Podcast Summary: "How To Handle Constant Exhaustion (Without Blaming Yourself)"

Podcast: 10% Happier with Dan Harris
Guest: Jay Michaelson
Date: February 15, 2026
Host: DJ Kashmir (for this interview segment)
Timestamps included (MM:SS format)

Episode Overview

This episode tackles the pervasive issue of constant exhaustion and fatigue felt by so many in today's world. Jay Michaelson—a noted meditation teacher, author, and lawyer—joins the conversation to share practical, science- and wisdom-backed strategies for relating to and remedying burnout, stress, and tiredness without slipping into self-blame. The discussion ranges from the importance of self-compassion, the right way to approach exhaustion mindfully, innovative rest techniques, and the societal factors that drain us, to the surprising utility of technological remedies such as micro-naps, brain machines, and soundscapes.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Naming and Reframing Exhaustion (04:30–12:55)

• Self-Compassion Over Self-Blame: The conversation kicks off by naming the cycle: we feel tired, then blame ourselves for it, especially amid a culture of "optimization" and constant advice. Jay underscores compassion as the first move.

  • “My first immediate response ... is compassion, self compassion. Like the first step. I have noticed myself that I can blame myself for being tired. Like I should somehow be better at it.” — Jay Michaelson (05:00)

• Mindfulness Oscillation: Sit With It or Seek an Antidote: There’s no set formula for solving every moment of exhaustion; sometimes you sit with the sensation, sometimes you do something about it. This is the “oscillation” in mindfulness.

  • “It can really be helpful, though, to try to do that two step, do that oscillation. Like, can I be with what's happening right now? ... But you can still relate to those sensations in a way that is mindful, self compassionate, attentive and wise.” — Jay Michaelson (07:09)
  • Jay shares the "HALT" acronym (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired), advising pauses and self-checks before reacting.

• Investigate Before Fixing: Before “solving” tiredness, pause and honestly investigate: Is it just tiredness, or also hunger, discomfort, or emotional exhaustion? This move introduces a diagnostic, mindful approach.

2. Making Self-Compassion Real (12:55–16:24)

• Practical Self-Compassion: DJ Kashmir asks how to enact self-compassion in real time (e.g., when dreading putting kids to bed while exhausted). Jay emphasizes fierceness—in self-compassion, there's bravery, not just softness.

  • “I'm not going to fucking let these stories that I've inherited from my culture or my family or whatever own this mind ... Compassion can look like that. ... It can be bravery and fierceness.” — Jay Michaelson (14:00)

• Extending to Yourself What You’d Offer Others: If you wouldn’t berate a friend for being tired, don’t berate yourself. Visualize talking to yourself as you’d treat someone you care about.

3. Mindful Reorientation in Practice (16:24–20:53)

• DJ shares a personal story: after little sleep at a family party, he mindfully chooses to focus on the cuteness of his kids rather than descend into irritability.

  • “There was no becoming less tired. That just wasn't on offer. But I could orient to it differently.” — DJ Kashmir (18:38)

• Freedom and Spaciousness: Mindfulness creates a gap between sensation and reaction, a “practice of freedom.”

  • “There's that space of freedom. That space can feel really good, right? Like, it's actually a positive sensation. And sometimes it's not there because you're just that exhausted.” — Jay Michaelson (19:45)

4. Practical Antidotes to Exhaustion (21:40–31:53)

• Antidotes vs. Optimization Pressure: Before listing strategies, Jay flags the cultural overemphasis on sleep and productivity tips, warning against generating self-blame when “rules” aren’t followed. There's also social context: capitalism, working multiple jobs, and societal conditions create collective exhaustion.
  • “Let's not let our capacities for self care get in the way of critique of an unjust society.” — Jay Michaelson (21:56)

a. Mindful Technology Hygiene

• Screen Hygiene: Not keeping a phone in the bedroom, being mindful of urges to check or scroll, and using mindfulness to notice those urges without shame.

b. Micro-Naps

• Micro-Naps: Tiny spurts of sleep (even seconds) while “meditating”—sneaking in rest where possible, especially for parents or busy professionals.
  • “I've noticed if I can even get one moment of sleep consciousness … that can actually really help. ... And these are antidotes like I want to spend that time being with what is. I want to just see it for what it is. It's a set of sensations. And now I'm like, okay, but I do need to do something about this.” — Jay Michaelson (25:19)

c. Brain Machines and Other Tech

• Brain Machines: Jay endorses light-and-sound “entrainment” devices (e.g., Mindspace Kasina), which help create refreshing states when napping isn’t possible.

  • “I'm a big fan of brain machines. ... It's one of those things that like flashes. ... What seems to happen is this process of entrainment where your brain gets used to like the rhythm of the lights basically.” — Jay Michaelson (27:20)

• Soundscapes & White Noise Apps: DJ mentions using apps like Endel for relaxing or energizing soundscapes, showing it's valid to utilize “exogenous inputs” to support the nervous system.

d. Permission to Use Technology

• No Device Shame: Jay encourages releasing guilt around using technology to counteract the effects of technological society.
  • “We should let go of this quasi romantic self shaming thing ... Well, yeah, or you can stop using technology. ... If you're gonna be in the world that most of us certainly listening to this are living in, I just don't see that objection as being very valid.” — Jay Michaelson (30:25)

e. Our Brains Weren’t Built for This

• Tech and society have outpaced our nervous system’s evolution, which both panelists acknowledge.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Self compassion is not self pity. ... It's just like, okay, this current moment situation has a little bit of suffering in it.” — Jay Michaelson (06:00)
• “This isn't what I wanted, but it's what I've got.” — Jay Michaelson quoting Sylvia Boorstein (08:50)
• “Imagine if you talked to other people the way you talk to yourself. Right? They would leave. Right. You would never do that.” — Jay Michaelson (15:47)
• “There's the happiness of. There's a freedom from suffering, even if it's just momentary. There's the joy that comes from ... being with the witness instead of just in the sensation, the dreck, the dirt, the tough sensation.” — Jay Michaelson (20:14)
• “Some of this is larger than me … It's natural to be unhappy in a society that's structured the way that ours is, that's like draining your dopamine all the time if you're online.” — Jay Michaelson (22:23)
• “I will reach for pretty much anything to help get sleep where I can get it.” — Jay Michaelson (28:45)
• “Our lifestyle has evolved much more quickly than our nervous system.” — DJ Kashmir (31:43)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 04:30 — Identifying exhaustion, self-compassion vs. self-blame
• 07:09 — Mindfulness oscillation: being with difficulty vs. antidote
• 12:55 — Practical self-compassion moves
• 16:24 — Real-world story: responding mindfully on little sleep
• 21:40 — Antidotes (micro-naps, technology tools), big-picture caveats
• 25:19 — Micro-naps explained
• 27:20 — Jay explains brain machines
• 29:28 — DJ shares experience with soundscape apps
• 30:25 — Letting go of tech shame

Additional Resources & Where to Find More

• Jay Michaelson’s sleep meditations are forthcoming on his Substack: jmichaelson.substack.com
• Jay is Teacher of the Month on the new "10% with Dan Harris" app, with live sessions Tuesdays at 4 pm.
• Apps and tools mentioned (not sponsored): Mindspace Kasina brain machine, Endel soundscapes.

Tone & Language

The conversation is candid, wise, and accessible—balancing humor, personal anecdotes, and gentle myth-busting. Both Jay and DJ Kashmir speak as fellow travelers, not remote experts, repeatedly stressing that it’s OK to use what works for you (including technology), and that perfection is neither possible nor the point.

Takeaways for the Exhausted Listener

• Start with self-compassion, not self-blame.
• Sometimes you can sit with tiredness, sometimes it’s wise to use an antidote—mindfulness helps you choose.
• Antidotes can be “micro” (even a moment of rest or a small nap helps).
• Technology can be a helpful ally if approached mindfully, without shame.
• Our exhaustion isn’t just individual; societal factors play a huge role.
• The real practice is relating differently to our experience—opening up new freedoms, even within tiredness itself.