You, Me & Mike – Episode 209: "Family Ties"

Release Date: November 5, 2025
Hosts: Jenn and Mike Todryk
Podcast Network: Thirteen Media

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and humor-filled episode, Jenn and Mike Todryk dive deep into the complex world of extended family relationships, blending anecdotes from their own lives with practical advice. The couple explores topics such as navigating changing family roles, setting healthy boundaries, the dynamics of in-laws and blended families, forging family traditions, and fostering strong sibling bonds. With their signature banter, they illuminate the joys and challenges of family ties—offering perspectives shaped by very different upbringings.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Listener-Driven Family Topics

Timestamps: [00:27]–[01:33]

• The episode was inspired by numerous listener requests about struggles with extended family relationships.
• Jenn expresses initial uncertainty:
  “A lot of people struggle to have good relationships with extended family...” — Jenn, [00:38]

Topics They Planned to Cover:

• Navigating changes in family roles (marriage, kids, moving)
• Boundaries/expectations with parents and in-laws
• Family traditions and creating family culture
• Blended family dynamics
• Teaching kids about family

2. Blended Family Pop Culture & Personal Context

Timestamps: [01:34]–[03:54]

• Lighthearted discussion of The Brady Bunch as an early model of blended families
• Mike jokes: “Is that like... like a smoothie?” — Mike, [01:39]
• Jenn shares that she comes from a blended family background

3. Transitioning Roles: From Child to Parent

Timestamps: [03:55]–[13:40]

Navigating Boundaries and Shifting Identities

• Jenn describes her experience moving directly from being under her parents' care to marriage:
  “I pretty much went from being under my dad’s care to then meeting you and getting married... I was very well taken care of and I wasn’t like air quotes alone for a long time...” — Jenn, [06:06]
• Mike’s contrasting background: more independence after leaving home for the military at 17 and living in different states.
• Jenn admits early marriage lessons about not running to her parents with marital issues:
  “Well, you and my mom are stupid similar...she has your back on a lot of things. And I’m very lucky that I have parents that can put their love for me and their judgments to the side and kind of guide me with a healthy marriage in mind.” — Jenn, [07:30]
• Mike’s reflections on balancing parental input:
  “If my dad or mom were to say, ‘You’re doing... I don’t think you’re doing this right,’ you’re gonna feel a little hurt...but that’ll quickly get over because, again, am I doing my role as a husband and as a father?” — Mike, [11:52]

Gender & Birth Order Observations

• Jenn: “I’m a parent pleaser...I don’t want them upset with me. And I don’t know if that’s ever going to go away because I’m 37 and it still is what it is.” — Jenn, [11:11]
• Mike: “There’s something innately different between men and women when it comes to that…” — Mike, [13:40]

4. Family Caregiving & Gender Roles

Timestamps: [13:40]–[18:18]

• Mike draws on his experience in healthcare, noting daughters and daughters-in-law were almost always the ones present for older parents after surgeries.
• Jenn’s observation: “I feel like we are natural nurturers and we will literally drop everything if we can to rush. Whereas men…are somewhat slower sometimes...” — Jenn, [15:04]
• Both express a strong desire for their own kids to stay close as they grow up.

5. Navigating In-Laws and Blended Family Dynamics

Timestamps: [18:59]–[23:59]

• Mike speaks positively about his close relationship with Jenn’s parents, to whom he is only 12 years apart in age:
  “I actually genuinely do enjoy my relationship with your parents... I’m lucky.” — Mike, [19:18]
• Jenn also enjoys a good relationship with Mike’s mom, Sue, who loves to serve.
• Family proximity has allowed Mike’s dad, who was not around daily growing up, to build a relationship with their kids:
  “That’s one thing that’s been pretty awesome to see... despite not having him every day to live and grow up with. He is here and he is available...” — Mike, [27:54]

6. Divorce, Co-Parenting, and Choosing Forgiveness

Timestamps: [28:05]–[37:10]

• Mike, from a divorced family, shares how his mom always encouraged a positive relationship with his dad: “She would not…she never, to me, when I was growing up, ever talked negative about [my dad].” — Mike, [35:21]
• Jenn credits her aunt for healthy co-parenting with her ex, describing it as rare and admirable.
• Mike’s stance:
  “If there’s hurt that you’ve had in the past, is that going to impact your ability for that person to have a relationship with your kids? …If that person is genuinely there trying, then give them the chance.” — Mike, [32:26]
• Both agree parents shouldn’t over-share divorce details with children, as it can rob them of a healthy relationship:
  “I don’t agree that they’re always ready for the truth...what you’re doing is you’re trying to get this child on...your side.” — Jenn, [34:07]

7. Boundaries with Parents & In-Laws

Timestamps: [37:12]–[55:54]

• Jenn values communication over confrontation: “I don’t like conflict...but I never run from it...If there’s a problem, I’m not the one who’s gonna fake smile at you in public and feel good about that. I’d rather reach out and try to have a conversation about it...” — Jenn, [37:34]
• Navigating grandparent boundaries (e.g., sugar and discipline): “If anyone...this might be relevant to anyone married in, with in-laws whenever we have to have...that talk...Mike had that conversation [with his mom]. I did not take that on. I told Mike, that's your mom, she needs to hear it from you.” — Jenn, [41:47]
• They recommend each partner handle their own side of the family regarding difficult conversations.
• Healthy boundaries vs. overprotective withdrawal:
  “If you relive things over and over and over...without any intent to heal, it’ll only create more negative emotions...” — Mike, [55:42]

8. Sibling Dynamics and Parenting Approaches

Timestamps: [46:02]–[52:47]

• Both reflect on growing up with different sibling dynamics—Jenn as the oldest with brothers, Mike as the youngest with sisters—then relate these lessons to how they're raising their kids.
• Jenn expresses hope and intentionality for her daughters to be close:
  “How do I encourage them? And I'm just emulating what my parents did because we're all very close...No matter the gender, your siblings are your people. They are your family...” — Jenn, [51:32]

9. Creating and Maintaining Family Traditions

Timestamps: [52:47]–[70:07]

• Strong emphasis on choosing and establishing family traditions (e.g., celebrating Christmas at home rather than traveling).
• Mike shares how they drew a boundary:
  “I just said...this is what we’re doing...to create our own traditions. You’re welcome to be a part of it...But Christmas morning, we will wake up in our house.” — Mike, [66:22]
• They describe how their Christmases now involve hosting both sides of the family, sometimes multiple celebrations, and how they've delegated/catered to ease stress.

10. Handling Guilt, Saying No, and Embracing Family Imperfections

Timestamps: [59:49]–[61:59]; [63:04]–[72:29]

• Jenn feels comfortable declining family requests, largely because her parents “do not pressure me and make me feel bad for saying no.”
• Mike reminds listeners: “Are you doing the right thing for your family?...If it’s not selfish, you’re doing the right things.”
• Both explain that family is “where they are”—friction is inevitable but can be worked through with love, effort, and forgiveness.
• Jenn: “I think it’s much easier to be mad and pick out things you don’t like about family rather than work on it. It’s way easier to just...push people away.” — Jenn, [54:10]
• Mike underscores the vital role of forgiveness:
  “Without forgiveness, you can’t ever heal.” — Mike, [57:07]

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “You have somebody who loves you no matter what and at the same time is going to give you truth. And that's where you have an advantage.” — Mike, [09:19]
• “If something is broken or someone is hurting, women are like, I’m going, I’m gonna be there...can't catch me not at the bedside.” — Jenn, [16:22]
• “You can’t change anyone...People can change, but [only] on their own.” — Mike, [31:25]
• “I hope our family never gets [to the point we're not speaking].” — Mike, [54:10]
• “Family is where they are. You can have a chosen family. But our family is where they are.” — Mike, [53:07]

Structure and Tone

• The episode blends humor, transparency, and a non-judgmental tone—marked by playful teasing and honest admissions of both past mistakes and lessons learned.
• The hosts freely sidebar into pop culture, memories, and examples, illustrating their points with relatable storytelling.
• The mood is conversational, warm, and supportive, emphasizing that every family is unique but the path to healthy relationships is paved with communication, boundaries, flexibility, and forgiveness.

Summary Table of Timestamps for Key Segments

| Start Time | Key Segment | |----------------|------------------------------------------| | 00:27 | Episode theme & listener questions | | 01:34 | Blended family & The Brady Bunch | | 03:55 | Child-to-parent role transitions | | 13:40 | Gender & family caregiving | | 18:59 | In-laws & blended family dynamics | | 28:05 | Divorce, co-parenting, forgiveness | | 37:12 | Boundaries, communication, conflict | | 46:02 | Sibling dynamics & parenting | | 52:47 | Family culture & traditions | | 59:49 | Handling guilt & saying no | | 66:22 | Creating own holiday traditions | | 70:07 | Hosting & holiday logistics |

Concluding Advice

• Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and communicate respectfully.
• Handle family legacies and differences with grace and understanding.
• Stay flexible—what works for one family may not work for another.
• Forgive where you can, and create positive traditions for the next generation.
• Above all: “Have fun with your families. Love on them...That’s the whole point of it.” — Mike, [73:41]

This summary covers all core topics, memorable moments, and advice from Jenn and Mike’s lively and revealing conversation on navigating family ties.