You're Dead to Me: History of Football

Host: Greg Jenner | Guests: Mally Anne Rees, Ray Winstone | Date: December 15, 2025

Episode Overview

This snappy, comedic episode of You’re Dead to Me dives into the colorful and chaotic history of football (soccer) with host Greg Jenner, historian Mally Anne Rees, and a comedic assist from Ray Winstone. The team investigates the origins, evolution, and cultural impact of the game—from its bruising medieval roots to the rise, ban, and recent resurgence of the women's game. As always, the show mixes lively banter, well-researched facts, and historical reenactments, providing both laughs and learning.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Medieval Mayhem: The Earliest Football (01:01–05:41)

• Origins: Football-type games can be traced back thousands of years, but the first recorded in Britain appears in the 9th century, described in the Historia Brittonum.
• Gameplay: Medieval football was chaotic—hundreds could participate, using entire towns as pitches, played mostly on festival days like Christmas and Pancake (Shrove Tuesday).
  • "There's some people on the pitch, and by pitch, I mean the whole high street." – Mally Anne Rees (02:52)
• Rules & Referees: Very few rules existed:
  • Carrying, throwing, and even violence were common. No referees were present.
  • "Oi, referee. He just picked up the ball." – Ray Winstone (03:02)
  • "Yeah, that was mostly fine too." – Greg Jenner (03:11)
• Violence & Authority Cracks Down: Anecdotes include a 1321 stabbing during a match, leading to a request for papal forgiveness—a dig at modern VAR (video referee):
  • "It's a bit unusual getting the Pope to referee, although it might still prove more popular than VAR." – Greg Jenner (03:32)
• Royal Bans: Several monarchs (Edward III, Richard II, multiple Jameses of Scotland) repeatedly tried—mostly ineffectively—to ban football:
  • "I said, stop playing football." – Ray Winstone (04:41)
  • The game remained popular, referenced by Shakespeare, and Henry VIII allegedly had his own football boots.

2. From Folk to Formal: 19th Century Football & Rulemaking (05:41–09:27)

• Industrial Shift: Industrial Revolution brings urbanization, shrinking the scope for festival games, but football finds footing among public school elites.
  • "Football was now seen as the perfect sport for the middle and upper classes to show how strong and masculine they were." – Greg Jenner (06:26)
• Posh Rules Chaos: Each school (Eton, Rugby, Sheffield, etc.) devised its own set of football rules, leading to confusion and exclusion of working-class players:
  • "Which football though? Eton rules, rugby rules, Sheffield rules..." – Ray Winstone (07:09)
• Unified Code: The FA is Born: In 1863, the Football Association (FA) was founded to standardize rules. Heated debates, especially about tackling/ball handling, caused splits.
  • Birth of rugby from football dissenters.
  • "If you lot can't play nicely together then you're not playing at all." – Ray Winstone (08:31)
• Iconic Names: Shoutout to Ebenezer Cobb Morley, a seminal figure in codifying the game.

3. 20th Century: Wars, Women & Worldwide Football (09:27–13:39)

• Interrupted Only by War: Football flourished, growing in appeal—with women's involvement rising, especially during and after World War I.
• Women's Football: Women had likely played for centuries, but the first recorded Scottish match (1888) divided teams by marital status. The British Ladies Football Club (founded 1895 by Nettie Honeyball) championed emancipation:
  • "I look forward to the time when ladies may sit in Parliament." – Mally Anne Rees as Nettie Honeyball, quoting (10:32)
• WWI – Rise of Factory Teams: With men at war, women's teams (notably Dick Kerr Ladies, led by superstar Lily Parr) drew massive crowds (53,000 at one 1920 match!), sometimes playing against men's teams.
  • "She had a kick like a mule. She could nearly knock me out with a force shot." – Mally Anne Rees quoting Joan Wally (12:19)
• Bans & Comebacks: Despite popularity, the FA banned women from FA-affiliated pitches in 1921 (ban lifted only in 1970). Resistance continued, and recent years have seen a powerful resurgence in the women’s game.
  • "Just imagine all the brilliant women's footballers the world missed out on because the FA was scared of a little competition." – Greg Jenner (13:18)

4. Quick Recap & Quiz (13:39–14:23)

A fast-paced quiz recaps the main points:

• Major festival days for medieval football? (Christmas and Pancake Day)
• Which major game split off? (Rugby)
• Star striker of the Dick Kerr Ladies? (Lily Parr)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Rules & Anarchy:
  • "Oh, and there wasn't a referee." – Greg Jenner (03:14)
• On Medieval Parental Priorities:
  • "It was sort of the medieval version of your dad telling you to stop playing football in the garden and do something useful like wash his car." – Greg Jenner (04:19)
• On Women's Emancipation via Football:
  • "I founded the association with a fixed resolve of proving to the world that women are not the ornamental and useless creatures men have pictured." – Mally Anne Rees as Nettie Honeyball (10:32)
• On Lily Parr’s Legendary Power:
  • "She kicks like a mule and breaks arms like a Swan." – Ray Winstone (12:29)
  • "In 1920, around 53,000 spectators came to see Lily and her team play." – Greg Jenner (12:35)
• Comedic Skewering of FA’s Ban:
  • "Just imagine all the brilliant women's footballers the world missed out on because the FA was scared of a little competition." – Greg Jenner (13:18)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:01] – Introduction to football’s deep roots and earliest records
• [02:52] – Medieval folk football: community chaos, festival days, and playful voice acting
• [03:32] – Lethal football incidents, papal intervention, and the “VAR” joke
• [04:19-05:41] – Royal bans, Shakespeare references, and Henry VIII’s footie boots
• [06:10] – Industrial revolution and rise of schoolboy football
• [07:45] – FA’s creation and rules wars
• [08:31] – Emergence of rugby, jolly threats to end it all, and Ebenezer Cobb Morley’s cameo
• [09:27] – Modern football arises, women’s early games, and class divides
• [10:32] – Nettie Honeyball’s rally for women’s emancipation
• [11:13] – Dick Kerr Ladies, Lily Parr’s stardom, and legendary tales
• [12:35] – The FA ban and women’s football’s rocky road to resurrection
• [13:39] – Greg Jenner’s recap quiz
• [14:23] – Close (content ends)

Tone & Style Notes

The episode maintains the original show’s hallmark: informative, irreverent, and inclusive, mixing historical analysis with rapid-fire jokes, sound effects, and postmodern asides. The banter between the historian and comedians keeps things snappy, with gentle ribbing of both the past and the present.

Episode Takeaways

• Football, in its many rowdy forms, has survived kings, bans, and upheavals, with each wave of players adding new layers (and rules) to the game.
• The rise, suppression, and resurgence of women’s football reveals the sport’s enduring, universal appeal and the way social change is reflected on the pitch.
• As always, history is more than just dates—it's chaos, convention, rebellion, and occasionally, a mule-like kick to the goalie's arm.

For deeper dives:
"If you're a grown up and want to learn more about the history of football, listen to our episode of You're Dead To Me with Professor Gene Williams." – Greg Jenner (14:23)

End of summary—no homework required!