Mel Robbins: The Mindset Shift Entrepreneurs Need to Avoid Burnout | Productivity | YAP Live

Summary

Young and Profiting with Hala Taha: Episode Summary Featuring Mel Robbins

Episode Title: Mel Robbins: The Mindset Shift Entrepreneurs Need to Avoid Burnout | Productivity | YAP Live
Release Date: June 18, 2025
Host: Hala Taha
Guest: Mel Robbins
Podcast Network: YAP Media Network
Topics Covered: Entrepreneurship, Mindset, Productivity, Let Them Theory

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of "Young and Profiting with Hala Taha," host Hala Taha welcomes Mel Robbins, a renowned self-made entrepreneur, New York Times bestselling author, and the host of her own popular podcast. The conversation delves deep into Mel's transformative journey, her groundbreaking "Let Them Theory," and invaluable insights for entrepreneurs aiming to avoid burnout while maximizing productivity and maintaining mental and physical well-being.

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Mel Robbins' Journey: Overcoming Adversity and Defining Success

Mel Robbins begins by sharing her defining moments that shaped her career and personal growth. She recounts her challenging early years, including significant debt and personal struggles, which led to her pivotal decision to "get out of bed when I didn't feel like it" ([01:25]).

Mel Robbins ([01:25]): "You're one decision away from a completely different life. And for me, that decision was getting out of bed when I didn't feel like it."

Mel discusses her unexpected venture into public speaking, highlighting how her first TED Talk was a moment of panic and improvisation. Despite initial fears and a shaky presentation, this experience birthed her famous Five-Second Rule, which she later refined into her core philosophies.

Mel Robbins ([06:10]): "I at least vest my speech with the five-second rule... that moment when you have an instinct to move, you have to move within 5 seconds or your brain will kill your motivation to act."

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The Let Them Theory: Releasing Control to Reclaim Your Life

A significant portion of the discussion centers around Mel’s latest concept, the "Let Them Theory." This two-step mindset tool is designed to help individuals recognize what they can control and what they cannot, thereby reducing stress and increasing personal empowerment.

1. Let Them: Detach from uncontrollable aspects and acknowledge that you cannot control other people’s actions or thoughts.
2. Let Me: Focus on what you can control—your thoughts, actions, and emotional responses.

Mel Robbins ([58:24]): "The Let Them Theory is the single most powerful thing I've ever discovered. I am so excited for you to implement this. Seriously, I am a changed human being. I have never felt more peaceful and powerful."

By applying this theory, entrepreneurs can maintain their focus and energy on tasks that truly matter, thereby enhancing productivity and preventing burnout.

Hala Taha ([64:04]): "If you're a renter, you should absolutely be taking advantage of Bilt."

Mel emphasizes the importance of shifting focus from trying to control external factors to managing internal responses, which not only fosters personal growth but also leads to healthier business practices.

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Practical Applications in Business and Personal Life

Mel Robbins provides actionable strategies on implementing the Let Them Theory both personally and professionally:

• In Leadership and Management:

  • Clear Communication: Define expectations and outcomes clearly to avoid micromanagement and foster a trusting environment.
  • Feedback Delivery: Use the “magic sentence” when providing feedback:

    Mel Robbins ([73:35]): "I have very high expectations for this team and I believe you can meet them."

• Handling Stress and Conflict:

  • Let Them: When faced with annoying or frustrating situations, detach and acknowledge what you cannot control.
  • Let Me: Focus on your reaction and choose how to respond constructively.

Mel Robbins ([64:18]): "You cannot allow someone else's priority to become your priority. Everything that somebody else is asking of you in business is an opportunity. But you have to get out of reactive mode and get into responding mode."

• Personal Development:
  • Action Over Motivation: Prioritize taking action even when not feeling motivated, leveraging the Five-Second Rule to spur immediate action.
  • Boundaries: Maintain personal boundaries to protect time and energy, ensuring that external pressures do not derail personal and professional goals.

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Key Insights and Takeaways

1. Start Now, No Fixed Timeline: Success does not adhere to a predetermined schedule. Mel Robbins shares her own experience of launching significant projects in her late 40s, underscoring that "there's no timeline." Adaptability and perseverance are crucial.

2. Skill Stacking and Ownership: Building a diverse skill set and maintaining ownership over your creations are vital for sustained success. Mel emphasizes the importance of owning one’s work to ensure long-term benefits and control.

3. Letting Go of Comparison and Competition: Instead of viewing peers as competitors, Mel advocates for collaboration and seeing others' success as inspiration rather than obstacles. This mindset fosters a supportive entrepreneurial community.

Mel Robbins ([44:54]): "The only person that can actually block your way, and it's you."

4. Responsibility and Leadership: Effective leadership involves taking full responsibility for your team’s success, creating an environment that supports growth, and addressing issues with clarity and respect.

5. Power of Simplicity in Communication: Keeping messages simple and clear enhances understanding and engagement, whether in personal interactions or business communications.

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Concluding Thoughts: Embracing Control Over Your Own Life

Hala Taha wraps up the episode by reiterating Mel’s powerful message: "You are the only one who can do that." The episode culminates with a call to action for listeners to share the episode, apply the Let Them Theory in their lives, and prioritize personal growth over external control.

Mel Robbins ([81:36]): "Let them. Let them. Because all that time and energy and power that you're giving to other people, as soon as you say let them, and then you say, let me, you actually take that power back and you start to protect your time and energy, and that's what you need to be profitable and successful."

Hala encourages listeners to take immediate steps towards implementing the strategies discussed, emphasizing that "it's never too late to get started." The conversation underscores the importance of consistent action, mindful control, and intentional leadership in achieving both personal and professional success.

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Final Takeaway:
Embrace the Let Them Theory to focus on what truly matters, release the uncontrollable aspects of life and business, and take proactive steps towards your goals. By doing so, you not only enhance your productivity and profitability but also ensure a balanced and fulfilling entrepreneurial journey.

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Connect with Mel Robbins:

• Website: melrobbins.com
• Social Media: Follow Mel on various platforms to stay updated on her latest work and insights.

Stay Connected with Hala Taha:

• YouTube: Search for "Young and Profiting" for more episodes and live conversations.
• Instagram: @yapwithhala
• LinkedIn: Search for Hala Taha to connect professionally.

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Remember: Success is a journey of consistent action and mindful control. Apply the insights from this episode to transform your entrepreneurial path and achieve sustained profitability and personal growth.

Transcript

[Hala Taha]

Today's episode of Yap is sponsored in part by Airbnb, OpenPhone, Shopify, Mercury, Bilt Indeed, and Boulevard. As always, you can find all of our incredible deals in the show notes [e-mail] deals yap gang do you want to become a creator entrepreneur? Maybe you want to launch a course or a mastermind in teacher expertise? If this sounds like you, then I invite you to join an exclusive webinar presented by Teachable Slay your six figure sales funnels. The webinar will cover everything from branding and crafting your offer to building a six figure sales funnel. And I personally will be conducting this special 90 minute session. This is something that would cost thousands of dollars if I sold it in a course, but you get it for free thanks to Teachable. I'll teach you how to create content that not only connects you with your audience, but also works behind the scenes to bring in steady income even when you're not online. I learned what works from real experience. Last year my courses made over $500,000 and I'll be breaking down my step by step process for creating an effective sales funnel. Get a live training with me in person. Sign up now@yap media.com event. That's yap media.com event to join Teachable Slay your Six Figure Sales Funnel webinar. Again, it's June 18th at 11:00am Eastern. If you want the link easily, check out the Show Notes. But again, it's yapmedia.com event to register and learn everything you need to get started as a creator entrepreneur.

[Mel Robbins]

You're one decision away from a completely different life. And for me, that decision was getting out of bed when I didn't feel like it. There's one thing in life you can never control. It's other people. You can't control what they think. You can't control what they do. You can't control the timeline upon which they change, if they change at all.

[Guest/Interviewer]

You started your Ted Talk 41 first book. 49, 50 years old. Starting your podcast. 54. Starting your production company. Right? There's no timeline.

[Mel Robbins]

Life is the greatest teacher if you're willing to look at life like one giant lesson. And I choose to believe that absolutely everything that has happened is. I believe that success is as much about not quitting as anything else.

[Guest/Interviewer]

So let them is all about releasing control.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Why are we so hardwired for control to begin with?

[Mel Robbins]

You're never gonna get rid of the need of trying to control things. It is a survival instinct because if you're in control, you feel safe. But the problem is the Let Them Theory is the single most powerful thing I've ever discovered. It is a simple, simple mindset tool that shows you what is in your control and what is not in your control. And here's how you use it.

[Hala Taha]

Yap gang, we've got a special treat for you in store today. I recently had the chance to do a special live in person interview with none other than Mel Robbins. Mel is somebody who I've looked up to for most of my career and she's not only a New York Times bestselling author, but she's also the host of the super popular Mel Robbins podcast. Her brand new book, the Let Them Theory offers a groundbreaking approach to reclaiming your life from the burdens of others expectations. In this conversation, we're going to uncover some of the pivotal moments that shaped Mel's career. Now this is the first time that Mel is appearing on the podcast, so I really wanted to spend some time on the lessons that she's learned along the way of her incredible success. We're also going to hear some of her innovative strategies for overcoming adversity and unlocking our true power. So Mel has focused the last decade of her career helping millions of people with their internal struggles and self improvement. And now she's moving on to helping us deal with our external environments, namely our relationships with her powerful Let Them theory. We're going to be focusing on the Let Them Theory in the last half of this conversation and it is so transformative. I can't wait for you guys to hear all about Letting them. Please enjoy my conversation with the legendary Mel Robbins.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast Mel.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, thank you for inviting me and thank you. I'm so excited to talk to you.

[Guest/Interviewer]

I'm so excited. I've been following your work for such a long time. I actually first found out about you in 2017 when you had the five second rule come out. It was such a big hit and like millions of people I was listening to it on repeats that entire year and it actually was a huge inspiration for me to start my podcast in 2018.

[Mel Robbins]

Wow.

[Guest/Interviewer]

You have personally really impacted me and I just wanna say thank you for everything you've put out in the world for being so relatable down to earth and just sharing what's moved for yourself in your own life to help other people.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, I really appreciate you acknowledging the difference that the five second roll and that countdown technique, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, move how it helped you, but I Wanna say back to you, you have to keep the credit cause you did the work. No, I'm serious. Like, it is easy to talk about motivation. It's easy to give people advice. It's easy to tell the person who's spending time with us together today, our stories and the things that worked for us. But knowledge is cheap and it's free. And if you don't know how to achieve your goals, go to Google, type in how do I do this? And AI will spit it out and then say, what does a day in the life of somebody who's launching this and successfully in five weeks? Look, there's your map. But that's the easy part. The hard part is making yourself do it. Particularly on the days when you don't feel like it. And so I want to acknowledge you for the fact that you both grab the knowledge and then you put it into action. And that's what makes you different. That is what explains my success. You are listening to this right now and spending time with us because you actually want to achieve big goals. So I know that about the person that is listening and choosing to spend time listening to this. But I'm going to tell you something. This conversation that you're about to listen to means shit if you don't actually convert it to action.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yep.

[Mel Robbins]

And that's what we're going to talk about. Tools. But then it's going to be to you to take the baton and go.

[Guest/Interviewer]

And speaking of that, I was really surprised to find out that when you were first starting out, you did this TED Talk and you didn't even know it was a TED Talk. TED Talk didn't really even exist at that point. It was like the starting point of TED Talk. You got convinced to do your spirit first speaking event ever.

[Mel Robbins]

Yep.

[Guest/Interviewer]

And you thought you blew it.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh my gosh, Yes, I like I so, so just to put a little backstep on this, this would have been 2011. So we're talking like I'm basically your grandmother now. If you think of this being however many years ago, over a decade ago, TED was not a thing. Ted was some secret thing that fancy people went to in Seattle. They weren't even online. And so I get asked by a friend if I would give a speech about career change. And she said, look, a friend of mine is putting on some event in San Francisco and they're looking for somebody to talk about career change. Mel. And I immediately thought about you. And look, I don't think that's a compliment if I'm the first person that you think of because it means I've bounced from one career to another, which I had. And she said, here's the catch. They're offering you two plane tickets and two nights at the St. Regis. And at the time, my husband and I were $800,000 in debt because his pizza restaurant was failing. And like complete idiots, we had secured it with our life savings, our house, our credit cards, everything. And so when you're that in debt, do you know what two tickets and two nights in a hotel sounds like? That sounds like a free vacation.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yep.

[Mel Robbins]

So I said yes. And the only time I had ever given a speech was in class in high school during, like, a public speaking course. So I said yes so fast I wasn't even imagining a huge auditorium and that I would have to get up in front of, I don't know, 500 people and talk. And when I stepped on that stage, they do not prepare you, or at least they didn't back then the way they probably do now. It was sort of like, here you go, here's your topic. Go. And if you watch my TED Talk, which now has, I don't know, 33 million views, you will notice a minute into that thing that I have one of those neck rashes that people get when they've had too much to drink and they're, like, really blotchy because I was having a complete panic attack. I'm darting around the stage, I'm, like, talking all over the place. And near the end of the speech, I forgot how to end it. And that was one of the defining moments of my life. And there's a theme about defining moments in my life. I don't know what your defining moments are like, but mine usually involve embarrassment, too much alcohol, bankruptcy, desperation, panic attack. And in that moment when I froze, I couldn't remember what to say. And so I all of a sudden blurted out this thing, the five second rule, which you know, which you follow, which I'm sure the person listening knows this little motivation hack. And I'd never shared it with anybody. And I couldn't think what else to say. And I just went, oh, there's this thing I do. I call it the five second rule. The moment you have an instinct to move, you have to move within 5 seconds or your brain will kill your motivation to act. I walked off that stage and I thought that was it. And that was not it. That was the beginning of something extraordinary.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah. And so your email was flooded. People were using the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 to get up, do what they need to do.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Guest/Interviewer]

You did not share this fully with the world for three years.

[Mel Robbins]

Correct.

[Guest/Interviewer]

You felt like you weren't, you know, ready to give advice, like, who would want to listen to you. You felt like you didn't really know the science behind it. So how did you build up the confidence to then put it out to the world and put in the reps?

[Mel Robbins]

Quite frankly, it's a great question. And as you're listening to this conversation, whether you're in a car or you're at the gym or you're watching us on YouTube, there is something that you want to do in life. Whether it's launching a business or becoming an influencer, or monetizing social or building a YouTube following or publishing books, or maybe it's starting your own podcast. I don't know what that thing is. Maybe you want to become a touring musician. Maybe you want to start a fashion line. There is something in your heart. Maybe you want a Lambo. I don't know. It's your goals, whatever it is that you want, I'm here to tell you that you do not need anybody's permission and you do not need to have it all figured out. In fact, you're never gonna have it all figured out. And every single day that you talk yourself out of beginning or taking one step forward is a day that you're keeping yourself locked in in a prison of your own making. Because if you know something that you want, how dare you withhold it from yourself? How dare you talk yourself out of it? How dare you sit there and spend more time and energy manufacturing excuses and worrying about what other people think. You get one life. And no one is coming to save you. No one is coming to do the work for you. Nobody is going to pick you from obscurity and make you a star. Nobody is going to build the business that you want to build. And while you're sitting there drinking with your buddies, bitching about your current job, or you are sitting there telling yourself, I don't know what to do. Your whole life is waiting for you. There's literally a door right in front of you that is waiting for you to reach out and freaking turn the knob and open it. And I'm going to tell you something. My secret to success is very simple. I get out of fucking bed when I don't feel like it. End of story. And if the five second rule taught me anything, it's this. You will never feel ready to do the work. You will never feel like you are capable of achieving what you want. You will never, ever, ever feel like it's your right to say this. And so you have to learn the skill of doing the actions that are aligned with your values, your character, and your dreams when you don't feel like it. And that's a skill. And every one of us sits around. I used to sit around and wait to be motivated. Motivation is complete and utter garbage because it's never there when you need it. And I even hate all this bullshit out there now about discipline and willpower. Forget it. You can actually feel lazy and. And exhausted and unmotivated, and you can still do it. And sitting around waiting for the feeling to strike you, that is a recipe to lead. That is a recipe that will lead you to your deathbed. And you'll be one of those people that they study that say, oh, man, my biggest regret is I didn't let myself be myself. I never went for the things that I wanted to do. I was so worried about what my dad thought or my mom thought or my friends thought that I never started. And if you don't start now, I'm gonna tell you something. The next excuse is going to. Because if you don't start now because you say you're not ready or you're not qualified or whatever, then the next excuse is gonna be, well, I should have started then, and now I'm too late. And then the next excuse is gonna be, well, I'm too old or I have kids or I have a mortgage or I have this or I have that, or I have people that depend upon me, or I've been in this job for 10 years. And so I. It's all bullshit. It's all something you manufactured in your own head. And I get fired up about it because it's sad. You don't have to be like this. You don't have to live your life like this. You do not have to let your mother's opinion dictate what you do.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yep. I love what you did because I feel like your book wouldn't have been as big as a success. The five second rule had you just.

[Hala Taha]

Put it out right away. Like you took the steps to do.

[Guest/Interviewer]

What you needed to be ready to do that. You did free speaking gigs, you spoke all over the world, you became the number one female speaker, you researched, you got the science and you built up the confidence so that once you actually put out the book, the world was ready to receive it.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, I think there's also something else that happened, okay, which is when everything started to build for me. And again, this goes to the point where the first skill is starting, because you're never gonna get what you want if you don't begin. So you have to actually commit to starting. And there's a very simple way you do it. You just get clear about what you want. And if you don't know what you want, here's how you figure that out. Just say, I don't want what I have. Like, literally, if you don't know what direction to point, just know, well, where I am is not it. So I need to take a look at where I am and the way that I go through my day, and I need to reverse it or do the opposite or make a change, because that's gonna pivot you in a different direction. And I truly believe that you're one decision away from a completely different life. That doesn't mean you achieve the success that you want with one decision. It means that with one decision. And for me, that decision was getting out of bed when I didn't feel like it, getting out of bed when I was $800,000 in debt, getting out of bed and going for a run, even though I didn't feel like it and it was snowing, and it's not gonna make a dent in the debt and the fear that I have, but it's gonna make me know that no matter what's going on around me, I can 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Still do something that reminds me that I'm still in control in small ways. And so, for me, when the TED Talk took off, I didn't write a business plan. I didn't. I just started having people say, hey, Mel, will you come speak? And then when I figured out that everybody else was getting paid, first of all, I felt like the world's biggest flipping idiot. And for those of you that are obsessed with influencer culture and affiliate marketing and all this stuff, I guarantee you, you waste probably 10 hours a week just looking at other people who have built what you want to build. And that is also a recipe for disaster, because you will start to convince yourself that they already took it, that you can't do it, and you're looking at it wrong. There is a formula to everything. And so here I am at this point in my life where I need money. I still need to pay my bills and pay off my debt. People are starting to ask me to speak. I'm realizing everybody else at every one of these conferences that I'm going to, and I'm off in the little side room, you know, doing my thing. Everybody else is getting paid. And so there's always a formula. And it's your inability to wipe away the excuses and stop comparing yourself and stop talking yourself out of it that keeps you from realizing there's a simple formula for everything. In fact, you are so generous because you put out content that provides a roadmap. You tell the stories from your own career and building your business, and in those stories are takeaways. You are literally selling advertising and monetizing brand partnerships for podcasts that the person that's listening to this right now listens to. And you share how you do it all the time. And so, again, case in point, the problem isn't, I don't know how to do that. Yes, you do. Because there's people like you that put out content that actually teach people how to do it. And that's a gift. And how sad is it that you know and you see the steps? This was me, by the way. This is why I get so fired up about it.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

Because every day, just like I see, you probably see people like the person who's listening to us right now, who has in their heart what they want, and they are actively working against themselves. And there's not a single person on the planet that can take anything from you.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yep.

[Mel Robbins]

Nobody can block your path to success. Only you can do that.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yep.

[Hala Taha]

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[Guest/Interviewer]

There's no timeline. Right. You started your Ted Talk 41 first book. 49 54. Starting your production company 50 years old. Starting your podcast Right. There's no timeline. And something that I always talk about on the show is skill stacking. I've done it with my own career.

[Mel Robbins]

Yep.

[Guest/Interviewer]

And I feel like the best entrepreneurs. They got a lot of experiences, they did a lot of jobs, they figured out what they're good at, what they hate, what they like, and then they design their dream career and job. I feel like that's what I did with myself. I literally designed the perfect job for me that I'm so good at. And I feel like you've done the same. I was binging your podcast recently and like they're just so good When I do it, I learned about the let them theory. That's what I was, like, mostly focused on. But what I really learned is that you are so friendly and that you really try to be relatable and down to earth and you make everybody feel really loved. And you've got this, like, free friend approach to what you do on the podcast. So I want to ask you about that.

[Mel Robbins]

Sure.

[Guest/Interviewer]

But first I want to ask you about your experiences that you feel like, led you to have this amazing career, to be a number one podcaster and author and speaker. What are the experiences that led up to that that people don't realize?

[Mel Robbins]

Everything. Absolutely everything. Life is the greatest teacher, if you're willing to look at life like one giant lesson. And I choose to believe that absolutely everything that has happened to me is divinely ordered for a reason. Absolutely everything. See, I don't learn what I need to learn when I'm successful and I'm soaring and I'm at the top. I learn for whatever reasons, when I'm at the bottom of the barrel or when I am in a hole or when I am struggling or when things are really hard. Like, I feel, like, courage and strength and that secret sauce that makes you successful and makes you who you are. Those are the things that happen in the hardest moments of your life, and they also happen in the smallest, quietest moments, if you're paying attention. And I'm going to share some examples for this because first things first, as you're spending time with us together today, I want you to think about the fact that if you stand in the present moment and you look backwards, you can see how absolutely every single thing that has happened to you, good or bad, scary or beautiful, like just terrorizing or fantastic, every single thing, has led you to this moment. And that you are never starting from scratch. You are always starting from experience, because life has tested you, life has taught you, life has prepared you for this exact moment. And I also choose to believe, and this is part of what I believe is my amazing success, is that I choose to believe as I stand in this moment, that just like everything in the past has prepared me for where I am now, that this moment is preparing me for where I am going next. And I don't need to know when in the future I'm going to look up and go, oh, my God, it was that particular day in Manhattan, sitting down with you, that I learned X. And that has equipped me for this moment now totally. And so some of the things that have informed the way that I think about media, the way that I think about my business. Cause I'm kind of old school. Like, I really think that my business is about one person. It's about the one person that has hit play and that is taking time to listen to this conversation. And just like when I take a walk with a friend, that my intention is to know that whoever it is that is listening, yes, you right now, as you're driving your car, as you're at the gym, that you are the person I'm talking to. Because I am. And I also know that everything that I'm about to share with you is relevant for somebody that you care about. And so whether you get a tremendous amount out of this or you just feel a little bit better, you know, somebody that is going to get something out of this, which means you can use this conversation to strengthen a relationship with somebody. And so I have always approached everything that I do with this sort of, how can I help? And one person. And there's small moments in my life that really inform me. And I'm gonna share this story because I think it's really important that you not, like, there's this obsession with virality and monetization and all of this stuff in business, which is important. And another thing that has really helped me is I 1000% believe in full ownership of everything that I do. And so I control everything because I believe in what I do. So why on earth would I give somebody else a meaningful stake when I'm the one doing all the work, when I'm the one that created the five second rule and created the let them theory? And so why would I not keep control of these things? And why would I trust someone else's authority more than my own to be able to market these things? Because I also understand digital media, which, unlike a printed book, digital media is going to live forever. Yep. Everything that you do on social media or on your YouTube channel or all of it is something you can monetize forever. So just like why Bruce Springsteen doesn't want to give his catalog of music away, he's going to sell it and have a library that he owns the rights of. I think about things that I invest my time in now as what do I actually own? Because that is an asset versus a piece of content that you're singularly monetizing.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

And so for me, when I look back on my life, there are defining moments and there are surprising moments. And I'm gonna take you on a quick kind of highlight tour because those defining moments actually explain why I Am one of the most intentional people you will ever meet. And I weave it through everything I do in business. So when I was a public defender, my first job, 1994, I graduate from Dartmouth College, Then I go to Boston College Law School. My first job was as a public defender for the Legal Aid Society. I represented people here in New York City that had been arrested and accused of crimes, and they could not afford an attorney. And I would meet them after they had been arrested and thrown into a jail cell and then transported to 100 Center street, where they would be held in a cage behind a judge, and they would be brought into court to be read the charges against them, to be read their constitutional rights, and to be assigned an attorney and to get a constitutionally mandated bail hearing. And I would meet my clients because these are people who could not afford representation. They were assigned by the state because you have a constitutional right to be represented in a court of law by a licensed attorney. And I would walk back behind the judge, and I would meet my client for the very first time in that setting. They were behind bars, and I had a little folder that had the complaint from the police. And if they had ever been in trouble before, I had a history of that. If they hadn't, there wouldn't be that. And that was it. And so that experience taught me a number of things. First of all, it taught me that no matter the circumstances under which you meet somebody, that I choose to believe in the innate worthiness of human beings. I do. I choose to treat people with dignity, and I choose to see bigger possibilities for everybody, no matter what circumstances I may meet you in. And one of the things that hit me, like in my heart is that when we would go out and it was time for my client that I was representing to be charged, formally charged, part of that arraignment hearing is a bail hearing. And one of the things that the courts consider is obviously the charges against you and the severity of them. Your history, some of your life story, but the big one is also ties to the community. I cannot tell you how many times we would walk out into that courtroom in 1994, 95 and 96, and nobody would be there. No one. Over and over and over again. And it just killed me that in one of the scariest times in a person's life, no one was there. And I have never, ever, ever forgot what that felt like. And I have made it a mission, my mission, to show up for people.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

And whether that means that I'm leaving a public bathroom and I Take a moment and thank the human being that is cleaning the public bathroom. Because that's a job where you feel invisible.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

Or it is truly apologizing and thanking people for their patience when I'm late. And so that has informed me about how I want to treat people.

[Guest/Interviewer]

And.

[Mel Robbins]

How I want people to experience me. That I'm the kind of person that actually cares and that sees something bigger for you, no matter where you are, no matter what you've done, no matter what circumstances you face. I believe in the extraordinary possibilities that you have. Because I understand something. I understand that your past is not your fault. I understand that if you aren't doing well, it's probably. It's not a matter of willpower. It's a matter of skill building. And I also believe that absolutely everybody, if you focus on your mindset, if you focus on your actions, if you focus on how you process your emotions, that absolutely anybody can do better and be better and feel better. And the other thing that that experience taught me is just that it's the simplest things that people remember. And this is a marketing message. Okay. The more complicated you make things, the less likely anybody is going to do it. The more intellectual you are. You know what you're communicating when you're intellectual. That I think I'm smarter than you. Yeah.

[Hala Taha]

Superiority.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yep.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes. Right. And so I'm obsessed with making things simple. And even if we. And so these are core values, right. About really showing up in a way that people feel seen. That people know that you believe in them. That people know that you are. That you respect their time. That people know that I see the possibility in you. Because I do see it. This isn't just some bullshit that I say. I actually believe it.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

And the other thing that has. And so that's one thing. The other thing that really struck me is another moment. So there was this whole thing that happened when I started speaking that when I first started speaking, I thought, okay, if you're in the speaking business and somebody is paying you a ridiculous amount of money to stand on a stage, you better be dressed nicely. And so even though it was like at a time, and so I'm talking probably like 2015, 2014, something like that, I start getting paid. And I'll never forget this. I was at the MGM in Vegas and I was speaking for ReMax, and there were like 8,000 people in the audience. And it was one of the biggest speeches that I was ever going to give. And at the time, of course. And so I, at the time, was dressing Like a news anchor. So I would wear heels and I'd wear like, you look beautiful today. Normally I look not so pulled together, but so I would look great on a stage. So I'm in heels, which I never wear, so I can't walk in them very well. And I'm wearing a dress. And what happened is I have terrible adhd. And I get to Vegas and it turns out when I open up my suitcase at 7:30 in the morning, I have left my high heels in a hotel room in Miami. And what I have in my suitcase are Birkenstocks.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Oh, no.

[Mel Robbins]

And these sparkly high tops. That's it. And I have tech check in 20 minutes. Most people would have stress diarrhea and then just derail the situation. And I'm like, fuck it. Like, okay, I guess we're going with the high tops because I'm not wearing Birkenstocks on this stage. And remember how I said that your life is always teaching you and it's either in the struggles or it's in these quiet little moments.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

So I get backstage and when you're backstage speaking at a big event, it's very dark and there's like a whole city behind the stage of people in production and everybody's dressed in all black and there's equipment everywhere and tables everywhere and cables everywhere. And then there's all this tenting that is the back of the stage and you're kind of walking around, it's hard to see. And normally, especially if it's like 8 o' clock in the morning in Vegas, for crying out loud, and you're speaking at a massive corporate conference for ReMax. The client was. And I was gonna give a speech about the five second rule. Everyone's tired. So I walk back there and they're micing me up for the tech check that we're gonna do before 8,000 people come into the MGM. And one of the older guys, dressed in all black, he's got a graying beard, he turns and he's like, cool kicks. And it was the first time that anyone backstage, even though I was super nice and friendly and not dramatic at all and not high main, it was the first time anybody had ever commented like that. And that was this small moment that I was like, take note. And so then I go up on stage and as I walked on stage, I felt different. And that was a small moment that was like, take note. And normally if you're a woman who's presenting, most people, whether it's male, female, they, everybody, when a Woman walks on stage, if you're too pretty, if your heels are too high, most people kind of cross their arms and are like, this bitch thinks she looks better than the rest of us. And there's a distance that happens because you're focused on what you look like, and you're focused on presenting yourself in a way that is, like, kind of projecting something. Well, God, when I walked on stage in these stupid high tops that are all sparkly and this dress that didn't match, and my dumb glasses, and people were like, what is this like? And so there was an open arm thing. And so typically, it would take me like five to 10 minutes and a couple laughs to get to that point in a speech that I call, I'd have a cup of coffee with her moment, which is now somebody's listening and enjoying instead of judging. Take note. And from that moment on, couple things. Number one, in any industry that you're in, being able to be excellent at the thing is the minimum requirement. The minimum requirement. You shouldn't be on a stage if you're not excellent. You shouldn't be charging people if you're not excellent. Like, you need to take pride in your performance, which means you need to practice. You need to. Like, this is my opinion. I'm gonna let you do whatever you want. But really, don't hang your hat on the fact that you're fantastic at the thing they're paying you to do. You wanna be exceptional? Be fucking fantastic at the things no one pays you to do. What made me an extraordinary force on the corporate circuit and what has earned me extraordinary amounts of money is, yes, there is, in my opinion, almost no one better. I don't know of anyone better on stage. And I'm sure there's extraordinary people out there. But I will claim that for myself, for sure. Category of 1 of 1 when it comes to what I do. But I know for sure there's no one better when it comes to what I do offstage. Yep. Because I learned very quickly that it's the little things that you do that make people feel taken care of, that then make people want to work with you, that make people want to hire you. And I'll give you a simple example. When I would land, like, when I was doing 115 speeches a year. Starbucks, JP Morgan, Microsoft. Like, on and on and on and on, from one event to the other event to this event to that event, 30,000 people, 100 people with a CEO retreat. This one. Every time I landed in a new city, I would always text the Event planner. Not the CEO, not the person that hired me. I would text the event planner a fun selfie of me getting off the plane. I'm here. Thank you. Excited to see you. And you know what that did that immediately made the person who is responsible for tracking me and who is responsible for managing a million things love me, because I just took one thing off their list and made their job easy. And when you do that, guess what people do? They hire you again. They recommend you. And people are obsessed with the people up here when you need to be amazing with the people that serve the people up here. Because those are the folks that have the power.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

Those are the ones that get everything done. And it is the exact same principle if you want to grow a social media audience.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yep.

[Mel Robbins]

It's responding to comments. It's actually tracking your name or your brand and going to their account and responding. That is the exact same thing that I was doing in person in the speaking business.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

And so those are examples of how there are little things that I'm obsessive about. Like, everybody in my company on a production day actually wears name tags. Because I used to host a daytime talk show. I've been at a bazillion events. It's impossible to remember people's names. And so when you walk into 143 Studios in downtown Boston, you're gonna walk into 25 people. We're gonna stand up and welcome you together. Everybody has a name tag. Why? Because I want you to feel at ease. I want you to feel comfortable. I want the people that work for me to feel seen and recognized.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

When you're done with the podcast and we walk out, you get a standing ovation because we're grateful that you're here. And so every tiny little thing I do is with intention on making a particular type of impact. And so there are stages to this. I mean, first, you gotta get started. Second, you gotta learn how to just keep going. Because the other thing that is a skill is stamina.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yep.

[Mel Robbins]

I believe that success is as much about not quitting as anything else.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Totally.

[Mel Robbins]

As anything else. And, you know, it may surprise everybody. It may surprise you to learn that, you know, with this book, the Let Them theory, this is truly the first time that I've had a major moment in terms of the normal press cycle. I have a lot of friends because I'm in mastermind groups. And you actually represent and sell ads and do brand partnerships for a lot of my friends. And that's another thing I'm going to tell you that has been a secret to success, and it's that the very people you're competing against should be your closest friends. Yep.

[Hala Taha]

It's so true.

[Mel Robbins]

Why do you believe that's true?

[Guest/Interviewer]

Because I feel like they'll. They'll, you know, when you reach higher levels, people aren't actually that competitive. They're more collaborative. They want to help you, and you guys can help each other. And so I felt like working closely with the people that are my competitors is the quickest way to just get ahead that.

[Mel Robbins]

And I think it's true at any level. We're just so insecure when we're getting started that we don't think we have anything to offer. And the truth is, your family has no idea what you're doing. Your friends don't understand what you're doing, and the people that you think you're competing with are the only people on the planet that get it. And so the very people that you're distancing yourselves from should be your closest allies, because otherwise you are going to feel alone because your family's not in this business. So they don't understand the stress. Your friends don't share the same aspirations, so they don't know what you're going through. But the people at your same level, like, this is your squad because they get it. And honestly, that's why I'm so excited about the let them theory and the things that I'm talking about now. Because for far too long, for far too long, I would look at people that I admired, like Jay Shetty and Lewis Howes and Jenna Kutcher and Amy Porterfield and Trent Shelton, and I would go, oh, oh, well, you know, they've already done a podcast. I guess I can't do one. Or they're super successful. They're in competition with me. And what I have learned too late. I'm so happy. I understand this and I'm thrilled for you as you're listening to us, to really embrace what I'm about to tell you. Success is in limitless supply. Happiness, friendship, all of these things, money, Lamborghinis, they're in limitless supply. No other human being is blocking your way. In fact, they're leading the way. And if you have a insecure and jealous and competitive and comparison attitude, you will turn other people into the biggest excuse for why you can't do what you need to do.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yes.

[Mel Robbins]

And it is a joke. Because the only person. Because there's only one person that can actually block your way, and it's you.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

And so learning how to let other people be successful and let other people be rich and let other people figure it out and let them get engaged and let them have babies and let them have a million dollars in the bank and let them do this and let them do that. You're just letting them lead the way. Totally.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Let's move on to the let them theory because I can't wait to dive into this. So first leg of your career, you really were all about self improvement? Yes. Internal improvement.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Now we're focused on external relationships and kind of how to manage relationships. So you had this post last year, about a year ago, that went massively viral where you first introduced the topic. What did you say in that post? And why do you think it was such a phenomenon?

[Mel Robbins]

So I put up a video. Gosh, it was like 18 months ago. And I basically was sharing about something I had just stumbled on because I was being a micromanaging parent at my son's prom and my middle daughter was home from college. And you know, like when your mom's being like super annoying.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yes.

[Mel Robbins]

And you're like, God damn, you're embarrassed. Like, just, geez, Mom, I was getting like that. Well, we've all been there, right? And it was just over stupid. And my daughter reaches out and grabs my arm and yanks me towards her and says, mom, stop it. Like, you're being so annoying. Like, let them, let them, you know, let them run in the rain, let them eat where they want, Let them do the sympathy. And she just kept saying, let them, let them, let them. And it was weird. It just like hit me like a ton of bricks. Why am I worried about this? Why am I stressing about this? And for the next couple days, anytime somebody was pissing me off or annoying me or I saw somebody do something online that made me feel jealous, or, you know, somebody did something that made the guilt rise up. I just started saying let them. You know, standing in line at a store.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Mm.

[Mel Robbins]

And there's five people in front of you. Beep, beep, beep. There's only one cashier. No one's coming to the other lines. How do you feel in that moment?

[Guest/Interviewer]

Stressed.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah. And then what do you do?

[Hala Taha]

Huff and puff?

[Guest/Interviewer]

Maybe say something under your breath.

[Mel Robbins]

You think you can run the grocery store better than the people running it? Uh huh. And all along while that's happening, do you know what's happening? You're actually allowing something to drain your life force and you are wasting time and you are allowing something that's out of your control. To steal your time and energy and blind you to the fact that even in moments where you feel stressed out or hurt or you're worried or you're scared that there is always something in your control. And what's in your control is never out there. Ever. There's one thing in life you can never control. It's other people. You can't control what they think. You can't control what they do. You can't control the timeline upon which they change, if they change at all. You can't control if they're going to love you. You cannot control another human being. And yet we try. And it's the greatest source of frustration in your life. But if you turn it back, you'll see there's three fingers always pointing back at you when you point at somebody else. Because there are three things that are always in your control. You can always control what you think about what's happening. You can always control what you choose to do or not do. And you can always control how you process your emotions. Whether you will let them just run you over and then you send that text. Or have you ever crafted one of those emails, like single space and it's like super long and you take like 90 minutes. You're like, send. That never solves anything. You always get to choose how you respond and that's how you take responsibility for your life. And let's talk about responsibility. It's the ability to respond. That's what taking responsibility means.

[Hala Taha]

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[Guest/Interviewer]

You give such a great example about being left out on a girls trip. I had this happen to me a couple years ago. My high school best friends, they all went on a beach trip and I was really hurt. I had a boyfriend that I was really focused on and so we weren't spending as much time together, but I still considered them my best friends and I was so hurt and I went about it in the worst way.

[Hala Taha]

What'd you do?

[Guest/Interviewer]

I was a victim. I wrote everybody a text. Like, what happened?

[Mel Robbins]

What did they say?

[Guest/Interviewer]

They were just like, you're always busy. We didn't even think about it. Like, what do you care? We're allowed to make plans and it's made me look like a victim and I took all my power away. So I'd love for you to explain the Let them theory of how we can actually use this to make our like to take back our power.

[Mel Robbins]

It's a great example. And being hurt because you're not included is a sign that you're mentally well. It's what you do with that that dictates your experience of life. And like you all too often when I have either been left out of something or people didn't even think of me cause I haven't been around cause I've been busy building a business so why would they think of me? Or if it's when I see somebody else succeeding and then I feel sorry for myself. Right? Feeling those things is normal. It's what you do next that matters. So the let them theory is the single most powerful thing I've ever discovered. I'm so excited for you to implement this. Seriously, like, I am a changed human being. I have never felt more peaceful and powerful. So what is the Let them theory? It is a simple mindset tool that shows you immediately what is in your control and what is not in your control. And here's how you use it. There's two steps. Anytime that you are in a situation where you're starting to feel stressed out or you're starting to get pissed off, or you're hurt or you're annoyed or you're getting clingy, or you're becoming a victim or you're feeling the rage come up, you're Gonna say let them. That's step one. When you say let them, you detach from what's happening. And you recognize that I can't control this person, what they think, say, or do or feel, or I can't control what's happening with traffic right now. So I am gonna let them. And when you say let them, a couple things happen. First of all, you get this rush of superiority, because it's like you're going, I see what's happening, and I value my time and energy. And I know I'm not gonna waste it trying to manage this situation or allowing this person or this situation to impact me negatively. I'm gonna let them. And so it's amazing. Cause you detach. And then the second step is you say, let me. And this is the most powerful part, because this is where you take your power.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

When you say, let me, you then remind yourself that there's always something in your control. And what's always in your control are the three things. I can choose what to think about this. I can choose how to respond to this or not. And I can choose what I'm gonna do with my emotions. And the uses are just endless because we live in a moment in time where everything feels out of control and people are stressed out and people are acting in really inconsiderate and dismissive ways, and people are super emotionally immature. Let them, because so are you. We all are right now. And when you say let them, it's not like an F you. It's really about giving people grace and space and also putting up a boundary and reminding yourself it's not your job to make people happy. It's not your job to manage other people's stress. It's not your job to make sure that everybody's expectations are met. It's not your job to run a grocery store. Your job is to focus on taking actions that really align with your values and your priorities. And your job is to think in a way that makes you feel good. I'll give you a quick example. We were in an elevator this morning, and the thing got stuck between the 11th and 12th floor. Mm. I was in there for 50 minutes, and the fire department had to come, but it was a good 15 minutes before anybody came to do anything. And I sat there on the floor of that elevator, and I kept saying, let them. Let them take a long time. Let them figure this out. And let me remind myself that the only thing I can control right now is just, like, staying calm and sitting on the floor and thinking that this is going to be okay, let them. And it worked. And so in your business, let's just take everybody that listens to you. Right?

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

I want you to think about that moment where you are posting something on social media and you go and you pick the reel or you pick the photo. Right. And then what do you do? Then you're like, oh, should it be that photo? Should it be this? And then you put a filter on and then you take the filter off and then you size it and then you say, and it's one thing to do this because you have a business strategy and you're thinking about your business strategy. It's another thing to do this. And then when you start to write the caption, you're like, is this too much? Should I put an emoji? Is that cta? Too bad? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you start to question for who? For who? Before you even post something, what are you doing? You're giving power to what other people are going to think and do in response to what you're about to post. And by the way, you have no control over what they think and do in response. And so instead of managing it, I have a different approach. Let them think something negative. Let them unfollow you, Let them judge you, Let them roll your eyes. Because I got news for you. You need to use the let me part. Let me remind myself that my social media is for me.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

My social media is for my business. My social media is my self expression. It's not for my family or my fricking friends from college or my brother or my sister or my, my social media is for me. Let me express myself. Let me market my business. Let me show up and put this reel out. Even though I'm kind of nervous. Feeling nervous about something that you care about is a sign that you care about it.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

It's not a sign that things aren't going to go well. And so by saying let them, it's extraordinary what's happened in my life.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah. So let them is all about releasing control.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Keeping your peace.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Why are we so hardwired for control to begin with? Because I think a lot of it comes from a good place. And I also think entrepreneurs.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh yeah.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Especially controlling.

[Mel Robbins]

Absolutely. So it's gonna be a dance because you like, you're never gonna get rid of the need of trying to control things. It is a hardwired survival instinct and it kind of makes sense. Right. Because if you're in control of what you're thinking and you're in control of your decisions, and you're in control of your environment, and you're in control of your spending, and you're in control of your marketing platform and your strategy that you're doing. Then you feel safe, you feel confident, you feel good. Here's the problem that if you do something that makes me worried or upset, guess what? Now I feel like I'm out of control. And here's where we make the mistake. I then go to try to control you. But the problem is you have a hardwired need to be in control of yourself, too. And so I go to push against you, which means you're hardwired to push back because you are wired to control what you're doing. And this is one of the biggest things that you're gonna learn in reading the let them theory, just using it in your life is that pushing other people and expecting other people to change, trying to motivate other people to change, it actually doesn't create change. It creates resistance to change. There is one thing on this planet you will never, ever, ever, ever be able to control, and that's whether or not another person changes. Because people only change when they're ready to change. And people only are ready to change when they're ready to do the very hard work to change. And this presents another problem. And see, I've been working against the fundamental wiring of human beings for 54 years. It was learning to say let them and let me that taught me how to work with the laws of human nature and with BrainWire. Let's just talk about how people change, okay? We are hardwired to move toward what's easy. Hardwired. It's why we sit on the couch instead of going to the gym. It's why you sit and watch other people's content instead of posting your own. Because if it were easy to do it, everybody would have a million dollars. And that's why you gotta learn how to take action even when it feels hard. See, nobody gets sober until being drunk is harder than doing the work to change. Because it takes work. And we know this. And yet when we're looking at somebody and we're like, you're not working hard enough. Why aren't you getting better grades? How come you haven't gotten a better job? Why haven't you started this business? We forget that if it were easy, they'd already be doing it. And so the let them theory and saying, let them. Let them struggle. Let them be unmotivated. Let them judge your choices. Let them be confronted by the fact that you're now super interested in fitness and entrepreneurship, and they're questioning why you don't drink all the time. Let them. And then let me remind myself that I get to choose what's a priority for me. And so you will start to learn that the more time you spend expecting other people to change, the more frustrated you're going to get, and the more that you say, let them. And you learn to let people be who they are and let them have their questions and let them change on their own timeline and let them not be interested in the same things that you're interested in. Learn how to love people exactly as they are and exactly as they aren't. The better your relationships are gonna get. It's really so simple, and it's beautiful because it creates space where the people in your life get to be who they are and you get to focus on yourself. Not like you're out of my life, but as a responsible adult. And the let me part is all about you taking responsibility for acting in a way that. So let me talk about another thing that happens a lot in business. So as you're growing your business, you're gonna start to find conflict totally between what your friends and family want you to do and what your business partners want you to do. And a lot of people really start to struggle when they feel like business partners are disappointed that you can't show up at something, or your family or friends are disappointed that you're not around as much. You need to say, let them. Let them be disappointed. And here's why. Isn't it a wonderful thing if your business partner's disappointed that you can't show up for something? Doesn't that mean they want you there? Yeah, I mean, we're so afraid of it. And yet, what's the alternative? I don't want her there. She's, like, horrible. Same thing with your parents or your friends. If you're not able to show up because you've been just focused on entrepreneur, let them be disappointed. It means they love you and they wish you were there. That doesn't mean you have to change.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Can I ask you another question about business? So as I was internalizing the let them theory, I kept thinking about, well, what about if I have, like, a bad employee?

[Mel Robbins]

Let them be bad.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Let them get fired.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, here's the thing. First of all, you can't control them, so you need to let them reveal who they are. But then here comes the hard part in business. Let me. Let me be honest with Myself. Have I actually been clear about my expectations? Probably not. Have I explained what I think the outcome is that is successful? Probably not. Probably not. Am I micromanaging everybody because I don't explain what I want and the outcomes that you can measure success by? And since I have not done that, I constantly question everybody. So I swoop in and I micromanage. Which only trains your team that you don't trust them, which makes your team feel like they can't make a decision because you're going to come in and override everything anyway, which creates paralysis in your organization. If you have a failing employee, it is usually because you have broken process or you have unclear communication and expectations, or there is a missing skill set in the seats and they're in the wrong seat. And unless you as the leader, take full responsibility for your part, which most entrepreneurs. Most entrepreneurs are the shittiest operators on the planet. I happen to be one of them. No, I'm serious. You are in entrepreneurship because entrepreneurship is artistry. It's creation. That is not the same thing as rhythm systems and operations and clear communication. In fact, it's the opposite. And so your energy and your talent will create something. And then you will realize that you've created something and have zero systems and zero standard business operating principles. You have no outcomes and key results that you're measuring. And so people don't know what success looks like. And if you only measure success based on dollars in the bank or the number of views on a podcast episode, that is something you cannot control. You have to. As the leader, let me take responsibility for my job, which is to actually create an environment where people can succeed. And if people don't have clear outlines of what they own, if they don't have clear, clear outlines of what is going to make them successful, and if they don't have the freedom, let them to execute against that in the way that actually gives them self expression, they will hate working for you. And your business will not do as well as it can. It always comes back to you. And so yes, let them reveal that they're not doing a good job. But then instead of doing this, they suck. First say, do I suck? Exactly, because chances are you do. And I definitely do. Like I, I, if I am not behind a microphone or creating content or doing business development, which by the way is a form of creating content and artistry, because everything that I do is about expansion and intention. If I'm not doing one of those three seats, I'm not in the right seat in my business. And I am the problem.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yep.

[Mel Robbins]

The business, my folks that work for me, they're not the problem. I'm the problem. And so I choose as the leader that my business coach, David Gorbitz, always says, leaders bring the weather. And if you have a stressed out and a kind of panic emergency type culture, that's because of you. You bring the rain or you bring the sun, and by the way, your energy and whether or not you take the time to make sure people feel supported and to make sure they know the things are doing right and to give them the tools and the skills that they need to succeed on the things that aren't going well. If you don't do that, then you're not a good leader.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah. So at yap, we've been around for six years now, so had lots of, you know, growing pains, but now we really do have like an amazing onboarding process. KPIs, all those things. I have managers and a COO that helps and everything like that. And sometimes there are people that just can't get up to speed.

[Mel Robbins]

Great, then let them not get up to speed. And then let me give very direct feedback quickly. And don't dance around it with the positivity sandwich. The way you have that is directly, with respect, you basically say, this is not gonna be a fun conversation. And I was hoping that things were gonna go very differently. And I have very high standards. And this is a 19 word sentence that you're gonna steal that has been researched at Yale and Harvard. It's called the magic sentence. 19 words. I have very high expectations for this team and I believe you can meet them. And that's why I'm going to tell you this feedback and then you tell them the feedback and you let them. Because what somebody does with that feedback, that's what they control. You actually having the courage to deliver feedback. See, I actually think it's cruel to not tell somebody.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Exactly.

[Mel Robbins]

They're not performing. Exactly.

[Guest/Interviewer]

They don't grow if you don't.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, it's not about them. Do you want to be in an organization where people think you suck and they talk about you in a conference room? Of course not. So why would you do that to somebody and not address it? People know when they're not thriving. In fact, I personally believe the hardest working person in the company is the one who's not doing well because they're in conflict with themselves and they know it. And you are either the kind of leader who has this bullshit toxic male kind of mentality of, ooh, you know, or you Take responsibility as a leader to create an environment in which people can thrive. And if people are not doing well and they're not meeting expectations, before you start barking about or labeling people, which is toxic behavior on your part, take a moment and ask yourself critically. Let me ask myself, have I actually explained the outcomes that measure success? Have I actually explained what I expect? Have I actually given somebody all the information that they need in order to succeed? Do I even know what skills are required for this job? Or am I just throwing somebody into the fire and then judging the shit out of them when they can't get the job done? Because if you can't answer those questions for yourself, then you're not the good leader and no one's gonna succeed in that role. And look, there are times where people overestimate their qualifications and then they get in a seat and they don't have the skills. Let them. Let them. And don't overcompensate and fix everything and step in and solve the problems. Let people fail. Because if you don't, you won't see where there's process missing, you won't see where there's a skill level missing, and you won't see where you actually are. The issue, because you haven't created an environment for people to succeed.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah. Talk about how letting them actually helps them.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes. So first of all, I personally feel. And this goes with people in your life that are struggling too. Absolutely, anybody can get better. And what's needed is the belief that you can and just a simple roadmap of what you need to do. And so at work, what often happens is that people start to feel very discouraged because, you know, when you're not a person that people go to on the team, you know, when things feel off, you know, when you're getting passed over, you know, when people micromanage you and you know, when people don't actually trust your work. And so I personally think that person can still do incredible work in the right environment. And what was the question? I'm sorry, my.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Like, how do you let. Why is it beneficial for them?

[Mel Robbins]

Because at the end of the day, feeling like somebody believes in your ability to get better creates the space for you to get better. If somebody has the respect for you to say, I'm going to give you this feedback and this isn't going to be a fun conversation. Not my favorite thing to talk about. But I'm doing it because I actually have high standards for this team and I believe you can hit them. To me, that's you saying I see you. We both know you're not, like, meeting the standards here. And what else did I say? I think you can meet them. This team is special. Now, I'm appealing to your desire to succeed. I'm appealing to the potential that you know is inside you. I choose to believe that people do well when they can.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yep.

[Mel Robbins]

And if somebody in your team or in your family or in your life isn't doing well, then it's because there's something missing that's making it so they can't. And it's almost never willpower. It's usually something small.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

It's usually just clearer communication or identifying the skill that would be helpful or partnering them with somebody so that you create an environment where they can succeed. And people also need to feel enough space and acceptance and dignity so that you feel like the change is your idea, not that it's getting shoved down your throat because nobody wants to change if they know that you're gonna say, see, I told you so. And that's a critical part of this, that when you say let them, you're not allowing people to fail. You're actually creating the space for somebody to succeed. But the first step is that you have to give people the space and the honesty to make it their decision. And the other thing that the let them theory is not is it's not allowing somebody to walk all over you. It's not allowing somebody to treat you poorly, because you're already doing that when you say let them. You detach, and you see somebody probably for the first time, exactly as they are and exactly as they aren't. And you stop doing something, you stop making excuses, and you stop living in the fantasy and the potential, and you actually live in the reality. You know, as I'm going through this kind of phase of just like this next leveling up in my business, I realize it's on me to level up my expectations of myself. It's on me to get clearer in my communication. It's on me to focus on what's truly important and delete everything that's not. Because another huge thing in business is that if everything's important, nothing is. And you cannot allow someone else's emergencies to become your emergency.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yep.

[Mel Robbins]

You cannot allow somebody else's priority to become your priority. Everything that somebody else is asking of you in business is an opportunity. But you have to get out of reactive mode and get into responding mode, because it's only in doing that that you will actually be intentional and focused, and you will truly be strategic about what actually deserves your time and what doesn't? Because not everything in business does.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Mal, I would. I'd love to talk to you about this forever, but we're running out of time. And I did want to tell everybody that I read the let them theory, and I feel like it was so impactful for me. I know that people have it tattooed on their arms. It's been so helpful for so many people around the world. By the time this comes out, your book will be out. So I highly recommend that everybody go get it. So I end my show with two questions that I ask all my guests. First, what is one actionable thing our young and profits can do today to become more profitable tomorrow?

[Mel Robbins]

Let them. Let them. Because all that time and energy and power that you're giving to other people, as soon as you say let them, and then you say, let me, you actually take that power back and you start to protect your time and energy, and that's what you need to be profitable and successful.

[Guest/Interviewer]

And there's so much that we didn't get to cover today, guys. She's got so many great stories, so many great. Like, so much research in her book about this. Definitely recommend it. What is your secret to profiting in life? And this can go beyond business and financial saying no.

[Mel Robbins]

It's way more important to say no, because every time you say no, you're actually saying yes to what matters.

[Hala Taha]

Love that.

[Guest/Interviewer]

And where can everybody find you and everything you do?

[Mel Robbins]

You can find me right here in this conversation right now. And one of the most important things you can do is take this conversation and send it to somebody that you care deeply about because, you know, you feel inspired. You know, you got tools. And one of the best things that you can do to build your relationships and connections, which you need in business and you need for profit and you need to be successful, is to actually be generous. And so be generous with the information that you just got today, because it will make a difference in somebody else's life.

[Guest/Interviewer]

I feel like this is just like a masterclass in business and your life story. So thank you so much for joining us today.

[Mel Robbins]

I'm really proud of you.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Thank you.

[Mel Robbins]

Congratulations for everything that you do and for the lives that you impact and the difference that you're making.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Thank you.

[Hala Taha]

You're welcome. Well, guys, what an incredible conversation with Mel Robbins. I always feel so energized after hearing her speak. Her warmth and relatability shine through in everything that she does. And she's just so good at distilling complex ideas into simple Practical advice. And she reminded us, you just get one life and nobody else is coming to save you and nobody's going to do the work for you or help you get out of your own way. You are the only one who can do that. But you don't have to just have it all figured out to get started. You just have to commit to starting. And like Mel said, if you can do that, then you might as well be just one decision away from a completely different life. And it's never too late to get started. There's no fixed timeline for this. Mel was in her late 40s before things really took off for her. But she got out of bed every single day and made sure that she made things happen. And you can do the same. You have to be realistic though. And as hard as it is for us entrepreneurs to hear this, the fact is there are some things we just cannot control. And that starts with other people. You are just wasting your own precious time and energy. If you're trying to control what other people think, say or do, you can't do it. And to help us get out of this habit of trying to just do that, Mel has a simple two step solution. First, say let them detach yourself from the situation and just let that person do what they're doing. Even if it's annoying, frustrating or stupid, let them do it. Then take back your own power by saying, let me figure out what you can control. And one thing you can always control in a situation is your own reaction to it. All right, gang, thank you so much for choosing to spend your time listening to this conversation. But like Mel said, it's not enough to just listen, learn, and then go back to business as usual. You've got to take these insights and these tools and then turn them into action. So what are you waiting for? Go get started. Make that one small decision that could change the rest of your life. Thanks for tuning in to this YAP Live episode of Young and Profiting Podcast. If Mel Robbins just dropped some serious truth bombs that hit you right in the feels, or if you're walking away with that aha moment energy, then I need you to do something for me right now. Share this episode with somebody who needs to hear Mel's message today. Whether it's your friends or family. Tag them, text them, slide into their DMs, whatever it takes. We're building something incredible here at Yap, and every single share helps us reach another person who might desperately need to hear exactly what we talked about today. And here's some exciting news YAP Live episodes are now available on Spotify Video. If you're loving these live conversations and all the unfiltered moments that come with them, please drop us a five star review on Spotify. I literally do a happy dance every time I see a new review come in and it genuinely helps us climb the charts so more people can discover these conversations. And if you're not already watching us on YouTube, head over there now. I have almost 60,000 subscribers on YouTube, which is incredible. Thank you guys so much for supporting the show. Just search young and profiting and you'll find all of our live and in person episodes waiting for you over there. You guys can also find me getting way too personal on Instagram. If you want a glimpse into my life, it's Yapwithhala. Or connect with me in a more professional manner on LinkedIn. Just search for my name. It's Hala Taha and I always read and respond to my messages so don't be shy and reach out to me on dm. And before I sign off, as always, I've got to give a massive shout out to my incredible YAP team. You guys are absolute rock stars and I honestly don't know how you put up with all my crazy ideas and last minute changes. I love you guys so much. Thank you for all your hard work. Until next time, keep learning and keep on profiting. This is your host Hala Taha AKA the Podcast Princess signing off.