Transcript
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If overthinking was an Olympic sport, most of us would be standing on the podium with a gold medal, we have to add. But we would be exhausted. We would be completely overwhelmed, and we would feel like we don't even really deserve to be here. This was a complete waste of our time. And so what we want to do today is talk about how we can stop overthinking and understand why we do the overthinking that we do. So, number one, overthinking shows up when we care deeply. It's often when we want to avoid a deep sensation of regret, or we don't want to do any harm, or we don't want to create problems. We don't want to make mistakes. It's our brain desperately trying to protect us from uncertainty and shame and fear and loss and all. All of the emotions that go along with that. It feels irresponsible to not be engaging in rumination, and it feels responsible to ruminate. It feels necessary to ruminate, and it feels productive to try and figure this thing out. But the very thing that you're doing and trying to feel better about is actually keeping you stuck. Think about it like this image. You're stuck. You're bogged in the dirt, in the mud. And it feels like the best thing you can do is to push and push and push. But in many cases, you're not getting anywhere. It's not effective, and before you know it, you're dirty, you're deeper than you thought, everyone's exhausted, and you haven't gotten anywhere at all. So welcome to your anxiety toolkit. This is a podcast where I teach you everything I know about anxiety. I'm an anxiety specialist, and I've been doing this for over 10 years. I want to teach you how to overcome anxiety so you can live your. Your biggest, most beautiful, boldest life. Let's talk about now what we are going to cover in this video and in this episode of your anxiety toolkit. Number one, we are going to talk about why you struggle to stop overthinking, because it's very, very common. Number two, we're going to really talk about the difference between problem solving and just mental looping. We're going to talk about six specific strategies that I teach on how to stop ruminating and stop overthinking. And then before, we're going to talk about how to make these changes long term. Now, here is the thing I want you to remember. You do not have to think your way to safety. You don't have to control every outcome to feel good and to feel calm and safe. You do not need to be perfect. There is another way to get that peace of mind that you're looking for without all the rumination. Let's talk about why we overthink. Now overthinking is a form of mental avoidance. It gives the illusion of control. It gives the illusion if something is solvable when it actually isn't. Usually when we're overthinking, we're over analyzing again, thinking. There's nothing wrong with thinking. I don't want us to put a bad rap or negative spin on thinking. But the overthinking is when we put too much emphasis on this idea of, of coming up with solutions and catastrophizing and letting our brain go to that worst case scenario and spending a lot of time giving that a lot of our attention. Now, it's important for you to understand that our brain, especially if you're someone who has anxiety, that is me, I'm guessing it's probably you too, because you're listening to your anxiety toolkit. Our brain overestimates the threat or the risk and underestimates your ability to cope. So in almost every situation when we're overthinking, that is the equation that is happening. Now. I want to first clarify. This is not saying that it's your fault that you're having intrusive thoughts or that your brain catastrophizes or that you ruminate or you're doing mental compulsions. That this is not about blame, it's not about whose fault it is. It's not about making you feel bad. Because none of this is your fault. You are literally doing what we have been trained and what we have evolved. And we'll talk about that in a couple of slides. You have evolved to overthink. In many cases it was adaptive. Adaptive means it allowed you to grow and, and become a part of the next generation and not die off as a species. Right, as a human species. But there is a limit to which we want to do this behavior. Because now, in today's day and age, we overthink everything under the illusion that we have control, under the illusion that it's our responsibility to stop mistakes and problems from happening. Now, rumination or worrying or reviewing or mental compulsions, these what if scenarios, these are an attempt to prevent discomfort. But if you were to imagine a roller coaster, it's like getting stuck on that you're going around and around like maybe like a mouse and a wheel is you're going around and around Trying to prevent discomfort. But the act of trying to prevent discomfort is creating discomfort. And the act of trying to prevent discomfort is false and not important. We humans have a great capacity to feel discomfort and anxiety and uncertainty. And we actually want to increase our ability to feel that feeling, not decrease it. That is maladaptive. That is a problem for us as human beings. And as us as a human species, we actually want to get better at being uncomfortable. Now, what I want you to remember here is it makes complete sense that your brain wants to feel prepared. It wants to feel like it knows what could happen and it can troubleshoot. I was just listening to an audiobook the other day, it was actually a business audiobook. And they were talking, stressing over and over, like having a plan B, have a plan B, have a plan B. Always shoot for the stars, Always take risks, but always have a plan B. And that's good advice. But I think, and I kind of had a giggle to myself because we're walking around every day always making sure we have a plan B for every scenario. And it's exhausting. It's just too much. And often we don't need a plan B for all the things. Now, as I mentioned before, you're not broken for overthinking. You have been wired to overthink. You have been wired to ruminate. But we have to unlearn this urgency that us anxious folks have on solving it right away. This is in our DNA. So again, it's nobody's fault. But we want to stretch ourselves and have the challenge and learn and strengthen our ability to actually have uncertainty and to strength, have discomfort and have strength in that discomfort. Now let's talk about the overthinking control trap. I want you to think about one of those Venus fly traps. I think that's what they're called. I always get the name of that wrong. It's like that, that plant that snaps the minute the bug goes inside it. I don't know a lot about it, but I find them absolutely fascinating. Overthinking is just like that. So overthinking is trying to find certainty in uncertain situations. Often clients will say, I've been up all night trying to figure this out, and I couldn't. And I say to them it's probably because it was never figureoutable in the first place. And that's the trap we get caught into. We get caught into this again, illusion or this perceived ideal that if I just think about this hard enough, I'll come up with the perfect decision. Or if I Just go over every scenario. I can prevent bad things from happening. Now, studies show that overthinking increases your cortisol levels, it increases decision fatigue, it increases avoidance behaviors and procrastinations, and it actually reinforces your fear because as you're thinking and trying to solve this scary thing from happening, you're reinforcing that fear on your nervous system. So it's not helping you, it's draining you. And I know you know this. I don't want to be condescending or patronizing by saying that, but I also want to make sure we're really clear that this overthinking, this over attention on trying to solve is actually pretty detrimental. Now, I have six specific tools to help you stop overthinking.