like doing it. And it's one thing is where I've told other dads and other people, like, I genuinely enjoy doing drop off in the morning or picking up with the kids because you get a moment of outside the chaos. You're in the car, you're listening to music, you're having a conversation. I even, you know, one thing is I get a routine is I actually pray with them when they, before they go to school. It's something that I'm trying to set up of like a routine of like before a day. We started this way and it gives me a chance to have just some individual time and I. And I really genuinely like that. And you know, now, you know, today I was, you know, you took the girls and I took Vaughn today to school. So it was like, it gives us moments. And those are the times where it's just, you know, I don't know, I like it. It's something I enjoy doing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I have, you know, again, fortunately, we have the flexibility to do it. But yeah, pick up is kind of been like, it's sort of a toss up.

[A]

Yeah, well, I like it. And I think, I don't know how I want to put this. I think that came about because it was always like, I was always like, if you're home, you're 50% to a parent with me, so you're not. You don't have to be at work. Get up, you know, And I think, not saying it's my doing, but I think sometimes, how do I say this nicely? I think sometimes it takes the women to kind of up the expectations a little bit and you ultimately win because now you're, you're so used to it, you love it and you're getting this time. Whereas think about if you would have. Which you Didn't. But you've never fought me on helping me. But like think if you. We just got. You worked corporate and so you would sleep in past certain things when they were little because you were working a corporate job. I would breastfeed at night and do all the night stuff because you needed to sleep and function in surgery the next day. It was a big deal. But the minute you. I've always. Even I was a stay at home mom. Even. I know not everyone's like this or doesn't agree with me, but I've never been any different or seen it any different. Like the minute you walk in from work, I've had two under two and I've been working really hard too. Like, we're both in this together at night. Like, you're gonna help me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't. Like, I know other people are like, kick up your feet and relax. Maybe I suck. But I was never like that. I was like, I am exhausted. Just hell, I wasn't saying me go sit and do me time or go to the spa, get my nails done. I'm saying, like, we're both in this together. Can you hold this kid while I'm making dinner? And I think you're just used to that. And so it's created this where you. I'm glad you like it because it's not like me being like, I think I'm doing this alone and you, like, want to do it. Yeah.

[B]

I think if there's any.

[A]

It's like a testament to you. Even though some men have flexible schedules, they don't.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

They don't help. So.

[B]

But a lot of it is. I'm gonna say this. I'm not. This isn't defending people like, being like, hey, you do 20 here of the. I'm going to do 20% of the kids. You're going to do to 80 because I do 80% of the work. And. And that ratio doesn't really work out. Like, just to some people. But I will say. Well, I'm going to say a lot of it. Generally speaking, how you look at relationships with your spouse and with your kids is how your family structure was or how you have these expectations you set in before. Like, maybe your mom was the one that did all the laundry and did all the clothes.

[A]

My dad worked a lot, like he would do. My mom stayed home and my dad would like be sleeping in a closet because he worked overtime. Like, and I always knew and like, respected that my dad was at everything I had. Sure. But definitely don't remember too Much of him. Like at the beginning of school, unless he was coming home and then he would sit at the table while we ate breakfast and talk.

[B]

Yeah. So he didn't get that opportunity because of his career. And there are, there are, those are circumstances.

[A]

But.

[B]

But I'm saying even standpoint of even like more from a. An expectation standpoint. Like there's verbal expectations, like, like, like discussed expectations and non verbal expectations. And the non verbal expectations happen relations when you think something but you never verbalize it. You just assume that's the way it is. Right. I'm assuming that I've. My, you know, the women's gonna do the laundry. I'm assuming the woman's gonna take care of them.

[A]

Okay. Did you expect that because you grew up with like a stepdad that it wasn't.

[B]

Yeah, he wasn't super involved.

[A]

I don't know how much you wanted me to go on.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Wasn't active.

[B]

No, he wasn't.

[A]

And your dad lives out of state.

[B]

That's true. Yeah.

[A]

Like, you really did not grow up with an in house dad. How to be a dad in the house?

[B]

Not really.

[A]

You didn't.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

I'm not trying to say anything. That's hurtful.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

It's facts.

[B]

That's the fact. It's the reality of my job.

[A]

What did you expect? Try to be real. Even before you were married. Before. So go before your first marriage. What do you. How did you expect? I don't know. Have you ever thought about that? What did you expect? Like a dynamic would be like in a marriage. Do you remember? I don't know if I remember.

[B]

Really. I'm thinking like, this is the way it's gonna be. No, I. I will say that I do think I probably had more of a selfish mentality of what a marriage would be like. Thinking like, like the more traditional aspects. Well, I'm gonna work and they're gonna do that. You know, like, that's probably the mentality. I believe that my literally, my. You know how my mom is like the massive caregiver and that's also how she shows love. It's like constantly I want to do everything. I want to. I want to cook for you. I want to do this. I want to. Like, we go home and she's doing our laundry. Am I wrong? Like, literally when we go visit her, she empties our. Our laundry out, like, and then is already doing the laundry. We're like, mom, you don't have to like. But that's just how she shows love.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And that's how it's been shoving food.

[A]

Down our throats also.

[B]

That. Also giving.

[A]

Also. Mike, do you want hot chocolate? No, mom, I don't. Six minutes later, Mike, here's your hot chocolate. Mom, I said I didn't want hot chocolate. Those are all. That's right.

[B]

Please don't give the kids dessert. They're eating dessert, like literally in bed.

[A]

We're making fun of it, but we've had to have like some real conversations.

[B]

She shows love. It's not, it's not said.

[A]

No. Yeah, but that's not. She's gotten so good now.

[B]

But it. With that being. Yeah, that's true.

[A]

She's got.

[B]

She does ask and she does her best before. So. But I will say this is that when it comes to that, that verbal and non verbal expectations of the role of each individual, that is part of something that couples do need to discuss. All couples need to discuss that. Like, how do you see this especially. And we say like, you know, I've, I've done multiple. I'm pretty much a professional pastor at this point. I have. How many weddings have I done?

[A]

Professional pastor is a street.

[B]

How many weddings have I performed now?

[A]

You've done like five.

[B]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

Anyway, I just think professional pastor might.

[B]

I'm not a pastor.

[A]

A hot take.

[B]

Let's. Let's put this on. I am not a pastor. I am not. I do not. I do. Anyway, with that being said, I, I think as. But as you think about relationships, the more you can verbalize it about what your expectations, especially earlier on, the better it is because then you're not going to have unmet like things. And that's with you, the one thing you've been able to do or things just part of your personality.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I always know where you stand.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I always know what your expectations are because you'll tell me, right. Very quickly.

[A]

I'm not afraid to tell you are.

[B]

Not afraid to tell me. And that's kind of what my point is. And some people can be intimidated by that, but I'm not. I love it. I'm glad. I'm like, well, all right, I got to rethink it. And maybe in that moment you're like, but it worked all day. I'm super busy. I'm tired. But like at the same time I'm like, she's also been working. And remember we had some conversations early on when.

[A]

Right.

[B]

When. Especially when Vivian was born. Never. Sorry. Berkeley was born.

[A]

Oh my gosh. Two under Two.

[B]

That was the hardest one. It was hard for me too. I'm like. Because you were so involved with Vaughn and then you were like, listen, I know you're working, I know you're doing grad school, but I am exhausted. And this is all the things you're doing. So if you think you're doing, just because you unloaded that dishwasher doesn't make you a hero. Because all this other I've said verbatim, I said, I help at the house, I did the dishes. And this truth is like, how do you remember that?

[A]

Because I would have never.

[B]

Because if you didn't explain it and.

[A]

You'Re not a hero because you unloaded dishwasher, I'm like, I legitimately think I said that.

[B]

And I'm. And it's. But the reality is, if I didn't have you verbalize that, I couldn't think through my mindset of what fair was. Right? Because we all, I. We all look at things about from our own perspective and saying, this is how I view my life. This is how hard I'm working.

[A]

Right?

[B]

We look at you selfish. We always are looking in the mirror. You look at a picture, it's the first thing you look at yourself because that's human nature. So our life, unfortunately, we are just selfish creatures to begin with. So it's like in that relationship, it's that. That especially as. As a man. To me, it's like it's a lot of things that you're just driven. Not intentionally, but just through the nature, in the course of your life. Like, it is about being self. It's about being a accomplishment driven. It's about doing this job, it's about doing this and then providing for your family. And I provide. So I. But in its own ways, like, it's also.

[A]

Interject finger.

[B]

Yes, that was our.

[A]

No. But what I want to say is thank you for the communication thing, but I think it takes two. Because just hearing like other people, friends talk, whatever, a lot of times the men cannot pivot. Like, sure. It just doesn't. They don't know. Like, it's just a hard. No type thing, which would be really hard for me. I don't know. I mean, we. I wouldn't. I don't think I would work well with like a personality like that because they would hate my guts for presenting it the way I present it. And I would be like, you're selfish. But so I think it takes also. You are really good. Maybe in the moment you're making a face of like, I'm. I hate this, but you always, like, stew on it and come back. And I wanted to say, it's not like you talk about it one time, and it gets set forever. The thing is, you guys can new married or people who don't have kids can sit here and plan for what they want to do all day long, and then you have the kid and you're like, actually, I feel nothing. Like, I felt like we're pivoting and you change it. But even when you have kids, the different phases of middle school or whatnot. I feel like we have to have point checks every year to be like, are we still good with what we got going? Our schedule? Are you still. I've been really happy with you doing the dishes without being asked every single night. That helps me so much after dinner, like, I feel like you still have to touch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Points to be like, we good. I don't like this.

[B]

It's like, always, like I've described, you know, marriage as a dance, right. And you have to be in sync with the person, but generally, somebody's kind of in lead in the moment, right. And it's not always the man or the woman, but there's a certain point where you're, like, flowing together, but you have to be in sync with each other. And that creates the. There it is. There's my day again. I'm gonna take this watch off later. But that sync of with each other, of knowing who's in lead at that moment, where it's like our life.

[A]

Do you ever feel in lead?

[B]

Well, yeah, we had the corporate. No. Yeah, for sure, if you think about it. So when I thought you were gonna be like, when I had my corporate job, it was sort of leading towards me. When you started filming, it led towards you. And right now it's sort of like this in between balance, because we have. We have armor. We have the projects you're working on. So there's so, like, high five to us.

[A]

Because that would be hard to, like, high five once you're in the lead. Like, then to not feel a certain way. But it was.

[B]

And it was a very direct conversation we had was like, hey, this season. Because remember when you went to. Went to filming, we were talking, like, things. That was the whole cool thing. We already mentioned some of these things in the past about, like, you know, the homeschooling that we were doing. And then I was. You know, when Covid hit, I was like, oh, my gosh, something's got to give. And that was the whole thing is.

[A]

But when you know what gave is your hair because it started falling out of your head.

[B]

But with that being said, it's like if you, if we look at it that way and we take. And yeah, it's, it's. Sometimes it's hard. Especially when, when, when you, when you feel that you have this real heart like rigid mindset.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I will say you asked me one thing. I'm gonna go back to one thing. You asked me what did I want a relationship. And I do remember this. And I actually believe it's one thing really. I did expect my spouse to be my best friend. I did want that. So I want to like if I'm going to treat you with anything, if you're my best friend, would I. How am I going to treat my friends? How would I want to treat my best. How does my home be best friend to treat me? With respect. Right. And it's a mutual respect.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Sometimes it's like, hey, I may not agree with you, but I got to listen. Right. I got at least like, like come and come to point. We have things we disagree on. This is the stuff like there's still things that we have differences opinions on. But it's coming to about respect with each other to say, okay, I hear it. I may not agree with it. But let's, let's figure out how we're going to work through this.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Sorry, that's. I just want to come back to that.

[A]

It's a great.

[B]

But thank you for saying that about me. I mean again, I know I would say with any man listening or any, any person out there that's rigid. Not because man or woman. Yeah, women, it doesn't matter.

[A]

Selfish.

[B]

And the more, the more you like there's things that I've done. I was like, okay, let's, you know, especially the routine things is like I didn't really want to do that. Let's do this. The more you do it, it just becomes routine. Like why won't I do this? This is normal. It just becomes part of your day. It's not like right that difficult.

[A]

Let's go to, let's go to. Why does it say spicy or bomb question? Spicy question.

[B]

You like my write ups? Spicy or bum?

[A]

Mike, do you think it's truly possible to have a 5050 marriage?

[B]

Oh, depends. Depends on how you do the math.

[A]

I mean 5050 seems pretty straightforward.

[B]

I think from the net of a time. Yes. I do think a relationship over time on a macro scale could be 50 50.

[A]

No.

[B]

But in the Moment. I think there's going to be generally someone that's going to have moments of like, give and take. That's compromise. Like, and we just talked about this, the dance. So if you're saying somebody is in the lead, does that mean that that person's 51 or 52? I think there's.

[A]

I'm interject. I think 50, 50 a good way to like. I think when people hear 50, 50, they think husband does 50. It depends on what you're talking about. Are we talking about working? Are we talking about child care? Are we talking. So I think 50, 50 marriage is both two people feel like they are split down whatever the workload is, they are getting 50 help from their partner.

[B]

That's a good way to put it.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? And that way you don't assign. Because if we were to do 50% on kid pickups or take to school, well, you would probably have a higher percentage because my work calls seem to happen later in the afternoon and I'm on and I'm like texting you like, oh my Gosh, I cannot gr them so you'll go or 50 of household chores. Come on, you ain't doing 50, so I wouldn't be supported in that. But do I feel like we have a 50, 50 marriage just as a whole, everything combined? Yes. Do you know what I'm saying?

[B]

But that's a mindset as well.

[A]

I don't think so. I think that you actually have to put forth the work for me to feel to have that. So it's not just a mindset of me being like, I'm happy.

[B]

Especially with one of your love links. Languages is works.

[A]

Acts of service.

[B]

Acts of service. Action to you means like, value.

[A]

Literally helping me do something, buying you a gift.

[B]

You don't care, though.

[A]

Don't care.

[B]

And. But there's times where people supplement that things again, we can talk a whole things. Well, I think actually we. We talked about this last podcast again. I do think it's worth revisiting the whole love languages because I think it's really important for relationships, like, super important to understand the other persons.

[A]

Because even though it's like a cheeky, like, important, I still think whatever, however you want. If you don't want to say love languages because you think it's so cliche and like, dumb, it's just recognizing the traits that have the most value to your partner. Well, yeah, call it what you want.

[B]

Because the thing is you can put a ton of effort into the wrong thing that your Person. Your other person. Correct. Of your significant other doesn't care about that much. Just intrinsically. You're like, I spent so you haven't. I spent a month trying to find this gift and researching it and doing everything really. And truthfully took a lot of effort in my head.

[A]

You haven't helped me with the dishes for two weeks and I'm ticked. It means nothing.

[B]

It's funny. Isn't. But the thing is, is that's where that disconnect and that understanding the person so that other person can understand. Which by the way, 5050 should be this in that aspect. That person should be doing the same thing to understand you as well.

[A]

Right? Correct.

[B]

That doesn't mean a one way thing where you're the only person doing the work for it and you're gonna sacrifice everything. So you're sacrificing to meet that person there. And that's not 5050 but 5050 in the moment. You're gonna have to compromise. Yes. But other person occasionally is a compromise for you as well.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

So to your point is. Is that perspective is I think the biggest thing about creating what could be seen as 50 50. Yeah, I like that. Because it isn't about like. Yeah, you definitely do more around the house for sure from like daily pickup. Do I have my. You do have my. Yeah, but.

[A]

And I don't, you know.

[B]

Well, like you, you know, you generally cook all the dinners. Yeah, I'll generally do the dishes and clean up the kitchen. And that's about the one ch recently.

[A]

Do you assemble breakfast? And I do hate assembling breakfast.

[B]

So we kind of have our things. But from a net standpoint. Yeah, you're. You're.

[A]

Well, I'm constantly.

[B]

You're a celebrity designer, so why would I let you not work around the house?

[A]

Okay, all this is good.

[B]

This is actually. Thank you.

[A]

I don't know how we got so serious. So speak first week of school. I genuinely don't know how, but yeah.

[B]

Oh, by the way, sports we didn't talk about because we got that we got multiple practices and. And navigating. That's a whole other thing. And by the way, wait. Parents who do club sports and travel with their kids. More power to you. Bless your heart. Because that is.

[A]

It's a lot. Okay, so wait, my. This all came because my highlight of the week.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

My second highlight of the week because I have two. Was getting that skeleton from Costco.

[B]

Geez, what a win.

[A]

Hoya. I could not find those dumb skeletons and then had a whole Costco open Up right in my town. Allen.

[B]

It was meant to be. The stars aligned. God smiled behind you. Here's this giant plastic skeleton to junk up our yard with.

[A]

I want to make it a big tennis racket.

[B]

Solid. Listen, I will say this like, if you haven't seen Jen's real, you'll get there. And I'm sure by the time this even airs, that guy's going to be out scaring the neighborhood. All right, here's. But thank you for that. That's a great one. Okay.

[A]

He hates it.

[B]

Oh, geez. You're gonna hate both of these. All right.

[A]

Can't wait. Jar of weird questions.

[B]

Isn't it random?

[A]

No, it's weird. You keep jacking. Now we have to redo it. Ready?

[B]

Jar of weird questions.

[A]

Hit me.

[B]

Would you rather visit outer space or the deepest part of the ocean?

[A]

Shoot me. I know in my life I don't want to go to either places.

[B]

You have to pick one.

[A]

Jesus Christ in heaven.

[B]

You got to pick one.

[A]

I'm choosing outer space. If I. Seriously, if you had to bottle me up and put me in one of.

[B]

Them, you would hate both, I guess.

[A]

Outer space.

[B]

You think so?

[A]

Yeah, because suffocation from no oxygen would be very quicker than the painful water going up into my brain.

[B]

I think you pretty much are both painful.

[A]

I don't. I don't think lack of oxygen would be as painful as.

[B]

Well, it depends on how. It depends.

[A]

You know how it burns. Like when you get water.

[B]

Ye.

[A]

From a drink.

[B]

And I'm not saying this from experience, but I've heard people that drown, you have pain and then it goes instant. Like peaceful. I think lack of oxygen is actually a relatively painless way to go.

[A]

Yeah. So outer space. That way I don't have the water burning me.

[B]

But you do realize I just imagine that's lack of oxygen.

[A]

Like just do this.

[B]

Yeah, I don't think it'd be good either way. Listen, but you're thinking worst case scenario, how cool would it be to spay. Go to space?

[A]

Never.

[B]

I have two of my classmates from West Points that are astronauts.

[A]

I think if someone offered me a million dollars, I would not go to space.

[B]

My. So Jen, one of my classmates went up to space. It was supposed to be, I think like a three month tour.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And this is when the whole war Ukraine happened. The Russian rocket was supposed to bring him back. He was stuck at the space station for an entire year. Frank Rubio. Shout out to him. One of my classmates. Great guy, by the way. Super smart. An entire year. Imagine being Is he smart? But could you imagine. Here's the thing is they can think about like, hey, J. I'm. I'm. It's gonna. I know it's a sacrifice. I'm be gone for three months and then a year. Like a year later I show back up home.

[A]

You know how pissed I'd be.

[B]

I think he has the record.

[A]

I'm glad your butt back. Your butt's back on the soil.

[B]

But anyway.

[A]

But here's busting my butt back here. Here you've been playing weighted dominoes in.

[B]

Space, but going to the deepest part of the ocean. Also kind of cool. The problem is, is animals. Yeah. Maybe some creepy things there. Like, you know, here's the thing. I want to go to space and be out there because I like, you know, I want to know, are there some creature aliens out there? Are the things being in. But also are they bottom. The bottom of the ocean. I know there's crazy creatures on the bottom of the ocean which nobody's ever seen.

[A]

I literally hate that question. I've never. Whoever entered that don't like a. Yeah, I wish you didn't read that question. I'm.

[B]

Jen does not like confined spaces either. That's the. That's the other thing.

[A]

So absolutely.

[B]

That is a perfect question to end this podcast. So thank you for following along and listening to our randomness that we had today, which is pretty awesome. And this podcast is available on all.

[A]

Your listening Spotify, Apple, anywhere you can get your podcast.

[B]

If you haven't followed, please follow and please rate us five stars. And if you don't like this podcast, just go away. Yeah.

[A]

Don't listen.

[B]

You don't have to read us.

[A]

You don't have to leave a star. But it's okay.

[B]

No. But hopefully you'll get something out of it. This is fun. I think we're getting more of our groove.

[A]

This is.

[B]

Is. We're catching it. We're catching our. Catching our. What's the right word for. I'm trying to figure out the swing. Swinger. Swinger. Swangers. Catching our Swanger.

[A]

Catching our groove.

[B]

Our groove on. We're getting our groove on.

[A]

Getting our groove on.

[B]

That's what we're doing.

[A]

All right, next week, guys. See you later. Bye. What the heck did you do?