B (5:14)

Foreign so hi folks. Really happy to be here with you live after sharing some meditations via the podcast. So as Dan mentioned, It'll be a 10 minute meditation that'll be fairly general, so hopefully that there'll be something in it for you that you can find some level of settling. And it's okay if you don't as well. All of it belongs. All of it is welcome. So knowing that we're going to do a 10 minute meditation, figure out how you might want to set up. A lot of us could be seated in front of our device, but it might be maybe lying down for you, could be looking at a window, might even be walking. Or if you're already walking down a street, walking a little bit slower. For those of you who are able, you can close your eyes or turn your eyes downward if you're driving, of course, please stay looking on the road. And as you make this intention to slow down, or as you already begin to slow down, first tune into how you're being supported here. Just like the floor holding you up, your seat holding you up, and can you relax into that holding, relaxing the body, the face, any bracing, and then simply notice whatever you notice, it might be sounds, whether it's close to you or from outside your building. It could be maybe bubbly energy from having logged on just recently, could be something else. Just notice what's here, and it's not about changing it, fighting it, and then invite your body to relax. You might do that by taking a few full breaths and exhaling deeply, then return to breathing naturally. But once again, notice what you notice. And for this practice, our meditation anchor will be whatever is already easy, whatever is already accessible. So whether it's pleasant or unpleasant, what do you notice? Is it sensations? Is it sound? Is it thoughts? Whatever you notice most, easily use that as your anchor, following the coming and going of breath, of sensation, of thoughts. But choosing one of those it invite kindness, gentleness to be your companion. So that even though your mind might be traveling everywhere, it's okay noticing that and then just starting over again, placing your attention once again on whatever anchor it is, you've chosen it, I might be late. And acknowledging that your mind might wander, and that's not a problem. But instead of judging the mind for wandering, when you do notice, can you celebrate awareness or your mindfulness returning? So treating it like a moment of celebration instead of an opportunity to judge, you might even say thank you. Mindfulness for returning. And then again, focus on your body or sounds or whatever it was you were using as your anchor it. And then once again, invite the body to relax here, Regardless of how your practice unfolded, bring in that quality of ease again, maybe once more relaxing more deeply into the chair or the ground it. And then once again, tune into the sounds, movements going on around you, whether in the same room, outside the room outside your building. You can lift your gaze. If your eyes are closed, you can blink them open and just for a few moments, take in the space around you, maybe taking in light and shape, looking around, maybe breathing deeply again. And then when you're ready, coming back to us.

A (15:00)

Okay, thank you, Dylan. Appreciate that.

B (15:02)

Thank you. Yeah, it's a great way to start anything.

A (15:08)

Yeah, I was just gonna say, start what, but literally anything.

B (15:11)

Yeah.

A (15:13)

Carly writes she went straight to her phone when she got out of the meditation. Totally normal. That's totally normal. It's such a deep habit. And the fact that you're seeing it, that's the first step to unwinding it and having a sense of humor about.

B (15:27)

It and being willing to admit that in front of hundreds of people.

A (15:31)

Yes. JP writes, whenever I hear your voice, my body goes into calm down mode. Don, thank you. Thank you.

B (15:38)

Someone needs to tell that to my husband.

A (15:41)

So funny. People come up to me in public and say, you know, it's so funny to hear your voice in person because I associate it with relaxation. And I can see my wife rolling her eyes.

B (15:51)

Exactly.

A (15:52)

Yeah. Okay, so let me get to some of these questions. You can pop them in the chat here or. But many of you submitted in advance. Here's Brian Phillips. Thank you for this, Dan. I've been looking for local sangha or community to practice and connect with. Any tips on finding that and implementing it into my practice? What do you say, Doc?

B (16:11)

I love that inclination to want to be in community, because actually I taught a class earlier today and so someone quoted you, Dan, and they said something like that. You often say, never, don't suffer alone or something like that.

A (16:24)

It's not my expression, but never worry alone.

B (16:26)

That's it. Yeah. And so I feel like we need that. We need the support of community. And I know that when I am in community, I definitely sit way longer or more consistently, et cetera. So it definitely helps. I think some areas, like one of the easiest ways is there's this website called the Buddhist Insight Network, and this one is a little bit more Buddhisty for sure. But there's apparently on this network you can find a bunch of peer led or teacher led communities. But I think also in your community you bring in Dan so many of my friends and colleagues and us teachers and we all have or are affiliated with communities. And so I would say to Brian, if you're already familiar with some teachers through the podcast, to look them up, see what organizations they're affiliated with. And many of these organizations also have online offerings. And so depending on where you're located, you might be able to join in person or even some of the online stuff. But I think those are a couple of the quick and easy ways to find community and then maybe even like putting it into the subscriber chat thread, maybe looking for others who are interested in finding community too. And then they might be able to help you out or want to even just gather with you and practice or listen to some of the podcasts together and meditations together. That's usually where it starts or how it can start.

A (17:55)

Just to say and I can't say too much without the people who work with me getting very mad at me, but in the not too distant future we're going to, I think, have tools to help you build your own sanghas or communities and connect with each other. Having said that, I would add to John's excellent advice by saying not only can you look up your favorite teacher and see if they're leading online or in person stuff, but also depending on where you live, there are often secular or Buddhist. So you might find a Buddhist center or a secular meditation drop in place. Or speaking of secular MBSR Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course that you can do in person. And the final thing I'll say, and this is something I've gotten into in my own life, is just creating your own. I've done a couple of things in my own life where I'm just building my own little community, purely personal, and I found that to be incredibly helpful.

B (18:52)

So.

A (18:53)

All right, let's move on to some more questions. Sandy asks Any advice on turning down the voice in my head? It's not so much about distraction, but more like narration. I can deal with recognizing stray thoughts and returning not easy, but to me that is the practice. It's more about describing what I'm doing, like a voiceover that I think distances me from being in the moment. Inhale now, exhale, Relax your jaw or count to four and so on. I'd like to deepen my practice and be less in my head and more connected with my body. Thanks for all the great guidance here. What say you, Dawn?

B (19:25)

Yeah, I think that's also really normal. We think in different ways, and some of us have a very strong narrator that narrates our thoughts or every one of our actions. And so I think what Sandy is describing is really normal. One of the things that I would suggest to Sandy is that to not demonize it, it's not bad. Because even just naming what's happening in the moment is actually a form of meditation. It's called mental noting. And what we would suggest for those who like to do mental noting is to eventually start to turn down the volume on the noting. So, for example, if Sandy narrates to herself, inhale. But it's kind of like yelling to start lowering the volume so that eventually the experience of inhaling will take just as much space as the narrating, and then eventually even more space. The experience of the inhale will take all the space eventually. And then also just to say that having no narrating, if that's supportive for Sanny, is not necessarily the goal some days, if Sandy's, like, really tired, didn't sleep well, didn't eat well, whatever, she might need to pump up the volume again on the narrator, and that'll be supportive on that day. And then another day, it's about lowering that volume. So it's kind of like about adapting it to what's needed, but ultimately it's not wrong. It's one of the techniques that we often use and prescribe to folks, especially when they have busy minds.

A (20:55)

Yeah. Just to say a little bit more about that in case people aren't familiar with mental noting, it's kind of the skillful use of thinking in order to connect you to your direct experience with the breath. You might say in, out, or when you get distracted thinking or planning or homicidal thoughts or whatever it is, you could just put a little mental note on your experience. And again, it is thinking technically, but it's to connect you to your sensory or mental experiences. It's in service of mindfulness. And so one of the things Joseph Goldstein talks about a lot is paying attention to the tone of the note. Just be mindful. You might be noting in a way that's quite shouty or all caps or judgmental, but if you just pay attention to that, you can notice it and tweak it, and you can even make a note of the tone of the note. Oh, judgment, judgment, et cetera, et cetera. Okay, Karen. Building up on what Sandy said about narration in her head during sitting practice. What I experience is self evaluation, like having a color commentator whispering remarks about What I do if I succeed in focusing on the breath, releasing tension, etc. I get, oh, that went well. Or the like. And it snaps me out of the moment. I struggle with self consciousness, irl. So this is related, I'm sure.

B (22:22)

Well, actually, it's interesting because I. In the first few years of my practice, I had a very strong judgmental mind. And then eventually, and I used this as a cue in our meditation earlier where I said, instead of when we notice that the mind has wandered, instead of judging the mind having wandered, to actually celebrate that mindfulness has returned. And so for me, when I've switched the tone, as you mentioned just a moment ago, to one of celebration, it really made things fun, made me want to practice more, made me want to watch out for the next time mindfulness returns. So in a way, it like, sparked my mindfulness to be way more alive and active. And so I'm not sure if Karen experiences the judgmental mind, but the fact that she used oh, that went well. I mean, like, why not celebrate or enjoy that? Because I think generally speaking, and I'm not sure if this is Karen's issue, but generally speaking, as a society, we're so hard on ourselves. And so if what comes up for her is, oh, that went well, I would say to just also maybe be mindful of how that feels to have done something well, because it's not always going to last, so enjoy it while it lasts kind of thing. And then use that or to notice if that helps to inspire more mindfulness or inspire her practice or her to get more curious. I don't know. I kind of like that.

A (23:48)

I love it. I just got off a meditation retreat myself and one of the little tricks I've picked up over the years from great teachers, this is not an innovation, is to really celebrate the moment of waking up. Because there's a way in which you can compute it as just a series of failures, but failing, quote unquote, in meditation is succeeding. The as many times as you get lost, you will also wake up. And can you celebrate those moments? And so for me, one little mantra I'll use is, great job, welcome back. Yeah, great job, welcome back. And you can use that to tune into the fact that being awake right now feels so much fucking better than being stuck in your movie, in the stories you're telling yourself about yourself and all the background drama and. And muttering about what you like and dislike and all that stuff, just to be right here with whatever's arising in a calm, a quantum is mindful way to Be awake in this vivid reality feels so much better than being lost. And the more you can incentivize yourself to wake up because it feels good and you're not kicking your own ass every time you wake up, the more you'll wake up. In my experience. Another little expression you can use is a Tibetan one that Joseph taught me, ama, which I think translates into, isn't this amazing? Isn't it amazing that the mind is aware and empty, meaning empty of self? That if you look for some core homunculus of dawn behind the scenes, you won't find her? That this experience of being alive is so mysterious that we have these minds that can take in the world and there's nobody behind the curtain pulling the strings. So just try those two things. I've gotten a lot out of them. Before I go on to the next question, any reaction to the stuff that just came out of my face?

B (25:52)

Well, actually even just like something more immediate that I used to take for granted was when I'd practice and I'd have pain or discomfort in my body, I would move my body, hope no one in the meditation hall saw me, and then just kind of continue on. But then I've started being really mindful, experiencing the discomfort, noticing that I want to move, I do the whole movement. But then I also make a conscious effort to be present for relief and ease because I don't often feel that in my practice or I easily miss it in my day to day life. And so to really be present for that so that it can inspire me to make more room for it as well.

A (26:35)

Yeah, yeah, that's great. Okay. HP asks, how do I deal with the flood of distracting thoughts that come with open eye meditation? Like while I'm walking? I'm not sure why, but I have monkey brain a lot worse when my eyes are open.

B (26:50)

Yeah, that's also super normal. I don't know if this is factual, but I once heard someone say that as soon as our eyes are open, it starts to take up three quarters of our attention. And so of course, if that is true, I think whether that's the correct fraction or not, I feel like that is my experience. And so it's normal that as soon as the eyes are open, suddenly we're taking in so much of the world around us that it's easy to get pulled out into whatever we're seeing. One of the things that I like to do is just to practice naming. So we talked about mental noting a moment ago. So to practice naming what I'm seeing. So if to use that example of walking meditation, if it's like birds flying by that attract my attention. But then I make up this whole story of like, oh, they're siblings and they're fighting, or, you know, whatever it might be to stop my walking, acknowledge seeing, acknowledge thinking, and then just kind of enjoy it while it's present and then from there keep going or to then continue walking. And additionally, what I do to kind of get used to seeing or having seeing less of this thing that could be a different part or separated from my practice is before I actually do my practice. And we did it a little bit at the end. I take a moment to look around the room and I name the colors or the objects that I see. And that's like a little way to tell my body, like, oh, we're gonna meditate. We're slowing down so that we can start practicing soon. So I use sight and then I close my eyes or turn them downward. And then when my practice ends, I do the same thing. So I look around still so that I have a little bit of practice under my belt of what it's like to be mindful of seeing and not automatically just pulled into whatever it is I'm looking at, which then helps when we're like, doom scrolling or whatever, you know?

A (28:52)

On this recent retreat, Joseph was talking a lot about mindfulness of seeing. And he was saying, especially in the dining room where it, you know, it's so easy. You know, every person you look at, you have a whole story about them. Totally can hate that guy. What's he. What are those, like five? What are those shoes with like toes, Toe holes in them? Like, that's ridiculous. Whatever, you know, like, the mind is just making all of these judgments and it's so easy not to be mindful when you're, you know, like, wow, this is like an IRL meetup of an artisanal yogurt listserv in here. Like, what this is? Who are these people? And he is like, yeah, but that's because you're not mindful of seeing.

B (29:33)

Yeah.

A (29:33)

And just to make the little mental note of seeing, seeing when you're moving through the world, there's so many judgments pulling you out of the moment. And if you do cut that at the moment of being mindful of seeing.

B (29:46)

Yeah, exactly. Like, we're in reaction when we're not mindful, we're in reaction or that judgment all the time. No matter if it's like people or traffic or at the grocery store, what choice to make, et cetera. So, yeah, Totally. And then when we can slow down enough to be mindful of it, I think it's kind of funny to hear some of our inner dialogue, especially in the dining room.

A (30:11)

Yes. So Sylvia writes, I'm listening to the conversation on the Eightfold Path on the Waking up app between Dan Joseph Goldstein and Sam Harris. Currently they're discussing right thought, and there's a section about compassion for people who are rather cruel for the fact that they will suffer bad karma. Currently, I'm not able to feel compassion on that front. It's rather the opposite. I feel some comfort thinking that if not in this life, in the next one, they will feel consequences for their horrible acts. I know that is not right thought. How can I work with this? What do you say, Don?

B (30:44)

Yeah. Wow. Heavy, heavy hitting question. I really appreciate that. One of the things, as I was listening to you read that, Dan, that comes to mind was this Thich Nhat Hanh quote that I've been really loving lately, which is something along the lines of, no one person is ever our enemy. Only greed, hatred and delusion in the human mind is our enemy. And so I find when I'm faced with someone that I have a challenging view of because I think what they're doing is inhumane, dehumanizing, violent, whatever it might be. I try to remember that quote because I think it's easy to think the world would be better off with that person. Or like, I want them to suffer, but ultimately it doesn't really solve anything. I want them to be free of greed, hatred and delusion, and I want myself to be free of that greed, hatred and delusion, you know, and so just like listening to or just hearing you read that, that's what came to mind. Thich Nhat Hanh's quote.

A (31:45)

Sam Harris said something recently on one of his podcasts that stuck with me, which is that anger makes sense, but it's not useful. So, like, it makes sense when you see something awful being done by somebody somewhere to be angry. But in terms of helping you respond most effectively, living with an IV drip of rage is probably not the move. What did somebody else. I think it was Arthur Brooks who said, angry people don't change the world. It's the joyful people change the world. It's possible to hold two ideas in the mind simultaneously. And as it pertains to the people who are doing ill. Like, I don't personally gain a lot of comfort or compassion from thinking about the bad karma. And I personally, I like what Father Gregory Boyle says. Guy who runs Homeboy Industries, which is the, I think the world's largest organization that works with current former gang members in la. And one of the things he says is that he doesn't look at things as good or evil. It's more like healthy or unhealthy. And so when I look at people doing patently cruel things, I can reduce my judgment quotient a little bit if I. I think, well, this is just the behavior of an unhealthy person and I can still take all the same steps I would take if I hated them to counteract their bad behavior. I just don't need to be mired in the unhealthy energy of hatred. Greg says you can resist without demonizing.

B (33:21)

Yeah, exactly. And I think when we're able to not get caught in the demonizing, we're able to be a little bit more clear and then we won't get caught up in that unskillful, unhelpful behavior. But we can act or choose wisely in a way that still uplifts some of the qualities like in the right thought, which is non. Ill will or friendliness and compassion, et cetera. Yeah, yeah.

A (33:48)

So the next question is from. I hope I'm pronouncing this right. Odile Flavia, I apologize to you if I'm mispronouncing that. It's a two part question. I'll take the first part and then I'll give the second one to Don. I hope you cover some takeaways from your recent retreat. We'd love to hear. Also, how does somebody who's scared of deep breaths moderate the breath into meditation? Yeah, the first part. I've said a few things about the retreat, but I'll say that the primary instruction that Joseph gave on the retreat, which I think is really helpful, was to consistently ask yourself the question, what is being known? What is being known? Which is brilliant on a couple of levels. So first it brings you into the present moment, what is being known right now. And then it also, through the passive voice, tunes you into the fact that there's no effort required to be mindful. There's no effort required to be aware of what's happening in your six senses. You know, the five senses and the mind. And it points you to the fact that there's nobody here doing the knowing. It's just a mysterious process. Joseph's point was that we live our lives in this movie, often an unhappy movie, and this just background static of anxiety, wanting, not wanting, judging, comparing. And when you ask this question, what's Being known. And all you're aware of for however long in the aftermath of asking the question is, is what's happening right now, where you've stepped out of the movie into reality. And that can be a relief if you're paying attention. So again, three benefits to this question. One, it brings you to the present moment. Two, the present moment takes you out of the movie and that is really a relief. And three, the what is being known? The passive voice of it really attunes you to what the Buddhists will call anatta or not self, that there isn't some separate you that you need to spend so much time building up and defending. Did what I just say make sense to you, Doc?

B (36:08)

Totally. And I just love that simple instruction or invitation. What is being known in any given moment? It just reminds me of when I practice one of my gosh, it was a long time ago, but a retreat I also had that Joseph was teaching. And I remember it was one of my longer retreats. And so I was just really gung ho, like I wanted to become enlightened and I was just doubling down and trying really hard. And I remember he asked me so simply, like something like, what do you think is happening in the moment? Or what will happen in the next moment? It's only one of the six senses. And I was like, that's true, you know, so it was just a little bit of that reminder of like what is being known by over complicating it and looking for something specific. I was missing out on the simplicity of the moment. But also all that you're mentioning about, like it's happening mysteriously, it is happening without me even trying. And so it's just something as simple as what is being known can open so much. And so I just love that reminder.

A (37:17)

Yes. And you don't need to be on retreat to use this instruction. You don't even have to be meditating, just get in the habit. As you're moving through the world, what is being known? And then, as Joseph says, notice how you are stepping out of the movie. You're stepping out of the. Often in the movie, like we're the victim or the bad guy or we're the protagonist for sure, but not often in a positive way. And so, oh yeah, conventional reality is true. If I look in the mirror, I'll see somebody. And yeah, I have responsibilities. But at any given moment, there's only one of six things happening. As Joseph says, you're seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, or something's happening in the mind and you can be mindful of all of those things. And this is why they refer to the practice as liberating. And it's not just liberating at the top of the mountain when you get enlightened, it's liberating right now for all of us schmoes. But Odile's other question was, how does somebody who's scared of deep breaths moderate breath into meditation? What do you say about that?

B (38:22)

You know why I love that question is because I think for so many people, their first introduction to meditation is to be mindful of the breath. But we don't talk a lot about how the breath is not the go to for many people. For there could be someone who's sick, who has trauma related to their breath for some reason, who has asthma or something like that. And so I think it's really helpful to know that the breath is a tool, but it might not be the tool that you need to use in that moment. And so for Odile to maybe instead use sight, as we talked about, or it could be focusing more on sensations instead, maybe eventually she'll be able to be with the breath, but that doesn't need to be the goal because you can use any one of the other techniques and still get all of the benefits. And also, you know, maybe it's the fact, I'm not too sure, but maybe it's the fact that Odile is trying to take deep breaths, because I think that was written or that was said. And so it's not necessarily about deep breaths either. It's just, can you be mindful of your breath as it is? But sometimes when we're mindful of our breath, it's like it gets shy for some people where suddenly we can't breathe properly because we're paying attention to it. In which case, yeah, focus on the body instead, on sound, loving kindness phrases, whatever.

A (39:44)

Yes, Odile, don't sweat it. There's nothing super sacred about the breath within meditation. Yes, it's sacred because it keeps you alive. And, and it can be a great way to meditate, but there are lots of other options. I don't meditate on the breath and so I would, again, I would not sweat it. There are so many questions we're not going to be able to have a chance to get to, which is a bummer. But I will say, and again, I want to be careful because I don't want my team to murder me, but I do think we are heading in the direction of much more of this kind of live interaction. So happy to have all of you here live. I know thousands of you will watch it later, not live, which is also cool. Don, great to have you as teacher of the Month. You've done amazing work and great to have you in this, your inaugural substack Live. Thank you very much.

B (40:35)

Thank you. Happy to have been here. Thanks for all you do for, for people practicing. I think we need more people practicing and just for there to be like, good change in the world. And I just, I'm so appreciative of all that you do with your platform, making it accessible or possible for so many.

A (40:55)

Thank you. Yeah, I mean, that is really the heart of, of what we're trying to build, is just the place to go if you want to learn how to meditate, get better at it, get support, get your questions answered, meet other people who take it seriously. And so it's so cool to have you on the team. So thank you.

B (41:11)

My pleasure. Thank you.

A (41:13)

Peace. Thanks to dawn for hanging with me. Thanks to you for listening. Don't forget, if you sign up over@danharris.com you can access our weekly, weekly live meditation and Q A sessions. We do these every Tuesday at 4 Eastern. Subscribers also get custom guided meditations that come with our Monday Wednesday episodes. You should sign up danharris.com also if you want to sign up for something cool, there's a link in the show notes for that event I'll be doing on November 18 with the comedian Pete Holmes, a live taping of this podcast. Check it out. Finally, thank you to everybody who works in hard to make this show. Our producers are Tara Anderson and Eleanor Vasily. Our recording and engineering is handled by the great folks over at Pod People. Lauren Smith is our managing producer, Marissa Schneiderman is our senior producer. DJ Cashmere is our executive producer. And Nick Thorburn of the band Islands wrote our theme.

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