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- [00:00]
A
Youth sports in America are at a crossroads, and I'm here to help lead the conversation forward. I'm Greg Olson. Each week we're sitting down with top athletes, coaches and more to talk about what's working, what's broken, and what's next. Welcome to you think. Hey, Greg. What's up? Hey, Charlotte. Recently, Charlotte Christian chose a new head coach. You were a part of that committee. What about this candidate made him stand out? Yeah, so, you know, we, you know, we had an unexpected coaching change back in April, give or take. March, April and school. And the former coach decided to go in a new direction. And Chris was a great guy and did great things for the school, and we got along really well. But, you know, sometimes people want to go their separate ways. And I think from the beginning we thought we would have really good interest in the job. It's been perennially a very successful football program. The school has a great reputation in the area, so there's a lot of really positives that come with that job. And I don't think any of us were prepared for the amount of people, for the quality of candidates. People from all over the country. We had in person meetings with people from Texas, Chicago, north and South Carolina, obviously. And really we're just struck by the level of interest in wanting to be part of the Charlotte Christian family, but then obviously also the football program. And we ended up hiring a coach by the name of Jamie Deese. He coached nearby for the last six years at a school down in Union county about 30, 40 minutes south of Charlotte, and has a reputation, you know, played at Wake Forest, was an all American, played shortly in the NFL as a wide receiver, got into coaching at the college level, was an offensive coordinator at the Division 2 ranks, played for a national championship call in the plays, moved back to North Carolina, became a head coach at a school called Forest Hills. You know, was struggling a little bit, kind of had to turn the culture of that program around. And over the last six years, whether it's players, coaches, parents, anyone who's worked with him or played for him, just raves about, you know, the culture that he brings, the way he speaks to the players, the way he breathes life into them. He's a very Christian, forward facing man. And I just think he matches the values of the program, both from a. From a personality, from a moral standpoint, but also that he wants to play high level, competitive football and he wants to coach kids and bring out the best in them and make it a challenging environment for everyone's benefit. And shortly after meeting him, I think we all walked out and said that's our guy and if we can land him, the school will be in great, will be in a great position moving forward. Fortunately, he took the job and today as we sit here recording this is his actual first day on campus. So we're all ready to support him any way we can and we're happy to have him. Oh my God, I'm stoked for you guys. That's awesome. John Gordon, one of the most influential authors, speakers in the entire world. 32 books, 18 bestsellers. The energy Bus, which is how I first got familiar with John's work and you know, through books like Training Camp, we're going to talk about a conference he just ran. NFL coaches, professional leagues all around the world reach out to John to help teach leadership skills both on and off the field. So John, really appreciate you joining us here to talk all things youth sports on on here on Youth Inc. Hey
- [03:22]
B
Greg, thanks for having me. Big fan of you both on the field and off the field.
- [03:26]
A
I appreciate it. All right, so I got, I got a couple of fun anecdotes. The first one is I'm going to read you an email that I got. We'll call it a week ago. All right, so this is from one of the kids at. This is from one of the teachers at my kids school who I read last week at last year I read, I'm pulling up the emails. All right, so last year I read to like a fourth grade class at my kids school for one of my kids old teachers. So I got this email. I'll skip to the part if you're open to it. We'd love for you to read a portion of your favorite book, perhaps the Coffee Bean. So it is very popular now. Charlotte Christian School. It is well known when Greg Olson comes to read to lower school kids. John Gordon's Coffee Bean is the book of choice.
- [04:17]
B
Hey, that's an honor. That's pretty cool. I know why that's your favorite book because it's short and there's pictures in it.
- [04:23]
A
Exactly. Well, I always read the Coffee Bean for kids. I'm not a hero. So I read the age appropriate. But the Energy Bus was actually a book that one of the special teams group at the Carolina Panthers years ago read. So that was where I was first exposed to just through osmosis and kind of heard guys talking about it in the locker room. Got my hands on it. I want to start there because that's where your journey started with me. But I, I want to Bring this down now to the youth level. I know you know, you're Speaking to Fortune 500 CEOs, you're speaking to NFL organizations, professional teams. But I want right now to talk to youth coaches and youth sports parents. Like, from the Energy Bus through all of your work subsequently, like, let's dial down now to the youth sports landscape. Like, what are the big messages at the core of what you found that we can start the conversation with today?
- [05:16]
B
You know, Greg, the key is that positivity is greater than negativity. That in youth sports, as we know, in all club sports and all sports in general, negativity could take hold. Bitterness, anger, frustration, competition. That's unhealthy could actually affect the kids experience and also the parents experience. I mean, this is meant to be sports. It's meant to be fun, it's meant to be play, it's meant to be development. I remember my son was a competitive tennis player as a junior playing throughout Florida. And I called up Jim, Laura, and I said, jim, he was one of the top sports psychologists in the world. I said, jim, you know, I'm struggling with my son. What do I teach him? What do I talk to him about? He said, remember John, he said, tennis is all about helping them become a better human being. That's the goal. Yes, you want to be a great player, but it's about being a better human being. And I think Energy Bus is all about having that positive mindset, bringing that positive energy to the work that you do with love and joy and fun and, yes, competition. This is not about being great. We want to be great. And I'm all about excellence. It's also knowing that positivity actually leads to winning. It actually makes you a better performer. It makes the team better, it makes you a better leader. So it actually creates a better environment that allows people to thrive. But at the same time, you're doing it in a very healthy, positive way. Where again, in youth sports, we can allow energy vampires complaining negativity to sabotage the experience. And ultimately, what do we want to create? A positive environment or a negative environment? Just think about what your kids will perform better in. Negative environment or positive environment. The answer is clear. So how about we as parents and coaches do that very thing?
- [07:01]
A
All right, so help me, because I, I always, I always pride myself on. I'm a realist. Like, when things are great, I am the first to tell everyone, my own kids, the teams that we coach. I'm the first one to point out when things are great. I am not an eternal Optimist, Right? Like, I don't find positive where positive doesn't exist. And it's a. That's just my own personal struggle through all this. So I ask you this, John. Like, how do we draw a line between positivity and positive reinforcement and positive energy, but also feedback, criticism? This whole idea of pursuing greatness comes with a lot of being honest with ourselves and being real. So talk me through that, but also talk all of our followers and listeners who might struggle with that like I do.
- [07:50]
B
Being positive doesn't mean that you ignoring reality. You don't ignore reality. You maintain optimism, belief, and faith in order to create a better reality. You're looking for the good in the situations, but you're also acknowledging the bad. So you're, you know, it's okay to say this stinks. What we're going through is really tough. These losses right now are really upsetting us. Man, we could play better. I saw so many mistakes out there, but how are we going to get better? Is it going to be focusing on the negative or the positive? The research is clear. The more we focus on what people are doing right, they will actually do more things right. So you actually want to catch people doing things right. You also have to make sure you connect before you correct. So build the relationship first with the athlete, with the student. Build that relationship first. Once you do, then the connecting becomes more powerful and it's more healthy. The player or the student knows you have their best interest at heart. They can trust you. They know you care about them now. They're more open to your feedback and they will actually get better for you and because of you. When you connect before you correct, it's about building that relationship first. So you have to see where people can get better. And the great teams, even at the young level, are always looking for ways to improve and grow, but they also have to make sure they're celebrating their successes along the way and the accomplishments. So this is not about ignoring reality. It's not about being fake all the time. It's not about always finding the good in everything. No, we have to see the bad and then make it better and then hopefully help that person become the best that they can be. Also, Greg, the key here is love and accountability. So we love you, we encourage you, we support you, but we also have accountability to standards. And I think every coach at every level needs to create standards. This is what it looks like. This is what working hard looks like. This is what effort looks like. This is what giving your best looks like. This is what getting better looks like. I wrote the seven commitments of a great team, and there are seven commitments that every team must make and every individual must make. And I believe this is applicable to every single level. So we go over those commitments with the kids, with the adults, with the parents, with everyone. We have the standards. And. And now you can coach and lead to those standards. And when you do that, you don't have to yell along the way. Call them up to greatness. Don't call them out. And here's another thing. Shout praise, whisper criticism. Shout praise, whisper criticism. So in private, constructively criticize. Don't demean that athlete, that person, in front of everyone. Coach that player. Hey, I know you're better than this. I know you can do better. What I just saw is not your best effort. And I want to see that right now because I know there's more in you that's calling them up, not calling them out.
- [10:43]
A
I love that. The, the two nuggets that stick out to me there connect before you, construct before you, you know, criticize. And then I. I love that. And we all can be guilty of that, right? Like, I'm a. I'm a shouter of all things positive. I'm just a loud coach in general, but I love that. That's a great. That's a really, really good nugget. So over the years, John, and you know this because I always reach out to you every time I do it, every time I take over, like, a new group of boys. And I've always relied on one of your books. So years ago, I took over my. My older son's youth baseball team. They were probably nine or ten new group of boys that we were starting, and I got them all the Coffee Bean, and we would read like a little bit each week, and we would talk about it at the end of meeting, at the end of practice. Two years ago, we took over our son's middle school football team. So these were seventh and eighth graders. I reached out to you, I bought 50 copies of training Camp, and we did it like a little past him out. We talked about it, and it was a really good way to just like, set the culture. So training Camp, I know the carpenter kind of talked about similar type concepts. Talk a little bit about, like the framework of those books about, you know, what does it take to be great? What are you doing that no one else is willing to do? You know, you've had books about. It starts in the locker room. And we, we can go on and on, like, talk about the fabric of Building culture, the fabric of building a team. Well, before we worry about what offense we run, how to field a ground ball, like any of the actual sport elements, because I know you're a big proponent of the success on the field is decided way before we step on it.
- [12:16]
B
Definitely. Culture drives talent towards greatness. And what is culture? Culture is the living, breathing essence of what an organization and team values, believes, thinks, says, and does. And when you're creating your culture, you want shared values, shared beliefs, the thought process to be very similar. You want those actions to be standards and behaviors and habits that everyone does. And, you know, when you create a culture where everyone is aligned, everyone believes the same thing, everyone wants the same thing, it becomes very powerful. And so book studies are really great to actually help create the common language and getting everyone on the bus and moving in the right direction with that shared vision, focus, and purpose. And Training Camp was that book for me. I love Training Camp. It's my favorite book I've written, and it's about what the best do better than everyone else. These are the winning characteristics that separate the best from the rest. And it's also about a player trying to become his best. He gets injured during training camp, and it's the coach who takes him under his wing and teaches him how to be his best. But also it's about the relationship they develop along the way and the legacy that coach leaves in that player. And that player must also overcome his fear and find his faith to be all that he's meant to be. And so I just. I love the story. It's great for the individual. I've had teams read it for that common language. Carpenter is all about building greatness. And there are a set of principles to build greatness within yourself and within others. It's really more of like a leadership book in my mind of how to develop greatness in others. So I love the Carpenter. I've had a lot of pro athletes read it, Major League Baseball players, that it really helped them with their game, which is funny because that wasn't my mindset when I wrote that book. So that helped them a lot. But I think if you're a team and you want to create a great culture, the one I wrote most recently is that seven commitments of a great team. And I wrote that specifically for someone like you, Greg, someone who's a head coach at the pro level, college level, youth level, high school level, saying, okay, I got to build my team. How am I going to build my team? Well, you're going to build it on These, on these commitments. Commitments create your culture. Commitments lead to consistency. Commitments actually lead you to your goals. We live in a world that is obsessed with goals today. But will your goals take you to where you want to go? No. Because every team wants to win a Super bowl and only one team wins one. It's your commitments that will lead you to your goals. So I think every team should actually start talking about what they're committed to. And each person needs to say during training camp, for instance, hey, this is what I'm committed to. This is what I'm going to focus on. This is what we're going to focus on, and this is how we're going to be great. But Greg, I also want everyone to know this. I got to be very honest and transparent. We're talking about youth sports. I would be a hypocrite if I didn't share that. I really struggled as a parent when my kids were in youth sports. So I could say all of this now, knowing that, knowing looking back, you know, writing these books, I wrote these books in many ways for me, I wrote these books because I wanted to be better. I had two competitive athletes growing up. I was a Division 1 athlete. I played lacrosse at Cornell University. We were ninth in the country my sophomore year as a three year starter. I battled with my mindset, I struggled with my mindset. And as a parent, there I was like yelling all the time, being very vocal. You're yelling at the refs. And so I had this one time where, where I'm yelling at the refs and someone looks over, he goes, didn't you write the Energy Bus? And I, I go, I go, I go, yeah. No, John wrote it. I go, this is his, his alter personality, his alter ego, Joey Bag of Donuts. And so I came up with this character, Joey Bag of Donuts that would yell, come on. And everyone came to love Joey. All the parents, right? They love Joey. Well, I got asked to be on the board of the Positive Coaching alliance. And I read the ground rules and I go, oh, man, I gotta stop. I can't do this anymore. I can't yell anymore. So I literally stopped. And I would sit there like I was at my son's tennis matches because I would yell at my daughter's lacrosse games. And so I basically just would sit there and be quiet and everyone say, hey, where's Joey? Where's Joe? I said, joey's dead. Joey is not coming back. He's gone. And I was positive.
- [16:32]
A
From here on out, you wrote 18 bestsellers, 32 total. I. I started a podcast for my own personal journey in this. So when I've said this pretty much on every interview that I've done on here, my. This pod and our work here on youthink is every bit about educating me and improving my. My ability to navigate this as it is any of our listeners. So I could not relate more to you and what you just said, because that has been me. It kind of. Kind of still is to a degree. I feel like I'm getting better, but I get it. I get it. I want to give some, like, practical, like, step by steps. I always want to make sure when we have people like yourselves on the show that our listeners, our coaches, our parents can leave here and say, okay, here is something very easy, easy that I can apply, you know, at a practice or at home. So let's. Let's talk to our youth sports coaches, right? They all want to be Sean McVeigh, and they all want to be, you know, all but, like, give us a very. A weekly or a daily. Maybe they practice once or twice a week with their teams. Like, let's talk about building culture, building the accountability. Like, what does that look like in a practical sense? That's something easy that every coach could bring maybe tonight to their girls soccer practice or tonight to their baseball team.
- [17:57]
B
All right, so first, Greg, there's a great cartoon that shows a dad and a coach yelling at a young player in the batter's box, and it says, you're yelling at a future software developer. So we have to remember that that kid is not going to be a pro athlete. So what can you do as a coach, as a parent? Well, it's to develop that champion within that kid, to help them become the best they can be as a competitor, as someone who needs to learn how to collaborate and compete and also develop great relationships and also lead at times and then follow others. So I think every practice is an opportunity to teach a lesson, to teach a habit. My new book is the Power of positive habits. There's 93 habits in there. I wrote it in very short little chapters, like one to two pages. And so out of those, 93 coaches and leaders could actually read one of those to the team to give them a certain mindset to have a certain habit that will help them. Whether it's a leadership lesson, I would say, for instance, all right, guys, this is practice today. These are the things we're going to focus on. But remember, this is not just about sports. It's also about life. Distractions on the enemy of greatness and we want to learn how to remove distractions and focus on what matters most. And you teach him a lesson about overcoming distractions and what matters most. I watch Dabo Sweeney's practices all the time, and I've worked with him for the past 13 years. Every single practice is a brainwashing session where he is telling the team about life, about the field, and about the best they can be and how they can be their best and the standard that he expects. It's a brainwashing session. He's like, you're the best and you're this and you're that. And by the end of the season, most of the time, they actually believe it. They rise up to that level of belief. I think we need to brainwash our kids in positive ways. We often hear it in negative ways, and all of what we think and how we think is actually the result of our parents brainwashing. My dad was a New York City police officer, so, man, he was really negative. When I started speaking, he said, I can't believe people actually pay you to speak when you're a kid. We pay you to shut up. Like, this is the kind of dad I grew up with. And so I grew up with a negative mindset. So I've had to learn how to overcome all the negative thinking. I'm not naturally a positive thinker. I'm proof that you can actually rewire your brain to be more positive. He even called me and my brother the law firm of useless and useless growing up. And so, as a parent and as coaches, let's brainwash our kids in positive ways, instilling them with lessons and beliefs. So I would start every practice with a lesson, and I would finish the practice with, okay, what went well? What did we do well?
- [20:45]
A
Great.
- [20:46]
B
What could we do better? What did we learn that will make us better? What actions are we going to take that will help us get better? So now you've actually talked about ways to improve and grow. You've identified what went well, what you can do better, what actions you're going to take. You do this every single practice, and you're going to make everyone better. I also love a success journal. I think we should focus more on successes, not failures. We got to learn from our failures. But when you have a success of the day, guess what? Every night you go to bed, you're going to go to bed of success. You're going to wake up a success. Now you're going to look for the successes in your life, and what you focus on shows up more in your Life. What you look for, you find. So start focusing on your successes. So as a coach and a parent, at the end of the day, ask each player to identify their one great thing. Start a success journal. You start doing this over and over again, you'll see more success. Corey Close has done this with UCLA women's basketball over the years, and she's developed their mindset. I worked with Corey for a number of years. I don't know, for like the last 10 years, I would say. And this year we did the seven commitments of a great team during training camp. So these kind of mindset exercises, I think are really essential. Teaching your kids how to think, I love that.
- [22:00]
A
Now I want to ask you a follow up and play devil's advocate because everything you just said, I couldn't. I couldn't agree more. But do you feel like in today's world, especially at the youth level, where wins and losses and what team you're on and what the scoreboard says, do you feel like that culture diminishes the value of coaches who take that approach that you just laid out where it's very hard to evaluate? Are we teaching lessons? This coach spends so much time, they could be teaching all the greatest lessons and all the things that practice that you want your son or daughter to be exposed to. But unfortunately, on the weekends, hopefully they're winning a lot of games. And if they are, then you have like the perfect coach and you should never leave that person, ever. But the problem I find is so many times the best coaches that are doing the best work at the young level may not win or may not be playing at the level that everyone feels is where their son or daughter needs to play and are not as appreciated as much. So, like, how do we combat that? Like, how do we find the line between, yes, our goal is to make you a better basketball player or a better football player. But let's not forget there's also underlying values that we're also teaching that maybe aren't as easy to evaluate for parents.
- [23:18]
B
Okay, so this goes to the heart, Greg, of, of what we have to do to establish our culture. And we have to realize that when we talk about youth sports or club sports, that parents are a part of our culture and our team. Whether we like it or not, they're a part of our culture. So in the very beginning, when you are building this program and building this team, involve the parents and say, hey, this is what our culture is going to be about, just as if I was going to speak to a company or Texas Roadhouse, like I just did to all their general managers. This is our culture. This is what we stand for. This is what we want to be known for. These are our core values. This is what we're going to be focused on. This is our vision and mission statement. And yes, we have a vision and mission, and it is to win. But it's to develop kids, to develop their mindset, their leadership, their teamwork, their adaptability, their focus. It's to help them become great in all ways or get better in all ways. So we talk about the areas of focus on how we're going to help them get better, why we're going to do what we're going to do, why after practices, we're going to do these exercises. Why before practice, we're going to share this lesson, and then we're going to learn how to get better. And yes, talent is important, but culture drives talent towards greatness, and we're going to work towards that. And again, we want to win, and we believe that creating a great culture will help us win. Does it always lead to winning championships? No, but this is our process. So now you get the parents on board with the process. You also talk about not every kid may play the same amount, and here's why. And here's how we're going to make decisions based on this. You let them know up front, here's our process for talking to parents about that. I used to have a coach that said, I will not talk about playing time with the kids. Others will. Again, it all depends on the kind of relationship and how you want to set that up. I believe when you set that up up front and you're very clear on the culture, the guidelines, the standards, how you do everything, you include the parents in it in a culture meeting. You also send information home. You send videos home for the parents to watch and to listen to. You could even talk to them after practice and have them come over for some of the lessons to listen on what you're sharing with the kids. They are part of your team, whether you like it or not. I have a college coach that actually invites the parents the night before to come and hear the game plan on the other team and what the film showed, what they looked at, what they see and what they're going to try to do as a team, they share that with the parents the next day after, you know, the. The game, all the parents are now, you know, at the tailgate talking to the coaches and blah, blah, blah. And during the game, they're looking for it, they now feel a part of it. You know, parents today want to feel like they're involved and live vicariously through their kids in that way. So you are involving them, and now you have them a part of your culture. And when they are communicated to, they actually have more of a connection and then more of a commitment. Remember this, where there's a void in communication, negativity will fill it. So if there's no communication, negativity is going to fill the void. And that's where you have a lot of issues with the parents. But I would also say if I'm a coach, talent, guys, matters. We're going to do everything we can, and there are going to be teams with more talent than us. I've never seen a jockey carry a horse over the finish line. You have to have the thoroughbred. You have to have the talent. Talent. You need the jockey, too, but you got to have the talent. So you're going to talk about that as well. But here's what we're going to do to make the most of what we have. And I think if you have that honest dialogue, that's going to help you be successful. And if parents then want to go to a program where the coach is yelling all the time, screaming all the time, negative, and everyone hates being there, and the coach has two kids and those kids are his favorites, and everyone feels slighted, you know how it is in youth sports, man, it could be a nightmare experience. And unfortunately, my daughter had. Unfortunately, my daughter had some of those experiences. And in that case, you know, well, good. Let you go there. We're going to create a culture that attracts this. And over time, you know, this is. You see it in college, it takes a couple years, and then after that, man, everybody wants to be part of that program. You start attracting people to that program because you're so clear on what you want to create, and then you attract the right people to your culture.
- [27:32]
A
Couple things that stick out to me there. And actually, I'm sitting here nodding along because if there's one thing that we've always tried to build into coaching the kids teams, and you, you just said it. It's hard coaching your own kids teams, right? Like, it's easy if your kid's clearly the best player, that. That just makes everything super simple and super easy. But generally speaking, coaching your own son or daughter. I've done it with both my two boys, and my daughter has a lot of challenges that anyone who's ever done it understands. But if there's one thing that we've always Tried to err on the side of. We err on the side of transparency and communication.
- [28:07]
B
Yep.
- [28:07]
A
And that is not because I'm going to ask that you like everything that we do or you agree with everything we do. But there will never be any secrets. You will always. So I have this routine with our teams where we do you know how after a baseball game the coaches love to like take the team out to like deep right field and they talk in secret and then your 12 year old kid gets in the car and you go, what'd your coach say? And if your kids are anything like mine, they're like, he said that we got to play better and that we stink. And I'm like, did he really? So we've done this since the kids were little, playing flag football, our end of practice, end of game, tournament, whatever it is we do, our meeting, our talk to the team as close to all the families as humanly possible. I want you there. I want you to hear how I talk to your kid. I want you to hear the corrections we make. The good, the bad, the message. What's the plan for next week? Where's our emphasis? What days are we practicing? Why are we practicing? Everything that's said, we are going to say out in the open. And when you all get in the car, everyone will know exactly the plan and exactly what's being communicated to the children and then there will be an endless stream. We have like this messaging app at our school that the coaches can communicate to everyone at once. I probably lead the school in messages per week because I just feel like to your point, when you don't fill it, someone else is going to fill the void. And you said negativity, like someone's going to hijack that blank space. They're never going to hijack it if I'm in charge. And so like those are the things that jump out. Like winning is a byproduct, communication, transparency. You start talking about commitments and building culture. Like those are the things that jump out to me that I hear from you totally.
- [29:54]
B
And, and when you made those your priorities, when you invest in the root, you get a great supply of fruit. Too many coaches focus on the fruit of the tree and the parents focus on the fruit and the outcomes and the numbers and they ignore the root and the tree dies. So all the parents out there, all the coaches out there, you really make your culture and your root your focused and over time you're going to have sustained success. At my training camp event, Sean McVay interviewed Tony Dungy talk about two guys investing in the root and they know what it looks like to win and win the right way. And they know that you don't have to do what the world says you have to do. You can do it the right way and your way. And that is often going to lead to success in the long run.
- [30:36]
A
Yeah. So let me ask you this. How many books do I have to purchase? I'm probably give or take like 100 total purchases. How many books do you have to purchase of yours to get invited to that event? I want you to.
- [30:51]
B
You're on my top list. Like literally, you're on my top list to come. I would love for you to come there.
- [30:55]
A
And I was watching that on, I was watching that on fold and I was like offended. I was like, I need to be there.
- [31:01]
B
Yeah. It's so funny because you've been on my list for the last two years. We've had two years. And I actually was just going like, if I invited him, would he come?
- [31:09]
A
Yeah.
- [31:09]
B
And all of that. So. So yeah, I would love for you to come and be a part. Well, guess what, it's April. April 30th of next year is the day.
- [31:18]
A
So I'm gonna get it from you when we get off here. All right, I got one last question and I'm gonna let you go. Appreciate your time. John Gordon, best selling author, motivational speaker, all everything got to be a good friend. All right, so I'm gonna ask you like, picking your favorite kid, you got your seven commitments, newest book, a lot of principles, a lot of time to put in. If you had to pick one, like if you said, okay, you can't teach a youth baseball softball team 7, but I'm gonna pick one and I'm gonna make that the, the, the centerpiece of my team, of my program moving forward. What are you picking, man? I know, stop. It's this hard hitting journalism here on. You think?
- [31:58]
B
Yeah, it's either. And you do an amazing job on tv, by the way. I love watching you. You broadcast the games amazingly. All right, so it would either be energy bus or the seven commitments of a great team. I would think it would have to be seven commitments because that's going to be the foundation of what you do as a team, what you commit to. Because it's the commitment to the vision and mission. It's the commitment to giving your best. And I actually define what giving your best is. Greg, how many times have we heard someone say give your best, but has a coach ever defined it? Have you ever defined it? When you tell someone to give their best, no, giving your best means you're not always going to be at 100%. Sometimes you're going to be at 30%, 50%, 70%, but you can always give 100% of what you have. And, and that really means giving your best. And I actually created a giving your best formula in there as well. And there's the commitment to getting better. I talk about what John Madden said, winning is a great deodorant. It covers up what stinks about your team. And there are those questions you need to ask after every practice to get better. But also you have to see adversity as your partner in growth. You have to see that competition actually makes you better. We don't really want competition if we're honest with ourselves. We want to win 100 and nothing and we'll be happy when we do. And yet through the competition, we know we get stronger, we get better. I tell a funny story about playing pickleball with Tim Tebow one on one, playing singles. And that competition playing that day made me better. We got done playing. He was doing sprints up and down the courts and I'm watching him do these sprints and I'm like, are you kidding me? But guess what I'm doing now? Sprints. Getting ready for a rematch. So you see what competition looks like and it makes you better. Then there's the commitment to staying positive through challenges and there's the commitment to connecting, which every team must do. This is the secret sauce right here. If I could work with a team and get them more connected, they will be more committed and they'll have greater success. I'm sure the teams you've been on, the best teams were the most connected and committed teams. And we got to start teaching that at youth sports. We got to teach these kids that they are for each other, that they're here together. It's not about you. The parents are always focused on self. This is about you and the team becoming one. And that leads to the commitment to each other. Like when you learn to commit to each other, it's about we, not me. And you learn to be selfless for the team. That's going to make you better, it's going to make the team better. And there's one final commitment, the commitment to valuing each other. And I think we need a value. I don't think. I know. We need to value everyone on the team. And if you don't value each other and you don't value the coach, doesn't Value the kid, the coach doesn't value the parents, the kids don't value each other, then none of the other commitments are gonna work. Cause you have to see the value in each person that you're with and why they matter. And everyone's a important contributor to the team. You might not have the most talent, but what can that kid do and be of service with that will help the team get better and that's gonna help that kid find the gifts and strengths within them that will prepare them for life.
- [34:53]
A
I love it. And we're gonna have to have a follow up. Cause I got a lot of other things I wanna dive back into. But the thing we see boots on the ground in today's generation that we fight probably the most, especially now as the kids are approaching high school, is team over self. Yep, self. Self has really become a dominant, dominant thought. It's every parent, Division 1, scholarships, playing time. Is this best? Transferring, searching, searching. The grass is always greener. And if everyone would just take a step back and just abide by like high tide raises all ships and team success will lead to individual success. It is a, that is a battle that every single coach at every single level is fighting right now. And it's a, it's kind of a culture thing outside, you know, just in society. But if you can crack that, you have a huge leg up on your competition and. But that's a daily battle.
- [35:51]
B
We call it a selfie. Think about that. It's we, we have a new term that wasn't around 10 years ago. It's now called a self fee. Right. And so everything is focused on self. Can I just share one tip I think is essential for parents. I don't know if you heard this from Trent Dilfer or not, but Trent was at training camp last year and he talked about two hats. And I wish I knew this as a parent, this is the best advice I've ever heard when it comes to parenting. He said, as a parent, especially a dad, you tell your kids you have two hats that you can put on me that I get to wear two hats. One hat is coach hat, the other hat is dad hat. Dad hat is all love. Dad hat is all encouragement, all support. Coach hat is advice, suggestions and obviously constructive criticism to get you better. So I have two hats and you as the student, you as the child, you as the player, you get to choose which hat I wear. So after a game, the dad says, hey, which hat do you want? Great. You can't say a word about coaching advice. If that kid of Yours chooses Dad Hat. Only when they say I want Coach Hat can you now give advice. This takes all the pressure off you to not talk. Greg, if I can go back, I would just shut up. After the games, I think about the drive home. Too many drives home where I talk too much about their play, what I saw, what they could have done differently. Man, I ruined the moment and the experience. I wish I can go back. That's the one regret I have as a parent. I have, I have. I don't have a lot of regrets. That's really one of the most important regrets I have is that I wish I can go back and just be quiet and say, okay, which hat do you want now again, occasionally they're going to come up to you and say, all right, Dad, I need Coach Hat. And they're going to be asking you for advice and suggestions. And it builds you up, it builds your relationship. It's the best thing. Coach Hat. Dad Hat. Now, Trent did this. He told the story about how in college his daughter got injured and she was now making her way back. And he says, hey. He calls her up, you got to talk to coach. You have to, you know, tell her this, tell her you're ready, tell her this, that. And she goes, dad, I don't remember asking you to put on Coach Hat. Why are you calling me? Click. And hung up on him and wouldn't talk to him for a couple weeks. And he learned his lesson. He's like, I broke my own rule. Co chat dad at best advice I ever heard that.
- [38:17]
A
Well, I am. I'm the first one hand in the air. I am. I have a hard time not offering thoughts, opinions, advice, criticism, compliment, and like immediately after, whether I'm the coach or just the dad. And now I'm reconnecting after a game, just like downloading every thought I had throughout the entire game in a 20 minute ride. Like, I am for sure big time guilty of that. And that's the most practical. That's like practical advice that every person at home to go, I think I can do that.
- [38:50]
B
Yep. Best advice, Coach Hat or dad Hat. And the kid gets to choose. And you may never give them constructive advice. And guess what? They'll be just fine. They will hear it from someone.
- [39:00]
A
And my kids are never going to ask Coach Hat.
- [39:02]
B
No. Well, that's what I thought. What happens if they never ask for it? They're not going to. But Greg, they're going to come when they need it most and they will ask for your advice. And guess what? It will be the time.
- [39:12]
A
And as I'm boiling up inside, waiting not to explode, just please ask me, because I'm dying to tell you. I appreciate you, man. Your work, your voice, you know, helping crazy guys like me sort through a lot of these things through your through your books, through your speeches, through the stuff you put out on social media. Been a big fan of yours for a long time. And appreciate you coming on and sharing that wisdom with our listeners and followers here on youthink.
- [39:38]
B
Appreciate the work you're doing, Greg. You can be doing a lot of things, but you are doing this to make so many of us and so many parents and coaches better. Appreciate you.
- [39:45]
A
Appreciate you. Thanks, John. We'll be back with more Q and A questions next week. Until then, catch you right here only on youthink.