← Youth Inc. with Greg Olsen
Youth Inc. with Greg Olsen
Derek Anderson: From Sleeping in Project Housing to Winning an NBA Title
00:39:30
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- [00:00]
A
What's up everybody? Welcome back to another episode here on you think. Really good episode. Really excited for this conversation today. 11 year NBA basketball player, national champ at the University of Kentucky, played under Rick Pitino. Just an unbelievable playing career, but a lot of what we're going to focus in on today is his work after his playing career. Derek Anderson, Youth sports in America are at a crossroads and I'm here to help lead the conversation. Forward. I'm Greg Olson. Each week we're sitting down with top athletes, coaches and more to talk about what's working, what's broken and what's next. Welcome to you think.
- [00:38]
B
Welcome back to you think. I'm Greg's producer, Mikey. Let's get into it. Last week, UCLA women's basketball won the national championship with every single point scored by seniors. One of them was Gabriela Jacques, who just got drafted in last night's WNBA draft at Chicago Sky. She's Jaime Haquez's younger sister. Our lacrosse ambassador, Jenny Levy, head coach of UNC women's lacrosse, talks about how she mostly recruits younger siblings. As a younger brother yourself, Greg, do you think the younger siblings have an advantage or not?
- [01:05]
A
I think she's, she's spot on. I, I, I think coaches have been under, have understood the value of the little sibling, whether it's younger brother, younger sister. For a really long time now there, there's something about being the low man on the totem pole, the low woman on the totem pole within your own household that really brings out this competitive spirit, right? You're fighting for everything from not being picked last in the driveway basketball game or in the flag football game, or you're the one that, you know, has to be sent up to get a bag of chips when everyone's in the basement. You know, you're fighting for the last dinner roll. Like there's just the element of being, trying to keep up with the older kids, keep up with the older crowd. That brings out a toughness, it brings out a resiliency and a grit. And we see that all across the sports landscape. We see it with, you know, younger sisters, we see it with younger brothers of brothers, younger brothers of older sisters. I mean, really, every part of the formula works and it's, it's amazing just what that environment can bring out in the right kid. And yeah, if I was, if, I mean, I do it now coaching these youth teams. You know, we have, we have a couple kids, we've been doing it long enough now at school, there's a couple kids that will coach this year that will be rising. Seventh graders and their older brothers are now, you know, 10th graders or ninth graders that I coached two, three years ago. I'm like, oh, you're, you know, you're Johnny's little brother. You're good. I want you on my team like so that we, we do it at the younger ages. So it makes total sense that colleges put a lot of value in that. Really excited for this conversation today. 11 year NBA basketball player, national champ at the university in Kentucky, played under Rick Pitino. Just an unbelievable playing career. But a lot of what we're going to focus in on today is his work after his playing career. Derek Anderson, a lot of work as a wellness counselor with the NBA Players Association. A lot of incredible work that he's done around mental health and just helping players post career, during their career get the support that they need. So Derek, really appreciate you jumping on and joining us to discuss all that and more here on Youthink.
- [03:14]
C
I'm honored to be here, Greg. Thank you, man. It's exciting work you guys doing and glad you're doing it. Really need it.
- [03:19]
A
I'm going to ask you in a bit, I'm going to ask you about Rick Pitino and stories. Obviously we're seeing him now, still coaching all these years later with his time at St. John's and your season playing for him after transferring there. But I want to start with a lot of the work and the meaningful work that you've done post career. You are very active, both philanthropically in the mental health space. A lot of work with the NBA Players Association. Just talk a little bit about why that has become your mission, why that's become your passion and some of the impact that you've been able to make while doing it.
- [03:50]
C
Right before I turned 12, I was sixth grade and I came home to an empty apartment. My mom was heavily on drugs. My dad was out of our life. He was in the military, so he had kind of moved out. So I didn't have any parents and I literally was on my own for almost two years and living in a project housing. You just, you learn how to take care of yourself, you know. I was always a respectful kid, yes or yes ma'.
- [04:08]
A
Am.
- [04:08]
C
And I ended up going and getting jobs, cutting grass, you know, that was our thing to take, you know, to do odd jobs. I worked at a candy store, just the neighborhood people. When I powered, my power went off like a year later. I wound up getting extension cord from the lady next door and just was on my own. But I was always A good, respectful kid. And I was like, well, I gotta find something positive to do. And just knowing that I just always was nice people. And I just kept a good, healthy, you know, mindset because there was times I would be home scared to death. I was, you know, be cold, be hungry. But I never drank alcohol, never smoked drugs, never sold drugs. And I just figured out, well, what's the best way to survive? And it was, like, always working and being nice. And so as I got older, you know, that stuck with me. You know, 15, 14. I met a high school girlfriend. She was 17, and I was 14, and she gets pregnant. I was staying with her and her mom, and then she and her mom get arrested for shoplifting. You know, like four months after my son Derek Jr. Was born. So I went back to my old neighborhood, stayed in that apartment. Lady gave me a mattress. She helped me have to keep my son, take care of him. I went to school, dropped him off in the mornings, went to school, played basketball. Then I worked at the candy store again, worked at a paper route on weekends. And at 17, I graduated, you know, and it was like. It wasn't like it was a blueprint for that, because you don't. You don't as a kid, you just kind of go with what you're taught. And I was always taught to have a good mindset and be respectful. And as I got older, I kept that mindset. When I had an ACL tear, I kept my mindset being positive. I was smiling. I fought through adversity, and I never put myself in bad situations as far as, like, drinking, drugging, bad attitudes, and that was it. Like, there was no, like, magical cure. It's just like, you do good and good things will come back to you because life brings stuff to you. But I just never had a weak mind when I got. I never had a mindset that I felt like I was feeling pity for myself. And that mindset became a healthy habit, and I just stuck with healthy habits.
- [05:59]
A
Again, it sounds easy with hearing you say it, right? I don't do drugs. I stayed out of bad situations, didn't drink. It's so much harder than it sounds, right? Especially you're talking about a young kid. So where did those positive influences come? You know, was this just the way you were innately wired? Did you have some people that you relied on in the community or in. In, you know, where you lived? Was it extended family members, coaches? Like, where did this modeling come from that allowed you at such a young age to understand, okay, while my circumstances are Certainly not ideal, and certainly a lot of it out of my control. If I do X, Y and Z, chances are I'm going to be able to move forward on a positive path. Like, where did that structure come from?
- [06:43]
C
My high school coach, my middle school coach, the lady next door, she said, you come over here. You have to be respectful. The school teachers, when you came there, they said, you speak to people. Everything was adults. I was like, wow. The adults said, telling me to do this and good things will happen. I listen to the adults. What's the one thing the kids don't do now today is listen to the adults. And what's the one thing that those don't do is teach respect and common courtesy. And I think that was the difference. My neighbor, they said, the village raises, you know, children. It's true. You know, you can look in your neighborhood, if you know one person who was corrupt that was doing something wrong in your neighborhood, most people would step up. But when you don't step up, you allow things to happen. So it was definitely the adults. And again, they taught me healthy habits. Because there's a kid, you're impressionable. You know, I saw other people doing stuff, but they were kids. And I saw the adults, and I was like, well, who am I gonna listen to? Like, I was like, I see you're doing something wrong. Like, that's. That's not smart. Like, there's a police station right there. And I see you guys are drinking. That doesn't make sense to me. And then the adults will say, if you drink and you do this and that, you're gonna mess your career up. You're gonna mess your life up. And I'm like, I got a messed up life as it is. I don't want to make it worse. So it wasn't easy, but it was logical. And I think because I had health again, I had healthy habits. So I always listen to learn, too. And I think a lot of people don't do that. I listen to learn. And it was just the adults just kept telling us what to do. And, you know, if you did what the adults told you, most times, they were always right.
- [07:59]
A
As you get older, you mentioned your middle school, your high school coach, and obviously, so much of what we talk about here in youth sport, you know, you think is about the impact of youth sports and coaching and mentorship. And of course, there's a lot of layers to it. There's community impact. You mentioned your neighbors and. And the adults in your community, but talk specifically about your coaches, talk about their impact on you, the sport of basketball and how much that structure and how much that kind of safety net allowed you to fall into something that obviously you loved, obviously something you were very passionate and good at. But talk a little bit about specifically those, those coaches at this very, you know, very pivotal part of your life that allowed you to make all these, you know, good decisions because as you said, you followed the adults.
- [08:42]
C
They were the first ones to ever teach you control of yourself. School teachers just tell you what to do, you know, which is, you know, there's rules, structure. One, basketball or any sport is involved. The coaches are the one that teaches you discipline. They teach you self respect and team respect. Most times it's just about you. But when you're in a sport, most times you have to learn. Even if you're in a golfer or a tennis, you have to listen to your swing coach, you know, and I think there's always someone who's giving you positive advice and how you take it is how you survive. And a lot of people don't realize that, but a coach is literally the first business person you'll ever meet. Think about it. You have to earn a spot, you have to keep your spot, and then you have to be rewarded. And how you get playing time or how you achieve and you extend sin from that. And that's the same way in the corporate and business world, if you don't learn how to listen to your boss or someone of leadership, you tend to struggle in life, you know, and it's just a simple things being hurt, like being. If you're supposed to be there, like say practices at 4 o', clock, I'm there at 3:30, 3, 45. Just so the coach knows I'm serious. He takes, he knows I care about this, he knows I'm serious. When you walk in right on time, he's like, well this, this kid just thinks he's just good. So I was always taught to do that. Then it was one of those things like I've always looked at the adults as like, well, they've been there before, let me figure out what they know so I can get it. So all my coaches have always, you know, had that mindset of teaching me the life, but the business side of it, I was like, I had to earn everything. Like my sixth grade year, barely got in. My seventh and eighth grade year, it started my freshman year, barely got in. Then I started the end middle of the season, rest of my career started my freshman year in college the same way I had to earn it. I went to the NBA My rookie year, I still had to earn it. And it taught me a valuable lesson. Like, every new session, every new season, you have to continue to do to put in the work. And the coach has really taught me a valuable lesson.
- [10:27]
A
It's just such a powerful and such a relevant message, especially today. And you said before, like, people don't teach that discipline anymore, and kids don't really want to listen to adults anymore. So with all the work that you're doing, and you know, we're going to talk a little bit more in a minute about your work with, like, NBA players through the players association and some of your mentorship stuff that you've done there. But you're speaking to people all the way. You know, kids, athletes all the way through, different ages throughout the community, different communities throughout the entire country. Like, how do we break through to those kids? Right? There's a lot of parents and coaches that are listening to this conversation right now saying, okay, I understand what you're saying. We give kids great advice. I'm thinking about it as a dad. I give my kids advice all day, every day. And then often times I think to myself, if only they would listen. But there's also the value of learning it on their own and failing and understanding that they're not going to just do everything their dad or mom tells them to do. So when you're out in the community working with these kids, these athletes, like, what are you seeing as the biggest pushback? Like, what are the things that you feel like? Man, I wish I could break through more. But then what are the. What are the tools that we can equip? Other parents and coaches say, hey, when I've approached kids this way, I've had a lot better, better results.
- [11:39]
C
The only pushback that ever happens is the parents not listening. That's it. And when I get to the parents, I say, if you guys go, like, y' all organize a trip for AAU tournaments or wherever you're going, why don't you guys do that the same with your coaches? So if you got your t. Your kids are on a coaching staff, you say, hey, we would like our kids to start saying, yes, sir or yes, ma', am to be kind, to be respectful, to make sure they help each other up. The parents can go to the coach and say, hey, this is what we like for our children to do. Because I've done that and told the parents, go to the coaches. Because most of the coaches, not most, but a lot of the coaches are cussing, screaming, yelling, and I Mean, these are like, 10, 12, 14 year olds. Like you don't need to do that to these kids. Like there's a form of communicating hard discipline. Say no, you got to sit down, you got to listen, no cussing. Stern, but no cussing. And I think they're cussing so much that the kids are hearing it and the parents are like, well, you got to get them to the use of what real coach is going to do. No, it's not. That's, that's completely inaccurate. And I think you need to get to the parents to teach them like they do organizational skills. If something goes wrong, don't they all go together? If something's going right, let's all go together and put that, implement, implement that in the programming of your school, of your team. And I don't care what sport you in you, if your coach is the coach you feel like is going too hard, like verbal abuse, you go talk to them, say, hey, we really like our children to understand, you know, coaching, but we want to make sure that they understand, you know, respect. I said, you give them that, they'll respect you, you respect them. And I think that's what we're missing because you can't change a kid. You can't make a kid do certain things without the adults enforcing. And if you think about who has our kids most of the day is who adults, school teachers and sport coach. So if the adults around that are not there from you are not there besides you, who's leading our kids. And think about this, you'll tell your son something, he'll ignore it. He goes, if a former of his favorite player goes and sells them the same thing word for word, he'll listen. So again, it's adults.
- [13:31]
A
Trust me. Oh, trust me, I get it. Well, how do we coach the adults? So in your experience, what how do we get the adults? Because I agree with you, we can implement. We coach a lot of the kids teams and we're around a lot of their friends and whatnot. And we always say if what's being taught at practice and I'm not saying from a skill, how to shoot a layup, how to throw a football. I'm talking about the values of what we instill of teamwork and hard work and discipline. And we are going to be have practice on time and from how we warm up and you know, we have like the how we do everything is how we do anything is how we do everything like mantra baked into our teams. But if they're not having that reinforcement back at Home. If when they get home, all they hear about from mom and dad is that coach doesn't know what he's talking about. That coach. That's not the best way. You should be the point guard. You should be the shortstop. You're. So how do we coach the parents, coach the adults to be better at reinforcing some of the cultural impacts that the coaches are trying to make with their. With their athletes, with their teams.
- [14:31]
C
I had a mandatory. When I coach, I have it mandatory to parents have to come watch practice.
- [14:35]
A
I've had that conversation with different guests on here where they say, we don't want adults at our practices. Stay away. And I'm like, when I coach your kid, I want you to sit in the dugout and hear everything I say. I don't want to interrupt you, but I love that. I want to hear more.
- [14:49]
C
I think some of the coaches say they don't want the parents around. They think that the parents will help have a bigger influence on the kid. And then not listening to the coach. But you have that power right there in front of them, and you instill in everything that they're doing. And if you're doing it the right way, the parents will appreciate that. The parents will be like, oh, I see what he's saying. If you're actually going the other way, I think sometimes parents don't like it. And then you'll have the parent who thinks they know it all, who actually ruins the kid's career because they think they know it all instead of listening. And I think that's the painful part that I have to endure or seen a lot. But I always had the parents come and they see for how to go home with that. Imagine if a parent came to school and watched your son or daughter act a certain way and sat in that class. That kid would be a different kid 100%. They will not act a certain way. They'll have a different mindset. They'll start thinking, okay, goodness gracious. Because I. Once I got older, I said, man, I gotta act like a camera's always on me. So I always moved a certain way. I always did certain things. It's like the camera's always on me. So I. I gotta be a certain way. And it became a normal habit. It became a normal personality for me. But I would always have the parents around, because if they're not around, it's like your word against the kids word. And he'll go back and say, coach said, I'm really not, you know, that good, or I'm Not. I'm not as fast as someone. Truth was, coach said, no, you're being lazy. They just completely changed what you said.
- [16:04]
A
Yeah, no doubt.
- [16:05]
C
And they go home and the parents are going to come at you, and it's like, well, that's not what I said. But if you hear now, you see for the facts, the truth of what this is. Your son doesn't play well. He doesn't box out. He doesn't, you know, go harder than drills. He cheats the drills. He's complaining off to every play. It's like, that's not what we can do to win. I luckily had good parents. I've had a couple that, you know, I had to. One moved away. I had to kick off the team. But a good player, but I had to kick him off. And everyone else fell in line. They were like, oh, you kick one of our starters off? I was like, yeah, this is not what this is about, because his life is going to be different. Unfortunately, that kid had a rough family life from his mom, and he turned out to be really bad situation. We all saw it coming. But that's why you try to give him a life lesson. He contacts me back, and now he's getting his life on track. But guess who he called? He called me. And that was because I taught him something early in his life, and he went through hard phases. He got back to reality. He said, you were right, Coach. What can I do to get better? And I think that's the thing. If you get these young people to be with the parents a lot more, you'll get a better success rate. I don't think you can. You can't do it any other way. So if you put parents away from the situation, how can they ever, you know, enhance or echo what you've been telling the kid to enhance what he's trying to be as a person.
- [17:15]
A
Of everything that I've had conversations, of everything that I've heard on our show interviewing people. I don't know if I've ever agreed with anything said by one of our guests more than that. Like, when I think through the teams we coach, I would, you know, we coach our son's middle school football team for the last couple of years. We'll do it again this summer, that we'll do it again this fall. If the entire bleachers were full of our kids, parents, teachers, faculty, administrators, people from the. As long as they don't go to our rival team and watch what we do, like, I would have zero issue with any of that. You can Stand on the sideline. I want you to hear what we say. I want you to hear, we don't hide from anything that we do. Now that's different than come to practice and give me your feedback and let me know what you think. I don't necessarily care what any of them think about what we do. You might not like what we do or agree with it, that, that doesn't bother me. But you are never going to get in the car with your kid and say, what did coach say? How did your practice go? What did coach tell you? Oh, I'm doing great. And then all of a sudden you show up at the games and your kid doesn't play and then the parents sitting there going, wait a minute, I thought you said you were doing so good. This coach must not like you. So I agree wholeheartedly. I think it's a fine line. As a coach, I want the parents of my players at my practice. As a dad, I try to give my kids some space that I'm not always at every single practice, that I'm not always their coach, which has been hard for me. It's hard for me to sit back and watch my kids sometimes play in other situations. That's my own personal hang up. But anyway, I, I really, really value and, and appreciate that entire sentiment because I couldn't agree more. I want to transition a little bit to some of the work that you've done with, with, you know, with your work with the, with the NBA Players Association. I think we all think of, okay, all of the things we're talking about now are for young kids. It's for adolescents, it's for kids that are coming up in difficult housing situations or family situations. But I understand a lot of the work that you've done in your post playing career, while it has been, you know, also geared towards youth, has been towards professional athletes and maybe guys that we're used to seeing, you know, on the Wheaties box and guys that we're used to seeing on SportsCenter top tens, like talk a little bit about like the hidden struggles, the mental, hidden struggles that some of the most prominent and successful athletes are facing that maybe the viewers, maybe the fans at home are not necessarily privy to.
- [19:47]
C
Well, I give a lot of lived experiences, as you heard, my journey early on. And I give them, it's like, well, I had every excuse to make an excuse, but I did. And so when I give them the reality of like, where are you at mentally? And it's like, if you have trauma and baggage, let's get that released. Let's figure a way of getting this out of our system. Let's figure out a better way of living our lives. Because if you meet them where they're at and then you give them the reality, you get a better, real conversation. Because if you go into it trying to diagnose people and feeling a pity party for them, and it's like they tend to use that as a weapon against you. And I think being a former player is like, would I want someone to be honest with me or would I want someone to BS me? And I was totally like, just be honest with me and just give me a real thought. Because when I went through everything I went through, I just called some older people and asked, man, what you think I should do? You know, I would call them and just say, man, I'm feeling a really certain way. I'm feeling down. Or, my mom reached out and I haven't seen her in 20 years. Like, what do you think I should do? I just called friends, you know, I just called older people who had been there. I even called Michael Jordan. I called Darrell Griffin. I was calling guys that I knew. I was like, what do you think I should do? And they were just giving me sound advice. So what I said was, how can I go to guys who are really, you know, in a space of, you know, uncomfortable, you know, being uncomfortable where they're at. You can make all the money in the world. Doesn't mean you're going to have. Not have someone maybe die on you, someone maybe leaving your life, someone maybe do something wrong that you really cared about. That's normal life. And I think the people, you know, especially fans, don't see that we have normal lives as well. And I think what I try to tell the guys is like, where are you at mentally right now? What do you. What do you do to maintain your peace of mind? Most of them say, well, sometimes I go out, sometimes I drink. You know, sometimes I may do this. I play video games a lot. I said, that's not clearing your mind. That's. That's, you know, hiding and masking what you're going through. Clearing your mind is getting it out and getting resolved about it. How do I maintain it? How do I move on from it? And once you move on from it, you know exactly how you feel because you'll start thinking about other stuff. Like I used to watch Sanford and Son when I would get, like, having a bad moment and it would make me laugh and smile. And when you do that, you tend to forget a Lot of stuff. You know, when you get those hours away of just laughing and joking, you forget about the sadness and the darkness of the moment you live. But if you sit in it, if you only try to hide it for a second, then it goes away, but it comes back. And I said, let me get away from it and then come back. And what do I do now? And what I started doing was finding healthy habits, what I would like, you know, read books, go write books, write movie scripts, do stuff. I kept my mind going. That's what made me write my life story. The book stamina is because I started writing. Give yourself a healthy habit to start doing something positive in your life, and then it'll change, you know, everyone, because you go to a therapist, you talk, but then you go back home. So you have to have something healthy habit to have in your life to do. Giving back to communities, working on being a coach, doing something. You have to put something else in your curriculum as far as your mental capacity. And that's what we need. So if you want to ask any other player what he needs to do, he has to have a healthy habit of something positive to do. And that translates into healing and curing. Any situation you're going through doesn't get rid of it, but it gives you a chance to heal yourself. And, you know, people think time heals wounds, love heals wounds. And I think, you know, time is just what it is. But love can always, you know, override things, can change your mindset, can enhance you, and can rebuild you.
- [22:57]
A
Yeah, I mean, it's so well said. And what I hear, when I hear you talk is like, understanding. Whether it's a young athlete or an elite professional athlete, there is an element to, like, light to life, balance. There is an element that, yes, basketball or football or whatever it is, is. Is obviously the center of what I do, but it is not necessarily the center of who I am. How do we teach that, especially with the young kids growing up today? Like, how do we give kids the tools to have outlets, you know, in your case, outside of basketball or outside of football or whatever the sport that they're playing? Like, in a world that is ever, ever growingly competitive and specialized and almost professionalized down to the younger ages, where these kids get the idea that my identity and my future is wrapped up in this ball. It is wrapped up in my playing. It is wrapped up in my, you know, the points that I score, touchdowns that I make. Like, how do we introduce those tools to giving them balance that when they are having tough moments on the field or in the gym, that it doesn't necessarily wrap up their entire world, that there is other things that they enjoy, other outlets and they can keep that health. Like how do we implement that into. Whether it's professional athletes or young athletes,
- [24:17]
C
we as parents and as teachers and adults, we have to take them there. I took my middle school team, my high school team and a college team to a homeless shelter, made them serve homeless people. They were like, oh man, this is awful. I took them to see kids with cancer who are in seventh and eighth grade. They, some kids, my middle school kids were like, God, I'm so fortunate not to be in that situation. You have to take them place. I even took them to the zoo or say, look at this, this is just free. Like just, just enjoy this moment. They like, man, I've never been to the zoo. I was like, really? Because they haven't experienced life. They haven't seen enough. So when you take them places, you have to get them to expand their mind because all they doing is what you said they're co focused on celebrities. So they'll go YouTube, watch all the sports, thinking that's how they're going to be. They'll watch influencers. Think I have to be this crazy to be famous. They only see what they, they've been given opportunity to see. But you have to expand their mind. Take, take your football team right now to a homeless shelter and watch them take them to a cancer patient cancer room. Have them all go see kids with cancer. You know, take them to places where the impact is because a kid might just be like, I'm happy to see someone, you know, And I think these kids aren't exposed to reality. They're only exposed to social media and they're only exposed to famous stuff. When's the last time you heard a kid say they want to be a police officer? I knew half. I wanted to be a police officer. I was with safety patrolman. You know what I mean? It's like, I want to be a colleague.
- [25:40]
A
So was I. I was, I. We went to safety. We had, we called it Safety Town usa. You could like go like, how many
- [25:46]
C
kids, how many kids want to actually be a productive person? They all want to be famous. Like, that's not, that's not a reality. We can't. We have to start giving our kids reality, taking them to places where they actually can see the truth of what life really is. There's only 60 spots in the NBA getting drafted every year. It's only 450 spots that means there's over probably 5,000 per year of people trying to make 60 jobs, 450 jobs. What are they doing? I want them to go back and coach, be a school teacher, be here, be a mentor in the community, work at a boys and girls club, go do something productive. But if you've never seen that, why would you want to go?
- [26:24]
A
So true. I think growing up, I grew up in like a middle class suburb of New Jersey outside of New York City. Both my parents were school teachers. My dad was our football. He was the high school football coach at the school me and my brothers went to for 35 years. We all played for him. That's all we ever knew. I'll never forget he grew up bouncing around different trailer, Trailer parks, different home, you know, mobile homes, had an outlet. So I'll never forget he, he thought we were getting a little big for our britches. He thought we were getting a little, you know, spoiled and expecting things and entitled to things when we were young. And he took my, me and my older brother, we have, we have a younger brother who was a baby at the time, but me and my older brother were just approaching like teenage years and he threw us in the back of the car and he drove us about an hour and a half away from the home we were living in to where he grew up. And it was really the first time that we ever saw the reality of what his childhood looked like, which was very, very. And by no means were we wealthy, but like very different from the childhood that we had. And to your point, perspective is a very powerful, powerful tool. And so often we all lose perspective. We had a son that went through some health issues a couple years ago and he had heart transplant and we were so thankful that we brought him home. And we're like, man, none of this other stuff matters. Who cares if they strike out? Who cares about this? We have our healthy son and unfortunately, as time goes on, you lose that perspective. And now all of a sudden you are getting mad again at things that when he was in the hospital, we never would have gotten that at. So it's, it's so true that you say that like we all have to do a better job at presenting ourselves, but also presenting the kids and that we're around and the people that were influencing present them with, with a reality that sets good boundaries and sets good expectations and just mostly just sets a good love for themselves and what they can accomplish. That's probably a great lesson for not only the kids, but probably more so for the adults.
- [28:18]
C
Your Kids turn into adults. Like right now, my adult kids, they still make their bed up. They still open a door for people. They still say, yes sir, yes ma'. Am. We have an eight and a six year old and the school teachers, like, your kids are so different, they're so well mannered. I said, they're not different, they're normal. The other kids are different. It's like they're supposed to be this way. Like you guys are looking at. These are like anomalies. Like, no, these kids are supposed to be respectful. You're an adult, There's a kids, teach them to say, yes, ma'. Am. They opened the door, you know, we were just out, my wife and I, Jamie and we were just out and our eight year old, he opened the door for her and I was like, that's great. He see me doing it. It's like he opened the door for an 8 year old. How many 8 year olds open the door for a woman? Like, you know, I mean, this is her car door. And it's like, come on man, we got it. Like those are just habits that teach the young men to be men when they get older. And I think we miss it because we're doing our job and we don't teach them to do theirs. So we're like, you cooking every day for dinner, teach them to do some stuff. You know, I think that's what we're missing because if I hadn't been taught how to cook and stuff when I was younger, at 11 and 12, when I was left alone, how would I survive? I already knew how to cut potatoes, I already knew how to make my toast on the bottom of the oven. I knew how to boil stuff, make beans. Like I hadn't knew how to do that because my mom wasn't around. So I knew how to do that by watching, listening. Didn't want to be like, but she told us to learn how to cook. And it all came back and it didn't work for me, man. So I just think we just need, as adults, we need to put in more emphasis on teaching our kids what we want them to be. Stop yelling and screaming and talking and
- [29:46]
A
actually show the last thing. I do want to give you an opportunity to talk about, talk a little bit about your work with the stamina academy. And my assumption is that a lot of it is the things that you've already talked a lot about, bringing your own personal struggles, your own personal story and impacting. But I want to hear more. I'm just fascinated by your perspective, the way that you're bringing your own personal struggles into the community with young kids, but then also the ability to turn your hat around and speak to professionals and guys at the highest level. Very few people can relate to and contribute to that entire kind of.
- [30:18]
C
That.
- [30:18]
A
That vast kind of wealth between young, young kids and the top of the heap. Like, talk a little bit about the academy, the work that you're trying to do there. And ultimately it feels, at least to me, it feels like that is your legacy, like that's the impact that's going to be left behind.
- [30:33]
C
Yeah, it is. You get what you give. That's a. That's a big thing for us. You get what you give and it's, you know, it's focusing on everything, on how do we get these kids to understand how to be nice, how to be kind, how to actually survive in a world that's not always fair. You know, we can't be so naive that we think, oh, if you do right, everything's going to come your way. It's not. You could be the perfect person on Earth, and you still have trauma, you still have drama, you still have the issues with the governments, inflation. Like, you know, there's always going to be life issues that come about. But we try to focus our attentions on just how do we keep kids happy and then they can grow up to be happy adults because, you know, everybody doesn't see the same. The world the same way, you know, And I could look at something, see it totally different, but it shouldn't change the way we treat each other. And I think my whole focus is having each kid come to practice or have them come to the facility every day. They have to be nice to each other. I don't care what you're going through, you have to be nice to one another. So that was my focal point. I'm really focused on that. And my legacy is just, you know, being the best I can with leaving something. Leaving more than your name. That's our model. I don't know if you can see it, but it says, leave more than your name. And that's what we live by. We just want to leave something for the kiddos, for them to have as they get older. We look forward to just seeing how people develop and how people grow. It's just one of those things. We just are proud to see everything and just excited to see the next phase of people's lives. And that's our legacy. We want to leave everything is a okay as another motto. And as you can see, we just believe in Kindness cures all.
- [32:08]
A
These are the conversations we're trying to have. These are the tools, the perspectives, the stories. Not just because you were, you know, played 10 plus years in the NBA, not because you were a first round pick and national champ. That's all obviously great, but the perspectives, the stories, the way you're trying to shape lives, that's what we're trying to do here on you things. So really appreciate you taking the time to share your life's work, your passions, your story and share it with our listeners. So I can't thank you enough, Derek. It was, it was awesome talking to you.
- [32:36]
C
Continue to do what you're doing. We need more of it. Don't give up and don't give in. Keep building.
- [32:42]
B
All right, now it's time for the part of the show where we answer questions that you, the listeners submitted. Reminder, you can submit questions on the Youth Inc. Instagram or you can email us@amauth.inc I am a coach for a fifth, sixth grade football team just 30 minutes from Wayne, New Jersey. And that's not me. This is the listener. I've been coaching this group for four years and I'm trying to instill a fundamental first approach while also teaching them teamwork. He notices that some kids, if they're second in the line in the depth chart, they're maybe not always rooting for the success of the player above them. What's the best way to teach players about teamwork and helping your teammate and how that's more valuable than having them have it step down and take the spot?
- [33:21]
A
It's obviously a great question. New Jersey, shout out. I think this is a, this is a conversation that coaches have been having for 100 years, right? We throw around the words of teamwork and teammate and selflessness and buy in and all these coaching cliches that we try to talk about at middle school. And then you'll see, you know, UCLA and UConn and Duke and you know, teams that are on the verge of national championships, their coaches and their staff and players in the locker room are saying the exact same words, saying it, but also, but then creating a culture where that's accepted is the number one trick that is the million dollar breakthrough of all sports and all athletic teams. And the coaches that can get through to their players and get through in the young ages, get through to the parents to buy into that are the ones that typically have all the success and typically have, you know, they win more games and it's not by coincidence. So I guess my, my message to this coach would be it needs to be demonstrated in every single thing you do. We have a routine when we watch just taking our middle school football team. When we watch film, we will call out, yes, the kid with the ball who ran for the touchdown. We're going to make a bigger deal out of the kid who was the left guard who made the big block on the backside to spring them. We're going to make a really big deal out of the backside wide receiver who showed great effort to get backside in his. In, you know, his path to the ball to find work and maybe make a spring, you know, a springing block or even is the first kid to congratulate him in the end zone 40 yards when he started, 40 yards from the ball. But we are going to make the biggest deal out of the sideline. Like, we are going to coach the sideline on film. We are going to go back and forth. We are going to highlight, kids, what was your reaction when Johnny broke free? What was your body language? Who was the first one to run down the sideline to greet the extra point team after? Like, we are going to coach and highlight all of that. What happens to a lot of coaches is they, they stress the star, the touchdown, the quarterback, the kid who makes all the tackles. But then they get up in front of everyone, say, hey, you all matter. You're just as important. And then these kids sit there and say, coach, you haven't identified one thing that I've done well the entire season. All you do is talk about the good players. We are going to coach and point out teammate, who's the first one out with the water bottles, who's the first kid out to practice, who picks up all the bags, who puts the bags away, who locks the door. If you coach everything and you point out everything good and bad, all of a sudden the kids get this idea of I can be highlighted for more than just my ability to run fast, throw far and make tackles. And typically the kids that buy into that spirit, all of a sudden they're no longer the kid on the sideline cheering on their teammates. They're in the huddle, they're running down on kickoff maybe. Then they're a package on defense and all of a sudden their role on the team grows. So highlight everyone at every moment. Make a big deal out of the small things. Don't just highlight your best players. And the things that we all know are great, we know running for touchdowns are great. Highlight everything and you'll be amazed how the culture of your team, the players Start recognizing the contributions of their teammates and it has nothing to do with who's scoring the touchdowns. Which former NFL player would you have wanted to play for as a 7th or 8th grade football player? Yeah. So middle school Greg was like a die hard San Francisco 49er fan. So if Jerry Rice showed up at my. I had every Jerry Rice jersey. I had every San Francisco 49ers starter jacket, the Zubaz pants, I had it all. And I grew up in North Jersey, but in Those days, the 49ers, the Cowboys, of course, the Giants, like, those were the teams that we saw a lot. So Jerry Rice was it for me. My first. It was either my first or my second ever interview here on you think so a quick throwback. That would be my professional, like, dream. Middle school Greg. The reality, though, if you would have asked me as a young middle school kid, when I was laying in my bed and I was throwing the football around and I was dreaming up, like what football players if the varsity running back at Wayne Hills High School, you know, his name's A.J. spicer. He's going to love this shout out. He was a little older than me. I didn't. We didn't overlap. He was number four. I wore number four in middle school. James Milan, who was my dad's running back, he was a stud athlete, could do it all, went to Penn State. He wore number 22 as a senior running back. So when I was young, I was number 22 that year. Like the kids on my dad's teams, I was a running back when I was young. So it was mostly the running backs. Like, those were the kids that I looked up to. Those were the kids that I idolized. And then my last season of playing middle school football for the Wayne Pal, before I went to play for my dad, a bunch of those former guys that played for my dad came back and coached us. Kyle Hughes, Matt Gemma, Mitch Krause. Like all these guys that played for my dad when I was just a little boy, came back from college and now were coaching us at the Wayne Pal as little kids. So those were the guys that I idolized. Those were the guys I dreamed of being. Yes, we all saw NFL players and we all wanted to have our moments. But like growing up in Wayne, New Jersey, going to a game with my dad, when I walked into the locker room and I got a chance to change their cleats and, you know, back then it was like screw on spikes. When I could change their cleats or they'd ask me to grab them a water bottle or they needed me to help them pull their jersey over their pads. That was, like, the biggest deal in my life. So that's just how we grew up. That's who we idolized. But I understand that's a little bit different than today. Appreciate everyone listening. Catch you again next week here on you think.