You, Me & Mike — Ep. 210: The In-Laws and Outlaws

Date: November 12, 2025
Hosts: Jenn & Mike Todryk
Podcast by Thirteen Media

Episode Overview

In this candid, laughter-filled episode, Jenn and Mike Todryk continue their deep dive into the intricacies of extended family relationships, focusing on the challenges and joys of interacting with in-laws and "outlaws" (those family members who are a little more unconventional). Picking up from last week’s discussion, they tackle listener questions about dividing time among families, navigating unsolicited advice, generational differences in parenting, maintaining strong support systems, and how to foster healthy relationships between children and extended family members. The episode closes with characteristic humor, as the couple shares pet peeves and memorable family stories.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Navigating Time With Extended Family

[01:13 – 04:07]

• Proximity is Key: Jenn acknowledges they spend much more time with her family due to geography and the hands-on, “I’m coming over!” approach from her dad.
• Busy Phase of Life: Both discuss how their weekends are packed with kids’ activities, making it easier for Jenn’s family to visit them than for them to travel.
  • "We are in a crazy busy phase. Our weekends aren't ours." – Jenn [02:21]
• Mike’s Family in Wisconsin: They make an effort to visit twice a year but anchor Christmas at their own home.
• Advice for Others: Recognize that busy seasons are temporary—“eventually, we'll be the ones that travel,” Mike notes.

2. Dealing With Unsolicited Advice and Parental Differences

[04:09 – 15:39]

• Advice Comes With Love: Both hosts agree that parents usually give advice out of love, not judgment, even if it doesn't always land that way.
  • "My parents give their thoughts... even if I don't ask. But... their thoughts are always welcome. To a point." – Jenn [04:18]
• Blending Upbringings: They reflect on the surprises of marrying someone raised very differently, presenting challenges in discipline and communication.
  • "I’m going to do it exactly like I was raised...and then you don't realize when you bring in someone with an extremely different family dynamic..." – Jenn [04:42]
  • "The importance of being on the same page." – Mike [05:17]
• Handling Recurring Issues: Jenn stresses the importance of direct, but kind, conversations if a relative’s comments start to hurt.
  • "I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, because even if you don't believe it… chances are, they maybe aren't [trying to hurt you]." – Jenn [10:24]
• Generational Shifts: A discussion of how disciplinary norms have shifted and the unique challenges for today’s parents dealing with technology and social media.
  • "Generational parenting styles are just so vastly different now... what's acceptable and what's not anymore." – Jenn [07:56]

3. Communication, Empathy, and Avoiding Estrangement

[15:39 – 22:12]

• Resisting the societal trend toward defensiveness and sticking strictly to “protecting your peace.”
• Advocating for keeping family connections even amid disagreements.
  • "You can disagree with other people on things and still love them." – Mike [15:07]
  • "Don't let a difference become so big that it robs your kids of family bonds." – Jenn [28:44]
• Jenn argues for "saying something," not venting behind someone's back, while Mike urges empathy and appreciation for advice—even if it isn’t followed.

4. Support Systems & Managing Stress

[23:42 – 26:41]

• The Todryks are grateful for a robust, if not ever-present, support network: both sets of parents help with childcare and vacations when needed, but aren’t embedded in their daily routine due to work and distance.
  • "We have a great support network when we need it." – Mike [24:14]
• Flexibility in careers allows them to juggle family and work.
• They contrast their situation with friends whose parents are more consistently involved as caregivers.

5. Modeling Healthy Family for Kids

[27:47 – 31:53]

• Show, Don’t Tell: More than talking about it, they model family closeness through actions.
  • "How do you teach them about family? I don't think you teach them. You show them." – Mike [27:51]
  • "If you’re toxic toward your family... or talk crap about them... What are they gonna do?" – Jenn [28:14]
• Disentangling Adult Conflict: Jenn cautions against letting parental or grandparental conflicts bleed into children’s relationships.
• Boundaries: They touch on healthy boundaries—children shouldn’t inherit their parents’ baggage unless there’s a serious issue like abuse.

6. Generational and Cultural Shifts in Parenting

[17:48 – 20:31]

• The hosts unpack today’s unique parenting pressures: rapid loss of childhood innocence, technology overload, and changes in how kids experience social interaction.
• Grandparents’ Role: Jenn encourages older listeners to recognize the radically different landscape their children are navigating.
  • "The things we have to parent our children through right now is something your generation didn't have to do..." – Jenn [17:46]

7. Pet Peeves and Lighthearted Family Stories

[32:03 – 50:55]

• Mother-in-Law Quirks: Hilarious story about Mike’s mom climbing on countertops to clean light fixtures during visits.
  • "She just shows up on a Friday, goes to the grocery store, cleans... How I've evolved." – Jenn [32:56]
• Dads and the Brewery: Both dads staked claim to “their” bar seats at the family brewery with engraved plaques (one unintentionally looking like a memorial).
  • "If you ever get accosted by Stone Cold Steve Austin at the Brewery, that's Jen's dad." – Mike [36:19]
• Family Eccentricities: Jenn's mom’s essential oil phase; Mike's mom befriending strangers on airplanes who turn out to be Jenn's fans.
• Pet Peeve Face-Off: In good humor, the couple admits to annoyances like Jenn’s coffee cups everywhere and Mike’s habit of leaving clothes and “organized piles” around.
  • "You're not dirty. You're a slob." – Jenn [47:33]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Navigating Family Schedules:
  “Our weekends aren't ours. We work the hardest on weekends, arguably... so when everyone can come to us, we can fit them in between the practices.” – Jenn [02:21]

• On Communication:
  "Just talk about it. But you got to work on the presentation... It doesn't mean you go in hot and tell them they're a horrible person." – Jenn [10:27]

• On Generational Change:
  "Disciplinary acts are very different than traditional values." – Jenn [08:54]
  "Spare the rod… oh gosh, I can't remember." – Mike [09:07]
  "You're quoting scripture you don't even know!" – Jenn [09:08]

• On Showing Family Values:
  "If you're toxic toward your family members... if you talk crap about them…what are they gonna do?" – Jenn [28:14]
  "I don't think you teach them. You show them." – Mike [27:53]

• On Letting Grandkids Form Their Own Bonds:
  "You're stealing that from them by putting what you have bad with that person into them, which they don't know. They don’t carry that same baggage. So it’s none of their business." – Jenn [28:44]

• On Family Humor:
  "If you ever get accosted by Stone Cold Steve Austin at the brewery, that's Jen's dad." – Mike [36:19]
  "It's Sue's world. We're just living in it." – Jenn [33:38]
  "If we put labels everywhere, I would [be tidy]..." – Mike [48:47]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:13 – 04:07] — Navigating time with extended family
• [04:09 – 15:39] — Parental advice and blending upbringings
• [15:39 – 22:12] — Communication and family boundaries
• [23:42 – 26:41] — Family support systems
• [27:47 – 31:53] — Modeling family values for kids
• [17:48 – 20:31] — Cultural shifts in parenting
• [32:03 – 50:55] — Pet peeves and funny in-law stories

Episode Tone

The Todryks’ banter is warm, honest, and playful. They’re not afraid to dive into serious topics and disagreements but counterbalance heavier themes with funny anecdotes and candid self-awareness. Their tone empowers listeners to feel less alone in family struggles and more open to empathy, laughter, and direct, loving communication.

For questions or feedback, contact:
youmeandmikepodcast@gmail.com

“Podcast is like church. Bring a friend!” – Jenn [51:36]