Podcast Summary:

10% Happier with Dan Harris
Episode: A Counterintuitive Strategy for Sharper Decision-Making, Stronger Performance, and a More Meaningful Life | Daniel Pink
Date: January 26, 2026
Host: Dan Harris
Guest: Daniel Pink (Author of The Power of Regret)

Overview of the Episode

This episode explores the often-avoided topic of regret and reveals how, when harnessed properly, regret can lead to better decision-making, improved performance, and a more meaningful life. Daniel Pink, celebrated author and researcher, discusses the insights behind his book, The Power of Regret, debunking the popular “no regrets” philosophy and providing research-backed tools for turning regrets into personal growth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Regret?

• Daniel Pink’s Motivation: Pink shares his personal story of reflecting on regrets during his daughter's graduation, realizing that many avoid or wallow in regret instead of learning from it. He discovered people are eager to discuss regrets, leading him to drop another book project to study the topic.

  “I came back to Washington… and I very sheepishly began mentioning [my regrets] to people because I knew that nobody wanted to talk about regrets. And I discovered that everybody wanted to talk about regrets...” (06:16)

2. The “No Regrets” Myth

• Why ‘No Regrets’ is Harmful: Pink calls the no-regrets philosophy “life-thwarting nonsense.” He argues that this attitude is not just unscientific, but also prevents growth and accountability.

  “Everybody has regrets. The only people who don’t have regrets are little kids... people with neurodegenerative disorders and sociopaths. Everybody else has regrets… The only reason it feels unpleasant is because it’s useful–if you treat it right.” (09:40)

• Negative Emotions Are Functional:

  “Our positive emotions should absolutely outnumber our negative emotions. But negative emotions are functional… They’re there for a reason.” (14:08)

3. What Is Regret?

• Definition & Distinction From Disappointment: Regret involves wishing you had done something differently, and requires a sense of agency. (14:24)

4. The Benefits of Regret: The Power to Transform

• Why Regret Is Adaptive: Recalling and processing regret helps us make smarter decisions, perform better, and discover deeper meaning in life.

  "We have just piles and piles of evidence that when it's reckoned with… it's a transformative emotion. It helps us learn. That's what it's there for." (16:20)

5. The Four Core Regrets (18:25)

Daniel Pink’s research identified four main types of regret across cultures:

• Foundation Regrets: Small choices that accumulate into negative long-term consequences (e.g., poor financial savings or lack of healthy habits).

  “If only I’d done the work.”

• Boldness Regrets: Moments where people played it safe instead of taking a chance (e.g., not starting a business, not asking someone out).

  “If only I’d taken the chance.”

• Moral Regrets: Choosing to do wrong over right (e.g., bullying, infidelity).

  “If only I’d done the right thing.”

• Connection Regrets: Relationships lost through drift, not reaching out, or failing to maintain connection.

  “If only I’d reached out.”

Notable Quote:

“The biggest numbers were the connection regrets and the boldness regrets… Over time, people regret their inactions much more than their actions.” (21:42)

6. Regret and Demographics

• Universality Across Cultures and Ages: Regret patterns are nearly identical worldwide; inaction regrets rise with age, overwhelming action regrets. (21:42)

7. Practical Tools for Processing Regret

A. Undoing & “At Least”-ing (27:28)

• Undoing: Right an action regret by making amends.
• At Least-ing: Find the silver lining by imagining how things could have been worse (“at least I got something out of it”).
• Counterfactual Thinking:

  “Upward counterfactuals make us feel worse but help us do better. Downward counterfactuals make us feel better.” (29:20)

B. Disclosure (30:37)

• Talking or Writing: Sharing regrets (through writing, speaking, or with friends) “defangs” them, turning vague feelings into concrete, manageable thoughts.

  “When we write about them or talk about them… they become more concrete, therefore they become less menacing.” (30:37, Daniel Pink)

C. Creating a Failure Resume (33:36)

• List failures, extract lessons, and plan concrete actions to break destructive patterns.

  “When I did this more massive, comprehensive list… what I discovered… was that I was actually making some of the same mistakes over and over…” (34:58)

D. Anticipating Regret & the Regret Optimization Framework (36:03)

• Pre-mortem: Imagine a project failing and work backward to avoid foreseeable regrets.
• Regret Optimization: Make decisions now to avoid the most predictable, significant regrets later.
• Maximizers vs. Satisficers: Avoid trying to optimize every decision—focus regret avoidance on big-ticket life issues.

  “What we should be doing is maximizing for the things we know we’re going to regret.” (36:08)

E. Self-Compassion (38:31)

• Adopt Kristin Neff's approach: treat yourself with kindness, not contempt, after mistakes.

  “Treat yourself with kindness rather than contempt… Don’t treat yourself better than anybody else, but don’t treat yourself worse than anybody else.” (38:53)

F. Self-Distancing (41:44)

• Use techniques like “What would I tell my best friend to do?” or refer to yourself in the third person for clarity.

  “We approach our own lives like scuba divers in the water when we should be approaching them like oceanographers.” (42:44)

G. Regret Circles & Obituary Parties (52:56)

• Regret Circle: Group disclosure and advice to resolve regrets and overcome self-blame.
• Obituary Party: Write and share your obituary for future perspective on your values and actions.

H. Adopting a Journey Mindset (55:06)

• Avoid the “Arrival Fallacy” of chasing the next goal for fulfillment; focus on the ongoing process and growth.

  “As cheesy as that sounds, there’s some very good evidence that that approach is psychologically healthy.” (56:17)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Universal Regret:

  “Everybody has regrets. The only people who don’t have regrets are little kids… people with neurodegenerative disorders and sociopaths.” (09:40 – Daniel Pink)

• On the Myth of Always-Positive Thinking:

  “We’ve been sold a bill of goods… the path to a life well-lived is to always be positive and never be negative… But negative emotions are functional.” (13:42 – Daniel Pink)

• On Confession and Ritual:

  “In the religious world, there are mechanisms, rituals, practices that are rooted in these same kinds of ideas that people do. So in Catholicism, it’s confessional… In Judaism, you have a whole day of atonement…” (47:27)

• On the Power of Regret’s Four Core Types:

  “When we know what people regret the most, we know what they value the most.” (50:08 – Daniel Pink)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Origin of Daniel Pink’s Interest in Regret: 06:16
• Debunking “No Regrets” and Why Regret is Useful: 09:40 & 13:42
• Defining Regret (vs. Disappointment): 14:24
• Four Core Regrets Research & Findings: 18:25
• Tools: Undoing & At Least-ing: 27:28
• Disclosure & Journaling Evidence: 30:37
• Failure Resume Explained: 33:36
• Anticipating Regret – Regret Optimization Framework: 36:03
• Self-Compassion (Kristin Neff): 38:31
• Self-Distancing, Solomon’s Paradox: 41:44
• Regret Circles & Obituary Parties: 52:56
• Adopting a Journey Mindset: 55:06

Final Thoughts

Daniel Pink’s message is clear: regret is not an enemy to be avoided, but a powerful teacher. Through research, practical techniques, and honest conversation, this episode provides listeners with actionable strategies to reframe regret into a force for wisdom, connection, and personal growth.

Book Plug: The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward by Daniel Pink is recommended for those wishing to explore these concepts more deeply. For Daniel Pink’s work, visit danpink.com.

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