← Young and Profiting with Hala Taha
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha
YAPClassic: Leila Hormozi, From Six Arrests to $100M Networth by Age 28
01:06:00
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- [00:01]
Yap
Today's episode is sponsored in part by Rakuten Teachable, Airbnb, Fundrise, Mint Mobile, Working Genius Indeed and Shopify. Get cash back on every purchase with Rakuten. The Smarter way to shop and save Start all your shopping trips@rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today. Teachable makes it easy for creators to monetize their content with full control. Head to teachable.com and use code profiting to claim your free month of their Pro paid plan. Generate extra income by hosting your home on Airbnb.
- [00:30]
Leila Hermosi
Your home might be worth more than you think.
- [00:33]
Yap
Find out how much@airbnb.com host grow your real estate investments in minutes with the Fundrise Flagship Fund. Add the Fundrise Flagship Fund to your portfolio with as little as $10@fundrise.com profiting save big on wireless with Mint Mobile. Get your new 3 month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com profiting unlock your team's potential and boost productivity with Working Genius. Get 20% off the $25 WorkingGenius assessment at workinggenius.com with code profiting at checkout. Attract, interview and hire all in one place with Indeed. Get a $75 sponsored job credit at Indeed.com profiting terms and conditions apply. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you grow your business. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com Profiting as always, you can find all of our incredible deals in the show notes Yap Gang Gang Gang.
- [01:44]
Leila Hermosi
What is going on my Yap fam?
- [01:47]
Yap
It is a Yap classic day and.
- [01:48]
Leila Hermosi
We'Re Traveling back to 2022 for part one of my two part interview with rock star business mogul Leila Hermozi. This was episode 202 that we did in 2022. Layla is a first generation Iranian American entrepreneur, investor and philanthropist. She started her career in fitness and today she's widely known as a scaling, operations and management expert entrepreneur. She acquired a net worth of $100 million by the time she was 28 years old. Now I should have said 28 years young because damn that is young and profit. But before she was a millionaire, Layla was a rebellious youth who once got arrested six times in a matter of 18 months. And in this episode she shares with us how mentors like Tony Robbins changed her life and how she met another rock star, her husband Alex Hermosi, and how we can all make lasting behavior in order to become the people we want to be. And speaking of becoming the people we want to be. I remember Laila told me a story about letting go of her past. She had a difficult relationship with her mother, and her mother was an alcoholic. And for a long time she hung on that. And she actually learned that your memories are often really inaccurate. And that means that her past with her mother could have been worse or it could have been better.
- [03:15]
Yap
So if she doesn't even know what.
- [03:17]
Leila Hermosi
It was, why is she holding on to memories that might not even be true now? That part of our conversation literally stayed with me. I've thought about it so many times, and it's helped me get over things that have happened to me in the past.
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Layla Hermosi
So I hope this conversation is just.
- [03:32]
Leila Hermosi
As life changing for you. Let's jump right into my conversation with Layla Hermosi.
- [03:41]
Alex Hermosi
So, Layla, when we look at personalities as adults, we can often drive the reasoning behind our strongest personality traits from our childhood.
- [03:51]
Yap
Right?
- [03:51]
Alex Hermosi
We can often see the experiences that we had as a childhood sort of shape us as we're an adult. So you are an extraordinary example of an entrepreneur. So I'd love to understand what were your experiences growing up? How do you think they shaped you as the entrepreneur that you are today?
- [04:06]
Layla Hermosi
I think it's experiences and also lack of experiences. Right. And so if I look at what I had as a child and what I didn't have as a child, which I'm really grateful for because it's made me who I am today, I didn't have a very present mother figure after a certain point in my life. My parents got divorced when I was young. They got divorced. My mother kind of went off the rails, you know, into alcohol and drugs and just not down a good path. And I still continue to live with her during that time because when my parents were married, my dad was always at work. And so I wasn't really close with him. And so when the divorce came, it was kind of like, you're going to live with mom, because she was a great mom up until that point in my life. But at that point, a shift took. So my sister actually at that point was six years older than me, left the house. It was time for her to go to college. And then my dad left because they were getting divorced. And so it was me and my mom. Then her dad died. And that really set her off. And so that is when she went down a not great trajectory into alcohol. And I witnessed it as a young kid. There was quite a bit of like a lack of leadership because I went, I would go to my dad's I think once every two weeks, the beginning. But I hid what was going on for my dad because I was afraid that I would have to go live with him. And at that point I didn't really have a relationship, which is crazy to say because now I'm so close with my dad. He's amazing. But at that point, we didn't have the closest relationship and I was a kid and I just wanted to be near my mom. And so she kind of continued down this spiral with alcohol. And I tried to. I think that honestly what happened was that I became the parent in the household at a very young age. And so she kind of turned into or regressed into acting more like a child. And so I naturally turned into acting more like an adult. Like, I would clean the house, I would take care of the animals, because we had like a ton of animals at that point in time. I would take out the trash, I would make sure there was food, I would take care of myself. So I would go to my friends houses, I would get food there, I would make sure I was taken care of. I got my homework done on my own, I went to bed on time. I learned it at a really young age. I think that was between the ages of, with all that happening, I want to say between nine and then it ended when I was 15. You know, it was a lot of her not coming home, being gone for days on end when she was home, being drunk and not present, and me having to, during that time, learn to be an adult. And so I think it really accelerated that process because I actually don't think that I would be who I am today if my parents had stayed together.
- [06:23]
Alex Hermosi
Wow.
- [06:24]
Layla Hermosi
Like, I think both of them were very much like they came from the generation that became helicopter parents. And so, like, I think that if they had stayed together, I probably would have been. I don't know if I can say bad words on this podcast. No, you can. I would have been not. I would have been a pussy. Honestly, what I think that's like, what comes to mind. I'm like, I think I just would have been kind of like really, like sheltered my whole life. And so I'm really grateful that it happened because what inspired within me was a motivation that I don't think I otherwise would have had. And I'll tell you, the moment that I had this happen was I was sitting in the office of my childhood home and my mom, it was like 3am she had told me she was going to be home multiple days in a row, wasn't home it's 3am I'm calling her. I'm like, are you dead? Like, just tell me you're alive, right? And at that point, it was just like, I just want to make sure she was still alive. That was all it was. And I was sitting there and I called her, like, 10 times in a row. And I remember I put down the phone, I was like, this woman's not going to answer. I was like, and I am not going to change this woman, and I'm not going to change the situation. And, like, I get chills every time I think about. I'm like 10 years old at this point, and. And I remember thinking to myself, there's nothing I can do to change my mom. I can't change my mom, but I can change my current situation and my life. And in that moment, I remember making a choice, which was one, the rest of my life will make up for how shitty this is. Like, not having feeling like you have a parent figure, right? Like, watching them, like, degrade their lives, like, go down the drain. It sucked. And I was always stressed, and it felt like it was living in a constant state of fear. And so I remember thinking, like, I have to make up for this later on, and I want to be an inspiration to others who are in similar situations. And I don't know where that came from, but it was just the first thought that popped into my mind. And then the second thought that came with that was, I will no longer sacrifice my life or hers. Because what I was doing at that point was my whole life revolved around making sure my mom was still alive, making sure that she wasn't drinking too much, hiding the bottles, pouring them out, like, doing all that. And I realized that I couldn't do that anymore. And so within, I think a matter of months, she actually kind of went even further and further down and ended up calling the police. One day they came, and that was the last time I ever lived with my mother. I went to go live with my dad after that. So that was after about five or six years of living with just her in that condition. And it was actually really weird because going to live with my dad was very uncomfortable. And the reason it was uncomfortable is because I had parents. And I felt like for those years that I was living with her, you know, I see my dad once every two weeks for a day or two. But, like, I felt like this huge portion of my childhood, I didn't have any guides, I didn't have any parents. I didn't have anyone watching over me. In the sense that I didn't feel supported. It was a very tough transition. You know, I think I rebelled a ton. It took me into a very angry place. I had a lot of anger for the fact that, one, I felt like I knew how to parent and lead myself. But now I had to be in this household where I had siblings who I didn't really know well. They're my stepsiblings, right? Not like they're bad or anything. They're just, you know, I'm around them. I'm the youngest also, so everyone treats me like a kid. And I'm thinking to myself, I've been taking care of myself for the last five fucking years. And so it felt very much like in reverse, like these things should have happened in the opposite order. And so it turned me into a very angry teenager. You know, I started kind of going down the path of just rebelling against anything my dad wanted me to do. You know, I'd always been, despite everything with my mother, like a very good student. I still was a very good friend. I was like a very. I had a lot of integrity. And I kind of started going the opposite direction. I started drinking, I started sneaking out, I started doing a lot of stuff, but it was intermittent because that was during high school, and there's only so much you can do. And so I think that it kind of snowballed when I got into college, because I remember that right after I graduated high school, the feeling of freedom I had being like, I now don't have authority anymore over me, and still having this intense anger inside of me, and also anxiety going into college. And it just manifested in first getting invited to parties and then going and drinking too much, and then going to parties not just on the weekends, but on weeknights. And then it was like, you're partying all the time, you're drinking all the time. And that led to me getting arrested six times in 18 months. And people always ask, what did you get arrested for? I'm like, literally just all alcohol. It's all alcohol related. And so it put me in a really dark spot because I'd spent the better part of my life up until then being this almost like, hero to my mom, being like the parent figure. And then it was like the moment that I got out of the house and I went into college and I had access to all these things. It was like 18 months of just ruining my body and myself and losing a lot of respect for myself during that time. And it got to a point where there was an incident Where I think I passed out on someone's deck. And the police found me and they took me to my dad's house. And I remember I woke up in my dad's house, and I was like, oh, fuck.
- [11:13]
Alex Hermosi
You know, like, what did I do right?
- [11:15]
Layla Hermosi
I was living on my own at this point, and I was like, I'm at my dad's house right now, and I don't remember what happened. I was like, this is not good. And I came downstairs and my dad was, like, almost in tears, and he sat me down and he was like, listen. He was like, I'm not going to try and change you, and I'm not going to try and tell you you shouldn't do these things, like, you're out on your own now. He's like, but I'm just telling you, like, I think that you could kill yourself if you continue with this behavior. And that was really hard to hear from my dad, who I have so much respect for. And, you know, he's such a good person. He's always tried to be the best parent possible. And it was in that moment that it was almost like a flash came in, and I was like, who was that little girl? Like, remember that little girl that was sitting in the office with her, you know, of her mom's house, who just wanted to be a better version of herself, who just wanted to be an inspiration to others? And all of that almost seemed to, like, flood back into me, and it fled back again, I think, in the form of anger, which, again, is interesting, but it's a theme. You'll see here. I was angry at myself, but I think that it was a very useful emotion for me at that time, because I was angry of where I let myself go, that I'm so smart and knew better and still went down that path. And I used that anger to fuel myself, to lose 85 pounds, to get good grades in college, to start pursuing self development, personal development outside of that, you know, to start pursuing mentors. That was really what propelled me to turn my life around, was that moment sitting there with my dad feeling just like. Honestly, like a piece of shit. Yeah, I hate saying that, but I just felt like I felt like a dirt bat. Like, I just felt so bad about myself, and I was like, I have to see out what I said I would do when I was younger. I want to become that person, and this doesn't have to be the end. Like, I was like, I'm young. You know, at that point, I'm 19. I'm like, I can Turn this around. I did all that in 18 months. Imagine how fast I can go. And so it really was that it was channeling some of the same emotions to go in the opposite direction. And that was what really propelled me to change my life. And really, I think I have a strong focus on behavior change because I've done it so much for myself.
- [13:19]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah.
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Layla Hermosi
And I think a lot of the reason I'm drawn towards leadership is because I think that I have learned to lead myself over the years, and I've also learned to lead myself out of a bad spot. And I think that a lot of people, especially nowadays with social media, nobody wants to talk about their setbacks. And if they just want to show that they're perfect, they don't want to show that they fucked up.
- [13:39]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah.
- [13:40]
Layla Hermosi
And I want to share that I've fucked up. And you can still come out the other side like, there's still time 100%.
- [13:46]
Alex Hermosi
I mean, there's so many lessons to be learned in this story. And I also was like, party aunt. Me and you are both of Middle Eastern descent. We're locked up in high school.
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Yap
Right.
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Alex Hermosi
Like, they don't let us date, do any. I mean, for me at least, like, I was locked up during high school. When I went to college, I was in party mode. But like you, I ended up turning it around when I was like 19 and kind of getting back on track and it's not too late. And I, like I mentioned to you before we really started recording, most of my listeners are male. They're young male listeners. And I had Scott Galloway on the show, who's a New York NYU Stern professor, bestselling author, huge podcaster. And he always talks about men are in trouble right now, young men. And he told me some troubling statistics. He believes young men are struggling to compete because women and men now have an equal playing field in terms of education and business. So soon two women will graduate college for every one man. Male earnings are declining, it's leading to lower marriage rates, lots of other problems. And in general, I feel because my young male listeners reach out to me and DM me and send me voice notes all the time about how they're so unmotivated, they're unfocused, they can't stop partying, they're playing too many video games, they're not joining communities, and they're just lost. And I feel like this point in your life, you did turn it around and you did, you know, go on this self development journey. And so I really wanted to unpack what you actually did to get yourself out of this party mode and to turn things around.
- [15:18]
Layla Hermosi
Yeah, I started listening to Tony Robbins and Jim Rohn, which now it's kind of funny. I think they're probably outdated at this point and the younger generation doesn't listen to them. But I learned a lot from them. And one of the first things was, what am I consuming and who am I hanging out with? And so the first thing that I did was I stopped watching Netflix. I remember I, like, got rid of my subscription. I started watching YouTube. I started watching, like, there was different, like, platforms at that point of online videos. I started watching Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn. I started listening to Rich Dad, Poor Dad. I started pouring myself into education rather than entertainment. That was the first thing that I did. And that was a swap I made in my head. I was like, no more entertainment, only education for now, this season. Does that mean I can't watch an episode or something later on? No. But for right now, I have so much momentum in the wrong direction. I need to get momentum in the right direction. Inertia is real. And so I was like, I need to turn this around immediately. So I went all in on self development in terms of Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, Rich Dad, Poor Dad. So it was a lot of behavioral change mindset, and even money beliefs because I felt like I didn't have the best beliefs around money. The second thing I did was looking at all the people I was hanging out with and really doing an audit of do these people want me to succeed or are they feeding the bad habits I have today? Not because they're toxic. I hate that word. I'm like, when people like they're toxic, I'm like, fuck you. Set some boundaries. We're adults, right? Like, just set boundaries. And so I was like, here's my new boundaries. Some of these people I'm not friends with, Some of these people I see once a month. Some of these people I only talk on the phone to. And I wrote it down in my notebook what I was going to do with all of my friends. And I don't even think I've told any of them that to this day. And a lot of them probably don't have the best things to say because I kind of disappeared from the face of the earth for a while. But I knew that's what I needed to do because I just knew that at that point I was such a people pleaser. I wanted to. It's almost like you want to excel in anything you did. I also wanted to be the biggest partier that could drink the most, that was the coolest, that could throw the biggest parties. And so it's like I needed to channel that somewhere else. I need to get around people who didn't think that that was something that would drive status, but instead thought that was something you look down upon. And so then I started saying, okay, who are the people that I want to get around? I realized I didn't have any at that point. There was nobody in my inner circle that I felt like would contribute to my growth. And so this was while I was in college, right? I was like, I have to move. Like, I can't right now. I'm going to graduate. But I set my eyes on it. I was like, I'm moving to California. I remember I decided it one night when my friends all went to the bar and I went with them sober. And I was like, I'm so fucking over this because I was trying to still do some things with them. It was like once a month I'd go out and I'd be the DD or whatever, but I was like, I hate this. I would rather be doing something that was driving me towards my goals, not doing something just to maintain friendships that are pretty much just surface level now. And so it was that night, I remember I told my friends, I said, you guys, I'm moving to California after I graduate. And they were like, what are you talking about? I was like, yeah, I just decided. I decided in that moment. And then I told everybody that night. I told everyone, I'm moving to California after I graduate. I'm moving to California after graduate. And then that was it. And so after I graduated, that was the biggest. That was one of the biggest, if not the most like, the unlock for my personal growth was I moved all the way across the country when I didn't know anybody. I didn't really have a plan. I didn't have anything over there waiting for me. And I didn't know how I was going to make money or how I was going to make it work. And I'm like a young woman. It's not like I'm like, I'm 20. When I went over there, I think I was, what, 21. And that was what stirred up so much for me because I think a lot of people, like, tell me the books that you read. Tell me the stuff. What I did was I put myself in a situation where my back was against the wall and I was insanely uncomfortable to the point where when I would move there, I remember on A weekly basis, having panic attacks. I didn't know anybody, I didn't have any support system. I didn't know how I was going to make money. I mean, it was terrifying. And not to mention I bought or I signed a lease for an apartment online that ended up being in the ghetto with barbed wire on the fence and shit. So I get there and I'm like, I can't even walk in my own neighborhood. It was a really unsettling experience. And I quickly learned that I had to make it work for myself. Nobody could do it for me. No amount of affirmations and mindset work was going to go do the work. And I think that that is where a lot of people go wrong is it's great to have positive things. You say to yourself, it's important in much of a sense that you talk to yourself like you're your best friend. Yes. But if you take no action, none of that matters. And I think that a lot of the times nowadays people are spending so much time in their heads. That's what I feel like this generation is doing. They spend more time in their heads than they do taking action. Feelings and beliefs can follow the action. If you can just get yourself to take action when you are scared shitless, you will change your thoughts and beliefs. You can act despite not believing it's going to work. And that is exactly what I did. I didn't know how I was going to make it work. And then I went, I applied and I worked at, I applied to every gym within walking distance of my apartment. And I got accepted all of them. But I was like, they're like, oh, you have a three month training program, you get paid like $9 an hour. And I was like, fuck, no, I'm going to not be able to pay my rent. So I went to the only gym that was like, you can make money immediately, which was 24 hour fitness. And that was where I learned how to sell. But then you have to understand, I went there having only knowledge of how to lose weight, nutrition, whatever I learned in college that didn't really matter. I go there and they're like, you need to go sell some shit if you want to make money. Like, you go get your own clients. And I was like, oh shit, again, my back's against the wall. I'm like, what do I do? Like, I'm not a salesperson. I never identified as a salesperson. I was like, the last thing. It kind of disgusted me, even the word. And I was like, fuck, I have to. There's what else am I going to do? And I remember the first time that I approached someone at the gym, I was terrified. And I went up to this woman, they were like, go talk to people on the ellipticals, on the gyms that you see not doing things right, whatever, go try to get them to your clients. And I went up to this woman, I was like, excuse me. And she was like, she looks at me, she stops and she goes, fuck off. And that was my first experience. There's just rejection from day one. So it was really hard. But that feeling of stress and anxiety I channeled into learning. I was like, I cannot, I won't. No amount of thinking is going to get me out of this situation. I need to learn these skills and I need to become this different person in order to get out of this situation. And so I took all that anxiety and all that stress, all that frenetic energy that I had and I poured it into learning, I poured it into learning sales, I poured it into learning how to retain customers, I poured it into learning how to become a teammate because I didn't even know how to do that. And that was what I spent a lot of my time doing. And so I think that a lot of the times when people are asking about self development and personal development, I think that there's a piece missing, which is a lot of people believe you have to have, you have to think a certain way and you have to believe something before you do it. And that's just never been the case in my life. If you had told me like, did you believe you were going to make all this money by the age of fuck? No. Like, no. And then they're like, do you believe the acquisition.com is going to become a billion? No, but I'm doing it because I know logically that it makes sense and I'm capable. Yeah, does that make sense?
- [22:26]
Alex Hermosi
100%. It's like this small, consistent action taking action and I see something really similar and I say it when it's, when it comes to rejection, I've been rejected a lot of times. Like I almost had a show on MTV, I got rejected, I almost was a host on Hot 97. I got rejected, almost got rejected at SiriusXM. And I always say the reason how I like became successful is I just, every time I got rejected, I just channeled it into learning something new, just learning a new skill and getting amazing at it, you know, and that's what I did every time. And it sounds very similar to what you're saying, let's hold that thought and.
- [22:57]
Yap
Take a quick break with our sponsors. YAP Gang. I travel so much for my job these days, and I've also been spending a lot more time in Miami. In fact, I'll be down there most of the wintertime, keeping myself warm. I love to travel, but at the same time I feel like I'm being a little wasteful because I've got this glamorous Jersey City apartment with a beautiful pink velvet couch and an awesome skyline view of the city and it's just going to waste. But not anymore. Because while I'm away, my home can be an Airbnb. When I'm down in Miami, my home in Jersey City can be an Airbnb. A lot of people don't realize that they have an Airbnb right under their nose. You can Airbnb your place or spare room even if you're out of town just for a couple of weeks or months. One of my dreams is to have an Airbnb empire and I'm finally getting started. This year. Over 4 million people host on Airbnb, sharing their space with paying customers who are so excited to stay with them. It's a low lift way to use your space and earn some extra cash. And if you're busy, no need to worry because now you can also hire a co host to make your job easier, especially if you're going to be away for an extended period of time. These co hosts are vetted on Airbnb and they have knowledge in the hosting space and can serve as a property manager for your investment properties as well. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much@airbnb.com host that's airbnb.com host to find out how much your home is worth. Young and Profits Buy low, sell High it's easy to say, but it's hard to do. For example, high interest rates are crushing the real estate market right now. Demand is dropping and prices are falling even for many of the best assets. It's no wonder the Fundrise Flagship Fund plans to go on a buying spree, expanding its billion dollar real estate portfolio over the next few months. You can add the Fundrise Flagship Fund to your portfolio in just minutes with as little as $10 by visiting fundrise.comprofiting that's f u n d r I s e.com profiting again, you can diversify your portfolio with the fundrise flagship fund@fundrise.com profiting that's F-U-N-R-I-S-E.com profiting carefully consider the investment objectives, risks, charges and expenses of the Fundrise Flagship Fund before investing. This and other information can be found in the Fund's prospectus@fundrise.com Flagship this is a paid advertisement Young and Profiters Chances are if you're listening to this show, you've got an expertise that you can teach other people. Chances are you can make passive income by creating your first course. If you've been on the fence about creating a course, what are you waiting for? It is so easy to launch a course these days because Teachable has got your back. Teachable is the number one course platform. It is simply the best platform for content creators to start or grow an online business authentically. That's because Teachable offers more product options to create and sell than any other platform. With online courses, digital downloads, coaching services, memberships and communities, you can engage your online audience on a deeper level. And you can get selling fast with easy to use content and website builders plus a variety of AI tools. They have an AI curriculum generator, they have automatic subtitles and translations. So they've really figured out how to use AI to optimize our course creation and make it much faster. They also have a top rated mobile app that allows your customers to enjoy your products on the go. Unteachable creators also get more power and ownership over monetizing their content. Your content shouldn't get lost in the algorithm and you shouldn't have to rely on other companies to pay you. Now is the perfect time to join Teachable because you get an exclusive deal with our partner. Code profiting go to teachable.com and use code Profiting to unlock a free month on their pro plan. You'll get all their marketing product creation features to build out your offerings and there's no limitations on this trial, so you definitely don't want to miss this again, it's teachable.com you can use Code Profiting for an entire free month on Teachable. Be a part of the 100,000 plus creators who are already using Teachable to turn their expertise into a thriving online business.
- [27:15]
Alex Hermosi
Let's move on to your sales skills because you say that you knew nothing about sales when you went to California, but you ended up being the top selling personal trainer in your region I think within a year. If you didn't have any sales experience previously, you said you got it from experience, I guess what would you say your top things that you learned as a salesperson during that time was? Because now you've carried that skill and used it in multiple ways throughout your career.
- [27:38]
Layla Hermosi
I think that there's two things, because Alex and I, when we met, for example, like, we both had sales aptitude, but we sell completely differently. And I know that because we sold side by side for a year with each other. And our. Our conversations sound completely different, and we both had, like, around the same closing rate. Most people can sell things that they believe in. And so I think that a lot of the times people are trying to. Like, if you look at the mechanics of sales, we're trying to fake belief. Like salespeople. Sales training is often faking belief in the product. When I think I found a product that I believed in, which was personal training, nutrition, you know, losing weight, like, I truly believed in that, and that was the first thing. And that's why I advise a lot of sales people to reach out to me. They're like, I just. I'm not getting it. I'm like, do you believe in the product? And they're like, fundamentally, no. I'm actually, you know, it's like a vegan selling meat or something. Like, it's just. It fundamentally doesn't match with their belief systems. The first step is that you have to make sure that you are being integris, which means, like, what you think, what you say, and what you do are all aligned. And so for me, the one thing that I realized by speaking with different people, especially I think my boss at that time, he was a sales manager. He was really good. He was like, layla, do you believe in this? And I was like, absolutely. He's like, well, then why do you not feel convicted to try and get people to buy it? And that was the unlock for me was if you believe in something and you really know it's the right option and the best option for somebody, I'm obligated to try and get them to buy it. Because I'm thinking, I'm like, what other options do they have? Not many, right? Like, this is the way that actually has to go. It's the hardest and it's the most expensive, but it's definitely the best. And so I think that it was the first one is having having integrity about the product that you're selling, which sounds super cheesy. It's not tactical at all. But a lot of people are very misaligned. You'd be surprised. People that message me and they say, I'm just not selling. And then I say, do you even believe in the thing? They switch jobs, and then they're the top closer. And that was the first thing for me was I had done it myself. I had lost all the weight. I had seen how it changed my life. It's not hard to preach that to other people. It's not hard to try and sell someone that, because I would if I wasn't paid.
- [29:37]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah, you need that conviction so you have the confidence when you're selling. Otherwise, people can just see right through.
- [29:42]
Layla Hermosi
You a hundred percent. And if you really believe in it, the conviction comes naturally. You don't have to fake it. But the second thing that I did learn that was a skill was having the right frame for the conversation. Because a lot of people who really believe in a product are still people pleasing while they're trying to sell. And so because they're trying to get that person to like them, rather than trying to get that person to buy or to make a decision, that's what they're really doing. Right. They want the person to like them more than they want the person to buy or make a decision. And so they're trying to tiptoe around it. I had to make that frame shift. And I realized I have to be the authority. Just like if someone's the leader in a business, you're not going to be liked all the time. It's important, though, that you're able to positively influence people in the business. Does that mean they're always going to like you for it? No. But will they be better for it? Yes. It's the same in sales. And so I had to learn how to develop more confidence and more of an authoritative frame within myself. How I spoke, how I led, how I led the conversation. I didn't let them lead the conversation. That was the biggest unlock for me was realizing that I have to be the one leading them through the conversation. I'm the authority in this conversation, and I should be because I actually give a shit.
- [30:48]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah.
- [30:49]
Layla Hermosi
Like, who better to be an authority than someone who actually cares about the person on the other side.
- [30:53]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah. So it's like telling them something like the truth, even though. Even though it hurts. And it's not going to make you the most liked person, but it's going to help them accomplish their goal.
- [31:01]
Layla Hermosi
A man could never say this to a woman during consultation, but the amount of times I said, when's the last time you had sex with the lights on to a woman? Because I knew she didn't, because I wouldn't have either when I was fat. Nobody wants to see that. You don't want to see it yourself. I was like, when's the last time that you, like, put on clothing in front of a mirror.
- [31:19]
Alex Hermosi
Wow.
- [31:19]
Layla Hermosi
Because they don't. When someone's that overweight, they don't even look in a mirror. It's those questions that though they hurt and they don't feel good in the moment, I was like, that is what's going to make someone. That's what's going to get someone to make a decision that's going to better their life. And I think the difference between manipulation and influence is manipulation is getting someone to do something that's detrimental to themselves, whereas influence is getting someone to do something that is beneficial for themselves and in line with their own personal goals and autonomy. That was really the one piece that I needed to succeed in sales, was understanding that I was the authority, and I had all the evidence to back that I should be the authority. And I also had the give a shit where it made sense to me to be.
- [31:56]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah, makes total sense. Great advice. So let's talk about your agenda at one point to find a man.
- [32:03]
Yap
Right.
- [32:04]
Alex Hermosi
I heard a story, I've heard you say the story that you were doing a bumble date every single weekend because you realized that dating was sort of a volume game. And then you met Alex. So I'd love to hear that story.
- [32:15]
Layla Hermosi
Yeah. So I'll tell you how it started, which was, I actually worked at 24, and my boss at that time, who was a sales manager, he was like. I told him, I was like, I got on Tinder and Bumble. I was like, tinder's disgusting, but Bumble seems fine. And I remember I said, I'm going to try and go on a date every couple weeks. Something, something. And he said, you know, Layla. He's like, I think dating is a lot like sales. I was like, how? He's like, well, I think it's a numbers game. Like, think about how many consults you have to have with somebody in order to get a client. I was like, yeah. He's like, well, how many dates do you think you have to go on in order to get somebody to be a boyfriend? Maybe even more. I was like, interesting. And he's like. And I remember he said this. He's like, don't you think that dating would be very good practice for sales? And I was like, how so? He's like, well, you're meeting strangers, you're having to basically sell yourself to them, and you're in uncomfortable situations. And I was like, so he essentially sold me on this concept. And so I said, okay, well, how do I. How do I work leads Right now in my sales job, okay, I'm just going to do that. But for dating, which was, you know, I had a time set aside every day. It was like for an hour. I called all the leads or whatever, maybe more than an hour, and I would bang the phones. And so I said, okay, what can I commit to for dating? I have my lunch break every day. It's minimum 30 minutes. I will just literally swipe and do nothing but swipe while I eat for 30 minutes. And so that was what I did. And that was what I promised myself. I said my goal is to get a date a week if I swipe for 30 minutes. And so that's what I did. And I started going on dates, and a lot of them sucked. Like, I had one guy try and sneak me into a movie theater, not telling me because he want to pay. I had like another guy who took me to a dinner and then told me he wish I wouldn't talk. I mean, like, I had so many bad dates. The difference was that I didn't let it discourage me from going on another one. And so I talked to a lot of women now and they asked me about this, and they're like, listen, Layla, I did that for three months. I'm like, girl, I did that for 18 months. Get back to me when you've swiped every day for 30 minutes, gone on 60 dates, and then tell me what you think. Just like you're looking for the ideal client, if you're in sales, dating is the same way, which is, you know, you have your criteria of what you're looking for and you're going on dates trying to find it, and it's just a funnel that you're trying to continue to work through and through and through. And so honestly, I just took the same sales learnings that I had. I applied them to dating, and I just didn't give up. I had enough confidence in myself at the time that I was like, there's somebody out there for me. I know I'm a little weird and I'm a little different. I really like business. I really like working. A lot of women at that time, especially in Newport Beach, California, it felt like did not they just wanted a sugar dad. But I was like, I will eventually find someone. And so I think having that, knowing that that was the case and understanding that it was just a numbers game made it much easier to get through the emotional ups and downs. Because I think that if dating is just an emotional game for you, then you're going to stop. Because the moment you have a bad date. You're like, oh, there's no boys out there for me. I'm like, shut the fuck up. You're saying that half the population sucks. Please. I hate when people say that all men are horrible. I'm like, this is called cognitive bias. You are overgeneralizing. Your brain is saying, I had one bad boyfriend, now all men are bad. That's not true at all. And then the second piece is understanding that I think a lot of people, what they do is they go on a few dates, maybe they get in with a few people, and maybe they date somebody for like a month or two, and then they break up, and then they take the same amount of time that they dated the person to get. Get over the person. And I think that a lot of that comes from social stigma of, oh, it takes you, you know, half the amount of time that you dated someone to get over them. I'm like, you know, the best way to get over somebody is to go on another date. Like, what do you do when you lose a client? You go get another client. Like, I refuse to believe a lot of the things that society tells us. So I was like, am I actually upset about this person who I dated for eight weeks? No. But I think I'm supposed to be upset. And I think that's what a lot of people do. And I think the reason I was able to go through very quickly and find somebody is because I didn't let that stuff stop me or drag me down or make the process take longer.
- [36:10]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah. So smart. And I have to say, Layla, I love your personality. You're so funny, and just give such good advice. I love talking to you. I think the audience is going to love this conversation. So you met Alex, right? Talk to us about that first date. What was he like, and what did you see in him? I mean, you had all these suitors, and you decided on Alex.
- [36:28]
Layla Hermosi
Honestly, it was tough because, like, I'll be really real. And you've probably had this, too, or run into this. As a woman who's ambitious, a lot of guys didn't like that.
- [36:37]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah, 100%.
- [36:39]
Layla Hermosi
Like, a lot of men just wanted me to be a housewife. They wanted to have kids very soon and all these things. And I was like, that's just not in the cards for me, man.
- [36:46]
Alex Hermosi
Or they think they want it, and then they realize, like, oh, she's going to be more successful than me. I don't know if I want it 100%.
- [36:51]
Layla Hermosi
So if it wasn't, oh, I don't want you to do this thing. It was, oh, I'll try and suppress you so that I'm better than you. Which, listen, I don't have anything against people who do that. I just don't want to be in a relationship with them. When I met Alex, it was interesting because we matched on Bumble and then Alex, I messaged him because it had to be the girl. I don't even remember what I said. Probably I was so bad at it, I would be like, hey, what's up? I never said anything cool. I was nerdy. So I was like, hey, how's it going? Or something like that. And he messaged me. He was like, fuck this app. Let's get off this app. Can I call you? And I was like, I like that. Like somebody who's, like, serious about this, who takes it, like, literally. So we get on the phone. I remember the first thing he said. He was like, listen, he's like, this is basically like a first date. So what we're doing right now is we can have our first date now on the phone, and then later when we actually have a first date, we don't need to talk about all this stuff we already talked about. It'll be basically our second date. And I was like, this guy's efficient, which I liked because that's kind of how I was running it as well. So I was like, this is a good match. And I remember feeling like. I don't really know. Like, this guy's kind of, like, blunt, to the point, harsh. He's not really flirty, but I appreciated it. And so we meet for Froyo for our first date because it's low commitment, so we could leave if we didn't like each other. That was the agreement. And we go, and I'm sitting there waiting for him, and he comes up from behind me. And I remember he was like, okay, like, not smiling. And I was like, what is this guy not even smiling at me? Turns out, so what some people don't know is I have an entire back piece, and I was wearing a tank top dress. And he saw I have angel wings on my back when I was 18 and getting drunk. And he saw them. And I guess, like, he really doesn't like tattoos. And so for the first, like, 15 minutes of the date, he just didn't even look at me. Like, we go in line for Froyo, he's not really looking, making eye contact. I'm like, not knowing what's going on. And then finally we sit down, we start talking, and I just start asking about his business because he owned some gyms at the time. And then it was like he lit up. And then from that point on, the conversation, we talked for, I think, four and a half hours. We went on a walk, walked like, I don't even know how many miles. It was insane. And by the end of it, I just remember thinking the one thought I had was like, I just want to keep talking to him. I don't even care if we're dating or not. I just finally feel I found somebody who sees reality the same way as me. I felt like he wanted the same things from life and was looking for the same things. And it was just. It was like a breath of fresh air to talk to anybody, you know, female or male, that actually felt that way. Honestly, from that point on, it was we hung out every day. I think he had to go to, like, a dinner later that night. And then he called me after, and we Talked till, like, 2am and then the next day, he came to my work during my lunch break, and then I went to his house afterwards. And then it was just like, from that point on, but we weren't working together at that point. We were just dating. And I want to say, two weeks in, he was like, you should really just work for me. Because he knew that what I was trying to decide of is, am I going to start my own gym or am I going to have an online training business? And I had opportunities on both sides. I wasn't sure what to do. And I was telling him about this decision. He was like, I think you should do neither of those things, and instead, you should come do this with me, and we'll make way more money than either of those things. And I was like, yeah, but then I'm. I'm working for you. Like, this is weird. We're, like, dating right now. He was like, whatever. We've only been dating two weeks. I remember he said that. And I was like, true. Good point. You know, it hasn't been that long. And I was really torn. But at the same time, I was like, all right, let me look at all the decisions I've made that have been the best decisions in life. Putting my back against a wall, putting myself into a situation where most people would fail or falter, and putting myself into situations that there's risk. I was like, there's really no better time that if I were to do something like this than to do it now because I'm young. And so I talked to a few mentors. I did a Lot of thinking. And I was like, I think after he went and he did a launch on his own for gym launch, what was to become gym launch. And I saw that it actually worked. And a lot of people, by the way, they give me shit for this because I was like, I saw that he made $100,000 launching this gym. Of course I want to see that he made money. I was making plenty of money on my own. I'm not going to go stop to go do something with somebody who hasn't made any money or proven a concept. I'm like, I have my own shit, my own business going on. And so once I saw that it worked, I was like, okay, this makes sense for me financially, so it makes sense to take this risk. And that was when I think the next week, I talked to all of my clients, I talked to the gym that I was working at at the time, and I just got rid of everything. And I had a week between getting rid of everything and flying out to the first gym to do the launch for this idea for this company gym launch. And that was really the beginning of not our relationship, but our partnership. And so if you really think about it, like, we only had, I don't know, six weeks that we weren't working together, like, in our entire relationship now, which has been seven years. And the rest of it was from that point on, it was learning how to navigate being in a new relationship with somebody that you're also building a new business with while losing money, living out of motels, basically eating shit every day. And it was really hard. So that was. I was like. I realized where I was going with that. I was like, that's the story of our relationship.
- [42:01]
Alex Hermosi
I mean, it's so interesting. And now you guys are such a powerful couple, and I'm sure starting a business and able to have you guys bond together, but also, you know, spending that much time together probably was really tough and maybe felt like you guys needed your own experiences and things like that. So I guess, how did you deal with that? How did you deal with keeping it romantic still, even though your business partners.
- [42:24]
Layla Hermosi
Oh, God, it wasn't romantic at all. For the first two years, there's no romance. Like, it's funny because people ask that stuff, and I'm like, no, the first two years were us trying to not be poor. Like, we were just trying to not go bankrupt at that point. Our relationship was not in the forefront of mind. So it was really the first year. I think that what we did learn by necessity was how to communicate with each other. I learned how Alex works. A lot of people get really intimidated by Alex because what you'll learn if you get close to him is like, he likes one word answers. Like, he'll be like, okay. If you're like, you write him a whole novel. He's like, thumbs up. Yeah.
- [42:59]
Alex Hermosi
I thought Alex hated me after my. I was like, why does he hate me?
- [43:02]
Layla Hermosi
Most people think that, right? Yeah.
- [43:04]
Alex Hermosi
He's just like, not. He's not like you, bubbly, sweet. Like, not like that at all.
- [43:08]
Layla Hermosi
No. It took me time to learn, too. I joke with everyone that's on our team. I'm like, listen. I thought he hated me too, when we first worked together, and then we got married, so apparently he didn't. It was really learning how to communicate with each other, Learning what are my nuances, how does Layla behave? And then how does Alex behave and how do we behave together? The hardest part was that. And I think when you get into any relationship and you're under stress, because we were under intense stress those first couple of years, it was learning how to use that to our advantage to become better versions of ourselves. Because being around somebody else in close quarters exposes you, when you're under stress, of where your flaws are or where your weaknesses are. And I know, for me, like, one of the best lessons that Alex taught me early on by just pointing it out was I was very cold. And I think that I have substantially warmed up. I think that if people meet me now, I seem pretty warm in the beginning anyways. And I. I was not that way. I was scared, I was stressed, and I would just shut down. And I remember one time we were sitting in the car and I shut down on him because there was something that he said, and I was upset about it, but I didn't want to tell him. And he looked at me and he was like, I just want to let you know that if you keep doing this cold thing, this relationship won't work. But it was funny because what I actually thought in that moment, I wasn't angry. I wasn't defensive. I was like, you know what? Any relationship I have in my life, this will be a problem. Why not solve it now? He's right. I am cold. And I remember that was, like, the switch for me. And that was the biggest thing that I had to work on the beginning of our relationship. And on the other hand, you know, for Alex, his was probably ego or temper. You know, he used to get angry pretty easily, and I think under stress, even more so. And typically, when someone's angry. It's like, are they angry at themselves? You. The situation? You don't really know. But he would get angry, and then I would shut down because he was angry and I was scared. And so we had to learn that about each other, talk about it, and then learn how to speak each other's language. You know, like, if Alex is angry, I know how to de escalate him. If I'm stressed, Alex knows how to de escalate me because we've learned and we've talked about it enough that I've said what I need, and he has said what he needs. It's a conversation that we have. It's not like I'm guessing. You know what I mean? I'm not over here, like, what do you want me to do? Trying to figure out what he wants me doing. He's angry. I'm just like, hey, when you're angry, what do you want me to do? And I think that's been the biggest blessing of our relationship, is the same way that you would talk with a business partner. How do we do this in the business? We've taken that into our relationship, which is there's nothing that's not talked about, like, anything to a very high degree. We talk about every problem, everything we notice. If we're like, hey, we feel pretty distant right now. Do you feel distant? He's like, yeah. And we're like, okay, let's work on that. Or if we're like, hey, I feel like we need some space. I'm just feeling like we are way too close right now. We've had way too much time together. I just need a breathing room. We're like, okay. And so that's been. I think what's been a huge contributor to the success of our relationship would just be that, you know, taking those same principles that you would apply to any productive relationship inside of a workplace and using it in our marriage.
- [46:07]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah, that's so healthy. Like, I know a lot of relationships, they do not feel that open in terms of the communication. Like, they just feel so scared to tell each other how they actually feel about things. So it's so great that you can work through that.
- [46:20]
Layla Hermosi
Also, I would say this. Yeah, you can either be scared to communicate something to your partner, or you can be scared of losing yourself in the relationship. And it's like you get one or the other, which is if you're constantly living in fear of what your partner will think, you lose yourself. And so I have always kept that forefront of mind. I will not compromise nor will Alex. Who I am and who he is I always and we both really accept each other for who we are. But it's one thing that I'm very adamant about. If there's something that's happening that I need to communicate how I feel about it or I'm dissatisfied with and same with him, we will do it even if it hurts our partner's feelings. Because we both know that we have to put ourselves and what is true to us forefront of mind. Otherwise our relationship will never work. In the long run, it might feel good in the short term to avoid that thing, but in the long run, you're setting yourself up for dysfunction.
- [47:08]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah, 100% and total failure. So smart.
- [47:11]
Yap
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- [52:02]
Alex Hermosi
So I feel like this is a really good segue into behavioral change because you mentioned, and Alex mentioned this on the show, that you're, you are the fastest person he knows in terms of changing your behavior. And so from my research, I found out you used to be afraid of public speaking and now you essentially do that probably every day as a part of your career. You also thought you would never be a good manager and that's literally what you're known for now in terms of, like, your management styles. So how do you continually adapt and change your behavior in order to succeed?
- [52:33]
Layla Hermosi
I think that when a lot of people talk about behavior change, what they're really asking for is belief or thought change. Because if you think about changing behavior, that's not very complicated. It's like, don't eat the cookie. But I think a lot of people want to know how. Well, how do I not want to eat the cookie? That's what they want to know. Because people are like, how do I lose weight? I just can't lose weight. I'm like, no, you can't be hungry. You don't know how to tolerate hunger. That's why you can't lose weight. And so it's not that I lack anxiety, stress, nervousness. When we got on this podcast, I was like, my heart was racing. Really happens every time with every podcast. If I go up to speak. The last speech I did, I got on the stage and I couldn't. My mouth was so dry. I thought I was like, I was like, the words for sure won't come out. Like, I'm terrified because I care, because I want to make sure that I do a good job. I want to feel like I give value to the audience, right? But what I've learned is to one, not judge myself for that. And two, I can be nervous, I can be scared, I can be anxious, and I can still act like I'm not. And that's the biggest thing that was the unlock for me with behavior change and what has always been was I don't need to eliminate feelings. I just need to change my relationship with them. Most people, what they do is they think Oh, I feel anxious, I feel scared, I feel nervous. I need to rid myself of this feeling so I can act in accordance with my values and with the behavior that I would like to have. But that's not the case at all. I need to learn how to befriend these feelings, how to live with these feelings, how to manage these feelings and be okay with these feelings and still take, you know, steps forward anyways. And so for me, it's always been, if I'm feeling stressed or anxious or whatever and I'm trying to change a behavior, I just remind myself, you have to level up. It's above the situation. It's not about grabbing the cookie or not grabbing the cookie. It's about what's my relationship with hunger. And so it's for somebody who's dieting, it's not that you're hungry. It's not that you need the cookie. It's not that. It's that you don't know how to be hungry. You can't tolerate the feeling of hunger in your body. For people who get stressed with public speaking, it's not that you can't public speak. It's that you cannot tolerate the feeling of nervousness in your body before you go on stage. So what I do, despite not wanting to, is I force myself into situations where I know that those feelings will be provoked. And I practice, like, visualizing ahead of time. The thing's going to happen. I'm going to feel like I'm nervous. I'm going to feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm going to feel like I'm going to panic. Like, whatever it may be, how will I act despite feeling that way? So, for example, if I'm public speaking, I visualize myself having a panic attack on stage before I go on stage, and then I walk through, what would I really do? Because a lot of people just go, jesus, I have a panic attack on stage. And that's it. That's it for me. Right? I'm done. Or I'm like, okay, say I have a panic attack on stage. Then what? Then only lasts for, like, two minutes. What's going to happen the next two minutes? I could make a joke about it. I could use it as an example for resilience for everybody else that's watching. Like, I could make fun of myself. There's so many things that I could do next to actually make that an opportunity, turn that challenge into an opportunity. And then I could continue and give my speech.
- [55:36]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah. So, like, if the worst thing happened.
- [55:38]
Yap
What would I do?
- [55:39]
Alex Hermosi
And how would I turn that around? Then it makes it not that scary. Because then you're like, well, if something bad happens, this is my. This is my escape plan.
- [55:45]
Layla Hermosi
Right? And but here's what I will say. It's not even that, because that's reassuring ourselves. That's saying, okay, well, even if the worst happens, I'll figure, okay, well, what if you don't figure it out? Because that's the other route, which is like, you know, I talk to business owners and they're like, well, what if my business does die? And I'm like, okay, then your business dies. Then what? They're like, well, I'm like, you have millions of dollars in the banks. What are you going to do after that? And then they're like, well, I guess I would start another business. And I'm like, okay, so let's talk about the steps. And so I think it's one talking about what I would do if the worst case scenario happened. And then also making peace with the fact that sometimes when the worst case scenario happens, we don't act in accordance with what our plans were. And visualizing that and visualizing how I would get over it, that it would be so what? I expect that at some point in my career, giving a speech or something, like, I'm sure at some point I'll, like, nobody will know, but I will have a panic attack on stage because I can get through it now. I can talk through those things, but I'm sure it will happen. And when it does, I've visualized it enough times that I'll be okay with it. I'm not going to judge myself for it. And I hopefully can use it as a lesson for other people to show them that you can do things and be scared at the same time. And that's really been like, my whole life. Like, people like, how do you get rid of the anxiety and all that? I'm like, it's never gone away, like, hanging out next to me all day every day. But I've just learned how to live with it and really act despite feeling a certain way. And I think that if you're not constantly trying to get out of a feeling, the feeling will naturally go away anyways.
- [57:12]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah.
- [57:12]
Layla Hermosi
But when you're constantly trying to rid yourself of a feeling, what happens is that feeling sticks. But if you're not trying to rid yourself of it, it is much more likely to fade away.
- [57:21]
Alex Hermosi
So I want to stick on something that you lightly mentioned, which was being uncomfortable.
- [57:25]
Yap
Right.
- [57:25]
Alex Hermosi
And I know that you say that one of the things that holds back our younger gener is that they don't want to be uncomfortable. I had Wim Hof on the show. He's the Iceman. He says something similar, but he talks about, like, being physically uncomfortable and the importance of that, that we all wear clothes, we have, you know, the temperature control on. We don't even want to be cold. That's how far we go with it. And then we don't even unlock the power of our bodies. It's hard to work out. So we don't work out. But I think you take it more from like, also a mental perspective. So I'd love to hear from you in terms of why it's so important to be uncomfortable sometimes.
- [58:01]
Layla Hermosi
Yeah, I do actually think that the physical aspect is useful in many ways. I don't go to the extreme with it. I lift and I lift really heavy and hard. And I've done that for a while. And that taught me a lot in life, which is you make the most progress when you're in a lot of pain under the bar. But I think that it's important because what feels good is often not good for us. And I think that I've learned that early on in my life, which is most of the things that feel good for us are not. But if you. This is what a lot of people think. They think, well, gosh, I don't want to be uncomfortable all of the time. But here's the thing, is that those things that are uncomfortable, if done repeated enough times, become comfortable. And so if you do it in enough areas of your life, it's ironic because then actually everything that is uncomfortable becomes comfortable. And so I think it's just breaking through, getting yourself to take that first step. Because our brains don't like unpredictability. And so the reason anything the first time is so hard is because we can't predict what happens next. But the moment we do do that thing, our brain has a new association. It has a memory it's going to make right. And most of the time, it's not as bad as we think. And so I think that it's almost a practice in the sense of I try to do things that are uncomfortable for me every day. I try to push myself. I try to not lean into my feelings. Not because I don't want to. I want to. Like today, for example, like, had a not great night last night and then didn't sleep well because of one thing or another that happened at work and then woke up, had calls at 6am was going. I was like, I feel like absolute ass. I was like, but you know what? I'm going to fucking show up here and I'm going to crush it and I'm going to crush my meetings later. I'm going to crush my interviews later. And I think that every time we do that, what we do is we build confidence within ourselves so that every other thing in our life that's uncomfortable is easier to accomplish. And so I think it's just a matter of building momentum. You know, a lot of people are like, well, I just. Layla, I have a really hard time getting uncomfortable. I'm like, but you've made a habit of being comfortable. So you know how to make a habit. Now we just got to make a habit in the other direction.
- [59:57]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah.
- [59:57]
Layla Hermosi
Which is funny. But it's really like you have the power of inertia on your side once you start doing it, which is if you start leaning into comfort more and more and more. I have a friend that wrote a book called the Comfort Crisis. You start to do everything in your life in accordance with the comfort. And it's called the comfort creep. That's what he named it. Versus go the opposite direction. You start to do everything uncomfortably. Then it's discomfort creep. You start to notice in every area of your life. You start to make yourself a little more uncomfortable and you start achieving more and more. Because achieving things comes from like, the only reason that accomplishments feel good is because we did something that was uncomfortable. And often people think, I have to rid myself of this discomfort to do this thing. But no accomplishments without the discomfort don't actually feel good. And so the reason that successful people are so confident isn't because they didn't have discomfort and did something. It's because they had so much discomfort and did it anyways. And so I think for me, it's just always been, I encourage people to get uncomfortable. I encourage people to also be aware of how to make themselves uncomfortable in a way that they can manage. It might be. Let's try some small steps first. Okay. If you're terrified of public speaking and you're going to throw up when you get on stage, let's do some podcast interviews online first, right? Like maybe let's make some YouTube videos and then let's get a stage maybe six months down the road. And I think that you can stair step your way up to your greatest fears or your greatest discomforts. And we all have to know ourselves and know what works best. Some people can throw themselves in the fire and Just like go straight into the most uncomfortable situation and come out great. Some people that wouldn't work too well and they have to stair step their way into something that's uncomfortable. I think it's a matter of figuring out what works for you.
- [61:28]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah. So I love this topic. I kind of want to stay here for a little while. I love the topic of motivation because I feel like a lot of my listeners reach out to me telling me like they don't know how to find their motivation and they feel like this, it's this external thing and they always feel like they need to have the feeling of motivation to get something done. And I know that you have said in the past that you don't always stay motivated, you don't do things just because of the way that you feel. So I'd love to learn a little bit more about that.
- [61:56]
Layla Hermosi
I think that most people don't have motivation because they don't have enough responsibility. Go look at the single moment who is raising four kids. Does she lack motivation? No, she has responsibility. And so I think a lot of people when they're talking about motivation, what it really is is that they lack responsibility. I am responsible for all of the people that work at my company. I am responsible for all of the companies that are in our portfolio. I am responsible for an audience that supports me. That's what I think in my mind. So am I going to take the selfish action of doing the thing I want to do or am I going to take the action of doing the thing that's better for all of them? And I think that what a lot of people do is they avoid responsibility, which then decreases motivation. You don't feel like doing something when you don't have a big enough reason, create enough reasons, which is usually people, and you have more motivation to do things. So it's not that I feel motivation every day, but I have a responsibility to the people whose lives I have influence over. And so every day when I wake up and I have to make the decision, am I going to do this or not going to do this? I'm going to do that or not going to do that. That's what I'm thinking with. And so I think that for those people who are asking, you know, I just don't have the motivation, take on more responsibility. You won't even have time to think about how you feel because you've just got to do it because you're responsible for other people. And I think that we live in a day and age where people lack responsibility. I Mean, if you even look like the family construct in this country, it's, like, completely different than it was a long time ago. And so we have less pressure to do well. We have less pressure to stick with our commitments, and we have less pressure to get uncomfortable. But if you're the person that's responsible for many other people's lives, you'll have the motivation much more than you wouldn't. Does that make sense?
- [63:40]
Alex Hermosi
Oh, it totally does. I align so much with this. I even wrote down some thoughts about this, and it's like, we're very close in terms of what we were saying. Our approach would be to, like. So, for example, you were saying before this interview, you kind of felt like crap. You didn't really want to do it, but you showed up, right?
- [63:56]
Yap
Me too.
- [63:57]
Alex Hermosi
I almost broke up with my boyfriend last night. I had a terrible night. I was like, oh, God. Like, I have to be. I have my game face on. But at the end of the day, we have to show up because that's why we're successful, because we show up even when we don't feel like showing up. And like you, I zoom out. And I think if I don't show up here, I'm putting my employees at jeopardy. If I don't show up today, I'm putting my. My fans aren't going to have an episode. Layla gets a lot of money to talk. I'm not going to cancel and, like, ruin my reputation with Layla. It's like, all these things to your point, like, you hit the nail on the head. I'm responsible for a lot of things. So the only way I'm canceling an interview is I literally have strep throat and I can't talk. And the other thing I think about is, like, if I'm physically able to do the show, if something actually does happen that's bad to me, down the line, at least I did the actions that I could to get myself as far as I could. And then when I actually am sick, I can be like, all right, I deserve to be sick. I can cancel this interview. You know, So I think we're aligned there.
- [64:57]
Layla Hermosi
I love that.
- [64:58]
Alex Hermosi
So interesting. All right, let's talk about the GSD muscle. You talk about this get shit done muscle. How can we build and develop that muscle?
- [65:06]
Layla Hermosi
Yeah. I think this muscle comes from having a low thought to action threshold. If I could put it in right terms, which is if you think a thought and then you take action on that thought, a lot of people don't get shit done because they spend Way more time in the thought and less time in the action. Now I know how to think, but a lot of the times what I need to do is go take action. And I think that a lot of the times, and this is like what we were talking about earlier, it's just a theme that I've noticed, which is people are staying in their head so much now. It's overthinking, over analyzing. You got to build the get shit done muscle, which the only way you do that is if the moment that you think about something, you own your power by taking action immediately. The way that you get more power is you take action on a thought faster than others, faster than you used to, faster than you did five days ago. And so for a lot of people, it's that that paired with being able to face the discomfort, I mean, like, like we just talked about, I think that if you want to get shit done, you're going to be uncomfortable. And I think that you build that muscle faster when you put it under tension on a more frequent basis. And so when I think about the get shit done muscle, it's like any other muscle, which is you've got to go to the gym, you've got to put time under tension. It doesn't matter if you're doing high reps, low reps, weight on the bar. It's time under tension that builds a muscle. And it's the same for the get shit done muscle, which is the moment that you realize that it's okay thought to action threshold. How many more times can you do that in how many situations? And so what I like to do for myself, when I'm trying to instill that, when maybe I feel like I'm in a season where something happened and it didn't go my way, or I'm scared or I'm stressed or something's happening, I write down what are those things on a daily basis that I can do? I read it at the beginning of the day and I'm like, these are the small things I'm going to do to build that muscle today to do my time under tension. It might be a hard conversation with a coworker. It might be that I have to have a hard conversation with a portfolio company. I start asking myself, what are these things that maybe I'm avoiding or could avoid that if I were to do today, would make me stronger tomorrow. And that is what the get done muscle is. And I think that a lot of people don't have it or it's atrophied because they're okay living with the pink elephant in the room. I think that if you have a very strong get done muscle, you don't have a lot of dirty laundry. Whereas if you do have a very strong get to done muscle, there's nothing. Like, there's no pink elephant in the room. Like, there's nothing there. Like, you have a clear conscience. That's how I keep my headspace clear. I don't like having to think about a lot of situations that are, like, I want to say, like, not complete, not resolved.
- [67:32]
Alex Hermosi
Open loops.
- [67:33]
Yap
Yeah, open loops.
- [67:34]
Layla Hermosi
Like, I don't like having that. I don't like having. If anything bothers me, I feel like there's anything off with the teammate, I just address it immediately. And so I think that that's really where the muscle is and what it comes from. And it's just like anything else, any other muscle. It's like time under tension is how you're going to build it.
- [67:48]
Alex Hermosi
I love that. Okay, so last question to close this part of the interview out. What would you give advice to people in their teens and their 20s, upcoming generations who want to achieve the level of success that you did by your 30s? What's your main piece of advice for them?
- [68:05]
Layla Hermosi
I would say learn to act despite how you feel.
- [68:09]
Alex Hermosi
Yeah. Big theme of today's episode. Yeah, Yeah.
- [68:12]
Layla Hermosi
I think it's just learn how to act despite what you feel, because you're not going to feel good most of the time when you're making progress towards your goals. You know, people congratulate me all the time on the success of the companies that we sold and the success that we're having now. And I'm like, yeah, but all the success is propelled by things that are painful. Right. There are experiences that sacrifice. Right. And so understand that you. You just have to learn to act despite how you feel. And feelings are something to acknowledge, but they're not directives in terms of how to live our life.