Young and Profiting with Hala Taha
Episode: Dr. Maya Shankar: Transform Your Mindset to Navigate Life’s Biggest Changes in 2026
Date: January 12, 2026 | Episode 381
Overview
In this episode, Hala Taha welcomes back cognitive scientist, White House advisor, and acclaimed podcast host Dr. Maya Shankar to discuss her groundbreaking book The Other Side of Change. Through compelling science, personal anecdotes, and stories from others, Dr. Shankar unpacks how unexpected change—whether loss, failure, or sudden upheaval—forces us to re-examine our identity, unlock hidden strengths, and envision new possible selves. The episode offers deep, actionable strategies for entrepreneurs and high-achievers navigating life’s biggest curveballs.
1. Defining Identity through Change
Identity Paralysis & The Power of “Why”
- Identity paralysis is the uncertainty people feel when a major change disrupts their life trajectory, leaving them unsure who they are or could become ([04:30]).
- Dr. Maya Shankar: “I remember experiencing identity paralysis as a 15 year old ... when it was ripped away from me, I wasn't just grieving the loss of the violin. I was also grieving the loss of myself in a much deeper way.” ([04:30])
- Many people define themselves by what they do—not by why they do it. When external roles are lost, identity can collapse.
- Instead, Dr. Shankar urges listeners to uncover their underlying motivation (“the why”) and use it as a North Star when adapting to change.
- “If you can define yourself in those terms—like, I am the type of person who loves caring for others or being really empathetic ... that can help be your North Star as you think about next steps.” ([07:32])
Entrepreneurial Relevance
- Entrepreneurs often tie identity to their company; loss or failure can feel like a personal annihilation ([07:56]).
- “Build more robust, expansive identities that are more resilient in the face of change.” ([08:19])
2. The Psychology and Biology of Change
Uncertainty and the Illusion of Control
- The human brain is wired to dislike uncertainty; not knowing what comes next is often more stressful than knowing a bad outcome is certain ([10:13]):
- “We are more stressed when we’re told we have a 50% chance of getting an electric shock than a 100% chance.” ([10:13])
- Most people operate under an “illusion of control.” Unexpected loss shatters this illusion, leaving people disoriented.
- Classic platitude, ‘You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control your reaction’ falls flat without actionable steps ([13:47]).
Grieving Possible Selves
- We mourn not just what we've lost, but the future roles and selves we dreamed of:
- “Sometimes we're grieving things that we've lost that we actually had. And sometimes we're grieving ... what we thought we were going to be.” – Hala ([14:52])
- Dr. Shankar introduces the concept of possible selves: hopes, fears, and expectations for what we might become ([15:21]).
- Change both reveals and restricts these possibilities—often shaped by societal values, stereotypes, or ingrained beliefs.
3. Expanding Your Possible Selves
Overcoming Essentialism
- Humans are “essentialists,” believing who we are is more fixed than it really is ([22:57]).
- To expand the future, seek out “moral elevation”—expose yourself to extraordinary acts of courage, empathy, or forgiveness:
- “Moral elevation ... it doesn’t just feel good. It actually changes our brains ... it cracks open our imagination about what is possible for us.” ([22:57])
Story: Dwayne, Poet and MacArthur Genius
- Dwayne, imprisoned as a teen, feared becoming the worst version of himself—until he witnessed a fellow inmate’s dignity and compassion, inspiring him to become a poet ([24:30]).
Story: Christine Ha, The Blind Chef
-
After losing her sight, Christine Ha believed her dream of being a cook was over. But reframing her identity and leveraging her core passions led her to become a MasterChef winner and restaurateur ([27:35]).
-
Dr. Shankar highlights the importance of not just imagining new selves, but doing the work—breaking big goals into steps, and setting up motivation systems ([29:27]).
4. Change as a Catalyst for Growth
Resilience vs Reinvention
- The word “apocalypse” comes from the Greek apokalypsis meaning “revelation.” Change doesn’t only destroy—it reveals new aspects of self ([29:46]).
- Humans underestimate how much they will continue to change—the “end of history illusion.”
- “We often forget that we change. ... If you remind yourself that you’re going to become new people on the other side, you might feel more capable of surviving the change.” ([31:30])
Personal and Listener Stories
- Hala shares her own story: Being fired from Hot 97 devastated her identity but propelled her to entrepreneurship ([33:33]).
- Dr. Shankar: “You have to actually take a step back and almost do an audit of yourself to figure out, well, what did I learn?” ([35:08])
5. Values and Beliefs Revealed by Change
Uncovering Hidden Values
- Many of our core beliefs and values are unconsciously inherited and rarely questioned until change forces us to confront them ([38:46]).
- “When we go through a change ... we can reflect on what it is that’s making us so nervous about it. That will reveal to us what our values are.” ([38:46])
Story: Ingrid’s Rediscovery
-
After an accident causes amnesia, Ingrid re-experiences her heritage stories—as beautiful and valuable—free from the childhood shame she had internalized ([39:47]).
-
Dr. Shankar recommends acting “like a scientist”: regularly interrogate your beliefs, ask, “How did I come to believe this? Would the people I trust agree? Is there contrary evidence?” ([41:40])
6. Proactive Preparation for Change
Self-Affirmation Exercises
- Dr. Shankar describes a self-affirmation practice, prompted by her husband after devastating loss ([42:42]):
- “When we are so single-mindedly focused on a goal ... we can develop tunnel vision. … After I did this exercise … I realized that my life was so much richer and more multifaceted than I’d given myself credit for.” ([42:42])
- Action: List every identity and value you still have—especially those not threatened by current change— to restore a sense of stability.
7. The “Change Toolkit” – Live Strategies for Real Scenarios
Scenario 1: Laid Off from Job
- Mental Time Travel: Remind yourself of past resilience; project forward to realize this crisis will feel smaller in 5, 10, 15 years ([51:30])
- Affect Labeling: Specifically name and label emotions (“I feel grief, resentment, frustration”) to gain perspective ([51:56])
- Self-Distancing: Coach yourself as if you were someone else (“Maya, you need to get a grip”), provides greater objectivity and self-compassion ([53:35])
Scenario 2: Breakup and Craving Closure
- Seek Community: Find those with similar struggles; realize heartbreak is universal. Florence, a divorcee, found healing at the “Museum of Broken Relationships.” ([55:52])
- Tolerance for Unanswered Questions: Recognize that closure is a myth—living in the gray is part of healing.
- Awe Experiences: Seek moments of awe (nature, music, art), which can shrink self-preoccupation and create transcendence ([57:43])
Scenario 3: New Year, Afraid of Old Patterns
- The Fresh Start Effect: New beginnings are psychologically powerful for goal setting ([60:51])
- Break Big Goals Into Mini-Goals: Small, winnable steps create regular accomplishment and fight mid-project motivational slumps ([61:29])
- Temptation Bundling: Pair hard tasks with immediate rewards (e.g. only allow coffee chews when writing) ([62:15])
- Peak-End Rule: End tough tasks with something pleasant—our memories overweight the ending, making us more likely to return ([63:40])
Scenario 4: Entrepreneurial Uncertainty
- Cognitive Reappraisal: Reframe anxiety as evidence you care deeply about your mission ([65:09])
- Healthy Distraction: Strategic distraction can stave off negative spiraling—contrary to common self-help advice ([66:12])
8. Staying Grounded During Chaos
Tiny Rituals for Control
- When life feels chaotic, institute small, repeatable rituals (e.g., brewing Indian tea daily) to anchor yourself. Rituals remind the mind that not all is uncertain ([66:59]).
9. Embracing Change in the Messy Middle
Message to Listeners in Transition
- Dr. Shankar: “I have come out the other side of change in my own life, more hopeful and optimistic than I ever thought. ... I promise you that through a combination of revelation and growth, you will unlock parts of yourself that you did not even know existed.” ([68:30])
10. Reinvention and Starting from Scratch
- Even when you have to “start over,” soft skills—grit, perseverance, adaptability—carry over. Ask: What did I build before that still applies?
- “You actually have so many more capabilities than you might have thought that are going to help you kick ass at this new venture.” ([70:30])
11. Profiting in Life: Dr. Shankar’s Secret
- Help Others: “Helping others is one of the best ways to boost our own well-being.” Small acts—like helping a stranger—are proven to increase fulfillment and self-compassion ([72:31]).
- Insights echoed by US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy: fighting loneliness via community action.
Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments
- “We are more stressed when we’re told we have a 50% chance of getting an electric shock than a 100% chance.” – Dr. Maya Shankar ([10:13])
- “Moral elevation ... it doesn’t just feel good. It actually changes our brains ... it cracks open our imagination about what is possible for us.” ([22:57])
- "The change itself might not be anything you ever willed, but I promise you that through a combination of revelation and growth, you will unlock parts of yourself that you did not even know existed." ([68:30])
- “You actually have so many more capabilities than you might have thought that are going to help you kick ass at this new venture.” ([70:30])
- “Helping others is one of the best ways to boost our own well-being.” ([72:31])
Key Timestamps
- Identity paralysis explained: [04:30]
- Entrepreneurial identity and loss: [07:56]
- How the brain responds to uncertainty & loss of control: [10:13]
- Grieving the loss of possible selves: [14:52]
- Expanding possible selves: Moral elevation and stories: [22:57], [24:30], [27:35]
- Reinvention: Apocalypse as revelation: [29:46]
- End of History illusion & lasting change: [31:30]
- Values and beliefs revealed through change: [38:46]
- Proactive self-affirmation ritual: [42:42]
- Rapid-fire change toolkit (scenarios & strategies): [50:40]
- Staying grounded—rituals: [66:59]
- Messy middle message: [68:30]
- Soft skills in reinvention: [70:30]
- Helping others as the secret to profiting in life: [72:31]
Episode Tone and Language
Dr. Maya Shankar blends warmth, personal vulnerability, and scientific rigor. Her tone is supportive, pragmatic, and actionable—reassuring listeners that change, while destabilizing, is often the catalyst for lasting self-discovery and resourcefulness. Hala’s energetic, empathetic interviewing draws relatable entrepreneurial stories and adds a layer of encouragement and insight.
Main Takeaways
- Change, though scary, can reveal hidden strengths and value systems, forcing us to acknowledge, refine, and sometimes abandon outdated beliefs.
- Defining identity by why rather than what increases resilience.
- Practical tools—mental time travel, self-distancing, small rituals, awe, and community—help navigate uncertainty and transition.
- Even when “starting over,” the skills and values you’ve developed remain essential assets.
- Helping others is a surprising shortcut to both fulfillment and resilience.
- Ultimately: “Change isn’t just something you endure; it’s something that can expand, strengthen, and reveal who you’re becoming.”
Resources:
Compiled and structured by an expert podcast summarizer for Young and Profiting with Hala Taha, Episode 381