Hear Scott speak live at the Intentional Leader Summit on August 6th, 2025

Connect with Scott Tillema on Linkedin
Watch Scott's TED Talk: The Secrets of Hostage Negotiators
Recommended Book: Hostage at the Table by George Kohlrieser

Can you lead through conflict—even without trust? Scott Tillema shares hostage negotiation skills that every leader can use to navigate difficult conversations and rebuild trust at work.

What does a hostage negotiator know that can help you manage workplace conflict?

A lot, actually.

In this episode, I’m joined by keynote speaker and former SWAT negotiator Scott Tillema, who brings decades of real-world experience to the conversations leaders dread the most—those awkward, uncomfortable, or downright tense interactions we tend to avoid.

We talk about how to build connection fast (even when trust is gone), what it really means to lead with influence, and why courage—not confidence—is the skill you need to move forward.

And while most of us aren’t trying to talk someone down from a ledge, we are leading people—often without the clarity, tools, or language to move things in the right direction.

If you’ve ever felt stuck between avoiding conflict and wanting a better work culture, this one’s for you.

Key Takeaways

Why connection—not trust—is the real starting point for influence
How to coach team members through conflict without being the villain
What to say to shift someone from combative to collaborative

difficult conversations at work, workplace communication, leadership podcast
new manager tips, managing workplace conflict effectively, how to lead with influence
how to have hard conversations as a manager, conflict resolution strategies for leaders, how to build trust at work after it’s broken

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How to Have Hard Conversations (Like a Hostage Negotiator!)