Your Next Listen — Author Jonathan Hirsch on Squeezed

Podcast: Your Next Listen, presented by Lemonada Media and Simon & Schuster Audio
Date: November 17, 2025
Host: Yvette Nicole Brown
Guest: Jonathan Hirsch (author and podcaster)
Episode Theme: The complexities and emotional realities of caregiving for an estranged or absent parent, exploring intergenerational trauma, boundaries, and self-care.

Episode Overview

In this candid and moving episode, Yvette Nicole Brown sits down with Jonathan Hirsch, acclaimed podcaster and author, about his book "Squeezed" and his personal caregiving journey. Jonathan shares the challenges, guilt, and emotional labor involved in caring for his father, Thomas, who was largely absent during his childhood but needed his help as an elderly man battling dementia. The conversation explores what children owe their parents—especially when the parent was neglectful or emotionally unavailable—delving into themes of obligation, boundaries, and how to heal while forging a new family legacy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Absence and Longing: Growing Up Without a Father

• Jonathan's Early Memories: Jonathan describes how his father was not present for his childhood milestones—first bike ride, school activities, etc.

  "So first time I rode a bike, books that I read that excited me, basketball games that I was a part of... My dad wasn't present for any of those." — Jonathan Hirsch (01:11)

• Therapeutic Exercise: As an adult, Jonathan attempts to mentally catalogue memories involving his father but finds none.

  "I did this exercise in therapy where I looked back at my life to try to find my dad, and I couldn't find him." — Jonathan Hirsch (01:50)

2. Estrangement, Spiritual Upbringing, and Seeking Answers

• Thomas’ Backstory: Thomas was born in Budapest, Hungary, fleeing during the 1956 revolution.

  "I was born in Budapest, Hungary, and I came to this country when I was 17 years old." — Thomas Hirsch (03:57)

• Immersion in Spiritual Community: Jonathan’s parents became deeply involved with spiritual teacher Franklin Jones.

  "When I was born... my parents were gradually becoming involved with a spiritual teacher named Franklin Jones... a controversial sort of charismatic guru." — Jonathan Hirsch (05:14)

• Parental Pressure: Jonathan was pressured by his father to fully join the group, even facing an ultimatum at age 12.

  "He actually gave me an ultimatum. He said, you know, you either join or you have to find another place to live." — Jonathan Hirsch (06:48)

3. Leaving Home and Processing the Past

• At 18, Jonathan left home and began a period of self-discovery.

  "I left this group a little bit lost. And I would say through the first decade of my life as an adult, I struggled to find my way..." — Jonathan Hirsch (07:16)

• The birth of his own child prompts a deep re-examination of his upbringing.

  "I was about to be a parent, and I was like... what is he inheriting from me culturally, emotionally, spiritually?" — Jonathan Hirsch (07:16)

4. Art as Healing and Conflict

• Jonathan created the podcast "Dear Franklin Jones," critically examining the spiritual movement he grew up in. This candidness caused further strain with his father.

  "Nobody seemed to be particularly happy about the outcome of the story, which was a massive success... Did this spiritual experiment... become a cult?" — Jonathan Hirsch (08:32)

5. The Onset of Caregiving: Juggling a Business, Family, and a Sick Parent

• Thomas’ dementia progresses. Jonathan receives the call—his father now requires more care than his partner can provide.

  "I'm feeling panic when I first heard it. Complete utter panic because I was barely holding it together as it was." — Jonathan Hirsch (11:05)

6. The Reality of Care: Emotional, Logistical, and Financial

• Layered Challenges: Jonathan describes being “squeezed” between caring for a new baby, running a business, and managing Thomas’s care needs.

  "Caring for a parent, especially if you are estranged from them, can be the one extra thing you just don't have the capacity for." — Jonathan Hirsch (13:20)

• Facility Struggles & Costs: Navigating the world of elder care is daunting—costs are underestimated, quality varies widely.

  "We felt like we were led to believe that the cost was a lot less than what it actually was... They really do... It's like going to a used car salesman." — Jonathan Hirsch (15:51) "Thomas moved into that new memory care facility in January 2019. It was upwards of $7,000 to $8,000 per month." — Yvette Nicole Brown (16:27)

7. Guilt, Boundaries, and the Meaning of Duty

• Resentment and Self-Reflection: Yvette and Jonathan connect over the complex feelings of caring for a parent who wasn’t there.

  "You don't owe anybody the full term of responsibility of care. Your choice to care for that person is yours and yours alone." — Jonathan Hirsch (23:20)

• Moment of Clarity: The breaking point comes when Jonathan, sharing the news of a second child, is met with fear, not excitement, from Thomas.

  "I write this thing on the board, and it says, you know, we're having another boy. And... he had this reaction. He was like, oh, no. Wow. Shock and fear." — Jonathan Hirsch (25:21) "There was a part of me that just immediately recognized that was how he felt about being a parent." — Jonathan Hirsch (25:25)

• Letting Go of Childhood Longings: This moment gives Jonathan permission to stop seeking validation from his father and turn towards his own family, forging a healthier legacy.

  "It made me feel more urgent about giving myself to my family and to the people I love in the same way that I would expect them to want to do for me..." — Jonathan Hirsch (27:40)

8. Practical Realities and Advice

• Key tips for listeners on vetting care facilities and using benefits like Medicaid, VA assistance, and long-term care insurance.

  "Look into benefits too, like Medicaid, veterans benefits and state specific programs... The right care and coverage can change over time too." — Yvette Nicole Brown (19:38)

• After a long struggle, Medi-Cal (California's Medicaid) finally helps relieve the financial burden.

  "It was a huge relief... feeling unburdened from a responsibility to somebody who I still struggle to reconcile my feelings and relationship with." — Jonathan Hirsch (21:30)

9. A New Legacy: Showing Up for the Next Generation

• Jonathan describes the joy and structure of daily life with his own kids, contrasting his experience as a present father with his own father’s absence.

  "I'm an early riser, so I'm up at 5 o'clock, maybe 5:15... I have my coffee, he's got his milk, and then we go for a walk in the morning." — Jonathan Hirsch (28:28)

• Yvette remarks upon the visible change in Jonathan when he discusses parenting.

  "Your entire countenance changed when you talked about your time with your babies... The dad that you are... everything about you changed. So I think they're so blessed to have you." — Yvette Nicole Brown (29:21)

10. Grief, Relief, and the Power of Self-Compassion

• Thomas passes away peacefully at 85. Jonathan shares his mixed feelings of sadness and relief.

  "I've been really sad, but also I have a sense of relief. A sense that both he and I are no longer on this strange journey together and that maybe he'll have some peace after many, many years of suffering..." — Jonathan Hirsch (30:49) "A friend of mine encouraged me to embrace that relief... So I hope some of your listeners give themselves some grace, because you can do your very best to care for somebody, but you also have to care for yourself." — Jonathan Hirsch (30:49)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Parental Absence:

• "I did this exercise in therapy where I looked back at my life to try to find my dad, and I couldn't find him." — Jonathan Hirsch (01:50)

On the Complexity of Obligation:

• "What do we owe our family? What do we owe one another as family?" — Jonathan Hirsch (02:23)

On Boundary-Setting in Care:

• "You don't owe anybody the full term of responsibility of care. Your choice to care for that person is yours and yours alone." — Jonathan Hirsch (23:20)

Letting Go:

• "It gave me permission to not look back. And I needed that." — Jonathan Hirsch (27:19)

On Caregiving Grief and Relief:

• "I've been really sad, but also I have a sense of relief. A sense that both he and I are no longer on this strange journey together and that maybe he'll have some peace after many, many years of suffering..." — Jonathan Hirsch (30:49)
• "You can do your very best to care for somebody, but you also have to care for yourself." — Jonathan Hirsch (31:48)

The Lasting Lesson:

• "He stopped striving to be seen by a parent who was never really looking. Instead, he’s pouring his energy into the family he’s chosen. Where that love comes back." — Yvette Nicole Brown (31:57)

Key Timestamps

• 01:11–01:50: Jonathan discusses his father's absence from childhood memories.
• 03:57–04:23: Thomas recounts fleeing Hungary and immigrating to the US.
• 05:14–06:48: The family’s immersion into a spiritual group/cult.
• 06:48–07:16: Pressure to join the group and Jonathan’s eventual departure.
• 10:08–11:18: Thomas’s health decline and Jonathan’s panic upon hearing he must step up his care.
• 13:20–15:18: The emotional burden and choices regarding care for an estranged parent.
• 15:51–16:27: Financial shock of elder care costs.
• 19:38: Practical caregiving and facility advice.
• 21:30–21:48: Relief when Medicaid (Medi-Cal) is finally secured.
• 23:47–24:39: Setting boundaries as a caregiver and understanding the limits of obligation.
• 25:21–27:40: Validation denied—pivotal moment with his father underlines the need to let go.
• 28:28–29:21: Jonathan shares the joy of everyday life with his children.
• 30:49–31:48: Jonathan reflects on his father's passing and the necessity of grace for caregivers.
• 31:57: Final reflection: stop striving for validation that won’t come and focus on chosen family.

Conclusion

This deeply empathetic episode challenges listeners to reconsider the cultural norms and internalized expectations around caring for parents—especially those who failed to provide essential care to their children. Jonathan Hirsch’s journey foregrounds the right to set boundaries, seek healing, and prioritize self-worth and the well-being of the family you create. The episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating elder care, familial estrangement, or the wounds and freedoms of breaking cycles.