← Young and Profiting with Hala Taha
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha
Amy Morin on How to Build Real Mental Strength | Mental Health | YAPClassic
01:04:30
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- [00:00]
Hala Taha
Today's episode of YAP is sponsored in part by Microsoft Teams Factor, Robinhood, Airbnb, Shopify, Indeed and OpenPhone. If you're looking for a way to collaborate with remote workers, your co founders, interns, volunteers, then you need to check out Microsoft Teams Free. Try Microsoft Teams Free today at AK Ms. Profiting, Eat smart and fuel your wellness goals with Factor. Get started at FactorMeals.com FactorPodcast and use code Factor Podcast to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. With Robinhood Gold. You can now enjoy the VIP treatment, receiving a 3% IRA match on retirement contributions. To receive your 3% boost on annual IRA contributions, sign up at Robinhood.com Gold Hosting on Airbnb has never been easier with Airbnb's new co host network Find yourself a co host@airbnb.com host. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you grow your business. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com profiting attract, interview and hire all in one place with Indeed. Get a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com profiting. Terms and conditions apply. OpenPhone is the number one business phone system. Build stronger customer relationships and respond faster with shared numbers, AI and automations. Get 20% off your first six months when you go to openphone.com profiting. As always, you can find all of our incredible deals in the show notes or@younginprofiting.com deals I'm starting this New Year in Texas, y'all. Well, I still need to work on the y'all part, but I've taken a big leap into the unknown and booked a beautiful Airbnb here in Austin. And so many entrepreneurs that I know love it here. And I'm gonna see if I love it here as well. And so far, so good. And while I still have to make a decision if I want to live here in Texas permanently, one decision I've already made is what to do with my new pad when I'm not in it. And that's hosting it on Airbnb. Of course, the thing is, when it comes to hosting my place on Airbnb, I don't really want to worry about the hosting part. I'm so busy with my company and podcast I couldn't possibly put another thing on my plate. And plus, you know me, I love to delegate, especially if it saves me time and money. And now with Airbnb's new co host network, I can just do that when it comes to my place. That's right, hosting just got a whole lot easier with Airbnb's co host network. You can hire a high quality local co host to take care of your home and guests vetted on Airbnb. Co hosts have knowledge in the hosting space and can help get your investment properties set up for you. Imagine having someone who can handle reservations, guest communication, and on site support for you so that you can handle other things like your own business. Y'all, it's never been easier to host or co host your home on Airbnb. Find yourself a co host@airbnb.com host yap gang sometimes it's your darkest days that teach you the most about your true potential. Losing her mother and husband fueled Amy Marin's quest for understanding mental strength. Now Amy is a psychotherapist and bestselling author who trains people to build their resilience. And in this yap classic episode, we're revisiting my conversation with Amy from last year about the secrets to building unshakable mental toughness. We explore how to reframe setbacks, develop psychological armor, and create a mindset that doesn't just endure entrepreneurial storms, but thrives in them. So let's get those mental muscles loose and ready. It's time to get to work with Amy Marin. Amy, welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast.
- [04:00]
Amy Morin
Thank you so much for having me.
- [04:02]
Hala Taha
I am very excited for this conversation, and when I was learning about your story, I was surprised to find out that you knew you wanted to be a therapist pretty early on. You know, most people I talk to, they take twists and turns to finally figure out what they want to do. But you had a passion for mental health pretty early on. So can you tell us about that?
- [04:21]
Amy Morin
I knew I wanted to go in the health field and do something, but originally I thought I was going to be a doctor, and it was my first day of college. We had to dissect cats, and everybody in the room was super excited to dissect a cat except for me. And I realized maybe it's not actually the medical part that I'm excited about. I wanted to help people, but perhaps being a physician was not my thing. So I called my sister, who was a psychology major, and I said, quick, I need a new major. I think psychology. What do you think? And she said, go into social work because at least then you get a degree in social work where you get a license. A bachelor's in psychology is kind of broad. So I switched my major on day two of college, but I always thought maybe I'll switch it to Something else down the road, but absolutely fell in love with it, decided to get my master's and knew at that point that I really wanted to become a therapist.
- [05:08]
Hala Taha
That's amazing. And it ended up coming pretty in handy for you because your 20s ended up being a really traumatic decade for you, A really grief stricken decade. So I'd love for you to share with us what happened because I know it's a core part of your story.
- [05:22]
Amy Morin
Yeah, I am so grateful that I became a therapist, not knowing what was gonna happen next. But early on in my career, in the first year of being a therapist, my mom passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. She had a brain aneurysm. And it was really this first huge loss in my life where I thought, how am I going to deal with this? I had all the skills and tools I'd learned in college, but now to put them into practice and figure out how do you go through grief was a completely different experience. And then on the three year anniversary, it was three years to the day that my mom died, my 26 year old husband died and he had a heart attack. I didn't even know you could have a heart attack at 26. It was nothing I would have ever imagined in a million years. But it felt like such an extra cruel thing that it happened on the anniversary of my mom's death. So I wake up and I'm a widow and I don't have my mom. And I thought, oof, how do you get through this one? And I'm supposed to be a therapist who goes to work every day and helps other people with their problems. But I wasn't even sure I could do it. But I felt like I also didn't have too much of an option. I wanted to keep my house, I didn't want to move. I thought the last thing I want to do is to have to give up everything else. So had to go back to work pretty quickly. Was grateful I was able to take a couple months off from work, but spent years trying to figure out like which way is up and which way is down. When you lose somebody and you're only 26. It wasn't just that I missed my husband, but I missed the entire life that we had planned together. And I thought all of these things we were going to do that I can't do now. We had been foster parents and had all of these huge plans and I thought, now what? It took years to sort that out. Which plans am I still going to follow through with? What do I want to abandon and give up I decided to become a single foster parent for many years. And then I was fortunate. I found love again. And I thought, woo, like this second chapter in life. But almost as soon as I got married, my father in law was diagnosed with terminal cancer. And I just remember thinking like, this isn't fair. I already lost the closest people to me. I didn't want to lose somebody else. It wasn't like I had a choice. And he passed away too. So I had a solid decade that just felt like it was one loss after the next. I had lost a former foster child as well. And I just remember just thinking, what next? I spent a long time in a pretty dark place.
- [07:29]
Hala Taha
It's really sad. So how did you end up taking what you've learned in school and then maybe applying your own knowledge of how you actually got out of grief to do something productive with all of that sadness and everything that was going on?
- [07:44]
Amy Morin
Well, it was really one of the worst days of my life. It was shortly after my father in law was diagnosed with cancer and we figured out it was terminal that I wrote myself a letter of what Mentally Strong people don't do. And it was a combination of things that I had learned through my own journey, things that I had learned as a therapist, and some of the things I'd learned in college too. But all combined figured out, if you just don't do these certain things in life, you can get through almost anything. So wrote myself that letter. And by then I had become a freelance writer. And that became out of necessity because my husband had been the primary breadwinner. So back in the day, when I needed more money, I was freelance writing in the evenings and on the weekends again so I could keep my house. So once I had this letter to myself, I thought, ooh, this is helpful. Maybe it will help somebody else. So I published it online, got paid $15 for publishing it online. But 50 million people read the article. It was 13 things mentally strong People don't do. And that just opened everything up for me. From that article, I got a book deal and the opportunity to do lots of things that I probably wouldn't have been able to do or ever thought I could do. And it turned into something amazing. And I'm so glad that I now get to share what I learned about from my own personal journey from my work as a therapist. And I get to talk about mental strength on a completely different level than when I was in a therapy office in rural Maine back in the day.
- [09:01]
Hala Taha
Yeah, when I read your story, it just made me light up because you're in my podcast network. We've done a lot of work together over the years, and I've always just known you as this thought leader in your niche. Little did I know that it all started with this viral article. And now you're telling me you just got paid $15 for it. And that led to a book deal, led to a TED Talk that had 23 million views. How did all that feel? Like it seemed to happen pretty quickly.
- [09:28]
Amy Morin
It did. It was wild. So the day that I published the article, I put it on a website called lifehack. Their website broke. I didn't know it was because of my article. I just thought, well, that's interesting. Their website's down. And a few days after it was up, Forbes picked it up and it ended up on Forbes.com, and then 10 million people saw it on Forbes alone. And before I knew it, the phone was ringing off the hook with MTV in Finland called and CNN in Mexico called and all of these people asking me all these questions like, how did you come up with all this stuff? But nobody knew it was because I'd struggled with it. Like I was in a dark place. And so at first I didn't tell anybody, but one of the people that read the article was a literary agent who said, you should write a book. And it really wasn't until the book came out, which was the following year, that I shared the rest of the story. And I'm glad that I did because I think it gave me more credibility when people realized I'm just not just saying these things because I learned about it in college. I'm saying these things because I went through it and I struggled with these things. But I believe all of that just gave me such a different platform. As you said, My TEDx talk was seen by 23 million people and my books are in 40 something languages now. So I get to reach all of these different people. And I talk about a lot of the exact same things I was talking about in my therapy office. But I get to do it differently now. And it's just amazing that I had the opportunity. I wished I hadn't gone through all of that difficult stuff, but I'm grateful that we were able to turn it into something. And I feel like because of my pain, I'm able to do some things that I wouldn't have normally been able to do.
- [10:57]
Hala Taha
Totally. It's absolutely not a blessing, but it was something that you were able to learn from even though it wasn't a positive experience.
- [11:05]
Amy Morin
Exactly. And so to be able to take it and say, here's what I learned, and to get emails from people on the other side of the globe who will say, you know, read your book. And I found it really helpful. Nothing I would have ever dreamed possible had this not happened.
- [11:18]
Hala Taha
So a lot of people who tune into this show are entrepreneurs. And this reminds me of that concept where they say the best customers are your former self, right? You're always better off helping people with either service or, in your case, advice and guidance for something that you've already been through. So all the entrepreneurs tuning in always think about that. Whatever you've been through or done for yourself, the people who are struggling with that same problem, they're actually your best customers.
- [11:46]
Amy Morin
I think there's a lot of truth to that because if you've struggled with it and, you know, I wish this had been available, I wish I could have been able to had this opportunity, then you're going to be able to reach back and help a lot of people who are in that place you used to be.
- [11:59]
Hala Taha
Totally. So something else with your story that I find fascinating is that you were a therapist, right? You were having clients and then you decided to do freelance writing on the side. And at some point you must have decided, hey, I'm going to take a foot into thought leadership, right? And even Forbes, I believe they called you a thought leadership star. I have that in my notes. And from my perspective, when I think of examples of people who are top of their field, you are definitely somebody who comes to mind as somebody top of their field in this mental health space. So my question for you is for those out there who have what I'd call a normal job, right, they're a doctor, they're a lawyer, or whatever they are, and they want to become more of a thought leader, right? Having their own opinions, their own contributions. Maybe they want to write a book, have a blog, start a social media profile. What do you think they need in terms of original content or research? Or what do they need to actually start? Or is it just their story? Like, what are your thoughts on that?
- [12:58]
Amy Morin
I think it's about adding something of value that doesn't already exist. So I hear a lot of people say, well, with AI now, there's no sense in even writing things because there's too much content out there, or there's going to be so much out there that you just can't compete. But the truth is your story is going to be different than everybody else's. You always have your story. You can use your life Experiences to put a different spin on something that is already existing. Clearly, the topic of mental health is not new, but I was able to add to it and change it in a way that was interesting to people. I talked about what not to do rather than what to do. I talk about mental strength as opposed to just mental health. Those slight changes make a huge difference. So I think for somebody who feels like I don't know what to put out there and know that it can be kind of controversial too, that you don't have to say things to just stay in the middle of the road. Because most people will say it has to evoke some kind of emotion. And you don't want to put content out there just to be provocative and try to irritate people. But it's okay to have an opinion. And when my article first came out, there was actually another article that first landed on Psychology Today and it was about all the things wrong with my article. And I remember thinking, I think I've just ruined my therapy career. Psychology Today is a really reputable website. And now I have this person saying that my article has problems and that perhaps I wasn't right, but actually led to Psychology Today reaching out to me and saying, do you want to write for us? And a good thing became of it. And yeah, definitely not everybody agreed with the things that I said. But for the people that you repel, you also attract other people. So I think to have that faith that not everybody's going to be your audience and that's okay. But you can still create amazing content and you'll attract the people that you're meant to attract.
- [14:40]
Hala Taha
Yeah. And I love what you're saying about how you took this concept of mentally strong. Right. Nobody was saying that. Now it seems like you hear mentally strong. I don't know, maybe I've just heard it so much from your stuff that I feel like it's like a term that people say mental strength, but people weren't saying that when you coined that phrase. Is that right?
- [14:59]
Amy Morin
Yeah. So if you look at Google Trends and the back end of Google, it was Googled a few times before I said it. So I certainly wasn't the first human being to say it. But you can see that once my article came out, huge spike in traffic and since then it stayed up there that people use that more like an everyday phrase.
- [15:16]
Hala Taha
It's a good point. So if you're trying to stand out in your field, what is your conviction? What is your thing that you're going to talk about that's different and unique. That makes you an expert on that specific topic. So I love that. Okay, so let's dig into this topic of being mentally strong. You've said that mental strength is not the same thing as mental health. So what do you mean by that?
- [15:36]
Amy Morin
It becomes easier to understand if we talk about it in terms of physical strength and physical health. So nobody doubts the fact that you could go to the gym and you can lift weights and you can become physically strong. But on the flip side of that, it doesn't guarantee you won't ever get any physical health problems. Physical strength, yeah, it's cool to be physically strong, and it does prevent a lot of health problems, but it doesn't guarantee you won't still get arthritis in your knees or you might still develop high blood pressure. Mental strength and mental health is the same. Becoming mentally strong can improve your mental health. It can prevent a lot of problems. But if you do develop something like anxiety or depression, it's not a sign that you're weak. And you can still keep building mental strength, too. It's a complicating factor. It makes it a little more difficult, perhaps. But mental strength is all about the choices you make every day. There's tons of opportunities to keep growing mentally stronger, and no matter how strong we think we are, there's always room for improvement, and life will show you that over and over again.
- [16:30]
Hala Taha
I love what you're saying right now, and I personally am on this journey to have way stronger mental health. I just feel like as I become a leader, I just constantly find myself needing to be in a place where, like, I'm cool, controlling my emotions, that I don't show emotions, whether that's online or on stage or it, like, I just feel like it's getting more amplified for me. So I love the work that you do, and I definitely want to dig into all of it. Before we do that, let's talk about the stories that people have told you. You mentioned earlier that it's sort of a motivator for you to hear all the stories. And you had this really popular book, this article, a TED talk, like I said, with 23 million views. What are some of the stories that you heard from people who've applied your framework?
- [17:14]
Amy Morin
Ooh, look, I just got a message yesterday from a woman who said, I lost my mom a few years ago. But it really didn't all click with me about what I was going through and how to heal from it until I read your book. And I'll hear from people who will say things like that. Like they felt a lot less alone or they finally felt like they had tools. Like, I have hope that now that I know these tools exist and that these strategies are out there, I feel so much better. Or I'll also hear from people who say, you know, I think I got it wrong. I think all these years that I was pretending like nothing bothered me, I thought I was acting tough, but really I wasn't dealing with the things that were. So they realized that building mental strength looks different than they thought, that it's about sometimes asking for help and about being vulnerable and about acknowledging pain and saying, oh, yeah, actually I struggle with this and I'm going to work on managing it too. And if anything good came out of COVID I think it's that a lot more people are talking about mental health and people are more willing to reach out. So I hear from a lot of people who say, I resisted therapy for a long time, or I tried to pretend like I was okay for so many years, but now I'm feeling much more open to saying, yeah, I could use some help too.
- [18:21]
Hala Taha
And a lot of your things really spoke to me in your book. So one of the first things that you recommend is not wasting time feeling sorry for yourself. Why is it so important to eliminate this type of behavior?
- [18:32]
Amy Morin
It's okay to be sad, it's okay to grieve, it's okay to be in a dark place. But what's not healthy is when we stay stuck there, we have some control over our emotions, over our behavior, over the things we think about. Because when we feel sorry for ourselves, when life throws us those awful curveballs and it feels like everything's awful, if you sit around and think about how horrible it is and how you're helpless and hopeless, you won't do anything to change it. And then you become a victim and you start to treat yourself like, I can't change anything, so why bother? And then we stay stuck. And I would see a lot of people who would go through something in life and they just felt like life had wronged them. And because of that, they were deserving of either something good to suddenly come their way, or they were hopeless that anything good was ever gonna come their way, but they didn't try. They kind of given up on life and the ability to make life good for themselves or for somebody else. And they really, really felt like they didn't have any contribution. And because of that, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If I wake up every day saying there's nothing I can do to make my life better. And I truly believe that. I guarantee life won't get any better.
- [19:36]
Hala Taha
Let's hold that thought and take a quick break with our sponsors. Yep, bam. It's 2025 and a new year means new opportunities for a lot of you out there. I know you've been thinking about one thing over the holidays and that's starting your own business or side hustle. But of course you've got so many questions. How do I get started? How do I come up with a brand? How am I actually going to sell things to people? Well, yeah, Bam, I want you to take a deep breath because Shopify's got you. How do I know? Because I had the same questions when I first started selling online. But the best time to start your new business is right now. Because Shopify makes it simple to create your brand, open for business and get your first sale. Get your store up and running easily with thousands of customizable templates, no coding or design skills required. Their powerful social media tools will let you connect all your channels and help you sell everywhere that people scroll. 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And right now Openphone is offering 20% off your first six months when you go to openphone.com profiting. That's O P E N P H O N E.com/profiting for 20% off six months. And if you have an existing phone number with another service, OpenPhone will port them over at no extra charge. That's openphone.com/profiting. You were talking earlier about how a lot of the people who follow your work really appreciate the tools that you give. So what are some of the tools of negative self talk? Like this.
- [24:56]
Amy Morin
Ooh. So one is gratitude. Our brains are so hardwired to always look for the negative. But if you purposely say, I'm just going to come up with three things I'm grateful for today, you can start to train your brain to look on the bright side. We know that gratitude's associated with everything from better health to better sleep quality to better relationships. People who practice gratitude live longer. The list goes on and on. But it's simple, it's easy, and it doesn't cost you any money. If you just wrote in a gratitude journal before you go to bed, write down three things, start to look for the more positive things in life that can go a long way. And another really easy strategy is to just ask yourself, what would I say to my friend right now? We're so much kinder to other people than we are ourselves. We beat ourselves up for mistakes or we put ourselves down for something that happened five years ago. We think, I'm not good enough. But if you said, you know, what would I say to my friend right now? You probably have some really kind words for your friend. And if you just practice giving yourself those same kind words, words, self compassion is key to helping you feel and do better.
- [25:55]
Hala Taha
And I know it's also really important to monitor the words that you actually say so that you are empowering yourself and not disempowering yourself. Can you talk to us about that?
- [26:05]
Amy Morin
Yeah, certainly. The words that we use when we say something like, oh, so and so ruined my day today, or my neighbor makes me feel bad about myself or my boss makes me work late, we're implying that other people are in control of our lives. Truth is, you're in control of how you think, how you feel, and how you behave. And of course, if your boss says you have to work late, you might choose to do it mostly to avoid the consequence of not getting in trouble at work. But it's a choice. And when we just change our language and say, you Know, this is a choice, and I'm in control of how I feel. Even if somebody was rude to me today, they didn't necessarily ruin my day unless I let them. And when we switch our language, it just empowers us to say, I have control over so many things in my life. I can't control everything, but I can at least control myself, my thoughts, my feelings, and my behavior. And when we take back that power, somehow that just really helps us to say, and I want to live to reach my greatest potential. I want to go out there and do these things and really gives us, I think, the power to go out there and start to create some positive change.
- [27:06]
Hala Taha
And I feel like when you are empowered and you don't always talk in a way where you act like a victim, it's also really good for business because I feel like it's authoritative. You build respect because really successful people that you'd want to work with, they can tell in an instant if somebody has a victim mindset. It's a really big turnoff, wouldn't you say?
- [27:25]
Amy Morin
It is. And it might be those simple little things that we say in a meeting, like, excuse me, please, would you mind if I said something? Or I hate to interrupt. But when we apologize way too much, those little things certainly send a signal about how I expect you to treat me. If I don't act like what I'm saying has any value, I guarantee nobody else is going to either.
- [27:46]
Hala Taha
Another way that you recommend that we counter negative thoughts is to embrace change in a healthy way and argue the opposite perspective. Can you give us insight on that tool?
- [27:55]
Amy Morin
So often when something is changing, we think about all the bad things that could happen, and it might be something small. You're changing your software program, we think, oh, it's going to be too hard. We underestimate ourselves. We overestimate how challenging it's going to be. So just step back for a minute and think, what are the chances this might work out better than I'm imagining? And just arguing the opposite, when you're predicting horrible things, just argue the opposite, that something amazing might happen. And your brain will kind of see that. All right? Even though there is a one in a hundred chance things will go poorly, maybe there's also a chance things will go well, and it can help you give a more balanced perspective so that you don't just believe the negative. Otherwise, we convince ourselves this is a hundred percent true, that this thing is going to happen. So you just want to expand your mind to say, or maybe something amazing will Happen too.
- [28:42]
Hala Taha
Yeah. And I feel like a lot of us, a lot of the time we create these imaginary obstacles anyway when it comes to our projects or things that we have to get done, a lot of it is just mental. So this exercise, I imagine, will help break through those barriers and maybe even help us think of creative solutions if we need them.
- [28:59]
Amy Morin
Yes. Just opening our minds to that idea of maybe it will go well. And here's some evidence that perhaps it's going to turn out better than I would expect. It's like if somebody said there's a one in a hundred chance you're going to get a deadly disease, you might think, oh, I'm going to be that one in a hundred. But if somebody said to you there's a one in a hundred chance you're going to win a million dollars, we're much more likely to think, well, that won't happen to me. So just recognizing that we tend to underestimate ourselves and our chances. Our emotions get mixed in there. When we're nervous about something, we are convinced it's going to happen to us. When it's something exciting, we can be easily convinced it's not going to happen us. So we want to mix some of the emotional reactions in with some logic sometimes.
- [29:40]
Hala Taha
Okay, so I want to read a quote from you that really hit deep for me. You said you won't hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes the only thing they control is their attitude. So I really like this because like I said, I'm just trying to work on my mental health. And I hate it when people complain. And I think a lot of people hate it when other people complain. It's irritable. But I'm sure, and I know that I also complain myself. So why do people complain? Why do we complain? And how can we get better at not complaining anymore? And why is that so bad for us?
- [30:17]
Amy Morin
There's a misconception that venting is good for us. People tend to think, if I don't get all of this out, then I'm gonna blow up like a pressure cooker. And we know you don't definitely don't wanna suppress your feelings. It's okay to feel them. You don't want to pretend I'm not sad. But at the same time, you don't have to entertain whatever it is that's annoying you. The more that you talk about those things that annoy you, the more real estate you're Giving them in your life. So if we took the example of a traffic jam, talking about it, complaining about it, spending a lot of time thinking about how this shouldn't be happening to me means I give that way more power in my life than I need to. But it also reinforces that idea that if I go home and I complain about this, then somehow I'm getting all of that out, so I'm not bottling it up. You're much more better to walk in the door and talk about the best thing that happened to you today to improve your mood and help you feel better, rather than just dwelling on the negative. Yet again, our brains are hardwired to go for the negative. So it's easy to just think about, yeah, the one bad thing that happened today and overlook the nine good things that happened. So you have to go after the good sometimes and say, all right, so there was a traffic jam, but I don't have to dwell on it. And another strategy is to just practice acceptance. So much suffering in life comes because we think this shouldn't be happening. So if you're in a traffic jam and you think, oh, this isn't fair. Somebody up there got in an accident, or some people are going too slow and they're in my way, the more that you keep thinking all of those thoughts, the worse you feel. On the flip side, if you just reminded yourself there are millions of cars on the road every day, traffic jams are bound to happen. And how am I going to spend my time while I'm stuck in traffic? Maybe you listen to a podcast, maybe you listen to music, talk on the phone to somebody that you enjoy talking to. There's so many options about how you respond to those obstacles in life.
- [32:02]
Hala Taha
For me, I also feel like perspective really helps because I know personally that when everything's, like, going amazing in my life, it will be that time period where little things like a traffic jam I'll get upset about. But if, like, somebody's dying or, like, the war is happening in Gaza right now, now anything that happens, I'm like, well, who cares? I'm not dying. You know, so.
- [32:25]
Amy Morin
And that's the thing I think about difficulties in life sometimes. It does help us put things in a different perspective. I used to be terrified of public speaking. Well, then I gave the eulogy at my husband's funeral. Suddenly I didn't mind public speaking anymore. It was really not a big deal. And I think when we go through those difficult things in life, when we're experiencing difficult times, it helps us put those Little tiny things into completely different perspective.
- [32:48]
Hala Taha
Totally. And I feel like in the time periods where you're not having something traumatic, it's like doing something so that you can regain that perspective and realize, like, hey, this is a traffic jam, but I've been through way worse.
- [32:59]
Amy Morin
Right, Exactly.
- [33:01]
Hala Taha
Okay, so let's talk about anxiety. You have this cool concept in your book called anxiety alarms. Can you talk to us about that?
- [33:07]
Amy Morin
A lot of people say, well, you shouldn't be anxious. And I think the reason anxiety gets so much bad rap is because we talk about anxiety disorders and then there's anxiety, but they're not the same thing. We don't really talk about other disorders the same way. A clinical diagnosis of depression is different than feeling sad. But the language is the same for anxiety. Most of us have faulty alarm systems. You're supposed to have anxiety. Anxiety alerts you to danger. Back in the day, if a hungry lion were chasing you in the woods, you'd want your anxiety to kick in so that you would spring into action. In today's world, we don't really face those exact same life or death situations, so we have a lot of false alarms. Anxiety goes off when you get an email from somebody that you don't want to read. Or your anxiety goes off because you're thinking about that thing you have to do later today might just be going to the grocery store that's going to be crowded. Those aren't life or death things. Even public speaking, it's not going to kill you. But because we feel anxious, we tend to think, I shouldn't do that, or it's really risky, or we start to dread it. So sometimes one of the best things we can do is to just take a step back and say, what am I feeling right now? Maybe your palms are sweaty, your stomach feels kind of sick. Those are some of your anxiety alarm bells. But then you ask yourself, is this a real alarm or a false alarm? Again, your anxiety should be kicking in sometimes. You wouldn't look both ways before you crossed the street if you didn't have any anxiety. But it's important to recognize those times when your anxiety is a false alarm. Maybe you have to speak in front of five people today and you hate public speaking. That's a false alarm. You'll live through it. You'll be okay. Or maybe you're anxious about meeting somebody new next week and you're thinking about all the things that could go wrong. What if they don't like me? It's okay. You'll live through it and just Recognizing is this a false alarm or a true alarm can help put things again into that different perspective.
- [34:52]
Hala Taha
And then do you treat it differently, whether it's a false alarm or a true alarm?
- [34:57]
Amy Morin
Yeah. So if we're talking about a true alarm. So if somebody says, gosh, I have this incredible anxiety about, maybe it's something like, my grandmother just had a health test, and we don't know what the results are, your anxiety's up because you're thinking it might be life or death for her. So you're going to stop and ask yourself, is this problem I need to solve, or do I need to solve how I feel about the problem? You can't fix a loved one's health issue, but maybe there's something you could do, like you bring her her favorite meal or you take her to her appointment. So, like, what action can you take to manage that problem that you can't solve? And sometimes it's our anxiety about something that's telling us, don't do that. If you have a gut feeling and a lot of anxiety about someone, certain circumstance, you might say, actually, I'm not going to go do that, because perhaps it's not safe. But when you know it's just a false alarm. All right, I'm giving a speech on Friday in front of 10 of my peers, and I have a lot of anxiety. Then it's like, I'm still going to give the speech. So how do I cope with the feeling of anxiety? Maybe I'm going to read a book. Maybe I need to practice the speech more. Maybe I'm going to just go for a walk and channel my energy into something that's more productive. But again, it comes down to, I think, knowing the answer to that question. Is this a problem I need to solve, or do I need to solve how I feel about this problem that I'm facing?
- [36:11]
Hala Taha
Okay, let's talk about how we should deal with our past and our memories. Because I think people have a problem with either glorifying the old days or being traumatized by their past. So how should we deal with our past?
- [36:26]
Amy Morin
Ooh, that's a great question, because you're right. Our memories are strange. All of our emotional memories get stored into different parts of our brain. And so when we look back, yeah, we sometimes romanticize a relationship with an ex. Maybe it wasn't that good. Or we think about our childhoods, and maybe we only remember the three bad things that happened. I've worked with siblings before who have completely different versions of events when it comes to. To their Childhoods. And it's not that they're lying. It's just the events that stand out to one person don't really stand out to the other. So it's important to think about that in terms of, what am I remembering? Is this factual? What's the rest of the story? What's a different way to look at this? And even if we're talking about something traumatic, there's several versions of the same story. You might say, gosh, I had a really rough childhood, and that's why I now am a really hard worker and why I put all my effort into earning more money and being a good person, because I didn't have that growing up. Somebody else might have been through the same thing, and they're like, you know, I actually have no work ethic. I'm a really grumpy person because I had a really rough childhood. Nobody taught me anything about it. So just asking yourself, what's another version of the story? Am I a victim who went through something awful? Or might I be the hero who survived something awful? And there's different ways we can always remind ourselves of the story. So when I deal with clients who are romanticizing, say, a romantic partner, and the relationship has ended, what's the rest of the story? Why did it end? And they might even write that down, like, here are 10 things about that relationship that weren't that good. And when they start to romanticize it, they'll read that list, and it just reminds them, all right, my brain is just going to the good. There were some bad things, too, and that's why we're not together. Or for somebody who had a really rough childhood or they've been through something traumatic, our brain is trying not to think about those things, but they keep popping up into our heads. So that's why people will say, I have flashbacks when I don't want to. I walk into a room and I smell something that reminds me of when I was seven years old, and suddenly those memories come back to me. Sometimes it's about exposure therapy, where you write down the thing that happened to you, and you might have to read it 50 times and read it out loud to a therapist. I always recommend, if you've been through something traumatic, you may need to work through it with a therapist. Sometimes that helps to reorganize our brain so that those things don't pop up when we don't want them to. And for people who are like, you know, I just spent a lot of time kind of dwelling on bad things that happened again it might be then about writing a list of, here's some good things that happened, too, to kind of even that out, to recognize our brains are strange narrators, and it picks the parts of the stories it wants to tell, and it really reinforces our beliefs. If I come to the conclusion I'm not a good person, my brain will easily only pick out the times in life that I've messed up. I may have to go after those times when actually, over here, I did this thing that was kind of surprising, and this day, I did this thing that was actually a really good thing, or I made a difference in this era of my life to change those stories that we tell ourselves.
- [39:21]
Hala Taha
This is so important, and this really resonates with me. I had Layla Hermozi on the show, and she had a really traumatic childhood where her mother was, like, an alcoholic. And something that really helped her is that she learned about a study where people had to recall the facts of an event. I think it was 90%. I don't remember the actual stat. 90% of people, like, recalled the event facts incorrectly. And then she realized that all of our memories, like you just said, it's exactly how we decide to frame the memory. So who knows how bad her childhood was? That's what she said. Like, who knows how bad? Or, like, if it was really that bad, or I'm just remembering it that bad. I'm not remembering the good parts. That really helped me to think, well, I got fired from a job when I was 20 years old, from a internship that I worked for free for three years and for a long time that traumatized me. And I would even recall the story, like, how horrible it was. And I would tell it on podcasts and talk about it a lot. And then now I'm like, I decided to reframe that story. And I'm like, I don't want to talk about that negative story, because it just might be how I remember that story.
- [40:27]
Amy Morin
That's a great example. Because our memories are faulty, it will pick out the most emotional things. And even when we're convinced we know something, research will show we actually don't know it nearly as good as we think we do. Like, let's take eyewitness testimony in court, for example. An eyewitness might say, I am 100% certain that this is the person I saw commit the crime. Eyewitness testimony is actually, like, the most faulty sort of evidence that can ever be submitted into court. Yet we tend to think if somebody says, I know for sure it was that person, juries tend to believe that person because they seem like they know a hundred percent. We don't. If you were witnessing a crime, your emotions are going to be high. Whether you're scared or you're confused about what's going on. Chances are you aren't going to remember. But your brain could trick you into thinking of that was definitely the person. Whether it's because you want to be helpful or because you just are convinced. But the same thing happens with our lives where we think again. If I draw the conclusion I'm not a good person, my brain will only go back and remember the times that would reinforce that idea that I have. And I'll forget 8 million other times where there might be evidence to the contrary.
- [41:31]
Hala Taha
So how would you say that healthy people treat the past? How do they navigate that?
- [41:36]
Amy Morin
I think it's a matter of knowing it happened. I learned from it. Here are the lessons, the positive lessons that I learned from it. Maybe even if it is the bad things, it's still yet because of it, perhaps I'm changed. I don't like to be the person who says, like, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Because a lot of people come out of difficult things and they are scarred. They're much different than they were before. And that doesn't mean that you're weak. It just means, yeah, sometimes hard times change us and that's okay. But just acknowledging that, like, gosh, I went through some, some really difficult things and here's how my life is different because of it. Sometimes that's helpful because sometimes we wanna say, no, I'm still the same person even though I've been through all of that. Or I just wanna make sure that I acknowledge it in some way to say, yeah, I went through all of that and here's what it is. And to also think back to our childhood labels. Every report card I ever had said I was painfully shy or she never talks in class. And so the thought of I would then grow up and become a speaker and a podcaster was really nowhere on there. But had I believed that hook, line and sinker for my entire life, I wouldn't have been so I think it's important to know that the beliefs we have about ourselves somet are faulty. And if you go digging for evidence to the contrary, you can find it.
- [42:49]
Hala Taha
We'll be right back after a quick break from our sponsors, young and profiters. I know so many of you are in your grind season. You're working your nine to five and then you're five to midnight. Building out that side hustle dream. And that's how I started YAP Media and now we are on track to hit eight figures this year. If you're a side hustler, you know that it can be hard to find the right tools without breaking the bank. And that's where Microsoft Teams Free comes in. With teams you get pro level collaboration tools without the hefty price tag. For example, you can host free video meetings for up to 60 minutes that is so professional for your client calls. You can also get unlimited chat for real time collaboration with your team no matter where you are. It replaces so many apps so for example File Storage. If you want to keep your client documents, invoices and brand assets organized, Microsoft Teams Free has you covered. You can have everything you need to access in one place. You can also create community spaces to organize your teams, volunteers or creative collaborators, making it easy to track your business or projects. Microsoft Teams seems like a dream come true for small businesses. It's secure, professional, reliable and it is amazing to have all your tools in one place. Stop paying for your tools. Get everything you need for free with Microsoft Teams. It's a no brainer. Try Microsoft Teams today and start growing your side hustle without extra cost. Head to AKA Ms. Profiting today to sign up for free. That's AKA Ms. Profiting to sign up for free to Microsoft Teams today. Yeah fam. When I first started this podcast, believe it or not, I had an all volunteer team to help me out. But as my business took off, I needed to hire a lot of new people and fast. It soon became pretty overwhelming because I had to sort through piles and piles of resumes, conduct countless interviews, and you know how it goes. Hiring is a pain. But then I discovered the easiest way to hire the right people quickly. I found Indeed. When it comes to hiring, Indeed is all you need. Stop struggling to get your job post seen on other job sites. Indeed Sponsored Jobs helps you stand out and hire fast. With Sponsored Jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster. It makes a huge difference. According to Indeed data, Sponsored Jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. Plus with Indeed sponsored Jobs, there's no monthly subscriptions, no long term contracts, and you only pay for results. How fast is Indeed, you ask? In the minute I've been talking to you. 23 hires were made on Indeed according to Indeed Data Worldwide. There's no need to wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more visibility at Indeed.comProfiting, just go to Indeed.comProfiting right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com profiting terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need. Hey Yap fam. I've been on the hunt for the perfect red dress because I'll be speaking at Funnel Hacking Live alongside Tony Robbins. I'll be speaking next to Tony Robbins. Yap fam. It is such a big deal for me. It took a while to find exactly what I was looking for, but I finally found the perfect dress and it was in my size on an overseas website. Everything looked good, the pricing was good. And then I went back to checkout and the price was different. It was jacked up. And then I remembered NordVPN. NordVPN for the rescue. I could just switch servers, refresh the page, and just like that, the price dropped. Turns out retailers can use your browsing history or location to jack up the prices, but NORDVPN keeps them on track when it comes to finding the perfect outfit. I don't settle. I want designer. I want the best of the best. And if you're like me, you need NORDVPN to keep your credit card details safe. Whether you're shopping on international websites or using public wi fi. Don't let sneaky pricing tactics or security risks mess with your online shopping experience. Get the best deal and get what you want. To get the best discount off your NordVPN plan, go to nordvpn.com profiting. Our link will also give you four extra months on the two year plan. There's no risk with Nord's 30 day money back guarantee. The link is in the podcast episode description box and that's NordVPN.com profiting so let's talk about when it's okay to actually relive our past. Because I found out that on your late husband's birthday, you and your family often have an adventure. So talk to us about why you do that and why that might help with things like grief.
- [47:45]
Amy Morin
Oh yeah. So as we were approaching what would have been his birthday the first year after he passed away, I'd said to my mother in law, like how are we going to spend the day? And after my mom had passed away, I hadn't done a good job of honoring any of those things like her birthday or their anniversary or anything. And so we had this conversation like we could stay home from work and stare at the walls and feel sorry for ourselves, or we could go do something. And Lincoln was this incredibly adventurous person. So we said, let's honor his life. So we decided to go skydiving. So his mom and I went skydiving that year. His grandmother was going to go, but she had just had cataract surgery, so her doctor wouldn't clear her. But. And then we said, let's make this an annual adventure where we go do something. So we rode mules into the Grand Canyon, and we took flying trapeze lessons. We've swam with sharks one year. So we always look for something to say, let's honor his life and make it the best that we can. And even though he's not here, let's work on saying, how do we want to remember him moving forward? And friends and family and lots of people have joined us some years and gone on these adventures with us. And it's really turned into a day that we look forward to, rather than one we would dread if we hadn't have done that. I think it would be one of those days on the calendar where you just kind of wished it wasn't there, or we'd be really sad and thinking, it's too bad that we aren't here to honor his birthday. So we decided, let's go ahead and honor it anyway.
- [49:05]
Hala Taha
Yeah. And I feel like a lot of the things that you're saying is, how can we take the negative and make it productive.
- [49:11]
Amy Morin
Yeah. And I've had people who've read my book and then said, you know, the anniversary of my divorce was always a really tough day. So I decided, here's how I'm gonna take it back. Or whenever there's a difficult day on the calendar, plan ahead. How do I wanna spend this? And it might be about honoring what happened in the past without feeling like you're stuck there saying, you know, what do I want this year to look like when that date comes around? Or how do I wanna honor something that maybe no longer serves me? But I'm changed. I'm different. How am I going to make this different moving forward?
- [49:40]
Hala Taha
So another thing that people really get stuck on when it comes to their mental health or mental strength is feeling jealous. Right. A lot of people feel envious. They feel jealous of others. Especially if you're an entrepreneur, you might get jealous of people who are your competitors and things like that. So talk to us about why this is a really unhealthy thing to do, why it's detrimental for us and how we can overcome it.
- [50:01]
Amy Morin
Social comparisons are incredibly detrimental. But it's so hard not to do, especially in the age of social media. Everybody looks like they're happy and healthy and wealthy and super successful when you scroll through social media. So it's important to remember that you're not in competition with anybody else. In fact, there's research that will show if you just look at other people as an opinion holder as opposed to your competitor, it changes everything in terms of your psychological well being. If I look at other people and I think, oh, that person's so much smarter than I am, or they have so much more amazing things going on in their life than I do, then I feel bad. It's like I'm creating a hierarchy in my brain of who's better. But if I just look at this person and I think, ooh, I could learn from them, what strategies are they using to grow their business? How might I learn from that? They're different from me. It's not that they're better or worse than I am, they're just different. And it's so important to do that because then it doesn't harm us, it helps us. And so so many of us spend so much time on social media and scrolling through and just looking at other people's lives. That alone could make a huge difference in how it affects our mental health. And just knowing that I can create my own definition of success and then I don't care if you're working toward your definition of success. It doesn't feel threatening to me if I'm working toward my definition of success. And it goes back to that abundance mindset. And knowing that just because you're working on your goals, that doesn't take away from me reaching my goals.
- [51:23]
Hala Taha
I just talked to James Altucher yesterday and he told me something that reminds me of this. He said that in business you need a plus minus and an equal. So plus is like a coach or a mentor an equal or your peers. Right. You've got to learn from peers, other entrepreneurs in your space. And then a minus is teaching other people. You've got to teach. Right. So I love that. And it's, it's related to what you're saying because if you look at everybody as your competition, you're going to be working on something alone. And actually that's not the way to be expansive and to do well in business, it's quite the opposite. You need to be open and willing to work with your peers and also people who are doing better than you.
- [51:59]
Amy Morin
Absolutely. And I love James Altucher, but I also love that idea because so often we want to hoard our good ideas as if people are going to steal them. Or we think, I don't want anybody to know what I'm out there doing. And then we run into things like imposter syndrome, where people think, ugh, other people assume I'm better than I am. I'm not doing good enough. I think that's where that teaching thing comes in. When you can mentor somebody else, it really reminds you how far you've come, how much you've learned, and that you have accumulated a lot of knowledge and skills and tools that are easy to forget. Over time. We think, no, I've always known this. But then when you have somebody asking you questions, it reminds you, oh, yeah, there was a time in my life where I didn't know that either. And for a lot of people, that really helps them to feel a lot better when they start to reach down and mentor people who are struggling and saying, you're new at this, I have some stuff. And to be open and willing to share those things.
- [52:51]
Hala Taha
Yeah, totally. Okay. I want to talk about entitlement. It's sort of a hot topic for Gen Z. I know that a lot of people call Gen Z the entitlement generation. I don't believe that necessarily. I actually think they do a lot of positive work. But talk to us about entitlement. Do you feel like this is something that's running rampant right now and what are the signs of someone who's entitled?
- [53:14]
Amy Morin
So I think there's a big notion that what you put into the world, you get back out. And so I run into a lot of people who will think, well, if I work really hard, then I deserve success. We know in the business world plenty of people have worked incredibly hard and for one reason or another, it doesn't work out. And there are people on the other side of the planet who are outworking us all day, every day. If life were fair and we were given the amount of money that we earn, I stare at a computer most of the day. I'm not carrying jugs of water 17 miles for my family. It wouldn't even out. So I don't think it's fair of ourselves to then say, well, I work really hard, so I deserve success. Or sometimes people will say to me, like, it's so amazing all these great things happened to you because you deserved it, because you went through something hard. No. And it doesn't even out. Trust me. But there are plenty of people who've gone through incredibly tough things, and they didn't have something amazing happen. Life isn't fair. And that's really tough to come to that conclusion of. Yeah, life isn't fair. But on the other side of that, I think it helps us to know, like, I don't have to keep score. I could be nice to somebody. And karma doesn't necessarily mean that people are gonna be super nice to me tomorrow. But that's okay. And I'm okay with it. For some people, that's really tough. And we talk about this in therapy often. People's expectations. And I ran into this problem where a lot of people had these vision boards where they would post a photo of something, and they just really expected it to happen. If they sat on the couch and waited for the universe to gift it to them. And it might be somebody who said, you know, I have a Lamborghini on my vision board, and I don't know how I'm gonna get it, but someday it's gonna happen. And they really weren't gonna put in the work to make any of it happen, but they thought that they deserved it. Cause they were a good person. So I think it's important to recognize that we all have times where we feel like, oh, you know, I'm kind of special, I'm kind of deserving. If we're honest, we have those moments. But to recognize that, again, just because you're nice to somebody doesn't mean something great is gonna happen to you tomorrow. Or if you go through something bad, it doesn't guarantee something great's gonna happen. I think the more that we come to those conclusions and the more that we accept, yep, bad things do happen. Sometimes good things happen to people that we don't think deserve it too. And that's life. And figuring out, how do I cope with the emotions that get stirred up when those things happen.
- [55:24]
Hala Taha
Yeah, I feel like what you're saying about expectations is so important because I feel like that's really what it boils down to. It's like having these expectations that something is gonna happen. Are you saying to lower our expectations? What's your advice there?
- [55:37]
Amy Morin
It boils down to just recognizing, like, what can I control today? I can control how much good I put out into the universe. And even if it doesn't come back to me tenfold, I can wake up tomorrow and do it again. And when we just recognize that I have the power to impact somebody's day, it might be smiling at the cashier, at the store, or complimenting a stranger on their shoes. But those little things can certainly put out tons of positive vibes. But I don't need to do those things just because I then think I'm going to win the lottery next week because I was a good person today. So I think just recognizing every day, what do I have control over? How do I want to be in the world today? No matter what kind of curveballs life throws me, what are my core values, who I want to be? We can also just choose to say, I'm going to act like the person I want to become. If I want to be a mentally strong person, I'm going to act like a mentally strong person today. If I want to be a kind and confident person, I can choose to act like that even if I don't feel like it. I might be grumpy cuz I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or because something else happened yesterday that I wasn't thrilled about. But I still have choices every day. When we start to recognize that, that I have choices, I think it also frees us up to recognize that, all right, no matter how many bad things happen to me, I have choices in that too.
- [56:50]
Hala Taha
And I think related to that is this idea of really taking agency over your life. And I know for me, when I was younger, I used to always need to be around other people. I used to always want to be with friends or my boyfriend. I couldn't ever be alone. And it wasn't until I decided to start being alone, like when I was 19, 20, that's when I really started to develop. I was able to listen to books that helped me develop, starting to work out by myself, taking walks by myself. And it made me a better person, I think. So why is it important for us to spend time alone?
- [57:21]
Amy Morin
There are so many benefits of solitude. Solitude gets a bad rap. People tend to think it's about being lonely and they think, oh, you know, I just, I don't want to be lonely. But it's so important to be by ourselves sometimes. It's really how you get to know yourself. It's how you get to figure out decisions in life and who you are and to get to know your emotions. We know that even kids who can play by themselves have fewer behavior problems. They have better psychological well being. In life Today though, you don't really have to spend any time alone. Even when you are alone, you can always be listening to podcasts. Clearly, I'm not against listening to podcasts, but there are times when you need to say, I'm not going to have any noise in my ears. For a lot of people, the only time that they really spend any time alone is when they go to sleep at night. And we find that so many people are listening to podcasts even to fall asleep because they don't want to be alone with their thoughts. So sometimes it's just about letting yourself be alone with your thoughts. Because how else do you plan your life? How else do you reflect on things and think, what did I do today that was a great job? What do I want to do better tomorrow? Where am I growing in life? What do I want my life to look like? We spend so much time planning little things or planning a vacation or planning our wedding, but we don't plan for the long haul. How do you want your life to be different? It's really tough to do that because when you're around other people, they influence your decisions from what you're going to eat to where you're going to go, to how you're going to spend your time. And it's really the alone time that helps us better figure out who we are. I don't what we want to be like in this world.
- [58:51]
Hala Taha
And when I was writing this question, this wasn't in your book, but I know that your book was written. When did it come out? In like 2018 or 2016?
- [58:59]
Amy Morin
The first book came out in 2014.
- [59:02]
Hala Taha
So it was written a while ago. And when I read this be alone part, I was thinking, you know what? I feel like nowadays probably a lot of 20 year olds spend a lot of time alone. Maybe it's the opposite now that they need to go out and proactively be comfortable with meeting other people. What are your thoughts on that?
- [59:19]
Amy Morin
Yeah, it's all about a balance because there are people who say, you know, on the weekends I don't leave the house, I come home and I just read books and I stay at home. We all need that balance. We're social creatures and we know from the research that social media is not giving us what we need when it comes to connecting with people. We need to be face to face and in person as much as we can. And it becomes the default. Though sometimes I think, especially since COVID that people say, you know, I'm just more comfortable staying home. But it's so important for us to have connections and not just superficial connections, because the cure for loneliness isn't to just be around people, it's to really connect with people. That means being vulnerable, finding people that you can talk to, being able to ask somebody questions or Somebody that you can ask for help or who would you call if you are have a problem at 2 in the morning? A lot of people would say, I don't have anybody I could call or anybody I'd feel comfortable calling when I have a crisis. We need that in our lives. And then it becomes much easier to then appreciate alone time because it becomes that balance of saying, I do have time alone with my thoughts, but I also have plenty of human connections who can help me balance things out and help me feel good too.
- [60:27]
Hala Taha
I loved this. I loved learning about how to be mentally strong. I want to move into some more entrepreneurship advice as we close out. And really, you mentioned it a few times that like, you were told you were super shy when you were young, you were afraid of public speaking at one point. Is it safe to say that you're naturally an introvert?
- [60:44]
Amy Morin
You know, I think I'm an ambivert. I say I fall. I think a lot of people fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. I think that's me.
- [60:51]
Hala Taha
Okay, I'm an extrovert. So I feel like I never have good advice for anyone because it's like, if anything, I love to like anything that's puts me in the spotlight. Like, I feel good about it. I thrive with it. But for entrepreneurs, it's really important, really, to put our face out there. You have to do a lot of talking, you have to have confidence. And I feel like that skill's not very natural for introverts, ambiverts. So I'd love for you to give some advice for everybody who falls into those buckets.
- [61:15]
Amy Morin
For anybody who's not comfortable, then you figure out, like, what are the workarounds? So if you don't want to put your face on a video, you might have an animated video. You might come up with an article that you feel comfortable writing about, but you're not going to speak about. So always start small and you take small steps. And if something feels this is so far out of my comfort zone, you might decide, all right, I'm going to back up. Something a lot of people do is they take a giant leap first. And we know that that can backfire. So if you're terrified of public speaking, don't try to get up on a stage and give a TEDx talk for your very first speech ever, because it might feel like it's so overwhelming that you then never want to give another speech. You might start by giving a talk to just four people. Or maybe you start with yourself in the mirror and then you Invite one friend and you say, can you listen to this for me? So those really small steps are important. And then again, figuring out what kind of accommodations do you want to make? You might never launch a podcast, or you might never decide that you're going to put your face on social media all the time, but what are you comfortable with? And experimenting with that, sometimes you figure out, well, this felt uncomfortable last year, but I've been doing it for a while, and suddenly it feels like second nature. Or I've practiced this for a while, so I can still take one more small step. And the therapy office will often talk about finding things that are a 4 on the scale of 1 to 10. So if one is super comfortable, 10 is terrifying. You want to do something that's about a four. Four is tolerable. And then after you've been doing that for a little while, maybe it's making really quick Instagram reels. After a while, that doesn't feel so scary, and it becomes more like a three. So then you say, well, what would now be a 4? And always just keep challenging yourself just a little bit at a time. And the more we do that, the more we realize that we have skills and tools that perhaps we didn't even know existed.
- [62:57]
Hala Taha
Really good advice. And like I was saying earlier, you're somebody who I always think of when I think of, like, a niche thought leader. Right. And so what is your advice for folks who really want to dominate in their niche?
- [63:09]
Amy Morin
Ooh, that's a good question. And thank you for saying that. I appreciate it, I think, to not be afraid to put stuff out there. I've written so many articles that never went viral, and probably a lot of people didn't read, but nobody judges you on those things. They judge you on the bigger things. That's really what. So it's okay to throw a lot of stuff out there, and if nobody reads it, it's not the end of the world, because nobody read it. So there's not a million people out there thinking that you wrote something terrible. 10 people read it. You only have 10 potential readers anyway. So I'd say to not be afraid and to just keep creating content in a way that feels comfortable for you, whether it's a podcast or you create articles or you're creating stuff for social media and knowing that there are tons of different ways to get your message out there. And a lot of it has to do with experimenting and figuring out what's gonna work for you.
- [63:54]
Hala Taha
And related to that, my last question to you before we wrap Things up is what are your favorite ways to get your message out there? You have a podcast, you write books, you have articles like, what is your favorite ways to get your message out right now?
- [64:06]
Amy Morin
Oh, that's a good question, too. It's changed over the years, I guess. Before it was writing articles, and now that I have a podcast. Podcasting is really cool and absolutely love to be able to churn out podcast episodes and speaking, which I never thought I would say either. I get invited to speak at corporations and conventions and speak to live audiences so I could get feedback. Speaking into the microphone or putting books out there. I don't get to have interactive live questions, but I get that when I speak to live audiences, which is a treat.
- [64:35]
Hala Taha
Yeah. And because you're speaking live, the trust is so much higher. So they're more likely to buy and be your super fans and things like that.
- [64:43]
Amy Morin
Exactly.
- [64:44]
Hala Taha
Well, I end my show with two questions that I ask all of my guests. Speak your mind. You don't have to talk about today's topic. What is one actionable thing our young improfeters can do today to become more profitable tomorrow?
- [64:57]
Amy Morin
I would say do something every day to challenge yourself, just to prove to your brain that you're stronger than you think you are. It might be that you set out to do as many pushups as you can, and then you notice when your brain says, oh, you're too tired, you can't do another one. Do at least one more. You can probably do five more. But doing that just teaches your brain that you're not going to listen to it. I run a timed mile every day, so when my brain tells me, you're too tired, you can't keep going. I actually start to run faster. Just as a way to train my brain and to recognize I'm more capable and competent than I think I am. To always tell people, just challenge yourself. The more that you challenge yourself to do more than you think you can, it just becomes second nature. And in business, you certainly need to be able to challenge yourself and do more than you think you can sometimes.
- [65:43]
Hala Taha
I love that. That reminds me of Ed Mylett. He talks about 1% more. That's so good. And what is your secret to profiting in life? And this can go beyond business.
- [65:53]
Amy Morin
I think it's knowing what my values are and then feeling confident that I can stay true to those values. Decisions in life become so much easier when you know what your core values are and what's important so you can say no to the things that don't serve you?
- [66:07]
Hala Taha
Well, what are your core values?
- [66:09]
Amy Morin
Friends and family and the people in my life are super important. And also giving back to the community and knowing that I have some skills and talents and resources that I can freely give to people.
- [66:21]
Hala Taha
And where can everybody learn more about you and everything that you do?
- [66:25]
Amy Morin
So my website's the best place, which is amymorrenlcsw.com and on there we have my TEDx talk and links to all six of my books on mental strength and information about my podcast, which is Mentally Stronger with therapist Amy Morin.
- [66:39]
Hala Taha
I love it. We're going to stick all of those links in the show notes. I highly recommend her podcast. Thank you so much Amy.
- [66:44]
Amy Morin
Thanks for having me. Hala.
- [66:49]
Hala Taha
One of my favorite takeaways from today's conversation with Amy Marin is that your best customer is often your former self. Think about what you yourself have been through or struggled with, and then think about what you did to solve that problem. And then ask yourself, how can I help others who are struggling with the same exact thing? When Amy first wrote down her article on the things that mentally strong people don't do, she had her own experiences with loss in mind. And while she only got paid a measly $15 for publishing it, millions of people read and benefited from that article and she even received a book deal out of all this. But she realized something even more valuable than that in the process, that it wasn't just the knowledge she had acquired in college as a therapist that could help others, it was sharing with others the hard won lessons she had learned throughout her own life experiences. Amy also shared with us some great tools for becoming mentally stronger. For example, when you want to beat yourself up over something, ask yourself instead, what would I say to my friend right now? We're so much kinder to other people than we are to our own selves, and we should learn to practice a bit more grace when it comes to our own shortcomings. Also, when you're feeling jealous of somebody else's success, it's important to remember that you're not really in competition with anyone else. It's far more productive to look at the potential rival as somebody who's an opinion holder and not necessarily an opponent. They're people that you can learn from, get inspired from. Ask yourself, what strategies are they using to grow their business? How might I learn from that instead of being jealous of what they're doing? Thanks so much for listening to this episode of Young and Profiting Podcast. We're always eager to learn from you, dear listeners. So if you listened, learned, and profited from this conversation with the mentally strong Amy Marin. Please share this episode with your friends and family. Just hit that share button and text a link to this episode to somebody who you think could benefit from it. And if you did enjoy this show and you learned something, then why not drop us a five star review on Apple Podcast? Nothing helps us reach more people than a good review on Apple. You can also catch me on Instagram at Yapwithhala or LinkedIn by searching my name. It's Hala Taha and I did want to shout out my amazing production team. You guys are awesome. Thank you so much for all your hard work behind the scenes. This is your host Halataha, AKA the podcast Princess, signing off.