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Lemonade.
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Well, it's almost the New year. We survived 2024 and 2025 is staring us right in the face. As soon as we finish up the champagne and clean up the confetti, it's time to get real about resolutions. New Year's is always the best time to capture the energy of being a new, better version of ourselves. To help us out this year, we can turn to Alexis Fernandez Prexa, a podcast host, author, Pilates instructor and personal trainer and neuroscience expert. Along with her new audiobook, how to Chase Change, she shares in the opening paragraphs of her book I found people don't just want to be told what they should do better, they wanted to be told how and why and to really understand the science behind what they are doing. She promises to help her listeners by providing no nonsense science baked advice on everything from procrastination and focus to improving confidence and building stronger relationships, all built on the foundation of the brain and mind, which she explains are different things. Her focus is all about changing your outlook and looking within, leading to better mental, physical and emotional health. While she's talking about some complicated, sciencey sounding concepts including neuroscience, physiology and psychology, she explains everything very clearly and makes it super actionable and accessible. Fernandez Prexa reads her own audiobook and she's clear about the proposal up front. Listen to one chapter a day for the next 30 days, implementing the tasks along the way, and you'll cover the full audiobook over the course of a month. Each chapter is part of a module that comes with homework and exercises, as well as additional resources that can be found as companions. She says. Making time for yourself is always worthwhile, and listening to this audiobook is a perfect way to do just that. So why not start out the year with something that makes you feel good and set you up for success in the year to come? Today we'll be sharing with you excerpts from the first module on Identity. Give it a listen as the first step towards mastering your mindset.
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Introduction I'm not one of those people who always knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. While I'm grateful for my career in neuroscience, a field I absolutely love, it's not a career path that was always clear to me. For years I actually had my sights set on being an actress, and for those that know me personally and have seen my extroverted personality in action, this makes a lot of sense. University for me was what I chose to do in the meantime while I waited for acting auditions and opportunities to roll around. I was 20 years old and I had a lot of free time, and I wanted to sink my teeth into something apart from working at bars and nightclubs on the weekends like other aspiring actresses I knew. So I enrolled and selected a huge range of subjects with psychology in the mix. It wasn't until halfway through the semester, when a guest lecturer gave a class on neuroanatomy, that I noticed I was hanging onto every word he said. I loved it. I wanted every class to be like that one. So at the end, I ran down the lecture hall to speak with him. He advised me to change my major to cognitive neuroscience, and I took his advice right away. But after I graduated, neuroscience went on the back burner yet again because I still held hopes of making it in acting. Another six years passed before I commenced my master's degree. In those six years, between degrees, from ages 24 to 29, I moved several times within the same city, twice to Paris and then to Los Angeles. I had two big breakups. I quit acting, became super involved in the fitness industry, and I even thought I would open my own Pilates studio. Finally, I settled in Sydney, where, at the age of 29, I decided to study the brain again, an interest that stuck with me through all the chaos of my 20s. From day one of the course, I was hooked again. My love for the brain has always been palpable, and even back then, I would try to find any excuse to weave fascinating facts about the brain into conversations. It was clear not only to me, but to those who knew me, that I had found my passion because I still had a love for performance. To this day, I'll take any opportunity to get on stage. I decided to combine performance and science and start my own podcast as a way to help me consolidate what I was learning by teaching it to others. I didn't know what to expect, but soon enough, the podcast started to spread through word of mouth, not only domestically, but in all corners of the world. I found that people did not just want to be told what they should do to feel better, but they wanted to be told how and why and to really understand the science behind what they were doing. I think now more than ever, people want to understand how their brains work on a deeper level so they can understand how to create change for themselves and not just let life happen to them. And I love being able to provide that for as many people as I can. Maybe you're at a turning point in your life, just like I was at 20 years old. Or maybe you're just looking to take a bit more time for introspection to understand your thoughts and feelings on a deeper level than you have before. Whatever it is you're seeking, I want to welcome you to how to Chase Change. My recommendation for you is to listen to this audiobook, one chapter a day, implementing the tasks and using the resources offered as you go. It's better to go slowly and I would rather see you take more than the 30 days than to rush through and brush over important exercises. Take your time, do the homework, and re listen to modules that most resonate with you or the challenges you're facing at the moment. Later on, when you're in another stage of your journey or season of your life, I hope this audiobook can be something you return to for support and guidance. Making time for yourself is always worthwhile, and listening to this audiobook is a.
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Perfect way to do just that.
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P.S. i've also pulled together many great resources for you to explore outside of this book, which are all optional and a way of expanding on the concepts and knowledge from certain modules. Use these as much or as little as you like. While they are not necessary to get the maximum benefits of this program, they will allow you to dive deeper into the topics of interest for you.
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Module 1 Chapter 1 Get set up for Success the first neuroscientific concept I want to share with you is something called a schema. This is, to put it simply, a way of thinking and behaving that you use to interpret and understand the world. It's how you organize the information that comes into your awareness for your brain to work more efficiently. And the brain loves efficiency. We have four kinds of objects, self, roles, and events. And like a lot of processes in the brain, these can be edited and changed throughout your lifetime, several times over. Jean Piaget, a Swiss psychologist in the 1900s, created a cognitive theory explaining how a person can change their schema with the term adaptation. According to his work, there are two different methods of assimilation and accommodation. Assimilation is where you incorporate new information into existing beliefs or structures. So, for example, if you were to come across a new piece of information that aligns with your current beliefs, then these things would integrate together and strengthen the current understanding or idea you have of the world. For example, imagine if you only ever saw black cats and then one day you see an orange cat, you would know by assimilation that this animal was also a cat. Accommodation is different. This requires modifying and expanding existing cognitive structures. This may happen when we encounter information that challenges current ideas, something that forces you to actively adapt in order to accommodate these new experiences that do not easily fit in with your existing schema. Let's say, for example, you were raised to fear or dislike a certain group of people. You believe, based on what you had been taught or how you had been raised, that these people are essentially bad. Then one day you have to interact with this group of people and realize they are fun, kind, and share similar values and beliefs to yours. This changes everything you thought you knew about them. So you now have to dig into that belief pattern you held and restructure what you thought about this group. Because that belief was challenged, you can no longer go on believing what you did. It no longer makes sense in your mind. This concept applies not only to the world around us, but as a kind of self reflection. Accommodation is a great way of changing our beliefs about ourselves and what we are capable of doing, achieving, or having. If you can question your beliefs when necessary, you will be able to expand on your existing structures, challenging thoughts about your own abilities and what you deserve. That is exactly what I'm here to teach you. Your ability to expand on your existing cognitive structures that will show you a new way of experiencing your life, relationships and the world. So be prepared to do a lot of accommodating in the next 30 days, especially when it comes to statements about yourself. The next concept I want to explain is cognitive bias. This is when people create their own version of reality based on how they perceive information that's coming in and not necessarily paying attention to all the objective information that's in front of them. An example would be saying something like everyone in this city is rude than constantly highlighting all the rude encounters you experience. You're not paying attention to the people who are polite, and you use the evidence of rude people to confirm your belief, ignoring all other information in front of you. Or you could say all men are assholes because you had a bad experience with dating a few men and have seen some of your friends in bad relationships with men. This becomes your bias and it's difficult for you to give a great man a chance or to admit how great other men are because you're always looking for instances and examples that confirm this bias. Anything that negates this bias is overlooked. Cognitive bias does not align with logic or reasoning, but it does shape how we make our decisions, how we behave, and how we judge things outside of ourselves. In the modules to come, I will give you many examples of how you may be biased to believe something and how you can challenge those beliefs to change how you experience the world. As you become more self aware, you will start to notice many areas in your thought processes where you hold a bias and where that bias can be detrimental for you. Learning to debate with yourself and argue both sides is a great way to challenge any bias you may hold, which will help you not only become more open minded, but process pain and adversity in a healthier way. As you are starting to see, you hold an incredible amount of power in your own mind and right now we want to channel that power towards goal setting. I want you to understand the importance of having a goal that is tied only to the progress you make within your mind. I want you to see what that would look like and how that can be measured, because when you understand what it feels like, you can seek it out. Having goals that involve things outside of you, relationships with others, careers, many experiences, family are awesome, but without nailing the goal of strengthening the mind first, it's a game of luck. Will I have a healthy relationship? Will I have a career in which I succeed and thrive? Can I get all the money I dream of having so I can pay for the things I want? So many of these answers can be unlocked by first addressing your mindset. Your daily task. I want you to get clear on your existing schema. These are your current beliefs around what you think you are capable of having, feeling, achieving and receiving based on who you are today. These are different from goals and aspirations. For example, you may wish to be someone who could run a marathon or to set yourself really difficult tasks and see them through, but as of today, you do not actually think you could accomplish this difference between a dream for your ideal life versus an understanding of what you currently believe you are capable of. Your schema can be edited and changed throughout your life, but as a starting point, I want you to get super clear on what that looks like. This way you know which areas you would like to investigate and work on throughout the next 30 days. First, write down categories. You choose how many you want. For example, categories might include career, relationships, health, mental and physical abilities. These can be hobbies, but also skills outside of your career. The outside world. This is all the beliefs you hold about the world around you. Are you optimistic? Pessimistic? Do you feel there are opportunities everywhere you look? Do you think you are doomed and everyone is out to get you? And then under each category just list your feelings and beliefs in that subject. For example, under career you could write I'm struggling to find my passion. I am good at working hard for others. I do not believe I am good enough for a promotion or dream job. They do not have to be negative though they could also be things like I am the best person for this job. I love challenges because I always overcome them and that's why people can rely on me. Take the time to do this for each category. Just the simple task of writing down these beliefs and getting acquainted with where you are will make it easier for you to make the most of all the other tasks in this program. Brainstorm it all and don't hold back. This will be a great exercise in self awareness and in understanding what your schema is. You cannot change what you do not acknowledge. So today I want to make sure you are really aware of where your mindset stands when it comes time to crack it all open and do a mental spring cleaning. It is all there for you in plain sight and not hidden away like something you are afraid of Module one Chapter two what is your purpose? Do you really need one? Purpose can be intimidating. The narratives we have all heard about finding your purpose make it feel like it needs to be something you come across and instantly recognize as your one and only calling. A purpose is simply a meaningful and motivating aim of your life. It is your reason for being here and it helps you form your goals and keep you on track. It creates meaning in your life and it feels satisfying. For some this is linked to their work and career, but for many it is something separate. That said, I do believe that purpose does have to be linked to making yourself useful, not turning yourself into a martyr and living purely for others, but contributing in some way. Connection and community are such an integral part of the human experience and feeling like you are part of your community and you provide value are important in feeling like you have a purpose. There is a lot of pressure on the concept of purpose because we hear about people that may have done huge generous acts or started charities or influenced millions of people. You may see someone living out a career of helping save lives such as a doctor or neurosurgeon, or you hear about people reaching millions with their music or art. And while these stories are a true representation of finding purpose, they can make others feel that purpose has to be this larger than life thing, making it seem unattainable. But I think this can be misleading. It is sometimes the most simple things in life that keep people feeling like they have a reason for being here on this earth. And by simple I don't mean trivial or unimportant. Many people that make it past 100 years old claim that they maintain their health because they are always doing something to contribute and that is their purpose. So maybe if you are not yet clear on purpose, it's time to rethink what it could look like. So let's start with some questions to ask yourself. Do you think that purpose is found by searching or do you think that purpose finds you? How have you defined purpose in your life previously? If you were to name three people you know who are definitely living their purpose, who would they be and what is that purpose they are living? Take a moment to think through these questions. Understanding how you look at purpose will help you understand why you may have struggled to feel it in the past. Now let's go back to that first question. I think for most important things in life, you have to go after them and not wait for them to land on your lap. This goes for passions, relationships, jobs, personal style, lifestyle, and of course, purpose. If you believe that purpose finds you and you need to just be patient until it arrives on your front door, then consider this. Does the level of activity and interaction you have with the world increase the chances that your purpose will find you? In most cases I do not believe that purpose slaps you in the face. It is normally triggered by a few events that lead you to have an aha moment of I've found it. But if you feel like your day to day life is on repeat, same job, same place, same people, and you are searching for something more, then how is purpose ever going to find you? You need to find it and it is found through identifying a certain feeling and then going after that feeling. Have you ever done something for someone and not even wanted recognition for it because the feeling of having done it is so great on its own? Or have you ever put your mind toward a task or contributed to a project and then felt elated and couldn't stop thinking about it? Maybe you were left wondering how you could contribute more or become more involved. Have you ever been able to talk someone out of a bad state and get them feeling light and happy again and felt great and that you could offer help? Have you ever brought a dying plant back to life and felt superhuman for doing so? Okay, this is very specific, but I definitely have and it's underrated. These feelings can all be connected to purpose and help you identify yours. What is purpose really? Your purpose is your why. It's that feeling of contentment within oneself. The feeling of being exactly where you need to be. Do you need one? Yes. I believe everyone needs a why, but I don't believe it has to be limited to one thing or that it has to be something huge. I've also found that purpose is an excellent compass for your mood. When you are feeling depleted, flat, sad or disconnected, you simply have to look at how in touch you are with your purpose. Personally, I found that purpose helped me get through my second heartbreak surprisingly fast in comparison to my first heartbreak. In my first I was 26 years old and I spent so much time with my head in the past hoping for things to return to the way they were. I felt super out of touch with anything that made me happy which then made me feel even more isolated. I would try to numb my own feelings by being on social media and I felt distracted or just plain sad a lot of the time. It really took me a long time to work my way out of that as I did not have a compass to pull me in a direction of feeling fulfilled. At the time I did not have a strong sense of purpose, but being young and in love, it was not something that I noticed. Often as you mature you start to understand the need for more meaning in your life while your 20s are more of a time for learning and exploring, which is equally important. I learned through this experience that my relationship was not my purpose and the breakup made me realise I had been placing a lot of my happiness in the hands of someone else. Fast forward to my second heartbreak which was arguably worse than my first. Loads more drama that made for juicy stories months after the breakup, but strangely I recovered so much faster. Not only because I had experienced heartbreak before so I knew what to expect, but because I had a why. Something that was pulling me out of bed every morning that I needed to work on. A long term goal that mattered to me more than my short term sadness. I had something I could throw myself into and dedicate myself to the pursuit of my neuroscience degree. I had decided in the depths of my sadness to enrol in my master's program and finally succumbed to my years of wondering what it would be like if I dedicated my time to studying the brain again. I dedicated my time to returning to further my studies of the brain. This was a pivotal point in my life for many reasons, but most importantly it was the first time I felt a deep connection to a purpose. Even through my saddest post breakup moments, it felt important enough to keep pushing and I found the more I threw myself into this subject that I loved so much, the better I felt and the less I fixated on my heartbreak or feelings of rejection. I even started to love myself and respect myself more and after the relationship I had just come out of, my self love and self esteem had taken a major blow and needed some rebuilding. For the first time ever, I knew clearly what I wanted. I did not know the exact direction my career would take me. I actually had no idea where I'd end up. But I knew that I wanted to pursue neuroscience in some way, and there was no question about it. Before I knew it, I was completely healed from the heartbreak because every time I was sad I had this emotional compassion, this pull to do something that just felt right. And after following the feeling of my why, more and more opportunities started unfolding for me. This eventually got me to my career of creating the podcast, writing, teaching people what I had learned, and being able to connect with and help others. And who knows where it will continue to take me. It's not about knowing the end goal, it's about identifying the feeling that you get when you dedicate your time to something that just feels right for you. You will notice your self love improving the more you work on this feeling and this why? If you are someone who is super critical of your appearance and compare yourself with others all the time, then this will be an absolute game changer for you. It will take you from thinking that your appearance is a major factor in what you have to offer the world and will make you realize that your value as a person comes from how you connect with others and how you fulfill that sense of purpose. When you tap into that, you will start to truly love yourself the way you are. It gets you out of your head and out into the world feeling connected. But don't just take my word for it. A lot of research has been done on the benefits of having a purpose and how that impacts people's overall levels of happiness and their ability to regulate their emotions. A study published in PubMed Central in 2013 found that having a purpose in life can improve your emotional recovery after negative events and increase resilience by increasing automatic emotional regulation. It went so far as to say that purpose in life is a great predictor of health and longevity. When people have a purpose, they are more likely to reframe how they view stressful and painful situations to recover faster and deal with these things more productively. Just like I did with my breakup, it did not remove all my sadness, but it set me on course for a steady climb upward until I felt healed again. And if you can link your purpose to spending time helping others, then it comes with even more mental health benefits. A study published in 2023 from Ohio State University found that when people performed acts of kindness, they led to improvements in symptoms of depression and anxiety and helped improve people's connection with others. These results demonstrate that connection with others is key to improving your overall happiness and works as well as other interventions to treat symptoms of depression and anxiety. But it is important to note that when it comes to identifying purpose, it has to feel good to you. Doing something you dislike just because you think it will make you a better person may be kind and charitable, but that doesn't make it your purpose. When you find it, you will feel it and you will know it. It feels the way you feel when you smile at a stranger and they smile back simple and Fulfilling before we close out this module, allow me to make something clear. Purpose should be linked to feeling useful and that is done by contributing to something outside of yourself, be it your community, your environment, or whatever it may be you are contributing. However, it still must also serve you. At the same time, a purpose is something that fulfills you and as an individual, that serves you but also makes you feel useful. It is not living your life for someone else like your partner or your children. It should never be about suffering for the good of someone else. That is not a purpose. As you try to determine what it may be, you will do what makes you feel useful and fulfilled while also filling up your cup. That is the feeling you are chasing your daily task. If you are struggling to find your purpose or understand what that looks like, try zooming out and focusing on a feeling instead. Write down a list of moments when you feel fulfilled and connected to others, to nature, etc. Even if it is just a fleeting moment. For example, I feel connected. I help a stranger pick things up off the floor. I compliment someone. I make someone laugh or entertain someone. I have taught someone to do something new. I have watered my plants or my garden. I spend 10 minutes playing with my dog. I inspire or encourage someone. Now think about what you could be doing day to day to get more of these feelings. A lot has to do with interacting with the outside world and feeling good about your actions and interactions. It is difficult to feel a sense of purpose when you are feeling isolated and disconnected. Once you figure out what feels best, set the goal of doing one or more of these things on your list. The things that make you feel connected and good within yourself every day this week. That feeling is you connecting with your purpose and the more you lean into these things, the more opportunities present themselves for you to have more of the same. They start small and before you know it, you'll be discovering interests and passions that you didn't know existed.
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Ready to hear the Full story, visit YourNextListen.com Copyright 2024 by Alexis Fernandez Prexa. Audio excerpt courtesy of Simon and Schuster. Audio from the audiobook how to Chase Change by Alexis Fernandez Prexa, read by the author. Published by Simon and Schuster Audio, a division of Simon and Schuster, Inc. Used with permission from Simon and Schuster, Inc. Your next listen is a production of Lemonada Media and Simon and Schuster Audio. I'm your host, Jackie Danziger. I produce a series with Lizzie Breyer Bowman. Isara Acevez is our associate producer. Bobby Woody is our audio engineer. Music by apm. Executive producers are Jessica Cordova Kramer and Stephanie Whittles Wax. Production support from Lara Blackman, Tom Spain, Sarah Lieberman and Lauren Pierce. Help others find our show by leaving us a rating and writing a review. Thanks for listening. See you next time.