Hard For Hot Dads | Your Mom's House Ep. 838

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "Hard For Hot Dads" | Your Mom's House Episode 838

Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky & Tom Segura

Release Date: December 3, 2025

Podcast Studio: YMH Studios

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Episode Overview

This episode of Your Mom’s House blends signature irreverent comedy with relatable discussions about family, body image, social media, and the curiosities and oddities of everyday life. Tom and Christina riff on Thanksgiving food, health journeys, the peculiarities of internet personalities, “hot dads” at the hotel pool, and the culture of preparedness, all with their trademark humor and banter. The episode offers personal insights, memorable crowdsource stories, and plenty of over-the-top character commentary.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reflections on Thanksgiving and Flavored Food

• Christina and Tom lamented the blandness of traditional American holiday foods compared to Black or Latino holiday cooking.
  • Both share that they never enjoyed Thanksgiving turkey and gravitate towards more seasoned, flavorful cuisine.
  • Christina reflects on regional food influences, noting how food flavors differ between the West Coast, Texas, and the South, often depending on cultural exposure.
  • Quote (01:12):
    Christina: "Are so much superior because we don't have flavor in our food, which is why I don't enjoy Thanksgiving dinner. Bland. Bland."

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2. Tom’s Pastry Venture and Christina’s Cosmetics

• Tom gives an update on his Italian pastry business, Chichobamba in Austin, excitedly sharing that it sells out daily. Christina touts the authenticity of the products.
• Christina promotes her new holiday makeup collection, emphasizing the quality and Italian-imported ingredients, ribbing generic brands like Sephora.
• Both plug their expanded online merch store.
• Tom announces the release date (Christmas Eve) for his Netflix special Teacher, with Christina expressing heartfelt pride.
  • Quote (08:41):
    Christina: "I'm very emotional because you. You talk about more personal stuff..."

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3. Comedy as Family: Sharing Material with Kids

• Tom discusses the sensitive process of showing his kids material from his new stand-up special that features them and how he explained comedic exaggeration.
• The children were delighted, making the moment memorable for Tom as a performer and parent.
  • Quote (11:05):
    Tom: "I showed it to them, and they were fucking howling. And I think it was the most fun I've ever had showing stand up to anyone. Was seeing them because it was talking about them."

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4. The Opener Segment: "Google Daddy" and Internet Oddities [17:00]

• The hosts play and comment on a peculiar social media user, “Google Daddy,” a boomer who tracks his followers obsessively and laments losing them after revealing he’s interested in someone.
  • Christina and Tom riff on his decor, his collection of frisbees, and the personal adversity of having “two dead wives.”
  • Tom and Christina dissect the strange choices and captions, appreciating his honesty and eccentricity, wishing him reciprocal love and success.
  • Quote (20:00):
    Herc: "I did two dead lives."
    Tom: "That's such bad luck."

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5. Poolside Fascinations: “Hot Dads” & Social Dynamics [22:03–36:03]

• Tom vividly recounts his near-obsession with an exceptionally fit dad seen at a Southern California hotel pool over Thanksgiving.
  • They humorously explore Tom’s attraction not in a sexual way, but a mix of awe, envy, and social curiosity.
  • Detailed observations: physique (olympian-level gymnast build), head of perfect hair, tattoo between his shoulder blades, friendly family engagement.
  • Christina points out similar feelings about impressive women at the gym.
  • The hosts debate whether the hot dad’s friendly wink was admiration, recognition, or flirtation.
  • Quote (26:08):
    Tom: "As I walked up, he looked up and he winked and smiled at me. And I felt my heart flutter, you know..."

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6. Safety Culture, Prepper Humor, and Paranoia [38:32–55:00]

• The crew dives deep into the world of “preparedness influencers” on social media—people obsessed with situational awareness and everyday-carry equipment like tactical flashlights and trauma shears.
  • Christina and Tom lampoon the over-the-top safety advice, like keeping police-grade flashlights or ripping out gas pumps if you sense danger.
  • Tom describes a staffer, Sean, who collects knives, trauma shears, and wants tactical gifts for Christmas, joking about escalating his “readiness.”
  • They browse products on Amazon, imagining Sean decked out in body armor, stun guns, and night vision goggles.
  • The underlying theme: the absurdity and comfort found in over-preparedness.
  • Quote (40:00):
    Tom: "You cannot rely on a phone. If you have a phone, you have to look down, you have to turn the phone on. And that's an insane fucking waste of time. So make sure you get a police level flashlight."

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7. Chronicling “Junior Fed Smoker” and Internet Voyeurism [55:44–61:38]

• The hosts catch up on another favorite internet character: a fearless, confrontational man who travels the country filming and accosting authority figures, reminiscent of the late, infamous “Herc.”
  • They marvel at his apparent ability to move between states and stir up trouble without consequence, noting the recurring behaviors ("What is your name and serial number?”).
  • The discussion highlights internet culture’s fascination with “characters”—eccentric or unhinged individuals who create unintentional comedy.
  • Quote (60:45):
    Tom: "It's the same behavior. It's the exact same behavior. What are the chances..."

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8. Shoutout to Chef José Andrés & World Central Kitchen [62:00]

• Tom shares a moment of genuine gratitude for renowned chef José Andrés, who treated Tom and his crew to an incredible experience in Vegas and whose humanitarian organization feeds people in global crisis zones.
  • Quote (64:42):
    Tom: "He's exactly what you want out of a chef. Like, he's passionate, he's excited, and he's super talented."

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9. The Great Cat Feeder Debacle [65:04–67:53]

• Christina vents about the obesity problem among their cats, blaming the YMH staff for not suggesting RFID-collar-specific feeders to solve the issue. A British listener eventually provides the solution.
  • Quote (67:05):
    Christina: "They fail me. Yeah, I have to. I didn't want to set it up... The point of the fucking story is, Josh, you have fucking cats. Multiples. Am I right? And you didn't know this."

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10. Body Fat, Health, and Generational Gaps in Knowledge [67:56–79:10]

• Tom shares reflections on body composition versus weight, encouraging focus on body fat percentage over the scale number.
  • Any, a staff member, reveals his surprising DEXA scan results (22% body fat) despite appearing lean, prompting conversation on health misconceptions, metabolic luck, and building better habits.
  • Tangent about generational failure to learn health and finance in school, Christina and Tom express desire for systemic change.
  • Christina and Any discuss radically different eating habits (from extreme late-night eating to never having breakfast).
  • Quote (75:25):
    Tom: "...the two things that I always feel like the strangest as you get older is when you realize we don't teach really how to be healthy a human like in schools. And we don't teach really people unless they pursue it. Finance."

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11. Closing Banter & Recurring Jokes [79:24–End]

• The show wraps with Tom and Christina riffing about safety again (“scan your surroundings”), recalling key jokes and themes, and promising more ways to stay prepared “next week.”

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Notable Quotes and Moments with Timestamps

• [01:12 | Christina on Thanksgiving]
  "Are so much superior because we don't have flavor in our food, which is why I don't enjoy Thanksgiving dinner. Bland. Bland."

• [08:41 | Christina’s pride in Tom’s special]
  "I'm very emotional because you. You talk about more personal stuff..."

• [11:05 | Tom on his kids watching his stand-up]
  "I showed it to them, and they were fucking howling. And I think it was the most fun I've ever had showing stand up to anyone. Was seeing them because it was talking about them."

• [22:03 | Tom Observes "Hot Dad"]
  "I'm not interested in the fit moms. I'm only interested in fit dads. I want to look at…I want to get to know them. I want to be with them."

• [26:08 | Tom’s “Fluttering Heart”]
  "As I walked up, he looked up and he winked and smiled at me. And I felt my heart flutter, you know..."

• [40:00 | On Safety Gear Paranoia]
  Tom: "You cannot rely on a phone. If you have a phone, you have to look down, you have to turn the phone on. And that's an insane fucking waste of time. So make sure you get a police level flashlight."

• [60:45 | On the Junior Fed Smoker]
  Tom: "It's the same behavior. It's the exact same behavior. What are the chances..."

• [64:42 | Tom on Chef Andrés]
  "He's exactly what you want out of a chef. Like, he's passionate, he's excited, and he's super talented."

• [67:05 | Cat Feeder Tech Rant]
  Christina: "They fail me. Yeah, I have to... The point of the fucking story is, Josh, you have fucking cats. Multiples. Am I right? And you didn't know this."

• [75:25 | On Teaching Health/Finance]
  Tom: "the two things that I always feel like the strangest as you get older is when you realize we don't teach really how to be healthy a human like in schools. And we don't teach really people unless they pursue it. Finance."

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Memorable Moments

• Tom’s poolside homoerotic fixation on a dreamboat dad, detailed like an investigative crush, had Christina and the crew in hysterics and listeners universally relating to the odd admiration of strangers ([22:03–36:03]).
• “Prepared, Not Paranoid” segment became a running joke, lampooning survivalist culture and the impulse to over-prepare for bizarre dangers ([38:32–55:00]).
• Christina’s rant about cat feeder technology and staff incompetence: comic frustration that bridges first-world problems and generational disconnect ([65:04–67:53]).
• Health tangents: Any’s "fat squirrel" metabolism, wildly erratic eating habits, and generational gaps in health education ([67:56–79:10]).

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

The episode maintains a playful, sarcastic, and self-deprecating energy. Christina and Tom blend domestic anecdotes with biting commentary on internet culture and everyday neuroticism. Their open discussion of insecurity, envy, and their comedic approaches to even the most trivial grievances create a relatable, laugh-out-loud dynamic.

If you haven’t listened: This episode is a quintessential YMH experience—equal parts offbeat internet weirdness, relatable family life, and relentless riffing on both pop culture and personal obsessions.

Transcript

[Any]

Well, welcome.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When it comes to gifting, everyone on.

[Tom Segura]

Your list deserves something special. Luckily, Marshall's buyers travel far and wide.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hustling for great deals and amazing gifts.

[Tom Segura]

So you don't have to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That means your mom gets that cashmere sweater, your best friend, that Italian leather bag. Your co workers unwrap their favorite beauty brands, and your nephews the coolest new toys. Go ahead. A price is this good, you can grab something for yourself too. Marshalls, we get the deals. You gift the good stuff. Shop [e-mail] or find a store near you.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to your mom's house. Hope you had a great holiday week. You were with your families. If you're an American, if you're not American, this, you know, nothing matters anyway.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Your life isn't significant.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what really made me upset is that were not black, because Black Thanksgiving, from what I understand, is where it is.

[Tom Segura]

Black Thanksgiving is NBA all star weekend. Is that what you're talking about? No. Oh, are you talking about Thanksgiving?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They're actual food items.

[Tom Segura]

I. Oh, yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Are so much superior because we don't have flavor in our food, which is why I don't. I don't enjoy Thanksgiving dinner. Bland. Bland.

[Tom Segura]

I've never enjoyed Thanksgiving.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Flavorless.

[Tom Segura]

I don't like it at all.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why did the settlers not enjoy seasoning?

[Tom Segura]

Turkey.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't like turkey.

[Tom Segura]

I don't like cranberry sauce. I don't like pumpkin pie.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like the pie. Yeah, don't.

[Tom Segura]

I don't like it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But the turkey is dry and seasoned. Gravy's disgusting.

[Tom Segura]

Luckily, we were at a place that also did like a prime rib, and that was pretty good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's. But it's bloody and gross, too. Prime rib doesn't taste like either.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, it was pretty good. It was seasoned well.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wouldn't you say overall, that American food is flavorless and bland Cardboard, much like our English ancestors.

[Tom Segura]

I'd say theirs is more like. I mean, there's. There's seasoned, good, flavored food here, but.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Black people make it. Not the whites.

[Tom Segura]

Black people do season the out of their food. That's true. Their whole thing is like, here, here's 100,000 times the amount of seasoning you think you need. Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because then doesn't that lead to high sodium? And then they get the diabetes.

[Tom Segura]

They show sugar. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. So there's. There's always got to be a middle ground.

[Tom Segura]

There's a middle ground. And it's. With Latinos. Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You think, what do they do Tamales.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. They. They. Everybody has their own cuisines. But I mean, if you're talking about real crackers, then, like, you. Yeah. Their food is bland, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. And if you go to, like, whites, American whites, very.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know if you. But if you go to Southern whites, they seem to see it because they're around so many black people. That's a good point.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Now, if you go to west coast whites, they're mostly influenced by Jews and Mexicans. For instance, where I grew up in la, Flavortown, usa.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We like to have seasons.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Seasonings and stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But here in Texas, I don't know, they like it pretty crackery.

[Tom Segura]

You think so?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They like barbecue, which is black adjacent.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's black, but that's flavorful.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's flavor town.

[Tom Segura]

You go to the barbecue places. You don't go, like, there's no seasoning here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, I like it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's flavored. And there's usually, like, a big honky over the. The pitmaster. Big fat white guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Whites like to barbecue.

[Tom Segura]

They love it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But I don't like a dry rub. I like a wet rub.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, well, you're in the right place. I mean, Texas has a lot of sauces, huh?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

My favorite is Dreamland barbecue.

[Tom Segura]

That's your favorite?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's my favorite.

[Tom Segura]

I like LA Barbecue in Austin. That. That is excellent. And I also like Terry Blacks, of course. There's a. There's a bunch of good ones, to be honest. But I love. I like that. Love barbecue brisket a lot. It's really good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can I tell you what's really been making a splash? Your croissants.

[Tom Segura]

Holy. People, I don't think you understand. I don't think you understand. This isn't, like, me going, like, oh, I found a business to invest in.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I made it a mission to bring my favorite pastry to the place that I live.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And it meant, like, hiring people to move states and open a place. They're selling out every day.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Every day.

[Tom Segura]

If you have not been to Chichobamba, it's in the fairground food hall in downtown Austin, which is right on Congress. It's underneath the Wells Fargo building. And it's a bunch of, like, little food setups, bro. This food is outrageous. This is fresh made, the real deal. Authentic Italian pastries. And we have savory stuff, too, but we're selling out daily. Like, people are messaging me. I got here, everything sold out, which is. It is so exciting. I know. I'm so excited.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And the posts that I've been seeing on Instagram are that people are like, guys, this is real Italian.

[Tom Segura]

It's the real deal.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's not the horseshit that America feeds you these bland favor. This is real Italian stuff, guys.

[Tom Segura]

It is, man. This guy, he's, he's fantastic. Jamba is like the, he's, he is, he's a real dude who, who brought like his recipes from the, from the motherland with him. You know, like he, he's like a Dr. Traditional story of like mother cooked a lot and he just got, you know, into it at a young age and then just developed his own skills and passion for it. But that's a family business.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's a legit family. These are just. It is a family people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's a fiery Italian dude.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, that's so good.

[Tom Segura]

He's great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And yeah, he makes amazing food. The sweet stuff is, is again, you know, it's such a treat. And then he does a bunch of savory stuff. He's doing homemade focaccia and pizza and yeah, dude, it's all, it's. Stop by, stop by and see us. We do have a, a more elaborate fixed location opening after the new year is probably going to be honestly like in March, but this pop up location is going to stay until then at least. So come by and see us.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's really impressive. Also guys, I want to thank everybody that purchased Black Friday stuff for, for christinap.com my lipsticks, my velvet Crush Blush, my Radiance balm, it is all out now. This is the entire collection for the holidays. I highly recommend ordering now to get it in time for Christmas. For Chanika, for whatever it is you're celebrating. This is my new favorite color, you guys. This is it. I'm wearing it right now. It's called cuts you up. It's liquid lipstick and it stays on forever. And then I have my two glosses, my Whimsy Kiss Gloss, two new shades. It's all there. Christinap.com get it for the girls in your life.

[Tom Segura]

Get it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So good. It's such high quality stuff, you guys. And I know you're thinking this, I don't know. I don't trust this brand. She's. This isn't Sephora. This isn't. Yeah. Because that stuff is cheap.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow. It's true.

[Tom Segura]

Shots fired.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's true. I have my stuff imported all the way from Italy, much like our croissants. And it's. The quality is unrivaled. I Like that. What was that saying down.

[Tom Segura]

That was just an explosion. Quality.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That was a new one.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Pretty cool. Christina's got a new products in the store. Yeah, we have a new store too, by the way. The Y store.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes. Whole new things happening.

[Tom Segura]

A whole new thing. We got. We hired new designers. They have all new products. The quality of the stuff is outrageous.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So much.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we have. We have. Are the bodies.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We have, which is taking the Internet by storm.

[Tom Segura]

This new high and tight hood. It's so nice. The fabric is so great. There's some, like, hats. There's some bumper stickers. There's all kinds of cool stuff. Like, there's. Yeah, it's really exciting. There's some new two bear stuff. Like, check it out. Store.ymhstudios.com all right. Also, one last plug. My new special Teacher comes out Christmas Eve on Netflix. So get your families together. Get grandma. Get the kids. Settle by the Christmas Tree, and on December 24th or 25th, watch Teacher Only on Netflix.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm so. I gotta say, Tim.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I feel like I'm gonna cry because I'm so impressed with this hour. I'm so.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm very emotional because I'm serious and I feel like. I feel like we're doing a press junket for Wicked right now. I feel like I'm.

[Tom Segura]

I'm so Ariana Grande open for this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Are you holding space for me?

[Tom Segura]

Holding space for you? Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, I'm. I am actually emotional because you. You talk about more personal stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it was. It was a really. It was a great tour. I have to be like, express how grateful I am for the tour. Like, it was a great tour. My crew was. Is awesome. You know, Kier and Matt and Dave, Gary, Sean. And I brought. I brought a number of people, but a lot of the tours with Kirk Fox and Jeff Tate, who are two good friends of mine for a long time, and it was.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And Jordan.

[Tom Segura]

And I brought Jordan a few times too. Yeah. But those guys were on the majority of the dates. It was just like a really. Was a fun experience. Like, I felt like a varsity comedian in that I figured out how to tour a little more thoughtfully than before, and I felt like that I kept it fun and. And then I ended up doing standup that I was really happy with, you know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. And the. I mean, I don't know if you can cut this out if you want to, but I. There's stories about our kids.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I think it was really cool that they.

[Tom Segura]

You got to show that I Got to show them. The other day, I was. I was in the edit, and I brought my boys around, and I kind of thought about it. I was like, oh, are they gonna get like. You know what I mean? Because I've had things that before. You know, anybody who has kids, you realize that there's things that a kid can grasp and that things that they don't grasp yet. Right. Like, they're maturing, they're evolving. So I was like, are they gonna get it if I show them this chunk talking about them, are they gonna be like, hey, what's that all about? And I was just like, no, I think they'll get it. Yeah. So I just sat them down and I was like, hey, you understand that, like, it's a performance, right? And like you said, I was kind of explaining, like, how comedy is always based on exaggerating something. Right. It was an exaggeration factor. I'm like, are they gonna intellectually grasp that? And they were like, yeah, yeah. And I got it. And then I showed it to them, and they were fucking howling. And I think it was the most fun I've ever had showing stand up to anyone. Was seeing them because it was talking about them.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he was like, yeah, it's me, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, yeah. He was really excited because there's some neat things you say about me.

[Tom Segura]

There's neat stuff everywhere.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They're really cool. But I don't think I'd have the same reaction. You showed me my bits.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you've seen the bits.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Backstage.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I wouldn't dare go in the audience for those to embarrass.

[Tom Segura]

You've had that experience before.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, have I?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So anyway, really special, and I think. I think it's fantastic. I'm so happy that they're releasing it on Christmas.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's really nice to watch with your family.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's a fun family watch. All right. We took forever to open.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know, but this last time.

[Tom Segura]

You want to see the opener? Yeah, let's do it, Joe. Here we go. Here you go.

[Any]

You guys are all a bunch of losers.

[Tom Segura]

I mentioned I like someone. I really like someone.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Herc]

First time and I lose three or four followers.

[Tom Segura]

You idiots. You're talking to a man that's been celibate for 17 years.

[Any]

I got five kids I already raised. Pay child support and everything.

[Herc]

You know, I got two dead wives.

[Tom Segura]

Who is Randy?

[Herc]

Don't bring anyone love into this.

[Tom Segura]

Let's get opener. Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No. Remember that? So 80s. You know what that theme song Needs.

[Tom Segura]

What's it need?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A saxophone.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. Because would be tight.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Remember in the 80s. Oh, wow.

[Tom Segura]

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[Christina Pazsitzky]

In the 80s, you could add a saxophone to any movie and it instantly upped everything. Like in police academy, they go to a beach bonfire, some guy's playing the saxophone.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Any]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's instantly a party. Lost Boys, there's a band playing. Saxophone player.

[Tom Segura]

Sax is what's up.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

St. Elmo's fire. What does Rob Lowe play?

[Tom Segura]

You have these all on saxophone.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because I've.

[Tom Segura]

You're thinking about saxophones a lot.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, no one just pulls out that much sax knowledge unless it's on your mind a lot. You just. You're like, this is what I've been thinking about.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I do, I do a lot. I do. Because I think.

[Tom Segura]

Do you think this video needs a saxophone?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He needs a lot. I don't understand why he needs two shells around his neck. I feel like one would have been sufficient.

[Herc]

And it's been 18 years and I mentioned one person and he's.

[Tom Segura]

Losers leave.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like his knife hanging on the wall.

[Herc]

Goodbye, you freaks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I'm not far behind.

[Herc]

The social media is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Any]

Having a low a day.

[Tom Segura]

Loser.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

H, baby. He has a machete on his wall.

[Tom Segura]

Well, there's a lot going on. There's a lot. Also the thing is that he made this video which is interesting because I'm kind of deduce what's happening. He said he's interested in someone and then he clocked that he lost followers three or four. And then he got really upset about that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I wish he could see how my page.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He'd his pants.

[Tom Segura]

I'd be like, yeah, I said something. I lost like 5, 000 people.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Same.

[Tom Segura]

And I also was like, yeah, that's fine. That's okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Well, these guys are noobs. Because he's a boomer. He's not really used to it. And now he's like, I've shared my story.

[Tom Segura]

He's really tracking the. Well, he's exactly too. He's like whatever. 328. And then today it's 353. But he was saying 22. Whatever.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But he's saying that he's celibate. Right. Like he was not having sex.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he. He said 17 years, which is a long time. Wow. People in the comments keep calling him Gary Busey, which is totally. What's his. Can you go to his page? There he is. Oh, that's why he knows he's got 720. But that's, you know, 720 people.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's a lot of people.

[Tom Segura]

Google daddy is his handle. That's interesting. What's he saying there? He looks pretty like. Well adjusted in this one with the seashells. Good morning.

[Any]

Should I say afternoon?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh yeah. You got to get that time of day. Right.

[Tom Segura]

Smile.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's it.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Giving us a tour of his apartment complex.

[Tom Segura]

That's the parking deck. That's kind of cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dirty. It needs repaving. That's it.

[Tom Segura]

He's not. We can. We can get out of this Sunday.

[Any]

I haven't figured out where I'm going.

[Herc]

To put that monster tv.

[Tom Segura]

Oh yeah. The remote control hasn't come in yet.

[Any]

I can't turn it on without the remote.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

True.

[Tom Segura]

So fortunately, it's only $10 for this remote, so.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to rearrange.

[Any]

My old apartment and put it.

[Tom Segura]

Well, so hold on, Tom.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How's he gonna.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, it's compelling stuff that he's putting out. I'm surprised he's had people stick around this long. I gotta tell you, man, the best thing you ever put out was talking to these losers about you like, feeling that emotion. I really connected with that video.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I connected with that video. But what I'm connecting with now.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Is that he's got two frisbees that are still in the packaging. What is he saving the frisbees for?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Herc]

You guys are all a bunch of losers.

[Tom Segura]

He loves frisbees, though.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love frisbees, but what's the point of a frisbee if you're not going to play with frisbee?

[Tom Segura]

Maybe he gives them away or something.

[Any]

I mean, I think they're backups. Cuz he's got one out of the package day.

[Tom Segura]

You know, we kind of glossed over this line.

[Herc]

I did two dead lives.

[Tom Segura]

Two. Two.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's such bad luck.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, you've been widowed. And then it happens again.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's so bad. Lot.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But he seems like an upbeat guy.

[Tom Segura]

Most of the time what I'm seeing is a pretty upbeat guy.

[Herc]

Goodbye, you freaks.

[Tom Segura]

That he was just really emotional that day. Really. Anger. You got to channel that anger somewhere.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow. Two dead. He's a humbled Hawaiian. So he's in Hawaii. He's lost two wives. What's this math? 1234.

[Tom Segura]

1230.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's got it pinned. So that's a very important thing.

[Tom Segura]

Humility is not thinking less of yourself. Humility is thinking of yourself less.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

See? He's on the right path.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's a good one.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's figuring it out.

[Tom Segura]

Sunday, November 30th.

[Any]

That's a, that's a screenshot of his phone.

[Herc]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I think 1234 is the time it was when he screenshot 1, 2, 3, 4.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, it's significant spiritually. He's saying this is significant.

[Tom Segura]

Still learning. Ugh. Lol. Jk. I messed up an archive. Deleted this original post. Spent past one hour sifting through posts to find much to no avail. There's still a God. That's a wild caption. There's so much in there. Lol, jk. What? All right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But also, the choice to write in all caps is so bold.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's like you're so.

[Tom Segura]

It feels like someone's yelling at you. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's the intent is like, guys, I am. Lol. Jk, I messed up and archived. Deleted this original.

[Tom Segura]

It's a lot.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's the intonation. Right.

[Tom Segura]

Embrace lowercase letters, man. It's a lot. But he's. Look, I'm gonna say I'm a fan. Keep doing your thing. Google daddy and let us know how the remote control works out in the new place.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I hope he does that. This person he's interested in reciprocates. I think that would be nice.

[Tom Segura]

Speaking of.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Over Thanksgiving, we were staying at a hotel that had a pool. We were in Southern California, and we had some things to do there. So we're there with the kids, and we would go to the pool. The kids loved the children's pool. The children's pool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The family. The most depressing pool.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. There's an adult pool that you look at and you kind of lust after, and then it just kind of fades away and you just stare. Yeah, that'd be nice.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That would be nice.

[Tom Segura]

You're around the, the kid pool, which is fine. Everyone's there hanging out. So one day as we're hanging out, I notice this specimen of a man. A lot of times when we go on vacations, we are, we know, the fit dads. So when you're a dad, you just, you notice that there's some fit dads and fit moms. Yes. But here's, well, here's the thing. This is the thing I've put together.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

I'm not interested in the fit moms. I'm only interested in fit dads. I want to look at. I, I, My eyes drift towards the men. When I'm at the beach or I'm at the pool, if I see a beautiful woman, you go, yeah, it's a beautiful woman. If I see a hot guy, I go, I want to Know this person. I want to get to know them. I want to be with them.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I want to spend time with them. So I see this guy and I'm like, holy shit. Like, this guy's physique was unbelievable. He looked like. To be fair, he didn't look like a fit guy. It wasn't like a guy that works out. He looked exemplary. He looked like an Olympian. You know, he was. If, like, there's only a few things with his body size that I would even believe that he had participated in. I mean, he was either. I was like, this guy was either an off season bodybuilder where you're like, oh, yeah, I would believe that. This guy building. I mean, he had this type of. It wasn't. It wasn't dialed up all the way. That's why I said off season. Like, it wasn't like I'm about to compete. But he looked to me like. Like a fucking Olympic gymnast, you know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, I think gymnast too, because he also had those hip cuts.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's like Brad Pitt level Fight club fit. Am I right? Like, that's not just I work out. That's. I work out and I. And I. Right.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know where you're going with this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know either. But the point being that of all the fit dads. Yeah, he was kind of like that.

[Tom Segura]

No, he was not even anything like this at all. That looks nothing like him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But in the, in the kiddie pool dad world, he's that of.

[Tom Segura]

Well, he was the elite, but like, he looked 10 times better than this. You don't understand, because you don't know what you're looking at. That this is just a really lean guy. There's no mass to this guy. The guy you're looking at now, this Brad Pitt shot, He's. No, he's £150 here. The guy that we saw had, like, was lean and had like, like muscle to him. Like, the dude was built and it didn't look like. He didn't look like a gym rat. He looked like. I said, like an Olympian.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So this is my question to you then.

[Tom Segura]

And he look. And his hair was incredible.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Don't even talk about his hair. His hair looked amazing. He had a full head and it was like light chestnut brown. Nice sparkling eyes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Great disposition.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he was. He was having a good time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Great personality. Not a booze bag. I didn't seem overindulging.

[Tom Segura]

Nope. He was there with his three kids.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And his wife.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She was in great shape. So I noticed the wife separately because I also look at other women's bodies too, to compare myself to them. And she looks great for three kids.

[Tom Segura]

Holy shit. Yeah, they were both very fit. I have. So I want to know him so bad. So I was like, you know, I was eyeballing him. I was trying to get some. I ordered a couple drinks to build up confidence. I wanted to go meet him, you know, and just get to know him, get to know his life, see if there's a chance with us. So I was like eyeballing him. And then one time he was in the hot tub. And the bathroom is near the hot tub.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I got up and I was like, all right, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. And as I walked up, he looked up and he winked and smiled at me. And I felt my heart flutter, you know, I was like. I was like, holy. He, he.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You've got a chance.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he saw me. He likes me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, Andy knows you're famous and he already likes you. Maybe you've already got the leg, of course, you know.

[Tom Segura]

But then here's the thing. I could never, like, I wasn't going to come up to him when he was like, with his family, you know, I was looking for an opening.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, it's weird.

[Tom Segura]

And so this is just kind of like a misconnection kind of moment I would like to put out there that, like, I know you saw me and I saw you. And I feel like there's so many questions that, like, we both want to answer.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

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[Tom Segura]

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[Tom Segura]

So if, I mean, if you saw me, you know who you are. I'd like to know who you are. You know, I have so many questions.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So many questions.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I want to know what he does.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I want to know what he does. Because here's the deal, man. If he is, like a businessman, then that means he's got to wake up at like 4am he's hitting the gym every day.

[Tom Segura]

He is, dude, he is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And he's on, like, a schedule. He's very disciplined. Very disciplined, which is an admirable trait because so are you, you're down to what, 4% body fat now?

[Tom Segura]

No, that's the goal. Oh, that's the goal. Speaking of, we're going to talk to you about body fat In a second, Mr. Any. But, yeah, the goal is to be like. Yeah, I mean, I want to be like people. Where people go, is he on? Is he about to die? Like that kind of level, you know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Where are you now?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I haven't had a scan in a while, but I. I'm in the upper teens for sure.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I got a long way to go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A lot of embarrassment.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, of course. Well, that's what I remember when I was like, hey, should I even walk near him? Like, I don't know if he'll be.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, upset, you know, and that really upset me, Tom, because you bring a lot to the table as well. Don't think that he's better than you. You can't put that dead on a pedestal. You're just as good as him.

[Tom Segura]

I thought I was going to walk by and he was just going to go disgusting and then like, turn his head, you know, Disgusting. But he smiled.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He smiled and he winked.

[Tom Segura]

He did?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But I think. Do you think he was winking because, like, he was like, hey, I know you, or do you think he was winking with like, hey, what's up? Hello.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think it was. It was both.

[Tom Segura]

Both.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think it could have been, hey, what's up? Because also where he winked at you, if you recall, is right by the bar and then there's the Jacuzzi and then that one bathroom. And we saw a lot of inappropriate making out sessions we did in that area of the kitty pool of the children's area. So maybe he was like suggesting, hey, this is the corner.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, where things happen.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Where stuff happens.

[Tom Segura]

Why don't you get a drink and meet me in the bathroom?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's right.

[Tom Segura]

I never put that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Any asked the question earlier, which was really smart of like, is he joyful?

[Tom Segura]

Was he. Yeah. Was he having a good time?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because what does that mean, any, if a man is joyful?

[Any]

Well, I asked if he was having too much fun, you know, because like, you know, we like to have fun, but if you're having fun, too much fun, you're just smiley. You're laughing all the time. Why what you smiling so much for, man? I was, I was, I was questioning it. And then you said that he winked at you. I'm like, that says it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He's gay is for sure, dude.

[Any]

Either he's an Olympian or A bodybuilder, like you're saying. Or he likes dick. The only. There's no other way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But he has three kids, dude to gay guys house for. Hold on. Allegedly. Three kids.

[Tom Segura]

Three kids. Yeah, I know. I don't think he's gay. I mean, I don't think he's gay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You just think he's. He likes what he saw. You guys have a mutual admiration of one another's physique?

[Tom Segura]

We both. No, I don't think he has an admiration for mine, but I think we both would. I think we'd like to get this conversation. Like, I'd like to meet this person. I want to know his story. You understand? I want to know his story. I want to know his background. I want to know what he does.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know what you're talking about. I get obsessed with strangers too. Yeah, we're like, what is the deal? What is this?

[Tom Segura]

So handsome.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

And. And his, like I said, his physique was unbelievable. And he's got a nice family. It's like, I want to know more.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And also, like, the wife didn't resent him or hate him, which you see a lot at the kids pool because the woman's usually doing everything and the husband's not doing.

[Tom Segura]

No, they were, like, participating together.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Good rapport. He was engaged in the family and. And he was laughing, having fun, but not too much fun. So I. I saw him near.

[Tom Segura]

Near, like, I noticed him first. Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, I also ran into him at, like, the kids area, like where the kids play, and he was just, like, smiling, having a good time.

[Tom Segura]

Just too much fun, though. You think that's too much? If he's having a good time, I mean, I don't know.

[Any]

I'd have to be there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's. There's a.

[Any]

There's a certain ratio of, you know.

[Tom Segura]

Smiling and this move a lot too, because he had, like, he had great hair. He was doing this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So much hair.

[Tom Segura]

You know, like. Like dreamy hair, like shampoo commercial hair.

[Any]

I don't know. It could be. It could just also be his full. It could be like the situation. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it could be. It could be that sort of thing. I'd have to see him. I don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

God, he was a dreamboat.

[Tom Segura]

Should we give his identifying feature? Like, that's the only way we're gonna.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's the only way you're really gonna get.

[Tom Segura]

The only way we're gonna get.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But this is. If this is real now, you're gonna make this Happen. If you give away this identifying characteristic, this will manifest.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. My heart's racing. I don't know if I can do this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just do it.

[Tom Segura]

All right, so he, we already described him. Dark hair.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How tall?

[Tom Segura]

He wasn't that tall.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's perfect. What do you mean not that tall?

[Tom Segura]

It wasn't very tall.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, what's not very tall in man world?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, he's under six feet tall.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I don't remember. I didn't ever stand next to him, but I saw him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But he didn't feel short.

[Tom Segura]

Like he wasn't like 5 4, but he was probably like, I'm guessing like around 59 or something. That's my guess.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Perfect height.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, like I said, super jacked. But like in an athletic way. It didn't look like, like a juice head type of jack. No, I mean he looked like athletic.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He built that over, over years. Like he swam in college. Yeah, I think he was. I think he was a swimmer.

[Tom Segura]

So here's it. Here's the thing. It was an upper back, circular tattoo in the upper back. And that was his only tattoo.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

In between his shoulder blades. Yeah, circular. I would say like a good. Maybe a snake coiled or like a dragon. Like a chakra.

[Tom Segura]

Could be like a yin yang. I didn't see it up close. Sir, we've identified you. We know who you are. We have questions. Want to know who you are, what you do, what your background, what Division 1 sport did you play? Are you currently involved in athletics?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And also I think, Tom, if I may be so bold, are you open to making a new friend?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You want to be friends? I think.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You want to make a new friend.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, clearly we vacation well together. Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Well, there you go. I put it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's.

[Tom Segura]

I'd like to meet my new friend.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's a lady at my gym.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Who I admire too.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But you're like, oh, they're so. Like she's such a dream and she's so aloof and I just want her approval. Like I just, I just want her to be like, hey, Christina, how you doing? And like she just, she's so above. She just won't.

[Tom Segura]

I think, I wonder if I'm. If I know this person because I've been there too. Is she elite? Yeah, like super elite.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean in my world, like in a 50 year old lady care category.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, I just mean objectively elite.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I, I don't think so. I don't think so. But I think she looks amazing and like her personality, like, she's just so cool and, like, whatever, like, kind of East Coasty and just, like, funny and unbothered. And I'm like, I just want that. I just want some of that. Like, I want you. I want her to shine her light on me.

[Tom Segura]

I get it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And, like, be like, I don't care about any of these people but you, Christina, Like, I want to give my friendship, my heart to you because you're worth it. And then I'll be all, thanks, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Like, yeah, dude, bro. Thank you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Thank you, bro.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks, dog.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And by the way, why are people making out at the kids pool?

[Tom Segura]

That. That was.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That was so inappropriate, dude. There's two other pools you could have in. Like, you had to put. You had to make out in the children's pool.

[Tom Segura]

This one couple do it at the bar, and this wasn't like a Margaritaville place, you know? And, like, they were fully groping each.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Other fully into it.

[Tom Segura]

Get your shit together.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's kids everywhere.

[Tom Segura]

They were hammered. They had to be. That's why you do that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But there's two, like I said, great pools to go make out.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They should tell them. Be like, hey, excuse me. Can you go, like, ejaculate in the other.

[Tom Segura]

Could you go do that somewhere else.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

In the ejaculation Jacuzzi?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And there's always a guy, we noticed at the end of the night or the end of this pool cycle day. There's always an alone guy in the Jacuzzi when the whole pool is gone. Yeah, everyone's gone. There's one guy.

[Tom Segura]

Moon's out, and there's this one guy. You're like, holy. Is there a guy in there?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

One guy, Harry, alone in the Jacuzzi.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's either that or it's before sun. Before the sun goes down. There'll be a guy in there who's. Who's talking to someone, like, about business.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, you know. Well, I just try to, you know, I saw this company and I said I could do something with that. And you're like, okay, this guy's giving. Like, he's boasting about his business acumen. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's always f. I saw it every day.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I'll tell you what I'm a big fan of right now is I like these guys who are doing stay safe out there videos. This is, like, my favorite lane that I fell into, and I cannot get enough of it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, let's do it.

[Herc]

Hey, everybody. It's falling. It's going to be getting darker. Earlier. And I think everybody should have access to a good flashlight at all times.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Herc]

Please don't rely on your phone. If you have to get your phone flashlight on, you're going to look down, hit the code, and then turn the flashlight on. Yeah, it's not a great flashlight. You're distracted while turning it on.

[Tom Segura]

There could be a perk.

[Herc]

Get a great flashlight, keep it readily available.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Herc]

I like a sure fire.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm going to throw at my sister.

[Herc]

I have a tail cap activation.

[Tom Segura]

Who the fuck.

[Herc]

So if I need to open the car door, open up a door, move. My child carry groceries. I still have one hand free.

[Tom Segura]

Free to do other things. Right.

[Herc]

Okay. To access all the positions that I need, do yourself a favor, link in my bio. I have a whole section on flashlights in the prepared university.

[Tom Segura]

You will be safe. I told, I told my crew I want Sean to start doing these videos because he's always buying like safety shit.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It hurts my stomach. He's expecting a woman to carry around at all times. Policeman's light.

[Any]

And then this hand.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Where do I keep this?

[Tom Segura]

This hand can do other things, you know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I keep this in my purse always.

[Tom Segura]

You cannot rely on a phone. If you have a phone, you have to look down, you have to turn the phone on. And that's an insane fucking waste of time. So make sure you get a police level flashlight. Keep it on your waistband. Power could go out at any fucking second.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The worst part is, is this inner voice is why I go to therapy. Like, this is why I'm on Prozac because of fucking thoughts like this.

[Tom Segura]

What happens if there's no light? This guy's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is feeding into everything that's wrong.

[Herc]

As I mentioned before, this is my neighborhood. So I pretty much have a good baseline what everything looks like. But always remember, any scenario you are in could shift. People are the most unpredictable variable in any scenario.

[Tom Segura]

Hell yeah. So I'm here.

[Herc]

I see local people doing what they're normally doing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Herc]

Any second, clown car could roll up. There's a bunch of clowns looking to get out to do clown stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Herc]

And I got to be ready for that.

[Tom Segura]

Yep, you do.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Got to be ready for anything, anytime.

[Tom Segura]

100%, bro.

[Herc]

Something else everybody should know. When you put the pump in your gas station, you could drive away. It's not going to explode. Okay. They're designed to automatically shut off because your safety always comes first. So if I'm pumping gas and I see the environment shift and somebody might be coming towards me, I got to.

[Tom Segura]

Get out of Here.

[Herc]

I'm not going to wait to see.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Herc]

Always have a plan.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Where does he live?

[Herc]

Well, be safe, everybody.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Is he living in. Why is he so fired up?

[Tom Segura]

I know this neighborhood, but at any second a clown could fucking enter.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What neighborhood is he in?

[Tom Segura]

Sheesh.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He needs to move.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He feels this threatened in his own neighborhood.

[Tom Segura]

Sometimes you'll be putting gas in your car and you'll feel a threat. Just take off and rip the fucking pump down. It does not matter. You just gotta be on top of safety at all times.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Pay the pump. Can you imagine how much it would cost to replace the pump in a gas station? It's $50,000. Cause you panic.

[Tom Segura]

I got scared.

[Any]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

What do you want me to tell you?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wait, what were you saying about Sean?

[Tom Segura]

Now tell me, Sean, Sean, who I love dearly and travels with me everywhere. He's got a little bit of stay prepared. So this guy's. This guy's business or whatever is called prepared, not paranoid. So that's what I tell. Like, Sean believes in that. You know, he's always like, well, what if this happens? What if that happens? You know? So he's like, he's got trauma shears on his waist. He's got a crazy flashlight. Hold on, you can't just.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Let's go through what he's got. So number one is trauma shears.

[Tom Segura]

Shears. These are the shears that a paramedic or somebody in the fire department would have with them so that like, if they needed to, you know, cut you out of a seat belt or your ring was like wedged onto something and like, you're about to lose your finger. Yeah. So he's got a pretty high level type of trauma shear on him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And he gets this through security if you guys are flying commercially.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, he explains, you know what the man. What if this whole thing, what if you need somebody to get cut out of strap? And they're like, okay, buddy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, so the. Okay, so the trauma shears are on his waist belt. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Flashlight too.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's got the one that that guy advised.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's got one of these and it does like different patterns, like flash sos. He does Morse code with it. He's got a Leatherman. He's got knives. He always has like different types of knives on them. Sure, yeah. So I'm trying to get him to just like keep upgrading, you know, keep escalating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be like a hundred percent prepared for any situation ever.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, well, he showed me he showed me the ring that you guys bought together.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, he's got. Yeah, he's got all kinds of. He's got knuckle dusters. He's got. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He goes, you see this, Christina? I go, what is that? He goes, it's called a knuckle duster.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I go, what's this? He goes, you know, back the guys. Gangs that couldn't carry weapons.

[Tom Segura]

It's when they banned brass knuckles. That's when they. When they banned those.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I could buy this ring and then I could. I could. You know, you could punch somebody and do some damage. And I looked at him, real damage like this. And he goes, what? I thought you'd like it. It's all punk rock. And I'm like, it is. I very much like it. Yeah, but you think you need the knuckle dusters on the Southwest Airlines flight right now, dude.

[Tom Segura]

You need at all times. You know what his favorite expression is? You stay ready. You don't have to get ready.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's no, though.

[Tom Segura]

And that's what this guy's doing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's right. Always ready.

[Herc]

As I go from the parking lot into the store, I'm transitioning into a new space.

[Tom Segura]

Holy shit. Parking lot.

[Herc]

I've already cleared that. It's safe. As I go into a new space.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Herc]

I have to do the same thing. I'm gonna go in there, take a few seconds, observe the environment.

[Tom Segura]

Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, you're going to go into. Yeah. So. All right, so you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What's in there, man?

[Herc]

So as I go into the store, I take a second, I look, I notice there's a fire alarm over there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Herc]

I look and see if there's anything out of place, anything I should pay attention to.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

People over here having coffee.

[Herc]

Everything seems normal.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Herc]

Take a few more seconds. And I go about my day into the store.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Herc]

And go shopping.

[Tom Segura]

You know, you just described absolutely nothing. Literally. He was like, I went into the store, I looked, and it looked like people were in the store. And then I felt safe. Like, that's. Everybody already does that. You have to give us something more to do in the store. Right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, exactly, Tom. Like, I was hoping for something.

[Tom Segura]

Where are the exits?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's right.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Where is the nearest bathroom? Maybe I'll have diarrhea.

[Tom Segura]

Is there a security officer in the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A security.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Is there a coin star.

[Tom Segura]

And I would like to get some more racial profiling in here. Oh, he said it before.

[Any]

You didn't hear it?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Any]

He used the word clowns.

[Tom Segura]

But, oh, yeah, you know what he meant.

[Any]

I know what he meant.

[Tom Segura]

He didn't mean. He meant he's like, yeah, you know.

[Any]

Clowns doing clown things.

[Tom Segura]

You know, clowning around, black. I mean, clowning. Being clowns with their music, their clown music. Talking all that clown talk where you're like, what the fuck did you just say? Yeah, well, I gotta say, I'm a huge fan of this page. I hope everybody continues to be prepared and not paranoid, hyper vigilant. I'm really hoping that Sean builds a page like this soon.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I've been literally working in therapy for 20 years trying to stop this exact shit in my head.

[Tom Segura]

Where are the exits? Scan the room left to right. A couple clowns over here. That's not good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Clowns. Clowns.

[Tom Segura]

That is amazing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And also, he's not going to a grocery store in a bad neighborhood. This appears to me to just be like a normal.

[Tom Segura]

This is just like a.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like a Randall's.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Totally normal grocery store. Publix or something. Yeah. He's like, all right, I can shop now. I walked in, I assessed the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What Larry bets. Oh, he's in Sedona, which is like the crackeriest. Safest. There's 10 people living there place. Oh, Duncan follows him, too.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, he does. There you go. Founder. Prepared, not paranoid.

[Herc]

Important.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, what's important? Let's click on important.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Important.

[Tom Segura]

My book.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, my book.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, that's good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Now, he, by the way, he told us where he lived.

[Herc]

Situational awareness.

[Tom Segura]

Situational awareness.

[Herc]

Terminology used called keep your head on a swivel. What does that even mean? What are we looking for? If we explore situational awareness will come up on Koopa's color code, the Oda.

[Tom Segura]

Loop, and a few others.

[Herc]

What I've done is I've taken all that information, put it into one book, put it together in my new book.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, shit.

[Herc]

Situational awareness. Safe family travel strategies.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus.

[Herc]

I put it together in a format that's easy to understand, also easy for.

[Tom Segura]

You to teach members of your family.

[Herc]

So you might look at this and say, I got it. I'm always aware. Yes, you might be, but is your child more aware? How do we implement these strategies to keep our entire family and our community safer? So I put this book together.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, he's literally in one of the six places you could be.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's all retirees.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And it's like, hey, do you want to see, like, the stars tonight?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right?

[Tom Segura]

And sound baths and.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's like this guy's walking into Those crystal shops being like, who's this guy? What's this clown doing?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, it's literally white girls with dreadlocks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And like, patchouli. There's nothing happening in Sedona.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe that's why he's doing this. He's like. He wants something to happen.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Still juiced up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he definitely moved there from somewhere.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Somewhere awful.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, East Coast. You could hear it in his voice. He moved from the. The Northeast.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

My wife and I relocated to Sedona.

[Tom Segura]

Talking. And you look in the room, you see a couple clowns, you say, hey. Oh, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

If you. You could drive away from a gas.

[Tom Segura]

What is the bio site? What does it have on the site? I want to know. Like, what. What. What is there?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's a cop.

[Tom Segura]

Got it. Situational awareness.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you think he's. He's ex cop?

[Tom Segura]

Could be.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Or military.

[Tom Segura]

Self defense? Hell yeah. Less than lethal. Yeah. Flashlight.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Big on the. The anatomy of a flashlight. That's insane. Yeah, that's. That's a sound special right there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Pocket clip, Lanyard loop.

[Tom Segura]

Tail cap. Yep. I like knowing the exact. I need wording on that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tail switch.

[Tom Segura]

You hit the tail cap on that, it's like. What are you talking about?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The tail cap spill.

[Tom Segura]

The hot spot. The way that the light is dispersed. Okay, Lux, got it. Watts, Pepper spray. We definitely need some of that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You need that.

[Tom Segura]

He's got to be fully like. I bet if he lifted up his T shirt, you'd see like 40 things hanging from there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Have you ever actually sprayed pepper spray in the room?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It is so volatile. If you stun gum, if you spray pepper spray, guess who else it up?

[Tom Segura]

The person.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, because it's so indoors, it's insane.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You can't. Like, it's. Yeah, you're just gonna guess the whole situation.

[Tom Segura]

This is my favorite channel of the year, by the way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, this is stun gun. Well, what are my options? Hold on. You're passing by stun gun options? Saber self defense kit with pepper spray and stun gun.

[Tom Segura]

That's what I'm getting Sean for Christmas. Will you please flag some good ones for me? I want to get them something state of the art.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We need a stun gun. You gotta walk around.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Is this legal in Texas?

[Tom Segura]

Selling it on Amazon, I don't know, like. Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's such a bad idea.

[Tom Segura]

It's great. Is there another one? That's like, holy level. Here, look. What? That's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what? I just had a vision of me taking my Stun gun out and then.

[Tom Segura]

Me down just being like, hold on a second. I gotta. It's not on yet. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Tear gas round. I gotta get my tear gas gun.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Please get it. Can we make a video of him trying out all your new toys that you've got?

[Any]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I want him to be fully strapped. With, like, a pellet gun and a stun gun and knives. Everyone's like, what the. Like, he's just ready, dude. He's prepared.

[Any]

You should put him through the course that cops got to take where they get, like, desensitized to tear gas.

[Tom Segura]

He would love, love it to go to that.

[Any]

I wouldn't even be surprised if he already did it.

[Tom Segura]

You might be right.

[Any]

Tear gas. Oh, it doesn't do anything to me.

[Tom Segura]

Kinetic balls. Solid, non lethal projectiles. I could get them something like that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Kinetic balls, tear gas. I didn't even know you could buy tear gas.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. I would love to have him fully strapped.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You have to buy him a belt too. No.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Put all this to.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I mean, he's got a belt, but maybe like a specialty belt or.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Something across his chest, like commando.

[Tom Segura]

Holy shit. He would embrace all this stuff. Yeah. Awesome. Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I do feel like you could have used all this in Albuquerque when you were filming there this past summer.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, ABQ has some. Has some clowns.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You definitely need that.

[Tom Segura]

That's it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, there it is.

[Tom Segura]

Definitely getting him that. Please flag that for me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's called a tactical belt. Yeah, that's what you need.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, that's badass. Is that a body cam? Oh, what's that in the front there? It looks like it's got a screen or something, right? Dude, that is Velcro. Dude, that is a hundred percent Sean's belt. I. I'm so stoked for this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Duty belts. Law enforcement, combat, Airsoft, police belt with pouches, seven pieces.

[Any]

You know what he'll probably like is the tactical vest.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he would love the vest, especially.

[Any]

If you can, like, weight it.

[Tom Segura]

Give me the belt and the vest, please.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Maybe night vision goggles. Does he have night vision? He's not safe at night.

[Tom Segura]

That's so true.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, tactical vest, dude. He would love that.

[Tom Segura]

That's rad.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, things are heavy, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we gotta suit him up. He's gotta get ready.

[Any]

P.S. the funny thing is gonna be when you ask him, and he's gonna be like, yeah, I got like, three of those.

[Tom Segura]

You already have that? Why'd you get me Shit, I already have.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Panoramic night vision goggle.

[Tom Segura]

Holy shit.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God. It's $50,000. 50 grand. What? Well worth it, though.

[Tom Segura]

Well worth it. Great investment. I bet Larry would approve. He'd be like, 100%. You need that. You go outside, scan the neighborhood in Sedona. Anybody out here? How the man? Yeah, how is it? Like, I don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dude. What is 50 grand?

[Tom Segura]

This is what, like, why military contracts are worth, like, $40 billion.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's overpriced.

[Tom Segura]

They're like, yes, 50 grand a pop.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's nothing. There's nothing that's worth $50,000. Those are binoculars for your head. Please explain.

[Tom Segura]

Only one left.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Helmet mount.

[Tom Segura]

Can we go back to, like, the. The search for those to see if there's like. Like, what are the other one. Like, they have to have more reasonable prices. Man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What's neat is that you look cooler, too.

[Tom Segura]

Those are $900.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, that's. It's still a shitload of. Oh, single. Single ops. 300 bones just for one. But he needs.

[Tom Segura]

He needs both. No, I definitely would give him the two.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Eyes on.

[Tom Segura]

What are you doing? I'm scoping the neighborhood right now. I'm moving left to right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, it looks like a owl.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I'm excited. Please flag some of these for me. I need to. I need to get him Christmas. Yeah. So the. What's it called? The junior fed smoker guy. I think he's still doing stuff, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, thank God.

[Tom Segura]

What's up?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why are you filming us?

[Tom Segura]

I'm filming him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But stop being my boyfriend.

[Tom Segura]

Why are you filming for? Dude, are you famous?

[Herc]

Are you famous?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's not famous.

[Herc]

You are famous. You are famous. Have a good day. Famous guy.

[Tom Segura]

He's got. He's just has the heart and soul of Herc. It's so clear.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's. It's really cool. It really makes you realize we're all connected.

[Tom Segura]

And I do love that there's two people just having a good time by themselves.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. She's like, stop filming my boyfriend.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And he's being disruptive to. That was really cool.

[Herc]

We're over here at the Sigma Kai plants neighborhood over here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Back to Sigma Kai Forest Park, I.

[Herc]

Think mountain in Portland, Oregon.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oregon.

[Herc]

I thought I'd bring awareness to the community about this person who does dirty work for Sigma Chi fraternities.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dirty work. Oh, dear. He's honking at them. What the. Dude.

[Any]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what's really crazy is, like, Herc also had this fearlessness about him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Fearless.

[Tom Segura]

Fearless.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

These are. He didn't fall proto.

[Tom Segura]

Buddy, you're Done. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

These are men that he's taunting.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I know strong. That guy, by the way, the guy that he said you're famous. That looked like a. Like a pretty solid dude. That was not a little guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No. You know he is barking up some scary trees.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that can fucking crazy. That dude I bet could have really wrecked this guy. But the cop.

[Herc]

What is your name and cell number? What is your name and serial number? Officer, what is your name and serial number? Sheriff or no, Sheriff Chronister, why is he refusing ID himself to be sheriff? Yeah, so why can't you cite and release people instead of having to take them to Orient Road?

[Tom Segura]

And that's funny. He's in Florida now. He was just in Oregon. Oh, that's Hillsborough County. Yeah, that's like Tampa area.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think that's. You know what, that makes sense though. That's the beacon for mental illness.

[Tom Segura]

Just the state of Florida.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, all of Florida, but yeah. Tampa, Orlando, Miami. Yeah.

[Herc]

So why can't you cite and release people for misdemeanors instead of having to take take them to Orient Road jail?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Herc]

When you arrest somebody for a misdemeanor, you should just cite and release them. Why do you have to take them and waste gas and this gas guzzling unit to take them to the Orient Rail jail? It's not like LA where if you do a misdemeanor they cite and release you or take you to the station and process you.

[Tom Segura]

So what's really I'm fascinated by now is the fact that he's this transient that like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know how sometimes they're just fixed location guys. He is literally like. We've seen multiple stuff from him up in Washington. Then he was in Oregon. I don't remember where else we've seen him, but he's definitely. Oh, he's been in la. That's right. He references la. But this is. That. This is definitely. I mean he's in the Tampa area, Hillsborough county.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Let's. What time of year is this film? Is it coinciding with holidays? Is he visiting his family in. In Florida? Is he in school during the other times?

[Tom Segura]

We're all just. It's crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What always baffles me is these people have money to travel.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How the.

[Tom Segura]

How about this right here? I know, like how do they do it? How about this? What. What do you see here that reminds you of Herc?

[Herc]

What are you gonna do? Security guard. Take a picture, old ass. You're a security guard? Are you a certified peace officer in the state of California? You're just gonna do like that?

[Tom Segura]

You have no authority.

[Herc]

You have no authority, so you're just.

[Tom Segura]

Gonna be ignorant like that.

[Herc]

Jaywalking is not illegal in California, old ass.

[Tom Segura]

Says who?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Jaywalking is illegal.

[Tom Segura]

California state legislator. The California state legislators, you old.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, wow. He said la. Is that lax? Yeah, that's lax. He's at the airport.

[Tom Segura]

The airport. And then he's harassing a security guard. We've seen that before.

[Herc]

What's your name, public servant. What's your name, public servant?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We're the captain.

[Herc]

The supervisor.

[Tom Segura]

Go ahead. Supervisor.

[Herc]

Supervisor of Wawa. Why is give the orders.

[Tom Segura]

You're a security guard. No authority. Are you done?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Are you done?

[Herc]

Touch my phone.

[Tom Segura]

Touch my phone.

[Herc]

Don't touch your phone. Touch my phone. You're a security guard. You have no authority.

[Tom Segura]

Are you leaving or not? You have no authority. Are you leaving or not?

[Herc]

Touching my camera.

[Tom Segura]

Through the fence, you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The similarities are striking. Yeah, we got to do DNA tests on this kid. We got to get Herc's DNA. Cost your job. Imagine this is. This is. This is unbelievable. This is the same person.

[Tom Segura]

It's the same behavior. It's the exact same behavior. What are the chances There's a guy who's just doing his job as a security guard and then he's like, the. Are you. What the are you doing here? You're fired, buddy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

At the Arrow.

[Herc]

Fired, bud.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And also, why is nobody arresting him at this point? Like, if you mess with TSA or whatever, like, can't they arrest you?

[Tom Segura]

I think California is probably the most, like, least likely to spend the resources in arresting someone right now. Yeah, yeah. Now them Hillsboro county sheriffs have time. I'll tell you that. Florida, they have time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course.

[Tom Segura]

They always are like, huh, what? Yeah, we'll just lock them up. I mean, the. More like, the bluer places are going to be, like, well, you know, we need some help. And maybe they take him to a hospital. But down south, that's true, because we.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Didn'T see Herc coming through Texas a whole lot. He didn't see Herc doing this in the red states. Yeah. Interesting.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. White chariots, man. You know, before I forget, I wanted to give a big shout out to the mgm. The hookup. The. The way they treated us. I had a show in Vegas a couple weeks ago, and it was at the park. Mgm. It was really fun. Thank you for. For all that. But also, they set us up at F1, which was really, really fun. And I have to give a huge, huge thanks to the great, legendary Chef Jose Andres for absolutely spoiling the shit out of me and my crew. I think there is no greater joy than getting to spend time with chefs. The chefs that I've been fortunate enough to meet all over the world are always, like, the greatest. They're just the best, man. They're amazing talents. They're amazing people. This guy is not just an amazing chef. He's an amazing humanitarian and human being. If you don't know his work with World Central Kitchen, it's a. It's an incredible organization that just feeds people all over the world, regardless of their political situations or affiliations. They just go to wherever there's disasters that could be hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, war zones, floods, wherever there's a disaster and people need to get fed. World Central Kitchen goes and they sets up and they feed people. And it's led by this man, Jose Andres, who's a world famous, very accomplished chef. He is, you know, one of the elite chefs, right? The guy who just, like, has these incredibly innovative ideas, and they. If you've ever been to, like, the bazaar or bizarre meets, and he's got. What is this. This place. Something Poblano in. In Vegas. And he's got Haleo, and he's got. He's got a. He's got a dozen or more restaurants, and they're all over the world. So, I mean, yeah, we could. We could see what they are here. This is the, I guess, U.S. locations. I mean, look, there's. Yeah, China Bar, Centro Bizarre Mar. Bizarre Meat. Eh Jaleo.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Something tells me this guy is Latin.

[Tom Segura]

He's from Spain, so he's a Spanish man. Anyway, he treated us like we were visiting heads of state and gave us an absolute. I mean, like a. A feast that I can't describe. And I'm there with John Feliciano.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's Kirk.

[Tom Segura]

There's Kirk. And we're just hanging out, and he was just absolutely spoiling the. Out of us. And it was just. It was such an amazing experience. I just had to acknowledge that this dude is just. He's exactly what you want out of a chef. Like, he's passionate, he's excited, and he's super talented. So it's all these things that you're like, you know, like, what. What is this? And he's just rattling off how he had an idea and came up with this. And then every bite, you're like this Unbelievable.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's cool.

[Tom Segura]

So it was very cool. Yeah. Yeah. It's an incredible organization.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think that's really nice that he does that.

[Tom Segura]

World Central Kitchen, if you want to see what they do. You know, you can Google it. But they. They really do amazing work. I mean, it's so cool. We've donated over the last few years a number of times because they do such great work.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, I wanted to address our ob. Our cat obesity problem in the Segura Homestead. And frankly, I'm a little fucking disappointed in the millennials in the Gen Z's, the Gen Alphas we have working here. So we have automatic cat feeders, okay? We have an adult cat, a kitten. The adult cat is eating the kitten's portions, and the adult cat is fat. That's the problem. Munchkin's overweight by two pounds. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So here I am on the show and we're talking about it. Oh, the cat feeders, you have to pull them apart, we have to feed them separately, blah, blah, blah. We're all talking about these scenarios. Meanwhile, Connor, Swindle's friend of the show, he's star of the movie Jingle Bell heist on Netflix right now. He listens to the show and he thanks me for the shout out, and he goes, oi, mate. You know, you can also do.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, tight, mate.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You can buy feeders that are calibrated to a specific cat, meaning one of them wears one collar, activates this feeder, the other collar activates the other one, and they can't cross the streams. You see what I'm saying?

[Tom Segura]

Does he have. He has a cat.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's got multiple cats. And so he goes, mate, it's real fucking simple. You just get.

[Tom Segura]

And have you then. Have you ordered this already? Of course.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A hundred dollars fucking later.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And now we don't have a cat obesity problem. And why the fuck didn't these millennials. These are cat owners.

[Tom Segura]

Here they are.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And it took somebody across the pond listening to the show to tell me.

[Herc]

Wait, how does it stop them from.

[Any]

Eating the other one's food?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So they wear collars that have, like, sensors, okay? So if the correct cat goes up to the correct feeder sensor, it dispenses food. The minute it does the wrong cat, it stops working.

[Tom Segura]

It doesn't. It usually dispense multiples at, like, a feeding amount at a time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know. The point of the story is it shuts it down. It covers it or something.

[Tom Segura]

No, the point of the story is they fail.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I haven't done it yet. They fail me. Yeah, I have to. I didn't want to set it up for our trip because what if it malfunctioned and there's nowhere in there to feed the cat. The point of the fucking story is, Josh, you have fucking cats. Multiples. Am I right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And you didn't know this.

[Tom Segura]

I should have known this. I didn't know it. I got to try it. I mean, let us know if it works here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course it works. Connor does it. That's how he keeps his animals from being obese.

[Tom Segura]

The thing is, we need. We need Josh and some of the other people here to flog themselves. I think a little more.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Thank you, Tom. That's exactly what I want. Some repentance.

[Tom Segura]

You know, I'm a failure. I'm stupid. I don't know things. Things like that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's right. I'm young. I should know everything.

[Tom Segura]

I should know things more.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

How do I not know that? I'm a fucking moron.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Exactly. They're supposed to be up on all the technology, the AIs, the things.

[Tom Segura]

I let you down. I let myself down. Things like that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Speaking of, let's talk to this clown any real quick. Wow. Week we get. So a few weeks ago, I was explaining how the only thing that I'm really concerned with and I. I really feel like I'm trying to encourage people in this regard. Do whatever you want, obviously, is when it comes to, like, your weight and your body isn't the number on the scale. It's your body composition. That's what matters.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's true.

[Tom Segura]

There's some people that are. I'm talking about men that are like 225, and they're. They look perfect, right? But that's. That guy. Somebody else. It might be 170. Like, the. The scale doesn't matter. It's your. It's your composition. Like your. Your lean mass versus your body fat, right? Like, what's that? And it's. Look, there's a whole huge range in which is healthy. And there's a range within if you want to be, like, I don't know, elite or whatever. But it's knowing that that I think is important. So I was encouraging. I was saying that I had done this and that that's what I'm really trying to focus on is just the composition, not the scale number. And in doing so, I was like, you know, I've gotten more dialed in on, like, what certain body fat percentages mean for, like, the male physique, right? So you start to learn, like, this is obese. This is, like, you know, moderately healthier. This is like, you know, some extra weight. This is starting to get into, like, pretty lean. And this is like super lean. Like you're learning what those are. So in doing that, I was like, oh, I wonder because we've obviously, we've worked with any for a long time. He's a super lean guy. You know, he's like. He's a guy that is like, Yep. He doesn't carry a lot.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's like a squirrel or a greyhound.

[Tom Segura]

And he's. And he's. He's been. Always been very lean. Never really been like a hardcore gym guy, but he's a very. He's a strong guy and he can eat. He's one of those body types. I feel like you eat whatever and doesn't have to think about it. So I was like, I encouraged him. I was like, I'm just so curious, what's your, you know, like, composition like? And he went to get a scan, a DEXA scan to get like the, the numbers. And what are the results of that?

[Any]

Any, according to the DEXA scan, your boy fat as fuck. Apparently I am 22 body.

[Tom Segura]

That's wild. 22 to me.

[Any]

Which is why today's CAP report is body fat.

[Tom Segura]

It's body fat. Got it.

[Any]

Body fat percentage. It doesn't exist. I could run faster, jump higher, punch harder.

[Tom Segura]

This had you. Because you sent it to me. You had 21.6, which is that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Is that unhealthy in the range for men?

[Tom Segura]

No, it's not unhealthy. It's. It was a bit surprising just like looking at any. But then again, like somebody who's like, pretty lean like him, you can be like very dialed in on that, you know, and there's also. There's a spectrum to how lean a lean person is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, wow.

[Tom Segura]

So 20.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, wow.

[Tom Segura]

20 is that far right one. That's what it's saying that any's category is, which I think definitely not what I look like. It's not. Do you think. What do you think you look like? Because I don't think you showed me, like, your belly today and it didn't look like. You don't look like obviously like 30 down there, but I don't think at your current state you look like 15. I. I think you've been at what that 15 looks like, but I don't think you're currently there right now. Am I wrong?

[Any]

I think I don't. Only because of the, like, extra muscle. I'm not built. But in terms of like the abs, like, my abs look like that. They don't look like.

[Tom Segura]

They look like 15? Yeah.

[Any]

Like really 20? I mean, that's definitely. Again, it's more like, you know, what's the word? I don't know, more. More fucking prevalent. I don't know how to say.

[Tom Segura]

But, but don't you feel like, like this my. From what I saw, like you were sitting in a chair and you just lifted up your shirt. I didn't see definition. I just saw it like kind of what? Like undefined, but not like, again, not heavy. It to me looked like, oh, if he spent, you know, six weeks like, like caring about it, your body would change dramatically. That you were just kind of like going through them. Like, you know, like you're not particularly working on this right now and that you are. Yeah, you never are. Right? Like you're just kind of like.

[Any]

Yeah, I haven't been to the gym. I mean, I went, I went to the gym every day for that basketball thing. And before that, I want to say the last time I went to the gym was like, I don't know, 10 years ago.

[Tom Segura]

Like I go to the gym and then food wise, you never really care. Right? I mean, nothing but garbage. Yeah. So do you think that the thing is wrong or do you just think that, like, who cares?

[Any]

I think that it's cap. I think it's all a mindset.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, wait, wait. I'm talking about the data. Like do you think it is inaccurate or, or do you think that it's like. Yeah, I mean, do you think it's not accurate? What, what, what it said?

[Any]

I mean, I don't know. I. I guess I don't, I don't have anything to like compare it to. I just trust it, I guess. I mean, I don't really. It doesn't like.

[Tom Segura]

I think it would be an interesting experiment for you. Because the great thing is when you have like a baseline is if, like, if you have that report that you now have that you shared with me and you take like a completely like you for yourself. Take a photo when you get home in the bathroom where like in, in like your boxers, where you just see yourself unflexing, just like chilling.

[Any]

This is getting weird.

[Tom Segura]

It's not weird. It's for you. I'm not saying to share them, I'm saying it's for you. So you take photo of yourself where you see your physique, you see exactly where you are. And then you have your, you have your data from last week. And then if you were to go like, okay, there's you know, essentially four weeks left in the year, so you give yourself like 812 weeks. And in those 8 to 12 weeks, you just. You don't have to go extreme. But I'm saying you dial in a few things, meaning you, You. You try to just adapt to a little. Little healthier diet and just like a few days a week of training. I bet you within. If you gave yourself 12 weeks and you had a DEXA scan again and you tried to address some of those things, you would go, oh, yeah, I. I see how dramatic this can be with just a little. Because you have the body type where I think a little bit of dialing that in could get like, extreme results.

[Any]

No, you're. You're 100. I mean, yeah, it's.

[Tom Segura]

It's really.

[Any]

It's always just been a matter of time. I would definitely need to get a personal trainer because I just don't. And a dietitian, probably because the thing about getting healthy that's always stopped me is I don't know what the to do.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's most. I think you're right.

[Any]

I don't know how to eat right. I don't know the right calories and protein.

[Tom Segura]

And that's most people, because we don't get taught that. Which is like the two things that I always feel like the strangest as you get older is when you realize we don't teach really how to be healthy. A human, like in schools. And we don't teach really people unless they pursue it. Finance.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Exactly.

[Tom Segura]

We just go like, get out there, put it on a credit card, and that's when we just go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Money and health.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There should be classes devoted to this.

[Tom Segura]

You have to seek it out. We don't go like, we're going to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Teach you that because any. Your body naturally. Could you imagine if you were like.

[Tom Segura]

Really into it and he's still young enough.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Are. You're not even. What are you. You're not even 40. He's not even close. What are you, 28?

[Any]

29.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's lying.

[Tom Segura]

He's lying.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Are you 30 something, but you're still young. You could cap. Did you imagine.

[Tom Segura]

All right, enough of this clowning around. You gotta.

[Any]

This is crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what I used.

[Any]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What? I used to love? What.

[Any]

I'm gonna send this to Black Twitter.

[Tom Segura]

What are you talking about?

[Any]

Sending it straight to him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

For what?

[Any]

You're gonna get another round of this.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I walked in today, I go, who's this clown? And then I just.

[Any]

Double down. Black Twitter will hear.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, so wait, so You. Are you interested in that at all or. Not really, though. The pursuit of the, like, you don't.

[Any]

When I.

[Tom Segura]

You're a normal, healthy guy. I mean, moderately healthy. Let's be honest.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's not healthy.

[Any]

My. My habits are probably the least healthy of any person in the world.

[Tom Segura]

And your body is not matching your habits.

[Any]

Absolutely.

[Tom Segura]

Like, your body is still like, hey.

[Any]

We'Re pretty good somehow. Yeah, I really haven't lost much of anything in, like, the 10 years.

[Tom Segura]

Do you want to change that or are you just like, I don't really fucking care?

[Any]

I mean, like, I think once there will be a day, there will be a day and I will go hard and it will be like a. A thing I'll only focus on. But again, it's like the. Because I can't do the thing where you're saying where you're like, oh, don't go all the way in. Don't be super extreme about it.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Any]

Just do like, a little bit.

[Tom Segura]

Because that's not how you do it.

[Any]

It's not just that I don't. It's that I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna care then. And then I'm just gonna be like, ah, well, why do I even need to do this?

[Tom Segura]

That's a good point.

[Any]

I'll just quit.

[Tom Segura]

That's a good point.

[Any]

So if I did it, I would go super hard. But again, it's like, I know I'm gonna need a dietitian.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Or, you know, dude, he smokes cigarettes, right? You smoke OG cigs. Remember when we used to order in n out at the old studio in Reseda?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, and he would like, go ham on like, five burgers or whatever.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How many burgers could you eat at once?

[Any]

I used to have at least four, but it also.

[Tom Segura]

I'd be like, when'd you last eat? And you'd be like, last. Yesterday at 1, and then today at 4? You're like, I'm just gonna go home and get another pizza and then I'll be good for another day. Yeah. Craziest habits.

[Any]

They came up with a term for it, I guess, later in life. But I grew up doing that my whole life, but I guess I just intermittent fast.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, you were. You were starvation.

[Any]

Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So you weren't ever like a breakfast, lunch, dinner? You were just like, I'll eat when I'm.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You just eat?

[Any]

Yeah, I like, can't eat in the morning. Food.

[Tom Segura]

Food.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I don't like it either.

[Any]

For like, at least four hours after I wake up.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Any]

I could eat you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You and I are totally opposite with breakfast. Tom wakes up, his eyes open. He wants to eat immediately.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Me, I'm like, ugh. Just like any. I don't want to eat. I just want to jack my stomach full of dark brown coffee and, like, take Prozac. Empty stomach and then rip that coffee, take a shit, and then wait until I'm starving, and then I'll give myself food.

[Tom Segura]

Everybody's got habits.

[Any]

It's pretty much, like, around, like, 11:59pm that's, like, right around where the hunger starts kicking, which I heard is a really good time to eat.

[Tom Segura]

That's when they tell you to eat before they go sleep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Eat later.

[Any]

That's what I do.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. That's the secret.

[Tom Segura]

All right, well, we'll discuss whether or not you want to go all in.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He would look so amazing.

[Tom Segura]

You would.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

If you put. Of all our bodies on the staff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yours is the closest to you. Ready to go?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You could just rip, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. All right, we have to wrap this up. Yeah, let's do it. Thank you, guys for watching. Thank you for listening. And, you know, just make sure you scan your surroundings.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Whenever you're anywhere, go get that flashlight.

[Tom Segura]

Walk into a store. You go. Don't forget, you can. If you're pumping gas, you can just take off with the gas pump in. Don't forget and get a flashlight. And we'll be back with more ways to prepare yourself to stay safe out there, keep your family safe. We'll see you next week.

[Herc]

What's up there, chomo?

[Tom Segura]

Listen here. 100 miles an hour down the Highland. Never been at the wood Soccer diamond spitting out teeth is caught on fire Dirty tongue, baby rainbow blood on my tires. The time.

[Herc]

Can you tell me the speed limit out here, my dear brother?

[Any]

Double laser. Both of us love drinking gasoline.

[Tom Segura]

Taking off a James tank.

[Any]

Never sleep. Always think nobody leads.

[Tom Segura]

Get the stab on the face. There is turtle. I rise, die. I can never die. That's the way you do it at Falcon Car Wash. And, Doug, here we.

[Herc]

Have the limu emu in its natural.

[Tom Segura]

Habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Uh, limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

[Herc]

Cut the camera.

[Tom Segura]

They see us.

[Herc]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Liberty. Liberty.

[Herc]

Liberty Savings Fairy underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts.