Episode Overview
Podcast: 10% Happier with Dan Harris
Episode: How To Find Calm in a World on Fire | Pico Iyer
Date: October 8, 2025
Guest: Pico Iyer
Theme:
In a world overflowing with noise, distraction, and chaos, Dan Harris sits down with travel writer and “connoisseur of quiet” Pico Iyer to explore the transformational power of silence, retreat, and mindful disengagement. The conversation delves deep into practical and philosophical insights from Pico’s decades visiting a Benedictine monastery in California, contemplating how intentional quiet can both replenish the individual and foster deeper connection to others. Along the way, they offer rich, actionable takeaways for anyone seeking calm—even those who might never visit a monastery.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Pico Iyer’s Path to the Monastery
- Origin Story ([06:51]):
- After losing his house in a wildfire and sleeping on a friend’s floor, Pico was encouraged by another friend to try a Benedictine monastery in California—mainly for the inexpensive bed, not for spiritual reasons.
- Previously, Pico harbored a romantic longing for the monastic experience, once even attempting to live in a Zen temple in Kyoto (unsuccessfully).
- Discovery of Contemplative Community
- The monastery is part of the Camaldolese congregation—known for contemplation and openness to interfaith dialogue.
- Despite preconceived notions, Pico found the monks to be open-minded, grounded, “the least dogmatic souls I know” ([10:37]), and welcoming to believers and non-believers alike.
2. Power and Nature of Monastic Silence
- Not All Silence is Created Equal ([14:29]; [18:25]):
- Monastic silence feels different from solitude elsewhere, imbued with the “cumulative mystical silence” created by generations of practitioners.
- “Silence can be a weapon or a shield as much as a tonic, but it is precisely decades and generations...that makes a difference.” – Pico Iyer ([18:54])
- Ego Dissolution:
- Silence, particularly in this context, dissolves ego boundaries, fostering a sense of unity and deeper connection with everything: “By being alone in my little room, I realize I'm never alone.” ([12:29])
3. The Fear and Challenge of Silence
- Meeting Your Own Mind ([35:29]):
- Many fear silence because it confronts them with their own thoughts, fears, and anxieties.
- “Whenever a great religious teacher goes out into the desert, demons jump out at him as much as angels do.” – Pico Iyer ([35:29])
- The ‘This Too Shall Pass’ Insight ([39:31]):
- Both agree the observation of the mind’s constant change (especially on retreat or in meditation) brings empowerment in daily life.
4. Practicing Silence in Daily Life
- Portable Practices ([28:52]):
- Pico shares practical ways to integrate silence and “doing nothing” into everyday routines, even for non-meditators:
- Listening quietly to music instead of mindless screen time.
- Taking daily walks with no agenda—“Emptying my mind, things can come to me that are much more interesting than I would be.”
- Three-day retreats every season—“only 3% of the days of my life, but it completely transforms the other 97%.”
- Five minutes of news per day to avoid opinion overload and media-induced agitation ([28:52], [32:32]).
- Pico shares practical ways to integrate silence and “doing nothing” into everyday routines, even for non-meditators:
- The ‘Inner Savings Account’ Analogy ([22:20]):
- “Unless you gather your inner resources, you have nothing to give to the world.”
5. Practical Rules and Advice
- The 2-Hour Rule: ([45:40])
- No screens (phone, internet, etc.) for two hours before bed, which substantially improves sleep and, consequently, quality of life.
- Delay Morning Input:
- Postpone checking email or news upon waking, allowing quiet and receptivity to precede digital noise.
- Substituting Content: ([48:19]) - Instead of news, start mornings with poetry or literature for inspiration.
- The 20-Foot Rule: ([52:04])
- Just as stepping back from a painting gives perspective, stepping back from busy life (via retreat, quiet, or time in nature) enables clarity about what matters.
- Declutter to Recollect ([56:28]):
- Strip down physical and mental clutter; “recollection” as both remembering what matters and collecting scattered parts of yourself.
6. Calm, Connection, and Community
- Solitude as a Gateway to Community ([68:25]):
- Paradoxically, time in solitude deepens one’s connection to loved ones and community—“Solitude is a means to gathering more to share with other people.”
- Service and Selflessness:
- Inspired by monastic life: “Being alone is only a way to...do richer justice to community and also just understanding a little more about selflessness and service by watching the monks.”
7. Travel as Transformation
- Travel Empties and Opens ([65:34]):
- Well-done travel simplifies life, strips away roles and planning, and enhances openness.
- “You’re released from the illusion of control...travel does great things for the ego and good things for the heart.”
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Monastic Openness:
- “They open their hearts and their homes to everyone…Whoever you are, you will find what you need, however you choose to describe or define it, just by sitting in silence.” – Pico Iyer ([10:37])
- On Silence and Ego:
- “As soon as I enter that silence, that all falls away and I fall away. And I'm emptied of the ways I think of myself. And I'm just filled with the light on the water and the bees buzzing in the lavender and the rabbit on the fence...” – Pico Iyer ([12:29])
- On Doing Nothing:
- “It's a rare place where you can do nothing and see that it's only by doing nothing you can sort of do anything at all.” – Pico Iyer ([20:20])
- “All we have to give to the world is what we've gathered. And if we're frazzled or distracted or scattered...I can't access whatever is wiser than I am.” – Pico Iyer ([22:20])
- On Self-Indulgence vs. Service:
- “As long as your inner work is strong, the outer will never be puny.” – Meister Eckhart, quoted by Pico Iyer ([25:56])
- “Take care of the mind and you take care of the world.” – Japanese saying, shared by Pico Iyer ([41:43])
- On Fear of Silence:
- “I feel as if everything I'm scared of comes out in the silence.” – Unnamed friend, relayed by Pico Iyer ([35:29])
- On Recollection:
- “Recollection suggests to me collecting all the scattered parts of yourself and bringing them together into a whole.” – Pico Iyer ([56:28])
- On Luxury:
- “Luxury is defined not by how much you have, but by how much you don't need. If you’ve satisfied your needs, you’re content. And that’s the greatest form of luxury.” – Pico Iyer ([62:02])
- On Control and Travel:
- “When I was a kid, I thought I’m the master of my destiny...the older I’ve got, the more I find I’m the servant of destiny, and life has much more interesting plans for me than I ever could.” – Pico Iyer ([65:34])
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 06:51 – How and why Pico first visited the monastery
- 10:37 – On the open, non-dogmatic spirit of the monks
- 12:29 – Ego dissolution and connection to the world through silence
- 14:29 – Why monastic silence is different from ordinary silence
- 18:54 – Silence as both a tonic and weapon; the cumulative power of contemplative practice
- 20:20 – Daily life at the monastery—“doing nothing”
- 22:20 – Only by doing nothing can you do anything at all; “inner savings account”
- 28:52 – Translating retreat lessons into everyday life (music, walks, news diet)
- 35:29 – Why people fear silence; confronting internal demons
- 39:31 – On impermanence: “This too shall pass”
- 41:43 – Take care of the mind, take care of the world; Dalai Lama’s morning ritual
- 45:40 – The 2-hour rule and other concrete practices
- 52:04 – The 20-foot rule: stepping back for perspective
- 56:28 – Decluttering space and mind; moving to Japan
- 60:29 – Nature as medicine; luxury defined by need
- 65:34 – Travel as transformation, humility, and openness
- 68:25 – Solitude as a path to richer community and compassion
- 73:28 – Pico’s books: A Flame: Learning From Silence and The Half Known Life
- 73:19 – Pico’s websites and TED Talks
Additional Practical Takeaways
For Integration Into Daily Life:
- Take brief media diets—5 minutes of news, then shift to poetry, literature, or music.
- Carve out periods of digital detox, especially before bed and in the morning.
- Try “doing nothing” for 20 minutes daily to create a clearing in the mind.
- Step back and reflect (20-foot rule) to clarify life’s priorities.
- Declutter your physical and digital spaces to encourage inner recollection and presence.
- Seek time in nature and pause to notice what's immediately around you.
- Pursue solitude not as an end, but as a means to greater presence in relationship and community.
Closing & Resources
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Books:
- A Flame: Learning From Silence – Pico Iyer’s reflections on a life of monastic retreats and the lessons for a burning world.
- The Half Known Life – Searching for hope and meaning in the world’s conflict zones.
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Websites:
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TED Talks and more:
- Pico has four (soon five) Ted Talks available online on related themes; links in show notes.
Pico Iyer’s wisdom offers a compelling, compassionate, and refreshingly practical antidote to 21st-century overwhelm, showing that silence, stillness, and withdrawal—far from being self-indulgent—are essential “luxuries” for anyone yearning to meet a noisy, uncertain world with sanity, clarity, and an open heart.