10% Happier with Dan Harris

Episode: A Buddhist Secret for Calm, Energy, and Handling Obnoxious People

Guest: Trudy Goodman, Ph.D.
Date: October 1, 2025

Episode Overview

In this insightful episode, Dan Harris sits down with eminent Buddhist teacher and psychotherapist Trudy Goodman to explore the "trainable skill" of trusting yourself. The conversation traverses ancient Buddhist wisdom and modern psychological insight, with a focus on cultivating calm, energy, equanimity—and navigating the challenges of self-doubt, harsh self-judgment, and relationships with difficult people. Trudy offers practical advice, memorable stories, and a free-ranging guided meditation, all delivered with warmth and humor.

Main Discussion Themes

1. The Meaning and Importance of Trusting Yourself

• Why this topic? Trudy shares her personal journey as a woman in a male-dominated field and how learning to trust her own perceptions was both liberating and necessary.
  • “Learning to trust myself and my perceptions was really important, both professionally and personally.” (06:09)
• Trusting yourself is fundamental to living your best life and “waking up to be able to use all of who we are in the service of that life.” (06:54)
• Discussion of societal factors (sexism, social media, bodily disconnection) that disrupt intuition and self-trust.

Notable Quote

“For women, those three [Buddhist defilements] should be more like low self-esteem, anxiety, self-doubt.” – Trudy Goodman (07:25)

2. Buddhist Context: Mindfulness, Present Awareness, and Awakening

• Mindfulness as remedy: Trudy and Dan agree that basic mindful awareness—being present with one’s body and mind—is non-negotiable for trusting oneself.
• Enlightenment vs. Awakening: Trudy prefers the term awakening as it’s less fraught and more accessible than “enlightenment.”
  • “Trusting that who you are and your life in this moment has all the ingredients you need to be fully awake, that's another piece of it.” (13:16)
• Misconceptions: Enlightenment isn’t about absence of negative emotions, but about not being caught by them.

Notable Quote

“The sense of me is not going to go away. Is that always in charge…? I’m not trying to annihilate myself.” – Trudy (28:21)

3. The Role of Tenderness, Self-Love, and Boundaries

• Citing Pope Francis’ call for a "revolution of tenderness" (20:16), Trudy emphasizes the need for kindness, love, and compassion—directed both inward and outward.
• Self-love ≠ narcissism or toxic altruism; it’s intimately connected to self-respect and healthy boundaries.
• Discussion of a Buddhist story: “There is no one on this earth more worthy of your love than you yourself.” (25:18)

Notable Quote

“Self-love does not look like being self-referential… Self-respect is probably a better word.” – Trudy (27:03)

4. Practical Strategies for Uncertain Times: Joy and Calm

• Steadying the heart through intentionally cultivating moments of joy, gratitude, and everyday pleasure (e.g., “the non-toothache”).
• The story of Thich Nhat Hanh’s teaching: if one person on a perilous boat can stay calm, it helps everyone survive. (30:09)

Notable Quote

“Be joyful, even though you’ve considered all the facts.” – Trudy quoting Wendell Berry (29:37)

Key Insights & Memorable Moments

Intuition and Listening to Yourself

• Intuition and disasters: Trudy shares powerful personal stories—how ignoring her intuition led to a broken back, but listening to it quite literally saved her life.
  • “Every time I override my intuition, it’s a disaster… for your intuition to talk to you, you need to trust your perceptions and be listening a little bit.” (34:51)
• Discerning intuition from fear: Sometimes intuition appears as fear and is protective, but not every fearful thought is trustworthy intuition.
• Bias and intuition: The risk that “intuition” can mask bias or bigotry—underscoring the importance of community and dialogue.

The Power of Community

• Community as a mirror, support, and safeguard for self-trust.
• “Community is power. We’re very vulnerable and powerless without each other.” (41:58)
• Good communities both call out your “bullshit” and help you loosen the grip of ego.

Curiosity, Dialogue, and Getting Out of Bubbles

• Trudy’s personal experiment in listening to opposing political viewpoints (Tucker Carlson) as part of challenging her own opinions and empathizing with those outside her bubble.
• Dan’s experience as a journalist striving for even-handedness, recognizing the difference between opinions and core values.
• Importance of curiosity—“the only way we’re going to make peace in this world.”

Notable Exchange

Dan: “How do you retain your curiosity about people with whom you disagree without taking off the table your right to say this is wrong?” (51:12)
Trudy: “You need to have… a foundation of self trust before you venture into those waters. Absolutely.” (51:25)

Practical Guidance & Guided Meditation

Timestamp: 54:56

Trudy leads a free-range guided meditation (54:56–60:09) you can do anywhere:

• Three deep breaths—relax your body.
• Name and acknowledge feelings (sadness, worry, grief, joy) and make room for them.
• Imagine your breath as a “most loving, faithful companion.”
• Inhale caring; exhale connection and compassion for yourself and others.
• Recall a moment of joy or uplift—a smile, sunrise, laughter.
• Conclusion: “Joy and love are always here, even though they may get so buried by our distress.”

Notable Quote

“When we make room for us to feel our feelings fully, they will change; they inevitably change because everything does.” – Trudy (54:56)

Further Reflections

On Forgiveness and Self-Trust

• The connection: True forgiveness is only possible when you trust yourself enough to fully feel and acknowledge your own anger, betrayal, or hurt before moving on.
• Caution against forced or premature forgiveness—“Then you’re gaslighting yourself.” (64:12)

Trudy’s Journey and Practice

• At nearly 80, Trudy attests that the practice “works if you work it”—her self-doubt is vastly diminished, and negative spirals are shorter and less powerful.
  • “The practice works. And… it works if you work it.” (67:36)

Notable Quotes (chronological, with timestamps)

• “Never say too late.” – Suzuki Roshi, via Trudy (05:36)
• “One of the most overlooked gifts that we have is this gift of consciousness.” – Trudy (15:19)
• “Self-love is not about being selfless to the point of self-erasure.” (24:35)
• “We need each other for so many things. Community is power.” (41:58)
• “Be joyful, though you have considered all the facts.” (29:37)
• “When we make room for us to feel our feelings fully, they will change…” (54:56)
• “Joy and love, they are always here, even though they may get so buried by our distress.” (59:42)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 05:16 — Trudy’s introduction, theme of trusting yourself
• 06:09 — Why trust? Trudy’s personal and professional experience
• 09:39 — Zen teaching: “This is great faith.”
• 13:16 — Enlightenment vs. awakening and present-moment trust
• 20:16 — Infusing awareness with tenderness/“revolution of tenderness”
• 25:18 — Buddhist story: King Pasanadi Kosola and self-love
• 29:37 — Cultivating joy despite the facts (Wendell Berry quote)
• 30:09 — Thich Nhat Hanh story: calm in the lifeboat
• 34:51 — Intuition, stories of trusting (or not) herself
• 41:58 — The essential role of community for self-trust
• 43:28 — Dialoguing across divides, loosening grip on opinions
• 54:56 — Guided meditation (open, accessible, practical)
• 64:12 — On forgiveness: feel before you forgive
• 66:58 — Trudy’s progress in self-trust at 79¾

Additional Resources & Plugs

• Trudy Goodman’s website: trudygoodman.com (includes calendar, free meditations, blogs)
• Insight LA: Mindfulness and meditation trainings (Trudy is founder)
• Course on relationships: With Jack Kornfield (see their respective websites)
• Book project: Forthcoming (details TBA)

Conclusion

Trudy Goodman brings wisdom, warmth, and deep experience to the candid exploration of trusting yourself in a disorienting world. Key takeaways include the necessity of basic mindful awareness, the value of intuition and community, the importance of healthy self-love, and the power of staying curious and joyful—even in difficult times.

For anyone grappling with self-doubt, difficult relationships, or societal division, this episode provides both practical tools and hope: “Joy and love are always here, even though they may get so buried by our distress.”

To go deeper:

• Listen to the full episode for the meditation and nuanced discussion on forgiveness, biases, and spiritual pitfalls.
• Visit trudygoodman.com and InsightLA for more.
• Try the accompanying guided meditation from 7A Selassie, available to paid subscribers on danharris.com.