Podcast Summary: How To Get Past Your Past | Yung Pueblo
10% Happier with Dan Harris
Host/Author: Dan Harris
Guest: Diego Perez (Pen Name: Yung Pueblo)
Release Date: March 12, 2025
Book Discussed: How to Love Better
Duration: Approximately 71 minutes
Introduction
In this enlightening episode of 10% Happier with Dan Harris, Dan converses with Diego Perez, popularly known as Yung Pueblo, about overcoming personal history to enhance relationships and achieve greater happiness. Drawing from Diego's new book, How to Love Better, and his extensive meditation practice spanning twelve years, the discussion delves deep into the interplay between meditation, self-awareness, and relational harmony.
Impact of Meditation on Relationships
Timestamp: [03:34]
Dan introduces Diego Perez and highlights his journey from a tumultuous early marriage to achieving harmonious relationships through meditation. Diego recounts how meditation fostered individual self-awareness, which in turn transformed his relationship dynamics.
Diego Perez [04:49]: "It wasn't until we started meditating that ever so slowly did we start developing our individual self-awareness... And that created a whole new chapter in our relationship."
Mechanisms of Meditation's Impact
Timestamp: [05:02]
Diego elaborates on how meditation served as a tool for personal healing, enabling him to overcome years of substance abuse and emotional turmoil. By cultivating a calmer, more receptive mind, both he and his wife began to interact with greater empathy and understanding.
Diego Perez [05:02]: "Meditation helped me see that my discontent was largely my own, prompting me to take ownership of my feelings rather than blaming my partner."
Self-awareness and Ownership of Emotions
Timestamp: [07:45]
The conversation shifts to the Satipatthana Sutta, a foundational Buddhist discourse on mindfulness. Diego connects the teachings to his experiences, emphasizing the development of internal and external awareness through meditation.
Diego Perez [07:45]: "You can develop these skills to become more aware of yourself, but they're not just for you. You can transfer them to other aspects of your life."
Buddhist Traditions and Teachings
Timestamp: [10:37]
Dan and Diego discuss various Buddhist traditions, highlighting the influence of teachers like U Ba Khin and S.N. Goenka. Diego shares his experience visiting Lumbini and observing the respect bestowed upon these lineages.
Diego Perez [12:07]: "The Mahasi monastery and the Goenka Meditation center are the closest. It’s a sign of respect for these two lineages because they've positively affected so many people."
Love as a Practice
Timestamp: [34:25]
Diego emphasizes that love extends beyond mere feelings; it is an active practice requiring continuous effort and understanding. He criticizes the romanticized notion of effortless love depicted in media and underscores the importance of developing compassionate care for one's partner.
Diego Perez [34:25]: "Love takes time to learn how to care for someone compassionately, trying your best to understand their emotional history."
Selfless Listening
Timestamp: [37:39]
Diego introduces the concept of selfless listening, inspired by Jiddu Krishnamurti’s teachings. This practice involves fully listening without planning a retort, thereby fostering deeper understanding and reducing relational tensions.
Diego Perez [39:18]: "When we can really see each other, when we can really see where each other's coming from, the tension does melt away."
Lessons from Meditation: Selected Highlights
Diego shares several key lessons derived from his twelve years of rigorous meditation practice. Below are selected insights from his list of twelve:
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Pain Spreads Through the Web of Humanity
Timestamp: [43:45]
Diego discusses the interconnectedness of human suffering and the importance of using tools like meditation to prevent the transmission of pain.
Diego Perez [43:45]: "We're often in this massive web together as human beings... people who are equipped with these tools can transmute that pain."
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Ego and the Sense of Self Are Not Fundamentally Real
Timestamp: [47:50]
Delving into the nature of self, Diego explains how meditation reveals the illusion of a permanent ego, leading to greater personal freedom and adaptability.
Diego Perez [47:50]: "The sense of I, it fluctuates just like everything else... understanding that I am change has been so helpful."
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Surround Yourself with People Who Have the Qualities You Want to Develop
Timestamp: [56:04]
Emphasizing the importance of community, Diego advocates for surrounding oneself with individuals who embody desired traits, facilitating personal growth.
Diego Perez [56:04]: "I've been living up here for four years... being around people that I could learn from because... they help me grow."
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Your Future Is Created by Your Present Actions
Timestamp: [59:43]
Linking present actions to future outcomes, Diego underscores the significance of intentional behavior in shaping one’s destiny.
Diego Perez [59:56]: "My decisions and how I move about has become a lot clearer. That's helped so much with creativity, writing, all facets of life."
Compassion Without Compromise
Timestamp: [61:53]
Diego addresses the challenge of practicing compassion in a polarized world, clarifying that compassion does not equate to being a pushover. Instead, it involves acting with empathy while maintaining boundaries.
Diego Perez [63:07]: "Compassion does not mean that you're a pushover... you do your best to stop them without hating them."
Cultivating Boundless Compassion
Timestamp: [61:53]
The discussion continues on developing boundless compassion, where individuals strive to understand and support others without harboring hatred, even towards those who cause harm.
Diego Perez [62:05]: "You do it out of compassion because they're harming others, and for the one getting harmed and the one doing the harming."
Final Reflections
Timestamp: [69:06]
As the conversation winds down, Diego expresses gratitude for the meaningful dialogue and reiterates the core themes connecting meditation to better love and relationships.
Diego Perez [69:06]: "This has been so fun... it's really nice having this dharma context to fully show where these lessons are coming from."
Conclusion
Dan wraps up the episode by thanking Diego Perez for his profound insights and promoting Diego’s new book, How to Love Better. He also encourages listeners to explore Diego’s work and join the community initiatives available at danharris.com.
Dan Harris: "Big thanks to Diego AKA Young Pueblo. Go check out his new book. Always love having him on."
Notable Quotes
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Diego Perez [04:49]: "It wasn't until we started meditating that ever so slowly did we start developing our individual self-awareness... And that created a whole new chapter in our relationship."
-
Diego Perez [07:45]: "You can develop these skills to become more aware of yourself, but they're not just for you. You can transfer them to other aspects of your life."
-
Diego Perez [34:25]: "Love takes time to learn how to care for someone compassionately, trying your best to understand their emotional history."
-
Diego Perez [39:18]: "When we can really see each other, when we can really see where each other's coming from, the tension does melt away."
-
Diego Perez [43:45]: "We're often in this massive web together as human beings... people who are equipped with these tools can transmute that pain."
-
Diego Perez [61:53]: "Compassion does not mean that you're a pushover... you do your best to stop them without hating them."
Resources Mentioned
- Book: How to Love Better by Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo)
- Substack: youngpueblo.substack.com
- Instagram: YungPueblo on Instagram
- Dhamma Dama Meditation Center: dhammadama.org
This episode offers invaluable insights into how meditation can transform personal relationships, promote self-awareness, and foster a compassionate approach to life’s challenges. Diego Perez’s experiences and teachings provide a roadmap for listeners seeking to enhance their emotional intelligence and relational harmony.