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- [00:00]
A
Want Dr. Mike and I to answer your question on air? Visit the links below or go to speakpipe.com youthinkama you can also email us@amauth.in what's up everybody? Welcome back. Here on Youth Inc. Our Ask Me Anything segment, we love hearing from all of our listeners. Some of our best questions, our best topics come from you guys. So please keep sending them in. I'm joined by my good friend a long time, probably our original like he's our OG Youth Inc. Guest, Dr. Michael Gervais. I'm Greg Olson. We have a really good question. So Carrie sent into question. She has an 11 year old son, loves his teammates, they're some of his best friends. He's a very good player, the best on the team. She doesn't feel like he's getting the practice. He's not being pushed. He's maybe not getting the competitive element that they'd like to see from their team, from their coach to push him to really get better. Do they stay on that team? Do they look for a different team? How would you advise them?
- [01:00]
B
It's a great question. It's a question that I faced with my son as well. And so this is not easy and I don't want to pretend like there's one path and that you know, that there's this magic wand that you just the clarity happens. But it is better understanding what matters most to the family. Is it about the social engagement? Is it about a community? Is it about commitment? Or is it about no, you know, like now's the golden window to step on it and get a little bit better. What we know from theory is at age 11, this is not supposed to be about technical skill pushing. This is meant to be according to the theory, it's called long term athletic development out of Canada that in this age we're really trying to figure out how to be part of something and take that role of being the one that's really, you know, good at something. And so if, if this naively, what I did naively for, for Kerry, what I would say is stay. That would be my recommendation. But if you're really like my kids got something special which by the way, like us parents, we all think everyone.
- [02:04]
A
Thinks their kid's great.
- [02:05]
B
Yeah, I would say stay sorted out and, and it can be kind of traumatic in a small way for kids to be ripped out of their social group. They don't know usually. So how do you, how do you think about it?
- [02:19]
A
I actually might look at it from a slightly different perspective. I'm Just looking at it from strictly like the team standpoint, the development window. Everything that I believe about youth sports is development is first and foremost. And I think the easiest way that I would frame it, the way I've always tried to apply it to my own children, if I put myself in their shoes. I never believe you want your kid to be the best player on any team and you certainly don't want them to be the worst player on any team. I think both ends of that spectrum lead to developmental issues or personality identity. Right. You're the worst kid on the team. Playing time, you're not being coached. That's a whole separate conversation. And then in this case, you're the best player on the team. I always think the best place for every kid to be. Now again, I'm taking for granted that it's a positive coaching experience. You like the family, so let's just assume that's a break even. Okay, good. I want my kid somewhere in the middle. They're able to play, they have a role, they're being pushed. But there's better people than them, there's better kids than them that it's not easy. They don't just get to show up, roll the ball out, and I'm the star, I'm the shortstop, I'm the third batter, I'm the quarterback, whatever. I believe kids need to see reality of people in front of them and also not be so far down the ladder at this early age that they're not getting the reps, they're not getting the time, they're not getting the coaching. So that'd probably be my easiest answer is find a team. Good coaching, good development, good culture, good families, obviously none of it matters. If that's not right.
- [03:50]
B
That statement right there is materially important because if you're going from a non aggressive coaching kind of team to something that's super aggressive, but like the kid doesn't feel good about how they're being coached, that's a negative. I love how you're framing this. I am nodding my head to the, to the top kind of couple kids in the bottom couple kids. Matter of fact, we know that if you're in the bottom 15% for boys in the United States, if you're in the bottom 15% of sports, you can take a pretty hit, pretty significant hit on self esteem. So you're right on the money from research there. And I really do like, no, I don't want my kid to be the best on the team. My suggestion though is if you're midstream stay in it. It's okay. Like this narrative about like, if it's not working out for us, we jump to the next. Which is happening in college ball right now and high school. We go to the next, go to the next. I think that we're doing a disservice bigger than talent development.
- [04:48]
A
It's okay to struggle a little bit.
- [04:50]
B
Yeah, that's okay.
- [04:50]
A
I always say this, like this is the best way that I. And I'll wrap by saying this. Struggle's coming, everyone. Sports, life, personal. What struggle's coming, I want now we'll just look at it through the lens of sports. I want my children to experience struggle when they're 10, they're 12, they're in elementary, middle school, they're coming home to mom and dad, they're crying, they're upset, they're embarrassed. That's okay. We're going to work through that. We're going to keep working. We're going to identify where our challenges are. We're going to talk, we're going to a. Is it your attitude? Is it your work ethic? We're gonna have all those conversations with mom and dad.
- [05:29]
B
Yes.
- [05:29]
A
I don't want struggle to be. I'm 18, I'm the senior and I just gave. I finally have. I'm not the best player. I'm in college and I failed the class. My first relationship with.
- [05:43]
B
I decided to cheat and I got whatever.
- [05:45]
A
Let's make those mistakes. Let's have those struggles, let's have those tough nights. Let's have those sleepless nights at 10, at 12, and the confines of your safe space of mom and dad and your home, where when we all settle down the next morning and take a look at it like, no one's going to look back and say, yeah, but you remember that time in 10th grade, you gave up the game winning home run. At the moment it feels like such a big deal. I want my kids to work through those struggles now because they're coming down the road whether they go through it now or not. Let's give them the tools to work through it. This is not the first time I've been in a slump. This is not the first time that I'm not the starter. This is not the first time I come off the bench. I've had this happen to me before, draw on those experiences because every level you go up, it does get a little bit more, a little bit more intensity. More intensity. There's more on the line, more consequence. Yeah, that's always. I've always kind of fallen back on like that rule. If we're going to struggle, let's struggle now.
- [06:43]
B
Well done. Really well done.
- [06:45]
A
Appreciate you, buddy. Yeah, appreciate you want Dr. Mike and I to answer your question on air, visit the links below or go to speakpipe. Com Youth Inc. Ama. You can also email us at. AMA at Youth Inc.